Watch What Crappens - RHOA: Leave a Will

Episode Date: January 30, 2018

The Real Housewives of Atlanta celebrate Kandi's magazine cover and Will gets his hand caught in a cookie. This week's bonus is a quick catch up sesh with Married to Med and Top Chef. To hear... it,, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Boston, Irvine, DC, Detroit and Houston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends
Starting point is 00:00:27 That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends You can also find us on social media on Twitter. We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends We'll see you there I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors! Kristi, why were you dourty? Kelly, rawr, Barlow! Our kind of mess, saying? Just saying? Megan, you can't have a burger without the burger! And also our super premium sponsors.
Starting point is 00:01:18 Our lucky little grandtopper, Kelly Grant! And Lizzie Drucker, she's a fun mother f- We love you guys. Hello and welcome to the real housewives of Atlanta episode of Watch What Corrupted. The podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Brawp. I only say this every day. Yeah, only every day. That's okay. It's called a manic Monday. I'm running a caram from the Riz Pricks bachelor podcast, which is just more of a delight than ever So if you need something else, go listen to it and I'm with Ben Mandelker of the
Starting point is 00:01:51 Beeside block and the banter blender Hi babe. Hi, how's it going? I'm doing just great. I'm I'm putting together our crappy awards and trying to decide craft blocks or no craft blocks. Wow guys. It's gonna be a lot of fun. I think it's gonna be just a big fun messy show at the Improv on Wednesday and you know we chose a small venue because you want to make an intimate and so anyone who's able to come we are excited to see you and have a fun little partay together. Speaking of live shows, Ronnie, today's kind of a big deal for us. You know why? Do it. Because we have just announced our summer tour dates. Like how I say tour dates is if we're like a rock band. Yeah, summer tour dates. So here, if in case you didn't
Starting point is 00:02:46 in case you didn't see it, it's all on our social media. Be sure you're following us. That way you never miss these sort of things. You can just go to watchcraftens.com to get those links. Here are the dates. June 21st, Phoenix, June 23rd, back to San Francisco, July 13th, St. Louis, July 14th, Kansas City, July 20th, Philadelphia, August 23rd, West Palm Beach. No confirmation on whether or not we will have gotten the yacht, but who knows. And August 25th, Atlanta, Phoenix, San Francisco, St. Louis, Kansas City, Philadelphia, West Palm Beach, Atlanta. If you are in those areas, if you're near those areas, go get your tickets because they
Starting point is 00:03:28 go on sale on Friday, which is February 2nd. However, for some of the dates, they do have pre-sale things available. We will have all that information. All the ticketing links are going to be on watchwacrapins.com. When we learn about pre-sale stuff, we will announce it, we'll let you guys know in the best way to keep up to date with that. As we mentioned before, follow us on Twitter
Starting point is 00:03:55 at what crap ends. On Instagram is at watchwacrapins. And we have a Facebook group called Watchwacrapins Live and Lovenant, just search that in on your Facebook search bar. And we will, we use that group for all sorts of live coordination, about pre-sale things, when things go on sale, for real, people can meet up before shows, et cetera. So that's all the information and please take it in and use it.
Starting point is 00:04:23 Go buy your tickets this Friday. Hurry up because some of those show sell out in two hours. We don't know where they're going to sell out more. They're not. Go get tickets, you little gumsews. Yeah. And for some of those places if they sell out like that, we might have the ability to add a second show.
Starting point is 00:04:39 So just be on your computers Friday morning. That's what we're saying. Yeah, guys. Get on your computers. So now we are going to're saying. Yeah, guys, get on your computers. So now we are going to be in, and don't, and don't forget about Houston and Detroit, which are already on sale. And so y'all should go to that.
Starting point is 00:04:53 Those are two March shows. They will be great. Yes. I like that you put in there a y'all for Texas. Y'all, well, because Houston we're doing, we're going to be recapping the dinner party from hell, at Camille Grammar's house, which to me, that's like an insta-buy right there. That's amazing.
Starting point is 00:05:08 We're also gonna have a taunt of doll that we're gonna wrap it off. My mother is making us. My whole family is gonna be there. It's gonna be an amazing day. Yeah, and in Detroit, M&Ms can be our guests. Peanut M&Ms. Peanut M&Ms. For real.
Starting point is 00:05:23 That's not a joke. I am bringing peanut M&Ms. We might have the infamous Mike and I show up, you never know. People sometimes bring those guys along. They'll just show up out of nowhere. Reese. Reese is going to be there. Reese weather's spoon, don't. Reese's peace is guys. See what I was doing with the joke there? I was going to be on this. We need his Reese's peace.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Like, oh, come on. That's not. We are going to have three musketeers there. They're going to be putting on a show. Yes, I liked it. Actually, all of the candy bar names could be a guest at our show. You never really know. I really do like that. I like that. Will milk be a dud? Oh, won't it? You'll have to show up and see. We're bringing our favorite drag queen. I'm in joy. I was actually watching a little dinner party from hell this week. I don't even know why I was like, which one do I need to down the blah blah? And I started just watching it and cracking up. I forgot how funny that episode was.
Starting point is 00:06:16 It is so, so good. Yeah, that show brings a, that episode brings a smile to my face. I'm sure just like the smile that Stephanie Martinson is having today because it's her 40th birthday. Stephanie from West Chester, Pennsylvania. Happy birthday, Stephanie. Well, happy birthday, Chica. Happy birthday. We give you birthday shout out on the bonus episode too by accident. But yeah, happy 40th day, which is better.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Yeah, have fun. Have fun. Go fun go enjoy some M&M's yourself today please put some candles all right let's get into the real housewives of Atlanta why is that funny to me I'm gonna be with candles I don't know because it's Monday and I have a feeling that we're already gonna be loopy okay we did the bonus episode and that was insane and now here we are to do the real housewives of Atlanta with the new character the mayor's wife. Dun dun dun dun dun.
Starting point is 00:07:13 Yes, a very yes, new a new face, a new face that's not really so new to reality TV watchers. But a gorgeous one, normal list. So, um, so this week on, we'll have, we'll get to, we'll get to that one she shows up. Oh, for Christ sake. I'm gonna do it in order. I'm gonna do it in order. No, you have to be in suspense. You must be in suspense.
Starting point is 00:07:38 I'm gonna be the cover girl in essence magazine. See? the cover girl in essence magazine. Now, yes. The show opens up with Portia. She is, she's, she's got some whole foods groceries and Shaq Gali's here to make some vegan food for me. Why is she talking like that? Well, that's because I have a very strange Porsche accent that like alternates between I thought it was Goli. You know what I have written down Kenya and I was like, why is Kenya talking like that? Oh, can you be
Starting point is 00:08:18 amazing if she disterned into Porsche? Chef Goli. Yeah, that would be funny. 12. So yeah, she's the recapper over at Trash Talk TV, Elbuggie, who does Atlanta, just keeps calling Nini a 10-year-old peach, which cracks me up. Because Nini's opening, she's like, 10 years, I'm still in the peach game or whatever. It's like, mmm, delicious. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:43 I'm right in 10-year-old peat. It makes me laugh every time that she came up with that. Well, I don't know if she's a peach, but she certainly is. The pits didn't done. I didn't drop a mic, but I dropped my, uh, my direct TV pen that I got. Someone called me like, I can't leaf blow and make food at the same time. So what do you want me to do? What do you want me to do? Chef Gully is there to show off her branding, which is a t-shirt or an apron that says chef and then underscore Gully because it's like modern, you know, it's like hey, this is my Instagram hash my Instagram handle
Starting point is 00:09:16 But also my apron and also my time card because this is the only way I'm getting paid You want to come over and make food for free? You can wear apron. It's like a... Portia thought she... Let's be honest. Portia thought she was ordering Fern Gully on demand and got Chef Gully instead. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:09:34 I wanted to watch Fern Gully. Okay, I guess love vegan food. So you didn't bring a Fern? No. Sure. Look at her come with it. Tell her they can wear it's apron. So she's like, is this shit gonna be good? She's like, creamy. She's like, ah! Poor Portia. She's been doing this two months.
Starting point is 00:09:50 I've been a baby vegan for two months. And with Chef Gully, it's easy. And free. It's always easy when there's a chef cooking the food for you. Yes. Watching Portia cut menion. Oh my god. I'm going to eat this. Easy and free. It's always easy when there's a chef cooking the food for you. Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:07 Watching Porsche cut minion. Oh my god. But you know that prep is hard. I'm like, well, have you ever heard of the food network? It's like the most basic thing is chopping an onion. Yeah, even those idiots can do that. Even though you have joy on food networks start being like, what's kimchi?
Starting point is 00:10:22 She can still cut an onion, OK? Learn some basics. Kim Chi. Oh, Kim Chi. That's the one thing Portia does, no for some reason. I just imagine Amber Rell sitting at home on her only hour off for the entire week watching the show and being like, am I just wasting my life like, why do I even bother? I wish Amber Rell were on there because the Embrill
Starting point is 00:10:46 would be bossing around Porsche with her summer camp counselor voice, you know? Okay, guys, now we are going to cut the onion. Big cut, little cut. What do I always say, cross and divide or whatever? You know what I always say? I love you onions, so so little onion. Just such cute little onions, baby, baby.
Starting point is 00:11:02 Mm-hmm. Porsche bike. This girl's weird. I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,
Starting point is 00:11:10 I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,
Starting point is 00:11:17 I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, they're just like hugging her thighs.
Starting point is 00:11:26 And then like these, this crazy top, I don't know what the deals with these sleeves, I see them around a lot, but where it's like a normal tight sleeve. And then all of a sudden it turns into a giant triangle at the end, you know? For some reason you're reminded me of Ursula. I don't know why, I don't know if that's,
Starting point is 00:11:42 it doesn't make sense. It's because Ursula has triangle sleeves or like back. Yeah, because the funny thing is that Ursula doesn't even't know why, I don't know if that's, it doesn't make sense. It's because he has triangle sleeves or like back. Yeah, because the funny thing is that Ursula doesn't even have sleeves, right? She's actually just, and actually I don't think they were ever in, so we're both making odd comparisons. It's very demi-gorgon stranger things, you know?
Starting point is 00:11:57 It's like, it just, it just seems dangerous and pointy and excessive and it's like, what, basically, all I saw were work like him. Yeah, giant triangles in a food book coming out of me, And you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you's like, that's an onion. Shut up, Chef Goli. Oh, you're watching Fern Goli around here. I was trying to. That's the third time I fucked my husband watching Fern Goli. I tried to be. Hey, it works for Goli. I'll fuck that motherfucker. Jesus
Starting point is 00:12:36 classy Kim. I tried to be vegan, but watching Fern Goli was too much of a priority for me. I was like, what doesn't even make sense? Also, she says she's vegetarian. She goes, aren't you vegan? I'm not your vegetarian. She goes, my whole life. Like really? Because you always have a chick filet. Cup always.
Starting point is 00:12:54 And I know that you could probably get a non-meat option there I would assume, but I know she doesn't. Yeah. She's probably like, I don't eat deer. She probably thinks being vegetarian means that you were like very much in favor of vegetables. Like yeah, I believe in vegetable rats, yeah. She probably thinks she's like fixing animals.
Starting point is 00:13:14 She's an animal doctor. I've been a vegetarian my whole life, upside the horse. So also Kim, Kim Selciak is always walking in every place now with a red solo cup. She's like, you're my thing. I'll bring my own drink to your house. I'm like, why is that your thing? Shut up, Toby Keith.
Starting point is 00:13:32 Yeah. Go back to sucking random dicks for money as your thing. That was more fun. The red solo cup is a little tired. It is a little tired and it's a little sad. I liked it more when she just had a brazen glass of wine in her car. I mean, she was literally like in her car during Campino Grigio or Chardonnay. I'm sorry. She was a Shardonnay drinker in her car It's even grosser knowing that she probably has some kind of deal with silo to just show her cups all the time
Starting point is 00:13:55 I Think even silo has better standards than that. I don't know. I don't know. Even silo a big gaping open hole that you put I mean what, what better advertising? They're like, we're trying to really move away from fraternity brothers. Let's go to something a little bit more up market. Have a conzalcia. She's got a fupa in triangles. So, so Portia is going to be, she's going to be cooking a meal for everyone. She was going to invite everyone over for a meal, but she's not gonna tell anyone it's vegan So that's something we have to look forward to that's fun. That's fun Kim's like I can't jump in. I mean, I don't cook
Starting point is 00:14:32 No, it's not my outfit. I don't care about my outfit. I only wear it once and throw it away I'm like I know you think you sound great, but you really sound like an asshole You probably yeah, you really you really do especially because we all know you have no money like we know you're just so much in debt And you're trying to give us some sort of ad fab thing going on here and and it's not working. You're just an asshole She's just an asshole. Yeah, you're just an asshole. I watched her show to do Kate Casey show her spin-off show And I thought it was cute and fun I was like she's so fun and her family seems so sweet and then she comes on this show and I'm like get rid of her
Starting point is 00:15:04 Well, yeah, cuz she's little she thinks she's like hot shit. She thinks she's something more than she is And she's just Kim's all so yeah, yeah, so they start talking about trying to see how she's being Portia's catching up with the trip and she's like Can you treat it Cynthia? So bad she dismissed her and then let her off for Christmas early and then she missed She got that grades because she was tricked and leaving school And so her report card was bad. So get to the point And then they had to like see if you had to go through like the forest and like cross river and then like I was talking to cats And then like trying to get back to the owners and like you're just talking about how we're bound now
Starting point is 00:15:43 Well, she had to like go outside and then jump on a mushroom and save her princess and almost got killed by a dinosaur in the fire pit. It's like, who you playing Mario? Okay. I'm pretty sure Cynthia, they said Ken is in another castle, is that right? She just got going from castle to castle and they said try another castle. It's going right. Yeah. She just got going from cast to the castle and they say try another castle. It's going to pay for ever. I love her.
Starting point is 00:16:09 I love Cynthia just running up to the window like, are you okay? Cynthia, she's like, she's so ridiculous, Portia. And so then we get to see Kenya close the window and Cynthia's face again, which is just so beautiful. Yeah. It's a great moment. I like that. So even though they're being nasty, they were being pretty funny because Kim's like,
Starting point is 00:16:32 well, the problem is she hasn't thought it in a while. That's the problem. She has too much of a fake marriage. She hasn't really thought it in a while. I'm poor. She's like, oh, she got fucked in and back of a pickup track with Matt and McDonald's. She goes, is that true? That's like the only thing that I've ever heard about that bitch makes me locker. And then they try the food and Porsche is like, ooh, everything melts to itself.
Starting point is 00:16:57 Lendering water. Yeah. My can orgasm. I'm like, what? Who have you been fucking that everything's melting into each other? You're just eating, you're just eating winter squash. Just calm down. I'm like what who have you been fucking that everything's melting into each other You're just eating winter squash just calm down every man who leaves is like I've lost my penis. I'm not coming back So she goes Is this it of the chef's like here's you know tomatoes on toast like don't hurt their feelings by saying bruschetta because you know
Starting point is 00:17:25 Portia will ask you 30 questions Bruce sheta Who do you shut down She's like you can have the soup thick or thin like thank you for thank you for the options. A lot of options on this chef golly. And she's like, okay, I'm doing all I'm doing for free. Figure the rest out yourself. Bye. I also think it's a little weird. This is me just nitpicking. It's weird to have a hardy butternut squash soup. Obviously it totally works. But isn't it? I feel like it's primarily a pure raised soup. Is it obvious Ben? Is it?
Starting point is 00:18:08 Did you mean to have such a chunky but or not squash soup? I mean, galley at the whole thing, but I couldn't stomach it. That motherfucking soup would be happier if it didn't have a lot about getting laid. So candy is with her kid at, I guess the studio because she's planning her. Well, it's a, it's a, it's a a venue it's some sort of venue like a hotel or something someplace called like Like rev or something or Revelling around and and Don Juan's like hey buddy. No leg hug this time. I'm like, ew stay away from Don Juan, okay? Yeah, so yeah, they are they're planning the big party because they're they're gonna throw themselves Well, it came to get throw herself a party for the essence magazine cover sort of weird
Starting point is 00:18:49 You think that essence magazine would throw the cover with throw the party, but that's fine. So candy's doing it Yeah, it's very comfortable just celebrating herself multiple times in the night Which I respect because it's never come off as too gross to me Right, but yeah, she doesn't even care. It's like, could you want to celebrate anything else? She's like, Broadway. Also, I was in escape. Also, I've been off show.
Starting point is 00:19:13 Also, like, please. See? Now, Riley, I just got my 10th punch out on my subway card and I'm really excited to get a better radio in soap. One on Starbucks extra star day. See now, Rally, I just did Starbucks star dash and I got a free latte. Starvac star dash.
Starting point is 00:19:38 So also I wrote, congratulations, your son is finally old enough to know Don Juan is a bitch because he's like, I'm not coming near you. So, Don Juan is a bitch because he's like I'm not coming near you. So, um, Don Juan basically is announced that he's like he invited everyone but Porsche and Candy's like, come on, you should invite Porsche and he's like, you know, he gives his angry, you know, cat face, you know, cartoon cat face. And, but then he has this, he's so forced because they're talking about Porsche's event in Houston. And he's like, well, I think you better look into those motives because I think she's got a lot of Olivia. Nope, because she can't afford Olivia Pope for that PR whatever. I'm like, oh, don't want even Olivia. No, it was pretty banging.
Starting point is 00:20:20 I mean, Look at no Olivia note, I feel like it's a compliment because Olivia Pope is kind of an asshole. It's like she could be great, but she just does the dumbest things I actually have only seen that show once and I was really bothered by the strange transitions Everything was like moving fast and then everything would push slide to the left and push slides But right I was like what's happening here? There's a lot of old James Brown songs. They're like get it Like yes It's always like old funk and then there's a monologue my favorite as the monologues by I think his name is saw on the show The old gay guy who's like chief of staff. He's like
Starting point is 00:20:59 Here is work where we come every day to work is work where we come every day to work no to change America and then they go on like five minutes and they throw themselves on the ground and they sob and I'm like I don't know what is going on in shonda land but her obsession with monologues is giving me life every time I watch that show. Yeah, yeah, but I so because really shut up. Okay, I watched one episode. I was like, I think this is a show you have to watch from the beginning and right now I'm in the middle and it goes to not doing it. It's crazy. It's crazy. Anyway, A's is running around the room when I wrote, baby is the only one in that family that runs. Hello, okay. So that's it for that one, right? Yeah. So then we go to Cynthia, who is back in her comfort zone hanging out on the kitchen island.
Starting point is 00:21:49 Roland's some sushi, making some sushi with her assistant and Juanette because she's going to have a lunch date with Will. He has not been to Lake Bailey yet. So this is a big moment. Roland's sushi on the kitchen island with Will. Are there leaves out there? Try. I was trying to look I was going into my phone to pull up the ring because it
Starting point is 00:22:10 makes me crazy that this is a ring. And but I never remember it once we're doing the show to it. I'm trying. Oh, well, hold on. Let me go to sans. Okay. We're going to buddy. Anybody who needs to learn how to do this on their iPhone, go to sittings and then go to
Starting point is 00:22:25 Sounds and haptics, I think is this is this sir is this the ringtone That's the sound my leaf blower Oh, it's the worst That that that that leaf lower leaf lower leaf lower child I hate that. It's literally flow where. Leaf flow where child. Leaf flow. Kitchen kitchen island. It makes me crazy.
Starting point is 00:22:50 I hate that. You're rich. It's like the generic ringtone that comes with the phone. It's like you're too lazy to change it to put on something more interesting. And Apple, like you can do better to Apple. What do you play now? That's a pretty line. It's a good clock and spiel. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ooh, mine says sounds and haptics. What's a haptic?
Starting point is 00:23:25 That's the buzz, the response, the buzz response, the vibrate when you type. So if you're typing and the keyboard's like, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz't stop. Okay, stop. All right, shut up. I have 24. I have a bunch of I have a bunch of really fun ones. You know, I made a ringtone of the house hunter's theme song. Oh, really. That would have been a good one. Yeah. And also we have ringtones and they're going up at the end of the week. So get over there. Get them on Patreon. Shit, I got a lot of random ass theme songs in here. I've got one from, I got one that's like from MacGyver. Wow. Wow. I have a bunch of housewives going, hello, David. David. Hello. David. David. David hello David David or use Ramona like okay. Okay. Okay So it's a way of personality speaking of yes, it's none of them speaking of endless obnoxious loops. Let's go back to Cynthia
Starting point is 00:24:37 Yeah, so she's She has a personal assistant over cooking for her as well. And her name is on Junete and one at and I just wrote Rondle is the most boring name ever. Like I really want a better name. Ron Ron one that. Ron wanted. I feel like my name is almost as boring as Cynthia's cell phone ring. I need like this.
Starting point is 00:24:59 So really makes me want to have game up my name game. No, no, because your name. Most people would think your name is No, no, because your name, most people would think your name would be Ronald, but your name is Rondle, which is actually see you actually are already there. I'm just Ben short for Benjamin. I'm not even like Ben, Ben Bolio. I'm not even that. I'm not even Shakespearean. Ben Jamen. Ben Jamen, that's a nickname of mine. Yeah, so they're over cooking. And I was like, oh my god, this is going to be an amazing meal. And she's like, I'm not a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy.
Starting point is 00:25:26 I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy.
Starting point is 00:25:34 I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy.
Starting point is 00:25:42 I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm a good guy. I'm moving on child. What can I make with this rice with beta space on it? Move on to a different grain. Can we move on to corn? Maybe we need another staple for Cynthia. Child, I'm getting involved in barley. You know what I've been thinking?
Starting point is 00:25:56 Making a will. OK, you're a little too literal with whatever man's in your life. OK, Cynthia. So Will comes over and she's like, child, child, let's make some sushi. And she basically takes the sushi and she rolls it up and it makes a big flat mess of fish. And she's like, child, don't worry, I got some supermarket sushi,
Starting point is 00:26:15 just in case it's from Chopper. All right, child, let's go enjoy this three day old sushi. Will arrives in yellow shoes and my red old Navy pants, which, you know, I'm not going to judge them because I love them and I'll probably wear them again for the next live show. But I don't know. I mean, you're trying to convince us that you're fantastic, okay? I would go above and beyond old Navy for your date with Cynthia.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Like, if you want a job on a show as a rich person, act the part, too. Yeah, at least, at least upgrade to Gap. Yeah, and it's four months. He says they've been seeing each other four months, and she's like, you know, I was thinking it might, you know, I'm not sure if this is too soon to bring in him to Lake Bailey. Like four months. Four months, too soon.
Starting point is 00:26:59 Yeah. Yeah, you need to relax there. I mean, and also, don't act like Lake Bailey is like frickin like you're taking to camp David or something. Okay, it's it's it's a house next to a pond. All right, just relax. Okay You're at it's like it's it's lunch. You're bringing him over for lunch time and make your own sushi Like don't act like this is a more exciting thing than it is. Okay He's like I come bearing gifts. I'm like, what are you all wise man? Like, what is this, the Bible?
Starting point is 00:27:27 He's like, I brought you some frankincense and moe, baby. I will not ding him for that because I feel like I often say that when I arrive someplace, like I come bearing gifts. So, uh. With you, it would sound right. With him, everything will say, it sounds like a lie. It sounds fake. It sounds phony. I don't believe his glasses are real like I don't believe one thing about this guy For instance when he says I don't have a boo. It's like lies. Yeah, what does that even mean?
Starting point is 00:27:53 Mean maybe he means like in a fight later. He could be like I never boo people that's rude And you know like wait a second you purposely misled me sir He's like lied All my fingers feel fine. I don't have a boo boo. Just like I said before. You know, I was I was being totally consistent. I don't have a copy of Super Mario Brothers, and therefore I by extension do not have a boo to torment me when I look the other way. So, boo, boo, boo, yes, I was doing the Pillsbury toepoy. You were just goes for
Starting point is 00:28:27 Mario reminded me of the Pillsbury toepoy. You see how we go. It's all being laid out on the table now. We're getting right to the truth. Okay, here's another loop of blah that makes no sense or connects to each other. Yo, she is gay. I'm saying it. Okay. But he has like 20 characters now.
Starting point is 00:28:42 He's different 20 different gay colors. I'm like, he's every color of a Skittles bag now on the Mario Kart I'm like he was gay enough, but I appreciate you giving him more. How am I gonna? Yeah, the community is gay. Yo sees, you know, yeah, so if you know Yoshi has all those characters But you know who also has a lot of colors? Shy guy. So what's going on with shy guy? I feel like shy guy looks like the screen. He looks like the mask from scream. I don't like it. Yeah, I feel like he's poly. He is very good at Mario Kart. Those very fast. If anybody needs to know I have I have I have recently been playing with Roy. I like that there's an option named Roy. And I've been I've been finding that Roy has been pretty good. I like Roy.
Starting point is 00:29:24 And I've been I've been finding that Roy has been pretty good. I like Roy. He's like, hey, baby, I come there and get gonna be on TV. Roy stop flirting. Just wait. I'm sorry. It's like I've been playing Maricopa for four months and I've decided I've finally I'm funny to allow Roy Bowser to come to Lake Bailey. Well, the I was going to say or I am going to say, I'm going to announce what I'm going to say. I'm just kidding. Well, I was gonna say, or I am gonna say, I'm gonna announce what I'm gonna say.
Starting point is 00:29:46 I'm just kidding. What are you gonna say? I'm trying to find it, my notes. I hate that Will's such a player, but I love that he's such a bad actor, and everybody knows he's a player. And I also love that Cynthia's the player, too. She's like, yeah, well, what am I gonna do this season?
Starting point is 00:29:59 Wait, for Peter to fuck some of the teenager and a goddamn restaurant in Charlotte? No, no, child. I'm independent. I hear somebody. Get them the fuck out of here. Yeah, exactly. So basically Will is, he is so smooth as we've all noticed that it's, it's infuriating and basically, you know, they're talking about, they're kind of like dancing around the issue of exclusivity at their lunch. And Cynthia is like, well, I have to admit, I'm on a dating site. He's like, well, I don't like that, which is, here's my thing. Will knows that Cynthia doesn't want to be serious, right?
Starting point is 00:30:35 She wants to date. And he knows that. So he knows he can say something like, well, I don't like that. And it makes him look like this great guy who just wants commitment in life. Because Cynthia is like, I just want to date. And he's like, well, I'm gonna let you date because the last thing I want is to get hurt again. Like shut the fuck up, Will.
Starting point is 00:30:54 You're just kidding. He's so, he's so hot. And he's obviously so fucking so many women in this town. You can just tell the guy who he's at. He's like, get it out of your system. Because once you're with me, we're gonna be sharing STDs for the rest of our lives. Oh, so romantic, Will. And then he feeds her sushi and he's like, you like that? She's like, hmm, not really. Then he gets to say, he's like, what about this? And she's
Starting point is 00:31:18 like, oh, cool. And it's that mood, not always the move gross. I'm also wondering, what's wrong with your sushi? I feel like it's like sushi. Well, it will taste like sushi. That's not a good sign for your relationship. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. I feel like now that is the fresh fish time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:36 So, oh, I don't know. Yeah, I think it's probably not, you know, you don't wanna have a wasabi flavor. So now we go over to a coffee shop. Coffee shop. Where Nini is walking in with a big giant hat, and the music is like, and it's like there's some sort of fancy
Starting point is 00:31:59 but mysterious music playing. Yeah, it's like detective, because Nini is wearing this hat, and it's like a mysterious woman. Mimi is a white hat, which of course she's not. She's a black hat. But whatever Westworld, try and trick me again. So she walks in in her white hat and then it's this mystery lady who's like putting down a phone and she's like, what have we here lady? What have blown up in Atlanta? Oh my god. When Mimi comes in screaming and smiling like this, you know she's going to What have we here lady? What have blown up in Atlanta?
Starting point is 00:32:25 Oh my God, when Nini comes in screaming and smiling like this, you know she's gonna ruin your life soon. So just be careful what you say. Oh yes, because the woman in question here is Eva Pigford, also known as Eva Marcel. But those of us who remember America's next top model, season three, know her best as Eva Pigford.
Starting point is 00:32:43 She won that season um, and she is arguably the most successful A&TM personal though there have actually been some successes through there, but um, I got excited seeing Eva back uh, in reality TV although she's done some stuff But um, this is high profile reality TV. I got I got stunningly beautiful. I don't know her for that But god she's so pretty and I love that she's ridiculous with I'd love that she's ridiculous so basically she's like hey look you look cute takes cute to no cute my god okay you two are ridiculous I can't wait to hate each other please stop talking about being the most wife because that's amazing it will not be
Starting point is 00:33:23 long before they hate each other because this is clearly not a friendship that was founded on anything terribly secure because Neenie's like, yeah, I met even we met each other through our glam teams. You know, that's bad. That's bad when the glam teams broke real friendship. That's yeah, it's like they share a priv person for free. Yeah, it's like, you're all don't meet someone in the Costco sample line. That is not where to get your best friend.
Starting point is 00:33:49 Exactly. So Nini invites Yvette to go to the Candy Burst Essence party and Yvette starts talking about how she's, you know, like you mentioned, her boyfriend is Michael Sterling who's running for the mayor of Atlanta, which I'm like, I don't know how you can run for the mayor of Atlanta and then also have a girlfriend who is semi-on real housewives of Atlanta.
Starting point is 00:34:09 I just don't see how that works out. Only in Atlanta. You're political career. Yeah, it's like a reality, you know, stronghold. So you're like, why not? You know, I need the votes. Yeah. And Nini is like looking at the names on her Facebook.
Starting point is 00:34:22 She's like, Marley, put your other kids name. Bl her Facebook. She's like, Marley. What's your other kids name? Blah blah. She's like, well, those look like good kids. I bet they don't take cockroaches places and try and ruin reputations. So and Eva says something about how she makes her own medicine. She's like, what makes her unique is that she makes her own medicine.
Starting point is 00:34:39 Like, girl, you got a headache. I mean, go tell you, get some garlic. I grow garlic in my head. Yard from my headaches. I'm like, I think that's for vampires, not headaches. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable.
Starting point is 00:34:58 I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert-expert. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.
Starting point is 00:35:22 We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.
Starting point is 00:35:44 I think that's to get the old rich man off of you. Yeah, yeah. I was like, OK, she's a little cootier than I remember, but it's nice to see you go back. Yes. She looks like she's going to be good on this one. So Ken, yeah, is it premiere fitness and with some new friend because no one else will talk to her?
Starting point is 00:36:02 It's our cousin. It was her cousin. Oh my god, look at the smell in here. It's our cousin. It was our cousin. I brought her cousin. Oh my God. Look at the smell in here. It smells so good. The smell of fitness. That is B.O. and feats. Shut up, Kenya. I need to get a birthday present from my husband.
Starting point is 00:36:17 He likes weights. I like everything in this section. Okay. Could you be more specific or you're going to be here all day? Ever since I got married, I just don't have time for the petty and the BS. No, like, you better make some time for it because that's what you're here for. But did you notice that she goes, I'd rather be doing something that's going to advance my relationship with my quote, unquote, husband, some like even this girl air quotes husband. Like how are we supposed to believe you when even you were air quoting the word husband? I definitely miss that. I was so good. Mr. Eric. Oh, so she's basically looking out for work out equipment for herself. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:57 Let's be honest. Exactly. Cause she wants to buy this as a birthday gift and put it in her house, hoping to hell stay there later. And she's like, Mark is a native New Yorker. There's no better city in the world for him. So of course he doesn't want to move. I'm like, listen, you are a celebrity tied to this city. He better move. Okay. I'm sorry. If he's making you, if you give, if you want, if the rumors are true and you've just been fired, then fuck him because you've now given up everything for this dude who doesn't want to leave New York City. And that's not right. And I wish I could feel for her and be sad, but I mean, she's hateful, so I don't. Because her friend says, so that's nice equipment.
Starting point is 00:37:37 Are you just getting that so he'll come here? And she's like, yeah, because maybe he'll stay for the wait. It's like the savage should have ever heard. Like you know, they have a 24 hour fitness in New York, right? Yeah, exactly. It's not covered in your dog's shit. Or like the residue sweat of Matt. So Kenya is like, you know, being a wife is completely different than being our girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:38:04 Okay, can you, you're not the first wife in America? Okay, people, people have been down this path before. Okay, you're not breaking any new ground with these observations. Poor Ken, yeah. She's like, I, I, you have to think about all sorts of different things, you know, like, do we have watching powder for the clothes that need to be cleaned? I'm like, washing powder. That's how much Ken you know about anything.
Starting point is 00:38:24 Anything. Yeah. for the clothes that need to be clean. I'm like washing powder. That's how much can you knows about anything? Anything. Yeah. This is why her hair care had water inside the bottles. Cause just actually no. How things get done. You don't even know how to say soap, stupid. And she's like, um, is there washing powder? I have to take care of the dogs. I'm like, you remember that you had those dogs when you met your husband, right?
Starting point is 00:38:46 I have. If we're going to pretend they're brand new, then why don't you start potty-tring them like puppies, okay? I have to clean the feet surfaces. You mean the floors? They're called floors. That thing where the Poke thing and the cutty thing go on a flat thing set a table. Yeah I have to turn I have to turn on the empty air machine to make the dust go into it. You mean the vacuum? I'm married in alpha male. I've changed We bought a car. He wanted a stick and I didn't he won So now you call Uber wow, you're really winning it life, can you? We bought a car. He wanted a stick and I didn't. He won.
Starting point is 00:39:25 So now you call Uber. Wow, you're really winning it life. Kenya. Yeah, congratulations on destroying his clutch. Yeah, so I asked for a clutch and he got me a stick ship. I still don't get it. Ha ha ha. What a guy. He gets a car that you can't drive. What a sweetheart. I am assuming you paid 75% of that. Yeah, that's he's an ass. I don't like him anymore I don't like him nobody who marries a mess like Kenya and then pulls shit like this like gilting her about her job or not moving or whatever I feel like if you marry it Kenya you're automatically emotionally impulsive because Kenya is a needy needy crazy person when it comes to men
Starting point is 00:40:03 You know my my only my fingers are crossed that this is, she's playing the long game here, which is that then the divorce happens sometimes soon. And then next, she should maybe doing the Countess Luan path, right? And the next season is like, I'm divorced, you know. Well, she's Kenya, so she seems to be laying the groundwork for... Oh, he hurt me. He just wouldn't let me be me. Wanted me to quit my job.
Starting point is 00:40:30 She's like setting him up to be like the bad guy in a lifetime movie, and it's working for me. I'm believing it, so. Yeah, I mean, I'll be there. If she divorces him, I'll be very happy, you know? But I mean, there are rumors that are circulating... New rumors circulating that she's been fired because basically he won't film, and she has no storyline left which I think is sad.
Starting point is 00:40:48 I sometimes I feel like I get why certain people should be fired because they have no storyline like a Megan King Edmonds, but I kind of feel like there's certain people who are legacy who it's like their personalities are so good. Just plug them into someone else's storyline. I'm okay with that. I don't think it's even the storyline thing because one has can you really have a storyline? I mean, yeah, it's all made up and ridiculous. I think it's just that she's such a diva and is refusing
Starting point is 00:41:12 to film and it's being a nightmare. That not only takes so much. Like if you're not even going to film, then just get out like they can take you being a diva and filming, but she's very highly paid. She's one of the highest paid, um, reality people out there. So it's like if you're not even going to shoot, leave. Yeah. No, I agree. I think that's probably more of it. It's like refusing to shoot, probably not being difficult to get on camera to do scenes with other people. That's one that becomes an issue, you know. Yeah. And so she tells her friend, she's like, I really like this. I'm going to buy it. Should I use his credit card just kidding?
Starting point is 00:41:45 Like that's you shouldn't be just kidding. You should have a joint account. You're making me so fucking sad right now, okay? With your untrivable clutch Your weight machine that you're gonna be paying for monthly because your husband will never use it. Yeah, exactly You should Nordic track out of that marriage. Yes, ma'am spin out spin out Louise So now it's the day of the as the essence party time, right now you want to talk about saving some money fucking candy is literally spray painting a cake Now bakery I
Starting point is 00:42:23 Think she's just like great cake. There's a lava cakes. Just have one real cake and the rest up props. Well Candy Burst is doing well for herself because she got that credit on that stupid Ed Sheeran song because you basically copied no scrubs classic Ed Sheeran, you know, boring and derivative. So she's probably rolling in a whole new revenue stream now. Now that she got some some money off of that. I got so many revenue streams. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:42:54 That was one girl I've never gonna worry about. She's got the best assistant in the world. Todd. So Don Juan, is he the best though? Is he? Get that? Do this. Get that. Like. Get that. Oh my god, you're so hardworking. So people start showing up at the party.
Starting point is 00:43:10 We have, you know, Portia and Shamiya arrive and Portia me to the just like, sit down because no one talks to her and Don Juan's being called to her. Don Juan's like, Shamiya. I know you're not trying to give me a call. So they're all laughing and Portia's like, uh. Just standing there. Yeah, when he, Shamiya passes him not seeing him and he's like, just standing there. Yeah, when he, it's to me, it passes him, not seeing him.
Starting point is 00:43:26 And he's like, he's so phony. And she goes, now, why would I do that? I just, it's just that I saw Carmen with short hair over there. And I thought, oh my God, it's Carmen with short hair. Do you not remember the last scene that was about you when Carmen was there with short hair? Because I do. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:43:40 Yeah. Yeah, I'm a good, but I don't know. That's good. That's a good friend to ignore Don Juan for your friend Did you see that toy I showed up man? You had me having me with the biggest star she's like It's always funny because the Atlanta I mean the marriage The marriage medicine women are always showing up randomly in the corners of the the real house
Starting point is 00:44:07 Was a bit land stuff, but the real house was a Atlanta house. Why they never go to the marriage of medicine They've got enough of their own foreclosure problems without going to hang out at Toyas. Yeah Not gonna hang out with a candy bowl. Eugene's candy bowl. I'm married to medicine. They're like, we're having a potluck. You know, they're all like, I'm not cooking shit to take over there. It's an hour away.
Starting point is 00:44:32 But, child, pop some Paris. I don't know. I don't think so. So, you know what, made me sad. This made me so sad. I don't know if you know it. This is a very, I feel like this is a very me thing to notice. When candy showed up
Starting point is 00:44:47 We saw the red carpet Line you know like the step-and-repeat etc and can just taking photos and it was either a publicist or someone who works with candy but I recognized her immediately It was Daisy's assistant from blood sweat and heels and I got so Do you remember remember one day older her her staff she was the bigger girl and she started to cry because she was so worried about Daisy and then I started thinking about Daisy and maybe so I think about Daisy a lot I don't know about you but I think every now and then I'm like can you believe it like sweet Daisy poor sweet Daisy no I know and if anyone if you never saw Blitz when he was,
Starting point is 00:45:26 it's really worth watching. I think you should go back into the Bravo archives and watch it, because it was just a good show. Well, I appreciate you bringing up cancer. That's fine. It's the real housewives, so why not, why not bring down the episode by reminding people of that, but love it. Bravo person died once.
Starting point is 00:45:41 So, Samia is telling Porsche, come on, why are you just sitting here on your phone? You need to be a part of this. Look, I flew to Houston when everybody hated me and handed shit out to poor people. Making effort, you know, and Porsche is like, okay. So, Kenya's late, of course, like way later than everyone else. And, and, and, oh, sorry, go ahead. I was just going to say, candy is still, even though Porsche is trying to, sorry, go ahead. I was just gonna say candy is still, even though Porsche is trying to get up in the mix, candy is just so cold. She's just giving me, you know,
Starting point is 00:46:11 once you have made candy shitless, she is not, she is just not gonna let anyone back in. And she is definitely giving the cold shoulder a Porsche and she said candy is spending more time talking to her mom. She goes up to her mom and she's like, what's up, what's up, what's up? It is a grandmother.
Starting point is 00:46:28 And Portia's like, this girl is still upset. I'll just keep hugging and speaking and maybe one day she'll hold back. Oh no, she's not. That will never happen. You gotta hand it to Portia because she's probably the first person in a bravo history who has not started a new feud because she's not getting the response that she wants like she's she's actually letting candy Like go through it as opposed to like hmm Vicki Gunnblesen who's like what I said I was sorry and now you know she's not accepting my apologies So I'm I have a problem with that so now I'm sure that the whole tan thinks your husband's gay, you know, how's that my thought you know? Yeah So now we have the whole tan thinks your husband's gay. You know, how's that my fault, you know?
Starting point is 00:47:03 Yeah. And came, he was like, I got you flowers. And candy's like from George Glass. I was like, oh, I forgot to take that card off, sorry. Kenya's like, it's challenging not having my husband with me in the same city husband, especially after Houston. Remember when you tore down those two walls. My God, Ken.
Starting point is 00:47:29 Yeah. I was thinking of buying you one of those special pillows. You put on your bed that has like little arms that come out there called. Husbands. Hugs. Bins. So I was hugging the guy with a little tiny arms.
Starting point is 00:47:43 So car, Ava and Neenie. Neenie is like, where are you at? Where's your man at, honey? And she's like, he's busy. There's an event he's there. He's been campaigning, holding babies, shaking hands, shaking babies, hitting hands. You know how it goes, mayor, mayor, mayor, mayor. I'm the first lady of Mayor town.
Starting point is 00:48:04 Each mayoral candidate has something that the other one needs I'm doesn't anti-m reference Ronnie. I think you oh, sorry. I don't watch it. I couldn't yeah, I was like I realized I'm I'm making references that aren't really I couldn't with that show. Yeah, I come back this next top model. I was like go to school. How about how about read about okay? So let's see here. So so so I like to give some good shade in here because she's like oh, I'm so happy for candy What are my first covers was essence? Yes I was like oh Eva. She's like yeah, one of my first was Essence and he's like yeah, I did Ebony and I was like, no, no, we're talking about Essence here.
Starting point is 00:48:46 Neenie, you can't Ava already. She Ava did it. She did it. She shaded it first. You can't you can't pile onto this one. It's Eva, Eva, it's Eva Pigford, not Eva Pigford. Well, of course, they start, they bring up, of course, they bring up immediately Will because Neenie is like deflect, deflect, deflect, deflect, deflect. will because me and he's like deflect deflect deflect deflect deflect deflect and Ava knows him and it's because you know work as mayor so we were trying to get the votes of all those cigar smokers at cigar bars and you know shaking babies and hitting hands and stuff and I saw Will and he introduced me to his girlfriend and that was that was, that's, yeah. Duh, duh, duh, duh.
Starting point is 00:49:28 And the question is when did this happen? You know, and apparently it happened like, you know, a few months ago and then we have a flashback or it's not a flashback, I think it's Will. Will is with Cynthia and he, inside the party and he just says that he's been single for two and a half years. So already it's like, um, he's a lie.
Starting point is 00:49:52 He's a lie. Full lie. This guy's a lie. So, um, me, me, okay, that's enough of them. We'll see. Okay. And then Cynthia goes, oh, you're still here. How long have you been single, child?
Starting point is 00:50:05 And he's like two and a half years. And they cut to that 20 times in this episode. So they keep just keep copying and pasting it in. Two and a half years. Two and a half years. Two and a half years. So it's right about that show, two and a half men. Now that's comedy.
Starting point is 00:50:18 It's like a couple of times. Yeah, he's got good sense of humor. You know, two and a half men, I'm going to check it out, child. So, um, Shari got good sense of humor. You know, to half men, I'm gonna check it out, John. So, Sireen Kim arrived with Marlowe, and Marlowe arrives too, and Kim immediately starts babbling about Candy's vibrators. Kim's basically like, oh, so Candy, it's really funny, because you guys have these vibrators,
Starting point is 00:50:38 and my friend doesn't have vibrators, and she really likes vibrators, but she never tried one before, so I'm like, how do you like vibrators? I'm like, you got to get some vibrators, so I'm like, I'm gonna have you buy some vibrators, so she's gonna buy one of your vibrators and everything like that and can he's like She is a major celeb major this friend of half who's a celeb who's a major celeb
Starting point is 00:50:55 They are such a celeb. She's gonna be fucking herself with your toys Celeb you ever see those billboards for adroanas insurance. It's Adriana She's carrying a red cello cup of course in the here. Yeah So Candy's like basically I hate all these people who are here, but you know, I'm gonna be on Broadway and I got a new car And my husband has to follow me down a red carpet and I have a restaurant and I got dildos into a major celeb so happy And guess is also there by the way so Cynthia doesn't- Cynthia doesn't know that Peter's gonna be there so so I just hate that Peter's always lingering around and I hate that they that like they keep
Starting point is 00:51:41 inviting him to stuff I just think it's rude it's rude's weird. Yeah, why is anybody surprised at all ever? Doesn't he have a spin off coming up? He gets the housewives. He gets the housewives die we room every time. Nobody surprised, okay. He's got this peach. Yeah, exactly. So Todd gets up on stage.
Starting point is 00:51:58 He gives a really stupid speech because he's like, he's like, wow, being here. It's really cool to see all the people who showed up. I mean, even Kim and Portia are here and, you know, candy hates them, but they still showed up. It shows what sort of woman candy is, you know, she meets, she has people that she hates, but she still invites them and she grows stronger because of it. It's like great speech time. That's nice. My wife, Hank, in the trip, unless it's over a tiny little career that's in her way,
Starting point is 00:52:22 like some of these tiny little people here You know she doesn't care so you know Porsche Kim you stupid And Candy doesn't care. Please eat her food And Candy gets up and say say now We isn't here because it's an a does only show but Anyway, I just have to thank everyone because that's because I were in full you. I wouldn't be here and I'm also gonna be in Chicago to show not the city. See now, Nanny, you're not the only one. A Broadway. Who's that little midget time anyway? I don't know longer.
Starting point is 00:52:59 I mean, at least I support or I brought my own cup. What'd you do, taker? So now after after can't you speech, we sort of circle back to this whole Eva will scandal situation. And Nini is, Nini is feeling concerned because of what Eva said. And she doesn't want Cynthia. Just wants Cynthia to be heard. Yeah, she's just here for you, Cynthia. She's just here for you. So let's see So needy Todd. Why did I write Todd and Cynthia? I met Will right? I don't know. I don't know where you are on your nuts.
Starting point is 00:53:33 Cynthia and the dude you good and then Peter's like, Bezo. Oh yeah, cuz Todd. Peter sees that Cynthia's with Will and he's like, that's a weird dude, right? Like So we're do. Does he have a coffee that he never actually made that's a nice can do right like okay now you're now you're You're a shape shape vanilla. Yeah, it's colorism. I do they say oh Yeah, doesn't look like a sort of dude. He looks sort of dude. I'll open up a bar in a previous bar. Not on the right way In a previous bar, not on the highway
Starting point is 00:54:07 So let's see Neenie's like no grats. Okay. Yes Neenie's concerned here it is She's like ever says he when she met Will he had a girlfriend and Carmen's like I heard that too And they was like I saw it and can he's like sugar? So Kenya's like This isn't right. I'm gonna go tell Cynthia because she has a right to know and you could see Neenie's bases like I was gonna do that like that was yeah I've brought in the new cast member with the story and I already told the producers I'm gonna go talk to Cynthia But Kenya's like it's my scene now Pretty much and totally tries to steal it
Starting point is 00:54:44 And then Neenie doesn't let her she's like I'm coming I've seen now. Pretty much and totally tries to steal it. And then Neenie doesn't let her. She's like, I'm coming. Can you look at the info wrong? When did she become the bone collector? Who are also called a liar with fake bones in her purse? So it's like, you got baseballs? You got, we'll, we'll stop baseballs.
Starting point is 00:54:59 You got baseballs? The baseball ball. Oh, car roll. So Kenya, it's like, I don't want you to be ambush, but they're all saying, Will has a girlfriend. And there was a photo with her. And since, uh, since he's like, well, I did know that he was dating someone. And so Ava comes up and she's like, well,
Starting point is 00:55:19 I only saw him that one time. Like, he didn't count. He didn't canvas her campaign with us. I'll tell you that much. Like, okay, Ava, it's all coming back to your fucking mayor. Okay, we get it, Ava. Well, but what's funny is, so Will says it's not, all of this is not true. And then he's like, I mean, he's like, I was with, and then he's like, well, I mean,
Starting point is 00:55:39 I was with someone like seven months ago, but this stuff isn't true, yada, yada, yada. And then of course, I think they, at this point, they show the footage of him saying, he's been single for two and a half years. And then when Ava comes out, well, it's like, so this is what happens when I try to support you and Michael.
Starting point is 00:55:53 Like, oh, please don't, you're not the victim's year. Like, oh, you're going to pull your precious endorsement of Ava's husband or boyfriend. I'm saying Ava, Ava's boyfriend, like, please, will come on just relax. You left no check and you didn't do any canvassing, okay? How I'm at least hand out a flyer liar because even it's a basic likes at a cigar bar event with a mayor. Well, what comes out essentially is even it's like, well, listen, I'm at you for one
Starting point is 00:56:19 day. You came, you campaigned with us, you can't visit us for one day. And then you put it on Instagram as if we're old friends like stop with the bullshit And he's like, oh no, oh no, he has no response, which is amazing and he's like, He grew hair on top of the set and he is bald I couldn't do it. It's funny. Yes, she can you know listen. Any listen. She can be a she can be a handful But man can she be funny on those interviews. Yes. So he basically gets mad and he's losing really defensive Yeah, which by the way if it had been he could have just been like oh, yeah I mean I yeah, I was with that girl, but that was like a few months ago like no big deal
Starting point is 00:56:56 But he starts to get really really upset and really like you said defensive which obviously is like defensive which obviously is like Doth protests too much you know. Yeah he's like look I've been clear I don't want like being ambushed like this and she's like I don't need the child like I wouldn't have won a squinty. I know it was gonna be this and so Ava comes up and he's like come here Ava and so she's like well this is quite messy. You started it. So they kind of fight and she's like, well, this is quite messy. You started it. Yes. So they kind of fight. And she's like, I'm not fighting with you. And then he's like, you need to not be fighting with women. Okay, bitch.
Starting point is 00:57:32 So he kind of backs down and then. He's trying to regain his composure, right? Because he's lost his cool. It's an Elvis and he's trying to be like, he's trying to sort of like work his way back into saying something like clever. And he goes and so and so on. Like, you know, everything was perfect until now and now I'm not the perfect gentleman
Starting point is 00:57:48 for her anymore and you, but you, you show me that I, I have to be more better than the other gents. It's like, okay. So yeah, like he, he starts off accusing them of being like essentially, he's basically saying everything was perfect. I was doing so well I looked awesome and now you made me look not as awesome and then he tries to spin that into a but no, no, it's good I now I have to be more better than other which by the way the fact he said more but better was hilarious And he's sorry. He's so mad But he's trying to calm down so he immediately starts talking to Greg because he's the only guy around and he's like Can I get a drink now and Greg's like? I don't care am I am I here? Where are, can I get a drink now? And Greg's like, I don't care. Am I
Starting point is 00:58:25 here? Where are we? Am I live? Who are you? It's like, oh, good. Why did I even stop here? Get me some goddamn potatoes. Greg's like, I had a dream that I had to drive myself to this zone, to this event. Like, no, that happened, Greg. You were driving Eva and Mimi. I had a dream that the mayor's wife was in my backseat and I almost ran over a deer. That was great. So then Sheree comes outside after all this and she's like, I don't know what the other party outside. It's a party. Like I'd outside. Will looks angry. Eva looks stressed. Oh Cynthia is walking around barefoot. You got shoes? You got a body? You got a body? I love Surrey.
Starting point is 00:59:07 Um, and that's really it, right? Well, no, because then there was a cliffhack. So they're all surrounding Will is trying to still say slick things while still being angry and trying to spin all this into being like, I just got to be a better man. That's what I thank you for, thank you for showing me that my lying shows that have to be a better man, et cetera. And Porsche is like, oh, we talk about will. Oh yeah, now something too. And then she's like to be continued. Oh, they're like, Cynthia's like, you know, she's like, well, you asked. Only if you want
Starting point is 00:59:40 to hear it. Dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon. Well, got it, dungeon, I was so mad because I thought I was actually so wrapped up in it that I was expecting another commercial break. And when it said to be continued, I was actually caught. I was like, I was furious. Fioros, I almost wrote a sternly written letter to Bravo TV saying, add another tenement, why do you supersize Andy Cohen's now and then, but then this show gets a normal hour, not fair. Yeah. Well, it is done.
Starting point is 01:00:17 And next week, the roasting of will continue. Should be good. I'm excited for it. That's going to be a good one. when everybody thank you so much for being here don't get don't forget to get your tickets for crap and live in your city They all go on sale on Friday and then there's some cities that are already on sale Yeah, so to watch it crap and calm check it out and make sure you got tickets for your city. Yeah, yeah Yeah, exactly guys. We want to we have fun time doing those live shows. We want to meet you. We want to have a good time and we want to talk about our favorite shows with you guys. Yeah. So yeah. And then tomorrow, uh, guys, load up on your pasta. Vannapump rules is back tomorrow. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download
Starting point is 01:01:19 the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.