Watch What Crappens - RHOAuckland: Method Madness

Episode Date: August 18, 2017

The Real Housewives of Auckland take on acting classes, and Gilda isn’t believing Angela’s method. Also, a French prisoner is emotionally abused over a blue collar car. Delicious. Enjoy!  ** Jeff Lewis, Gage Edward and Jenni Pulos are going to be our special guest on the Setp 2 Live Show! Get tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com. Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends

That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. You can also find us on social media on Twitter We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends. We'll see you there I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors Kelly Grant stump Cindy Burgess Gerson just saying Kelly Barlow and Kristie Dowerty we love you girls hello and welcome to watch what crap ends a podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Yeo Bros you know who it is it's Ronnie Kerr I'm from the Rose Pricks Bachelor in Paradise podcast and here I am with my little Bestie handsome charming hilarious Ben Mandelker of the Beside blog and the Banta Blender

Hello Bean. Oh hi Ronnie, we made it to Friday. Babe we have made it to Friday and we have one of the craziest shows on Bravo to talk about. I'm so excited. The real hands was the Oakland. Oh my God. I love this show. I hope people are watching it. Are people watching it?

I hope people are watching it. I think people are generally confused by how Bravo does their scheduling because it's on Saturday afternoon and they're like, why? Like they don't know. No one watches Bravo on Saturday. It's like this and fast and the furious. Yeah. You know, yeah, it's a shame.

I don't know why Bravo does this. They've got other holes in their schedule to fill. Why don't they just put it prime time so people can see it? Yeah. They're slow and the curious. Yeah. The last and furious.

The dammit, I love it. I don't know. Fast and the furious may be a good a descriptor for Leah the French PA and her questionable driving skills. She's like, oh, I got into a driving a driving race and I crashed. I do not understand the car. And they're the other signs. Oh my goodness. Zina Sayla driving. So I noticed in the opening credits this week that the Michelle, the model housewife, she's like, oh, I'm a model highestwife

for whatever she says. Like you're a model. You're on a runway taking a selfie. Yeah. Model model in Auckland. Yeah, exactly. So do you want to just jump right into it? Do you have anything you want to start off with?

Buy tickets to our live show in LA, Jeff Lewis. Holler. Yeah, WalterCrapins.com for ticket links. Yes. So we open at St. Helios, whatever that is. And it's Angela walking with, you know, their version of ugly Betty, adorable, Leah, Leah ugly Betty. Yes

And we're going to go hair shopping today Because it's very important my home needs a fabulous walk in wardrobe Leah my French PA and I we're gonna go has shopping I'm like you don't have to keep reminding us that she's a French PA, you can just say your PA. She's French. Oh, I have a fabulous apartment in Auckland and my family home is in Christchurch.

She's at Christchurch. Christchurch. Looking for a family home and a really lovely neighborhood, indoor outdoor flow. Do you have this in France? Lea indoors and outdoors? She's like yeah we invented it. Have you ever seen a chateau bitch? Yeah outside? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Please just nod some smiles like, oh, don't hit me. Please don't hit me Le crescent

So yeah, so they're looking around this giant house Leah is terrified looking she's it's like Leah's never even seen a house before She's just been let out of her box. She's like Lece Ling so high So and absolutely she's like well one thing my house needs is a bath. Look at this bath, Leo. You can find or you can always find me in the bath. And the agents like, oh, lo, me goals. Am I right? That'll be you in the bath.

And if you ever get tired of walking up all these stairs, you can always take the lift. This house comes to the lift. I'm like, oh, oh, Leah, my French PA would love to get in the lift. Leah, get in the lift. Get in the lift. Yeah, Leah, I think you should try and get in the lift. And you're just like, left, left, Leah. No, no, don't turn left, Leah. Back Leah.

They put Leah in this tiny elevator and they send it up. And Leah's like, Angela? Angela? Angela? Angela? Angela? She doesn't understand the concept of an elevator. It's like it's slowly filling with water.

Angela? Angela? Angela? Angela? Angela going... Leah? Leah Leah where's Leah? I'm walking to leave We came a little bit disoriented in the left disorientated She got it disorientated in the tiny elevator. Hi,

daughter, it's coming down. It's coming down. Then they cut to her going, it's coming down. It's coming down. It is a little bit of a terrifying, a terrifying elevator. I don't trust elevators and homes. I don't either. They're little and tiny and they have doorknought They have like doors regular doors. It doesn't it doesn't feel right. I don't like it It doesn't feel right. It's like I'm surprised that Vicki got into Kelly Dodd's elevator last season What were you thinking getting into a Kelly Dodd elevator of all elevators? You're not kidding Ansela preves that she still knows nothing about fashion or design at all

They're in this like super modern house and she's like, I love this Mediterranean European kind of feeling. It's very misfandero meets, you know, neo-classical modernist buddlest bow house with a touch of Egyptian. I like that. Clean lines, iron roostes, glitter. I like that the reams a lot of the rooms have four walls Oh, it's my god, what was in my right? I think you already said that there. Where's Leah? Leah I'm looking for a property somewhere in the sievans sievans sievans because in the sievans

Like you can't even afford something in the one stop front You are just going to every open house on the street. You are here for Leah cookies You're here to feed your assistant free cookies in open houses stop lying Exactly exactly you just wanted to see what would happen if you put Leah in a tiny box Yes, you just need to emotionally abuse Leah on national TV and think you're getting away with something. We are on to you lady So then Michelle calls and I love how formal they are with each other. You can see how angry they are because she's because Andrew's like Hi, this is Angela and Michelle is like hi. This is Michelle Blanchard Would you like to grab coffee at Chico's?

Only in this town would they go to Chico's to drink coffee It's like when they had a formal lunch party or whatever in the Creighton barrel in Where were they were before Melbourne? I was really happy we could get some tea at Dillets Pretty much Have you ever heard of the Bobo, a bedbeth and be on? Bedbeth and be on baby? So, she goes, well, I'd like to give Michelle a chance because she just might want to make a means.

I'll have Leah email your assistant and then your assistant can email Leah if Leah is not scared after being in that terrifying experience of the elevator She'll email you bake Leah's like click click click click click click I'm mailing Yeah, Leah is just nodding furiously like to like it my biscuit now She's clicking nodding furiously like, do I get my biscuit now? She's clicking on her iPhone so funny. She's writing, bonser, bonser, bonser, bonser.

Leah is so excited. She doesn't know what's happened, but she's like, oh, this is wonderful. Clifotee. So then we cut to Louise. And for some reason, I like lost it when she just,

she just announces, oh, I'm doing an acting Rick shop Cuz I'm an actor This week I'm gonna teach people how to act effectively in a toilet all commercial Do you have a headache do this you have to put your hands on your temple can't put your hands above it We'll below it hands on the temple that way you know you need some pain relief Do you understand what I'm saying, right, Mae? Ewwwww. Ewwwww.

You'd understand if you'd had mectin' clasps. Listen, we're not here to do a new print commercial. We're not here to add the commercial. We're here to do tar on all the raw, there's the big leagues. And Julia and Michelle are coming with her. And Julia with her tight Joker smile. On a bit, bit about the gold digger comment. She's starting. Heart and she started herself.

She started because she's because she was the one who started talking about Gilda being gold digger. And then Anne was like, just take being gold digger and then Anne was like Just take out digger and then Julia was like And son god And then they all started talking about gold diggers and then they're at the vampire spot and she's like Would you believe that? I mean did you guys think that I was a gold digger? They go yes, haha, haha, and I'm just like I can't believe I think I'm gold. You start this whole shit And missus like oh don't acting workshops before I'm like yes, we know Michelle

I'm sure you have let me Julia's like I'm feel I'm still feeling a little bit breeze by the goldiga comment I'm like it's not the goldiga comment. It's the vampire treatment on your neck And the teacher's like squeeze your face squeeze your face Teaching is the enemy look they can't squeeze their face. They cost a lot of money They made a lot of money to not be able to squeeze their faces And then really the most effective synopsis of any real house. I have episode ever happened they go may you, you, me, you, me, you, me, you, me, you, me, me, you, me, I think I'm really silly. It's like, I was impressed with myself. Yeah, you did great with that you mean you think.

Red leather yellow, flying, flying leather, red leather, yellow leather. And Julie kept trying to get these little barbs out at Louise. But Louise doesn't give a fuck, okay? She told you she laughed about you being a gold digger. She's over it. She invited you to acting class,

like what more do you want from the woman? So when they're doing some exercise, Julie, it goes, did you babes me? And Louise goes, you'll keep love. You'll keep. I love when she turns into like an extra from Paris, the Caribbean. You'll keep love. Yeah. I'm like, I don't even know what that means. But it sounds so bitchy and mean and I love it. And she's like, I'm not worried about the competition. They're not actors. Some of them have never been in an allegra commercial before.

Then they had to imitate each other. This shit stirring acting coach. I love it. Yeah. By the way, man, stop getting this shit done to your face. It doesn't look right on a man. A woman can come look come in looking like a blow blow up doll. It doesn't freak me out, but this man only had with his eyes cut open wider.

And he just made him look like. Scary. Don't do that. I didn't notice, but he had them all do accents. So Louise does, like, Guilder accent and she's like, oh, I'm Guilder driving in a rose voice.

I'm wealthy. And Julia was like, that you say, Rude, typical Louise being so mean. I'm like, she didn't do anything. She just made a joke about a rose voice. Yeah. She used to go that tree.

She has Guilder thinking she's her friend. Like, ooooooooon. So then Julie gets to do Louise and she's like, oh believe I should be telling people what Dash had been doing. I'm gonna have a few drinks to get real alone. And Louise basically isn't falling for it. They're all just sort of laughing So Julia's getting more and more frustrated. So she's just getting nasty or nasty until finally she goes

Actually, I'm a back-stopping bitch I was like whoa Julia I got a little too far with the method acting there Oh Julie I'm so Julie Julia is talking about people with money. Oh, so she starts fighting with Louis What she starts trying to fight with Louise about the gold digger comment. Yes, and she's saying you know You're acting like money in privilege You know is everything and yours is better because you were born with yours and you deserve to be here

And if you got your money through marriage it's not as good. And the reason goes you've got that right. And then she's like well you better back off it because you're going to get other people thinking you're a stuck-up bitch and the reason goes well I don't give a shit. Seize it or wind up. Creak, creak, creak, creak. You are the weakest leak. Goodbye. I'm sorry. All the money is better. It's not milk. Money is like wine. It ages well. So the creatures like group hug. Like, like, do you mind not being part of it? You're very

sweaty right now and you've been doing nothing. And you're on the wire clothes. And you're on the wire clothes. Yeah. So now they're all, they do the group hug and now they're putting on their shoes or whatever. And Louise, as much as she wants, actually she doesn't care. It got a little bit under her skin because she's like, so is that, is that what you're saying? Is that my voice gets low? I get a low voice when I get drunk.

Is that what you're trying to say? And she was like, well, you, you both see everyone around.! She goes, no I don't. You have a thing about me. You need to understand the way that you come across. She goes, why? It's the way I come across. So they are now on bad terms for the moment, and Louise leaves joy as like, will, I was going to invite everyone up for the weekend, but now I'm not sure if I'm going to invite Louise anymore. We'll need to see about the it. Louise would be so uncomfortable in your new ass cabin anyway.

Yeah, exactly. What are these new pipes? Don't trust them. Brut bubbles water. So then Michelle and Angela now meet up to clear the air and you know that first they're being sort of nice Michelle's like it was so wonderful to see you have your hair down at the piety. I thought I'd see you dance. What'd you say? She's like well I've been a dancer all my life. Maybe you saw me with Mr. Copeland. We were ballet dancers together at the New York, barely.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I've been dancing for years. Years and years. But then, the ladies fell off again, didn't they? You remember when you started that whole, you stole my look thing? Why would you compare Julia and I? That's comparing a woman to another woman. And it's so good because you were wearing the same thing. It was quite natural. I did nothing wrong.

What kind of woman compares one woman to another woman? That makes you a lesser woman than me. I did. I did miss this part where it ends like, what about that part? Were you told me to to hook my stomach in? And then they saw a clip and missles like, darling, you're in a cat seat. You want to hold your stomach in? And then Michelle heard defense was, oh, it was just a comment. What kind of woman makes that comment? And then Michelle goes, what kind of woman would you achieve there? And then they're like, okay, let's talk about Gilder now.

Now that we settled that. Just to pull a choice to Gilder, you know, you need to bring over a lot of flowers and say I'm sorry. And until it just keeps going, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yees. I will do it. Sure.

I'm just like, sure was shake on it. I feel like, okay. I was like, I feel like you guys were fighting. And then suddenly you stopped fighting. I don't understand what happened here. They just forgot what they were doing. They don't even really have anything. They need other people to bounce off of.

And also, Angela will never just be truthful. You know? She's just like, yes, well, I'm about eight and I'm four ninety seven years. Well, after I retired from my professional tennis career, I decided to go into ballet. I did it for years, years, years, and years. So Angela is wearing this big fur hat in the next scene walking with Leah and it was on her own.

And she's like holding her arm and arm. And she's like rubbing her head up against Angela's shoulder like a cat. And Angela's like, well, Leah had a slight accident this morning. And she's a little sad about it. I'm like, did she shut her pants? What happened? I know. I thought so too.

I was like, this bitch will make her walk around with poopy pants all night just to make her realize what a naughty girl she is. I thought so too. I was like this bitch will make her walk around with poopy pants all night just to make her Realize what a naughty girl see is Apparently in France they're not poorly trained you to thought But it actually turns out it was a car accident Very upset so I've arranged for her to meet within which makes no sense And I'm like I have a natural affinity for French people. Big Harry Pussies. Ah, Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! So they all, they, they all meet at this like little copy shop and Angela's like, Lea has been a car accident this morning in the V-Dub Golf. It's very sad as the small family car. And Lea's like, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm not mad don't worry can't you tell by my smile I'm not mad at all I'm not mad I want you to know everything's okay but can they take your left foot right there do you know what that means they do that in France and I'm like I like, I was shocked.

I was shocked to the answer that's driving around in a car. Of course she crashed. She doesn't even know what the language is. There's the least sounds around. Go and then know what she's doing. What an asshole. Ah, ah, ah.

So, yeah. I don't know where that lap came from. I'm getting on board. I'm getting on board. I'm getting on board. You'll notice it back. She doesn't after everything. She says she says. Yeah, well, I didn't like that very much.

She also does. Yes. Yes. Yes. So she starts talking in French and she starts asking, you know, Leah to make sure everything's okay, asking her about her life. She becomes basically like the French Ionla.

Free on. She's like, she can't hear what I'm saying now. This crazy bitch. She always smile like that. She liked that one. She wakes up is really two people. One standing on each other's shoulder with just a moo, moo over them. Do they beat you?

Show me on the croissant. What Angela beat you. An absolute mean. Well, it's like it was lovely hearing them speak in French. They're so wonderful. I wish I could speak in French. So the Anne's like, all right, I'm going to teach you a phrase in French because the le voulque j'ai avec moi, c'est so hot. And of course, it goes right over Angela's head.

She's like, say that again. Okay, say that that was a swap and of course it goes right over angels had say that again okay say that that was amazing what you just said do that again the label kushia that was a swap you're kind of ruining the joke who they keep one more time it's just so amazing you get these words it's a joke Angela the conversation she was having with Leah was so funny because she's like, I don't want to be taking advantage of, is it hard working for a monster and he's like, I can't be stressful at work. I'm only 21. I'm still little. And she's like, I'll think Angela is milking the situation. She's having a picking up a dark lady, getting milk,

all that kind of stuff. She's not getting styling in full till you that So then we're absolutely so she does pay me an in extra books Signed copies of her books. She hits me and the back of the head. It feels so good. It is how she loves So it's like what have you guys been talking about and ask just bloke she's so blunt. I love it I told her I hope it's lose not taking advantage of you with this friend and business and then she tells us I'd love if she worked for me she'd be so cute with the champagne. Vule Vue Boa, Boa, Duce Champagne, Nassipah, Savapya, H-W-E-T-W-E. It'll give the god no butler someone to chase around that fishable. People just in the air.

So over at Guilder's house, she tells the kids, she's like, I would like to get some oranges. Here is a knife. No one got without a dote. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity view, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and

Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent tick-tock of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. I have Chef. He's very good Chef. He can deal with my complicated palette. I'm like, the strippers are always the ones who developed the most complicated ballot. Like I earned this. Do you know what my pallet had to go through to get this shift? She like brings up an artist's palette. Like, no, it's not that sort of palette killed her. No more salty. So Michelle comes over and she's like, Give me that blowtorch. Look at that.

A blowtorch is you think. God, this is crazy, you're rich. What a crazy, crazy cuisine you have here, Gilder. I have to tell you, Betty, think last. I was wearing a black Barbie T-shirt. Stole the soap. For real. For real.

No, no, no. Louise says she's going got put me in a next tonal commercial. Can you believe it? I don't know I'm obsessed with a Louise being in a tonal commercial. That's like out of my own brain. By the way, people would be like, was Louise in a tonal commercial. She wasn't, but you know, she's the exact sort of person gets cast in a tonal commercial, right?

Or she would be temple with two would be... Or she would be... Or she would be... Or she would be like in a luthanast... Basically any commercial that has disclaimers in it, she'd be like, I used to have allergies every single time I walked out the door, but now that I'll have whatever, what's the name of the big allergy medicine?

Being a drill. Also... I feel good that I have it before. My husband constantly has a hard on now feels great like all the drug commercials You never know when the time's gonna hit so rather than schedule for it just be in it here. I'm getting into a hot tub with my CLS husband Cal gone take the lumester away Now I have my life back and my gardening skills Now I have my life back and my gardening skills. So Michelle is telling her about the acting class and Gilder does not care.

And I love this about Gilder. She's like, why do you even in my house? Like, she looks at the cameras like what? She never seemed Julie eludes it before. For real? It was super full-on. She called Louisa stock up bitch. She goes, well, I didn't see it coming.

And then Michelle was like, so Julia's inviting all the married people up to a to a vineyard. You're not upset. You're not upset that you're not invited and you're just like, frankly, I don't want to be invited. I mean, really? She's like like does not I can care well I just want my bonbons also that didn't get a reaction are you so here I had coffee it's Gilders never like who with you know who who angel Are you serious if you want if you want to know you say nothing Great it was with the angel. Oh Are you serious you manage to speak with her? I don't know every time I walk away

I don't even even know she heard me she said she bow about five tons So we have to with I cut the breaks in a can. Hope she gets an accident. I guess I got the act that got the PI instead. What's the point? Why? This is just killer. She's like, what is the point of this?

Sometimes oil in water don't make. Like pretty much every time. So then at that time, then Angela calls, Gilda, and she's like, I'm calling because I want to clear the ear. I have never seen someone hold their phone so distainfully as Gilda. Surprise, she just didn't throw it out afterwards.

Yeah, it's like sideways and away from her. She's like, uh, her face is to the side. It's like, oh, hi, Angela. And I was like, well, I hope we can get together to apologize. Or have my PA talk to your PA. I don't have a PA. So have your torture to little kidnaps so import Let let her out of the elevator and have her email me. I don't believe in apologies. I believe in corrected behavior

Okay, thank you Angela. Bye Here is a caller you wear it when you are wrong I hit a button and it goes buzz and you jump a little we are going to correct your yapping and now we go back to Angela and Leah they're off to see the car and Angela is like oh I'm going to cry makes me so sad this is my favorite little car that used to drive my family around all over Kushrush. I'm so sad. No, I'm not mad at you, Leah. Don't worry. I'm not mad at you all at all. You're just going to get 40 lastings tonight, but it'll be totally coincidental. There's nothing to do with the car. I'm not mad. I'm hurt. It's so sad to see your little car destroyed after all it did for your children.

All of your children. Oh, it didn't make that destroyed by the way. It looked like it just needed to have the fender replaced and you know some bodywork done. And she's like, I guess what? You have to go buy a new car now. Like, no, just get some bodywork done. She's abusive. That is like a $10 at Carbets. Yeah. I'm so sad to see this 1997 Volkswagen Passat have a dinting it. What a terrible tragedy to the Volkswagen Corporation.

Well, now I'm the one growing, but you're the one who has to get back in it. How do you feel, Lea? Lea's like, no, no, no. You're gonna drive now, Lea, you're gonna drive all day and all night. You're gonna conquer your fears. No, I don't want to. You're gonna drive. You're going to drive.

Lift, Leah. Lift, no. Do you want to drive down this street or get back in the elevator? No, I don't want any of it! Dude, you cry, you make me cry! We're gonna get you some driving lessons and start again. No! So why don't you have driving lessons to begin with? This is so arm-toler-like, just get in the car and press the gas.

Good luck, French lady! Yeah, in my old car, that's been around for 20 years. That's broken down anyway. Yeah, because I'm about to buy a seven million dollar house. Why? So let's go over to Julia and her husband. She's polishing glasses, getting ready for this big couple's weekend. And she breaks one and she's like, I'm still pistol from your city. It's like don't worry. I'll take it out of the children's lance. I'm seeming mad. I'm

steaming me. I have to prove myself to Louise. I have to prove myself. I'm as good as you. She's standing there, standing there in judgment. And now she's just freaking out nervous, pacing around with the glass and the husband's like Dulling she's just winding you up. Oh, she'll be okay. I feel hopeless. I can't do anything to prove I'm as good as her She's not winding me up. I'm just breaking the glass. I want to yeah

He's like it doesn't need to be that big video. She's teasing you darling She's not judging you and she's like yes You're correct. Thank you. You're right. We have a house and I'll show her this house and then she'll know I hear she has a Sputtle the beach, but this is a Julia you have to relax you honestly have to calm down about the stupid gold or girl thing Did you not hear them laugh after they said yes calm down meanwhile everybody is done it It's like that's why they're laughing about it. It's not real big big of a deal Exactly so I'm gonna really try and convince us that you fell in love with your guy because he knows how to make good popcorn

I mean you're married to like 80 year old Dick Cheney. Basically. So, so then we see Anne and her husband driving along out into the countryside and they have a very, you know, they, they, I just, I would love to hear all their conversations because they're so bland and yet so entertaining to me. She's like, well, Michelle Blanchard is coming and she doesn't come from any monetary background but she and her husband have been to get married for 17 years. You know her, the black lady. And Julia's been married but you know, when you get money it's hard to let that go.

And you know, I had lots of boyfriend's I paid for, whatever. You know, I guess that's what the men felt like. But it's more appropriate for the man to pay, don't you think? It's like, who you're, yeah, I'm, yeah, I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,, God, I'm already bored. So the lighties feel gold just shit me in the face. I don't give a shit. So Julia is standing there with her husband waiting for somebody to show up kind of pacing in place in this terrible for. Yeah. And Michelle arrives in a terrible for because that's the show we're in. Yes, first. And then they show some creepy like demon statue Like this dead rusted demon statue that was so creepy

It's like the beginning of a house was horror movie. It's like Let's see who's better than me by the end of this weekend. How do you talk about Ann that way? And would be the best one in the horror movie. She'd be like, oh good. He's inside the house. Come on, come out Come out I've already dedicated myself to a box. All right. Well, I'm not going down into the basement even though their noise is down there Where's the god in a slash plumber? Okay, you go down there. I'll give you a ball of champagne when you come out. Hello? Did you come out Yess? Yess, is there a monster down there? Yess. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Here's a monster down there. I'm just gonna feed him some pork chops. So, Michelle starts with some low grade shade.

I don't believe you can be an animal activist and we're fair. I'll take every single one. Yeah, because Anne's in her full mink. So I don't worry, it's not pussy. And then Julia starts telling Anne about the about the acting workshop that they went to and she starts going about, you know, Louise is bossy and I don't like a girl to get a comment. So I was going about, you know, Louise is bossy and I don't like a girl to get a comment. And she's working herself up into it, Tizzy. And Anne's just like, yes, she's bossy and she's dead. It's a fun darling. Ha!

So then they basically want to corner Anne about the gold or griff thing she said about Gildo, which was basically teased out of her by Julia. And Anne's like, well, yes, when I first made here 16 years ago, I thought she was a bloody gold digger, but and they're like, oh, you're seated again, you said it again. She's like, I changed my mind. It's fine. She's like, what person, like what girl is gonna like marry someone 46 years older? You know, of course, I mean, I think she's a gold digger.

Why won't any woman of 25 years marry some old sticky man? It's natural, darling. It's natural. And as the women are like bickering, all the husbands are just standing there laughing. Like, look at our little trophy wives. Embershell goes, I hate women that blame other women for marrying men for money. And then her husband goes, well, honey, you married me for a dollar. She goes, no, I'm married to you because you've got a big dick. And then they all

start laughing. And then Anne goes, can you imagine saying something like that in front of people? Money can buy you lots of things that it can't buy you class. No. That reminds me, when is my Luan money can't buy you class tote bag that I bought going to arrive? It's been like two weeks. Um, I would appreciate a few weeks. You know what happened to me. I'm not married.

Be considerate. Would you believe it? He wants to tote bag. Well, me, I'm getting divorced. I'm just trying to get my counters named back. I'm still trying to get my counters named back. I'm still trying to get my charcuterie board back. I'm still trying to break into Tom's house, so I can shatter his Tommy's cookie jar. So garage band violins play and done done done done.

And then give them me that for life. Is it cheap? No one knows. I'm assuming not. And I don't know. What made that for life. Is it cheap? Oh, no one knows. I'm assuming not because Angela doesn't say cheap. 20 times. Instead, they have it gets off to a really wonderful, awful, on a wonderful foot because Angela

rises, presumably to give guilt a hug and guilt just looks at her like, what is this? And it's down. Yeah, because remember when they first met, she's like, he didn't even stand up for me. And that's what any normal person would do. She's like, why would I stand? So she stands like, see, I'm standing.

It's like, I don't care. And then the southern angel's like, what I really want you to be here for is I want to clear the air. And you know, I want to make sure everything's good. And then she goes like, well, I'm all yours. here for is I want to clear the air and you know I want to make sure everything's good and then she goes like well I'm all ears. So you're just like all right well the other night I didn't mean to hit you. You think you hurt me you think you hurt me I don't even know what. Clearly you were

upset with me and then killed her because every time I see her she walks out I'm hoping she'll walk out. So they have some back and forth and Gilda Basley says that Angela is very rehearsing everything she says like a robot etc. and keep the message just keep saying that Angela is fake which Angela is incapable of processing. Yes because she's so fucking fake. And she's like, she's calling me fake. Has she looked in the mirror? I'm not fake. Holy Moses, this is me. This is me. Look at this smile.

It's my smile. Look at it. Stop being so judgmental of me. I'm actually a real good person. I'm not fake. I'm not fake. And you'll just dare that really get the phone up to my face. And in the middle of her saying how she's a really good person and not fake, she goes, in fact, I'm writing a book right now about how to be real. I'm looking forward to getting you new gales all a copy. I wouldn't want to read that. And then I was like, well why you might learn something and she goes, drop

the face. This is my face. This is my face. And that's your face. And it's not going away. It's like, please let it go away. Because you know, nothing about me and I don't know nothing about you. She goes, because you told all you talk about is selling yourself. Well, aren't you selling yourself? And she goes, no, I'm not interested in fame. And she goes, well, I'm a brand. Well, then Gilder says, Gilder says Angela is preoccupied with selling her work. And Angela's like, well, what's wrong with that?

She's like, who tells, who tells someone they should talk what they should talk about and what they shouldn't talk about? I'm like, you realize you are publishing a book about how to be real. You're giving people advice on how they should act. You're also comparing women to other women. Yeah. So then when she says I'm a brand, yes.

When she says I'm a brand, that's when Gild was like, I don't want to be friends with brands. I want to be friends with the people behind the brand. And then just like, I don't get that. It's like trying to talk to a fake Newton. Except not as articulate. She goes there, the truth is we are so different. We could never be friends.

Next time time leave your brand at home and bring the real Angela Stone to the table. It's like great good. Well, wasn't that fun and then she just start swiping her phone. Will the real Angela Stone please stand up please stand up please stand up I'm slim gilder the real slim gilder all you other slim gilders all imitators With the real slim gilder please stand up. It's me. I'm standing. Nice lame gilder. There's a brand Have you thought about doing a book about how to be the real Slim Guilter? Shut the nila wafer.

So back in the... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm tired of this song already. So back at the party, Julie is terrified that Louise isn't going to come, so she can be mean to her. She's like, oh, Louise is gonna come. And then the car shows up and it's one of those cars. Like, BOOM! And the doors come up.

Oh, yeah, I hate those BMWs. But there's like little blue highlights. It's like it's from the movie AI. I love it because I love that Louise knows it's fucking stupid And she's just doing it to piss them off. It's like let's bring the car with the doors to fly upwards. So they get out and she says hello to every single one. Hello, hello, hello, hello, and then Julia is like, I wonder if she'll say hello to me.

She's like, hello Julia. And then Julia is like, oh, she just carries on. Is it nothing happened? I'm like, you know what? Shut the fuck up. I hate when people say that, you know? Because if she was called to you and was weird and kissed you alone, you'd be like, oh, well, she's not even giving me a hello.

So you can't have it both ways, okay? Well, look at her, politely acknowledging me. Look at her having proper manners. I mean, I'm gonna be so acting classier. And then I'm like, I wanna come next time. Look at her having proper manners. I mean... The movies go so action-class, sir. And then I was like, I want to come next time. On the world stage, no, all the men and women, I merely pussy's.

Let's not do a murder scene. Murder, she wrote. Murder, she wrote. So she says, look, we've already had the fighting acting class. She said it. She felt it. Let's just move on. And so they want to do. Do you like it? You're of my money. It's completely old.

Not new. I didn't fucking need money for. They're like, sure. All right. You know, whatever. So they go on. There's like a little tiny organ. And she's like, um,

Now when looks at the organ, except for me. Tee hee hee. They're like sure alright, you know whatever so they go on there's like a little tiny organ and she's like Now when looks at the organ except for me And Then there's like a book of photography by like I don't know maple Thorpe or something that has a lot of dicks out And so they're like look at this and like oh look at scandalized They are I'm just scandalized them even more. That's Julia saying it in my entire bowl, Julia accent.

So then Julia brings out like a bag of sex toys. Basically like a bag of dildos. She's like, darling, this is a cook ring. And it ends like, did cooks get married? I would have never heard of a cook ring before. I imagine I'll do the rooster. She made me put my finger on it. What's the matter with her? And Louise is like oh, yes, it's flesh covered. Yes, fantastic Yeah, it's like a vibrator and Louise says oh look. It's going around in circus

Oh, yeah, there was that pink vibrator and then there's like a butt attachment or something that's going in circles Yeah, she's like a butt attachment or something that's going in circles. Yeah, she's like, wow. And he ends like, I'm a lot of a traditionalist. You know, I believe that if you don't have it, then you're not going to get the Wang Dang doodle. You know what I'm saying? You don't know what you're saying. And soon he's like, ah, she said Wang Dang doodle. Well, just confirms my opinion on new man.

It's so new, Volo, low rent and lacking in any class. The sex toys finished it all. I can't see his mad. He looks like she's sucking a Rukola angrily when she finishes the sentence. She also looks like she just fired someone. You'll see your way out. I said, good day. So they return to the man and Louise is like we had a good bad wow. Get it. Everyone's like no. And Julie said, darling, I have to share them the choice.

And everyone's like, he looks quite embarrassed because he was turning red, but then he's like rubbing her ass in front of everybody. And she goes, I think he was secretly quite proud. I'm like, he's petting your ass like a fucking winning mayor in front of his friends. Okay, he's not secretly anything. How fucking winning mayor in front of his friends, okay? He's not secretly anything. Yeah, exactly. And then basically all ends with Louise declaring that she's organizing a trip to Port Douglas, wherever that is.

I'm sure it's lovely. And I guess we're already basically heading into the big vacation episodes of New Zealand. These ladies are so dumb, I cannot wait to see what happens. So good. If people are not watching this show they really have to because it's it's it's like incredibly entertaining all episode long. And there she act like she's classier than me. I'm bringing out the back of fieldhouse. Okay well you know that was it for Auckland but you know what it's Friday. You know what Friday means Rondall

They after the Crapins mailbag. I'm too stupid to remember the lyrics to Friday. I mean, come on. You said it was the day before Thursday. I think I got concerned. Oh, my God. Better play that music. Let's just like, uh, let's move this along. Otherwise, you know, it's brains in a melt fully.

Yeah, my brain's leaking out of my ears. Uh, crap, it's mailbag is when people can write in comments and questions to the podcast. And we answer you go to patreon.com slash watch for crap. you support the podcast at the crap and mail back level or above and you can do it. Yay! So um, this week, hey, let's talk for, let's hear from Sharon, okay? Let's, Sharon. Sharon, I'm speaking in my New York accent, aka my native accent. Sharon says, love the voices that you do. You guys bring me so much happiness and joy. Here's my question, slash request. I love thinking about who in the Bravo universe would be the most unlikely pairings.

For example, I would love a conversation between Craig from Southern Charm and Carol from New York. They have nothing in common and I believe it would be hilarious. Who else would you like to see have a meetup in real life or on TV? PS. I tell everyone I meet to subscribe to crap and the world would be a better place if everyone spent some time each day with you both. Sharon. Oh, thank you. Sharon. So sweet and above and beyond and you are totally wrong. The world will be a much more terrible place if everyone listens to us. Spreading misery wherever we go. So what would a conversation be like between Craig and Oh, I thought it was for baby. Oh, what's the baby?

Well, baby there's baby, baby, baby, baby. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. Oh, what's the baby? Well, baby, there's baby, baby, a catch a star. How did that happen? Is that Gizmo?

Gizmo, did you go to Carol's? Oh, no, Gizmo's here. Guys, don't worry. Gizmo's here. I love the Grandlands. Don't get water on him. Why, you know, why are you always telling me I want to do? Like, you know, I'm like working hard and I just feel like you don't respect me.

It's like, I know how to use water, Carol. I'm tired. That is an awkward win. Let's do gilda and peggy. Okay. Okay. I like thing. Okay. I'll be peggy. Okay. What is this gilder? What did you say? I say gilder. What is this? Is that your face? This doesn't look like real face. What is this face? What are you talking to me like this? You want a call, call, call like Santa Claus.

I will not stand. Standing, you know, the horse is alive. Don't you say call? and standing, you know, the horse is alive, you know. Don't you say coal, coal, coal, is that how you say it? Oh, I got the coal. You have a cold. They're just basically the same. They're just talking to me.

You know what's funny though, is that that conversation actually seemed like a real one. The one with Craig and Carol made no sense, but that one actually seemed like that's how that conversation would go. You have coal, coal. just repeat each each other. On Friday, my husband beat me. She probably say on Friday. Oh, Guilder would probably be like, one of my favorite jokes. Thank you, that's what I say.

favorite jokes. Thank you. That's what I say. You know what, Gilda, you need to be quiet now. I told that joke on a Friday and I got all of the money. I'm a big master for this. What else is that male bank being? Okay. Here's one from Sue Vlocky, who, Hi boys, I laughed so hard when last season you described Bobby a below deck med as a park ranger in search of a park. The thing that we say, I don't even remember that. So we, a park ranger in search of a park. That concise description perfectly pigeonholed him for me. Can you help out with some someone liners for the other below

deck of bedcast? I can't get a grip on Adam, creepy perp or heartbroken teenager. Lauren always seems surprised she's on a ship. Is she an idiot or a purposely flying below the drama? Lauren, I think that Lauren does not fly below the trauma at all. She started a lot of it by running headfirst into it and telling everybody everything. I think that just because no one wants to bone her or no one is being bossed around by her in any way, that they don't get mad at her really. I feel like Lauren is like one of those roller skating waitresses from like Sonic who can't get her roller skates off and has like now rolled into a bank and

has like can someone help me get my my roller skates off and like what are you doing here as a bank? I don't know if that if that followed the the mandate of a concise description that perfectly fits someone, but that's where my brain is at right now. Lauren is like a dinner napkin being folded. It doesn't know why it's being folded and thinks it's in control because it's folded properly, but someone else is really in charge and at the end, it just gets a lot of snott in it and doesn't know why.

I feel like Adam is the local at the bar who has a cheesy line for Linda Fiorentino and then she grabs him by the balls and shoves him up against the wall and he put things like, whoa, whoa, whoa, chill. Well, later skater. Like, I would like to see him go face to face with Linda if you aren't you know. He's not going to win.

Oh, oh my God. You guys, can we just put Bobby on a different show? I'd like to see how he would react on like Vanderpump rules or something. Not well, I bet that. Yeah, I don't think so either. We have one last question in this mailbag. So let's just ask it and then we can sort of new mailbag

next week. Ready? It's the last question from Hava Weber. Hava, Hava, Hava Weber. She says, hello my chickens. Which of the current real housewives would you guys want to join? Then which of any past cast would you think you would fit in best? P.S., I was unfortunately unable to come to the New York show last minute. It would be great if you guys could come to Philly and make this poor, tired

mother of two, master student who works with drug addicts all day, make her dreams come true. Because let's face it, the more live shows, the better. Okay. Okay. So what's the question? It's like, so you're like, so what's the problem? We'll try to come to Philly someday. Hell yeah, I wanna come to Philadelphia.

Which of the current real housewives, would you guys wanna join? Which cast would you wanna join? And then, and which of the past cast would you want to join and then oh my gosh When which of the past cast do you think you would fit in the best if we were housewives or do we have to be the gaze? I think anything anything it's open open ended Okay, if I was a housewife if I was like Ronda the housewife I would love to be on Dallas just because I'm from Texas and love it And also love the crazier people like Leanne. I think I'd be friends with her in that that new

Deandre girl who has mommy issues Mm-hmm or Beverly Hills because they really don't do anything that mean to each other anymore They're all like very polite to each other in real life Yeah, I think I would want to be a gay on Beverly Hills because they actually have amazing parties and I would like to go to one of those parties. I mean, I guess I would want to be a gay in New York too and be taken to the Hamptons except you have to deal with a lot more neuroses in New York, which would be entertaining but would get tiring after a while. So I think Beverly Hills would be the best of all worlds because you get to hang out and you get to see low-level celebrities, you know.

So I think I would want to be a gay on Beverly Hills. I wouldn't want to be a gay on any Bravo show. Not even Beverly Hills? No. I don't like how they treat their gaze on there. Oh, well, no, they only like those gaze that are like We love you and yeah, but like paid gaze or Mikey gaze like there's no just like we could break them old We could break the game old okay, but then we'd never be on TV

Bravo only allows gaze on that perpetuate the most Basic gay stereotypes, but I do perpetuate a basic gay stereotype. It's just like not that one I'm like the the one is like I Prepetuate the the gay stereotype of like a nasty look. I'm good for a nasty look I'm like a you know, I'm like an old I'm like hey, you want to hear some petty Lebon jokes All right, well, let's close up this mailbag. It's over.

We did it. It made us the end of the week. We love you. Happy weekend. We are going to have the best weekend this weekend because my bed has fresh sheets my dog has a bath my Kindle is full and I'm ready to sleep I have to go to a baby shower. Yeah So I didn't really have I know it's I have managed

To make it all these years in my life without ever having to go to a baby or a wedding shower. And unfortunately, the streak is ending. Oh, I'm sorry. It's kind of fun, but it's like going to a daytime party with that alcoholic friend who just quit. And you're like, I'm just having a glass. And they're like, why am I friends with all of you? Like, they're way more fun when we're all drunk.

Yeah. I don't, I'm anticipating the worst. And I know everyone going and they're all really cool people, but it's just baby showers. Uh-uh, this is, uh-uh, no. Uh-uh, uh-uh. You're gonna love it. You get to play fun games like pin the tail on the baby, Donkey.

No. Nope. Do I want to go? No. Come on. Nope. Am I want to go? No. Do I want to? Nope. Am I excited? Nope.

Nope. Am I excited? Nope. Nope. Nope. No. You guys are obsessed with ya. We will talk to you next week.

Bye. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. Bye.