Watch What Crappens - RHODubai: Caroline, or Change

Episode Date: June 24, 2022

This week on The Real Housewives of Dubai, everyone wants something from Caroline: Sergio wants a baby, Lesa wants an explanation, and Ayan just wants a hug. But what does Caroline want? Apparently, to berate people.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love to talk about. I'm Ben Maddleker and joining me today is the one and only Mr. Ronnie Caram, hey Ronnie, how are you? Well hello, Ben!

Hello, hello, hello, happy Thursday from Dubai. Mmm, hello. I'll formally watch this show because I know that you were watching it at the same time. Today we are recapping real housewives of Dubai. Before we start that, just a reminder, Monday nights, we got take a seat on Spotify Live. Check that out. If you miss it, it's on Spotify on demand there. So you can go listen to old episodes. It's really fun. We talk about Bravo. Bravo, shit. You guys talk also. It's really fun. We talk about Bravo. Bravo shit, you guys talk also. It's a big fun time.

We also have Crapins on demand. We just, we did Beverly Hills earlier today and we're gonna do Housewives Ultimate Girl's Trip for our second on demand this week. That'll be tomorrow. And also, so with real Housewives Ultimate Girl's Trip, since that's coming back, because it's on Peacock,

they start off the season by doing three episodes, all at once. So the first episode is going to be our recapsing be up tomorrow. And then the next two episodes or so, we're gonna put those on, or maybe three episodes, I don't know, but we're putting them on Patreon for if you wanna have early access to them

and then on July 4th, they'll be on the main feed. So they'll be coming to the main feed. But if you are really eager, you can also find them on Patreon. So that's how we're gonna do that because it's really hard for us to do three week apps, plus Southern Charm tomorrow and one day, it's really intense.

So that is the plan for this week. We love having you on board. And uh, shall we dive into some real housewives of Dubai, as long as I'm speaking with Australian accent, no good reason. Let's do it. So it opens up. A real housewives of Dubai. A, a, I think this is the episode where I really, I think I'm like the first episode, I did not really like Ion that much. I thought she was being very over the top for the cameras. And then I started to grow to enjoy her more and more and more.

And now I think I'm officially a fan this episode. Welcome. Welcome to my side of the yard, buddy. Yeah, I was getting there. I was getting there. I was getting there. I was getting there. I decided I do not want to be basic. I want to be advanced. So I've become a, become a Schnell fan. Yeah, I like her too. So here's my problem. Okay. Hope you be monical. The first song. It's a rip off. Okay. To rip off. And I was pissed off.

Okay. It was, I know you wanna big spend a big spend a yeah. I know you wanna big spend a big spend a, excuse me, sir. Have you never heard of a little old place called Barad way? Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, walked in the joint. How dare you take the spreader away from us. How dare you? I know. And it was choreographed by mob posse. I was like, wow, how much can you guys really rip off now?

Wow. So we're in albarrari, which is in neighborhood. And Carolina surge drive up to look at the site of their new home. It's enormous with all these, it's still very early on, but they've got like sort of like a skeleton up and it's huge. And Carolina's like, insane wealth is in Albarari. Everyone from TV's dolls, the Prince of Dubai and evidently Sergio are going to live there. So good luck getting in. And their builder is like, okay, well, here's the elevator shaft.

Sure, right? And your big yellow table. Oh, look at me. I'm your olive tree, Caroline. I'm your olive tree right now. What about the spoon? Be a spoon. Be a spoon, right? Sergio, be a kitchen island. Okay, you get on top of Sergio. You're a spoon on the island.

Go. And then these are the doors. The doors where you're going to have that palm, that palm wallpaper, like the Beverly Hills hotel, a huge terrace. Boys have their own bathrooms. This is the baby's room. And uh, and Sergio's like very excited. And he's like, oh, he's like, that's going to be Caroline's room. And she goes, no, Sergio, you'll be living in that room, not me, because you're a baby, you're a baby girl. That's what you are. So we're moving in next summer or what? And he's like, oh my god, I'm so excited to have a baby.

His whole thing is like over, you know, brimming over with excitement about this baby. And she's like, I've really enjoyed traveling with Sergio. I've enjoyed the life we have. I don't know if I want a baby right now. And by right now, I mean, ever have you seen the other ones that came out of me? Jesus Christ, they won't stop with their sweatshirts, their whining, and then know this, know that. They'll know we're not having a baby. Listen Sergio, my brand is intelligence, and unfortunately if I have a baby with you, we're going to be disrupting that brand, okay? I will not have a stupid baby. Let's be honest. We're going to have a very stupid baby.

Okay, we're going to avoid that at all costs. And he's like, but of course it's going to happen. That's why that's why we have a baby room. Oh, please, I've lived in places with an exercise room, and that's never happened. So false. She's like, premise. I present as 45 years old. You have to understand that. And so it's like, well, but my parents have to be grandparents. The carolau generation has to keep going on. He just Just no one said you're not having a baby. I just said I'm 45 which understandably may be slightly higher than you're normally used to counting to so I'll give you a moment I have many many years to me Sergio unfortunately no soul which I believe is required And he's like oh, I'm sorry you saying you want to have it right now

No, what I'm saying is that Siric gets her a thing, sir, to you. He's like, no, I don't want someone else to carry my baby. I don't want the baby that doesn't look like us. Oh my God, for Christ's sake. Really? You haven't explained to him how Siric is even works? Hold on, I've been watching a lot of the office. Let me turn to the camera and give it a look like John Krasinski. Did I do it correctly? Did that land? Michael, like get it. I get it. I know I've heard this before from people like I want the baby to look like me. Hey, yes, you're very pretty. The baby does not need to look like you. And no baby is coming out with Caroline's face anyway, You know, just get a fresh baby from wherever you can. Inject it with some fillers. Give it a third layer of skin. And you're good to go for Christ's sake. Yeah, for crying out loud. I am very sad that he does not

understand how circus he works. I'm also sad that they've that he that he fell into the trap of figuring this out after they got married because it's, you figure this out before you say I do, okay, because I don't like when people are like, when one does not want to have a baby and the other one is like, basically holds the marriage, you know, hostage unless there's a baby. Like that drives me nuts. So Caroline is like, if someone else

is having the baby idiot, it'll be okay. And, and, or, he's the one that she says, she says, it'll, he says, it'll still look like us. And he goes, but if someone else is having the baby, she is exactly the same sir, Joe, he's like, no, I don't think so. I've been reading about it. That's the phrase, the catchphrase of the past two years. I've been reading about it. I've been reading about it a lot. That's the phrase. The catchphrase of the past two years. I've been reading a lot about it. So it kind of goes,

this is where I see the age difference because he is clueless. He thinks two people have sex and a baby comes out idiot. What a stupid idiot. The only reason I'm marrying this guy is so I can mark him on a national platform that does get me sexually aroused. I won't lie.

He has no idea what goes into splitting jeans, mixing chromosomes, adding DNA collected from one night stands with royals to make a non-loser baby. If I don't have the baby, Sergio won't stay. A fact. Then bye. Bye, then he's not the one for you. Yeah.

Exactly. Get it, that thank you for saying that, because that's exactly correct. And she's just like, we're having a baby. Karalo is coming, baby, Karalo. No, I don't know, I think this is all. So then, yeah, everybody knows us, everybody knows us. It's the new song.

So Malroa, the realtor with Caroline Brooks. So they're looking for places for her salon that she wants to open. So it's kind of like a little mini house hunters. Yeah. And she's like, I'm a big fan. I'm going to salon and spa. This is my dream and I am obsessed. I'm going to be glam central.

Yeah, this is her whole thing. She's like, like, my spa in the salon, it's gonna be glam-tentral and it's got to be done right, okay? And so she says that there was a gap in the market because there are a lot of spas, but they aren't inclusive. And she talks about the challenges that as a woman of color, that there are lasers that aren't safe for skin color and treatments that aren't good for her hair.

And she basically has to go to 10 different places. She can't just go to one, unless she wants to do like a one stop, does fits all, whatever. And so she's like every girl into my deserves to look like me. So that's her message. Everyone deserves to look like Carolyn Brooks. Oh yes.

So then she's talking about how so they go see another place and she's like, I will not fail. We need to do this in less than six months and the producer is like, what if it fails? And she's like, I never fail. Within a year of leaving my husband, I became a self-made millionaire, which is why that same ex-tosband is paying for this business. I know. Actually, did I mention that? Okay, you might want to cut that out. For me, Dubai is the new American dream. Because in Dubai, when you do house hunters, you only go to two places and you order, no, what you want. Okay. I'm so sorry to interrupt this recap. Ben, are you recording?

Yes, I am. Oh, thank Jesus because I didn't press the record Oh my god, you got me scared you got me scared We would have wow could you imagine if the audience in here 10 minutes of us saying Sergio you're an idiot How would we ever be able to recapture that? Moron Sergio that's not how babies are made you stupid in the sill God I love you. So then we go to her to Nina and her husband

Munoff and they're kissing and they'd like to do the side kisses and she's like yeah after the best sides because this side gets jealous of that side honey. That's hilarious isn't it? I learned that from someone who served French fries. They're delicacy. I love French fries as much as I love kisses. I'm both cheeks all the time. So she goes, my husband is a workaholic. Our date nights that used to be like every Friday night

are now twice a month. Sometimes it's easier to do lunch. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, now he's just losing interest in you. I don't think he's something. I think that's what the workaholic means. now twice a month. Sometimes it's easier to do lunch. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, now he's just losing interest in you. I don't think that's what the workaholic means. I think there are only so many French-French-French joints he can take you to. So, Nina, they're throwing a birthday party for Bijan who is Munoz's partner. And they're

talking about this partner or whatever. And then we see a clip of him and he's like, I thought we would fly in the entertainment. And they're like, oh yes, we're rich. We're flying people in for a birthday party. Oh rich wealth. And we never, by the way, we'd never get to see this entertainment as they say they're going to fly in the entertainment.

And then later in the episode, it was like, we're flying in musicians from Los Angeles. So I was thinking it was gonna be like, ladies and gentlemen, train. But we didn't even get that. You train exactly, you train, but I was thinking too. I was not saying the entire time,

it was like it was gonna be train. And they didn't even show us who it was. I was so like upset. Also, I feel like Nina thinks assumes everyone is gonna be as smitten with a bejohn as she is because she's like, bejohn has the most amazing parties. They always start at six figures. He's hilarious. He has the best parties. Guys, this is bejohn. He's knows, I know, amazing, right? It's an amazing, we know, bejohn. And everyone's like, I hate Bajon.

I mean, yeah, I know. Like it's nice to see John Loveitt's getting work, but otherwise. It's not forcing your people to be honest. Yeah, she's really trying to make, you know, she's really trying to make Bajon happen. Also, she's, she's really going thick with this. I'm so rich thing and I'm just not buying it. Like I get that they're rich, but also we know it's a bit coin and we all know what happened to that. So, like we're they're rich, but also we know it's a bit coin and we all know what happened to that.

So, like we're currently in a completely fucked world with that. So part of it, I'm like, shut up, you two, because he's like, well, what we really need to do, honey, is talk about your new car. We need to talk about your rules, Royce, because they call it and said, you need to place your order

because they're gonna run out of rules, Royces, you know? There's only so many rules, Royces. We need to place your order because they're gonna run out of Rolls Royces, you know? There's only so many Rolls Royces. We need to do this quickly. Yeah, and she explains, well, for my 11th anniversary, he said, we'll keep your Bentley and let me upgrade you. This is why I'm a relatable mommy blogger. Am I right, everyone? You want the big phantom?

Do you want the ghost? Do you want the SUV? Which one are we going to get? Which one is easier to get frozen? Which one fits into the drive-thru of the McDonald's faster? Well, this is why I have an office with a view of the highway, so we can just look at the cars and choose which one we like the most. So then they're talking about this special license plate because as she explains, having a license plate in Dubai, the lower your number, the more desirable it is, people pay millions of dollars to have the lowest amount of numbers on their license plates.

Yeah, which is crazy. There are hungry people in the world. There are hungry, fat people. Do I need to call Sally Strother as a good or asked guest on this show? You people are ridiculous. Yeah, there was a license plate that's just said D5 and it sold for 33 million. Here's what you do. You go to Vermont or anywhere, but I'll say Vermont and you say, I would like like a personalized license, I'll be paid $200 for something that just says Z. And then you

take your card and do buy and be like, Oh, sorry, this is registered America. Sorry. Then they just have your, your single letter from Vermont. And that will, and that's the work around. Wow. Solved it. Maybe not Vermont. I think the license plate of Vermont are like bright green. So maybe I don't think it works that way, but you know, I mean, I love it. I love a bargain. Just something that's like, see, you can get a single letter license plate in Vermont to Dubai. So Nina says, I can never justify spending that much, but if you want to work hard and play hard, who's to say what you can spend your money on?

Me. That's fucking stupid. To some green people, you people are fucking disgusting. There. Yeah, feel about. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Exactly.

So now we go to the offices of Minazzo, where Lisa is with her kids. She made like a little play area in her office and there's like a rope swingy thing with like leaves on it and her kids are playing and they're like, where's Daddy? And she's like, Daddy's in the office or something and they're like, oh, Daddy's in the office

doing important business. And she's like, well, don the office or something and they're like, oh, daddy's in the office doing important business. And she's like, well, don't you think mommy does important business? She goes, they're like, no, how is Nina row important? And Lisa's like, well, why is mommy's work not important? Daddy's work is daddy makes the money. Geez. That hell, get rid of those kids.

You want you to do your tear down that play area? That's what you do. And you don to do your tear down that play area, that's what you do. And you don't get your kid ice when he hits, when a rope gently hits his chin. You don't get him ice, okay? You make a move for that comment. I mean, how is spanking looked upon over there? Because that calls for one, a big one. Right.

So the producer's like, okay, well, how much money did you make last year? And she's like, let me call Rich. Let me call him. Rich, how much money did you mean a row make last year? Yeah, you can't have it both ways. You can't. So like, I'm this boss who does everything. I'm all business all the time.

And then have to call your husband to ask how much money you made. Come on. Yeah, it's very Drusadora. So then the kid is, well, the kid is down that rope swing and then it sort of bops him in the chin. So of course, in true drama queen kid style, he just drops off the swing and is like,

ah! And then at which point my dad and my parents would both be like, Ben, stop it. You know, but at least it's like, oh my god, get some ice, have some water, help him, save him. I'm like, oh my god, you, you get to let him cry it out. Yeah, no kidding, especially after he just called you poor and stupid, okay. He'd have been hit with that swing by me. I would have picked up that bottom up and snacked him on the head with it. So

Rich comes in. He's like, hello, hon. She's like, oh my god, I can't get work done because I have a playroom in my office. Go figure. boss bitch Yeah, and he's like so they're gonna have like a talk and about like something that she needs to get done. He's like, well hurry up, I've got a boardroom feeling up fast and she's like, okay, well, Mina Road traffic has, website traffic has increased since the fashion show and he just keeps going, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, and so like the brand's doing really well,

we have a fashion show, yeah. And. Hello, hello, hello, yeah, I'll be right there, I'll be right there, I'll be right there. I'll be at the meeting just to make conference meeting. Great, great. Have everyone get some coffee. I'll be right there.

All right, I'll be right there. Go ahead, honey. Go ahead. She's like, um, hello, like you're in a meeting with me. Okay, this is like a good deal. Oh, yes, you're right. I'm here. Hello, hello, did you get coffee?

Did you get coffee? Meeting, meeting, business, business, my, oh, is that the sound of money? It's the sound of money. Good job, teen. Congratulations. All right, honey, go ahead. You know what? I've had enough. I'm, you know what? I'm just gonna make an executive decision and I'm just gonna put this into production. How about that? I'm just gonna do that. Hello, is this Mr. AT&T? I love your service. Let's do some business together. Business, business. And he's like, no, you can't do that.

Otherwise, if I don't sign a stamp, it can't be approved. That's the CFO's job. And she's like, that is so patronizing in the worst way. So it's not patronizing, it's not patronizing, all right? Listen, I keep you on budget. That's why that swing just fell in, hurt our children because you wanted to spend too much money And I said, Rope, use wire. We've got some in the kitchen drawer Celebrity beef you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter

or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows.

It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. So then, now we go to, then there's like clips of the various cast members doing things with their family on sort of like social media.

It's like Caroline doing Sunday, Sunday at some sort of like water park, which feels extremely off-brand for her. I'm actually a little concerned that Sergio is ruining Caroline because the Caroline I know would love would never get onto some inflatable tube and go down a slide. It's not right. Yeah. So then I've been living the good life. I've been living the good life. And it is 7 p.m. call to prayer. I was like, wow, what a party song to lead us into per time. It's good transition. So now we have actually a very sweet scene. I think this is the scene where I was like, you know what, I really like Ion.

And it's Ion and Chris. And they're just like reflecting on their relationship and like for some of them met and everything. And he remembers like the first time he saw her in Mombasa. And she's like, remember all the gold you used to buy for me, all those basic pieces of jewelry you would get to meet up with those with the days. And then she tells us when we met I was supposed to marry my cousin and this is my culture I was given to him when I was very very young

and my cousin was so hot I had no problem with this but then I met Chris I really wanted to marry Chris a man who looks like a potato it gives me gold mechaluses I was very into it. I had dilemma. Hot or potato? Hot potato. Hot potato. And he says, I'm so glad you chose me, honey, and I chose you. She's like, oh, because I had to force you to choose me, because I asked you to marry me four times, I couldn't live without you. I was like, not without the potato boy, not without my potato. My mom was very upset about it.

You know, she thought, you know, we're already like rented a boat, we've already taken pictures of like, look, hot, hot people fall for hot people, they're going to have hot wedding. Everyone finds, come to hot wedding, and they show up and there's potato instead. Very disappointing to the village.

She goes, you know how mad my family was the goats were bought the rice was made the neighbors got the free cows it was all celebration for my wedding and here I was gone I thought you said boat not go that makes more sense the good buddy the goats were bought the the rises made. My neighbors got their free cows. Hey, that means there was a hot guy available to marry. So hey, so there. Yeah. She's like, I've always wanted to be unique. I've always wanted to follow the beat of the drum.

Follow the beat of the drum. Some might even say the drum beat. You're gonna thought. So Chris is like, yeah, I remember when I first met you. And she's like, oh yeah, you tried to kiss me. And I said, no, but then the next day, I showed you my movies. And you reminded me of Van Dam.

Van Dam did a movie called Saddam Potato Impact. Okay? And I tried this movie. I told you this, but the first movie I ever saw was Van Dam. So I was like, wow, I wanted to talk to you, but I was shy. And then I also realized you do not look saw was Van Dam. So I was like, wow, I wanted to talk to you, but I was shy. And then I also realized you did not look anything like Van Dam, but I decided I was gonna commit to it.

And he's like, well, why didn't you kiss me? And she's like, because my mom told me don't kiss any boy, or you will get AIDS. And now I know she didn't just want me to kiss anybody. And that's what it was. So it actually worked out well that you looked like potato, because I said it's actually only a potato, not a boy. She's, oh, okay, kiss the way.

And then, you know, I was telling Sarge that you paid for my dowry. You paid my dowry. And she tells us, a dowry is very important because parents pay for you. They shelter you. It's like an investment. Nothing is free. We don't do free in my culture.

And Chris paid a thousand dollars for her. That's what she says. Nothing is free. We don't do free in my culture. And Chris paid $1,000 for her. That's what she says. And but now the mom loves Chris and they're also still friends with the hot cousins. So in the end, it all worked out really well and to make things even better, Ion gets a text message from Nina. That's all. It's like all these images of like, it's a party. It's a party. And there's a Bitcoin at the end. Yes. The Bitcoin at the end. Yes, the Bitcoin at the end. She's like, that's how to end a date. I got invited to a party. With the dowry thing, she goes, you've paid a thousand? That's very worth. And he goes,

yeah, but it's been very expensive since then. Very expensive. Yeah. I'm sure. Oh, good. Okay. So then we go over to Caroline Brooks, and she's getting clamped up and trying to have this like deep seat scene with her son, but she's getting her makeup on. And she's like forcing him into the scene, right? So she's like, I need my hair. A super straight today, super pumpkin.

We're talking about bullying. Go. Go. Are people still making fun of you on the bus? He's like, what happened once? Okay, so you're bullied and you're devastated. You know what? It's not the end of the world, but it's the end of my world

to see you suffering. He's like, I'm not really suffering. Wow, you're suffering so bad, you're in denial. This is terrible. I am shook at, okay, going out to a party. Yeah, I really don't want my son to be bullied. All right, I'm leaving loser. Mommy is good, right? Go have fun in the backyard, which is basically the size of the flagstone,

otherwise you fall in the water. Enjoy. Oh, so then we go to Caroline's, Caroline's standberry, having lunch with Sarah for lunch. And Sarah comes in and like a full winter dress, like long sleeve, you know, the whole thing. And she's like, well, I know it's not much of a winter here, but I just wanted that winter vibe, you know. Listen, I'm English. This is not winter. Okay. You know what I call this? I call it Sergio.

A pale imitation of something much better. Okay. You want to feel cold? Tell my womb. It's expected to produce a child soon. Alright. You want to know what ice is looking to my eyes. Yeah. So Sarah's like, so how are you? She's like, absolutely shattered. Two weeks. Two weeks. I mean, this wedding is just turning into SOTCH a beast. And then the waiter comes by and asks if she wants anything,

like any booze or anything, and we learned that Sarah doesn't drink alcohol, and she's not because it's just because of traditional and religious reasons, but because in Thailand, I had a cocktail with alcohol, and I was throwing up, I had diarrhea, I was, I committed murder by accident. It was terrible. So many terrible things happened. I'm like, they am. How much alcohol was in that one drink by accident? Oh my God. Unfortunately, the guy from entourage was there. Oh God. If we just called the police, everything would have turned out to be fine. But geez, before you know it, we're all trying to get at each other. Just keep secret I'm just water just water for me

I got a Ben Affleck tattoo on my back not a pick not a tattoo of Ben Affleck Just the identical one that he got on his back. God. I really have to stay away from booze It's also why I'm always covered up And actually now I think about it. I did get a tattoo of Ben Affleck on the front too. So it's bad, but it's that. So Caroline's like, well, I'm having the most traditional wedding in the world because I'm marrying a Catholic boy. I mean, basically it's his wedding, not mine. I'm in his bridezilla. If you could wear the dress, I'm sure he would because he's basically a girl.

Let's turn that tonight five times. And Sarah's like, aha, I can see you're happy. Like, you can tell these two are just kind of like, well, why are we forced to have lunch together, you know? And so Caroline's like, well, he's a unicorn for sure. I mean, he went for a 45 year old woman with children and you've met I'm sure. Looking you do. Men and you've got one child. I mean look he was just like baggage and I really do have baggage. I've got Louis Vuitton luggage you on the other hand. I mean

it's nothing you should be able to find a man possibly your own age, you know, sorry about that. I did like, I did call him a unicorn, but you know, good luck to you, darling. Have you talked to the waiter? So then, Sarah, there's no reason to be lumping around here like a car with three wheels, darling. Someone will wheel you. So Sarah's like, well, even though you're saying, in my case, it's easy. It's not a lot of men around the world think a successful woman is a threat. So imagine what they think about a woman who presents a successful, okay? And with a child, I mean, God, it's really, really hard. So she talks about how her second marriage, the guy didn't accept her little boy, which was crazy because her little boy is so cute and wonderful.

And then Carolyn's like, enough of your sob story, this is boring. Let's talk about how Sergio wants to have a baby and she's, do it! No, not the answer I was looking for Sarah, try it again. Oh God, he won't stop, so I froze my eggs. Well, the Lord just changed, because when I froze my eggs, he wasn't allowed to mix his spoon with them, because we weren't married. Now, you can live together. And, and Sarah's like, oh, and you can have kids without marriage, they're trying to accommodate people's differences and mindsets. Hmm, well, it's quite a step, quite a step, guys. You never roommate now, congrats!

You never roommate now, congrats! One small step for man, one giant leap, and then a tumble on his face for surgery, it doesn't even know how to walk on a moon idiot. So many restomers are moving here, and she tells us, Dubai is catching up with the rest of the world so fast. A year ago, you couldn't live with someone if you weren't married, and now I'm walking through a mall in the crop top sweater. live with someone if you weren't married, and now I'm walking through a mall in the crop top sweater. Well, not really walking, taking a little cart and then telling people afterwards I walked, but we don't have to share that secret with everyone, do we?

And so Sarah's like, okay, so the day of the fashion show, why didn't you go to that? She's like, oh, I was, where was I? And we just get a clip of her in her kitchen popping the champagne. Well, I'm just in this space where I'm not putting myself into anything toxic that's not my own skin. Or relationship. I lovely, sir, but I want to be in my love bubble, like to reach the due dyes. I deserve to be me. And I get that you're a peacekeeper, and that this fight ruins everyone's vibe. But we'll discuss it at some other time, because right now I just don't have space to

do that. Understand? So it's like, uh, okay, cheers. Cheers. Now, this has been fun, but I have to go and masculate my husband now. Enjoy. So now it's nighttime,

and there, now it's Bijan's birthday party at long last, and Lazy Jettelman, not trained. We never find out who it is. So everyone's showing up in a lot of purple. It looks like basically if someone were to redesign Sir, but for Dubai, that's what this party looks like. Yes, it's just Sir lighting. You know, it's totally van der Pomp restrom lighting.

And things that people really don't need at parties or want at parties. So be on the need. I'm not gonna spend the whole time being like, I'm like, oh, they're so great. Consumerism, I'm not gonna be like that. But you guys, no one comes to a party to watch a jugular.

You know what I mean? No, I keep that. Yeah, what's going on with this party? They're like, look, it's an acrobat. Nobody cares, okay? That's why I fucking Barnum and Bailey's out of business. They are right. Yeah, there's someone out of, they are I think.

There's like a floating, I'm not like, I'm gonna get serious, they're out a business. They are right. Yeah, they are, I think. There's like a floating-pian. I'm not like, I'm gonna get serious. They're out of business. Now, there's like a floating piano. And I'm like, I mean, I guess that's good for the gram, but like, personally, I'm fine with a terrestrial piano. I'm fine with the piano. Yeah.

On a stage. I'm totally fine with a piano is on a ground. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think anybody at that party was like, oh my god, how did they do that? Yeah, and if anything, it makes me think it's probably, it's probably a worse piano player because I feel like a really good piano player would be like, no, I am on ground.

So he knows like a shitty piano player. You want to play piano in the air? Chopsticks. Long, long, long is not long, long is not playing piano in the air. Okay, he's gonna be on a stage. Okay. Do I get a P break or am I just gonna play chopsticks over and over until the party's done? Yeah, last time I checked, Elton John, not in the sky. Yeah, last time I checked, Elton John, not in the sky. Um, so she's like, Nina's like, this party cost in the high six figures and be John and his ex-wife planned it and the girls are coming. So I'm going to just sage the place. I'm going to sage it. Well, you know what? Sometimes I use sage, but tonight we're using be sure I'm going to cleanse

a shit out of this environment. They're not gonna ruin my party. Great, way to go. So she's like really obsessed about how someone else's party is six figures and that she's invited people to it. It's like, it's just like, it's not as fun about, I think it's more fun to brag about your own wealth. Like yeah, I'm doing a party out of six figures. When I say fun, I mean, for these shows.

It's more, but it's less impressive if you're just, if you're invited and then you're inviting someone else to a fancy party, that's like less. Well, she helped throw it, right? Or did she not? Is she exactly like that? I mean, I can't tell. But I mean, she's sort of, I feel like she's implying that it's her party too, but I feel like it's actually just Bajon's party, but she's attaching herself, you know?

Yeah. But Bajon is really the one with like the fire dancer, Rolla Dex. Turn it up, turn it up. So the ladies all start arriving, and they're supposed to be wearing masks, but you know, it's real housewives, like who needs that. So, um. 22, we're not doing masks anymore, apparently.

I know. They're talking about only their upper face. I was like wow how refreshing About upper face masks Sorry, girl mask is under your nose right now. You're not doing it right So I went to that party and even though I wore a mask the entire time I got COVID COVID. You worry about your eyes, ma'am. Oh, so I got Ovid where I go, O. So that O was contagious. Now I can get a stopwatch from asking, O. So everybody starts arriving and I'm like, oh, there's a stage. Did you build that for this? She's like, I'm very fancy.

Pigeon loves it. So Brooks, everybody just starts gathering basically and Caroline Stambury walks in and she'll see Strenkus. What is fun, pleasant night and there goes the beach. Yeah. You know, I'm going to come in and give straight line and if she gives straight line, I give it back. But if she gives zig-zag zig-zag, they were just going to go zig-zag around and that's it. Bizz. So let's see, uh, Sarah kissing everybody. Yeah, the sure kiss. Like, hi. And um, she's she's like oh you have glitter on your beard

And he's like yeah, I do she's like oh actually I was talking to Caroline Sorry, okay, so stammery it, how Lisa, how was your fashion show? It looked amazing. So I've heard from people who actually, you know, get the penny save for whatever. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Sorry, I really wanted to be there for you so I could laugh in your face, but unfortunately I had to stay home with this one and party training a little bit longer. Still hasn't quite got the hang of it. It's very unfortunate.

Lisa's like, oh, did she want to be there for me? And then we see one day earlier Sarah goes out with Chanel and Lisa and tells them, well, I had lunch with her and she said she didn't want to be around toxicity. And I was like, ooh! So... Yeah, also, why would they deprive us of this like juicy scene? Well, not juicy, but like, I'm juicy, but like, you know, why not, like,

this is a scene where something actually happens, someone's gossiping and they don't give it to us. Give us gossip, okay? Yeah. So she's like, well, okay, well, yes, I did say that, but honestly, I'm in wedding planning hell. All right, she goes, oh, but you're not planning tonight. She's like, I'm planning every night, Lisa. And I know that you think this was a slight to you, but it's not, it's not.

This is goes, well, I don't think it was about me, but I feel like you not showing up to my fashion show was in my mind and I could be wrong because of your relationship with Chanel. And then we cut to Ion talking to Sergio. And she goes, so I know right now that you and your wife have like one percent of an issue that, I'm sorry, me and your wife have one percent

of an issue and I would like to understand one time, not today, you know what's going on. He's like, I think you're a beautiful person. You're a beautiful, would you have a baby, by the way, if it doesn't work out with Carolina? You are such a beautiful person, a beautiful fertile person. Am I right? He's like, you're beautiful too. Energy, never lies. Only.

So then Lisa is talking to Stambury still, and she's like, I just feel like your energy with her is your energy with her, and that shouldn't be your energy with me. She's like, okay, but I feel like you back her blindly, because well, she is my friend, you know? But right is right and wrong is wrong, and I'm gonna stand up for right being right

when right is right, and if wrong is wrong, I'm gonna stand up for wrong being wrong, and nobody's gonna change that budget. All right and I'm gonna make the decisions on what dresses are made. She's like we're still talking about the stupid fight what do you want about? Are you installing a rip swing in this party right now? So why do you have some things swung across the ceiling eating fire? Let me show you my child. Okay, does anyone have a brick? Okay, look, I just do a brick at my child and they're not crying. Do better.

So, Caroline is like, so, um, uh, she Caroline, oddly enough, is saying that she is shocked and hurt by Lisa because she thought Lisa was bigger than this and thought all this petty stuff was beneath her, which is weird because I feel like Lisa is the one who has the right to be kind of annoyed that Caroline said that she wasn't going to her party because she wanted to avoid a toxic situation, which admittedly Caroline was basically saying, I don't want to deal with Chanel,

and therefore Lisa should have been down with that because she wouldn't want any fights at her party, but Lisa doesn't necessarily know that. So Caroline owed her a conversation. The point is I think I'm a little bit more on Lisa's side in this. I am too. Well, because Tampa is always very bad with confrontation.

And you're right, she should have just said, listen, I wanted to come to your party, but I knew it was gonna be a big drama because it always is. And last time it was, and I didn't want to ruin another event fighting over something. That's what you said. Like, that's it, you know, that's, you're right. I think that she should have just said that.

But instead, she's lying. And she's saying all this other stuff. And then she's like saying it's toxic and all this. So yeah, I see why Lisa's pissed too. Yeah, you're right. And it's actually a minor. You have season three of Ladies of London, where Caroline really, there were like many situations where she could have come out on top, but she just fucks

it up for herself. She does not, she's just real bad in these situations. And she looked like an asshole that entire season. I mean, yeah. And it's another situation where the reason she was really upset is she feels that the person she brought onto the show. And I don't know if that's the case with Lisa or not, but in that case, it was a, a dela.

A dela. A dela. A dela. A dela. The person that she brought onto the show is now aligning with the person that doesn't like her, you know, she's like, how dare you. So it seems like that's what she's pissed at is that her friend is now aligning with her enemy

Anyway, so Stammer is like well look it's just it was the wedding that's all it was and so Lisa's like okay. We're good We're good But I do need to go to the bathroom because I lost my phone so can somebody go for me and she knows like I go Yeah, so she so Chanel goes I mean yeah She'll go to the office look for the phone and then Caroline is like looking at Sergio who's been this entire time I'm talking to Ion and she's like he's such a fucking girl Baby baby, I'm just I was just I was just oh Sergio fucking loves everybody it draws me nuts Quote unquote being nice quote unquote being a good person quote unquote being polite what a pathetic sort he is

Yeah, and so her friend Michael comes up. He's like I think she's 43? Am I right? And she's like, oh God, Michael, look at Sergio. My husband has become one of them. And Lisa's like, what does that mean? What's them mean? He's like, come on honey, come on, not now. She's like, no, what's them? I would love to know what them mean.

She's one of you guys. One of the fabulous people them? I would love to know what that means. It's one of you guys. One of the fabulous people because I would wanna be on my side if I was him too. And Sergio is like so confused. He's like trying to be like everything's fine, but he's like hurt and confused. And he's like, and baby, what am I doing?

Baby, baby. And he's like, well I hope she's going to suck your dick. He's like, huh, baby? And Lisa's like, I won't. And so she was like, baby, why would you say that? Baby, baby. And Lisa's like, this girl just asked me if I want to suck her husband's dick. I was like, okay, this whole show is going to be people misunderstanding

and misquoting each other. I know. Yeah, I was like, I don't think show is gonna be people misunderstanding and misquoting each other. I know. Yeah, I was like, I don't think she was asking, but, you know. Yeah, it's okay. So Lisa's like, well, I know you don't do it at home, but I'm not the one, because Sergio would never go back to you if I was. So then, um, now Chanel returns with the phone, right? And she sees something strong, and she's like, well, you know, Sergio and I were just having a heart to heart. And Lisa's like, oh yeah, well, she said,

where are you over there with them? Do you want to suck my husband's dick? One second, you're in your cordially invited to suck my husband's dick, them. And I was like, who said that? Are you fucking serious? I am tired of fucking being nice this bitch. She's so evil.

Okay, she's so dark-hearted. And Lisa's like, yeah, I just had a conversation where I said, don't group us together. And that's what she did. And she's like, why would she say that? So now Caroline comes back to the, she's, Caroline has stepped away because her gay was like, you need to cool down.

Which, you know, it's bad when the gay is like, uh, stop. Ha ha ha ha. This is not as fabulous as it's supposed to be. Gamer, we're going to the bar. So they come back, Washten Ella saying, I'm done trying with her, seriously. She goes, oh, is this about me? What now?

Lisa's like, yeah, is about you. She goes, what did I say? Well, you said that Sergio was over here with them. I didn't say that. I actually didn't say that. It was just like seven minutes early, I don't know. My husband has become one of them. I didn't say that. I actually didn't say that. It was like seven minutes early. I know. My husband has become one of them. And in case anyone didn't hear me because this musician from LA who shall be unnamed,

is playing so loudly, let me say it again. Then THEM. I never said that. I was just having a heart to heart with him. Oh well, he loves you. Oh, and I love him too, to be honest. But then, if you say that, she's like, I didn't say that. I don't know why you want to stir more shit, Lisa. All right. Lisa's like, I didn't, you're the one who just said that. So this is crazy, because Caroline is full on, like,

I don't know what's going on. She is totally, like, lying and turn the tables. Lisa was not starting to shit. Caroline was the one who said that. And Sarah's like, I don't know what's going on. She is totally, like, lying and turned the tables. Lisa was not starting to shit. Caroline was the one who said that, and Sarah's like, what the hell? Because Sarah's here now.

She's like, what the hell? What's happening? We go from one fight to another. Yes, Sarah, you're on a reality show. What do you think you want to audition for? Okay. Oh, yeah, this is not... Matt, let's see if you can find her.

Yeah, so Lisa's like, you said them, and I said don't group us. And Sternberg's like, well, I said that I thought it was very nice, and I didn't understand what all problem is. But you seem to be the one that stirs everything, Lisa. Lisa's like, you didn't say any of that. She literally said none of that. And she's tried to do it the exact opposite.

She's like, I thought when I said Sergio, you're being a girl, that was a compliment because you're lovely ladies. And I said, you're being a lovely lady right now. And so now you shouldn't even want a baby because you have lady friends in your life. That's what I was saying. And Sergio's like, uh, baby, you want to go over here and talk and walk a little?

She goes, yes, because I'm going to kill some bitches tonight. I literally can not. So, so Lisa's like, I mean, I just had a nice conversation with her saying, listen, I like you and you shouldn't like, and you shouldn't like not show up to my fashion show because you have an issue with her, but like done whatever. And then Nina tells us, this is a disaster. When it's good, it's a good time. But when it's bad, I need space.

So she walks away. That's if anyone cared. I know, right. So Lisa's like, I mean, she throws the dart and she walks away. Don't come in here acting like your queen. Be bitch. Are you kidding me? I could buy your whole life. So then Sergio's like, honey, let's talk normal. Okay, honey, let's enjoy it. Please, honey,

come on, you're out here with the big boy, boy's, boy's honey, you're tired. Okay, you're out with the big boys, you're tired because keep me away from her. That's all, just keep me away from her. So they go back to the table and she knows like, I will say something to you. Caroline, I don't have a thing with you. You have a thing with me that I don't understand. She's like, okay, well, maybe it's a miscommunication that I don't understand, but this is ridiculous them. It really is. Yeah. And she knows like, well, I feel like everything you've created was through you to me. And if you actually like, hey let me finish, I'll give you a chance, okay? And so, Karolins, I didn't invite you to

hand-knight, that's what this is, I didn't invite you to hand-knight, because no, I wasn't upset that you didn't invite me, I just don't want to be singled out, I'm a very good person, Karolins, very very, I'm not BASIC and I have a very hot, hot scouson. And I would like to build a relationship with you. And so Brooks is like, and there it is, yes, I want a relationship. So she and Sarah start screaming like, boom, the relationship. And then they all start laughing. And they're like, oh my god, you two just hugged.

So they do hug and everybody laughs. And it sort of starts ending on this. Like, so they have this ending. This so cracks me up. Like when they're getting ready, the getting ready montage is so funny. They show Sarah like slow motion spring perfume on herself. And the music's like perfume, perfume,

ladies and perfume, perfume. And then we get to this end and they start playing this dark song. It's like, I'm the crown, I'm the queen, King Bump Cown. I'm looking forward to moving forward with Stambury and see who she is. But it doesn't mean I'm not watching her. King Bump Cown, cross-flight night. Well, that girl could be nice or she could be a monster. Dark Miss King Bounce Cow. But then the lyrics go like it's talking about being the queen and the crown.

But then it goes to I'm a black sheep. You can try to run. It'll never end because I've just begun. I'm like, okay, so you're a queen, but you're a black sheep. Okay. And then she goes, you'll need a mask to everyone's adjust to laughing at the mirror. I'm like, okay, what? Okay, we need to lock down what your role is in this song because you've given a few different options. This musical is 10 seconds and it's about 20 different things.

Like I need to know what's happening. And they're all dancing in slow-mo and I'm like, okay, so you realize you've got about 20 seconds left in the episode And you need to stretch this out to get to the the end of your order there. So Boom And they just showed different shots of them dancing in slow motion and Lisa then it's with Lisa going I'm happy they made up however now that bitch is on my hit list. Black sheep tread a ride.

Boop. Bzzar. But they're trying new things. So, hey, you know, that was Dubai. Thanks everyone for listening. We're back tomorrow with the return of Southern Charm and Girls Trip the second girl trip x-watt club which will be madness So stay tuned for that if you're not subscribing already go ahead subscribe let the episode come to you

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