Watch What Crappens - RHOBH: Who Let The Dogs Out?

Episode Date: February 13, 2019

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills roars out of the gate with its season premiere, which features dogs, goats, and Faye Resnick. Rumor has it this is Lisa Vanderpump's final season, and we are absolutely ready to find out what caused Ken to yell "GOODBYE KYYYYLE!!" But until then, we'll just have to bide our time with Denise Richards and Teddi's new house. Works for us! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Watch what crap bins. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap bins. Fine, motherfuckers. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch Our Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker from the Real Houseware, so Kitchen kitchen island you can find that on YouTube and joining me is the wonderful hilarious man Ronnie Karam who's also the co-host of the Rose Prick Rose Prick's Podcast which is all about the bachelor match lorette what's going on hey Ronnie? Hello It's thank you for shooting me through the heart

It's Beverly Hills premiere day. Very, very exciting. Where we're so excited to have this show back. And before we dive into that, this recap, of course, we have to talk about big exciting things. First and foremost, I'm sorry, I'm like, did I just like burp up into the microphone? That is disgusting. So first and foremost, next week, it's next week already.

We can't even believe it. We're going to be at just for laughs in Vancouver. So everyone, if you're in the area, go get tickets to that because we want to impress people. Because there's like famous people going to be there like Seth Rogen and like, Fred Armerson and stuff like that. So like, we want to look cool, okay?

So come, and on top of that, we're also gonna have a fun time. So, uh, that's at watchacrapans.com, as well as many of our, many other shows we have, Cincinnati coming up, we got Cincinnati, Boston, Portland, Phoenix, Irvine, Milwaukee, Minnesota, and of course, South by Southwest Island, which is extremely exciting for us. So what else to ask you to get over there? Come see us. Yeah, we really want

you guys to come to our shows because it's super, super fun. Anyone who went to the Dallas shows this past weekend or just heard the recordings could hear how much fun we all had. So we want you to be part of it too. It was amazing. And also our search for this recordings, could hear how much fun we all had. So we want you to be part of it too. It was amazing. And also our search for this month are Countess Luann as Andy Warhol, pop, pop. They're also available as really wacky leggings. So if you feel like that, do it, you got it.

Yeah. Today, today is the return of Real housewives of why did you hurt the Savannah pump? Yes That was me imitating filerosa at the beginning of the episode. Oh god, well, it was no music at all. I know. Just, you colligate pretty. Disaster, it's like. What up? Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!

You just hear birds tweeting. You see, I can't wait. And like the water of the pond being splashed around. Jiggy, all quiet on the west and front. It was just lovely and pleasant. What could possibly go wrong? Villa Rosa, many horse! horse framed in a pink swing. Hanky and panky.

Dead jiggy on a chair in clothes. Hanky and his last outfit. Yeah, it felt a little bit like that famous tracking shot from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, where that swing and it goes up to the door. I was like, oohs. Someone is kind of going to come out with a chainsaw wearing people's skin. Well, it's funny how much of a horror movie, Lisa Vanderpromp's house,

does look like without music. Too weird. Like it really did set the horror scene. It was terrifying. Terrifying. So then we cut you the fight. And Lisa's in her kitchen going no no no no no who says that say it Kyle This is a big shock to me. I've done nothing wrong I've done nothing wrong but let a certain my strobe with clocks in my bar Would you have it min too yet have you? And Kyle's like it's so blatantly sent to like I have done nothing wrong Kyle. I swear on Rosedeos live Just admit it. Yeah, I'm not going to say yes if I did yes, I did something if I didn't do it For instance, I absolutely did not send sendregor from a crate to Cypress

Great to Cyprus. Sorry, that went to a real good place. I will not admit to living in Calabasas when I do not. And Kyle's like, I didn't come here to fight Lisa. She's like, you came here to call me a liar. At which point do you come on, sir? I was like, you are not a friend. You would never say that about you, Carl. Carl's like, I just wanted to be honest.

And Ken's like, she would never say that about you, Carl. Carl's like, I just wanted to be honest and Ken's like, she would never say that about you. And he points at her and she flares her eyes like, I know you're not gonna finger me right after. You know, don't think people have forgotten about you touching Yolanda's arm, Ken. Yeah, and then she's like, maybe you care more about your image than your friends, which point Ken's like,

oh, you're not her friend oh you're not a friend you're not a friend you a not a friend good bye bye and I know it's gonna be a fun season because as usual, I get to start off with a Kyle note of terrible fashion And all it is is Kyle is in a stupid hat. Yeah, really really stupid. That's she is So Lisa's like get the fuck out of my house. I swear to you. I'm done with her So Kyle's like and she starts like she just like you know So Kyle's like, and she starts like, she just like, you know, pouts away. She leaves sort of like huffs out of the house over the bridge.

And the camera just holds, and then you just see a dog chasing after her. I know, that dog is probably been put down by now, okay. How dare you chase Kyle? And by the way, where the hell were Hanky and Panky? This was their moment. This was their moment to finally bite Kyle and not get in trouble. Yeah, I know it's like it's like a free

cancel grab. They should have known that they should have been waiting there. Like this is the moment they've been waiting for it. The cancel buffet and they missed it. That's all she needed. She's been attacked by everybody. And Kyle told Lisa, maybe you care more about your image than your friends. Baaah! Good boy, Kyle. So now everybody has already heard about the drama for the season and we won't go into it too much because we're going to be talking about it. It's Beverly Hills, so I'm sure we're going to be talking about it every single episode for 23 episodes. But it is weird having already heard all of this stuff and then seeing how it's playing

out here because people are already already deterring feather Vanderpump. Yeah. I mean, she's already been getting it all over the internet. They're like, finally, they've brought down Lisa Vanderpump. And I have serious doubts. And this scene really gave me serious doubts because I am not going to believe Doreet over. I'm not going to believe Doreet or Kyle over Vanderpump ever. I'm a stan and I will admit it and you guys are going to be hating me all season for that.

But first season or first scene, I'm not sure how this is going to be. Yeah, I have to say actually I'll say first episode. I'm like, I don't, I think so far, Lisa is pretty much in the right about everything so far. Like I don't have any. So far, Lisa's pretty much in the right about everything so far. Like I don't have any. So far. Yeah, so far. So far.

So I'm like excited to see where it goes. I'm really excited for the season. I'm just gonna say by the way, also, I really enjoyed this first episode. I really felt like that vitality and that excitement that had been missing through last season felt like it was back so far. So far. Well, you know, it's very important when you go see a musical that you walk out humming at least one song and I walked out humming Good bye Kyle! Good bye Kyle!

I also, I thought I'd think you know it's like cats. Memories not of Kyle! Good bye Kyle, no members of you. So now it's like one of my favorite techniques. Gouman surly are. So we now go back in time when things were nice and happy. And honestly I think it generally went when a real house of season opens like that. It usually works out for me. Like I'm usually like, oh. The, it, it like New Jersey opened up like that. And I was like, I'm like, oh, this seemed like a pretty light fight. I don't know why we're doing a two-year.

Remember, I think a two-month rewind, I'm thinking we're like, oh, God, just like the Christine again. And then New Jersey, too, not to be an awesome season. So like, I think the two-month, maybe the two-month earlier, Kyron, just automatically, just put me in the right state of mind. Well, I was in the right state because even when this shows that it's worse, I still really like it. I mean, last season we had a ball recapping it. I don't know that I have regular eyes watching these shows because I thought it was fun. Two months earlier, guess what Kair is still doing?

Walking around in agency things. Well, she's not, but more agency. I guess what Kyle's still doing, walking around in agency things. Well, she's not, but more agency agents agency agency, agency agency agents like we know we fucking know dude. Okay, stop. You guys are so thirsty. Like we don't walk around in our watch or crap and t-shirts all the time. We show we show our shit everywhere. But we don't walk around in our own t-shirts all the time. I mean, come on now. Doesn't have like a... Cut the crap in.

Doesn't have like some free shirt from like Trader Joe's that he got when he was doing something out of charity. Doesn't have like a Malibu triathlon shirt he could wear like a Snivers bar shirt. Like anything but the agency shirt. Yeah. So Kyle's planning a barbecue at their new house.

Because you know, that's what makes it feel like a home. Okay, having Glen do something for you. Yeah, exactly. And so then we're seeing what everyone's doing and we go over to Lisa Rinna's house where she's like pulling a tea bag out of like a William Shakespeare pot of some sort, I think, and then just making tea in a giant pineapple mug, which I love. Because of course Rinna has like a giant mug with pineapple on it. It's like, you can't put that up.

T-mug, baby. Ah. Sweet but prickly. Ah. You got it. You got it. She said, I was doing pineapple's before Target was,

ah, baby pineapple. So then over at Vanderpump, she's in her closet and she's, yeah, she's in her closet with Ken, which I'm like hilarious, that's where they open. And her dog, and she's feeding the dog T from her cup, her T cup. She's like, you're my little friend. On Chul, Lisa Alice, take the T, Alice. Take a T from my sophisticated T cupS. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S.

Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S.

Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S.

Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Take a T.I.L.S. Oh Bring Ken if you dare So meanwhile to read and PK are in bed and they're bed with the kids they're under the cover so almost at first It sounds sexual because you're like oh, okay, no PK And then they like lower their duvet and the whole family's under there and like Oh, yeah, these two just so

wacky and so to read reads it's just Auntie Kyle is having a poo party and then but I just thought was funny that she calls her Auntie Kyle yeah she's another Taylor another grifter trying to slip in Auntie in there find a rich one now it's the Lord to say it's insane. Lord say it to me. She's drawn to. Yeah, she's your auntie. And then because like, well, before we go to a pool party, it's time to go back into the rocket ship. Do they up? Do they up? Do they up? I'm like, is that what we're calling Dutch ovens now? The rocket ship. Then we get to Erica, which Erica has the

best one, because she just hears the text go off and covers her face while her dove Roman looks on. Rocket ship for one. I don't give a fuck about your stupid text. So you get what? I don't give a fuck about it. Fuck. I'm going to join NASA and going up to the stars and my tiny rocket ship.

No children will have on this one. Hmm. And then Teddy over at her house being exciting as ever. Are you eating oatmeal or just grapes? I am Teddy. Hi, I'm Teddy. Now Teddy, here's something that annoys me about Teddy, that when she got a text, her phone rang.

And I was like, like it was like the sound effect that she used was like an old school phone ring. I was like, that's not, I don't approve of that as a text tone. I don't either. It's so obnoxious. It's annoying enough listening to people's phone rings that you are text go off all the time with that. You're being really long. It's like, look, I just wanted to be accountable. So everybody knows that I got a text. I'm totally admitting to getting a text. Yep. Still ringing. Still ringing. But also don't make it sound like your phone is ringing when you're just receiving a text. You know, like that's like a mixed message there. The only thing that could be worse

is if she did like the clown horn, because my friend used to do that. I'm like, whoah, it's not the one. It's like a, is it a clown horn or like a, like a bike horn? I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, bike horn? I'm like, are you a grown human being with that text tone? Like I'm embarrassed for you. Okay, that's the only thing that could have been worse. My mom's is, I'm here in Texas still and my mom just keeps her ringer on and it's always with the highest volume, but she's never around to get it, you know. And so all you hear is all the ducks and texas just like duck singing. The other thing that I got to know it at with Teddy is that she was wearing a

t-shirt but when they shot her from behind you saw there was like a big open panel in the back. I was like I want my t-shirts to be to be full t-shirt, but when they shot her from behind, you saw there was like a big open panel in the back. I was like, I want my t-shirts to be full t-shirts all the way around. I like that you're coming for Teddy already. Just over t-shirts and phone rings. But you know what, though? It sounds like I'm really coming for it, because these are things, these were just like off the back, like off the bat disappointments, but actually overall, I was really happy with Teddy because I could truly feel her bitch flower, her second season bitch flower blooming. Like I don't know if did you feel it too because I, I just felt it in the air and I was very

excited by that. Well they posted the taglines, they didn't show the taglines in this episode right, but I saw them on L Instagramio and the two Judgy girls maybe did it. I don't know. The whole world. I saw them on faces-Instagramio and- So the two Judgy Girls maybe did it? I don't know. The whole world. I saw him on Faces by Bravo. It's Indy C-Post did it in Faces. Like everybody's got it. But her tagline is something like-

I may be your friend, but that doesn't mean I'm just going to stick up for you for no reason. I'm Teddy. I forget what the exact line is. I think it was something like that. I like doing work, but I'm not going to do your dirty work. Hi, I'm Teddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK'm not gonna do your dirty work. Hi, I'm Teddy. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Okay, I'll do your dirty work. Some went when the preview came out last week or the coming next week was shown on Watch It Happens Live and people were like, oh, great. So now you guys are all ripping. You know, they started the Vanderpump stands came out and was fighting all the people who were being me to Vanderpump. And they somebody goes, who's this teddy chick anyway and she's like

hi I'm Teddy you might know me as a housewife you know the one you're following we're buying to hi I'm Teddy of course it should be known that even though you guys can't see us for me anytime I talk like Teddy I do the invisible monkey chimes you know like I'm I'm banging to invisible symbols together slowly, you know, with my hands. Like, psh, psh, psh, because that's how she talks. So, yeah, so here's how we know that Teddy, the bitch flowers blooming, and that's a huge compliment, by the way, is that, A, she's getting the first segment of the season, the first

proper segment, and B, she's moved into a new huge house, which is sort of like the way of saying, I need a new house from my gigantic ego that has developed in between seasons. Yeah, and her husband Edwin comes in and she's just nagging him the whole time. She boars me, Ted. You know, and I'm not a big Teddy Hader. I didn't hate Teddy last year but oh my god that fight over time for the entire season. I love that fight. It's just so amazing. It's like don't leave

your tail here. Hey you're always asking why there's a mess here. Maybe it's because you made a mess. Like oh I was totally on her side during that time fight and I really enjoyed it and I think that more people have to you know I thought it was an important fight to have. So yeah, Teddy is like, hi, I'm Teddy. So we're a new house because basically, Edwin was like obsessed with this house and we're like literally five houses down. Can we believe it? It's like that song.

Remember that band, three doors down, but add two. That's what we are. Anyone? Anyone? We bought it. Came. Bob it, we bought it. Came on the market, we bought it. Wow, I'm Teddy. My business is doing so well. I have 30 coaches, 500 clients, and a new tag line,

which is all in by Teddy Malon Camp. Hi, I'm Teddy. Welcome to Villa, hi, I'm Teddy. Villa, hi, I'm Teddy. I have two swans out front. And all they do is say hi. I'm Teddy swan. Their names are Teddy and Teddy. Hi, I'm Teddy and this is Teddy and Teddy. I am Teddy and this is Teddy and Teddy. So, Rema is going to use her daughter. Oh my god, this is gonna be a fun video.

Bella, hi, I'm Teddy. And again, this is the hardest shit. I think that they get so annoyed with each other about time because this is the most difficult show logistically. I mean, you've got Erica who lives in Pasadena, which is halfway from LA, you know, like basically Hollywood. And then you've got Rinne Beverly Hills, Vanderpump, I think, is in Bel Air or she in Beverly Hills.

And then you've got the Malibu girls, because Camille's back and then you've got Ted House in Malibu. It's like, oh my God, it's so far. Ted is in Malibu. Isn Camille's back and then you've got well well, Ted House in Malibu. It's like, oh my god. It's so far. Ted is a Malibu. Isn't that where she was? It's on the water. I always felt like Teddy was in like the hills of Studio City. Oh, I think she's on the water. I think that was like a piece. No, Teddy's in the hills. She has a beach house down in Orange County. But yeah, remember that from last

year yeah yeah but no I think that's it's not this is the where that's where it's double I'm going to the double tree because I got a double flow hello this is Lisa van der Pum we are taking a commercial break now but if you don't hear one, don't worry. You're very lucky." Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller,

we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone.

So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So next we have a scene that I thought was, I mean, I could not stop laughing. I thought this was the most hilarious thing ever. Also, I can't believe this thing exists. And I think I kind of want to go to it, which was goat yoga.

Yeah, goat yoga. I've never heard of it. I'm fast forwarding through Teddy's scene. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I? It's on the ocean. No, I'm just looking at Teddy's house because I have the video full of that fine. I'm gonna look at it too.

We're gonna do some investigative reporting right now. Yeah, I need to see. I mean, she's got a wall of refrigerator, which I love. But I think that you're right. And that it's in the hills. It looks like it was in the hills. I'm being crazy. Yeah, it's so weird how your mind can play chicks like that.

Chicks. Your mind can play chicks like that. Chicks nagging to me in my mind For the derailing but I had to know I had to yeah, but the middle century city in the back Striving yeah, yeah, this century sitting in the background of her view. Yeah Goodbye poor house goodbye Goodbye, Google Maps. Okay, so now we're at Rina, it's with her kids. And at Laughing Shragg yoga,

which is funny, because there's no frogs, just goods, but that's fine. And then Rina's like, oh, my kids are doing amazing right now. Delighted with some dog fancy and Amelia was in the radio Shaq monthly catalog. Ha!

Ha! You know what, baby? She's gonna be showing up next week in the East T-Bor Penny Saver. Ha! It's fantastic. Ha! And the goats jump on their backs.

I mean, this is like my childhood. I mean, this is in real life. I think I'm a fuck off of this. They show up at this yoga place. It's, this is like my childhood. I mean, this is in real life. This scene, the fuck off of this. They show up at this yoga place. It's being led by an Australian lady. She's like, all right, ladies, then we got to get in touch with your chakras and, by the way, Pearson gets.

So just to yoga and then it get my jump on you. I'm like, how is this possibly supposed to relax you? I'm guessing that they knew my lesbian aunt, Josie, because she used to have a goat and growing up my cousins would put me in the pen And just see if I just know Stop it, Ron, you're making stuff up now Really, god, okay, I tell them I did the bowling alley stories. I was like those are funny I'm not sure if they're real but now the your kit your cousins trapped you in a pen with a goat

Okay, well, they would just open the gate and put me in there and be like, see if you can get out because the goat would come round me and go. I'll just leave you in that. Go like, ah! Guess what? Never lost a pound. So this should not take off as an exercise.

Yeah. That being said, I don't understand how the goat is supposed to like augment the yoga experience. Maybe it's like that weight on your back. I don't understand any of it, but I loved it. And every time a goat jumped onto Rina's back, I cracked up because who would have thought we'd ever see Lisa Rina doing yoga with a goat on her back? Ever.

And then at one point, she looks at the goat and she makes that big wide open mouth where she's like and she looks at that and over again. It's just so funny. I'm getting it at least of Rana just looking back and forth from the goat. And at one point like the goat there's like one goat on her back is like another goat trying to go under Lisa and like it was like a goat city you know and then the lady who's leading the class like, and they don't just remember to honor your body during this class. I'm like, honor the body. You've got goats climbing all over these people.

Yeah, I'm kidding. How many people have lost a disc? And then there's a goat, yeah, seriously, a goat sniffing a butt. And then my favorite part was at one point, one goat just decided to go for it. This goat's like, fuck it. This is my chance to make a splash.

It just like runs up, it's like charades of fire, like, do do do do do do do do. It's like, and it's like jumps up. I think it was on Amelia, maybe, and it just wipes out. And like Amelia goes down, the goat goes down. Like it's just like, I'm like, this is not a real class, but it is perfection. Yeah and then Rinna is talking to her kids and she's like well I'm so proud of Amelia because I mean as a kid she

couldn't even go outside because of her anxiety. She's filling New York here. She's not wearing tops on magazines. I mean what a way. Yeah so she's all excited and she's telling her kids this year I'm backing down and I don't know if that's because they're just sick of her showing up at every single event trying to, you know, voice dusters on people or if people are just sick of watching Rinna's daughter storyline, I'm not really sure what. Or maybe just one of those goats shat on her and she's like, you know what? No more wacky scenes with me, my daughters. They could do their own thing. I've had that. I've had it with them. Get out. By the way, what does that go from shitting on you while you're doing yoga? That's my other question.

I don't know. I'm never doing goat yoga. I will never be able to answer that. I never say never, but I say never all the time. Let's face it that is a never never doing go yoga. Okay, I'm traumatized Well anyway speaking of meditative Experiences we then go over to Villa Rosa where lent these Savannah pump is brushing her ponies Be a good little pony there you are good little Teddy melon camp good good brush brush I wore a good little teddy-man again. Good, good, brush brush. Oh, how could you treat me like this, Brooney?

Come on, diamonds. She's like, don't put your butt in my face. Kyle, Kyle diamonds. Then Ken comes out and she's like, oh no, boys. You are not having biscuits. I just thought that this was Vanderpump's life, walking around from animal to animal, you know, because then it's with some pack of dogs

wanting her cookies. Yeah, like brushing animals, keeping biscuits away from animals, talking about animals, petting animals. Kicking over there, like pulling out its own feather, so mad that he missed the chance to get some a Kyle's can't go. Yeah, yeah, I think you're back

and you missed the Prime biscuit earlier. So now we talk about some super sad stuff. First off, Jiggy is really sick, which I mean, let's face it, I thought Jiggy was gloves. I didn't even know Jiggy was real. Okay. But first time I saw Jiggy in real life, I took a pulse.

I mean, this show has been on for about 10 years now, coming on to 10 years. And so Jiggy's getting up there in the A's. So I don't know if we have that much more time left with the Jigster. He apparently, he has a cold and he's like, hey, Laura is me. So, and we saw that he was like in like an incubator. I mean, this dog, this is like, I think we have to like, he was kept in a little glass box in their house.

I don't know if he always wasn't an incubator. Yeah, she's like, oh, he was so sick. He was having vainting spares. We have to massage his chest and bring him back. Come towards the diamond. It's kind of like when your remote starts with battery, start to die, so you have to take out the batteries and put them back in again to reestablish the connection. Yes, you're just tapping them on the head like an old TV.

You're hitting like your buttons really hard like come on, change the channels, you can do it, there you go. Lincoln's like, will imagine losing him right after your brother dying. Be terrible. It's only happening one time right now. So this is this is sad because you know it know, we hit on it a little bit on random front brules, but they clearly were saving it more for Beverly Hills. But Lisa's brother, he committed suicide, and it's really sad. And we're really seeing the toll it takes on Lisa in just this episode.

And gosh, my heart breaks for her. Like I mean, recapping, being assholes aside, whether your team Lisa or not, like that's just, you know, that is something terrible to have to go through. So I really, you know, watching her just go through these emotions, that's hard. That's hard to watch. Yeah, it's really sad. Yeah. So let's skip it. Yeah. Kyle is. Well, I do want to say one thing though. She's like, you know, she was talking about how, you know, like where I feel really bad for Lisa is that she is like so stereotypically British, like does not want to cry I just not want to be seen cry stiff upper lip and all that stuff and she only took two days off of the funeral I was like, this is not gonna end well for Lisa. You she only took two days off to mourn and then threw herself back to work

Yeah, it's gonna be bad Yeah, and it is already. And so Kyle, because this is what, two months after that happened, it sounded like it was two or three months after, yeah. So Kyle is at her house, I'm looking at herself in the mirror and just trying to figure out what's wrong with her face.

Okay, it's because she's tabbed herself too much in the face of Botox, okay? We've been saying it for years. We were talking about Carrie this week about keeping Botox in her house and how one eye is always looking off the other way. That started with Kyle, because Kyle has always had like kind of crossed eyes, but now she's getting like the Andy Cohen eye, which, you know, I have that too, which I think is our karma for talking about this show like I've got one wonky eye now, which is so bizarre. I wonder if it's just your shitty person on or about Bravo, you just get a wonky eye. One of your eyes just stops. You know, um, uh, yeah, she's like, um, still having issues with my eye. I'm one eye is bigger than the other.

I don't think you have like latent life, like sudden eyebrows, or shrinkage. Yeah, that's like this because I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. Like shut up, Kyle. Okay. Generalized anxiety disorder known as GAD is an oh my god, college, he's going off. Oh my god. So Teddy shows up and we learned that like Teddy and Kyle have been like really, really just like becoming besties lately and they took a boxing class with Justin Bieber and they were really excited about it. So I mean, that, I mean, listen, seeing Justin Bieber in an exercise class, that does bond you. So I get it, I get it. I get it.

So I think being like completely based models bond you, you know? So they're boring and they're boring friends. And so crowds like, yeah, we've really grown. And then they're talking about the security of their house. And cows like, well, I guess now it's good. Now that the security's actually hooked up that your husband did because they had gotten security before but it wasn't hooked up yet.

So that's when they got robbed. Yeah. And then there's also like a mountain lion that's been hanging around too. So this is what's going on in Kyle's life. She got, she basically got like whatever that's, she got never mind. She has a mountain lion. This is her life. Yeah.

She got robbed in LA. She got robbed in LA. She has a mountain lion. This is her life. Yeah, and it's she got wrapped in a mountain lion because it like only comes to make fun of her wonky eye. It doesn't even try to eat her. It's doing yoga in the back. It insists on gluten-free rabbits. Hi, is this gluten-free road int? No, okay. Well, I'm just gonna move on to the next house. Thanks. It's Eileen. Oh, then we move on to the next house. Thanks. It's I lean. And then we go to the I lean. Because I'm sure

boring it to boring it today. The boring it back into the game. Hi, I feel a little gross about this, but are your rodents gluten free? I just I just want to know, it's a my little pride here. We just want to make sure we're eating properly. No, okay, I'm sorry. I feel like I should get a topology about that then.

So next up is Erica doing her typical getting ready for people who came all the way to Pasadena. She's unwrapping a tray of cookies from the pantry and she had it made put together. Yeah. And getting some samples out and it's Duret! Which you know God bless Duret. I'm glad she could afford the gas to get here. Yeah, I know. I was impressed. I was impressed that DREAT made it all the way to Pasadena. She's gonna have started getting some new accents out.

She's like, well, never let me know. For a country, I'm gonna have to start speaking different accent now. Pasadena, Pasadena, Pasadena, Pasadena. Hello, I'm DREAT from Pasadena. It's my new accent. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is.. I don't know what I'm doing.

I literally don't know what I'm talking about. I'm like the range right now doing like I lean as a bobcat to read from Pasadena, like it barely even makes sense. Oh, well, it's funny just to see Doree's face, the shell shock having to come all the way to Pasadena. She looks upset this whole time. She looks like a between upset and mad and just completely bewildered. She's like, where are we?

She probably thought she's going to meet Adina Menzel. No, it's not Adina, it's Pasadena. I'm sorry, Erica, I thought we'd be seeing some Broadway by now. Mm-hmm. So, Erica's like, hey, you look at bubble. That's a good guy with some champagne. She's like, second day. Hey.

I just wanted to start this season off on the right glass. You know what I'm saying, girl? Yeah. So she's like, it's just like, so how's the foul? My house, everyone. How's that, uh, Michelin man that you live with? She's like, oh, PK. PK's wonderful.

George is on tour. And he's wonderful. We're all doing wonderful. We took a wonderful rocket ship ride. The other day, it was fabulous. Someone keeps calling my house and asking for markers though. It's really confusing. Because for those of you who don't know,

PK is in a lot of trouble. Okay, he's got a lot of debt that he's not paid and he has $3 million that he owns to the Bellagio Casino and he thought that was included in his bankruptcy, which no, sorry, dickhead. Your gambling addiction is not covered in bankruptcy. And then they're being sued by Doree, swimsuit partner, for never paying him, for doing all that work he did for her.

And that bitch still has the balls to wear one of those bathing suits on this show. Wow. That's a lot. I didn't realize it was even, I didn't realize that there was a bad, I didn't realize that there was a bad thing. I don't think I realized about the Bellagio. Wow. So, well, and then there's another 1.6 that they're trying to get to.

So these two are in trouble. I mean, I don't know how much Boy George is making, but it's not that much. Well, and to add insult, injury, Dorita's had a shitty past few days because we were away and we discovered that we've been robbed. All of my handbagsbags all of our jewelry I'm like Daryt are you really stealing Kyle's offseason storyline also like that's not right she's stealing both Kyle's offseason storyline and Lisa Vanderpump's insurance scheming so how to deal with it I went to Utah. Oh fuck. This is so crazy.

I went to Utah. A Clanda Mountain. Miracle. It was this mental breakthrough. I flipped the switch and gas came into the tank. Apparently, you are still fucking crazy as ever. I think she took too many of those gas fumes. I was like, I'm going I'm gonna, I'm going to write a song about it, Eric. It's called Climb Every Mountain Totally Original.

I may have lost my faith, but I've also lost my purses. So they take a picture and she's like, oh, like religion, it's a religion to me, religious, I've found a heel a healed from losing your persons. And then boom, you got a spanking new check in the mail to pay some of that debt so you can keep your house another month. Girl. Oh, wow. You know, I mean, come on, that is some insurance scheming if I've ever heard it. Listen here, state farm. I hope you're investigating. So Erica's like, so how's Phoenix? He's getting so big? She's got a purse.

They're talking about Phoenix, Dree's daughter has a purse and Dree's like, she has more purse than mommy right now. And they just laugh like, ha ha ha ha ha ha. And then Erica goes, because somebody stole your shit. Ah, ah, ah.

Like, yeah, that was the joke. Yeah, it's like that internet meme with arrows pointing up. That was the joke. I haven't seen that, but yeah. So Vanda pump. Please. Guess who's here? And she hugs one of the queens there. And she's she's like slated obsessed with dogs. So once a week we go into Vanderbump dogs We don't have to commit to a dog because you know I'm daddy Every time I go in there I greet every dog because I'm very responsible. I say hi. I'm Teddy And so the gays are like, oh my God, girl, welcome.

And they're talking about events. Yeah. And one of the gays, like, how's the event? She's like, well, here's the story. This is what I do. I do charity rides where I host charity rides for gyms. And as I get closer with Vanderbump, it only makes sense that I do one for Vanderbump dogs

and become friends with all of her gay friends. Yeah, I'm like, oh, what are we setting up here? Hmm. This is a pretty intense story. What are we setting up here? And I love what we're setting up here. We also meet the other, um, a new gay, because the guy who works at Vanderpump dogs that we already met, his name is John, right?

Or is it Dave? Yes. So his name is John, but then we also meet... I think it's John. Yeah, but because then when, then there's another gay and his name is also John, but he's John Blizzard, which to me is like a failed porn star name. So I think it's just like hilarious.

There's someone named John Blizzard who works at... Wrong Blizzard. The man with a tiny scrunched up nuts and all of the business. The porn scene. It's cool to hear. There must be some John Blizzard in the atmosphere. Is it cold in here or are John Blizzard nuts just shrunk in? Anyone! So, Kyle and Portia arrive and they're all like, they're these, like, these puppies are so absurdly adorable and they're just like playing with them You know, it's like cute puppy porn and everyone's like, oh, and then John the original John he comes over

He's like listen, I got new fillers for this scene and I'm gonna knock it out of the park right here Look at this dog recognize her recognize her And it comes like stop. I told you very clearly don't talk about it I'm here the cameras are on do not talk about it. I said he's like okay Then nothing I nothing cuz like um what does that mean like what does that mean guys? What does it mean? She's like something showing just happened here. Why is everyone staring at me and talking about this dog? Okay, I mean I thought that fake resident was never gonna be a cast member. Get it. And the kids like, I want it. In the case like, um, that's a street dog. And Carl's like,

is it just getting groomed? And he's like, um, no, she's back. And the kid tries to pet the dog. And I mean, something that does seem true about this story is that dog that dog bites people because you hear the dog go Well, wouldn't you too if your name was Lucy Lucy apple juice Lucy Lucy apple juicy. No just apple juice. They didn't even bother trying to see the rhyme through. Oh God to read that's so to read Lucy probably got seed for the last why They came in they came in took back the last why because she came in. They came in, took back the last one, because you owe the alpha that money.

Uh, Lucy, you took the apple juice. I can trust you. You can't say to see apple. Lucy, yeah, what the hell? So they're like, oh my god, to repart this back, I'm like, I do not want to talk about this 1000% it's handled. is like, I do not want to talk about this 1,000% it's handled! I said I don't want to talk about the bitch and I'm not talking about Lucy. Get it! Welcome to the candy factory! So she's like, to re-topped it a dog from Vanderpump Dogs that ended up, dot, dot, dot! In the shelter, the shelter, the shelter the shelter the shelter And the shelter I let it us because we have microchips and all of our dogs and

We found out that they had one of our dogs, but she does that's what she's telling us But in front of everybody else, she's like you guys. This is not a thing. This is not a story This is not a storyline. It's handled. I dealt with this last week it's over yes John is there anything you'd like to say right now that I would disapprove of because I disapprove of it but if you'd like to say it you should say it so I know exactly what I'm disapproving please the floor's yours I would really disapprove of you saying Maloof runs with hoof I would hate if you said something is awful, is that? But you know what though, it is really bad that that happened.

You know, like if you adopt a dog, like, you know, the proper protocol, especially, or at least as we learn with Phantom Pump Dogs, is if it doesn't work out, you bring it back. And like, the whole thing is you don't want it to be in a shelter. And that's bad. It does make Lisa's business look really bad. And it's like, it's like,'s like ideologically, it's against everything that she's been fighting for.

So I actually think, so far, I'm like, okay, I get it. I understand why Lisa would be pissed if this is what the thing is gonna be about. Yeah, well, I've read so many things about this before it ever happened. There's so many stories going around, but to hear how their frame get on the show, and I thought Doreet was gonna have

like a perfectly good reasoning, right? So she, we accusted Doreet talking to Eric, and she's like, we're talking to this adoram, and Puppet, it was not the right fit for the family. After Lucy had bit the kids a few times and taken a huge junk out of the PK space. And then they show this picture of PK with like a little bloody dog. Listen,

listen. He looks like he looks like Kibble. Okay, you can't blame the dog. I know I looked at PK space and I was like, that dog needs to eating God, I'm so mean God God consider we're talking about dogs were certainly being catchy I don't like a lot of people's physical appearances. I take it back. I'm sorry PK. I don't I have the chance to make it work Trubby guys can make fun of other choppy guys Chubby guys can make fun of other chubby guys. Okay, I'll stick out. You make the chubby jokes. Yeah, so when you're done with PK's face, come eat a little of my neck.

I could use it too, kid. So, but the real funny thing there is that, yeah, he definitely has a bite and a scratch, whatever. But they're acting as if he was like, like she was like, a huge bite as if his teeth would be exposed to his cheek, you know. I know, getting my skeleton half skeleton face. So she's like, well here I am! Thinking this dog was being put into a beautiful, lovely home.

I think it's a call from Lisa! Lisa Van Tupump, seemed the dog was an asselter. A seltzer. A seltzer. I mean, I found this lovely lady, her name is Shelley Tur, and I thought, oh, what a great place Shelley Tur has a wonderful, wonderful home downtown with other lovely dogs. I said Shelley Tur has invited you to go have some shots. Would you like to go with her? Lucy, juicy apple juicy?

Terrible. So Eric is like, oh, we're so mad at you. I didn't think she was mad at me. You're just concerned. Kind of to the gay like, I am curious. That was that handle properly. Yeah, they come down so Lisa's like guys guys it's not her fault she can't help it if she's done as a rock I don't want to talk about it hmm Teddy's like yeah look at me like that and kind of like I mean you're saying

it's fine but uh-huh Teddy's like what she should have come to you first because she's close enough she could have done that and had some accountability. It's just what I'm saying. I'm tabby sounds like she wasn't all in with Teddy Melon camp about this dog So then John that's when John's like the thing is I'm pissed and I've been dealing with this for a week Dilling with a fruit. This is your good job like you get out of the shelter. Yeah, congratulations, you're doing your job. Yeah, and Vanderpump's like, maybe in Dorit's mind, it was going to a good home and she only meant well, but she happens to be sitting right beside a shirt on a rack that says her that tagline where she's like,

I love dogs, I'm just not crazy about bitches. So then Lisa like has's like, I love dogs, I'm just not crazy about bitches. So then Lisa like has to like goes like to a different, she has to she like goes upstairs with with her guys and that's when Teddy's, he starts telling Kyle like, yeah so I've become really close with like Johnny Blizzard. I'm like, hi I'm Teddy, he's like, hi I'm Johnny Blizzard. I'm like really? Yeah, he's like really? So we're like close now and like he already told me and he's like Don't tell me one so I'm like I'm not gonna tell anyone but we'll tell you right now on camera because that doesn't count Okay Yeah, someone already told someone so I'm gonna tell somebody now again on camera

Yeah, and I was like what is this what are the friends now so they both have to wear terrible calf dance on dress things at the same time Like what is this terrible? I actually like half Dan Bay. I actually like caftan bay. I actually liked what they were wearing. I was like summer. Yeah, so basically Teddy tells Kyle that Lisa was actually super, super pissed about this whole thing. And Lisa tells us very clearly in her talking head.

She's like, there's no way that Duret would have given that dog a way to be dropped off the dish out. I've 1,000% believe that. Yeah. So then upstairs, really, I mean, all this dog stuff is funny, but really my favorite part happens when they go upstairs. And they're like just like talking,

and then Lisa, Lisa starts saying how Teddy came to, she's like, Teddy came to my restaurant and call goes which one This is like my new one that I'm opening that you've never seen You may have heard about it. It's called nanny K's never had bond green. It's called nanny K. Nanny K Kyle just like I just love that Kyle just like walked right into that trap all over again. Then we see three weeks earlier where they're at the Tom Tom opening and then we cut back and she's like, I really wanted you to come that night Kyle and Kyle's like Lisa, you are so full of shit and I'm not going to do this with you right now.

I'm not going to do it with you. I called you from the plane. I was on a four in the morning and you said, it's not even your party. You didn't invite everyone and blah, blah, blah. But then Kyle cuts, we Kyle cuts to our confessional. She's like, daily mail had a party. It leases me restaurant.

And I had just gotten from Europe and I was too tired to go. So which is it? Because Kyle's all over the place now, even Twitter saying that she was never even invited to this thing. And that was the point. It wasn't Lisa's party. And Kyle wasn't invited. And Lisa's just trying to make her look bad on camera. So what is it, Kyle? Because this is coming from your own damn mouth now. Yeah. And this is a really important fight for us, because we'll

probably be referencing it the whole rest of the season, like that time, the coverage just didn't go to the Tom Tom party. So I don't care, but she just admitted she was invited and said she was too tired to go. Yeah, you know. So, but the, but Ticyle's credit Lisa is being totally crazy. Well, they're both being crazy because first Kyle is like, you know, I was too tired. You know what, you can be a bitch about it to me, okay?

But then like, you're a bitch about me not going this party but then to be can drop off a dog and it's like, oh, she didn't mean it. I'm not going to do this again. I'm not going to do you. And she storms off. I'm like, you're right. Do you get a fan? I'm John and Vanderfump both go at the same time. No. Oh, no. So then Lisa also if she says, I really wish you could have come come and all you have to say is Lisa I told you I was coming back from Europe before in the morning. I was exhausted. I'm sorry I couldn't come to yeah I'm so fucking fed about it. How's that making you look stupid on camera you dope. Yeah, exactly

And then you have to thank her for using the agency to help her find that location. Oh wait You didn't use the agency for that. Oh, so that's what you do. So then Lisa, I mean, while, is like, Lisa of course is not gonna let Kyle be the only ridiculous person. She's like, I was working on that restaurant for a year. I knew I was gonna come by once. I was like, it wasn't done yet. And I support that.

Like, why would Kyle go to a boarded up old place? I mean, admittedly James's mom got to go into Tom Tom before Kyle, but still, I think that Kyle's actually like, she doesn't have, I feel like if a place is like, I mean, maybe if we hadn't seen Kyle make people go through the nails on the floor in her fucking store. Oh, yeah, you're right. It wasn't done. I don't know. Kyle's never kind of went with me because even when she's most furious and I can almost see her point, she's just such a dick about it. She's like in the history of our friendship I like she always takes the opportunity to make me look bad. We haven't even done anything

It's like oh Kyle. Jesus. She's not making you look bad. She just said she wish you could have been there. What is so terrible? So Lisa Bandit pump turns over a new leaf because now there's bickering, bickering, bickering, and Lisa's like, let me try something else. And then, Kyle, I love you. And she starts to cry. I was like, whoa, this is strange. Yeah, I'm tired.

I was like, the fucking act like it. I've been there for you every second. Don't act like I haven't. I mean, I can act like you have it. I would name the days, but we've got a whole season so we'll save them up So Vanderprime cries. I'm sorry Yeah, so she so these are starts crying Which is actually like it was it was actually like we're joking about it

But it was sort of a sad moment because you could tell if this was like really what's going on with Lisa's like this like grief is really taking her over her And so they're talking and cause like no, it's fine. I was away and you were away and Lisa's like I was away I was in London for a funeral and cause like yeah, and you know, and I have shit going on too. I'm like Kyle When someone says I was in London for a funeral and you know the reason why you just you let them have the period on the sentence not the comma Yeah you know the reason why you just you let them have the period on the sentence not the comma. Yeah, yeah. I know your brother died. I was on vacation. Totally the same thing. We had an Airbnb reservation. You know, the lot going on. I was like, well, I think you're just depressed. Okay, you're please give me a break. And Brandon from psych. I do. Yeah, I mean,

I lashes all not mean idiots. This is, I mean, this, we know Lisa is in a place because she was not only crying in public, but she was allowing herself to be shot from below on the staircase. So wow. And Teddy is like, that's what happens when you hold everything in. For instance, imagine if I walked up you and said, hi, see, weird, right? Here, I'll do it again. Hi, I'm Teddy, much better. So next up, Lisa Rinna is over her house preparing for a party. Lorraine is in there making some guac or something.

And she takes, Rinna takes off the plastic on a cheese plate and she's like, oh, the flies want to take it the whole time. Oh, well, no one's gonna even be way. Oh, no. It's sort of like every chicken salad Kim Richards has made so many trapped flies. So Denise Richards comes and Rynna does that new friend hello where she's like hello Hello, we know each other for like 30 years right?

I bet we know each other for like a million years. I bet we're going to each other for a million more. What would you baby without love. What would you, baby? Without love. What would you, baby? Family time, to my right! Let's not lose. Shalom, ala! Mm-hmm.

I feel like she does every year when there's a new cast. Remember, she's like, I mean, we've known each other for like 30 years, am I right? It's like I literally just met you today. Yeah. It's like, yeah, we both did Melrose place together. I remember that part. Do you have a drink?

And it's like, I'm calling it now. Denise is going to be a huge lush. It's very excited for this. Okay, I've heard like rumors of this that I cannot wait for the, we need a new lush on this, okay? Beverly Hills is only complete if there's one sloppy mess on it.

Yes, thank you. So, Rinne is like, Denise will fit right in with this group because Denise is a seasonal bitch like I am. Oh, that baby. She's like, I made a cute convertute, or you can just have it straight up. She's like, I'd like the tequila straight up.

Thank you. I was like, yes, yeah. So then to Rie comes over and she's like, I'm gonna have to read comes over and she's like I'm a hugger And Erica comes over to and when it goes you girls better eat something I have a cheese plate that has all sorts of fly poop on it go eat It's gold glim cheese So Erica's like oh anybody drink it. I'm not drinking if you're not drinking.

Denise is like, I have to kill her. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm not gonna go. Whoa. So they just start talking about Denise's career. And you know, like what, you know, how long she'd been doing things and like, and Eric is like, how long will you

and Charlie and Mavitful again? Which I would never ask. I hour cuz I know how long will you and Charlie never for again Which I would never ask I feel like I just would not want to bring Charlie Sheen up with Denise Richards But she's like it's fine. It's fine for 1,5 years whatever and when it's like Someone get let her molten on the phone cuz he's gonna like this one He like my toes. That's how it opened. I'm like in my toes. And then we see like a scene. It's just like Charlie she and looking at his toes and staring at the camera creepily. It was like nightmarish. And Erica, you know, Erica sometimes does speak for me, which is so weird, because I

never really warmed to her that much, but then sometimes I'm like, this bitch gets me because she's saying, I'm that shit, shupils. Yes, me too. It's correct me out. I love that movie. And Denise is like, yeah, I mean, I got pretty much screwed over on that one because they didn't think and Eric is bond. Yeah.

She goes, oh, that was James Bond. Yeah. Well, they were different. Eric has such a troopers, but then they talked about her being Christmas, Dr. Christmas Jones, whatever on James Bond. That's what she said. They hated me that one because they didn't think I could be in Eric. But then they talked about her being Christmas, Dr. Christmas Jones, whatever on James Bond And that's what she said hated me that one because they didn't think I could be in America's like a little glial So silly yeah, I wish they had reference wild things because that is actually my favorite Denise Richards movie of all time Oh, yeah, that was a great movie and they have counsel to you. That was like one of her best to Theresa Russell. I mean

It's perfect. It's a great one. It's great, great, great movie. So meanwhile, over at Kristaceian, Lisa can to read in PK show up for lunch. And as they're all sitting down, Lisa is just giving PK the nastiest look. Like so nasty. It was fabulous. I mean, yeah, she's, and we see why is this conversation unfolds, but he's like, look at you, Kane. You're small. You look smaller than me. You beat me there. And then, uh, doery puts her hand on his arms and she's like, Oh, yeah, he has an awesome sticky. And, and Rander pump goes, yeah, baby hands. And he's like, can't like, do you shave him?

And he goes, I'll shave my alms and my hands. And she just Vanderfilt just stops. And she goes, why would you do that? Good night, hair. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And he's like, why wouldn't I do that? Because it's fucking weird, PK, okay? So then they start having this, like, wouldn't tie to that because it's fucking weird PK, okay?

So then they start having this, like, Doreet's giving Lisa that look like, oh, a little baby. Like she's giving her that, like, just sympathy look, but also confused because Vanderbump cannot hide when she's icy, you know. And she's like, I've compartmentalized and I'm moving on. I can't ever bring him back.

So let's not discuss it anymore. Absolutely Lisa. Now let's talk more about your brother's death. She's like, oh no. Did his funeral start on time? Because I would give it an extra 47 minutes Lisa I'm so glad you've been compartmentalizing. I love Marie Kondo too So Vanderpump's like listen, I want to clear this dog thing and then we'll have some tuna tata And peak canter eat of course know this is coming. So they're like, okay. Yes.

So at least it's like, now I know you had no bad intent. None whatsoever. My employees may say something else and they absolutely do not speak for me. Because I know you had no bad intent. And Pete is like, well, I think it's very weird concept to say They didn't mean it. Of course we bloody well didn't mean it. She's like, and that is why I have defended you. It is on camera multiple times. And she's like, well, Lisa, I told you the woman came over. So, yes, a woman that had come to the house wanted her.

This is the story, am I correct? Or maybe you have never met an insheli-ter. Came to the house, and you light her handbags, and he said, oh, that will make a great for home for this dog. Is that correct? So Duret tells us, a spoke to Lisa the day after the puppy left. We found this wonderful woman, and a wonderful home! And I did it with the best intentions. we found this wonderful woman and a wonderful home. And I did it with the best intentions.

Okay, this is such bullshit. Yeah. You just found this wonderful woman. Really, where'd you find this wonderful woman? Why aren't you telling us? Where are your receipts? Okay. I want at least a copy of a Craigslist ad.

I also think there's something weird about the fact that like if the dog has bitten your children and your husband, that you then are like, oh yeah, go take this dog. That's like, mmm, I don't know. It also makes me feel like, you know, like, why was PK up in this dog's face, by the way? Like I'm wondering, like how are they treating this dog? Like not like they're, I don't think they were treating the dog badly, but it makes me wonder like, do they know how to deal with a rescue?

You know, I don't know. The whole thing just had so many question marks around it for me. Well, I couldn't tell how old the dog was because it looked like a puppy, and if you have a puppy, you know, puppies are always, they bite you while they play and stuff, and I have really sharp teeth. So I don't know if this is like a puppy that's been abused

and is like really going at them, or I mean, we have no idea, because the information we're getting is so. Yeah, but there's just so many questions. So manicured and everyone's like trying to protect each other with their stories. And so we don't really know what the real story is. It's going to come out. This one sounds like total bullshit. Something is like not. Yes, something. So the press who fucking cares because they're already talked about it on camera. So it was going to come out. It's not like it was some big huge secret. So, but you know, I'm

really now I'm really getting confused. Yeah. So basically, they're talking about this and because like, well, you know, it's a mistake that can be made by anyone. I'm making a Australian. It's a mistake that can be made by anyone, whatever I can't do. No, actually, it's not PK. That's what we do. And that's why we have very stringent rules and regulations and a $5,000 penalty. So things like that do not happen. And he's like, yes, but it happened to win your best friends. She goes, I know. And he goes, so it can be made. It can be made. No, you fucking piece of shit. No, you can't just take the, let the dog off wherever you want,

just because you're a friend with her. It's not how that works, you asshole. And it's like a little, yeah, and it's like, I don't know if the read says it here or later on, but she sort of pulls it to reset you guys. She's like, well, you know, PK, now we didn't read,

you know, there's all this fine print and we didn't necessarily read all the fine print. It's like, well, who's fault is that? Like, if you're signing a contract, especially if you're signing a contract and you're a celebrity, you know, like have a lawyer just look at it. I mean, come on now. And he's, he's a manager. He's used to reading contracts and reading like details. I would hope. Well, I just thought, I guess I was expecting this to be really fan-er-prom-getting, pissy about something little and making it to a huge thing, okay?

I would not be shocked if that were what happened, but then to hear Pican to read, just like, we didn't know we were supposed to just not give it to some fucking rando. And when he's like, so what? It's a mistake it could happen to anybody and you should just forget about it just because it's a great period. You know, it's like, you're such an asshole about it. It makes, it's gonna make everybody completely not on your side. It should be like, we are so sorry, we're so embarrassed.

That's what the, that's what the, that's what like the, what the vibe should be like coming from him. You know, and because especially like, I think this is, once Lisa said there's a $5,000 penalty, like, I don't know how this is all gonna play out, but once you hear that there's $5,000 involved, that's when I'm like, oh, this is when it's gonna start to become a thing, because either they are gonna owe the $5,000 or at least erase the $5,000 debt, and then it's gonna become a thing like,

Lisa, man, it's not like we don't wanna pay the $5,000. Like once that money element came in, I was like, oh, here's where the real issue's gonna come from. Yeah, she's like in line with the casino. She's like, me and Mr. Bellagio would like a private meeting, so yeah. So then Lisa's like, well, God, he did it at the center,

and I want you to know that, and I tried to shut it down. I was like, please stop, and they didn't listen to me, and I just want you to know, people are talking about it. At which point, the biggest bombs shell of all drops on real house What's up, Evli Hills? John Blizzard has been speaking to Teddy Melon camp

He's very close and friendly with Teddy. Okay now so all the stuff that we're missing I would like to order some tiny little nuts, please. Okay, back to the conversation. You were saying I interrupted. No, she's just that John Blizzard thing happened, but also now that they're all going to turn against fan their phone. What's point out that Teddy was pretty open about talking about this on camera and bringing it up over and over again, even after Lisa said not to. Yeah, so let's just all keep that in mind.

And then the reek keeps going. And then the reek's like, I didn't want a private matter brought up and discussed by anyone, especially Teddy on TV where this is all playing out anyway. Yes, and so Lisa, she tells us, Lisa, it's hit me a text. So you and Teddy was aware of the dog's suggestion. But now she's talking about it.

And I was like, Oh, God. So of course, it's not you who did a shitty thing. It's about who's talking about you doing a shitty. Yeah, they're also making it sound like Teddy finding out about it is like equivalent to like this getting at the hands of a flat merputan or something. Like, it's like not not really the end of the world. Yes. So she's like, I thought we was fun. I don't understand. Watch has a different tone. Now she's telling you that people talked about it on camera, even though she told them not to. And she's warning you so that you don't feel blindsided when you hear all this shit coming back at you on camera.

And I'm actually disappointed that I'm already fighting in favor of Lisa because it's not a stand moment. I'm just like, is this it? Is this fucking it? I really thought they were gonna catch Lisa in something. Yeah. But maybe they will.

Maybe they will. This time goes on. But for now, we're back to Fay with huge ugly flowers continuing to ruin any home that she can get her hands on. Yeah, we're at Kyle's pool party. Faye has worn her best garage vertical stripes. Like, it's just like this big office building dress.

So yeah, they're getting ready for the big pool party just to make it feel like home at last. Another thing I have to point out about Miss Kyle. She's like, in the beginning, she shows up in Lisa's car. And Lisa's like, oh, is someone copying me with that car? And she's like, it's a different color, Lisa. You don't copyright a car. OK, you can't just copy right a car, which is funny, because that's always Kyle.

Like, yeah, stealing shit. This is a different color. And then we go to her house where we see a pink swing in her backyard. That's true. That is true. So Teddy and Edwin arrive. Edwin is dressed like a backstreet boy.

I'm like, I feel like as an accountability coach, it's time for Teddy to enact some accountability for Edwin there a little bit. That was not, this was not a look that was doing him any favors. Yeah, I just wrote Teddy and family stupid hats. Yeah, exactly. Also, I didn't see Glenn at this party, you know, or they had many, they had many Glenn. It was like he looked like Glenn, but he was like maybe like thinner and he's a shurkutri expert.

Maybe the new house is like out of the Glenn zone. You know, like when you, like when you move to a new apartment and now the restaurant that you always love doesn't deliver to you anymore, maybe that's what happened. They're like, I'm sorry, we can't get the fat burger truck all the way to Encino. It's time. I'm sorry, you're out of the Glenn range. Yeah, so Crown Lentetti talk and it's boring. Something Cam comes in and I'm like, Camille already hates these people. Yeah, that's just how I write it. But Camille comes in and she,

you can tell she doesn't really even like, Camille, I mean, she doesn't like Kyle and Teddy anymore because she doesn't give them the, maa, she just likes them normally. Yeah. Which is awkward. I felt really awkward. Yeah, very much so then Rina and

Denise Richards show up and Kyle explained that she met Denise a while ago because they were in a mom's group with like She was I was in a group with Rina and and Denise Richards and Ellie Landry and Allison Sweeney Sounds like a failed pilot to me I know I was like wasn't This is gonna be on TV land also? Yeah, I think this is a failed reality show pilot personally. I'll tell you what's a success. Denise Richards' boyfriend, woo-woo.

Yeah, and Kyle's like, oh, well, I knew Charlie Sheen, and he happened to be best friends with my boyfriend, C. Thomas Howell. And let's just say, I wasn't happy when my boyfriend hung with Charlie. Never knew who they bring home or what they bring home. Flips her hair. And I'm like, well, that explains your wonky eye. It's like latent, latent long dormant, Charlie Sheen, I virus. So, um, so now we see Doreet with Jagger. Oh, she's just with Jagger. They just arrived. And Doreet's like, in the past, I've been the target of attacks from Teddy. I'm like, Teddy said you were late. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Goldstone attacks from TV. But you know and then we see the attack and it's Teddy screaming at her at the reading going It's like she doesn't even remember what happened and has no idea of what's going on and Doreet's like

Doreet And she sells us in the back of me man I know that Teddy knows about the dog suggestion How she gonna talk to me about this? Ha ha. So then, but the good news is that to read in Teddy's kids are like totally getting along. I think like Jagger calls Slate like a weirdo face

or something, maybe it's the cruise. I don't know. He's like, why is your wife making that weirdo face? And he goes, this is my face. I already had this face So Lisa Lisa and Ken arrive and I don't know if you noticed did you see who they brought Nice row nick a lane I could tell you was there because his wife with a shock of red hair came with them I was like wow

She brought the maestro to the party Wow, she really loves and see no cars and see no home Carlin case you thought there was any bad blood between us. I've had Nikolayne designer crock for your terrible pool So we see that like I guess Denise Richards would have made a cameo on the show a few years ago, I totally forgot about, where Lisa was talking to her. And apparently, Lisa is just like, my connection to Charlie Sheen is that both of our cars were stolen, someone stole my car and drove it off a cliff, cliff, and with my dry cleaning it as well, which I never got back, by dry cleaning I mean... ...Sertrick.

...Hahaha! ...would have done such a game. I mean... ...Think! ...Hahaha! ...And uh... ...Daree is feeling really awkward. And Vandip, and I was like, hello, Dorit! Daree is like, hello! And I was like, oh my god, Dary, you look great.

Which bathing suit is that? It's the Kerala. The lost little girl in New York City. Like, a cow. Sorry. I mean, I'm so sorry. I'm wearing these really bad headphones today. And it's hard for me to hear out of them.

I'm so sorry. Go ahead. No, just say Kyle was sitting there. And she was like, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm wearing these really bad headphones today and it's hard for me to hear out of them. I'm so sorry. Go ahead. No, just say Kyle is sitting there and she's like, I'm feeling a lot of guilt because we're all having this conversation about to read in a dog and now we're just talking with her as if nothing went wrong. I was like, Karich, she's givin' up. Here she goes.

She's about to start to shit. Here she goes. Episode one, going straight for the, going straight for the throat. And she's like, I mean, not caring for an animal, you could have rep like that this time and you're screwed. Yeah, guess what? She got a rep for that because she didn't care for the animal.

Why are we making this up like it's some lie? Did you happen? You know, just say it was a mistake and move on. Meanwhile, over at like a picking table, Erica and Rina, this is hilarious because there was a scene earlier where Rina's like, Hey, baby, I want a hot dog and a hamburger and two more hot dogs. I think it was Marisa was like, wow, I did not know that. That's how you did your boobacus.

And she's like, yeah, baby. And then they cut to this scene where like, Erica and Rina are like, sitting there with their hot dogs not with a bun. Taking like delicate like slicing it for a can knife style like the most unbarbered juice way of eating a hot dog. Yeah, and it's also kind of showing how much she used to have to offer this season which kills me to say, but last year they didn't have a whole lot to offer. And this year they're sitting there having this conversation. And Eric is like, I usually like my hot dogs kosher, but I'm gonna say, yeah, I love a good hot dog. And she's like,

once or twice a year, me too, once or twice a year. And I was like, really, this is your storyline. No wonder you all fucking joined up. I feel like I just, I like the way they talk about hot dogs. Like it's like an all-night Bender you know like you know once a twice a year of a bender or or a hot dog Yeah, so then like see bander from talking to Denise and she's in you know She's in her typical don't hug me outfit. Yes, like in a pink satin dress like for Easter and the hot pink like Sun hat thing which is her non-hugging hat, which she said on the show.

And she's like, so, Denise, how old are your children? And do they have, and she's like 14, 13, the sevens youngest. She's adopted. She goes, I talked to mine as well. Surely yours knows that she's adopted today. And Denise is like, well, she thinks Charlie Charlie she is her dad and the Vanderprogus Well, could he be? Oh, sorry get it get it your husband slept around so much and

But Denise doesn't get it. She's like no, he's adopted. Oh But though she does kind of look like a mallet you say it But she doesn't belong in this cast because she's not offended immediately by Vandrum pump Everybody else who's come on this show is immediately like fuck her out. Can she say that about my child? Yeah, I'm waiting for Denise to sparkle a little bit more personality, but it's just the first episode sometimes people need a few episodes to warm up so Yeah, so then and we see Camille telling Lisa that she's I'm so excited to be getting married because you know like you know it's so sad

it's hard for me to talk when someone's not talking over me that's so tell me yes she does she does see that so tell me Camille shut up yeah just it's so you're setting you're such a face. I love that Camille couldn't even get when set in South as funny. Yeah, sorry. Didn't pick up on it. I was like, Oh my God. I didn't write much down that Camille said. It's okay. But then cut the right off. She's like, so tell me. Are you excited to get married?

It's a Camille. We. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no. Just in the same way. It's been eight years, eight years. Mary, little Camilley Weigh, and she's like, I don't feel good about making a spit like Frasier. We're too broad away. We've got a dump, pretty much a mess of it. I've got a dump, pretty much the red carpet and television. It's full of, full of, not even a pen on a strap, but mine's so sad. Okay, done. Thank you.

So meanwhile, Sophia goes up to Kyle and I was like, Hey, Mom, can I post this video of Ken napping on Instagram? And then we cut to a can in a chair. Be like, Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go heart. And Kyle's like, yeah, I mean, he doesn't follow you. So it's fine, he doesn't follow me. I was like, I cannot believe that. If that were my kid saying, can I take a picture of like, can I take this video and put it on Instagram?

I'd be like, absolutely not. Like that was, I was, I was like a little gas that Kyle was like, yeah, totally do it. He doesn't follow you. Yeah, he doesn't follow you anyways to do it. And then it's totally rude to me. I don't know. I just feel like it's one thing if Kyle wanted to do it because it's Kyle's friend, but if it's your kid, your kid does not get to mock your adult friends. Sorry. I mean, I could get a little bit of a hard answer to that.

Because it seems like that's like Uncle Can, you know, because they've always been so close. Maybe if that was the vibe, it's that's a vibe then fine, but I still think it's like, I think that was, I think that was Gush. Who's Gush? Well, we also just went through a season of real housewives of Atlanta with that.

I'm still traumatized. It's like, oh my God. That's what I'm doing. So then Kyle is like, well, she's like, yeah, Doreet doesn't follow. And guess what? Doreet doesn't follow you either, Teddy. She starts cracking up. And Teddy's like, oh no, he says he doesn't follow you either, Teddy, meaning can. Right. And the kids like, he doesn't follow you either. And Teddy goes, neither does Doreet. She used used to but then she was like buy your Teddy so

but I'm going to be like where is the potential in me to follow you let us see how the cookie crumbles sores said cookie lady on the diet always so now all the women sit like I have like a seat on these steps and they're just chatting and stuff. And they're talking about when they were younger, the things that like times have changed. And what the fun things they do when they were younger, Entetia is saying how when she was younger, the big thing was to go drink some boons, farms, some $2 wine, etc. And then she just goes, winning! Which case everyone's like, oh, that's awkward because it's obviously a Charlie Sheen phrase and

Then Jesus like it's fine. It's fine. I'm just gonna laugh through these tears right now. It's fine It's fine. I know but they all act like it's such a big deal They all mentioned Charlie the first time they met Denise or like no Charlie Sheen huh So then Teddy's like um who would think that saying the word winning would make me feel you'll be all mentioned Charlie the first time they met Denise. So like, oh, Charlie Jean, huh? So then Teddy's like, um, who would think that saying the word winning would make me feel like a loser? Hi, I'm Teddy. I'm like, everyone thought that because no one says it anymore.

And if you're still saying winning, you know, like eight years after the stupid phrase came into pop culture, you are in fact losing. And it was so funny because right after that everyone's like, well, gotta go home and check on the kids. He officially closed this party down. Okay. This party was already boring, but Teddy just out did did herself with the winning. Okay. Let's go.

Yeah. Exactly. There's only that could be more embarrassing than Teddy saying winning. Was it for a child went, oh, actually, you know, yeah, it's ping in the pool. Which, you know, didn't start of World War Three because we've already had a kid ping in the pool, story on this episode, on this show with Brandy's kid peeing on the tree or something at a pool party. Oh, yeah. And Kyle was just shocked and grossed out, but I guess it's okay because it's right now, you know.

Well, at least no bees were harmed in this party. Colton somewhere like emerging from a crypt. No the bees. So Vanderpump and Kyle air kiss and Kyle's like that was such a Hollywood kiss Lisa. She's like I can't get near you which is entirely intentional. Still got it. Still got it. Oh, that was fun. What an amazing, amazing. So I'm interested to hear people's thoughts as this season goes on, because I already know I'm going to get a lot of comments like, fuck you for always standing up for these

them. Which I'm totally fine to take. I will go, aren't I, when my heroes do something wrong? And she has a lot of time in the past, you know, but I just, I was actually excited to see people bring something real because every season is something with trying to bring down Vanderpump, you know, and I'm all for my favorites being taken down. Sometimes it makes them more fun, you know, but I just, I don't have a lot of hope in this one. It seems like they're going to do it this time around, you know. So we'll see. You guys, thank you for listening.

Go to watchcraftens.com to go get tickets to all of our live shows, including just for laughs in Vancouver next week. Come on, Pacific Northwest people. Let's go have some fun. And I will be back, Maniana, to talk the season finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey! Bye everyone!

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