Watch What Crappens - RHOM: Age Is Just a Jersey Number - Live from ATL
Episode Date: March 13, 2023It's our 2000th episode, and we're celebrating with a live recording of The Real Housewives of Miami (S5E17) in Atlanta! We're talking reunion part 1, which features Lisa talking about her di...vorce, Alexia defending her star power, and Larsa interrupting all of the above.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Go to audible.com slash breakthrough. Follow along using hashtag BreakthroughXAudible. Watch what crap is watch what crap is who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is I'm a little bit more handsome. I'm a little bit more handsome. I'm a little bit more handsome.
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I'm a little bit more handsome.
I'm a little bit more handsome.
I'm a little bit more handsome.
I'm a little bit more handsome.
I'm a little bit more handsome.
I'm a little bit more handsome.
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I'm a little bit more handsome.
I'm a little bit more handsome. I'm a little bit more handsome. Oh, just people of Atlanta. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
It is amazing to be back at the variety theater.
Yes.
Thank you for having us back.
My top sticker on my notebook is when we were here last, guys.
And you know what?
The past is very important to us because this is episode 2,000.
Our 2,000 episode.
Can you believe that, Seth said I cannot believe that I know I cannot believe is that we are 2000 episodes into this show
This is wild. I
Have never in my life spoken to somebody
As much as I have spoken to your ass sir. That's 2000. Let's be honest. That's like 4,000 hours of content.
That's a lot.
A lot of talk.
More importantly, I've never listened to anybody as much as I've
listened to your ass.
I feel like I deserve a ring or some shit.
Come on.
I know.
A man.
It's been a long time.
I can't commit to another damn thing in my life,
but this fucker, OK?
What were you doing in your 2000?
The year 2000, which was not when we started the podcast.
So I was a junior in college.
Hot.
Hot, so hot.
I was an intern, so believe it or not,
I was an intern on three different shows during that year.
I was an intern on Strangers with Candy.
Didn't watch that show. I was an intern on Strangers with Candy. Didn't watch that show?
I was an intern at Nickelodeon.
She was an officer and a loser.
And one of the strangest quirks of my resume
I was the very first ever intern
for the World Wrestling Federation.
Now known as WWE, but back then it was WWF.
And that is a true story.
That's why you're so budge.
I would just walk around that office, like waiting for the rock to come in and be like,
he never did.
So hot.
Have you seen Young Rock?
I've seen commercials for Young Rock.
You know Rock, sir.
I'll say that.
Listen, I don't care about the rocks that you got, you know?
I was living in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, before it was all fancy.
I was back there was like one woodworker and a metal lady with a mustache.
Okay, that's who lived there. One Thai restaurant and like a sneaker shop.
And I lived in a pasta building, I loved above a Hasidic school with five people in this loft.
And I lived above the bathroom so I could pay less rent
in the closet, which is like a long coffin.
And I had like a big 14 track, I think it's 12 or 14 track recorder,
and I had my own one-man band that I made all of the sounds for,
called Middies Revenge, and I thought it was so cool.
Me and my little dog Zena up in this little thing. I would just poke down like,
dada, dada.
Dada.
Dada.
I'm sure that was greatly appreciated by the Shabbat.
Dada.
Dada.
It's like my cousins downstairs when you're being like,
all right, tonight we have the celebration
of the Shabbat candles, no electricity, then upstairs.
It's like, dada.
Dada.
Dada. Dada. It's no electricity, there my roommates were like,
God damn it, our feet are bleeding.
So in summary, you were making strange music from Broken Mears and I was stalking wrestlers.
So that's what we were doing.
Yeah.
That's a pretty good time here.
Yeah.
And here we are.
2000 and we know it by the way, we wouldn't 2000 episodes in if it weren't for all of you people
So thank you for listening to our show
Appreciate it because you know my ass is unemployable. I don't know what the fuck else I would be do
I would be dead somewhere by now
Well, welcome to watch a crap ends a podcast about all that crap on Broadway that we just love to talk about
It's great to be back in Atlanta. We love it here.
All right.
All right.
Take it away.
Let me just scroll up my nose.
2,000 episodes in.
I'm still like, wait, how do I do this again?
So, hey, you're invited to a three-part reunion.
All right, guys, all right, guys.
Let's say it's me and all the girls here on the set we're like Charlie's Angels, what's the name of the guy from Charlie's Angels?
Uh, Charlie?
What's turning up?
I'm an alcoholic, I like cocky, I'm shunned some cocky, I'm sending my goddamn lane,
I don't got a fuck cocky if I get.
Get your cocky and fuck me like it's a cocky, I love cocky.
All right, who here has had sex tonight?
Who here is gonna have sex tomorrow?
Who got boobs?
Who put boobs on their butt and butts on their boobs. Like seriously, it's like a business woman with tons of jobs and business in my mind.
I'm like, I swear to God, like to be honest.
I like have sex like four times a night like.
All right, you know what?
You haven't given me a sorry.
You haven't given me a thank you.
And you still haven't told me what's the word on my head.
What's the word on my head?
Okay. Draft? Is it giraffe? Ellen Barkin is it Ellen Barkin?
You know, I always say that I was born in the spotlight because I'm a star
You know my it's because I was born in the spotlight because I was born a star
I want to have romantic dinner for two with gods.
Those rumors you were spreading about me having sex with all of the guys in the hospital
was malicious. Oh, my foot. Oh, my foot. Oh, my foot.
Let's go. Tantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantantant coming in front of us and saying, the real house of the Miami, a peacock original.
So we get the arrivals of all the ladies.
Now, just to warn you, especially the husbands, sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I just like to apologize to any husbands or partners here.
We're sorry.
You're I see.
Especially because.
And my friends, yeah, look, he's like, that's me.
I take it.
He's like, fuck, nine, a husband, bitch.
You never know.
Sorry, but also, this is a reunion, okay?
So this is rapid firefighting and shit the whole time.
God bless everybody who came tonight.
Yeah, God bless.
And by the way, we don't want to make assumptions
about who's a husband or whatever,
because you never know we got on the Uber today.
And the Uber driver goes,
something going on in Atlanta today,
there's like so many hot women.
And Ronny goes, are there?
At the Uber driver goes, oh, are you guys a couple?
And I said, no, we're work partners, but we are gay.
Who tries to bond like that?
Fucking straight, guys. I swear to God, I can't.
They're like boobs, right? Am I right?
You see, you know, the kids are in.
Fucking drive the car, sir.
I literally did not notice women.
And that's not that I'm like that, because you're my best friends.
So I normally see women.
I'm like, where we going, bitch?
Where we going?
Who's taking me out tonight?
I don't know what he was talking about.
But also, yes, things are going on downtown in Atlanta.
Fuckin' idiot.
It was like a church revival right at where he picked us up.
There was a sidewalk congregation happening.
So it was definitely different from what Ronnie used to live on top of. There was like a sidewalk congregation happening so
Definitely different from what Ronnie will use to live on top of so
So anyway, we're in
And we're seeing everyone around this like the new thing of reunions We got to watch everyone actually walk into buildings and stuff
Yeah, so we were there in there. They're doing theup, and Andy is like going from dressing room to dressing room,
and he walks, and he's like, hey, Martha!
Where's Marcus?
Where's Michael Jordan's son, Martha?
Yeah!
There's poor guy standing right there.
He's like, I'm right here.
Oh!
Wow!
Where are your trophies?
Where are we? Where's your trophies? Where are you?
Hey, Michael Jordan's son.
Have you seen the last dance?
We're back still in the year last year.
Wow, love those sneakers.
Are those air not your dads?
Whoa!
Then we go to Lisa with her new man who is an undertaker of some sort.
I'm not sure with this.
Also a wrestler.
I actually thought he was part of the glam squad.
Did anyone else, okay, okay, I'm sorry.
This guy, he comes down with a giant fake tan, huge teeth, and his name is Jody.
Did anyone else think he was the hair guy? Yeah. Yeah.
He's like a glam squad for dead people.
He was like the undertaker.
Well, he's got undertaker.
And that's just nothing wrong with that.
Like we all want to look fabulous
when we transition to the new world or whatever.
But he's like, you know, people are like,
oh my God, turn that frown upside down.
Seriously, Jody, what the fuck happened in your life?
His mouth is literally like this. Might nut your rich. Yeah, he's very rich actually. You're rich enough
for Lisa to date. Fucking bi-Amazon, sir. What are you frowning about? I actually did
some research. He graduated from Harvard. He has like a whole startup and he is also
from Canada, which means that they have the perfect immigrant love story. I'm an immigrant from Canada.
They came over and they're little bottles, you know.
They came over and they covered wagon, American, T-L.
They put syrup and Katie Langseedies.
So let's see.
So yeah. She's like, look, everybody's see. So yeah.
She's like, look, everybody, look at his eyes. Look at that frown.
This is, he's my friend. My friend, it's a boy.
Jody. Jody.
So then we go back to Larza and Auntie, and she's like,
Auntie, like, you know, word like last night, like, honestly,
like I'm not even gonna lie to you right now.
Like, honestly, I've been really stressed.
Because, you know me, Andy, like, I just handle all my business right away.
Footpoint.
Footpoint.
No, Andy, my business, business.
Regular point.
No, Andy, I'm a business one. I'm sorry, I got that on your foot. I was just so excited to see your foot. So then, uh, Gertie started it.
Not me, I know that's disgusting.
I didn't start a foot porn business on a national television set.
Do you think I want to be up here in episode 2000 talking about someone getting splooged on their foot. No, she started doing that.
She started doing that.
She started it.
So then, uh, Gertie is like,
Oh my God, there's like so much to talk about.
Like, I feel like the 2000 live, there's like three,
there's things that have to be said,
the things that have to be spoken about.
There's decorations that need to be put up,
lights that need to be everywhere.
Your name needs to be in a neon light.
And you think, I check it home at the end of the day,
and then you have your wedding for you, anti.
Have to have a bridegroom shower for your little baby.
I know the shoes are a little girl,
but she will get married someday. She will need a bright shower.
But you just like close the door slowly on her.
Like...
And then Adriana's like, oh my goodness.
You know, this group is like a box of chocolates.
You never know who's gonna show up for your music video.
Are you really forced to gumping it for your first line, Adriana?
I don't know.
Really?
You know, there's so many kinds of framp in the reunion.
The feather lands on her foot.
My foot!
Oh, my foot!
Jenny!
So she's like, I heard through the grapevine that Alexia and Mary solar coming
was the grapevine that fucking television show
that you're on where?
I'm not sure.
Then I did every four last episodes going,
I'm coming for you.
So, yeah, then Andy goes up to Alexia and he's like,
so you and Adriana still haven't really cleared up your mess
and also, can you believe that's Michael Jordan's son?
For crying a lot.
Ha!
Ha!
How could we be over what happened with Adriana?
She didn't even do anything to apologize correctly.
Like, how are you gonna get over that?
I'm very still just standing next to her going,
that's fucking right, that's all right.
And then, Alexia is like, she's not authentic.
I'm like, have you seen your cast?
There's not a lot of authenticity in the visuals.
So bathing suits had tuxedo versions.
I don't know what Alexia's doing,
but I love the confidence that these women have.
It's bathing suits that tuxedo version.
It's like a gym.
It's like a sports bra back.
Yeah.
Right?
Down the boobs, it's all glittery.
There's just a lot that I didn't understand,
but I kept rewinding it anyway.
Well, you know, I was funniest,
Andy is talking to Marisol and Alexia.
Did you catch this moment?
It was so fast.
Where he's like, oh, OK, well, anyway,
Marisol get dressed.
And she goes, huh.
I know. He just comes from Marisol out of nowhere.
And it just cuts away.
Yeah.
So everybody starts coming out on the stage
and this is how Gerdy sounds coming out stage. C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C'mon, C She's not only wearing like long beads. She's wearing chains. Like, chains from like a chain link fence.
I'll put this is like,
I was like, is someone trying to sneak out of the prison yard?
What is happening?
That dress.
It's like a car wash.
And she can barely walk, because it's so heavy.
She's like, oh my God, hold on.
Let me just say something while I walk to my chair.
I'm like, oh my God, please don't.
Hi, everyone.
Yeah, they get there.
It's like, this actually feels like a small set.
I feel like the reunions lately
have looked like football fields.
And this one, they're all up on top of each other.
I guess it's like the peacock thing or whatever.
And so they all come.
I'm saying peacock, I'm saying the,
I'm my peacock with their small sets.
Might as well be on TMZ.
Ha ha ha. On TMZ. TMZ, sorry. My best friend is me. My best friend is me. My best friend is me.
My best friend is me.
My best friend is me.
My best friend is me.
My best friend is me.
My best friend is me.
My best friend is me.
My best friend is me.
My best friend is me.
My best friend is me.
My best friend is me. My best friend, I feel like a very strong season. The second half, she's been really good.
Are there Dr. Nicole fans here?
She did, yeah, she really did.
I have to say, the way she started this reunion
with such shade when Andy goes,
hey, Nicole, do you recognize where we are?
And she goes, of course, Larsa, do you recognize where we are?
Yeah.
Ooh, that's perfect.
Yeah, to be honest, like I do recognize it, it's the room I'm trying to get into and Daddy Michael Jordan's perfect. Yeah, to be honest, like I do recognize it,
it's the room I'm trying to get into
and Daddy Michael Jordan's house.
Do you know the combination, like?
And she's like, yeah, well,
this is where we had my engagement party, so...
I didn't like, just in case Larza wasn't totally clear,
Alexi goes, that you missed.
Oh, I'm excited now, like a K-like way.
So, and he's like,
I love Larsa, your son's got a pig in a junior's playing
for the Lakers, that must be so exciting.
Is Michael Jordan more excited?
I'm not, is son playing for the Lakers?
Or are you fucking one of his arch-names!
He's here! He's back at his mom's trying to find him.
I'll find him.
That is so exciting.
He's playing for the Lakers.
It must be surreal for your ex-husband.
And she's like, yeah, he goes to every game.
No, let me finish.
For your ex-husband to have to witness you fucking Michael Jordan's son.
It was probably about five years old,
but you guys got married.
We're such dicks too.
And by us, I mean, all of us.
Oh.
Yeah.
We can welcome.
Welcome.
Welcome.
All Bravo Watchers are such assholes.
We're such epicrites.
We're like 10 years. I mean, what was he in diapers? What's he in diapers're such hypocrites. We're like 10 years.
I mean, what was he in diapers?
What's he in diapers?
So, you know, he's 10 years.
I mean, that's not much in Brawp.
Wait, was it 10 years or...?
What?
What? 10 years?
That he's more than that, right?
Marcus is 10 years older than Scott,
if it been junior in about 27 years,
lower than Larsa.
Oh, you see, they fucked me with math.
If ever you start doing anything with numbers,
my head just gets so jumbled, I'm like, yeah.
Yeah.
See, it's not that far apart.
It's not, I'm not that much farther apart than Scotty
is with like, with like, the other guy with Michael Jordan's
son, because like, a train, 10 miles, 30 minutes, 47 kilos.
I'm like, oh, my God, they're the same age.
What are we being mean about?
I do know on, let's be honest, if Marcus was just like, if you were like super, super hot,
we'd be like, yes, Larsa, good for you.
You know what, there's no age in relationships, but we're just ever like, Larsa.
So Andy's like, Andy's scattered applause. So Andy goes
The gurdy I'm dying over your outfit. I mean you are showing everything and how much does that way would you stand up?
And oh, yes hold on Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Wow.
It's art decor in the back of Miami in the front.
That's what I was going for there.
Wow.
I see it go up and down on the top on the floor.
I send out the sazandi on the bottom and the dress
is glorified.
Glorified.
And Julia, wow, you look like a goddess tonight.
You want me to get up too?
OK.
I mean, if you gonna give you one seat.
Top inspired by cabbage, bottom inspired by goats and chicken seats. Thank you.
Wow! Julia, God, look at you. That takes so much confidence.
Oh, yeah, God, look at you. That takes so much confidence.
They're wearing a mature-if-showing dress
and you're sitting down for 10 hours.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I mean, 93 years old.
Did you sit there and feel like such a wrinkly lock
in the down, like Andy, calm down.
Strong with you.
And then like, I don't know his base.
He like, and hey, look at it.
Okay, well, this is right here.
Oh yeah, let me show you.
Let me show you.
This is, this is Holly Berry back here.
Holly Berry.
This is Swordfish Era.
Swordfish Era, Monster's Ball.
Holly Berry.
This is Finding Isaiah.
And that CBS show right here.
Alexia, she just was up.
She was ready.
Or really?
And she has that angry look in her eyes.
Like, oh, you want to look at mine too?
Do you?
Do you want a good mine?
Mine's normal weight.
Yeah, Holly Berry.
Like, you can't just say,
Holly Berry, you're wearing a swimsuit.
Like, what are you talking about?
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I'm going to say something scandalous, Ronny.
Go on.
Plants are meat.
And not only are they meat, they're delicious, especially if they're from impossible foods.
They taste like beef.
Exactly. Impossible is making meat history this summer. Yeah, they are.
Summer of Impossible. I am so excited to be spending time cooking my summer foods, all that good stuff,
and guess what? We can use impossible sausages, impossible brats. I mean, it's gonna be a great summer
for impossible foods. Impossible beef is made from plants and 19 grams of protein per serving,
and it's better for the planet.
And it's meat!
Plant meat!
Correct!
So if you're looking for something to grab for your grill, grab some impossible beef.
Summer of Impossible.
Start making meat history today, just head over to the meat aisle at your local grocery store,
grab some impossible beef, or patties, and get grilling.
Talking about. and get grilling. Toothroll at chicken chasing me. Gary chicken and me.
The dirty bird.
I love when Julia does our impersonation of her.
She's like, I lift beetles of hay.
I was like, oh, I was gonna write that as my joke.
I guess I won't.
Wow, love this crew.
I mean, you all show a lot of skin.
So many cutouts. You all put it off.
Some of you literally write, Larza, congratulations
on making your mortgage again this month.
Last but not least, we have Lisa, who's not wearing silver
as detailed in the memo.
She's wearing black, because she finally figured out
sad clothing.
I'm doing that, Andy, because I feel like my divorce is like deaf. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Well, last year we kicked things off unconventionally, so everyone took a shot said,
this year we're gonna do it,
also unconventionally,
Larsa, will you have Marcus come out here and suck your toes?
Thank you.
Is it vodka and the ice pickles in my boobs?
For everybody.
Our shot pickles is tequila.
So they all take these tequila shots. This is very peacock that you're like here. Get them some cheap ass tequila. So they all take these tequila shots.
This is very peacock that they're like here.
Get them some cheap ass tequila that's like gasoline
and then don't give them a lime or a chaser. They're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, well, the reaction to this season's been absolutely amazing. I mean, wow, people have loved watching all your marriages
fall apart and friendships decay.
Great work, everyone.
Live from baton, says, Nicole, I know Anthony makes a good living,
but how can you afford a boat, 1,000 luxury cars, a plane,
and a $40 million dollars.
Oh, Andy, that's actually very funny.
Let me hold my invisible apple for this.
Listen, you know, we actually didn't buy the house
for $40 million.
We bought it for $30 million five days ago.
So it was just like amazing.
And then we actually sold it for $44 million.
Yeah, Anthony's really good at business.
I was like, mm-hmm. What kind?
Yeah.
Because I love Nicole, but that is a lifetime movie waiting to happen.
I didn't know what's happening here.
Right.
So Alexia just looks confused because she's
trying to come for Nicole.
You know, and she can just never, Alexia's just too stupid.
Now look, I know Alexia has a lot of fans, especially
after last year, because the way Bravo works is the more the world
shits on your head, I caught you yawning, fucker.
All right.
That is a husband.
I caught a husband.
I'm just, I'm just saying with the,
your hat, I'll let it slide.
So, yes.
But last year, you know, the way the Bravo World works
is the more you have the world just shit on you,
we're like, oh my God, I stand you.
We love people who are just getting shit on.
I think it's, you know, because we all have hearts.
Hello, well.
Um, but man, she is really shit away.
All of that good will, hasn't she?
Alexia, yes, Alexia.
Oh, I mean, there's a weird part of me that still just
really loves Alexia, despite the fact she is deeply
wrong on every single thing.
But that's why I'm so amused at it.
I love in this reunion, she keeps doing like a live boomerang
of her head, she keeps doing this.
Yeah, that's what she does.
She shakes her head, and she even blinks like Teresa
just much more slowly.
She does the blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.
It's like a metronome, it's like she gets two shakes per blink. Like, blink, blink, blink, blink. It's like a metronome. It's like she gets two shakes per blink.
Like, blink, blink, blink, blink.
So she tries to get Nicole.
She's like, oh, except it is a draw money?
Or is it Anthony's money?
And Nicole's like, well, I spend as money like it's mine,
so I guess it's fine.
Yeah.
It's good answer.
And Alexe does her. Bl does her blink blink like totally confused
What do I say to that? So Andy's like okay? I'm about a real fun. Okay, we talked about boobs
Okay, we talked about rich feel
Yeah, so we we learned about Martinez cancer, which is you know terrible
But hopefully it's very treatable so obviously obviously all our love and well wishes for Martinez.
You know we love the Martina.
We love Martina and Nevratelov,
and I love the fact that we get her odds
like friend of on this show.
Yeah.
Um, and then, uh,
but we also find out that one of the ways she detected it
was because she had a swollen lymph node
and she was afraid it was from her shingles vaccine,
at which point Larsica's,
I don't even know what shingles is.
Is Michael Jordan its father?
Is that like why, honestly, literally every house I've ever lived in leaks?
It's so hard being a shingle mother.
So hard being a shingle mother. Yes.
But if you don't have shingles, you end up having babies and wetlock, right, Nicole?
Oh.
Wow, okay, cool.
Well, Lisa, obviously, this season was difficult.
I mean, hilarious for all of us.
It's a difficult for you.
It's one for us.
Yeah.
Yeah, so how much has changed on a daily basis with Lenny?
How are you doing?
If you want to cry, this is your chance.
She's like, I have good days.
I have bad days.
Then I have really, really, really bad days.
And he really, really bad.
And he's like, and the kids.
And she's like, LF's no idea Andy, and he's really, really bad. And he's like, and the kids, and she's like,
L.S. no idea, Andy, but Logan's been building up
his gun closet and grenade suitcase, so,
hoping for the best for that kid.
Got him a really long trench coat for his fourth birthday, Andy. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Seriously though, okay? You know what?
Stop that, sis.
We haven't even seen a judge.
We haven't even seen a judge.
I have a lawyer who's basically, you know,
his name is Perry Mason.
He's like that guy from that TV show.
What's that show called again?
Perry Mason?
Oh, yeah.
Just anyone or the fat one,
because now they've got a skinny one,
HBO Max.
It's a little area. I don't even
know. Let's keep yowing at the TV. Yo, I was skinny. You're wearing my Ethan. He just wears
all white all the time. Oh, well, that's Matlock. Sorry. No one needed to hear that. Charlie
Zangels to just random 80 70, 70s and 80s detective mail from
I've run through my entire list of TV lawyers Perry Mason and Matt Locke
And five of his family's angels from the
Charlie's not even a lawyer. What does Charlie do? He just runs like an
international's let's not get into that show. We don't need it. We're both too
behind on that whole thing to get into that.
So Larza does that thing where she's
trying to do the Andy role of the night.
Like she's going to be in every single conversation.
So Andy's like, so are you still in the house?
See you said?
I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to just let him throw me
to the wolves.
You know, Logan has an entire logo army ready to blow
into pieces, Andy. he took me three years
She's Lars is buzzing in like its family feud every two seconds. Took me three years
Yeah, like you know what as it should be you shouldn't leave the house because like the voices hard like you know how long it took me like literally like
Three years like so long you guys it was so hard like it's not about you Lars
She's gonna have...
And I just thought she's gonna have something
to say about every single thing and she does.
Larza just came to speak tonight.
She's like, you know what, I don't do too much
on this show.
Talk, I'm a business lady, woman.
So, Ann is like, well, Lisa, as you know,
we reached out to Lenny last week to see if,
or we reached out to you to see if it was okay for us to reach out to Lenny.
Yeah, you guys are so sensitive over there, Abrava.
You guys are such good people.
I mean, we reached out to you to make sure it's okay to bring Lenny here, Lisa.
And of course, he actually declined.
Or then we did invite him through the back page
out of a local newspaper and then he was very much into it.
And she's offended.
She's very offended that Lenny didn't come, you know.
And Alexis, thank God that Lenny didn't come.
Because I don't even know what I would do.
And Gerdy's like, there was about to be a smackdown in here.
I would throw Bill of hay at face.
I got hay arms.
They don't call them haymakers for nothing.
So Andy's like, all right, let's talk about Lenny's hot mic moment.
I've known many hot mics in my life, but this one was definitely the most entertaining.
Let's watch.
And we see that whole cringe worthy scene again.
And Lisa's like, it just,
that whole thing just confirmed everything
that was so obvious to literally every other person
in the world for 15 years.
It was terrible.
Now this is where it's like you're rooting for Lisa
the whole season.
And this is definitely the episode where I just started
booing.
I was like, wait a minute.
You're dropping the ball now.
OK, so this is her story.
He goes, what was your reaction to that clip?
And she goes, it confirmed what I knew.
And he goes, oh, let's see you suspected him earlier
of being with this woman.
And Lorsagas, you found him in the hot tub together.
Remember, like, you found him in the hot tub.
Yeah.
With a candlestick.
And she's like, yeah, I did.
This is my, yeah, you got him in the hot tub.
And she's like, yeah, a year before.
And he goes, yeah, the way in relation to this reunion
was it.
I can only think of it in between reunions
or the before and after.
It's like a year before it last year.
A year before, and then even the music was like,
Broom.
And Lisa tells the story.
She goes, she says that she saw them in the hot tub and yeah, they were very close,
like too close, like inappropriate.
And I said, hey guys, what's going on here?
Wow Lisa, you really marked your territory there.
I mean, you just looked at me and smiled,
so I like pulled him out of the lot.
I was like, come on, Lenny.
And I looked over at her and I just smiled.
I was like, what the fuck is this story?
No, she goes, that's when you get Logan out here.
What the hell?
What the hell was that kid training for?
She goes, I looked at her like this.
I'm like, well, it's not really effective
when your face can't show any emotions.
It's like having a balloon just drift in.
Well, Cattany from Lacey says,
the formula one in Miami is like the Oscars is to LA.
So... is it?
I don't know. I
Okay
Whatever you say. I'm just imagining a car and a Christian Cereano gown. Yeah
So Yeah. So anyway, Andy's like,
basically question is like, why did you go to this,
like you knew he'd be out and about,
why did you go to Formula One parties?
And she...
And we all know the answer is because she knew he was going to be there.
Of course.
And Larson goes, we made a plan to go there.
We'll make a plan to go to blockbuster instead.
I don't know. It was like a week before, so that's when we planned it.
So.
Then what is that proof?
You knew Lenny was going to be there months before.
He always goes to the same Lenny box.
You know he's got a boob box in the fucking.
And he want to come to the boob box.
I'm the boob god.
He's got a box that form the one just boobs everywhere.
Let me tell you something.
We're going to find out they all took an Uber together.
This formula one party.
Let's be honest.
There's something so weird going on with this story
and I really don't get it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm getting a little creeped out with this Lisa.
Just don't.
You say that, dude, because then you're
gonna get me to start saying conspiracy things.
And that's not what we're here for today.
So Lisa's like, and boom, boom, boom.
It's just like that show three company where there's three people and they're like,
uh, keeping each other company.
Yeah, boom, there's Lenny.
There's Lenny.
So yeah, she runs into Lenny and everything and this is, and then when she ran into Lenny,
she's like, and he's like, oh yeah, and I heard that his girlfriend licked her lips at you,
and your mother posted the video,
and your marriage continued to fall apart.
If you wanna cry at any of this,
please, during Lisa voice, for Andy, it's fine.
So the main question is like,
why would your mother-in-law post that?
That's so long I thought she was on your side.
And she's like, well, I thought she posted it
because she was mad at Lenny.
But then I had to come here to New York for BravoCon
and Lenny made it sound to her like I was coming here for fun.
So she invited the girlfriend to Formula One
and then check out the... what the fuck is going on?
I didn't follow any of the story.
Really, I just knew that everyone was fucked up in it, you know?
Yeah, everyone starts gasping and Andy's like,
so your relationship with Marina is
and Alexia's, oh yeah, you know,
because Marina's in the heart position.
She's in the heart position too.
Oh, well, you know Marina.
So, oh, well, you know Marina, she didn't mean it.
She's a good boy.
She's a good boy, you know?
She was raised right.
She didn't mean to punch that homeless person, you know?
She loves music, she's getting to, she's an artist.
She had the camera on the homeless person,
so she could get herself giving it a dollar,
so she could say, hey, everybody was Marina's friend,
maybe you should give it a dollar, too.
But then when she was giving the dollar,
the homeless person flinched like a fly was flying around,
so she punched it to get the fly, and then boom, he's on the ground.
But you know, she's starting.
Yeah.
So then this is the wildest part.
Andy is like, I think he asked this question almost as a joke.
He's like, I mean, are you still even buying groceries for this man?
Yeah, yeah. I do.
Everyone's like, Lisa.
So what the fuck, Lisa? I said that, weren't you?
Everyone said, really?
Don't fucking live with Lenny after all this time.
Everyone said it. So, you say, goes, Well, that'sny after all this time. Everyone said it.
Everyone said it.
So music goes,
Well, that's such a bravo thing, isn't it?
It's like,
this opinion is self-abrignal.
It's something fishy here.
She said she's still buying peanut butter for him
and everything.
And crunches for the butter.
I do Andy,
because the kids like strawberries and bananas
and they don't like crunchy beater, peanut butter.
I'm the one who likes crunchy peanut butter.
Cool.
How do I know that?
Hold on.
I'm, I'm leezering in on a problem over here.
Guyate, okay?
Oh, you're about to meet a foie gras.
Okay, love you.
Stay quiet over there.
Thank you.
Um, see the way.
Nothing makes us, you guys aren't sense. You guys aren't by.
You guys aren't by lingual.
OK, that was what we call Spanish.
So.
So then Alexa's like, oh, well, you know,
I was surprised you entered the phone
during one of your confessional that you had.
And then we get that phone call that we see a flashback of,
at least me.
Lenny, what the hell is this article?
This bullshit.
This is absolute bullshit.
You want some more peanut butter?
Because I think we're getting low.
This absolute bullshit guy, you're some scopes,
he had home.
The fuck?
So Andy's like, and so what about this Halloween party?
So yeah, I'm going to say something about that,
because he was flirting with every girl there in.
Yeah, I'm telling you this.
And he goes in front of his girlfriend, and she's like,
no, because she had the temporary restraining
order against me
So when I went to let his Halloween party she couldn't go he had to ship her off
I I have a question to anyone who's been through a divorce in this audience is this what it's been like
Is this what it's like
so been like, is this what it's like? So Ben Andy's like, OK, so he's shooting with you
and the kids, and he's shooting date.
Like, why did he do this in the middle of this film?
He's like, why didn't he film?
I mean, he shot a dead night with you for crying out loud.
And he's like, well, well, after the good vibes party, because you know, good vibes, we went to a charity
function, I stayed out late with all my girlfriends to 4 a.m. and I was hungover and he looked
at me and he just said, ugh, I want a divorce.
I'm disgusted with you.
This is it, it's over.
And she goes, but you know, like he throws a D word around all the time.
It's how we fight.
You know, this is a man you buy peanut butter for.
It's normally woke up and said,
you're fucking disgusting. I'm outta here.
I want nothing to do with you ever again.
Now listen, I'm totally on Lisa's team,
because Lenny's a piece of shit.
Let's not forget Laura's a piece of shit.
No matter how fishy this is, you're still team Lisa of course.
But do you ever get like a filling in the back your head that like seven years ago he showed
up and was like, Lisa, you're my lawyers, you're the divorce papers, I want a divorce.
Oh, Lenny!
We just fight that way.
This is just the first time they actually caught him on a microphone saying it, so it counts,
you know.
So, she's like, but he always goes that all the time too.
I mean, so I go out once a month, what's the big deal?
I mean, I hang out with my girlfriend, and they're like, you should go.
You should be able to go out and have fun with your girlfriends, and her daddy goes,
work hard, they're hard.
And you hear like a shh, shh, as her dress like moves.
So Andy is like, so were there issues about how much money you spat in this lifestyle?
And she goes, well, I work at a spa for free.
I wasn't to do nothing.
What?
I just know she worked at the spa.
Was that a thing that she works at the spa?
Is that going in there and having people take off your face
and restate it to your head?
I'll take that damn job.
Is this like Mia from Real House?
She goes in there, moves the brochures around?
So Andy is like, Lenny said, oh, sorry.
Lenny said, oh, sorry. Lenny said on Instagram,
that he'd rather be alone and loveless than to be with you, Lisa.
So, you said in the past that you said, love him,
feel so loving, don't believe that he's a loving.
And she's like, ah, he's very rich, you know? But I will say, this is not the person I fell in love with.
You know, I feel like I was tricked.
But my pipes aren't dusty.
Everyone's like, what?
Remember, Jodie, guess what?
He's not on my glam team.
He's in my hoo ha. Jodie, what? He's not on my glam team.
He's in my hoo-ha.
Jody has seen my bites and he's decided to undertake him. Andy.
Commissars, here comes one right now.
So Andy's like,
well I like his job. Hi, I'm Michael Patrick King, host of the official Max Companion Podcast, and just like that,
the writers room.
Each episode members of the writers room and I unpacked moments from season 2, sharing
juicy details you can only hear from us.
Stream and just like that season 2 is starting June 22nd on Max, and listen to end just like
that, the writers room on Max or wherever
you get your podcasts. He is the complete opposite of Lenny. He's tall, he has hair,
case closed.
I love that for you.
Thanks for sharing.
And then Gertie goes,
she puts her hands in prayer mode over her nose.
She goes,
she goes,
she goes,
she goes,
mm-hmm.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing.
And then it goes to commercial,
but then Larsa, she's like, she's like, I have to save this for the commercial break.
The girlfriend, this is what she did.
Andy, I don't like that.
That's $10 now.
I'm like, thank you.
That's $10.
Andy's just swiping his phone,
like, what the fuck is that girl talking about?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
She's DMing Michael Jordan, like, like so waiting you're welcome to come and we're back ladies this season was epic and
the great thing is it looked like you're having so much fun
my favorite prop and my favorite person enter a fucking bullhorn carried by Mary
So let's have some fun. It's someone to say let's fun this place up. I'll go shut up
Seriously, what is she talking about?
She just said the wife factory from the urban dictionary
She just said the wife factory from the Urban Dictionary. I mean, it's showing you...
I understand.
Oh, no, I want to read what you said.
Oh, no.
She just said the wife factory from the Urban Diction...
I'm taking this shit off.
I'm so sorry, I'm wearing this.
Okay, so Mary's up.
Oh, yeah, I was from this point of time.
I'm cocking at addiction racks.
Yeah, bananas.
I can barely walk out falling! Bananza.
So Andy's like, okay, welcome, Marisol and Adriana.
Well, 2000 from Flushes says, Adriana, you were so judgemental of Larsa's bottom.
How in the world could you ask an adjo of her and you got a Brazilian butt lift?
Seems pretty bold and she goes,
oh, you know why I brought it up?
To give you a chance to own it,
that's why I brought it up Andy, okay?
And Larsa's got the whole couch,
she's like, oh, what the, what, how could she?
Oh, and your big mouth.
Yeah, on what, own your big mouth on that. You know what, you should own your big mouth. Yeah, on what on your big mouth on that like you know what you should own your big mouth. Yeah
Yeah, I
Send a giant a ghost B B L. Do you know what this means?
Bracilian bot a lift I
Am bracilian
Therefore I am entitled to my country. I'm not appropriating anything.
It's not called LBL because it's not Lebanese but lips.
Okay.
I love, yeah, I mean that is a slow clap right there.
That is a standing up for what's right.
Cultural appropriation of the Brazilian butt lift.
It's just, I thought we'd come so far in this country,
but apparently not.
So you haven't gotten to BBO?
No, Andy.
No, I haven't gotten.
All right, well, could you use that remote control thing and lower it because you're kind of high and moving out of the frames, like, oh, okay, no I haven't gotten it. All right, well, could you use that remote control thing
and lower it because you're kind of high
and moving out of the frames, like, oh, okay, hold on.
BOOM.
BOOM.
BOOM.
BOOM.
BOOM.
Hey, Dr. Anna's blangs are like,
I feel like just banged her like this in the air.
So that is your natural butt.
It is, Andy, yes.
And everyone here believes in.
Larca goes, yes.
And Alexa is like, I believe it if she says it because it's your body.
And you have the right to believe what you want about your body.
That's how it is.
If she identifies as somebody with a natural booty, who might have said no?
So, of course, they then roll footage from season one, where we see, basically, a tongue
depressor with Jortzahn.
Every, every season, they pull new footage of Larsa's old ass.
Literally just like a piece of bacon.
So Andy's like, dude, what's normally grown like that?
I haven't seen anything in nature in so long.
I actually don't know.
Yeah, like your boobs and your arms, especially if you got shingles.
Marisol doing a great job to make it better goes, I think she just got heavy.
Er.
Er.
Er.
She was got heavy. Err, err, err, err. She was already heavy.
And I love that her new boobs are also considered natural.
Under this new Larsal Law that's going on here.
So fucking funny.
Was anyone else a little disappointed
that Marisol was not dressed as either a chicken
or a French clown?
Yeah, I think she did that thing where you read the season
and people are like, we're not believing
your alcohol bullshit.
And this is sad.
There are real alcoholics in the world.
How dare you?
You know, because you know how we are on the internet.
We're like, how dare you?
But my mother is an alcoholic.
How dare you laugh about it?
So she came in, she's like in a little suit.
She's like, wow, I didn't really even mean it.
It's not been a joke.
It's water. It's water in my cocky cock the whole time.
So he's like, Andy, Mary's all.
The internet had a lot to say about your drinking.
So you're not from Mama Elsa and never will be.
He says, Mary's all.
Can you get in your fire or are you afraid you'll burst
into flames?
Go to your 80% alcohol!
Wow!
Ah!
Ah!
So we see a montage of her being like,
Oh, I love a con, I love alcohol, I invented it.
So then Andy's like, what do you want to say to these people?
And she goes, well, I mean, look, everyone here drinks a lot.
I take a little extra of my confessionals,
because I'm branding and marketing my future brands, you know?
Like absolute marisol and app marisol wiser and Marisol Needles, which is a play on T-Dose.
And I was just like, yeah, by the way,
like, to be honest, like, seriously though,
I've never seen you drunk, by the way.
And Marisol's like, well, I'm not hurting anyone
by trying to convey a personality
I wasn't born with, Andy.
All right.
He's like, well, Nicole, you said she's drunk
half the time.
What do you think?
I'm just like, I hope she's not really that drunk, Andy, because, you said she's drunk after time. What do you think? She's like, I hope she's not really that drunk,
can't be, because that's a lot.
Actually, I think that you drink more than me, okay?
And everyone on this set put together in a call.
And you're not just a drunk, you're a mean drunk.
You have hurt me.
She punched me, Andy.
There was physical violence where that girl punched me.
She punched, I saw two of her.
They were both punching me on the other side.
I mean, roll a footage, you might as well call it Creed Four.
And so then we see this footage, and it's basically,
like, here, I'll be, Nicole, be like,
it's like, so like, unfair, it's like malicious,
and like, I'm like, really upset right now.
Like, no, please, no.
Oh, well, you know, get an ambulance. Get an ambulance.
Marisol, she like fell over.
You're doing a lot of great chairwork tonight, Bonnie.
It all started in that little loft closet in 2020.
Oh, what a pleasure.
So, yeah, so now Mary's always trying to make it out that Nicole's And I was like, I'm a soft closet in 2020. Oh, what a waste of time.
So, yeah, so now Mary's still trying to make it out
that Nicole's this really mean drunk rap.
And she's like, yeah, you've always got to drink mean drunk.
Well, you're a boring drunk. What's the bigger sin?
So Nicole's saying that she was like, yeah, I did get drunk
at like my engagement party because I was defending myself
and I was defending my professional career and so I absolutely got protective and then he's like, ha! Okay, that's boring. Last year,
Nicole got engaged, the man of her dreams, but as the man said to walk her down the aisle,
that's beginning her the nightmares talking about your dad. I love the clips of her dad. I can't help it. I think he's hilarious.
He's like, oh me?
Me?
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm a great friend to you.
I'm a great friend to you.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm a great friend to you.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that.
I'm the one who applied in, look at that. I'm the one who applied in, look at that. I'm the one who applied in, look at that. I'm the one who applied in, look at that. I'm the one who applied in, look at that. Could you just, if you think about it, anyone has seen Alien, could you imagine Nicole's dad as being the man robot?
And now if you do think about it, isn't that kind of fun?
Isn't it fun to think of like anyone on Real House
as Miami like being an Alien?
And the Alien being like, oh nevermind.
I think just as the, these shows are the reasons
the aliens haven't landed yet.
I mean, everyone's like, what are they waiting for?
Just take me.
They're like, fuck, no, I'm not taking you.
You crazy asses.
Adriana's like, why didn't I talk my face?
Why didn't I talk my face?
My foot.
So Andy asks if Nicole's dad is going to walk her down the aisle.
And she's like, Alexia goes, listen, there may be things
that you don't like about your parents,
but you have to respect your parents and let them cook their turkeys
in your oven and then leave.
That's how I am. That's how I am.
Alexia is basically setting up future arguments with Peter's future wife, right?
Well, it's like I said on the reunion that I was on, you know,
like you got to accept your parents, you know, because they know best, okay?
Sorry, slut. Alex okay, sorry, slut.
Alexia?
Sorry, slut.
Alexia has just decided to come and be on every wrong side,
like every villain side.
She's like, that's my side too.
So Mary's soul's actually nice to Nicole in this part.
She goes, well, when I left your engagement party,
I said, what a mean bitchy drunk.
I hope she gets some help soon.
But in her defense, this isn't easy.
And I can roll and hang with everybody,
but this was like, wow.
And then they so marry so on the turntable thing,
the picture turntable thing with the dad.
And he's like, oh, yeah, rub your butt against me today.
I don't know.
Welcome, I'm darling.
She's already freaked out by that camera,
whizzing by her face.
So then Nicole is talking about her dad,
like she and her dad going to therapy
some more and everything.
And like her dad still hasn't said, I'm sorry.
And of course, Lars is like,
I mean, I don't blame him.
I mean, you guys are belittling a grown man.
Yeah, you're belittling a grown man, a national TV.
Oh yeah, and he's old school.
He's old school.
I felt so bad for your dad when I saw that scene.
Yeah, I felt so bad for the dad who like abandoned you
for crime, and then went to prison.
Like, I felt so bad for him.
I felt like so bad.
Like, he didn't even have a son I could date.
I just felt so bad for him.
I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
Nicole got run over by a car because of her dad.
Absolutely. These two are being absolutely true right now. I cannot believe they have been
nerve to be like, oh my god. I felt so sorry for that man because you know all he tried
to do is leave you in the car and you got out and got run over by it and then it's his
fault. And now it's his fault really. Oh well, you know you're that. He didn't mean it.
He didn't mean it. He didn't mean it.
And by the way, notice that I think it was Alexian here
says something like, he doesn't have to apologize.
Actions are apologies.
Actions are apologies.
I'm like, oh, I'm sure you'll be really holding on to that
for the next several seasons of this show.
And at the time, you want an apology from someone.
So Nicole is just, because they won't stop.
They're like, I mean, you're so mean to your dad, right?
So Nicole's like, but like, saying you're sorry
is like such a small step to somebody, you know?
And Larza goes, Nicole, we can't change things.
Just accept him and get over it.
You have a different head, ma'am.
Yeah.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
You look like you're in the movie ants.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. ants. Oh.
Oh.
Starring Sharon Stone.
Wow.
Yeah.
I think family members are like Larsa's fake ass and cheeks.
Okay.
If they're toxic, you have to remove them or they'll slowly kill you and your tongue tongue You'll turn into Yolanda hiding in bed with a bottle of fucking tequila blaming everybody else for your problems
So then Nicole's now crying right because we're like rehashing her childhood trauma and these people are basically saying get over it
And he goes that made you cry
So she's like it's just like everyone's saying,
like just accepting, but like, I remember being in the ICU.
Oh, yeah, and you know what, see, stands for care.
He cares. I'm on his side.
I don't need, not only does he care,
he cares intensifiedly.
You know where I am, and I'm in the, I do see you.
Okay, and I see you.
It's terrible. So, Adriana is like well as a child like she I'm not even gonna do she's talks about how she grew up with that
Dad and like she knows what it's like to fight every day for your life, you know until one day you are on yacht
in bikini
Singing on on on on on on on on on on on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on for ever Andy and like now at least I got to work things out with my dad and like we're he's talking about it but I don't know about the girlfriend like I still have a
matter because like you know he's almost 70 Andy you know and like what is a
70 year old have in common with like someone who's in their 20s you know and
then we used to go wow old issue and like what is it even matter? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. What? Age is just a different world.
What's age anyways?
I mean, who cares?
Who cares if someone's 32 or 33?
You know, like age, who cares?
As long as their father is wealthy,
and me have been an enemy of my ex.
Right.
Well, Larza, it means you're a lot older than Michael Jordan's son, and you're gonna
get to discount it the movie's way before he does, okay?
Financial inequality can get you in the end, okay?
Pay attention.
So Andy's like, Larza, last time we saw you at Watch What Happened Live, who's did by
me?
You were accompanied by your friend, Marcus Jordan. Son of Michael Jordan, who is the star of the last dance? Anyone see the last dance? Oh, one of the half-stead last dance, am I right?
Oh.
So how close of YouTube, gotten?
Does he have the special members only discount on your only fans?
Are you dating or are you not dating?
And then they show Michael Jordan's son in the ring room like,
I wonder what she's going to say.
I'm not dating? And then they show Michael Jordan's son in the green room
like, wonder what she's gonna say.
She's like, not me, they're like, we're friends, like.
And he's like, but yeah, we're dating and he's like,
oh.
I mean, the charisma just comes like,
thumping against, like, this against a TV screen.
His charisma is like this against the TV screen.
It's like, wow.
I was hoping to have those wet eyeballs that his dad had and that documentary.
I don't watch that shit.
I don't know what he's talking about.
You need to watch the last dance.
Oh God, documentary of our life.
No, I know how husbands feel at our show.
I just, my brand just went, booh. Oh.
Oh.
This is a relatively straight friendly recap,
because we have mentioned Scotty Pippin'
and Michael Jordan a lot.
Oh.
You're welcome.
Yeah, congratulations.
Tell that to the Uber driver.
Anybody here?
Uh, so, uh, this is where they start
during the funny map.
The funny map.
Exploration from dates on milk cartons for reasons says,
Larsa,
Mark is as close as it is to your son than you are.
Is he?
Like I don't know, like honestly, like to be honest, like what?
Like is that like true light?
Hold on.
And you just hear it. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha care how old he is, he's very rich, okay? Those are the only numbers that really count Andy.
So now they go on break and then a black SUV shows up and there's so much fanfare about
this that I'm like, who am I, like what is this going to be like, Leah Black coming out?
I was like, Kamala, Kamala is here. Like I was like something big is about to happen,
you know?
But that would have been amazing. Yeah, she's like, but
But no and this this scene I think really
Illustrates why Gaze were put on this world. You know one of those things where you'd look at it and you're like this is why I'm here
It's been like someone fabulous gets out of a car and then we go oh my god. There she is
Quain What a gorgeous queen you are your gorgeous man. I was like, yes, thank you.
I'm fulfilled.
I feel fulfilled.
And it was Kiki, a wonderful, wonderful Kiki.
Cheers.
We love Kiki, and unfortunately,
Kiki's only nine line of the evening is,
I have arrived, baby.
We're going to kill this shit.
And then we don't see her again for the next half hour.
So Kiki, we go back to the stage and Andy's on the phone
on the FaceTime with John Mayer.
He's like, John, I'm shooting the reunion.
There's a problem.
And it goes like, hey, John,
you're not coming to Miami on your tour.
What's the deal with that?
And it's like, John Legend?
Yeah, she says John Legend, and Gertie goes, eugh! Gertie goes John Mayer.
She's like, Mayer of what?
How much do you feel to meet for that job, like?
Mayer of Shingle Town.
So, yeah, he's not coming to Miami.
Sorry, everyone who wants to see the John Mayer concert in Miami.
Yeah.
There will be an F1 event, though.
Yeah, and FSTD's in Miami, apparently.
They don't need any more intermingling.
So I'm sorry, but come on you guys.
That guy passes himself around.
Your body is a wonderland.
Man is a cold, but man is a cold.
He's got his own COVID.
All right.
We are back from the real housewives of the Miami reunion, move over Streisand and Gaga,
a certain OG housewife claims she was born a star.
So guys, were you done, we line up, you were done man, yeah.
I was just gonna let us all bask in the starness of Alexia, Archivere, I had nothing else to say, I don't know if you were done, man. I was just gonna let us all bask in the starnest
of Alexia, Archivir.
I had nothing else to say, I was okay.
Yeah, a certain outside of claims she was born to star,
okay, wait, hold on, can we all agree
that everybody out here is a narcissist?
Can we agree?
I'm not a narcissist, no.
I'm a narcissist. I'm a narcissist. I'm a narcissist.
I'm a narcissist.
That means I don't have an age in my better flesh.
And I'm just very confident, like, that's it.
Like, I'm totally being honest about it.
And Alexi is like, oh yeah, and you know what?
That's the best trait.
And do you know what?
Everybody be quiet because this is my package,
so I'm gonna keep talking right now,
because they showed me up there.
It was my montage.
It was my package right now.
It's my package.
It's like me when I go to a lobby of my building,
that's my package.
She had a lot of ownership over her package.
She was like, this is my montage.
Every time they show Alexi, if she goes,
that's my package, that's my package.
That's my package.
Also, I just want to point out,
Halle Berry, Halle Berry during my package.
In my address, thank you.
This is my package, if it was in Monster,
right now with Billy Boughton.
Monster's package.
Not Monster.
What was that, Monster's Ball?
Monster's Ball.
Monster's Ball.
I'm so sorry.
I changed it to Charlize, but now that we're on the topic,
am I right? Look at the back.
Look at the back, Charlize, Darren.
This is Mad Max Fury Road.
So then Alex, he's like, this is about me,
so this is time for me to defend myself.
So then Adriana stands up and she walks the Andy,
and she's like, Andy, look, I read this from a psychologist,
and he's like, oh, all right, all right, though,
this is the definition of narcissism.
A grandiose sense of self, arrogant,
lack of empathy for others.
Well, it's clearly not me.
Not me, not me, not a problem for me.
Why is there a picture of John Mayer?
So, Alexia is like, that's Larry not me.
It's not me, at least because that sounds a lot like Lanny.
My package. My package. My package.
My package. No, no, no, no. My package.
My package. Lanny package is over.
They think other people envy them.
Well, they do. They do.
Like, what are you gonna do about it?
And he's like, and excessive fantasies of brilliance
and beauty, the need for excessive admiration
and exploitation of others.
Okay, I'll correct that.
I don't think everyone out here is a narcissist.
Can you look up sociopath? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So she'll pass. Well, you know what, with that being said, the only good trait of being a narcissist is
self-confidence.
And that's what I have.
And that's what I say.
I feel like I'm a star.
I take that from narcissism.
It's like, why are you standing up for traits of narcissism?
She's like, I love narcissism.
I may not be it, but I will still have lunch with it, okay?
So, I was born a star, okay?
Because like, my parents instilled that in me, okay?
From the day I was born, my name was
Alexia Solar System, at Javera.
Oh, the score.
Oroscope.
They took out the age, so I don't sound like a whore.
But, you know, my parents made me to believe that,
and they said we're all unique.
And Grady's like, no, you're saying
that you're better than us, and we all suck or something, right?
Like we're all jealous of you.
And Andy's like, well, in my mind,
there's nothing more important, hold on everybody,
at nothing more important as a father.
I'm so sure talking about an artist's system
while you're making this whole segment about you.
The most important thing when you're raising a girl
is to instill confidence in them.
It's that one day they could go on a reality TV show
and tear another confident girl down.
Well, you know what, everyone?
We can't start with broken women
or there's not gonna be a show,
get some confidence and some boobs.
I was like, wow, you're doing great over there.
Listen, I'm a star.
Everyone's just like, Jonesing to be a star, like me.
They don't have star Jones.
Yeah.
That was a pun that I made.
So she's like, oh, and Gertie, you know, you say it's jealousy
by the way you called yourself a star in season four.
And then we see Gertie being like,
I do everything, I do business, I do this, I do launch,
I do, I hang lights. I'm a star, like this, I do lawns, I do, I hang lights.
I'm a star, like that, like kind of kid.
Like air quotes, you know?
And she goes, yes, but I'm like, I'm a star, fingers,
gurgling, gurgling, you know, tricky fingers.
And then she's like, but you're saying, we're jealous of you because you're a star.
And you know what, you're still doing the same vibe, you need to humble yourself.
I'm a star. I'm just a star. And you know what, you are still doing the same vibe. You need to humble yourself. I'm a star.
I'm just a star.
I'm just a star.
I think you resent the fact that I'm like resilient.
Oh, well, you know, I'm resilient like Peter, you know?
And like every single time it's a conversation
where they need to bring up everything I've gone to
and my life to create pain.
They're creating pain because they want to like,
dim my star, but you can't dim my star
because I literally have the name,
sort of system in my name.
Yeah.
Don't try and create paint for autoscopes.
Okay?
When I was a little child,
and I saw those commercials on NBC,
you know, the more they know, it was like my face.
Yeah.
Right.
That was me up there.
You are the one who brings up your struggles every five minutes.
Okay. I think someone else did it one time, but she literally is like every answer. You are the one who brings up your struggles every five minutes, okay?
I think someone else did it one time, but she literally is like every answer.
She's like, hold on, it's my package.
After everything I've gone through, everything I've gone through over the years.
So then Alexi is like, yeah, I'm not falling for it.
So basically they farted.
They farted about.
I mean, I...
Oh, well, no. Why do you have to bring up my pain?
It was a lot. They fart about. I mean, I... Oh, well, you know. Why do you have to bring up my pain?
It was a lot.
So that works as stars fart, so you're welcome.
Now it's Gurdie's turn to make it all about herself, right?
So Gurdie's like, you know, you have to see the things you do to us.
And she goes, what does she do to you then?
What does she do to you?
Be honest about it like...
She's just respectful.
I give her flowers and she says, I already have flowers.
That's not nice
That is not nice. I like when Gerdy pouts her bottom lip like
And then we do see Alexia being an asshole about it. She's like oh well, you know she gave me flowers But like I have a whole bunch of flowers so like thanks. I guess stupid
She sent her flowers to a wedding though.. I mean, that is kind of like,
why are you sending flowers to it?
The delivery man walks up, he's like,
I've got flowers and it's to a wall of flowers.
Like a literal wall of flowers.
But if she's, sir, I've got flowers.
But if she didn't send them, you know,
Alexa would be like, she didn't even send flowers.
You didn't even send flowers to my wedding.
And now you're gonna say,
I'm like a star.
How do you not send a star flower?
Narcissist. Yeah, me and Dr. Tew. hours to my wedding. And I'm like a star. How do you not say the star flowers?
I mean, drunk too.
So, gurides like, you know what, if you were a friend,
you would have said, thank you for the flowers.
But no, see, you haven't given me a thank you.
You haven't given me a sorry.
Are you said to me is you don't care,
and you don't give a fuck.
And when I saw it back on the screen about my charity,
about my charity, about my father,
which is about that again, about that again.
So they get into this, again, the charity fight
because Alexia said it disparaging,
think about the party.
And so they get into all of that, et cetera,
and her, you literally had to sit there
and I wanted to do your party.
And I said, give me the date.
And you said, and like, you gave me the date.
And I said, I can't go there on that date
because I have a very important family day with my friends and with my children
and we're going to put phones on our foreheads and try to guess words like vase and potato.
Oh yeah?
Well you said you couldn't do it on that date and I'm glad you didn't because you are
difficult to work with.
Come here for my job.
Come here for my job.
And then she goes, you must treat your assistant mono,
and you know what, you're not gonna castrate me
like you castrated Russell.
There, I said it, I said it, I said it.
You treat mono bad, and you castrated Russell bad.
It was bad castration.
Bad castration.
You are a full blown liar.
Okay, chaos and confusion is how you argue.
Okay, enough about castration.
Alexia, you said all Russian women are prostitutes.
That was hilarious.
That was a great pivot by Andy.
One of my favorite fights of the year was this
Alexia versus Julia prostitution fight.
And like, they see the flashback again, which is so funny.
What Julia reading this card,
If I were prostitute, who would make least money?
And like, you would probably make the most
because you're a russian, so you're prostitute.
Yeah, that's what russians do, you know.
It's hard for me not to put a fiber in your boobs right now.
So Alex is... Julia...
Oh no, Alexia says, Julia read the card and that was my answer.
And I was so sorry.
Remember?
Do you remember how sorry I was?
I was so sorry.
She was so sorry.
Not at the moment.
Not at the moment.
I was so sorry.
But I was so sorry.
I was.
And, you know, like you said, you came to this country, you know, and...
It was a stigmatism. There was a st you know, and... It was a stigmatism.
There was a stigmatism to it.
There was a stigmatism to it.
That's what it was.
And Adriana is like,
Stigmatism is for eye disease, f and eye disease.
Well, that's what I said, stigmatism.
And Nicole's like, hello, well, that is,
that's called a stigma, okay.
And she was, oh, really? And Mary said, okay, well, that is, that's called a stigma, okay? And she was, oh really?
And Mary said, just, okay, AIMX.
So, me and Drunk Camp pronounce a credit card name, me.
Oh, she's punching me in her line, Dandy,
she's punching me in it.
Listen, I said, I am sorry for all the hurt and pain
creases that I've created for all the Russian women.
What did I, What did I say?
Who took it that way?
And like at the end of the night when we're all like hitting the pinnata,
like I hugged you.
I hugged you, so like, that's it, that's fixed.
Well, first of all, thank you for the apology,
because this time it felt real.
When you made a comment about Russian women coming here
to have babies, and that's all we do, well guess what?
I am Russian lady who came here to give my babies
better future.
Does it make prostitute out of me
to prostitute okay?
Overhead.
She's a prostitute.
I am here for opportunity and now look at me.
Children got shekin.
It's like, yes, Julia.
Yeah.
So Andy's like, well, Alexa, I don't think you're still really
understanding what's going on here.
So like, you wouldn't want someone judging you by the worst stereotypes of Cubans, right?
Just, oh, and they have.
I'm so judged.
I'm so judged.
I'm so judged all the time.
All the time.
All the time.
It's all the time me, I'm judged.
You know, but I try not to think about that, like some people.
And he's like, okay, well, oh well, you know from Peter says, Alexia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the clip of her going oh by the way he's not married after all and I know because I was back on the
Miami date uh but gov and then I went like that it turns out you have to keep moving all the way to
the bottom you have to do that scroll all the way to the bottom new functionality scrolling scrolling
so he's like well she never did and're shut up, apologize for the slander.
And Alexis, like, he's never going to happen.
He's never, she's like, proudly, like, I know I'm happy.
I said all that shit about someone that was wrong.
She's like, I'm not gonna say, sorry,
because you know what?
First of all, that's not her boyfriend.
It's someone she rents.
And she's like, rent, and yes, you rents.
She rents, he's meant to come to her events.
And Andy goes,
I'm a banser.
What does this guy get out of it?
Just fame.
Because you say you're gonna be on a housewives show
and guys get a hard on.
Ha!
You know, you say you're going to be on a revived housewives show
that's on an streaming only NBC product.
Boners everywhere.
Boners town.
Boners town.
Boners town, Andy.
He's a doctor.
Okay, let's put it that way.
He's like a doctor.
Oh, really?
Well, being a medical doctor doesn't make him a better man.
That's it.
Look in the cold.
I mean, but you don't rent doctors.
You rent Larsa's foot for crying out loud.
Doctors have full schedules. You can't rent them. And Larsa's like, oh, yeah, don't rent doctors. You rent Larsa's foot for crying out loud. Doctors have full schedules. You can't rent them. And Larsa's like,
oh yeah, you can rent anybody. Anybody's for sale.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you're a job, honey.
So, um, I like to say, well, nobody buys me, which is funny.
She's like, people buy me with love,
but not money, you know?
Like, that's what you resent,
that I've got like so much love in my life,
like it bothers you.
Okay, I've got the sort of love in my life
that wants to have a secret gay relationship on the side.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, they bought me with love, not with money.
I just happened to find very wealthy men
to fall in love with me, okay?
So she's saying, you're jealous of me.
You want my life in Adriana and goes,
you are the more lysing me.
Which is, this is her best for union.
I'm just going to say it right now.
I'm on her side.
She hasn't done anything too insane yet, you know?
And she's saying things like,
you are the more lysing me.
I'll call you. So then Adriana pulls out her latest receipt. So she pulls out some paper. yet, you know, and she sings things like, you are demoralizing me. How could you?
So then Adriana pulls out her latest receipt.
So she pulls out some paper.
She brings it to Andy.
It's from February 2020, right before lockdown.
And Andy's reading, he's like, OK, let me read this.
Hey, my friend.
How are you?
So and so we shout out to me for your number.
I'm OK. Peter just hit for your number. I'm okay.
Peter just hit another cab today,
and we're really upset for him.
We're hoping to get him a job at Jamba Juice,
and oh, well, you know, Peter, he tries really hard,
and how long does this go on, Adriana?
The point of it is,
is that she's trying to hook me up with a married man, Andy,
and he's like, really, how do you get to that bar?
Then Peter punched a bank teller, well, at least so they say,
I never believe it, because he was raised right
and even if he wasn't, he's richer than them.
So who the fuck are they to say anything?
Can we get to the meat here, please?
It's kind of disgusting that you're reading text messages.
So Alexi is like, hey honey,
so some guy reached out for your number.
And Adriana says, great to see Frankie doing well.
Is this God married?
And she says, I don't know.
And she says, well, I don't touch married man,
because that's about karma.
And then Lars is like, that's kind of disgusting
that you guys are like reading text messages right now.
That is disgusting.
That is like, that is like,
you know what, hand up to God, that's disgusting, Mike.
So, it's this really shoddy evidence
that basically, Alexia is like doing this thing.
And Alexia could just be like, oh, that's bullshit.
But she's like, oh yeah, you know what, I did say that.
I did say it.
I did say it. So what? So what? The guy said, the guy, I said, I didn't know, I didn't
know either. So what's the big deal? And he's like, what did she say? Is that you tried
to set her up with a married man? And she said, no, she goes, well, what do you keep bringing
it up? So, okay. Listen, there's a perception from the viewers. They sort of look like Janice from the Muppets,
but there's also a perception
that you have a hard time owning things and apologizing.
What is your response to that?
Maybe I have a hard time apologizing because my apologies are sincere,
so I have to really feel it.
You know, and I can't, if I don't feel it, I can't do it.
Unless it was with Hern non, and sometimes told.
What do you keep bringing it up?
Why?
So she's like, I'm not going to lie about sorry.
And of course, then when we do something,
you make everybody apologize like 20 times.
So then they argue back and forth about like,
who's worse at taking an apology.
And basically, Alexia is terrible.
Right? Like, she's a hypocrite.
But then Adriana and Larsa also get into it on the side.
Everyone just sort of gets pulled into this fight.
And Larsa comes with this really strong insult.
She goes, you stay out of it with your big mouth
looking like a bird.
LAUGHTER
Because Adriana's going, stay out of it Larsa,
just you do it, bird.
You stay out of it. The bird with the you do it, Bird. You stay out of it.
Bird with the shingles.
Hold on, hold on.
And Nicole goes, yeah, but Larsa, if you come for Anthony's childish, why?
I never came like for his child, I never said anything.
She goes, you called him a bastard.
You called him a bastard. She goes, aw, aw, I asked if he was single.
I said, you have a child out of wedlock.
I never judge you for it.
I just said like, wedlock, you.
And Andy is losing his mind during all this.
He's like, oh, Sarah Jessica Parker.
So then, just trying to focus on, he's like just focusing
on other things.
So he's like, okay, we're not gonna do this right now.
We're gonna get to the two of you.
Okay, all right, all right.
So, after watching the media at a meeting at Alexia's house and seeing herself with YamEx
and going to that guy that was there, thought he was going Olive Garden or something, did
you see how they might be upset, Nicole?
No really because I was like glad to see it,
because I didn't think it was that bad.
Like, they're making a lot to be so bad.
It wasn't really that bad, I didn't think.
And Alexi's like, and she did apologize, though.
She did apologize to that guy, because Andy says,
did Anthony ever send chocolates to the lawyer?
I'm just like, he did.
He did.
Like, Alexi, you're proving yourself wrong
in the other line, right?
So Nicole's like, when you said something wrong to the entire population of Russian women like I
I'm sorry I already said I'm sorry, but Adriana had to gravel for three episodes for you to get to say I'm sorry
You know and you made me gravel and apologize over and over again at the Gringo party
Alexis like oh well, you know like you guys tortured me and the bus, you guys tortured me,
and like you guys made me like, like you made me have to take about the dinner and text you and do
all these things with a politician. Oh, I'm sorry, I think I'm reading Nicole's line, but you know,
it's so confusing up here in Miami. Okay, okay, okay, don't tell me, okay, because this is my package.
This is my package. It's my package. It's my package. It's my package. Okay, all right, all right,
I understand, but it's a dialogue with this group and it's about you. Yes, Alex, it's my package. Okay. All right. All right. I understand but it's a dialogue with this group and it's about you
Yes, Alex. Yes, about you. Oh, well, you know, they've been attacking me all season long
Yeah, they've been attacking me. They've been attacking me the whole season. They're acting like a whole bunch of Russian prostitutes right now
Oh and Lisa goes um, well, maybe you feel attacked that everyone
Was mad at you because you keep saying I'm a star, I'm a star.
And she goes, it's not even that, because I still believe it.
And I encourage you all to believe it too.
Because Lisa, like if you believed your worst star,
then maybe Lenny wouldn't have done all those things he's done to you.
I was like, oh!
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
A real star.
So a real star would have had all those things done to you.
OK, well, big words for someone whose first husband went to jail.
And second husband had a secret gay lover.
So congratulations.
Not good.
And she goes, yes, yes, you need to have self-confidence.
Lisa.
I'm in control of the Instacart. Do you know how difficult that is for me?
And everyone's just like, that's not right, that's not right.
And next week, the reunion continues.
That brings us to the end of Real Housewives of Miami.
Thank you so much, everyone, for being here for our 2000th episode.
We really appreciate it.
Thank you, everyone, Atlanta.
Have a wonderful evening.
Good night, everyone.
Thank you.
Thank you for riding. Let's go down the spot where we love to play
But I'm here to see my home is your home
Because it's so expensive, my home in the place, only on the pasta
My amies are on, on, on again
My amies are on, on, on, on, on
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