Watch What Crappens - RHOBH: Connecting the Dots
Episode Date: June 17, 2021It's a double feature today! First we take on The Housewife and the Hustler, a half-baked ABC News Doc on Hulu about Erika Jayne's divorce and scandal. Then we move onto the latest episode of... Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where the women play dumb about the Erika news. It's a polka dot explosion of content! Also, be sure to watch the recap with Crappens on Demand here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/52611095Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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I'm Ben Mandelker, you can also find me on the Game Brain podcast and joining me today on this very special recap of Real Housewives and Beverly Hills is the one, the only, the very special and wonderful today? Where are you? How are you? How are you?
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It was an inverted big business moment.
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So today we have a very big episode
because we are obviously recapping
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,
but one thing that happened that was really big
in the world of Beverly Hills, the show,
is that Hulu finally aired its ABC news special,
the Housewife and the Hustler, which was a, basically like a very fancy day line episode.
It was like kind of like a big open-ended...
It was not very fancy at all.
It was actually more low rent than a day line episode this one.
I mean, you open with Danielle. They opened with Danielle's
job. Yeah, how's weapon the hustler, which is kind of a slam to Lisa Rina really.
Don't hustle.
Guy.
Romana is Lisa Rina.
Yeah, so did you watch? Did you watch the whole thing? I really enjoyed it as just like a pulpy expose.
I mean, it's sort of weird because it's one of these things
where it's a little, the reason why it feels like
a date line expose is because we're only
at the beginning of this whole thing.
So it doesn't really go anywhere.
I just kind of like saying this is what's going on.
This is what the problem is.
This is where the issues are.
Here are all the characters.
Kind of like a good primer.
There was a really good article in the LA Times a few months ago
that really went in depth on a lot of the things that are going,
that are really like gone, have gone awry with Tom D'Arty
and this sort of touched on those.
But as Ronnie said, the documentary opens up
with Danielle's tubstering towards her legs,
and she sits down and just Danielle's top.
And I just busted out laughing.
I'm like, you know, I, Danielle's top is just like this amazingly wonderful wicket witch
of Brava.
And like the fact that she pops up here, we should have known.
We should have known.
Oh God, she's such a monster.
She's so gross and desperate and hilarious.
Hell area.
Every question, every question she made about herself, you know,
like, well, she is the best casting they've ever had
besides me.
She's the best since me.
And what was her other, what was her other,
I mean, she said a lot of them.
I mean, yeah, she said, well, I think we mentioned this the other day that she said,
well, we both work together on watch what happens live. Like you guys were not like producers,
okay, you were both guests. Maybe there was over. I don't know what that was even about.
But we both work together on watch what happens live. And she said, and we both went through
the same strip clubs, shakers, which, you know, Erica is very big on saying,
shakers is not a strip club. It's a bikini, go go dancing club. Daniel, like, sort of,
wrecked that one in two seconds. And she's like, a lot of girls rolled through there with just
so many. Like, she's talking about being on Broadway, you know, like, we had our chance at shakers,
but now it's up to the other girls to bring there to bring their spin on it.
So Danielle was really hilarious. Absolutely. I guess the problem. Oh, sorry. I was gonna say also
the other thing with Danielle was so flanz that she can never help herself and she just she keeps
on inserting these little Danielle shady moments where she's like, well, you know, Tom got her
you know, because she likes to sing not very well, but she likes to sing.
She just always wants to be a little more.
Yeah, I just love that she can't really carry it to,
but she can still sing.
It's like, um, have you heard yourself sing?
I mean, she's such a sad hypocrite woman.
And what's the other thing she said about Erica,
Ashkel, when she's like, oh yeah,
and I love that she's just a bitch, which is okay because I'm a bitch
That's how you got to be. I mean it wasn't only that she had
That it was Daniel stop and that's like the lowest rent you could go. It's like filming it in front of a dollar store
Basically, but you have Daniel stop, but Daniel doesn't know shit. She doesn't know Erica
She doesn't know any of the news that's happening.
So whenever they ask her something,
she just like relates it back to her
and how fabulous she is.
That has nothing to do with Erica.
Like how's this an interview?
Then you've got Dana Pam over here
from Rojas was at Beverly Hills, Dana Wilkie.
25,000, remember 25,000.
She's one of the other experts, her belt is off center.
She doesn't look right.
I don't even know who she was at first. I think she has like five pillows behind her because she's
she's sitting. Her posture is absurdly amazing. She's just like perfectly like squat sitting there
just like that. So she's just sitting there and you know her she I feel bad, but the thing that I kept on thinking about was, does
her back her?
Because she has, I never noticed how huge her boobs are.
Like, not to be like, hey, let's go down your boobs, but I'm like, wow, she was like,
this lady, she must have a very strong back.
I'm sorry that that's what I noticed, but that's what I noticed.
Well, this Dana Wilkie, okay, you get Dana on.
Who first of all was on for like maybe half a season?
I mean, she was on a season, but she wasn't a real housewife.
She was a friend of, and then they tried to bring her
back as a guest spot.
She had Taylor Armstrong drag her back on to talk shit
about Kyle.
Remember that?
And she was like, she was smoking, she was like,
she's smoking and pacing and talking about how she's gonna
bring down Kyle Richards and we never saw her again.
So that's pretty much all we know from her on the show,
but then she's such a fucking hypocrite on this,
talking about Erica's crimes and never mentioning her own,
her like going into her own.
I mean, Dana Wilkie and she still won't talk about it.
You know, it's still,
she's still one of our friends who interviewed her said
that she'd talk about it on their Patreon or something.
I'm like, really, I mean, you can Google it.
And she's basically, she was in a financial fraud situation
that she went down for where she was working.
She had her own media company of some kind
or advertising company and she was working with these two ladies and they were
funneling money through the company from Blue Cross Blue Shield
Okay, and they got cut and she almost went to prison for like 20 years and ended up getting five years probation
at and home
I don't know something like that. I don't know if it was house arrest
But it was five years probation and like a half a million dollars and fines and stuff.
So I don't know what she's talking about up here, like some moral authority.
And she kept saying things like, oh, and you know, the word is in Beverly Hills.
Didn't Dana Wilkie move to Florida?
You know what?
While you talk about the next thing, I'm going to look up if Dana Wilkie moved to Florida
because I think she did.
Maybe. So there's just like, yeah, they brought in a lot of people who aren't, don't seem to
actually be connected to the life of Erica, but are just sort of talking about it.
But there are some like reporters, there's like a part of them from the LA Times and
et cetera.
And so they're just like talking about it.
And you know, we sort of get a backstory
about a little bit more about Erica and Erica meeting Tom. And it's all kind of like
the first segment is really about Erica and Tom and we see some archival footage of Tom when
he was going after PG and E the for like the Aaron Brock of each case and everything and we're seeing Erica meeting
in him, etc. But then like it then it like really moved after that first segment and there's
a lot of sunny Austin too. And then after that first segment, we go we start focusing on
the victims and there's it's basically there's one guy that they really focus on a lot. This guy Joe Rigoma is or something.
And he, it was a gas man blew up under his house and
torched the entire neighborhood.
His girlfriend died.
It was just like devastating and somehow he managed to emerge
alive.
And he won a settlement with Tom Girardi for $12 million
because his mom's best friend put him in contact with the firm.
So, and you see, over the course of the documentary,
he has, his body is covered with burns, he's doing surgery
after surgery after surgery.
And it was interesting because I mentioned
the article in the LA Times a few months ago,
and the article talks about how, oh yeah, there's this one guy, someone who survived an explosion or something
that hasn't gotten his money.
And when you read it in the LA Times, you think like, oh yeah, that sucks.
But actually watching something like this where you see this victim, who is like-
Well, that was the thing.
That was the thing about this whole documentary, and it's a reason to watch it really.
Because at first it's fun because it's,
I mean, it's fun as you can get.
Because it doesn't get to the victims at first, right?
It's tabloid-y and it's clips from the show
and it's just, you're kind of laughing
because Erica's just so fucking full of herself.
And over the years, we've gotten used to Erica,
you know, we've gotten used to what a dick she is.
But especially in the first seasons where she's like
I've been a big poor being poor sex being rich is awesome
I thought being rich better than being poor, right?
And making all these comments and then an interview where she's showing her closet off and being like, oh, this is really intense
Just you wait and just
Showing all this when you know that they've stolen all this money or Tom is stolen all this money
We still haven't gotten the proof of her go, but
We'll get to that and so it's kind of funny because you're like, haha these assholes and now they're getting caught
Now you're seeing all the clips of them bragging and showing off all their money
But then it goes into the victims and it gets so fucking sad because you see
Up until this point we knew that Tom was funneling money and they've
made it sound like Tom is taking basically he took some money which he wasn't supposed
to touch from the clients winning account, you know, the settlement accounts or whatever.
So he's taking the money and investing.
They're going to invest it and take care of the money for them.
Right.
And we've known so far that he's taking that money and then he's taking out loans
and he's taking out money from other settlement wins
to pay back those loans on the money he took
in the first place and it sort of starts taunting up, right?
You're taking from one thing.
So we've kind of known that,
but to actually hear the audio clips of Tom lying
to these people and calling the victims and saying,
Listen, I'm the good guy.
You know, and I, you're my favorite client.
And he talks and just baby.
Make a way.
Sit down and he says, I'm just, you know,
I'm just here to help you.
I'm the good guy.
And, you know, I know the old district attorney
or the old judge, whatever.
And he doesn't want your kid to have all this money.
It's only because he paid for him. your judge whatever he doesn't want your kid to have all this money. What's going on?
Bad for him.
So the judge thinks that you know, I should invest the money for you and you'll get more
money if I do it for you.
Call me back.
I'm the good guy.
I mean, while he's stealing everything for these people.
Yeah, he, um, what I mean, wow, I was like, damn, Tom is, this is all
way worse than I thought. Well, he was, well, he's doing this whole like, why does, you
know, I want this money too. I want this, I feel, I feel so bad. And you know, they have,
they have, you know, proof like that. He got X money, Xment from the settlement money and that he calls three months later
to be like, oh, I haven't gone yet.
And I think it was, you really see what a schmuck this guy was.
And what they really didn't get into in this documentary, which I was sort of hoping
they would, but what was in the article was that they hinted on it in the documentary that the lawyers
got paid they got paid well but it was not a partner I don't think it was a partnership I think
that he fully owned the law firm but so instead of being a partnership that but that people they
got crazy crazy crazy perks and they I get they did get into that, like, Leanne Rhyme sang at their Christmas party and everything.
But it was like, the article really gets into like the reason why I was exciting to work there was because the perks were just so good.
But he probably was spending all his clients money on this stuff and Erica's career.
And he just, it, he looks really bad. and Erica by association looks really, really bad
because you know, well, she's just association. I mean, she's like signing on documents and
yeah, she's on all these documents. She's a secretary of one of these companies and she has
a thing called EJ Global for her company and he gave $20 million to that company as a loan.
And you know, these lawsuits have been filed for,
people have been filing complaints
and lawsuits for years and years,
but Tom is friends with the mayor or, you know,
with the judges and the mayor.
You know, he's well connected.
They have a clip of it's Gavin Newsom, right?
He's on water and happens and he's like, well, my favorite housewife is Erica.
And during his time, he says,
tons of money, just tons of it.
Yeah.
And this looks like a total.
Not a good time for that.
You have to come up.
Yeah, it's, and they like on earth,
all these clips of Erica just brag about her money.
I think actually, if you never watched the housewives,
you would, you would actually think that Erica's persona all these clips of Erica just brag about her money. I think actually if you never watched the housewives,
you would actually think that Erica's persona
was maybe actually a little different
than what it is on the show.
But yeah, they have Christopher Darden there.
He's talking about it from the OJ case.
There's another guy.
I mean, basically Tom is gonna get disbarred.
And where it leaves off is that his case
has been
Recommended to federal prosecutors and sunny host is like I was a I was a federal prosecutor I you do not want to get recommended to me you do not Megan Megan McCain be quiet. This is my documentary
Okay, I know Megan McCain to her face just pops up on another screen
I don't care you how dare you my father was't know how dare you, how dare you, my father was John McCain, how dare you, man.
With like, when Pony tell up here
and another one like, totally down to the side.
It's a good watch.
I mean, it doesn't really take us any place new,
but if you haven't heard about what's going on,
it's good, and I think it's actually good
because it does remind us that this isn't just like
a splashy tabloid-y story,
that there are actually real victims who are suffering for real.
There's also another guy who, in Indonesia, who lost his family because of the line air crash.
And like, there are real victims who are not getting paid and they deserve to get paid.
And it's actually, it's so obnoxious.
And it must be absolutely infuriating.
If you're sitting there, your like you know after your
Who knows what surgery and you haven't received a dime and you're watching Erica on TV
Even if Erica was completely innocent
You're just watching her on TV, you know, trading around her wealth and like oh we have two planes
We got the big plane. That's the going to you up and the little one that's more regional saying all that stuff
Man my blood would be boiling, it would be boiling.
Well, for all those people who are like,
Erica didn't know, this is like a Theresa situation.
You can't play in Erica for what her husband did.
Okay, no one is doing that, but yes, Erica did know.
This shit has been filed forever.
These, this divorce happening, like right when it happened
to hide assets and all this other shit. And even if you don't believe any of, even if you
don't believe any of that stuff, the way Erica has acted ever since this happened, by posting
like, you know, just her trashy, just go look at her Instagram if you want to know how Erica's
dealing with it. And what else was I going to say about Erica's?
Oh, they're showing all these contracts and stuff, and now Erica's fighting with the,
she's trying to get the victims from being paid back because she is trying to get her money
first.
She's saying that whatever money she's going to be owed in this divorce should come
before all the victims.
She, she went on, she, yes, she went on,
she immediately went on and also follow like Ronald Richards
on Twitter in case I'm getting all this wrong.
There's a podcast called The Bravo Docket
that goes really in depth as lawyers
who go through all of this stuff.
So this is all, this is me just repeating shit
that I'm reading because of course I'm obsessed. So if I'm getting anything wrong, sorry, correct me, you know, and I'll correct it next time.
But right when all this stuff happened, she started selling all of her shit because she's got so much,
so many expensive assets, right, which we see on the show.
So to get money, because they, their bank accounts were frozen, Tom and hers were frozen.
So she went online and started selling all of her stuff to get money because they their bank accounts were frozen Tom and hers were frozen So she went online and started selling all of her stuff to get money and then they blocked that they filed
Something they're like you can't sell your assets. These are gonna be used to pay back the people that you people were fucking robbing all this time
I mean, it's just bad. It's really bad. So don't don't just blindly
You know, I'm not saying blindly jump on top
and start beating her up even more either,
just because everyone else is.
But don't just be like,
Oh, Eric, it didn't know any.
Yes, she knew, she knew.
And she certainly knew by the point that we're at
in the show on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills now,
what was going on.
And she's doing nothing but obstructing justice
after acting like a jackass.
I don't know about obstructing justice or not, but I think that fairness.
You know, I don't, I'm still going to wait to see how this plays out. I am fascinated to see.
I think a thing that will be a challenge is that with Teresa, you know, Teresa was like,
I don't know how I'm doing. I don't know. I mean, I think it's fair to say with Teresa, you know, Teresa was like, I don't know how I'm doing, I don't know.
I mean, I think it's fair to say that Teresa,
there's a very good chance Teresa might not
have known what she was doing,
because I don't know if Teresa really knows
what she's doing really when she just goes to the supermarket,
even like, I mean, I'm sure you,
there's security camera footage of her walking into walls
and like knocking over, you know, apples at the,
and they're like, I know, I thought that was a column, you know.
So, but like, so but like Erica
Her whole thing is that she's very smart. She's very savvy
You got a you got a mixture you know, you're doing x ones you got look out for yourself her whole image
I'm totally pulling making up these quotes
But her whole thing is about being a badass and being independent and like and like being on top of shit
So I think it's gonna be really hard to then play the, oh, I didn't know.
I never had any conversations with my husband about the money.
I mean, he is a liar.
He is definitely a liar.
So it's also, it is totally conceivable that he literally lied to her.
That's not, it really is not.
Of course he did, but there are still all these lawsuits that were out last year that they
were asking her about at theveals and all watch what happens live and all of these things that he's taking funds
and not paying victims and all of that.
It's not like this is just just happened.
So, you know, if she complains ignorance, it's like a willful ignorance.
It's not just like, will that know what was going on?
It's like, yeah, you did.
You knew what he was being accused of.
And if you didn't check into it while taking 20 million dollars like he just you know puts in your
account for your business for your business. It doesn't look good. It doesn't look
good. I did lose actually a good amount of respect as much as I rail on
Erica because I feel like she doesn't give enough to the real house as a Beverly Hills.
Like Erica herself, I don't actually have too much of a, I'm actually like fine with Erica herself.
Right? Like, you know, she seems like pretty cool person to hang out with, right?
But like, I just don't think she's good on Beverly Hills necessarily.
But this, I'm like, oh, okay, well, I guess like usual, classic Ben Mandelker character assessment of a real of a bravo liberty, I have to go, oh, oh dear.
Oh no, is this is another bravo liberty that turns out to be a horrific person after all? Oh, good, this that's my record too.
Oh, in 12, oh in 12 or something, you know? Yeah, she sex.
And so now the big question going into the recap now,
and like going where we are in the Beverly Hills season,
that leads us to how is Beverly Hills gonna deal with this?
Because Beverly Hills is notorious
for letting all these jokers off
and never confronting them about anything going on
in their private life.
You know, unless it's something that Brandy Glamville comes on and accuses you of that's most likely just slanderous and false,
then it's, you know, they leave you alone to read and PK finally got asked about stuff after years of being on the show
and having accusations thrown at them.
They finally got asked and were allowed to just ignore it.
And now all the ladies on this show are acting like, oh, well, we just heard
about the divorce today.
We had no idea and what could it be about?
We have no idea what any of this could be about.
Like guys, we all have the same news.
Yeah.
Like, we know what this, you knew what this was about.
And still they're gonna try and let her,
it looks like so far, they're gonna let her just pretend that you know.
They can't play dumb either.
Given how aggressively they went after Denise Richards
over an alleged affair with Brandy Glandel,
and like they got the,
well they, I won't say they got the bottom of that,
but they definitely like,
they got like one whisp of that,
and then they just were like, they attacked.
So here, there's already been headlines around.
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Well, either way, so the episode opens up with sun rising over Los Angeles, and there's
Rian Canyon, so empty, and there's an SUV driving. Oh, what a sad time to be in Los Angeles
and going through a divorce.
And there's no music, you know.
You just hear a dome, like a one-of-one drumbeat dome.
You see a black car driving down the freeway.
And then you see Erica.
You hear Erica's voice over as the car's, you know, winds its way.
And she's like, there's so many miles to this divorce.
It's very complicated. It's very difficult to
look spot. No, it's not. No, it's not. You marry some
fucking criminal for his money and that y'all in trouble.
Okay. Let's stop trying to act like this is pretty single
layered. Like a layers of bills stacked one on top of
each other. Like who do you think you are gonna kid man
One layer one simple layer so then meanwhile all the other ladies are gathering at Kyle's old house
And I sort of hate myself for just immediately knowing there were at Kyle's old house guy could just recognize if it makes
Theorier and so they're all gathering and we don't know why and we hear Rinne go
Who's not here? Who's not here? Which is so Rina?
Let's see. I'm not familiar with our entire cast. There must be someone missing here
Who's not here who's seen the headlines right now? Who could that be?
And
Kyle is standing there in this polka dot stupid dress dress like the children of the corn girl
Becoming a big business carrot, you know, she looks like she's going to a funeral in dynasty
She's wearing one of those big old preacher hats and so we see Erica's car pulled up to setons and she's wearing a big
Flowy I presume Mrs. Gerardi dress, because this isn't very Erica Jane.
No.
Let's not forget she's two people.
That was another thing of the documentary that cracked me up when they mentioned the
double personality thing.
How it's like, this is my Erica Jane, and this is my Erica Gerardi.
You're the same.
Yeah.
So the car pulls up and she starts walking in and you see Garcell saying do you guys think that she was the one who really filed?
I'm running going yes
Yes, I do I do I do and I do
There goes like I'm sure that the very shops are gonna have lots of questions
Which I am not gonna answer everyone good luck wait wait Wait, wait for that. And she's of course,
Eric, like he said before, now she's Mrs. Gerardi. So she's
in this super conservative red jumpsuit that's with a pussy
belt all the way up to here. Like, I am so conservative, I would
dare not ever break the law, as you can tell, by this very
dark red conservative jumpsuit, who in this jumpsuit would ever break the law? Thank you very much.
Case dismissed.
And she tells us I did not. Oh, no, you see her telling the ladies when she's finally in this party. She's like, I did not see it in this way.
I saw myself holding that man's hand down as I pushed a pillow into his face. Until he dies, ladies, until he dies.
And it's like real housewives of Beverly Hills don'ts.
So then three days earlier and it's election day and we see Kyle and Kyle is in a different
polka dot dress. This one's a blue polka dot dress. Polka dots are very in with Kyle right now. And she's poking around her version of Cecil's
bar from Maritim Edison because Cecil has like his basement bar and so Kyle has like
her version, which is pretty much the same thing. And she's pulled out all sorts of American
flag napkins for her election party, which is not to be confused with Ebony's election party on Roni. And, but her election party is like,
4th of July, like 1922.
I feel like it has all these little flags and stuff like that.
I don't, I don't know, it felt,
I felt like that was not the vibe I was feeling on election day.
On election day, I was like,
I don't want to see anything festive.
I just wanted to hide behind the pillow, you know?
Really? I was calling people and asking them how much Xanax they had. I don't want to see anything festive. I just wanted to hide behind the pillow, you know.
Really I was calling people and asking them how much Xanax they had. That was that's what I did. It was fine
So then yeah, so she's joking with Mauricio about being the bartender and
Mauricio is still just like it's so thick this season, you know, I'm like were you accused of cheating recently because he's very much like oh my god
Everything you do is so cute look at this. This is so cute. Oh my god. You look amazing every time you put on something It's amazing babe. Oh my god. You're the most beautiful look. It's the sun's out. You are more beautiful than the sun babe
You're so beautiful. You're the most beautiful lady I've ever seen in my life
I love you so much. I'm the luckiest man in the world to get the bartend
for you tonight.
Okay.
Tonight, so upsetting.
So Kyle's like, you know, we could have a female president,
female vice president, and as the mother of four daughters
for my children to see the changes that are happening
with my bangs right now, it's such an honor
to have been in Halloween the film.
Thank you, America. Thank you so much.
Um, so she is talking about the text that we got at the end of the last episode that
Erica sent everybody about her divorce filing. And she's like, you know, we weren't
talking together, but when you look at their marriage from afar,
you're really not that shocked, you know?
Oh, really?
Now, from afar, if you don't have to look
at their marriage from really fucking far back
to think that they were even logistically married.
I'm gonna say, if you look at their marriage close up,
you shouldn't be shocked.
Yeah.
Yes, it's when you look very right in front of your face.
You should still be shocked as hell, yes.
So Marie says like, oh, so I'll be talking to Doreet.
And she's like, no.
And we're like, oh, so like something happened.
We don't know what it was, but something happened.
And my first instinct was, was there an incident
on the Batchiball court, but maybe not.
So then we go over to Doreet's house.
And she has.
Yeah, you know it's petty and meaningless
because it's Beverly Hills.
You know it's something stupid.
Yeah, so Doreet, she's wearing a vote, vote, vote PK
pin in her hair and PK is walking around in a sweater.
For some reason I find PK about like 20 times more likeable
when he wears a sweater.
I don't know what it was.
I was like, oh, PK.
Like in his sweater, he's just like,
he's just like a British old man walking around.
He's like, oh, okay.
But like if he's in his blazer with a black,
like trying to use Michael Cours outfit,
I'm like, oh, get that scum off my screen.
But in sweater, I'm like, okay.
So he's, he's walking, he's like, oh, bye.
You look great, babe.
Yeah, babe, you look great.
I'm struggling to see what's Patreon
to come about that outfit though, because she's wearing of like a boarding school girl
Little suit with the skirt and it's like green
I'll tell you what you're about that. She's just like clueless. She's just like clueless. That was what was patreon
So
Nigeria, aren't we?
So many places I can't keep them straight
without the peat and right.
What are the great American films of our time, Clueless?
So Dorita's like, honey, it's a vision.
I mean what do you mean that's what's patriotic?
Patriotic doesn't have to be red, white and blue.
Patriotic could be plaid, right?
It's like, no, no.
Siberia for president, that's the
Tassie.
Now, you know, I don't know if
I told you this, Pique, but you know,
I love Carl, but we've always had
a thing.
This time it was on the plane flying
back from subnageria for russet and
what a vacation. We were flying back from Tatooine, Lake Tatooine and also having a
conversation with Crystal and Carl turns around, literally mid-sentence and cuts me off.
And so then we get a first pass. Yes.'s just turning around going, I'm sorry, I just have one thing to say.
And then Kyle's telling Mauritio,
I mean, I chimed him literally for the first time that whole day
and she like, bet my head off.
And then it cuts back to the clip of Duret going,
GOOOOOOL!
Someone finished this sentence and then you had a joke!
I just wanted to say that the terror that Crystal has gone through is much like the
hit the terror that my character went through with Michael Myers.
And you know you have not lived fear until Michael Myers has thrown a brick in your face
and you had to get a beautiful no-job afterwards.
So crowds like let other people talk to you you but other people get to talk and she's like no I'm not and I said
Peaky I said I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this and Kyle says I was taking so back that I cried and then you know what she did she said
What you're crying now
The clip of Doreet going oh watch a cry now and they're all and she's crying and everyone's like consoling Kyle. Like, it planes you know like, oh Kyle, Kyle, it was so ridiculous.
It was so ridiculous and I just happened to be going through clips of another
season looking for a clip for something and it was when they were on the bus
and Kyle was mad at Lisa Vanderpump because she was closer to Doreet
And she wasn't as mad at Doreet as she should have been and so Kyle was like, you're you're just about it
You you have different standards for me and you're you only like Doreet
She started crying and went on the bus and so Lisa Vanderpump comes on and she's like darling
I don't want you to cry. It's like let me alone Lisa
It's like no darling. I just don't want to see you cry.
Shut up, leave that.
I'll cry if I want to.
So this is Kyle.
This is Kyle.
The Kyle calls the shit.
Yes, Kyle calls the shit and acts like an asshole
and then starts sobbing about it.
So you have to feel sorry for Kyle.
Yeah, and she goes, if anyone else had,
if anyone else had chimed in, she would not have said anything.
You're right.
Like, that's the whole thing is that people have different standards
for me. They do because you're annoying, Kyle. So PK is like, well, you know what I say give it give it some of her unmedicine when she's talking
Interrupt her and then say
That's what it's like God bless the USA stars and plaid forever
So we go now we're at the election, oh well, let's see the election night now.
Crystal is with her husband Rob in the car driving along.
He's like, so how you feeling babe?
She's like, well, as hard as it was coming home
and decompressing, I just, like I still haven't had time
to analyze that trip, you know?
I'm just not used to someone, not being nice to me like that.
Yeah, she goes, yeah, because there's so much stuff
going on with the election.
It's just like hard to imagine that people
would just still have their own petty stuff going on.
I'm like hard to imagine that's exactly
when you have your petty stuff going on,
because you're so frustrated and so stressed
that all you do is have petty issues with people.
That's how you process it.
This is the time for the most petty moments
that you can ever have.
I swear, I probably gone to five fights over Peepods. That's what that's what it happens
And that's what you're doing too lady
She's like oh my god. I can't believe she's so petty. I mean this woman had the nerve to
Knock and open the door to give me my jacket
I mean when she came into my room and apologized 37 times. The
war! We got mad that I kicked her under the table. I mean what a bitch. What a
bitch. So be perfect. She'll fit right in. So they arrive and cows like oh my god.
Oh well first cow has to do that. Oh my god, nice to see you.
Hi, how are you?
Oh, nice to see you.
Also, I'm really excited to do this right now because I feel like I haven't done it this
season yet.
And I actually am going to double down way harder than I ever have in other seasons, which is to say,
how much I fucking hate Kyle's neon art.
Like I hate it.
And you know, I know it's supposed to be actually very like expensive art.
There's some famous neon artists and like, because people sent links to it last season,
like actually it's worth like $60,000 or whatever.
I don't fucking care.
That is like the, just the most awful thing that you have this like bright pink neon art
right in your foyer and everyone walks in
looking like they're, I don't even know,
I don't even have a comp.
What is the streaming pink light?
It just, it looks ridiculous,
especially in the context of this sort of
stately old-fashioned house, the black and white tiles
and those banisters and then you have this like pink neon light
that's like trying so hard to be like look
We collect art and the reason why I'm doubling down is because it's actually all over the house
they have a they have a blue one outside and they it seemed like they have something else they have just like
They just have a lot of expensive art that I feel like is there because it's expensive
It's actually does not look good like the art in her house drives me absolutely nuts.
And I don't care if it's a established artist.
I don't even care if it's a fucking Boschiat,
which I know it's not.
But if it is, it's like, it's just like,
you just get the sense they're buying it just.
They're newvo, okay?
It's what's called, Nouveau-Friech.
Okay, that's what it is.
I've never played this before.
Never played this before. Never played played so hard for a blackout. Never played so hard for a blackout.
Someone, someone take the plug off at ARC, please.
Yeah.
So they come and crowd, like, oh my god, hello, yeah.
I'm then Kathy comes over and you know,
everybody's air kissing her stuff.
So Mauricio comes up to Rob and he's like, oh, hey, hey, hey, I'm Mauricio
Who are you? And he's like Rob? He goes nice to meet you Ron. Okay, let's go outside
I love I love that the Mauricio's not even gonna try. Yeah, good
Hello director of the king
What is it? It's a cat king or lady cat. They need the trapkins.
The cat's line of cats.
Oh, I heard cats.
Now I'm in the country forever.
Yes.
Yeah, real estate business must be doing well.
If he's not even attempting to get a client.
So, yeah, so then to read arrived the music is all tense. So, don't, don't, don't, don, uh, yeah. So, so then to read, arrive the music is all tense. It's like
dun dun dun. And Kyle, of course, is like, um, I asked for patriotic attire, but I think
to read, miss the memo. And then guess what, Kyle, does. How are y'all? What is that? That muppet voice, she says, oh my God, how are you?
Yeah.
And I guess she's been doing it for years, but in this episode,
he's like 10 and a row of her doing it.
So now, for as much, you know, as,
given that that the reate came in green plaid and was not very patriotic,
a sudden arrives, wearing what's probably
some like $30,000 couture that has,
it's like all busy and it's probably like,
it's probably a dolce, her friend dolce,
but it's like all the stuff and it says like,
it says like, hey baby on it,
but it also has these big, oily kind of lapels.
But at least you put an eye-voted like right in the scent,
like right here.
So it's like a like some thematic, you know
Connection to the to Kyle's party. Although honestly my favorite thing is when people don't don't
Appreciate Kyle's themes that is actually I actually should be praising to read and a sudden for this but
I don't know where I am. I think set and comes in dressed like a tax loop
That's all I see all I see is somebody who don't pay their taxes
Okay, I'm you know that that suit she got written off for some bullshit and dress like a tax loop. That's all I see. All I see is somebody who don't pay their taxes,
okay? You know that that suit she got written off for some bullshit. It's like some rich lady who's
like, I vote and I'm like, you didn't pay your taxes. Tell me, tell me the percentage right you paid,
man. Tell me you don't pay your taxes. That's all I'm saying. Tell me you don't pay your taxes.
To quote, yeah. The popular means that I was right now. Yeah, so, um, so um I was like hurry y'all
I'm good. She goes oh my god, but wrong
Nothing I said I'm fine. I'm good. Oh my god. She's crying. She's upset. How I'm good. I'm good
So then Rina comes in in like a like a shiny sparkly blue
Body oh track suit and she's like hey everybody
It's election night
of next chance
this election night have different hair roommate her name is Barbie Harry named her
Harry named her
and uh suddenly group goes outside to look at the lecture results where we see more awful neon art and
And then someone's asking like did anyone talk to Erica today and we're like, I did okay? Here's my serious voice
I did I said Erica. I'm in my wake Bobby tonight. How are you? I'm running like, yeah, you know, Erica a year ago.
I mean, Tom, Tom was in great spirits when we went there last year.
I mean, he was sitting there.
He was sitting.
He was on the chair.
So that means I mean, they were happy.
He had a heartbeat.
He had a heartbeat.
At one point, I put my finger under his nose.
And he was breathing.
He was breathing.
I mean, they were happy, right?
They were happy.
We're happy.
So none of you know that Tom is going down
for anything at all right now.
And that Erica just dumped him
because she's getting slaughtered all over social media.
None of you know that, okay.
Yeah, okay. And Kyle's like, well,
we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. That's for certain. I'm like, you certainly
have a good way of finding that stuff out though, based on other seasons. So, um, so then
Kyle's like, I know that if I were going through a divorce, I would have shared it with all
with with these women. And I'm not judging, judging But I'm just thinking gosh. I thought we were closer than that. I'm like way to go way to go Kyle making a divorce about you
Of course, of course that's Kyle's takeaway. I'm not judging. Yeah
But I probably will ask her I thought we were friends
Yeah, it's Kyle thing be. Be honest. Just be honest. Just be honest.
So Kyle's like, well, I mean, I know that Sutton and Crystal, you guys had your thing,
so have that go.
And something's like, I feel good.
Good.
Oh, are you okay?
I feel good.
I said I'm good.
Okay.
So then back with the guys, the guys were all sitting around doing guy things and they're
gossiping.
This is funny.
Because like, so what did Crystal say happened exactly on that trip?
And Rob's like, well, she said that she had a fun with almost everybody there.
Oh, oh, yeah, who is the almost not?
Suddenly, from the way I heard the story, it was just a girl's trip and like she walked into a she walked into Return of Suada.
That's like that's like Lily all I heard about the about the about the whole trip, you know, and PK's like
PK's like well if it were me I wouldn't go in without knocking. Well, of course you're like Dexter
always living in some rented ass house or some house that you own with a bunch of other investors
and you sick of them trying to show it while you're pretending it's yours.
I would never walk into a room without knocking, or without potato chips first.
So Mauricio's like, dude, you and I were on like a guy's trip and you would walk in and
like, I'm on a second, you know, like, although I don't think I didn't want you on a guy's
trip though, or mind and sweater, you know what I'm saying?
Like, well, I wouldn't go.
It doesn't sound fun to me.
I mean look at you, a man who actually goes to work every day.
Disgusting, you should be ashamed of yourself.
So then back with the ladies, crystals, like,
oh my god, you guys, I got off the scale when I got back home
and I like lost five pounds.
I remember it's like, that's fabulous.
Well, you should say thank you
Sutton. Sutton you're a miracle worker. How are you Sutton? Welcome to the circle. You're here forever. Wait
last in Chenter. Sutton's like oh me. Sutton. A new weight loss program. Now I would
remember. And Crystal's like um actually it wasn't a great feeling because I have food if she's- Me! A white lost program!
A white lost!
You count your sentence!
You better care your sentence!
Look at me! I'll make all you ladies lose weight!
She's like, no, it was really bad.
Uh, I am not taking responsibility for anyone losing five pants.
I will not do that!
Where's my roller?
Where's my roller?
I'm a- I'm a recovering.
A certain- Sutton watchers
Believe me
What like Jesus can the lady get out her sentence?
So um, I think Kathy goes I know that as if she's like as if Kathy's entitled to this information
I didn't know that but that's really nice that you shared that very nice now remind me your name again
And Crystal's like yeah, I know you didn't know Kathy and then it cuts to Sutton just going, oh, a slow blinking like, wow, I was just having fun talking about Sutton
Watchers weight loss program. But I'm glad that we got some believe me a discussion in here.
This is fine. Thanks. I'm going to enjoy this. So Crystal's like, don't worry, I didn't
ever relapse anything.
She said that she was believing when she was 11 and it was something that like, it's under
control and it's not something that she suffers from on the daily and it's not something
that she's ever hidden, but she used to like, she used to talk about it in like middle
school and she thought that by talking about it, it showed that she was like on top of
it or whatever.
And so then Rina is, then Rina starts talking about it it showed that she was like on top of it or whatever and so then Rina is
Then Rina starts talking about it. Of course. I did a little chakowai. You're doing that all thing because of course
Guess how Rinna is gonna react to this. I mean honestly if this was a game with like multiple choice questions
We could totally win this whole scene right? Yeah, because of course Rina is like wow that is so brave
You know when my daughter came out it helped everybody you her I mean look at Chris oh look at
Chris oh Chris oh I wasn't even here then but she's so inspired by my daughter
did she just came out you did it you did it thank you Delilah Bell Delilah Bell
by her wine so then then, which is a food, which is helpful.
So then, now, now, afterwards, Rin and Rob are talking about,
they're all back together, all the husbands and wives,
and they're just like talking about the election results.
And Rin is like, she's like, I'm just really nervous.
My tears weigh, I see it, it really can't be that bad.
Because I already watched that bad, all right.
And he's like, yeah, I mean, it's only four more years. That's the way I see it. It really can't be that bad. Everybody wants that bad. All right, and he's like, yeah, I mean,
it's only four more years.
That's the way I like it.
It's like, it can be that bad.
And four more years is a long time.
I was like, oh, thank God.
So.
And Rinna's like, I'm going to coast to Rika.
I'm going to coast to Rika if this happens, okay?
So Kyle pulls aside to read and she tells Sutton.
She's like, I'm gonna have to talk to Doreen.
Sutton's like, oh, come on!
There is enough going on!
But she does anyway, so they go in the little library
or whatever.
And she has like a giant shot.
And we do repatel out there.
We know it's a shark, who do we paddle?
Because we saw Stephanie on Dallas thinking it was like
an SNM paddle on one season. So Kyle
picks up and goes, I'm going to paddle you for your behavior on the plane to
reach and she goes, excuse me, it's a read's like not willing to joke around
right now and I was like, I mean, I don't even know why we have, I don't even know
what this is. Anyway, and she's, it's for food. It's like, okay, all right, no joking, okay.
So, come sit by, come sit here
under another piece of terrible art
that we have on the wall, and let's talk, okay?
So.
Yeah, so Kyle's telling us, like,
we have this exact same conversation in this exact same room
with this exact same terrible lighting last year, okay?
So we see clips of that.
And Kyle's like, well, look, on the plane,
I just wanna say like one thing,
and like you jumped in and you screamed at me.
And like, I mean, if it was anyone else,
you would not have had that reaction.
And I just, I feel like you treat me
like different than everybody else.
So like, why is that?
Why, be honest, be honest, be honest.
Got no honesty, be honest. God of honesty, be honest.
And Doriko's.
But last year, Coil, you interrupted me in the middle of my senses a lot.
It's almost like, here, let's pretend.
I'm going to start a sentence, and the sentence is going to continue.
No, but that's not even correct what you're saying right now.
That's not even correct what you're saying right now.
I'm trying to explain the instructions for you to say.
That's what I'm doing here. I'm interrupting every to explain the instructions for you in a rough. That's why you do this what I'm doing here interrupting every time I try and
Talk you in a while
Because you treat me different than everybody else all the time like I'm
Down the time the time the time
I put it down Kyle okay putting it down you speak. I want you to speak
Okay, whoever holds the paddle gets to talk so I'm
Okay, whoever holds the paddle gets to talk so I'm picking up Sure could report. I love Sharkudry boards. I just love jeans. That's all I'm trying to say
I'm gonna throw this paddle at your head. I'm gonna smash you upside with this paddle coil
It was literally that this conversation was just them interrupting each other and I'm able to talk
so
I'm Dorit's saying like it's it's almost as if you don't feel like what I have to say, hasn't it value, Kyle?
Like, well, to be fair, Doreet.
Has it ever, like, have you ever said anything of substance?
Literally ever. I mean, I get that you're in a competition right now with Kyle, who doesn't really have that much
interesting shit to say either, but Doreet, really, you've never talked about anything other than clothes, or, you know, excuses about your stupid accent, and where that comes from.
Let's please stop. For Erica's vagina, which was your whole first season. Of course, I've plenty things to say. For instance, how about this one? Dress like Kyle's going to interrupt you tomorrow.
And then tomorrow, Dress like that again.
But what I'm saying, Kyle's like, but yeah, but what I'm saying is, am I important?
Well, see, this is how Kyle fights.
It's so enraging.
What Doree said, Doree said dumb dumb, but Doreet is correct. Like Kyle does. Look, we always watch a show
Kyle does always
jump in and
Treat her like a dumb dumb, right? So Doreet brings that up to Kyle so Kyle goes, well, am I important?
So now it's about Kyle not feeling important because Kyle was the one who interrupted the fucking first. It's so Kyle
Was fight. It's so Kyle and he's like yes, Kyle goes,
do you want to invest in our friendship like this?
And she's like, well I think I have.
And she goes, well then don't ever talk to me that way again
because that's not what friends do.
I'm like, whoa Kyle.
Oh, so you turn it to me and put my friendship on the line!
Because I said it was,
do I have to point out when you said fuck you to meet Duri?
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you to meet Doreet fuck you fuck you fuck you
And then we see that clip
No, because remember when you said fuck you Doreet fuck you and we have flashback of cock like fuck you Doreet fuck you
This episode is the most obvious like literal flashbacks. Yeah
So do I'm saying the same thing?
Exactly so she goes and after that
Did I have a say to you coil like you want to be friends with me don't speak like that?
No, I did not and she goes well last year we were in a heated moment and on the plane
It was calm and nice and I was waiting for an in waiting and waiting and waiting waiting and of course
You were like talking about the most stupid things as you usually do
but things as you usually do. Like, we're good, Kyle.
We're good.
We're good.
She's like, are we really good?
Are you doing the Erica chain?
We're good.
We're good.
Oh yeah, the Erica chain.
Are you just doing the Erica chain?
Good.
We're good.
I'm good.
I'm good.
Oh, I'm not doing the Erica chain.
Good.
And I'm not saying, good.
I'm saying, we are good.
Well why are you walking away? Why are you walking away? If you want to be a friend with me you wouldn't walk away right now.
But she does. So then she goes back in and more is like, are you okay right now? Like are you doing okay?
You're doing okay with your crazy ladies? Like what's going on? And she's like well, I'm just very Disappointed in Carlton earth and if you hadn't brought me dad
If if my dad won't home I wouldn't leave but I want to get back and
Pig is to my dad and he goes immediately or straight away and she goes immediately if not soon
Because I guess that's it.
Okay, sweater man, getting up.
So, so now it's 192 to 132 of the votes
and to recose the women and she's like,
guys, guys, I love you, I love you.
And Car goes, oh, why can't you stay a little longer
and eat and she's like, let me see my parents call.
Let me, let me see my parents call
So without me park
So they get into the car and PK of course like well, you know I didn't really eat anything and we were in the middle of a conversation when we did that
You know how you don't like being interrupted in the middle of
Hamburger an hour and a half ago. Picking here. No, but what I'm saying is that they can throw that at us, you know, and say that we're being rude. Like they can literally throw a hamburger
at us and I won't be ready and I want to have a fork and knife ready. Rude is what they did. It's not
what friends do. Picking. So, see these all snippy and now Kyle and classic Kyle sense.
I feel bad that to read lift. I feel bad.
Yeah.
I just really wanted to nip it in the bed.
That's all I wanted to do.
And Kathy's like, well, she's just, you know,
Sutton's just happy that she's not in the middle of it, right,
Sutton? Right.
All your polka dots are crying.
So then, um, so then, uh, they finally decided to realize that the winner is not
going to be determined tonight.
So, um, Sun goes, well, it's too early to call.
This is just one big anti-climactic evening, Kyle.
I'm like, welcome to the past three seasons.
And now it's time for an old housewives classic, especially Beverly Hills.
Housewives buy a car.
Housewives goes to test drive a Bentley.
Yeah.
So they show up at the showroom in Garcella Rocks.
She really prolongs.
She really draws out her well as she walks in the door.
So they closed the Bentley shop because that way they could shop
of that mask also because it's the middle of a pandemic and not a lot of people are buying
Bentley. So like they opened it for you. They didn't close it for you.
They opened it for you. And sudden tries to make it seem, well, I mean, it's glamorous.
So these are Bentley's. These are not Toyota's. But she's like, yeah, $380,000.
glamorous, these are Bentley's, these are not Toyota's, but she's like, yeah, $380,000. I know.
I know.
So she's like, when you shop for couture, you shop for it by itself and you know, you get
to try it on by yourself unless Kyle Richards ambushes you in the middle of Paris or Rome.
But so this makes complete sense to me, this is how you shop alone for a car.
Yeah, so they have like the, you know, the empowerment scene of buying a really expensive
car.
And then we go over to Robin Crystal's house, Crystal's making dinner for the kid and
the kids are running around and stuff.
And she's like, said that you like meeting everyone, honey.
And he's like, uh, you know, this is a good time.
You know, Mauricio has a very good taste in one.
I talked to Sutton a bit.
You know, I have to say she was pretty,
sorry to say this babe, but pretty easy to talk to
because she knows Jen Tilly.
You know I love Jen, you know I love Jen babe.
I know, that was, I was not expecting
that that was gonna be the bond.
Let me see a flashback of like, so,
he goes, so I know your friends with
Jennifer Tilley. I'm like first of all I get out of Jennifer Tilley's business rob like
what he's like just Jennifer Tilley go around being like so I was hanging out with
Sutton's son who straked the other day. I will have her never be kind of like. Yeah she
probably does. Yeah I hang out with Sutton's strakky that's right. Charms, I'm sure. And sounds like, yeah, she worked on a movie with you.
She told me you're real in Asuka.
Basically, you know, the only one who's given her a job
in a few years, but she says you're an Asuka.
That was so much different.
I love that.
No one knows Rob.
I think it's so funny that no one teeth Sino Rob.
Mori called him Ron, and then something's like,
oh, that's right.
You, she did a movie with you.
That's right.
That's right.
But I wouldn't know that name.
Which raises a good question.
Why is Jennifer,
to be not one of our real house,
but I said Beverly Hills?
Like would she not be the most amazing real house
of a Beverly Hills?
I don't know.
They showed her at that store opening,
but she didn't really do much.
I'm much on poker because I like watching poker.
She does.
She's a pro poker.
Yeah, she's a pro poker player now.
People have seen her a few times. We should also say Oscar nominee Jennifer Tilly, by the way.
I love Jennifer Tilly, and I feel bad that I shaded her better career because she probably has been working all this time.
So I take it back, Jennifer. I'm so sorry. I'm a super fan. If you're not, if you're listening, which I know you're not, but I like to pretend that they are, you know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you know. No, no, no. Okay, he's back, he's.
Nope.
So, Crystal's like, yeah.
I've bridged with Jennifer Tilly, guys.
Yeah, I've burned the Tilly bridge.
So, Crystal's like, well, I think that Sutton's just pretty much on her best behavior around
you.
And she basically, she tells us, she's like, yeah, Rob's basically just a lot nicer than
I am.
Yeah.
Okay. He will, he'll just be forgiving and open, not me.
Okay.
Yeah.
So then it's like, it's parenting time and like, you know, one kid wants to play Mahjong,
which is super cool, you know, I love board games.
And then, and then we hear that Rob, like, makes the kids watch movies from the 40s and
Crystal's not invited.
She just has to make the popcorn, but it's like a daddy and kid moment.
Although we all know that they're not watching movies from the 40s.
He's just making them watch the line king over and over again.
He's like, Oh, here comes, uh, here comes sunset Boulevard, just getting it
to the line king, can't get and now you're not allowed to leave the room until it's over.
So they sit down and talk and Crystal's like, yeah, we have totally different styles of parenting.
Like, I'm a hard ass and Rob's a codler.
I mean, you know, every week he shows the kids a movie from the 40s, and I'm not even
invited.
I get to make the popcorn.
So one of the kids runs over to them on the couch and she says, um, remember when we
talked ice cream whipped, cream sprinkles?
Well guess what, you just lost a layer because you ran over to us
and you're not supposed to run.
So, wow, I'm surprised that there was even layers to lose.
I'm surprised there was ice cream still on the mix.
Ice cream was still in the mix.
So then, as the...
Well, you know that she's really,
you know that she's like really, really serious
and dark about it
and she starts with the ice cream as the layer.
It's like, well enjoy your whipped cream and sprinkles. One more in your
left with sprinkles, you little idiot. Now tip toe your ass back in the kitchen.
Yeah. So then she talks more about, you know, how she shared about her, like,
her food issues. And she talks also about growing up, how she with the Chubby
Wand. And she wants to be blue blonde and blue-eyed and skinny. And basically, she
wants to be white. And she just doesn't want her daughter to pick up on any of this
else and she doesn't and it's just really exhausting for her to when her daughter says like your
legs are really skinny or something that she says no they're just like worked out or something
like having to like correct and change the truth shift that paradigm. So I was like girl where did
you find out what white looked like have Have you ever been to a Walmart?
That would not have been your idea.
I need you to be like, little, good girl, go to Disney World.
That's what white looks like.
Okay, you'll feel better.
The point is this, I just really want ice from now.
Well, I'm gonna be honest.
No, you lost a layer, Ben.
You lost a layer.
I'm gonna get that layer back. I lost a layer bin you lost a layer layer. I'm gonna I'm gonna get that layer back
I I lost a layer because of the Jennifer Jennifer Chili
Jennifer chili is calling a problem being like I listen that podcast
He loses a lady. I know what man. Yeah, I get a lady
I'm up in the get a bowl with no ladies in it. No ladies. I got till he damn it. I got till he'd
So now we go over to Sutton's shop and she's there with Jordan, the shop manager.
And she's like, oh Jordan, you're in trouble because Cosmin come in here and say,
I told you not to get mannequins with arms and I'm told you to get mannequins with arms legs.
I told you, I told you, I told you.
So then I expect him to be like, how wants mannequins with heads?
So, um, so Kyle and Kathy show up and Kathy's like, honey, this is gorgeous, this is the
most beautiful DMV I've ever been in, this is wonderful.
And it smells good.
She's shocked.
She's like, wow, it smells good in here.
And Kyle's like, how are y'all fucking Kyle with that?
So they start talking about mom jeans or as Mama jeans as as Catholic. Oh those Mama jeans
And yes, they're talking about them and Kyle hates mom jeans
But she goes they're ugly, but everyone's wearing them. So I have to wear them too
Oh, I'm like or you don't have to at all
Can have some just sums up Kyle. That's just like Kyle's personality, the
nutshell. So they're talking about this party that Sutton's
gonna have. It's Parisian because I love Paris. And they
talk about what they're gonna. Thank you. We do look alike.
We do look alike. Sutton, thank you so much. And Sutton's
like, well, I still don't know who's coming because people don't RSVP.
And Carl goes, well, you could just be chill
and invite people and see you shows up.
And she's like, oh, I love having a $35,000 party car
where I just don't know who's gonna show up.
So fun, good idea.
Yes, we wouldn't want you to waste all that money
because that is rent for next month.
So please be wise.
So it's like, I'm desperate.
Desperate for many different reasons,
but one of the reasons is,
because I can't wait to have all the girls show up
in my house, okay?
And Kyle goes, well, technically it's my house,
but yeah, she's leasing it.
I'm like, God, you're so obnoxious at all times.
It's amazing.
I'm like growing to actually appreciate how noxious she is.
Like I'm starting to see it as a feature, not a flaw,
and I'm concerned for myself.
Yeah, and Kathy's like, well,
I really want to figure out this error, good thing.
I mean, anyone speak to her other than texting,
and Kyle says, yeah, she's just exhausted.
And something's like, well, I'm gonna ask her,
I'll text her. So here's what, well, I'm gonna ask her. I'll text her.
So here's what I'm, she texts her or whatever.
So she's like, well, I'm gonna move some of this store
to the house so it feels more paresian.
It's this party.
And Kathy goes, hmm, well, I do not think you need
that piece of furniture there.
And I see that that closet is empty.
She's like, well, that is the, that's the power room, which we actually do need.
And oh, my goodness, what's going on with my hair?
Oh, sorry, I put a giant fan in the corner because I was getting a little sleeping.
I wanted something to sort of put me over the edge.
Okay, thank you.
Mm-hmm.
And Kyle's like, oh yeah, she's the big sister.
So she always has to be bossy about everything.
So it goes, I don't know how,
I survived all this time without the two of you here.
And Kathy's like, and what's this here?
Exactly, she's like, the kitchen Kathy, and she's,
mmm, mmm, mmm.
And this, what about this strange contraption here?
Do we need this?
Is this just some novelty thing?
That is the cash register, Kathy.
Hmm.
It's like, hmm.
And this, that is the door.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Not sure about that.
Do you need this, do you need this desk here?
Yes.
Yes, Kathy.
We actually work here.
It's like, hmm.
What about this strange mannequin with the polka dots?
That's your sister Kyle.
Kathy.
Here's what I saw in that store.
Decapitated women pooping and eating in the same space,
and then actually having to go to work.
Mm.
Didn't like it.
Didn't like it.
So now we go to Rina's house for a really exciting scene.
Harry.
Harry.
Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry is
working in his garden and he's pulling up some potatoes. He's like, hmm, these
potatoes are a little small. Oh, this is a good size. That's a nice size. That's a nice size for a potato.
That's a good size, Harry. I love that potato. Oh, look, there's a pumpkin. There's a pumpkin.
Oh look, there's a pumpkin. There's a pumpkin.
There's a pumpkin.
There's a pumpkin.
How are you?
There's a pumpkin.
Yeah, I'm not sure how sure I am that this marriage isn't a strong place because I don't believe anyone that was not trying to piss Rina off would be growing carbs like that.
I mean, you're growing potatoes.
Why don't you just grow a loaf of white bread
and divorce already, okay?
How dare you, sir?
How dare you?
Yeah, Harry Hamlin, I'm actually a little concerned
for myself that I'm like very much on
Harry Hamlin's at trajectory because he started off
with a garden box on his balcony, which is what I have.
I have gale.
Gale is my garden box.
A little plug for my own Instagram.
If you ever want to see the adventures of Gail,
watch my Instagram because when I'm home,
I'm in New York still when I'm home.
For some reason, I'm just really into
making really dumb videos about Gail, my garden box.
So I'm on the Harry Hamlin trajectory
and thank God I don't have a lot of land
because I'm actually concerned that I would
basically go full Harry and just turn it into one big.
I don't call it a garden, I call it an a-fid sanctuary.
That's what I tend to do.
And in terms, I have lots of in terms
that are ravaging my plants at the moment.
Well, Harry did this because of the pandemic
and he thinks it's gonna be Armageddon.
So he literally went on the internet and said,
how do I build a garden?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
And he also got a, and she tries to understand
what the compost thing is.
And he's like, yes, it's a compost thing.
That is what it is.
And she's like, what is it?
What do you do?
Do you put poop in there?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Has it started in Chicago?
I don't get it.
I'm focusing on it.
So then they have to do a fire drill.
So Harry has built a reservoir.
It looks like an above ground pool.
That's a reservoir.
They have an actual fire hose.
They do a fire drill where Rina has to gather the hose and run it forward to the fire and
then turn on and then she's aiming it and she's like,
Oh, Harry, how are you?
Harry, she's just one lady fire brigade going at it.
Oh my god.
And she's like, to this day, I don't know what he sees for me, but I do know.
I give a good blowjob.
She knows the seal clap. but I do know I give a good blow chop.
She does the seal clap.
So they talk about Erica and Eric.
I keep writing Rinnet down for Harry's name.
They're talking about Erica and Harry's like, oh, yeah. I mean, you know, give her my best.
Like I'm reading for her.
I mean, that's great.
You know, I mean, I hope she does great. Yeah, I'm rooting for her. I mean, that's great, you know? I mean, I hope she does great.
Yeah, I'm rooting for her.
My first divorce was Archimonyus.
And then my second divorce was,
this time, just like, just get the hell out of here.
I'm gonna collect charred and get the hell out of here.
It was Nicholas charred and the first sex.
I think this, I think the second.
I think the second. He has the second? I think the second.
You as a child of Ursula Andress, right?
But I don't know if they were ever married.
Well, yeah, I don't know.
So I don't want to guess.
Because you know, I'm going to get it wrong.
The next thing I'm going to have to say, oh, no,
this is what I got wrong.
OK, I'll look it up because we're going to get a million messages.
And I'm just like not in the mood.
OK.
I don't know.
So then he's like, yeah, the second time, I just said,
take whatever you want.
You know, I said, see you later, alligator.
Okay.
It's like, what?
Sorry.
I'm just telling you right now.
His first wife is Laura Johnson.
And second wife was Nicolette Sheridan.
And Ursula Andrews.
Yes.
Well, she was a second.
Baby mama.
Yeah.
So then, yeah, because he has a son with her, right?
I remember that part. Yeah
Okay, so then she says yeah, you know after the second one you get the emotional part of that cuz she got together right after the
Nicolette Sheridan thing she got with Harry after that so then he's like we're not gonna go through divorce again
Right pinky promise?
Like pinky promise
God I'm gonna have to do fire drills or else my fucking life
Please stop spraying me with the hose, thank you.
So now we go to-
Pinky promise, carbrower.
Pinky promise, carbrower.
Not another squash.
So then we go to Sun's party at Kyle's house,
and she's got an event planner named Nick
who she brutalizes, which is hilarious.
She's just, she's just like, she's not easy on him.
And so she's setting up, is this a little bridal?
I feel like this little bridal,
just scream and bridle, I like how it elevates.
This seems a little bridal, it's a little bridal.
It's scream and bridle.
It's like, okay.
So it's bridal, got it.
And she wants to take them on a trip to Paris,
but in my house, and normally she goes to Paris them on a trip to Paris, but in my house. And she normally, she goes to Paris four times a year.
And then she starts saying things like,
I love walking in the rain in Paris.
I love the smell of p'tisserie.
I love walking into the office at 11 a.m.
And Sophie says, why are you late?
And I said, this is the way Americans do it.
And she says, well, you're off the account.
And I said, fun, because I'm going to go sleep with the chef
who lives downstairs.
God, I love Paris.
I love when my daddy calls me.
And I say, Phil Collins, thank you for calling me today.
I can feel it in the air to not daddy in Paris.
So Crystal's house, Kyle comes over
and some weird looking heels,
like kind of like Malif Huffie looking
because the heel part of it looks Huffie
and I was like, ooh, nice call back.
So she comes in and her terrible polka dot
children of the Cornell Fit and she's like,
how are you?
How are you?
How are you?
Yeah, now that you're sitting,
I now know the voice you're talking about where she goes.
She sort of does this.
She was like, hey, what's going on?
Like she has like a little bit of this.
Like a little Erica Rose, right?
Like a little bit of that.
Yeah.
Like, oh, the amount of my finger in your hair.
You like a little bit of that.
Yeah.
Always when she says hi, how are you?
Okay, so Crystal's like, okay, come in.
You want to have some tea?
And she's like, oh yeah, it's like chili,
it's like chili, but she sees a purse on the...
And she's just staring at.
Kitchen table and she just can't stop staring.
It's her purse.
And they're trying to make small talk,
but she can't, because she's Kyle Richards
and she only cares about ways to compete
with other people's money.
So she's like, okay, that back over there is distracting.
She's like, what is that? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, like all her polka dots just sort of like
move to the right and just look at it. She's like, and she's just, it's 95. By
the way, it's a $95,000 bag from Air Maze. It actually is very cute because it looks like
a little like a department store. Well, better fucking be, better be fucking cute.
It's like, it, very better be playing potatoes
in your backyard.
And that's a lot of money.
Itch, that's, you know what?
I would pay $75, okay?
So, and that's, I don't think that's even high for me.
I think like, I don't say $30.
So Kyle's like, I haven't heard one word out
of Crystal's mouth.
All I can see is this bag, She's just staring at this bag.
Like the biggest googly eyes we've ever seen on her in in 12 seasons of Kyle Richards
googly eyes. So then we go to Dory in her tacky ass Louie jumpsuit thing. There's jumpscoot
skirt dress things. I don't know Doryt. Doryt's another one. So she's wearing her Louie and
You know getting ready to go secrets per reason inspired
You know I don't know if I want to cook of all 12 in the afternoon picky
But I guess I guess I must go by
Jagalish a push a key she put no
But you put you put you pick it you get it. I just like get out of your mom Bye, Jagalusha, Pusha, Kishe, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Pulu, Where is the champagne me at the door at the door Nick? Like oh, sorry
Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am
Any cut and so
And then Kyle's talking she goes you know back when I was living in the Bellaire house that house saw some parties
So she's already trying to one up sudden at you know
She's she's competing with sudden about the parties at that house now and we see flashbacks crazy parties and then so Kyle and Crystal are now walked up to the front door and
Kyle is the
Crystal doesn't want to knock on the door because Crystal has legitimate reasons because she has this like weird energy with with
Sutton but Kyle is just being dramatic. I don't know
I've never like run the door in my own house
I never like had to ask like I've never just like come up to the door in my own house
Just like walked in like I don't know, I don't know.
I just want to just like shake every single one
of those pukedots and just like knock that hat off.
Like, I'm just like, damn, God damn door.
And Crystal's like, well, I'm certainly not doing it.
She goes, oh yeah, what if she's naked
and they start cracking up?
And Crystal's like, what are you doing in there?
So sudden answers and they pour sudden.
I mean, she can't even get the kiss right with Chris doll.
So, double kiss is calm, then she goes to crystal,
and they like kind of bump faces, and she's like,
Oh, yeah, double kiss.
Double kiss, sorry.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
So, now Kyle is NBS of her own house,
because she's, oh my God, you're making me want to move back
into this house.
I'm not even kidding you.
It's giving me goose bumps.
Like the words everyone,
everyone wants to hear from their landlord.
She's like, it's so interesting to see someone else
take on something.
I mean, sudden has her own unique style and flavor.
And while I love it, it feels a little weird.
I'm like, what's weird about it?
That she has her own style.
And since, like she has her own taste,
it not just like follows what people tell her.
And I say that as someone who follows what people tell me.
Well, when you're used to living in like
a fake, resonant discount house
and seeing someone who just spent $380,000 for fun,
I would imagine it is different.
So the British shows up.
Yeah.
Yeah, British shows up and guess what?
I can't, oh my God, I can't, I can not, I literally can't.
I was like, I cannot, I literally can't, how are you?
They were in the same dress, oh my god.
Yeah, I don't, it was pretty shocking
because this was, I thought the dress looked cray-cray
and I mean, again, I'm not a fashion gay
and it's probably like very untrend but I thought it looked cray-cray, and I mean, again, I'm not a fashion gay and it's probably like very untrend,
but I thought it looked cray-cray, in fact, that they both were wearing it.
At least, Rina didn't have the ridiculous hat.
I think the hat is what made it look really cray- because it actually looked good on Rina,
but on Kyle, it just looks so silly. I think again, the hat. The hat really, it really casts a-
It really changed the vibe of that part. I mean, it-
Oh, for people who haven't seen it, like this is really
one of Kyle's most like the hat. I can't. I can't. I get it. It needs a sickle. It needs
a sickle. So then to read arrives and Kyle's like, Oh my God, I thought you had polka dots
and I was like, Oh my God, no, to read doesn't because of course she's left out. It's just
mean, right? I'm sorry to read. Sorry. there's a little Louis Vuitton polka dots on your head.
But then Garsell comes in and she's wearing the same LV print,
but hers is on a hat instead of a headband.
So we have two people in polka dot dresses,
two people in Louis Vuitton polka dot hat things.
And Garsell's wearing sort of like a pink kind of blazery thing.
And then later on when Kathy arrives,
Kathy's wearing a pink blazery thing.
So just overlapping each other. So, so then Kyle's like,
not only do we still each other's look,
but suddenly, oh my god, them house.
I'm like, I don't think you get to claim that joke
as yours, Kyle.
You do not get that one, okay?
That, no, no, you don't get to laugh about that.
That's ours, that's ours to laugh at.
I was cracking up when somebody came in the door.
I think it was Kathy and you see that there's a crucifix right above the air conditioner control.
You know, I was like, well, that's, you know what? Like if you believe in prayer,
that is where you should put it because summer gets damn hot in those days. Please work today.
Please work today. So Kathy is like, oh, how beautiful. Hmm. Look at you. Hmm.
And so, um, Kathy's like, well, you all look very pretty.
Did you mean to have that, did you mean to have that garage thing there?
It's the bathroom, Kathy.
Hmm.
Hmm.
It's so refreshing to walk in into natural lighting instead of the harsh hues of pink
neon art that you think is cool.
Well done.
Well done.
So, uh, such as, well, you all look very Parisian,
but in the daytime in Paris, this is the way I dress.
So, I guess I just flex on you all.
Yeah.
So then Erica is the,
or Garsell is the first one to bring up Erica.
She's like, well, I guess I'll say,
I was shocked with Erica,
because when I met her she mentioned Tom and she actually
welled up when she did it and then we see that of her going.
I am so grateful to Tom.
And then we come back and she goes, I mean I felt the love.
I said to myself, that's what I want.
I mean part of the best thing about a vegetable is that you know it's going to expire soon
in my ride. I mean Harry knows all about this, now that he's gardening, right?
And so Rinna is like, yeah, you know, Doreka goes, well you know, Erica is someone who
holds certain things to a chest and when she's ready, she feels comfortable to share
them, you know, I'm like, and that's why she is not good on this show because she doesn't
really share shit.
And so Rinna goes, and that's when you need your girlfriends. It's great to have a support system around and if you don't have that you have us
Who will tear you down
People are so full of shit. They are all so full of shit
So we see Erica driving in the car
We keep cutting back and gross. I was like no one knew no one. I mean no one knew in Tahoe
And they're like nope nope and we just see a clip of Erica going
Oh Tom, Tom's at the farm. He's a water cause of that one
It's like yeah, I mean it was really romantic
We talked about him and so she asked the ladies. She's like, um, so do you think that she really filed?
I mean it's her idea to file.
I mean, shouldn't she just wait and they all look at her in the clown, the clown music
starts playing and they're staring at her like, for what?
For what?
The next Halloween sequel, I'm afraid I will not be in that one.
No, scheduling conflicts.
And they'll explain it, say what you mean.
And she's like, mmm,, and she goes, I know literally
what you're thinking.
Literally!
I actually gave PK Milkseek, made with lipids the other day.
I'll get ya girl.
It took three years, but I finally figured out how to use a magic blette.
So then Garsell is like, I'm just saying,
I've been married for that long and Garsell and son of a... Oh, Garsell, stop it, stop it,
stop it. Yeah. And Garsell's like, well, I'm...
She just went for him to die already. Yeah, she's like, I'm applying and y'all are slow.
Like, you're making me spell this out on national TV He was supposed to be a moment of quick shade and you guys are making me have to say every single second
Well, unfortunately, I think that was the plan but because I don't have a pre-napped so she would have gotten everything
But unfortunately now that makes her yeah
Most likely responsible for all of this debt and stuff
Yes, because racked up in all of these crimes
Yeah, because she is actually earning more money than him. So so he would be under sleeping and so anyway
Erica finally she walks up and hold on a very
Fable and very serious Erica droughty outfit and she walks the door and she walks in and then she closes the door
I'm here and it goes to be continued
Of course this show starts makes us think that this is the beginning of the Erika drama,
but it's not.
No, of course.
But hey, at least we got to see someone drive an expensive car.
And hey, we still made it an hour and 20 minutes, so.
Well, we talked about a doctor for 20 of those minutes.
I mean, it was an entertaining show.
So yeah, excited to see how this turns out.
So everyone, thanks so much for listening and for watching.
If you watch, and we'll be back,
we have our bonus episode will be up tomorrow for Top Chef.
Did you mean to watch Top Chef this week?
And then we'll have Family Karma on Monday.
Like we've had the past few weeks.
So if you're wondering, where's auntie Lopadrama Monday,
Monday Monday Monday.
So everyone, thank you so much for watching and listening.
Ronnie, you're the best.
Next time we'll both wear polka dots and we'll talk to you on the next one.
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