Watch What Crappens - RHOC: Vickimoji Battle

Episode Date: August 15, 2019

*You can also watch as a video on Patreon http://bit.ly/crappensvideo Tamra has yet another housewarming party on this week's Real Housewives of Orange County, setting the stage for Vicki and Kelly to fight about pig emojis. Enjoy! To hear this week's premium bonus about Netflix' Instant Hotel Season One, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! "Season One Camille" "Demoted to Friend Of" and "Resting Honnay Face!" merch available at crappensmerch.com! Free shipping on orders of $45 or more! **Crappens Live is coming to Charlotte, Nashville, Carrboro, Richmond, Ft. Lauderdale, Tampa, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, Ft Lauderdale, Atlanta, Houston and NYC! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors!

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We're doing Bachelor in Paradise right now, and it's the fun. So go check that out, and as usual, here I am with my little gorgeous friend Mr. Ben Mandelkar of the real housewares of kitchen island Which is a cartoon you can look at on YouTube, okay? Hi, Ben. Why how's it going good? Okay everybody we're on video today So this is a crap and so on demand video recap. Hello crap and blah blah Oh, you want that over to. That's also where you're find our bonus episodes this week. We're gonna have a really fun one. Now that's showing Netflix about Airbnb's called instant hotel. Instant hotel. Oh, whoa. I don't know why I can't remember

the name, but it's gonna be super fun. That'll be a play later today. All our bonus episodes are over there, and all our videos are over there. So if you wanna watch this on your smart TV, just go right ahead, go over to Patreon. Also, that's where you get pre-sale tickets for our show. Right now, we're doing a pre-sale on Houston. We're coming to Houston in January.

So those tickets are pre-sale on Patreon. You can also get tickets now for our show in Tampa, Florida. tickets are pre-selling Patreon you can also get tickets now for our show in Tampa Florida We're gonna be doing a Tampa and Fort Lauderdale, John's so go get those tickets and then next month We're gonna be in Charlotte and in Nashville. We love love coming over there We haven't been to Charlotte yet, but we love Nashville So go get your tickets there and then I'm gonna to read off the list of all of our cities for 2019. So listen for your city, okay?

Charlotte Nashville, Atlanta, Carbureau, Richmond, Tampa for Lauderdale, Indianapolis, Chicago, New York, St. Louis, Philadelphia, Seattle, and Houston. And for those of you who are trying to get your Bravo Con tickets and couldn't, we're going to be there on the 23rd hey doing two shows in New York City so screw bravo con comes yes. Yeah, yeah, and also on St. Weekend is bravo con we have our two Chicago shows in Indian apolis. So, you know, by the way, congrats on bravo con because they sold out really quickly.

So congrats, it's going to be awesome, but we're going to be awesome too. So don't fret because because there is a perfectly wonderful alternative called Ben and Ronnie com. Yeah, congrats on screw you. Yeah, but for real, we're going to have a super fun time in Chicago and New York and Indianapolis. Yeah, so come see those. Now today's recap is the real housewives of Orange County. Whoa, but you know, but, well, you know what, actually, I wanna give a shout out before we dive into Orange County.

I wanna give a shout out to Gina, not Gina from Orange County, okay? Wanted in New York. This is Gina. She has a wine company called Saun's Wine, and she sent us a nice little sampler of her wine, and it's like this awesome. It's actually wine and a can, okay?

There are sans aditives and sans chemicals and sans pretense. This isn't even an ad, but I'm giving a shout out because she was kind enough to send us a bunch of free wine. And we'd like to support our listeners' businesses. So everyone go check out her. Go check out her wine. Why don't you jump?

Yeah, do it. Yeah. Thank you. Okay, so let's check out the, go check out her wine, why don't you jump? Yeah, do it. Yeah, thank you. Okay, so let's check out the show, okay? We got our taglines today. Oh my God, so exciting. And by the way, also really good episode, I'm like cautiously optimistic

that Orange County's back on track. It's like very exciting. I'm still too traumatized from Orange County and I'm still too angry at Orange County. So get your shit together Orange County. Although listen, we cover every show no matter our personal feelings. So guess what? We're still going to call for it.

So I'm rooting for you. Okay? I don't want to sit through shit. Yeah, I'm rooting for it. I feel like the vibe is good. But yes, we have, we finally have our opening lines and they were just lovely just lovely Salmon is first and she's like huh the tables are turned and this time I'm dancing on them I'm so happy This table that doesn't have enough wine on it cuz cuz David only bought two bottles for entire dinner party

That doesn't have enough wine on it because I stayed even only bought two bottles for an entire dinner party I love dancing on a table. How do I lose my weight dancing on tables? And then we get his next I think Tamra Tamra right she's like next she's like these days Hey, I'm like I'm fitness or the only F's I got I'm like how did I give you an f for parenting yeah how about that yeah camera camera camera okay I can't even believe you're still pretending with this Christian thing I can't believe the earth has an open up for Satan to welcome you back home yet No, I think it's falling for this Yeah, well, Satan well, Satan is well, I don't know. I don't know who's falling for it. Maybe that's the other half falling

so Down down down the three days Where I'm going with this life is over down down down here the three days where I'm going down down down Down down down. Yeah, there's three deals where I'm going down down down dem butters so Out of the bay shot me in my foot tattoo She got a fat. I'm too. Oh, did she? Yeah, she got a foot tattoo I bet I'm not fat. That's a fitness better than that whatever it is I mean listen so much better. It's a much better name for a gym than cut fitness Faith I'm in fitness.

Yeah. So, Gina, she said, hers is, wife made mistakes in Orange County, but I'm going to fix them in a New York minute. I don't think the court system works like that. Yeah, sorry. You were not allowed to reference a dawn, heavily song. Also, yeah, that's just not how the court system works. It's going to take longer than that. Yeah, sorry. You were not allowed to reference a dawn, Emily Song. Also, yeah, that's just not how the court system works.

It's going to take longer than that. Sorry. Be sure to keep your parking on the outside, OK? But put the coins in the meter because you've messed with the city government enough at this point. Sadly, I mean, I think everyone thinks that Ronnie is joking right now. But we all know that you know clearly

went in front of like every judge and said, why do I have been mistakes? But I'm'm gonna fix them in a New York minute. I was like, no, that's not a, that's not a little offense. Yeah, community service is actually- You wanna? It's been a New York minute, so everything's fixed. No, community service takes longer to be met. Sorry. Also, her drunk drive, which I'm very like, make you fun of her, her troubles today, and she's had a ref here, so I don't want to go too hard on her but that thing where she's like I

was in a mommy event and you know I just wanted to go home and he kept warm me once so I just went she got that to you I at 3.33 in the morning because we find out today in text that we're broadcast was 3.43 in the morning actually thank you Ben thank you grassy no well I read those texts also so um then we have Emily in a town full of blondes I'm legally brunette most boring movie ever I think you just made everybody play legally brunette in their mind and we're bored can't get it together.

Pia, it should just be like in a town full of blondes, I have a dog with toilet breath on my face. In a town of blondes, I really need help over here. I'm doing everything. In a town full of blondes, hello? Is this on? Hello? They just cut off the opening. In a town full of blondes, hello? Is this on? Hello, they just cut off the opening And then Bronwyn is like I'm at a shmink of the family of nine and I'm still a ten And then Kelly's this next and she's like if you don't want me to cross the line don't draw line

That's like, if you don't want me to cross the line, don't draw wine! Draw wine! Draw wine! What? How about Picasso? Nice line, drew it! I hate wines! And then I was just imagining like, then Vicki sticking her head up and saying, And me, and me. So, last little... I'm getting married to Steve Latch. I'm getting married to Steve Latch. Okay? Get a job. Get a job.

Get a job. I was really struggling all of last week and halfway through this episode to try to figure out who it is that Bronwyn really reminds me of. I thought maybe it was like Jerry Hall or something and then I finally landed on it and I feel like it'll be really excited by this. If you look at Bronwyn, if you really look at her,

she's sort of like a glammed up Melissa D. Arabian. Who's that again? She was in the food network. Oh, oh, she does kinda look like her. of like a glammed up Melissa D. Arabian. Who's that again? She was in the food network. Oh, oh, she does kind of look like her. Yeah, I love having crap and it's on demand because I got to see that wash over you because you were like disgusted

and then you were like, then it turned into acceptance and then into the smile. That's the path of liking Melissa Derivian, okay? That was how it was on foot network, because she's like, but I'm a mom. I'm like, I know. So here's how to make cheap things for your family. Bisquick, hamburger,

some lids from a Coca-Cola, some water, and some powdered milk. I was like, that is disgusting Melissa Derivian, and yes, I will make it. Yeah, because then it turns out she secretly went to like the court on blue in France and uh... then she goes on to the food network star as i could judge and she's like a totally like uh... yes i can't like oh my god most of the Arabians like one of us i know but

when she was on the show she was like so overly nice uh... all of us make let's make potatoes and muffin tin she could work to pork for a pain. That's what more people do. And then she became famous. And yeah, she comes on and she's a total b-auch to everyone.

She's like, well, I wouldn't have done it that way. Good luck. She was Bronwyn all this time. I hope we get that kind of attitude from Bronwyn. I hope so. I think we will. I think it's in there. I mean, I feel like you don't just get a molose

of the Arabian face. You work for that. Like, that comes from years of passing judgment on people, quietly. Yeah. Yeah, especially when that's your mother. Like, when we meet her mother and she's like, yeah, well, my mother didn't really raise me.

So that was fine. But she's serving a good grandma. Lucky kids, huh? Yeah, so happy. Yeah. so yeah, I have hopes for it So we see everybody getting along with their day today and Jolie and Kelly are playing tennis Mm-hmm and Tamron Eddie are driving and Tamron wants to have a she wants to have a party like everyone wants to come to the house She's just gonna have a housewarming party.

And you know, the thing is this, we talked last week about how Tamra and Eddie move every single season. You know, we didn't really even consider how annoying that is for friends having to constantly go to housewarming parties. I think I've mentioned it before, but one time I had a friend who moved into a place and knew a apartment, he had a housewarming party, a shitty housewarming party,

where it was like 95 degrees at any, but he had wings and ceviche outside. I was like, this is like, it just was like a weird combination and it was also like really hot and the ceviche was not under any sort of like ice or anything like that. So he has like a shitty housewarming party and then they move right afterwards

and nine months later they have another housewarming party and I was like, I'm not going to another house. I will not go. you don't get one house that many houses okay in one year no no there's a two-year buffer period between housewarming and by the way some of us don't even bother with house warming parties and that's okay too yeah jerks jerks yourself as jerks and tamara is totally like that you know she probably registers someplace mm-hmm yeah I'm not bad shaggy that's what my that's my friend did that's my friend did totally like that. You know, she probably registers someplace. Like, at the island, bach, gash.

That's what my friend did. That's what my friend did. They registered. Yeah. So she can just get new shit for her house. And then brag about how rich she is when she keeps moving to get new shit. So screw her. I don't believe at all that anyone's begging to come to her house. Like, no one cares, Tamara. Okay. No one wants to go see your stupid checkerboard tea kettle, which I found out by the way. Someone told us that it's a brand called McKenzie's Child and I went and looked on the website and I was horrified. And the only thing that's keeping me from

really going in on that is because the fact that's called McKenzie's Child makes you think that like it was like a something that was born out of the fact that someone died maybe at one point and like it's like in honor of them. So I know that if I'm like, oh God, this stuff is hideous. All this trucker board should is absolutely hideous. Someone's gonna say, Ben, that's not really nice because like Mackenzie was a beautiful daughter and then she's that. She's not with us anymore. And this is like a testament to her. So like, I will not go all the way in on Mackenzie's child things because I sense it will come back to bite me, but just know people that inside.

What's your hair? You can name your can name your fernateur after a dead person just to have people give it good reviews. I mean, if you go to that website, you will like, like, I don't know, I feel like you'll just like die. It's just like the worst thing you've ever seen in that website. It was so horrifying. I felt like tree vines were coming out of my eyeballs.

Well, you'll look like camera then. That was her camera's like, God, let's have a shantag and then Baba and fight some nebos. And Eddie's like, I don't think we should invite Eddie, by the way, Eddie, more energy than ever this season. He's like, yes. Really, I don't think we should party with your friends. You know, the neighbors never like when your friends are over

your friends are crazy. Eddie, bring that, that big screen charisma. Yeah, if anything is going to make me not believe the exercising gives you energy, it's Eddie, okay, because all he does is that why even bother? I know, I was just thinking that when they were on their date later on. I was like, you know, we're like eight or nine years in with Eddie, and he still has yet to show any sort of personality.

Nine, zero. Yeah. All of his personality is wrapped up in his oversized striped collars that he wears. Well, he's shown us a lot of bitch energy, you know, a lot of bitch person. Like, he's really bitchy with Tamra, you know, like being mean to Shannon on camera and stuff like that like he's a bitch he's shown us a

personality but it hasn't been a very good one no not at all so then we go over to Shannon's oh and by the way yeah tamara did have to move from her last house because the neighbors hated them is that why yeah she said it's because they hated the filming and stuff like that guess what guess who she told So Sean Madagascar the best housewife of all time Wow, well also that house had bad mojo right because she also didn't like it because there was an issue like Eddie's heart And so she's like that's not bad mojo, and then there was also that bank head issue. I seem to remember. I don't know Something we're bad. We're like yeah, was it now like what do you think you helped it now? It's had tamerah living inside of it. I know I mean talk about scary stories. It's

all burned down already. Turn it into a casino. Check my toe. Batch. So then let's see where it's Shannon's house and her Sophie is getting ready to go to prom uh... winter formal than anything else but she has a there's a man in her life who's three months younger than her so i guess it makes sofie a cooler uh... she's a uh...

it's a kid but it's which means it's time for more of shannon's uh... like her ducking under a bridge lap it's like her ducking under a bridge laugh. It's like her new thing is a mansion, Shannon, on a kayak going down a river, and then there's

like a bridge, and the bridge is really low. So she has to duck, so she doesn't get hit by the bridge. That's how she laughs now. I'm probably seeing visible drums like you so plastic. That's a little physical comedy for people who are watching. Let's go over to Kelly and Jolie playing tennis. So Kelly is playing against a child. And of course Kelly being Kelly is playing against a child. And of course Kelly being Kelly is still like, I won!

Yes! Kick your ass idiot! WOOOOOO! Oh my ball went across the line if you hadn't drawn one on the court! They're full! So they sit down to talk. And Kelly is referring to Brian as Dr. Reagan, which is just really weird. It's really weird.

You know, it's like, you know, my friend podcaster Ben, just podcaster Ben. My friend Mr. Karam, I pod- I, by the way, I want everyone to follow Mr. Karam on social media. He's at Ronnie Karam, but you can just call him Mr. Karam. Yeah, that would be great. Yeah. So yeah, they're talking about Kelly's talking about how like she and and Dr. Reagan are going to go into business together on a skincare line because every time Julie goes off to Michael's house, she comes back with bad skin. And then we see a flashback of Kelly and Brian talking about the skincare line and Brian's like, a lot

of children have two homes and we need to do a skincare line, you know, travel kit. Brilliant. If it's in a travel kit, it'll be perfect for split families. Like, okay, so it's a broken family moisturizer. What are you two doing over there? Okay, could you please start running things by us? This is not a skincare issue. She's coming back with this on her face

because you know Michael got like a whole jar of M&M's on the kitchen counter to try and get kid points. I can just imagine Brian just making some sort of tone deaf commercial. That's like just because your home is broken, doesn't mean your skin has to be let's take care of that right now It's your family split. Well, that doesn't mean your face has to be okay call Dr. Reagan So yes

Yeah, I was reading my notes and I was like I think we said that and we did so Kelly is like and I guess what reading my notes and I was like, I think we said that. And we did. So Kelly is like, and I guess what? We want you to be the face of it. You're gonna be the face of it. And Julie's like, what does that mean? It's like, I mean, it's your promoting. Julie's like, I'm private mom.

People are DMing me saying you're a co-cat. Yeah, so that's not going on my Instagram. How about that? She's like, I've never done co-c in my life. I'm in my life. Never in my Instagram. How about that? Yeah, I've never done cooking my life. Oh my life, never my life. Because Mickey said it. It was Mickey. And then Jolie's like, well, that's why I had to go private.

So whatever. I mean, look, look, mom, I just opened it. And here's a DM, OK? It says, why is your mom a fucking loser ass bitch? I pity you having her as a mom. If she's not drunk, she's high on Coke. Signed Vicki Gundels in. Wow, that was so rude. I know. ass bitch, I pity you having her as a mom. If she's not drunk, she's high on Coke. Signed Vicki Gunnville sin.

Wow, that was so rude. I know. Vicki, tiny Vicki, little Vicki. It's signed Ryan Culperson, whatever. Yeah. Who said that fucking message to Jolie? It was either like some like teenager in school with her, which is like, you know what?

Congratulations, look at Ryan, that's your future. Or it's an adult, in which case it's like, really, like do what you should be doing, which is like, have a podcast and talk about it, but don't send a message to a little girl. Yeah. So then Kelly's like, you know, Jolie is the love, Vicki.

She was so sweet to her. Oh, and Kelly's just telling her, there's a lot of bullying on social media. She's like, uh, yeah, mom, get it. But I shouldn't be getting that one. I'm 12 to be honest, which is right. She's right. Yeah. I mean, that's crazy.

I can't believe that someone sent Julie that message. That is absolutely out of control. Like, where do people get off? What is wrong with people? Okay, what is wrong with people okay what is wrong with people now and especially like shaming someone's mom for being drunk who cares how did your mom raise you yeah exactly you know that sounds like the sort of message that was sent from a

household that has my kensy's child things in it well tell you this much if my mother was in direct through my childhood i'd be dead by now case you would have she would have thrown me off the bridge or driven into a ditch. So I would like to thank alcohol for everything that you've done for my family. Thank you. Yeah, exactly. So now we go back over to Shannon's house where Sophie is getting her makeup done for

the big winter formal. And she then goes off to the bedroom to change into her dress for the big night. And she comes back out and it's like this bright yellow, like egg yolk yellow, like wood stock, you know, wood stock from peanuts. Super yellow short dress. And she has like, oh, wow, oh, I have an obligation to be the cool parent.

Let's see, run back to David's house, that bitch. So I'm just gonna be like, that's really short. I won't reprimand you at all. I'm not, I'm not angry. I'm not having 40 to 50 negative thoughts about what will happen to you later tonight. I'm, I'm happy. Just, it's a short, it's a short. That is a millimeter from your ass. And she's like, um, yeah, mom, I mean God gave me nice long legs. So I gonna show them okay and then Sophie gets her Her little interview time and she's like God created everyone in a special unique way and I want to get that message out Okay

That's fucking adorable first of all. Thank you for being a positive lovely young girl You do you have gorgeous long legs children of housewives? Stop, okay You're not here to teach the youth of America, okay youth are not watching this show old queens are watching this show Okay, congratulations on your great fucking legs that God gave you. Yeah. You're just making me mad now. No, I was having... No, I was having like tall long legs, tall long beautiful legs that beach on the beach who stole my husband and brought it at all.

You know, God made me with chunky thighs and knock knees. And I just want to spread that message. Okay, there. That's something negative and horrible that everyone has to feel bad about you for for the rest of the day That's a message so feet got made me with weak back muscles that have caused me to have terrible posture my entire life and That's really my beauty Ronnie. That's my beauty. We're all beautiful in our own ways. Yeah, you just one fan You just want to contact you just one the feeling contest So I could be an Oceangel.

Sam is like, Esso, Dresso, no point no Parameo. Because they're still gonna try and shove this three Amiga's thing down our throat. Oh, look, I'm so better. It's only episode two. Usually it takes me at least till five to get this better. I play Tamar and Ryan.

Yeah, no ball on house. So, Sophie's like school. So, uh, Shannon's like, well, it may entertain some people around here that I have a date. But also, uh, so I'm gonna have fun and Sophie's basically like, okay, well, mom, you're the four rules. Okay? Don't bring home anyone you don't know, no dancing with strangers, don't drink to the point where you black out and we have to pull you away from the fridge at 3 a.m. while you're trying to stuff cream cheese and to salmon, when we all see it's just a jello pudding pop that you've pulled from the back of the fruit drawer.

And number four, have a good time. Yeah, she goes, well those are my rules, choose in. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. So. Who's the mother? Who's the mother? Who's the mother? Who's the mother?

Who's the mother? Zero drinking from you. You're a healthy crap, so fast. So, Kristen, the data arrives. And, uh, check your soul, hands up. And you match Sophie with your yellow tie and her yellow dress, except your ass is covered Wow look at that Sophie. Ah look at that

Well, even Sophie's found someone who cares about her who wants to coordinate with her what a feeling Ah, I remember when David used to a lot of want to coordinate with me. I was before he drained a kilo when he got sushi All right Christian just tell me when Sophie is trying to lose a little weight, are you gonna stand there eating chips? Write in her face with an angry look on your face. Ha! Okay, no! Okay, you can get married. Have sex, drink to whatever you want.

I don't even care at this point. Okay. I stand on the door. Killed by the potential of her daughter. And whatever that kid's name is. Yellow bow tie. Christian, we're all dressed patrol. Okay, cover that butt.

Keep that back covered. Oh, so she's like, well, I mean, you know, you have good judgment. I think do not do drugs. Sophie, if you do drugs, she's like, oh, die. She's like, you will die. Yeah. That's what I how I was raised and look at me. Look at me. That's how I was raised and look at me look at me. That's how I was raised and look at me So you see you I think you're just born with it baby

Maybe Maybe you were born with it Maybe it's Drugs a lean maybe it's addict a lean It's time for commercial. It's time for a Cumber Shull. It's time for a Crapin's Cumber Shull. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable.

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So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wendry app. Okay, so now we go over to Emily's house where Emily is wearing her favorite look, which is something dark, like something black that goes up to her chin but has strange cutouts in the shape of Peepods. Yeah, you know, there's a lot about shaming on this show this year, body shaming and stuff like that. I think Emily's fucking beautiful, but I'm not anti-cl about shaming on this show this year body shaming and stuff like that I think Emily's fucking beautiful

But I'm not anti-close shaming get your shit together over there I don't I mean meet somebody who can just to be honest with you and say no You need you need a Ronnie and listen. I'm no fashion maven. I wear old Davey every day Whoa, it's cute old Navy. Okay. It's not cutouts like you need help. I want I want Cudold maybe okay, it's not cutouts like you need help. I want I want You know what I would like for for Emily. This is not could be good fashionable advice But it's just what I would like I wanted to start interesting more like Dorothy's born-ac just long flowy things But I wouldn't have to have to have type things. Yeah, I would really like that on Emily. Yeah me too Yeah, I'd like to like the hairspray and the really thick makeup and foundation and just

more like let it hang out girl. I think she would actually, even if she did sort of go in like a caftain forward way, I think that would look really lovely on her, you know, like instead of like these like these like ugly ass tops that are from like the the non-laundry section of Victoria's secret, you know. Yes. Also, something I suggest that Emily get is a fly swatter, which is what my mother used like the non-laundry section of Victoria's Secret. Yes. Also, something I suggest that Emily

get is a fly swatter, which is what my mother used to slap us from the couch, because you need that. Your kids are terrorists. Yeah, it's time to get handcuffs. It's just like, or just tie them down. Great. Like, you know what?

A vet midler had it right in big business when she tied Seth Green to a post in the middle of FAO Schwartz that's what Emily needs to start doing yeah Emily need a bunch of dog crates okay so cages fly swatters and rope yeah pretty much go for it so Emily is like well we're having the party so maybe Shane will come home tonight Yeah, because it's for Perry Perry is for mother-in-law So they're gonna be celebrating her birthday and so she got like a private chef and everything and she's like well There's gonna be free food that I'm not gonna make because apparently I'm a shitty chef So maybe Shane will come home tonight for that Emily put on Twitter last night before the show started.

Hey, everybody ready to beat up on Shane? I'm ready! Queen of star cousin! So everybody comes over and it's cute. The kids are still running around like maniacs. They have a private chef and a helper. So you know, it's hard to feel bad for Emily, which you just see her surrounded by employees. You need to be like Bronwyn and make that employees hide in the food pantry so it looks like

she's doing everything alone. Yeah, exactly. And Perry comes over and she's dressed like she's doing everything alone. Yeah, exactly. And Perry comes over and she's dressed like she's going to the Oscars. She has like this bright red pretty woman dress on and she has a like a white like a stole. I mean she's like she's ready to you know accept her award for best supporting actress you know in like memories from the heart the the Paris story. You know, poor Emily, it's like, well, I think Shane might come. Maybe I invited him. The whole family has come together.

So, I mean, how is this guy a maybe for his mom's birthday? That's being held in his house. Like, how is that a thing? Yeah, he's a little prick that guy. He is a little prick. So they, you know, they get served this weird, all of solid thing with a even ridderitter a Caprazi next to it and then they start talking because you know I'm gonna talk about that but so they're talking about

how Shane is studying for the bar and there's all this pressure which you know I understand I've had a lot of friends who've studied for the bar I think most people have and it is a lot of pressure etc. and so Shereen who is Shane's sister is like you know it's like when I told dad because Shere it is a lot of pressure, et cetera. And so, Shrine, who is Shane's sister, is like, you know, it's like when I told dad, because Shrine is a lawyer also. She goes, you know, what happens if I pass, or if I don't pass? Well, if you pass, we got dinner, celebrate,

but don't pass. Hey, we're so hungry, so we're gonna go out to dinner. It is what it is. But of course, I pass, because I wasn't about to shame it. Yeah, I mean, it's the third time. So, you know, that's a lot of dinners he's getting for not achieving much. So Emily calls, everybody's text, Emily calls him. She tries to FaceTime him, so he could say Happy Birthday and whatever.

And he doesn't answer. And instead, he calls the English girl with the word accent. The way to cake. Oh, man the cake. That girl with this cake right now. So he calls Eliza to you little instead and she has a phone over to Emily and she's like, hi Shane, I'm so glad you could call. And he's like, I'm getting me hounded by everyone.

I'm getting to be a degree of harassment. No one respects that i said no so what am i supposed to do comes a high-end doing you little fucking asshole your wife's you're doing all the work for your fucking parents while you're jacking off in some library somewhere get out of here you can study and still do your job as a fucking husband exactly guess what who bought those dinners for your consolation failed the bar exam to, you know, anti-celebrations? Who, who, who, who for the bill?

Your mother, whose birthday it is, and she dressed up because she thought she was getting an Oscar, and you're not even there to celebrate her fake Oscar. Yeah, and the least you could do is go on FaceTime and say, sorry, I couldn't be there, guys. I'm with you in spirit happy birthday mom click Does that take a lot of time that would have taken less time than you calling him being a fucking asshole Emily leave him What are you even doing with this fucking loser? Yeah, you you calling to check in on your mom to say happy birthday Is not gonna be the maker break moment at the bar? Okay, I'm sure like all that information about like torts and like Okay, I'm sure like all that information about like torts and like war deer is still going to like it will still survive Being able to FaceTime your mom. He's a little asshole. And listen everybody on orange County gets divorced

And I hope your next you deserve and I know that there's not a whole lot of like What do you call it when you get something to do something? Like if if you, if I said, Ben, if you get an A, I'm gonna give you $20. That's some motivation. You guys, I'm really stupid today. I would never pass the bar incentive. So I know there's not a lot of incentive

to divorce somebody who makes zero money because you're gonna still be having to take care of those kids and give them half of your, you know what? Nevermind, don't divorce him. Keep him and just get a crate for him. Get a crate for him. Get for him. Yeah, well, I mean, he's just a piece of shit. And so he's like, I'm supposed to say, hi, how's it going? And she's like, okay, she's forgetting. He's like, fine, bye. And he just hangs up. And it's just like,

what a piece of shit. You know, you should be, he should be so thankful that she has taken on all this stuff, you know, that she's affording him this, this opportunity to study for the bar. It's just, it's, well, I will say this, ladies, if a man that you're not even dating proposes to you on G chat, he's probably not going to be a prince. Yeah, he probably will not be a G. So, yeah, Emily wants more respect. And then by the way, the show does my favorite thing, which is that when they hang up, they start playing this like super tense marriages crumbling music. I just love that. I'm always like, this is so intense. I love it. It just, it really, it really gets me every time. It's like it's own theme on this show. It's probably called They're Getting Divorced by Alan

Mankin or whatever that guy's name is. They're getting divorced by Alan Mankin. So next up is Braun who's totally over her shitty childhood and you can tell by the little girl pink suitcases he has. I really thought that was for a little girl. It's her little pink kid suitcases. She's like going run away from home, you know like go plant plant herself at the other end of the coldess sack. Yeah Yeah, she's like an inside out so So she's getting ready to go travel somewhere and we meet her now. We get to meet her mom, Dr. Deb who It's basically like electric Daisy carnival and burning man and hot topic and just like

pipe cleaners all mixed up together. I'm pipe cleaners. Yeah, she's crazy. She's like Betsy Johnson kind of a look. And she's wearing this like teet, like body tutu that see through with like a diamond no sticker, but you know when people put them on their forehead or whatever, but it's right in between her eyes, which is weird. Yeah, it was like, you know, when you create, you know, when you create a character in a video game

and you can make like eyes like super wide or small or high or low and everything, she just decided, I'm gonna be wacky and lower everything right into the middle of my face. Yeah, yeah, she's got a wacky look coming on. So, and she's wearing like, yeah, the diamond nose sticker and she's wearing a necklace, it says like medicine woman. I was like, I would not talk, I'm sorry, Dr. Quinn.

No, get out. And then she has another one that says ego. So it's like, okay, she's just, she's like a lot, et cetera. And then when Bronwyn's talking about how she's gonna surprise Sean somewhere or something, she's like, oh my goddess. Wow, this could be great for you. You're gonna sleep in. I was like, oh man, I do not know how that's gonna play well in Orange County. Saying progressive things like, oh my goddess. Yeah. So Bronwyn told us a little bit about her childhood last week, which sounds insane. We get more this week. She's like, when I was young,

she was in a rock band and she wanted to be famous. And then she decided to become a holistic doctor. And then she went to Burning Man. And that's what really changed everything because now she wants to connect with energy and she talks to angels. So that's where we're at. Yeah, that was funny,

because this whole interesting story and then she went to Burning Man. You know, the thing is this, I feel like I know a lot of people who go to Burning Man, and I support their desire to be around people who don't bathe, but the thing is this, though, is that most people, when they leave Burning Man, they leave it there, and this woman was like, no, I'm gonna do Burning Man all year round.

I don't know them that leave it there. Like, they saw parties together and they was like, no, I'm gonna do Burning Man all year round. I don't know them that leave it there. Like they saw parties together and they're like, Ronnie, would you like to join our community? I'm like, no, what am I mayor, complainer? I will never make it a burning man, okay? I mean, we should play crap. We should be crap as you do with Burning Man. Oh, hell no, I'm not going to Burning Man.

It's like in August, isn't it? Yeah, it's like in two weeks. No. Can't you tell because there are starting to be signs and stories that say, burners, welcome. It's so annoying. But I mean, I hear it's like an amazing experience. Although I do know someone I once went on a date with a guy who then went to Burning Man and his brain was broken by it.

And I'm not even joking. He became a crazy person. He changed his name to words that were like not, like, they were made up words. And then he threw himself off a bridge, wound up in a mental facility. And I mean, like, and then he like ultimately, ultimately culminated with him, like, on his family's farm, singing weird songs on YouTube that like, with Segway and to Chestnuts roasting on an open flame. It was a really strange journey for him

and a great endorsement for Burning Man. Yeah, well, we're giving a lot of credit to Burning Man. It's drugs, okay? And I love drugs. I'll take acid at home, how about that? I'll do acid at home and then I'll just make smores on my stove. Hey, Burning Man, how about sitting on my couch, man?

How about that? How about air conditioner, man? How about that, okay? We all sit around, we, how about that? How about air conditioner man, how about that? Okay. We all sit around, we take drugs and we turn on an air conditioner. How about watching a beer for contest, a man? Okay. How about that? Yeah.

Also, you should have your children taken away for leaving them with this woman. Okay. There I said it. So she is basically going to go have romantic time with her husband. And Bronwyn has a pretty good attitude. She's like, you know, when I was growing up, my mom didn't have a lot of time, which is a very nice way to put it.

So I was sent around to different family members to stay at their homes. So yeah, my kids are getting a great grandma, but that's nothing like my mom, which is good. It's good. It's good in there. She's fun now. I'm so happy.

I'm smiling from pure happiness. I'm not feeling any other emotions that might seem like resentment at this moment. I'm totally happy. And basically, I was like that. Melissa Diurabian moment. I was like, that's what I noticed. I was like, that's who she is.

Melissa Diurabian, because I could see her bitch flowers trying to grow a little bit. Yeah. And the disappointment blooms, you see Melissa. So then we go over to Kelly, who's in Gina's new house, and she's like, they just built this, what's in here? It's a new house? Whoa!

Whoa, what's house? This is a house! So we see that empty room that Gina was walking around in last week where she had that box. I said antiques. And now that antique box is now been put on the floor with various candlesticks in it. And so there's like, again, there's like that giant

like oversized clock that's just like leaning against the wall. She's like, yeah, I don't know what I'm gonna do when this room, I'm probably gonna turn it know, adult hangout space, you know, we know with like a giant clock that we could pretend to reenact the last scene of back the future on maybe and then like, you know, look at the antique box and think about antiques, you know, I was like, okay, and then she goes into her living room. She wants to make it a pool room, a pool table room. Like, wow, you're really not doing a great job of getting rid of your husband okay you're not

going to give him a pool table room in a house that's not even his gina yeah exactly like the first rooms be the pool room and then they go into like the living room and there's another oversized clock leaning against the wall unlike this lady has a problem she really does because she's got that many clocks and she still doesn't know it's 3.33 a.m. or whatever 3.43 a.m. It was like 7.00 at night. It was after a mommy party. So yeah, so it's Valentine's Day and she's like, I just realized it's Valentine's Day and I have that date tonight that's such a nutty time to make a day. Yeah, yeah, she's like, I just like, yeah, it's so weird. He's like 10 years older than I am and like we're just like different people because like

I like to text like a bunch of emojis and then he like doesn't use them back. I mean he actually doesn't even text me back I've just been texting you know, I've been texting my ex basically just my ex. Yeah, probably and she's showing Kelly pictures and Kelly goes, oh, is that his ex? And she's like, no, it's his Toyota. She's like, oh, we're in Orange County. You know, true. So they go to pick up outfits and talk about the guy. Then you know, his matte dating and she's like, I don't even know. I mean, I asked him and he sporadically says no whatever that means Bradically I learned up my new boyfriend uses words like sporadically and respite So this is awkward, you know, cuz we know what happened with Matt what ended up happening with Matt So it's awkward to see this she's like like, I'm really nervous to see Matt's reaction to meet Dayton.

You know, I just, I'm putting my, the needs of my family before my own. But look, I'm just glad you're out of there. I'm glad you're in your own house at this point. Yes, me too. So now we go over to Irvine, where Bronwyn has like a condo, a little Pieta tear, and Sean comes over and they're like already for Valentine's Day. And we learned that when they lived in Miami, Bronwyn has like a condo little pieta tear and

Sean comes over and they're like already for Valentine's day and we learned that when they lived in Miami They had like a little what they called a love shack where they'd get away from their 14,000 children to have sex essentially So they got a new one in Irvine Yeah, I like that she could just buy places, you know for certain events, you know Emily listen up you buy this place, you put your children in it, okay, and then lock the door. Okay. So they're getting all romantic and she starts talking about the girls and how she's going to be friends with all these new girls and stuff and how she was talking to Gina needing help with her kids because they're all over the place and it reminds her of when she, you know,

when he was working all the time. And finally, one of their kids said, bye bye daddy. He always thought that that was the name of the damned. And he's like, and then I change. And now everything's perfect. Yeah. If we'd only talked more, we would have known

that we would have been happier with less money and like being happier and being around each other. he's like, can we have sex yet? Why are we talking about this? Yeah, and I can't, he seems very nice, but I'm having trouble believing that he's a good person because he's a husband on the real house. Well, it's a orange can. I know. There is no bigger strike against you than that.

Exactly. And I really want to call him Frank, but he's Sean. I'm like, you're a Frank. I know you're a Frank and I think that's going to come out because I don't believe his name is Sean. He he's Sean. I'm like, you're a Frank. I know you're a Frank and I think that's gonna come out because I don't believe his name is Sean. He's a Frank. He changed it to Sean. Yeah, I'm like pretty sure his name is Frank.

Oh, so yeah, I'm kind of bored. Okay, so then over at Valentine's, Eddie and Tamra are in the car, which is basically their place to shoot at this point. Yeah, I just like, where are we going? No. Is that a crash? How we never did Valentine's?

That, oh my gosh. It's like, it's a surprise. It's a surprise, Tamara. I'm like, would you wake up your driving, sir? Sir. Sir, what's the point of putting on that 10-inch color if you're just going to crash your car? OK, you want to make it to the restaurant.

So she's like, yeah, we don't normally do anything for Valentine's Day, right? I love right. Remember that time when we were dating? Out of the contract, and you sent me a chocolate coming, strawberries. I'm sick. I don't believe that, because he doesn't remember it.

And I don't believe that Eddie would ever send somebody chocolate anything, Okay. He's Eddie Yeah, he's Eddie. He would send her like some wasa crackers. No, he would send her like some meat He would send her like, you know, some duck fat or some shit. He would send her like something Like the sharper image like hey, look at something you can massage your ankle with but she'd never figure out how to use it So it would stay in a box you know. Yeah, so then we go back to the to the apartment in Irvine and Bronwyn has done a costume change into something sexier and she leads Sean into the bedroom.

I was like okay I don't know why we need to have like a call back to the scene we just saw but sure. I don't know why you need a blank pack for this, but please let it end here, okay? Yeah, we'll thank you. Thank you for the follow-up and then we go yeah Oh no, then we go over to Emily who's her Valentine's Day is her with the kids Climbing all over her and then Fisker going to the toilet drinking out of it and going over to harass Emily because Fisker is just angry Fisker's you're going to put me with these demons. I'm going to make you pay for it. You were the one.

Well, I think she's kind of making out well here. I mean, look what's your other alternative. Shames there. Is that a great Valentine's day either? No, you win. Yeah, she actually got the better option. Yeah, toilet breath, Fiskering wild children. Well, so then Eddie and Tamer are at a restaurant and he's bought her Valentino shoes and she's like,

I think Eddie might have a f-f-f-f-a-shot. Every holiday I get a new pair of shoes and what's really weird is they're all in his size. So. And there's always like lady Gaga took us like come with him, so it's weird. So. I just listened to their order because I know that they're keto and so were you,

so it was very helpful for you. I didn't know they were keto. I was not paying attention. I wasn't paying attention to their order. What are they doing? It's them. Civiche and then a play and miso chilean sea bass. There you go, man.

That sounds delicious, by the way. It makes me hungry. It makes me hungry for the week. I have to like make chicken after this anyway. Because like keto, man. That sounds delicious, by the way. It makes me hungry. It makes me hungry. I have to like make chicken after this anyway. Because like, you know, you can never just go and get a snack. You never have snacks. You have to make a whole big thing like chicken.

You can get a rotisserie chicken from the store. No, I'm gonna make Indian butter chicken, my conny chicken, chicken my conny. We'll see how it goes. Yeah. Well, have that with a nice glass of non-compassion. And you're gonna have a great dinner. I'm excited. Ah! I need stuff that with cream cheese. of non-compassion. And you're gonna have a great dinner!

I'm excited! Hey, stuff that with cream cheese, I don't think so. Hmm, so, Tamar's like, but a good laugh of half. And I was like, why am I sitting through Tamar scenes? Get the fuck rid of Tamar already. What is she even doing here? Getting shoes and talking about nothing?

Yeah, exactly. And they started talking about Shannon, because Tamar's like, Shannon, like, God, I'm going to have to get mad at her soon. And Eddie is like, Eddie's basically saying, so you excuse everything that Shannon did yet last year, like, but, like, are you going to be also, will you also be excusing with Vicki? And at which point they started talking about. Yeah, all that nothing that Shannon did last year.

You know, Tamara knows how housewives work and she knows that no one has memory of anything that happened the season before, but I do. And Shannon didn't do shit to you last year, except not call you enough. And then she apologized. And then you talked about her all season trying to turn everybody against her. Then you were a ringleader and all of this, well, Shannon was the one that said that your husband was abusive.

Well, Shannon, what, you know, Shannon's drinking, drinking yourself silly. It's it. Yeah. Well, so they started talking about- So they started talking about- So they started talking about Vicki and how, like, she can be super compassionate,

then she can be- So, but she started talking about how Vicki, she's like, it's so weird, because Vicki was calling me saying how much she hits Gina, but then Gina calls and says that Vicki's being super nice to her. So obviously, I have to ruin both of them. So, and then we see the screenshot of this text chain that's going on between the trace amigas, Shannon, Tamar,

and Vicki, they're talking about Gina's DU Amiga, Shannon, Tamer and Vicki. I mean, they're talking about Gina's DUI, which Shannon is the first one to report. She's like, I just heard that self-medicating bitch just got a DUI. And she said, I was self-medicating dot, dot, dot dot and Tamer's like Cosmeteer and then Vicki jumps in and she's like wow, whoa and then Tamer says not good and Vicki says so ridiculous a death of jailbird ellipses ever spotsobal and she's like yep and she blew

a stop sign earlier in the month so stupid and at 3.43 am five question marks. Oh, what I mean a stab son first a stab sign. I mean if there's anything I've learned from David is that stab signs do not work. He was like green light to the board. But I'm happy. Happy, happy. So yeah, so we see that.

So we know that Gina's story is now fishy about getting caught with a rodie or whatever, with the guy with the rodie. A little drunk, got a little drunk trying to get leggings. That's a wall. Yeah. Oh, so Tamra's like, yeah, you know, that's a pattern there that just doesn't trust to be a animal. I see her trying to be a mother and she's a

bitch to paper. And Eddie's like, well, why would she do that? She's like, she has to mess and secure person of Emma and my life, which is totally why I moved to Coda to compete with her and be in the country club. Like, you're even worse. So yeah, exactly. So now it's time for Tamer's big housewarming party and she's getting everything ready at her house. I also noticed that they have like a grand piano in the living room. Why is there a grand piano in Tamer's house?

I mean, I'm holding out hope that maybe Spencer plays, but like I just can't imagine really anything pertaining to like, piano playing happening. Yeah, family. Yeah. That doesn't seem like the most talented family on the block. Really anything for chaining to like piano playing happening Yeah, yeah That doesn't seem like the most talented family on the block. Okay, just putting that out there Okay, so now let's have a break just you're a Ryan some more since he's in this scene fuck this guy Fuck oh, yeah, these texts. Oh my god. I am so glad he's still on the show So last week we covered how he's a transphobic racist piece of shit

So glad he's still on the show. So last week we covered how he's a transphobic, racist piece of shit. And this week we can talk about what an abuser he is to women. It's not fun. Did you guys glad you came to the show? Oh, yeah. So Sarah Jane Rodriguez, who is his ex that we saw on the show, says, you talked shit about my daughter several times today.

She's just a child. You're supposed to be a grown-up. And he says, and she acts like a little bitch, just like you. By the way, these are text messages that Sarah put onto her Instagram. She basically blew up his spot. Yes. And she said, I don't think you comprehend what you've done to my family. And he goes, so you can both get fucked. And she says, he says, you're trash.

Fuck off. And she says, you're trash, fuck off. And she says, you're discussing an abusive. And he says, now I'm going to talk to whoever the fuck I want. And she said, your games are unreal. And he says, go kill yourself. And she said, it's not a joke. Hello. And he says, fuck you, a million exclamation points. And he says, this one's for you. And it's a picture of him doing a close-up shot of a bullet. So holding a bullet in his fingers. Like real classy. This guy.

I like Bravo. Just keep this motherfucker on until he shoots somebody up. Yeah, he is like just like in the epitome of everything that's wrong with this country, I think. Truly. He's just truly truly. And he's got terrible fashion too. So yeah, so he is just like a piece of shit, huge, huge, huge piece of shit. So, I hate him and I'm like, I can't,

I don't even have the energy to really, I can't believe I actually have more energy to rant about McKenzie's child than I did about Ryan this week, but I'm just like, I'm just exhausted. Well, it doesn't mean to be a huge rant. It's just like, fuck you. And, bro, let's just another example of Bravo

just keeping somebody on who no get rid of him And then Tamra making a storyline. I mean just gross. Okay, so Kelly and Shannon. Yeah, so Kelly and Shannon are driving over together and Kelly is like I don't want to talk to Vicki I don't even want to talk to her. What are you thinking? And Shannon's like well who else is gonna be there? And she'll go, Joe? Joe who? Who's Joe? Who's that? Joe Mama?

Ah ha! Ah, you! Ah, that! Oh my, oh god! Oh, that's funny. You know that, like for a brief second, Joe from season one was watching him, I was like, oh shit, was I invited to a housewives event?

So Emily and Gina are driving separately but they're talking on the phone and Emily's like well last time I was there I tried to kill Kelly So my goal is not to threaten anyone today. It's like listen if you can threaten anybody and get away with it It's a tamerous house. Yeah, exactly. We encourage you to Threaten someone that was your best moment of all time, Emily. Jeez. Second to when she told Shannon to shut up at the reunion,

which they also showed. So, so now we're back at Tameros house. She's like bossing a kid, we're around. And, you know, this real house was at Beverly Hills music. It's really being just like spammed out on all the Bravo shows, because they played more Beverly Hills music. Where's really being just spammed out on all the Broadway shows because they played more Beverly Hills music.

Where was it? Earlier this week where they played it, maybe on Belodak or maybe on Potomac, but this time it was the one that goes, bo, bo, bo, bo. Just trust me, that's how it goes. It's very much like Lisa Rinn Renee going off to try goat yoga music. To try goat meat. We have all over my microphone. It's things you find out in videos.

Yeah. So they're moving tables around and there's a catering. Tamara's like, well, I'm sure we have that taba, catering. And it says Jennifer, lead caterer. Hey, I feel totally ripped off from my ears, catering. I was never the, lead caterer. Hey, I feel totally ripped off from my years catering. I was never the lead fucking caterer. I'd have that all that shit all over my IMDB right now.

You were doing more ensemble work. Like every catering company is different. Yeah. So everybody starts arriving. Gina's first in her terrible fake furflinstone thing and it's just so embarrassing. I've just, every scene with Gina, I'm like, kind of really feeling for Gina right now. Yeah, she is really going down a bad path.

And then so Gina and Tamara are talking about the fight that Bronwyn's going to be coming. And Tamara goes, huh, everyone knows this Bronwyn, but me, which I was like, oh shit. That means that Tamara is going gonna do one on two things. She is going to turn the group against the new girl or she's going to weaponize the new girl against someone. So I'm excited to see how that goes. I think that Tamer's gameplay this season is going to try and be the new head bitch in charge, like since Vicki's not there.

I think she's gonna try and be a victim about everything and let everybody else go. I think she's gonna try and be a victim about everything and let everybody else go. I think she's gonna try and do her tamara checkers where she's like making everybody else. Yeah, well she's got the checker boards. Yeah, so then we see Eddie in the kitchen and he's just looking into food and then he picks up a piece of cheese

and he's like, like looks right into the camera and sniffs it deeply and then eats it. Oh, this guy's such a creep. Okay, so then Tamra, he's like, he's been creepier with the cheese. I don't like it. I know, he is creepy and bland. And he has hateful eyes.

A lot of the men on this show have just mean person eyes. Well, you think Tamra is going to marry someone who doesn't have hateful eyes? True. True. So, let's see. so Kelly and Shannon come in and Shannon's like wow isn't this pretty It's like beautiful. She's stepping it up with the hands. Whoa So they go over to talk to To Emily who's Emily and Gina who are there and Emily Emily's like, wow, you look so good, Shannon.

And Shannon's like, how? Thank you. And thank you. Thank you. That's the Shannon Vidore. The Shannon Vidore, I hate you. The Shannon Vidore, I hate you. How much?

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. And then that smile, she's like, thank you. Oh, yes, thanks. Ah. Ah. That's a sincere laugh from me.

Ah. And my ex, my. Oh, sorry. I! Ah! That's a sincere laugh from me. Ha! Am I excited? Oh, sorry. I thought you were dead. Note that my head did not drop down below my shoulders when I let out that laugh. I had a slight head tilt, and my posture was very straight. And I said, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. And am I excited to see Emily? No. No? Nothing to say to her. Sorry. Sorry. No. Okay, she didn't hear it. No. No. No. Am I being a bitch? Yes. Oh. So Kelly tells Emily you're skinny and she's like no and not I need to get on whatever Shannon's doing with the Shannon I need to get on the Shannon and Kelly goes yeah she just stopped eating oh no I eat I eat clean which you can see I'm still in my hateful pose and it is burning five calories because I'm squeezing them together because they just I eat clean clean it's a concept

that some people know about it's like how my soul is clean and Emily yours is full of dirt and bad I'm happy and happy and calm and present yes and Kelly's like yeah she she's clean and walks up hills don't you see her on Instagram and Emily goes no I didn't see it because she blocked me on Instagram. She's like, how well, you know, I mean, I really even go on the Instagram. I mean, what, what I said? Like, you like the Lord, I got on the center, a Graham cracker? Lord knows I don't need that.

Ah, I don't even know where I stand with Emily. I mean, I've said five things to her. Did I block her? Yeah. I don't even know where I stand with Emily. I mean I've said five things to work. Did I block her? Yeah Timmer and I did it at the same time. I mean, but this is a fun positive year She did something she did something. I don't really know what she did, but let me decide a blocker Yeah, so then Bronwyn and Sean are coming and he's like is it weird to bring a gift to somebody you don't even know? Like this is nuts.

And then we get a shot of some girl. I don't know who it is by the bar pounding back a bottle of champagne straight from the bottle. She's like auditioning. She's like, I am ready to be part of this cast. I don't know who you are, but I'm going to guess that you were invited by Ryan. Yes, I would say so. So Sean and Bronwyn arrive.

And Tamara just gives her that signature, Tamara look, gives like the half smile and just hates this woman because she's pretty and she seems like she has a fun personality and already Tamara senses a threat. And she's a tiny earthen Tamara. Mm-hmm. Which Tamara's happy to point out. Yeah, that's not gonna laugh That's not gonna be a good. That's not a good sign for you from and the moment the moment that like Bronwyn said

I'm gonna go out get a drink as soon as she was gone Tam was like who wants a Tars who wants a Tars? So she like obviously is like I'm not going to I am not inviting Bronwyn to see a tour of house She kept her out of it. And she's like, I just thought nobody's even staccated so many of you. It's just got seven staccats. So I'm gonna cut someone who's impressed

with their own stares is really newvo. Yeah, like settle down MCS, sure. Okay, it's just a staircase. So then Bronwyn is talking to Shannon. And Shannon's like, well, I got married late, you know, 36. Then I got pregnant on the honeymoon. And then I got pregnant with the twins right after that. I mean, ah, F-luprord. What'd she say? She got that flipper. She says, like, so she conceived, did she say she conceived, oh, she conceived Sophie

After the honeymoon and I guess did that were the twins the ones that she conceived after a death leopard concert Oh, yeah, so she's like she's like yeah the other ones It's right after a death leopard concert and then brawman's like that's pretty bad ass That's a good story. I was like yeah, that is crazy like just getting drunk at a death leopard concert and like conceiving and then I was like, yeah, that is crazy. Like, just getting drunk at a death leopard concert and like conceiving. And then I was like, that was like 14 years ago. That was 2005 death leopard concert. Yeah. It doesn't really have the same like a lure as like, yeah, it was the 80s, things were wild.

We were just like in the back of my old Dodge Dara and then like, poor some sugar on me came on and next thing you know, I had twins. It's like, it was 2005, four years out from 9-11, three years before the financial crisis and Deaf Leopard hadn't had it in 20 years and boom, I was pregnant. Yeah, I see the best Western.

I can see the sadness of this. Oh. So then Ryan is talking to Emily and he's like, where's your husband? And she's like, where's what? Oh, you mean the little thing? He's studying for the bar exam. He's studying. He's like, well, I guess we won't have beers together then. Well, he doesn't drink anyway. He's more moon. I mean, first of all, you know that Ryan, it's like Ryan, you know that bar exam has nothing to do with drinking, right? Okay. Second of all, yeah know that Ryan, it's like Ryan, you know that Bar Exam has nothing to do with drinking, right? Okay.

Second of all. Yeah, I'm only just like looking at Ryan like, you're trash. I'm just like, you're just such trash. And I have cutouts, okay, and you're trash. Yeah. So then, by the way, in the middle of all this, this couple walked in and they got a full chiroin.

It said like, Sheryl and Michael, which is coincidentally the name of all this this couple walked in and they got a full chiroin it said like Sheryl and Michael which is Quincidentally the name of my aunt and uncle Cheryl and Michael cameras friends and they got like a whole chiroin and then that was it. Was there a reason behind that? Do we know maybe Cheryl will be a friend of or something this year? Who knows? I'm surprised. Yeah, I have no idea So then we see Kelly talking to Bronway and she's like, this girl I don't like is coming. I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to.

I don't want to. Bronway's just like, what am I doing with my life? Look over at this. So Tamra's talking to Shannon. I guess Tamra's talking about how like Vicki's planning to bring up some sort of pig video, which we have not heard about yet. We're like a pig video. And so Tamara and Shannon pull up this video that Kelly sent to Vicki that it was like a pig emoji. I don't even know how to do this by the way, but I know it's a thing you can do where you can animate an emoji. And we just

see this pig emoji. It's just one of those things at the bottom of your text. You know how you add a gift? Yeah. It's one of those things. I think it's a monkey. I think it's the face of a monkey. And then you read your face, and then you can do a cartoon character. Like, I have my own emoji.

I'm very thin in it. It's like a wishes emoji. It's like meat and bald. I don't have the monkey. I'm looking right now. I have a monkey. I think it's a monkey. This recap looking right now. I have you don't think I have like a horizon I have like a I have like the Verizon logo like hey you want to send your friends something interesting about Verizon And you're gonna do a text to Ben and I'm gonna press the application window thing and it's a little bit more

And I'm gonna do it in my face. I'm gonna say headbatch and I'm gonna do it in my face. I'm gonna say head batch. I literally don't have the monkey. Okay, send. Okay, now you can see what it's like. It's called an animoji. So I know, but I don't have the monkey. It makes me really sad. Oh, you have to go over then and put it in your where it says more all the way at the end, slide them over and then add it. I looked, there's no monkey in my more bad view. Do you have Face ID or do you have finger touch ID? What? Do you have Face ID on your phone or do you have the thing

where you put your fingerprint in to unlock your phone? Finger phone. Oh, that's why I have my eyes. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, we wasted everyone's time when Ben's phone is just... Well, guess what Ronnie, I'm going to send you something sorry, sorry we wasted everyone's time when Ben's phone is just well guess his guess what Ronnie I'm gonna send you something lovely from Verizon which would be like check out

the new razor phone um anyway so uh it would be in her face and then she tells she's telling off Vicki in it and she's like you want to text me you fucking pig bitch don't text me don't write me don't text me you want to fuck with me you want to fuck with me you little pig with fucking bitch that's exactly what's gonna happen to you don't fucking text me don't write me you want me I can do whatever I want and it was just so hilarious because it's such a it's sort of like a file message but the fact that's being spoken with a pig It's amazing. It's just so fucking Callie, you know, it's like no as low as you possibly can So Tim was like sorry, but that's funny

And so she explains to us. She's like well, let's smell it. How thick I miss peg it on stage And Kelly knows that that's why I think he got a nose dumb.. I mean it's a labla, it's a labla. I was so proud. I was so proud. Yes. So Vicky is like, well that's terrible, that's terrible. Like oh my god. And Cameron, oh no Vicky comes in. She's like, hello, hello. This is like when the T-Rex finally arrived at the rest of the park. It's like we saw like water glasses shaking. Yeah. You know, we saw we saw Ryan's little like a canister of dip moving around. Yeah, our first Vicki scene of the season as friend of.

Yeah. So she's, of course, no one's there to greet Vicki because she's terrible at entrances even at her own parties you know she can never just get an entrance down so everyone's ignoring her and Tamra's hiding and she's like I mean the shot and it is shot and Kelly Caesar from outside and she's like a Sasquatch. Oh god Vicki's here so, so Vicki joins the group. She, hi, hi, hi, hi. I've been marking.

I'm marking. Get a job. Get a job. Everyone's like high and Kelly just leaves immediately. And it just was like this little montage of like Vicki going to various spots around the backyard and Kelly just immediately leaving. Yeah. So then Vicki comes to meet all the girls and she just completely

ignores Bronwyn. Totally. Totally won't even look at her. Yeah. And Gina's like, oh, okay, you're not going to meet her? Okay, then. And Gina goes, not to the A. I guess it's not today. That's Vicki. So then Sean is talking about his necklace and he's like, yeah, it has like spirals from Hawaii. It represents spirals. And Vicki's like, yeah, it has like spirals from Hawaii, it represents spirals. And Vicki's like, oh, it looks like a snail, looks like a snail. And Brahma is like, if she's,

is she like flirting with Sean? Because he's like young enough to be her son. I'm like, I don't think, I was like, I don't, none of this is, none of this. I don't, I can't process any of this right now. You don't think he's young enough? Or just like the idea of Vicki hitting on Sean, but I'm also like, I don't think she I can't process any of this right now. You don't think he's young enough? Or just like the idea of Vicki hitting on Sean, but I'm also like, I don't think she was hitting on Sean.

She kind of was. She says, oh, oh, oh, it's a snail. Oh, oh, really? But you're a nice guy. She's like kind of grabbing his arms. That's true. Vicki, get away. Get away, Vicki.

Yeah. So, so, Broadway, this already about to kick her ass, you know?, so Kelly's like, I don't just go talk to Vicky go do it Go talk to her now. So they finally introduced Ron to Vicky and Vicky's like, oh, hello Hello, probably don't have a job, okay, because your way to your life give me get this a bad unlike me who holds everything that I have Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, yeah Yeah, you know, it's really nice that your husband has a necklace that represents what your marriage is going to do. Down with spiral. Down spiral. Talk to me about years. How about that? That's how many five years.

So, um, uh, she's so nice. You're going to laugh her. Um, and so then there's just like more awkwardness with Kelly and Vicki. And like just like Vicki is, it's just like two magnets that are like opposed. Their polarity is like whatever, pushing each other away. I don't know what I'm talking about magnets right now. Maybe it's because in St. Clown Posse, just released a new album today or something. So, God.

So, they all start walking away from the table, just leaving Vicki and Tamra there, and Emily's the last one standing and she's like you know I gotta go to the bathroom. Vicki's like oh god, not you too. And she's like, I got Tamra's like you should have had a clear wrap back. So now like Kelly's inside in the kitchen and talking about this like pig emoji thing that she sent and she's basically like you know what Vicki's not telling you is that before I sent that Vicki sent me a whole big text message saying like don't write this you're not allowed to say that da da da da like you can't do this you can't do that she's like so I just sent a pig emoji because

I want to talk about a whole dissertation about why she's a piece of shit I just didn't mirror image of what she looks like so my going my going like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, It was like reminiscent of Ghostbusters 2 when that guy's during at the painting and then it comes alive and spreads slime all over the city I was like, okay, that's what's gonna happen with Tamra. Yeah, that's Tamra, alright Steve's such a creeper that guy. He is and it was such a it was such an odd shot On this show just suck. I mean there's there's There's some on every house wise, but this one They're all just gross. I mean Bronwyn's We haven't decided we you know jury's still out, but the rest of them yakes So Tamra and Vicki are talking and Tamra's like well, are you gonna go talk to her and she's like of course

I mean I just don't understand what's going on I mean she texted me I forgive you everything's fine and the people keep talking about it This she just gets all round up and light to fire and Tamer's like, yeah, bat. Thanks someone does. Yeah, but she does. She did. She did. I'm like, okay, then don't fucking go apologize, Vicki. Yeah. You're still going to come on TV and say the same fucking thing. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So, I'll make you come. I'm trying to stick up for Kelly. It's like, God! She got me back now!

And she's like, well, can you fix your front shop? And I'm thinking like, I don't know. I don't know. So... And so this advice is, for Tally Aishan, isn't the best spiky. And Ricky goes, okay, try that tabra. Why did she try that? Huh?

Huh? Yeah, exactly. So now Shannon is talking to Kelly and she's like, well, you know, Kelly, you did make a comment on Instagram where you said her face was melting, like cream cheese and oven, wrapped in salmon. Kelly's like, no, I didn't say a real melting. I just said that her face looks malfunction. That's all, just malfunctioning malfunction face Yeah, it was malfunctioning

So I like she does like she's just like whatever. I don't give a fuck like no no you no no I didn't say that that mean thing about Vicki. I said something actually a little meaner and I'm proud of it San and says um well then she texted you and asked you to please remove it. Just no, no, there was no please, there was no please. She ordered it. She ordered it. Yeah. So yeah, so yeah, she made all these demands, et cetera. And so now of course, Tamer is doing this thing

that she loves doing. She's like, well, maybe like you like Vicki and Kelly, like maybe Vicki, like you should talk with Kelly at whatever. She's like going under the guise of trying to fix this friendship. She's going to have them talk just so, you know, basically they have a scene at her house. Yes. So she's going to make them talk and Vicki's like, well don't leave me out here alone. So she goes in to try and get Kelly.

She's like, I just had a cover about June and her and she said she'd like to talk to you. I don't want to talk to her Just tell about you have to say and the block of air just tell about just say well now Kelly knows what Tamra's game is You know because she's already played it for this many years. So she's like no Yeah, I'm not even a see-t-er So she's like no, they even they, they hit a Mickey forever. And now they're gonna take your side of her mind. That's cool.

That's cool. You're a dwarf. So then we cut to Eddie and Steve talking. And I don't know who Eddie's talking to, but he's like, you should do a tequila. Ladies need more tequila. Ladies need more tequila. So what is happening?

Did they drug out every husband on the show today? Everyone's disgusting today. Oh, I thought he said ladies. We need more to Kila. Oh, okay. Well, I hope so So cool. I'm not that even what I thought he said was bad. I just don't know what's going on with anybody I was like it's an it's an Eddie and Steve scene. I don't think I'm gonna pay that much attention to this right now Yeah, that's that's good advice scene. I don't think I'm paid that much attention to this right now. Yeah, that's good advice. Now there's some good advice. Yeah, so Tamragos and tells Vicki that Kelly doesn't want to talk and that Vicki wants to talk to Kelly.

She has to do it herself. So Vicki's like, OK, fine. Fine. She's like, why are you being on this side right now? Don't be on the side right now. Don't be on the side right now. Don't be on the side right now. Don't start with it right now. Just out of the way. She's not innocent. are you being on the set right now? Don't be on the set right now. Don't be on the set right now. Don't be on the set right now. Don't set right now.

Don't set it right now. She's not innocent in this. We were both wrong. We were both wrong, which is always what Vicki says. Always. In every single argument ever, she never apologizes. It's always, we were both wrong. We were both wrong.

And Shannon's like, well, if you say, what can I do to make this better? Go do it. Go do it. Tamer's like deputy a deck Just that's a deputy a deck you guys you guys have to have to head to my back on this you have to have my back You have to have my back on this and so she goes over there It's always apologizing. Why is it always me because you're always the one putting your big ass put in your mouth?

Yes, so then Vicki's like Kelly. Can we talk? It's like I don't have anything to say to you's like, I don't have anything to say to you, Vicki. I don't have anything to say to you. I don't have anything to say to you, Vicki. And then we begin the chase. Thank you. And we begin the chase. Yeah, which is like even more hilarious since Vicki

is dressed like a sass squash. So it's like this like weird slow moving like, they were like Vicki. Kelly's just trying to get away from Vicki. Just like walking from room to room. And Vicki, like furry from Vicky just like walking from room to room and and Vicky Like furry Vicky is just like going like honor heels saying no you sent me a text that you want to move on You see it's you want to move on like we're changed what changed what happened? What happened? You get a job?

Get a job. Yeah, and Kelly's just going no not today No, not today and just keeps walking away and then so Vicky switches gears and she's like what do you think you're a beauty queen But what are you beauty queen? You should never talk Vicki switches gears and she's like what do you think you're a beauty queen but what are you beauty queen you should never talk to women like that and Kelly's like oh just go Vicki just go Vicki oh my face I'm not sitting you I'm not sitting you I'm not sitting Vicki I care about you I care about you Kelly she's like I don't I don't I don't I don't need on. Yeah, of course I, of course I did. Do, do.

Of course I, I care, of course I don't care. I mean, I do care about you a lot, a lot Kelly. And she's like, you don't understand what you've done to me. You've hurt my daughter. You understand? Have you ever seen me do cocaine? Have you ever seen me do that? No!

Dun, dun! And that brings us the end to the real housewives, and hopefully, who's? Whoa! Thank you to everybody who's with us, and thanks to everybody who's with us on video. Hi, everybody there! What?

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