Watch What Crappens - RHOAKL: Book Launch: We Have Contact!

Episode Date: September 22, 2017

There are dueling book launches on this week’s Real Housewives of Auckland, but will Louise have Contact? Only Jodi Foster really knows. Enjoy! **This week’s premium bonus is a journey through Ben’s childhood theater career. For bonus episodes and extras, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com-watchwhat-crapins. That's patreon.com-watch-what-crapins. You can also find this on social media.

On Twitter, we're at what-crapins, on Instagram and Facebook at what-crapins. We'll see you there! I've got so much to wrap in. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. Cindy Berges-Gasson was an amazing person. Just saying, OK. Kelly Barlow. When she goes Barlow, we go high low. Christy Daudi, the OG Prem Supreme

And our super duper premium sponsor, Kelly Grant, the most gorgeous girl in Texas. We love you. Hello and welcome to Watch What Happens, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Yeal Broves. Our money carom from Trash Talk TV in the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast. And here I am with my gorgeous talented little happy to be Friday living friend Ben Mandelker of the B side blog and the banter blender podcast. How you doing Ben? Oh, I'm great. I've just been so thankful for doing this podcast with you. Bring a smile to my face this week when I needed it most. Oh, Ben, smile on, smile on. I think away. You know that Landon from Southern Charm has confirmed that she's not returning to the show. Oh,

she has to return. I finally got a good landing impersonation. Don't do this. Can you land in? No, not returning. Yeah, it's official. It's official. Yeah, don't be so too much. She said something on Twitter. Yeah, she said, um, um, uh, she said, I've never been anything but friends with all those boys and actually that really hurt my feelings that Chelsea said that as, I mean, I don't know what this is, but apparently she is. She said, I won't be returning the season and heading back to California

to pursue my career in real estate. She finally figured it out. The best place to be poor and aimless. Southern California. Yes. It's best to be rich off your father's money in a place that other people are all rich off their father's money and won't give you shit for it.

OK? Exactly. Exactly. But that's really landing. If anybody listens to this, it knows landed. No girl, no. Wrong time to leave. You leave when you're on top, not when you're like the most hated in the cast. Just do what Camille did. Has Camille Grammar taught you nothing. You go back, you don't say another word for a season, and then you quit. You go down in history as being nice for some god-awful

I know it isn't. It's weird how things work. But who knows, I'm sure it will not be the last we see of landen. No. Well, I'm sure it the way down the in New Zealand. We've only got two episodes left of real housewives of Oakland, including this one or this next week the last one, including this one tomorrow. Because they didn't get a reunion. Right. And apparently they got canceled after it aired in America because that N-word thing really pissed off the American audience, which I'm not sure how that affected the Auckland audience because they only show it on Saturdays here.

It's not like it hurt the ratings, you know. It's like it's Tom and Jerry. And what did they think would happen? I don't know. Why do you air an episode of the N word and then they're like, oh, wow, Americans really didn't like that. God, Americans sure are defensive over that N word thing. Geez. Oh, man.

So anyway, so this episode is all about book launches and It starts with pretty much like every episode sort of goes the same way as I decided to have people over to look at the thing I'm working on so in this case it's Gilda being like I decided to have Michelle and we's over to look at the new book that I'm gonna be having my book launch for so I want them to see it Gilda does so many confusing things. Like she takes a whole cake thing with the dome on out of the fridge. That was odd. How big is your fridge?

It was so what is that thing and the like what is happening? It was like a big round mound with another bond bond thing on top. It was like a misshapen breast. Like do you celebrate my new my new book coming out? I made a chocolate breast for the girls. And Misselle's like, guilders' launch will not be stuffy. I just know it. Like, she's so excited about everything she says. So Louie, as she takes a cloche off of a cake,

no, it won't be stuffy at all. However, I believe it actually was a chocolate bomba because I once made a chocolate bomba and it looks sort of like that. A chocolate la bomba bomba. It's delicious. I wanted to invite the girls over for a little chocolate. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la I mean, where does she have the time? I'm like, why wouldn't she have the time? She has enough time to put a little bombah from the supermarket under a cloche in the fridge. But thing with Guilda is she surprises you. Yeah, that's the thing about Guilda.

She's just a shocking one, that one. I think I was like, let us walk through house and I will show you Sandelier. And they're like, whoa, what a you Sandelier and they're like whoa What a surprising sandalia how gold is I want to look at it I'm just imagining guilt is haunted house being like Bull Did I scare you? Rattle rattle rattle rattle. I don't get this on this

World is walking around shouting like look put your hand in bowl of raisins, that's supposed to be scary. You go girl. I'm not like regular ghosts. I will not waste my time with this. Bu, goodbye. Good. Bu, why do you want lights off? You won't see where you're going. No, full light on. So they sit under this humongous chandelier in some like bordello wallpapered room for whatever reason. It's like the bum, the la, la, la, la, la, bum bum bum room. To eat their la, la, bum bum cake. And she's like most people who don't know me personally would know that I love space and the cosmology, man.

They probably don't see that because they just see the fact that I married a man who was 42 years older than me. I looked at it as being a galaxy away. To them, it's older man. To me, it's a light year. It was so nice of Marvel Studios to make a movie about me called Gardens Galaxy, because I defended because I'm interested in Galaxy. My book is about astrophysics, the Galaxy and neighboring galaxies. These are humongous bugs. My book is pretty simple. It's just about, you know, how

universe is created and what makes it work and are we expanding or imploding and, you know, time is really plain that is sort of think of it like a bowling ball falling on a mattress. And that's the weak time curves and gravity waves, you know, simple stuff. Michelle to sleep on the table. I look like different. That's different. So, I did audition

once for a contact. Jody Foster got the role. I didn't even get the Sadeline's solution role, but... Can't say I didn't try, go't try go say I've auditioned for everything pertaining to contact being Jodie Foster being someone at NASA watching Jodie Foster go off or just someone who has a give you contact cards contact paper I really thought I was gonna get that one I know how to catch a fly I really I did a I did a great job I practiced my walk through that kitchen. I was ready. I said, do you have a fly problem? Well, guess what? Let that fly problem be a there problem. As everyone knows, I'm a contactor. So, Louis comes into this episode, like, I'm going to let my bitch blower, flower bloom early in case this no season

to. But God does that thing bloom. It's like a horos bus of bitch blower. And it's not like Louise has been so nice up to now, like she's been stealth bitchy, you know, which I like. I like an older rich lady who's like better than you, richer than you and bitchier than you but in like a shitty quiet way. Yeah, no that I love this overt Cut fitness scene. I don't like it. I like it. I like it I like it. I was afraid Louise was gonna be sort of like a stern chiker type and I was like

I don't know if I want a Chiker. I don't know if I want a mother-hand who has like who was all like sense I like that she's just coming off as like You know what I was on New Zealand 60 minutes. I was on New Zealand weakest link I was on New Zealand contact and I'm sick of having to deal with this bullshit Have you seen my garage door commercial? So I did tremendous work on that automatic awning commercial. So they just start getting really, really bitchy Michelle and Louise and Louise starts the line that Anne and Louise use over and over again this entire goddamn episode, which

is well, these two book launches shall be quite different, aren't they? And so always over sales and underdilivates. They're really excited about that, that, that word play there. Yes. And Michelle says, and what's with the ward outfit? Is that supposed to be spiritual? And Louise says, I didn't read that. And so she gets it open on her iPhone and has to like zoom in all the way. You know, it's like, yeah, I didn't notice they were nipples in this picture until now. So being real. Yeah, so I just talking just full shit

about this party. They just don't want to go. You can tell and they're all like, well, we agree, that angel is fake, right? And so like, yes, yes, yes. Yes. And she's a guild is like, well, I'm not going. There's an anniversary I have to go to. And Louise says, oh, wedding anniversary.

She's like, unfortunately. I have to get my dustbuster fixed at the shop. So I unfortunately cannot attend being real bookmunch. Being real. And real. So I unfortunately cannot attend being real bookmunch being real and Real well, you know, I would go to the opening of a fridge Kilda's like or envelope Better metaphor on not so being real means and Kilda's like the most intelligent philosophers and

And I killed us like the most intelligent philosophers and cosmologists in the world have been able to unexplain what is real. Ah, it is a brave subject for Angela to take on. And she's like crying to be classier, which is nice to see me outside, but she follows it up with, she is a fraud to me. No one knows what is beyond. What? Yeah, she's basically like, you know, if Aristotle couldn't figure out what it means to be real and either could bacon or, or Sartre, I don't think Angela Stone is going to do that either. Let us face it. Even Charlie Brown still doesn't know. Even Mary J. Blige never found out what real love is. She's looking for it though. I have yet to ask Bono. But I asked Tamara Braxton because she seems to know about the real, but apparently Tamar doesn't know the real. So now our favorites, Angela the And Lea.

Lea, you're driving. Whatever you do, don't crash it. Not that I'm mad. Last time Lea drove, she crashed the family car. They said the montage of like we're not madly are you just ruined the family after crashing the family car. Leah's crying. Yeah, oh my god I like her advice was like all you have to do is just take your time and don't crash the car. Oh that's it. Just oh that's that's great advice just don't crash the car I got it. And then on top of that she's like well we have a new car for you so you can get in this one and some Mercedes I'm like, what are you doing putting Leah in a Mercedes? She goes give her a yoga. Leah, Leah, you're getting in the wrong side of the car. It's a luxury car Like luxury cars have a different side of getting in them like the regular car

Yeah She don't know what side to get, don't have her be driving your car. Yeah. She's like, oh, it's gonna sit by. LePanca, did he end? So they get in and they're trying to drive. And Angela is just, I couldn't tell if Angela is being real or if this was like, produced or not.

But she was like, all right, all right, well, maybe you can slow down, take your time, or maybe go a little faster You don't want to have people on the road thing that you're a snail. You have to be real when you drive Be be a real driving real person real Nice and slow probably need to go a bit faster. No, not like that slower Faster, what are you doing? Don't turn don't worry worry Leo why don't you worry Leo I'm like oh my god this is why so many husbands crash exactly an

angel is fully panting at this point okay all right you almost got there all right my marshmallow feeling it's about to ooze out all right all right being real like a marshmallow on the outside I'm a marshmallow but on the inside I'm a marshmallow. Worth more sever. Yeah. So she's basically having a seizure and then she says, Well, I figured now that I'm over being scared we can work on parallel parking. Bits!

Other people's cars are not your fucking combs. Okay, they're not your horns cones. Bits. Other people's cars are not your fucking coms. Okay, they're not your horns cones. Not cool. Exactly. Do what everyone does takes a takeer to a parking lot at like the train station and have a parking like do a parallel parking in between invisible things. Yes. So Leo, of course, is about to have, you know, a commission fit. Yeah. Um, that's basically that. So next up, Julia, Julia, Louise, and Michelle, it would be nice to see in and Louise for a nice check. We even done that in a decade. Did I say something wrong? Why is everyone looking at me like that? It's an old tomb. I mean, it's like, we haven't been hanging out. It's almost as if I just

said some sort of racial empathetic something like that. It's like I've been iced out. Oh, and oh yeah, Michelle too. So Angela's like, um, well, no, and it's and she, I wrote and SARS. Well, so Ann goes, she Ann tells us she was like, oh, when Julia walked in, she looked like she was ready to party. I then accusted Ann going, Julia, you look like you're ready to party. Like, could there have been some sort of editing here? We had to be careful. It cuts to Ann. And we said, what are you doing? Let me cut start being like, what are you doing? And then it cuts to her being like, what are you doing?

And she was like, I'm so glad I came here for lunch. It's so nice to be at lunch. It's like cut to her being like, isn't it nice to be here at lunch? Get it. You never know when there's gonna be a party. I can't believe this about to be two book launches cut to Julia. This about to be two book launches. And there's two book launches. Oh, that there'll be so different. These ladies are so bored. They're like surmising on how different the book launches are going to be. And Julia's like, I have to say, you know, a book launch is not high on my social calendar, but I'm going to do it at a respect for Angela. Now, to be fair, I'm pretty sure that Julia thinks the book launches that they're going to put a book in a cannon and just shoot it somewhere. Look, we launched that book into the air.

Flowing books, I've never cared. I don't know about you, Gills. And Louise is like, there'll be very different. Yes, girls, yes, girls, we'll be like exagerant versus ivy profan and I've done commercials for both. So I understand the new wants is.

Well, I feel sorry for Angela that just yes, relationship breaking down really is awful. Because it's terrible. Michelle's like, my husband's never walked out on me. And Julia goes, no, have you ever walked out on him? And she's like, no. And she goes, oh, well, that's nice. Like you know that Julia has been walked out on like 30 times. Yes. She keeps trying to avoid this so badly in every conversation they have about it.

Exactly. And so Michelle's, you know, uh, that, you know, Michelle was saying, if my husband walked out on me, it'd be that, that'd be the end of it. And Louise was like, well, let me put on my 60 minutes probing question, glasses right now. What would happen if you walked out on your husband? Would you expect him to take you back? And Michelle was like, hmm,, and the weasers is like, gocha, you know, we all know who's calling the short and the at-marriage. I certainly want to be, I certainly wouldn't want to be married to a popper, and she wouldn't either. She's like, tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch, double standards. Tonight's on TV minutes. We discuss double standards of Michelle. Michelle, tell me, do you like popovers or do you like muffins?

What if I told you they're cooked in the same pan? T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t 16 minutes Louise Louise the contact Louise of the future film contact Have questions for Louise on 16 minutes contact One I won Hershcheg Jodie Foster was robbed me who didn't get the contact credit anyone I wrote so many letters to Colsegan in anthillous launch will be spiritual in life changing I hope so because I bought about a $2,000 dress I'll never wear again my and that's on you sorry but that's on you. Sorry, but that's on you Bitch, why don't you just go to target? I will never wear it again. Where would I wear an old white dress disgusting around the bushes

No, I'd never dance in such a thing. What I go to Now no lunch in a white dress you are No, no lunch in a white dress. You are really cute. But it does remind me of all Mr. Tuti face. He died in the white tuxedo just the way he lived. You know, black tuxedo. Again, what are you talking about? I don't know anymore.

The grief has overtaken me. I don't know which box is on top anymore. Buh-buh-buh. Buh-buh-buh. Oh, it reminds me old pussy sissahans. No one quite understood that cat, but he sure could claw. What a brave soul that pussy was. So, Antelun Lea, she's like Lea, be very careful. Today's the day of a launch. We're launching gift bags with my face on them and possibly a nipple. Yeah, they're getting ready for this big book launch of being real. First of all, it's

a paperback. So I don't want to be too juggie, but it's a paperback. Okay. Yeah, you don't start with paperbacks on to a law. Okay. I may be one thing. If we, here's the thing. If it was us and our ramshackle podcast, sure, we could start with a paper. Okay. I mean, maybe one thing if we, here's the thing, if it was us in our ramshackle podcast, sure, we could start with a paperback. But yeah, we'll start with the PDF bitch like, yeah, we're not, we're barely an ebook. We're like a WordPress page. We're just like you hover over a link and you get a blurb and that's it. The gift bags with your face and nipple on them. Come on, Angela. And she's like, Kirk's not coming.

His loss, he could have had a gift big with my face, but now he won't. Yeah, so Gilda was really nice. Gilda sent a bouquet of white flowers, and you know, which was really nice, and Andrew's like, isn't this sweet? And they're asking Angela to, she want her book launch to be better than Guilders. She's like, I want my book launch to be the most magical, wonderful thing

you've ever laid your eyes on. So yes, of course I want my launch to be better than Guilders. It's like, so far, all you've put out there is like three paperbacks and like a bouquet from Albertans. How dare you. I put my heart, my soul, and my ariola's into it.

So, oh, go ahead. Sorry, babe. No, I was going to just make, try to make some spiffy joke about diggers that I couldn't think of it. Diggers. But I couldn't think of it. Diggers. Oh, she's coming. She's coming. She's coming.

Oh, she's coming. She's coming. Oh, she's coming. She's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming.

Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. Oh, she's coming. But her whole entire shirt is like a face of a rotwiler about to eat something.

It's like dripping spit or whatever. It's like, ahhhh. Great day for the pussy lady. Yeah, so basically Michelle is taking Anne to hip-hop class for no real good reason, but they're going to do that. And Anne's like, when I'm not afraid I was a ballroom in Latin American dancing champion. I used to say I danced like a Mongolian, which was hilarious because it was Latin American.

Ha ha ha ha. Hip hop is not really my thing, but I was giving it a go. Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah. I was a fuck truck champion in 1932. It was a great time doing the fuck truck back then we actually charted on foxes. So you start going through the routine of this hip hop class, which is hilarious because

of like the widest girls in the world, you know, they're like, all right, today for hip hop, we're learning the grapevine It's like what's next the Bob the box step like watch out America and Ann is like And I like how she felt compelled to state that she's like, oh, you know I've danced to this type of music before but not by choice. It's just it's been on at a wedding or a party But not by choice. I'm like, thank you for thank you for like clarifying the times and circumstances when you've had to be forced to listen to hip-hop music. This music is so confusing. I still haven't figured out who let the dogs out. out. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Which means the mouth I like that. How do you pass a Dutchman?

But what is it what is it she keeps saying finally it has happened to me, but what what I ain't saying I'm a broke the whoa whoa whoa whoa stop stop stop Everyone look out look out of banker buses coming through to the side, everyone. Then we will resume dancing. Everyone. Don't be gold dig a old woman. It's like, sorry. A, A, A, A.

Who, who's pregnant? I hear someone wants another baby. That's all she wants. Another baby. So Michelle's like, age doesn't matter. This girl can move. and it is pretty amazing how Anne could do Latin ballroom dancing to any hip hop move they get by. And Michelle tells the teacher, I don't like to use the word twerk, but I'd like her to know.

And she goes, what is this twirking? Huh? Sounds more like the pelvic thrust. Buh-ah-ah-ah-ah. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. So what I name one of my pussy is the Mr. pelvic thrust. Always a good pussy and always good for a good old dance under the moonlight. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a. So they do it for her and she goes,

We are that's twerking very well done. Well, and I'm going to teach him a thing or two. She's also by the way in heels. I'd like to point out. I'm like a, I'm like a Beyonce. She was in a character. She was been Same thing I wear for dancing or acting. Any expression with the body or voice in use of art requires a character shoe, Ben. I have been working on my dance steps too, because I've been pitching a wonderful new movie called Contact, The Musical. It's a one-woman show where a lady, played by me, gets into a spaceship and flies to

another dimension and winds up on a beach and when she comes back, she's back on earth and she sings a song. It's a wonderful show. I hope you'll see it at the New Zealand Playhouse. Thank you. She talks like this. Wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh. It's like that's a mouth. That's a male that's male Then even she walks a self-interview she looks herself in a room and won't come out until the country singers gone And then there's one thing with the pinball machine no no no we don't want to hear anymore She was so traumatized that she changed personalities with her mother on a Friday And then she interrogated Denzel Washington, Ludheim and Phil. No, that's that's Meg Ryan now. Let's encourage under fire It's not even close Louise

But all right, insomnia. Back to sailing, there goes. But the good news is that she has a genius for her son, and his name is tight. So basically, twerking is Ann at just kind of scratching a wall with her ass and she even says she's like, well this is like a back treatment. We must practice this and show the girls and then she starts sombering. What is happening? And she goes, watch out book launch. Show me the dance floor.

So good. And Michelle's like, those girls could bang, bang, bang, twat for days. We just look broken. It was a embarrassing really. It was exactly how I twerk, to be honest. I know. I know. I twerk like an old New Zealandy woman, a Kiwi, an old Kiwi.

Or the young ones, none of them do have a do-it-be-there. Look, twirking is basically bending over and catching flies with your ass cheeks. If you can't do that, you're not ready. Yeah, those, those flies have a free ride when they come near my ass cheek. I can repel them in a different way, but they are not like, I'm not catching them. Yeah, mine gets some like relaxation on a wonderful lump of like goose flesh, you know, because those cheeks ain't opening. They're just like resting on my bones. That's it. Oh, man. I can I mean I can blow them away if they want. I'm good at that. So Louise and Anne are there. So Louise and Anne are walking up to the first book launch, Angela's,

and Louise is like, well, we'll have to see about this book launch. Yes, this is the book launch, we'll have to see. I think she'll be nervous. Of course she will. And all this being real. As I always say, I have no idea what that means. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Okay, you too. They're always gonna play these two, like giving us the best story as they walk into a room. They really are. Here's what I think. Here's what she thinks.

Here's the setting. We're on a porch. We're in Nashville. So they walk into this party and people are dressed in white. And it's just sort of empty-ish. There's some flowers and vases. There's some, there's really nothing around. There's nothing. I think there's some wine. But it's like a pretty low-key thing.

It's like a white. It's like when my fraternity used to try to do an event, we would put out like a cheese plate and that was it from the supermarket. Yeah, but at least there's like beer bongs or silo cups like there's some free stench of urine. Yeah, it's exactly. It's like is that feet is it sperm? I don't know, but that smell is disgusting. And this is going to be a fun night. Yeah. Yeah. But this was just sort of empty issues, quiet and sort of empty, well, hence empty. I'm turning into them. But it was like it just, it was, it was dull. And the producers went the extra mile to really make it seem dull by not, not sweetening the audience that the crowd noise is, not adding any music.

It was just quiet people there. Yeah. So Louise, because everything is like a theatrical event to her. She's like, this is like lunch in a pub. Where's Angela? Has anybody seen Angela? And Angela's like,

very strange. Is she hiding? Is she falling from the ceiling? Is she hiding? Is she falling from the ceiling? Is she dead? Is she dead? Someone proved that she's not. I'm like, okay. I was too late.

These are like arsenic and old lacing it. I was gonna go check off roots, but that's fine. Check off the weave and better because he's into a bear stage with a couple of white things sitting around Maybe we can take it to Ibsen. I don't know so I'm the Christie. It's like two-old ladies like all things wonderful Are they I don't know are they have you seen all guess? No, she's probably sleeping or dead kidding. Are you I don't know so we check on her

Keeving. Are you? I don't know. So we check on her. And pick, and pick, and pick up a phone and get dragged to backstage. Let's, we're in noisers off. It turns it like a totally fine play. It will be that play. What's the play?

I saw it once. It was so hilarious. It was, it was a called like lights out or or like it was like a dinner party or a murder mystery where there's a blackout and the lights in the theater are off when the lights in the house are on, but when the lights go out on the play, then the lights in the theater come up. And so everyone is walking around in the dark So all the actors are walking around as if they can't see anything and like this whole forest and they're walking by each other Oh, it's hilarious. Do you know what I'm talking about?

No, but that's the way to play Well the lights off would have sure done this party better. Were my right? Might have been called lights off. It sounds like the sort of you know would have sure done this party better. Am I right? You sure are. Might have been called lights off. It sounds like the sort of, you know, it sounds like something we call like lights off. And it's like a guy with a top hat and like a lady in the mink stole ever.

And look, lights off play. I bet it's a thing. But you saw it. I was more of a musical kind of child. I mean, I saw it 20 years ago to be fair. Hmm, I'm gonna look, play with the lights out. I'm gonna look, I'm gonna get the bomb this one. But anyway, really in the dark, some say.

Yeah, I'm gonna say, how to Google a verse by Ronny in the dark, farce in the dark. Let's see how that works. Black comedy, a force in the dark. That might have been it. Force in the dark, oh, good memory. Thought in the dark. No, it's not called a force in the dark.

I think it's called Black comedy. You guys don't tell Julia about that. It's a one act play. Look at that. One act. That's our never watch. Start Geraldine Page and Lynn Redgrave and Donald Madden. Well, look at this everyone. That's a crap. Those redgrave sisters. Yeah. Those are great. They really get around. They really get from one act to wait watchers. This is

living. I can do a blackout performance better than anyone else here. I've been training for this. I am going to be performing contact as if it took place during a blackout. Do that, Jodie Foster. Can you act and put your hands out in front of you as if you can't see the spaceship in front of you? I don't think so. Contact. Let's see. Julia comes in and she's like, well, we all know book launches aren't high

on the social list. You're like, yes, instead of before, it was your third time set. Like, we get it, you don't like to read, okay, we get it. My eye count didn't even ding for this one. But she's pathetic and we're in a relationship so we'll support her. So she comes in and she's like, hello girls. I know that book launches aren't on very high on the social calendar, Zay. But doesn't this room look absolutely beautiful?

Look how amazing it is. Do I look like there's a napkin on a table? I know. What a lovely event. How is we like calling it flange cake? What? Why is everyone looking like that? Louis, and I just like Louis goes like,

what's amazing about it? I can't believe she'd say it looks amazing. It's just a room. It's a terrible looking room. It's like a blank slate, much like my performances. And I sent a fortune for this dress. It'll never wear again. They're being so bitty and so loud.

So that every all six people in the room can hear them. Yeah, because then someone's wearing blue. One of the guys is wearing a blue shirt with a blazer. And then that's when I was like, I spent $10,000 on this white dress and little did I know that all I had to do was show up in blue that's not right. I won't wear this dress to the store shopping I won't dress it doing the gardening I won't dress it feeding the buses I will never wear this dress to church! I will never wear this dress to drink champagne!

It's okay, and Jesus! She's just like listening shit off, and Louise is like, there's no air conditioning. Is this a floor under me? Or is this just garbage cement? Is that a table over there? Who would do that? Is that other's real bricks? Or is this just garbage cement? Is that a table over there? Who would do that? Is that all those real bricks or is this just a plastic facade? So that light bulb I can't help but feel like it's a 50 watt bulb and a 60 watt fixture. You could have had more light

So those girls are totally Those girls are totally just being asshole, you know, old ladies in a midter murder mystery, like projecting every city thing over and over again. So Julie is like, I'll start trouble. So she goes, well, look at how we have both these book launches so close together. I thought Gilda could delay hers until at least the weekend. And Louise is like, well, because she still thinks it's the anniversary that Gilda had said. So she is like, well, because she still thinks it's the anniversary that Gilda had said. So she's like, well, they've been married 20 years, not 20 weeks like you, dear. And Pat's from the shoulder. I think I missed that. So good. That's amazing.

And she gets the boy couldn't need delay. She just gives her a gross look. And then she's like, well, do you think Kurt will show I doubt it? He probably wouldn't want to be caught dead here and what kind of woman would have this kind of thing without a man here name What sort of woman let's a guy keep walking out on her. That's right. Yeah, Julie is like a woman in love right yeah I'm Julie it's like a woman in love. Yeah that's well. That's sad and Michelle said if she walked if her man walked out she would walk out and I said well that's a double standard isn't it? Oh my god she's drunk. She's going for it and then she's like I'll tell you one thing Michelle she's going to bleed her husband drive money.

Bleed him dry. God, cuz Julie said, well, we both know who runs that relationship. She's been to what she wants. Oh, yes, and it'll run out the way she's going. She will be poor. And then Anne's like, let's get down to brass tax, okay? I can't drink any more this white wine. I need a glass of champagne. Otherwise, I'm just gonna faint right here

Take a good look at the last time you'll see this dress on me And Louie is just basically now the drunk mom from arrested development. I don't even know what this woman went through. Okay, I just did a kitty santa's reference. This is turned all into rest development. Yeah, no, but she is Louise. And another thing. You are the weakest link book launch. Goodbye. We're out of this link. Then out of nowhere, it's like the middle of the scene in Louise pop stuff in her testimony else. She's like we were it We were Angela's book launch

And see it promised it would be the greatest event in the literary world. It wasn't I'll tell you one thing. She certainly was not in any salmon rush to get there You see what all I did there. I made a reference to salmon and rush these other things are not here salmon Whatever So Angela is an asshole though because she's an hour and a half late now Louise was being a cut fitness 10 minutes before she even entered this party.

But they made her way in hour and a half. So then Angela finally gets there. And she's got 20 year old strippers, you know, in text ties and no shirts and really tight pants or whatever. And then Anne and Louise legit smile. and then Anne and Louise legit smile. Yeah. Well, the whole entrance was weird because she just sort of walks in. There's nothing really theatrical about it. She just walks in with these half naked chippenedales esque models and no one turns and claps.

No one's like, ah, no one laughs. It's just, she just sort of walks in. It was as if she just were a regular guest and everyone turns like, huh, okay. All right. Okay. She couldn't even hire people to pretend It was that's if she just for a regular guest and everyone turns like huh, okay, all right Okay, she couldn't even they couldn't even hire people to pretend they gave a sit for poor Angela Yeah, like we've seen a lot of reality shows where self-indulgent Women create some bizarre entrance usually there's someone that says ladies and gentlemen Angela Stone or ladies and gentlemen

Strippers or ladies and gentlemen's phadraparks, But no, she just walks in. Yeah, just walks in. She didn't even have it to white. She needed it to white. So then they're like talking with her and as they're talking this random lady starts doing sea dancing and she's just like the legs going up and she's twirling around and like somewhere or chandelier is playing but it's not at this party. It's a gilders house. They're like the chandelier. Yes, it's true.

And Angela's like, this is Melissa, one of my dear friends. And the dance is a symbolization of freedom and happiness and being real. Well, there's two guys about 14 years old, naked from the waist up, it looked ridiculous. And then this dance. Yes, this dance comes out and she keeps kicking her legs up in the air. I almost lost my glass for a second.

Baa-baa-baa-baa-baa. I love these observations are so stupid, so banal. Because everything's like, oh, I thought she was going to kick me in my glass out. Ha. Well, there is symbolism of freedom and expression of being real. Being real. Now, thank you to Louise and thank you for everyone for your support. Oh, no, she comes up to Louise and she's like Louise, thank you for your support. I can't wait to see, I can't wait for you to see being real. She's like, me neither. Zing.

So then it's a Julia's now starting to feel righteous, which is hilarious because she's like, I feel like I'm the only one on Angelus' side tonight. I'm getting that feeling. Like, yeah. Well, great, sure. Okay, great. So, how are you the supportive one? It's a white party and you show up in great glitter. Like, fuck off, you are not even being supportive. Of course, one not wearing white, except that rando extra in blue. Leave it to Julia to be the biggest supporter of a white party. that rando extra in blue. Leave it to Julia to be the biggest supporter of a white party. So, well, I love white, because it's speaking span. What did I say?

What did I say? So, so then a lady. We have to say, we have to point this out, because Angela goes, girls, I'm so excited. Do you hear from our Get Real Party or being real party? It's like having a little baby waiting to be born. And Louise goes, how long do we have to wait for the birth? It's a long labor emphasis on labor.

It's a long labor tonight. So not even a little we use a cake among these journey, long days, labor. Who cares about please? I've been cast in contact. Tell your friends. I'm playing a pregnant astronaut who's going into space because she got a code from space. And they've built the first spaceship, but guess what?

We built a second one. And they blew up the first spice ship, but guess what? We built a second one. So then, the lady who I was like, I think that's the dig as later. And it was, she gets up. She's like, everyone, are we really for a book lunch? If you want everyone going for the book lunch, or let's come in here. And they're like, ooh, a new room.

And like, ah, finally, this is sort of like, thinking this is like, the roots. This is where the party is. Where they think it's like, the doors can open up and it's gonna be like, ooh, a cool Buddha lounge with pink martini playing some cool bossanova jazz. But no, it was just another room. That was equally empty. I was like, this one peaks.

Is that this? I've seen this before. Week this. Then they let us into another room that was exactly the same. No beautiful white decorations, nothing. And then I knew definitively it was a dud. It was then that I said, your honor, I moved to have this case dismissed.

We have discovered it is a dog. I have a special guest, my wonderful friend and my healer. Kering. So Karen gets up there to introduce the book How to Be Real and he's like, let's not even the name that would you get your lemonade on weakest link. This woman is so embarrassing. This idiot Eeler, she's like, it is my pleasure to delight and delight to wish you considerable,

considered us on had to be real. It's like wrong genital genitals on con. Judd con. wrong genital genitals on con Jack con contact contact my future film. Yes, thank you very much. It is going to be a wonderful journey. Thank you see you psychic. Well, at least someone's got it going on into party. So Karen tries to give a speech that I think is maybe supposed to be funny, but thought ball. She's like, you know, maybe supposed to be funny but thoughtful. She's like, in life she limits. Life gives you lemons. They say make lemonade, but with the angel, she would peel back the layers and then ask the lemons,

who are you? And remind the lemon of Cocoa Chanel's famous quote, being yourself means being yourself. I was like, I think she's doing a water crap and it's run right now. That sounds like something that we would just totally get. It was literally like, I think she's doing a water crap and run right now. That sounds like something that we would have totally hit up on. It was literally like I just made up stupid run of nothing. I couldn't believe her. She's like, is Coco Chanel once said, to beat yourself means to

beat yourself? Um, I forgot the quote. Also lemons don't have layers. Also chimitonic are not made with lemon. Even life gives you lemons. You make lemonade or a gin and tonic. Am I right? I'm like, Angela Wood do that with a fucking lemon.

Is Koko Chanel? When said, when you go down a ski slope, there's always going to be some of me at the bottom in the lodge like no, Coco Chanel has nothing to do with Swiss mix cocoa. It's cocoa what said, don't get degas. Julie is like why she had a lot to say stuff like that. Alright, since I've been miscoating Miss Coco Chanel now for about five minutes, I want to spray some life gives you lemonade spray to kill the aura of the lemonade here. She literally did that just like a baptism. Since this is the birth of a new baby, and Louise

is like, ah! She just like LOLs, she ha-OLs. And they're like, alright Leah, could you put on your peggy shoes and take that draping of photo that we have here? And he's like, oh, I don't know. Don't you know? Don't you know? Oh, hey, hey, the car. Oh, here.

Oh, bonsoir, bonsoir, croissant. Louis, yes. Oh, je vais, yes, baby. Louis, yes. I saw no aura And I've seen things we did wonderful CGI on my one-woman show contact the one-woman show Leah I'd like you to make the big reveal now Now this is about being real anytime sweet hat

Now this is about being real. Anytime sweet art. Lea? Wait, is it an alien beach? Cause I've seen this before. Is it an alien beach? No? Okay, continue. Is this the one where Mel Gibson is a beaver? Wait a second. Wait a second wait a second or are you about to help a young child and miss that that's Susan's random in the client or what continue on so they Leo finally pulls the sheet off and it's basically a big subway version

it's like a subway ad of being real with Angela in her not-gan. And it's taped up wrong. Like it's too heavy for the tates that they use. Yeah. So it's like sliding down the wall where they, like you can see all the tape on top or it's sliding down.

This fucking show, like you can see all the tape on top or it's sliding down This fucking show like you can't plan that if you try to you know, yeah, no, it's So good so so shoddy and then answer that goes Well, I would like to thank everybody for coming to here because this has been a journey and a baby birthing. So I'd like to read you a couple of extracts. Extracts! Really Angela? Come on! She goes, we are all souls, all of us souls and Ang's boring the end

I I like to talk less but think more and Then she starts talking like a book on tape to make you stop smoking I Have soul goals. We are all souls in the human experience Your your thoughts are a window to your soul. Waste not, what not, soul whole, whole soul, go go, soul mold. I think my favorite one that she said was, well she had two of them that I love. But the first one she goes, you never know what's around the corner. It could be everything or it could be nothing.

Or maybe it's another corner. And maybe it's a vendor selling peanuts or maybe it's someone selling hot dog or maybe it's a manhole and you never know because you put one foot in front of another and you fold on the manhole and now you're in a sewer but guess what? They could be a ladder when you come out of the ladder. You're in a bowl room. Celebrity beef you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the hosts of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying

any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. And sometimes you get to a ballroom and you realize you've climbed a mountain. You're at a ball at the top of a mountain. It's called the mountains ball and you're there but could not. But you put your feet in front of each other. Unless you're an amputee. In which case someone who pushed you there in a wheelchair and you look back and you say, Hey, that was a friend and I'm at a ball.

Hey. It was a friend. Oh my God. And she's speaking of this like tape hypnosis and of course the stupid strippers falling asleep on the feet behind her. It's like, he's like totally hypnotized. He's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, and then when she ends, she goes, no mistake.

This is very real. And no one claps. No one, no one claps. I wasn't Louise when I was like, oh, I guess I should call you. No, no one fucking clapped at all. There was this really long pause. And then so Antelica's, well, that was a lie to part of the evening and no one claps.

And so she goes, thank you. And starts clapping. And so they all kind of like give a half a glass. Yeah. She goes, she starts acting like people are throwing flowers at her head, you know, like you are fucking crazy. And I love every bit of it. I know.

So now Louise is, and she's like, well, no, that's over. I'm just not begging this part, even more because it's official. It's a dog So I will never wear this dress again Listen I'm very serious almost as serious as that time that I went into the prison at Quantico and walked all the way down and sat face to face with a serial killer behind bars. And I too liked it. And I too liked it. Am I right?

This party was more of a quid pro. No! It was more of a quid pro. Amateur, no. Quid amateur pro. No, quid amateur it is there it is landed it father beans the end I do enjoy having all the friends over for dinner actually, but they won't be in July So Louise is like arm texting kill to the poster with a hypnotized stripper asleep on his feet in front of it. So she like sends out a shitty text and then she's like, well, this sucked.

You want to sneak out and she's like, where we did the right thing? You know, we sat there, we listened to a stupid speech and then I bought a dress that I'll never wear again! So they laughed and Julia's like, Angela thinks that Louise is supporting her, but then she's talking behind her back, and so is everyone. And I need to make her see that back talking and backbiting is the chicken Louise's armor.

What did I say? What did I say? Oh, we're gonna lose a lot, a lot of subscribers this week. Thanks, everyone. We appreciate you listening and we understand if you just a side to come on guys, they're Julia jokes. It's like the most innocent ones I can think of, okay. So Julia goes up to Angela in the middle of her party where she's acting like she's signing autographs for an entire busload full of people.

And she's like, listen, I just wanted to tell you Louise is not your friend. Then Antelope's like, I was there at the being real book launch, which went so well millions of people were there. And then Julia approached me and she said, Louise is not your friend. And Julie was like, so I went up to her and I said, guess what? Louise is not your friend. And then as I left, I said, I'm not her friend. As Louise left, she said she's not your friend.

Well, I was wondering how deep off friendship was With me and Louise was it just surface? I went over one day I was happy to get out of there. It was almost as if I'd been on a plane and my own child had been abducted on a plane in the middle of the flight It was crazy. That's right everyone flight plan flight plan everyone flight plan was crazy. That's right everyone flight plan flight plan everyone flight plan. So over a guilders guilders is getting set up and she's doing like random bossy things. She's like well I don't think rate carpet is right for this event. I don't want straight carpet. I want diagonal. You know, this is I damn but I'm boss, you know, like I'm like a girl who likes to make

boss over carpets. The first launch was excellent of my book, but this one has to be another level. I wrote it, everything I did everything I roll it. I did the art I went to neighboring galaxies It's like having baby I'm like I'm really sick of the book is like a baby metaphor and I understand because everyone who's ever written a book says that It's like giving birth to a baby It's a love that she followed

birth to a baby. It's a love that she followed. Ansela saying it's like giving birth to a baby. It's like you can think you're a lot smarter. And of course, we know the are a lot smarter. But you still that dumb bitch at the end of the day to compare it to having a baby. Yeah. So an angel load. And so now it's a now, uh, Gild is going off on Angela's book cover saying how, you know, it doesn't make sense. And it's called being real. And then she's on there all airbrushed and, you know, sort of, sexified and she's like, you should have just let her

tits hang low and just been real like that. But you know what? Like, no, you don't go girl. You should do like Angelina Zoli did hair, calling out her face, half pooping, looking dead and on drugs and decrepit and stupid and old and ugly. I was like, well, going in on Angelina a little too hard. So, um, so the women start to show up like Julia and Louise and Louise.

So the women, Louise and Michelle are there first. Like, now this is a good body. And then Julia shows up and Louise turns her goes, now this, this is a good party. This, this right here. Guess what? Nordadod, not a dud. Not a dud. This flier was flow-wish-up like planets.

Nordadod. So you guys, well, you went charitable about Anselas party. Where are you? And Louise goes, no, but I kept it to myself. You did not just well. I said something to Anne. But there was a private conversation had merely on national television. And in front of six people, very loudly in state's whispers, I cannot help it

that I was trained by the great Howard Isman, whatever it teaches me. I'm getting the GG teacher. I would find. Yeah, I would find. So Ann is now talking to you about Angel's part too. I think this may have been where she's like, no, this is a party. It's loud. It has noise. There's people here. I sort of feel like that may have been a catch here at one point Well is my mother said if you can't say something nice about someone where you're hood to do it my god Julia So am and yeah, she's like I'm gonna dress that I can wear again

And where again. And and by the way, did you notice that they look around the room and there's some women there with big tits and Julia's like, hmm, there's a bit of silicone in this room. I'm like, so it's okay for you to talk shit about people behind their back, but when they talk about the shitty party, it's bad. Yeah, exactly. Julia has an odd way because Julia is right a lot of the times, but then she's worse than everybody else in the very next scene. Yeah, I don't know. So then the MC gets up. And I remember this is a guy who when we saw him last about an episode or two ago, he was like, we're gonna have the best patty in old Brooklyn because I'm gonna be the MC. And I'll

tell you one thing, arm to best MC. And it's gonna be great. It's gonna be a fabulous party and people be hanging from the rift It'll be a wonderful wonderful party. Oh, be a bit naughty. Oh, be a bit naughty. Hey, not a celebrity Would it what did he keep saying like? No, this is celebrity me Something like that. He gets up there and he's like Thanks for coming. We're gonna give y'all a everyone here a copy of the book It's it's a it's a book for you You're getting your everyone's gay copy All right, Gilda come on stage. I was like wait a second. What's sort of MCing is this?

He was terrible and he goes on monod Be yes to present this is fabulous equipment So good that we're gonna give it to you tonight for free Like equipment. So people are like waiting for like one of those things that goes on the bottom of the pool and sucks up the green stuff. Like what is in a room? Like what are you going to give us?

It's like a comic book. So Guildi gets up there and she has stage fright, which was surprising because she's like, thank you for showing your support. Thank you. When I wrote this, uh, good, uh, big girl role. This book is mother young kids. Okay, I fucked up my speed. I suck at speech. I wish I was the one for the team It's Michelle in the audience and before she finishes like some who comes out if she's still talking But no, no, no, this is what actually happens. So guilt that finishes her speech is like thank you And so she comes she steps off stage and when she steps off stage

Angela walks in from behind the curtain with the bouquet. And then the MC is also gets back on the mic. And when Angela walks in, I don't know if you heard Anne's husband go, when then doodle! So Michelle gets all mad at Angela. Michelle is like, you should have waited, Gail, friend. You should have waited. You rewt walk in the middle of that speech.

How rude of you. And Michelle's and Angela's like, I did wait. Don't stop, Michelle. Don't stop. Don't stop. I've bought flowers, torched to speak as a flower. Is it was to make, don't start with me, Michelle. But to be fair, I think Angela did wait.

She waited until Gilda speech was over. And then she walked in because she thought I was over. And then the guy got back on the mic. So I actually didn't think it was rude at all. But apparently she was also an hour and a half late or two hours late She was late, yeah, she's like have day you walk in during and then two hours late rude Yes, she goes well. I heard your launch was shit God and then Angela's like where'd she hear that from I And Louise, if somebody parts did on my speech at my party, I'd be furious.

And Michelle's like, you know Louise, you would go to the opening of the fridge, but this fridge was empty. And so you'd have to close the door. And then to come back to see if it was restocked later and guess what it wouldn't be. So you have to close the door again, and then maybe it opened the fridge, the freezer door.

And I bet that's empty. She was like, okay Michelle, we get the matter. Yes, this fridge This fridge would have one of those little handles in front to press for water, and then you press it. No water comes out I specifically request their crevice service on my one my one Movie of contact not have one of those fridges We have a movie of contact. Not have one of those fridges So then she starts going crazy with Michelle and Anne talking shit about the other party again And she's like well the difference in tonight is blatantly obvious is it an intellectual and clever event

We're out of the oven She's a there's any different stratosphere see what I did there stratosphere Galaxy miss so goes well Louise may have bonded with Angela the fact is she was bored the end So Angela taps Lou hugely she's like well You know like that big huge stage thing and Lou turns around with a big phony smile. She's like, how are you doing? Yeah, and so Angela's like, why were you begging on my event? Why were you doing that? And Luton is like, I wasn't saying anything. Anything at a sort? Acting.

And Angela goes, oh really? Yes you were. Let's be real. is really yes you were, let's be real. I see what you've done there, but I'm not going to fall for it. You were telling people that it was boring. I was not saying that. I'm like, actually Louise, that's all you've been saying, but it's fine. Why were you begging on my event? She shakes the bag with her face on it. My event for being real, let's be real.

It's like, I can't even root for you, Angela. It's like Jesus. I can't even root for you when you're sobbing or when you're like legit wronged. That's how awful you are. And Julie is like, this was her night. And Michelle goes, being real is saying that they were bored or they were bored. That is real. And then just like, Michelle, take a seat, take a seat. She's like, I can't take a seat because I'm not a plus size model. I can't take a seat, a single seat, and not be charged twice for it on Southwest. Like some people.

The Louise is like, she's so big and tall and scary and those eyes They're straight at you and I'm so scared just kidding. I'm not scared fuck off So then Louise is like you know the biggest title tale the biggest problem Make is Julia. I mean I can't even believe it. She's just like a lag in jail. I'm like I think that's exactly the thing. Lag in jail. I don't know what that is, but sure she's prepping to play like Mama, whatever. Uh, uh, Mama Morton in Chicago Chicago. So killed us. When you're good to Louise, Louise is good to you. And I never wearing this uniform ever again.

I'm never wearing this uniform ever again! Hahaha! So, Gilders, I look over there, and I see some body gestures, and you know what? I'm not going on the Titanic this time, eh? I'm on the Carnival Cruise Lines, and looking at Telescope at Stars and Universe, because I love Galaxy. Did someone say Titanic? Musical or movie? Perhaps you see in my off-off, off-roadway show called

Ro Ro Ro Ro your boat. It's about a fight on a boat. That's where someone is murdered. On the River Thames On the River 10. The Jason's. So Angela is like, you know, Louise is the opposite of my book. She's refusing to be in real. And someone needs to tell her and guess what?

It's gonna be me. Good luck. I'm bringing real back. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh So I was like, no, that's just in general. Tick tick tick tick. Nope, can't come with anything. It's just in general. Like, how dare you say, Bieber? But honestly, both of them annoy me these days. Oh, Justin, get it together. Justin's across America.

Despacito. That's actually my one woman, Western, about a lady in Western town who plays the piano and becomes sheriff and then leaves. And everyone says, what a great sheriff pianist she was So she tries to tell off Louise and Louise is like no, no, no, it was nothing no big deal Goodbye, goodbye no big deal Goodbye and she leaves and then Angela just shrugs to the camera and takes a shot because

All to the camera by herself. shot and goes, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah I heard so many terrible things about you. I thought you were a gold digger, a haw, a stupid, stupid lady, and I feel terrible for believing those things about you. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- But if she sees me like that, I'll take it, huh? The Guilden does not give a shit about anything this episode is so funny. Guilder, there's one more thing I would like you to know. Yes, yes, I've danced to rap music, but it was not my choice. It was not my choice, Guilder. Thank you for clarifying that up for me, Anne. I feel quite bad. There's lots of reasons that younger ladies marry much older people besides money. I'm sure.

Okay, thanks for that random ending. You learned a lot with it to work. Yeah. And so basically the episode ends with Angela deciding that she wants to call out Louise and she's gonna she's gonna someone it's time for someone to stand up to Louise and she's gonna be the one to do it. I'm like, good luck. Girl, that woman is been trained by Jody Foster, maybe. I wouldn't fuck with her. Don't fuck with her. Jody Al is living here anymore, bitch. Don't fuck with her Don't even live here anymore bitch

And that brings us to the end of a week of watchful crimping. Oh, we still have our we do still have our Crapids mailbag as it is Friday, so oh, let's do we're being yeah, yeah, let's get let's get the crap in mailbag I'll all up and running huh. Yeah, let's do it. Oh sorry the music is playing into my Apple TV Instead of onto the pot there it is So crap is mailbag that's when we We take questions from the great beyond or actually our listeners if If you go to patreon.com slash watch what happens, you can, if you support the podcast at that level, you can, you can ask questions,

we'll read them on the air. So today's question, Jess Dang, okay, Ronnie, I think you may have some challenges with this one, but let's see how we do it. She says, I am in three fantasy football leagues and I know Ben enjoys fantasy football as well. Can you do a mock draft with Bravo Lebrides? Who would be the quarterback, the two running backs, the two wide receivers, the tight end that flexing the kicker? Thanks.

Yeah, I don't know any of those. So I'll just support you. I'll cheerlead you. Well, the quarterback is a person. Well, it's not it's usually the star, but it's the person who's calling the shots throwing the ball. So leading leading the way, I'm trying to imagine, I mean, really, of course, my brain goes to like the wands and Ramona's and Bethany's because my brain always goes to New York first, I'm wondering who would be a good quarterback. Lewand doesn't

really call the shots. Actually, Bethany would be a quarterback, because she'd be like, hot hot hike. Like, what's going on? Where's the ball? Like, I spiked it, like, whatever. Like, where are we? Like, what's the pocket going to the pocket?

Like, I don't even know what's in the pocket. Like, this is my pocket. Like, my hand's going to hold. It's like one hand in my pocket, one hand in the football. Like, literally, and I just throw ball already. I can't, like, all right. Canadian rules football, I don't get it. Resa, Resa would be a quarterback.

I'm be like, okay, through the baby, through the baby under the bus, run around Dasa, call MJ Fat and then get Mike divorced by exposing his cheating on camera. Now Rese would be a tight end just so he could always say, bitch, I like being the tight end. I'm more like, I'm in the tight end, if you know what I'm saying, bitch, I like being the tight end. I'm more like more like I'm in the tight end. If you know what I'm saying, bitch, be like you're the tight end. Like what sort of game is tight ends? Like seriously, tight ends, like I put my doodle in the tight end. You see that tight end? It's like, yes, Raza, we get it. It sounds sexual. Oh, Raza. Oh, I don't think

I don't want I don't think Raza would have a tight end. It seems to be the furthest from tight end. I think I can imagine Luan being a wide receiver because she'd always be like, I was open and she didn't throw it to me. Would you believe it girls? I was in the end zone and no one threw the balls to me. It's just terrible. It's terrible. I was just standing there waiting.

You were the one penthouse. Yeah. Would you believe the girls we got the touchdown. In terms of running back, so running back will be someone who runs just charges forward and just plows through people trying to get wider. Romona. Okay, we can't do all me. Yeah.

Tamra. Yeah. That would be Tamra. Romona okay, we can't do all me Tamara yeah, that would be Tamara. Hey, bitch. Get out of my way. I'm running forward batch Get out of my way fatty. Oh my god cheater. My god. You know, lying about cancer I'm just knocking everybody down every season Why is that satanic one being so mean? It's her job, it's her job. Okay. I feel like Shannon Bdore would fit in there somewhere. Maybe as the kicker, maybe as referee. I'm not sure. David David, why they put me in vertical stripes? They know I'm having challenges right now, David. David should be the coach riding everything down on the dry race board Like all right, you're gonna go here then you're oh god. We're Steven anybody seemed a little circle for David

I think that she actually would be a referee because she'd be she just loved to throw out the yellow flag and the red flags and Another red flag Yellow flag oh penalty 30 to 40 negative yards backwards 30 to to 40. Here's the one who headles everybody up. Usually the quarterback. Oh, she wouldn't be, but I could see her doing a huddle. All right, let's huddle. Could you please order Tequila, make it a quadruple shot for that one over there?

OK, OK, waiters, go. I could definitely see Kelly Dodd as being a very ineffective wide receiver. She would just like the quarterback would be in the pocket, ready to throw the ball and Kelly's like, why? Are you throwing the ball? I don't want to throw the ball.

See who would catch the ball. You catch the ball. She would get tackled and be like, your tackles. Your tack. to be like your tackles. You're tackles. Speaking of Kelly, Joanne Plaza would like to know, who would win in a fight with Kelly Dodd or Leanne Lockin? Kelly has a vicious mouth, but Leanne shows no mercy on Trolley's. This is like a callback to our crap and super fight days. Yeah, I don't think that there would be a winner, but I don't think

there would be a loser either. I think they'd come out friends. Probably would. They'd probably like snarl and snarl and snarl and get really close to their faces and then just start kissing. Yeah. We like, you are your rod I am. Yeah, me too hugs. They'd be you can't people like that don't go against each other, you know, they become friends like, um, Leanne and Deandra. Yeah, they'll just yell at each other and then still call each other the next day, like, sorry, I'm shit in your basket. Yeah, it's like when two dogs fight or playing it sort of sounds like they're fighting, but they're playing, you're like, what? They're actually having fun. Evolution media, which produces

some of these housewives shows. We follow them on Instagram and they posted a picture from Zanku Chicken, the parking lot, that said, it was from, I think someone else, and like some other store at the parking lot and said, enjoy your Zanku chicken and when you get back, your car is going to be gone. I was like, is this a Leon lock-in sign? Because that was written in pure Leon lock-in. Enjoy your Zanku chicken. We can get back. Your car is going to be gone. Your car world is over. Your car world is over. Your parking world is over. Our parking world. Let's do one last question because the last one in this batch is from Jessica

Riley. She says, right now, right. Could you cast the real housewives of Encino with castoffs or departures from other franchises? Taylor Armstrong. Oh my God. Yes. Okay. Taylor, but do they have to be California? There's real able to do that. Yeah, I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. I'm here. I'm here. Yeah, so Zaryn Taylor Armstrong I'm trying to give like someone from Atlanta like a Claudia Jordan. I don't know if Claudia Jordan would be a great mix for them though Fadra Fadra Yeah, for sure Fadra Fadra would be the one we find out push Tories spelling into the Kabachi Grill at the

final. I didn't see no. What's the call? Benihana, right? Benihana, yeah. Yeah. Do are the real house of DC considered all castoffs because they're all cast off. Makalini's to just be in everything ever.

I can't believe she hasn't been. Yeah, I can't believe she hasn't been recast in a house. Why so? Yeah, I think it would be hasn't been recast in a housewise so. Yeah, I think it would be also a good time to bring back Alex McCord. You are mean girls in an casino and while you're in an casino, I am in Brooklyn. Yes, and also Simon's leather pants in general, disgustingness would totally work in an casino, I think. And then Gina, Gina Kio, she could just be sitting on like a bark alloucher. Yeah. He's a nice, he's a nice, yeah, he's a nice living room.

Yeah, I'm just saying, you know, he probably divorced you because you're a real bitch. I don't know why everybody's so mad. Yeah. Is are we allowed to include some, some people from like secrets and, and wives because I can imagine Susan locking me like Jonathan Jonathan look at this house and in scene. Oh, you can stick your thumb up all these women's asses Jonathan Awesome, I will move it to it. See now Awesome. Awesome.

I will move it to its scene now. Awesome. Max, we'll put this on Instagram. We'll go into its scene, Max. Well, if we can include her, then we should be able to include Ashley from Long Island Princesses. How? That. Mom, can you send a jet to your notes?

Like, actually, yes. This is the first time we actually could send a jet. It makes sense now. See me like. Actually, yes, this is the first time we actually could send a jet it makes sense now So we like that There's Gina Kios on barco lambches help I would also like to I

If we're going down this path. I would like to also nominate Lynn Diamante from Game of Crowns. She could come in. She's everyone up trying to murder her. Oh, yes. Oh, she was, I mean, that's show. Game of Crowns. Miss you. Oh, lightning in a bottle and no one, no one opened that bottle and they should have, because, oh, what did you just show that was? Yeah, who doesn't like a bottle of lightning guys get it to cover oh I think we cast a very good

show myself great show I'm watching I'm watching it I'm actually quite proud of it and congratulations to Daniel stop for actually making her way back onto Bravo So she don't want to be part of our fanfic. Yeah, congrats, Bats Congrats. Yeah, that's that's by the that shows coming back and in like two weeks. Oh my god Two and a half weeks are excited Yeah, we're gonna do our schedule, but that's gonna be good. Oh Man, well everybody. Thank you for listening to another week of Watch What Happens. Yeah, thanks, everyone. It was a wonderful week.

We'll be back next Monday for more Shaws. And then we are, oh, our podcasting schedule is going to be a little weird next week because we're doing, because we're doing the Chicago shows, we're doing two shows on Wednesday night. And so we're going to do the recap of Orange County and the recap of Dallas on Wednesday night, which means those recaps are gonna be coming out later in the week.

And we'll remind you this again on Monday. So everything's gonna be just a little wonky next week. Yeah, we might have Auckland early. Yeah, we'll probably Auckland on Tuesday, below deck on Wednesday, and then OC on Thursday, Dallas on Friday. Yeah, or something, some, some order like that, but just, just be patient with us. Some variation there of, if you will. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody. Thank you so, so much

for being here. We will see some of you in real life next week, and we'll see some of you in the, is next week. So we'll see you then. Bye, everyone. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to WatcherCrapins, Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.