Watch What Crappens - RHOD: Classic Trolley Rewind - Live from Dallas

Episode Date: February 10, 2019

Brace yourself for a trip down memory lane (via dented trolley) as we recap a classic episode from the first season of the Real Housewives of Dallas. And of course, there's no better place to do it than at the historic Texas Theatre in the heart of Dallas itself! This was our biggest audience to date, and if you missed us, don't worry: we're coming back to Texas next month for SXSW!!! W00t!!!!! Thanks to everyone who showed up, got drunk, and racked up the theater's largest bar tab in its HISTORY!!!! Love you all! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few, follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap-ins would like to think it's premium sponsors. Just saying, okay? Kristi Wawardy-Dawardy!

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Yay! Welcome to Wash White Rapids! Yay! Something about Bravo. What the hell? What the hell are you doing on my stage? Hi Uncle! Get the hell off that stage!

Let's start this again! Please welcome Wattro Krabby! So much that happens Oh, that happens Oh, that happens Oh, that happens Oh, that happens What happens What happens What happens So much that happens

What happens What happens What happens So much that I've been swan Wow Wow I'm from Staxes Hi, Sucka

Wow Oh my God Wow, oh my God. Wow, hi guys. Crazy to see all you guys are so excited to be here. Thank you guys so, so much for being here. I love coming home to Texas, you know. And it's funny how different every city is in Texas, you know. El Paso is in Texas, like it's Mexican food, like, you know, it's beautiful.

I love my El Paso. And yeah, we come to Dallas, which is like white, white, the widest Mexican food I've ever eaten. I'm gonna start being like, mom and me and carrying chili packets in my purse. Yeah. Yeah, this is crazy. This is the biggest show we've ever done tonight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is crazy. This is the biggest show we've ever done tonight.

Yeah. Yeah. This is the biggest audience. I know it's crazy. One of our very, very, very first shows was actually in Texas. We did it in Austin. Do you remember that? Back then, we called it crap by crap West,

because we were so dinky. Was anyone at that show? Wow. KSR, KSR is here, Miss Karen. It was like boiling hot that day. The sun was beaming in, we were sweating. Yeah, we did it at my answer restaurant, Keybar, the bar, Keybar in Austin.

Outside, that was some, my mom and her friends were like the audience and like maybe four of you. Yeah. And that was back when we like the audience and maybe four of you. And that was back when we did a three and a half hour show. And we did a full three hours. We did I think five shows, like covered five shows and that one. And the last one was like, what was that long Island wives show? Yeah, secrets and wives.

And the old, the old princesses. Yo, secrets and wives. Secrets and wives. Yeah, you got lies, that one. Yeah, that was, I mean, it's crazy to think that we came from there to here, right now from 650 people in Dallas. But the other thing that's really crazy is, you know, again, like back then, we were just like, we're just like two guys talking about real house, we're like crap by crap west.

We're actually extremely excited. We're announcing the very first time right now that we are going to South by Southwest this year. Yeah, we're so excited. We are so excited. So we'll be back in Texas next month. Yeah, I'm gonna get Ben addicted yet. Yeah, to Texas.

And Texas has grown so much. We're so excited to be coming to Southby because Austin, like hello. Yeah. Someone last night was like, are you coming to Austin? Please come to Austin. You have to come to Austin. I was like, girl, just wait 24 hours. Hold on.

Now of course, it's like at 12 a.m. on a Tuesday, or 12 p.m. on a Tuesday or something like that. That's like, you know, we're gonna be totally loaded, right? Yeah. They're like, well, everybody is, don't worry. Yeah. My kind of people. Yeah. Um, but man, Dallas, Texas has changed so much.

We were at a restaurant yesterday and there were these two big, big cowboys. Like, big, you know? Like, big. Possible flies coming off them because you know they just got off work. Like, kind of cowboys. Okay. We're used to like Madonna cowboys, you know? Like just got off work. Like, kind of cowboys. Like, where do you still like Madonna cowboys? You know, like, gay guys with straw hats,

do splits in the air. Yeah. But it was like, two, it was like, two of those, a couple of families and a bunch of gay guys. And I was like, God, Texas has changed. Yeah. Thank God, we can all just binge together now.

God bless you. Right, America has come so far. By the way, the guy who came up into the pre-show, that was Ashton. He's lovely. And by the way, Ashton, can I get myself a beer pose? Also a straw. A straw in a beer. Thank you, Ashton. So, our internals.

And by the way, if you want... If you want... If you want... If you want... If you want... If you want... If you want... If you want... If you want... If you want... If you already get to live forever, fuck off turtles.

Seriously. By the way, if you wanna come see us at South by Southwest, if you go to watch our crapens.com slash SXSW, which is South by Southwest, there's like information there. So y'all go do that, do that right now. And you thought we wouldn't plug shit at a lot of? I know. And this crap and poetry don't forget to get your crap and poetry. So today we decided to

do a classic episode for our biggest show in Dallas. And once we start doing this show for so long, you know, it just to help ourselves, it's like army vets. You just try and get as much out as you can that you don't want to remember. You know, like you just need to. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you.

I love you. Thank you, Ashton. Look how handsome you are. I'm in your eyes. Tip your people. Tip your ashes. Yeah, tip your ashes. Yeah, so anyway, what I was saying

it didn't come out right. But what I meant was, like, some things are better to just black out. You don't need 18 seasons of housewives in your brain. It's hurtful. It hurts your feelings sometimes. So we don't remember half of this shit. So we're like, what should we do?

What should we do? And we both agreed at the same time. The one where Leanne hits a trolley. Yeah. Hit a trolley. We're like, we don't care what happens to the rest of the episode, as long as the one where she hits a trolley, we'll be happy.

It's like we do that for an hour and a half. I don't give a shit what happens to the rest of the episode, as long as the one where she hits a trolley, we'll be happy. It's like we do that for an hour and a half. I don't give a shit what happens in the rest. Oh, look, we have our resident trolley. There it is. Wow, that had some panache. Yes, let's put that. That's a beautiful trolley. Beautiful.

There's just hands, it says. There are just trolley's, but they work quite well. Leanne Locken for transportation. In that case, it's loving. So you guys, welcome to Watch or Crap, and it's a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love to talk about. We're just going to keep saying hi.

That's our plans for this entire show. Well, we got to see our tag. Yeah, let's keep going back. Let's just go backstage again. It really does feel good. Yeah. Well, we forgot to, when we did our Charleston Show two weeks ago, Let's just go backstage and get a really does feel good. When we did our Charleston show two weeks ago, it was our seven year anniversary to that day. We forgot to say, hey guys, it's our seven year anniversary.

If we get our tagline in, that will be happy. It's our seventh anniversary. Welcome to Watch What Happens. Yeah. Okay. Now, so many things we've learned over the years. Yeah Okay Now so many things we've learned over the years So no and you know my favorite thing to do is to say I told you so which I get to do a lot in these in these classes Yeah, I've a sense God bless you Carrie

You know we've met Carrie in real life and I really love Carrie But she one I is constantly twitching And the other eyes looking at the exit door at all times, okay? It's smart. And we see why in today's episode, don't keep Botox at home. Don't do it. I know you can, I know you can, but don't.

Yeah, yeah, you've got to be careful. So, you know, one thing that we love doing with when we look at these old episodes, when they show like previously, it's always so fun to go to that memory lane, even though this was only like, you know, two years ago. It's still like so much has changed, you know, because the very first image we see, of course, Leanne Lachin, who was so kind to come last night. And I got like this warm tingle in my heart, it's like, oh, that's right. This is when Leanne was going through like her old French poor makeup phase.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Leanne, you know, she learned that like dip your finger in the blush and then do this and then go, boom, boom, boom, boom. It was like, I mean, I've gotten like this. I know how it goes. She was about to go audition for Epineen.

And everyone's original faces. I was about to go audition for Epinion. And everyone's original faces. I was like, when was this? I know. It felt like it was like four years ago. Why does this look like I'm watching tin types? You know? And Tiffany God bless Tiffany. I miss Tiffany and I want her back.

I know, I know. I know I heard your half-boos and I know that Tiffany didn't seem that exciting. But we did pick the episode where she screams in the elves at Leanne. And then we got an extra dose of her, her Keith Urban want to be pinch-fading, cabbage-past. Aaron.

His cabbage-fast old cabbage. He looks like if cabbage-past dolls could age. Ha-ha-ha. And then get Botox, the Carey's House. Yes. So they're in a store in the previous leaves, and it's like a Tuesday morning. You know, because this is like when they first started,

and no one allowed them to film anywhere, you know? So they're like looking at pillows that Lauren McCall told them to buy, basically. So jokes. And when you've been friends for 30 years, you've got to be honest. I told them to buy, basically. LAUGHTER Such a... And we end up like, when you've been friends for 30 years, you've got to be honest. I was like, no one has told you about your blush?

Yeah. Not when? Yeah. Change towns. You know, sometimes you just got to find your people. Yeah. And then Tiffany's like, 30 years, it has been 25 years, Leanne. Not 30.

Why do you keep upping it? And I immediately started getting beautiful mind numbers, like surrounding my head, trying to figure out the certain kind of algebra these bitches are doing. Yeah. 25 or 30 years, both alive. And then they're like, we knew each other when we were children.

I'm like, OK, OK. Got younger and younger. 10 years ago. You remember when Pebbles Flintstone tried to start shit with me at that... So rude. I could see me as getting an air fight with Pebbles. Yeah, she was.

Bam, bam. I'll show you whose bam, bam. Yeah. Ain't no one lock a me out of this Flintstone house. Do you know? I put the real star of this scene is blush. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so we, so they were all like, and they were in this like sort of, they were having some sort of fight at this Tuesday morning. And basically, as one does, we've done it. My family's here tonight, we've done it. Long, long standing tradition. Listen, Bravo is no shame. I mean, we all remember when Bethany hemorrhaginahome goods, okay?

We'll go to the big brands for the major. I literally, literally, I'm bleeding all over everything. Like, seriously, literally I'm dying. It's like a red dot right now. Right, that's like, seriously, that's it. And the wind is like, he's doing okay, really bad. Hey, I found a peppermale. I found a peppermale.

I found snowmen that have blue tooth legs and then we can remote control. What do you think about this, Owl? Um, so yeah. So we see Brandy talking to Leanne. Brandy's having a fight with Leanne and she's like, Leanne, you are so full of shit.

You have no idea what sort of life I've led. And I'm like, wow, she has been saying this line for many years now, hasn't she? Wow. Yeah, that downtrodden life of a pretty white cheerleader. I don't, they never get anything. All those horror stories that they go through. This was also before Leanne.

I think before she fell, she had job security because then she's fighting with Brandy, and then she sloshes her glass very like to meurally and then like throw it toss it down quietly. This is before she realized she could actually just like hurl it across the room and like gnarlet everyone. It's before a wall really pissed her off

if she'd learned that that's the real person to beat. So then we get a clip of this hat party, which is just another iconic scene, and we don't even have to recap that episode because we get it right now. So there at this hat party, Trisha, I'm busy, seriously. My texts are popping up, sorry, I love you Trisha. I'm like, what are you doing right now? I was like, how many times do I have to tell you?

I even posted a picture from Texas. What are you doing? You're like, oh, hang on. No. And that was the hat party. Sorry, yeah. That was the hat party. What are you doing? You're like, oh, hang on. No! And that was the hat party. Sorry, yeah. That was the hat party. Trisha showed up to another hat party, wearing shit on her head.

I'm wearing shit on my head. OK, so hat party, Leigh Ann and Tiffany. So they're wearing these humongous hats with, I mean, I don't want to diss Marshalls, right? Because like, he doesn't love, but it was, it was this like, total Marshalls car. This is like before they started getting deals with designers or whatever, which honestly hasn't helped, let's be honest. So, they're in like Marshalls within these big homemade

hats that they made themselves. Yeah. And Tiffany and Leanne are talking and Tiffany's like, I'm not sure what Brandy's wearing, but I think there's dog poo on it. I feel like that hat was when Brandy started to turn for me. Like there was like two episodes and that season where I was like, yes, Brandy's my hero and then that hat happened and it just wasn't as funny as I wanted it to be. And then I just sort of like kept coming up the hat, the poop hat, and then it just sort of like, I was like, oh, I felt Brandi was gonna be my hero, and she's not. I was turning into Greg. Well, then to think of, and she's not my hero.

I thought it was gonna be amazing, and then, what's wrong with my hair? She's not where the pillows did Brandi ever know that she was my hero. Trying to adjust my mic, I sit up straighter. Oh, it's my different, complete difference. So Leanne's like, really? Really? That is really.

Which is so hilarious considering Leanne ended up having that big confessional about shitting in a basket if you're the this season One of the greatest house. So I have secrets of all time to come out. I'm in this show So the shit in the basket itself over and over again, you know bad bath and beyond and I ain't kidding So they were back that other party where land just like through that glass and Stephanie's like Really that's like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, Going down the drain! Oh my God, I'm not gonna be able to give to poor people anymore! It sounds like a fucking win to me. Stephanie had such a look-up heart in her face.

She looked like she had just been cursed by an old wedge. She was like, I think it's cute that Tiffany wants to play with rattlesnakes. I just hope this one's rattled works before it bots her. What I'm trying to say is you don't want a dysfunctional rattlesnake. God, take that back to Radio Shack. That's a rattlesnake without a rattlesnake. That means the rattlesnake don't work.

So they're saying it. So they're saying it. make without a rattle that works. That means the rattle don't work. Southern sayings. Southern sayings. Do you guys follow Liam on Twitter and Instagram? I love her. I love her Southern sayings. Hashtag. Southern sayings. Southern sayings. I say it all day long. I'm thirsty. Southern sayings. Southern sayings. Hi, I'm Stagg. Hi, I'm Stagg. So then we get our opening lines. So we have the season one line. So we have Brandy. She's like, I was a cowboy cheerleader, but in Dallas, I'm never on this line.

Never on the sidelines. She's like, just see her husband snarling at her from the corner. Yeah. And my husband hates me. Tiffany's like, I came home to Dallas to shine my life, not to fight. Also, I'll sniff some cocaine off your floor.

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I It's like a really weird line. And I love that Tiffany's Adodo bird and she still writes better lyrics than her husband. I was thinking that the entire episode, I was like, she used the writing songlurs, isn't her episode? Yeah, Tiffany talks and rhymes. I came home Dallas to shine my light, not to fight. Got that right? My pants are tight.

Anyone check on Betty White? Don Omar. And then, uh, Carrie, um, I'm not, uh, who's she say? Girl. I'm not a trophy wife. I'm a lifetime achievement award. So you're a watch that you get when someone retires?

I don't know. I know. I'm an epitaph. Wait, what do they call it? Would dead people die at the Oscars? They're like, now we're showing the dead people. I'm a memoriam award. I'm at in a ceremony held earlier tonight award. This is probably the moment that Cameron West got to side.

She's going to audition. She's like, I can do a better line than that. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it. And that... Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Choose your taglines carefully!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. on the reunion, Andy's like, why are you, why do you nod your head like that? It's creepy or whatever you said. And she's like, you know when I'm nodding my head like that, totally checked out, Andy. I'm not listening to anything. I was the best answer I've ever heard. And then we were watching those Instagram videos

from Andy's baby shower. And every time they pan over to Cam, she's talking to someone going. I'm just stuck talking to Candice Diller. I think the music in her head is just like clown music, you know. I would have loved seeing Cam when he got up on the table like Lisa Rina at that party. It'd be like, whoa.

I'm not bashing adopted baby. Okay everybody do the camera in. Just like a off-kilt head tilt. Every car he knows is the time for commercial break. They're just ads, but they work. Wow, well. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable.

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We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wendry app. know me from around town. I'm Fred Flintstone's wife. I'm the girl next door. I feel a bit of a big old mansion. Next to another mansion that has ridiculous kung fu statues outside.

So then the most iconic line, probably of any housewife. I grew up a carny kid. You play games with me? You're gonna play. I remember the first time I watched Real House House of Dallas, the first episode, and we had no idea what to expect. And the fact that these like how these taglines are going, the usual thing, and was like, I'm a carny! I was like, what? What? Like, just declaring it. But to anybody from here, it makes total sense, right? It did to me because when I first saw this show,

I was like, this is exactly what I wanted. Gigantic shitbox houses, you know? I mean, the houses here are so humongous. The shittiest houses are humongous. I'm like, oh my god, they're huge. Statues of bulls everywhere. In your yard, in your yard, wherever. Big old statues and freeway. Shit ton of freeway. Yeah. Texas. Yeah, we have to take like a freeway to get from the hotel to CVS. It's like so Liam's play games with me and you're gonna pay and I liked it. Leanne even though she's not

a carny anymore is still worried about people trying to get free turns. Yeah, head over right. That's what I was thinking. You're gonna pay for that game. You better have a ticket. You better have a ticket to watch the rest of this show. Okay, so then we cut back at this party that's a continuation of you know, Okay, so then we cut back at this party that's a continuation of you know 3,000 years ago or whatever that was about. Yeah, and this is again when they couldn't film anywhere So they had to shoot this whole fight against brick wall. Yeah, which is just so fucking gallows every time they fought anywhere They're like, okay ladies. We're gonna have you stand in a line against this wall to fight You know, it's like a low rent version of Chicago

They're just lined up. The brick wall is like the server refrigerators, you know? The perfect backdrop for any conflict. And they didn't know how to do people dirty just right yet they're producers, so. But they still tried to do them dirty, like a housewife show. And Leanne's glass throw is the funniest thing because she does what you say.

She's like, oh really? Well, your charity world's gonna be over. And then she'd like sort of empties her glass. Like nicely, you know trash is an amigur. She's me one moment. And she walks over to something. And I think she empties it in the trash can. And then she puts it down on the table or something.

And it goes, I don't. They throw it. They throw it. The emotions going off in the back, but baby's crying. You know, I don't. I don't. They throw it. They throw it. The emotions going off in the back, are babies crying, you know, in the back. They throw in like an atomic bomb going off in the background. Like, we'd know where you're up to you pretty soon. Here's a mushroom cloud.

I'm like, wait a second. Yeah. The man's like, she's like, I'm so mad that I've got two choices. Kill the bitch or start crying. Or both. Probably get killed. You know, so she storms out and she starts past all these tables who are like,

classy, dotties with them and who will never speak to you if you've been on television. Yeah. Uh, and they're just looking at her like she's trash. And then to prove them wrong, she distorts past them going, fuck her, I don't give a fuck back those little bitches. Man. And she's wearing like, it's actually appropriate. She's wearing like a carnival striped pantsuit

that she goes through. She is. She was like, I gotta go start the Tribal. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. So, but then they cut back to Stephanie and she's like, ah! She's crazy! She looks like she was like in a bank house, like an innocent bystander who's like,

ah! And her laugh is exactly the same as her cry, because her laugh is, and then her cries. And then we cut to one of the great forgotten faces of Bravo, poor Marie. I think, remember Marie? She didn't survive Leanne. And they just cut to her.

She just going like this. Remember when we thought Marie was so nice? I'd love to once she went nuts. Now that was a mistake not bringing back Marie. You don't get rid of people because they go nuts. What the hell is the point of this show? You're supposed to make them nuts. I've never seen someone look so consistently scared on a house I've shown.

She's always like, and she even made it onto the reunion. That's the crazy part. She got onto a reunion couch. And then just disappeared. I think that pretty much Lee-Ann murdered her, right? We can reunion couch. And then just disappeared. I mean, I think that pretty much Leon murdered her, right? Like, we can assume that. Like, she's gotten, has anyone ever seen Marie since? He's in a meat locker somewhere.

She was pulling a sedric for a long time where she was trying to make a comeback on Instagram and like starting fights like years later. You know, is Marie here? I hear like a faint boo, like a sexual boo, whenever we bring up Maria. I just wanna make sure she's not here, like cutting her thighs or something.

It's like a boo with like a hint of like fear and sadness. If anyone from the show is here, get the fuck out. This is not for you. So, so Leanne storms off and Tiffany goes after, she's like, Leanne, stop! And then it comes to like this great like finger fight with her like doing this to each other, like,

Well Leanne, this is my favorite Leanne move when her fingers like this. It's like curved, she points it, but it's curved like a happy face, but she's not happy. It's like, what? Happy mustache and it's not, it's just like, it's just like that.

Yeah. So they're fighting and It's just like, does it like that? Yeah. So they're fighting. And Tiffany's just decided to stand up. And so she does start doing kind of a move that Jen was doing this week on Jersey which we were doing last night, where she's like, you're the million! Good to me!

You! I always get so terrified when Ryan does that to me. You're the million. You're the million. You're the million. You're the million. You're the million. I always get so to run, does that to me? It's gonna be more of a ballet tonight than the real boy. So Leanne's like, I'm done, I'm done, I love that you're not, but I'm done, I'm done. And they blur it out, which is so funny to me. Yeah, let's show, let's show Jack's ass every week, but let's like, get rid of a fuck you finger, you know?

Yeah, exactly. Like which is more hurtful? Honestly, I don't have the answer for that. It's a real question. Yeah. Yeah. So she's like, don't flip your finger at me, Lee. And come here, stop. And she's like, don't talk to me like that.

And Lee and I go, oh, don't. Don't talk to me like that. I'm done. Don't talk to me like that. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. And they're right, this close to each other.

And then next to them is this ballet, who's like, he's like on his phone trying to be cool. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, do not talk to me like that. And then he goes, fuck, fiddle, fuck, fuck. And she's like, there's my girl. Now what's up, Leanne? And Leanne's like, go in there and be great.

Go on, you stood there and coordinated that. You coordinated it. I love how she says that one. Yeah, it's a Leanne's going on war. Leanne's going off about Tiffany not having her back, whatever. I love that. I love how she says that one. Yeah, so Leon's going on war. Leon's going off about Tiffany not having her back, whatever. So finally Tiffany just loses it. And she's like, are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me? And he's like, yes, that's how I feel. Tiffany's like, well, I'm telling you in your face right now that I've got your back. And then she's just like, shoves Leon. Which is a great way to show you have someone's back by the way. You know I have my back, boom. Yes I do, boom. No I don't, boom.

And she's like good, push me, push me, get my back, push my front, and I don't care to her. Because the end, I can full on victim mode, which Leanne always does, you know. Throw a glass and start a nuclear war, and then she's like, we're one so many. She just gets all caught. Because now Tiffany's losing her mind.

And now Lian's like, good, good, great. Fine, be mad at me. I don't care. Be mad. Be mad. Where's your embarrassment from the valet over here? And Tiffany's like, I had your back when everyone else talked shit about you. And you know what, I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of it. Every fucking time I take up for you, I was like, I had your back when everyone else talked shit about you. And you know what? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it. And free fucking time, I take up for you. I was like, whoa. You're showing up to the housewives audition, like, five weeks too late. I know. Well, maybe she was in the bathroom beforehand. So, and Leanne's like, well, then don't take up for me then. You don't have to.

And then, no one said, do you have to take up for me? She's like, you literally just said your man to me, for not taking off for you, Leanne. Like, no, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, I didn't.

These notes are so intense. That's why I'm taking a pause. I was like, where's the mic? I was like, please keep talking, Ronnie. I can't find myself. But then when you do Leanne's face I'm taking a pause. I'm like, where am I? What am I doing? I was like, please keep talking, Ronnie. I can't find myself. But then when you do me hand-picked,

you can't read at the same time. Because she's never just like has a calm looking forward face. It's always like, but the best. So now Tiffany launches into her Oscar speech. She's like, when people say you talk shit, what do I say? I say you don't know her. She has a big heart. She shouldn't basket.

She can get three rings on cola bottles and one shot like Harry fucking potter in her a chance. I stick up for you every fucking Tom! And Leandro said, yup, and I don't lie. It's like giving me some fucking credit, Leandro. So then inside Stephanie's still like, She's like a safety blanket. She's crazy. And Brandy's like, you okay? Of course Brandy, he's like at the centery's like, you OK?

Of course, Brandy is like at the center of all this, you know? And Stephanie's like, I feel like she's just like, so mean. Carries like, you know, girl, it's like when you see like, a her of gazelles. And there's like one gazelle in the back, and you're like, that gazelle needs vaginal medjuvenation. It's like that. So then back outside, Tiffany's like, look at you.

Look at you walking away from me. Which Tiffany's always so good at just pointing out the obvious, you know? Yes. Vivlianne is, in fact, walking away from me. Yes. Oh, you're gonna put one foot in front of the other? Oh, that's real smooth, Liam.

It's like, I'm going home because I don't give a fuck about Brandi Stephanie or Carrie. And then Tiffany grabs her again. Oh. And I'm like, I'm done. I'm done. And I'm done with that camera too. I'm done with you. done, I'm done. And I'm done with that camera too. I'm done with you, I'm done with that camera. I'm done with that street sign right there.

She get the fuck out of there. You stop, street sign. You stop. Someones have told Tiffany, you never grabbed Leanne from behind on the shoulder. She's like a horse. She's like a horse. Kick you right in the face.

Now the answer is like, I do not want that camera here. I don't want the camera. So of course it's Bravo. So they wake up finally and they're like, oh shit, this is just some good shit. Oh yeah, it's a show. The guy's like, the answer, ooh. And Tiffany's like, I don ooh, ooh, ooh.

And Tiffany's like, I don't care about the fucking camera that she's like, what? Dude! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! No! No! No! Man! Wow!

I've never felt so mask. Cause' like a big boss fight. Like a Zelda or something. Wow! No, he hasn't have so many firsts. He's the first carny kid. She's the first person to beat the shit out of a cameraman on the house side, so. And then you see it from another angle.

And she's like, fully like, punched that guy into traffic. Like, he's like, oh. That's definitely good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. And step in. You hear me! Oh! Oh! I'm done!

Done! And then it's like the moment we've all been waiting for, it's like... Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, thinking, okay, bring it by. Okay, here it comes. It conducts like, well, what a lovely day to be on a trolley. Just going down this empty street. Nothing good possibly. Yeah, where are you going? And I will get you a hammer. I'm drinking your fucking paper.

Fuck you, I'm going home. Good fuck out here. Why can I get off? I'm going home. No, stop, my am, no stops. No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, What a terrible day to be Sandra Bullock. So sorry, darling. I'd like to announce that Lisa van de Pumph is now taking in broken trolley beds. Ah, ah, ah, it's a trolley.

I'm going to bring you to us Hollywood and make you a free trial that goes all the way down Santa Monica Boulevard. I've never thought twice about Trolley until I saw a broken, solving trolley. Wait, there's a Stephanie in here. This is like Pornos, Stephanie. I don't know where you found this picture. She's like, characters of the trolley. I made it out. Oh my god. That was terrifying.

Oh no. Oh my God. Oh, I mean, I mean, you're mean. Oh my God. You know what I mean? Oh my God. I'm going back in. I don't know why.

I don't know why. I could play with those all day night. Just recreate real house all these little figurines. So then, the scene is really filled so much kidnase, okay? So then, after Liam abuses the trolley, it won't stop for her. Would you stop for her if you saw that coming? Oh, no.

That's a Dallas trolley. I didn't even feel it. Texas. Texas transportation. Yeah, that trolley was not having her. So she's like, Oh, fun, I'll cross the street then. Hello. Takes off her shoes. Which is safety first. She that trolley was not having her so she's like, oh, fun. I'll cross the street then. Hello

Takes off her shoes Safety first. It's like are you crossing a beach? Why are you taking your shoes off the cross the street? Fucking weirdo. Yeah, after she stomped all the way down the sidewalk now she'll take off her shoes and Then she passed by and you know that this wasn't planned because you know like filming in front of the brick wall or at the Tuesday morning Poorly and hasty just walk past the dumpster crying. And she's the reason I'm back in Dallas. I mean she's the reason I'm not snorting coke off of Travaging floors in Malibu anymore I like that one of them is just gonna stick with 25 years the other's gonna stick with 30 and that's just it It's like phage or math. Yeah, okay, so You guys look at me.

You okay? Do you know the last time I worked out tonight, right now, right in front of you? This has been a lot. You had to be the cameraman and you had to stomp on the trolley. We're basically reenacting Godzilla up here. It's too much, so I'm exhausted. That's okay. This is done, I'm done.

I'm retiring. Yeah, just kidding. So Mama D was here yesterday, and sorry she's not here today. Yeah. I had plans, but we don't schedule people to come, because we're not like allowed to put them in our shows. Thanks a lot, bitch. The bitch is Bravo.

But we're not allowed to do that. But if they listen to the show and they want to come, what are we going to say? No, you can't come. So they came, and they were so nice and so good to us. But I know that I would love Mama D, because Power of Me Ma here, you know? Yeah. love Mamadi, because power Mima here, you know? Yeah.

I have the non-power Mima, you know, and I love her very much. So when I see her in power for them, I'm like, my idol! So she was here with these wonderful gays. Yes. They were great. These shiny jackets, you know?

My dad was like, what the hell? I was like, this is Dallas Gays. Like, what do you want? They do it really right here, you know? It felt like a row of game show hosts. But I knew that she was like really my spirit, Mima, when I was showing her backstage, and she goes, stares.

And I said, I know, I said the same thing. I was like, I hope that one day we get rich and famous so I can have some poor, shrub carry me up these things. Yeah. The sucks. You get sucks. She's like, oh, I don't know about this. I said, well, do you want to stay down here? It's like, no, I'll go up them.

Yeah. And it's a lot. So she goes up and then we're coming down. She's like, I got to go down them. No, you're just up there for the rest of your life. Just stay here forever. Like, I literally don't care. They have popcorn here.

I'd stay here. I mean, I have to say, it's been a really hard two weeks for us because last night we had momadis staring at us and two weeks ago we had Patricia staring at us and I'll see these like these grandums of Bra, Bra, are really hard to have in the front row because they just stare at you like don't you dare, don't you dare. Well, Mama D gave us the lurch she gave to Andrew when Deandre said she wanted to switch to soft patches. She just looked at us like this.

Hmm. I don't give a rip what you want to do with a soft pouch. And every once in a while, I see her little head go. Yeah. Like I say, pay I say. My favorite part was that sometimes she'd be like this. And then I think she realized that we'd be looking at her since you go like, I was like, yes.

So we love exercise about the same. Yes. So then we go back inside. We're still like, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. I'm urgency emergency services so Brandy's like she couldn't hear what I was saying so she went back to you it's like nobody can hear what you're saying with for ginger speak up she's like that is one crazy fucking bitch she lost it yeah and then smiles and

this is back when I was like oh my god God, I just love that Brandi girl. She's had a hard life. Yeah. So cheerleader. Yeah. Hard. Hard life. I don't know.

I'm just like, I fucking crazy. Go Brandi. Team Brandi all the way. Wow, how things have changed. Yeah. So Tiffany's talking to Marie. Meanwhile, Marie's still like, and you know, talking about this crazy fight and Marie finds it's like, I mean,

who throws things and calls people names at a cocktail party? Who does that? I'm like, people who get renewed for seasons two and three. And three. And three. And three. Marie, learn some lessons.

Have fun not throwing things at your next cocktail party that has no cameras there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enjoy that. So, Carrie, it's trying to make everyone feel better. You know, she's like, that was embarrassing. For her. Says the woman who now has a $70,000 stove in her kitchen.

So mad about that. I'll bring it up anytime I can. What'd you say? Bring up what? The $70,000 stove in the kitchen. Yeah, I'm still mad at that, too. I'm mad. But also because I sweat so much and I just can't imagine having a kitchen that's 100 degrees

on purpose in Texas. That's crazy. People leave their countries for your air conditioning. Do you understand what I was saying? Yeah. So this is also where Carrie used to show her real personality because that's the only season she had one. You know, like where she showed her real one the whole time. Yeah. I think the second season she started to hide it because everyone called her a man's stealing horror, a husband stealing horror, whatever. And then the third one she changed it because her husband was second to take it around

or whatever, whatever it was. I mean, the bluster heart, she's changed. She's just changed it so many times. But this is the original personality and it's just full of corny jokes, which I really liked. And then she says things like, well, the bad thing to do is always to take the high road. That with the low road. And everyone's like,

ah, wow. I'm miscarried trying to be funny. Good road jokes. Yeah. So she's like, I've never seen anyone behave like that. But my two-year-old does throw things. Maybe she's like a two-year-old. Because she throws things. Maybe she's like a two year old. She just throws things. She just up against the brick wall. She thinks she's a comedian now. She just stays there with her mic. Here's the other thing about two year olds. I've got a glass of peanut butter.

Brandy, this is one of, and I didn't notice it this season, but she's done it so many times since, and I just hate it when she does it. And so she goes, well, I have a family to go home to. Listen, you single shamer. Yeah. I knew that I know that you sit at home and I didn't secretly wish you had my life. Your children are running around abusing squirrels that probably drinking paint thinner out of them. That can sink. Your husband's never home. You're stuck in a big shitbox

in Plano. Sorry, sorry, sorry, had to say it. And I'm sitting on a moon bag chair that I named after Sina from Vanderpump Rules, Smek and Weed eating pizza and playing with my dog. Thank you. It felt really good, you know? Yeah. I wrote down that line that she said, I was like, I'm gonna let Ron and do this one. He's gonna help, this is gonna help him in life

right now to do this line. Yeah, if you're, she infuriates me with that. Yeah. Single-samer. Talk about pollution. I'm polluting nothing. I'm not dropping your she infuriates me with that. Single, shameless. Talk about pollution. I'm polluting nothing. I'm not dropping your litter all over the place. I've been shooting this all weekend.

Like, I get furious. OK. So, it's OK. It's OK people with a family. I'm talking to a bunch of mothers in here, too. This is not the funny part. I'm like, thank you. I love you.

Anyway. So then we go over to Stephanie's house. Now it's afterwards. So we're at Stephanie's house. We see those hideous ninjas do statues. I forget. I've been so mad at that pool in her foyer in the new home that I forgot there was something else I was mad about at the old home. It's ninjas statues.

I thought it was a big brass statue, but yeah, it's a samurai. He's like, ah! Yeah, a samurai, yeah. Either way, it's like, yeah, Travis said, a kick ass business of building lockers and gyms. You're a real badass. Yeah.

So Travis is like sitting on a couch, Stephanie goes in and he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, like already, like he's already like splitting a van, you know? He's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, He's like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And then finally, it starts transitioning into talking about the fight. And she's like, I was crying the entire night. My hand. She's like not a normal person. Like, I've never seen anyone act like that.

Like, I've never felt attacked last night. Like, I felt attacked. I'm not. I'm not. I'm attacked. And she starts crying again. Like really, you've got a long road to ho have fun. I know. So she's like, um, it sucks because like I can't get the fight with Liam, like, out of my head. And like, I'm scared.

They're like, it's not just me just going to try and ruin but like a family and Travis. And I was like, oh God, who is's not just me just gonna try and ruin, but like a family and Travis. And I was like, oh God, who is afraid that someone would try to ruin their marriage? Oh, it's Leanne, isn't it? Yeah. She would. Yeah. She would, she'd do it.

You should be scared. I can see why you're crying now. Meanwhile, so then, speak of Leanne, we then go over to her house where we see Leanne with Carly, her dog. And I love Carly the dog. And you guys know I, a cat person. I love that dog. And Rich is there too. We love Rich.

Did anyone come, was anyone here last night? By the way, did anyone get to meet Rich? He was the best. Nah, I remember that part where you made fun of me for how I ordered mistake. With that necessary. OK, so I wrote wrote Leon, poor house. So she's petting cars, she's petting Carly and her dogs.

And Leon's like, babies, I love you. You make me happy. Why are you looking at me like that, little bitch? Okay, so all right, so all right, come back. The dogs, I please take me to a rich house. Please, please, please. I'll call her when I'm ready, but I'm not done processing this, and if I'm not done processing. It's unprocessed.

Meanwhile Tiffany is over at home with Keith Urban. He's like, hold on a second, hold on, Tiff, hold on. Bring December, December. it's my January, February. Remember it's December. All right, come on in, I'm all the still with that verse. Tiffany's like, well, I feel a million miles away from her and I hate that. He's like, dang it, if I can't I write lyrics like that. The Samper.

I feel a mile away from Leanne. It's like that does not rhyme with December. Do you have something to talk about? So Tiffany starts talking. I got totally distracted because she starts drinking from a coffee cup. That's like the size of a missile silo. It's like this thing.

She's like, so. Annie, it's shitting housewives. Let's see who fell out of this trolley. We got Carrie Girl. Girl, I fell out. We got Cameron Westcott. Be careful in the trolley. And Stephanie, she just likes to break free.

People at home are so confused. So then, back at Leance with Rich, she's like, I hate that people can make me worry about fees loyalty. The minute the brandy started flamin' words on my face, Tiffany should have stood in front of her and said, No, stop it, little bitch. LAUGHTER To be fair, Leanne does that to like every person she encounters every day.

It's like the mailman, no, stop it, you little bitch. It's like, you have an envelope. Likely, I'm working at customer service. You wanna return that sweater? No, stop it, you little bitch! Would you like fries with that? No, stop it, little bitch. She's like, I have huge insecurities

after how I was raised. Mama left early, daddy was poor. He's like, oh, honey, that's a little shopper whore, is there? Sottedly lily on, standing beside me. Papa was a rolling stump. No, that's a rolling stone, Stan. Was was a roll and stuff. Not bad, so rolling stones, babe. Was it? You think that?

No, wasn't. It had stone in it. So Leanne's choking herself up. She's like, I just want my friend back. I'm like, it's been eight hours. LAUGHTER It's not been like 12 months. I just, I don't have anywhere that I can feel solid and safe.

Like, don't you have a Dunkin' Donuts in your neighborhood? Like, what the hell? Not to teach you people everything. She goes, Rich, trust me. On that sidewalk, I don't think I even said two words. And they cut to the car on the door. I'm like, um, bitch, bitch. But they also did that famous bravo. Shong, like they do on top staff.

And they're like, and now, car is step forward. It's like shong. Leanne, did you mean to leave out all the vital details of your fight? Oh, yeah. Padma posted a photo on Instagram today of her lying in a bathtub covered in pizza slices, and I was like, she will not stop trolling Gail, will she? Oh look, I'm galing it up for Saturday. Cover myself with pizzas.

It's actually the first time I've looked at her Instagram and felt ripped off. I've been bathing in pizza for years. Worth my Instagram followers. But then she had another. Patmos Instagram really is the best Instagram on Instagram. Do you follow it? She'll follow up like Chef Aati, what a beautiful soul. With a picture which is true,

which is then a picture of her and a pool in India going like this. It's like a gif, and she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, and her hair, her hair whips back and hits her back.

She's in a bikini. I'm like, wow. Someone in one of our face, I think in our Facebook group posted an article that was fake news, and it said, Padma Lakshmi, fired from Top Chef, and I was like,

what board Russian troll out there is starting fake news about top chef judges. Oh my god this is come to all the time yeah politics is getting boring even to me and I love being angry. Like let's just start some shit with Padma from top chef. Yeah. Okay brother. So I mean while over at Brandy's house, Brinkley's trying to go outside or something, and Brandy's like, I'll give you $5 to knock out the door. And the kids like, what if I want to play on the little ramp thing, and Brandy's like,

that's not what we call Stephanie anymore. And their kids are just as much nightmare as they are now. And I love consistency. I love her brat children. I don't know what it is. I think because they're antagonizing Brandy. I'm totally on their side. I'm like, yeah! Get a tripper in the hallway. Leave your walkman in her bathtub. You know?

So she's like, if you stop being little bitches, because she's even calling them little bitches back then, you know? Like, if you stop being little bitches, I'll give you five dollars. Do you know how much, if I give you two, that's ten dollars. Do you know what you can buy with ten dollars? Oh, I forgot to smit my eyes. Do you know what you could buy with $10? So the big thing is that Brandy's grandfather is arriving today. And she's never met him before.

And we see a flashback to him to her on the phone with him. And she's like crying. It's like a very emotional moment. And she's like, you know, I really want you to come to Texas. It's like a genuinely like nice moment. And Bravo is so shady. They're playing like music that you would hear when the wands like making coffee.

Like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, she's like, I've never met you before, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, So she's gonna get to see her grandfather after not speaking to him for years because he left the family and then the mom wouldn't let them speak. And like it's kind of sad, but it's also Brandy, so I'm like, shrug.

Oh, I'm like, I feel nothing. So, Brandy, when she's talking about bribing her children, she's like, for the bright, bright, I would do anything. I'm like, I know. You're like a cheerleader trapped in a shitbox, okay? We see your husband's face when he looks at you and know how much that costs. You know, I know. You're like a cheerleader trapped in a shitbox, okay? We see your husband's face when he looks at you and know how much that costs, you know?

God bless. And then guess what? I know that's horribly mean, but you stuck around for the end of the episode, right? Meanwhile, Brandy's mom is just standing there. Yeah. Meanwhile, Brandy's mom just standing there getting drunk at the kitchen island.

She's like, uh, and the kids like, look, it's a butterfly and it's orange. The mom's like, what's orange? Like, Brandy's like, you know what butterflies mean? New beginnings. The mom's tears are like, she never was deep-brought, was she? Past the Schlitz. So, then we're over at... Oh my God! Oh, fine.

Well, we didn't have special guests who we asked them to call in. I hope that's okay. That's how we just happened. It was a lot. Hello? Hello? Hello, hello, is this hello, is this bean? Yes, this is Ben. Hi, this is Mona Singer. I'm calling to be. Whoa, of what's what captains? Listen, congratulations on your baby. I'm so happy for you. I saw you try, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, I'm so happy for you.

I saw that you tried to take them on a plane and the people got mad because you put them in a baby, peon. You're not supposed to carry a baby, okay? You don't support other babies. You're supposed to put them in your arm. Whoa. I remember when my best friend slash doada, Avery was a baby. I was like, look at this baby.

It's been grow up to be just my age. I can't wait. That's friend baby Joana. Second, second Avery came out of me. I looked down at her face. I said, who's face is that? Mine? Hers. No? I didn't know who to put the breast to. So now I started putting the breast and the baby's face, but I couldn't reach it. And I was like, who is that my face? Get worked to myself. It's nuts.

Whoa, Andy, just some tips from someone like me, okay? When you're time to go breast feeding, since you're a man, you can't breastfeed. So here's what you do. You get a small bottle of formula. And you put two loins in it. And then you get a small bottle of formula And you put two limes in it and then you get a tall bottle of formula Three ice cubes one line and then a medium-sized bottle of formula three shots of tequila a lemon a lime at an orange slice okay state Wow. It's a story. Wow.

Thank you so much. Wow. That was so informative. I'm so glad you called it. So disappointing, you know. Gosh, she'll always come through. Yeah. It's so convenient.

So, you know, how all these shows start with like, we're here for like something innocent. And then they're like, and then that bitch, like they eventually turned into talking about the fight. This intro to the scene just killed me. It's so wrong. Leanne's like, well I'm here at the Clothing Drop for HIV positive women. I mean,

what better place to state a housewives fight? Right. God, happen these women, been through enough? Geez. So, so, so, so, Leanne's helping out. She's like, sort and close and stuff. And there's a lady named Melissa who's like, running this charity.

And she's like, talking with Leanne. She's like, oh yeah, and that's been great. Um, you know, Stephanie can't buy earlier. And she's like, oh, good. Let's see, I had that like really long pause first, or she's like, Oh, good! I'm so glad she came.

That's good. Was she trembling? Was she trembling still? No. Great! So she's looking through clothes and she's like, that says large. Do you all believe them? I don't think Michael Crower's even knows what a large is. And I was like, yes, man, thank you. We have speaks for the people. Yeah.

So she's like, well, if Kif shows up, I'll be respectful because it's the southern thing. We try to maintain our tongue. We maintain everything inside of us. It just wants to blow up with a smile. We maintain clouds. Do you know how hard it is to maintain a goddamn clown? 18 of them will try and jump in one damn car. So cheesy. So cheesy.

OK, so Tiffany sees Leanne. While Leanne is still pretending not to see her and to hide at Leanne's hiding behind a mask of good. Yes! Is that a sweater vest? Wow! And Tiffany just like speeds by and then she goes, wow Leanne, speechless. That's a first.

You didn't even fucking say hello to me. I'm like, you're the one who came in here like, you know, like, I'm just like, Matt being justice of that all. So then, so then she's like, you know what? I'm here, no matter what, ride or die, chick, okay? I'm your best friend to the end. I'm your poop in the basket, pal. And Carrie's like, I'm still a picking glass out of my hair, so... Do we have any HIV women to stand in the line of fire in case anything happens?

I'm just... But seriously. The way Carrie entered... Carrie entered the way I enter almost all parties, which is thinking about maybe saying hi to someone and then chickening out. She goes like this. That's me at every party in Los Angeles. Like, are we friends? Are we acquaintances? I don't know what to do. OK, turn. Lily, I was like, I don't do hurt.

My childhood was so riddled with hurt. I just stopped. You be abandoned over and over and over and over. I was talking to you. Camera man, get back here. Where'd the cameraman go? The cameraman literally abandoned me during my abandonment speech.

You ever stand at a trolley stop and realize the troll has never come and that's called abandonment right there. So rude. So Carrie's like, um, Tiffany, hi, lots of that was crazy, right? And she's like, I'm just glad that I wore a print dress today. Ah! That's the worst thing to happen to her is ever.

And how did she even get wine on her? She's acting like wine was thrown on her. We saw Lee Ann pour the wine in the trash can. Yeah. I'm not even convinced that glass broke, to be honest. I just wanted a new fucking dress. And she got it too, so good for her. So then, yeah. last broke, to be honest. I just wanted a new fucking dress. And she got it too, so good for her. So then, yeah, meanwhile, so Stephanie and Travis go out, then they're going on a date and they're in his like

midlife crisis car. You know, this giant Rolls Royce. But it's one of those like antique Rolls Royces. It's the weirdest midlife crisis I've ever seen. It's like, I want to cheat in my wife and like gamble a bunch of money away, but in the 20s. Yeah. She didn't mind my wife and I gambled a bunch of money away, but in the 20s. Yeah.

It's like old man Travis in his mid-life crisis. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Give me memories of Slade and Gretchen. Yeah. It's true. Do you need a drink? Sure. Sure.

Yes, Alex, thank you. That would be great. Why not? That's a hypocrite. You see how mad I get when the phone deans during the podcast, I'm like, Ben! Yeah! I have my text turned on. I'm like, hi, sister.

What's this doing? You show so fun. Where are you going, Trisha? What are you doing tonight? After bitching, the Trisha's bothering me. I'm like, what are you doing? I'm going. So anyways, Stephanie and Travis, they go off.

I mean, it's nothing bad except the fact that they have a crazy Rolls Royce. It's sad to me because she's like, No one, it's better it surprises than Travis. He bought himself a Rolls Royce. Wow. You know, there's nothing better than this car. I mean, we took pet wedding pictures with it and we drive around on it every year and it's

so sweet. It's so nice when... It's great. Wow! I'm so happy! It makes me so happy when he surprises me with things for him. Yeah. I'm so happy when he surprises me with things for him. Yeah. I'm so, ha, ha, ha, happy.

Happy. He showed me his love by spending half a million dollars on himself. So that felt good. I'm going to. God, wouldn't let the girls be jealous. In other days, I'm going to start selling cream cheese filled salmon on QVC soon. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ha! David, ah! Coming out at QVC is some happy salmon. Ha! Ha! David? David, do you have my salmon, David? David, David.

David, 30 to 40 negative salmons. So definitely I think is going to be one of the longest house wife breakdowns we've ever seen. And I don't say that in a hateful, fun way, like I do with things about Brandy, like that feels good. But Stephanie is so sweet and she's so cute. And I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I love Stephanie. But it's like, you don't want a lawn to get rained on, but you know it's married to a storm cloud.

I mean, look at Travis. Yeah. Travis does, look at Travis. Travis does not look nice, OK? No one nice sits like this casually reading a magazine. Well, don't worry about her lawn, because her favorite piece of machinery was a riding mower. So then, meanwhile, we see Tiffany driving, and this hilariously dramatic moment she calls up Leon

and gets her voice meld like, you know what to do to babe? Babe? You go fuck yourself, that's what you do. So Tiffany goes, the music's like all dramatic, she's like, hey, Fee, it's me. Totally thought really weird. I was standing right next to you and I just felt like a million miles away and it doesn't feel right. I didn't like it, but I know we had to do what we had to do

because we had to be professional and get through that chart event. But I'm ready to talk. And if you're ready to talk, I'd love to go to lunch or coffee with you when you're ready. And like, you just hear on the other end, oh, I'm sorry, man, this is Domino's pizza. I mean, even pretending to be sad in her car,

she's writing a better song than her. Yeah. I was like, that was really nice. Oh, this is Ron is cousin. Oh, thank you. Oh, wait, what's your Instagram? Oh, yeah, Alex is going to be an influencer. Socks. It's Alex. Oh, Karen., I love you. Don't you feel influenced? Thanks, Alex. Thanks, Alex. So let's see. So Stephanie, back with Stephanie, they're in this car,

like, chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk. Like going down. Like the little rascals are pushing it from behind. You know, it's like chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk. If you guys, my boobs are literally moving up and down right now. I didn't know they did that. Yeah, you just have to do the Rolls Royce dance.

It feels kind of good, actually. So they show up at a jeweler. Now, I don't know, I want to see if you guys feel the same way as me. Like, we talk so much about, like, vaginal adjuvenation or like cryotherapy. I kind of feel like flying under the radar of the most annoying scenes is when these women go and get jewels, right?

Going to the jeweler, I'm like over it. Thank you for the three of you. Because it's not romantic to watch somebody buy something on sale. Yeah. And you know that they're getting sale because all they say, she's like, Oh my God, Travis, we're going to the bulls.

Where are we going to the bulls? Are we going to the bulls? The bulls are going to the bulls. The bulls are going to the bulls, Travis, we're going to the balls. Where are we going to the balls? Are we going to the balls? The balls are the best. The best, the best. The best, the best. I love the balls. I was from Turbo of my life, but then I found the balls. I found the balls.

She's like, all of the finest people in Dallas get their jewelry at the balls. I was like so wishing Cameron Westcott was on the season. Just here would be like, have you been to the balls? In the balls? Mm, I just love to bowl so much. I just keep going back and back to the balls. Mm.

So she gets to pick out whatever she wants, but she doesn't really, but she kind of does, because they show her a ring that's 2.5 million later, and I'm like, that's what she wants. Yeah. It's like, that's what she wants. Yeah. It's like, you can have anything you want out of these three meagaly prized gifts. I mean meagaly prized.

They're like 50 to 75k. But still. So she gets like a bracelet or a bangle or whatever. That's like, has like a million diamonds on it. And Travis like, oh, well, you know what? She's got expensive tastes and the jewelers like, well, you know women, they know that stuff. Like, already are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are she's got expensive taste and the jewelers like, well you know women They know that stuff like already are are 1952

Someone about Regina's making taste hungry I women You think they'd have a better mom for business right and math. Oh thank god they got us to help them Look at us being liberal. So. I'm not liberal. I open the door for a moment. So that's my stand. So then we go over to Carrie's house and she's with Zuri and she's like, girl, I'm going

to get your nose, girl, I'm going to get your nose, I'm'm gonna get your nose, girl. I'm gonna get your nose, I'm gonna get your nose. Girl. Ah! Because you know when that house told when someone says they're gonna get your nose, they mean- Trust them. Trust them. Trust it.

You better be careful. I know, I watched that and I was like, that poor girl is gonna wake up and pain one night and realize it really happened, fine night. Ha-ha-ha. Mark's gonna slip something into her drink and just try and redo her one night. And then Zuri pulled it out of her mouth,

like out of Carrie's mouth, and I was like, I feel bad that Zuri thinks that that's what Carrie's doing to know. She's eating it. It's like the only time she's seen her mother eat. So, I knew he was gonna say that, that's why I said my thing first. You're like, what is the most rotten shit that could possibly come out of his mouth?

So, she's like, Mark, this one they're trying to retain, they're all romantic. Well, I guess they still do that. Maybe they are romantic. What the hell do I know, you know? I think they were trying to be glamorous more because... But they're like having that, like, haha, I'm just laying on a bed while you're drinking your champagne. And it's like, um, I'm having pink champagne mark. And he's like, uh, want me to throw that at you? So like, no. And if you get these kick-swet, I'll kill you. Because that's what Carrie was like,

oh my god, look at my shoes. I'm a god, look at my dress. I'm a god, look at my shoes, I'm a dress. I'm a god like I got another sheet. It's like okay And so then they decide she's like you know what? After this, I'm just need to like we just need to go to Switzerland. There's like child yeah Like listen, you were not in real house. I was in New York. Okay, you're in Dallas Now the house was a Dallas, I should say. I'm not saying Dallas people can go.

But let me say, the real truth of this is the Dallas ladies are like the richest ladies in the house. Well, they are well, I mean, not Leigh, no offense. Is it true? The rest of them are, I mean, the end is from an oil family with a B in front, okay. Sea rich, Westcott. The camera is really rich, right?

Isn't the Westcotts don't they own like half the city or something like that? Yeah. So they're really rich. And she really does go to Switzerland, like I look at her Instagram. Why, I don't know, I'm a sick person, okay, I'm sorry. But so yeah, look, we're having our summers

in Switzerland. I'm just jealous, that's all. I'm incredibly, incredibly jealous. So Mark is like, oh yeah, this is the year. I think we'll really start rolling and we'll come through. We'll have an exit strategy. Like, please, please do. So they're like wacky.

I don't care if I fast forward it. So then Brandy and there's only some, like, I love Kerry now, but back then I was like, shut up, okay? Your gay husband, too. Both of you, shut up. Okay, just your husband. Who cares? What's the difference?

He's having as much sex with me as a straight one would, so. What do I care? Oh. You took that to a sad place out of nowhere. Anyway, speaking of sad places, let's go to Brandy's house. It's time for the big barbecue. So, uh,

if only I had a box to play in. Yeah. Remember when she had her kids playing in those boxes, she's like, it's your house. It's always like, it's always bed love at Brandy's house. Yeah. So, her grandfather, John and his girlfriend are white for something. They show up, and there's like, you know,

there's like pugs and hives and all that stuff. It's like, I guess it's nice. So then, they're like, they're coming in and Brandy's, you should so mean about her own grandfather. She's just mad. She's like, I need to borrow a moped or something. I got them in the kitchen. Like, we could have told our whole life story in the time.

It took her to get in the door to the kitchen. I was like, excuse me, that was supposed to be our joke. And also, she literally could. Like, I was a cheerleader, then I'm married to Rich Guy, and now I live in a house Yeah, they're the kitchen My kids playing boxes. It's like sometimes. I don't even know she's kidding, you know, yeah So she's like grandpa, I have this one memory of you

Mom had a magazine and you were in it Like why are we having to watch this fast forward? Take him to the cracker Bell and drop him at the outlet, mall like the rest of us. Look at Sim, we have to have a whole home catered scene. Get out of here. Yeah. No offense, Papa. My mom's like, um, uh, uh, Ronny's parents are here by the way.

Is that trick from my mother? No. My mom's like Ronnie's parents are here The real stars So Brandy's like it's crazy that you can live 30 years and not know know someone and then you're suddenly letting them into your life She's trying so hard to cry but but nothing will come out. Her eyes are just like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, what did you say? Swinger. My eyes will pop out, okay, if I squint harder. Okay, so next up, Mark and a car. Oh, Mark and Kerry, I wrote Mark care. I'm not like the audience was like, no, we're not going to

just sign off on that. You guys, I didn't remember that part. I was like, Mark and a car. Everyone's like, we demand some accuracy here. Pick it away, man. So, you know, it's so funny watching these shows. You forget all these, like, really creepy scenes that happen. And so, like, they're, Mark and Carrie are in the bedroom, and Mark is like, don't be mad, baby. Don't be mad. Don't be mad.

I got you a little something. Yeah. Don't, don't you get champagne thrown on this sweet thing? Oh, I'm so creepy. That is so silence of the lambs creepy. And it's so accurate. It's like I got to something. I got your skin. It's made of skin. I finally put that well in the basement to good use put the lotion on it It puts the lotion on the skin truly just to moisturize What a loving serial killer. He's like literally just moisturize. I

Know I have you under captivity, but there's no reason why you should have dry skin Designer skin So she's like yeah, well Leanne threw a glass of champagne on me and it goes all over my designer dress and Mark has an excuse to go shopping. That is Mark's thing and I forgot that too that Mark has like a fetish of buying dresses for Carey and then going, put it on. Put it on. Put it on. Which then comes with the really gross moment of her being like, should I put shoes on with this? He goes, they're just going to come off.

Because I got your new shoes. Aluba 10 out of 10. And it wouldn't be a complete carry in Mark's season one scene or season two scene or season three scene without a reference to a closet. She does it every year. It's so true though, you guys. Literally, she does it. It's not even a joke.

She goes, she says, oh my God, like you're the woman in this relationship. I a joke she goes she says oh my god like you're the woman in this relationship I need to go through your closet I was like god she got him in every season yeah you know we went to the roundup last night and I feel like everything makes sense now What does that mean? Or are? What's you getting around that? I had a jealous shot. I had a good time.

So, you know, I really do have to emphasize again. Thank you, Dallas, for having the most adorable gay people I've really ever seen. Yeah. And let me add, not only physically cute, really nice. Like, I felt so weird with so many gay people being nice to me. Yeah. Everyone's been nice to me, actually.

Yeah, everyone was nice. But like the gay guys, usually I'm like'm like oh no, it's a hot gay guy Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. It's like I just close my eyes. I believe Now like how are you? It's like okay, I'm moving here. Yeah Okay, so Brandy is She is getting to her grandfather so she pulls her grandpa John out to the back to go have like a really boring conversation with him like, so she's just this is how he looks at her the entire time. He looks like he's been waiting a week to shit and it's finally about to happen. He's stuck in this conversation. Oh damn it. Just squeeze it back in and wait another three days.

So Brandy's like, Brandy's like, thank you so much for coming. It means the world to my mom and me. He's like, ugh, ugh, ugh. And then she goes, I have the misperception about you, but I just want to say I'm smart because I don't think it's anyone's fault. And he's like, my damn axis fault. Don't you dare say it was no one's fault.

I don't know why I'm so comfortable around him. Probably because he's too slow to chase me. So this is like a super boring conversation. I was like, you guys should have just stayed broken up. Even the bobcats in the background were like, you know what, let's go to the next house. He's like, you got bobcats back there, that's dangerous. Your husband should take care of that.

Little woman. Like, shut up. OK, so I'm like about to get disrespectful to her pop off. Let's move on, shall we? I can go. Poor guy. So then, Carrie, this is my favorite. Carrie getting ready.

And she's like bent over a mirror with a syringe going. She's getting ready and she's like bent over a mirror with a syringe going. It's like a really pleasant version of train spotting. Serious crying or crawling on the ceiling. Where is my nose? And they're like, we actually trained her to do that. She's a very, very remarkable young lady. It's like, what are you doing, Batch? And she's like, uh, just a scotch. She's like, Mark, your head is moving. I'm on. He's like, look, I'm on the back of the door.

I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door.

I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. I'm on the back of the door. and she's like, just a scotch. She's like, Mark, your head is moving. I'm on. That's what heads do. She's like, please stay still. Please let me just use some Botox on you.

And she's like, if I don't put Botox in Mark, like when he's mad at me, he looks mad at me. Yeah. Fix that right up. We're really on a roll. Tonight we're ragging on Mark last night. We had Bill from Real House of New Jersey. It's a real roll here.

This by surgeon. Yeah, there are a lot of parallels. Like, there were also fighting about wine on dresses and that one too. Yeah. Except last night, it was like, how could you with red wine? And then yelled at you. last night it was like, how could you with red wine?

And then yelled at you, shit, after she got wine thrown on her, you know, I'm Bill. Woo. So Stephanie's on the trampoline with her kids, and Brandy comes over, and this, you know, knowing that the next season is the one where Brandy broke up with Stephanie for no reason and then became friends with Leanne just to fill it, just to attack Stephanie, you're my bra all that.

But seeing now season one again, because I haven't seen any of this since then, it is hilarious seeing how where this comes from and why Brandy's pissed. And frankly, I don't blame her, okay? Jealousy is not always misplaced. Sometimes, Abiton needs to be put in her place because she has't blame her, okay? Jealousy is not always misplaced. Sometimes, a bitch needs to be put in her place because she has too much stuff, okay?

As this scene will illustrate. Yeah, because they come over to sit on a trampoline. And, basically, Stephanie is like, there's a pretty cool dirty trampoline. Actually, Brandy goes over to Stephanie, sorry. And she's basically like, So, I got a bracelet. that's worth $45 million. But did she get?

It was so thoughtful of him. It's also the plingy, yes. So what did you get? Brandy's like, beef jerky. Just like. When I turned 30, Brian got me ketchup, Italian dressing, and French fries. That is so funny too, because he got her, for one of her,

is it her birthday or their anniversary? For one of my big birthdays, he got me 30 of my favorite things. I'm like, you can just say it's your 30th birthday. 30 of my favorite things. Catch up, French fries, Charles Shaw, paper towels with bunnies on them. You know, it's us it's by these on them. It's like it's Brandy. What are you going to get her? Yeah.

I also know serious problemless. You know? Yeah. So then Brandy's like, well, I'm glad things went well with your parents. Or I'm glad things went well. Things won't really well with my grandparents. I mean, I'm not getting any younger. And it would be nice for us to have a connection and it would be nice if Brian was there

Because he knows it's really He's like I'm sure saying I tell you about the car we got For that million dollars really fun You just came home early and like we just drove around town all day and then went to Dubels. And you know, how many of us? It's Dubels. Dubels. And it was really great.

So how are you? I haven't heard from Brian in my teen weeks. Brian went off to the yard, and I don't know where he is. I think Brian changed his phone number. I don't know. Brand is like, she's talking about her grandpa. She's like, I feel like him and Brian are gonna have such a strong connection, you know, because they both love sports. And not being in my life. I mean, I'm just wrong. Just looking at the timelines.

So Stephanie, one of them is like, your feet are all dirty. And Brandy's like, yeah, you have Walmart feet. She's like, ha, total Walmart feet. And I was like, that is such poverty-shaming. You assholes. Who does? And I was like, I totally know what Walmart feed are.

Yeah. I mean, I've literally had Walmart feed multiple times. Why are you not wearing shoes on the goddamn Walmart? No one else is. A real lady would call it what it is, Brittany Feet. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha. So then, Leanne and Weserbund's, they meet in a restaurant. They're just basically, they meet in a restaurant, and Leanne's like, Man you reading? Man you reading? I'm reading a menu. Well, Tiffany is there first.

And Leanne walks up, and she's wearing a dress that looks like she just stabbed four people. It's just like a big red splotches everywhere. It's like, I'm her four people just to get to this brunch. Let's talk. I'm gonna get a apology, he's like, uh, it's so, that's the way they think I'm gonna do it. Don't want to think, don't think, don't think, don't think, you're paying for lunch.

It was like that scene in Alien 3, where the alien comes out to Sigourney Weaver, and then another little alien comes out, and she's like, please, I can stop. Okay. Please, pick it up. I'm just kidding. Please, pick it up. I'm just kidding. Please, pick it up. I'm just kidding. Please, pick it up.

I'm just kidding. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up.

Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. Please, pick it up. I was abandoned. No one in space can hear you scream.

By the way, I do want to say that there's a little scene beforehand with Tiffany and Aaron and he's like, what can't people get along? I'm like, man, that's why you're not a singer genius. Great lyric, bro. So, Liange, well, fee. I want to say let's not fight again, but we're both gonna get tired again. Let's face it. So let's just not fight for now.

And Tiffany's like, you know what? It's the people here, okay? I give them grace and grace and grace. And you think people are gonna protect you here. So when you said, I don't protect you me of all people Of course, we're crying right now or no. I don't know if I should commit to it I'm thinking about maybe doing a little this. Well, I was thinking maybe we should order a salad I know I was like to it's a bit of a cry after a Caesar or doing now definitely better after but then would have little Caesar

Dressing comes out of my mouth while I'm crying. What's cry right now? Let's do it now. Okay. I should never question whether you had my back. You've had my back since we were teenagers. All right. I Guess Brandy's here. Brandy's on the couch back there. Like, fuck these guys. Yeah. So my nieces, they finally found a party stage backstage.

Okay, so they're, yeah. She's like, she's like, yeah, so Tiffany is like, we are a safe haven for each other. We are sanctuaries of styles for each other. I cannot even fathom my screaming that day. I mean, I have not gotten that mad and so long. Last time I screamed like that,

I think I must have been doing an April off Anthony Michael Hall. Do Coddy. If you guys don't remember what we're talking about, that was one of the talking heads in the show, where Tiffany is telling us how she met Leanne. She's like, I am, Leanne is my girl. We met when we were both in Hollywood, and I was in a bad state at that time,

and I was just using a little too hard. She was like literally on the bathroom floor looking for code or something, right? And that's how they met. And I was like, that is so sad. And I've got literally four friends like that. That I've met. Like what is it about a bathroom that can bond you like that?

You know? Is that cocaine or floor tile? Is that grout? Let's go to lunch. Is that grout? Let's go to lunch. Cut it grout. Please don't applaud for that.

Please don't. No. That's not worthy. It's not worthy. So then, Tiff, is like, when somebody pushes me and unleashes my, well, what I say, I'm Japanese and native American. So I will scalp you and Mr. Miyagi you. And I'm Mr. Miyagi to you.

Oh, God, he's calling. Then answer. Hello, this is Countess Luando, a sub-calling. I hear that we're making insensitive jokes about my people, and I was wondering if I could pile on. You know, I'd like to say that some people are claiming to be Indian or Native American or just you know me Are getting it. Yeah, but not all of them have the hootspa to back it up and I would like to say hi I hire hire hire come back home about come back. Thank you Let me tell you something when I was in the clink down in West Palm Beach

I'm going to sing some Cabaret to say 321, please say it's not about Tomahawk. Would you believe it, girls? All right, thank you so much for calling, Luann. Thank you, Luann. Has anyone seen Countess and Friends, by the way? It's life-changing, it's life-changing. So she's like, I'm Mr. Miyagi-Due and Lewand is like, yeah, wax on, wax off for whatever she's doing.

It's like, do these people know what this movie is? Because Mr. Miyagi is very nice. Okay. He helped Ralph Matio never do another movie again. I mean, it was... Yeah. Well, technically he got one more movie, and then Hillary Spine came into the picture, so.

True stories, she was in Karate Kid 3, right? 4. 4? There's 4 Karate kids? And Jaden Smith is in one of them too. I don't know. I can't keep control of it. So, um, Leanne's like, well, there was only one. There was a time when we only had each other.

So we're gonna get over it because my child, uh, uh. I get this point like when she says childhood, it's like indigestion. She's like, my child, uh, a little beat on the chest. And then she's like, listen, I'm gonna try and be good, okay? But it's like, Christine, Christine, Christine, Christine, Christine, fuck, corny! That is one of my favorite games to play growing up.

Christian, Christian, Christian, Christian, Christian, Christian, fuck, corny! You don't even run around a circle, you just don't have to solve. Like that musical tears, you just start running, you run! You don't even run around a circle. You just don't have to solve. Like that musical tears, you just start running, you run around the chairs, you run around the chairs, then someone picks up a chair and hits you in the face with it and falls down.

This is how you play. Don't get a chair stupid. This is how you play Christian Christian corner. You go Christian, Christian, Christian, Courtney, and then everyone abandons you. And then Tiffany is back to just being a sick event, you know. She's like, you just hit the nail on the head, girl. Somewhere Aaron's like, damn it, she's so good at that. So, Brandy is at home with her family getting ready for the big bovacue

because the grandpa already came over, but now is the BPQ. And she's like, just... She's trying, what are you gonna say? She's actually nothing interesting on my mind. I know it's like, should I talk about HSN or do you have something more fascinating to get into? No, I don't know why I was like even trying to interrupt you to be like brandy has no spatulas It's a great guy

That's so hurt too So she um she's trying to cut things and watching brandy like what do you do all day like that's my question You can't cut a tomato really she's like You can't cut a tomato, really. She's like, I got these knives on the end of his hand, but they don't seem to do much. And her mom's like, you still have to sharpen them stupid. Listen to this one. She doesn't know about sharpened knobs.

She thinks butterflies mean in the beginning. Dolmins. And then we start to see the real dynamics here with Brandy and her husband and things are really bad because we've seen that he's kind of a surly dick, you know, this whole time. But now I'm like, should we feel bad for this girl? Yeah. The answer is a resounding no, by the way, in case you're at. I'm kidding.

I thought a little bad for her. I'm not going to lie. I thought bad for her in this scene. But you can really see it because her brother is so mad at Brian for not being there. He's like, where's Brian? And she's like, I'm on the, you know, you changed his work trips and now he's got a whole new career. And that's really nice.

He's really, he's gonna do that. He's like, oh really? And I'm like, okay, so when the brother is that mad, you know that the husband's really afraid. So Stephanie calls up Travis and is like, when are you guys gonna be here? Is it gonna be happening anytime soon? Uh-uh.

And then basically they went golfing or something and now they're having a drink after a golf. So brand, so Stephanie goes and tells Brandy this. So Brandy gets some super whisper boys. She's like, I heard that. Uh-uh. Mm.

Just like the sadness just oozing out from all over. I am furious. He was supposed to sharpen the knives. So they finally show up, Brian and Travis, and Brian is like drunk or whatever, and then then so this this guy who walks in this guy's such a dick oh my god he walks in this douchebag I'm sorry

he walks in drunk late to his wife's important life event and he finds his daughter picks her up and then past the aggression He says oh my gosh sweetie your son burned who forgot to put the song screen on you You yeah, because you weren't there Maybe if you'd had a little more melanin to offer this wouldn't be a problem if you had a little more melanin to offer this wouldn't be a problem. He's done a bit of it. Hmm. So she's a... I go with the personal responsibility route.

Do you go to a genetic route? Yeah, I'll blame your genes. I don't care. So she's like... It's like he's acting like he doesn't even want to be here. I'm like, yeah. Way to read the signs. Yeah. You know? I think he's just talking about to be here. I'm like, yeah, wait a read the signs. Yeah.

You know, he should talk about the audience. So Brian was like, so Brian, like, peace of the daughter and then walks by the dad's like, hey, good to see you. And he just like walks on and then starts ignoring Brandi. I was getting so mad. This is also, this is also the end of that relationship, the Stephanie and Brandi relationship, because Brandi came back the next year

and all of a sudden state hated Stephanie, was was friends with Leanne and no one really understood why but when she was asked about it she said it was because Stephanie wrote a blog after this episode I believe if I'm correct if I'm not fucking just pretend I am and she said yeah it was really hard watching that happen because it was so awkward and it was like a train wreck and Brandy was like yeah you called my marriage a train wreck and it's like a train wreck. And Brandy was like, yeah. You called my marriage a train wreck. He's like, oh, I'm like, did you watch the episode? Yeah, yeah. Hey, Brian literally went and fenced himself off.

He literally went into a separate space and closed the fence behind him and sat by there with the kid. It was a train wreck. Well, trolley wreck. Yeah, trolley wreck. No, that's way too interesting. Let's keep it a train.

This is Brandy we're talking about. So then we get scenes from the next week. And this is where Stephanie's like, I'm hiring a decorator for my child room. And then Mark is like, well Travis is like, when Stephanie is re-decorating the room for her kids, I'd have his like, my son's getting curtains and poop pillows. That'll be manly.

Fucking curtain. This I don't think that's going to be Samarit theme. Sorry, there's no room for a midlife crisis car in there. Yeah, I'm not kidding. I want this to be done in Apple boxes from the 20s. And then Mark has a sexy photo shoot with Carrie and insists on buying all the clothes. It's like, all right baby, let's take something off baby. And then Leanne is talking with Marie who we didn't get today so sorry but Marie was there

and Marie is like an eight foot tall giraffe. She's like, she's got this like fascinator that's made of twigs. Like she found it right. She's like, she's got this like, fascinating, that's made of twigs. Like she found it right, like she's like, oh, it's a hat show today. That was some hobby lobby shit. Yeah. She got like, you know the straws,

the big long straw things, so you're like, if I just put these in a tall vase, it'll be a tree, I never have to water. Fucking hobby lobby. So she's like that, but she made like big flowers in them, and she's like, eh. Emily Anne's like, Tiffany said she tried to big flowers in them and she's like, Emily Anne's like, Tiffany said she tried to put negative bugs in her ear about me. And to be honest, uh, wallet throw.

We were like, oh shit, it's happening. I'm about to get killed. And that was the end of real hotline. That was the... I love real hot flowers. That was the last. You guys, these past two nights have been so amazing for us. Thank you for showing up a mass. Hopefully we'll see some of you guys next month in Austin. Yes.

You guys have been so good to us. Thank you so so much for everyone. Thank you for us today and our whole lives. You guys have been giving us so beautiful life and we thank you very much. Thank you. Good night everyone. Good night. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today.

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