Watch What Crappens - RHOA: The Onion Ring On Her Finger

Episode Date: February 19, 2019

**Today's episode is a video recap available on Patreon! Porsha finally gets engaged on Real Housewives Atlanta. Will the ring leave grease on her finger? To hear this week's bonus episode previewing the new show Mexican Dynasties and to find Crappens on Demand video recaps, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! Countess Luann Warhol Pop Art avail through February! **Crappens Live is coming to Dallas next week on Feb 8 and 9, then we're hitting up the Just For Laughs Comedy fest in Vancouver. Then Cincinnati, Portland, Phoenix, Boston, Irvine, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis. Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I've been so much for my friends. I've been so much for my friends. I've been so much for my friends. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Hello and welcome to Watch Out Crappins. The podcast about all that crap we just left to talk about on Yo Bros.

I'm Ronnie Carram. I'm also on the Rose Pricks Bachelor Rose podcast. That's my dad there, Eddie. Hi dad. Oh. Oh. You're on, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh We're doing Grill Housewives of Atlanta. That's been over there Ben Mandelker He created the Real Housewives of kitchen island. I mean what a stead. I'll be oh god Well, thank you. Hi. Yeah, I got to start running a new episode It's like I write I do want I'm like oh now it can take some time off and all of a sudden it's like no

Gotta do a new one so I'm gonna start running a new episode very soon Hello So today we're doing this come see our live shows. We're gonna be in Vancouver this week So today we're doing this. Come see our live shows. We're going to be in Vancouver this week. We are going to be doing the premiere episode of Real Housewives of Vancouver in Vancouver because why not? We're in Vancouver. So we have to do something that says Vancouver. Yeah, and if you want to watch that, it's available on slice. Like if you just Google Real House swives of Vancouver and slice, it's like a Canadian, it's like Canadian Bravo. You can watch it.

I was able to start watching it here in Los Angeles. So, you know, that's how you can watch it. It is very easily and for free. Yeah, and then after that, we're gonna go to Austin for South by Southwest. And then after that, we're gonna go to Cincinnati. Then after that, we're gonna go to lots of places. We're going to Phoenix, Irvine, Portland, DC, Boston, Milwaukee.

Milwaukee. Yeah, we're actually going to DC before South by Southwest. And in case you didn't get the memo, we're going to be covering the season premiere of Real Housewives of New York at the DC show. So that's going to be nothing short of epic, I believe. There is now a sandwich covered in onions and jalapenos sitting on my bed right next to me and open I mean all opened in microwave which is very sweet, but I

Am curious Ronnie. I thought you were not in Texas anymore I thought I could have sworn us on Instagram story where you're like by Texas. Yeah, well, we did it Dallas So last week as you remember been you were in it. Yeah, I do I do remember being me So we did that last week and then I came to visit my family in Texas and Brandy and Julie were doing dumb gay politics here and Leah was their guest. So she can't Leah Black came out to do that. And then my cousin Jenna and Reed, they sang, sweet transvestite at their show. So it's like, I want to come.

You know, that'll be fun to see Julie and Brandy and Leah in one place. Yeah. So I just stayed here. I stayed here for the whole week and hung out with the family and did their show. I did a segment called Gay Guys with Feelings about how anger feels so good. So that'll come out on their show.

It was a really fun show. And then we're not imparting our faces off. Okay, Brandy and Julie showed up to the airport in the same clothes that they were in the night before. So bless those girls. They can party like maniacs, you know. And we stayed out all night and then dragged my ass to the airport and the flight was delayed five hours.

Then we taxied for an hour and then they're like mechanical failures. So they canceled our fucking plane. So then we had to go and it was fun because I was with Brandy and Julie, obviously. So they at least let me laugh the whole time and kept me from fucking murdering somebody. Yeah. So they didn't have flights out till today but we have to do shows and the breast bricks tonight so I just stayed until tomorrow so I'm gonna come get my passport. Hell out of there. Go to Canada. So you're gonna go directly from Texas to Kansas. Oh I see we're saying you're I would but I don't have my passport because I have to keep my passport in one little place or I'll lose it because I lose everything.

Yeah, I made the transition of like moving the passport out of it's like little special place onto like my nightstand because I'm like, do not forget the passport, you know? Like so it's currently like in a highly visible place where it's like it will have a less chance of being forgotten, but there's still a good chance I'll forget my passport. You know, I feel like a ridiculous place in my house because you know when you're like

hide it so only you can find it like someone's gonna want like what is Uncle Fester gonna need to travel suddenly and want to stay on my passport. Like yeah, who's gonna steal my passport? You don't have to. But I mean, somebody looks just like me to get on a plane, You know, but I was going to ask my neighbor to go get it. But I was like, you know, I really need my bed to, because staying in Texas, like, I love my family, but you have family. It's like, go see your grandfather and the old folks home. Go see me, ma. You have to make sure you stay by the side. So, and so the kids want to see you at the volleyball game.

And I'm like, no, I'm not used to seeing people this much. I need to sleep, I need to be alone, I need to cut her with my dog. Yeah, it's your dog. Yeah, you definitely need that. Well, I'm excited to come back, rest up because we're going to have a great time at just for laughs. That festival already started and I've already started to see the stuff they've been posting on Instagram. It's already been like Fred Armason and Seth Rogan and like, all sorts of really, really cool stuff.

So I'm excited to throw myself into the festival, ideally with you, but we'll definitely have our show. And I'm actually really excited for Real Housewives of Vancouver because it's something I've been hearing about for ages. I hear they're just terrible, wretched women. And I'm excited just to have like a group session where we talk about how awful they are

and make fun of them on their home turf. So I'm like super excited. Watch your crap and dot com for those tickets. And now Oh, that's a huge county. I mean, Atlanta. Also, thanks for letting me tell that big long complaining story, but you're not only personally complained too properly because everyone else is like be more positive. You know, I'm like, fuck fuck you go fuck yourself. So thank you all that I'll be more positive never ever ever I'm just I'm sad because I really feel like I had a good anecdote to tell you and I just can't remember it at all

And it's like if you remember feel free because the reason I went off like that is because this real house was of Atlanta You know what while I'm in a bad mood. Get your shit together at lana, okay? Yeah Kenya was a pain in the ass, you finally got rid of her, and now you're gonna make it look like the show can't live without Kenya. And that's bullshit. It's like making Kenya right, and it's pissing me off.

I'm frankly sick of you, okay? I said to last night, pissed off anyway, but especially pissed at you. Make an effort real hospitalized in Atlanta. Yeah. Yeah, please, please do. I mean, whoo, this season's gotten so bad. It's making wonder. Is it worse than,

is it worse in Orange County? Like, I don't want to even say that. Because at least Atlanta has really great personalities, but honestly, not really. Orange County has great personalities too. Like Atlanta is like really like, I mean, it is nothing is happening. And I'm mad. I'm mad. I make some more stuff. Like this is is this is not how it should be. This is I don't know. I honestly don't even know how to fix the show right now other than bringing back Kenya. You know, it's some bullshit. Okay, I have to watch a stupid privileged asshole

cry about not having a third wedding dress. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know what's happening in the world right now? Okay, and you're just pretending to have money anyway. Who the fuck do you think you're kidding, lady? Who married a failed mayor? Who ran for mayor? And then I got to watch Greg have cancer. And then you try and come up with some reason that she's going to divorce Greg that doesn't have anything to do with cancer because she's not getting all the attention for one goddamn second in her life. Yeah. And then we have to, that's like everyone's just crying the whole time. Yeah. And then

we have to watch like the second coming of and sleds engagement, basically, you know? So I don't know, like it's hard. It's really, really hard. I'm not into it. I don't know what's gotta change. I actually, it's funny because other housewives, I'm like, this is what you gotta do. This is who you gotta get rid of.

I don't know how to fix Atlanta. I don't. Well, I'd like to say that Shamari is pretty cute and funny in her testimonial things, what she is, but she's doing nothing. Get rid of her ass. Get rid of Eva. Just just apologize and get rid of those girls. Get rid of Neenie. She needs to be back off that show. It's better without her. I agree. The right. I agree. State up without her. And everyone else had room to do something and not be terrified of that moose. Yeah. So, yeah, they need to do something because I'm over it. I'm at the point where I'm like, by, let's just cover Mexican dynasties instead.

Because at least that was fun. It's getting to that. It's honestly getting to that because Mexican dynasties is going to premiere next week. And we're already going to have a traffic jam of shows in March. I mean, we're going to have, we're probably going to have a bunch of reunions going on. We're going to have, I mean, Atlanta're gonna have, we're probably gonna have a bunch of reunions going on. We're gonna have, I mean, Atlanta will be happening. VanityPen brules will be happening still. We're gonna Mexican Dynasties.

We have Summer House, we have Marriage Minus in LA. We have Project Runway. We're still gonna have some top chef. Although I think that top chef and Project Runway are probably gonna tag off. But it's still, I still think there's like one or two more shows to cover. And it's just like Atlanta, Atlanta still think there's like one or two more shows to cover and it's just like You know Atlanta Atlanta might get pushed to the bonus episode I feel weird. It's a real house wise, but you know what like I don't even want to wait for the bonus episode on it at this point I want to be like here's what happened last night on Atlanta

Neenie actually yeah, it's like asshole and everyone put up with it for no reason at all and Dennis married someone with hot dogs in his fortune Okay, yeah, I mean it might be I Dennis married someone with hot dogs in his fortune, okay? Yeah, I mean, it might be, I feel like Atlanta has two noteworthy episodes coming up where Nini gets into a fight and pulls the shirt off of a cameraman, and then that drunk lady comes back. And I think everything else will just be filler

and we'll have a wedding, and I think the wedding may just be relegated to like a, oh, here's what happened, you know? Yeah, I think that we're gonna have to relegate it to just covering those funny scenes and then getting rid of the rescues. I'm over it. Okay, so that's enough negativity

because he wants to listen to a show where they like it. So they come to listen to a show about it and then it's all negativity about the show. No, we can't place a place of happiness, which is there's still this stuff to talk about. I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still wrote down like a million notes.

Yeah, it does feel like someone needs to say it. I mean, come on people. We say it about every other show, but it's officially time Atlanta. Pull it together. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like people have loved Atlanta for so long that it's like, it's hard to actually be like officially a hater, but I think it's time. I think it's time.

Yeah. So, anyway, I think, think honestly, the most exciting thing about this episode was trying to figure out, like did I just see an enormous, like multi-story peach in Atlanta? Did I see that in the opening at the very beginning? It was like a giant peach. Like the size of a skyscraper.

Was that me? Was that like a illusion? That's a big thing in Atlanta. You didn't see a one-way there. No, wait, there was a giant. That's like a building there. Yeah, this segment is called. It's time to stop staring at our phones when we're in cabs. Okay, because we pass a lot of really great things. Yeah, I saw that peach.

I didn't see that peach at all. It's real. And it's also been on the show for like 10 years, man. I've never seen it all these years. That's how bad the show is because that's like, like normally the show is so good. I don't even it all these years. That's how bad the show is because it's like like normally the show is so good I don't even see a giant peach and now I've seen the giant beach. Yeah, it's on there every week I feel like I see the peach tree sign, but I never see the giant tends to repeat well

Maybe just always thought it was a small peach because you can't really tell why to be if things are like, I might have a word there just to close up. You know how the brain processes things like the brain will bend reality to like, to like meet like your reality, what you expect. So my brain has always processed that giant peach into like a normal sized peach, like an edible peach, not a building peach. Yeah, you've thought you're like the incredible growing woman, but you're really the incredible shrinking woman. It's like I was in a really bad version of the Matrix where I took the red pill,

and then all that happened was that I noticed that a peach that I thought was normal size was actually much larger. And then like the only thing that changed in the Matrix. It was real how size of Atlanta, so you were in the Matrix. The Matrix. Yeah, I was in the Matrix. And basically, she lived there to Fadera. The robots took over and all they wanted to do was make me believe that large beaches

were actually much smaller. The Fadera robots took over and wanted everybody to believe that she could only be pregnant for like two weeks and that her husband was like a really successful business man. Yeah, I like the Faderix actually. Faderix sort of works for me. It's exciting. It's exciting. We're at trench coat and watch it. And the Faderix candy has a dungeon. Yeah. So anyway, so this episode opens up with Ronnie Loachning, Shamari's Elbows, which is exciting. And then Cynthia's like doing a tour of her like future wine empire and she's like, this is the barely wine cellar. I want to take some wine

bottles and cement them into the walls. And Mow's with her, Mow's like, did you do this before? She's like, I'm creating it. It's an original and Mow's just like, hmm, hmm, I'm not like, oh goodness. I can only do my mouth face so much right now. There's not enough mouth face in me to give you the mouth face that you deserve. Yeah, mouth's like, why am I even here? Why do you only call me when you want to marry someone terrible or start a terrible business?

Or when you fall on your ass from doing, you know, one of the either. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, all these years, I always wanted her to get away from the kitchen island. And now that she has, I realize what a terrible mistake I've made. So, Porsche is going to the dentist store to the dentist store. Which is why Dennis is with Dennis. It's by multiple dentists. Ooh, I found the dentist. Just for's my dentist is with Dennis Find multiple dentists Just for when this one falls through so she's at the dentist store the baby store And of course, you know, it's a porous thing because it opens with the car door opening and her going

Yeah It's like we get it. Oh my god. They should make pregnancy tests with just Porsche's voice coming out it like you Peanuts and then it goes you're pregnant now What's worse Porsche talking about being pregnant or Andy Cohen talking about how he's a dad now Because we're getting a lot of that too. I'd like to add well I've seen a lot of that because I'm in grocery stores a lot because you know Texas. What else do you do? I got a grocery stores every day going like wow It's so big here and yeah, there's a lot of there's a lot of Andy know Texas, what else do you do? I got a grocery stores every day going like wow it's so big here. And yeah, there's a lot of, there's a lot of Andy Cohen and a hairy little head on that. Yeah, so sad. I'm not jealous of Andy Cohen for having a baby. I'm jealous of a baby for having hair. Like it doesn't even,

it's my fair and potential. How dare you? No, for both of us. Oh, you know, baby has a whole world ahead of it. Oh, yeah, we're just podcasters. Oh god I don't need to be a baby again. That was terrible. Could you imagine having to go back on your mom's tit? Nothing. Yeah, we it's not our style. Although being able to sort of like shit whenever you want. That's kind of a luxury Someone else is enough for you. Yeah To be able to show your pants, I mean, that's nice. So forse, she's, she announces to us that she's pregnant and to Dennis and then she walks into the baby store and she's like, hi, we're parents to be and the lady's like, and

I need a lot of a slow clap from the lady. Because I think the lady in the baby store doesn't see pregnant people all fucking day long Porsche, okay, she doesn't care. You don't get applause in a baby store for getting pregnant. Yeah, that woman smart She knows how to get her commission up because she's probably she probably does that little applause for every single person who makes that Announcement as if they're being so clever, you know, yeah, well Dennis like I have just like She's like you are showing and you're in a baby store. I could kind of figure it out, but I'll give you the applause anyway. Dennis has a frequent flyer card around his neck.

It's like a woman sees a man with that many women's tattoos on his neck and all over his body walk in and she's like, oh my god, I see my retirement walking in. You know? So, yeah, so they're in there and Porsche is like talking about her boobs and she's basically like, you know, once I start nursing, these boobs don't belong to Dennis anymore. And he's like, yeah, but I still need some luck with my cereal too. I was like, why is it that when he makes up an analogy, it just grosses me out.

I don't know why. It's disgusting. It's not like anybody could make that and it wouldn't be disgusting, but especially him. And I think it's because you know, he's not kidding. Yeah, you know, he like really wants to square her boob milk into his corn pops. Yeah, I would believe it. You know, if he's going to have to give up his place and move all the way to Ursula or wherever she lives, decay, no, not decay their first love to lose. So they're shopping around and like, ha ha baby things. They're like laughing and stuff.

And she's like, so this is ridiculous because they tell the lady they have to order four of everything because yeah, there's two grandmas and then they're not going to be living together, which is so poor. Shea, you know, they're doing everything backwards. It's like first you get pregnant, then you, then you consider getting married and then you consider moving in together, you know, are you going to are you going to try and decide whether

or not you'll go to lunch after you do all that? Right. Exactly. And then I don't know if you need for even if you did have that arrangement, I don't know if you need for everything. I don't know if you need for $1,300, uh, uh, stroller slash bass and nets. I'm also not sure you need one $1,300, $1,000 stroller slash bass and net. Now'm also not sure you need one $1,300 stroller slash bass and net. Now I know at this point, like complaining about a $1,300 stroller is like that, like he's $1,300 stroller has been around for a while. Like this is not a fresh observation and be like,

oh my God, a stroller for $1,300, that's crazy. But at the same time, a stroller for $1,300, that's crazy. I'm sorry. Jills on TV party, one of the commenters, but God, get that baby in overnight bag. Why are you there? I know.

Well, I think if you're wearing $50,000 on your chest, you should be able to afford a few strollers. You know what I mean? That's what I say, but. I just don't know what that $1,300 goes towards. I mean, is there like anti-lock breaks or something like that like I don't know well They showed us it like does all the things it like turns from a bassinet to a stroller to like a little condo Fairly standard in most strollers by the way

I in my mind if I look at a stroller I would think like and this is why I will never be on the prices right But if I just look at a stroller and like how it's shaped and the things, I would say like $120. $120. I would say $120. Maybe, like, honestly, I could even see a $75 stroller, you know? But that's why we never buy anything too, because we have that in common. I don't want to say cheap, because like you live in a really nice place.

I'm cheap. I live in like a really low rent place that I'm never going to leave because I have rent control. You're I wouldn't call you cheap, but you're not like crazy. You don't go spend a lot of money if you don't have to. Like you still drive the same Toyota Corolla, you know, like I see no reason to just be blowing money. And I don't have any concept of it because I've never really had it. So to me, I'm like, oh, it would be fun to have a place in Austin. I'm like, hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Who has that? How does anybody live on the, like I didn't know that house? I mean, I guess you, I thought houses like, I don't know. I thought you like work hard for a year. And then you have a house. And that's what responsible people do. No, you only have extremely wealthy people. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I, there are a lot of times I just don't understand what they like. I think that things are always much less expensive than they are. Like it took me a long time to process the jeans. We're not just $20. Yeah. Me too. Remember when we I couldn't I needed to find jeans. And so I went to Banana Republic because I didn't have an old Navy. I almost threw up in the store. I could not believe that people pay that much for jeans. I mean, I can't wait about the $20. I pay't have an old Navy. I almost threw up in the store. I could not believe that people pay that much for jeans. I mean, I complained about the $20

because I pay on sale at old Navy. I'm like, this is I. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy to cover a fat butt. Okay. I could do that with the trash bag. What the hell am I even doing here?

But banana republic? Oh my God. Why are we talking about this? I don't know. Either way, they're going to have a stroller. It's the point. Okay. So either way, so Dennis now, after some discussion,

Dennis says he'll sell his bachelor pad and move in with Portia. And she's really happy because she says that her house represented her being a phoenix rising out of the ashes and that she works so hard. And I'm like, I do get that, but I'm also like, hasn't she had like five houses since she left Cordell? Like, is that just me? I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't want to catch shade on her dreams. But I, I kind of feel like, but this is different rubber house.

Yeah, this one's more important because she was living off a man, but then didn't live off a man. But now she wants to keep it while she lives off another man. It's very confusing. Except now she makes her own money to you. She's not living off of Dennis but now she wants to keep it while she lives off another man is very confusing except now she makes her own money to you she's not living off of Dennis that's one of their acting like Dennis is daddy war bucks you know and he's got more many than Bill Gates you know well I don't know I mean yes he has to sell a lot more hot dogs I think yeah and I will say that this is gonna be the end of their relationship him moving to Duluth and giving who the hell wants to drive for an hour every day to go run a hot dog stand. Nobody. Okay. Yeah. No, that's why they're going to get a new place.

This is what it's going to be. They're he's going to move in and then next season is going to be the story of them getting a new place or like renovating it and it'll be closer to downtown to the hot dog factory. And it's going to be special because it's a place that they're getting together because they realize that while the last house was her dream house it didn't really have everything that she needed for her young family. It's a typical bullshit. It's like every single time Bethany Frankel goes, spends a season jerking off over her penthouse and try back up and then the next season's like, yeah, I just had to sell it. new place. I'm like, wait, you just made us like, you just forced us to watch endless scenes of renovations and how much you'd love it. And now this is

finally home. And I'm getting rid of it. Like, I'm sick of, I'm sick of these house attachments that the people make me feel. Yeah, they're personal. They're personal life spiritual journey through their house buying, you you know their constant house buying. Yeah. So anyway, now we go on to OLG2. The sequel. Yeah, this is a real note that I wrote. Riley goes to OLG. Didn't Candy look like Riley would she win in there? And then I was like, oh my god, it's Candy. They really are like sisters. I mean, I did not pick up on that, but yeah, but Riley is starting to look more and more like candy for sure. I hope she comes up with an album. I need a full Riley album, okay. Yeah, always. Did she never drop a full album? She just had that one song. I think she just had that. You took me to launch and made me pay the bill.

Album. But I don't know if it's all album or just a single. Yeah so candy and Todd are there and hold on a second. I think that the let me see if I know this is my house. I mean to see hold on one second. Everyone in TV party enjoy this. Hold on because the thing is the land the landlord is supposed to come in like barge in today but it might just be done. Oh for Christ. Is that you, Don? Oh, hi. Okay, I'm gonna close the door. Hold on one second.

That's a little bonus content for the team. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, everybody's dying for this one. All right, make out, make out, make out. Sorry, everybody at home. You know, I would cut this out, but I'm very lazy. So you're just going to have to wait for Ben to come back. Okay. And now I was putting on his headphones. There he is. I'm back. Sorry. No, because the, uh, the landlord was

supposed to put up a notice saying, like, I'm coming in today. So I wasn't sure if it was a landlord showing up at the front door of Osha's town. Boring. This anyway. It's so you guys, so we're at Old Lady Gang. And Candy and Todd, they're training the chefs because this place is about to open up and they have to be good on the recipes because this brand, this brand, this goes the original brand, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And Candy's all, we have a chef that already knows how to make it, even though it'll be hard for the chef to be in two places at once.

So should we get another chef that can do the same thing and just pay them a little extra money? It's like, okay, we know this is about your surrogacy. Just get it out there, candy. So then, you know, clearly they're like setting this up. I'm assuming that the burlesque show slash OLG opening will be the season finale, although it could be the Eva wedding. I can't tell. I'm not like I'm trying to figure it out.

But basically she's she she wants OLG to open by the time the burlesque show is open and the contactors like, well, if you invite me to your burlesque show, I'll make sure, I'll make sure LLG2 is ready in time. And candy, the only reason I'm mentioning this is because candy does her laugh. She does that. Oh, I love that laugh. It's like just full of so much skepticism. Yeah, this one, this one went full on Velociraptor. This one. It was like a Velociraptor about to kill somebody, but she was smiling and

clapping, because I guess it worked out. So Todd has this thing where he doesn't believe in surrogates because that's not how he's raised, which I mean, most of us weren't guys, okay? Yeah. Because that's not how he's raised. Which, I mean, most of us weren't guys, okay? Most of us around our age weren't. That's a fairly new thing, you know? So get over it, okay? Yeah, well, my theory is that basically he doesn't want to pay for it now.

I feel like he originally wanted it and I was like, mm, that's expensive and no one's giving us a freebie, so I don't think I want to do it anymore. That's my theory. Now that he's actually stayed long enough in that marriage to fight a pre-nup and he's, you know, they've had the baby and he knows he can get half of everything. He cares a lot more about the bottom line, basically. Yeah. That's true.

I didn't really think of it like that, but that's probably true. But look, I don't... Why would she want to have that baby? You know, I know that you didn't... You weren't raised like where you could just have somebody else carry carry your baby I wasn't raised where you could have someone else bring your grocery stores But I'll be damned if you catch me grocery shopping anytime soon in a place. It's not Texas. I'm just here for fun Okay, times change, you know, so yeah So the so the whole thing is that Todd was originally like gung ho on the circusy and then all of a sudden He's like I don't even want to like see this or get which Candy just gives him a look like she just wants a fucking strangle and it makes a sudden he's like, I don't even wanna like see this or get, which candy just gives him a look

like she just wants the fucking strangle. And she's like, she's like, see, no, right, you, me, get invested in this process. And you want to back up. Mm. Yeah, it's not a microwave oven. You can't just like press the buttons and then come back when your macaroni's ready to stir.

You know, fucker. No, and don't put metal in it either. Learn that lesson. What happens if you put metal in it, it just catches, starts a fire? Yeah, it starts to spark, but usually it'll stop. There's something in it to sense it that will stop it. Oh, thank God.

Because I would be dead right now. But also, we're talking about how the future is now and how times change and stuff, but how come you still can't put metal in a microwave? You know, there's some things that don't change. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I always am afraid I'm gonna accidentally like heat up some food in a tap of wear

and I didn't realize I'd let this spoon in it. I feel like that's like a constant fear for me. Yeah, well, it's America. I'm sure it happens across the board every day. There's gotta be something in there saving us, or we'd be reading it every day. Like another baby dies, you know, microwave explosion. I was, I actually won't flip my mic.

I won't flip my microwave on fire because I needed the time, something, I needed like to set like a 10 minute timer. And so I set a 10 minute timer, but I didn't realize I accidentally set the microwave to cook for 10 minutes, not set the timer. And so it was just microwaving nothing for 10 minutes until it like started like a fire inside the microwave and like melted the bottom of the whole plate. So this is how good it seems as of Atlanta that I'm talking about.

Treating horror stories of all micro-ins. Yeah, Atlanta, you're doing so well that I actually had to stop myself from telling a microwave story right now to talk to bed about it. I actually had to say no, this is not a microwave show running. We're not going to talk about microwaves anymore. Okay. And I really have a good one. Okay. So, yeah, so he's like, I don't even that this is us having problems because he has cancer and because I'm sick of working all day for somebody else. And I'm sick of life not constantly being about me.

This is really, this is already coming. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's a stretched meanie. You cannot divorce someone when they have cancer. It's been done. It's been done. I'm not gonna say it hasn't been done. And if anyone could pull it off, I'm sure Nini could,

but I mean, I'm not gonna to say it hasn't been done. And if anyone could pull it off, I'm sure Nini could but I'm not going to be on your side, fucker. Yeah, it's basically where she's taking Greg to the hospital. He's going to have surgery to get his Colossomy bag, over to the Colossomy bag. And have basically as like intestines put back together. So they're driving and she's like, okay, well, I'm going to leave during the surgery to pack up some stuff for swagalicious, which on the one hand, it's like, yeah, I mean, like, why not, right? On the other hand, though, it's like, oh, I think I would maybe stay there just to be in support of your husband. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Honestly, you know what's so sad?

Like, I cannot bring myself to care. I know it's terrible. I think I shut off with medical issues. I'm like, tell me when I need to pick you up. I'll be there. Like, I'll be supportive, but I don't know that she needs to like sit there and watch her intestines being pulled at and then put back in. That's true. But then at the same time, it's like, isn't there some of the swagger

licious that could be doing this stuff? It's swagger licious even real. Like, that's my why is there why why is there even a store in America called swagger licious? How about that? Why? Yeah, why did the trademark office stop this? How where is the zoning board in Atlanta? Okay, that's my question. Why wasn't Swagalicious put into a microwave and set on fire? Okay. Someone take the deed and put it in there. There's no reason that there should ever be a, like, okay, Swaggutik finds Swagalicious. No, no, no. There should never be any business that ends with delicious unless it's delicious. But anything else is like-

You know what I was gonna say? There's vape I'm smoking tastes like bubble-licious. The gum, strawberry, something. I reject it. I think that all sounds disgusting. Cause you know I have things, weird issues with like bubble gums and strawberries and fruit things, et cetera. So they're talking about that and she's so mad.

Like he's like, what's wrong? And she's like, nothing Greg. I just have a lot going on Greg. And he's like, what do you have going on Greg and he's like what do you have going on? Neenie what does she have going on? No, but he doesn't say it like what do you have going on? He doesn't say I have cancer What do you have he's like he's trying to be affectionate? Neenie because he's trying to help her and she's like a lot of stuff Greg and he's like what kind of stuff? Greg

He's just trying to start a conversation and she will. And then it keeps cutting back to her being like, see, isn't he awful? And I'm like, yeah, it seems terrible asking you like, what's wrong? So then she's like, okay, well, I'm not going to be there Greg. So just go on and do whatever you have to do. Greg. And so he gets out of the car. And he's like, okay, well, you have a good one. You can get my suitcase, though. And then it just looks at her like ready to fucking kill Greg. We just saw Greg take you to the airport

and like carry six of your suitcases for you while he has cancer and a knee, okay? Yeah. Drop the face and do this fucking luggage. I don't know if I mentioned this in last week's episode, but she did something, I think right actually began to see the remind of me of something that bothered me last week that I didn't talk about. When they were leaving the house in the scene, they walked by the light switches, and Enoch goes, like, hit those lights, you know, turn off the lights, whatever. You could have done that. And the thing is that last week when she was in Japan,

and she's sitting on her couch, and Eva comes over to check on her, and there's a knock on the door, and she tells Eva, can you go get that? She basically tells Eva to get the door. I'm like, you're bossy. You're bossy, and you're like, how about you answer your own door?

If you're walking by the lights, which is, you turn them off, okay? Like I get it. I think she needs to have a visit with All-in by Teddy Malon-Camp and get some accountability. She needs to go start dating again. Remember when she had to date that horrible, like, Italian guy, and she was so comfortable and awkward,

but she stayed in the scene just to get, like, free lunch or whatever, like, whatever. Didn't scene just to get like free lunch or whatever, like whatever. Didn't he give her like jewelry or something? Oh my god. That was awful. Yeah. Oh, I'd like to take this moment to announce that I watched five minutes of Tarty for the party because that came back and we're not covering that shit. I'll tell you that right now. No. But just because I'm bored and I don't want to talk about cancer, what a piece of shit show, what a horrible monstrous family who's probably killing the earth with all of their fumes. Yeah. Holy,

but Jesus, Kim's face is terrified, like literally at this point terrifying. Yeah. And the last thing I have to say is that they still use the same $2 opening work, Kim's like standing there and they cut her out in Photoshop and then they they use the Emboss you know the boss effect. Yeah, I'm like really it's a Photoshop in boss. That is your opening this show is so tacky I can't believe it's on don't watch it shame on you everybody who's watching it shame on yeah, I can't believe it's on I can't believe it's on the only thing that brought me joy is that someone called in to watch happens live last night and asked him why is it that on Instagram you look 20 years younger but on TV you look 20 years older. It's so rude and normally I do not condone such physical shaming but sometimes it's like

what America needs. That is classic. I know. So anyway. And so true, but she doesn't look 20 years younger, really, on the Instagram. She looks 20, 20, I mean, she does so much terrifying. 20 fears, yeah.

I'm not even gonna pick that one. Yeah, no, she just looks, I don't know, it's sad. I mean, she and Brielle do look a lot alike, but that's also sad for Brielle. I don't know, it's sad. I mean, she and Brielle do look a lot alike, but that's also sad for Brielle. I don't know. There's just like, it's just a cautionary tale for plastic surgeons and patients and humanity in general. And Croix going down that path too.

And I've said it before, those children are all gonna be monsters. I'm sorry to say that they're just children and they're young and they're innocent and children are off limits, but we all know they're gonna be monsters. I'm sorry to say that they're just children and they're young and they're innocent and children are off limits, but we all know they're gonna be monsters. I'm sorry. Anyway, if I'm abused dogs

and the rest of them are blow up dolls, I have no interest in that family. I'm not watching them, I will not support it. No, definitely not. So Michael and Eva are at home. She's Eva's making tacos and she talks about how she saw her grandfather one last time, very sad.

Yada, yada, yada. So the wedding DJ comes over and Eva's like, oh, I appreciate your punctuality. And you just know that I was somewhere being like, yes, it's working. Next I get a Netflix show. I, well, if a lady about cleaning her house can get a show, maybe Iya can get a show about making people on time. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. That's what I'm thinking.

I ain't showing up. I'm so tidying up. Whenever you sew up on, what did I just say? Iya in up. Whenever you sew up on Iya in up, she goes, Oh! Whenever you're on time. Yeah. I would call it keep your Ia on the prize. Keep your Ia on the prize.

So basically. So we're recording gross. I mean, nothing really else happens in this scene except that Michael wants lots of trap music and even wants Nicki Minaj. So we have that to look forward to. I know. She's like, we're not going to have, he goes, well, what do you want to have them play

during our song, sexual healing? And she's like, not in front of your mother. Are you crazy? We are playing Nicki Minaj the whole time. He's like, uh, yeah. I think her mother would, his mother would prefer sexual healing, okay? She's like, we're only going to be playing Anaconda, okay?

Not sexual healing, okay? She's like, we're only gonna be playing Anaconda, okay? Not sexual healing. Anaconda only, and Truffle Butter, okay? It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap-ins commercial. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday's parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident

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So, so now is Samaria and Ronnie are over at GoCarding and she's portioned in a shop. They're on like a double date. Double date, uh, uh, uh, uh, portion shows up. She is just like in this crazy jumpsuit. Like now that she's pregnant, she's really committed more so than ever to like crazy jumpsuits with bonkers patterns.

She is like, she's like, we're in patterns for two. Yeah, this is one of the saddest scenes I've ever sat through on housewives and I was mad at myself for sitting through it. I was like, surely we're not just gonna sit here and watch the husband's go-go golf carting. Surely we're not.

Yeah. No, surely, but go-car. Go-car. So I did enjoy some of our who's CH's. They said, well, now the Porsche realizes that we're both from Decatur and we both went to elementary, middle, and high school together. And we know each other quite well. And we went with each other's weddings.

She's being a lot nicer. Yeah. And then they do this fake scene where the girls are like, I play pool. And then they're pretending to know how to play pool. While the guys stand two feet away from them and talk about how Dennis is going to propose, but they can't hear him.

I mean, yeah. Yeah. I did enjoy watching Dennis go-carting because Ron he was like speeding all around and Dennis is being like very conservative like I think that he thinks that go-carding is like Mario Carding like I think he thought people would be throwing banana peels and hot dogs He's like I've been down this path before he's like waiting, you know, he's like I'm gonna be very cautious Yeah, I'm Mike when I play Mario Kart

I play Donkey Kong riding a vest spot and that's kind of what he looked like So I was I was reading for him, but thenpa, and that's kind of what he looked like. So I was reading for him, but then Porsche was like, that's not fair, you're man's a lightweight. Yeah, so, so yes, there's like, the cool and tiny car. Yeah, I know that's, I know. I heard you say, oh, and I was like, what do you mean?

I was trying to think what an engine, I didn't mean it like that, give me a break. No, it's, okay No, we've addressed it. Yeah, I mean, come on. I mean, I get it. But I would worry. Yeah. Well, like, worry. Oh, how about that? That's a better. That's, no, I, of course, I don't think I know I really thought that was. No, it was. I was wondering what you were saying, though. I was like, what? I kind of all the things I do so far today.. How is Mario Kart reference going to be the one?

I'm sorry, I put Debra. Okay, so let's see. But I want our audience to know that we are aware. Okay, so now I'll change that to thank you then. Thank you. No, so now we're playing pool. Well, they are playing pool as you were mentioned before. And I don't know why this made me laugh because Dennis was like are you a pool shark and porchicas don't say

pool shark. I was like is she afraid it's gonna summon an actual shark out of the pockets of the table. Oh you know she listens to that song the entire time. I'm surprised little Mo wasn't singing that song at the end of the episode. That's our song. Maybe shark. Baby Porsche. Baby, Dennis. Baby, how talk that. That song really does stick in your damn head. I can't with that song. I'm so mad that we sing it right now. You know what song? I also, children's song, I really enjoyed from a few years ago. It was like baby monkey, baby monkey riding on the back. How'd it go? There was something about like a monkey on the back

of a pig. Great song. Look it up. Okay. Oh, so we'll do. Road it down. Brody dead. Look, I'm writing it down. So yeah, so yeah, so I know I said, yeah, so Dennis is gonna be proposing this Friday, but there's gonna be a helicopter, which gives me like Shades of Brettian and also shades of charade shades of charade and also the great It's funny that it gives you that vibe because Porsche the Porsche impression is very similar to the Gretchen impression It's just like yeah the portion impression is very similar to the Gretchen impression. It's just like yeah. Yeah. Gretchen. They both did the motorcycle and there was a song here except that think think I'd portion didn't sing the song because what was Gretchen's song?

Like I will pay your bills forever. I will pay. Whatever her song was. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. so that was pretty lame. Okay, so next scene is... I'm just like, I'm like, I'm stunned into silence at that, like the the mirror, like, uttering of like make me remember Gretchen's song. I have forgotten that Gretchen had a song. Like, I forgot that Gretchen is part of the Bravo song library. Yeah, I forgot that Gretchen is part of the Bravo song library. Yeah. Starify. I pay for you forever.

Next audition song, people, I'm getting back into musicals. Okay. So now, so many notes in the scene. So let me scroll on past. Like you do on comments on the internet that you don't like. You just scroll on past. And so I feel like with the other comments. I like all the comments.

So yeah, I mean, I think the only other notable thing to have that go cars is that, oh, Shamari picked Ronnie's nose or something. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, and by the way, Porsche has no right to be like, ooh, that's gross because Porsche uses

Dennis' toothbrush. So candy is that? I have no right either, because I picked the nose of somebody named Ronnie Tew all the time. So, who am I? I pick my nose. So, candy and Adora, Dr. Jackie's office, to experience Jackie's new program,

Circusy is the new it. Also notice. It is the new... Circusy is the new... It is the... Irrigacy. So in me, Shadina, who's the surrogate, and Todd's question, and he's like, so you've only done it once? I'm like, Todd, that's a lot. Like doing it, surrogacy just once, that's like, I mean, that's a lot. Like doing a circus, you just want, that's like, I mean, that's like a big ask for someone.

Like, we are going to put you for nine months in like a medical situation where you'll be pretty uncomfortable for most of it. And your life is gonna be a lot worse than was when you were just like walking around normally, you know? It's like, so if I can share it, you did it once, it's like a really big deal. I don't know. Yeah, isn't she going through enough? I mean, what's worse, a fork on the microwave or a taud in the oven, you decide.

You decide. Okay. Dennis. No, Peter. Yeah. Yeah. So, I guess you want. So, we can see one. Wait, is this so, I guess see one? Sir, you can see two. Sir, you can see one. He has a Sir, I guess the clinic under under a highway. What does Sir, you want? He just comes in and lightly strangles the Sir, it gets a little bit on the dance floor every night. Keep him in shape. Oh, memories of better seasons.

So, yeah, Shadina is like, first of all, she's so like smart and beautiful, like perfect. I'm like, where are you? She has one. Get out of here, okay? Don't do this for Todd, okay? You're better than this. Yeah. So the good news is that we got to do see my favorite thing, which is a candy crime

moment where she was like, well, I just, a good place for my embryos and like it means a lot to me and I can't stop crying like this and I want to thank everyone and say that I would love to continue in this game and I really love Big Brother but if you need to vote me I understand it. This is a game of Big Brother. She's just got all of her jobs confused. It's like, no, we're trying to have a big brother for your child. But make your child a big brother. That'd be so weird. Oh, yeah.

We're trying to give birth to a big brother. It's a big brother. Well, I always tell my nieces, because you know, I've been gaining weight ever since they were born. And so I tell them it's because they're always like, oh, yes, Dominic is huge. You know, because kids are like so subtle. And so I've always told them I'm pregnant with a baby named Felicia. So of course, I never lost a way. Like I used to gain weight. And then Lisa been out just gaining it. And it's like too much to stop. And so like, you know, now they're like, how's Felicia? She's so big.

I was like, Felicia's like in college right now, okay? I like have a human, a living teenager in my body right now. Get her out. It's like Buster Bluth, who stayed 10 extra weeks in his mom's Ures, or Wom, right? Is that one of the jokes in the show? Oh, it's Felicia, that lazy little baby. Felicia, she's happy. You've made a nice home for Felicia.

Why would she ever leave? It's more like, hi Felicia. Hi Felicia, like high Felicia. High Felicia. High again. Felicia. Anyhoo. So basically, Candy, she's just afraid the surger will change her mind. That's just like just surger questioning, et cetera. I mean, what else is there to say? Candy Crack. Well, Todd, what was a creepy question Todd asked her? Can I touch your belly? Oh, yeah. Well, Jackie asked that for him because he asked that for him. And she's like, yeah, of course, it's totally normal. And then the surrogate,

they, that she, the family, she was a surrogate for before. What is it? What is the verb? Surrogated, surrogated, surrogated, surrogated. I like surrogated. Surogated, that's my whole. Like it's my perogated. Serogated. It's a serogated. It's my serogated. Or serogated. It's the way I'm saying it. The way I'm doing a cover of my serogative. And if there's ever a problem, it's serogate. Okay, so anyway, she, no, that'll be it.

Cynthia's wife. That's about why. Yeah. Anyway, the point is the other family made her go on a special vegan diet or whatever. And Todd's like, I was just kidding, I don't want you to be vegan. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Good one, Todd.

Oh yeah. Okay, so let's move on. Jackie's like, you're all crazy. This is gonna cost you a million dollars. I'll take the check. Yeah, thanks. Well, the entire time I was actually thinking, like, this must kill Jackie in certain ways,

because we all know on Meredith Medicine that like, one of her things is that she always want to have a child and then after she went through breast cancer twice, she just, she can't have children. I don't know, I'm assuming it means that she lost her eggs. I don't know if she froze her not or maybe that wasn't a viable thing when she had it, whatever. But like given that like Curtis was such a dick about it, he's like, no,

no kids whatsoever. But yada yada yada, it must kill Jackie to sit here and like, like create, like, you know, to, I mean, not kill because I think she actually loves it to provide like, like, like, uh, ways for families to have children, et cetera, et cetera, but I bet inside she's like, a surrogate unlike, you, I don't know but I bet inside she's like a surrogate. Unlike, I don't know, I don't even know what I'm writing about. I just feel like I'm still getting mad at her. I'm still getting mad at her.

I'm making an effort unlike mine who didn't let me have a baby and then cheated on my ass publicly. Thank you. You know, I just got me mad at Curtis for some reason. I'm still not like where's the cool Curtis. You know, you can forgive whoever you want, Jackie, but that doesn't mean I have to. Good luck with that fucker.

Okay. So here when heer. Okay. Yeah. You're winning does it again. Yeah. Okay. So next up is Neenie and Brett. And she's like setting up a cookie tray. And she's like, get that doing what Neenie always does, bossing someone's and we're bossing someone. Oh, when it's your kid, you're a lot. Yeah. You're a lot more. But other moms. And so she's like, get that out of there. Thank you. And goodbye. Yeah. You're a lot. By the way, you're allowed to ask people to do things. Oh, can you, can you get that while you're up, whatever? But she just does it excessively to the point of my, you're just bossy. Yeah.

Not into it. So then the girl Cynthia and Marlow come over and Cynthia's like, chat, I was just going to go to Costco. And then I got this thing, the sensation that there were some snacks on an kitchen island somewhere So I just had to come over and see what's happening My court to meet my court to alarm went off and I realized there was some courts to sit on. I'll just be right here eating sandwich Sitting court side if you will so she said and then meanie greets her by going whoa whoa look at your big hair. Are you getting ready to turn a trick? Glad I drove all the way over here to see you you asshole. I Came from the lake house. I could be blowing right now. I could be

Afloing. I could be dropping frozen grapes into my wine right now alone without no L. So she asked about Cynthia obviously and Mimi's kind of trying to avoid things by like looking for a canter, canter, a canter, a canter. She's like for a canter. She's like, I gotta go to a synagogue right now. She can't show those things. He's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey I feel like Cantor is just do variations on Yai. Yai, yai, yai, yai, yai, yai, yai, yai, yai, yai, yai.

I love macaroni. So the girls are trying to talk about something anything because me these obviously and then I'm all those guys too. I'm very, Needy's obviously in a Marla comes with her. And so they're like, she's like, so what do you think about Portia? I mean, I think that's great. She's pretty pregnant. Maybe she'll get married.

Listen to this. Yeah, that's great. Needy's like, give me the tuna. Can I have tuna, please? Can I have a tuna? She's doing that like very obvious subject change, subject change to show that she's going through something she doesn't want to talk about something. Because we also learned that Greg, you know, the surgery went well, but the recovery is tough

and they might have to put like a tube down his mouth and nose and go down to stomach and like, to me, that's like a nightmare, you know, because I've got a massive gag reflex. I don't even know how to deal with that. Maybe they'd improve it. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I need it. So, but the point is, so Nini is talking about how, you know, in Tokyo, she was really stressed because of everything going on. Greg and she was mad at Greg and she was saying how, you know, she's the caretaker, but she needs support, which by the way, I think it's totally valid. I think it's totally like, it's hard being the caretaker. You do need support. It's hard to be to give yourself over to someone else and then not have anyone to have like your back

in any sort of way. But when she's like, Nini goes, you know, I get that he's caught up in a serious health thing, but like I'm going to restaurants by myself and like Greg doesn't even care. Like why doesn't he just come and like, just sit with me while I eat. Why can't he even do that? I'm like while I eat? Why can't even do that?

I'm like because he is recovering from cancer and is on chemo or whatever and it's probably massively uncomfortable from to even sit at a chair while you're eating spaghetti. Yeah, and he can't drink. He can't eat anything there. He can't have anything to drink while you're sitting there getting wasted. What are you doing at the bar where your husband's sitting down there with cancer anyway? Yeah, so the bar where your husband's sitting down there with cancer anyway. Yeah. So, um, which I get at everyone needs their break. I mean, we're going through kind of a thing in my family where my grandfather's real sick and my mom is a caretaker and I get caretaker stress. Okay. I hear about it every day and it sucks.

Like I'm not taking that away from her, but it doesn't mean any a better person. You know, like going through shitty things doesn't make you a hear, like a better part doing her rogue things doesn't always make you a heroic type personality. Yeah, I think what I'm saying she's so is that girl just masturbate. You know, I think that like that she's I I really do get it. Like I really really really do a does suck. It's soft as she probably feels alone right now and Greg is cranking just the relationship is not what it was because it's become all about this one thing. But he does have cancer and he's about to have the pipe put down his throat. So, like... So when people in the world going through things, you know, everybody's sitting there talking and she refuses

to say anything nice about Portia because I guess she's mad at Portia now. So she's decided that she's not going to say anything nice about Portia. So while they're trying to say nice things, she's like, give me that tuna. I want a cucumber, I need this. I need it. And then she's out of nowhere. She's like, well, you know, I got back from Tokyo. That was hard.

It's like, God, we're an asshole. What does anybody hang out with this woman? Well, also, like, you know, Marlow is like, you need to get a nurse. You know, Marlow is right. She should get a nurse. She's wealthy enough. They're privileged enough that they can get a nurse.

And he's like, well, Greg doesn't want one And it's an inch and and then he is like I'm not I'm the I'm the sort of person that doesn't like to ask for help I'm like, you know what? Don't complain then don't complain about sitting alone Whatever and then be like I don't want to ask for help get the nurse and if Greg has a fit Who the fuck cares? Okay, the nurse is not for Greg the nurse is for you. So that way you can live your life Okay, yeah, Neenie. See, I'm supporting you. I'm angry at you and I'm supporting you at the same time. Okay. So then we get a Porsche cam, which is something. Lauren. Lauren cam. Oh, well, it's a Porsche. Yeah. It's a Porsche. I just want TV. Oh, mine said

Lauren cam. Maybe I just, maybe that's mine said Lauren cam. Oh Maybe that's what I'm bending reality to fit my narrative. I think it was I think you just saw a small peach That was a real fork of the microwave moment. Okay That sounds like business jargon. You know business jargon has all sorts of weird shit that they say. This is a real opening the kimono moment. That's a real business jargon term. Oh, so yeah, Portia is getting ready in her closet because she thinks she's going to a charity event with Dennis. And her sister's like, oh my god, she is going to freak out

when she finds out she's getting proposed to. Like, I'm sure that Portia is just shocked. Guy. Yeah. She's like, but the I'm sure that Porsche is just shots guy. Yeah, she's like But I mean you'll be receiving a business proposal to open up your own hot dog stand. Oh, I knew it So that's pretty much that so then now Oh, yeah, are we ready are we ready for this? Are we ready for this to say for this? It infuriated me, I'm infuriated now. Okay. So I'm afraid it. I'm afraid it. So I'm already not into Eva's wedding storyline. I think we've been both of us all have been very vocal about it

since the trailer that we were not can be for it. So now it's Eva three weeks until the wedding and her friend Cianita is there and a bunch of Cianita. Oh, so I'm like Cianita. So there's a bunch of FedEx boxes and we've learned that there's been a travesty which is that the fabric that Eva needs or her reception dress no longer exists, which means she will not be having the reception dress of her dreams, you know, which is, as we know, the dress at all young girls dream of their reception dress, which means that she's only going to have two out of the three dresses that she intends to wear at her wedding, which of course includes the wedding dress, the absent reception dress,

and then the farewell dress. She only has two out of three. And I think we can all admit this is, this calls for maybe a candlelight vigil, maybe a go-fun me. I don't know, I don't know what we do. I don't know what we do. I don't know how we fix this dilemma. Well, she's like a little kid that you can't even give him a lollipop. It's like one of those brats. I mean me, let's face it, I really like this.

But you can't give them anything to make them happy. And so her friend is over here with tons and tons of boxes that she's brought over and carried by herself, by the way. Yeah. She brings them all up for her to try on. And Eva just sits there and moaps while her friend does everything, which is why I'm never going to be a bridesmaid again. So no one even asked because I'm not doing it again. There's a reason that they gave people should not be mixed in with bridesmaids.

Okay. And this is why because I would have been like, get the fuck up. What is wrong with you? I'm leaving you with this pop pop place. If you don't pick up your stick and hit the ball, stop taking selfies of yourself. You little brack. It's really happened this week. But who does that?

Who treats your friend like that? What a monster. Yeah, and she's like, I don't want just a pretty dress. She's like, they're all pretty, but I don't want just a pretty dress. I want something that feels like it was made for me. Okay, like you're not chocolate on asses, okay? So calm down.

Like I get it. On one way I do get it. You know, she is a model. This is sort of her thing, you know? And so having three looks is kind of like, you know, there will be pictures and everything. So I, in a certain way, I do get it. But bitch, most people, when they get married,

they wear, most brides, they get their wedding dress and they wear it from the ceremony to the reception to the farewell, okay? So like, you have two dresses out of three. You know, in a holiday in basement. Go to Marshalls, how about that? Go to Marshalls. Go to Marshalls.

And how much do you even paint for those dresses from your friend who's a designer who's making them all for you and got TV time. You know, she's getting all this shit for free and then sitting back and being mean about it. I'm like crying in the face while he's already worked his ass off for her. Yeah, just go to mood. And then I'm sure there's several project runway alums that are right there in Atlanta. Go to mood, have something made. It's easy. Okay. You're not the Cynthia Bailey's old stock at the modeling school.

She's got to have something left over there. Well, the other thing is that like, this isn't even the wedding dress, okay? The wedding dresses were all like the massive complexity is. As a risk, I am not a fashion gay, so a lot of times I don't know what I'm talking about. And when we start recapping Project Runway, get ready for a lot of uninformed opinions.

Okay, back to the present. But seriously, if the reception dress, it's just got to be like a white cute, almost like a cocktail dress, right? Maybe a little bit longer, but like, it doesn't have like a wedding dress. There's like all sorts of considerations, you know, the shape and the sequence and the this and the that. Where's this share with our on the train and all that. But like, you can get a really cute white reception dress.

I'm sure I have a lot of people do like the Leon Locking style, where it's a wedding dress but then the train comes off and it's a reception dress. Yeah, an infinity dress. It's a little cute jacket on and it's a good buy dress. I mean, why did she not reach out to Leon Locking and get a little infinity dress for the reception? Then she could have had a reception look, then she could have had a cocktail hour look, she could have had a toast look, she could have had a farewell look, she could have had a reception look, then she could have had a cocktail hour look, she could have had a toast look, she could have had a farewell look,

she could have had, oh, we're eating at a food truck because it's like midnight look. She could have had, I'm wearing toilet paper on my arms, like I'm trying to be a truck stop art for no reason. Yeah, she could have had like a cave, she could be like, I'm going to the state of the union look, you know? I just don't like, also, well, not just, because I don't like a cave she could be like, I'm going to the state of the union look, you know? I just don't like also, well, not just

because I don't like a lot, but I don't like also that she added in like all that I just dealt with with my grandfather and I'm dealing with in my dress. I'm like, you're putting your fucking grandfather who went through bloody hell with your dread, your fucking third dress. I can't do it lady. And I'm like, you know what?

We just sat there and we're watching, we're hearing stories of Greg getting a pipe put down his throat and like, he finally got his callostomy bad take it like now his intestines repaired and you're like, I don't have my reception dress. Reception for us. Reception a bar alone. Okay.

So she's like, I have spent so much money on this wedding. Like, there's like too many guests are coming. I need to get dresses from Marley, this food, this floral. Oh my God, I'm like, okay. You know what, task rabbit and marshals, that's it. Yeah. So she's ridiculous.

And I went from like maybe kind of warming up to her to utterly hating her guts now Like I hate this girl now. I wasn't mad. I wasn't mad because it was something to like Like it made something interesting happen I was like okay I'm having a book. Okay, you're fucking sitting here crying about your third dress and then your friend comes to help you Shit all over her like a cat with her. Okay, so now, Drew, how's she gonna get her dress to, by the way? Obviously, so.

That's for free. So, um, we're disgusted. Disgusted. I wish for people who don't watch us on TV party or don't watch the, uh, the, the, the, what we put up on Patreon, you're really missing out on a lot of really, really frustrated faces from me. I know. This has really taught me a lot doing this video thing.

One is that Botox is real and I need to get it. And two, it's really fun to see what you're doing over there and see your faces. Well, because I get the anger, I get the more I take these like, these indignant sips of Starbucks. Because even when we do live shows, we're sitting next to each other. We're not looking at, you know, we don't really, we still see each other, but only when we look up or, you know, I'm sitting there looking at you like we're having lunch. And it's really funny seeing what you're doing over there.

It's funny to watch you vape because when you vape, I guess you don't want to blow it at the computer screen. So you've been back and you like blow it up to the ceiling. It's your sort of like a train. So it's like a train leaving the station. Ron and Leanne's back. I was like, anytime. I know.

I know. Every no and then when there's like a little bit of a pause, it's nice to see. I'm like, oh, he's just been like, he's getting the it's he's like vaping. Like the vap is coming out. So we can't talk at the moment. Yeah. What's happening? They're sipping or vaping. The thing is, you probably hear my Starbucks every time. Do you hear the ice swirling? I apologize to listeners because it's probably

really annoying to hear occasional ice swirling in your ears. No, I heard that because you did it. I can't judge today because Hippocrat except mind is from mod pizza.com. Oh pizza sounds more wonderful. Yeah, and also I want to say thank you. A bunch of people came out to see me in Branding Julie's show.

And it was so nice for people to come because I was really only in 10 minutes of the show. And then even then I just screamed at the elder walk away. But my monologue was about how much I tried to like have therapy and learn to be happy but then I was depressed because I really like being miserable like I like to You know rant and rave like we get to do on the show and Then I ran to do rave to lot and screamed and through the mic. It was felt so good Yeah, but then somebody came up and she's like oh, I made this I knew you're gonna be here So I made you this bracelet and it says everything pisses me off and it's it's like the sweetest thing. So thank you for doing that for me.

I like, it's like, I'm wearing it every day. It's like my favorite thing. Well, it's funny because I'm like a very impressionable person and I love, I love times I take on attributes of people that I'm around a lot, like they're humor, their style or the way they talk. Like I'm just one of those people. Like it's just, you know, I took a Myers-Briggs test from like Buzzfeed the other day. like it's just, you know, I took a Myers-Briggs test from like Buzzfeed the other day. It's really, it's really authoritative. And it was like, you gain your core set of values from people around you. It doesn't come from like inside you. And I was like, oh, it's like that kind of makes sense. I, I, and then I was like, am I just like a empty husk of a

person who just like adjust to who uppers around? Either way, I notice that I'm from people around them. How else would we know what to do and what not to do? Well, so like, either way, I'm like, you know, I have been ranting a lot more in this podcast. Over the past year, I've really started to rant a lot. Like that was never my thing, but now I feel like I'm constantly ranting. People like, it's a Ben rant.

I was like, that's never been my thing. I'm not a ranting personality. So I think I'm getting that from you, Ronnie. Thank you. You're welcome, isn't it, freeing? It feels amazing. I'm not a ranting personality. So I think I'm getting that from you, Ronnie. Thank you. You're welcome, isn't it, freeing? It feels amazing. And then you really just go on with your day. Like once you just like get pissed off, say you're pissed off

and wire pissed off and then get extra pissed off and just like really go for it. Yeah. I also like the sense that people are a little afraid that they will be the subject of one of my Ben Rance. I actually, I feel like that gives me power. Oh my God. I mean, it keeps me on the straightening there. Oh, so look at all this that we're doing to avoid talking about Porsche and her helicopter.

Okay, so dramatic by lens and Porsche comes in on a helicopter. Wow, this charity really went all out. I love that she thinks that a non-profit charity would actually commission a helicopter brain to bring in like a reality star in a hot dog. From Delofer. Yeah, like what charity did she think this is? You know, like what charity does that? I charity might do that for Merrill Street.

They're not gonna do it for Porsche. It's like Porsche. The helicopter blades are made from pickles, okay? Like what are you thinking? Oh, oh my gosh. Oh my god, what an image. The pickle, a pickle copter. She's like, oh, I get so scared because I wanna eat

the propellas, but Mr. Mnik, if I do that will crash. She'd be the sit out of Aubrey too. Oh my god, my sister. Aubrey too. We have no chance to pick feed, Mish. No. My sister would not go over and let me tell you something. Portia wouldn't, if Aubrey too called up Portia on the phone, was like, come on over. And she, Portia's not coming over a little water and cans. She's calling the cops.

Not she's not even calling the cops. She's just gonna call, she'll call Dennis. She'll send Dennis in there and then we'll never see Dennis again. Audrey T is like, feed me Portia. She's like, no, you feed me. It's like a standoff between the plant and Portia. Oh, sure. Like, no, you feed me. It's like a snap-off between the plan for the story, just like abruptly ends because it's just that you're demanding to be fed at all times.

And Dennis has to come in and chuck hot dogs. It both of them. Oh my God. Carly, my sister just told me a bunch of our episodes are messed up. Just FYI, the shows you recorded from mom's house that were streaming in the TV party apps, unlike they were on fast forward for sure the ones from monday and twos day regular episodes the bonus episode is not worth she podcast that oh is she listening on apple

on apple podcast because i think that's a part of the case because there's that thing the most hilarious thing is that on apple podcast on the lower left-hand corner there's a little button that if you touch it, you will listen to a podcast at 1.5X and if touching against like two times, three, it goes faster and faster. A lot of times people touch it and they don't realize and then they blame us and they'll send us a message or a tweet that like, um, you guys need to come down. You guys are talking like you're on a crack or speaking so fast.

I'm like, you've been fast forward. Okay, sorry. Okay. are talking like you're on a crack. You're speaking so fast. I'm like, you have to pass the board. Okay, sorry. Okay, we're never going to get through this. I hate episodes like this. Not that we're doing, but that. I'm actually having a great time. We're watching, I know, I'm having a great time too. But whenever it starts out with us being like,

fuck this, I hate this show. We're the bus make this quick. Let's get out of here quick and do our bonus to be done with this fucking day. It's like the most fun just talking about random things. Yeah, we will start talking about everything. I know, but it's a very bad recipe. Anyway, so Portia and Dennis arrived at like very Gretchen and Slade.

They like come off the hell of patta go downstairs and Lil Mo was there and she's singing a song and Portia's like, that's my song. Wow, this charity really went out. They hired my favorite singer, they hired a helicopter, they even put up a thing that said, hello, Porsche, what a great charity. Hi, Pasha.

The singer Lil Mo sounds just like Fantasia. It's weird. She's, I guess, I'm old enough that Fantasia can inspire young singers that now some like a Tasia. I so I don't have a huge amount of awareness about little Mo, but apparently she like broke out onto the scene in the early 2000s. So she's been around.

So I think actually little Mo may have predated Fantasia. He's just like a little Mo because I love some Fantasia. Oh, I've still been watching her. A wreath of Franklin tribute and cry Yeah, well my TBR cut that off so I didn't even get to see it You know who's my favorite R&B singer from New York little whoa Little whoa little whoa whoa so well Okay

So for sure cries and tennis is like would you like to be the new misses whatever my last name is and she's like Yeah And then um that's a little more So singing and then while I did like that portion is like it's finally happening I thought it was gonna happen so many times and we see like a very extended montage of all the times Portia just assumed she's about to get proposed to they're like going to a movie theater. He's like all by two tickets She's like, and I get everything. She gets proposed and everyone's like,

America went like this. That was gonna want to bet. It was amazing. So get it together real housewives of Atlanta. We're quitting you if you don't. I'm telling you that right now. We're gonna move on to Mexican dynasties. Because I can tell you, and I will tell you

in the bonus episode, that's showing gonna be fucking around, okay. That shows bringing it. The very first scene of their preview is the dad trying to poop with one of those built in bidet things that they have in toilets now for rich people. I mean, oh wow. I'm excited. I have not. I haven't seen I'm not seeing the full trailer. So I'm

very excited about this. Yeah. So everybody, go get your tickets for Vancouver. Do you forget recording? Yes. Come fill those seats so that way we like and have a really super fun time talking shit about Vancouver. Not real housewives of Vancouver, not our city. Everyone else will see an Austin in a couple of weeks for crap by crap West. That was our first one, South by Southwest. Yeah, and then Cincinnati, by the way, come to our Cincinnati show also. The first show I saw it really quickly, we added a second show and the only time that we had available was like a 5 p.m. show. So we're calling it our happy hour show.

And we've never done a show that early, but we think it might be kind of fun. So like, let's give it a try. So come it our happy hour show and we've never done a show that early but we think it might be kind of fun so like let's let's give it a try so come come to our happy hour show and we'll be out during that hour oh my god people are gonna be fucked up at the end of that day okay everybody we sure love you find the rest of our schedule over at watch it crapens.com go get your new and shirts there's only a couple weeks left of this and we'll talk to you later everybody bye get your new Ann shirts, there's only a couple weeks after this. And we'll talk to you later, everybody. Bye!

Bye! . Hey, prime members, you can listen to WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at 1dry.com slash survey.