Watch What Crappens - RHOBH: Same Nest, New Broken Bird

Episode Date: December 21, 2017

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is back with more wigs than ever and a new totally down to earth EQUESTRIAN broken bird. This week's bonus is a rage against all things Apple pricing and a recap of Married to Medicine. To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Boston, DC, Detroit and Houston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends

That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends You can also find us on social media on Twitter. We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends We'll see you there I have cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramp, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramped, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp, Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors Cindy Burgers, Gerson what an amazing person You can't have a burger with that bird Megan bird Just saying okay Kelly Barlow when she goes Barlow we go high low Kristie Dowdy the OG Prem. And our super duper premium sponsor, Kelly Grant, the most gorgeous girl in Texas.

We love you. Hello, and welcome to Watch What Happens, the podcast about all that crap we'd love to talk about on Yule Bros. I'm Ronny Karen from Trash Talk TV and the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast, which is back this week. And here I am with my gorgeous talented and almost a Christmas break little friend, Ben Mandelker of the B-side blog and the Banto Blender.

A hello, Boone. Uh, hello, Ronnie. How are you on this amazing? I'm so excited Beverly Hills is back. I love Beverly Hills. I'm so excited at SPAC. I'm not gonna be a hard, but I'm not. Pearly by the SNL. Oh, I don't know about this podcast, Watch Your Crappens.

But last time I checked it was not Pearly by the SNL. I like it, I like it, I like it. I like it, I like it, I like it could be, you know, I said, no. Everyone, welcome to Watcher Crappens. We have shows for you to come see Boston in January. I'm trying to remember, Boston in January, she's said to droid in March and Chicago in May. So go to Watcher Crappens.com and buy those tickets.

That's all we want for Christmas. All I want for Christmas. All I want for Christmas is tickets, ewwls. Tickets sales mean a lot to both of us on this warm days. The way we feel your hugs and in real life at the live shows is how we feel your real hugs. Yeah. You get our flops wet all over you. It's going to be great guys. Come down. Yeah. It's going to be super cool. I'm excited just I've never been to Houston and I've never been to Detroit. So I'm excited to spend time in those cities and like be a little bit of a tourist and sort of like wander around and you know in Detroit. My

goal is to get into a rap battle and in Houston my goal is to join Destiny's Child. So, my goal in Houston is to watch you in a rap battle, because that sounds amazing. And my goal in Houston is to talk about the rap battle you were in Detroit. Goals. You know what, I'm very excited for 2018. This show has been so good to us. And by this show, I mean, you people. And we're going to be touring every month, sometimes twice a month, all through 2018. So I'm so excited and exhausted already before it even starts. It's going to be bonkers, especially for those

weeks where we're going to be doing a weekend show because that's going to be a whole, I don't even know. We haven't even thought how we were like book first, think about it later, but we're going to be definitely, it's going gonna be bunkers. Yes, it's gonna be the day's we have to talk about etc But um, uh dinner party from hell speaking of Beverly Hills Probably the most iconic episode of all Beverly Hills and one of the most iconic episodes Perhaps the number one most iconic episode of the entire real house of his canon. If it's not number one, it's number two Dinner party from hell, Camille Grammar, the Camille Teenies,

Alison Dubois, the whole thing. We are recapping that in Houston. So if you wanna hear our recap of dinner party from hell, come to that show. Yeah, know that. I know that. When you're gonna die, know that. Know that.

Morally corrupt, favorite, as Nick. Know that. I know when you're gonna die. Know that. Know that. Morally corrupt, fair, ethnic. Know that. But today, the Morally Corrupt Real Housewives of Beverly Hills retains! The least iconic episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Tim Lessonites. Season Premiere. So we begin with the new opening taglines? Oh yes, yes begin with the new opening tag lines. Oh, yes, yes.

We have new opening tag lines. Let's go through them, huh? Color Richards. Yes. Oh, paging Color Richards. Do you have something to say? What can? In this town, fame and money come and go, but friends should not.

Well, no, they do. Usually, usually friends are attached to fame and money. Yeah, Kim should go. Okay. Kim should get off your couch some leave. Okay. In this town, fame and money come and go and friends just come and they stay on your couch forever unless you tell them to leave. Okay. Kyle Richards, you should know better. Erica Jane, I did not love Erica Jane's. I thought Kyle Richards, you should know better. Erica Jane, I did not love Erica Jane. I thought there was something clunky about it. Well, it's just like Erica Jane. Yeah, she goes, some people call me cold, but that's not ice.

It's diamonds. Like, there's something. You know what, what's the world? Diamonds. Diamonds are cold. Yes, they sparkle and they're pretty. But what do they mean, really? Some do you just pay thousands of dollars for you to be his wife?

Why, does he love you? I don't know. It's a rock. It's a cold rock. Eric, I just feel like. What is your name, Eric Eugene? Who is it, Eric Adirati? Who are you?

Yeah, I just feel like there's probably a better way to get this concept of like I'm not an ice queen I'm a diamond I'm into diamonds or whatever, but like I don't know it's weird. I just Then need to be workshoped a little bit longer. Why not just go simple Some people said Erica Jade some people said Erica Gerradi. I say America Jade Gerradi Jade look who could tell the difference. I don't know we're both cold The young people say I'm dead on the inside, but that's why I feel so sad in my life Some people can't be cold, but was cold parody not SNL

So to reach I'm a riddle wrapped in anigma wrapped in subway by the law. Law from New York. It's me. I like a light line. I'm a riddle wrapped in cash wrapped in anigma wrapped in an SNL wrapped in a gallon frozen gallon storage bag because I'm cold. SNL, yes, cool. SNL school.

So, do you want to do Darius line? I'm cold, this is ill, yeah, school. This is ill-school. So do you want to do the reats line? I believe in an excess of everything. It's it. Moderas and... That's actually like, I like that one a lot. I like it because it's like a brain bender. When you really think it's like a mobius strip of logic. I believe in excess of everything except moderation.

So she does not do moderation in excess, which means that she does moderation and moderation, which means that she is all S. Yes, it's a real brain matter. If you're all excess and you can't do anything in moderation, so if you can't do anything in moderation, then you do moderation and excess, means you do everything in moderation.

Oh my God, to reach. I like that when she turns, like you can see her brain leaking out her ears It's like leaking down her face And because like I'll write that one. I'll be I Have a very severe Bob. It's not like I could James and a pretty little pussy. It's my like posh Spies a posh, but a very good friend of a friend of a friend of boy George boy. Oh goodness A friend of a friend of board George boy. Oh goodness.

I believe in everything in board lesson except board all sweet scene tarf rage every time it's over. But who cares? He's the real friend. I believe in everything in moderation except vocal tune or George natural talent. Um, Doreet's stupid multi-accent is hilarious because she just doubles down this year. Yeah, she's just going for it She adds like five new countries to her accent line Yeah, and her new thing now is being like surprised when she says hello to someone like oh, hi Hello, hi, it's like it's a valet. You knew he was standing there May we have this appetizer? We wait Okay, Shakespeare.

Teddy Mellon camp. Oh Royale is. Is that how you say your last name? Oh Royale V. Royale. Royale. Royale. Royale. I don't know. She only uses it for PR because you know she just goes by Mellon camp and why I shouldn't see. She has a Virgineric line. I don't like it. I'm good. Having the best isn't important to me, but being my best is, and that's how she talks to. She's like, look, I'm having a party for little kids so adults can meet because like my

dad was so famous, but like I don't care. Yeah, I wish, I think her opening line should have been like, I love horses and I have a trampoline. I'm rubber, you're a glue. Everything you say bounces off me, but that's because I have a trampoline. Everyone loves melons and everyone loves camps. But can you take melons camps? This is the story of Jack and Diane.

And I'm taking it over. I never even of Jack and Diane. And I'm taking it over. I never even met Jack and Diane. And I don't give a shit. I was like eight, so who cares? That's when folks were folks, but I'm not just a folk. Oh, Lisa Rina, I don't have to buy it cause I already own it baby. Which I'm glad she wanted a little onate in there. you know last last year she got a little hustler in there

I hustle the hustler. Yeah, this is way better than that And I really like when you can work your own catchphrase into things Yeah, I think it's good that means though she's gonna have to start coming up with a new catchphrase because now we have own it and Hustler and we had the lips before that so new catchphrase because now we have Owen and Hustler and we had the lips before that. So now Elise has got to come up with something new. I recommend that she starts, even though it's probably all shot, she should start working in a random word like, Pazazz. This is a lot of Pazazz.

And the next season it could be like, I'm not always a peacemaker, but I am a Pazazz maker. A peacemaker. Well, she does have a fewazz maker. A peacemaker. Well, she does have a few. She hasn't used yet. Like when she does the QVC and people are modeling and she goes, look at her in that duster. Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Or when she enters the room, she goes, hi, hello, hello, Kyle Richards. Hello. Hi, hello, hello, hello, Kyle Richards. Hello, so next season it can be like some friends say goodbye, but I say, hello. Are you kidding me? It's so hard to say hello. Hello, is it me you're looking for because I own it. To for I know, Lionel Richie. Turns out it was me he was looking for.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Which coincidentally is Lee Savander from Soapending Line. Yeah. Actually do her real opening line. I know Lionel Richie. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. La la la. I've been dancing on the ceiling and guess what?

Hello, it's me you've been looking for I'm running in the night So Vanderpump's is the Queen of Diamonds always has an ace up her sleeve. And the ace is named Lionel Richie. Yes. I think he's a tiny little dog. Look at it coming out from my sleeve. Wolf Wolfie.

Yeah, so two diamonds references in these opening lines. Little strange. Yeah, we got it, you're rich. But this so they really are fucking rich. And they feel the need, usually people who feel the need to brag about how rich they are aren't rich. Um, but on this show, like their legit rich. Yeah, this is definitely a step up from Tamra judge in her subdivision home, you know, with the generic KitchenAid mixer. Okay, these people have like, KitchenAid Mixer is made of crystal. Yeah, temporary judges like,

some people think I'm cold batch, but that's a floor deliasing my kitchen. Oh, from Ross. Some people think I'm a cold batch, but I'm not, cause I'm the hottest batch in Orange Batch County Batch. Poor batch. Some people think I'm not because I'm the hottest batch and orange batch county batch. Poor that. Some people think I'm cold, but those are fake diamonds batch.

So this season is starting with I think a whole new way to look at Beverly Hills. Because sometimes it's like super dramatic. This is usually one of the more fun shows, I think, one of the more fun franchises, but they're doing this whole girl power thing this year, which has me worried because normally girl power translates to boring. Nothing happens. They're like, like, what girls we're gonna have fun together. Cause we're girls. And the first song is, I'm the star of the show. Girl power. I actually was not getting a big girl power vibe. I actually felt in a weird way there was something about this premiere where it felt like we were reintroducing the show.

It almost felt like we were meeting these women for the first time. It was a little bit like let's recap, let's catch up with this person and this person. Let's find out who Erica Jane is and let's see how she can find sugar. It had like a it had a sort of a weird vibe to me like they're a person to reset button. Erica Jane is still trying to convince us that she uses the sugar and I love that they always catch her. She's like yeah look at me I'm just in the jumpsuit this is Erica Charade you can tell because I'm wearing the jumpsuit while I could run the kitchen whatever that is. Hey where the fuck is the sugar? Look at me!

I like a James. People who are parodying us now they're just like you looking for sugar. For people say I'm down to earth, other people say I'm down to SNL bitches. Yeah. Hehehehe. Is earth one of the SNL skits they do all the time? I'm only familiar with my parody, which was on SNL. And of course, Vander Promef is with the poofy dogs.

Let me make you sexy little poofy dog. And to read is in her hert's rental brown car. And I'm like embarrassing, same car to you as Naro. I'm a barisphere. Yeah, and when it's like, call Harry Hamlin Siri. And then how come she as like call Harry Hamlin Siri and then how can I call him how come she goes call Harry Hamlin and then it goes calling haemlin Is it a curse name is it really like motherfucker hamlin it called Larry Hamlin and he did not sign a release Hi Larry Hamlin. I'm so sorry to call you again. I was actually looking for Harry Hamlin. Have a good day. Own it baby. Own it.

You're making me crazy Larry. One of those mattress commercials. We always talk about they come on the radio in LA. It's like it's not sleepy is it's um Larry. I got a mattress there once. Larry you're making me crazy Larry. Yeah, it for others. Larry Hanlin, I'm so sorry. You're making me crazy, Larry. I'll retry Hanlin. So, Erica's on the phone.

Now it sort of like starts up a proper scene. And Erica's on the phone with Mikey. And she's talking about how she's going to be seeing a ballad, which seems like it could be questionable. I mean, listen, I know there are people who love Erica's music, she does that gay circuit part of music, like no one else, she can do it. Like what's, you know, what's her big song?

It's like, I'm a fighter man. I'm a fighter man. I'm a fighter man. So I let me down. I make you feel good. I'm a man. I'm a smoothie. I'm a smoothie. I'm a smoothie. But I'm, but a ballad. I don't know. I don't know if I need my circuit party queens to be singing a ballad. But hey, I'm open. I'm open to the idea.

I am ready for it. Erica Jane. Well, you know that I'm always down for someone to stretch just kidding. I hate stretching screw you in your ballot. Okay. So, um, she's like, guess what? My key they've created a ballot. It's called the missing piece.

Is that what was really called? Yeah, that's what I wrote down. Oh my god! I'm almost done with this puzzle! But there's a missing piece! Oh, what's it y- what's the where? I'll get it in a little chocolate humor. Underwear's the missing piece.

There's a little deritism. Alright, go back to your ballot. I've completed your puzzle. It's Granny panties. Right. That was a pretty little puzzle. Pretty little puzzle. Let's go on. It's just so wonderful.

What did you do in the Erica? So someone told Erica like be more lifelike. So she's doing this like lifelike thing, which is like, look at me, I've got energy, I've got huge big tails. Get it? Multi, it's like, there's a show used to watch called Great American Dog, and like the runner up dog was a little maltees named Andrew, and the owner kept Andrew's like hair in like ponytails, just like Erica Jane. So every time I look at Erica Jane, I think of Andrew the malteese. So does Vanderpump. That's why she's my story.

She's like, I'm poor Andrew. Poor, poor Andrew. I remember watching him on American talk. I've heard that Andrew has a palette. So, Erica's like, look at me. I say yes to everything now. Yes, Erica, we know. Okay.

You wanna buy a book? Let's buy a fucking book. You wanna make music? Let's make it today. Everything today. It's now. Yes, Erica. We know. Okay, you want a lot of books? Let's run a fucking book You want to make music? Let's make it today everything today today today today You didn't know what was for the today show. I'll do it today. Get in as a tonight show By the way, I was probably done as no and this is where she actually talks about it and today It was tonight. Tomorrow is that's it Oh The funny part is that we were joking about we joked about it on on The funny part is that we were joking about it on our lantern recap. We joking about it on Vanderbump rules.

And how does the season begin? Full on with Erica talking about how she's parted on SNL. You can say a lot about us and it's mostly true. But we don't have talent. We are ourself and children with our jokes. Our bits go on too long. We laugh at ourselves for an hour, you know, running. Yes, that's all true. But guess what else is true? We know our bitches, okay? We love these bitches. We know these bitches. Okay. Yeah, we really do. So Erica's just leaning.

This moment is giving the soul very few. I'm like you're a regular Picasso. Why are you giving an Oscar speech? Okay, you're giving an Oscar speech now. You're like I've been invited to take a ballot and I would like to like the Advance this moment is given to so few and I Accept it and want to thank everyone who's helped me get here. I'm like you were paired in SNL. Okay relax. I mean that's like actually To be totally like like like real talk here, that is fucking cool. That is awesome. You know, to be parading an SNL, like, you know, I like live in worship SNL,

ever since I was a little kid, that is awesome. But like, it's also like this, this Academy of Warred speeches is hilariously indulgent too. But the star of that parody was Tom. Okay, it was Larry David is Tom. That was a funny part. Is it it's this old guy who's like, you won't believe it. See it's great.

Well, the funny. Well, the funny job circuit. Well, the funny thing is that the clip that they showed of the parody was not even that skit. They showed the skit from earlier in the season where Bobby Moynihan and I think like Chris Pine were doing, it was actually a skit about, it was a skit about RuPaul's drag race and they did a lip sync to your life

but they did it to Erica Jane's song. But then later like a few weeks ago, they actually did it. There was a full on Erica Jane parody. So she's really actually, she clearly has a fan of SNL, which is cool. Like listen, I, I could only dream of having something like that, but she kills it, the twinks, the bands, the artists. It was just funny because when we saw her being interviewed,

she mentioned it like two or three times and then she mentions it right at the top of this episode. So it's like, So it's like The missing piece that they know now it's full. Okay. We've done here drops the mic. She's like look at what's happened I have an office now. Okay, she's like Tom doesn't care. He's like Julie Roberts. You can host on the movie Okay, then no one cares. Okay, Julie women Oscar, but it's not about Tom. It's about my office. Okay, because Secretaries have offices, doctors have offices, lawyers have offices, Julie Roberts probably has an office stupid bitch.

Guess who else has one, me, every good day. And it's ironic, because my son is an officer. So then we got to at least Serena, and she's like looking in a, in a giant grate in her floor. She's like, you know what guys? I think they're coming in through here. We have a rat, we have a rat coming in through her floor. She's like, you know what guys? I think they're coming in through here. We have a rat. We have a rat coming in through the floor. I was like, okay, good to see that everything's I just love I love the slices of life in Limerna's world. So rat.

Come here rat. I'm gonna make you a star. I'm a rat. I'm a rat. So the rat is modeling now. Wow. So the rat is modeling now. I have to say a little model star, supermodel rat. The most crazy thing has happened. The rat has been signed by IMG. It's walking for Donna Televrsache later this month. I mean, it's crazy.

Hey, rat, I put a vitamin drip at the end of this crate. I hope you can find it. Ha ha ha ha. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, look. Oh, my God. A ratage is right, it's never done. Now, I did hear that there was maybe a murder down there. So I've called the great mouse detective.

Sorry. Hey, Brat, say cheese, get it. I'm a ratage. Whoa, whoa, whoa, it. I'm a rat at your So she sings that she's a mom and her now she doesn't want her kids to become little assholes and catch what her kids have become little assholes Well, they haven't done anything. Oh, they're like They're like I'm exhausted I'm so tired. Can I hear someone to pack for me?

Eh. Eh. I maybe I missed that because I think I was distracted by Rina saying hi to the violin guys because the guys come up with the violin joke. She's like, hi. Hi guys. Hi.

And I just started cracking up. This is Lila Delilah and Amelia. And he's like, hi Delilah and Amelia. And then it cuts to her talking to us. And he's like, hi, Delilah and Amelia. And then it cuts to her talking to us and she's like, look, the important thing is, I don't want my kids to become adults, okay? It's very important to keep them grounded. And then they said the vitamin drip guy walking through the house and he's giving them a vitamin drip and he's like, you're very important.

So it's important that we treat you gingerly. The vitamin guy whose name is Dustin Manuel, I'm like, I don't think that's a real name. I think is there like a murder mystery that's about to happen? Is this like not even a vitamin, this is not a vitamin drip, is it? Is it like, are we gonna, is it like, you guys, the lights just went out in the middle

of the vitamin drip and now Dustin Manuel has been killed. Who done it, baby? Let's wait for the rep to tell us, baby. I think there's a weapon down in this great rep. Will you bring it up, please? Thanks, baby. She goes, give him your arm.

And Delilah's like, it's a kind of hurt. It's like no, they won't. I'm not in the hands of Justin Manville. Now I hate bringing up Yolanda Foster because you know, I hate Yolanda Foster. But the momager thing, all that of course, now vitamin drips too. Stop bringing Yolanda and please don't wear white jeans

in your next scene. Please, Rina. I am actually very pro this, you know why? Because Yolanda thinks she's the shit now because her daughter's happened to be the number one and number two Supermodels in all the world. Okay, I get it. So I love the fact They're in as like no, I'm not gonna let you be the only one. I'm gonna do it too Because you know it pisses off Yolanda. You know it does. Yes Never fuck with Riness. She will never let it go and also I'm very happy about this because I'm all for child labor

Okay, I believe all happy about this because I'm all for child labor. Okay. I believe all children should have a job. Thank you for doing a 180. Ronnie, I appreciate that. That was great. Children should have a job. And guess what? Modeling is a job. Okay. It is. It is. So then we go to Kyle having lunch with Lisa Vanderpump. And they arrive, with Lisa Vanderpump. And they arrive, she rods this restaurant and Kyle starts talking about her sitcom American Woman, which looked cute from the one scene that we saw. I'm like, when is this thing coming out? It's been like three years. Yeah, I'm not really sure. But I'm glad that she waited to talk about her most important life change, her new purse. Yeah, her new Birken bag.

Yeah, her purse. It's a Birken bag. Did it come with its own umbrella? I don't think so. Well, we know it, doesn't. It's like it needs its own chair, so it doesn't get ruined. Okay, you're not rich enough to have a Birken

if you have to worry about it getting ruined, okay? Do you think Ellen's Birken has a Birken? Does she call it her Birken or her Birken? She's like, Ellen Birin didn't lose that Oscar. Ellen Barkin did. And I still walk with pride. I think Ellen Barkin should come out with a line of bags and call them Barkin bags. And then we can just be like, oh, is that a Berkhan? No, it's a Barkhan.

It has a checkered past. Ellen Barkin's all upset. And then, uh, uh, uh, uh, Vanderpump sees them. She's like, I've already been selling dog-y cookies. as a checkered past. Ellen Barkens all upset. And then, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Vanderpump sees them. She's like, I've already been selling doggy cookies in those. So they order like typical L.A. people, Vanderpump's like, I would like a new girl to sell it, but with shrimp. And Kyle's like, I would like a chicken pizza, but have them pound it. Because no one in L.A. can just order what's on the menu. You know, buseau, but have them pound it. Cause no one in LA can just order what's on the menu.

You know, you have to, yeah, addendum it. Yeah, exactly. You have to pound it out thin. Do you like my English? That's to celebrate Duret. Yeah, addendum it. So Kyle wants to plan a Vegas birthday party for Erica and to read speaking to reach

Yes, everybody has a birthday on the same week or something. It's Erica James birthday, Erica Gerardis birthday that lady who was on SNL at her birthday I Maybe No done Are we inviting no were done know the lady was parody done SNL Erica Guess he's birthday. It's not Jan hooks Happened to be a regular on SNL too soon Ronnie. She's what did Jan hooks pass away?

Yeah, like two years ago. Oh my god. No one told me. How did you not know the Jen hooks? I know is that like devastating? That like terrible news. I need a break. It's like awful and and as I said this Dom just sent me pictures for my Kia and I'm not there. I want to be a da Kia We are doing a show stop with your flurgen obsession It's so hard I'm gonna have the Trip to Vegas for the girls birthday parties and Vanderpum's like, where do we invite?

Rinner I don't know how to read will react because Rinner went down in dirty rolling in the mind I hope Lisa Rinner has learned her lesson. You just you can't just go around slandering someone's reputation unless you're on a show on Bravo where that is your specific job. And Carl's like oh my god did you go see dancing with the stars with Erica? And she's like, well, I wanted to go. But when I texted Erica, nothing came back.

I'm like, oh, that's so sad. She's like, the bird was too broken to remember to come back to me with a message. This says, you're welcome VIP seating in the front with frames off camera to Mama bird. Broken text message. Broken Mama bird. So this is actually very significant because when Lisa Van Dupam starts off a season saying, you know, when I, you know, I text Erica and she doesn't really ever respond.

She doesn't really ever send anything back. It's like, uh-oh, we know who's being set up now. There's a war of ruin. And it's not the first time that Lisa mentions this this episode. And it's going to be rough for Erica because Lisa doesn't fight like Erica does. Erica's like, what the fuck's your problem, buddy? And Vanderpump does it by saying, I didn't get a text back behind people's backs. So then the other person gets mean tweets.

People are like, you're a bitch. Yeah, well then. You did not text Lisa back. And yet, like, that is a, that's a trigger for me. And so when Lisa says, she's not really texting back, I'm like, ooh, that bitch. I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

Yeah, because people on this show really do actually hang out in real life a lot of them. Like, yeah, they're probably really does hang out with Kyle and with Doree. She still hangs out with Joyce, okay? Mm-hmm. Yeah, she does. We see Joyce, but I tried, but I got spit in my eye Also interesting is that Lisa says regarding Erica coming to Vegas. I tell her to pack her underwear. I'm gonna be good And Kyle's like

Yeah, it's gonna be fun. We're gonna go dancing because Erica has moves and founder prompts like scratch the bus Scratch the bus. She goes out the bus Lisa Lisa and she goes oh, yes, I was gonna buy her medication for that I've been waiting all someone to say that joke. Oh so good so good So then we cut over to you to read who's with Jagger. She's like, oh, are you making poo poo? Are you making poo poo? Jagger jack a making poo poo? Are you making poo poo? Jagger, Jagger poo poo poo. Jagger? Jagger. Oh, I've always understood Jagger.

We've always been close and the only one who's ever understood him. Poo poo. He's like, Tito, poo poo. I get him. Oh, Jagger and I have always had an extremely close connection. I mean, we both just love stacking plastic rings on each other and pushing squares through square holes and circles through circular holes.

And let me tell you something, Pat, the bunny is a page-channer. Now, Jagger is speaking. I'm like, yeah, guess why? Because he's growing up to read. Like everyone. Everyone's, he was like, something's wrong. Something's the matter with Jagger. It doesn't know English.

He's a baby, okay? I like the break. And they show a clip from last season where Jagger goes and Jury goes, oh, he wants ice cream. I'm afraid you can't have ice cream Jagger All he did was go She tells us Oh Jagger he speaks what he visualizes and he said That's usually the way speaking works. Yes

So she is going to an adult party for children where her buds called beet buds, that Teddy throws just to meet other moms, which seems odd. But you know, I hope I never ever ever have to go to beet buds. It looked like hell on earth. It looked awful. Yes. And I want to like Teddy. I really do because she's new and stuff. But she's named her children Slate and Cruz.

Hey, just, you know what? Cruz is like the new trendy name on Bravo. I think this is our third cruise because there's, well, there's cruiser and Dallas that they call Cruz. There's another cruise. Is that maybe Lydia's kid named Cruz or something? There's a cruise that's around. And now we have this cruise.

It's like, Cruz is Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz, yeah, Ted cruise. The new real housewife of Orange County. Chevy cruiser. There's nothing called PT cruiser. The PT cruiser. Yeah. Um, and let's see. She said they're like, look where moms. And so to read, to read us, are starting to say that her daughter is into fashion She's telling me into fashion and Teddy's like I am the opposite. I mean I grew up writing courses I was a professional like question and so I'm like the world's most awkward dresser and like That has nothing to do like though

I grew up writing horses and was a professional question has nothing to do with fashion like the comment of like I like my daughter is into fashion or I'm into fashion. Like, she just like wedged that information in there to be like, yeah, I was a professional questioner. She does it the whole show where she's like, I don't care how famous I am. Like, I don't even know. Like, I don't care that I'm rich.

Like, who can even tell the difference? Like, FC holds a huge party just to make friends. In a mansion. But I like fries with that. I mean, it's hard for me to know. can't even tell the difference. Like actually holds a huge party just to make friends in a mansion. What I like fries with that, I mean, it's hard for me to know. I mean, I grew up riding horses that was into a question and so it's hard for me to know if I want fries with that. You know what I'm saying? She's like, I'm so down to earth, which my father owns a large percentage of because he's

famous and we're both rich, but who cares? Like it's not what's in your wallet. It's that your wallet's a broken. You know what I mean? Anyway a question. So um, so yeah, so now they They the kids start playing and Jagger gets onto the trampoline and debris it's like oh, I've got to get him a trampoline. I've just got to Relax and then Jagger is just standing at the like medid door way staring at her and she goes Jagger, do you want to come out Jagger? I'm the only one who can understand Jagger. He's standing at the exit.

He needs to get out of the trampoline. Perhaps we may have no trampoline at all please. No Jagger, get down from there. And the band is like, okay, now we're gonna sing a song about a monkey. And his name is Magic Mike the Monkey. Which is creepy, and it goes, oh, fun for everyone then. Oh, it's so happy to be back and bevley his, because I was away. I was on the holiday in Miami, and now I'm back, and now I can weight. I was on the holiday in Miami,

and now I'm back, and I can connect with other moms whilst our kids are together." Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking.

Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or It's what I grew up doing. Like what does that mean? And she goes, you should meet my friend,

Lee Savander Pumph. She has vacations around where she can bring horses, lots and lots and horses, planes with horses, trains with horses. Who don't? I think Jagger is thirsty. He's like drinking out of a bottle. Teddy is like, I'm just so far out of about all this,

like business that women are not getting paid, the same amount as men. I mean, I think we all agree that like, when it comes to the workplace, like men and women should be a question. Oh, this is the best thing. Give it to me. What are you even talking about?

Neither one of them is even listening to each other and it's hilarious. Yeah. So then we go to Erica in her brand new office and she said, we need to get a ball. And Mikey just goes, ding dong, ding dong. Hey, you have a trouble with the internet. Why? I get it. That's what I was feeling on this and all. Think don't pass everything. Yes, step off the car badge. And it's Kyle.

I don't know. I'm just glad that he has an old thing. Kyle comes in in such a strange outfit. First of all, she has these giant triangle cuffs. And then she has her collar is like, up. It's like a stripy, Dracula collar, but then, but the striky cuffs make it look like a play stage, like a PS1 character, you know, like an old, like, like there's not enough like processing power to do anything more refined than a triangle around the, around

the sleeve. I put Kyle in toilet paper sleeves and almost clown collar because remember we've talked about those toilet toilet paper sleeves. Who tried to invent those? That singer that used to date the guy with net cancer, Lance Armstrong. What was that singer's name? Cheryl Crowe. Yeah, Cheryl Crowe tried to invent these sleeves where you wipe your mouth and use them as

toilet paper and then wash them again so you could save water. That's basically- I think I remember that. Yeah, that's the sleaze Kyle is wearing right now. Kyle's fashion has always been confusing. But it's consistent, so I appreciate it. Sorry, I was taking a gulp. No, you're not. You're looking through your Ikea text from Dom. No, you're actually wearing this pot.

No, I was pondering. I responded to that. I responded to that ten minutes ago. Oh, yeah, yeah, I did. You know, I am actually taking a gulp. You're listen Could you hear it? I could I'm sure everyone really loved that yeah mouth sounds. I was today. I'm back I'm drinking yet another Starbucks coffee today I'm back. Yeah. Yeah, it tastes good Strong well here's what I have to say to you. This is the best thing give a Titi I'm back. Yeah, yeah, it tastes good. Strong. Well, here's what I have to say to you.

This is the best thing. Give it to me. So Kyle comes over and who says this, Kyle? I think Kyle goes, oh my god, this place is so great. You know I'm obsessed with banana leaves. Yeah, that's, I wrote down banana rooms by accident, but yeah, Erica goes, well, you know I'm obsessed with banana leaves. Yeah, that's I wrote down banana rooms by accident, but yeah, Erica Erica goes, well, you know, I'm obsessed with banana leaves. That's a very specific session. I only serve food on banana leaves, just kidding.

I don't know my way around my kitchen. I can't even find the sugar. Where the fuck is the sugar, by the way? Why the fuck is my food served in a banana leaf? That's what banana leaves are for. Oh, she still got a sugar all on the ground at the kitchen. Like, god, that would have to trip over the sink one more time. I forgot. So she shows off her office, whatever.

This is where I like to sit when I look at my parody on SNL. Kinda like a copy of Snapchat. Whoa, those lights are bright. Whoa, is that a band behind you? Yeah, it's because it's gonna be my monologue when I start as a no. Hey, guys, it's me. You know, I love a banana leaf. Mike is pressing a button. He's like, ha ha ha.

He's like, banana leaves are so chic right now. Ah! Banana leaves are so every time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So then Erica, like, let's us into some of the challenges, the personal challenges she's had over the past few months. It gets pretty serious and she describes how she went onto dancing with the stars and she struggled with her style because she couldn't be all that she needed to be. They made her wear costumes that had no banana leaves. Did not have a bangle moment or a banshee moment. I had the way panties. It's like to read one on national television. But now back can I get an office on SNL? I felt like a fish out of water,

style eyes. I had to learn everything I learned and that someone else take control. What? It was dramatic. So you had to put on like bottom where that's okay. They said do the salsa, spit a ping pong to the back of the house. They said that's not a salsa and I said who are you to tell me what salsa is? I'm just imagining Erica like in wardrobe and Mikey comes, Mikey comes with like his rack of clothing. He's like, okay,

bitch, we got everything. And then Erica looks at him and like shakes her head as a stylist closes the door like at the end of the godfather. And you just see Mikey in the Diane Keaton phase as the door closes. Oh my God, I'm living for Mikey retiring and buying Keaton phase. Really in any movie. I hope he just starts wearing Turtle Necks and like, you know, dark, but still you can see

your eyes through them glasses. Yes, I would like to recreate all the Diane Keaton movies with Mikey. Let's just do it. Okay, Annie Hall. Yes, Batch, everything. Batch their lap does on the floor, Batch everything. I'm literally out of Daring Eat movies because every when she's in a turtle neck in those same glasses and she's I just want him to be calm and be like,

yes, Batch, everything. Something's got to give. Yes, Batch. I like Yokeyano, but I also like Jack Nicholson Batch. I'm going go to power dispatch Betsy hall batch Baby boom batch look at the baby, but I also have a presentation to make batch everything Our sales are everything Everything, bud.

I love Mikey. Kyle is like, look, I got a new house. No one cares. Um. She wasn't even saying that she got a new house yet. She was saying that Mauricio wants to get a new house. She's like, no, it's not as good as my house. Oh, didn't she say that they finally got a new house?

I mean, maybe it's just like, no, I watched it really late last night. I watched it really, really late. So some of it's like a little hazy to me. Yeah, they got a humongous house and and Thino. So we then have a moment in Sino, really? Yeah. And Erica, Kyle's like, do you want to go to Vegas? Because everyone's birthdays at the same time. And it's going to be all the girls.

And Erica's like, oh, my God. All the girls. Petriot. Like, just literally. Oh, it's going to be all the girls and Eric is like, oh my god, all the girls. Like this. Back to the right. There's an elephant in the room, which every housewife shows someone has to say that at least once in a episode. Daniel Stobb shows up chewing gum. So I hear there's an elephant in the room.

And Mike, he's like, no elephants allowed in this room, Batch. But they do allow, but not us, please. You know, I love the leather peels. Oh, my Mikey voice is getting all messed up. I'm doing like half she and I have Mikey. And then like a dash of Erica Jans. And now I'm just like, wow, that's Mikey. Yeah, pretty much.

That means you nailed it. I did like a dash of Erica Jans and now I'm just like, wow, that's Mikey. Yeah, pretty much. That means you nailed it. So then we go to Teddy's house where her kids are like racing around and stuff. And Teddy starts telling us that she knew the value of the dollar growing up because she rode horses and horses people bet on them and they know how much money they're betting

with the horses. Yeah, pretty much. I grew up in Hilton head and you know, you can't get a house there for less than a million. But I know the value of a dollar because you know, dollars to horses, I'm a horse rider with a track. I like to stay on track, the horse track, not that it matters that I'm rich, but I am with a horse.

I mean, I kind of thought everybody's dad was on the radio, you know, horse FM. I was my favorite station. Yeah, like I was eight, what the fuck did I care? I cared about like, you know, horses and tracks and my little ponies. Yeah, like I was eight what the fuck did I care? I cared about like, you know horses and Tracks and my little ponies literally like some girls played with my little pony the doll And I literally had a my little pony like it really had little ponies and they remind Also, you know that she's extremely stupid because she talks may or talk where she pits her Pointing finger and her thumb

like makes the circle like the okay while she talks with both of her hands at the same time and she's like I am making a point look at me making a point and only stupid people that do that. She's like getting a two very bad hand jobs at once. Also she's really mean to her husband and you can tell because we see shots of her house and everything has a really, really high back. Like all the couches have super high backs. Every chair has a super high back. So he always feels like the incredible shrinking woman, which he's yelling at him, you know. Well, because they were a one night stand that turned into a marriage and she's like, he will not go away no matter what I do. I've installed lots of

high back furniture and he still sticks around. He can't run. Yeah. She's like, nothing was handed to me on a silver platter, nothing at all. I mean, I had to pay for all those equestrian lists. Who am I kidding? Of course, it was handed to me on silver platter. It wasn't handed to me on a silver platter. My first horse was flown to me on the plane and dropped into my bedroom What a tiny pony it was So to read and pk they're moving back into their rental and Doreet is trying to get the you haul of the slanted hill and he's like, hi babe We can't know truck got babe. Can you and it's like eee and Doreet's like, hi babe, we can't do it, we can't do it. Oh, what's a pretty little

moving trucker, pretty little, can I come up the hill? Do you say, what do we have to use a lift? Do we have to use the lift on it to get up to a flat no. PK deals with all the money in the relationship, but I'm sure that we went way over budget. Yeah, they actually renovated their house, and I have to say, I thought that renovations were really great. I think they did a good job. Yeah. Okay.

I can't really tell the difference. I was like, look, a shiny surface, I don't care. Well, before it was just like, wait, wait, laminate everywhere or something. That's what I felt like. Remember last season, we don't want anyone to look behind the curtain and see boy George this. Let's just hit everyone. We have a massive mold problem. They all believe it. They're like, oh, they're like, yeah, that's typical to read mold. Yeah. Excessive mold. Wait a minute, that was a joke. Why wasn't this parody on the snow? So she's like, now that we've talked about our money and our tipping and our UPS and our new kitchen, PK.

What about the trip to Vegas? Erika, Jane, she's like, oh, they're not me there. And Lisa Reiner. And he's like, listen, last time I saw Erika, she was really, really horrible to me. Poor PK. Poor PK. Poor PK. You're the one who made the nasty, like leering Joe glasses in America's like I'm mad

And by the way, he also oh PK you know why he's lucky You know he's real lucky because if last season came out now in like the post wine scene era Oh, man. He really would have been like He would have he would have been in a real trouble like Like, you know, like that's the sort of shit that like people are getting are fed up with, you know, like making, like taking glimpses or whatever, or it's not even so much the taking glimpses, cause you know, it's like sometimes,

like you see something it's hard not to look, but making the gross jokes on national TV at that pigish behavior. Like there's been a referendum on that, and PK, you should count your lucky stars at all the stupid mesquimablasties and before it happens. PK, you lose, okay, you jerk. Yeah, and then he also is like, and Rina, that was just a horrible, horrible, horrible joke. And Doreet's like, Lisa Rina, Lisa Rina deliberately came after me to the fame, Mikaireta.

She tried to take away my fame. Do you know how hard it is to keep coke? Everyone's always asking for Mikaireta. No, Lisa Rina. I mean, I've been hurt terribly. No one comes to my partisan moment. Who am I going to do coke with? Well, Carol seems to think we can celebrate harmoniously.

I was like, was that a dick at Erica? And he says the most important thing of the season. He's like, I'm going to keep my opinion to myself. My jinklet. You can speak for me and it's all jiggling sadly. It's like So then to read and Teddy go to a restaurant called citizen where at least a van to pump joins and she She comes and she meets Teddy. Oh

So love the name Teddy. I can't even tell you would you like to be a hostess? I said so I said Joanne Vivre about you you would you not be a hostess I said to say to a widow about you. Tell you it's like it's country because I'm a normal person a person with horses I own the country. My name was my name was Teddy Joe. She's like, am I called breaking bird time? Have you ever warned lingerie to apply for a job at a restaurant day? May I help you?

You know where table seven is. So he's like, I don't, you know, numbers were not really that big for me. The only numbers I remember are from a questioner in which I grew up doing. I don't know. There were numbers in a questioner. I don't know. That's what I'm saying. I don't know numbers. Is that swimming? I love swimming. I love math. A love math, a question triangles. El Gibra, am I right? I always like math because I enjoy integrity and integrals. Defeat much.

So Doreet said, when Teddy says, my name is really Teddy Joe, Doreet, because I have a name like that. They never say it right What are you talking? Yeah, yeah Teddy Joe people you can say Teddy Joe correctly. They just they skip the jet like Doreet is such a Call me. Oh, you could call me do it Joe I do it. Oh my name is do it Joe, but people call me do it. Oh, I don't get, Doree Joe. I do, my name's Doree Joe, but people call me Doree Joe. I don't get it. Which one's the chip? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I would know. And my brother, Fritzo. Are those foods I wouldn't know?

You know, I'm just a normal girl, a girl from the country. Did you ever eat Fritzo pies, then? Yeah, it's excuse me, my equestrian's ringing, hold on. And it's going dang dong bad Mikey you're not in this scene darling Good for a banana leaf Go back to the not text abacca that you call your friend So Vanderpumped first of all I have to say Doreet is just a delight this year

I know that I've been a Doreet hater in the past but I have to say thank God for Doreet She is making me laugh in every single scene You know sometimes people have to go through just a like a horrific first season before they start to like Like worm their way into your heart like Camille like every time I saw Doreet this episode. I just got so happy Well Camille did it by stopping being Camille. She was like, I just want to talk now. That's how she kind of went. Doreet is just the same. But now I like her. I don't know why, but she's fucking hysterical.

I think it's just, I think because she's just so like thrilled in every scene. She's like, hello. She kind of took a page from Rina, which is just, if you enter a scene with a giant hello and a smile, you kind of just like the person. She's like, hi! Hello! Oh, it's baby! Pretty little place you have on there. Oh, PK is horrified. Horrified new storyline. I'm a ratager Jagger just got son but I am she So Vanderfam does her usual thing she's like well hello Teddy Joe. What's your favorite color? What's your husband's name? Where's table seven? What's an equestor? Do you like that? Tell me about you tell me about your love affair Do you think that I lean is a whole or a romantic

So they start talking about horses of course and Lisa's like I just got off mine Literally, it wasn't a high wonder if you know what I'm saying leave that for Erica. She's cold and doesn't return to text. High horse. She's like, yes, that was humor. And if you don't get humor, we can't be friends. And Teddy goes, oh yeah, I get it. I'm dry. People don't get it sometimes,

but it's not that I'm not funny. It's just that I'm dry. No, you're just a bitch. And then later you say you're funny. Yeah, I think people who declare that they're funny, or you have to get your sense of like when people say, oh, you just have to get my sense of humor, that's a red flag. That's always a red flag. Yeah, if you have to explain the joke, trust me, as someone who often has to explain the joke. Yeah, it's not the joke. It's you. Yeah, yeah, it is you. It is you. So they're talking about horses and stuff and then they're talking about Erica and Dorit is getting a little worried about seeing Erica at this Vegas thing.

And, um, Jesus, my phone is getting phone calls from like so many random places. It's like different cities across the country right now. What's happening? Who got my phone number? Capital One, you can trick me again. Who's calling me from Seattle? I don't know anyone in Seattle. Is it you, Bill Gates? So Sally, it's scrambled eggs. It's a pleasure. Oh my god. We mentioned Camille and we've

awoken the spirit of Frazier Crane. And here's Frazier McAgain. McAgain. Sorry, Back again. Back again. Sorry, I would normally not report on who's calling me, but you know, it pops up on my freaking computer. Like, do do do do do do do do do do do. I don't want you to stop, stop ants trying to answer my calls computer.

I'm not going to talk through you. I'm talking to Ronnie. Quiet computer. Yeah. Serious like some people get that I'm calling their computer and some people just don't get it and think I'm dry. No, you're bugging me. Okay. So they talk about Vegas and Vegas and Vegas and Doreet's like, I had a little moment with Erica, but I don't want to scare her. I want her to come. I want to understand her. Do you need to make a poopy, Erica? Let me in!

Yeah. They decide they're all gonna go to Vegas, and we find out that it's also Teddy's birthday. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, it's her birthday too, and for her birthday, she wants her question, so it's gonna be just great. Ho ho ho ho. Oh, so... So the packing packing montage time to pack time to ask people what they

think about that packing. Do you ever when you like well like in the past if you've ever been in the same building as someone while you've packed have you like made them come and watch you pack and ask them stupid questions. Because that's all that happens on Bravo. Well, a Mueller. But I don't make it. But he knows what packing means. So he sits and watches me with this look like, how could you? How could you do this to me?

And then I'm like, should I pack this old Navy sweater? Or that old Navy sweater? And he's like, why don't you just shoot me in the face? How about that? So that's my own little Bravo packing scene. Okay. Okay. So Kyle is asking Porsche for a fashion advice, which I'm like, okay, I mean, you could ask

the advice of a seven year old. I mean, why not? It's what all the other shows do on Bravo. Like Melissa Gorgher does it with her son and Heavenly does it with Alora. So why not? They usually have better fashion than the parents. True. It's actually true. It's actually true. Like, you're hopeless.

Poor is just like, could you please not pack anything else? It has giant triangle cuffs, thanks. And then Mikey just says a bunch of stuff. I don't really understand. He's like, yeah, yeah, for she's a testament cloud outfit, cloud comes fast, plain moment. Yeah, we need to have a whole Gucci on some. OK. Because we're going to have, plain moment. Yeah, we need to have a whole Gucci on some. Okay, because we're gonna have a plain moment.

All right, we're gonna have a tarmac moment right now. America's, oh yeah, I would play this. I'd play this. Yeah, it was a whole bunch of nonsense. I mean, aircraft anger. I've got so many clothes. I need aircraft anger. K-Word Grandhead one, getar. I've got so many clothes. I need aircraft hangar. K-Ret head one. Get it.

I'll be here all week. All week, K-Ret. But not all this. I'm obsessed. Do you think that the plane will have some implied entertainment? Perhaps I'm the side of it. Not loud. Well, always have Paris. No, we won't. Paris could go down the fire. Who cares? Well, always have S&L. No, we won't.

Parents could go down the fire. Who cares? We'll always have SNL in my right monkey. Wow, Fulm, New York. How long does it take? Can we do that again? No, back to five. Let's take it from the top.

So stick around. We'll be right back. Oh my God. How many times are you going gonna say SNL before the season is over? It's a bad point. It's like let me write this down in my mini-lefolder. It says Lisa on it. You may have an SNL parody but I have a mini-lefolder and I write down important things. Like for instance,

did you know that Teddy's full name is Teddy Joe? Ah, writing a down. I'm never forgetting Teddy Joe, Teddy Joe. Would you like to be on a sign outside my restaurant? Teddy Joe. Teddy Joe. Has there ever been anything more exciting than the crossover episode where my mini-leph Elephalda went from Van to Pum brules. They're really housewives and Beverly Hills. Oh, so let's see they out go on the plate. Oh, they all the way up in the airport. Yeah. So Kyle. So Lisa's there with Kyle and then Camille shows up. She's Ma hi, ma. I just learned from a while and I'm so tired.

Was it your arms? Your arms are so tired. I don't get it. I don't get it. No, I wasn't doing Pilates. Like, is that a planet? I know it's Camille walking. The sound of Camille's. She never even makes up because her lips never even really touch her mouth stays open. That's a big wind up to her guess I think I hear Camille coming in from outside from the parking lot And then she does our favorite thing which is she just just mumbles while someone else talks. Because like, oh wow, how's everything going?

Check out the other one. Yeah, yeah, now we're going to whine. It's going to be so fun because everybody's birthday is on the same time. That is crazy, right? It's so crazy. Did you notice that Camille was also wearing Triangle sleeves, also striped, but her is on to leave this time? I don't know what's happening. I don't know. I feel like I'm going to judge it, but the next year I'm gonna be wearing them. I mean, everyone looks like a source from Devil Make Rye.

So, um, to reach shows up and she's like doing her best Laura Durn in personation. She's like, oh, would you look at me? I decided to dress like Lord Dan for a trip. I'm delighted. I'm glad to see you. I'm glad to see you. I'm glad to see you. Oh, would you look at me? I decided to dress like Lord Dan for a trip. I'm delighted, dude. I'm doing a shag and that's no big little lie. Is this a little lie? Big lie or a big little lie? Lisa Rinner?

A dinosaur. So, Kyle is like, I don't even know if she really even has hair because it's always different is she bald. She's like one of those little dolls you push the play-doh through and then you cut it off and you keep pressing it through which made me laugh so hard. I mean it's so true and also I love to reach her. She's wearing bangs right now, but she can't keep them out of her face Jagger I saw this was amazing trampoline Teddy is like do I hear a horse? I'm riding it. Okay, Teddy, okay, too.

You know the Erica Jane is pissed the hell off that, like, Doreed is getting credit being the one who has all the different fabulous hair styles. Oh, you know. And Doreed is not going to let her win this year. And now she's like, look at me with my style team. They give me all of this. I called them my Glam-tang. Do you like this Gucci Glam-tang?

And she's like, yes ma'am, everything. We sure sowed Erika Jane. Do you think that we should have an ensemble? Note that I left off the last two letters of that word. We need a dog, Bell. Ding Donga. Ding Donga. Ding Donga.

Ding Donga. Ding Donga. So Erica shows up in full. I don't want to say ice queen, perhaps diamond queen mode. And of course, Erica, I mean, Dorita's the first to hug her sick. She's, Erica, hi, hello, Erica, which is that cold fake. Like, I don't like you, but I'm gonna pretend like I like you and I'm gonna hug you first. So I've credit for being the nicest one. Yes. And Erica does that thing where she hates your guts and you know, she hates your guts and it's so it's not really fake. She just smiles with her eyes squinting.

She says, hello, how are you? Nice. Hello. How are you? Nice to see you. Nice to see you. I'm not on my period, but I speak with a period at the end of every sentence. Nice to see you, period.

That's that end that L period? Count to abbreviate Saturday Night Live without three periods, period. I've been trying to find that when Saturday doesn't work, Erica. Saturday. Live. Saturday. Night.

not led. Such a bad not that live. My crema, my crema com cast doesn't find it. Ringa ringa. Oh, someone's cell phone is ringing. And it's Kyle and Kyle's like, hello, print is like, Kyle, guess what baby? I thought I wasn't going to be able to come, but I figured it out. I'm a rattager, a momager, but I covered the rat and the girls, not literally because no one would make money if they were actually covered. But they're half naked and being babysat

in New York. Oh, me too later, baby! Listen, baby, I set the rat up with Isaac Miss Rocky over at QVC and they're getting along so well. So the rats are gonna cover my QVC shift in Pennsylvania and I'm gonna come to Vegas and we're gonna have a great time, baby. So uh, to reach psycho it would have been better without a, because I haven't resolved feelings. Oh, trampoline. So everyone, so, so is this the part where when Rina calls, oh, you know, this is a little bit before Rina calls, I was going to say was that, sorry, I got distracted by all the SNLs, all the S's, the dot L, and, and, came I was like a daughter yeah yeah I like when I like when Carl uh Carl goes I mean who wants to find on their birthday in Las Vegas I'm like all you bitches all you bitches want to do that that's exactly what you want to do thank god that's why you're on a television show. And then Doriko's, well, I don't know if you know this,

but Teddy does not like to shop, guys. And everyone's like, oh, guys. He literally said, guys, too. Guys. Yeah, I wrote it down. I had to translate it right there. I was like, don't forget that Doriko said, guys, like, guys. Guys, guys, Teddy does not like to shop.

That pretty little pussy doesn't like to shop. And they're like, I thought the episode was going to end right there. I'm like, I'm the fanger. Teddy's like, yeah, I'm just a girl. You know, a girl standing in a book shop, waiting for Hugh Grant to be nice to her, whatever. Like, I know, Hugh Grant, big deal.

I didn't even know who he was. I was like, I was young. Who gives a fuck? You know what I mean? In America. I love shopping after a cocktail. Maybe that time I bought myself a little change press Chad fight with me over that one time sure showed him

Yeah, Erica has a great observation and she goes she goes I Thought I buy the most shit when I've had a cocktail. I'm like, yeah That's that's what usually happens when you have a cocktail you do things And actually it's like, whoa. Quaternase. Like, that's crazy. If you get a little jirank, you buy more shit. I've never been on Amazon.

I'll have drunk and order like coasters. A change. Pace maybe. I don't know. Oh, so they get on the plane. And they fly and Kyle's like, remember how I was supposed to have a fear of flying? I'm trying to stick with that and someone's like, don't just fly every week, Kyle.

And she's like, okay, well, I'll give that a, and then Lisa's like, whoops, I pulled my entire glass of champagne yeah, into your new Birkin bag. I was like, this is why Lisa is the queen. She is the only one who can pour an entire champagne flute on someone's brand new Birken bag that costs $14,000 and then just laugh it off.

Ha ha ha ha ha. No, it's so funny. You're rich enough that you don't care, Nicole. You're crying. Kyle is, yeah, she's so mad. And she's trying to get all the liquid out. And she's like, upturns her Birken bag. Everything falls out and she's like trying to get all the liquid out. And she's like, up turns, her broken back, everything falls out and she read it's like,

Kakaia, why do you have an electric toothbrush? Did you see this, boys? Of course. Then she worry about getting electrocuted. So she spells all her stuff and there's a pillow bottle. And I think a joint case, you know, like one of those prescription joint things that you pop open. It's like, yeah, Kyle, you better work. I don't know because I'm a goody-two shoes.

Well, it's legal now. So I'm a goody-two shoes as well. I actually really don't know what we're talking about, be honest. So they go to Vegas. I'll just, I'll just wait until you need your. Yes, I don't want to prescription.. Oh, right. How about that? Now they just look like a prescription bottle except their long shaped and you pop oh Oh, and the joints are in there. Yeah

Get it I'll put that in my minute of folder also Did anyone see my Lisa folder? It says Lisa on it so you know it's mine. It has official business. It's getting heavy. They get to Vegas and the max there. Their tour guide or hotel guide is like, hello, welcome.

Welcome to Las Vegas and treat's like like what's the accent? I need can I buy it now that we're here at the balazzo so of course they go through the presidential suite which Kyle and the Vander Promp have stolen even though they're not the birthday girls yeah who cares so not the president's either. So what? Lisa's like, well, my minute, I thought I would beg to differ. I wrote president in there. And therefore, I'm president, I'd like to see all minute presidents, minute envelope, president. And the president of minute, the Philippines.

So they get in there. And then after all this equestrian talk, Teddy, of course, if the bell hop. Yeah, she's like, I haven't carried cash since the 80s. Okay. Who needs it? I mean, poor people, which I get, which I understand because you know, I'm one of you, but cashless, like you right now. I know you wouldn't think that I of all people wouldn't have cash I'm sort of like a dark horse. Oh, did I mention I love a question him

Is it do it professionally? Who's Katy Perry? Oh you mean Katie? Yeah, I know her. She used to come to my birthday parties Well, I mean later, you know because she's older but we would just horse around literally we would get on horses and go around each other So this is meant to read has her like, dueling stylist. Yes. See that? Look at me! Two ladies with style! Look! My Lord, Dern Shag, has turned into a severe... Push Spice Bob!

Ooh! It's like, who's Bob is that again? I was like, I better give it quickly. I've got three seconds. I liked her very early. I'm magic out to spell it, but it's long. I liked her Marilyn Monroe look. She's very pretty.

She had a Marilyn Monroe look. Direct. Yeah, and her interview section here. She's like, this is how I get all of this. And she has like Marilyn Monroe look. Oh. She's like, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep. Happy birthday, Mr. P.K. President.

Happy birthday. I'm Betty whoops. If I was Lisa Rina saying the wrong thing at all times. You know what I like about Marilyn Monroe and she sounds over a subway great. She has a little, particularly a push covered up. So this is pretty much that. How does it end? So based, okay, so, um, so Harry, um, uh, so when they're, they're all hanging out in this

week, they're all chilling out waiting for dinner, waiting for dinner, the waiting for Rina and Kyle is like, you guys, something really weird happened. Like, it's really weird because I've got a sister and I also am friends with Rina. And like, I got to keep them separated like offspring. And I was hiking and I was in my favorite hiking spot in Fryman Canyon. And I ran into Harry Hamlin. And like, he was really weird and cold. And he was like, not saying a lot. I'm like, that's Harry Hamlin and And he can said so what are we gonna do about your sister? She obviously can't be around this group ever again and they're like What's the being serious?

Or is it just being Harry Hamlin? She's like no, he was serious like Harry Hamlin serious or serious Harry Hamlin Which was it doji or doji No, he was serious like Harry Hamlin serious or serious Harry Hamlin Me while Erica's getting glammed up like the 10th time in the past 50 minutes and like are we gonna do a Bungie girl effect and we can do a spice life spice lip liner. It's like ooh. Sorry. I didn't like you as Erica She said was he you're talking about Harry who gives the fuck lid cuz I don't give a fuck I just want no black lips. I want a DSL overdrawn Overwet dick second lip that has a really good connectivity Yeah DSL yeah DSL DSL get it that's my telecom joke everyone you can see more jokes like that on La from New York it's DSL. I mean SNL

Delivery service the cut red out of business my UPS switch me that was DHO Well, I'm still good a secondic not to be confused with the national hockey league and all those light child Which also features me sometime in the future I'll tell you when but it's gonna be awesome What if I don't give a puck See what everyone's like who we've got a new husband fight this time Harry Himmlins with someone else will he show up at the reunion? or not So Kyle is like stressed out over this Harry Hamlin situation and she's like, I mean, I'm too stressed to even appreciate the fact that I'm wearing a triangle right. She's all about the triangles from new dress that she's wearing is like a full triangle. She's in a triangle. So then Teddy shows up. Teddy is just wearing lingerie now. She's like, I'm here. I'm wearing a bathing suit with lingerie over it right now. My name is Teddy. Yeah, she's like literally wearing a Teddy.

And Lisa Petembeum's like, I just want to see her naked. I want to draw her on the Titanic. Now that's a girl, Leo DeCaprio would dive to the bottom of the notion for. Am I right, ladies? of a notion for. And my like ladies, let's stand at the top of the Palazzo and say I'm the king of the world. Except you're not I am, which doesn't really matter. I mean, I'm poor, but really rich. Like who cares? I'm the king. I win. Anybody have cash? So the episode draws to a climax when there's a... And guess who's there? Hello, everyone!

Wow, wow, wow! Hello! Hi! Hello! Hi! Hi! Hi! Remember when I did this in Mexico and I said,

Hello, everyone! And we ended the episode. Hello! Yes, and they're like next week. Hello! She's still saying hello. Hello, everyone. I'm behind a giant flower thing now. Hello, hello from behind the flowers. Hey, in the future, can we shoot this in a circular room? So I'm not stuck in a corner again

when you're all come from me. And that brings us to our final real house, so I have the Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, room in the Plotso and worry what will happen when Lisa Rinna shows up. So we'll tell everyone how that goes. We'll be behind the flower pot waiting for a hello everyone. Happy holidays, avoid crampus. Be nice to crampus if you do see him. Yes, have a happy new year, happy Christmas, happy everything. And remember, I have an envelope with evidence, this is Lisa, don't touch it! Although we are coming back for New Jersey, right? This isn't the last episode. No, no, this is just the last Beverly Hills episode we have here. Real Housewives of New Jersey tomorrow and then we're leaving.

Yeah, we're we're we're too like impatient to do another episode on Friday, so Jersey and in the break. Yeah, everybody, we will see you tomorrow. Bye, everyone! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. at 1dry.com slash survey.