Watch What Crappens - RHOC Part One: It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Betch!
Episode Date: August 31, 2023*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* The Real Housewives of Orange County head to the pumpkin patch to try and tell Tamra apart from the scarecrows, betches...! Let's get spooky! This week's bonus episode will be a Trailer Trash Southern Charm Preview. Get all our video recaps and bonuses at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Have been so much fun!
Have been so much fun!
Have been so much fun!
Have been so much fun!
Have been so much fun!
Have been so much fun!
Have been so much fun!
Hey everybody, Ronnie here.
Well, as usual, we just talked forever on this recap. We went
over two hours. So this will be a two-parter catch the second part in your same podcast
feed. You don't have to do anything. Just keep it playing. Okay? Love you guys. Enjoy
the show. Well, hello and welcome to watch what happens to podcasts for all that crap
we love to talk about on you, or brews. I'm Ronnie that been, hello little Benoony tune.
Hi, Ronny, how are you?
Look, I've aged 10 years here.
I have to say being in this heat and this sun,
I've become a paper bag face, and I knew it when I came here
because I was like, why would I do something tropical
when I've got retina on my face?
You can't even go near a microwave or your face will
crumble up like a paper bag.
And I woke up this morning sleeping on my side, you know,
hate sleep like fetal.
I'm a fetal sleeper, shocker.
Me too, I love it.
Side sleeper all the way.
Oh yeah.
So on the nose psychologically, but of course,
we're both side sleepers, you know, I shouldn't say that
to you, but of course.
No, I'm a side sleeper.
I love sleeping on my side.
But when you get older, apparently, you can get wrinkles.
Do you have like the wrinkles coming from the top of your face?
Oh, is that what these are from?
I've got like these two, yeah, I've got these two, like, little, like, ant antennas that
come down my forehead.
Is that where they're from from the sleeping?
Well, that's what they both talk later.
They're here.
She said it's from sleeping on your side.
So now I'm trying to sleep on my back and it just doesn't work.
Like when I sleep on my back, I snore a little bit.
Well, I'm never with anybody, so I have no idea if I snore.
Like, what would I, what is Bueller gonna tattle tail on me?
So just anyway.
Well, you don't want to get sleep apnea, you know?
Well, either way, I can see that.
What a fun show apnea.
Well, this is for very short. I'm a door style over there, you know, a way, I can see you. What a fun show, apnea. Well, it's for very sad, but do our style,
over there, you know, a little glitch concerns about apnea.
Why don't you get sleep apnea?
Because, you know, uh, what if it, what if it, what if it,
what if it happens?
John and then we'll be paralyzed.
Luckily he doesn't sleep over.
Um, yeah, so I have sleep, I have sleep, dumb blonde bitch on the beach.
Stealing David Bador.
Me.
Okay.
I have sleep slut. Yeah. Where I go to sleep and I
think of that slot. I have sleep. I say Gina's kids from going to see PS Mia. Can't spell
apnea without. Well, you could spell it without the C in the ass, but you can't spell it without the P.
Well, hi everybody. Welcome to watch our crap ends. Technically, supposedly, this is a show about
Bravo. Today is Real Housewives of Orange County Day. We've had a really fun week here so far.
Tuesday night, we normally do our crappy hour live Instagram. So on Monday nights, but on every other Monday night,
but this week we're doing it Tuesday,
cause guess what, Monday is a holiday.
I'm going to be on say this weekend,
only the extra recovery time.
Girl, I'm going to a bar of Ritzvah,
which will be probably twice as intense.
Same day, we're having big B weekends, you know?
I'm going to be, you're going to be as well.
So we're going to do it Tuesday night. We're also doing it on YouTube live this time.
So find information.
We'll post it on our Instagram.
Before the show and whatever.
So follow us on Instagram.
Also on YouTube, we're at watch what crap and same as Instagram.
Also our bonus this week just came out today.
It is a audio and video version of our trailer trash,
which is our trailer breakdown of the Southern Charm preview,
which came out last week.
So that's up, that's super fun.
And what else do we have?
I don't think there's anything else.
Is that it?
I think that's the video, the usual stuff,
Patreon, the usual stuff.
I finished my pajama pants with my sewing class, by the way.
Oh, yeah, how'd that go?
It worked out really well.
There was a little bit of drama.
I improperly sewed something.
I improperly folded down a crease, and I almost ruined the entire area that the elastic was
supposed to go into.
But it turns out those seam rippers, they really are a lifesaver.
So I fixed it, and I immediately went and put them on and took very unflattering photos of myself in the pajama pants.
And it was worth it. It was worth it for those photos because they're so cute.
Worth it. Well, congratulations. I love that you're enjoying your sewing class.
I know. Next, next stop is shirts.
Now you can be a homemaker, gay, like the gay that we are
going to be covering this week in dwell. Hello, our house hunters podcast over on
laundry plus. That's the other thing we had to plug. We're going to do that this week.
Okay. So let's get into Orange County. This is called pumpkins and something, but I didn't
write down the second word. It's season 17, episode 12, and it takes place mostly
in a pumpkin patch.
I'm going to guess the name of the episode,
and I will go look it up right now.
I'm going to guess the name of the episode is
pumpkin spicy, or something like that.
Pumpkin and spicy, I'll work that's cute.
Pumpkin spicy, right?
I'm going to look right now while you set up the episode.
I just said it, oh, I see what you mean. Well gonna look right now while you set up the episode. I just said it.
Oh, I see what you mean.
Well, meaning like pumpkin match maybe,
or like, well no, it's pumpkin and something.
So I don't know, pumpkin.
Oh, it's pumpkin and?
I mean, I don't understand what the pumpkin would be
with pumpkin and I don't feel like there are any freezes
that are pumpkin and pumpkin and spice makes everything nice.
I don't know.
Does that all mean?
We know how some titles they put dot, dot, dot on
because it doesn't all fit on the guide or whatever. That's what I think. So I don't know the end. And then I know how some titles they put dot, dot, dot on, because it doesn't all fit on the guide or whatever.
That's what I think.
So I don't know the end.
And then I was like, I'll look that up later.
And then I was like, it'll life.
And then I didn't do it.
And then I started wondering, why are toenail clippers $12?
And then I just went down a whole spiral of shame.
Like I just spent $1 on nail clipping scissors.
And I'm such a loser people.
Could you, you know, people could you views that many?
Um, okay.
So here we go.
We start with at least tell me a talk.
Oh, it's called pumpkins and paparazzi, which I feel like not a,
I mean, why did they not do it go with pumpkin spicy?
I mean, that just like is right there.
Pumpkin spiced, not a or like pumpkin spice spat.
You know, pumpkin spice, pumpkin spice CPS or or how about this one?
This pumpkin CPS what about don don don this is CPS. How about CPS news this morning? You're going off the pumpkin trail,
Ben, come back to the pumpkin trail,
Ben, come back to the tree.
Child pumpkin services.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is what pumpkin patch is there for.
Hey, you can call this episode whatever you want,
but at least hand me a taco. Every, but at least hand me a taco.
Every time that at least hand me a taco
comes on, I crack up.
Like, they're old, that for be a time.
I feel like Emily solved all of her past issues with me
just by having that stupid line.
Fun fact, I went out and had tacos last night
before I watched OC.
So I actually ate this with the fuel of tacos.
Oh god. I mean, I watched it. I didn't actually eat the episode as much as I watched O.C. So I actually ate this with the fuel of tacos. Oh gosh.
I mean, I watched it.
I didn't actually eat the episode as much as I wanted to.
I watched the episode of the fuel tacos.
Oh gosh.
Okay, well, I just got a notification
from the people I'm renting this place from
because I sent like a bitchy little thing like,
my internet, my, my, very important work.
And he just sent me a message and it said, there's an
outage in your area and sent me a screenshot to prevent. And it says that the
internet will be in and out for the next two hours. So everybody just wish us
luck. Barry Manolo is working on the power lines as we speak.
Okay, thank you so much for checking for me.
we speak. Okay thank you so much for checking for me. Hey fucking bitch. Okay so here we go Heather in often and that was a male so I'm allowed to say that. Okay so Heather in her office
pretending she's doing work things which always cracks me up because that is very she's very she tries
to be like Lisa Vanderpump with her paperwork paperwork, mandela envelope, but she's had to do, bro.
You know, it's like, I don't want to get one assistant through the gate to the other gate
under the next gate.
You kept me my latte on time.
She's literally acting as if she's a cast member of industry and all she's doing is just like typing,
like, mashing her keyboard into a spreadsheet, which is probably what people on industry do anyway.
So, uh, Terry is probably what people on industry do anyway. So Terri is having like really dirty sex scenes in the being like, my life is in HD.
Please get out of there needing with this.
Heather DeBro would single-headly ruin that show. Well, I work in finance and I now have a drug
problem and I'm having an elicit relationship
with a coworker.
Hi.
Have the duperos industry.
Just talking about Reba McIntyre a lot while torturing bus boys and your employee.
She'd be trying on her British accent.
Hello there, I'm Heather DeBro from London.
I'm here to work in finance and such.
Do you have three gates to get into this office, Ah?
Hmm.
So Heather's in her office and Terry comes in
with his mom else's face and they have kisses
and she's like, I'm just going through a list
of what's going on Heather, Josh and Heather Oldman
from Bravo Television, which we have nothing
this is not a tie in it all,
are coming soon.
Hopefully we get good news,
because we are in Esco right now on our home industry.
This is the home industry, Terry Dubrow.
She just starts walking quickly through her house.
I figured I might as well do a Sorkin audition
at the same time, Um, and she's
like, you know, we're in escrow in our house until a buyer moves contingencies. And it's
not a done deal, but Terry believes I totally manifested this because, uh, funny, funny
story on New Year's Eve. Guess what I predicted would happen this year? A, they would reboot
Reba and I'd be a cast member and B, We would sell our house for 60 million dollars. I was only five million off
Oh gosh, and this guy at this Josh Altman is so Josh Altman. He's like hey guys
He's so salesman. He makes me crazy even seeing his face and she's like I would show you to the dining room
But you know where the dining room is Josh Altman and Terry's like, I would show you the dining room, but you know where the dining room is, Josh Altman. And Terry's like, Oh my God, is this guy like the surgeon of real estate?
Yes, that's what I always say. Josh Altman is the Terry Dubrow of real estate. Josh is
like, Hey, big yourself. Ever nailed it. Nailed it. Nailed it.
Guys, explains why Josh Altman's face now looks exactly like the mid-century ranch.
Wow, it's like, wow, it just really just stretched it out there.
I think that was all over that entire thing without stairs.
I mean, where is crazy?
Yeah, so I love that Heather is like, wow, he knows this way all around this house.
We don't have to show him anywhere.
Unlike Richard Marx, he still hasn't figured out a way out of this palace.
Just see Richard Marx opening up covered doors. Then it's
the door out. Nope. This isn't it.
It's the tears of crawling into cupboards. It's like, no, that's where the pop chip go.
Get out of there, Richard. I'd like to think Heather has one of those big square lit things
in her house, like in the mall where there's like a map. I don't know. I'm like, I should know where the Apple store is right now,
but you never do.
You're like, damn it, why am I by the may season?
And how do I get tricked by Dillard's every single time?
And then you look at it and you're like,
oh God, I forget this mall has two Dillards.
Because do you need a man's Dillard?
Then a woman's Dillard's.
I'm like, we don't.
We don't.
Just come up with different fucking names for them.
I'm just trying to get my fucking phone fixed.
Yeah, her directory actually has two locations
where it says you are here.
It says you're here to indicate where you're standing.
And you are here to indicate what size house you have
in comparison to hers.
And you just sort of see like a little pebble
and then a giant boulder and the little pebble says,
just Gina, Gina's house, you are here.
She's like, you are here, I am here.
It's just like levels above.
There's no escalators to get to the level that there's above.
It's just you are here, it just tells you
what part of the IMDB page you're on.
Like congratulations, you've made it to my mid 90s work.
If you continue to scroll,
you'll see some of my latest work in the 2000s. So, she's like, okay, are you guys gonna show yourselves out?
And Karen's like, yeah, just take a left by my, the representation of our third frozen
embryo in that etched glass or whatever.
What was that tree that they have that glass etching on?
She wanted to put embryos, right?
But then, yeah, it was like the children and then there was like some birds in there. I think it was
like birds with the children and eggs were like the embryos or something like that.
Are they taking the frozen embryo wall because I feel like that's a weird thing to leave
in a $50 million house. Like look at our Richard Mars once saying here, also the lady used
to live here who's played Coraline's mother in the cartoon Coraline
first to Membrias and those are represented by these birds.
Okay, let's move on to the granite countertop, shall we?
I love Josh just being, of course, like you said, so like, fakely Josh Altman.
He's like, you guys should be proud.
You guys should be stoked.
You know, I see a lot of houses,
and this is literally the nicest house I've ever seen.
The some, and hold on, once I got just got a text,
okay, the Nobel Prize for a house goes to you guys.
Congratulations.
This is, they have, now this is the best house in the world.
So really an honor, an honor to sell this house for you guys.
He is really a cheese ball that guy.
And so Heather's like, what are we gonna do for Christmas?
I love having all the kids for Christmas,
but now we just have this $55 million,
$80 million, $80 million,
Conto and LA with just two bedrooms.
Can you believe we paid that much for a two bedroom?
I can, personally I can.
Hmm.
This is the most Heather diversity of all time.
They're like on the verge of selling their house for $55 million.
And then she's saying, our apartment in Los Angeles is just too small.
It's only two bedrooms.
As if it's like a place in the valley with cars parked under the living room and not a
like ferragamo designed penthouse in the top of Century City.
Yeah, she really is.
And they really show,
this scene also really shows how Tether Tether.
I guess that would be their name, right?
Terry and Heather.
Tether.
I guess this shows how fake they really are with each other
because Josh and the other Heather leave the room.
And they're like, okay, bye.
Thank you.
We're so in love. Can't wait to spend Christmas in our tiny little abode. And then they think
that the scene is done. And they immediately just go on their phones and like drop their
smiles. Like it's I impact a hating this fucking crazy rubber faced idiot. I'm married.
I know that moment was great. I also enjoyed right before that. When Heather basis like,
okay, I no longer want you in my house.
She just says to Josh,
well, we're gonna go grab the kids now,
so you guys okay, showing each other out,
and they're like sure, and they leave,
and then Heather and Jerry just sit down on the table
and just start talking.
And I'm like, so those kids are you gonna grab them?
Or, you know, they're not going to,
and they're not even gonna look at each other.
They're just like, okay, camera people leave, leave without looking us in the eye.
And then the producers are like, wait a second, they're still here guys.
And who let them in?
I thought we turned on the lasers in the hallway.
And it turns out that the people who are looking at the house signed, they signed the contract.
And then Terry's like $50 million, that's not just fuck you money.
That's fuck you and everyone you've ever fucking known money.
And then Max comes in. I'm like, yeah, by the way, thanks Terry.
Then Max comes in and she's like, oh my god, why are you guys yelling?
And have us say, we just saw it. And Tara's like, G6 baby.
You guys, I mean, I get it.
You guys just got $60 million.
It's actually, or $55 million, it's pretty amazing.
But this is so tacky.
So tacky.
It's so ghost.
Honey, guess what?
We can buy you a music career now.
And then she says, the fact that we had the most perfect bottle of dom chilling was just
one of the best moment ever, 2012, because I didn't like the 10.
And the producer was like, oh yeah, you hated the 10.
She was like, oh, the 10 was not good.
But honestly, all this assholery is so worth it to me.
Like it's this ridiculous tone,
I don't know if it's you say it's tone deaf,
but like, self-involved, wealthy, obnoxious assholary.
It's so worth it.
Of course it's tone deaf.
Have you seen what's going on in the country?
My goodness.
Right, well, I meant like, I don't know, like,
it's good.
Not that they need to pretend they're poor.
Like, nobody would buy that anyway. Could you imagine how there's like, welcome home children, I don't know, like, not that they need to pretend they're poor. Like, nobody would buy that anyway. Could you imagine Heather's like,
welcome home children, I'm grilling dog hots.
Tung, tung.
But to me, all this ridiculousness is worth it
just so that we can have like the smash cut
to all the poor cast members.
So we just cut to like Taylor
in her strangely brown living room,
just like, go eat.
I was so mad that they didn't just cut right to Gina's little,
little hut, you know?
Yes.
Um, it was funny watching all the porn.
And what was I going to tell you?
Oh, it's also something said about just the level of delusion,
how they're always talking about how rich they are and how they've really gotten
so much richer.
Like it goes from, and I'm not saying they were ever poor, just faking it, but you know,
that's a housewives thing where you're supposed to brag about your money and just that.
And it's like, do they really have this much money?
And I remember thinking, where does their money actually come from?
I mean, I know he had a really rich brother.
And then later he did botch.
I know he's a plastic surgeon, but they were spending like real money on these homes.
They were building, that's always their story line
is building these huge homes.
I was like, where does this,
I wasn't buying it, but they're so delusional
that they really have built up that money
by taking out the loans to build the first houses
in the first place and then selling them for so much profit.
I was watching the show yesterday
and it had a quote at the beginning and it was like, any man could be successful. Any man
has the potential to be successful, but it takes an insane man to be like brilliant or something
like that or to be like Uber successful. And that's like them. It takes like a story.
It takes like a story. It takes like a really true asshole to just be so obsessed with money that you
end up becoming worth all this money. I mean, it's aspiring in a weird way, you know?
I just love the juxtaposition of this very, very, very, very wealthy person on a cast with
basically upper middle class women. And I just say, and that, like you said,
that they all kind of feel like they're on the same echelon
in a way.
I mean, they always joke when Heather is like really,
really rich, but I feel like they kind of think
that they're all kind of cheers.
And there's somehow like in the same tier,
but Heather's on the on the top end of the tier,
but it's like, no, you're not.
You're so not.
I mean, it's, it's kind of amazing.
You are not rich enough to ride this ride for sure. Sorry, I'm, I'm making clinking. I'm
trying to get this microphone clustered from my face. Why? Really no reason at all. I don't
need a clustered from my face. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and
commercial. So next we go to Taylor's odd oddly brown house as you say
And really every time they show that house. I think God that house is brown
Yeah, well it's heavy curtains listen someone's got to keep actually furniture in business and so why not a retailer So she is face timing everyone because she's gonna be doing a pumpkin patch event
So she's face timing everyone, inviting them to a fall festival
to celebrate the changing of the seasons
as best as one cat in Orange County.
But Shannon and Heather don't take her call
because first of all, Shannon's just brushing Archie
and this quietly meditative way,
like all of the entire world is now suddenly at peace
in her mind.
She's like, okay, if I just brush her, she, everything will be fine.
No issues.
I will not be paralyzed by John anymore.
John Janssen will love me if I just brush her.
She more.
And Heather doesn't answer because she's in her home having like 20 Alfredo's count
piles of money, 20 by 20 by 20 by 20 by 20.
You're not keeping up with that Alfredo Alfredo.
God dammit Alfredo you're fired.
Someone get me HR Alfredo on the phone
so I can hire an Alfredo.
I need a replacement Alfredo.
One of the lady Alfredo's is like, okay,
so we have to figure out what's gonna stay
and what's gonna go is the piano staying.
Hold on, just knock on it
because Daisy Fuente has been sleeping inside it.
Make sure she's out.
Can we have move for Alfredo, Carrie Daisy Fuente
is out of the piano.
Thank you.
Daisy, I'm sorry you're gonna have to go back to your house.
That Alfredoheimer piano, please.
Thank you.
Someone get Daisy out of the Alfredo playing piano.
Do we take the Nobu doorbell,
which as we all know is the doorbell,
that's designed specifically for Nobu workers
to bring sushi into my household without being seen?
Did you see the Taylor video that was going around this week?
I think it was TMZ.
Oh, I've heard drunk on poppup crossing.
Oh, no, it was so hilarious.
Yeah, it was her coming out of Craigs, which, wow,
that Craigs does anybody ever come out sober from Craigs?
I mean, I've been there a couple of times,
but I think I've come out of there the same way
every single time I came out and shit faced.
I went there once and I came out shit faced.
I was just drinking with a whole bunch of cougars
at the bar and I
Feels like Craig's is like Los Angeles's answer to the Regency Wednesday night at the Regency like I feel like
Los Angeles's Tom Dacacino and Harry Dubin are there and I loved it. Yeah, it is
But that is what it is and it's just like older ladies just like getting shit face appointing at each other and stopping by each other's tables. Can I feel you here?
I'm with this security guard who runs the real-the-god.
By the way, before anybody tries to, I canceled me.
This is a long time ago, but I went with Leah Black, Kelly Dodd, Heather McDonald's, and
I forget who the other person was.
And that was the Kelly Dodd.
It's Dothi's writer.
We were walking.
I'm not.
Liam Lockham.
Liam Lockham.
Everyone that we actually know.
Misselle.
Oh, that was the night we were walking up and we were walking out to the restaurant.
And Kelly Dodd was like, Oh my God, this David Foster.
Hey, you want to see me get on TMZ?
Watch.
And then she just went and gotten David Foster. Hey, you want to see me get on TMZ? Watch. And then she just went and got in David Foster's car. She's like, Oh, David, I'm so cut out of my fucking car. Are you
crazy person? And then we went into sit and I swear to you before we even ordered drinks,
Kelly went, Georgia, and she held up her phone and she was already in TMZ. That's such
a great story. You people are so fucking crazy.
This is, this is a story.
I love that story, but not my scene, girl.
That's Kelly Dodd using her powers for good, you know?
I just like the idea that someone rattled David Foster
and that it was Kelly Dodd
because that's a man who deserves to be rattled
once in a while.
Because I sat through his documentary
and I was like, you know what?
I need my time back, someone rattled this guy.
Honestly, fuck that guy, yeah.
I was listening to him on some podcast
about the Whitney Houston, whatever.
Whitney Houston, something or other.
And they were interviewing him about my life,
not my life, we'll go on that Selene.
You know what I mean?
I will always love you.
Yeah, I will always love you.
Oh my God, just jerking off.
I was like, David Foster's come over himself,
just splurded through my speakers.
Fuck this guy.
All he does, anytime you see any David Foster content
is just him jerking off to an image of himself,
telling stories about Chicago or Whitney Houston
or Bublé, he's like, I was at a wedding.
And I said, who is that trumpet player?
Yeah, which is not it.
And then I said, oh, and who's the guy seeing next to the trumpet player?
I was like, I don't know why I said trumpet player.
I said, I want to sign them.
And then who?
I just take credit for everything.
He's like, oh, yeah.
So, you know, I was like, you know, this dolly song, this would be perfect, this dolly.
And then I thought to myself, wow, what if we just
made it like, what if we made the piano sound like, what if it just sounded exactly, I was
like, come on, David, stop taking credit for every little thing.
You can't take credit for Dolly Parton too.
He's like, I remember seeing Dolly Parton's mother in a mountain one time and saying,
that lady's going to be the mother of a star one day.
So I splooged on myself, made sure to pass by
or get some honor vagina.
And then boom, Dolly Parton was born,
broke that song, Whitney Goddard, I rearranged it.
Here we are.
He always does that to all his stories.
Like just once getting to the most interesting part
where you wanna find out the nitty gritty of the story,
he just goes boom, he goes, I then boom.
Number one hit.
Like no, there was not a boom.
Yeah, he's one of those.
There were many steps.
There were many steps I want to hear about all the steps.
Yeah.
It's so anyway, Taylor came outside Craig's.
Recently, I guess she was on something,
which I thought it was what happens live.
Oh no, entertainment tonight, I guess.
And so she was out celebrating with her husband
and she just came out shit phase.
I'm like, how long, Ramon? It's me, it's you, I was from. celebrating with her husband and she just came out shit face like
And someone was like, uh, hey, uh, what's your name? And she'll you don't know my name
Is that real tight smile and it was so nice to see wasted Taylor back because oh so good
She's been on her best behavior for house live so far, but we all remember.
Yeah.
Kazim Taylor. And you know, there was like a lot of sadness in Taylor's storyline on Beverly Hills obviously, but even minus that, I'm not saying like, hey, bring back sad Taylor. I'm saying
bring back this level of Taylor. It was wonderful. I was like, when you said, like, it was not even,
I don't even think it was embarrassing for her. I thought Yeah. It was wonderful. I was like, when you said, like, it was not even, I don't even think it was embarrassing for her.
I thought it was like very empowering.
I was like, no, Taylor, you are having a great day
and you're drunk and you're the paparazzi care about you.
I was like, you just enjoy this and you go
and you be sassy and drunk and slurry.
Like, you deserve this.
It was pretty funny and her husband was just loving it.
He wasn't like mortified at all.
He thought it was the best thing.
And he's like, here's my honey, you know, living your best life.
And the guy he didn't remember in name every time
he would ask her something, she's like,
not fucking do you.
And she's like, I'm bisexual.
Don't forget I'm bisexual.
And he goes, you're bisexual.
She's like, oh, wow, you don't even know I'm bisexual.
Do you even watch the show?
I was like, babe, none, these people watch the show.
And your bisexuality has not been a feature
of this show in any way whatsoever,
except for the fact that your husband looks vaguely
like Rizzo Donald.
So anyway, we go to...
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
So we go to Harley-David.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
I mean, just visually.
And so, awfully true.
Yeah, terribly true.
I mean, she's a lucky gal.
So we go to Harley-Davidson.
I'm surprised not more scenes are shot
in the Harley-Davidson of Orange County,
because it's enormous.
I don't even remember where it is,
but I remember driving by at once,
and it was like, it literally looked like a Mormon temple. It was so enormous.
And what happens, you get enough wives and keep them together and you eventually get your
own planet with as many hardly as as you have wives.
Yeah, so in Arnachina, he's like a very big Harley-Davidson kind of vibe down there.
It does.
Yeah, it does.
So, I had a cycle class once, because you know,
you used to, by the way, this recapped 10 hours.
I'm sorry, I can't concentrate today.
Tales of our lives.
Tales of our lives.
I can't, I'm not trying to promise.
But I had to take that motorcycle class to get my Vespa
and there's always, and the instructor said this,
while the guy wasn't listening, obviously,
but there's always the guy in the motorcycle class
who shows up with a $10,000, you know,
or a $100,000, whatever they cost,
Harley Davidson, that can't ride them and drops it
in the class and it happened.
And that's what this reminds me of.
It's like, I'm gonna take a class.
Let's get a Harley.
Yeah, are those, are Harley Davidson's,
how expensive are they?
I don't know, more so.
I don't remember. I don't remember, more expensive. I don't remember.
You know, I don't remember
because I was never a motorcycle person.
I was always like a Vespa person.
So, I mean, I learned the motorcycle
because I figured I might as well
since I'm in this class,
but I mean, I was just there for the Vespa.
I'm not boring ending to that one, huh?
Okay.
Well, Ronnie, I was really hoping
you'd land that plane a little bit better,
but okay, fine.
This is the scene of the general, the general douchey thing of starting with the most expensive bike. I think that one. Okay. Well, Ronnie, I was really hoping you'd land that plan a little bit better, but okay, fine.
This has seen the general, the general, do she think of starting with the most expensive
bike?
I figured it's my friend.
No, I agree.
Yeah, no, I'm like, I, I, I, I, I, that gets a big, for me.
And then the monster was like, and then boom, I invented the Harley.
Boom, Harley Davidson took America by storm.
I like to crank up my Michael Boomeray. Boomer. Boomer. Boomer. Boomer. Bo She says, likes for females because she wants to ride motorcycles.
And she's like, she wants to do more things in life.
And she's like, I don't want to be like talking about them.
I just want to be doing them.
So I'm going to ride a motorcycle, which is exciting for her,
I suppose, you know.
Cool.
You and Jim is great.
Jim has said the same thing to her that you said to me.
Can't we just find like a hobby
that's like a less kill yourself type of hobby?
That would be good.
And it's funny.
It's funny because not only did she,
not only did Gina and I say the same thing about that,
and then I remember actually physically pointing at you
and saying, how dare you fucking bring CPS into this?
I was like, so it's really, it's so like the parallels.
Oh, so you called Chubby Protective Services on me when I tried to get on a bus.
Cookie people services. How dare you?
So the producer asks if Shane's going to ride in the side car. And
Emily's like, who's side car sized? Or which I used to think was her shaming his size when
she used to make jokes about Shane. But now that I know them, I just know that that's their
kink. Like he likes kind of like a bigger girl. He likes doing anal. I'm kind of like a, you know,
a big girl.
She likes a timing guy and it's hot.
Like I'm so glad they found each other.
Yeah.
So Jean is like, so I had coffee with Jan and like,
obviously I asked her about like how dinner was
and like, you know, because I didn't go to it.
And she said like, Jan and was like, oh my god.
Like she's the reason that CPS didn't take my kids away from me.
And I was like, why would CPS take the kids away from you?
Is there a violation about terrible decor?
Is that is now a thing that they can intervene on?
Those are all log against gather signs.
Since when aren't you allowed to have six children sleeping in one bathroom together?
Since when is it illegal to stack six children on top of a thing of toilet paper from Costco and feed them reggae?
I thought it was really creative. You bought those those mortuary
refrigerators with the little cabinets that you just put each kid in and lock them up for the night.
Wait, when we talk about CPS, are we talking about child protective services or child
prego services?
Because what is a meal delivery kit that I think you said you subscribe to?
Yeah, what's wrong with chip providing services?
Okay, I want to get a weekly box.
Oh my God.
So anyway, I'm like, what did I do to her?
I mean, to me, I'm like, oh, my name shouldn't be brought up.
Period.
I'm like, I agree.
Why are you on the show?
Why are we talking about you?
And then he'd give in time.
I was like, why am I bringing up your name?
Why are you on TV?
Why are you part of pop culture?
I'm literally mad every time I see it or might out.
So I'm like, oh, stop giving it attention.
I once had this idea for this really asshole website,
I would do where I'd write thank you letters to people.
Basically, thank you and farewell letters
where I'd say, dear Ed Sheeran, thank you so much
for your service to pop culture. You've blessed us with so many lovely songs you may go now. And
I feel like we appreciate your service. You may go now. It's sort of like firing people
from pop culture because I just don't want to, right, don't want them anymore. And Gina
is a great candidate for this. Thank you so much for your service.
Good luck to you.
Good luck to you.
Now this said, I'm team Dino on this one, which is very rare.
So I'm not going to like really delve into it,
and about I'm team Dino on this one.
I mean, I understand why.
I 100% realized why she's upset.
Like, you know, I totally get it, you know.
I'm team, I'm team caution cone, orange caution cone on this one.
She is, she is, I don't think that,
I don't think that Shannon is a monster
for bringing it up in the context that she brought it up,
but I understand why Gina is upset,
so it would not be like, get over it Gina.
Yeah, so Emily is like,
I just think that clearly Shannon doesn't like you very much.
And Gina is like, well, this is a whole nother level.
And it's so heartbreaking that like you finally get to a place
where you're doing good.
And someone's so mission in their life is to tear you down.
And Shannon is like, oh, she's such a good friend.
She really helps me by never letting anyone ever forget
what she did for me.
Yeah.
And every time she brings it up, it gets worse and worse.
The next time I meet a new friend, I'm gonna be a fucking murderer.
I mean, it says Gina, who is like the world's biggest
exaggerator on this show, who also does the same thing.
And has was like talking shit and turning on Shannon
way before any of this silliness even happened.
So I don't know.
I feel like I understand why Gina's upset,
but also I feel like she just makes it seem like
she was just such a great friend to Shannon,
and then she can't believe why Shannon, you know.
Like she just can't believe.
Like, oh my God, Shannon just hates me.
I'm like, you were a dick to Shannon, I'm sorry.
Constantly.
She really is.
And normally I'm on team Shannon with this stuff
because I feel like Jemma, Jemma, Jemma Lee, their couple name.
I feel like Gina, G-Molly.
I feel like Gina and Emily are always anti-shannon
and then acting like,
what, what, why doesn't anybody like us?
But in this case, I think sitting CPS
was gonna get those kids if it wasn't for me
in front of everybody again is like terrible.
Like I just can't.
I'm just.
It is.
Okay.
I was going to get to know that it's terrible.
I haven't talked myself into being a team Shannon for that one.
I think that I just think that Gina is so so full of bullshit that like I don't know.
I just see Shannon.
It's just I don't know.
I just it's just like ridiculous.
I don't know. I guess I guess you're right on this one. I guess it you know, you know, I don't know, I just see Shannon, it's just, I don't know, it's just like ridiculous, I don't know.
I guess you're right on this one.
I guess it, you know, I'm not a parent,
so I don't really, but that big said,
Gina is shitty to Shannon, and then she acts surprise
when Shannon, you know, takes like a dig.
Yeah.
And then folks keep, yes.
Yeah.
So, chip provider services. It's time for commercial. It's time for
a crap and commercial. So then we're getting, why is Orange County doing all these weird filters
over there B roll footage? It's weird. Like we're half the screen is pink and then half the screen is
orange. Like rectangles like rectang rectangles. Yeah. Yeah.
They're just like keeping it spicy, you know?
Just just having color filters, I don't get.
I like the like, you know, the iMovie things
where they're like grids, you know?
Yeah.
Look, someone's rollerblading.
Oh, look, someone's surfing.
Oh, look, someone's being buried in a sand castle.
No, look, someone's starting a trash can on fire.
Oh, look, it's our hardly David's
and crashing into a map. That's what I wanted to go. I just wanted to get so dark, you know,
they're like Orange County, Orange County. Orange County. Why don't they ever focus on
places like Tuston, okay? Because there's a lot of places in Orange County, okay? Why don't
you, what about like, it's, I don't say focus on people stepping into dog poop
on the dog beach and Huntington.
How about that?
How about let's focus on the real dark things
about Orange County that we've all experienced.
Yeah, how about like Fullerton?
Okay, why don't you go into like deep Fullerton?
Oh, well, that's a deep cut.
Sorry, Fullerton, plain Ben.
So weird pink filter is Shannon's house.
So we hear this sandpaper sound. It's like
and then David Foster was like, and that's when I invented the glorious Stefan Miami sound machine
bath. And that's why I discovered John Sakata. So it's it's job.
Those bugs, by the way, cicadas, I love the music that cicadas make.
I just have to say that.
I heard them the other night and I was like,
guess cicadas play that song,
they're like, bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb So Shannon's house and so John, not John Sakata, but John Janssen is scratching Shannon's back.
Oh, that feels good.
That feels good.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, that is enough, John. I mean, the sound literally is like, I don't wait a little bit.
Check, okay, John.
What's that?
He's like walking away with like bits of skin
all over his nails.
So Tamarash shows up.
By the way, they're also surrounded
by just like all the McKenzie child shit everywhere.
All the McKenzie pump every single thing.
And yes, I know they have a having a sale
because everyone, everyone, every year sends me all the McKenzie pump every single thing. And yes, I know they have having a sale because everyone, everyone, every year
sends me all the McKenzie child sales.
It's really bad.
Look, McKenzie child, I get it.
I see it.
Please don't send me anymore.
So, McKenzie child stuff everywhere though,
assaulting my eyes.
And also, it went to Kila bottles,
which I thought was like, wow,
that's taking a stance in the world of bravo
to have it went ate tequila.
If you are.
I really is.
And Shannon's always talking about how much she loves tequila
and that's what you get, eight, one, eight.
Like, it's not the best tequila, guys.
Sorry, Kessa.
Sorry, Kessa.
Whoever, whoever you are.
Kessa, Del Sol, that's for sure.
So, John's like, Tamer shows up so John's like trying
to get out of there as soon as possible
because like, wouldn't you, if you saw a giant flesh eating bat walk in.
So he's trying to get it. She's like, wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Hey, John, did you stay the night? Did you stay the night, John?
He's like, die.
Yeah, and John totally has that face of a guy who just got laid for their first time in a really long time. He's like, hey, all right, good to see you, babe.
He's walking away with all our back skin on his fingers.
I'm good to see you, babe.
I'm like, wow, John got some.
I'm so proud.
So, Shannon's like, wow, everyone has a comment about John and I.
Should we call Emily and tell them that John Jansensen just got some shenan storms be door all over his fingers got my my back really hurts
She doesn't have me could you put a towel on my back?
Literally losing all the skin on my back now
She literally is scratched off my reel. So I am now just real for
Exposed back wounds. So she's like well, we discussed it and you know what we decided?
We don't care what they're all saying. Was John happy? No. Did I cry? Yes. Was I paralyzed
for several hours? Yes. Did John threaten to leave me? Yes. Did I say, please John,
you can gouge the skin out of my back. I've just please say with me. Did he say yes? Yes?
And I let him simulate missionary over my shapewear
because I really didn't want to peel the moss
and have actual sex.
Yup, yup.
Did it work?
Yup.
Did I?
Did I?
Yup.
Did I wear a bulky USC sweatshirt during the process?
Yup.
Ha ha ha ha. So, uh, what time is it?
I was worried.
I was worried you're going to cancel that potter.
After everything you went to, but it was fun, bitch.
So, are you going to be able to say that?
Are you going to be able to have that in talk about that?
And she was like, I don't know anyone in explanation.
And I'm not going to talk about every argument I've had with John
Johnson.
I'm not. I'm not going to do. That is something I'm not going to do, which I I've had with John Johnson. I'm not. I'm not going to do that.
That is something I'm not going to do, which I'm very calm about, but I will with you.
And I don't get, I don't get upset.
Listen, here's where I get very upset.
Normal things.
Here are things that paralyze me as I would paralyze other normal people if I don't spend
time with John or if John doesn't come over or if he says there's too much chaos at your
house with the girls or if he says, why are you yelling at me?
Please stop yelling at me.
You're hurting my feelings.
Yeah, just simple things.
Like, you know, every day normal things,
like John's saying, I don't think this park is there anymore.
Or I don't think I'd love you anymore.
Or I will do this for you for TV.
But honestly, I'm out of here as soon as your quote
unquote seasons over, but just like normal things.
Ha!
We're generally very happy.
It just upsets me when John says things like, why are you yelling at the waiter for
not bringing guacamole?
We've already eaten guacamole, but I know we haven't eaten guacamole!
I mean, do I get upset when he orders me a short rib with a sugary sauce, out of cash,
or a pep?
Yes. Do I have flashbacks of David doing, your pub? Yes. Do I have flashbacks
of David doing the same thing? Yes. Do I sometimes wonder if they compare notes together? Yes.
Am I in a hitch-cocky in movie where I'll be thrown from a train? Perhaps. But otherwise
we're fine. We're fine.
Or when he says he's going to the bathroom after I ask the waitress, is she sure the blue
cheese is zero calories again? And instead, I've gone to the bathroom, he picks up his car keys
from Calais and leaves me a mask-dose.
Just being honest.
Fair lies.
Fair lies.
It's like the time we went to Mashtras,
and he said, well, I should just touch the pleat,
because it's a perfect room temperature,
and I didn't want to change my fingernails off.
Hey, it's fine, he's fine.
And so I was like, he's a better, huh?
And she goes, well, I wouldn't call him a runner, really.
Did you see him son-to-rat of here?
Thanks probably out of breath.
And his car right down the way.
But he isn't a voyter.
He isn't a voyter.
I mean, we've never gone on a trip where he and I have no work.
I mean, that's something that's bothered me.
I mean, well, I guess in his mind,
we do take trips all the time when we get on his boat and go to Nobu,
but he spends most that time yelling at me and convincing me that there's no way behind the boat
But I saw a wake I saw a wake. We're going too fast in this boat. It's not a vacation
But you know something
Something's it's been a lot of work and sometimes I say is he really into this and term is like well
And she was like well, we don't talk about it.
These are just issues we talk about.
And it's not of Heather Gibrales business.
Or Gina Kirk and Schneider, Dieter, Ben Dieter,
Sean Bidong, sure, Kirk and Sean Condonk and all,
soon business either.
So I would have pre-wisn't that funny,
because just last week you were like, what is Gina's last name?
I'm just trying to get you right out.
Yeah, she's like, it's not headed to bravest business
or Emily Sims's business or Gina Gurgers
trying to brand my life as this.
I'm sure that it's inside business.
I sure would have liked the flugging in business.
Yeah, I think I did.
I think I did.
It's business.
And it's not funny because like her name's so hard,
like I literally don't know.
It's just funny that nobody has cared to figure out how to pronounce it.
She's a family like literally nobody cares.
So Tamer tells us, not everybody needs to be validated by fucking marriage.
Now Shannon probably does. Okay. I fucking marriage. Now Shannon probably does.
Yes.
Okay, I take it back because Shannon probably does, but I don't know.
I mean, I even think like Shannon got through a really terrible and traumatic marriage.
And so I don't think it's like super normal for people who are, you know, like in their
40s or 50s or whatever,
who've already been through a marriage
and who have grown children to say,
like, oh, got a locket down right away.
I think that's sort of like a younger person thing
that, you know, instinct, you know, like got a locket down,
got a start a family, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.
I don't know straight people.
Shannon would actually need to be married married
because first of all, she's also got to protect her money,
right, because she's not getting that much from David.
I mean, I know people are like, well, what are you talking about?
$10,000 a month is a lot.
That's the last we heard about on the show.
But it's not really that.
I thought she was giving money to David.
I thought she was the wealthy one.
No, well, she grew up wealthy, but I don't think I still think that, I mean, he makes a
zillion dollars, like he makes a zillion dollars.
That's true. He's not a construct.
She got off pretty light, like she'd let him off pretty light.
It didn't get really that down and dirty.
It could have gotten a lot worse.
But anyway, I think she's still got stuff to protect
that she wouldn't want to give it away, so it's not that.
But it's the wanting to be asked thing, I think, was Shannon.
Like, I think that would be like huge validation for Shannon,
because Shannon runs on validation. You know, that's like her gas. And I think that she be a huge validation for Shannon. Shannon runs on validation.
You know, that's like her gas.
And I think that she would love to be validated by being asked, at least.
You know?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm a little surprised that they are not living together or that he doesn't spend
the night or anything like that.
Like that's weird.
I don't want to get married, but I want to be asked someday.
I mean, I don't get into Ronnie's DMs right now. So Shannon's like, she's like, well, I mean, I love, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. I mean, I don't get it to Ron his DMs right now.
So Shannon's like, she's like,
well, I mean, I love John Janssen more
than I've ever loved anyone.
And I'm not willing to give up on our relationship
because we do have the, you know,
we have the sex-money kid issues.
I was like, who was talking about giving up on your relationship?
You just offered that one up.
Where did that come from?
Yeah.
And she's like, well, don't worry about it. We're called to a dress pub.
That's how I...
Um, like, have you ever moisturized your face? Are you talking about your face?
Shadows, like, oh, oh, oh, oh, sex wise. Oh, we're very good there. We have a lot of sexuality
moments. Um, for instance, the the other night we were watching NCIS
and I went, it was just hot.
So yeah, we're great with our sex.
You know, NCIS was gonna be called on Gina
before I saved her.
So sexy.
Very, very lucky.
Yeah, all those, all those CSI, NCIS,
the equalizer calling them all up. So then we got a
Jen and Ryan's house. You know what I really hate on these shows where they make
working out look so easy. They have a trainer there and the trainer's like
Ben Dover. Okay, now reach for this guy. Okay, we're done.
I've been a good job. And Ryan's like, oh, buff. I'm like, he's just
Christ. I do 21 push-ups today and I still look like a sleeping back thrown
over a folding chair. How does he get off with just bending over like that?
I've bent over a million times.
I don't look like that.
I know.
God, he does have a great body.
So Ryan's telling us, fortunately, he has Mr. Furley face.
But he does, he does, he has like a, he does have a Mr. Furley the prequel face where
it's like, what's going on in here?
Yeah, let me have that look in his eyes.
In his interviews, he definitely has a,
he has like a John DeTro kind of.
Don't you dare dismarietz here on this podcast,
we'll get to him.
So Ryan, he's like,
Jen and I relationship is special.
Having Jennifer by my side, that's how you know I love her
cause I call her Jennifer on TV.
You know what they say, when you look good, you feel good.
And she's fire, she's a 12 out of 10.
What I'm saying is, I don't really give a fuck
about a personality cause there really is none,
but she's hot and that makes me feel hot.
So that's hot.
She's on TV and I'm gonna wear brand names names written on the outside of my clothes until the day she's
canceled.
So I'm in it for the next couple of years, at least.
So then we see flashes of him going to the diamond store.
And Ryan's like, did you think I would settle?
Because we find out that he's Armenian,
which I didn't know.
But the jewelry salesman is like Armenian Jigalo.
And they're only allowed to show Armenian people
on this show if they eventually go to an Armenian Jewelry.
Have you noticed that?
Like every character, I'm like, what the hell?
Stereotype.
My God.
Or if they have a car that's half black, like a cookie. Yeah, black and white
Mercedes, yeah. Down the middle. So like a car like everyone wants. Yeah, that would be actually
cool. A split down the middle instead of just the roof versus the body. I mean, no, that's
remember that was Peggy Peggy's, what was her husband's name?
Again, they had that car dealership for all their cars.
I had a D-go!
D-go. All their car, that was their thing, that they sold cars that were split down the
middle black and white, like half and half.
Oh my God, I forgot about that.
It was hideous.
Come with both of our memories. I remember his name is D-go, and you remember the black
and white cookie. We have like a whole brain between the two of us.
Yeah, we're doing great.
We're killing it.
Yeah, so Ryan's talking about like, you know, how when you're with the person that you love,
everything is different, you know, she's the whole package. So, Jen says, why do, why do you,
of all people who's not been successful in relationships. Why do you want to tie it up?
I'm like, well, Jen, why don't you ask yourself,
why do you want to be with someone
who's not successful in relationships
and cheats all the time?
Yeah, and he's like, because it's you, you're on TV.
I'm in God.
Looking on TV, God, and seeing my picture.
That shit was crazy.
And she's like, you know, sometimes
thinking about being married to you,
like I have to just say I have to be honest,
I have to open my soul right now.
Let me just open it. Hold on.
Me too.
My soul is opening.
You know, I just hate the fact
that somebody else came between us, Ryan.
I really do.
I can't let it go.
And he's like, they didn't baby.
Come on, you can't say we were on a break
and then somebody came between us
because that's not accurate.
Yes, but it's literally what happened, Ryan. That's what happened. We're on a break and then somebody came between us because that's not accurate. Yes, but it is it's literally what happened, Ryan.
That's what happened.
We're on a break and somebody came between someone came.
You came in somebody between us, between me and you.
You came in inside somebody.
Is that a better way to say it?
Like what do you want me to say, Ryan?
Listen, listen.
So did I have sex with a few tens of people in the two weeks we were up.
Yeah, sure, but I didn't know where you can get back together.
It's within my rights, but the point is you're hot and you're on TV, so I love you now.
And she's like, you know, there were zero rules or parameters about this break.
And you know, we were just like still talking all the time.
I remember talking to him while he was actively having sex with Heather Amin.
He was just so strange.
It's amazing how he can carry on a conversation.
So out of breath, which you know, I give him credit for.
And I remember that conversation.
I said, you know what, you're having sex with Heather right now.
Thank you, Ryan.
Thank you for taking my call.
You didn't have to do that.
It really needs a lot to me, Ryan.
And then he does that thing where he means a lot to me, Ryan.
And then he does that thing where he asks himself questions
like guilty people do.
He's like, I mean, did she expect me to carry on
and have sex with somebody else?
She did not.
She did not.
She did not.
He goes, I mean, did she think I was gonna go and connect
with someone?
Let me walk that back. Did she think I was going to go and connect with someone? Let me walk that back.
Did she think I'd go and have sex with someone?
I had no connections with anyone else.
It was purely physical.
Definitely did not start an affair on the side.
So, Ryan's like, look, look, look, baby.
You can choose to stay on the present in the moment
or you can choose to let your mind run.
She goes, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I am the one who gets to do the new age bullshit Just no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I am the
one who gets to do the new age bullshit. You don't get to do that. Okay. Yeah. I can't do that
with your pops. I out after you cheated like baby, living in the now, it's the power of now. Okay.
I'm not coming in somebody. I came in somebody. Power of now, it's in the Oprah book club.
Well, I just don't, you know what it is?
I just don't want to have to be in a situation where I've just moved my kids out of a house
again, sit my kids down again and they're like, guess what?
Mom failed again.
And Ryan's like, no, honey, don't worry.
Honestly, the moment they met me, they knew it was already a failure.
So they've already adjusted.
They're ready for it.
He's like, I have the perfect life. Why would I fuck it up? they met me they knew it was already a failure so they've already adjusted they're ready for it.
He's like I have the perfect life. Why would I fuck it up? And he's like, God raising seven children?
What a perfect life. Raising seven children I wasn't planning on raising plus 97 cats, four dogs, two baby giraffes, and a miniature donkey.
I mean, who wouldn't dream of this life? Am I right?
One woman for the rest of my life and many, many children to support.
This is a dream come true, honey. Don't worry. I'm in. I'm all in.
Left the house one day where I didn't smell like cat piss.
Why would I leave?
And that brings us to the end of part one of Real Housewives of Orange County.
Come back for part two.
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