Watch What Crappens - RHOC: Testes & Besties

Episode Date: October 4, 2017

Real Housewives of Orange County this week focused on all sorts of charming things: Doug's vasectomy, Vicki's colon cleanse, Tamra's rash, Peggy's cancer, and Shannon's marital strife. Fun! Come listen to us break it down! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ranchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crapence would like to think it's premium sponsors!

Kelly Grant, The Grunt Master! Cindy Burgess Gerson, what an amazing person! Just saying, okay! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low! Jason Andrews, the King of the Upside Down Twitter Pick, and Kristy Doudy, the OG Prems of Prems. To talk to other crapman's listeners about the shows as they air, come over to Facebook.com slash watch what crap ends. Talk to other crap ins listeners about the shows as they air, come over to Facebook.com-slashwatchwatchwatchwatch.com And to follow What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just live to watch.

I'm Ben Mandelker from BSIBlog.com and the Banderblender podcast. And joining me is the man who is creating a one man musical based off of the ketchup song. It's Ronnie Carrom from Crescent TV and Rosefrick's Bachelors Podcast. Well, hello. Hello, Irrani. We were just talking about the catch-up song while we were doing our little work meeting on the phone before we started recording. And you're right. It does stick in your head. It's it's going to be in there for several hours. If you don't know what the catch-up song is, be warned once it's in you. It's not coming

out. It's a great, great song. Great, great song. So exciting day today, because it's Tuesday. So if you had promised to see us next Tuesday, well, Tuesday has arrived. And today we're going to be talking about Orange County. We still have a few tickets left in San Francisco. So if you want to see us live in San Francisco, then you better buy those tickets because they are we as of yesterday we were less than a hundred. I don't know where we're at today, but they're gonna be going going gone. Our live shows have been absolutely amazing so far.

Chicago, we just did last week. We do two amazing shows, Lee and Lockins sort of surprised us by showing up and we brought her on stage, Nico came on stage. In LA, we had, of course, Jeff Lewis engaged Edward and Jenny Poulos and then Shannon Bedore surprised everyone. In New York, we had the cast of Summer House there not saying that not making any promises, it's more to say, we never know what shit's going to happen at our show. So you never, you never know what crap is. Yeah, exactly. So just remember one thing. Dumb listeners don't buy tickets.

Smart listeners buy tickets. God, it kills me that that makes no sense. Cameron's lying on callus. It makes me fucking crazy that it makes no sense. And it makes me more crazy every single week. Like I can't get over it. It just boils up in me and it makes me more and more upset. I love it And sorry, I didn't really mean to call everyone dumb. I just was trying to like

So speaking yeah, I just trying it in but guys I have to make an announcement really quick right now I blew my nose and It smelled like cheese. Wow. That's weird, right? I don't know if I wiped my finger. Maybe I was eating Swiss cheese and I wiped it on a paper towel. But now I smell cheese at the end of my nose. It's disgusting. Oh, so there you go. That's where I'm at today.

I once blew my nose and a hard booker came out and it looked like it was like what Tamra's profile would look like if she was on a coin. It's like okay, Tamra's profile would look like if she was on a coin. Like okay Tamra pose we're putting you on a coin. And that's where I would look like Abraham Lincoln on the coin. She'd be a penny like last night they showed her. Give it to me. Give a penny. Take a penny batch.

She's like at the bottom of a well like this. My dream. No, just kidding. That's what you're starting. I'm a wishing well like this my dream. No, just kidding. That's what you're doing. I'm wishing well, kiss and tell bitch. Kiss and tell bitch. Only get out there. Say it's bitch. You're a penny bet. Yes, you are. They showed a couple of shots of her last night where I was like, Oh my God, maybe it's because we were just in Chicago and there was Abraham Lincoln's picture all over everything because I was, you know, we were staying in Lincoln

Park, but I was like, that's Tamra. How dare you, Sully, the legacy of Abraham Lincoln with Tamra? How dare you? It's like, it's like, I'm in the back. That's the batch. What? She's reading the course.

Where are the cars in the foot, they're our batch. Freeing the Mias, the great, the great legacy of Tamara Barney. Jesus trainer is now for any way batch. I don't. That's disgusting. Of course, we're on the seven batches ago. We're basically looney tunes today.. It's gonna be one of those days Well, we've already made references with the getty's burger dress and the ketchup song

So in like five minutes and this is why people should come to us come see our live shows because it's it's like this times 12 Yeah, let's get on with this real housewives of Orange County because it's only day two and we're already like this. Yeah. What's Thursday going to be like? Oh my god. Thursday with the with the real houses in New Jersey premiere. I don't even know. Holler in my baller. I may have to go out get out of the state to cover that one. That's all I wanted. That's a key in that promo. That promo. Just like another ground. Yeah, it's an app

remos yet. It's so good. All right, so let's get almost some real housewives of owns. Ganny. So we've been. Yeah, let's do that. Um, this week's episode opens up with Diko and Peggy. They're getting dressed. Oh, Ronnie, just as you have you may have to steer the ship a little bit on this one because I was watching last night, but late, and so I got sleepy,

and I fell asleep in the middle, and even though I watched the second half this morning, when I fall asleep watching a show, it's kind of like a race. It's like your computer dime before you got a chance to save the document. And so it's all hazy to me. So I'm just really relying on my notes, but you may have to like,

through the ship a little bit. But don't worry, I've got a jumbled mess of misspelled bullshit right here to help us through. So Diko and you're getting dressed. And I wrote, having quote-unquote banter, I think they were just having one of those moments where they were just like, like, oh, the cameras are on, let's just be a hilarious couple talking about buttoning shirts and

couple of things. Yeah, well that's their thing. It's like, I would sit down and put on makeup, Diko talk about glows. Yeah. Like that's their like running thing, their couple thing. So she's sitting down, putting on makeup, and he's talking about clothes. And he's like, I got to decide what the word of the board thing. How about some light pants and some beige and these flower shoes? And she's like, what is these shoes? What is it? Don't like Lubitans. Yeah. The only reason to wear Lubitans is to show that you have Lubitans. Um, hi, you have six black and white, like Ferrari, whatever, whatever, Framper Genie, you idiot.

Exactly whatever, because she goes, they're loud. I'm like, louder than black and white cookie cars. I don't think so. Uh. BOTUES, they're BOTUES! She's like, yeah. You loud. They're loud.

They're like, Sarma that is cooked. Too loud, the loud, you loud, they're like, Sarma that is cooked too loud, too loud. So now Kelly, I wrote Kelly Adica, so that's where my brain was. Kelly and Michael, he's like, what do I wear to this boat thing? And Kelly's like, you want to get your wrinkles out of your balls, luck. And she brings up the screw talks. Which is very, very timely considering how much we talked about it last week in Chicago. Yeah, lots of screw talks talk. Yeah.

And Mike is like, well, I'll get my balls ironed when I sit down on the pot and they hit the toilet. You know, Kelly's going to be filling up that toilet bowl with extra water. Who wants iron balls? Nobody. Okay. Yeah. Some things are meant to not be ironed. They don't look better ironed. I don't understand that. And how much time are you spending in the balls? Are you doing a lot of ball-looking in the Budwar? And if so, do the wrinkles really offend you that much?

Yeah, we're in Orange County. I get that you guys have money. But let's start concentrating on faces first. It's baby steps to plastic surgery. Once your face is fixed, once you've got a butt implant or whatever, scrotums are like last. Yeah, they really are last. I don't think there's any guarantee that those wrinkles will stay out.

They were born right away. They were born right away. You don't want to be the first person in town with scrotox. It's like the first people with plastic surgery. Look how stupid they still look. They look like crazy people. It wasn't perfected yet. You need a lot of mishapen balls to pave the way before you.

I also wanna feel my balls. Like when I scratch them, I wanna feel the scratch. I don't know. I just feel like it's so much concentration on balls, which is why we're gonna talk about it for twenty minutes today because i hate the concentrated on balls a lot of balls speak and go yeah litrea we have a boat and i thought it would be fun for a ball boy eyes like he's just still trying to get a laugh in that ball boy eyes

yeah they get on to like a pre-boat before the main boat of the ball ball boyage party and it's just her and Doug and this guy named Captain Luke and and they're having some sort of it's supposed to be like a a pre-date maybe it was cut out because Surprisingly, it wasn't that interesting and Captain looks like what you're getting your balls cut out. That's crazy, brah I know that's like the waiter who sits down at your table. Yeah, it's like, hi, can we have our scene? How about that? Where it's romantic, we've got champagne,

and they're kind of, well, whispering like Lydia Whispers. And he has a comment for everything. Hey, just drive the boat. Yeah, yeah, but to be fair, do we really need to watch Doug and Lydia snack on an edible arrangement while they contemplate the last hours of his balls? It's just it's just not compel. This is not peak TV. This is Valley TV. Yeah, it's really not and also if you have to take a boat to your boat That means you're too poor to keep your boat docked by where you live Even though I know that they really live in Newport, none of this is true, but I like

thinking that they just have like a ghetto ass. It's like something in the world, or a dinner point, or something, it's like not as exciting. So they get on to the Big Boat and then they're greeting people and Megan and Jim arrive first and like the people, the boat people are like, if you have any questions, please ask us and Jim's like, can I drive? Like, haha, that's a good one. Jim, you're so funny. It wasn't kidding.

Yeah, when Megan and Jimmy are your first guests, you know, it's going to be a good party. Jimmy's like they're going gonna have like little pizza, tostino things. Are they gonna have tostino rolls? Okay, I mean, you basically just sat there in eight like little tostino rolls. Also, by the way, is it true that Megan had a baby because she has, she has lost that baby weight

and then some I'm like, how does this woman have a baby in the beginning of the season? She was so skinny. Well, that's like my favorite kind of lame conspiracy on the internet because of course people on the internet are like, there's no way that she is breastfeeding. She's faking it because some some way that her boobs looked in the thing. I don't know. I liked it, but then even conspiracy theories about me can bore me. And I love a conspiracy theory. Yeah, they are, they the the dullest of the theories Also Doug where was Doug raised because Doug is one of the lamest people I've ever met putting the faux hawk aside

He's like do you guys have to take off their shoes to come on the boat to yeah Because I think it's the heels that do the damage like who are you? Where did you even come from go back there boring? I'm not watch below deck Do not see the The admonitions of The crew as people come on but they're shoes on Govides last city in America that sells magazines. Okay Doug wherever you're from

So so Jim and Doug are like standing around talking about Drinking off. Yeah, that's great. It's really really great. Yeah, I duck's like oh, I'm so nervous about my my balls getting cut off Jim's like do you guys have any ranch? It looks like yeah, I hear horror stories and he's's like, well, you know, just keeps him my son of bag because it's gonna hurt. Like, Jim's like the least helpful person ever. Also, it must really bug Jim to talk to Doug because Jim's like, I'm a man. You wanna go ride around and race cars?

I know the race car owner or whatever. And Doug's like, I have a foe hawk. It's like, it's good. I don't think Jim has been enthused to talk to anyone his entire life. That's true. Yeah, I have a foe hawk. It's like, it's good. I don't think Jim has been enthused to talk to anyone his entire life. That's true. Yeah, I have a ball sent off, but you know, we had a baby because I left a few deposits

before, so he had some deposits. And I was like, I just made a deposit earlier today. And I'm like, uh-huh. It was like an automatic machine now. It was so much harder when Doug had to do it. I mean, when Jim had to do it. But in my big old trash trash can from the high school, keep it in the backseat or whatever.

Yeah. It was like the semen version of R2D2. But you can tell that Jim really hates Doug because he smiles at him. And Jim never smiles. Yeah. By the way, R2D2, please, please don't leave your coming R2D2. That guy has gone through it up. These are not the droids we're looking for, okay? This is, you know, like please don't turn R2D to

into a seam refrigerator. That's just not, that's just not trying to. For R2D to you, shorting out enough. Like every movie he's in, he has like one, blu, blu, blu, blu, blu, blu, blu, blu, short out thing you know i mean that's not i mean you know the poor operative like oh like uh-oh rtd she's broken let's just open up to see what's up oh my god someone jerked off an rdd

although rtdd does do the best lady impersonation in america blip blip blip blip blip blip blip ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I feel like C3PO has a little bit of shadow in the door and him too. Archer? After the lobotomy. And naturally, I think maybe Vicki would probably be Chubaka. No, she would mean to annunciate Castro Roll better. People think that under sandwich she's saying, because it's like year three that she's asking for a fucking casserole.

Yeah, actually they they Kelly is more like Chubaka. It's not saying that like Kelly looks like some hairy beast. It's more that I feel like when Kelly gets drunk she's probably like. That's what Kelly does when she gets really drunk. So Lydia and Megan have a chance to talk. And Lydia's like, I was dinner, I felt like that. And Megan is wearing a diamond Bluetooth phone thing in her ear.

It's like some earring that looks like a diamond Bluetooth. Megan's just hopeless. That's my point. Yeah. I'm not trying to think of what we're Megan would fit in the Star Wars universe person. I just some I'm not even sure I'm not only working right I think just because she's so thin and she has like strong facial features

I don't that's I don't even think she's that I think she's like one of those people that like God blown up on that planet That one that one's not so gay Star Wars viewers. I don't even know if you see a blue here. Go see a Star War. Like why is there always a cute wandering around the desert? I just don't understand that show. Or you know what I mean? Megan Gaye-Admin's are those things in Empire Strikes Back, those big lumbering machines that look like animals, but they have all the bad guys in them. That's what she is.

Oh yeah. Walking across the terrain, you know, they have to like fly around it with a cable and knock it over. Yeah, she's like, oh, I don't think I can't believe you tie up my feet when I'm seven months pregnant. I was like, wow, that enemy thing is really whiny. You know like kill it it's the one thing that you not see entire empire. Just kill that thing please. So Megan's like yeah that was awkward. I guess I should have called you but and then it shows that hike where Lydia's like well you did the same thing. It's like

I can't believe it, Lydia, you would think it's normal to attack someone, Meritz. But Megan, someone is told Megan, like you're looking like an asshole, because now Megan is just basically copying to everything the past couple of weeks and moving up, which makes me really like Megan again. Not that I ever really didn't like her, but.

I just like Megan when she's being obnoxious more as opposed to just you know telling Self-satisfied anecdotes about her baby or Hmm, I like it when she is like on axe to grind and we just haven't seen that since her first season really like We've seen like little we've seen like we've seen it here and there this season and she's even like oh Megan can't even just back and I'm gonna investigate but not really I think there's a plane landing on my house I heard a helicopter just now Jesus it sounds like it's landing like right on to my B it might be there come back it's Megan it's Megan she's like oh no baby

so Megan's like well it's because I'm hormonal and I'm not sleeping and I'm sure no one had evil feelings. And it's just funny that this is the second week in a row that Megan is apologizing for like kind of copying the feelings. And I don't know why that's funny. It's just rare on a housewives show. And Lydia's like, well, you just don't know how it feels until you're not at dinner because you weren't invited. Does everyone have tattoos? I hate Lydia! And Megan takes that literally and she's like, uh, no.

I don't know where I put that tattoo. How could you do this to me when I just had a baby? Seven months after I was seven months pregnant. How could you do this to me when I just had a baby? Seven months after I was seven months pregnant. So Tamra shows up alone and Doug's like, no date, where's Eddie? And she's like, whack! The producers must not like it because they did a close-up of her tenkels.

I was like, ooh, even Tamra you're doing that to you? I thought that was just for MJ. They gave everybody. Yeah. They're like, just leave the bitter person in the editing bay and get us a really top dollar Music person to make songs out of the sound of tennis balls being yeah or golf balls is the word this week So pretty much everyone arrives Shannon and David arrive and Lydia is like really not looking forward to greeting Shannon

Because she feels like Shannon's the one who excluded her from dinner, but she's gonna do it anyway and Everyone's meeting and Diko and David meet for the first time, and inside, inside the boat, Tamara goes up to Kelly and is like, hey, Batch, did Peggy talk to you? She's not mad? I'm like, you're such a shitsur. You're such a shitsur.

And Kelly's like, why would she be mad? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. And Tamara's like, yeah, because last night you gave it to her. And she goes, I wasn't mad. Was I mad at you, Peggy?

I'm never mad. I think the question was, is Peggy mad? Not her, you mad. And Peggy's like, oh, why would you not dare? Why would you not dare, Lydia? Everyone but you. Yeah. And Jim, well Jim, well, let everyone, but you came to the dinner, I organized. No, but he goes, because there, because Lydia is wondering, like, why would, which, which, where you guys in a fight,

like what happened, what was the beef? And page, he's like, Oh, you wouldn't there, because I invited everybody and I didn't invite you. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Everybody and I didn't invite you In a million somebody else like it was you and then I can't we're not chocolate like it's a stand-up career What's the deal with door knobs? They're not always I guess they're knobs one. They just called knobs. Why not why door knobs? Why do I have to say door knob? Just knob just knob you're loud're loud what is deal with taxi it is not tax or I you're regular sign fell tag every time I take taxi I still know sea coast of a Lloyd what's the deal and of course Lydia has about as much sense of humor as everybody on this show

she's like that was you and time was Tim was like, no, it was Shannon. Jeff Kettling. And Shannon get that look on her face. Well, Shannon, no, Shannon was over there with a... Oh, Shannon would say. And she's like, oh, this looks good. Oh, I'm sorry. What is Shannon's due to the people on this show?

Every time they saw Shannon, she's got a play to food in her hand. Every time. A broccoli, a broccoli, a carrot. Hey, hello, a little tree. I feel like it's a mojita. No, I'm sorry, but I feel like at this point, they're photoshopping plates into Shannon's hand.

I don't even believe that Shannon really has a plate in her hand half the time. They're just like, okay, copy and paste that plate of broccoli into Shannon's hand again. It's just like a snap- a filter they put on her. It just automatically puts a plate in her hand. And goofy glasses and her Holly, I'll be hat. Kelly's like, yeah, I thought it was stand and tea, but no, it's tamara. And then Lydia just walks away and Kelly goes something I said. Which is like every week now. Kelly says something I said.

So now Lydia is talking about the dissecting how she's excited to go off the pill. Oh wait, I'm so started in Reptile, but this is literally Star Wars and Lydia does it. She's like, I don't know what to believe her or what to think. It's like they're all protecting Shannon. Like, oh, no, no one knows Yoda planned it.

Like invite me, please, do. I don't think you don't say that the Yoda yes oh my god oh my god I would say we're psyched except we already saw that but like and also we mentioned Star Wars I think for six years in a row like at least three times a year but yes she did she talked about Yoda and I was like this is like someone gay who what like us basically talking about star wars because she don't even know what yoda stands for it stands for you only die

alive yoda is not not inviting people to parties okay no but if you were probably like a really blame party. Let's be honest, you know that you had to throw those bad parties. And you get there and you're like, there's not really enough booze here and this nacks aren't good. Like there's just some like Tritado's crackers. We didn't have enough hummus.

And he says there and he talks about a new philosophy book he read. And you don't have to pretend like you're interested and you want to talk about the real house wise, but he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't have a TV. And then you have to like be self-deprecating and say, I know, I'm like, I'm, I shouldn't, I shouldn't have it. I should read more, but I just love these shows. And he laughs politely and introduces you to his friend, you know, like Karen, who's like a Ken researcher. And she doesn't watch TV either. And then, but they're talking about this crazy thing they heard on NPR, about Sarajevo, and how daffodils are being used to harvest, get bees to live there, and improve things. And you're like, I just want to talk about real housewives.

The only seeding is like a floating lily pad, but the only one that floats is Yoda. He's like, if you wanted to float, you must learn to not float. Like, oh, Jesus, I didn't come here to learn something spiritual. You mother fucker. Give me a plate of food. Give me a Photoshop plate of food in my hands and a lily pad that I can actually sit on and not think you old, you old mother fucker.

Yeah. And you're like, can I just have a diet coke? He's like, we don't have diet coke he's like we don't have diet coke not have we but Whole Foods brand cola diet have I you're like I don't want some Whole Foods Diet Coke it's not the same doesn't it is as good you're like speaking English okay Yoda speaking English it's like you'll land a foster and you're like immigrant you need to know the language and you're like okay like it's like Yolanda Foster. And you're like, you need to know the language. And you're like, okay, it's been 45 minutes.

I've put in my time and then you turn to your friend to be like, can we go now? But your friend is now like talking to someone and they're having a conversation. You're like, give me five minutes. And it's like been 10 minutes. So you start holding your coat to give a sign and your friend's still talking.

And you're like, oh my God, am I ever gonna get to in an outboard or? Yoda. You know, Yoda has the shittiest catering ever. The worst. It's like, it's like sustainable granola bars. Feet are so high. Shut up. Shut up. And he has like some shitty mute. Actually, he doesn't have shitty music playing, but he has something that he thinks is really clever. Like Gypsy Kings, it's like, okay,

everyone plays Gypsy Kings the Party is for like, that's one of years, does not make you more cultured. Nice, but like, of course he has Gypsy Kings on. And then you say something like, oh my God, you know what's, you know what I actually secretly really love is Callie Ray Jepson? And then he does, then he'll do that. Girl, oh, she that that maybe I call you song and you're like yes and you have to pretend like

you're sort of like embarrassed for like and color ray jepsin. Yeah but it's the only it's the only song title you Yoda really gets because it's like formed in his language. He's like call me maybe. Okay finally finally some music that Yoda can get into thanks Carly Ray And you're like Like what about the ketchup song and he's like Oh my god, actually ketchup has a lot of sugar in it. You're like, what about the ketchup song? And he's like, oh my God. Actually, ketchup has a lot of sugar in it. You're like, uh, Yoda.

So speaking of Yoda, let's go back to Lydia. Yeah. Lydia is kind of like a little Yoda. It's like the Yoda of the teen years, you know? Maybe more of an Ewok. Oh my God. OK, so Lydia is like, so we're on the harbor celebrating Doug's beautiful waveos. Oh, also, she's narrating things first of all, not even in her talking

heads. She's just narrating it at the party. She's like, so here we are. But what I was going to interrupt myself to say is I would like to think that homeless guy boat driver from the boat to the boat trip. Captain Luke. I would like to think that homeless guy boat driver from the from the boat to the boat trip. Yeah, Captain Luke. I would like to thank him on behalf of Lydia, because he's the first person who's laughed at Bonfire or Bosvoyage. It's the first time she's like, we're going to a Bosvoyage and he's like, ha, ha, ha, like a big open mouth laugh.

At which point Doug then sliced off his hand. I'm just taking the Star Wars stuff. His name is Luke for crying out loud. Like a big open mouth laugh at which point Doug then sliced off his hand I'm sticking to Star Wars stuff. It's name is Luke for crying out loud. His name is Luke. Do you actually have a Darth Vader? We don't know. Well, I guess that's a Vicky. I think it's going to be I'm not I'm the best friend. Yes, oh, yes, bro. Jabra I have your casserole. Yes, I will.

Me. Me though. So me, the handle is be with you. Woohoo. So Shannon is eating just that's my main tent for this next paragraph. So yeah, Shannon is eating. Well Lydia is so so Lydia is like so yeah, waybos and Shannon's like well they didn't have to submit his balls because he just waited till I went through a menopause so he didn't have to do anything. Ha, 30 years, 30 to 40, negative years of sex. So outside the house fence are talking and Diko's like,

you got your boss taking out why you don't have no discipline. Just pull out, pull out, come up, pull out. Yeah, he's, and he starts talking about how Deco starts talking about how birth control they were on birth control But now they're not on anymore because it can cause cancer and you know pecky as the cancer thing and diva Oh, it's my it's my opening. Okay, dear. So your wife has cancer cancer cancer Hold on a minute. My notes Dear, well call me on supportive.

That's for sure. Do you or do you not have cancer of the millimeter? I don't get this. Can you explain this? Diko, what is your opinion on influenza B? Dear. The quid of a minute. So I'm going to Cardi B, I don't know. How did this conversation go from pulling out and splitting all over Peggy to cancer? I was like, this is too awkward. I don't like this transition. The David starts questioning. He's like, oh, your wife has cancer. Did? Not now? When?

That's good. Did you put it in your eye cow can we check that with them yeah because like she had a double mastectomy but three weeks prior they did a biopsy and they said it was clear and the brokka said nothing then they found a mass but not lump a mass and then they found out three millimeters of this mass was cancerous it's like these husbands are basically fighting a proxy war yeah for their eyes but they're also like why does this need clarification you know again she did a double mastectomy i think you know she this is not a yolanda foster lying on her bed waiting for someone to come and love her and send simply this is not brooks saying that he's been going through

radiation as hair hasn't fallen out um and that he you know all simply this is not Brooks saying that he's been going through radiation and his hair hasn't fallen out and that he you know all this this is a woman who you know she had her breasts like cut off okay yeah like this is not the sort of better be okay if she's making up she's already like dealt with the consequences of it okay yeah she's not like rolling around in it. She's not like welcome to gag. Yeah. What is this gag? Peggy all cancer. Okay, Peggy all cancer back So David's like wait a minute dear. You just said she didn't have it. He's like no goodness gracious She's like slapping his head

Deco Tico binks She's like slapping his head D. Coutie go banks So then they keep cutting back back and forth and inside I'm like, I sound nervous that and Kelly's like how do they do? How do they do it? How do they do it nuts? Do they do it through the nuts or do they do it through the dick hole? They're like they got to rise it with gold things Please none of you ever be nurses, please yeah I'm like, I'm over it. I am so over all. Friends, die of cancer, family members die of cancer. I've been on cancer death beds and I've never talked about cancer as much as I have to.

I've been on cancer death beds and I've never talked about cancer as much as I have to. I've been on cancer death beds and I've never talked about cancer over it. I am so over all. I've had friends, die of cancer, family members, die of cancer. I've been on cancer death beds, and I've never talked about cancer as much as I have doing what's happened. And no one even really has it. It's like, it's never like even that serious of a thing of cancer. It's all weird fake. I'm not saying Peggy's is fake, but you know, it's three millimeter.

It's like the real cancer stuff. I still talk about it more on the show, the never in real life. Exactly. Exactly. know, it's three millimeter. It's like the real cancer stuff. I still talk about it more on the show than ever in real life. Exactly. Exactly. Oh, sunset toast. Lydia's like to dog and his balls. We are. And everyone's like, uh, murmur, murmur. Yeah. Come on, Lydia, you got one laugh. Just let it die now. Okay. And then Shannon goes to dog. And then there's complete silence. And he just here. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-gift instead of a push present, Peggy. You look upset. Peggy's like, these vocabulary.

I don't understand. And she's like, well, when you push out a, when you push a baby out of your vagina, you give a gift. Peggy's like, the baby's gonna push out of your vagina or dickholes. Peggy, just keep drinking, Kelly, please. I mean, at this point, you would have thought I had a million guests because I've been pushing David so hard to love me again. David?

David? Well, you think David deserves a push gift from pushing me away. The past year. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was just kidding.

I was just kidding. I was just kidding. I was can't say it on any push can say I just need to hold my hand like we used to look at me in your eyes David David broccoli. Someone please casually mentioned to David that I'm eating a broccoli. Thank you It's like Ramona laughing overhead. So Lydia Peggy's like, I've pushed out three kids, no gift. I need three gifts within three, three, three gift with interest. And he goes like, what is that ring on your finger? That is the cocoa ring. You had that, you got that ring when you made cocoa. She's like, that is one. I need three. I I need three and then the curse will be lifted So then later on tamer is talking to Peggy about the cancer stuff and everything and tamer's like head batch I thought so bad for you, you know because everyone's ganging up on you and I just I feel bad that you have to get through that

You know I'm mad at myself for that Stop it. God I'm like, I'm not a, I'm not a, but that's, that's a bad, bad. You're such a gibber, Tamara. Yeah. I'm a, that's Christad. So I'm gonna go tell a lot of people and make Peggy mad about stuff. She doesn't even understand. And it never works.

Peggy refuses to get mad at everyone for bullying her or whatever. She goes, she goes, which part? Kelly comes by, like, where's my purse? And there's like, because Kelly has some sort of snake skin purse and Peggy will refuse to touch it. It comes to Kelly in the interview holding up her purse the camera being like, Sssssssssssss Even if Tommy Hilfiger or whoever has a nice skin, I say no. I'm like, well, wait, make a stand, Peggy. So Tamara's like, you know what? This is just some fair.

Because it's like everyone gains up on one person, that's not bad, that's not bad. Tamara, no one ever ganged up on you, okay? And then they cut to her in Mexico running away with what's her best to see called for mean. Yeah it's like oh Tamra Tamra the one who is like the victim of all the bullying on Orange County. What about all those flashbacks of you against Gratian you against Gratian and you against Gratian against everybody. Yeah. I can Tamra so Tamra to Diko she's like well we have a little about the same sense of humor because it's like sarcastic and he goes, oh yeah, she's a liar She's a real like a barrel of monkeys that Peggy and time it's like, are you kidding? She's the great of men. She's the great of men What are you talking about what world world does Camara live in?

Peggy has done nothing to nobody ever. Yeah, she just has resting bitch face, and that's it. Yeah, and Peggy's like, I appreciate, but why she knows Stica for me at the moment. Like, okay Peggy. Okay, you're learning, you're learning to get mad at Peggy's stupid shit that Camara makes you mad about. Well programmed. Yeah, so now it is finally time for the vasectomy. Oh, no now it's time for golf ball

Well, but meaning that they're saying like oh well tomorrow is the vasectomy and then they cut to someone placing a ball down You know, it's a very literal show someone placing a ball ball and then it's like the, then it was like the golf ball. Yeah, like a tennis ball. Yeah, it's a tennis ball like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. So the doctor, Doug's like, my heart is racing. Okay, Doug, cut your hair. Yeah, that's exciting. So basically the doctor is laughing and the video's like, I'm gonna pray.

And he's like, okay. The doctor. So she's like, dear Lord, please that Doug's net still be great and wonderful. And the doctor's laughing and she's like, no, I'm literally praying. Like, why is he laughing during my prayer? He just stands there laughing the whole time I'm not prayer.

So then we cut you kelly on the phone with Vicki. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking,

oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts, you can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app.

And now it's the golf song. I wrote tennis song, then golf song. I don't know, but I'm a little bit confused. Here's the music. I think what happened was I think the order was I think my original instinct was actually perhaps correct. I think that there was the, there was the vasectomy and then Doug was, there's like, okay, Doug, are you ready? It's like Snipsnipsip, cut to the ball, golf ball montage, because the ball was a commentary about his testicles. And then after the golf balls,

it's time for Kelly to get a colonic. Tennis balls, golf balls, shit, to shit. To back the shit being Kelly for bodies. Yeah, Kelly shows up to this place She can't open the door because her boobs also an ongoing theme with a real house. So I have some Monday night and then make I'm not making Vicky shows up and she's like I got my medical record so you can see I've got influence it be like influence A B she has to like basically carry around her medical records at all times now because no one believes her but any illness she has. Yeah, because Kelly was like, what do you have a head cold? Are you still sick?

No, it's not a head cold. It's due to be. It's due to be. Look, I've got the Photoshop to prove it. So she whips out those records and Kelly's like, who does that? Who brings her records, especially to a non-doctor? Yeah. Also, they had a parking sign outside that's like waters of life clients.

Please don't park here. Okay, colonic people named waters of, if I ever got towed by someone named Waters of Life, I would shit on your entire building. I don't think that's what they want. Yeah, you don't get to tow cars. So Vicky's like, why do I bring up? Because I'm sick of it. And I want somebody to say, hey, you want a want a casserole because that's what you do okay That's what you do with someone sick you bring up a casserole I have never gone to casserole when I've been sick ever I don't want I don't want to think about casseroles during a colonic scene. Yeah, I think yeah, that's first of all What do you say why do you think you got in this colonic situation the first place too many casseroles? Okay second of all if I'm sick I want some chicken soup

And then we get to balls balls you see it's worked on you You're like massive balls soup. It's a ball soup She's like bone flies Moxables, okay, Lydia just a dad So we cut back to Lydia and Lydia calls Judy and she's like mom I'm scared I'm feeling quite headed. She goes oh lord put your head between your knees. Let me direct your thoughts. Oh I'm falling off my rainbow. God has a good plan for you. Now remember who you are.

Lydia, because what does that have to do with Doug's balls? Who I am. Like, what a, you suck at this. By click. Yeah, and then the doctor's like, okay, he's here. And she walks in and Doug's just like sitting there on chair, like fully dressed normal. Normal when we see people after surgery on any of these housewives shows. It was like, but this, he's just like, oh yeah, I'm fine.

I'm done. Yeah, he's like, I'm a little sweaty, but my fo-hawks still stands. Like, okay, great, great, great news that you guys are back. So back to Vicki, Vicki's the lady's like, take a deep breath and Vicki's like, oh god, what happens when you open it? What happens?

What happens? And Kelly, then it starts worshiping out and Kelly's like, oh my god. Whoa, oh my god. Jesus, wow. I mean, we never thought that anything could Oh my god! Jesus! Wow! I mean, we never thought that anything could top the shot as a sunset colonnith from season two, but Little did we realize that Vicki Gumbelson was yet to unleash her feces on this world.

Oh my god, this topped it for sure and Vicki's like, did you just look like that? It was like that little colonnith machine was like smoking and shaking and we're like, a lot of the mechanic was like smoking and shaking and we're like bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb going into Vicki's Cooper is exactly like that scene Star Wars, where those guy walkers and the Death Star flying his ship going down that canyon. That's what it looks like. That's from the poo poo poo poo by you. Getting out of Vicki. Oh my God. Vicki. Uh, but I love Kelly because she's like, no, I didn't look like that at all at all.

And she's like, is this your collied right here? She's like, I'm your story. she's like, is this your collate right here? She's standing right under her chest. She's like, is this your collate? Is it? And then the doctor, lady's like, well, I'm not sure. Like really? You're not sure. I think she was trying to be polite to begin. It's like, no, bitch, you don't have a colon above your clavicle. Oh my god so Vicki is like Vicki's sitting there just sitting all over the place and she's like well you know I'm going to the card I'm going to the cardiologist because I'm 55. I'm gonna kill you. I'm going to the cardiologist because I'm 50.

I'm just trying to accurately recreate the scene. Go on. And they said, I'm probably not even broken. Hi. What is she was doing that at the cardiologist? She's like, wait a minute. Well, she's probably like, where's my heart? She's like tapping her ass. Like, you're all turned around now. I'm gonna dive a broken heart. Feel it. He's like, that is your tailbone.

Ma'am. So she's like, that's because of negativity. She's like, yeah, but I added up a my life. Devourses, Brooks, Tamra, I don't know why you can't get a fix. It's like, once sucked out, the other one is it. Like, Vicki, you don't fix this shit. Okay, you are the shit. Okay, I just I just like that Vicki's sitting there.

I've been like, I miss my friends. I just want to be in the same room as Tamar. I just want to be like, I just want to go back to laughing and ladies like, here's your poop. Here's your poop. You are the sit in this figurative colonic, Vicki. Okay, clear out your own shit. I love that Vicki's the victim of everything all the time.

And she goes, it's literally toxic. Like, you are getting your shit taken. Can we save this for a lunch, you know? And Kelly goes, she can put a hard shell on the outside. I'm like, please don't talk about the hard shell. Wash these. It's like that ice cream hard shell. Everything, it's like castoroles, hard shells, candy shells.

I don't want to think about that while Vicki's getting the poop sucked out of her, okay? Yeah, especially because that ice cream hard shell is technically a magic shell and there was definitely no magic happening in the scene. Vicki's like, I just want to be left. Is that so wrong? I'm like, she's literally harving fire is being it.

Harving fire is being it now. I just want to be loved. Give me some credit. I Never said I was good. I was good to lyrics and I'm not the lyrics the lines that monologue you always do much better than I do I just know this give me that a credit with you credit for drag To be the best better. I knew how to be whatever I only have a little bit of life left I want to be happy. Okay, now you're dying Vicky's like okay, is this my sternum?

I'm dying of a heart attack because I have a broken heart and now I only have a little bit of life left Rose give my love to Venus She's a problem with us Biggie Gunverson So you know so there's a big gumball sin. Um, so, uh, you know, So, there's us, soap dish, soap dish. You know, maybe Vicki Gumball sin would feel better about her life if she filled it with more exciting and wonderful things.

You know, sort of things that she could read in a magazine per chance. Another awkward transition from pooping to texture. Yes. Yeah. I don't know always like to use the words pooping and texture together, especially in the context of Vicki Gumbelson. But the point is this, textures is wonderful app where you can basically read like every single magazine on your iPhone or iPad. I mean, why is it every single? There's no risk. It's not every single, but it's like a ton, ton. It's like yes, you know, it's it's basically like Aconics worth of magazines if you catch my drift. I mean they have like time magazine and better home and gardens

Canadian health and lifestyle car and driver Sports Illustrator entertainment weekly Vogue Rolling Stone. I mean everything ESPN magazine and these are not the Computer website versions of these magazines, you know, these are not the computer website versions of these magazines. You know, these are the actual magazine pages who flip through them like an actual magazine. Yeah. And I mean, I love saving me some money and you know, I read my text because for weeks now, I've been like, what's happening with Teresa? Because every time you pass a new stand, it's like Teresa to...

I believe in Joe, haha, like what? And then it's like, is she leaving Joe? Is she not leaving Joe? Every week there's a different thing. And girl, that's like a phone bill. Yeah, and I'll see you out of all the real magazines. Magazine prices have actually gone up a lot. If you ever buy a magazine, they're like,

I don't know, I feel like they're like $6. I don't know, they gave us subscriptions a lot. And texture is really cheap. And on top of that, you get all those magazines and you can read them all. And if you see a quote that you like, you can like copy and paste, which I know seems like a stupid thing to say, but I've used that before. You can't copy and paste off of like, if you see a quote that you like in a regular magazine, you need to like sit there and type it out. That's annoying. You have to like hand-write it to your mom. You will never believe what I heard about Theresa.

Exactly. What if there's a funny comic in the New Yorker, and then you can just take a screenshot as opposed to being like, off-tick on my phone and take a picture of it, and I've got to flatten it out. It doesn't look worked. You know, that's not right. That's not right.

Yes. Texture makes magazines easy. Texture's searchable. Texture is only $9.99 a a month and you get over 200 magazines. But if you sign up right now at Texture.com slash crap, it's you get a 14 day free trial. Yeah, it's like super good. Why subscribe just a couple magazines when you kind of all of your favorites on your

smartphone or tablet all the time for way less, okay? I only have a little bit of life left. So I'm starting my texture trial for free right now and I'm dead loading the texture app. On Fridays my husband beats me with great deals like texture.com slash crap ends. Right now textures offering my listeners a 14 day free trial when you go to texture.com slash crap ends. That's 14 days to try texture for free when you go to texture.com slash crap ends. That's texture.com slash.

Crap ends. Too loud. Too loud. You're welcome. So, the good news for everyone, for all all our Christian friends in Orange County. It's Easter time, Easter time on real houses of Orange County, Easter, Easter, Easter. Because what better way to follow up a whole bunch of shitting on a colonic is than the Easter chocolate eggs.

Yeah, chocolate eggs. Like another thing we don't need in the colonic episode. And you know what? They know that. Okay, this is not all accidental. These people know what they're doing. They're like just stirring the shit for Easter. So it's Easter and for the most religious town

of all of the housewives, these people really don't understand religion very well. None of them really. So Judy and Lydia are making the Easter eggs with the kids and Vicki's making them with her grandkids. No, no, funny costume, I fuck you. Most importantly to me is that Peggy is making stuff with her kids and Coco. Diko does something like, oh, Armenian tradition and like, I don't know what it was, but Coco, like, hits an egg on his thumb. Coco got so excited. He is just my

favorite. I love Coco. I love Coco. I love Coco too. Because like because like all you broken egg open It's our manion that's our manion to do that Coco's like you guys just think everybody else is swallowing eggs hole in America. This is what they Call on it. No egg in home No egg in home Coco no egg in home Coco Coco stop doing egg in back go go go stop blowing egg and back to my little playing stuff playing egg in house no egg in house go go no egg in house go go so Megan is like hey I

spin we're gonna make a baby footprint and then we cut over the saline and her mom and her mom's like are we gonna make these yeah it think like all the moms came to sound the same on this show because her mom could be we could be doing a dot. Dot, or Nancy, dot, pet, Nancy,

mom, like all of them kind of work. Yeah, she could be a kid. I'm sorry, it didn't come to your got in the race party camera. So like all the same mom voice with different ladies. So they're making big old Easter baskets for the kids. And they're being wacky and Shannon's like, God, she's a card, my mom. That tiny zany part of me. I inherited from mom And she's a god

He's the kid. I'm so sorry. I have so many notes and I'm going through them like you do not need to talk about this You're already at 45 minutes god damn it. It's okay. I wrote down a note about how they made some sort of pink towel basket Bunny thing that looked weird Yeah, I got nothing to say about that. Why don't I write that down? Yeah, let's get to the crying part. So, Shannon's like, well, my daughter wants to play each volleyball. And the mom's like, yeah, she's a good sport.

Well, not me. So it's the weight game. She's like, go to the doctor, Shannon. God, dammit. She's the captain. I'll just make every mom the captain from below, baby. Yeah, I mean, get that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah afraid that if I go to the doctor, she's gonna say that the weight game isn't from just hormones. Ah, it's from David.

I'm gonna go to the doctor. So sad. She's like, I just feel so shitty about myself when I look at the beard. And David's disgusted with the whole thing. And I just, if I can justify it by saying he's ignoring me or pushing me away because I'm fat, at least that makes sense. And if I'm not fat, then it's some other reason. I'm like, yeah, but then you gained weight because Vicki was saying he had an affair,

which was her fault because she was saying he had an affair or because he had an affair. It's like so nice and she knows it's nice. And it just sucks. Well, the other thing is when she said that she looks at herself in the mirror and she says herself, this is why David is going apart from you because look at you. Look at you. And that was actually, you know, it's hard. That's, that's, it's so terrible for anyone to have to say that about themselves. And yet I think we all, I think we've all been there in a weird way. We don't think like, oh, someone's drifting away from me because of that. But there have been times where we feel shitty about ourselves. And if you look at ourselves in the mirror and we're not happy with our bodies, unless you guys have a great body and you look at yourself in the body, you're not where you want

to be and you say, look at you. Why can't you get your shit together? If only you got this shit together, you'd be happier. I thought I was really bad when she said that. She's thinking of it so beyond that because she's like, well, maybe I'm just fat because it's an excuse for him to stay away. It's more of a shallow excuse almost. Like she's making herself like that so she doesn't have to admit it's anything emotional or there's a bigger problem, which is just so sad. But it's also Shannon crying again.

So part of me is like, okay, this is the saddest thing I've ever seen and it just needs to stop. FF. So the mom goes, well, you got to this is the saddest thing I've ever seen. And it just needs to stop. FF. So the mom goes, well, you got to ask yourself, how do I make the marriage better? And Shannon just looks at her like that is the worst answer anybody's ever given me. She's like, well, I'm not going to go to a Spartan race. That's for sure. So Shannon's like, will I get over it? Will I?

No, she goes to as I'm so distant, I'm reminded of the period before the affair. Before I could forget about it, because things were great. Shannon, when was that again? When was that part? From I was like, oh yeah, I didn't have show time then either. No, I'm not talking about the TV show the affair. I'm talking about it.

Hey, if it's David, David, David. Yeah, but when was the part where you forgot it, you've talked about it ever since the very first second you got on the show and you haven't stopped and I don't know how to fix it. Well, the mom has feel better. Get over it. But it's just like at some point. Well, you know what, though, the mom, the path had a good advice, which is basically like focus on your life, make yourself healthy, do something, and like you just go to the doctor, get, get checked up, check those hormones, you got to focus on yourself. And that's what Shannon actually really needs to do. And she mentioned it earlier, earlier this season with

her restaurant idea, she needs to stop defining her happiness through David and not saying that like, oh, she should be fine with David being emotionally distant because she shouldn't be. That's actually not right. And David, David shouldn't be like growing distant from her. If she, if he is growing distant from Shannon, I would surmise it's probably not because of the weight gain. It's because of whatever that issue is that's causing the weight gain for her and causing him to grow distant. But she's taking it because of the weight gain. I don't know, this is just for all of you. Well, this was a very good episode.

This was a good episode for Shannon, I think, because we see this, and of course, my first instinct is like, oh my God, but then later, we see David just being an all-out asshole. And you really, it's easy to forget, because help with that out a couple of times this season. And God, that guy really is a fucking prick. When he gets those mean eyes, it's like, oh, okay, I see.

Cause it's easy to start thinking, this is just Shannon being neurotic. Cause Shannon is always fucking neurotic. It's like here she goes again. It's gotta be, this is how I think of it. I'm not saying, this is the truth. Cause I say this all the time, people get mad. But sometimes to me, it seems like, oh my God,

there she goes again, it's like she has to be miserable. There always has to be something to bitch about. No, no, no, no, no. But then when you really see David in action, it's like, well, no wonder. Oh my God, what an asshole. Yeah, exactly, especially because you know, before we get there.

First of all, yeah, we will get there. But first of all, your wife is a sensitive, a quote unquote reactive person to be in with and that's you married and that's you know You know that going in second of all she's in a sense of the state about her weight and so like make an effort bro Yeah, he's an asshole which we'll get to in a second so let's go over to Peggy's house Just because I love when Peggy pretends that she knows how to cook and everybody's like oh, this sounds great because I love when Peggy pretends that she knows how to cook and everybody's like, oh, this sounds great. And I felt like, can I eat this?

I'm hungry. She's like, no, look, yeast up is very important, especially in Armenian household. Christ is very important. We invented it. All Armenian. Yes. We were the first to accept Christ.

It's like, what? Wait a minute. Is that true? Well, we looked that up early in the season. I'm not going to look it up again, but there was, I forget there's some technicality that Armenia does have a claim to something like that. Like the first government to recognize something like that,

I'll find I'll look it up. I'll look it up because I don't want people to be like no Okay, so Well, I think the first one to accept Christ was like Mary You know, we're like whoever had him well Mary had him or like Joseph, you know Or the wise men or the shepherds or whoever the hell was over there unless they were all our minions But I don't remember anybody showing up in the Lamborghini. I remember some donkeys, some sheep.

Well, according to the Armenian Apostolic church, Wikipedia entry, the Armenian... Well, Romania was the first country to adopt Christianity as its official religion in the early fourth century. So I think the technicality is not that they were the first believers, it was just that it was the first, you know,

we were the first, we were the first to adopt Christ. Actually, that was Joseph too. What if the Wiseman just all showed up like with black and white sheep? They're like, split down the middle. I'm Jewish, I have no idea what you're talking about. Like, why did you put down the middle. I'm Jewish, I have no idea what you're talking about. Like, when she went down the middle. I'm like, yeah, Jesus.

Okay, let's talk about David. So she's like, Jesus, you will never believe this. First of all, your kids do not need to know all your drama with your girlfriends. Like, let them have lives, please. They just got to their first store. You know, they're like, you're sheltering us mom. Yeah.

But I wrote down a note. I said, Coco is hungry. Was he hungry? I don't know why you're like that down. He's like, can I eat Coco? That's all Coco asked the whole scene. He's like, can I eat now? She's like, no, first we talk about David.

He asked me, he asked your father all these questions about cancer. Does she? Does she not? What is going on? Who's that? What is cancer? What is a millimeter? Three, 25. What? So the daughter is like maybe Shannon told David, asked the questions, maybe like, you know, she set him up. And then Peggy is like, I don't,'t but you know the questions they were not from concern They're not from concern like I'm disgusted I'm disgusted and this gas dead. I don't get loud

This I don't get loud. You know, I don't but this I'm almost as disgusted when I find out that Coco been playing ball in our score call No more like no more less. Can I please eat no I can house So Judy and Lydia Says a boutique Lydia's like or Judy's like yay. It's Easter when Jesus made donuts. Let's eat some donuts kids I wait a minute that is not That is not,

that is not Easter at all. So Doug is like, hey kids, did you know that there's a woman in the Bible named Lydia and she's told purple clothing and they're like, why the fuck would we know that, Dad, we don't care. We like to color in turtles, you know, like this is, did she scare her parents about being burned to death in a Spartan race? He's like, actually, yes, that did happen to the Bible quite often.

So Judy's like, well, each color is a chakra and purple is the highest color. And she's like, and Lydia's like, we're talking about Jesus, mom. She goes, well, that's why Kings and Queens wear purple. I don't know why Kings and Queens wore purple, but I don't think it's because of the chakras I feel like it probably was like purple die was Probably hard to come across back in you know 12 13 80 so you know I think we can all agree that both Lydia and Judy are probably wrong about everything having to do with Jesus No, I don't know. I feel like Lydia is probably more on the mark than Judy is.

Well, she thinks that like drag queens are bad at the Bible. I don't think they even had drag queens in the Bible. By the way, for this? Of course, I think probably half of them are drag queens, wearing robes and being dramatic. Oh my God, there's a bush on fire. I mean, that is so dry, queen. Look, I bought you something called frankincense.

Don't tell me I don't have a sense of humor. And my name is Frank. Bitch, I'm gonna make frogs come down to the sky. Be 13. Like, okay, Joseph, have a seat. I had a dream last night. Oh my god, there were seven Pat cows and seven skinny cows like oh my god My god Joseph like calm down

So those of you wondering why the color purple has been associated with royalty It's because the elite status the purple elite status stem from the rarity and the cost of the dye originally used to produce it Take that Jesus BATCH! So, I think we've been mad at us that we're saying people in the Bible are drag queens. No! Oh my God! I know it's a crazy episode. This really is.

I think if people are mad they've already just turned this off. I mean, we spent 30 minutes on the ball's voyage party. We talked about broccoli, I think, for 30 minutes. I think people are probably more angry that we bastardized many of the tropes of Star Wars. Like, what's that thing that walks around and by the stretch back that falls at least called the Land Walker or something like that?

I don't know. Oh my God. Well, let's get back to David now, because now we see this asshole part of David. David basically has an audience, right? He has the mom there. Yeah. So he has someone to, I guess, say, look how crazy Shannon is. So now he's going to fuck with Shannon in front of her. It's just a dick move. So perhaps getting Thanksgiving ready and he's nice to he's like, oh yeah, you know what I mean? So he's like, oh, he's just a really mean. So he's like, it's really a very good planner.

So. So let me tell you a grandier pat. We never eat like this. We go to the taco stand and as Shannon's pulling stuff out of the oven in every episode ever. Like Shannon's in cut. Yeah, exactly. I didn't know, like, I thought there were so many

past aggressive layers to that comment, because in his, it's sort of saying, we normally eat shit, or we normally, it's normally of saying we normally eat shit or We normally it's normally so bad We have to go to the taco stand or maybe Shannon ever cooks for us so we have to go to taco stand Or finally I get to cook something. I didn't know it was. I just felt like I was getting assault It's just awesome to pass. Yeah, it's an asshole move. Whatever whatever reason it was none of those were him just being nice You know, so the mom's like yeah, well remember when you came to Thanksgiving day and the table was said already? And David Shannon, of course, is going to cry about it. She's like, oh, my,

I'm okay with Thanksgiving. Right when David had an affair. It's like, oh, my God, even your Thanksgiving's are marked by this. And she goes, I'm not laughing. I don't even I'm not even laughing because this is so sad she goes. The first thing she did when we announced that he had had an affair was hug him and say I love you. Oh wait Shannon was this your thanksgiving talk because you know what it was. It's like well happy thanksgiving. Let's all give thanks for David having an affair I Your mother like have this those kids ever had one meal in this house. It's not full of fucking misery Here lies Shannin Bador killed on Thanksgiving, but David's affair What happened with the Mayflower? Who knows I'm dead

a fair dog So they set up a buffet and the mom's like all of this looks good, huh? And Shannin goes well, you all serve ourselves and eat in a dining room and David goes, oh, how fancy beer. She's just we're eating in the dining group, David. What's fancy about that? And here I'm thinking, Shannon's just being mean to David, you know, like he's getting some jobs in, but she's just being mean. And there's like this very cold taco making moment where they're all sort of like quietly scooping up beans and shrimp and life has unspoken words Among the chafers on the poor kids

God, you know what I don't even care at this point who is wrong and who's right in this relationship You're both being fucking awful parents by doing this to your kids your kids do not deserve this get your own shit together Your kids didn't cheat on you. They don't deserve this They're gonna have really rough relationships growing up and trust issues and guess what? It's both of your faults you assholes. How about you take yourself as bullshit and you cry about this shit when the kids aren't there and stop ruining every goddamn meal They have I feel like Ronnie who had his own trim taco meal ruined at some point. This is touching a nerve. Oh my God.

That's why I learned to tap dance. Like I literally learned to tap dance to like tap dance around emotional issues at the table. He just shit away from me. Please. Well, to be fair, you I interrupted you and you were like, oh, well, Shannon was being awful. And I feel like you're about to say, but you started where we see. Yeah, then I started like projecting my own childhood

issues. But now that David, it's start just being an asshole. Now he's just like unleashing it. And you can tell with those evil, evil deer in the headlight eyes because they stop being completely popped open and they start daring a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And so they're talking about Sophie learning to drive and Shannon relates a story about. Yeah, yeah, and so they're talking about so if you learn to drive And Shannon Relays the story about oh well the when I was when I was a when I was young and Attracted and like now because of the gumbels and wait that's turning David away When I was young. I remember the first time I drove to school and I was alone. There was no gas in the car So I went to the gas station and I I backed up the car just a little bit and I happened to hit

the gas tank just a little and I knocked over a big glass antique ball that was on top of the gas thing. So this is the first time that Shannon has smiled this entire day or this entire week that we've seen. So she's finally lighting up the mood and that's when David's like Well, that's what happens when you don't take the silver spoon out of your mouth Does one thing have to do with another David but a war? I don't understand how a silver like growing up privileged Means that you were more prone to backing your car into a gas tank that has a glass globe on it No, it just means that you write the first The first time to go to the gas station, you fucking

asshole. You didn't either and you were poor. Yeah, why don't you laugh. It was a funny story. Also, you married a rich woman and you're going to shame her for being rich with your poor ass. You went and found a fucking sugar mama to help you build your entire fucking empire. And now you're going to give her ship for being rich when she was young fuck you dude although i heard that david had money to but it doesn't matter the point is now he does now but the point that he came from poor

the point is i would never say something like that to my boyfriend and if he says something like that to me uh... it would be it would be an issue like that's just it's it's rude and again you know you make a good point they're married you know what you marry you accept you accept your spouse for who they are what where they came from etc. and like there's a way to make that joke but I don't even know how to make that joke but it's just being a cup fitness it's not even a joke it's just being an asshole and the kid goes one of the kids is like dad

we get it it's like god we just got mom to laugh can we just eat some fish yeah and then and it's like well I will bearos I was affluent that I came from a place where I had to will bear apples my mom I volunteered at the library now it put books back on the shelf and sometimes I would sometimes I would volunteer to have people to figure out what sort of jewelry they'd like at Tiffany's. Oh my god and chairman's like are we done? Did everyone get enough? Kids in America yes we all fucking got enough can we all get up from the stable before we all kill ourselves. Yeah and he's like I'm kidding dear I'm kidding dear no. I'm kidding, dear. No, too late. We see your eyes. Those are not kidding eyes.

I just sneeze. That's how disgusting you're being, David. And I cannot wait until Shannon leaves your stupid ass and takes all of her family money with her and just is alone and happy, because you're an asshole. Yeah, I just would like to interrupt this to say that one thing that I really appreciate about our listeners is their dedication to our show. Just got a text message from Katherine Spears, who Katherine's been a guest on our show.

She's currently in Paris and she is in Cemetery, the Perala Shia Cemetery, and she took a picture of a sign that says, Shamma, Dilla Seps. It's like, you know, I like that in the middle of her vacation. She's willing to spend her data to send a photo of all the stuff on it. And she's the food, she's the foodie and we were just at dinner at at Shanas' house. I mean it's just all full circle. Full, full so.

So since this is going on forever, let's just get past these last few things really quickly. Basically Vicky to Steve is like, oh my god, I need to talk to Tamara. And he's like, well, Ola, Mchacha, or whatever. So he makes her go talk to Tamara. And then Tamara is cut fitness, talking to Lydia. And she's like, I guess I'll talk to Becca. Well, I like, I just want to say that one thing that was funny about this cut fitness scene was that Tamara's like, because Lydia was there with with Tamara. And she's like, you know, it's crazy batch. I look, I have like a Tamara, and she's like, you know what, crazy batch. I have like a rash, and then she goes, you know, you connect differently with another Christian.

I'm like, you know, I'm so glad that like, you could really share that rash on a different spiritual level with Lydia, then like a normal person. Yeah, I've got bumps on my arms, and it's thick as a spot, because that's from stress. It was like Vicki has caused more diseases than the Zika like the original Zika mosquito Like for Chris. Hey Vicki didn't do everything. Okay. This is also the beginning of Tamra's cancer storyline everybody. So was it? Yeah, this is

Tamra criticizes everybody and then just takes their storyline. She's like, I hate that Jesus Barbie bat. I'm Kristen, I hate that bat counselor shit. I have 10 concern as big as four. It's a good Jesus. So, but, well, it's not fair. Before she starts her cancer storyline,

it's not before, before Tamaiki gets one more, one more cancer moment in, because she's like, this issue with Tamra, it's like is issue with camera. It's like a cancer inside me It's like a cancer. I'm like Vicki You can't don't go down that path again don't go down the path. Yeah, it's like Vicki It's already whipping out medical records, you know, it's almost you can't look. I have this for my doctor the the water lady It's it's a Photoshop of almost cancer inside of the... So basically they get on the phone and once again they decide that they're gonna meet up and just put this whole thing to bed

until the next time it flares up, 20 minutes later. But at least we get a nice positive ending. Ball! I'm underpaid, Ball! Literally the kid running a ram screaming ball. Yeah. Ball. I wonder if I ball. Literally the kid running a ramp screaming ball. Yeah. Ball. Ball away. Ricky Vicky calls.

Tamara also when Tamara agreed to see Vicky. Lydia's like, oh my God, I'm a prayer warrior. Yeah, you need to pray for better things. Yeah, this is like the dumbest prayer I've ever heard. So Vicki cost she's like, look, we got a tattoo. Okay. Okay. It's like a great guy. You see that. Let's let it end now. Both. Well, and that was that was that another exciting episode of Orange County. How is it the most boring ass episodes we get the longest podcast episodes out of them? I didn't think it was that boring because we got some classic Shannon and David passive aggression, which is my favorite.

Yeah, I love we got some, it relip my David's and asshole fire and I needed that. Yeah, that's good. I needed it. Yeah, I think we all needed that. So everyone, I hope you're all feeling replenished by this recap. We will be back, Maniana, to discuss Real House House of Dallas and their trip to Mexico. And go buy those tickets. Buy those tickets for our T-RM Cisco show because they're not a lot left.

And until then, follow us on social media. How about that? How about that? Follow us on social media. How about that? How about that? Follow us on social media. And we will talk to everyone tomorrow. Bye. Love you guys. Bye.

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