Watch What Crappens - RHOD: Southfork in the Road

Episode Date: April 21, 2021

On this week's penultimate episode of The Real Housewives of Dallas, the ladies head to Southfork Ranch to relive the '80s and Dallas — in other words, it's Tuesday. But before the Ewingfest can get underway, D'Andra finally meets with her estranged family, which is important mainly because it allows us to hear another iconic Mama Dee monologue.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is Who's what happens

Who's what happens Who's what happens Watch what happens Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much Who's what happens Who's what happens Who cares what happens Hello and welcome to Watch or Crap Ins a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker.

You can also find me on the Game Brain podcast and joining me is the truly wonderful and hilarious Mr. Ronny Karam. How are you doing? Well, what a sweet tart. How are you doing? Great thanks. Today we are here to talk real housewives of Dallas Real quickly. Gays you didn't hear it a million times. We're doing a live show on May 6th We're gonna be recapping the season premiere of Real Housewives of New York. Those taglines actually just came out this week, which is cool. I haven't actually listened to them yet, but I'm excited. We always have a super fun time when we do our live shows and Real Housewives of New

York is like our favorite show of all time. So we really, really, really encourage you to come join us. You can go to onlocationlive.com slash watch for crap and to get tickets or just go to our website, watchrocrapins.com, and get the tickets. You'll be super fun, it's a great way to sort of connect with everyone else in the community and we all come together and we just like relish

all things Roni. So that's May 6. Do it everybody, do it. Today we're here for a very special episode of real housewives of Dallys. And they're doing it sort of in the style of Dallas, which really they're just doing that with transitions and opening music.

But I was here for it. Yeah, I loved it. It was such a fun surprise that they changed the opening credits. I don't think I've actually ever done that with any other of the real housewives, where they've completely changed the opening credits. I don't think I've actually ever, have they ever done that with any other of the real housewives where they've like completely changed the credits as homage for something else?

I thought it was, I thought it was, it was great. I loved it. Yeah, now listen, I was very, very, very, very young or not even born with Dallas was out, okay? So I don't, I do remember people being like, oh my god, who killed J.R. and it was in the grocery store tabloids. Everybody was talking about it.

And it was like this huge deal. Like, who killed J.R.? And I was like, who cares? Okay. Nobody cares. I do not care about that mother. I was like two or something. Yeah, I mean, I was, I think I was about like five or six

when the OC was on, you know, being a child of the odds, you know. So like it really was before my time as the young, supple man that I am. No, I'm just kidding. Dallas, yeah, I remember that Dallas was on, but I didn't really, I never obviously, I didn't want any of those shows growing up like, Dynasty or Falcons Crests or Not Flanding or Dallas, but I knew, I knew of them. Yeah. So let's see here. We start with the 80s music and the crazy Dallas opening. And then there's a lot of bulls in this episode and long horns cows.

They're in every shot pretty much just in case you forgot where we are. And they're like, look, we're in Dallas. There's camp hanging from trees. Like they went real country this week. Yeah. And Brandy shows up at South Fork, which is where they filmed the show. And she meets up with someone named Janna,

who's the South Fork property manager, okay? And then you know when Brandy, yeah, you know when Brandy is throwing a party, it's gonna be all about her glory days in the past, you know? Yeah. It's just, Brandy gonna find a way to fit into her cheerleading outfit again. Let's see what Brandy's got planned, which really only has to do with her narcissistic ass.

And sure enough, they're at the South Fork Ranch, where Brandy went as a world famous Dallas cheerleader. South Fork Ranch is where we would come to wait to see if we were gonna be world famous Dallas cheerleaders. World famous, I'm world famous Dallas chair leaders world famous I'm world famous. I'm so famous. I love you. I love you me. So then um So Brandi. Yeah, she's like, I mean if you if you want to think about the show Dallas Just look at Mama D and then we got a flashback of Mama D saying the S and my forehead is for Simmons not stupid

Momma D saying the S and my forehead is for Simmons not stupid stupid And Brandy's you know being toured or they're taking her for a tour and she's just pointing at things She's like I've slept on that couch before I remember that world famous And you know Janet just wants this girl dad. Janna's like, yeah. Well, that sweet hug. You know, it's so good to have that memory. And while, look at that, you have that memory. You know, that nice. You'll always have your memory. Just kidding. It usually goes away, but hit phone with that.

Memories, I'll learn to move on. You know, when you just go up there on a Tyrant, Doc, Isabella, okay? I'm sick of hearing it. I'm not a Isabella. I love that you have those memories. So so so not that you have those since you seem to have so little else, especially in the personality department anyway.

Um, and I like the brand. He's like, yeah, this house isn't the middle of nowhere. So we can focus on ourselves and be ourselves. I'm like, we just did that in Oklahoma and did not work out so well. Okay. Let's not go to the middle of nowhere anymore. So they're getting a tour of the house or she's getting a tour of still

and they've done all these theme rooms for Dallas. There's the demise of J.R. rooms. So it's made to look like there was a struggle and there's a body outline on the ground. And she's like, this is where they feel Dallas. Okay, now that's my name, right? Guess what's more world famous in Dallas? Dallas cheerleaders.

Dallas! Stupid. All right. So then they go to see the theme of Bobby's room, which is like a little kid's room. Um, it's for when he was a boy. It's like, okay, yeah, we got that. Yeah.

Really, I thought this was during his older years when he became a professor. Yeah, I know. I haven't watched Dallas. But is that Patrick Duffy? Bobby, I think it is. Yeah, Bobby is Patrick Duffy and I think he killed JR. Oh, I think.

I think so. You know what we have to know who killed JR. I think I have to look at that now. Who killed JR? Who killed JR? Who killed me? Who killed JR? It wasn't Bobby.

It was Kristen Shepard. Okay. And guess who she was played by? Kristen Chilweth. I guess who she was played by. This is really a full circle bravo moment. Guess who it was. Oh, wait, wait, wait a second.

It's a full circle bravo moment. You said it was a silver shepherd who killed him? Kristen Shepard. Kristen Shepard. It was Kim Richards. You said it was civil shepherd who killed him? Kristen shepherd. Kristen shepherd. It was Kim Richards. Young Kim Richards. Even better. Mary Crosby.

Mary Crosby. Mary Crosby. That's why I named my rose Mary. I call it my rose Mary. Rose Mary Crosby. So no wonder why. I got infested with wasps and I had to throw it out. Rosemary.

Okay, so Brandy regal said with tales of glory days. She's like in draining camp, everybody would be on their best behavior. But then when we got to South Fork Ranch, it was time to let loose so much fun. Oh, I love you having memories. Look at her having memories, Lisa. Oh, look at you. You must be the first Dallas Cowboys cheerleader to come through here and talk about the memories you have.

Just kidding. Oh, God bless your heart. Guess what, you've all slept on that couch guy So she points out to win there she goes look there's some long horns honey She's like nothing says Texas like a long horn and the Dallas cheerleaders who are world famous All right, squinty you can get on out of here now Here's a get your bad we out of the South Fork. Okay.

So now we go to Deandra. And Deandra is, she goes over to Darren's house and she's, she's talking about how she wrote letters to her brother and her stepmother. And she's just like, she's gonna meet with her stepmother and she's like really, she's really afraid because the stepmom is still angry at her as we saw last week with that vicious email that said, hey, there's things we have to

talk about. Wow. The way she just tore into Deandra by saying that. I mean, I'm still shaking. Yeah, I just don't want to talk about the past, okay, because I don't want to fly a panel of she says you did this and you did this. Like you took all of our money. Very possible, Deandra, okay? Because I don't want to fly a panel of she says, you did this and you did this. Like you took all of our money. Very possible, Deandra, okay?

So Deiran's like, you know what? Don't be act, just listen. Welcome to my backyard, where we're gonna start fires and worry the neighbors. Okay, come on, let's go back there. Yeah, so, sorry, whoa, I'm sorry, I adjusted my desk and it started moving in ways I was not expecting.

So I tried to change positions from standing to sitting at my standing desk and now I feel like a child at the kids table and my elbows were like above my face. This is really awkward now. When I was a Dallas cheerleader, so many memories. I'm so glad we have those memories of the child, the kitty table. So, Danders, I'm not really dealing with it. She decides to break me. I have troubles with reacting. I'm going to be able to control myself. Danders, do you feel warmth in your heart that Let it burn you know what that that your heart burn bitch

That's what people want to see they want to see your heart burn. Okay, let's go outside and do mandala Mandala Mandala Mandala Mandala so So basically, he's like yeah, I don't know if you just said this. Oh, yeah, you did just say this. His great advice was don't react. Like, wow, so glad that she's probably paying you like $1,000 for these sessions to say don't react. Like, yeah, dummy.

She knows not to react. She's asking, how does she not react? So they're going to do a mandala ceremony. And it's a really beautiful ceremony. So she is told, like basically, Darren has told Deandra to bring some things like something like from herself personally. So she brings out like a crystal that she got in the Mimia, but she also brings like a whole bunch of

trail mix from Trader Joe's. And like, yes, is Trader. It's right. There's not what it is. It is. No, she had a bat. She had a Trader Joe's and at one point, she was like, this is down. All those peanuts and nuts were all still in their trader Joe's packaging. And so then what they start doing is they first they arrange leaves on this cloth. You know, so it looks like it's going to be a moment that's like very natural of the earth. You know, it's like an offering, right?

And then she's like literally putting down trail mix. There's like little M&M's. And these ones. I might see the little blue M&M sticking out. Is this what they do in Machu Picchu? I mean, it's just like, oh, here's a Skittle. Damn, where do I put the twizzlers there? And the whole point is to burn something she loves.

So I love the M&Ms were in there. And also she brought a crystal, which she loves. So I love the M&M's were in there. And also she brought a crystal which doesn't burn like she said. Yeah. I was like, I'm not doing it. The crystal. I mean, the only surprise here is she didn't bring the old will, you know. Hey, Darren, which direction should I put the veggie veggie sticks? Should I face North or South as a matter? the veggie sticks whichever way you want. What about these dumplings? These freezer dumplings? Can I put them in there too? You do what you want.

You know what? Is this colafly or nookie gonna be enjoyed by the spirits? Because if not, I'm putting it back in my purse. I got a flat bread. Can we put that in the center? I got some Trader Jose salsa. I'll just pour that on top. Oh, blue M&Ms. I just cracked up. So, Dan just like, Dan's like, okay, I just want to make sure that we're clear with our energies. So let me suck some boogers out of your nose. Why don't you keep doing that?

It's basically the best coke that I've ever had. Just give me your fucking nose, Dan. So we suck some boogers out of her nose. Yeah, and he's like, I'm going to honor my teachers in Peru by wearing a Peruvian hat. Okay, so he puts it on and you can tell she's like, I feel like I want to say something mocking him, but it will probably be culturally insensitive. So I'm just going to stare and think about all the times my mother yelled at me until I can cry again. So then they start chanting. He's like, this stuff. Hey, hey, hey, hey

And then he like drinks something and then like spits it on the fire like I don't know it was like gasoline or just like Apple juice from Trader Joe's But why does everything spiritual to Darren have to be bodily fluids? Like everything. It's like, let me suck a booger out of your nose. Now I'm gonna spit into the fire. I'm like, would you like to just flick a booger into something while we're here, Darren?

I mean, what the hell? I feel like you learned everything from the jewel of the Nile. We're like romancing this down. I don't think he ever went to Peru. I think he just coupled together some adventure movies from the 80s, and I was like, this is pretty much how it works. Yeah, he just got onto a bus with chickens.

Like chickens in the, in the compartments. So Dan just like, I just wanna say thank you because I'm saying this to the spear guys, okay? Thank you spear guys, because like, I wanna thank you for all that I am, all the time becoming, and all the dealers bills that you're about to pay for me. Thank you, Spirit Guys, because I want to thank you for all that I am, all the time becoming, and all the dillard spills that you're about to pay for me. Thank you, Spirit Guys! And I want my Spirit Guys to know that you better not leave those Eminem behind because Lord knows I would have picked them out and let's send them for myself.

Okay, so you better leave those. I already know, Spirit Guys. Okay, the Spirit Guys were telling me that the green eminemes make you horny. Damnit, I left him at home. Hope Jeremy didn't get into him. Oh yeah. Mmm, it's so hot, baby. Oh, babe.

Spirit Guys, I hope you take my intentions. And you dip them in the same sauce you dip the samosas I left for you in this bundle. Please enjoy. Okay, this is fishy that she's so intent on meeting her stepmother. Mother? I was starting to think that this lady is old and she's found more money, like she either got remarried or she's rich again and they ever think she's going to go in there and get more inheritance, okay?

There, I said it, It's just a guess. But I can't imagine that suddenly she cares so much with the Slady things after all of this. It's hard for me to tell. Well, she doesn't care about this woman. Well, she wants, I think, you know me, you know, how I'm always like the Rose-colored glasses. You know, like, we talked about this one last week or two weeks ago. But she's, Deandra wants to actually have a relationship with her brother She doesn't care about the stepmom. She hates the stepmom

But she wants to have a relationship with the brother, but then she realizes she can't improve she can't have a relationship with the brother Until she has one with the mother the brother these to the mother mother Yeah, I mean I get all that but fortune from the mother because I don't think otherwise you would have been aiming for the mother all along. I don't know, there's something weird to me here. And obviously I have no way of knowing, but I just figured I'd put that out on the table for future bets. Like maybe this lady became rich again

because this just seems weird, especially if the lady's not even gonna come on TV. There's something fishy. It's just, it does not ring true to me. So then we go to Tiffany. I'm having a spotting at home with the kids. I would have a drought of doing this with a my mother. Uh, so then we see that the mom has sent her a really sweet text.

It's like, I love you so much and I'm so proud of you, my daughter. I would love to have lunch at a spa day or something. I didn't write it down, but it was like really sweet. Yeah, and then Tiffany's daughter, like goes up I didn't write it down, but it was like really sweet. Yeah, and then Tiffany's daughter like goes up to her, goes up to her and is like, you look kind of fat. I'm like, listen, your mom is fine.

You gotta look out for your daughter. She's the one who's really under mine in here right now. Yeah, or maybe it's been like freaky Friday where the mom is being so nice because she and the daughter switched brains So now the daughter is just like you look fat mom mom. I can't believe you're taking a day off work lazy I wonder what I wonder where the freaky Friday moment happened Maybe it was like the probably over dumplings

Yeah, oh the dumplings and like that's what I have yeah, because that was when the mom was like the probably over dumplings. Yeah, oh the dumplings. Yeah, I like that's what I have Because that was what the mom was like no, I love you Maybe we should have had more time for each other. Maybe that's what we should do. Maybe we can go over the ABCs So then they put on these little gold masks which are so funny because they're too big for them and they go over Like wrap their faces It was definitely like some Michael Myers shit going on with those masks. They're so big So then we go over to carry having some bonding time with her kids at helisk Yeah, because I used to eat I used to eat carne sada every Sunday growing up with my mother Who was a bingeer and who I hated, but now I want to repeat this tradition with my daughters. Yeah, so they go to this restaurant to get a lesson

on how to make carne asada. And so the guys, like, seasoning steak, they're all seasoning steak at the table and they have, like, gloves on, but I was still kind of grossed out by it because I'm like, you know, there could be splatter. I don't know, I was like way too close to the plates and the glasses for me.

But then they're like making guacamole in a huge like mocha hit day. And Olivia is like, mom, I want one of those for Christmas. And Carrie goes, I do too. I'm like, no, Carrie, that's not how you work. You don't, you don't coat. That's not how Christmas gifts work. Carrie is supposed to say, okay, okay, I'll get that for you. Not I want one also. I'm gonna say, okay, okay, I'll get that for you. Not I want one also. Curious and worst gift, give her ever. She just gets herself everything her kids ask for. Yeah, I love Christmas Eve because it's the time

that I get fresh cookies. People leave the map for me with some milk every single year. It's nice, that's when people come do, they come with llamas and they sing songs to me every single year year just for me So she tells them you know, it's really nice to have some quality time with them because Today she had a big conversation with her mom and her mom apologized to her and said she's really sorry for all those years And now I can die in peace. It's like geez

Yeah, very dramatic conversation. My god. I'm sorry now I can die in peace. It's like, geez. That's the very dramatic conversation. My God, I'm sorry. Now I can die in peace. We've called, which is interesting that they cut this because didn't they say, didn't they show last week a clip of Carrie talking to her mom on FaceTime and being like, you abandoned me. I think they did.

And then, you know, and then Ronnie, I was like, wait, why does she have all these issues with her mom? So thankfully, Carrie tells us for the first time ever, as a child, my mom was a binge drinker for weeks at a time. I'm like, oh my God. I mean, it's been two seasons of her like inserting this comment into every single line.

Seriously. And then she, the editors are such bitches to her and I love it though. So one of the kids are like, you know, a lot of times the kids, it's a trauma cycle. So, you know, at least you didn't, you know, at least you stopped the cycle mom, you know, because we have an experience to pay that you have.

And she said, that means a lot. Let's face time, my mom. So they call her and she's like, hi, mom, I was just telling America that you're a binge drinker. Okay. So how much do you like to drink?, Hi, mom, I was just telling America that you're a binge drinker. Okay. So how much do you like to drink? Tell America, mom. Tell America.

And the mom is like, oh my goodness, you girls look all beautiful and everything. And then the scene is sort of like, it's like, oh, look, we've all fixed all our problems. And then they do a toast. And then Olivia is like, hopefully there's not a second wave so we can call this a rap regarding coronavirus, which of course as we know,

there was like a massive second wave. And then it goes, and then this, after Kerry has talked about how her mom was a binge drinker and she had all these issues and had issues with her drinking, because one week later, and we just see Kerry like destroying property. She's like destroying the JR bedroom and Stephanie's like

Carrie is destructive guys Sarah. Yeah, it's the problem. She destroys property. It's a pattern and it comes on and on and on and then it cuts back to Carrie the restaurant drinking her margarita going, oh, this is really good. It's like, oh, the editors did her so dirty. Here's did her so dirty! Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity few, from the buildup, why it happened,

and the repercussions. What deserve session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber. A seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows? It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood.

How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So now here we go let's start the day. So Tiffany's kids are being firewomen and Daniel's like you're not putting out the fire and then we go over to Corkin' Cam's house and they're signing the papers for their new house and she gets a special gift. Oh my god, it's a pink koo chung. Yeah, and then Stephanie and her kids are cleaning turtles. I don't even

understand the context of it, but that's what they're doing. Yeah, she's like, I'm gonna get poop on it. And then we go to dandra, who is basically just causing the oceans to rise with all the hairspray she's using Like that is such a texan thing Just like I remember just walking into my mom's bathroom as a kid and just hearing And you had to like put your t-shirt up over your face because there's just so much of that fucking awkward at hairspray Yeah, so So she facetimes momadie and is like mother Sleeve player for me in church today cuz I'm gonna go me my step mother, okay, and you know it could all if you go well or he go down

He'll and so mamadie is like she'll be there with a bunch of jewelry. I'll tell you that Listen confidence is silent insecurity is loud and you're just generally stupid Okay, hey, don't let someone call you stupid deandra even if it's me Confidence is silent insecurity is loud and you're just generally stupid, okay? Hey, don't let someone call you stupid Deandra even if it's me, okay? Go forth and be strong and and be kind and don't take any crap, okay? Do you understand me? I'll say it again. Don't take any crap! Alright Even when you were a small child you'd come home upset because something she said to you and from day one

She's been a very very angry person With too much jewelry and a refusal to pay for your calamari now. Did you order five calamari to start with? Yes, you did and yes you will and if she don't pay you get up and you say have a nice lot bitch and Then mama do you tell us she's like listen? I said to him one time as the father I said oh I can't believe you married someone that unattractive. Well, this is really going to cause a problem. And he said this time, I didn't marry for beauty. Well, like he said, I did that the first time and I said, well then get her nose fixed. She is.

She is such a monster. She is like a great, a monster. It cuts back to Danter being like, okay, mother. And then it cuts back to her. And she goes, lack the Beverly Hill billies. Just picture that. And she tells Danter, you've been nothing but calm to this woman. Okay.

Which is an interesting version of history. It's monody. She's like, like they're gonna run all over you, you know, you just keep taking it. It's like an Emerald someone kicks you down. You're just gonna keep going back and back will not me I mean the only person I allow that from is you when you kick me and kick me and I finally give you The company, but that's because I'm a good mother So Deandra's like, well, she's like, well, Darren said I should go in with an open heart and humbleness, but there's so much crap you can take.

And if it gets too much, I'm just gonna walk out. And basically she's like, you know, look, my mom's trying to protect me, but she's also kind of like rallying me up and gaslighting me and this is not where I'm trying to be. And so mom, it is like, listen, this is like the third time you've done this and if you can't restore it today, Deandra, you're not gonna restore it at all.

Okay, it's like your looks. Okay, they went out the window so many years ago. Okay, you just get up and you say, thank you so much for meeting me today. I think this is the end of our visit and I hope you enjoy the rest of your miserable, ugly life. And you won't get it. You gotta be strong to do that, Deandra. I mean, you act like you're scared of this

lady. What are you scared of this lady, Dandra? Sometimes you take crap off people. You shouldn't take it from. And I've seen you do it. I'm going to church now. I love you. So you went church. Well, this lady was ugly. Okay. I was like, oh, my husband did not marry for looks this time. He ugly. I don't even know what he married for. I think you just want to be in a national geographic special anyway off the church Also, Daren did not tell Dandra that she has an interesting way of remembering things Yeah, and they're in said I should try but then if I don't like it I should get up there much way and not take her shit I was like that is not what he told you Okay, did the blue M&M's melting fume like

Yeah, so Jeremy has been less thing. He's like well, I don't agree with that and it's like oh Lord Help me and he goes come here on the bed. Come on on the bed The messy bed does not appropriate for television audiences right now. Okay. Listen, now that I'm lying, I'm a nipple, I gotta say something real. Why are you trying to do this, Deandra? What are you trying to get out of it? Yeah, I could care less about what your mom just said.

Okay, you know, you did this, they did this. Listen, you both made mistakes, okay? Here's the point, we're the rich ones now. Okay, don't punch under your financial status. All right, Dandra. Dandra, why you letting that M&M with a on fire right now? I need you to focus, okay? Listen, you go in there with your heart on your sleeve.

Okay, and what's the ultimate goal? Is to have a relationship, also to burn some M&M's. Yeah, yes that too that that's fun Well, I just have so many feelings okay, you know with my mom I can say fuck you bitch And then I can just apologize and fix it and still get a lot of it, but you know here. I don't have that assurance He's like all right. Let's pray about it dear Lord Please be with the andra help her not to beat the shit out of this woman. Also, hit me come more, I'd love coming, and I don't want that ever to leave me. Alright, now you got this, Deandra, love you baby.

And my prayer is that the Mars Corporation finally answers my letter that explains why that slogan melts in your mouth and not in your hand. Doesn't always work if you extend a big ladder onto an ammonium thank you all melt your mouth yeah baby so they start driving over there he's driving her and I love that he's just basically her assistant at this point like the scene started with her calling him to come help her get dressed shut I'm trying to get dressed and get, get up here. And now she's driving her and he's gonna have to wait in the car for her. And she's like, you know, I'm really thankful right now for my husband. He's the person that can turn this situation around and remind me why I'm here to pay for his camera lenses. So she's like, don't go too far, honey. And he goes, you know what we say in the military? We say stand by to stand by so we're gonna have a code word

Operation relationship repair Operation double drop Operation M and M Okay, the cut is gonna be this flesh it's gonna work. I'm not gonna take him here goddamn bullshit. Sam Bob, okay, relationship. He's like, mm, all right. How about I'll just wait in the car, honey. And so they're driving through this endless parking garage.

Oh my God, there she is. There she is. And she ducks down. She like ducks down. So that way she's not spotted. And at first I was like, are they just meeting in a parking lot? Like they're doing a drug deal or something, but no. So she gets out and then she pulls the mic.

She's like, the last thing I need is her to catch me wearing a wire. So then it's like on screen. Like I think good for something. Yeah, it was very Donnie Brasco. So she gets out and then we just see what Jeremy does in the car and it cracks me up because he's just like sitting there and then it cuts to him like playing with the light and the car is like what goes on then it goes off People talking about for no reason, it's just a certain is mask Like you're just sitting there. So then two and a half hours later, Jeremy, could you pick me up for a Starbucks, please?

Thank you. So he goes, he picks her up. And she's like, well, I went there. I went there with calmness and compassion and I implemented what they're in told me. And we didn't talk a lot about the past. I burned a few M&Ms. She didn't really like that that much.

I needed to do Starbucks. I actually got kicked out. And then, you know, I was just like,&M's, she didn't really like that that much. Needed to do Starbucks, I actually got kicked out. And then, you know, I was just like, she was upset that I wasn't there for them to help more my father, you know, after he killed himself. And then she said that, that thing with the wheel on my bed, they never happened.

So, you know, that's where we're at. Okay, well that's interesting, right? So, she's saying that she didn't put the wheel on her bed. So, who would have put that on your bed? Why in the world aren't you calling your mother and saying, why did you leave that will on my bed mother? Because you know the mama D totally left that will on the bed. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's also amazing that that will on the bed is like basically why she's suffering like all these relationships. So basically she's like, look, I'm just, you know,

the end game is to have a relationship. And there's no point arguing over these stupid like specifics about what happened. But then we find out that like, well, the stepmother tells her that Ross, her brother, doesn't want to have any relationship with her, which sort of like gots Deandra, because that's what she was really hoping for the most.

But of course, as the stepmother saying, this stepmother does obviously hate her and this kid, well not kid, he's an adult, but Ross also, by the way, everything has been filtered through the mother to Ross and even the fact that like when she reached out to Ross, that he was like, you have to fix things with mother first. It's like, clearly there's some warped shit going on with the stepmother and Ross. Well, she didn't reach out to Ross. She reached out to the mother.

No, she reached out to Ross first. Oh, she did? Oh, yeah, she emailed the brother. Yeah, she wrote to the brother and then the stepmother wrote her back, right? Well, no, no, no, the brother, while the brother told her, if we're gonna have a relationship, you have to fix things with the stepmother.

So then she emailed the stepmother and the stepmother emailed her back. It was like, I would like to do that when you're going to write, like when you want to do this and then send another email being like, did you see my message? Please answer it. Yeah. So she still doesn't, so she's saying the brother still doesn't want a relationship. But I know that it should be about more than money, but unfortunately, I don't think it is and so unless Deandra is coming there with the check in her Hand, I think she should just fuck off because that was his dad's and you know that was his inheritance too

So I'm sure he's like go go fuck yourself lady. Okay. Yeah. Well, there's what happens when people Mary rich people as they Have Well, there's what happens when people marry rich people as they have bad done who got the will. Yeah. So Brandy is like Brinkley, guess what mommy's doing? She's a world famous Dallas cheer. I know mother shut up. And we're gonna do armadillo racing. Do you know how you get an armadillo to run? You blow in there butt. Yes, mother, it's how you also make Brooklyn run. We've seen it before.

So it's also how you get that to both along, mom. Okay, we know this trick. So yeah, so there's gonna be a murder mystery at this ranch and the husbands are gonna come to the, like ranch in the last night. Like it's very obvious that we're studying out for the season finale, right? So then, I10-arriots are going out to everyone.

Brandy sent like these ornate invitations in I10-arrias and Cameron and Corner are looking at it and Cameron is like, Corrrr, let me show you this fabulous pink ball I got. Okay, do you like my pink ball? Coral. It's for the 80s. And he's like, so you're gonna just mix those two different pinks?

Is that gonna work? So yeah, so you can mix any kind of pink scroll. He can mix any pink with pink. It's like a sparkle pink. And he's like, okay. So he's basically just like succumbed to, you know, like, accepting Cameron, accepting that this is his life with Cameron. Yeah.

And Tiffany's like, what kind of things do they wear in the evenings? Like, Halloween things. So she's picking out from all of her new dresses. And then we go to carries and she's talking to Eduardo. I was like, baby, look at me. I'm going to try this on the 80s. You like it. And he's like, oh, when is this party?

Is this Thursday already busy? She's like, as I told you, I'm only willing to film two scenes with you this season. And unfortunately, this is the second one you ruined it sorry Enjoy the season without me It's like Eduardo's been so busy. He's never been busy here like all that But he's like oh, hi, honey. I've taken on five new jobs. I'm sorry Gonna be unable to see you anytime. So okay You just look at all the things he's writing on that little laptop and all they say is

ASDF ASDF ASDF he's just like matching the keyboard. Red rum red rum red rum red rum All work in the play mix carry the doctor of an alcoholic He's like you look like a pinyada I just want to be with a stick Yeah, it's the squeal laughs. So then we go Tiffany goes over to Brandy's house and Tiffany's like, there's like no 80s culture in China. Okay, we weren't rebelling or like having a Madonna thing, but what I do know is that they

have a hair product called Aquanat and Sandra loved it. You know what they see in Texas? My hair, the hair, the culture, the gun. So the Andro must have been really close thing. And poor Deandra, you know, this is what happens when you have a mother who just like insists on like a million portraits of you and you and your mother, etc. is that they all come back on a reality show because here is just another photo of Deandra with you, chair. So, um, so they're all gathering and Jen is back. Guys, everyone. Jen is back. At long last, we're, it's Jen.

And- Oh my god, no! I love spiked, unlimited! I was like spiked on the camera, and great. You know what else was spiked on lemon. I also spiked a scorpion. Okay, I got bit by scabike lemonade basically. And then Brandy got them, hey guys, I got your all cups. They all say no whining. And Carrie goes, why not?

So they, I'll talk about their experiences with Dallas and they don't really none of them have really seen it wrap and so getting to the lit up limo and Brandy's talking about a murder mystery and Andrew's like we're going to Terry after Cal girl day in South for Brandy's just like Why are you lighting that Snickers bar on fire? Connecting with my amtangings so Carries like oh we could do cow tipping which is like I

Think with these girls at this point know that when she says we could do cow tipping that She's probably gonna get tips some cows which by the way also like I love that she like the woman who got furious about the turkey murdering is like totally down to do some counting But like not go for a defensive animal while sleeping. Yeah, and Brandy goes those are bowls. I'm not tipping a bowl so They go to the house and Tiffany's like, oh wow, so this is what that house looks like on the show and they're like, welcome everybody. We've got me. You look here to help you come on everybody. I can't wait to give you the tour. And there's a woman named Bet who is such a bet. She's like, she's got full on bet hair. If you don't know what bet here is think about what you think that here is and that's really what that is that is so bad and she just stands there she's like just Janna sidekick but she just stands there and just like

classic bet yeah and Stephanie just looks around the house and she's like um this is what people with crazy for in the 80s like there's no swimming pool in the foyer, so sorry. And Deandra's like, New York has MoMA, Guganam, LA has the Getty, and Dallas has South Fork. That's all I have to say about that. Lucky us, mother. So then they get a tour, they see the murder room

and camp like, that is scary. and it's like not a real murder. It's like a character on a TV show that was murdered, but there's just like a drawing. It looks like a Keith Haring painting. Just like this body on the floor. She's like, that is scary. I just got trolls like someone got like murder now. I'm CBS in 1978.

Oh my god, my name is on a bad. So they've given Cameron, of course, like the four-poster bedroom with like being wallpaper and flowery stuff everywhere. And Carrie and Deandra get stuck in a room together. I also, by the way, I want to say that in Cameron's room, I thought it was hilarious that the show did not get the clearance to unblur Charlene Tilton's face on the wall. I was like, really Charlene Tilton?

Really? Oh, great. So I'm gonna be on the Real Housewives of Dallas. No, no, just your picture. Then no, tell him no. This doesn't come cheap, okay? So Brandy's like, I thought it would be really funny to put Carrie and Dandra and the time he is trimmed together because I just love to hear Carrie complaining. She's gonna say, this is bullshit and then Augusta Kari going this is bullshit Be host

so Then in the the JR and Sue Ellen sweet. Oh, yeah, you said that that's oh no, it's it's Stephanie Brandi and Tiffany and then And then also where's Jen staying by the way is she just like out with the with the long horns like we're Yeah, poor Jen I know poor Jen they're gonna wake up and Jen's just gonna be sleeping on the kitchen counter Okay, Jen time to get out. Shai guys, you guys want to hear about my labia today or the fact that I don't drink anymore guys Anyway guys, this kitchen counter was really rough on my gobler. Hey, when I'm talking about it

Did Jen even get a confessional at all the season? Did Jen even get a confessional at all the season? Uh-uh. No, apparently she had, she filmed the whole season as a housewife, but then got cut out because she couldn't show her kids or her husband because her and her husband went through some bad thing. I don't know. I think there's still together, but something weird happened with her and her husband, so they had to cut her out.

Wow. That's crazy. There was like that woman who was on Orange County, like several seasons ago, where her husband was like a baseball or also, was like she and Megan King, Edmonds were friends and she appeared in like two episodes in the beginning. She's like, I love Jesus and I have a private playing and then we never saw her again. Wasn't she the one that Shannon got mad that David was talking to at the bar of that, like Heather, ground breaking party? Remember that of that, like Heather, groundbreaking party.

Remember that? It was like some tequila party or something. It's like, oh, there he is. Talking to a blonde lady at the bar. Maybe, I thought that was actually Megan King Edmonds that, I don't know, maybe it was Megan and the blonde lady. I don't know, somewhere in that mix, yes, somewhere in that mix.

I think you're right. Oh God, all the blonde girls that David's talk to you on that show. Oh, Drip. Okay, so, yes, somewhere in that mix. I think you can't think of that. Oh god, all the blonde girls are David's talk to you on that show. Oh, Drip. Okay, so Carrie, everybody's getting ready. And Carrie's like, I know we're going to get put together in this room. I was like, yeah, because we're bad bitches, that's why.

She was, oh, me and my boyfriend, we used to have sex with our close on. Ah! Did you ever try hump? I was like no I fucked carry okay, I fucked You think you can get on a bus with ass and chains and just dry. I'm no you go all the way Then I'm called he remains from the keeper underwear on no that's not Harry that got that I'm called me Harry. Hey, I don't call him Harry Harry in the handers since

He we blister the news okay, they don't call me Harry loose and the goose for nothing bitch Listen, they're called meat puppets Not wrapped in plastic meat puppets You got to take the plastic wrap off to get to the meat, okay? It's called Allison Chains, not Alison Jeans. Okay. So, um, we see pictures of everybody in the 80s as they get dressed and then they go outside to have some drinks and dance around. Stephanie's photo, I think her mom dressed,

first of all, it looked like a totally different child. I'm not even sure that they just went to a CVS and took a picture out of one of the frames that were on sale. It was a different child and it was dressed like Raggedy Andy. It was very bizarre. So they go and they start dancing and Tiffany's like, did I get it right? I googled the

shit out of the 80s. So they don't have to make it in her fun. Like her like she can only have fun if she studied it properly. She got like, I'm gonna say to you for fun. Yeah. Oh, so they start dancing around and they jump up on the furniture, but some of the girls are still wearing their heel. What is wrong with me? Oh, Hold on, give me a lips have got a boy right. Yeah. I have to say this whole these these holes in the sofas, it reminded me of this time, an LA, probably about eight or nine years ago. I have a friend who's a bartender and so he started working at this.

There's a club called Playhouse. It's at this. There's a club called Playhouse. It's not there anymore, but it was called Playhouse. And so he was part of the staff when that opened. So he invited me to the opening night of Playhouse. It was very, was that Playhouse? I don't remember what it was called. I think it was Playhouse. So it was very exciting, because I never

got invited to cool things like this. So I went to this club and it was a huge space because it was a former movie theater that was now turned into a club and sort of in the center of it, they were just like this long row of white sofas, the ones like the ones last night. And it was like there was probably like and those so that's white leather sofas all over the place. And within like two minutes, like all the girls were on it, on those sofas, dance ground. And you just kept on seeing like,

pop, pop, pop, pop. And like by the end of the night, all of those sofas looked like, it looked like the end of a Bonnie and Clyde. It was just like it looked like the end of a Bonnie and Clyde. It was just like it was like like so many holes and I was like, to this day I've always wondered, what does a club do when like what do they do? Like all of their furniture was ruined. Like you can't just like you can't just like fix that overnight.

Like it has plagued me for years how they like you just like not open the next night like how do you like out for the fact that there's holes in all of your furniture so seeing this on the show really took me back to that split that place. Yeah Brandy's like if you guys put holes in the furniture I'm sending you a bill I mean I don't need to be a bitch, but that is just so rude. I came here as a Dallas cheerleader, world famous, and we didn't even act like this. I'm surprised Carrie wasn't there with a knife just full on stabbing. Oh, stupid leather. This was real leather. This was good leather. It wouldn't punch her, but look, it's cheap. It's cheap. It's not being a slather.

Hey, Jai Ma, why don't you get a gun and shoot your own cow for this leather? Huh? You're gonna have leather. Okay. Why don't you go keep your own cow? Oh, it's couch as a small peepie. So this is so funny because Dan, they go, hey, Dan Dr. shows your 80s moves and I wrote, she's gonna just snort some Coke off a table. And then she gets down and pretends snorts coke off the ottoman. It was pretty amazing. The worst part of that she also did that at Starbucks with her stepmother. I was like that is not how you build bridges the entra.

Yeah, those are building rails. Okay, that's a different. So then the wacky, the wacky people coming for the murder mystery, one guy is named like Frito Pie. An elevator, she likes to go down. Yeah, they have all these wacky names. I actually thought it was kind of funny, like cute. Like not like funny, like I was laughing,

but like I can imagine being there and think it was super fun. So they all get these like alter egos and they give camera in a doctor's jacket. Like they were a doctor here and she's like, it's me, they're like, okay, here she is and they put the jacket on camera and she's like, I'm an a the polygena, so that's what I am.

And then of course, they make Jen be the girl who works a blockbuster. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then of course they make Gen B the girl who works a blockbuster. So they go through all the rules and everything and there's like a little bit of fun and games about like, oh I don't trust any of these girls. Any one of them could be the murderer. And we see like flashbacks of like, Kerry saying about DeAndra, I could kill her or like Cameron, like not want to eat the chicken foot, and typically like, this guy come back to hurt me,

you know, he's like, ooh, funny-ness. Yeah, and then basically that's it, right? We see Brandy go up to stairs because it goes dark and somebody has been murdered. And then next week is gonna be the season finale where we'll find out how this murder mystery happened. Well, how it resolves. But more importantly, we'll see Carrie get wasted and like break the Dallas display like like

Ruins of museum. Yes. And then Carrie gets lectured for always being drunk and out of control. Yeah. Should be good. So that's basically it. Thank you all for listening. Oh, and if you are looking for Atlanta, if you're like, where's Atlanta?

It's on our bonus episode again this week. So go check that out. We talk about the season finale and go get tickets for a live show. And we'll be back tomorrow for some real housewives of New Jersey. They just taped their reunion. It must be a short, short season because this at Dallas is already on episode like 15. Atlanta went to 18. I don't know what's going on with Jersey wide, so short, but either way, we got Jersey and

then we got the Summer House finale on Friday. So it'll be a big week. Yeah, it's a crazy, bravo month coming coming up so exciting. I love the change of seasons. I know it's very very exciting so stick around and we'll be covering it all and we'll talk to you in the next episode. Bye! Bye! Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors!

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