Watch What Crappens - RHOAKL: Sticking To Their Guns

Episode Date: September 9, 2017

After a harrowing, racially-charged episode in Port Douglas, the Real Housewives of Auckland get back to more mundane tasks in this latest installment: feeding cats, petting dogs, shooting clay pigeons, and enduring white shirts. What could be more delightful? See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is Who crap is

Who crap is Who crap is Watch what crap is Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much Who crap is Who crap is Kids what happens when they're so happy? Kids what happens when they're so happy? Kids what happens when they're so happy? To talk to other crapman's listeners about the shows as they air,

come over to facebook.com slash watch what crap ends. And to follow us on social media go to watchacrapman.com to find all our social media links. And for our bonus episodes and all of our extras come over and be a premium member over at patreon dot com slash watch what crap ends that's patreon dot com slash watch what crap ends. Hey everyone welcome to watch what crap ends the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch and been mandelker fromker from BSABlog.com and the Banta Blender. Joining me is the wonderful and hilarious and just extra fabulous. Ronnie Karem from trashtalktv.com and Rose Pricks

Bachelor and Paradise Podcast. What is up Ronnie? Well hello my little bean. How's it going? We made it to the end of the week. So good. I'm so excited. I love Friday's. I love Fridays. It's so nice. Not waiting tables at the moment because Fridays used to be held. It was like my Monday. And now it's like my Friday. Yeah. Friday is like Friday now, which is nice. And I'm excited because we just had a very long week, a very between everything that we've done.

It's been long and now we can relax and I'm excited. And today, by the way, because it's Friday, it's Crappens Mailbag Day, so we'll get that. I'm pulling up the Mailbag now, so we'll have it ready for later, because I almost forgot. But what's also, since it's Friday, it's real house-wise of Auckland Day, so that's what we're going to recap. Real housewives of Auckland. The housewives of the ladies and gentlemen. I hope you're watching.

This week's episode was not that exciting, but in general, it's a really entertaining show. I just laughed at it. I don't even care what these ladies are doing. It makes me laugh every single time. They're over-explaining every single thing. Yeah. The scene with Angela at the end of this show

is classic. I mean, Angela is what they based the entire series of absolutely fabulous off this kind of person. Yeah. And it is just beautiful seeing somebody really, really like this. So diluted. So paid by week. Yes. Just made by week. Just such a phony sociopath. Yeah. It's perfection. Yes, just made my week, just such a phony sociopath. Yeah, it's perfection. So this week's episode begins with, it's at Michelle's house, I like to think a lot of the episodes begin at Michelle's house because she always has that dreary narration where she says,

the weather's day is cold, and I thought what a perfect day to put on the light jacket. I'm like, okay, great, that's exciting. But she's talking about how the women are moving on from, you know, some of the chaos that poor Douglas put it lightly. And she's back to being onto more benign storylines like her dog being out of control. So Michelle has hired someone named Doggy Dan to come over. So this guy who's also really hot, but with this, he has this ridiculous shaggy hair

that really kind of ruins his hotness. He, I like to describe him as Gustavo Dogamell because he has Gustavo Dutamell's curly hair. So he shows up and she's like, oh, Doggy style Dan, that's right. I just came up with that joke. Doggy style Dan. He's like, you can call me missionary Michelle get it

He's like It's like I don't think anybody has ever called me hot like this this many times She's like you're not the typical trainer. He's going to cute. I was like well I don't know about that. Yeah, but the hair was a real problem I think he is cute in that the hair was a real problem. I think he is cute in that kind of a way that you're like, that guy is such a hippie. He wants to work with dogs and like understand dogs

and live in his dog car. Because you know, he lives in that car that's outside. That's like doggy, damn car. Yeah, he's in the wrong context. Well, he's here and he needs to be like a little bit longer so that way it can be like in some sort of ponytail with a few strands, a curly strands falling down. And then he has to also be living in like Honduras.

And he's like the travel guide, you know, and it takes him to the jungle and he wears like a tank top. That's more of what he should be, not a guy in a sweater teaching you how to tame your dog in New Zealand. Yeah, here he is. He's like, let's go into the pool fence, the fence theory and the pool. Yeah. And she's like, Oh, God. So the dog, of course, is jumping and barking and jumping around in circles and stuff. And he goes, now go in. And as you walk

and turn your back to him, she's like, uh, that's always what I do. How's it going to work this time? Like what the hell? And he's like, they, that's always what I do. How's it going to work this time? Like, what the hell? And he's like, they reflect the energy. They're like mirrors. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Which I would love to do except I'd be afraid of dogs like that would bark would bite me But whatever and then he's like show me how you pick your dog and she's like okay, and she's like Bunking it on the head like poking it on the side. He's like all right. This is what you got to do You got to go slow strip just like this this is how you should say whoo Okay He's like some people aren't too keen on dogs and they recognize that and she's like,

well, they're locked in better than cats. It's like, uh, be nice, you know, he's like, this is how you connect with them. They feel the love. They feel it. She's like, well, that explains a lot. She goes, can't I just stroke you and she starts stroking his hair. I'm like, this was funny, Ash, but you're married. Yeah. Like if this was the American Ash, but you're married. Yeah.

Like if this was the American version, you would be commuiled so quickly. So then Guilda finally shows up because this doggy Dan and Michelle bit has gone way too long. So so Guilda shows up and she's like, when I met doggy Dan, I was thinking, he's not Mike up at the, but he better be with good with the dogs. was thinking he's not my cup of tea, but he better be with good with the dogs. Okay, okay, fine. Okay. So the dogs are playing and the dogs like their boy dogs,

Sonata doing what they do naturally, they're playing. They were saying, I'm in charge. That's what they think. I'm in charge. Even he's not reading now. Yeah, he's never writing his own scene. It's like no, it was asked me to sit in a living room. So I'll just talk to the transparent pool wall and tell you what I feel about what the dogs are feeling So then he's like I'm gonna let you to be and like he decided to let us be we decided to get some coffee We decided to have some coffee now. we're having coffee. It's like, okay, we'll get it.

The goodness he let us be. So inside she's like interesting bonding. I'm glad that he's let us be. And she's like, I think you bonded more with that trainer than the dog. Does that single eyebrow lift whenever she feels like she's being naughty? Yeah So Michelle basically says that she and Julia had a talk and they're moving forward and yada yada I'm like, well, I guess that's good that you're moving forward. No, you games. So Then we see Louis is strutting down a walkway or something and she's like, well, I've just auditioned for TV drama and I thought I could use nice cup of tea

So that's what I'm gonna do a cup of tea. I've decided to share that cup of tea with Angela Because she's the only one who's taken interest like she's all mad that people aren't like you want to go to tea and talk about your audition I have a good feeling that I'm gonna land a new print account Little yellow different A different better? Yeah, that was acting right there. Ugh. Now that there's two different kind of band aids, I'm not sure what I'm auditioning for.

There's band aids and then there's band aid. Is this a charity product or something to help children who are bleeding? I don't know and I don't care because I'm an actor. Listen, I'm going to book that silly post-trapeatic commercial where it kills me or not. And Angela looks so shocked to be in finance somewhere where she's not just going to be yelled at. She's like, hello. You know, they're crazy face. And she's like, you know, Angela, I'm glad we could talk about this together. you know, Angela, I'm glad we could talk about this together.

Okay. She's like, I know I look good for my age. You do, you do, you sure are starting to get real. She's like, I look good for my age, but I feel like if I'm going for a role in my 50s, I need to have a more worn-in face. For instance, I was auditioning to be the replacement for the girl who has problems sleeping and such as take that medication that teens all her insomnia into cat-like thick words. You ever see that commercial? She's like no. I'm rubbing my temples right now and trying to furrow my brow but I will no longer furrow. I'm trying to enjoy life and unclare it in. Look at that hot air balloon. See it?

Aha, there is no hot air balloon, but I made you think there was wasn't I? Didn't I? Her mantle is like, your face is perfectly worn in. If she stands in her power, she'd be extraordinary. I've brought magic for you Louise. Magic! And she's like, I hope it's not the mushrooms. It's a spray for your aura. Breathe it in as well. And Louise is like, well, of course, I think it's a load of crap, but I go along. Yeah. So then I'm an a**. I can walk in front of a superimposed chart of pain better than anyone else. You don't let the pain control you. You can't trove our pain. I can show you just how Tyno affects the body.

I can do a diagram. Antelagos. Well, this is a new sidewishing of you. A vulnerable side. My cow is she being vulnerable. She's saying she's too hot to be old and she's an actor a lot. Louise is like, well, you know me,

I don't feel the need to be loved by everybody. I find it to be weakness. And she goes, yes, but you don't have to be like that. She goes, but I am that. And she goes, yes, I see it's Yeah, and so and she's like, I loved being loved She and she's like, maybe I should be more prickly like you and she's like, well, maybe I should be sweeter Like if we combined ourselves to be the perfect person and the reason she goes, we could run for mayor

One gigantic mayor We could be the mayor of power to power Drive. One plus size mayor with a face too perfect to be in his 50s. And Angela just goes, I just want the beast for you. I'm like, you want her to have a beast? She's like wishing Satan upon people. That is so Angela. So what's funny is that the episode description of my TV said that someone takes An to hip hop class. So if this is An's version of hip hop, I'm very confused because basically it's a scene of Julia and taking Julia to feed cats. I was like, is this what counts as hip hop in New Zealand? You got a hip hop, hipley's got right over the the fence over the freeway

Here we don't stop okay I know I ended it like a remote news Zealand Ramona moment Hey Kai So they're going to feed cats cuz hands like well in addition to mr. Perry Winkle face. Oh, I also look after the Pan-Hale Pussies. I don't know what the Pan-Hale Pussies are, but... The Pan-Hale Pussies! Oh, Pan-Hale! I thought she said Pan-Hale.

She's talking about Pallon-Hale. Because they're in Pallon-Hale driving around to all the feeding stations that Ann has set up for these cats, like for all the strays. And she's like, we feed them after

they're de-sexed. The ones with their private parts. No food for you sir. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And she's like, where are all these venues? She's like, it's not a touring show, do you know? Not venues. Where do you put the barberschries on be there?

No. So they're washing,. They're like kneeling down Washing top of where with the brush, which they're not not not really doing anything She's just like and no water. Yeah, no water at all. She's just like Well, I'm gonna scrape it with the brush that'll do you won't it? I'm like, what are you? Is there soap on the front like she's poisoning all the cats from part now basically? Yeah, it ends like I don't think Julia I was ready for this for this mission. She's wearing high heels and fancy clothes.

I'm like, and you're wearing high heels and fancy clothes. And a fur. And a fur. She's wearing like a fur collar thing, like a fur wrap type thing. So they go up onto this like hillside that's above a highway, and leave it to Julia to be totally dramatic.

She's like, I'm standing on a cliff. Literally a cliff. I'm looking over the Grand Canyon of New Zealand right now. It's a cliff. It is so dangerous, these kits. It's like a train yard and a backstreet somewhere. Yeah, your own head. The ham is like, all right, we've got to climb over this

bobbed wire, go over the hill and stop where the crack is. It's like, whoa, can the cats come inland a little bit for their food? Like, I don't believe that there's really cats who are like, we're living over the train yard and that's it. Yeah, and so I mean, I look like they had created some sort of thing where only the cats go and to get the food, but I don't understand the need to have these little bowls.

Just make the, just pour the food on the ground. The cat, I'll be happy. Why can't these cats catch their own dinner anyway? They're stray cats. That's what they do. They catch mice. I love that the camera people are grossed out too. Because if she pours all this cat food in there, you hear the most disgusting cat food I've ever seen too, by the way. It was like this weird like bright fuchsia shit like, and what are you serving them? There's like government cheese. shit like, what are you serving them? There's like government cheese. And everybody who psychoanalysis each other on these shows are so on the

nose, but then the other people admit it. For example, Julie goes, well, I think that these cats are probably a replacement for children with Anne. And Anne's like, I don't have children. I've never wanted them. I have kids. And I'm like I don't have children. I've never wanted them. I have cats Then we have them cremated and then we make pictures with it We make pictures to put on boxes and when I go I'm on all my cats cremated with me and we go out in one big fire

I'm gonna get on a tire and the tires gonna rise up into the ceiling and then I'm going to walk away and I'm going to sing a song first and it'll be lovely, absolutely lovely. Memory all alone in the arm of fire, I'm on fire. This is this performance is not working out the way I thought it would be. Ma'am, Ma'am. I'm off the tire. Ma'am, Ra, uh-uh-uh They're like did you hear that did you hear about that touring performance of cats or grisabella?

Cremated the entire cast along with her. It's really dark And then she then they canceled then they canceled all the rest of their shows like what happened? I also liked when they went to another place for the cats. They had these little little houses. And she's like, ah, let's get in there. And let's clear out like little things make sure there are no hitchhogs in there. And I just was so praying that Julia would get,

would get like stick her hand right on a hitchhog. She's getting a little, oh, I got some, I got some hitchhog in my hand. It's like another stream of awful things to say. It's like, don't get her mad and just hear the shocking expletives that come out of her mouth. Oh, yeah. So these scenes on this show were the longest ever.

So Julie is like, well, now that we've been feeding kids for 30 hours. Yeah, yeah. She's like, I wanted you to know I apologize to Michelle. She goes, Oh, had that now. It was interesting, but then I'm ready to move on. She's like, good. And to thank Louise, I'm going do a day for the girls, girl days. We're gonna take rifles and we're gonna go clay pigeon shooting. Like Ann Besson.

How is that a girl day? Ann Besson does a thing where it's like, could you please pass the jellet and that old lady feints, that's what Ann did when she said clay pigeon shooting. She's like, clay pigeon. I don't really like that very much because it's sort of like practice shooting for killing ducks. I don't think people do clay shooting to practice their ducks water. Yeah, she's like, I know it's not killing, but it feels like killing. You're basically shooting shapes of things that could be killed.

Next thing you know, if you miss a dog, you stick up out of the grass and laugh at you. As she comes, the first she's wearing. Yeah, exactly. So next up is Louise walking through a dreary day way over dressed. It's like going to ran on her head and she's like, I'm walking to the agent to find out if she has a role for me. I'm hoping I booked the rest of real commercial. I'm quite hopeful. Hopefully if she sees me walking she realized that I could also do an ad for tennings. I've been brushing with Colgate all week trying to make a hip in the secret. Trying to book that Colgate commercial I should say. She's like I've had a bit of a funny feeling because it was late in the evening when she called and I still hadn't

heard. And the agent was like thank you for coming over here late in the evening when she called and I still hadn't heard. And the agent was like, thank you for coming over here late in the day. I knew you hadn't heard. It's like, okay. Yeah. I've been practicing my mimeing. I'm pretending I'm holding the Lunecis butterfly. Mm-hmm. It's like you were wonderful. You were in the final two. But unfortunately, what is this American eye? I know. Come on, guys. The final two. What is this American eye? I know. Come on, guys. The final two. But they gave the role of cop number one to audition in number three.

Well, I don't even know what number that makes me, but I'm glad to have a number. I'd like to take my agent to you, by the way. And Luis is like, it's really too bad. I could see myself walking out onto stage and giving a great performance I'm glad you could see that Louise. Yeah more proof that creative visualisation is bullshit Angela the only person who would have lunch with me and fill me with hope what's she putting my aura anybody? And she goes well do you have anything else and the girl goes just an American project project which is kind of tricky because I'm like oh, I get it

They want a real actress. I get it So now they probably have real 50-year-old faces in America Well, they do say I'm the Michelle Fife of Paratite Drive Emotions leave to go. Well, at least you liked it. All is not lost. I can still change the heart and mind of my core audience. Casting. Oh, oh, it's rely on the comfort of agencies. I'm basically a Tennessee Williams heroine with a little bit of drive, a lot of moxie and a decent agent. All the worlds are stage in all the women and women merely players. They have their entrances and their exits.

Line. Line. You didn't get the part, get out of my office. All right. That number. Gendo that was. Call me call me call me lunch lunch call. So they're showing the coming up on real housewives of Hocland and they show so much shooting a rifle and then in slow motion, you see the bullet bouncing on the ground. Like, tuntan, tuntan. Someone finally dies. The real housewives of Buckley. So now it ends being of which we know transition over to the clay shooting thing and Anne's walking up and she's like, they don't look like beds,

do they? I just, I just wanted to be able to tie it if it was that they actually looked like little beds and like and You know what it feels birds right cats So I didn't Louise is like everyone looks bright today. They look like something out of tecla I'm like what's taquler? You know tecla tecla you have a silly tacla where people dress up like they go in hunting tecla I had in the tatla. I thought she was saying like the tabular magazine. No, like the tatla. I put on close caption and said, Tacla.

Tacla. You look like the Tacla. The starboard. Starboard. You ever see anyone off the starboard? Very sexy. My kind of gear. It's perfect.

It got me in the mood for my, give me some inspiration for my one woman show about the life and times of LLB. And Gilders like, for my give me some inspiration from my one woman show about the life and times of LLB. And Gilders like, I love pigeons too much to shoot. Okay, Gilders love pigeons. Like, well, the wonders never cease. So all the girls come up to the teacher and Michelle keeps her hands off of them because there's two of them. and they're like, well, hello, welcome to Clay pigeon hunting. The piss thing, Wig and a D. Siph-Day, like boring, cut it.

I don't hear every- And it ends like, are you using a 12 gauge or another gate? And everyone's like, and how'd you know about that? She's like, well, my huge wrist it was telling me you build it. Yes, Anne has got some weird lie going on about shooting guns. And she keeps dropping hints that she's lying, but no one cares enough to pick up on it. But she does it again later, doesn't she? When we get to the dinner thing, it's like, why are you lying about when you shot guns?

It's weird. Those cats really died. No, I wonder how many husbands are in those little boxes that she's like, I've put them in the box of a pussy because that's what he was He lies Mr. Tita Barrow. He was a cheating evil pusuit treated his wife poorly. I mean She loved rainbows Celebrity beef you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife

And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon.

Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. This doesn't rhyme, but that's me on poetry! A noble persihu cheated on his wife many many many times and also loved Katnip. And also would not listen to his wife say that they shouldn't have those lights sparkling on the bush during a party which made the lights go out. So Ann is like very concerned about these ducks because there's a pond with a bunch of ducks and swans and the ducks are like, we don't give a fuck, we've been here forever.

So they're all sitting on the grass, like they get the hell out of the water and the Michelle goes, this one looks so uncomfortable. And the teachers like, well, they know what's going, they know it's about to happen. And they know to stay up here and cratch. Yeah. So then Ann, so Anna Michelle, you know, they decide not to participate in this. They're, they're gonna step to the side for a second. But Anna's freaking out. She's like, but what if they do fly up? What if they do fly up?

That's how you know you are like a very rich person where this is the most stressful thing that could have happened to you all season. The potential for a doctor freak out and maybe get hit by a bullet. And Julie is like, they give you any adrenaline rush? I get that from champagne. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. So Anna Michelle decide they're not going to, they're not gonna shoot. So the guy is like, he gives Michelle the thing that's,

she's gonna press the button, that's gonna show up the clay bitch and, and he gives, and like a scorpie keeper thing. And Anna goes, I'm going to be a scorpie keeper. That's slightly more boring, but hey, we have to do something. I'm like, why is this in the show? Why do we need the color commentary about the mundane roles are getting on the side? Like, why are we dedicating airtime to this?

It's important that everyone has a job and contributes to society. It's like, okay. I found the pot to be slightly heavy, but the pen had a wonderful flow to it. Thanks, thanks for filling us in. Real housewives of Auckland. So Julia is still going crazy,

like a little old lady baby. She's like, she would think is exciting. She released the tension. I'm quite good and I like to show off. And then she keeps missing. She misses like the four. Like a tree branch falls off. And Anne's losing her mind.

She's like, don't do it so low. She can do the video with the ducks, the ducks. The duck! The duck's a baby's delicious isn't it, darling? Delicious. Reminds me, that's delicious isn't it darling? Delicious. But it reminds me of some lovely duckar around last night. And Louise. Louise's just stoic judgment of every single thing

is hilarious because it used to be, or at least so far, it seemed like, OK, there's Louise judging things again. But now it's just Louise literally being the weakest link lady in every single thing. She really is. She's like, well, if I had three guns like her, I'd better be a better shot. Let's, for sure. I like so Angelic gets up there and Angel does really well and Gilder goes, when Angela started hitting all those clays, I thought, you go girl. But of course, in typical Angela style, she's like, this is out of my comforts and I've never shot a gun before. And then

obviously she has. She hits like the first four in a row. Yeah, she's like, it's like it's beginners look because I imagine myself doing that. It's all in the attitude, girls. She's like, I've got head eyeball coordination, you know? She didn't even say eyeball. She said handball coordination, which is very important for later. No, she said head eyeball coordination. Oh, she said head eyeball.

I wrote headball coordination. No, because I heard headball first also, but I went back. It was it was head eyeball. And she's like, you know, I remember the teacher. And she goes, I'm great at cricket too. Which I've never played before. Want me to prove it? And they're like, so guilty to have you shop before.

So I said, no, I mean, except for the AK47, I'm 16 in the comments. You go, you grew up in Iran. You become obsessed with guns and weaponry. No big. No big and Anz like, well, I'd be surprised if she didn't win. And believes everything you tell her at first too.

I believe Gilda. I believe Gilda, but it's just how Anz just amazed at everything she hears. It cracks me up. So Julia, so they, everyone shoes Louise hits herself in the mouth. And then just about knocked my dentures out, which I have because I'm in my 50s. So if anybody knows a project, please tell them that just because my face looks like I'm

20 doesn't mean I can't still play a mom. Luckily, I've auditioned for a very effective Polydent commercial. So, so then they like round everyone up and it's like, oh, right, the winners, I think Africa who was, but like Angela and Julia tied for third and Julia's like, oh, I thought, I couldn't believe I didn't win. I didn't win. So it's like fine, it's like, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And then, and then Anne's like, well, let's go get some champagne. It's like, sure. So Anna Michelle go off to get champagne and they'll let the rest of them like, all right, we're going to go back to shooting. I'm like, wait, let's go get some champagne. It's like, sure. So Anna Michelle go off to get champagne and they'll let the rest of them like, all right, we're gonna go back to shooting. I'm like, wait, it's not over.

We're going back to the shooting. Yeah, the lady, the other four ladies who are so competitive, they just kept shooting. And Louise goes, I was secretly pleased that Julia didn't win. She wasn't that good. These. She certainly couldn't run for me.

So Michelle and Anna Anna drinking alone and Miss sells like we make the right decision but it's in bearing bearing. And a good drinking. He is Ted Docs. Whenever they are alligators, whatever's out there, Dolphins, Wells, who cares? Here, here's to the ducks, to the ones that fly and the ones who don't give a thack, uh uh uh uh. Here's to the duckies who launch if they're not shot in the head by awful women who don't mind killing things. You know I never appreciated that movie where Ducky did not get the girl. I mean it's a duck for crying out loud.

Who would try and shoot Ducky? Just because he wears a silly hat and sunglasses doesn't mean he should be shot. So now it's actually... Yeah, now it's actually the last shot for everybody's there. We had like a slow motion montage of the other women shooting and like a guild like you sort of set before a guild of pulling a cartridge out of her gone I mean like Clank Yeah, she's like pulling a knife out of her ink lit and like throwing it up Just like stabs the ducks in the face. Yeah, it's like wow. She's really good

She's like Zina warrior princess all of a sudden. Yeah, so now it's lunch and And is talking about how she's against the clay shooting and everything. And then Louise is like, Oh, I simply don't understand women getting all phone guns. It's not loving and nurturing as women are meant to be. It's practicing to shoot, to shoot something. And so Louise is like, Anne is actually deluded.

Because basically, they start going on about how, and, you know, she loves her fur, and Michelle even calls her out about it. And like, well, to be fair, you have fur as an aunt and it's like, no, I don't love wearing fur. I think it's totally unacceptable. It's the testable, and acceptable death penalty. Which is like, but you are wearing fur. She says no, it's a fox. The foxes are gonna be killed anyway.

Well, you could say the same thing for Julia. You can't just wear Julia, don't you? It's totally different than going out and buying the end of the year, Britley. Cause I guess maybe she inherited her fur. I'm like, and, and the fox can be killed anyway. I don't think the fox is gonna be killed anyway. The fox is not gonna be killed anyway.

And the goat is like, oh, what she doesn't understand is that by waiting for you're promoting industry no matter what. You don't go girl. Yeah, hey, don't go girl. Don't go girl. Don't go girl. Don't go girl. Yeah. Hey, don't go girl. Don't go girl. Don't go girl. Don't go girl. Um, and then Louise goes, well, you could say the same about rabbit.

And she's like, exactly. You're good. That's why you can wear rabbits too. Like, oh, my God. And, and so then, and then, so then, and she makes some comment about like killing cows or whatever and then so then They're all laughing and like well. Thank God reading fish right now and then goes ah, but even so poor old fish They decided to eat that little wormy on the hook so they had personal responsibility Delicious

Poor old fish putting a good life mr. Tuna, but alas, all good things come to an end. To Mr. Tuna! So much so as like Julia, how do you feel when you fire the gun? Like okay, let's get deep with Julia, like the least, you know, the most shallow. And she's like, it's adrenaline! Didn't she hear me say it before, girls? Adrenaline, it gets the blood going. And guilt is giving her this look like you.

And then Miss Algas, it's like she gets self-honoured. Oh, I love guns. Oh, yes, oh, oh, guns, I just came. And then Louise got up and says, all these sex stuff. I'm a big town free. And Louise says, everything with Julia needs to be about sex apparently. She thinks it's very attractive. Julie didn't do that Michelle did. Yeah, but Julia did nothing. Julia was just like, I love it.

I love it. Yeah, what the hell? Like you don't have to use this to still be mad about the Dildo party. Okay, girls. So now 45 minutes into this lunch scene, then Angel's first talking about this book, her new book. She's like, Oh, I have a surprise.

Yes. Yeah, well, you do it. No, no, you do it. I just had to say that she starts off that speech. Like, it's a huge surprise for the ladies. Like, oh, I thought you was gonna bring out gifts or something. She's like, oh, I have a surprise.

Yeah, I thought you were gonna do more quick. I didn't write down a quote or anything. That's why I was saying you can do it. Cause I'm gonna be written down more quote. Cause she basically was like, yeah. I'm doing a book about being real. About being real, about what it's like to be real like me. You know, and so she's talking about this book

with her crazy face and guilt is like, oh, that's funny. I'm doing a book tool. An Angela's face is like, and I love how Guild is she's like, oh, book a how fascinating. Are you going to have a party for this book? And she's like, well, of course, and she goes, oh, good. It's like Gilder's obviously setting her up, right? Yeah. Gilder's like, I have announcement too. I have a book as well. Well, it is a part of huge series, huge long series. And it is about the solar system, space, cosmology, stars science you know everything rules She's like and she's like and it's it's because she said it's like a graphic novel

Whatever an angel is like it's it's a comic you know her she's I try like her smile is now like fully like up to the back of her head You know she's like bling bling bling bling. It's a it's a comic, it's a comic, oh, and it tells us, I'm not going to be overshadowed by somebody else having a book. I know how much hard work goes into it, so I'm looking forward to seeing his two and it just stairs the camera and just goes like, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.

It sounded like Gildo was just making shit up to be mean. You are the like the upstageer her because when she was describing the book, it is ages seven and up, it is space. Like she just went on forever and I was like, is she making this up? But then the very next scene, well, first of all, we have to say Louise is like, blow me. And Angus. You know, she always came off as an empty headed socialite haul to me,

but it's clear she's hiding extreme intelligence. I was amazed. Stand. And Angus, it's clear your books couldn't be more different. And so it goes, oh, I agree. Because mine's about keeping it real. And hers is about San Pation thing. Universe is not Persian.

It's for everyone. So Gilda is at home at her book. I'm sorry, at home working on her book. It's a very fancy desk. And she's like, that's just continuing to talk about it. She's like, it ends about a solar system, cosmology, more solar system, and then it sort of transitions to her walking with her friend Mark to avenge you. Never before has entertainment been infused with your nation. Yeah. My next book is about Constitution of United States going to Washington to learn.

And then after that, my next idea is about conjunctions, injunctions, and finding out their functions. I have decided to turn the alphabet into a song to make it easier for children to remember it. I want to teach people about things like sesame seeds and streets. I'm totally sesame street. So yeah, she's in this black leather dress looking hot and she's with who I assumed was her agent, but it's not. It's the MC of her watch. Yeah, her event.

For a children's book, let's remember this, okay. For ages seven and half, and his name is Mack. Mack. This scene, like nothing happens in the scene, it was like, this is what it looks like to coordinate something at a venue. Yeah, it was basically just Mark being an asshole. Yeah. And the guy who owned the event is trying to be so nice and Mark is just such an asshole. He's like, well, he's how I feel. He's how

I feel. It'll be high end, high end. He's standing in the in the hallway here. There's red velvet rub and you stop here against brick wall and then they take your picture quite celeb, quite cool. High end, high end. Here's some whiskey that's been to space, $100 a share. It's like, okay, great. It's like, all right, now here's some canopies. We'll have some canopies. I want some gunna-boons.

High end, high end, high end. These are high end. That's the idea of tasting, and he's like, she's like, these are huge. Because they're eating sliders, and Mark goes, no one will look, look us. No one will look mate No one looks good shoving huge bun down the cake hole All right one one and done one bite and done that's how I end

The I'm so sorry Ben, but the caterer goes well nothing's impossible Like the universe so it's like all right. Let's bring in the flail person So this lady comes in with flowers and she's like, well, I was thinking about putting these in a bunch of vases and we understand she goes, I don't like vases. She goes, all right, why don't you put them in balls, make them planet flower planets, flower plants. And she looks at her like she's fucking crazy. But then Gilda follows it up. She's like,

our about red balls, based on eight planets in the solar system, hung with plants, and then she goes, oh, well, I guess this red flower could be Mars, and she goes, you know your planets. And Mark's just going, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi, ho's like, oh, well, he's like, well, Angel has a book coming out great. It's one of the 10 million cookbooks that are coming out. He's like, it's actually self-help. Oh, all right. So then it's one of the 10 million self-help books coming out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why aren't I? And she goes, how will you be Mark at this party? What is your MC? What will you be like MC? And he goes, well, I'll be funny, naughty, of course. It won't offend anyone, will it? It's a party for a children's book.

Like you're gonna hire a dick joke guy. Oh my goodness. And by the way, we should mention, we saw a few panels of the comic book. It was like a real comic book. I was, I was like, whoa, this is, whoa, that's crazy. It's like a real new ceiling comic book, okay? And you know that she's really rich

because she's taking notes on it with the pen. Yeah, exactly. Now she had little posted notes on there as well, but she keeps like touching the pictures with the pen. Yeah, okay. You know that she's like, I don't care, I would have five million more pressed. Yeah, so really, let's move on to, because that scene was dread...

So I watched New Zealand twice this week, because I watched it once, because I thought we weren't recapping it, so it's just watching it, and then it turns out shots. We're in the last week. We're in the last week. It's the last week. No, I was just gonna say that, but watching that bar scene, a second time, was dreadful for me. I'm like, I cannot live in this scene anymore.

So how are you? How are you? How are you? But now, the fun scene was Angela shooting the cover of her book, which is all about being real. I love it. So we open up the scene with Angela saying, being real is about being natural, being who you are, and who you want to be. I like being natural and real. You're sitting there getting your hair done and make up splattered on your face. And you have all these people tending to you right now. This is not about being real. I was kind of ignoring her at first because you know, it's typical this show. It's like, my book is a bad and then she pitches the whole thing again.

But this time I noticed that she said, it's how you present yourself to people and you want them to know that you are. So in other words, it's not being real. It's faking people out and making them think you always have a plastic smile on your face and everything is fine. It's like teaching fucking psychopaths how to be psychopaths. Most self-help books are about how not to be like this. You know that, right, Angela? Exactly.

So then she goes over to the stylist. These stylists, like two burglars, they literally are dressed like, they probably were burglars that like broken to the house and like, fuck, there's a shoot going out Okay, quick tend to be stylist. Okay, so they're like okay, so we really think is we'd like to have you wear this We think this would look good on you. It was like a beige there They pulled some like beige and white things and she's like oh, I don't usually wear these kinds of colors because they wash me out

And I'm like Angela you're literally wearing beige in your interview right now Totally ended up. I'm sorry. I just don't wear beige and all the people who are who are works He's like I've got my support team Leah my French PA Because we have to nurse these friends in case you didn't know As he goes and Karen my my friend and spiritual healer. Digas, digas, so digas in my chest back and Karen's like, sweetie, you feeling grounded, you're feeling good, don't sweetie, yeah, and she's wonderful. So and what's great about the scene is it gives Angela a chance to pontificate about what it's like to be a model And she's like one year in model. You just have to be a model

You just have to be a blank slate and I could be a blank slate real well All they wanted her to do is put on one of those big white shirts that's we've seen this a million times It's like the Karen Hubert. Yeah, yeah, just a huge oversized white shirt of her dress. And this is the big thing. And she's like, no, I think leather. Leather's the way to go. And so even the teenage people she has working are like, well, one of them goes, I guess the designer or whatever.

He's like, well, it's about being real. And you don't want people to think you're overglamorous for it. And she's like, well, sometimes models have to listen to the artist. That's what a model does. For example, you know, now people sit on my face. If there isn't a bus stop, would that be my first choice? And she's still, I mean, Angela's still in here, Mack goes back to her makeup. She's still worried.

She's like, I just, I don't know about that white shit. It might be a bit casual for me. I don't know. Leah talked the burglars asking, they're like, no, she's got to wear it. So finally photographer, he has the best way to uphandle. He goes, well, all the super models of the 80s were white shirts. She's like, I'm doing the white shit. I have to surrender. He's like, it'll make you look sexy darling, sweetie darling. Don't you want to look sexy? She's like, I'm in. Yeah.

So what you do is a model you just do what you're given. I'm a professional model that I'm so comfortable exposing myself. And she really is. Okay, so this turns into a total porn shoot. Yes. So she's in this white shirt and no pants, obviously, in like, whore makeup.

And she's squatting on the bed, giggling and chewing on her finger, like being really sexy. And then he's like, lay on your back, lay on your back. This might feel cold at first. Like, whoa, whoa. I don't have to hide behind smokes and mirrors. That's what I don't have to do. So you can get those cigarettes right out of my face.

I'm a heart and behind them. Smokes and mirrors. She's literally flopping around the bed like a dead fish, which, and would, you know, probably appreciate because it's okay with fish. Poor old fish. And she's like, oh, yes, you are. Like she's queuing and groaning. And see he goes oh I want to show you something

Let's look at the bathroom. Yeah, she's like look at this bathroom goodness. Oh no close on Absolutely, I'm in yeah, what so she gets in the bubble bath and she's so dumb. The first thing she does, she gets in there, the bubbles are all the way up to her chest. And the first thing she does, she wipes the bubbles off and then she's like, oh, name my babes. I'm like, why did you wipe the bubbles off? What did you think was gonna happen?

That's exactly what she thought was gonna happen. She's treating like this like a whole sex thing. Like, no one is after you. She's like, for that. She goes, at all. I'm not a playboy model. I'm a fish and model. I'm like, you were the face of tourism New Zealand, okay? And their rates probably dropped. Not a playboy model. You're on bus stops. Yep. So, so Leah is horrified as she gets naked and she's covering her with towels and stuff.

And Ansel is like, now I see where he wanted to go. Open up, have no limitations. It wasn't about exposing my body. It was about exposing myself. About exposing yourself, which is your body, you fucking moron. And appropriately, that's where that episode ended. Oh my god, I cannot wait till the ladies get first shit about this. It'll be good. Um, so that was it for New Zealand, so why don't we move over to, uh, you know, one of our favorite segments of the week. Ye old crap ins mailbag. Of course I don't actually have the mailbag music up. Oh there it is the president of the

yes we continue to be the most ramschats i'm young i'm looking and the and like as i was saying we are the most msackel

podcast We are the most ramshackle podcast The only request in mailbag was to play James We'll see you next week It was funny when we did our live show last week They were like so is there gonna be like a good bit using any like mist Any lighting things will there be power techniques? I'm like we can barely get through an episode without having a glitch We're not setting up fireworks. I know we had to like plan 15 minutes how to move chairs around So that's generous. That was literally 25 minutes of like okay then this chairs you go here. Okay spike it spike it

Do we have a different color tape oh god Okay, which microphone for this person? Oh, I'll be able to do this microphone. It was so crazy. So crapence mailbag is our fun thing that we do on Fridays where people who sport the show on Patreon, they get to write in questions and we answer them.

Questions, comments, whatever it is. We'll do it. We'll say it. OK. Benjamin Cohen, deer, whatever it is. We'll do it. We'll say it. Okay. Benjamin Cohen, deer, sweet Benjamin Cohen. A little Benji. Benji, Benji from Boston.

So he says, hey guys, I need some advice. Uh oh, you've come to the wrong place. There are many acts at my office that whistle incessantly throughout the whole day. Which housewife slash Brava Liberty? Should I emulate in order to tell them to shut the fuck up? Well, I think that's pretty obvious what he has to do. You got a ho- You got a ho- You got a ho- and some Leanne Lockin? Your whistling world is over! Your office world is over! Slap the wall, slap the cubicles down.

You know the biggest thing that really stops whistling is for you to start whistling. But then they may just transition to eating apples loudly. I used to be the waiter that was always singing something to myself. And no, I would get looks, but I'd be like, well, excuse me for reading a self-help book and being happy for a week, you know. And then there was another girl that started working with us, it started singing to herself, and it immediately stopped me. It's like, I want to kill this bitch, and so I will no longer sing. I wonder where a Benjamin works.

I mean, it's just, it sounds like he's with the seven dwarves right now. It sounds like Pure Hell, but I would. I don't know where. You whistle at work. I think Liam Locking or Ramona, because Ben does have kind of like a, he could pull off a Ramona attitude. Like he could say something really true and dark and like just biting, but then people are like, oh, it's Ben, you know? Yeah. Or maybe he could Bethany them to shut up. I'm like, what's going on? Why, why we just like, like, seven doors? Like, I'll say, like, where's no white? Like, I'll say, you know, like, you know, I like, give me the point snap. Like, I want to go see, like, like, like, like, like, when Chris Charming comes, because I don't know what's going on. Why we've been slings this like seven doors like I'll say like where's no white like I'll say you know it's like you know I like give me the

point snap like I want to go see like like wake me up when Chris Charming comes because I can't do the whistling like it's too much like why do you even whistle like like you know like like you know how you whistle you put your lips together and blow okay how about this how about you like blow me like get out of your like get off my job like I'll say okay yeah or just tie what they're whistling to Bethany so every time they think of whistling they'll think of a Bethany rat for example if they're like whistleistling, they'll think of a Bethany rat. For example, if they're like, Whistle, while you work, you're like, Whistling, why you work? Seriously, who does that? Like, how does anybody get work done?

Like, what, it took three minutes, like, what, wake somebody up? Like, seriously? Like, what, that's your goal? Like, just go in the worthwhile water and say, wake up! I mean, god damn. Like, what are you supposed to do? So you see the captain's seeping in there because the captain is back. Or how about you just annoy them with a Ryle impersonation?

Like every time they start whistling, go, see? Now Ryle, I was trying to work, but like Ryle, see? Now you're whistling too much and like we was. And I'm like, okay, nevermind. We'll just join in. You know, join in and really annoy him. Just be like a Leuan. If they're like whistle while you work, just be like, well, I have a song coming out called whistle while you work. It goes like

this whistle while you work. If you have class, which you can't buy, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whistle while you work. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Lwanna you realize that whistling is not sighing deeply. Well, I'm sorry. She's how I do it Whistle whistle while you paint house. Yeah

Whistle while you make tackers Sheak sailor whistle What else is in that bag? Um, how about, why don't we, uh, let's check in with the Quinnitars. Um, she said, uh, the Quinnitars say, Ray from Real House of New York refers to people with jobs as peasants while he's on permanent vacation often in Europe. He definitely belongs on below deck med as a wonderfully obnoxious charter guest. What awkward demands and preference sheet eye rollers would he deliver to Hannah and the

crew? Trash PSC when Chicago. That's a great question actually. What requests would Rey make on Blow Deck Med? Oh my god, Rey on a yacht? Well, he would ask for all the obvious stupid shit. You'd be like, trash, I want champagne and caviar and caviar in the champagne. You trash, who told you about champagne? Trash, who bits, bits. I feel like he's too much of a mess to even fill out the request

sheet. And then he'd come on and they would have the regular stuff for him and you'd be like well Where's the plentah Trash it's all I wanted Shirley everybody knows it He probably would also order something like like high low, you know like bitch give me some PBR I want to do I'm shaking in my bits and sir excited for the PBR Where's the PBR you're rude you're rude trash trash and so excited for the PBR. Where's the PBR? You're rude. You're rude. Trash. Trash. Does anyone have any Cheetos? I want to feed the peasants. I want some Express M.R. Teenies trash. It would be hard to see people as peasants and work on that boat because everybody has a job on that boat. He would just be walking around

judging everybody all day trash. Okay Ray, I'm gonna need you to take a nap now. Okay, we're gonna serve some brains. Eno later to come your nerves, but for now, I want you to take a nap. Holly, what asshole with your thumb up your ass is? God damn. Later, skater. Yeah, Ray is a fucking mess of a human being. I'm sorry, I was taking a drink of water at that point. No, I think Ray requires everyone to take a drink of water.

So that's it for this week on Crab is Mail, I'm going to close it on up. I mean, it's obvious that Ray has to come back next season, right? Now that Tom's out of the picture, we need to, we need to, we need to ray back on real houses in New York. And if not, they are like definitely blow-duck men. I'd like, definitely, definitely. Finally, girls, I'm in love with Ray. We've been friends for so long and then just realized when he called our driver trash so politely that we were meant to be.

Anyway, everyone I have a glorious weekend. We will see you back on one day to discuss shas again and Get some rest everyone and enjoy yourselves, okay? Love you guys. Bye. Boy Hey, everyone. Thanks for listening to the podcast today We really appreciate the love and support you guys show us if you have a minute go to iTunes and Bye. Bye. Hey, everyone. Thanks for listening to the podcast today. We really appreciate the love and support you guys show us. If you have a minute, go to iTunes and leave a review. And if you don't want to do that, maybe next time

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