Watch What Crappens - RHOBH: It's Expensive to Be Tom

Episode Date: May 15, 2019

Erika Jayne lip syncs to dead air this week on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when the ladies come to check out her concert. Will she improvise with an acapella version of Ave Maria? Can't wait to find out. To hear this week's bonus episode covering Project Runway and Texicanas and to find Crappens on Demand video recaps, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! "Straight to the Rosé" and "Rosé All Day" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Irvine, Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, Minneapolis, Baltimore and Nashville. Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Okay, so that's all the shillin. Today we've got some real housewives of Beverly Hills Otherwise known as how could you stop me in the heart? I love it if that was what was really called yeah real housewives of you've hurt me Real housewives we have no friendship So the episode opens up, you know the usual like like little quick shots around town. See what everyone's up to. We see Camille coming down a staircase in her wedding dress and her friend Kimber. And of course she has a friend named Kimber. But her friend works. Yeah, right. Like she doesn't have a friend named Kimber Lee. She doesn't have a friend named Kim. She has a friend named Kimber.

It's so, you know, so she's like, yeah, she's like stunning and can you go? Thank you And her gaze like you look just like Cinderella I'm like she has never cleaned the day in her life Okay, please don't make her like the most famous cleaning lady of all time. She's accused all the little birds around her of being Know it all I don't know what that blue bird's a little bit of a know it all Did you say I was insecure without the birds here? I guess I just have something of a Jesus complex with these birds.

I like the lead up to Camille's house, the outdoor B-roll shots. It's somebody rollerblading really awkwardly. I was like, of course, we're at Camille's house. And people are still rollerblading. Of course, just like Camille trapped in the 90s. So then we go over to a Lisa's place. And guess what? The kitchen's done.

Like, hey, remember that storyline? We finished it. I was like, thank God. I'm also saying thank God because we have had to endure many seasons long kitchen transformations on Real Housewives. So I appreciate this like three episode arc. That was really quick, but it just was surprising. I was not. I thought we were going to have a at least one episode of it's almost done, not not go directly to it's completely done. Yeah, the time is almost top. We bet.

Where are we going to find the perfect fridge? This one is more annoying than ever, though, because Sessa. Yeah, incessently asked kissing Sessa is there going, oh my god. Oh, it looks so good. Yeah, I was like, do we really need John Sessa for the big kitchen? Maybe, oh, couldn't we have done back? Where's Rosio? I would have much prefer it with the Rosio. Okay.

She's the she's one who got to be cleaning this thing. By the way, I did not love the kitchen. I have to say, I thought it was like very sterile and like sad and even though it was bright, it was like, I don't know. Like super white with like little light pink accents with the kitchen wear, but then these, um, these accents, these, these like silver accents and everything, it made me want to puke.

I thought it was pretty, but I mean, it is very least of anur prop, which isn't necessarily a compliment, because it's like, how are you going to resell that? You know, it goes to her like kind of disco kitchen thing. Yeah. And did you notice that she has one of those crazy expensive Italian ovens? Like the one that got really did not notice that. I think at that point, I was like blinded by all the light bouncing off those white countertops. Yeah.

Well, it's explained to the kitchen so expensive. It was all that stove, you know, because the rest of it's just countertop. I mean, you know, it's nothing too crazy. Yeah. But she's like, it's been a horrible six months, but this makes me feel so much better. And John's like, it's so what? Lisa, Thunder Pompah, she deserves that. She deserves that.

I was like, oh my god, John says that. Jesus Christ. Yeah, enough. And by the way, we posted it on our Instagram, but John Blizzard totally showed up at some, unlike Deandra Simmons' Instagram feed. Like in the stories they went to some event. Deandra had some event and John Blizzard was there. Of course John Blizzard's there.

It's so thirsty just to go to every housewife event, get them to all their good graces. Trapped in thirst. And then Lisa has to get a little dig in there. He's like, she stars that ha and she's like I think so other people might not think so Like okay, Victor. I'm kind of get the crap exactly and then so then we go over to Erica Jane and she's being interviewed for e e Daily pop whatever it's called by Justin Sylvester, which is funny because Justin was Kyle's former assistant,

the lady sitter. So it's just kind of even though yes, he is an anchor of an entertainment show on like a major basic cable network. I still think of him as Kyle's assistant. So I just thought it was funny of Eric being interviewed by Kyle's assistant. Well, I was wondering where they were playing because outside I put outside the video jerk off booth place. They're putting up letters for a sign that says Eric a Jane So he's like you haven't been to LA. Anyway, how do you feel about playing on the airgang girl? And she's like let's be honest People in LA don't take time to pow pow. They just like to sit there like judging

Justin how could you but yes, so judging, but that's okay I don't have to see it. I have a good time. I at least like so judging but that's okay. I'll just here to have a good time I'm at least like a party capital of the world. I know frickin' ninkin poop I don't know how the audience has got to be tricky I'll wake him party. Give me a break Erica. Okay, sing a song So then we go over we land on to be making pk some coffee and he's asking how the camping was and she's you know she's saying how it was fun and the kids would would would love

it and pk is like honey nothing about us is RV holidays okay we can't even a full I don't know where my pk accent is right now babe babe thank you I thought you had us as RV holidays babe you gotta say babe sometimes you I don't think about us as all the holidays babe you gotta say babe sometimes you gotta say babe to get into it I just was sort of like in a generic British place I was like this feels weird it almost sounds too sophisticated I don't know what to do save me Ronnie see he has a name plate in his office it says

talented motherfucker babe haha look at that one funny I said it's not like rough in it pick it she like, it's not like rough in it, pick it. She goes, pick it is not a wilderness kind of guy. Not at all. But this cable girl looking like mountains, rock climb, kick our scepter ping pong pong pong. PK is not a wilderness kind of guy.

He's more of a chocolate pudding and put your feet in marshmallow shoes kind of guy. If diabetes was a wilderness, PK would be climbing the highest rock in the city. Diabetes were a wilderness. So he's like, well, I don't understand how Campan works. Did you brush your teeth before you went to bed then, babe? So when have you ever known me not to brush me?

And he goes, there was no sink. It's like this to, man, this to really make each other happy in a way that no one can understand. Yeah. This is their meant for each other. So be gay saying that he can't go to a Camille's wedding because it's like, babe, I've got so much going on. I've got work. I've got to focus. I've got my Jello of the month thriving. Can't leave babe. I've got to stay here in case they come to Represist the house babe. All right. We've got to keep changing that combination on the front wall. And then Doreet tells us that basically anytime she goes out of town for a few days, her mother flies from the East Coast to take care of the kids because PK has got all his stuff that he's doing.

But I'm like, don't they already have like three nannies? So it's like three nannies and mom has to fly out from Connecticut. And one of the things on the mom's to do list is to make sure PK eats. I'm sure PK knows how to eat by now. He's got that cover. That's perfect. Give the guy a break. He is on the threshold of having diabetes, one, two, three,

and 16. Yeah, they'll blame the mother for it. Yeah. So then we go over to Kyle's house where Kyle, Teddy, and Lisa Rina are doing laps in her backyard. They're like, they're jogging. Ugh, fucking're jogging. Fucking Kyle. Yeah.

Everything is about how rich Kyle is. Look at us talking in my back yard. This is not. At least two, these three are trying to make us think that they're like super fun on their own show. And it's really not. Okay. Watching somebody run around their backyard is disgusting. It's disgusting. I also like, I'm not convinced that it's a good workout. I mean, yes, technically she says if you run around nine times, it's a mile. Who has to keep count that?

That's like really a lot of like, chances are if you are Beverly Hills housewife, you probably want to run two miles, two, maybe three miles. I mean, Teddy ran three miles in the camping trip. That's 27 laps. That's like a lot to count. Okay, get just find a track or a treadmill. I would say go outside, but you live in the camping trip. That's 27 laps. That's like a lot to count. Okay, get just find a track Or a treadmill. I would say go outside, but you live in the casino and I'm not sure how that how that works there I know it's bad enough that you drag these people to in the scene

And now you're making them run around your backyard where they could trip easily I'm run is so impressed by everything. Oh my god Rosemary can I eat that? Oh my god, it's a gym, you have a gym that's, that's great. See, Rinna someone I'd like to see have a marathon storyline, cause she'd be like, oh my god, look, it's a store. It's a Nike town, it's not actually a town,

but it's called Nike town. I would look restoration hardware, there was a hardware I think it's hard where that's restored Chopper juice. What is that? What is that as she passed by people in the marathon? She'd be Hi, how are you? How are you? I'm winning There's a free cup of water for me. Okay, so free cup another one. Oh, another cup of water. Great. Thank you. Thank you She's like makes a mile point four.

After six hours. So, so it's like, okay, Kyle has talked about much money. She has, when do they get to Vanderpump? Because you know, it's coming up, you know, so she's like, let's talk about camping. And Brynn is like, I'd buy, I'd buy for breakfast. I'd buy for breakfast. I'd buy for breakfast. Buy. I'll buy. For breakfast, I had a pie for breakfast, lady. To hear what I'm saying, it's a meal that normally is served for like eggs, like what songs.

But I had a pie, which is for the other meals. It's crazy. She's like, it was fun. Listen to it, it was fun. We had a good time. Didn't we think about it, guys? It was fun, wasn't it? It was fun. We had a good time. Didn't we think about it, guys? It was fun. Wasn't it fun?

And Ritenti's like, um, what about Camille and, um, and she like gestures like Camille massaging a prostate. And she's like, uh, she went from prostate to know it all. Hi, I'm Teddy. God shut girls, they'll grow a dog with a bone. She just cannot let go. It's like, okay, that Mal is talking about me Immediately, I'm really like, well, sorry. I don't want to stick my finger in butts. I mean, who even thinks that that

That's crazy. I was like, what about me? Um, you know, like I don't even mind that she called me. You know, at all It's the tone the tone she used I mean did you hear that tone? I feel like Camille only has one tone and it's yeah um so Kyle's like well you know she was trying to say that because of the boy George concert you know you kind of bettered him to that fight so yeah but if I feel something I I say something. Okay, it's like terrorism. And the second I can't say what I want around people, then I don't want to be friends with those people anymore.

Shrug. I know, I'm taking such a bold stance with Camille, but, but then she's like, what I'm so invited to the wedding. So I guess I'm good with her, but I don't know. Hi, I'm Teddy. Yeah, she's, she put out a tweet this week that was was like well, he gets Camille forgot to pack her second face And then Teddy's trying to be all badass on Twitter, but she's such a fail. She's such a fail to eat and then Camille just wrote back. That's mean This is what Brett Kavanaugh had to go through

This is what Brett Kavanaugh had to go through. So speaking of packing things, Denise is packing for Miami because she's doing a TV show that like an edgy TV show that has things happening in Miami. So she's packing sexy and provocative. Sexy and provocative and edgy and has dialogue. So she's packing and Aaron's watching. And of course Aaron still has that soft core porn voice and he's like, hey babe, you, anything you need me to do?

Like I could do you if you want. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't. Hey Aaron, see if you can fit your dick in the suitcase. Okay. I could do want to. Hey, Aaron, see if you can fit your dick in the suitcase. I can do that for you, babe. Right now, want me to fix this pipe. It looks like it. My bursts.

So she's like, yeah, there's a lot of guilt being a working parent, but I got to work. You know, Charlie blew all his goddamn money. Fucking idiot. And so we go to this, like, God, it's hard being a mom and having a job. And it's kind of an overplayed real housewives trope. But I still like watching Denise, you know, like when I write down her scene, I'm like, why am I writing this down? But I still like watching. Same. And I also enjoy her simple pleasures. She's like, God, you know, I love, I love

going on the set, you know, when I go, when I'm at set, it's great. People are like, God, you know, I love, I love going on the set, you know, when I go, when I'm at set, it's great. People are like, do you want a coffee? When I'm at home, it's like, okay, Aaron sticking sticking me again. All right. It's like, uh, so like free-pottled water. What? This is crazy. I get to go onboarding group four instead of boarding group six. Oh my God, what have I done to deserve this this is why Ron and I do live shows because we just want free water backstage we're very easy to please I'm telling you nothing beat the 930 club when they actually gave us cupcakes I'm like wait a second like what cupcakes I know we almost fell down what is this we made it and this are Emmys or Grammys or whatever the hell you get for that.

Our day time Cleo Awards. So, so Denise is so so anyway. So Denise is going to be going away for a few days. So she's saying goodbye to Eloise. Who's so sweet that that sweet little Eloise. So she says bye and then they're like, don't worry. I'm coming back in a few days and Aaron's only going to the airport. So Eloise gives when when Eloise hears that Aaron's going to take

to use the airport, Eloise gives Aaron a hug. It was so cute. It was. My only thought in this was Aaron's totally getting blow jobs from the assistant Matt while she's gone. I was and my thought was Aaron is totally getting blow jobs from Janice on the way to the airport. Except for those damn gopros. Yeah. So now let's get back to Erica. We're rehearsing on stage. She's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, you're great fun. Great fun with my pussy. Boxed up with my pussy. All right. And Mikey's like, yes, back to energy, back to energy, back to energy that energy energy and turn into a dead

Jesus people I just like how they're marking their dance and go on my kiss is like a pie Big dick and a jig. And then and then Erica's like, um, hold on one second. Hey, can I get some yak hair up here to make my hair look fuller? What is happening at this verse? Is this the way they always are requests for yak hair and big dick energy? I'm not gonna lie and be bullshit humble, blah, blah, blah, the fuck I've been

dreaming this shit up since I was a bad man. The Glow Theater, some 900 people, we sold it out, that's right man. There's pressure in our way that is unmatched. You're performing in front of other performers. So you have to really up your yak here again. Yeah, really, really selling it with that Kentucky fried chicken church hat thing you're wearing in your new professionals. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I liked it. I like an odd shaped hat sometimes. I think a little cute little, like a little disc red on Erica Jane. I liked it. That cat's trying hard. That hat's trying harder than half this cast.

I'll give it that much credit. That hat certainly has more personality than half the cast. So um. It's a disappointment LA that's unmatched. Your performing it from the other performers. I prefer performing in front of strangers. But that's alright Julia Roberts. It's alright, Maurice.

Look how thoughtful you don't have to give me any insubacar. Nothing makes me more nervous than looking down the audience and seeing Sandy Duncan right there. And I'm like, I'm flying too. Nothing like blaming the audience for your failures before you've even performed. Like I see the length of the groundwork for this. So then we go over to Aaron and Denise and they've gone to someone named someone named Kerry's house. I was like, is this LAX? I don't think so.

Why did you mislead us? You're at someone else's house. Bitch. Why? So, they're there because Lola is getting her hair makeup done. There's going to be a homecoming dance and it's Lola's first date. This was Lola, right? Or Annie?

No, Sammy. Sammy. Yeah. Oh, are Lola's Sammy twins or they just close the age? No. I just assume every daughter's name Lola and he says that was always. So Lola won and Lola too. Well, everyone Lola won.

So anyway, it's Sammy's first date, and it's also the homecoming dance, and Denise is like, well, I mean to me, it's not a date. It's a dance, and there's a fucking difference, okay? Literally, there's a fucking difference. You fucking want, you don't fuck at the other. But mommy asked me just, well, that doesn't mean anything, alright? So, you only date your 30s. Shut the fuck up, alright? Ah, I don't know, I not going to see you wear your dress. I loved your transition there from accidental Erica Jane into Denise.

That was amazing. Because I was scrolling through to see who Lola is. Isn't Lola her the daughter she just said by to at home? That's Eloise. Is there no Lola? Is Lola just totally a mat? OK, I got a lot of that. Yeah, there's a Lola. It's almost named Lola. I don't know. Sorry. I love

you. You scared children. Okay, it's like real nice. Yeah, she has, she has kids. And then I think Sam and Lola, huh? There you go. So yeah, so they're, they're all getting their makeup done and Denise is upset because she's not going to see her leave for the dance and the kids like mom I don't care if I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck so it's like trying your dress I want to see it and I love that Denise. I mean Denise really does stick to her gun She's like you're gonna wear a long sleeve dress that goes all the way up to your neck. Yeah, okay You're gonna wear a turtle neck and I'm gonna zip you into the sleeping bag and you're gonna hop around this dance You're gonna wear a turtle neck and I'm gonna zip you into the sleeping bag and you're gonna hop around the stands.

She's like, well, I feel bad because I, you know, I miss so many important things like cheerleading practices and science fairs. I mean, look, I mean, I taught my daughter how to make her homemade dildo for the science fair. I didn't even get to see her present it. We just called it a volcano and called it a win. But Aaron, I knew what was up. We do the volcano all the time.

We're doing it right now. Come out from under there, Aaron. So then back with Erica, Mikey's like, one hour back. I did. I'm attacking the climbers. And so Erica's like, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. And then Tom shows up. She's like, I don't give a fuck I don't give a fuck and then Tom shows up

She's like I don't know how Look at everybody I would have a wonderful sale tonight Tom's like Well, it's great to be here Can I have some coffee. I'm not interested in more of Tom. Well, he's not seen. But you could you vote for Ronald Reagan for me. God, David Tom is 2019.

So meanwhile, in this episode where pretty much nothing has happened, we now go over to Kyle, PK, Mauricio, to re-entry. They're on an SUV heading to Erica's show. And Kyle's like, Oh my God. So then Camille, Mauricio, get this. Camille was saying that she like rubbed her ex's prostate. No one's that she did. She does it with her hand. She's starting to show them how. And of course, Kyle's acting like this is the craziest does it with her hand. She's trying to show them how. And of course, Kyle's acting like this is the craziest thing she's ever heard. And PK's like, it looks like you played the piano. Whoops, like, damn.

That might just be the diet. Beach is speaking. So Kyle's like, yeah, PK apologized to me 19 million times. So I'm over it now. We're good. He did good. How I like it. So they arrive and Kyle tells us, I've seen Erica twice now, but I'm now with my husband, and I've fragged him about her like, hello, our friends are rock star.

It's like, oh. Kyle is so transparent. It can really infuriate me. Like she's doing, she's clearly, I mean, I feel like she's truly only friends with Erica because she wants to brag that her friend is a musician in a rock star, right? Is that just me? I think she's just team building. I don't think Carol walks out of those concerts going, wow, that was.

Woo, wow, that was something. But I think though that she is like, she walks out of that concert to be, and it's like, yeah, I know her. Yeah, I'm her friend, the one who's on stage, I'm her friend, you know. I'm not trying to put too much thought into Kyle because it'll make me start raging, all right?

Having a smoothie, having a very calming day here on this real house, advisory cap, even writing down car lines. I read that line out loud and I'm like, why did I even write that down? Kyle has like nothing of interest to say to me. I was honestly just writing things down because I had to write something down because nothing was happening on this episode. It was like Erica was rehearsing.

They went to see Erica. The end, you know, pretty much. So then in the car Denise is on the way to the airport and Aaron's driving. He's like, yep, still driving. You need me thing while I'm driving. You need me to stop for something. I'm here to serve you. So like, are you gonna be able to go to four days without fucking? All right, you can jerk off and we have phone sex. What else is he supposed to do? I know. He's like, I sort of do that already. I can't believe that Denise going to the airport has already taken up half of this episode. That's how little that's how little is happening on this show right now.

Is that Denise leaving her house and getting to LAX has taken up a good half of this episode? Yeah, pretty much. So then we cut back to Erica and Mikey is now gendering the building that they're in. That's how Mikey rolls. He's like, honey, she is packed out there. How much time you need before you go inside her. Up over there you two. So then Rina shows up and she's wearing a ponytail. So everyone's always like, whoa, Rina in a ponytail.

And she's like, hi, how are you? How are you? I want to have another hairstyle before I die. Some try things out But honestly my hairstyle is pretty iconic. You can't beat it. Who looks better in this than I do, baby Not you page Davis My wow, okay, so Lisa Rinna's come with a hair storyline. This shows really killing it right now, okay? So then, uh, to Rinna's like, yeah, and there's just Erica walking

around backstage, trying to see through her sunglasses, which she can't say, all right, now, I'm just about to turn around in the circle and grab a dollar with my pussy. All right, Ramback stage trying to see through her sunglasses, which she can't check. Ah, now he used to pop. Well, I turned around in a circle and grabbed a dollar with my pussy. All right, everybody got it? Got it, boys. So the lights go off in the theater and then the music starts up and there's like a whole video monitor. There's actually like a good amount of production in this thing.

And we are it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like And then you just see all the gaze in the audience like losing their minds just like skin melting off their their faces. It just bones It's about to scale with who's left that It's like finally finally the body up and waiting for With the lights go off and the music starts I get really turn off of seven nights okay so then she's like tick tick and lock us off it takes me to my moon like where are you blowing all of your wads in a montage at the beginning like you have three songs.

I don't know how many of us will I give? Not in painkillers. And so then me, while poor Edwin, Teddy's there with Edwin and Edwin is like really having some dancer FOMO because he apparently was a dancer in a club like 45 years ago. Apparently a super, super strippery club, because when we see his moves, I'm like, why is he deep-throating the cucumber off the circuit of your cray? Yeah, and Teddy's just like laughing at him, like, oh, seriously? Oh, sorry.

Yeah, he was so auditioned to be a background dancer, and I'm like, you're too short, and hi, I'm Teddy. So, I am Teddy. So, they're when pain killer comes on, Rina loses her mind. She's like, oh, yes. Oh, no, I'm a baby, I'm a baby, I'm a baby.

I'm a baby. Yeah, when music goes out during pain killer and the sound guys like, what, you said to kill the pain, I stopped it. And Mike is like, so should we stop it? Like what should we do? Like do you not have a contingency plan for when this happens? I was like, I really hope that Erica will just do

what a real artist would do and just give us a little acapella version of summertime. I'm on Erica. So I'm living as I don't give a fuck what living is it so much time okay? I got an air conditioner. I got an air conditioner It was hilarious how she's like show must go on so she just kept lip syncing to nothing She just kept mouthing the words. I mean I could like this sad. I couldn't tell Well actually I couldn't really tell how much audio was in the room because I felt like there was some like she was still going through

The routine and you start doing a clap thing to get everyone clapping and then you know They came back so everything was fine But yeah, it was awkward Yeah, I mean so the nightmare And I was like that is showbiz babe You know you record some music you never actually have to sing. Or higher musicians. Or have any real talent.

And then when the music goes out, you just stand there clapping, like an idiot. Just like showbiz. You know what else is like showbiz? The fact that my agent called, and guess what, they're paying me $35 to stick my figure up, someone's prostate.

I'm doing it guys. It's actually happening. It's a commercial And Tom's like, oh my god. This was amazing Liza, I love you. It's 29th time So then I got some flowers here. They said to Ch revirer. What the fuck is that Tom? So so now it's after the show and so Tom goes backstage and so Erica and Tom have a nice little moment Where they're like hug and she like kisses him a little bit and she's like

He's like I didn't know what that. I was waiting for you to come on. I was there the whole time. He's like, wow, I'm Ben Kroff, just a great singer. I'm Ben Kroff. All I really mean is for Mr. Gerrani, to think it's good. He's been with me ever since I came home and told that kitchen table.

I was ready to perform again. That kitchen table totally asked top for somebody and I'm dead. Here I am. But you know what though you got to give credit where credit is due and Erica is really good about being like wow the one for him. I wouldn't be anywhere because he's bankrollin this shit. So you know what? Like some people would have been like I'm here because of my own merits and like no she's like no. Oh this is a fully top. But we pretty weird. We're pretty weird. Yeah.

And Erica has plenty of Trump's credit. So there you go. So then Ricky's like, honey, you blew out the sounds girl. I've never seen people in LA freak out like that. Honey, that was a J-Dance. Back. And then Reddow comes backstage. She's like, hello, hello, hello!

I thought I'm in a new room, hello! How are you? And when she's talking to Tom, they all talk to Tom like he's peeing himself as they're talking, you know? She's like, wasn't that awesome Tom? I was so proud of her! She was so awesome! Wasn't that awesome Tom? Look how far she's calmed out. Tom are you awake? Tom, Tom died. Tom died, everybody.

And then Pekis trying to be like all cool with the backup dancers. He's like, well done guys, well done. Amazing, amazing. Respect, respect. They're all like, who the fuck is this guy? Who is the fuck is this guy with diabetes two that looks like a good turn to diabetes one any moment? Yeah, so Marie PK sitting with Mori and Edwin and Kyle is drunk so naturally. Yeah, I'm gonna lap dance my husband cuz we're sexy now. We talked about sex that time There's a god Kyle's sexy giving I mean she's even awkward as fuck giving a lap dance Well, of course see once Erica comes out to see her guess like you know Erica's like and I get I once

She like goes and like everyone's out there so she steps outside and I was like hey Erica and of course the very first person Is Kyle call runs right up to her to give her like the hug first you know got to get in there first and now Then Kyle tries to try on Erica's boots and she's like oh my god like like my like I can't gotta get in there first. And now, then Kyle tries to try on Erica's boots. And she's like, oh my god, like, my, like I can't fit in these boots, you know? And then, and then after that, then she tries to give this lap dance to Mauricio to show like, I can be sexy too. Like, there's such a competitive vibe with her.

It really rubs me the wrong way. That's a little girl. Yeah. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crapence commercial." Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Disantel.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood.

How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Oh, so then they're all doing shots and stuff. America's like, oh hi, Kat, my own mild choreographer lady. How I use some of your moves. Did you see that?

Thanks for the box that changed my life seriously. And Kat's like, wow, I never saw those costumes. Before I saw them on stage. What an amazing show. Yeah. And then Teddy is talking about how she and Edwin had sex to party in the USA. A lot of stuff happening in this backstage right now. Yeah. And then Ted went to auditions for Erica and just starts grinding on the floor.

She's like, oh, okay. Oh, oh, oh, this little sad right here. What's happening? But I guess I'll just oh, it's still going. All right. All right. Well, I think you should call that dance. The reason Ted is always sad. Is that the accountability dance? So then over at Villa Rosa, Jiggy is chasing Harrison around. And it's so sad watching him chase his replacement. He's like, are we having fun? Like they're even in the same clothes

in case she has to switch them out last minute. Yeah, and Lisa is like, no, don't use your last breaths on Harrison. Yeah, go on this stool and just sit. Now let's just talk to Camille. Hello, Camille, how are you? That was Jiggy. I miss you. I remember the hills doing some last minute shopping. There's a wedding. Oh, well, I would love for you to come over and have some tea with me. Camille is like,

oh yes, yes, absolutely. And then Camille tells us that she's still upset that Lisa never reached out to her about not going to bridal shower, but she would rather keep the piece with Lisa, so she's not going to push the issue. Yeah. So then over with Kyle and Teddy, they're with their kids going to anale salon. And super exciting stuff guys. Super. So Kyle is, so they're sitting there and Kyle tells Teddy that her bridesmaid dress for Camille's wedding hasn't arrived. She goes, I mean,

like I ordered it late. I'll admit. But I'm like, don't, don't just like brush over that. You ordered it late. That way it would not come on time. You wouldn't have to wear it. But we saw the previous one next week. You have to wear it anyway. It comes. Yeah. UPS is betrayed you. Yeah. And so apparently at this wedding, there's going to be some sort of like paddleboard competition and then breakfast. So probably a disaster. Yeah. I'm Teddy. So only one who cares to read the calendar. She's like, um, I've read the calendar at 8 a.m. we have breakfast, then we have a paddle boarding competition. Um, I hope you have a swimsuit and a paddle board. And I was like, oh my god. Why? Oh my god. And then they have the inevitable talk about how

they're both working mothers and isn't that hard. I know Teddy, Teddy tells us like really fascinating stories. She's like, the other day, I'm putting slate slate to bed and she's like, Mom, you're rushing bedtime. Hi, Anthony. I'll be applying for the moth tomorrow. And Carl's like, yeah, you know, I'm just so busy, you know, with one less show on the air and that and all those stories and doing all that non-business that they're not doing. Yeah, just so much to take care of. There's like another dog fewer kids. You were shows to do. And I just can't, it's too much.

So I'm gonna close the stores just because it's, because I'm busy, not because the stores are not busy. Yeah, and then Carol's like, yeah, my dog's a full-time job. This is hard. And Teddy goes, yeah, Cruz feels it the most, but hey, and feels it's the most. But hey, and then psych is mommy. She's like, sleep. Would you mommy's always say what she said? Mommy's

always come back. And I was like, oh my God, can I volunteer to babysit and show slight help floats? So it's going to like ruin. It's going to make her so sad. Oh, I thought it was going to be so. Boo-yah. Burn on the flow. Oh, 20 years later, I hated that movie. I saw in the video. I love that movie.

It was beautiful. It was just so sad because the reason I say that movie is because they had that scene where the dad's like, I'm leaving and he leaves Sandra Bullock and then the daughter is chasing the car. It's like the saddest thing I saw. I don't know what shit. I shouldn't even make jokes about it. Butdest thing I saw. I don't know what to do. It's a con.

I shouldn't even make jokes about it. But gosh, I love anytime I can bring hot floats in anything. What a film. What a film. Harry Connick Jr. It's greatest work. Oh, God.

I hate it. I hated compassion. I mean, I had to watch it because I had to write a review of it for my college newspaper. So I'm sure there's some scathing review of Hope Flows with my byline under it somewhere. I'm sure someone can find it. It'll now it's gonna pop up, I guarantee.

I can't wanna read it. I can't find it about Hope Flows. I love Hope Flows. She doesn't love Hope Flows. He even bad loves Hope Flows, right me? If we all clap, I will love Hope Flows. No one. I love. I love. I love. I love. Okay, I put hope floats review. Ben Mandelker and it just it just comes up with

watch it crap and stuff. What the hell? Wait, I'm gonna look because I'm sure that I'm sure that I wrote. Oh, yes, I found it. I found it. Oh my god Read it. I was like I was like 19 so it's articles advanced search from the dark mess. Yeah. Yeah, there is the right. Uh-huh. Okay, where is it? This is more entertaining than the Beverly Hills. Let's be honest. No, you had nothing's happening here. So let's see then When match, okay, but then where's the article? Oh, wait, oh, I think I found it. I found a page with a bunch of different hope. Hope that starts off strong, but winds up boring.

Oh my God. Hope that starts off as a sharp parody of talk show television. Kathy Mijimmi in a dead- portrayal of a ricky Lake type. Oh my God, I love that you give Kathy Nijimi crap. I like start off with the most important thing, which is please Tony post as soon as sincere TV hostess, poor unsuspecting birdie, Sandra Bullock comes on the show, expecting a free makeover.

Well, she's in for a shock. She finds out that her husband has been having an affair with her best friend. I don't even remember this. This is awesome. Oh, my goodness. There's some chemistry between Bullock and Connick Jr. But a few encounters at a diner on the street or in a dance really don't, or at a dance really don't do enough here. Plus the dialogue between the two is pretty stale stuff. It comes off sounding like the results of how to write a romantic scene manual. The words are formulaic, unnatural, and stupid. I like all that. There's also an odd and kind of annoying little kid named Travis who lives with Ramona, which I don't even remember that there was someone in. Whoa, Ramona in Hope Float.

Whoa! He's her grandson and his mom is off in California, presumably working on a television pilot. Turns out that Justin has also been in California recently, but left suddenly for no reason. Could Travis be the result of Justin and Birdie's sister? Well, Birdie, go back to... We'll go back on National Television to put her husband in his place. Well, Bernice, get revenge on Big Delores. Or these, wait, I'm sorry, are these names really from Hope floats Bernice Delores birdie this is amazing

the only the movie asks all these questions but never answers them the only thing that really matters is the romance between birdie and Justin too bad Whitaker doesn't realize that this is one of the weakest points of the movie. Oh, I'd never. However Bullock, despite her the poor material she's given, is very good in her role. She has lots of reservation with the role and really is proficient in portraying a one strong woman struggling to get her act together. See, I was always a sandy Bullock. So thank you, okay, you made it up to me with that in the past, Sandra Bullock compliment. to me with that in the past, central bullet complement.

Well, and then the final paragraph, there's actually a very good scene with birdie in an unemployment office with dot, someone in dot, dot, the former fat girl in birdies high school, the scene is tense, well written in nicely active. The problem in toe floats is that it has a handful of these strong moments, but they're scattered in empty fluff. The movie just can't get it together for the end. Wow. Well, you know, Sandra Bullock read that and it changed her life because she has not made a stinker sense.

Wow. That review is almost 21 years old, which is crazy. It's like crazy. June 1st, 1998. Oh my god. Internet. Bless you, Internet. Thanks for that little detour. Yeah, because now we're back to Vida Rocha

Camilla is arriving in the blue fur coat and the little tiny girls pink backpack Camille. What the fuck are you doing? She basically re- for a moment this scene starts to look like a haunted house movie or like a like a Texas Chainsaw masker. She walks into like an empty villa rosa and she's like Hello, hello Lisa, hello, hello, anybody? This walks up to a vase like, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, comes, by the way, did you know what that Lisa does? It's like fast walk around the corner. It's like her new thing this season, when she's so excited to see a friend. She just comes out of nowhere, Lisa's like,

like scampers across. She's like, hello. Hello. And it's also another scene where Lisa is like so excited to see someone who's screwing her behind her back. Yeah. She's always running to this door all happy. Kona!

Like this big huge smile on her face and she's always getting fucked up her by the end. So they do this hilarious thing where they talk about how they they've been friends for a long time. So we see this montage. It says like 2010 and we see Lisa and Camille like, oh hello. Hi. And then it's like 2011 hi I think it goes one minute earlier

yeah the poor editors are really having to work over time this year yeah I try to find something entertaining and she's like wow to see how happy now is great so you okay great-, we had a good reason. Good reason to marry her. Oh, oh, whoa. And Camille Gustaf. The time is here. Girls, they're a best girl.

A girl's best friend. She said that to be a girl's best friend. A girl's best friend. They're a friend. It's a girl's best friend. A girl's best friend. It's a good friend to a girl's best friend. Um, best friend.

I love that she could not get that saying correct. Very simple saying. And is Marilyn Monroe, which Camille totally is a rip off of Marilyn Monroe. So it's kind of funny that she doesn't even know the saying. So, um, she's like, well, diamonds are better friends than mine apparently. Ooh, but I don't want to introduce you in that better.

I'm here to talk about you. And how you feel about me getting screwed up about everyone I've ever loved. Where's that T-John Sessor can you bring in the tea please? Oh my God. She deserves this T. Yeah So Camille Camille is just saying how she starts telling us that she just She's always want to be the better person and you know, I thought the most Yeah, you want to do a better person You know the right thing to do with the right things. Find out the ladies, right?

Find all the ladies and always try to be the better person. Try to be the better person in Justice Kavanaugh. And so I'm sad. So yeah, she invited all the, she was saying how she invited all the ladies to her wedding because she wants to be the better person in a time of conflict. IE, she fucking hates Teddy, but it's inviting her anyway, so she has a moral high ground. Yeah. She's like, but if you really come, I wouldn't want you to feel comfortable, but I still want you there, but you come and it's like, come out, so don't, don't, don't.

Where are these Savannah pop? Go to a wedding. Oh. So the answer is actually no, at least it's like I'm sorry, I can't put myself in a position Where I will have to stand on a different side of the party and not talk to people I can't Let the real bitches of Beverly Hills go alone It's like well. I really want you there, but I mean I would hate you to feel pressure So well, you could just invite me and cast everyone else. I'm kidding not.

Just a joke, just a joke but seriously, it doesn't write them all and you'll be safe. So Camille is like, well you know, I understand. I've been in a position where people have called me, division on a lion. I guess maybe I just have more strength than she does. If you do say out yourself Camille She's like I wish I could make this better bad. I don't know how to but you and Kyle and me

You know we've been around each other for a long time. I mean there's still girls I'm getting used to What do you mean? Have they said something about me? How does this have something to do with me? They said something about me. How does this have something to do with me? It's like, well, Teddy. I will not know about Teddy. Do you remember what Teddy's done to me? He was like, well, you know, Teddy shed a little go at me when we went camping.

And then we see the footage of like them all saying, yeah, last week, and Camille's like, Teddy's a no at all. I'm like, you what? You're the one. You're the one who went at Teddy. So, yeah, it took me, I was like, I mean, you just, you can't say, you know, this and that, and you don't know what the dynamic is. I mean, how does anyone know anything? I know nothing. That's the truth.

But, you know, there's love between you and these girls, maybe Kyle and Vanderpump's like, they're all trying to make me feel like a terrible person. It's like the Vanderpump monologue, Sessah comes out with like a little violin. She's like, a friendship is trying to reason with someone when they might be wrong. A friendship is not about calling someone a liar when they swear on their children's lives. A friendship is not expecting, what am I supposed to do a lie detector. I don't need that our friendship is not that our friendship is not our cookie with I will have a cookie with this D. Thank you.

Yes, please. Take me as like. Oh, you know when I see Kyle I just I see sadness you know. I mean that's always been there But I just see more of it now. I think she misses you. I've never seen somebody wear sadness so literally in their clothing choices Did I say sadness? I mean just sort of general envy So she's like well, I would be sad if I gave up a really good friend too. I've always stepped aside.

And Camille's like, I supported her too. Yes, because that's what friends do. And then then we get another clip because that's all the show could do now. We get a season one clip of Vanderpump standing up for Kyle against Camille when Camille's like, she just means me. She's like, well, she didn't mean it like that. Come on Camille. Yeah. And so, and Lisa's like, so now back in the present, Lisa's like, well, you know when Kyle said those things, I just felt smacked in the face. A big old smack. Sort of like the one that gives me me a bed. Eh, right?

No? Okay. Yeah, she said I believe them and you're not a good friend and you're more concerned with your image and I said get out and I meant also. Get out of my kitchen and also. Get out of my foie and also. Get off of my bridge and also. Get out of my life. I was so angry

I went back to 2016 and released a feature film called get out Think think think So Camille tells and I have to agree with Camille on this one still love my Vanderpump really hate victim Vanderpump Yeah, not here friends us. Not liking it. Terrible turn. You're making the wrong decision. Get off your ass. Yeah. And go film in events. I'm sick of this Lisa. Yeah. So Camille's like, Lisa Vanderpump is not a victim. She's never been a victim, but she's behaving like she is one. It's sad to see. Sure. Yeah. Camille, Camille is just like dropping so many shady comments all over the season.

It's hilarious. I know. Welcome back, Bia. I know. Seriously. And so Camille is like, No, but you and Kyle, you both have a special friendship. You know, you're the one that everyone loves and she's the one who wants to be you and replace you.

That's special. Then that would be like, we don't just done. I think I which is enjoy throwing me under the bus and it's a bit too much but guess what I don't use the bus anymore. This is not the least I knew. The least I knew would have shown up. She's running like this immature girl hiding from the truth. I'm gonna see her walk. Okay, totally understand everything you're saying. And I wouldn't come either if I were you. Yeah, exactly.

And then they go to the foyer and just start whispering. I'm sorry. It's okay. No, I'm really really sorry. It's okay. I just wish you could. I'm like, why are you guys whispering? Because they're trying to do an off camera thing like darling. We're not on camera now because they can't use whispers But I really am sorry the girls are whole face and the slap longer, alright And then Camille leaves and they said just puts her head into like Harrison's fur and is like she's so nice isn't she And then just when we think it's over, we then get like 24 hours later. The producers realized that Lisa Vanderbump had a good idea.

I started cracking out with this. This totally validated the whole episode for me because this episode was lame. But then we just see it's like a documentary. And you see her hooked up to a live detector test. And the guy's like, this is going to be use like a criminal test. You're going to treat you like a goddamn murderer. You understand that? She's like, oh, I'm so scared. What have you gotten me in two sets? Yeah, because John Sessa is there. Like, why is John Sessa at the lie detector test? Oh my God. He's like, I know.

I mean, the guys like, have you ever sold a story to Raider Online, which is the name of a hooker? We think you murdered. Did you murder that hooker? Ha, ha, ha. Oh my God. He said not guilty at all. I said, this is quite tight, isn't it?

It was like a blood pressure thing. To be continued. I was such a ridiculous glove anger. I was like a blood pressure thing to be continued. It's such a ridiculous glove anger. I think I cannot believe you're putting Lisa Vanderbump into a lie detector test. Oh my God. Yeah. You know, this only counts of John Sessa has to go next right? Yeah. Exactly. I feel like it's not a good sign when Lisa Vanderbump has to steal plot lines from Gigi of of Shaza Sunset.

Pump has to steal plot lines from GG of Shaza Sunset. Oh, so funny. I took my lie detector. Now, you're dead. The truth is I have been lying. I've been saying the food at Pump is only okay. Well, it's truly delicious. The truth is out there, everyone. Just too good of a restaurant or?

Well, that brings us to the end of this glorious recap. We will be live streaming our real housewives of New York recap tomorrow at 10 30 a.m. Pacific time. If you want to watch that go over to crap ins on demand on our Patreon. And go get tickets for your live shows and take it links for a shirt. That's right. We will talk to you tomorrow. And we'll also see you guys in Irvine tomorrow night.

We're just coming out with that. Yeah, come see us. It'll be super fun. Bye, everyone. Bye. . Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watercraftens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

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