Watch What Crappens - RHOA & Top Chef: Bye Rice Cake Wig

Episode Date: March 5, 2019

We doubled up on recaps to get both Top Chef and RHOA covered! Enjoy, guys! To hear this week's bonus episode about Married to Medicine and Abducted in Plain Sight and to find Crappens on Demand video recaps, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! Countess Luann Warhol Pop Art avail through February! **Crappens Live is coming to Cincinnati, Portland, Phoenix, Boston, Irvine, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis. Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Let's get Racy with Miss Stacey. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. The incredible edible Matthew sisters. Give them hell, Miss Noel. Kelly Grant, the Grant Master. We love you guys I've been spent there so much that that ends. Hello and welcome to Watch Rock Rapins. The podcast about all that crap. We just love to talk about on Yeo Bros. I'm Ronny Caram.

You can also find me at the Rose Prax Bachelor Rose Podcast, which is coming to a close only four episodes left, so get over there and listen to them. They're amazing. And here I am with my gorgeous co-host partner and internet husband, Mr. Ben Mandelkar, who also produces and writes, there's somebody outside my house, who also produces and writes the real houseers of Kitsun Island over on L.U.T.O.

Hi, B.N. Hi, I kind of wish I also produced and wrote something called, there's somebody outside my house, because that sounds very exciting. Our lifetime career begins now. Someone's outside my house. I spent several hours animating the latest episode this weekend, so I'm really excited. I'm hoping I'm going to be done with it by the end of the week, because I'm going to just say this much, there's a cliffhanger. There's a cliffhanger this episode. Carol Carol's marathon,

Charles marathon, uh, things go things go awry. Everybody, we are traveling for the next couple of weeks. We will be in DC this Friday, sold out or sat Friday. It's sold out. Sorry, but we'll see you in DC. Everybody recovering the real housewives of New York premiere. And then we'll be in South by Southwest on Tuesday. That's kind of a weird show. Batch holders get in first. So we'll see you, Batch holders.

If you're not a Batch holder, go line up. You've RSVP it already. You get in next after Batch holders. So don't freak out. There's a big house. I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna get in. So still comments. Tuesday.

Yeah. Noon. Yeah, I think it's at 12.30. Either way, it's on the website. It's gonna be super super fun and Yeah, like Ronnie said like we feel like we'll be able to get everyone in because it's I mean It's not like all those hipsters are gonna be landing up to see us with their badges Yeah, doubt it, but you know you guys well, so let's do it Let's do this and then after that we're gonna be doing two shows in Cincinnati on Saturday

One show is sold out the other is not sold out today time show We just created another show earlier to get the runoff of people who didn't get a chance to get tickets So that's gonna be a really fun like happy hour type show Which is like the regular show but drunker. So just think of it like that. Yeah, that that will be really fun I'm actually really excited for that early show. I feel like that. I feel like the regular show, but drunker. So just think of it like that. Yeah, that will be really fun. I'm actually really excited for that early show. I feel like that early show we're gonna be crazy, Ronnie, because it's gonna be like, I don't know, I feel like we're just gonna be,

you know, when we do a late night show, when we do the podcast and we're crazy, I feel like for some reason a happy hour show, we're just gonna be like, fuck it, let's just be crazy today. I think so, yeah, we love a loopy show. We do just gonna be like fuck it. Let's just be crazy today. I think so. Yeah, we know we love a loopy show We do love a loop go go to watch it crap and start com to get tickets for that and all of our other shows We've got a ton of them coming up, but I don't want to like waste all of our beginning of this episode talking about that

But also we're keeping up to Luan shirts a little while longer because it is the premiere week for real hostwives of New York So we're gonna keep the Luan certain leggings, your pictures and videos have been coming in. They are hilarious if you guys wearing those leggings and shirts. It makes us so proud. So thank you for that. Find all that at Watch Your Crappens.com. And now, big episode here.

Okay, so this is Classic Watch Your Crappens form. We made a big stink last week and on the internet we're like, you know what Atlanta, you are being punished for having a bad season. We're putting top chef on Mondays and we'll do a check in with Atlanta. So of course, as soon as we do that, we finally get like an episode where people do more than just eat some macaroni, okay? So now of course we're like, oh great, now Atlanta does a good episode.

So, we decided we're gonna, we're gonna King Solomon it, is it King Solomon or King David? I don't know. Split the child in half. We're gonna do Atlanta and Top Chef today. Yes, we're gonna do both. Because, sorry Atlanta, you know, sorry we dist you like that, but it seems to have helped your show because wow, what a great show.

Yeah, sometimes tough love is what these shows need. Because they weren't edited months ago, okay. Yeah, this is all because of us. They listened to us and they're like, okay, now let's edit the show, let's do it right now. Okay, so we're gonna do these recaps a little bit more quickly, but we're doing both the recaps. Okay, so just deal with that.

We're just gonna, you know what? We're gonna follow our hearts. Oh, that's so not dungeon dancing of you. I know. So with Real Housewives of Orange County, no, not yet. We're still mad at you, Orange County, okay? You've got some time. Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Yeah. So, yeah. So the and these dungeon factory dungeon factory additions. Additions, yeah. It's like the it's like it's like the worst version of Chicago you've ever seen in your life. It's just it is. And the choreography is Chicago choreography. It's a total rip off. Yeah, it's like not Fossy. It's like Fosset. It's just like... Fosset. It's like Drip.

It's Drip. Drip. It's just like this has been inspired by Kohler, you know? Like... And I was just watching it. And also, like, the one... The shred of warmth I got from it was that it reminded me of the scene in soap dish where Elizabeth shoe comes in with balloons to the soap opera additions because that's what it looked like.

I felt like everyone there should have been like, would you like some more water? Would you like some more water? Would you like some more water? Where's Koss's Mandalore? Where is he? Well, low bud Chicago for sure. I also think this is basically Todd's audition for a third because we know now that they kind of like a third sometimes and they we know now that they kind of like

a third sometimes and they get kind of kinky in that family and I think they're just basically looking for a third because they have weird rules like a group comes in and then Todd's like oh yeah can he's like the point Todd the point and she's like you can only pick two from a group which is weird I don't I don't think that she can only she said you can only pick two from a group, which is weird. I don't, I don't think that she can only, she said you can only pick two for, I think she said, I thought that she was saying there was only two there were worth while. I don't know what that she said,

you can only pick two and I was like, this is an odd audition, you know? Yeah, I mean, I was like, you, like I just was like, I was hoping for more exciting opening to the episode. I was like, okay, all right. So it was like nothing's happening. And then of course Don Juan walks in,

it's like we have another auditioner who just wants to audition solo. So I thought it was gonna be Chamari. I just assumed Chamari was gonna come in with an in a target wig and doing some weird ass Chamari thing, where maybe she'd like twirl around but then he'd some rice and then pass out, you know. I was hoping for Mama Joyce personally.

That would have been nice. I would have liked that. Mama Joyce just comes in and just scolds them. Yeah, or at least a little chocolate. What's that guy's name? Dic-dic-tacular, what was his name? Uh, ridiculous? Ridiculous, yes.

I was- That is wrong candy. Wrong. That was, that was back when we thought Mama Joyce was like an upstanding member of society who was like more of a approved and conservative and soft spoken. That was before her crazy was unleashed. I think ridiculous actually unleashed Mama Joyce

was crazy. Yeah, I think that's when it opened the floodgates of Kuku from mama Joyce because you actually got way crazier after she got slapped in the face with the penis. Yeah, it happens. It happens. It happens. Yeah. So instead Cynthia wanders in and she's like, I'm gonna be sexy right now. I'm gonna be so sexy? Yeah! Candy, sit in this chair and just prepare to be a kitchen island. I'm gonna... circle around you and... pour a glass of ginger ale and put it on top of you. Candy, just pretend to be a kitchen island and I'll wipe you down.

I'm gonna... It takes the crumbs off of you, then I'm gonna wet a sponge. And I'll... get the coffee stains out. Let me love you down. Good night. That kitchen I was had a coming. That could sound like I'm trying. That could smell it only has itself to blame.

Given the old kitchen island. Kitchen Island. Oh, so yeah, so Candie's like, yeah, she can't dance for shit, but she's famous. So she's gonna sell some time to get so she's in. Yeah, exactly. Plus, you know, Cynthia likes, I think, once a season to like enter an audition and be like,

child, this will it's for me. Like, I feel like every season, there's some weird audition that someone's holding and she walks in, like, guess what? I'm in a new wig and a new outfit and I'm perfect for you. Sinti is dancing, but it's really, I used to work on a dinner cruise that would go around New York City

and we would sing, like the waiters were singers, you know, I was a singing waiter, shocker, I know everybody. And we would, everybody would get wasted. So like everybody would come on at 630 and be super nice. Then by 730, their shit face and like fucking in the hallways. And this is totally when the mock arena came on, okay, since he's dance.

It was like the same choreographer. It was just bad, bad secretary drunk secretary on a dinner cruise dancing. Elaine, Elaine, Elaine, what's her face? Elaine Venice at the Christmas party or this guy named John Paul, who is that when I used to work at this one company at the Christmas party, John Paul got wasted and took off his shirt and was like dancing. And we were on the Queen Mary too and I was just like, I'm on a ship and the receptionist is shirtless dancing. This is weird.

a ship and the receptionist is short list dancing. This is weird. So then we go over to the swagiga boutique where you know what's funny. So like Neenie is like Neenie's there and she's got all sorts of work. She needs an assistant. She's doing the inventory and it was funny because earlier that day I happened to be watching 227. I watched a few episodes and one of the episodes was this Bactore pilot that they did once which I remember actually watching as a child. And the Bactore pilot was called Jackay and basically Sandra moves to New York City and gets a job at a gym and it was like a you know it's like beyond terrible beyond terrible oh man we and like the whole reason why she moves up there is that she she starts like dating a guy who says that he's like a film producer but turns out he's like a porn oh film producer so she followed a porn oh director or whatever to New York and

then she was like stranded in New York like well's like, well, what do I do now? Ooh. The point is this, watching Neenie in swag boutique, I was like, I felt like Neenie was trying to get like a backdoor pilot, a la, Jackay going. She's like, just me and my wacky employees, you're at swag of boutique. I feel like that still happens to Jackay

every once in a while. Yeah, someone's like, I've got a project for you and she just moves to a new state. She just does while. Yeah. Someone's like, I've got a project for you and she just moves to a new state. She just does it. Yeah. Neenie, yeah, I don't know. I don't need a pilot watching people folding jeans, but you know, there's rumors that they're gonna make

a pilot of Vanderpump dogs and that sounds stupid and terrible. And I'll probably love it. I'll probably watch our emotional episodes. So who knows. I feel like I am actually not here for a Vanderpump dogs pilot because honestly, and this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm more of a cap person than a dog person. I think there'll be too much sort of like, oh, like Sarah McLaughlin adopted dog stuff going through it, you know, it'll be like to like, you know, like to me, like sad dogs

and like we got to find a home for the dog and like if I want like my petty drama to be in a fully petty environment, not anything but then he's sort of like do-good or undertones, you know. Yeah, I hear you, but you have to remember that this is a dog place that only saves cute dogs. That's true. Like there's never a ugly dog. They let the ugly dogs die. They're very shallow.

They only save cute ones. So you know, there's some of shallowness to push this forward, I think. And also all the gay drama. I mean, oh my god. John Blitzer versus John Cessa versus Ken. I'm not a Ken. I mean, anyway, we're saying we're gonna make this a quick recap and then now look at us. I know. Look at us. It's my fault. It's my fault. I just did an extensive like tangent about Jack Hayes spin offff. So anyway, so swag boutique. So we learned Greg is back home from the hospital at last and really the most exciting part about this is that Ivana walks in. Yo, I'm sorry. Yo, Vana. Yo, Vana walks back in and I'm that bitch. Yeah, Vana. I'm that bitch. The moment she walked in, I was like, Neenie basically wants to recast Tanya right now

I think that's what's happening right now. She's gonna probably bring Yovanna in and start pushing Tanya out That's what happens. They messed with Neenie So now she's bringing somebody into fight for her because this girl is also anti-Eva who now she's mad at Yeah, was mad at so yeah, Neenie's so petty and it's really working well for this episode Sometimes Neenie's pettyness just goes off the rails and it's really working well for this episode. Sometimes Nini's petty and it just goes off the rails and it's not fun. This is fun because it's kind of like the other show we're recapping today. Last chance kitchen. We're like a top chef where the new chef comes in and is terrible but then gets a second chance. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. This is Yvonne's second audition.

So yeah, basically Yvonne comes in and Neenie's like well look I think you just should say I'm sorry and move on you know, which Neenie is always so free to give that advice But she never ever takes that advice never never Yvonne is like well, I'll say I'm sorry, but what I will say is I'm sorry But not for saying that that girl's a bitch because that girl's a fucking bitch I hate that bitch. I was like, yeah, you're gonna Just really like this do you really care that that that you've I did not remember who you were is this really like the most important thing for you right now?

so Basically, Benini announces that she's gonna be doing a buy wig party and basically everyone's gonna show up with no wigs, no extensions, no anything, just natural hair. Yeah. Which is ironic for something else later on. Which is really only fun because we all wanna see Mimi's hair. Like everybody's like, does she have any?

What is it like? Like George Bush, seeing your hair, is it, you know, okay, so then yeah So Eva with a wedding planner fuck this storyline This storyline can die fuck you even for making me watch it again and fuck you weddings in general fuck you weddings Yeah, and also like fuck you Eva for trying to put a positive spin on it because she was like basically She realized that she looked like an asshole the last episode by complaining that she didn't have reception dress. And she was like, so now she's like, listen, the dresses were beautiful. They were beautiful. Just not for me. And you know, I just have a lot. And I just, I still don't have a reception

dress. I'm like, bitch, where are your wedding dress? Okay. Like 99% of brides where they're wedding dress the entire night. So or day just relax. Okay. You'll be fine. Yeah. Um, I don't care about this. Like, I don't know. It's good that it's a short recap. So we could just be like, no, yeah. Exactly. And there was some bullshit about like, oh, but now they're over budget and they have to just move into Atlanta proper. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. I don't feel bad about that. She thought about that before you decided to get married. Okay. It's called an Excel spreadsheet, okay? Yeah, you better Google Doc that shit for you to come to us. Yeah, that's like get a calculator and Excel spreadsheet and then kick yourself in the face because guess what? The Excel spreadsheet has a calculator in it.

Booyah! So then we go back to Nini with her assistant and she's saying, you know, I wanted to have this party because people are saying things to me like, you don't have hair and then we get a clip of someone being like, with your bald ass and then you don't have edges. Then we get a clip of Claudia being like, get some edges. My favorite, my favorite, I still am so mad at Claudia was only on for one season I mean that moment was so amazing

How does she not get another episode when they bring up that clip every single time? Yeah another season I should say Yeah, I don't know what was wrong with her I had no problem with her and lack of sleep. It was NeNe I guarantee NeNe told it was like she's not allowed back It's bullshit. They should bring Claudia Jordan back. I saw NeNeal watch what happens live by the way last night She's the worst like she is really terrible She's so upper-own-ass because she has this new show coming up or she was in Canada to do this new show Yeah, and he asked her about Peter. He's like so what do you think about Peter and his checks bouncing or whatever?

God, yeah writing pictures She was just like laughing laughing laughing and laughing, and being like, shocker. And then he was like, don't you like Peter? And she's like, yeah, I love Peter. I was like, you're a dick. And then even though she's right, and she's not wrong. And then they had a poll. And they were like, she's like, I don't,

she's like, I don't care that I kick people out of the closet. You can't just do whatever you want in someone's house. What if someone just came to your house and picked up the baby? And he's like, you could do that. She's like, no, you couldn't. And then then she's going on and on. So he's like, here's a poll that you can vote on right now, which of course lasted two seconds to poll. And it came up whose side are you on? Neenie or Marlow? And it was all the other side, you know, it was like 86% against Neenie. And

he has, well, what do you think of the poll saying that you're wrong? And she goes, listen, here, pole. She starts listening to your pole. She faces the camera and starts telling off the pole. So good. I love that. I love that. Well, she used to work on the pole. So also, we should mention for those of you who don't know what we're talking about with Peter, he was arrested last week because he was writing fake checks. I mean

What a low life he is. I was now I was gonna be arrested for cutting out like Xerox copies of his own picture and then pacing them on Folgers cans But you know you take what you can get Folgers is too high brow It's like it's like Not even Maxwell House. It's like, it's like, not even Maxwell House. I think it's, it's like, Sanka. Yeah, it's like, maybe even. It's like, I think it's just like generic, like Walmart brand instant coffee.

I think that's what he's taking. So then we get the hint of the newest drama because Neenie has to call Cynthia because Greg was re-admitted to the hospital because he had a blood clot in his leg and Greg called was texting Cynthia and Marlow saying my wife is freaking out. Please go help my wife. Go help my wife. Yeah. And so Marlow who never really gets to have a diary room session is like, yes. Well, he never texts me, but he said, check on my wife. So I go across town, I stop my beauty treatment.

She's not answering. She's not answering my calls. I'm like, bitch, ignore me. And I was like, uh, this is not gonna end well. Exactly. So meanwhile, Neemie's at our house. She's wearing like a shmata, because she doesn't want to have like a big reveal of her hair on camera just yet even though it's like

The hair we've seen aware many times before so she's walking around and she's She's like getting everything ready. She's like she's telling the people like the people the people working there Like make sure to feed Marlowe lots of crap so she can grow her hair back which I didn't fully understand but I appreciated I liked it. I liked the spirit of it. Yeah. And she was acting all happy. She was wearing like a Doris day, scumbag over her head.

And they were even playing Frank Sinatra music. And she's recognized. She's like, ha ha ha, yeah, hold on. Cynthia, this is, this is me, me, I'm very, you know, like switching back and forth, which is just so weird to watch. I'm not calling her pain fake, but it was really weird to watch that scene.

Yeah. Because then she'd be like, I'm sad now. I'm happy again. I'm so sad right now, because I'm on the phone. So then she starts dancing around the house. Like get ready, get ready. And we're going to hang out. And answer music and she's like kicking.

But then they kept intercutting it with like six hours later Yeah, it goes four hours later and you just see me to go Marlow support me bitch Yeah, and then four and a half then it's her kicking again four and a half later I'm gonna fuck you up Like I love this. I'm going to hang up watching this show. So now it's like three o'clock. And because every time something happens on this episode, they put like giant timestamps on the screen, you know,

it's like 3 p.m. And candy shows up. And you know, people are starting to show up. And Eva shows up and Eva's like, um, I've been known for a few things. One of them is my hair. So I'm just like one of the few people here today that doesn't care. I'm like, congratulations, Eva. You know, that would be much cooler if you weren't having hissy fit

about not having a reception dress, okay? Yeah, I'm known for a few things. My hair and being a total asshole about my wedding. Also, are you really known for your hair? Are you really like your model? Like why are we like is this like models change their hair? That's sort of a thing that happens. Like this is not like a signature of you.

I feel like it's a signature of being a model. Yeah. And also one of the other things that she's talking about. When she's like, I've been known for a few things. I mean, we know America's next top model. What else? Yes. She was in a relationship with the guy who wrote that song, Duce's Kevin McCall. Oh. She changed her name from Pig Ferd to Marcil. Oh. She dated, oh, rumors of her with Missy Elliott, which you didn't totally deny.

So basically like, well, I asked, I was hoping it was going to be like, you know, she's known for her tutorials on Photoshop on YouTube or I remember her cameo appearance on Kevin Hill, the one season drama on UPN, starting Tay Diggs and a future Joan from Mad Men, Christina Hendrix. It was a great show that never really caught on because it was on UPN, but it was a great show. And even Marcel did make a cameo on that. And I do remember that. Wow, I'm glad I asked. That was like, you're like, you're a Mandelker Pedia.

I guess I'm really up in the Eva's business mode that I would like to be honest. I'm like, why do I have to know that? And yet I can't remember what's happening in current events. I'm like, well, the Iranian deal, I don't know anything about. But Eva was on Kevin Hill once in 2008. I don't know what everybody's complaining about. Obama's a great president.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so tonight for a fax of life life I can't seem to find it Where why why I'm not have I not been able to watch double trouble recently why so That was for all the double trouble fans out there. Oh you so um anyway, Tonya shows up she's like Tonya shows up. She's like, HOOOOO! Tonya was full on 5,000% Tonya in this episode. She's like, oh my girls!

HOOOOO! Oh my! At one point, they showed Tonya drinking a drink, and she went like this. Whooo! HOOOOO! So, like, what is in that drink? My god. I feel like Tonya still watches America's Findersome videos. I feel like she's like oh this show is great

It hasn't been as good as since when Bob sag it was hosting, but let me tell you something the content is still great I love all of them they all their biggest concern is what is Nini's hair really look like and why would she do this to herself? Yeah And candy's like yeah the last time I saw Neenie wear her real hair was when Claudia made fun of her real hair, which is so true, you know. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, so, so, so, Tonya's in there. She's being ridiculous. She's like, oh, Candy, your hair is so beautiful! I'm gonna seduce you and then she tries to do some weird seductive dance on her. I mean between her and Cynthia this episode is really like

not been a strong seductive game. Yeah, I was like, yeah, she's like, I will not cast your bad dancing because you're not famous yet. Okay, but Cynthia's in Yeah, that was some some sad awkward dancing and then she wouldn't stop. She just kept doing it. Yeah Yeah, so Shemari and her friends arrive, which was fun It's sort of gotten to the point in the season where that when Shemari arrives I sort of get happy because Shemari doesn't really add much But she does what we all want to be doing. She's just like eating and getting drunk, you know. Well, she definitely, uh, was I gonna say? Oh, I'm so sorry.

She definitely added a lot to this episode. That was a very Shemari moment. Yeah, I did. I had it. Wait, what was I gonna say? Yeah, I literally, my brain was like, Shemari is like looking for Nichols on the beach. Like,

dood, dood. So, Neenie, Neenie finally comes downstairs. She's like, here's my hair. And I'm like, I feel like it's still awake. I, and then it made me have a conspiracy theory, which is she had this whole bi-wig party to be like,

look, it's my hair to be like, look, this is my, I think she's trying to prove that she has hair by putting on a to be like, look, it's my hair to be like, look, this is my hair. I think she's trying to prove that she has hair by putting on a wig that's that's like a real hair. But it doesn't look like a hair. It looked like a medieval, like, it almost looked like Adam, Adam, the guy who turns into he-man, you know, had that. Like, it looked like she, if she put on some sort of like green like Garb she could be like one of the she could be with Robin Hood or something like that. I just sort of had that like sort of circular peasant

medieval peasant Yeah, it's various like corn straw like it was bad I don't know I just think if you're gonna have a real hair I don't think you should host a real hair party because you know like her You know she did it last minute where she's like that's my real hair shit And then she got it like rebleached or whatever and I was like you're doing this to yourself. You know what I mean Yeah, like if it's like because the thing is it's like

One point she's like bending over and there's like this much space people on TV party can see this much space between like the hair I was like it like I don't know I just feel like listen just just rock the wig just like I don't even care that that was that was your wig but don't do a have a don't have a by-wagged party and then you wear a wig to try to con people into thinking that this is your hair I don't know I just I like how can he put it she's like I guess this is what I would expect the Com forward she's like So then Neenie gets kind of prepared because she marish us up with two guests Yeah, and she's like well, maybe one can carry it or work hard and the other one can drive her home because you know she's gonna drink

So she tells everybody about Greg and Eva gets some shade in for Mimi. She's like, she is so strong. I mean, if that had happened to my husband, I think I would have crumbled and been at the hospital. I didn't even think that of having a fucking party right now. Yeah, a by-way party. Yeah, exactly. Cynthia rides. She's got little, like, little buns in the back of her hair. They're all mad at her because I think that she's cheating And she was sort of cheating because she had scrunchies back there to increase the volume, but it was still her hair so

That was that and then Yovanna Yovanna so Yovanna is like looking for someone to scream at so she's like She's like hi at town. He's like She's like hi at Tony's like Yeah, that's like Tony's version of Jorinda She kept calling her Jervana instead of Yovana And your vana got so mad. She's like it's Yovana and then Tony's like oh sorry I'm sorry. I'm generally sorry. I'm sorry. I'm Canadian, so I really mean it when I say I'm sorry.

So, Portia and Marla were late, which Nini really cares when other people are late. That was another question I'll watch it happens. Someone was like, Nini, hypocrite, of course they were much nicer. They're like, I'm so sorry about your husband. Hypocrite. Yeah, they were like, why are you allowed to be late?

And she's like, um, excuse me, I'm 30 minutes late. They're four hours late. That's a difference. Which, I think that's actually fair. I mean, I don't think being 30 minutes late is good either, but Porsche and Marlow showed up like three hours plus late. That's actually not cool at all. Yeah, they should have cut to Aya on the bus.

Yeah, that's what I was wearing. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, it's definitely not cool at all. Yeah, they should have cut to I. Yeah, I'm the best. Yeah, that's what I was yeah, exactly Yeah, no, it's definitely not cool, especially when you've gone through all the links that to have like a salad prepared for your guests, I guess yeah So they're all trying to run the fruit platter Yeah, and a fruit ladder. So Tony. So they're all predicting, well, what's, what is, what are the, what are the excuses going to be? And Tonya's like, well, you know, with Porsche, she's gonna be like, oh, I'm pregnant. And then Neenie just starts going out.

She's like, you know what? Like, there are people out there who don't have any money and she's got all the helpers and there are women out there on the bus stop who are making it, da da da da da da da da da da. Which I actually completely agree with. Like, I can't stand when people are like, oh, I'm sorry, pregnancy, although,

well, I mean, I understand pregnancy because it's like a physical thing. But like when it's like a Porsche thing where you're three hours late because of it, it's like, you can't just rely on being your pregnant, you know? I mean, maybe it's just mad to be mad, you know? And I know that Neenia was being very anxious.

She's upset and all of that, but I'm sorry. In real life, I get that you're upset, but you still don't get to scream in the yellow with everybody all the time, okay? That excuse wears really thin with me. And maybe it's because I've watched a lawn order and everybody's crimes are always excused by their fucking childhood,

where they're sad afternoon, where they're bad lunch, okay? But you do the crime, do the time, okay? You're being rude. Yeah, lawn over. So, yeah, yeah. So anyway, but Lini's basically starting to have a breakdown now, because her, so yeah, yeah, so anyway, but Leanie Neenie's basically starting to have a breakdown now because her Like angriot was porches a little outsize for about like versus what it probably should be So she's she's losing it and meanwhile this is where Tonyer calls Yovanna, Jovanna for like the umpteenth time and Jovanna's like it's Yovanna and

Yovanna's like that bitch Yeah, that bitch. She's like, you know what? And I wanna say to everyone, I apologize for my behavior last time, but I'm not sorry about that thing as I said. I felt it was just shady for you to say that you never met me, Eva. And Eva's like, are we really doing this again?

She's like, yeah, I mean, you don't remember the BBC crew? You don't remember the BBC crew. You don't remember the BBC crew You know, you know, it was like the BBC came to our college. Would they recording something? What is there a special? And yeah, she's like, that's not me. I love that show. She's like, it stands for the big booty clip. It's just like, I mean, you know what? It's just like what? That's good for what was that what was that damn it? What was that summer house drink that they were called BBCs? big Not big black cock because that's what we always have

People from TV part. What was the BBC drink? But carity I don't know who cares. It was like Fuck that show until tonight when it comes back, we'll be totally in. I'm so sorry. She's like, show us your big booty clip then, so Yvonne stands up and starts about dancing. And Candy goes, what does that touch say? And then he goes, does that say dime piece?

And she's like, yeah, it says dime piece. And then Eva just tells us in her diary room, she's like, trust me, Fine Peace. But... And then Eva just tells us in her diary room, she's like, trust me, Die Peace. I did not know you. Yeah. So now, finally, it's like 6.20 PM and Portia arrives and she's going through things. She's like, without my wig, I feel vulnerable.

Eh. Sorry, I like choked on my, I feel vulnerable. Eh. Sorry, I like choke to my portion impersonation. I just lost all the air in my lungs, just by simply doing Portia's voice. She looks like she's gonna give a tour guide. I mean, like those khaki, like a Boy Scout uniform or something, she's wearing. Yeah.

So yeah, she's like, oh, the wind could reveal my bald spot to her and then he's like, you decided to join us and she tries not to kiss her, but Porsche just kind of laughs it off. Yeah. Flinks her ring around, or Ron Kant. Flinks her ring. I don't even know where it is. She flaps her hands.

She flaps her hands. Everyone sees her engagement ring, which is in the shape of like a little hot dog, you know. So everyone's very excited. Uh, yeah. Everyone's like, oh my god, I got relished in my eye, but wow, that's a nice pig in a blanket you got on your finger. It's just so much. It's just so much. I like that I like that she puts condiments on her ring.

Never know. She's red. Yeah, I don't know any time. Oh, so now I'm gonna need still's still mad because Marla is not there. Yes, so she starts telling everybody what's going on. That Neenie, I guess, Greg told Marla to call, so she did. But Neenie was like, I'm very busy. I was going to go shopping at the store.

So I wouldn't let Neenie, okay, so Marla comes all the way to Neenie's house and Neenie won't let her through the gate. She just says, you can't come in, I'm going shopping. Come in. Which is also like crazy. I don't know, I just feel like, I feel like a lot of times people travel very far for Nini and then this often happens.

I don't know why, but I just, that's the vibe I get. Yes, Nini's point is that she's, you know, going through this horrible process and she doesn't want to see you, that should be be your answer which I don't know that she's necessarily wrong But I don't know if someone drove all the way there to check on me I think I'd be like thank you so much for coming. I really want to be alone right now, you know Not just like the fuck away from my gate Also don't make us sit through

Ten episodes of you saying I'm strong, I'm strong, but who's gonna hold me up? Who's gonna hold me up? Oh, where's the support for me? Where do I get the support? What about me? It's like, don't make us listen to that for 10 episodes and start to feel empathy for you. And then your friend literally drives across the city to be there for you and you're like, no, buy. Like, don't do that. You accept that support. Yeah, take it, DNA. Yeah. It's time for commercial.

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So then Marla comes in and she's like, oh, it's almost all my golden goose. And she's like, welcome, Baldy. Yeah, she's like, you don't come three hours late. You ain't purple rain, which I like didn't really make sense. Just because Marla was wearing purple, it's like you ain't purple rain. You ain't grimace. Just mentioning. I don't know if I'm else.

G G her but giant grimace grimace belts. Yeah. And Marla was like, are you finished bitch? Cause I had a hair appointment and my sister needed me So I love the hair appointment and then came all the way to a gate, which I wasn't let into and then I had to do stand by at the hair place And everyone's like oh my god Porsche had to do standby too, so the Nini at one point is getting starts getting me. She's like I'm talking I'm talking I I'm talking edges,

edges, edges, which then cause poor should be like, wow, like forget the wig, it's like, forget like by wig, it's like body your own scalp, like, my scalp, my scalp. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, God, so then Nini just keeps going and getting worse. She's like, if you have a friend in pain, how come you come to them yelling and fasting?

Who does that? Purple rain does, purple rain does. You can keep saying purple rain, but it doesn't make it make any more sense. Okay. Yeah. Purple rain was a very lovely film. And song. And the thing is that just because she's wearing purple, like, it doesn't really make sense purple rain, just saying it over and over again. Yeah. So Marlow is like, wait, by the way, I just want we are probably missing a huge significance for her saying purple ring. We're like, why is she saying purple rain so much? That doesn't even make sense.

Watch really it gets here. Probably as usual. I would be surprised. We'll see in the comment wars. So Marlo reads the text up from Greg. She reads the text that Greg sent her, which is's like oh my god My wife go help my wife help my wife She's in my wife and keeps texting and texting so of course she goes and she's like look like the world We're in now this depression. I mean people are just committing suicide left and right okay, so I'm freaking out and he's like

Support me don't fight with me. And Marlo's like, you're not the only one hurting. I had to do standby at the hair place. Listen, Marlo drove in traffic for an hour, and I don't know. I think that's, I think that Neenie needs to respect that because that's a pain in the ass. Yeah. So then Marlo, of course, being Marlo can't just say say okay, you're freaking out and sobbing now So I'm just gonna say sorry Which even with Neenie sometimes you have to do. Yeah, she's trying to argue with her and Neenie's like sobbing And she's like I'm sorry for carrying so much and right here and getting my hair done on standby

And why would you have to talk about this with them? Like don't you need somebody on your side right now, Marlo, calm down. Exactly. Exactly. And everyone's meanwhile is doing that thing. We are all like clutching Nini's shoulders. They're all like jockey position round her shoulders.

Like holding her just like this, like racking her. And Nini is just like crumbling over her, like little cap is starting to like fall forward, et cetera. Marlo's threatening to leave, you know? So, and then, so then Portesh, Marlo's racing to the door and Portesh's like, fall forward, et cetera. Marlos are ending to leave, you know. So, and then, so then, Marlos raced into the door and Porsche's like, ha, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, don't leave, don't leave.

And it was the whole thing. It's of this like, of, it's like, one of these things with their like, angry, but they're also like vulnerable and like crying and angry and all that stuff together. Yeah, so Cynthia makes her go back in basically. Yeah, and then she's, you know, they hug and Marl is like, I understand and I love you.

And you're like, I'm so sorry, I love you. And Candy's like, now let's get those lashes back. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. And meanwhile during all of this, Tamara's just sitting at the edge of the table just getting drunk. She's just like, mm-hmm.

She's just, she's justhmm. She's just drinking. She doesn't care. I don't know these bitches. They don't like me. I don't like them. I'm just gonna get drunk here with my friends. And then it's, oh no, this is later. Okay, so then,

Nini's like, I'm gonna go upstairs now. So she goes up, Nini is the fucking radius, okay? At this point, you can understand. Like she's gonna go fix her face and whatever and come back to earth, like compose yourself, but she doesn't mean she just goes upstairs for the rest of the night.

She's like, see, yeah, she looks like a separate living room up there and just goes like to her throne or whatever. Yeah, exactly. So, it's like 7.23 PM, Marlow and Cynthia go upstairs to be with Neenie and to tend to her, et cetera. And so, meanwhile downstairs, everyone's just sitting at the table still. They're just sitting there and Shamari is wasted. And she is wasted and she is basically trying to have sex with Yiva.

She is like every two seconds, she's nuzzling her face into Yiva's tit. She's basically giving her these like fuck, like, yeah. Yeah. You're hot. I don't know. I'm going to see people saying, you're not going to be in a good mood. She's basically giving her like these like fuck like like yeah Yeah You're hot Tomorrow II No, she's eating Seymour It's like attacking the town of the flower shop. It's just calling yourself Hokondo Yeah

So By the way just side note. I'm so sorry, Ivana. You totally got fucked over again. Sorry, sorry about your second audition tanking. I know, Ivana was like ready to make a splash instead and he stole her thunder. And then, Jamari of all people, Jamari stole Ivana's thunder. That's sad. Well, it's so weird because Jamari is so boring but then so amazing.

And not only because she's drunk but her her diary room sessions are so funny I'd like really like her but then I'm like oh god I have to watch her in Ronnie again but then I really like her again very confused yeah exactly and at one point some her just starts slapping Eva's vagina she just starts going like right on it and Eva's, what is going on? Like to try and lap it off. Which is like, um, so then um, Samari leaves. Like they put up one of those highlight things on her where it's like a little spotlight so you could see her leaving the room. She does the, I'm about to throw up face walk to the bathroom. You

know, like there's a certain thing that people do and I don't want to be sexist but I feel like my female friends do it the most. They do this like very close lips half smile, which for people watching on camera it looks like this. Yeah, it's like it's almost like a Mona Lisa smile. It's like I'm totally fine, that's why I'm smiling but I'm not opening my lips because I it's not that I'm about to throw up but I just want to keep my lips closed right now. It's like, I'm totally fine. That's why I'm smiling. But I'm not opening my lips because I, it's not that I'm about to throw up, but I just want to keep my lips closed right now. It's a personal preference right now. I'm only so smile. Yeah, I'm only so probably barfed all over. It was wasted. It was wasted during that. You made that DaVinci? Yeah. Yeah. She barfed all over DaVinci when that was done. That's why she's like, DaVcho is like, my shoes. That's what the divincho code is at the end.

It's just at the end, it's just says, my shoes. My shoes. So I'm in. He's like, I do not want to shame Mona, but I thought for those who want to put in the effort, I will shame her. I will tell you what really happened with Mona Lisa, that bitch.

So we go to the bat Porsche follows to the bathroom, then Eva follows to the bathroom. And she's just barfing. Barfing. And then she gets Eva. She throws up all the over Eva's outfit and her shoes. And then Porsche starts wanting to barf because they're barfing. So she leaves. Then Eva starts barfing watching her barf.

And since he's like, I think this bywig party is officially a channel. Yeah, I think so. Meanwhile, one of my favorite moments of this like barf montage was Tanya. At one point Tanya was in the bathroom with Shamari and the Decatur friends and Shamar goes, I love Decatur girls. I mean, Decatur are always gonna be there for you right to cater forever Big back. I mean, Tonya. What are you talking about? What are you talking about right now? Tonya is just so excited to be there only Tonya could be in the bathroom with people barfing all over their place like It's nice to be included sometimes Marfa me you can do about my shoes at a mind. I don't mind

So then Neemie still upstairs of course and Eva comes up there and tells her that That Samar is barfing everywhere and he's like I'm a germaphobe what bathroom She's like the one with the sandal ear in it. She's like oh my god And he's like she barfed on me. Okay. Why are you worried about the bathroom? I'm the one who got barfed on she's like well if she barfed on you That means she barfed on the floor too. It must have got everywhere I'm like it's a bathroom. It's like built for that like like the worst things in the world happen in the bathroom It's the one place where it's okay for bodily fluids. I mean obviously there's supposed to be in the toilet But like it's a bathroom, it's meant for that.

But I did think it was hilarious. So, when Nini was like, this poor bathroom has been through so much and we saw clips of last year in the cockroach scandal, etc. and she's like, if this bathroom cataco would say, move me upstairs! I love the simple request of the bathroom just to go upstairs. Like, not to be like, let me out, let me free, let me roam the countryside. It's like, I just take me upstairs. Yeah.

So we've got everybody, we've got one contingent mark. Everyone's sort of faltering. Everyone's sort of faltering. Yeah. And Mimi's still not coming downstairs, and it's like hours later. So they all start going upstairs.

And Candy's like, thanks a lot for just leaving us down there. I'm outta here. And she's like, I've been here since leaving us down there. I'm outta here. And she's like, I've been here since three. I've been here for six hours. Okay. She's like, actually, can I see your closet well in my peer? Because you're always talking about your closet.

And he's like, no, don't go in there. She's not going in there. I'm going in there. I'm going. Because Marla's like, no, Candy, go in there. Go in there, Candy, it's great. Go, go in there. So Candy goes in there. And then I Candy. It's great. Go go in there. So so candy goes in there and then I think and then Porsche wants to go

Which is great because Porsche's dress like she's you know like she almost looks like she's ready to go on safari. Yeah, so it's like the like the wild animal patterns in there It's like perfect. Oh, you know, so so candy and Porsche calf tan. It was very reminiscent of, in Stranger Things, when, when on a rider goes into the upside down through that like portal and she's got like the rope, you know, that's, that's what it was like, going into the closet. They're like, pulling, they're like, you're getting too far.

You're going too far. They're fine, that girl in there. Yeah, that poor girl. It's always that girl who gets killed. I forgot her name. Remember when you two were talking about the thing. It's always that girl that we forget the name of too. We're just as bad.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, and Kim A. online says, Pultra Guys 2. Yes, I did think of Pultra Guys as well, but I felt like the tendrils and the goopiness of the upside down was more appropriate for Nini's closet. So then for sure goes on their with candy like he said. So then they're all just like going into the closet and Nini starts having a fit, okay? Yeah, and she's she's starting to get mad. She's doing that thing like I'm getting mad now I'm getting mad now and the moment where she really snaps is when the cameraman goes in starts going in there

Because you know she was like I don't like people going to my closet. Like, it's, it's not camera ready. Like, she wants it to look right like a look of certain ways that way. Like, people are like, well, look at least the vanopomposters. And then look at Nini's, you know, so as soon as the camera starts going in there, she's like, uh, uh, this is not going to be on TV. This, you will not do this to me. And she just goes and tears that guy's t-shirt off.

Yeah, she ripped this shirt off. And she's like, no! And this starts charging in there. And then they show all their little booty things that they have to wear in the house, like doctors, you know? Yeah. Which is a very dangerous job. Yes.

Yeah. And Portia's like, take off by night. I wanna go home, I'm scared. I'm scared. I don't wanna be here no more. I want to go home. I'm scared. I'm scared. I don't want to be in no more. I'm scared. Mr. Mushnik. I'm scared. I mean, she actually might actually be in the upside down at this point. She actually, she's really there. She found the what's it called. Man, I forgot all my stranger things references. It's like, it's sad.

It was a period of time when we could just like, you know, name them so quickly. What was that like that? Not me. I mean, I watched it, but I was like, this is boring and steep. I don't care what anybody says, but I like the first season Crappens merch. Yeah, I like the first season in the second season. I watched like three episodes They were like rotting pumpkins and then like a little slimy creature. I was like, you know what? Let's just keep this with season one. okay? So speaking of slimy creatures, why don't we transition over to Top Chef, shall we? Well, let's do it. Let's do it.

So we're at the Top Chef finale and this is the first episode and we're in Macau. And so all the chefs start arriving at this like very fancy, at the MGM something another in Macau and it's like really really that there's like this like Travertine and Marble and everything in like these tall age rims it's like glamorous like Macau. And they're like boom boom boom boom and then like Michelle walks through the front door she's like wow cool. Like she's walking the Hollywood the Hollywood walk, you know, just like tourists clothes.

She's like, wow. It's like, wow. So every chef that arrives of the finalist, they get like a whoosh moment. And so like Adrian arrives and Kelsey arrives. My favorite whoosh was there's like an elevator door that's like shine the elevator and just like like Wush is up I think you just see Sarah standing there like ha I'm here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like what's the big deal. Yeah, she's slow Bethany now

What's the matter what's that going on? Yeah, I'm really glad to be in China. Wow's great Who was that glass on this? He? Is this a blast, you know? Wow, I could have gone to Vegas. All right, but I guess we could do this. Fine. All right, fine. I like Kelsey. You know, Kelsey makes me crazy and I don't know why,

because she seems like decently talented and she doesn't see me in her ever or whatever. And she gives, like, I don't know. I don't know why I don't like her, but I don't. And I think the reason is because of her fake ass she's always trying to make these fake ass stories about everything and right now is her victim story where everybody's like I grew up poor and I didn't have parents and I was raised by a bus driver you know whatever so Kelsey's is like growing up in Alabama I don't get taken seriously. I was like, get in line, Kelsey. Okay, give a sadder story or don't rely on it.

Okay, getting on my nerves, Kelsey. You're just still mad when she said, I'm the only one here who had a baby on purpose. I am. It's like real life. I've mad at one thing and I hold on to forever. Which I respect because I'm still mad at Eddie, even though he's not even in the competition anymore.

I'm still like that fucker. Took up everyone's budget. Yeah, I will never get over it. And I'm still mad. I'm still mad this episode when he comes back. Yeah, and if you were so insecure about growing up in Alabama, you wouldn't be showing up in Daisy Duke short, short cut offs with like a big flowery Laura Ashley shirt tied the way. So, okay, give me a break. Roll tied, more like roll snide. So, so it's the next morning. And Graham Elliott shows up.

He's like, hey guys, I'm here. They finally let me do a segment on my own, which is really exciting. So come with me, we're going to go to the market. So they walk through the market. And it's like, I really enjoyed it. It was just, you know, because I like watching this sort of stuff where they like, look at all the food and all the crazy like shellfish and Squirting clams and this you know is you know lady chopping and eels head off. I was like, ooh, you know

I liked all that. So this is a one episode of the year that the judges get to feel what it's like for poor Ted over on Chopped Or all the judges who have to work on Chopped like eating all that disgusting stuff. Sorry. Sorry I'm sorry to be ignorant, but I don't want your slimy fingers mails, okay? They showed this little thing of snails. Like I know that their shells just doing it. What are they called? Are they? Are they? They're a razor gun. They cut to that so many times. Like every two, every two minutes, they'd be like, here in my cow, and then they just showed us like, this thing, this like speaking of the upside down, it was just like squirmy thing. I will say this though, I don't remember where it was, but I did have razor clams once and they were absolutely delicious.

So I mean, just just have faith in the razor clam, please. Well, especially when there's all that stuff and then they're like, I don't know how to cook with the S, but I'm gonna try. I'm like, this is not to like street snails. That's not really where you wanna like be trying stuff out for the first time, you know. I feel bad with the judges. I know. So they walk further like super rich people,

like badness sitting in a bathtub of pizza slices. I'm like, if I stop feeling bad for them. So speaking of which, so after they go through this market, they then go upstairs to this rooftop and that's where Padma's standing. And she's like, hi, chefs. We're not in the Bronx anymore.

Eric. We're in what I like to call the Gail Simmons of Macau. Take a look around. Creepy crawler creatures everywhere. Oh, look, it's eating itself. Ah, chef, one of you will win $125,000 furnished by San Palagrine. I mean, I still feel so bad for them also, that this is like the cheapest prize on TV, okay?

I know. That's true. And they've upped it too, 25th at. Remember when it was 100,000? It's like just give them like a gift certificate to bed bath and beyond and call it She's like you guys get a gift certificate to linens and things which is out of business enjoy So she's like you'll each have 200 makines pataka, which is about $25 not a type of candy gale in his pataka, which is about $25, not a type of candy gale.

So they have to pick knives and see who gets wet, whatever, whatever gross thing that they get. And so, so of course Sarah goes gets first and she, of course, picks a scallop thinking they're going to be the easiest. And that I want Sarah to win kind of like I like Sarah like Sarah's like Shirley attitude. I like that she hasn't beat the shit out of anybody yet which Sarah looks like she's gonna beat the shit out of somebody every five minutes and she doesn't like I like her and I like that she got like really depressed and moved home to live in her mom's basement and open a McDonald's or whatever her story is like I'm into it I wonder to win but it's

stuff like this it makes me not want her to win. Like, why are you going to pick the easiest thing? You know, you're in the semi finals, making efforts. Er, also scallops are low key, the ultimate villain on top chef, like scallops are always a problem. Always. It's in our lives for both of us. We're both like scallops, top of the DESTRIEN. I love the, wait, no, I reject. I don't, don't project your scallops. We have a scallops being pedestrian one time discussion on this. Did we? Yes, sir. And you were maybe it's because it was like, well, hold on, hold on, sir.

Maybe it was because it was pedestrian compared to something else. But as in general, I am very pro scallop, but I'm, I guess I'm anti-scop on this show, because scallops usually lead to bad things. I mean, we'll never forget the frozen scallop. But I guess I'm anti-scop on this show because scallops usually lead to bad things. I mean, we'll never forget the frozen scallop situation. We'll never forget Jamie when Pobbio said, it's called Top Chef, not Top Scop. Yeah, because she does scallops for every single challenge. Hahaha.

So Sarah's proud of herself because she learned like one word in Chinese or in Cantonese. She's like, I learned how to say thank you. I'm like, congratulations. You like signed up for Duolingo for 20 minutes. Yeah. And out of curse. She knows how to say thank you and fuck you. And I can't tell what she's saying in the market. But, you know, no one looks thrilled. Yeah, no one is thrilled. They're like, oh God. There's that woman from the elevator we saw the other day. Yeah. It's not the woman who screamed, fuck you when I gave

her a pound of fish. Is that that woman keeps asking for Kentucky Fried Chicken? We don't have a hero, okay? So, um, yes, they're all just like going through chasing food, picking out stuff, um, and Sarah, so she has the scallops and when they get upstairs and get to start cooking, is there anything you wanted to say about the market or? No, I've just, I got to, I was scrolling through and I got to my Sarah note. It says I said he can't knees before I came here. So I learned fuck you. You fucking burglar. Colin immigration. British fucking burglar.

Oh me. Yeah. So yeah, basically they get upstairs and guess what? The scallop, Yeah, so yeah, basically they get up serious and guess what the scallop the easy scallop turns out to be a hard scallop Because it's a hard scallop. It's she's the scallop is too firm. She's like Sarah's like Can I cook a scallop this firm? I'm a little concerned. I'm a lot concerned Yeah, I was like that's such a top chef quote. Yeah, and then Kelsey of course She's like well, I need the scallops who get picked because that's such a top chef quote. Yeah, and then Kelsey, of course, she's like, well, I need the scallops who get picked because that's the yummy scallops. But we're in the cow, so I want to do,

you know, something different. So I chose razorfish or whatever she chose. She chose the gallop fish. Oh, whatever. And I'm like, you also didn't get first choice, Kelsey. Like stop acting like you're fucking Rocky over there for cheating. So you chose the third best thing And I'm like you also didn't get first choice Kelsey like stop acting like you're fucking Rocky over there for I can Kelsey

Also one of those people in the stories like you're my best friend because this lady kind of understood her two words of English Okay, so firm scallops Ronnie firm scallops Tronny firm scallops from scallops. No, I mean, that's so The grossest thing to happen in Macau a Brian Malarkey commercial. I can With him brown butter on chicken. I didn't do that. I'm that I passed forward Someone needs to cancel Brian Malarkey. Okay, let's like I Feel like it's enough. He had his moment like 12 years ago. We don't need to see any more Brian Malarkey. Okay, his last name is Malarkey. I mean, literally.

Yeah, get out of here. Get out of here to you. Change your name, Malarkey. Yeah. So now it's time for judging. So Michelle serves up some cuddle fish noodles. There's just like a cuddle fish and cook them and they curled up or whatever and they like them. It's like Padma and Graham are the judges. So there's that. And then Eric, he serves up these snails and like a black pepper sauce of some sort. And they are apparently like toothsome and Padma's like, hmm, it's a cross between Chewy and Rubbery. Graham, do you want to take this one? You want to do it this time? Gail on an elliptical, there I said it.

You snooze, you lose, Graham. Or in the case of Gail, you snooze and you snooze some more. Am I right, everyone? Am I right? Fungidong, Gail. I mean, what does she have to lose? Oh, so, okay, I'm sorry. Snail and black pepper of chewy dot chewy.

So then Adrian, who does, her testimonial things must have been filmed after she already lost, because Adrian's new thing today is, you know, I'm here and trying to thinking how I really want to start a family and just stay home. I'm like, what, where does this come from? Her dream is to move to Central Connecticut. It's like, can we, and drop babies on a dairy farm. I'm like, wait a second. This is an odd dream to suddenly get in China, Adrian. She's like, I want, my dream is to have close proximity to Hartford. Yeah, I want to be near the insurance capital of the world. Yeah, I just had the widest dream of all time.

Have you ever been down Route 84? It's fantastic. I want to move there. So Sarah has done, oh Adrian did razor clamps and watermelon ceviche, which is watermelon chopped up, by the way, in case anybody doesn't know what watermelon ceviche is, wow. Yeah. And then Sarah, she does fresh scouts with Celtus

or something, I think I wrote down Celtus, I don't know if that was a title or not. I wrote down Celtus too. It was important enough that we both wrote it down. Yeah, and rose apples, slices of rose apple. Yeah. And then Kelsey did a gumfish with a sweetened sour sauce, which actually to me that looked delicious.

It looked so good. I was like, I would have that gumfish. I never had gumfish, but I'm willing to try it. Yeah, gross. In case anyone wants it, I know my thoughts on gumfish. Okay, so anyone wanted to know, I'm still a Zignorana's ever and it looks gross to be okay. Uh-huh. So, Grimm is like, whoa, Adrienne, whoa.

Okay, you think Adrienne you added delicious clam. I mean, you're Savichi, that was really approachable. Which is a nice way of saying, Pussay! You're Savichi, you're Sapoose! Approachable, sort of saying pussy use a beach is a pussy Approachable sort of like gal at a buffet. Am I right everyone? Am I right? Bring any platter up to her she'll take it all Pat was like it was a collection of ingredients that needed more of your stamp your odd giant earlobe stamp

Sarah what does your stamp look like is it like a bucket of KFC? It seems about right. So then Graham, because he's got white glasses and he's thinner now, is like really like straight. So he's like the winner embraced the challenge and really threw down some sick flavors. Okay, Graham. Okay, go back to go home Graham So the winner was Michelle she's like, okay, and then Padma goes Michelle Gong hey fat Choi Michelle's like Did I say fat Choi meant Gong hey fat gal? It means Congratulations and be prosperous. It also happens to be a commonly used phrase during a very special time of year

Years, yeah, Adrian's like new years. That wasn't a question, but thank you earlobs Yes, that's right bingo and don't interrupt me again Eddie red main I love that we both got the same fat. Well was like, Pat was so mad that this girl would go, Pat was like ready to be like, she's like, you're, I'm gonna be Pat on my UB Adrian. This is a phrase that's commonly used at a special time of year. Oh, you're supposed to cut me off with my saying Chinese.

I'm watching you like you're a TV. I'm like, Did you mean to forget you're a Q a TV. I'm like, oh. Did you mean to forget you're a Q run? I also like when I also like when after Padmas said that thing, Michelle was like, oh, thank you. That's very lovely. Thank you. Right?

So then the guest judge is something you just show it. Jow it you everybody. Jow it. Jaw it. Jaw it. You everybody. Jaw it. Don't forget to tell a personal story to make this deeply personal for the viewers at home. So he's like, hi, everybody.

My family goes together on New Year's and there's only one thing you do when you get to dinner with my family. You eat. And I was like, you know what? If you don't have a fucking personal story, don't make every family's every family eats a dinner yeah I'd like to say what I mean what else would you be doing at dinner let Papa show what is it you don't even have the excuse of going through the whole season so now you're left with these stupid stories like Kelsey Kelsey's like I like riding box I like

riding box with my sister who got sick one time, which is why I make cuttlefish. Like, so the the challenges to cater a party for Chinese New Year's at the MGM Macau and it's gonna be like 200 guests, et cetera. And of course, there's a Padma goes, I'm gonna give you a little help, oh help, help, little gals.

And so the, I wrote decapitated. Why would I write that the decapitated chefs come on? Guys, they're limited. What the hell? I'm just like, in my kitchen, it's truly your last chance, because then Tom will chop off your head if you fail. Isn't that hilarious?

Ha ha ha ha. And now we call them the help. Which was a very good movie. So they have to pick knives. Oh no, no, everybody, all the, all the decapitated sets are holding. The decapitated sets are holding their own heads. Yeah. that's our holding the top page. Trace is holding their own head. Yeah, would you rather cook with Justin, the hipster's head or Napoleon,

Tyna, my dad. Yeah. So it's Brandon who's the chocolate factory dude, tall guy who's, I think his name is Brian, Justin who was eliminated last week, Eddie, who's the one that I hate. And David who is the one who loves, who's like a kissass to Tom Clikio, etc. And they all have trays and the trays each have three ingredients and various like happiness or prosperity, whatever on them.

Yeah, so they all start picking their people and so Michelle. Yeah, so Michelle chooses, she'll choose his David because he's Portuguese and there's Portuguese in Fons Macau and Eddie meanwhile I don't know if you notice this Eddie was holding up his tray he's like like I thought he was going to faint in front of everyone he was like he was like not in a good state I was like someone just please pick them so that way he can sit down yeah so yeah he was dressing this whole time every time something good happens to Eddie and he's like

Like at one point he was tasting something and they're like is that good and he's like So Adrian she chooses Brian and Madness such a bitch she goes Adrian Did you choose Brian for Brian or for the ingredients you're holding? Because we all know he's terrible. Napoleon, why am I to my right? It's like a tall gal, but with worse patterns, if you can believe it. And Adrian's like, well, if only one person gets ginger, I want it to be me, the person who's about to start a family and Connecticut. And you could just see Kelsey being like, Ginger, what an easy choice.

I'm going to choose something difficult. Not cut off, yeah. Yeah, Sarah takes, did she take Eddie? Sarah takes Eddie. Kelsey takes Brandon and Eric takes Justin. And then after everyone's perked, Pam goes, and because this is the year of the pig, it's only right that you use pig as your main protein.

Okay, who wants to make a gale joke? Anyone, Eddie, you want to do it, Eddie? The winner of the scale joke will make $125,000 furnished by San Picagrino. Okay. Funny that it's the year of the pig when she's getting a year off, isn't it everybody? Sorry. I didn't know we gave Zodiac signs to people with bad patterns and eating disorders. And by disorders, I mean too much. There I said it. Finally. So, um, yeah, so they all have to use big.

So Eric. We're so awful. We're so awful. We love gale simans. We love gale simans. We just pretend that pat my hates are. Yeah. So Eric is like, well, am I think about Curry, I think of Curry being a comfort food and my family likes Curry

Because I think of togetherness Being with Curry, being with my family. I'm like, okay, enough of the personal stories. Just stop. I know Curry like God, my family likes to be together. Well, you win, okay? Congratulations God, my family likes to be together. Well, you win. Okay. Congratulations. Curry is the thing that binds us all together. Although I do love Curry and I had some other night. So that's my personal story, everyone. Kelsey, meanwhile, starts talking about, like,

well, in this house, we do New Yorkers with black eyepies and cornbread, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He's going pale on top, pork, pale on top, and then Adrian, which is this is, look, I'm buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, Let us rap. Let us rap. No, you're fired. Get out. Get off my And also like why are you asking Napoleon Dynamite? He is like he's been terrible on every challenge except for one like his best challenges where his like shining moment was that he wrote a meticulous book. Okay, like it was not even cooking or anything. He's got a composition book. Okay. So Sarah, I mean, while she's like, well, I'm never done great. I want to do great. So I'm gonna do

cauliflower grits. I'm like, that's nice and all, I'm never done grits. I'm not doing grits. I'm gonna do cauliflower grits. I'm like, that's nice and all, but you're in Macau. Like, what are you doing making cauliflower grits in Macau? What are you doing, Sarah? And who does that for a cooking show? Like, oh, great, I'm gonna do cauliflower grits. Gross, why would you do second rate wannabe grits?

That's the other thing. I feel like if you're gonna do grits in Macau, you do like, like real grits because you wanna be be like I'm bringing some of my world to your world Not like I'm bringing a faux version of my world to your world, you know And I got nothing against cauliflower grits. I'm totally open to them I'm just saying in this example do a real grit. Yeah, it's true grits true grit, okay? The fantastic movie, but I think that Buster and Adrian were like waiting for the fat kid challenge which never

came to season, you know. You're right. So then Michelle's like, I think that like what I'm gonna do is a dumpling, but I'm gonna use lettuce instead of a wrapper. And A, I was like, don't do that. And B, I just knew that somewhere in Nileu was like, potsticker alert. Potsticker alert? No, I know. Like, no one listens to Nileu. Even now they're like, Potssticker alert, Potssticker alert? No, I know.

Like no one listens to Neelu. Even now they're like, who needs to do a pot sticker? Neelu's like, ah! Why can't I just get a normal pot sticker? It's either in a suit, it's in a lettuce thing.

Like, just make me a pot sticker. So think they go back to the market. And Kelsey, who was just saying that old lady is her best friend in the market, the lady's like, hi, do you remember me? And Kelsey's like, oh my God, I forgot! I was like, you bitch. She's our month.

I thought that's what happened also, but it was that Kelsey had left something there earlier in the day, I think. Oh, I was so mad at Kelsey. I was like, oh, wait, it just love all seniors and together, Kelsey. I had the same thought to you and then I realized that she had left something there.

I think, you know, people feel free to correct us on this very, unimportant point. So, um, yeah. So then they get home and, um, they're going to go to a fancy dinner that night. And so while they're, they go to this dinner, it's nice. This woman does this crazy like teacuttle thing, this like dance, which I enjoyed. And in fact, I was mad that we didn't get to see more of it and that they edited it all up. Like give us like a lot, why are you cutting, but let's see, I wanted to see the T-Cuttle moves better.

You wanted the full T-Cuttle experience. I did, it felt like a T-Pot Dome scandal to me. Really? Because I was like, go to college. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha college major in anything other than teapot swirling. Yeah, who majors in teapot dancing. Get out of here. Get out of here. Teapot dance. So the, yeah, basically Adrian is like talking about how excited she is about making some super spicy pork belly. And so Kelsey's like, I got you in my plan because I don't want to have like pork belly also when she's doing pork belly and so Kelsey's like, oh, I got you my plan because I don't want to have like pork belly Also when she's doing pork belly gotty gotty-yatta

Yeah, and they both give Napoleon dynamite to like wow I mean he's really good with pork loin, so I'm not gonna do pork loin because he's helping her with that And I'm like you guys you got kicked off on a meat challenge after being on the bottom the week before in a meat challenge Okay, he was always on the bottom of the same. Yeah. Yeah. But he's not necessarily the same as cookery. Okay. Yeah. I learned that from top chef. Y'all tell us again. Yeah. She has been saying like Brian, who's the meat king is going to make the best pork belly. I like, what are you talking about? He fucked up every single meat challenge that he was on. Okay. Literally the only thing he didn't fuck up was writing in a composition book. Okay. Yeah.

Waiter instructions. So then Sarah is over with Eddie, your favorite. And she's got all these live shrimp laid out on a tray. And she goes, Hey, Eddie, I think those are fresh enough. And he was like, yeah. Like he doesn't get it, which is so funny. It's like, yeah. It's like, yeah.

It's like, yeah. It's fucking grouped. And then there's like, there's like all this like cooking, cooking, yeah. It's like, it's fucking grouped. And then there's like all this like cooking, cooking, cooking, and then there's like a random shot of Michelle drinking like a little soda. And she just drinks it. And it just like smiles the camera.

Like she's in like a home video. She's like, I don't know. It was like so random. It was so sweet and so enduring. And I'm like, of course, she's smiling at the camera and being quiet. That's Michelle's Michelle. Yeah, I think they just kicked Michelle off because I wanted a couple episodes where they didn't have to like overdub her voice.

They didn't want to like have to the gain at 12. Yeah. Oh, there's like only so much budget we have for special effects. Michelle. And she has the most, she's the quietest one and she's the only one who actually has an interesting backstory. She's like, very quiet. I enjoy drinking a soda while I cook and my grandmother worked for the most violent tribe

in all of Mexico. And I'm like, wait a minute. Her mother's a Native American gangster. Why not? Why not? Why not again, please? I remember I used to really enjoy making cells as a child when my mother was outside torturing

people who snitched. What? Last time I used something to look like fingers in my meal, it was actual fingers that my mom took because the loan was late. Because that little scrubs smile. And she does that little smile. She's actually becoming my favorite.

So anyway, I'm team Michelle and Sarah. Yeah, so I mean, I like Kills. I actually like all of them, to be honest. But Eric was my favorite for a while, but now Michelle is actually my favorite. So there's some really dull drama about Killsie's Black Eyed P's. Like, are they too soft are they too soft like don't cook them Another second. Okay, don't like oh no the black eyed piece, you know

She tells Napoleon Dynamite she's like question Are you the tallest person in the world and he's like oh? I'm the tallest person I've ever seen before but I don't know she goes well I'm the blondest nasty meet you. I'm like you person I've ever seen before, but I don't know. She goes well, I'm the blondeest nasty meet you I'm like you have like a foot of fucking root hanging. Oh no pan malin's in fake blonde Blonde congratulations. That's not me. It must be the wall settling. Bye not me, it must be the wall settling, bye. She's really bad at haunting them. So let's see here, everybody cooks, cooks, cooks, cooks, cooks.

And then there's a, by the way, this is a commercial break after that black, I'd be the black I peace thing and then it comes back. It's like, she counts, like, guess what? They're fine. They're perfect. I'm like, of course, thanks. Thanks for like making us actually care about this for a millisecond and then be like,

no, it's everything's fine. We knew it would be fine. We knew it would be fine. She's like the person who goes on big brother but has watched too much, big, or no, I guess a housewife would be better. Like she's watched too much housewives so they're just trying to do what,

like starting fights just because they know they should, you know. She does the right, it's like she knows when a commercial breaks coming up, you know, it makes me crazy. So we come back and she's like, the main turned out perfectly. It is a powerhouse of flavor.

Oh shit, that up. It kills. So then the guests are to arrive and judges to, and then there's like drummers, and then the dragons, let's try and use the dragons, I thought they were dragons. I don't know, I don't wanna be ignorant,

wait, person right now, but I just assumed there were dragons, but they were doing a dance. And then afterwards Padma goes, who knew lions could twerk? I was like, I thought aren't those dragons Padma? But maybe I'm the one who should be like, they're not dragons, they're lions.

I don't know. Look at those dragons dancing around in the dock park, like Galesdale with bacon in her pocket. Oh Those those dragons look positively as happy as Gale after she finds an old ice cream cone on the floor. I like Pat and what Pat and what really say because the dance ends and she goes that's amazing. It just the tone the only Pat and what could pull off off That's amazing for a totally uncoordinated gal dance so Eric so they start serving and you know they start giving the guests all their stories

They're just out of stories like upset a million times in this recap that Eric's like yeah We went to the red market today. There were people, there was culture and it just kept going by. I was like, just be quiet and serve. Like, you don't have a story, just serve me the food. Okay. There's a sidewalk. We walked on the sidewalk. It was amazing.

They actually created stones that for us to walk on, put them in perfect squares that fit next to each other. He's like, people in stores, like fascinating story. Yeah. Okay. So, um, yeah. so Adrian's starting to fall behind because she's a lot of components on her dish and then, and also because she's got an idiot behind her.

Yeah, and she's also doing that thing where Adrian does where she makes everything sound super fancy, like watermelon ceviche, Adrian and Ali. Okay, so this one, she's like, we have a lot of projects we didn't finish before I started having babies and Commetic it on a farm. So now instead we're cutting broccoli to order. I'm like, uh, See your half ass. That's a really fancy way of saying we're half-assing broccoli. We're behind on our broccoli prep. That's what that means.

Cutting broccoli to order. It sounds like it's like it's like this like fancy technique. It's called get some kitchen sheers. So did you, uh oh did you, oh dear, it looks like Ronnie just galed himself. I'm sorry, I'm very out of shape and I tried to like meal on my couch because I'm getting restless sitting on the stool and I Charlie hoarse myself. If it makes you funny better, my there's like some muscle in my butt or my hip. I can't tell where it is. It's like the union between the two that is in spasming this entire recap. I'm like, that hurt.

It did. So, okay. So Padma goes to Michelle station. And Michelle serves a pork lettuce wrap with, so basically her lettuce dumpling is a lettuce wrap with cold noodle salad and peanuts two ways, which is cool. And then Tom and Adrian, Tom, I'm sorry, Tom goes to Adrian's station, has this fried sticky rice cake and Tom's like, no, it's good. I was hoping for more, sort of like what I said to my son when he said he was going to be a mixologist. I said I was sort of hoping for more for you.

But you know, that's fine if you want to pour a second to things. That's going home hungry. And Graham's like, and death. Okay. He's like, but it's good. It's like, thanks a lot, Tom. Okay. They're ruining my life and then being like, but it's good. So it thinks a lot, Tom, okay, they're ruining my life. And then being like, but it's good. So then Eric has like a coconut leechy thing with crispy pork ears and Thai chili. And Padden is like, you're a bit timid with the chili, Eric. I mean, this is the area of the world that can handle it.

Ha, ha, ha, I'm surprised. And he's just like, really bitch. I'm like, wow, why is so timid? You're shaking like gal walking by a wolf. You're like an ice cream cone, gal passes by. You're like a potato that just been spotted by gal. Yeah, you're the last French fry in a basket. You're like that French fry that fell out of its containers at the bottom of the bag

and thinks it's going to sail off to freedom and then Gale looks in there one more time and it's like, oh no, I've been spotted. Goodbye, friends and family. So then Sarah is serving her shrimp, which, uh, I just want to say another thing about Eric's thing. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, so Pam is like she-ing and for not using up chili. And then, Jewett, Jewett is like, um, do you think that maybe some rice would be good

to soak something up like this? And I just was imagining Pam would be like, hold on, Jewett, I'll handle this. Did you mean to forget the rice? There. Now did it. Now did it. But Eric's response is also pretty weird,

because he's like, okay, but I wanted to be true to the challenge, which would rice be anti-true to the challenge. I didn't really understand that. I mean, to be fair, I mean, you never find rice in Asian cuisine. Do you have true, true. Yeah. Super rare. But were they only allowed to use things on their tray? They could use other things, right? I they could use other I guarantee they could use rice because Adrian used rice. But maybe she had rice on her platter or whatever. No, I don't know. She just, I don't remember. She had ginger and like broccoli and like I get certificate

to Friendly's in Central Connecticut. So Sarah, whose trace had happiness on it, which just cracks me up. I'm like, hey, welcome. I'm happiness. Like this is like the emoji movie gone totally wrong. You know, it's like smiley face I'll tell you what happiness is finally going off a stupid overly glitzy elevator that's happiness So Tom's like, oh, yeah, oh, no, no, that's good

Grounds like this feels southern style. I mean, I taste the vinegar, solid dish. Like, you guys, this is not a southern challenge, okay? So Padma goes over to Kelsey's and Kelsey serves this like mushroom broth with peas and greens and orange beans, orange rinds, stuff and Padma goes, Kelsey, I think you've done a really good job of blending your background with these Chinese flavors. and I guess what I'm trying to say is now I finally know what useless tastes like your background, right? Wow, Kelsey you dish tastes like poor children dancing around in a hose Wow your dish tastes sort of like Chinese culture meets slot. I like it

Well your your food tastes like waiting for a bus. Fantastic work, Kelsey. It's not quite up to my liking, but just send it to Gail, I'll leave anything blessed or hard. I'll leave it to your food. PO box Galbic disposal. Nilo will find it.

Nilo, can you take this box of Kelsey's slap over to gal? Thank you. Neelu here. No. Oh, so they're they're starting to kind of talk about everything. Tom's talking about Graham. No, he's talking about Eric with Graham. Yeah. You know, that was a little sweet. You know, I need more of a pop of acid. And then this is sort of balanced that Like a chef would understand maybe maybe not so much a mixologist, but you know That's that that's just a hard truth of life. This was a little Stirred not checking no opposite of risky like dance pod, you know

Yeah, it's like when you try to teach your son like well as long as you're gonna be a mixologist Let me show you how to make a homemade sour mix and he's like like, got it, dad, I have a bottle of it that I bought at the store. And you say, okay, so what do you know? So then over with Padma, my favorite part of the episode, probably America's favorite part. Yeah, this is what we were all waiting for. She goes over to taste Adrian's food. And she goes, if you were trying to burn my palate,

you win and then Adrian's like, it's kind of hard to burn your palate. And she's like, I met temperature. Now I know what you're saying, because I'm already very hot, hotter than any of you people. But even this was too hot for me, the hottest person here.

Oh, so then the judges all agree that it's really yummy. of you people, but even this was too hot for me, the hottest person here. So then the judges all agree that it's really yummy. Don't know why I needed to write that down. So let's go to judges tables. Swing. Judges table. Swing. So the top two are just crazy robot eyes in this. Like Pat always has like Padma robot eyes when she's waiting for people to walk out,

but in this one she's really like, like she's ready to blow somebody, blow at somebody. Yeah, I'm not to say. I'm so horny here in Macau. And Adrian's already argued with her. So you know that she's on the fucking warpath. So we finally get some Padma on the warpath this season because it hasn't really happened to my memory. Yeah. So Kelsey and Michelle are on the top. The judges are like praising them, etc. And I think this is about,

I don't, maybe Michelle's dish. I don't know. Tom goes, you know, uh, too often young ships are, look, young shots are looking for that Instagramable dish that, uh, it doesn't photograph. Well, like, it's like, it didn't even happen. I mean, you just like give up and become a solider All the sudden. I mean, what is this world we've come to? He's like, yep, you know normally it has to look good, but here it just can look like flop and tastes mediocre I really like how you've all weaved this and with stories now Fortunately your stories are extremely boring and welcome from pretty uneventful lives, but you know we ate it so uh the hotel room's nice so uh and and Kelsey what I liked is that with you it's not about looking good

it's about tasting good and that's what you did Mike did he just call her dish ugly Pam is like I agree she is ugly oh we're talking about her food oh I agree she is ugly. Oh, we're talking about her food. Oh, let's make it cry. We're talking about her blouse. Never mind. Someone just turned me back on when it's my turn to talk. Hey, Kelsey, when you made this dish, did you think about your child at home who's taking its first steps while you're here in Macau? Are you crying yet? You want to cry? We can make you cry if you want. So Pat and it's like all of you did a great job, but there were two that stood out

Kelsey because of her terrible shorts and Michelle because no one knows if she can speak or not Michelle I'm terrified of her grandmother, so she automatically is in the top Michelle your pork stuffing was very balanced. I'm like wait a second the top dish is pork sausage stuffing in a lettuce wrap top chef This season fix yourself. That's the most boring shit I've ever heard of. I'm not mad at that. I'm mad at it. And I still love Michelle. I'm still reading for Michelle. So yeah. So then who is the winner? Was it Michelle? Was the winner? It was Kelsey again. Okay, that's right. So then it's time to look at the bottom three. And how does Kelsey makes me love her even more? Cause she's like, I didn't have the most confidence

cause I'm from Alabama. But now I think I can win the whole thing. And I'm like kick her off. You're going home next week. Yeah, let's. I hate to say that. Pam is like, the rest of you, I know it must be nerve-wracking to stand there especially because I'm hot and you're not but try to try to persevere The winner of what not to wear Gale oh, that's so funny. I didn't know she was in the running. I sort of thought she had an honorary victory in that category Congratulations. You want a year off for doing nothing? So Eric's like so now they're talking about Eric's food and Tom's like, you know Eric the thing is It was too sweet and Padma's like yeah

There's a lack of cloudy to it. I felt muddy sort of like the poncho's get likes to get a dress bar I couldn't pick out the different spices and Eric's like, uh, I respectfully disagree because it's curry. So even if you have curry from everywhere, you know, you can't pick out the spices. It's still good. I mean, everyone in their mother makes a curry and Tom's like, well, you know, my mom doesn't. So it goes that argument, okay? Huh? Huh?

You know, no, I'm wondering if my mom didn't do enough. Kind of like my wife, you know, I'm really thinking. Listen, listen, rude person. It's not that I have to pick out the ingredient. I just want some complexity to that, I don't want it to be all gal and Nilo watching friends on a Thursday night. So he's mad and Padma has now been sast twice.

So she's pissed, okay. So then we go over to Sarah and Tom's like, uh, cauliflower grids, huh? Whoa. Wow. Uh, God, community college would have been better than this. And she's like, you know, maybe I needed a pound or two of butter. All right. And pat me. I'm like, it ain't salty. Sarah, would you like to argue with me now? I'm like, that's me. To me, to me, the broth was a little bit too much because of the gal I'm sorry. That's a gal because of the ham hawk

So Graham is like a Adrian, you know one bite you gave us one bite I mean it's new years, you know, so we might have wanted more for that She's like, um, I disagree because a small bite. I mean that was a fun for me It's like one person argues and it's like wildfire, you know? Exactly. So then, and then Tom's like, you know, uh, you know, all the components, they were really good. They didn't really talk to each other, you know, sort of like when my son turned down a false scholarship to the culinary institute of America to become a mixologist without even telling me, he just didn't, didn't talk to me like your ingredients,

didn't talk, didn't talk. Speaking of not talking, everyone get out. Maybe all that three times today. I'm pissed. So they leave and get, and this is where Padma is un... She is so mad. She is so pissed that Eric spoke back to her. She is not going to be able to handle it,

and it's cracking me up this whole time. She has a full on, like like Steven Spielberg courtroom drama moment. She's like Eric did not highlight the leechie or that water chest nut. I am mad. She was pissed it was so funny. I'm used like conceptually I want more leechy and Graham Gus. You know what? Here's what I think about the likey. I'm like, oh really? You're gonna oh yeah I was like oh we're gonna talk about how to pronounce leechy Graham. Graham. So that was mad and then padmas mad. I'm like, oh my god I'm totally with Padma today. Yeah and they thought that Sarah's was too salty

and the cauliflower didn't work. And Adrian's didn't have enough flavor, et cetera, et cetera. And they also really resented that Adrian's was so small. So finally, yeah, Tom's like, basically Tom's like, you know what, New Year's, it revolves around food. When you invite people into your home, you cook for them. And it's about being as generous as you can be Sort of like you know when you provide everything for your spoiled son and he's busy in your face to take a job at Chili's, you know like

Who does that to the generosity of a real famous father? Who does that? All right? Well When son left us wanting more so Papa and Problem is like Adrian. Please pack your nods and go Unfortunately, it's not you, Eric, Sassafras, Eric. Oh, okay. Adrian, have fun going back to Connecticut or wherever the hell you're going. I don't care, bye. Then, pal, please.

Congratulations on wanting to drop a little white litter in white time. Bye. Oh. Uh-huh. It's a pal, my goes, it was great to get to know you and taste your food. And he drink goes, thank you, and you're a very lovely host. I didn't say judge or taste maker, just a host, Padma. Were you trying to burn me twice go home. Why do you?

That's pretty much it Adrian's like well, I'm going home, but I still I'm gonna have a family possibly baby. I don't know I don't know my earlobe sir. Take that much like the end curtains The end curtains At least I have my Oscar little Eddie Redmaine Colbyk. And that brings us to the end of another episode of Colour Flower Grits and Butter. Am I right, Gale? You guys, that was fun. Come see us in Cincinnati next week because Bergen have a great time.

We'll see a bunch of you got a whole grip of you guys in DC this Friday We're gonna see each another grip of you guys and South by Southwest on Tuesday So we so fun. Yeah, everybody. Thanks so much for being here We will see you tomorrow when we'll be back live streaming on TV party with our pump rules recap Also, if you guys miss these TVs, live streams, and want to watch them on L-Internet, come to Patreon. You can watch them on your smart TV,

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