Watch What Crappens - RHOBH: Safe and Sound

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premieres with a truly terrifying incident as Dorit suffers a home break in, kicking off season 12 on a decidedly emotional note. Luckily, Sutton keeps us laughing with an obnoxiously self-involved attitude that's deeply tone deaf and totally perfect.Check out our video recap with Crappens on Demand here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/66323453See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch what Croppings! A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mantleker, joining me here on the podcast and also on video, it's the one only, Mr. Ronny Karam.

Hi Ronny, how are you? Hi! Hi! You need a new villain? Here I am. Here I am! You need a new villain! We're talking Real House Hensley Beverly Hills premiere today and I have to say a

Little disappointed that we did not get to meet Diana Jenkins in this first episode I was really looking forward to like getting Rolling with our Some just I just want to know here. Why yeah. And I know. Yeah. Why are you doing? We're turning her into Elmer Fud already. Good. What's going on over there, which?

Not much. As I mentioned before, this is on video. And that means it's crapens on demand. In case you have not heard of this concept before, it's one of the tears on in my eyes. That's a tier in my eye. No, but it's a tier on Patreon. Go to patreon.com slash watch or crap ins and you'll get access if you support on the crap ins on demand level, you can access to two live streaming, well live to tape streaming recaps that we do. So you don't just listen, you get to see us. And of course, if you support that crap is on demand, not only do you get to see dealers adorable face, but you get to have access to all of our bonus episodes. This week, we did a really, really fun recap

of top chef, gals in space. Really, that's, that's all you need to know is that the episode with a good NASA and makes space food. and we recap that for a bonus episode. We had a lot of fun with that one. So again, that's patreon.com slash watch or crap ends. And aside from that, I mean, look, it's Beverly Hills premiere day. It's a moment we all are sort of looking for, looking forward to. And this was actually kind of a doozy of an episode in an emotional way. I was actually pretty, I got sort of caught up in it, Ronnie.

I'm not gonna lie. There was some actually pretty scary and powerful stuff in it. But some also some funny things, I think. Scary and powerfully. Yeah, but I also thought there was, I was the thing that, I think the biggest takeaway is like, Sutton, Sutton decided to be an asshole this season and I'm like, so grateful.

I'm like, great. Love this. Love Sutton is it's sudden decided to be an asshole this season. And I'm like, so grateful. I'm like, great, love this. Love Sutton is the end of it. So surprised that Sutton is an asshole. She's always been an asshole. Okay, last year she was an asshole that was going after another asshole that we all wanted taken down.

So everyone was like, oh my God, Sutton, I love you. Still love Sutton, but Sutton has been an asshole from the second she walked onto the show and she's going to be an asshole. The second she leaves the show, okay. Welcome to the asshole party. I know she was a nervous asshole before and now she's a strident asshole, which is exciting. It's basically like, you know, this is the bitch flower theory, right?

I mean, this is her third year, but only her second year as a full on diamond holder. So the bitch flower has loomed beautifully because I think she got a lot of wind in her sales in the off season. I think she realized the internet has her back. People loved that she went up against Erica and people were like, sudden, like, you should not, don't worry. Like, why are you like so like nervous going up against Erica? Like, we're all on your side.

So she definitely has that cock in her walk now of like people on the internet love me. So she just comes blazing into this season just so incredibly self-involved. I mean, it was hilarious. It really was. And it was very, you know, I think that you have a point about like her last season, everybody loved her. And I think part of the reason they loved her is because she was like looking into, and not even looking into, she read the article. Okay, she actually read an article. Let's stop pretending that she's like murder, she wrote Angela Lansbury time.

But she read an article, and now she's gonna just not believe anybody's anything. It's like, okay, well now Dorett Dorett's faking her robbery, which is like, well, that's quite a step to take. And I'm here for the ride. She didn't say that, but her whole demeanor is like, mm-hmm, Doree got robbed.

Okay, well, we've all had a rough day. Sorry to get held at gunpoint. Yeah, okay, sorry. Sorry, Doree is, I'm not Doree. I mean, I was like, well, I cannot believe she's playing this card. I'm very impressed because you know, delusions one of my favorite qualities. And self-involved delusion is a,

is a favorite quality of mine in a housewife. But I was also like, oh, you're doing this in front of Kyle. Oh, this is gonna turn out very badly for you. And we have to, you know, Sashal Medea, our good friend, the most evil housewife ever, reminded us that Kyle had a moment in the season where Lisa was crying about her.

Was it Manny Kay or was it her brother? Someone had passed close to Vanderpomp and she said, well, Kyle, my brother's passed and Kyle's like, we all have things going on Lisa. So, you know, Kyle has had one of those classy moments too. But I mean, girl, this is like the day after this lady got held at gunpoint like even I, and you know, I'm an asshole. Even I was like damn, like I was like, wow, you really wow, son. Me too. I was, I mean, I was waiting to ask you whether or not Doree was robbed girl like at least you know I'm and this is another sin by the way I'm kidding everybody, but this is another season where the drama has started this started the first day of shooting right so We've all seen this story and you know when the story came out everybody's like it's not even true because that's you know

It's PK and Doree so we canoreet have a lot of stories about scamming and insurance and how are they going to pay this and how are they going to get their millions of dollars paid to these people. So I think it's kind of natural to question it. I don't question it at all after watching this. No. Actually, just in case anyone's starting this off, feeling uncomfortable, I do not question it at all.

But it's during the season, people were like, I cannot wait to see this footage. They better have camera footage to show us this, because I don't believe it. There's a lot of stories and stuff. Well, now we have the footage and that is how we open this episode. And by the way, there actually

been several home invasions of these locations and places. And actually, there was one a few months ago where a record executive's wife, I'm blanking in his name, but she, they killed her. So it's like, I'm like, a very, it's actually pretty, it's happening a lot. Yeah. But so this black and white camera footage starts from Doreet's house. and I just wrote oh lord Yes, here we are starting right here. Okay. Yes, we're starting with the pain right?

Okay, can I just say you know This footage I need more from my burglars. Okay. I know that you're not on a reality show technically or audit scripted drama Okay, I know that you're not on a reality show technically or on a scripted drama, but can we get some people to make some effort at work? I mean, these guys are just literally like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like if I was their boss watching this, if I was the crime ringleader watching this,

I would be like, you guys, like, do you have all day? Like, I was nervous watching this, like, you're gonna get caught, you know, like, come on. Well, I was nervous watching this like you're gonna get caught you know like come on well I was also like why aren't you guys like wearing like a little black mask with your eyes coming through and then like on your tippy toes with like a little xylophone going like I was like I was like excuse me isn't that hurt like like they have hurt like there'd be like a little glaucoma spiel as Isn't that how bird larical? The hamburger larical. Like the hamburger larical. Should there be a little glaucoma spiel as he move long, bleeming, bleeming, bleeming?

Yeah, but all joking aside, this is fucking terrifying, you know? Yeah, it's horrible. So these guys throw that literally just strolling up, taking all the time of the world in their hoodies and break the glass door. And we hear Doreet saying, I thought this is it, this is how I'm gonna die.

And she's crying and saying over and over, I'm okay, I'm okay. And then it's like three days earlier. Boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. Bentley Haysers. Boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. Exactly. They're like three days earlier though. Fun things are happening.

Kyle's house has more tacky art than ever before. Yes, Kyle's foyer is still copying Kathy's, but with Erica's stolen pink light. Mm, and Kyle, like, we're just sitting on a couch and Kyle's like, honey, you're sitting on Paris's invitation. Which is like, of course, that's what Kyle's gonna announce. You know, she was walking around, like she was just like stalking Maricio

with that invitation. The moment he looks like he's gonna sit down, she just like throws it on the chair, right? Blow his. Oh my god. You sat on Paris's invitation right on camera Yeah, but she sent her invitation as a chair like who does that? You know, it's comfortable after say Kyle's like look at this because like this whole big blue box is like Can you believe this invitation by the way way, that I, Kyle Richard received basically the twin of para sild, and that's like, I'm getting married too. Can you believe that we

have this? Wow. Yeah. And he's like, Oh, I love the Tiffany blue. I'm surprised it's not pink though. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's like, oh my god. It's covered in gold. Yeah, Kyle. So don't show Kim that you know that Kim they sent an email to Kim's at the punch off over there with the Tiffany my Spence of Maritzi's a sad on this Just came in like a plastic case that she had to go to the checkout to get it up. Oh, but up from It's like them is this suit a fed so then we got it with like this sad little bungalow and I was like oh my god Erica, I know I was like I was waiting to see a hobo with a bindel come out the front door

It's living in you know living in filth those Erica and it was a Rinna at Erica's house Or cuz hey you look great was that hey was that a present from self to self? Or a bit, ha! Yeah, they're trying to be like this wacky pair of carefree friends, which obviously they're not. Eric is fucking miserable, which I love. And then Rina is coming to see her newly poor friend, wearing Gucci pants and a Gucci purse inside of a bigger Gucci purse.

Yeah, I mean, what kind of asshole does that? I love it. Gucci pants and a Gucci purse inside of a bigger Gucci purse. Yeah, I mean, what kind of asshole does that? I love it. Today's the day where you wear your flip flops and your GCs, okay? Fine. Yeah, she has a bag and a bag. I don't even understand the utility of that.

She's like, call me Gucci Light. I'm like to read this year. The personality I've decided to steal, to read, just get spinning the wheel, spinning the wheel. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And then we see Crystal making broccoli for her daughter. So that's I can't excited like this is it. This is your this is your second season.

You're opening with broccoli. Fuck. I know I was hoping for more. I was hoping for like some extravagant just set off a firework for some reason. Just just like I decide to set up a firework because I'm rich and I don't care. But it's like broccoli. I'm like, I could be doing that. So then we go to the South Beach and Garcell and suddenly are getting massages. And Garcell's like, we just hear a voice over going, your hands are incredible. And I just put, well, we know it's not a Kyle scene. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Because I was the biggest insecurity or her hands, which I don't really understand. Like, you can't help your hands, you know, but she's so insecure about her hands. And I was like, well, that's it's gonna be Garsell versus Kyle this year Here it comes. Yeah, and yeah, Garsell's like, mm, I like a deep in heart. And I'm like, well, I never I never

I'm talking about the massage son. She's like Stick up your ass So then to read is with her kids in the airport. And she's like, Jigga, do we have enough luggage? What do you think? Oh! And Phoenix is like,

I'm carrying on in the candy store. Doreet's like, Phoenix, guys, yeah, you always think about Candy. And Phoenix just goes, Candy! Eee! Eee! E you're always thinking about candy. And this Phoenix just goes, candy. She just pumps candy. Candy store. You have diabetes, Matt teen, before you learn to drive, girl.

Candy, mommy, candy. So then we go to Kyle, who is boxing. She's like a trainer. she's boxing with Porsche in the backyard and Porsche is wearing a jersey that says a core four and no I don't believe this is some old to Shannon Badoore's best friends although I do think it's sort of funny that a tween in Beverly Hills would be like God I love Shannon Badoore's friend group. But I believe this was a reference to, is it like the Fox Force Five?

Don't they call themselves the Core Four? Renault. Five was the last one I heard, but I don't know what they've called it since Teddy got the X. I thought it was, well, maybe I'm just projecting. I thought it was, I thought Kyle,

and I thought Kyle, Erica, Dury and Rina were core four. Course. My Lord. Let's see. Of course. Law. Yeah, let me look it up. Core for our former New York Yankees baseball players Derek Geter, Andy Petiti, George Posada and Madillon already.

I guess I mean, would it be for that? What are the core four in health? Oh God Do I ever want to know? Kuni egg is the method program names the core four foods you should use to compose every plate healthy fats protein non-starchy carbohydrates And start to carbohydrates M&M's aren't in here. Go fuck yourself. I leave and I got Kuni egg Yeah, I think that my theory is actually completely unsubstantiated So we're just gonna have to go with that

Porsche love-shanbed-orce friends. I think that's the best. There's no evidence that the theory I was like so sure about. I was like, I was so excited, like, Rony, can you believe they've made t-shirts for themselves? And there's no, it's not a thing, it's just foxes. But hey, we learned about baseball and the foods that people we don't even know were telling us we're supposed to eat like they fucking know us. Okay. Either way, I still appreciate that Porsche is still standing potentially for not Gina.

Cause Gina's not a core for. Well, I stand for Porsche coming back to the show and being like, I'm different now. I've got a new haircut on Billy. I love her. Yeah. Yeah, she's got like her. I'm a girl who doesn't care Which you could tell by my hair my brother's gonna write a tune for those lyrics I'm singing bond song now

Yeah, so I don't know why we're crazy today, but Porsche is like oh Kyle's like Porsche today is vastly different than Porsche last year. We've got her hair So you guys would see it, you know last year she wouldn't get out of bed You know, and I was struggling as a parent because I just didn't know what to do Like I've never been in the pandemic before Like the rest of us who would just all fucking use to it and doing just fine I mean, I know I was a nurse on the famous television show ER, which ran for many seasons. And so I know what it's like to be in an emergency medical situation, but I've never been in a pandemic.

And I don't know, New Porsche, she had a bot mitzvah, she became a huge fan of Shannon Bedouard. And it's great. She's really just shining now. I'm so glad she could find a way to enjoy that day. We spent a couple hundred thousand dollars on a party for her. Where she walked around with a little diamond tier on. God, she's strong. She is just so strong. Kyle goes, at Portia's pot mitzvah, I started to see the spark in her eye again

when she was the center of an elaborate party where we lav at the money and presents on her. It's a literal disco ball. So then we're just starting to get her because you know, they're practicing with the bag or whatever. And then we go to welcome to

Miami Beach. You you baked me to the tweet. They're in a conduit South Beach and it's Garsell and Sutton. And Garsell is like, oh wow, look at this. This is lunch. What are these cupcakes? I think this one has coconut on it. And Sutton's like, I don't like cheesecake and Garsell goes, oh, I don't like cheesecake either. No wonder we're friends. I'm like, excuse me, you cannot come on to a show with a large gay audience and do a scene from Miami and say you don no wonder we're friends. I'm like excuse me you cannot come on to a show with a large gay audience and Doing a scene from Miami and so you don't like he's gay. Okay, so for us some of us have very strong associations of she's gay in Miami All right, yes

They should have had the mayor of Miami show up with like you know a background of thank you for being a friend Traveling down the road and back again brand of. While he kicked their asses out. By the way, this entire scene I kept on expecting Marisol to pop up because you know, if there's like, if someone like just brings a camcorder into Miami, she's popping up with the background like, hi, got my camera. Oh, there's a camera from Bravo here in Miami. Hey girl. I mean she's popping up with the background like I got Oh, there's a camera from bravo here my amy Just here to make some strong noises while you talk about cheese I heard you guys need a gay icon on Beverly Hills am I right?

So Garsell's like thank you so much for being here for the children of Haiti, Sutton, and it's like, oh yeah, I'm so sad about it. It's just such a horrible place to be. And they're on this gorgeous balcony overlooking the beach, you know. Yeah. And basically the two of them are single, they're reddit mingle. And so that's a big fundraiser. Is that what I said? What did I say?

The children have, yeah, no, children, it was like angels for humanity, which is I think to help, you know, it had as a charity that is for Haiti, and I don't know, I don't remember if it was for the children, but one has to assume the children have to do that. I didn't know if I missed spoke or whatever. No, no, no, no.

So Gersel is like, you know, I'm single, she's single, we trust each other and that's it. We're traveling together and she tells Sutton, you're single and ready to mingle, how Sutton and she's like, yes, thank you for rhyming and making that more fun because I am. Look at me, really to have some fun. And my little Marshalls paint them.

Well, they weren't done all marshals, but she's wearing kind of like the, I think she thought that we're gonna be in Palm Beach and Mount South Beach. In other words, you know, she's very like Hamptons mom instead of like, you know, you're supposed to have your boobs up to, this is South Beach, okay? Your dreams are supposed to be up to your chin.

I need to see the rings on your belly button. Well, it's very hard to focus on fashion when there are all these God for second, cheesecake factories everywhere. I mean, why would they torment us like that? And I'm right. So then we go over to Rina who is talking about Amelia has moved to New York. She's moving to New York.

She's already moved out of her apartment. And she just did a shoot for Rina beauty. Rina beauty is going through the roof selling tractor consumer. How does the man? How are you, Rina beauty? I love that she makes selling director consumer sound so glimpses. She's like, we're selling director consumer. Wow, congratulations.

What a deal. And Erica's like, hey, you want some tea? And she's pouring it. She goes, she's going to be hot by the way. Like yes, Erica, we know how to do this. Erica's just figuring this shit out. Do you know that they actually boil water for this shit? Well, ridiculous. This is a liquid by the way.

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So, yeah, so she has a big bouquet that's there probably from like Mikey but it's like from a sequel to Nava and when there's like, have there been some dates? No, but I've had some sex though. Wow my vixen pop star having sex. Wow This is for my secret morpher in the cannibal and Rinnah said wow could could you've never done that right? And they're cuz like well actually not really because I was married to Tom with my whole life Wow It's like spending your whole life in raisins and not knowing there's a whole world of grapes out there.

Am I right, everyone? Like a virtual, hi. Tots from the very first time. Oh my god, geez. Rina, why do I keep coming to this ship hole for scenes? Why? So then we get Erica. They were first interviews, the scene.

We see her first look. And now, a seasonally, she decides to dress like a church lady. You know, she's now in those very conservative, like Perry Winkle or like Lavender, Chanel thing. She looks like she's literally about to propose where the next fundraiser is for St. Thomas's Episcopal or something. And she's like, well, I'm back in the day to pool in between my Bob's studies of course.

And much more interesting in having really good sex with some nice people, and maybe some nice people. I'm really like, well, I think she's a share. Ha ha ha. I'm really like- I think so, Cher. I was surprised when I saw Sutton, I watched what happens live. And so, of course she tells us- I was thinking when I saw Sutton, wow. Sutton looks great, doesn't she?

I saw Sutton walk out there and I said, hi, Sutton, how are you? She's a queen. Me be a Satan like this? God I love Satan! Yeah! And then she dis me. Oh, hmm, Satan, why? So now we see Satan on Watcher Happens Live and we see her, she goes a few years ago, Harry and Lisa, and about of them both to the Onjah and Galah, and they came with me as

my guests and I never got a thank you. So it's like, dun dun dun. Thank you, Kate, is going to be what's going to drive the season. Oh my god, all week I feel like of course this fucking show is coming back because Rina's Instagram is like posting all these stories of like, and here's proof that Elton John loves me and that I'm always at his Oscar party. And she's posting pictures like, here's from 1981, 1982, 1983, you know, going through all the years showing that her and Harry have always been there, which of course, the point is, which I'm sure will get to a zillion times in this, that yes, maybe you went the same way that everybody goes to a movie, but not everybody walks down the red carpet of that movie.

Okay, there are tables that are a lot of money to sit at, and she invited you to sit at her very expensive table. Yes, everyone get ready. This is probably the first and most calm debate we're going to have over. Actually, we're on the same side, though. There's no debate. It'll be the first and the first calmest version of this,

because you know in like five weeks, it'd be like, I mean, it's a fundraiser, and there's tables. And you're buying a seat at the table. I mean, what's so wrong with it? But right now we're like, listen, there's tables. Right now we're in the mess.

We're gonna go out with the marker. I was so disappointed that I had, that I believed to read story. Like I was very disappointed in myself, I was disappointed in the country because normally this is the kind of thing that I'd be like she's lying and here's why. But I believed it.

So it's like shit, I'm robbed of a good Beverly Hills season, but now we have Elton Johngate to take us through the next eight months of our lives. Yeah, by the way, I do wanna mention that in my notes. At one point in my notes, I put in brackets, Ronnie will rant here, and I'm excited to see if my predictions right, I'm not gonna tell you what it happens.

So, so I remember this like, so I was watching this and my in my bedroom and my jaw was like, yes. But that's only because I realized, I can put a bag in a larger bag. I don't know, baby. Oh, good. So she explains that, wait, what does she explain? Nothing.

Nothing. So then we go back to Garsell and Sutton. And Garsell's like, well, I saw you on Watchward Happens Live. So you have anything to say about that. And she's like, well I saw you on Watchward Happens Live. So you have anything to say about that. And she's like, well, I didn't do it with the intention of humiliating or upsetting like Sabrina. And she's like, well, I thought you were standing up for me,

which I thought was quite lovely actually. And then we see the clip of Rina saying, Garcell, I didn't gonna thank you from you when we brought that sauce over. I would have loved to say to Harry, she'd love the sauce and she's thanking you for it. But I was robbed of that. By the way, I'm just thinking about this.

I'm sure we'll make this point many times over. But Rina getting all upset about Sun saying this, she certainly didn't seem quite as upset when Kyle accused Garcell of not paying for that charity contribution two seasons ago. So, you know, did I make a point that was salient or did it just seem sad? You know what I was lost. What would you say?

Say it again. No, I'm upstairs. It wasn't your fault. No, I realized I'm jumping ahead because I think that like, I feel feel like Rinna is gonna try to like rally people to her side about this and she's like she said I didn't say thank you. I'm just saying if she thinks it's tacky that Sun brought this up on watcher happens live which is middle of it kind of is but if she's like all offended by it I wish she had the same, she had the same amount of shock and sense of offense.

I thought, right, when Kyle sat on the reunion, well, Garcell, you bought that thing and you never paid for it for my charity, you know, which is what you're saying. Oh, okay. I don't know if there's a strong point, but it felt really good when I started. And I'm just going to see it through. Um, so, uh, let's see. So then something's like, well, you know, um, I, you did say, thank you. She goes, yeah, I mean, I said it when they were there. And she goes, yeah, well, it doesn't matter how big the gift is. Right. If it comes from the heart, yes, I need to thank you. Right. I was like, but isn't this about Garsell not giving the thank you?

Like we're getting our storylines confused here, you guys. And this is like literally the dumbest storyline I think to ever be on this show and that's saying something for this show. Well now so now Erica said I think my point would would have been better if I said it right up to this part because now Erica goes Why would she go on TV and say something like that? Well Kyle did the same thing to Garsell. See now my point makes a little bit more sense a little bit. Um so so she could get back her frame and show she could have the back of her friend and show that she's some kind of an Erica goes, good friend, basically. Well, I'm loyal. As a matter of fact, Lisa did this, and didn't say thank you, the boy. Yes, exactly, Eric.

I was like, oh my God, you're real Veronica Mars over there, the whole view. I know that Erica is not ridiculing Sutton, you know, doing, like showing loyalty to a friend when that was literally all of Erica's thing last season. Like, I remember the people who were there for me and the people that were there for me, but he knocked that, but this little shirk's out, I guess. Well, all of some of you got to come to my concert.

You know, like I know Erica's not coming down on-sutton for being a loyal friend. And Rinna does this all the time too, where she comes on the beginning of the season acting like she was the one who was wronged when she's always the fucking villain. She's like, how could Sutton do that to me? You came for Sutton all season last year. Do you not remember? Yeah. So hilarious.

But Rina is consistent, you know? Yeah. Just comes back like, how could she that hurt me? I thought when I saw that, what's God Sutton looks amazing. Yeah, Rina's doing it, I mean, look, it's frustrating because I feel like Rina is like so full of it, but like also that's what we want from her.

So, you know, now, like when she, like, Rina can play the victim so well. I can't believe she would say that about me. So um... Well, that whole thing came up in the first place because Garsel wasn't doing what Rina liked. Rina didn't care that she didn't say thank you properly for the sauce. That was because Garssell had confronted Rina about being mean to Denise Richards.

And so Rina was like, oh really? Well, it hurt my feelings about the sauce. So I'm gonna successfully turn this into pasta sauce fighting instead of how she completely fucked over one of her best friends. I mean, it's just gold. It really is. You see, then she's like, well, I think that Lisa's going to be okay with this.

And Garth's all goes, yeah, and we got to reneg going. Don't come from the national team television with your fucking bullshit. Sorry, sorry. I'm like, again, we did just see the clip of you saying, I never got a thank you text about Larry's sauce. And we did get lived through a season of Denise Richards, et cetera. So I know for Rina to complain that someone's gonna bring bullshit up on TV is hilarious.

So funny. And Erica goes, she picked the wrong bitch. And they start cracking up with Rina's fake smoking as cigarette, like with her Charles Nelson Riley sunglasses from I can hollywood squares. Yeah, and the screen freezes and I was like created by Paul Junker with and in the credits role So then okay, so now listen guys. I know that Trixi Monical has some issues

She's hard to work with maybe does a little too many of the drugs in the recording studio, etc. etc. But you got like we're gonna we're gonna have just rap music now on Beverly Hills really like that's really guys. Who do you think you're fully? Bravo's like look at us. Look how inclusive we are. We're putting three rap songs in Beverly Hills like Beverly Hills. No, you don't have the street cred to pull this off. I'm sorry. Excuse me. I have a follow from Drake. I have a follow from Drake. So we go to Crystal's house Kyle's like do you like now Drake? Do you like me now? Started from the bottom now. I'm here Drake. So Crystal is like we now are at Crystal's house and we're in her basement So Crystal's having one of these storylines, the old basement renovation. We usually get the kitchen version, but Crystal's doing the basement. Last season, she started

this, and she was digging some crazy pit in the floor so that way our husband could do like, home top golf. But now she's in there, and there's a pizza oven coming in, and the sun comes over, and goes down to the basement, and the sun has to pretend like she's not horrified by this monstrosity. Should be in a basement. Yes. You were sitting right. Wow. This is so cool.

So you put in. So, okay. So dark. Okay. So this tile is coming out. You're placing it with something that's fashionable. Right. Oh, no. This is what you decided to put in.

Interesting. Interesting. And Crystal's like, well, this is where the pizza oven's going to go, right? No one needs a pizza oven in their basement. The beach is like a fire hazard. Yeah. This is about sound good. You live in fire country, Bam. Okay. Is this where doing the indoor campfire station? And sudden, sudden says this the same way that she says, I love tents whenever she's forced to drive downtown. She's like, I love these floors.

Now, are you going to be giving your guest complimentary booties so their feet don't ever have to make contact with these bricks? Oh no, oh interesting, okay. And Chris was like, this is Eldomar, he's my contractor. Eldomar said this is gonna be done in six weeks, right? And suddenly, why do you have a lot? Why? Just say six months, Eldomar. Okay. Everyone is your

lot. Eldomar is like, please help me. They only pay me in line. King DVDs. And that does not have money on my table food on my table. Circle of dough, the burnt down the neighborhood. Eldomar has been really living that. Hakuna Matata lifestyle a little bit too much with this day. We love him. We love him. Wow, a lot of Elton John references already.

Oh, it's the Melton John Day on Beverly Hills. So by the way, I'm sitting in my non-squeak chair, you're welcome audience, okay? And now I'm with thighs feel like they're being sandpapered together. Don't get mad at us, okay? I know, no one even said anything.

I was just going through an episode editing and it was like, well, bin, great. What? What? Remember my son in the door chair? I had that one chair that every time I back to him go, ow, ow, ow. So I'm sitting on one of those little pleather,

you know, dining room chairs from Target. And it's not, my thighs are not reacting well to it. I'll have to say that. This chair's from IKEA. You should get it, it's comfortable. Listen, it needs to be a strong chair for this booty. Okay, I'm around a lot doing this I'm a big person. I can't I've gone through like five office chairs because they work for five minutes and then I do one show and they're like

They're falling off like writing letters home, you know like save me Anyway, let's get back to Chris chair families Anyway, let's get back to Chris. Dear families. He can't stay full of questions. Jonathan keeps sending... Jonathan is at a terrible household. We have to send hell. They're like rolling very slowly across the country.

It's like, yeah. Chair down, Abby. Jonathan has been sent overseas. He's gone to the continent for a better life, but he's not a pushy-assie. He has to send one sent him, sent for him, sent for Jonathan. So they go upstairs to have non-caph-nate drinks and crystals like, yeah, I didn't really start off on a good place with Satan, but like, she wanted to get together. So like, we talked through our issues and it was fine.

So she tells Satan, yeah, like, we got through our issues, right? And she goes, yeah, our issues were so dumb. She goes, yeah, like so dumb. Yeah, like when you were being really ignorant about my race, not least. So dumb, care for some cheesecake? So, it sounds like, you know, we were so exasperated with fatten that we dropped our barriers just a little bit

just to get to know each other. And guess what? I never thought baseball could bring us together, because there's a picture of the MetaBassball game, which I guess is where they had their breakthroughs and realized that they could actually just be friends. Because you know why? It's not baseball that brought them together.

It's the special opera box seats that brought them together. Because I think, you know know like coming from sentence perspective It's hard to find a genuinely rich person to be friends with that you can complain about poor people with openly and then she found crystal You know it's like that's that's friendship right there Well, I think this is what happened they put us were sitting there and then the vendor comes by and like you Lays want a dodge a dog and at the same comes by and it's like, you ladies want a dodge a dog and then at the same time they say, ew, that's disgusting. I eat caviar, not hot dogs. Jinks, oh my God, we're so the same, double jinks.

Oh my God, we said fire that poor person at the same time. You owe me a non-caffeinated cook. They're high five. So, uh, certain, um, something's like, well, I think I may have had a little slip up. You know my mouth. You know, Crystal. Crystal's like, yeah, been there. Yeah.

I maybe said something about the Serena, which maybe I shouldn't have said. So what is wrong with me? Um, say, God, what is wrong with me being a fan favor and everyone liking me? What is wrong with me? So, uh, yeah, Crystal's basically like, look, I'm good with, I'm good with son, but like, you know, I'm not blind to the fact that she acts all like, oh, I'm just being cheeky when it's really her way of taking a jab. I'm like, yes, that's why she's a good real housewife.

That's exactly how we like it to be done. So they're talking about dating and Crystal's like, well, maybe I can help you find some guys today. We see a clip of Andy at the reunion going, so you got dumped by that weirdo you were dating. I was like, yes, I was devastated, but then some time passed, I was still devastated.

I was still devastated right now. And so she's like, well, I'm dating for the first time in my life. So you want to know my qualifications? Well, he has to be handsome. He has to be tall. Oh, please, we saw the last one. Okay, the last guy was like dip and dots left in the back seat. Let's not pretend you're looking for it like Brad Pitt over here. Breathing, working. Well, what she's looking for could be very different from what she finds.

So she's like, well, you got to dance in tall, educated and locked cats. She's like, hmm, do lions count as cats? Cause I think I know some animators. Yeah, Eldomar loves the Lion King. You know, he's got about 99 copies of it. Eldomar get up here. I might have somebody for you. We ought to call him our own little stray cat.

So now we go to Erica at, she's at a gym. I don't even write down what the gym was called. It was like, are you ready to get banned? Like the gym was called like burned or something. Oh my god, this fucking show. And then the walls, I hear what I know about it. The walls say, I came to slay. Yeah, it's called slay.

The gym is called slay. Gym is called slay and it says, I came to slay. So Erica's there with a trainer named Lulu. And the Kyron that Lulu gets is trainer slash Olympian. I was like, really, you're gonna lead with trainer before Olympian? Ha ha like, really, you're going to lead with trainer before Olympian? Poor. So Garsell is like, well, I don't know where I stand with

Erica. I have some trepidations, which is funny. And then set and say, why do you have anything to do with Erica? And Garsell's like, well, I'm going to go meter and I'm going to tell her it's not okay to attack you the way that she did and says like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm like it, I do not like it so Garcela meets Erica at sleigh and Erica's like, hey, stop that sleigh, I learned it and they're like laughing, it's very nice and And then we see they work out with Lulu. And then of course, it's the obligatory send the the non-cast member out of the room to some like to hide

in a closet while they shoot the scene. So Lulu goes off to nowhere and Erica's talking and she's like, you know, on the darkest days, I'm looking for anything to take me out of the pressure. On the last thing I wanted to do was work out. I really did enjoy some fast food, and I drank more alcohol than I am having my life. But when you order Taco Bell and you don't remember it, but the rappers are in the kitchen, that's a problem. I'm like, that's not a problem.

That's literally like Taco Bell's entire marketing strategy. No shit, don't judge me. It's happening to be multiple times. If you remember Taco Bell, you wouldn't be going back. So sponsored by the people at Taco Bell, lovely. So Erica's like, oh, how pretty. She even should go into the house with you guys. Like, she's Erica's trying to come into it with this positive. Like, aren't we friends? Attitude. And Garsell's like, well, I'm just so busy, you know. Working. I was in Miami. I saw my sisters. We had dinner.

And then we see the clips of the sisters at dinner. And Garsell's like, Godudamist mom that she always liked you more. So I'm like, oh my heavens because she's there too. So then Eric was like, oh, so Satan was with you and Garth all goes, yes, and are you going to apologize? to Satan. So what? You threatened her. When? Last season. Where? At Kathy's house. Who's Kathy? She's got a line. Okay, if you want an apology from Erica, there's a fucking line. Okay, get behind Pepper back there. Okay, and the line of fucking orphans. So she's like, there okay and the line of fucking orphans so she's like I'm a pop with that official yeah she's yeah but you said if you ever come for me again I'm coming for you and then we get a new version of that it's it goes doing that I would do

it that's embarrassing you gotta be kind of going to do it they borrowed that from survivor when someone thinks they're going to survive elimination and then they cut to a crab walking around and go, you know. So Eric was like, well, that could mean anything I'm coming for you. I mean, you're wasting the Ooma driver text me that occasionally. What do I hire security about it? So I was like, Eric, oh, just I was back into my corner.

I can't apologize for not apologizing. Staring like. Yeah. And Garth, I was like, well, she was freaked out. I mean, look, this is a woman who's startled by yogurt. OK, so you must understand how scary your words were for her. I mean, I would have been freaked out just kidding. I'm way too established in Hollywood to be freaked out

by anything you could say to me. Listen, the only time I ever asked Sutton to walk anywhere, she got freaked out by a walking sign and called the police saying a man was trying to flash her. She called the manager about a traffic light. I mean, you just have to be careful with her. I mean Sutton is ridiculous. I'm coming for you. I'm getting security.

That could be murder. She could have murdered me. Look, okay, Satan, okay. Yeah, so Eric is like, listen, I will say this about sad mostly talk to a lot of shit. And when you're taking swings at people, they gotta swing back. Satin chose to repeat things that have been proven false.

Now they've all been proven false. They was never $20 million in my ever-slee. And she says, I'll never get away with that, even though it was never true. I never had it. It was never in my hands. It was never in my account. Erika, it's on your AMEX girl. They released the AMEX papers where you can see millions of dollars of charges that were paid for it with that.

A monna! According to things on the internet, watch what crap notes does not take responsibility for anything actually said on this show. Now that this is real, thank you for coming. Ronnie, I'm a little, I'm slightly disappointed in you because I was expecting a little bit more of a conspiratorial rant from you in that moment. That was in fact. Oh, is that it?

That was it. I'm sending you a screenshot of my notes that says Ronnie will rant. I was like, I was like, it's happening. My predictions come true. And then you sort of were like pretty chill about it. I was like, wow, what's happening, Ronnie? These are not gonna, I thought you were gonna pull up like,

and I was on the Bravo Docket and the 20 million was there. And then I went here and there was 20 million. And then they found it that she owned five chairs, office chairs and were each with five million. Listen, I usually get to be like that towards the end of the season. Right now is episode one. I'm like, isn't this fine?

God, what fun criminals. This is, this is fine. Like in 10 weeks, one. I'm like, isn't this fine? God, what fun criminals. This is fun. Like in 10 weeks I'm gonna be like, you fucking liar! I've got pages and reams. But yeah, for now. And Erica's just like, I said this in our preview of the season.

Erica, all I really ever wanted from Erica is just to admit to being an asshole. I know she kind of does when she's like, I don't give a fuck. Like that's her personality. But she's still always retains like she's a cool girl and she doesn't care. She's a full on villain this season. And I love a villain. Listen, my favorite Disney character is the octopus.

Who comes out of the water and sings poor unfortunate souls. It's bookmarked in my YouTube. When I need to feel good, I watch her terrorize the little mermaid. Okay. Ursula, if you will. So, you know, Erica has a chance with me this season. That's what I'm saying. I think the thing is that like as much as she says,

I don't give a fuck. She's the one who's actually the most bothered by everything for a time. And so I think like, I think all anyone wants from any good villain is someone who truly doesn't give a fuck who is just like unbothered and just creates chaos everywhere. And now that's what's more important. And now she's like fuck those orphans. I don't give a fuck about them.

What about me? Oh, see a mommy died. Where? I mean, the previous they have in America, she is just so vile that I'm like, oh my god, now this girl I would see on Broadway. Okay, sign me up. Well, the best part is that like when she's like, well, I never had the money, it was proven.

It was proven by Judge Judy and Judge Ron hold together. There was no money whatsoever. And the bankruptcy trustee said that Erica Drady never touched the lion air money and then it just cuts a garthal going oh Okay Okay, cuz you know, you know, this is like my hobby is googling this shit and I've never read that okay So garthal's like right so she says well other than Erica saying she's been disproven, I haven't seen anything in the blogs and the press Anywhere really and Erica's like the facts are in my favor and so when she's saying things And she's but weren't all the girls saying things but she laid the charge no Kyle

Kyle helped lead Sutton into that charge Yes, and the fact that you've watched that and still don't see that is hilarious. Yeah. She goes, I feel very strong about things that have been disproven. So then we cut to Erica in the interview. We also got a glimpse of why it's probably like to work with Erica and the producers like,

so how and when was this disproven? Well, I don't know. You'll have to check all this shit. Wow, but like it was disproven. So bravo, I could do that. Do diligence because I don't really know You'll have to check all this shit, wow, but like it was this proven. It's a bravo. I could do that. Do diligence, because I don't really know. Okay.

And she's drinking a huge smartini. She's like, yeah, I don't fucking know. I don't know. And producers like, is the proof available to the public? Yeah. Tell them to go read everything my lawyers put out and they can answer their own fucking questions. Thank you.

Wow, Erica. Erica, aren't you poor enough? Do you really need to lose your job on top of all of this? How poor are you going to be, Erica? I just want, I wanted Beverly Hill, I want to bravo just put up a blank headline. Like, you know, they always put up like a paper slice with the headline on it. Just an empty paper slice with like something maybe an emoji like, huh, I don't know.

You can't get a headline. So Garsell's like, wait, so everything's dismissed and she's, no, it's not dismissed, but listen, it's time to chill, it's having a little fun. And Garsell's not buying this and she goes, listen, every day I would wake up to a new allegation of the story and who was doing a new documentary Peace in the LA times I was an answer on jeopardy for fuck's sake. That was actually pretty cool. Did you see that? That was a good one For women to be on wheel of fortune, but apparently I'm on Wheel of misfortune. So Garsell's like well, can you just wheel? It's just a wheel in a junkyard just lying there. I'm just on a wheel.

I'm a hub gap basically. Yeah, this is the Teresa storyline. You know, and real housewives of New Jersey is airing as at the same time as this. It's like She's not mad at she's mad at the news is out. She's mad at the person talking about what's already out there, you know? Yeah. So gross house like, well, can you see them? And she's like, well, that's down the road.

Okay, I don't have to wait for a moment in my rain drovers in the shop. So I really can't go down any roads at the moment. So Erica's basically like, look, leave a civil lawsuits and I have not been charged with a crime. And she's saying this in her second interview look, which is full femme fatale. She's like in scarlet red or like a, that's like a sat sat, I think it's like a satin and sort of like a shiny

fabric. She's got like red gloves. And the pink like under eyeliner, the eyeliner because all the way around her eye, it's like the princess of death, you eye, it's like the princess of death You know, it's like the princess of the Spanish flu or whatever. She has like literally just dropped by a private eyes office to look into the disappearance of her husband or something like she's like, I swear, I love the charge with no crabs, I'm done, death of a dog whatsoever Like okay, and Gersel's just like, well, listen, I'm not going to ask any more questions about Tom. If you want to share, you share. Okay, I want to move on from this.

It's like, my too. And, you know, I mean, he's in the facility now and it's just so open-ended. It's weird. Hold up. Let me squeeze between my eyebrows a little bit. Oh, and hearts the bunch. And she, they're like, so are you divorcing Tom? Are you divorced? What happened with that? And Eric is like, well, they're like, well, they so much. And she they're like, so are you divorcing Tom or you divorced? What happened with that? America's like, well, there are some questions about divorcing a mentally incompetent person.

So I've got boy lawsuits to fight. I'll just get divorced with a K. Because right now he's in a facility because I when I say facility, I have to say facility at the state I do a non-state that to extra hard It's a really good. I'm poor this is a facility He's in a facility I have so it's a facility So then I wish now we go to the retailes where Her kids are doing karate in the in the in the backyard and Jagger has the

That sort of spirit that only a child could have where the karate instructor, whose name is Linda, which cracks me up. But he's, he's, Jagger's like, I wanna do 15 push-ups. Let's make it 20. Let's make it 25. I was like, wait a year, wait a year, over 30.

And you're like, give me one push-up. That's all I need to thank you. I can't. I couldn't even make a whole push up because my stomach was dangling there. Like cushioned the push up. If I'm not sad, I've been doing them on the stairs and by doing them on my main doing this.

I'm leaning against the stair and I go, oh, I'm gonna go eat. So yeah, he's like, that's too 20. And she's like, how about we do 10? And I was like, what kind of trainer wants less, oh, the kind of trainer who does the pushups with the team I would be saying no more to because she got down and actually

Listen Linda if you can't do 15 don't do them make the kids do them. Yeah Linda listen I just have to say I'm I'm looking forward to the day when Jagger is a black belt and he just like Beats up some some hooligans in the street and they're like We're gonna learn how to fight like that and he goes Linda Linda taught me Linda in the backyard of my giant rental mansion to like well Jagger yes, so Doreet's like Jager Jager has a wish-howning Tristan sports, but that little Scottsdale. She just blows me away. And sometimes, she means Phoenix. Now hate the place. Hate it.

I was wondering what that was. I was wondering where you were going. No, your daughter, Phoenix. Don't have a doctor, but this little one keeps running down the street from wherever she is. So, to restart space, I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. Garcell, I'm with Garcell.

I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell.

I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. I'm with Garcell. have a doctor but this little one came from running down the street from wherever she is. So to research face I'm with Garcell. I'm like, oh, how was London? How was Wellington? And and we're like, oh, it was so wonderful that we had to put the blindfold on on Paul little Phoenix to get her out of the airport. Candy! Yes Phoenix, look at you Sam. Hahaha. Hahaha.

Um, so Doreet tells us that they immediately became friends, but then they hit some bumps in the road, and then we see a cliff of Doreet going. And they thought, Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee She's bullying her she's bullying her she's bullying me That's a little jabs little jabs jeans for jabs so So then Garsell's like well my army was fun. Yes, and so then um You know that to read like well? Like now I don't I just have to limit the words I use with GaSai, I'll keep it short and sweet.

So it's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. She limits her words. The Doree, your words are already limited. Let's face it, you're Doreet, okay? Limited anymore and you'll be talking in Morse code. So it's basically the scene sort of ends with Phoenix going up the staircase and then her little belt at Doreet.

It's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then it fades to black. I'm like, oh shit, here it comes. It goes later that night. And then we see the footage of the break. Yes. Okay. So we see this footage and to read is kind of voicing overhead.

And she's saying they came into our bedroom. They had a gun to her head. And she thought, this is it. This is how I'm going to die. And she just said, let me help you. I'll show you where everything is. Please don't hurt me. My kids need their mommy.

This is scary as hell. Yeah, I got chills hearing it. It's like terrifying. Yeah. Yeah, this is scary. So basically we find out that we see the news footage and they demanded $3 million with a handbags, which that number varies as we go on.

But she's basically tells the story and of course all the other housewives are like, I watched the news and I said to myself, they probably took her lip glass. I bring you some more. Bring you some run-up beauty. Bringing you to work. I mean when I watched that on the news. I was just like I can still not believe what's not inside I'm watching happen to laugh. I am still in shock about that Because like I just need her to know that she can rent

Anywhere that she means in the agency family America's like America's like, Uncle Sean, darling Uncle Sean. There you go, this is the Doreet robbery scene. All right. Tell Broadway to do the dude fucking diligence.

Call me fucking late. All right, fuck you. Not guilty. So then now it's like 1 p.m. and Rina's driving along with Crystal. I'm just talking about it. Rina's just saying like, this is just like, so terrifying and she's like 1 p.m. and Rina is driving along with Crystal and just talk talking about it. Rina is just saying like, this is just like, so terrifying and she's like in,

that Doreet's basically in shock. And they're just, she's like reiterating how these Roberts were basically like, we're gonna kill you, we're gonna kill you, we're gonna kill you. And Rina is saying that she would like, you know, as I think most parents would say, like I would die for my children right away. But like, just even having to like put themselves

in that scenario, they're both starting to cry. Like, crystals are into cry. She can't even imagine feeling that way in her own house. So they're both like crying. And then it cuts to Kyle, who's like looking at the window, also crying, but also sort of like self, like very self-aware crying for the camera. It's like very much a, are you getting this right now?

Are you getting this? Me side way. Yeah, it's staring out the window crying. So, he's sitting, he comes over and Kyle's like, I just feel so silly having people over after what to read went through and something's like, oh, you're crying? I was gonna cry on the car because you know, I had cookies and I left them in there.

So, yeah, I was rough. I was rough. Yeah, so she's just acting really weird, right? Because Kyle's like, no, that's just a, we all cry and make it about ourselves. Seen, what are you doing? Something's like, cry. I'll tell you what was crying. The car wash person, when I told him, I'll give you a tip.

Clean better, stupid and drove off. Because that was something. She goes, my allergies are so bad. I look like I'm in crime, but I haven't really been crime. Didn't nothing really happen. That was cry, were they saying, am I've been crime, but I haven't really been crime. Did nothing really happen. That was cry worthy. Am I right? Guess what?

I thought of my car cookies. Cookies from yesterday, chocolate chip and molasses. Now that'll bring it to your eye. Am I right, everyone? And Kyle's like, um, Doreet, robbery, and something's like, well, the paint looks great in here. Looks good. Looks good, Kyle.

Looks almost clean. Good for you. And Kyle's like, but what happened with Duret? You know, it's terrifying. And, you know, I was on the phone with Mauricio just bawling about it. I was bawling about it. And something's like, well, I've been putting fires

out all day too, but it might just be that kind of day. Did you know that Crystal tried to put a pizza oven in a basement? Like I've been putting out literal fires, okay. A pizza oven in the basement does not I've been putting out literal fires. Okay. A pizza oven in a basement does not create water or creates fire. So there's a man named El Lamar in a hospital right now with bandages all over his body humming circle of life through a feed and tube. So Kyle's like, what fires are you putting out? Just, well, I got this French designer

I'm bringing in. And an immigration is just, listen, let me tell you about immigration and Calcos. That doesn't seem like a fire, after what three went through. And I was like, it is for me, am I business, and the fashion world? Okay, and what I'm going through, I've got a French designer, fires.

Okay, I actually caught himself on fire. That's, this scene is just like, whoever is doing this year must be getting paid big money because the scene has like 20. So something's like, well, that's big deal for me in my business. You know, Dorit's being robbed. I can't get a designer over the border. It doesn't seem like the wrong people are building walls.

Do you know what I'm saying, Kyle? Kyle's like, Jesus, she's like, wow, I don't think that seems bad after what Doreet went through it. She goes, well, yeah, it is bad. And Kyle's like, well, I know what's your business, but I thought you were gonna say something more like, I got robbed at gunpoint or something to actually compare to what Doreet's going through.

She's like, well, it's all relative. I mean, okay, I do have a French designer stuck with immigration. My life could be ruined. Crystal almost killed a man named El Matovar or something. But I guess it wouldn't held a gunpoint. Sorry! Sorry. It's like, it's like, wow. I actually have a theory. I have a very dark theory. I have a theory because son's father shot himself and I feel like she's like this, she can't deal with. So she has to act like this.

That's like the only theory I can, the only way I can wrap my mind around how she's acting like this. So Kyle's like, what is wrong with you? Like she does what she tells us. Sutton goes, well, it's been a weird day, weird morning. I mean, allergies and cookies, I'm all right. What a day. Yeah, I mean, look, there are a lot of reasons she could be reacting like this,

but I feel it going into any of them with sound like it's excusing it. And, um, wow, she's actually like a total dick. And something's like, well, it's been like a movie. And I was like, the purge, no, green card Kyle, Gerard, the party, college handsome black scats. I think, The Grink card Kyle, Gerard Dipardue, Polish Handsome, Black Scats, I think he does. Well, I guess, I'm gonna get myself into therapy. I'm on the other side. I said, I'm gonna get myself into therapy and guess what I did,

cause I just feel this weird energy going on. Oh goodness, I'm so glad that finally, I'm gonna be in therapy, cause that's what matters the most right now. Whoo, Kyle, I'm glad we cleared that up. So, Crystal and Rina run back to them driving. They're like, oh my god, he's in the sad. And they go to the Andas.

You know, do like this crazy fancy party for Harry Hamlin. Just like, how can we have a party for Harry Hamlin? How can we celebrate right now? How? Oh my god, I love this. Is that an open kitchen? That's great. Chris, I love how you guys have your pizza pizza oven not in a subterranean room. This is a really cool idea

Have you ever accidentally hit a golf ball into that thing? How did it react? Our neighborhoods gone now So they're talking about heritage. Harry's turning 70 Harry Harry's turning 70 and so it's gonna be the 70th birthday party and talking about like, written a second. Nobody looks better at that than Harry's. As far as I'm concerned, he's still the sexiest man alive. With great sauce. God's up. I wish you would have been thanks more for that sauce. Well, you know, I don't know how Harry's gonna thank me for this party, but you know, he could throw a pant at my face And it would still be a better thank you than I got from Garsell so

Gosh, I don't know if we can do this to reach to read. Okay. We'll be here tomorrow party of 20. That's great Thank you. So then we go back to Kyle. Yeah, we just get like a random That's at the end of the scene and then it's back to setman Kyle and Kyle. Yeah. We just get like a random, at the end of the scene, and then it's back to setman Kyle. And Kyle's like, um, so again, just wanna remind you that Doreet suffered a home invasion. It was scary.

Do you perhaps wanna react to that? Well, I gotta say, Crystal says she's gonna have some people that she wants to set me up with. Can you believe it? What a crazy day. All of a sudden, I've got dating prospects.

Am I right, Kyle? What a day. And Kyle of a sudden I've got dating prospects. Am I right? Kyle, what a day. And Kyle's like, yeah, I mean, by the way, all my friends are dating, but they're not dating from an app. Like you can't just use an app for that. She goes, I don't care if they're rich, you know? So look, I, maybe my qualifications

are a little different than your friends. And she's like, she's like coming for, it could basically calling girls friends poor gold diggers. Well, she's specifically Erica. Well, she basically was like, I'm my plan for the scene was to come in and go, let's to go in on Erica. And I don't care if to recap her gold because I came up with these lines and I'm going to say them. So sometimes like, I have my own money

that I got from my ex-husband. So I look for character, humor, and I guess unlike Erica, I don't need money in order to make myself feel better. Even though I kind of just said that sort of as a plot since I said I already have my own money. But anyway, where are you? Where are you? Erica misses her big house.

Did I say big house around Erica? So sorry. Yeah, she's going a little too hard at the beginning here, you know, which can't do that. Gotta wait till the time is right, Satan. So she's like, yeah, maybe she misses her big house and her money, her lifestyle, and you know, maybe she needs to look for someone

who can provide that for her, but I've already found that man and left him and still have the money, so. Oh, shhhhh. Sutton, you don't need to make your own sound effects. Well, just in case you forgot to add when I just wanted to make sure there was, that's shhhhh.

This is gonna backfire in Sutton so badly. The audience is gonna turn so hard on her. It's gonna be hilarious, but I think it's wonderful. And I love that she's just like this mean, like older late, the old Southern lady in a tall dress that cost more than my house, like judging you. That's always the one's dress like fucking crazy people.

It's like, I went to a Barbie Toga for 70 year olds, you know? It's like, well, who dressed you? You know, she's like, not even holier than now. She's gonna get it this season. Yeah. She's already apologized. And as, yes, and we haven't even talked about it, she apologized on Monday and this show

doesn't air till Wednesday. And she's already all the headlines are like, sudden apologizes for actually handled to reach. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. She's gonna, I feel like audience is gonna turn on her and somehow Erica, everyone's gonna love Erica this season. And that's just the way it's gonna, I feel like audience is gonna turn on her and somehow Erica, everyone's gonna love Erica this season

and that's just the way it's gonna go. So, Kyle's- Sounds like a baby. Yeah, Kyle's like, you know, I just wanna say that when I look back at this past year and I think about all the things that happen with us and we argue and we say things and it's undiscused. Now, she goes, well, you want to finish my sentence?

She goes, I want to hear it, but I just disagree already. Go ahead. I love the idea that like Sutton is pre-disagreeing with Kyle Richards. That's a great. She already knows. She already knows what fucking Kyle is doing, you know? She knows what she's doing. She's smart enough to see what Kyle's doing.

So, um, we see the cliff. She's saying, to see what Kyle's doing. So we see the cliff. She's saying, I feel bad that I didn't speak up for you at Kathy's house when Erica was coming after you, but I also know that she probably left that night and lighted in bed, crying her eyes out. You know, it's sudden saw that coming a mile away. Like, oh, here we go. Now, you know, I know that was rough on you,

but Erica's the real victim here. And Satan's like, are you serious right now? I'm supposed to be feeling sorry for her right now. What a bar, Gerard Dephart won't come here anytime soon. Did you not hear out of my mouth? And then Satan really goes in, she goes, she was so mean to me that night. I've reached my lady, I can't believe it. She was awful and no one stood up for me.

And you feel sorry for her because she went home and cried. And Kyle's like, I'm not defending. I'm just, I guess I'm defending. I know that she does this whole like tough bitch persona and that's like not her when she's really her, you know? And Sun's like, well, go talk to all those victims. Go talk to those families, they are crying. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard my life

to bring it up to me. Mm-hmm. It seconds me. Mm-hmm. I love a thin lip. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

It seconds me. So Sun's like, well, you know what? Why do I get in trouble, but the men don't get in trouble. And Kyle goes, you mean PK? And she's like, and your husband, Kyle, who was also in that scene laughing with PK. He's kind of loved that Kyle is even in this scene where she's like crying.

She's like, you mean PK? And Kyle's like, well, she definitely was a set with him and me and Dread for Laughing. And it sounds like, once she upset with you she was she was oh so she's like yeah well I mean I know the Erica still mad at me but like she needs to know that her friends have her back and so I'm like well I have now seen who she is as a friend and as a person and if that's who you want to be friends with, have fun. Yeah. So now it's the evening and we're at Kyle's house still just later at night.

And Kyle still doesn't know how to use her bottle opener. I'm saying still, cause it's not like something that we've seen before. I'm just saying that like in life, she bought this bottle opener at some point. And now she hears she is on TV and still doesn't know how to use it. So that's Kyle for you, but she's got a rap song behind her for it. I'm the boss. I'm the boss. But why are you playing this for a Kyle Richard scene? Who is doing the music this year? Have you seen this show? Yeah. So Erica shows up and her cause like, Kyle, it's Erica in case you couldn't smell the scent of innocence.

Hmm, cross like, you don't think I know your voice? And she just, well, I know it's a no-one, and everyone knows my voice. And she's like, we're seeing, um, I'm good, are you good? You want some wine? And Erica's like, well, there's some positive things happening. I'm more concerned about the rate than myself. I just don't want to believe it. I mean, it sucks so bad. You know, both of us being robbed. So soon, I suspect windows and orphans

were the ones who robbed her because they really are on a tear cow. God, you still see what they did the times I. So then Mauricio comes and he's like, I, I, oh, I don't know. And Eric was like, oh, you heard my feelings, Mauricio, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Kind of give giving credence to what What's your buttons was saying right? Such a was saying right. It's like for the man. It's just a laugh and a ha ha But you're still rich and you probably know a lot of other rich people. So I'll make it, you know It's fine with you, but also you know the men dear with it differently to you. He's just like oh, okay I'm sorry. I'm sorry At the end yeah, you know. That's why they don't have housewives with men, right?

It would just be over. So, Rena comes over. Well, straight men, I guess I should say, because we wouldn't be like that. Oh, you're sorry? Okay. I would just be the sudden. The poor sudden.

Anyway, the point is, Rena comes over and she's still like in her weird big sunglasses, like that's her thing this year, really big, weird sunglasses indoors. And they start talking about how bad their pictures are in the press when they went to see Dorit. Yeah, they're so upset because the pap's got all these low angles or whatever. They're complaining about the angles. because the paps got all these low angles or whatever. By the day, they all look planning a party. They all look complaining about the angles at a robbery shoot.

I know. I mean, there is definitely a shot of Erica that's less flattering, but by and large, they all look totally fine, but they're just so self-conscious and vain. They're like, oh my God, we don't have double chains. It's all gonna be like, oh, it's fine. Yeah. And then Doreet comes over in sweats

and a depression scrunchy. And Kyle's, you know, basically, a much-earned depression scrunchy. A much-earned depression scrunchy. I just like to point out whenever they're sadness, the scrunchies come out. It's just the thing. I've just noticed it on Bravo.

So she comes with her, I'm to well-earned, you're right. And Rina claps. Rina does her Rina clap her I'm to well earned you're right and Rina claps Rina does her Rina clap, but she does like a sub dude Rina clap. She's like Well, look at how respectful the seal is being today Hold on let me give you a respectful laugh. Door read So to read talks about, you know, how the kids routed town, how he cares out of town and the kids always want to sleep with her.

But just last night for whatever reason, Phoenix fell asleep first and she put her in her bed and she was so happy to just be a sleep because they were jet lagged and stuff. And then she hears the door open and she's just assuming it's the kids. But she doesn't, you know, the kids never come in or anything. And so she gets out of bed and that's when she sees somebody in her room. Like literally terrifying. Like, just horrifying. see the guy in her room. I mean, like literally terrifying.

Like, just horrifying. And the guy puts a gun to her head. And then like the other guy, she's like hunched over and she's like sobbing, like please, please, please, like let, like just take whatever you want. Like don't let the kids see this. Don't like please don't hurt my kids. Like their kids, my kids need their mommy.

The other guy is saying, like killer, killer now and everything. She's telling this story. And everyone listening is like horrified. Like, you know, like they're mommy. The other guy is saying, kill her, kill her now and everything. She's telling this story. And everyone listening is horrified. They're crying. And it's like this is not a for TV cry. This is a, I think it was just totally chilling during this story.

She really thought she was going to die. I mean, she had a gun to her head. And basically, while she's telling the story by like Garsell comes over and Garsell comes over and like in the middle of the story and she's like, Oh, Doree and Erica goes, Hey Garsell, they had a gun to her head. Thanks Erica. Thanks for that really like sensitive moment that you just had there. And the dogs are barking because Garcells coming over.

So the dogs are barking at someone new and Doreet starts freaking out like, oh my god, get security, get security. And she's like, no, don't worry about it. They always bark and Doreet's just like in a really bad place. So Garcells, you know, they basically, I mean, I don't know. They go back to the story. They go back to the story. Basically, Doreet finishes her story, which is that essentially, They basically, I mean, I don't know. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store.

They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store.

They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store.

They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. They go back to the store. phone by the gate and give us a minute to get out of there and they got out and they did do it, which was surprisingly a weird moment of niceness for these awful assholes. She got the phone and by the way, Doreet really did save her family because I think on some level she must have created enough empathy that they didn't harm her or her family. And I feel like the fact that they, like, said, we'll leave your phone, we'll give us a minute

to get out of here, shows it in some way. She got, like, she connected with them in some way. So she really did save them. So then PK comes over. Oh, this was, this was bad. Yeah, so PK comes over and he sees her and they start crying, you know, he starts crying. And basically talks, you know, how fucking sad it is, you know,

and then Maurice, he's like, oh, hello, my man. Come on, how you doing, my man? How you doing? Like, just got, my wife just got Rodic, gunpoint. And Maurice is like, hey, how you doing? You want to drink? Come on. Kyle's like, I don't mean to interrupt this very emotionally charged

and, you know, very intense moment. But dinner is served. And I'm not going to really, I don't want to promote anything. But I did. I cooked the asparagus. It's my, it's my favorite asparagus. Anyway, dinner over here. I cook better asparagus than anybody here.

This is my famous salmon. Continue, continue. So basically they eat and it's like a nice friend dinner or whatever, considering. And Rena offers to cancel Harry's birthday tomorrow. And he gets like no love. In my religion, we never cancel a happy event for a bad one We're not gonna let these fucking guys ruin all lives, babe

And so everybody's leaving and he came to read go out into their car and he he's like, oh shit I can't find my phone and she's like baby your phone's not here So if I text you and then she just breaks down She's all he has to go in to go in. He goes in. Yeah, she sits on a bench outside and he goes in to find his phone and she just loses it and is sobbing on the bench. That's so sad. It's so sad.

And I feel like I've seen portrayals of this kind of trauma in movies and TV, but I never really have seen someone so fresh from it. And it almost seemed like I was like, wow, I can't even imagine because to us, she's just sitting on a bench surrounded by a camera crew surrounded by friends, like fully safe environment and yet she feels totally rattled right now. I was like, it was like very heartbreaking to see for this family. Yeah. Yeah. Super sad. But good first episode. I know. I've never really hills. Yeah. It was a good one. It broke our hearts, but you know, hey, the good news is everyone safe and sound.

So they can. I'm okay. But it was, I mean, it was sad. But it was, you know, it's a good first episode. And, man, and Doreka goes through a whole thing this season because like Doredie even stopped posting on Instagram. Yeah. I mean, that's like kind of sounds like a joke, which it kind of is, but it's like for Doreet. That's a huge thing. So she really goes through something this season.

And also the season has the most cast members ever. It's 10 cast members this year, not 10 full time. I think it's eight full time though and two friends of. So it's going to be nets and the previews of the upcoming season. They're confronting Erica about coming for Kathy and Kyle's like, so you're saying that you're just coming for Kathy because you went through bad stuff last year. She's just, you're damn right. I'm like, she's going nuts. The new lady Diana looks like cartoon villain. Yeah. You need a new villain? Here I am. So it's going to be an interesting season. It looks like it's going to be good times. Certainly. Anyway, everyone, thank you so much for listening and watching. Again, go get our merch at crapensmerch.com. BonoSepsis on Patreon. If you you didn't watch this go sign up for crap and send them and you can watch all the stuff

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