Watch What Crappens - RHOM: Always BBL My Baby

Episode Date: January 13, 2023

On this week's Real Housewives of Miami (S5 E9), Adriana gets a butt lift, and Lenny makes an unreasonably grocery demand of Lisa. Plus, Julia and Martina rekindle their love, despite horribly overcooked fish.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we absolutely love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the wonderful and hilarious Mr. Ronnie Caram. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Well, hello, Benans. How's it going? You happy we made it to the end of the week?

We did it! That was a lot of recaps this week. It was a lot. A lot of stuff going on. Yeah, but God, a lot of laughing this week. There's been a lot of laughing. And now I get to feel sorry for Lisa for another hour. So I'm super excited about that. Because it's a real housewives of Miami Day. Oh, well, you know Miami.

Oh, well, you know Miami. Before we dive into that recap of that show, which I love, I love that show so much. Let me also point out a few things, first and foremost, in case you missed the announcement, Duel Hello is back. It's on 1DReplus. So if you're a 1DReplus subscriber, you'll get access to it. So check it out. Really excited about this week's Duel Hello.

Also, our shows are now fully on sale, no more pre-sales, it's full sale, full fledged sale. In case you missed this news, San Diego, St. Paul, Chicago and Columbus have been added onto the schedule. For people who are wondering, hey where's our Midwest shows, don't worry, we got Columbus Chicago and St. Paul and the other cities that are on sale, Austin, Dallas, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Charlotte, Atlanta, Denver, Salt Lake City, Seattle, San Francisco, Toronto,

Philadelphia, New York City, and Washington, D.C. You can get all those tickets at watchacrapins.com or there's links on our social media, wherever we make it as easy for you as possible. Go get those tickets. Some of those venues are selling really well and thank you to everyone who is buying tickets really appreciated a lot. I looked at the sales for the crappies in Los Angeles.

That's February 24th. A lot of tickets have already been sold. So if that's something that you're interested in seeing I definitely encourage you to To buy a ticket sooner rather than later You never know when there's gonna be a surge or whatever There's still tickets left so don't panic, but like they're definitely selling very well We're very excited for that show. We already have some guests lined up very very very cool. Guess

So yeah, like really excited for this whole tour, and we can't wait for you to see you guys all. So that's the news, dwell hello, tour. You can also catch our Patreon stuff, patreon.com slash watch or crap ends, crap ends on demand. We did a really hilarious and fun loony tunes trailer breakdown of the Vanderbump rules trailer that just came out season 10 trailer.

We did that, that was over an hour. We somehow made over an hour of content of that trailer and we still had there. We probably could have eaked out another 30 minutes I guarantee. So check that out on the drawn. Next week we'll be doing. I'm assuming we're going to be doing New Jersey unless something changes. So that's that's all the exciting stuff. Yes. A lot of fun times. Let's jump into Miami, shall we, Benooms? Oh, well, you know, I'm gonna jump in, but I'm gonna be careful

because I just had a very non-invasive VBL. So, Ronnie, please bear with my buttocks. Yeah. Do you remember that time I was putting in my G-Cow? It's my G-Cow. My Google Calendar, I was putting in VBL because I was gonna get some kind of laser. I forget what it stands for.

It's like, it's a face laser though, you know, because I have dark spots on my face. I'm trying to get rid of, and I put it on accident on the, I get the watchbook crappin' calendar, and Ben didn't say anything about it, okay? And it had been on there for like a month. And I was like, wait, this is the wrong color, you know? I said, hey, did you see this thing on the calendar?

You're like, you're getting a butt lift, Ronnie. Like, you're like, I didn't want to bring it up, but a butt lift. I, every now and then Ronnie schedules his personal upkeep on our mutual calendar as the funniest thing. It's always like see Dr. Florentza tomorrow. Read skin buffing or something like that. Well, I don't know.

It's like a runny face itself here. I don't know what any of this stuff means, you know, because I'm due to that expedition world. And I have no idea what it means, but they got me on like some monthly plan. You pay like a hundred dollars a month and you get like one treatment a month. So I'm just like trying all this new stuff. I don't know what anything is. And I just show up and they do whatever.

Frankly, I look the same, but you know, it feels good to go have someone like be forced to be nice to you. Yeah. There, there's something to be said about pampering. I feel like it's why I get like a mani-peddy. I can cut my own nails, but there's something nice that someone else does it for you when you sit in a massage chair and your feet soak. And it's all wonderful and like sure,

half the time I, for the next few days, my fingers and cuticles are irritated, you know, but like, hey, for that 30 minutes, it wasn't really lovely. Yeah, I have a strange big toe growth. It's not a growth on my toe, but the way that my nail grows, it grows. Well, I do have two webbed toes, you know, two on each feet, but my big toe, the nail grows like each feet. But my big toe, the nail grows like too wide. And so if they cut it in the half circle, which you know, nails are supposed to go in a half circle, then I get and grown toenails. And so it's like, you know what? Never again. And this is when I was 13 by the way. I was like, never again. And I've never done it. The most I've done is have those

little fish in Mexico, eat my cute. And let me tell you, you, you have seen nothing until you've seen multiple fish explode because they too much of your dead skin. There's a lot of dead skin, a lot of little fish explosions down there in the water. Well, I'm, I'm hoping to get a BTL this week, which as we all know, is a Brazilian toe lift. I'm really excited. I mean, it's injectables in my big toe.

People would like, do you have gout? I'm like, no, I got a BTL. Let's do it. I'm in for that. A toe lift. I'm in for like a third job, because I have fried Flintstone feet. I would like nicer like shaped feet. So I could buy shoes from regular stores and not have to go on Google and just search fat, fat fucking feet and wait to see what comes up. I feel like your feet are much more beautiful than you are giving them credit for. Oh yeah I'm just gonna say that I'm gonna say that on smack. Okay. You've never done this my feet. No it's not like you're sitting there you never walk around in flip flops, you know? Oh, I used to.

There's nothing for me to notice, that's all. The mayor of Los Angeles showed up to my, Eric Garcetti showed up to my house. I was like, hi, I'm Eric Garcetti, please wear shoes, stop wearing flip flops. Whole foods has personally asked me to come by. Thanks. Well, anyway, speaking about big feet, there was no transition there.

I just used verbiage that sounded like I was transitioning. Here's what we'll start with. Lisa Hawksine walking through her giant sterile glossy house with shiny surfaces and no soul, that soulless, soulless house. So now she's walking through it. with shiny surfaces and no soul. That soulless soulless house. So now she's a warm- It really is, my note is, sad long shots of Lisa's terrible home taste.

Yeah, because the thing is, it's always been a soulless house, but at least there were pretending like it was a warm hearth. You know, like there was a warm hearth and there was warmth in this soulless cavern of ice, but now there's the facade is up and now it's just like a big, big, antiseptic wasteland of a house and Lisa's walking through it.

This is the Sutherland Park Mall in El Paso, Texas. They're like, it's marble and some hollow statues of horses, okay? That's what it is. It's literally like Superman comes flying through and takes a seat and cries and he's like, oh shit, this is not the fortress of Solitude. This is Lisa Hawkins' house. Damn, did it again.

Oh, so she comes down the stairs and we see close-ups of family pictures where everybody's supposedly looking happy, but I think it's a picture of Lisa and the kids and then another picture of like Lenny and one of the kids. So yeah, there's a lot of signs. There's a lot of signs. Then we go over to Alexia and Mary Sol who were talking on the phone and Alexia. I imagine this is how she starts all of her conversations. Oh my god, I had to call you because every conversation, like even if it's to check on the electricity bill. Hello. Oh, I had to call you because my last is She does like to narrate herself

You know she's a little bit like Marge from New Jersey in that way. Yeah So she's like I saw this article that came out on page 6 and Mary souls just like give it to me journey Shank and not stern. I'm an alcohol, I'm a gang. I'm talking. And it turns out we're sort of in a montage of all the women talking. It's like, tell me more, tell me more.

And so Gurdie is like, Lisa Blanc, I was blindsided by divorce. Lenny announced the page 6 exclusively that he was divorcing Lisa and also confirmed he is seeing someone new who is potentially gratified. Well, I can't believe that even he's my brand in this. That's terrible. And she's just grabbing on Russell's arm like,

can you believe this? Can you believe all this is going on? And Russell's just so bored, you know. Just something I learned at the end of the Titian, since I brought that up anyway, vitamin B shots. Does give you some energy. Try it on board.

Russell needs some vitamin B. I'm calling it right now. So then we go to Adriana and Nicole on the phone and she's like, and now he's flaunting this girl and Nicole's like, um, he's just being a crazy jerk. The way he's acting is just insane. And then we go to Larza. I just like got this thing about Lisa and I'm like traumatized like both parties agreed to observe their marriage at least a month ago. That's like wrong like by the way did you hear the latest spiny of gossip,

Todd tabloid gossip, did you hear the latest on Larza peeping? Yes, she's making out with some kids somewhere. Some kid, Michael Jordan's son, and we're not talking about Michael B Jordan. We're talking about Michael V Jordan, aka the man who was teammates with Scotty Pippin, and she's making out with Michael Jordan's son now. Michael Jordan's son,. Michael Jordan's son.

I want to look him up. He's like 32. Okay, it's not like she's my son. Yeah, I mean, they're adults. They're adults. I'm just saying I just saw a son and I was like, girl, come on now. I just imagine like she probably saw this kid grow up a bit, you know,

it just is a little weird. I mean, men do it to women all the time, which does not excuse it. So, like, there's some weird, strange, impairment angle in this, I suppose. But I just, I'm like, wow, Larsa, congratulations. You're a great reality star. You're doing it. You're doing all the deprave things you need to do to stay on TV. I just, like, don't want to like, date like any more athletes.

Like, I just want to date their like children I mean to athlete children now and you know what? I mean I guess good for her because like she's not actually going for the bag She's going for the inheritance bag and that screams long-term relationship because you got a way for the parent to die So good for her, you know looking for something a little longer term. I support it. You know who's really excited about this? Andy Cohen's that way at the reunion.

He can say, so Larissa, I watched that documentary the last days. Did you watch that? Now, when he watched this foam videos of you in your 20s and then this guy you're kissing in his ones, how did that make you feel? And you're holding him in your arms. Yeah, so then we get to Alex back to Alexia Shuk.

Yeah, he said that they've been living in separate life for a year and they decided to get the divorce last month. And Mary says like, oh, wait. So the decision was made to get divorced before he started a dinner. That's not what. Lean so bad amount. Yeah. And then gritty is like, how do two people have completely different takes on a situation? The whole thing is so messed up. And then Lexi is like, well, she has us and like, we'll be by

her side and like, help her as much as we can. Well, you know, Peter, unless Peter needs something, because then I'll be with Peter and I won't be with her. But you know, you know, I'm saying, I need to go and hurt some and check on the bottle of much as we can. Well, you know, Peter, unless Peter needs something, because they're not be with Peter, and I won't be with her. But you know, you know what I'm saying. I mean, they go and hurt them and check on the bottle of vodka I left at her. But I mean, Lisa. So then we see those black leather leggings that were made famous by Catherine Calhoun of. Paulie.

Paulie. Paulie. Paulie. Paulie. Paulie. Paulie. Paulie. Paulie. of Southern Charm. Formerly of Southern Charm. Yes, they fired Catherine, which, I mean, listen, she wasn't showing up to work like literally never at all. She wasn't even putting her hands on the steering wheel of her car. Listen, lassies him.

I mean, Catherine wasn't even making an effort to drive. Okay, so I kind to get it crazy news, though, anyway. I mean, there's been so much news. I mean, obviously, Lisa Rina gone. That was last week. Diana gone this week. Diana Jenkins. I know. Pop culture. I can't Diana Jenkins guys gone gone from Beverly Hills. But now Catherine Dennis, I heard the reason why, the real reason why, uh, Catherine was fired was because, um, people were really getting very confused by all the orange smudges on her call sheets. They were like, wait a second.

Is this a call sheet? She was messing up production. They would be like, wait a minute. You told me Monday at one p.m. No, it was 10 p.m. Conflictor said, damn damn orange smudge over the zero. Not too much self-tanner on all these papers we need, scheduling. They're quite a minute. These titles aren't, this show's not called Southern Harm.

We almost got canceled from Bravo. Oh, she smudged the C with her, her tanner. So Catherine Dennis actually just changed her Instagram that day that it was announced that she was fired. And it says, Catherine Dennis, public figure Charleston, I am hashtag Southern charm. And under it says only fans.com slash Catherine Dennis. Wow. Well, you know what? I appreciate somebody who doesn't say, I'm just gonna take a year. Yeah.

You know those people when they lose their job and like those people who actually save money. And they're like, yeah, I'm gonna take a couple months, just for me. Catherine's like, I am Southern Charm, my boobies are up. Please stop by my next job. I support the hustle. Yeah, yeah, good work.

Good work. I'm excited to see you do a collab with Larsa on the platform. I'm interested to see how self-tanner looks on the Gynas. I've never seen that before. It's you're going to have to start tanning war. So, yeah, so they're talking about that. I mean, not about that. Oh yeah, black leather leggings.

Marisol, like Catherine, like Catherine war, you know those black leather leggings. And Mary Solsey only personally felt like jockeying pants, you know, she's got like little Mary Sol legs. So she goes to check on Lisa and Lisa's like, Hey, you, oh, hey, my daughter, who I love so much. Do you want to do this puzzle first? She's doing that thing where she pretends

she spends time with the kids. I always love that because then she tells her, we're doing puzzles and makeup, how are you? And then the next time we see the kids, she's just wandering down the hall looking behind her. Like, well, I guess that shit's over. I know. All right, kid, I'm gonna put you in this giant white room

with shiny surfaces and one white chair. Okay, enjoy your colorful childhood experience. Yeah. Yeah. Hi. Can I have a beverage and a dope beverage? I'm gonna go see and get my vodka. I know, oh, it's right where I left it. Oh, I guess there are no vodka drinkers around here

because my bottle is right where I left it. Ha. We're no unless left your podcast. Just like by the way the last time I was here I left my funnel here so I had to order a brand new funnel and of course she's got it to show us because she's the prop queen of Bravo. And she's like thanks Jeff Bezos. Wow Marisol breaking the news that Amazon can deliver Chachki's very quickly. As someone who has bought that funnel set off of Amazon, I I understand.

So she's like, I'm here to help you go stronger. You, you fucking can and you can barely hold up those pants to fuck out of here. Well, you fucking can and you can barely hold up those pants to fuck out of here. So, someone else. Listen, there have been a lot of, you know, you told us he asked you to find a place to live. He's dating someone, and the article he said you guys have been living separate lives like that old Phil Collins song. Don't you love that song? You have no right to ask me for a cocky, you know how it goes.

Anyway, I thought you'd think was fine. But the number of times you've brought up Phil Collins on this podcast. You're welcome. I'm officially disturbed. You know, sometimes I'm like, oh, that's a fun reference. And I'm like, well, that was a fun reference. And I'm like, wow, wait, I mean, that was fun,

but, and now I'm just worried. Today is the day I've officially become worried. Ronnie, take a look at me now okay. I want you to listen. You come back to me is against all odds that such ends are gonna take. All right, I love it. I love the karaoke. I know grief has many forms, but let's not do Phil Collins karaoke. I love that Marisol is here under the guise of being helpful when she's just here to

muddy the waters and make it look like Alisa has been planning all of this for a storyline because that's what I'm getting from her. Right. So Yes, at least it's like I mean look at this. It's everywhere. It's in page six. Is that laminated? Yeah, I'm waiting for the frame to come by. It's been in people. It's been in us. Why is smiling so much? It has been in other magazines, entertainment weekly. Did you just turn on a ringline? And I'd love that they also, by the way, go back a few beats when Lisa was saying that, like, how upset she is that Lenny is saying that they've been separated for a while

when just a few weeks ago, everything was fine. And then the producer's role footage of that awkward Judaism scene where Lisa's like, all right, let's learn about Judaism, right Lenny? And Lenny's like, he's just giving her a look. That's there. Yeah, cause he's just on his phone the whole time

and she that that's also when she was wearing her like I love Lucy I'm just a homemaker friend of 50s and all I do is live to make boards for my husband Yeah, I make bored and I'm studying the horror Can we just mix these into two things and have the Borsha Can we just mix these into two things and have the Borsha? So I can set a leg. Hey, Lazy is him and put too much sauce and Borsha at the same time. Come on, Lazy, we gotta hurry this up. I got horror class in half an hour.

Today we're learning what to do when you change directions. I'm having trouble with it, but I think I'll pick it up soon. Come on, Shoez. Here comes one right now. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasai. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood.

How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondaria. Lisa's like, come on! Living two separate lives! I mean, there were no separate lives! And Mary so tell us that they lived in this huge house, and it was a constant parade

of parties, well, half-make-em strangers and two babies. Who has nudy parties with babies? Well, I thought everyone in Miami did that personally. and two babies. Who has nudie parties with babies? Well, I thought everyone in Miami did that personally. I was like, this seems normal for Miami, but maybe I just didn't know you. You know, so Mary Sol says that she loves Lisa, she adores her and she's my friend,

which you know, Slams coming. Yeah, but I knew that, I knew, I think she knew what was coming and she thought, friend, but she knows slams coming. Yeah, but I knew that I knew I think she knew What was coming and she thought well, we'll just fix it, you know, we'll make it better That's why you need to live in your truth and my truth is Camel one over Belvedere Look at what Lenny doesn't even sleep at the house anymore. I'm like, Lenny, take, take me home. You don't remember. And then, so then she's like, you know what?

I know where she is. He's with her. Okay, he's just doing whatever he wants. And I'm stuck here in this giant ice-capped set. And he keeps telling me I found a place. And maybe you can look at it. Like, you don't get to tell me where to live. You don't get to tell me where to live. You don't get to tell me where to live.

I don't want like I got to choose where I want to live. Yeah, at this point, I would say take whatever mansion he's offering. You know, because listen, we all know Lenny is the piece of shit here. But this is Lenny offering you, now I'm assuming get some sort of a mansion. Okay, maybe it's not. Maybe it's just like a one bedroom condo. We don't know. But knowing how badly this is gonna go, you know, I'm like, just take the house. It's like when you're watching a game show and they're like, all right, you've got $7 million. Would you like to walk now? Or would you like to go for 15 and you're take the body. Yeah, it's like literally everyone in the

audience screaming take the body. Yeah, I mean the the like hey up with up with peep up with up with ladies part of me wants to be like no, don't take that man. You do your own things, you know, but then there's part of me that's like actually like, I don't really know what her own thing is. So yeah, take the house and then we put off the saddle and then sell that shit for a profit and then get the new house that you want. Yeah, I'm just coming from the place of a person with friends and family who have been through terrible divorces when you have a prenup. You know, I'm looking at a realistic bargaining position.

You know, that's not all. Do you ever see that movie UHF from the 80s with Greer Tell Yankovic? Hell no. I was too classy for that shit. They had, it was like, Weirdell Yankovic starts a TV network basically and they had all these wacky TV shows and one of them was called Wheel of Fish.

It was like Wheel of Fortune, but it was with Fish. And they had all these wacky TV shows and one of them was called Wheel of Fish. It was like Wheel of Fortune, but it was with Fish. And they had that exact scenario that he's talked about where like the lady could have taken home the jackpot, but she wanted to, but she wanted to push her luck and they're like, well, do you want to see what's under the box? Because it's like, it could be like $10 million and they take, they remove the box because of course it chooses the box and it's a fish. And it's just, that was it's a fish and it's just

those just yells at her and says you're so stupid and that's that is how I feel about Lisa many times. I think that's actually the feeling I get when I think about Lisa just embarking on this marriage in the first place. Me too. Yeah, because you know in the game show example, what was that show like a millionaire you want to be a millionaire or whatever and then there's let's make a deal. There's dealer no deal. It's both sort of have that situation.

So many where they're like, just take it. The audience is screaming at you. And you're not even the contestant. You're the girl holding the suitcase. You know, that you open. And I think that listen, lightning doesn't strike twice. I think mega-marcles the only one to get out of there at win. I think she held the only suitcase only one to get out of there at win. I think she held the only suitcase with the winning ticket in it.

Anyway, the point is take the house. Claudia Jordan. Claudia Jordan also held those briefcases got out of there. She was just waiting. It's not like they didn't get out of there. They didn't put the rest of them on a line to the meat grinder. They got out of there. But I'm saying the only

one who Megan Markle was Megan Markle, you know? Honestly, Ronnie, I'm having trouble following whatever we're talking about because I'm so caffeinated. I'm so caffeinated, all I know is that I just went on a really unnecessary UHF tangent and we're talking about Megan Markle. And I think people learned long ago, none of this makes sense. None of this. None of this makes sense. Speaking of caffeinated. Listen, I have not started Coke again. Okay, I gave that up years ago, but I did start matcha tea powder. Oh my god that wow I've been Wow that's like the new drug So good and it's so expensive they charge it like drugs to I'm like how much is this announced for Croissac? I could bribe by a brick of cocaine

I'm like, how much is this announced for Croisette? I could bribe by a brick of cocaine. I can match a powder. Okay, anyway, back to it, you're no making a markle. That's the point. So then Mary, Mary Sals like, well, all you saying doesn't care about the kids, and she's like, I mean, the kids, this is where they grew up.

This is all they know. Think about the children. And Mary so I was like, well, they'll still know it. I mean, half the time. I think it's a live here, right? And Lisa just stops and thinks about it. Like, oh, I guess.

But that's another thing too. Like, I don't get to be with my kids. Meanwhile, you see the kid outside, climbing outside the second story window. Just trying brick by brick Trying to climb down and running away One kid is just doing like speed skating around the living room. So So slick so then Lisa's like I came from a broken home in Canada. I'm an immigrant Well, I know and I wonder why couldn't Lenny have just waited a few years for the

Don't you remember don't you I forgot about her immigrant backstory and they were like you're from Canada Yeah, for anyone who wants a reason to go back to season three just watch Lisa Hawks at the reunion that I am an immigrant I understand. Luz, I mean, this show season three, when Adriana was like, I saw Gondy's penis in the bathroom. No, no, that was last year. I forgot about the Gondy's penis thing. I forgot that fight. Oh my god. I couldn't go to sleep last night and I was cracking up in bed just thinking about that. It's like this show is so, like learning a teen is fighting.

Yeah. So anyway, Lisa is just like, what happened between us that was so horrible that you needed to leave a family like this. It's called, you know, it's like, you know, the milk doesn't ask why it gets thrown out. It's called an expiration date, okay? This is the arrangement that you guys have, okay? And like literally,

it's all your trophy wife, yeah. And literally everything that happened was so bad. We've been watching your marriage for years. It's always been fucking terrible, Lisa. It's always been horrible and terrible and he's always been a fucking monster. Like where is the shock here? I know, you don't deserve to be treated

like the way he's treating you. He is the monster, he is the bad one in this situation. But like the shock from Lisa is a little ridiculous. Yeah. So yes, she doesn't deserve it. It's just the shock. I mean, my God. The shock has been.

He's been a fun. I met a shock. And your shock is shocking me. So Marisol is like, all right, but now it's about you. And you have to be selfish now. I mean, listen, you have us. Right? No, you look, you've got me, a laxia.

I'm like, are you trying to just make her, you know, go, hold herself under the pool water? Like give the woman a break. These are not bright horizons you're showing her. I know exactly. And she's like, did you ever think Alexie and I would get married again Wait a second you know Lexi. I got him married. Are you guys lesbian? Lesbians now no no honey keep up with the matter for look look

You're gonna be happy you'll move through this. I just wish he never did this Why do you have to do this? Oh month ago everything was fine Remember when I was learning the war I remember gonna put me up in a chair everything was gonna be great and now look Alonino, Nino Alonino, Nino La la la It was gonna be so good. So I tried to do the the the the horror song and I just actually fully forgot it right there.

Right down the spot, man. I'm basically walking through the Red Sea parted right now. Yes, Lisa, you're very, very Jewish. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I ate a kiggle for that, man. You mean a bagel, man? I know you didn't. So, so now we go to Alexian Frankie and she's bring,

she's brought Frankie to this event to a store and she's meeting, there's some event planners there. And her friend, Himaena is there. It's her store and she's gonna be having a big event and it's gonna be tied into a charity that is linked with, it's basically helping people with unique abilities is what they say. So Frankie is like, of course,

fawning over all the girls because he just loves girls. So we just talk about him. It's all up to look like it. Any other person would be in so much trouble if they were like Frankie. Like what, you know, people suffer different long term effects from traumas like that. Frankie's is just like hit non-chicks.

I mean, everywhere they go, he's like, ladies, ladies, you are so beautiful Come here, and he just hugs him really tight and kisses them and stuff. Okay Frankie Back down somebody back down Frankie. Oh, well, you know while he was recovering We played a lot of family feud in the in the hospital and I think it affected him Was that mean remember the remember guy who was the family feud? Oh, Richard Dawson. As long as we're doing the game show, Beth, you know, I was thinking of Steve Harvey. I was like, what is Steve Harvey there? That would be weird.

Well, Matt, we're Lonnie, Lonnie, I'm gonna say Lonnie Anderson, Louie Anderson, or Lonnie Anderson, could you imagine if you picked up Lonnie Anderson traits? Louie Anderson just always typing with really long nails. Big blonde hair. Solving crimes with Olympic Carter, sexily. Okay, so he's like, ladies, you're so beautiful. All of you. So he's loving them. And Lexi's like, oh, Frankie, you know, Frankie, he loves the girls. He just can't help it. One of my boys, both of my boys are like chick magnets. Maybe Frankie is, I think Peter is more just like disaster magnet, maybe taxicab magnet.

I'm not sure. Yeah, I think this show needs to just pull a rosanne and just like, you know, build it around everybody else. Just pretend rosanne wasn't there anymore, you know. Oh, what do you know, Oh, well, he know Peter though chick magnet. Peter is such a chick magnet. Chick magnet. Yeah. The way he, the way he, uh, the, you know, women just come flocking when he starts talking like, um, just so tired today. Oh, God, women find that so hot.

Yeah. Chick magnet. Um, the chick chick mac, well you know, Frankie. It's a chick mac. So then we go to, basically she's just talking about the store, he made it, it makes beautiful handbags, there's a grand opening and you know, oh what, you know, I wanted to tell you, the grand opening in design district,

the design district is now one of the most fancy parts of Miami. Was it ever ugly? It's called the design district. Well, well, it used to be the bad design district. They really improved the design district with design. Yeah. Yeah, they really improved it quite a bit. Yeah, yeah, they really improved it quite a bit. Yeah, yeah, she has I love he menas work is great. She really has an invisible touch

get it so That was more of a subtle fill Collins reference but the fill Collins reference. I'm not engaging You will be engaging in your fill Collins obsession. Okay, I can't do it Well now can't do it. Well, now, now we got to Julia. She's on her dock and she's setting up candles and there's a very loud cockatoo that's like, and she's she's put up a little table and she's making she's putting she's setting up a little romantic moment and she says. Since the girls left for college, Martina and I never had dinner together just two of us alone. So tonight I'm going to make go out of my way to make surprise dinner for Martina. It'll be all pickles. Well, yeah, you haven't had dinner for two because you keep refusing to have dinner for two because you're depressed about having dinner for two

Why are you making sound like it's such a crazy thing? I guess it's all crazy. We haven't had dinner for two. I wish they had rolled the clip of her going. I can not that dinner for two I can't do it. That's like my favorite thing of Julie. It's not like you're even too busy. Okay, it's like living together. You've been eating dinner with just two people. So she's basically bossing your kid around to cook this dinner, which is a whole fish. And she's like, let me take you back two years ago. I invited my team up to my small apartment in Paris, and I made dinner. The same one I'm trying to recreate on the exact same table I was like that is some rich people shit to like meet somebody who will fly your small-ass Paris table

All the way to Miami. That's love you better you better get used to some dinners for two if someone paid for that you all Girl I'd be eating dinner for two every meal someone paid for that, you haul, girl, I'd be eating dinner for two every meal. I don't know why that table made it to America. I mean, it's a cute little table, but like that's a trans Atlantic move. And that table, that table is on the curb in Paris. That is going to the Paris flea market, okay?

I'm sorry. I think things are automatically. I'm sitting there way. Yeah, things are automatically fancier if they're from Paris, even if they're shit, you know, it's like, oh my god, got you a Kit Kat. It's from Paris. It's true. Fucking Kit Kat. You know, like, you do have looked a little harder, but it's from Paris, Ronnie. Well, actually that table, I did look it up. That's a limited edition Sonya Rick Hell table. Yeah, Sonya Rick out.

I wonder if someone's coming in to put some shears on it any second. Is that Chloe Collette? Is that table Chloe Collette? So, Julia's boss in the kit around to cook the fish. She tells us the story of their beautiful relationship and Then the fish comes out of the oven and it looks insane. It's crazy It is that is a crazy crazy fish. Did you punch the fish? I know was it thrashing like the hoot was there a stilt was there an animal in there also that was alive at one point. Yeah, did you kill the fish and

Got it before you put it in there or did you just grab it straight out the water and throw it in there? What happened to that because that wasn't just overcooked it was like Crazy it was I've never seen a fish turn into something like that. Oh my god, well, it looked really sad So she's like I overcoat that and you kicked the crap out of it. Jesus. Also, you delegated the overcooking. You didn't even overcook it. But the best part about that fish being overcooked is that Julia harps on it for like

the rest of the episode. The rest of the episode is like, I may have had better fish 14 years ago, but at least I have a nicer cart out. Like everything she compares to having a better fish 14 years ago Like she is so embarrassed about that fish Yeah, it looks like I dropped in Volcano and the producers like Volcano Jimmy volcano. That's rude. That was rude like we already had it like you already put up a caption Like the joke we don't have to like spell it out. Yeah, you don't eat the same word about it

If you're gonna shame or for anything shame her for not appreciating American would yeah, that's right Shamer for not you know enjoying a Kia How do you say I thought it was girl table? So the bird keeps just squawking and squawking and It's just leave a black at the front gate. She's like, Let me in, let me in! Watch out for my team! I'm a team of you, this is more under-on moisturizer! Woohoo! It does, yeah.

My favorite part about this was when Victoria from Real Girl's Friends of Paris actually showed up and threw French fries at that table. I was like, wow, she is, she has really committed to that behavior. So let's see, Martina comes down and Victoria, the daughter's like, hey Martina, it's time to go for dinner

because like mom needs help again with Zorba because like Zorba needs help with his bandage. What's what you get for naming your damn dog Zorba because like Zorba needs help with his bandage. What's what you get for naming your damn dog Zorba? He knows Zorba, Zorba the Greek, I was in that musical. Life is what you do. Why are you all waiting to die? Isn't that nice? Isn't that a nice lyric? I didn't, I've heard that lyric, but I didn't know that Zorba the Greek was a musical. I thought it was just a movie with like Anthony

Quinn or something. It was a musical. It was a it was some say a good musical. It wasn't necessarily. Well, I did it, but that's the first lyric. Life is what you do while you're waiting to die. And you know what? I've lived by that ever since. So I would like to thank musical theater all-passo for the experience. Question, better or worse than the musical that I was in in eighth grade, Flora the Red Menace about a woman contemplating joining the Communist Party. Yeah, you know, that sounds fun because it had Liza, you know, Oh, was that what I think? Yeah, she was on Flora, well, she sings something from

Flora the Red Menace. I'm assuming she's in it. I think it was Candornet. But it's just like Zorba, of course, Zorba. The first line of the musical is life is what you do while you're waiting to die. Of course, he's gonna pull out his fucking bandage. That's my point, you know? And Martina's just like,

going ripped it again, goddamn Zorba. And so she comes out and there's pedals all over the walk and the dinner is set up on the dock. And it's like, oh, so sweet. Look at this. You're such a star, Julia. And she was like, he has come sit down at any table. So Martinez is like, well, cheers to 14 years ago.

Same table, same kind of fish. And she's like, oh, for God's sake. Well, you know, it's the effort that counts. You can't win them all. That's just what I always say. It's a GG for Dan this. I enjoy that. Not being his name.

This is me. So we've got to go on to Yon, pretending telling people who she is. Now here's something that's never been said to stuffy graph. This is perfect. I'm so are you. Here's something that was never said to

Gigi Fernandez. Wow, this is iconic. Would you like some overcooked fish? I tried my best. And she's like's like well you tried your best to murder it apparently did you come at this with Freddie Krueger razors on your nails the asparagus is nice I call that Fernandez in it you know you just try your best and you know hope that history remembers you and it usually won't anyway good job sort of actually it's like you know the dinner 14 years ago was Hope that history remembers you and it usually won't anyway Good job sort of actually a slight you know the dinner 14 years ago was better But today I love you 14 years more So when I was making this dinner tonight I was thinking of us in Paris and in the back of the mind

I have these days because I keep thinking of Lisa and what she's going through and that is so scary Relationships have fragile and what we see on the outside. Yeah. yeah, yeah, come on. Hurry it up. Get to what you really want to ask. Well, you know, people, you never know what people are really thinking and we think we know people, but in reality, we don't know people. So I want to know, is there something you're kind of holding against me that is a bear? Yes, Julia You won't even have a fucking dinner for two with her because your kids are gone And then you won't stay at the main Miami house and you keep running off and then you cry every day

Okay, do I need to answer this for you Martina because Martina is like well I would like to go to Aspen for two weeks a year. I'm like Martina call me next time you're gonna make a list to bitch about during a romantic dinner because I've got a way longer list you can use. Yeah. So Julia's like, But if you cook a bad Aspen, I'm worried you'll run away with Aspen's gear.

She's like, darling, you know what I love about Aspen? Aspen's gears. No, Aspen. Skiers. No, just Aspen. No skiers? No, not the women, not the men. I love being there, but I want to be there with you and not anyone else. Although there was that time that I went clubbing all by myself and that crazy white lady started screaming the f-word in a DJ,

that was good. I was willing to do the Congo, but unfortunately I was the only one. So what did you say? Well, I was just to do the Konga, but unfortunately I was the only one. So what the good thing to say? What I'm trying to say is that I have a range for a special date for the two of us at Kimisabis. We're going to lie to hat on fire. Yeah, and she's like, listen, what we share is where we come from. And you don't get that with other people. We're always coming back together. I'm not going anywhere. We have regional commitment. Regional commitment.

No, I was 14 years younger in Paris and my fish was perfect. I just want to just establish, I can't make fish. I can do it. But I feel the same giddyness all over again. Now, will you please send something fairly inconsequential to Paris for me to prove that you love me? Oh, you are! Send something fairly inconsequential to Paris. I'm going to send you a nightstand to Paris. Oh, you love me. Just like the same day we met. So now we go to a Lexi at a restaurant and we're just in the middle of the marisol.

And she's like, oh well, you know, you got a look, I'll tell you what, you got a look sexy for me. And I'm taking the sexy out of you, okay? And she's like, yeah, well, I'm showing some skin. Oh well, I'm showing some boob, you know? Todd will never not love my teeth. So the waiter offers the specials and they're the easiest customers ever.

As a waiter I was like, God he's sucky. He's like, hi everybody. Guess what we have? Pomegranate salad. We'll take that. Oh I almost get that. It's very good. I'll take one of those.

Also we have steak. I'll take it. Oh I have to take it. I'll take it. I'll take it. Oh I have to challenge you something. I'll take it. So we have champagne. I'll take it. I'll take it. Oh, I have to tell you something. I'll take the steak. And now probably the highlight of the season for me.

And like already, maybe the top one and two gaze we've ever seen on Bravo, Richard and Lee come by the table. And they're like, oh my god, are you guys filming? Are you guys filming? We don't know to be filming, sorry. And they are just there to gossip. To all things gossiping away.

Like, oh my god, you doing your stupid TV show? Wouldn't want to interrupt that. Ha! Um, hey, you're doing your TV show. Where's the Hawk theme? I mean. And the other ones, like, they're getting divorced, time-aid, didn't you hear about it?

Oh, I didn't even know they were still married. You mean Lisa? Lisa's still married. Oh yeah, yeah, it's another girlfriend already. It's been in all the papers, but you don't read the papers. These messy queens, I loved it too, because they're just like older, then it'll give a fuck. Yeah, they're like older, then it'll work out for shit.

And I only point that out because it's Miami, and I would feel so insecure being like, I'm gonna go be old in Miami because everyone there's like, ooh, I lift it car today. But they're just like, where we're just fucking, we're gay, we don't care, we're doing this. Let's copy our real housewives of Miami. Mike, that's that bitches.

No, they are wonderful. They are like, I feel like this is the best gay cameo since that one guy is sipping the martini and unruly. You know, like, they are like I feel like this is the best gay cameo since that one guy sipping the martini and Unrooney, you know like they are just there that there's gonna be they're going to a piano bar afterwards They're gonna be singing some show tunes and I mean this on the best way like I love them and I need this for us This is us. I actually was thinking that I was like this is we would be in the corner being like all right Let's just go. Let's just invade their scene scene like of course They're filming those cameras right there and your mic, you know, which is another thing. So They're also this shady ass green is trying to start this storyline that Lisa's like cheating

He's like Lisa Lisa's not divorced. I'm so curl you got to you got to wait for these story lies just to come out You know you can't be just bringing up a huge bomb like that on screen. And I like that they didn't let that go any further. Oh, I love them. They were, they were giving like Bert and Ernie vibes. And they just were just so wonderful. We need them back more. Yes. And Alexie, of course, who didn't totally tell those guys to stop by and ask shit about Lisa. With Alexi, it's like, oh, I feel so bad for Lisa because we're out to dinner and we can't even help it

with when people with microphones come up and ask us about Lisa and Lenny. I mean, even though it's like a big city, it's also like a small town and gossip gets around. Yeah, so Alexi doesn't, you know, it's so funny, like what he said about Lisa because like everyone knows about Lisa and like everyone knows. Wow, it's all over. And Pinnies, Papers, like just it's almost as famous as my bedazzled cocky cop.

And you know, well, it's hard to put in a good friends going through it and you've kind of gone through it and I went through it, you know, but I say for I like want to safer because it's a process and she comes in yesterday I told her I said look at a laxia. Did you ever think a laxia would get married again? And then we see a clip of five minutes ago. Did you think a laxia would ever get married again? This show this show takes the prize of showing clips from 5 minutes ago. I know they really do. I mean, I said to Lisa, look at Alexia, first she marries a drug deal and then she marries

a closeted gay man. I mean, do you think she's gonna try to give love a third try? Of course she will, so get back up on that horse, get out. So they both agree that there were science and Lisa just chose not to see those signs and they kind of just go on and on. So then we go to the yeah. And then we go to so many chickens. Okay, I can, you know, and like we know a lot of like snide LA people who are like, we have our own

Hands and chickens for our own farm grown eggs those are the only eggs that my family will eat like we all we know those people Right, but Julia has like Is she like a food farm? Is she like a legit like a grocery store farm? Yeah, she really has a huge amount of chicken. She has a large amount of small chicken. There's sort of small chicken, small little chickens. They all seem terrified of her. They were all running away from her. And but there was one chicken that was like trying to lay some eggs. And she was like, Oh, keep that thick egg. And then she was like, get away, bitch. No, I'm not the egg.

No, bitch, get away, squawk. Yeah, they're all afraid of her because she keeps trying to force one of them to go to dinner with her so she doesn't have to have a one-on-one with Martina. Yeah, and turns out this was actually a foreshadowing scene. It's like a bite foreshadowing scene because the chicken basically keeps trying to bite her. And she's like, oh, get, don't bite me.

I don't try to bite you. I'm like, I don't think that logic works in the chicken. Ha, ha, ha, ha. So then Nicole is with her can. And her can is outside riding a horse. He's just sitting on the horse has wheels. I think this is a cool toy. Just for a little toy review.

I thought this was so cool. I've never seen one of these. You sit on the horse and it's like one of those bouncy chairs that you just put the kid and they bounce up and down. But this one's a horse and bouncing up and down makes the horse go. I honestly, I'm so glad you said that Ronnie because I thought it was cool to you. I almost wrote that down and I was like, no, no one wants to hear my thoughts on this horse. But now that you said it, I was like, that's so cool. It probably cost $5,000. Yeah, it's a really cool toy. So just when you think they've come up with everything, am I right?

And then we got to cut to Larissa and her daughter shopping in a boutique and Larissa saying, no, no, you can't wear that. That's too grand. I'm sorry. Girl, no, no. In this household, we only wear things that are significantly younger than your age. Yeah. Now, would I date someone who looks at your age? Yes, but you're not buying that.

Go change. And Lars' favorite thing is to go buy her daughter clothes and then brag about how expensive they are. Yeah. It's like, we spend like $2,000, like dollars, like, how that happened, like? So now we go to Gerdy and Russell. Dalekers, like. That's trying to put like in the middle of dollars. Oh, Dalekers, like, Dalekers. Dalekers, I want to do some for the Lakers.

So Gerdy and Russell, now they're walking on the beach and like one of her, one of her minions has set up some chairs in a little cabana and so they sit down and uh, Grady is, Grady is like talking to one of the employees. She's like, hello, Mr. Mano. Like, what's going on? Is it looking good? Is it gratified? Is this gratified?

Is it a gratified gazebo? Ah! And he's like, yes, yes, yes. So they go and they sit down and they start to have a talk. Because this whole Lisa thing is making everybody go to their partner and be like, let's do something romantic. Are you leaving me? Who are you fucking? Who are you fucking? So that's basically her turn at the scene. So she tells us their

story again. Have they met? They were in love at the first beach. And she's like, he proposed to me right at this beach. And I wasn't expecting it, but I didn't know it obviously, so I wasn't prepared aesthetically, but I said yes anyway. Gordified. And then we hear more about their romantic engagement. He's like, yeah, remember we went to dinner first,

remember macaroni grill? And they crack up like it's the funniest thing that they used to be poor and I was like I kind of hate you right now. That sounds very fancy to me. I'm like Macaroni Grill Wow the luxury. Yeah, I wish I could Maybe windy maybe I'll plan my 50th birthday party at the macaroni grill Spell isn't it spelled like m-A-C-C-H-E-R or something like that? Um, so either way, uh, 20 years, that was 20 years ago.

And so, Grady is like, how do I keep a marriage fresh after 20 years? Lots of communication and, uh, oh yeah, lots and lots of sex. Gritified sex. Okay, have you ever had sex with roses coming out to the other China? Gritified. Speaking of Lisa Lenny, the disrespect level, I can't believe it. And he's like, wow, you spend 15 years with someone, and you have kids with someone.

Yeah, well, this made me think process things different. Are you happy? What can I do better? Specifically, because I've been trying to be cognitive about the fact that I'm a workaholic. Do you see my effort? Do you see it? And he's like, yeah, I see the effort,

but like, you know, you shut down at night, like you fly around the world, and then you just wanna get in your sleep number, and then you put on these shows. I don't wanna watch these shows. So you're all one of these shows, do you realize that? I like that she's sitting him down and being like, what is the worst thing about our marriage?

He's like, I hate your Netflix queue. And your sleep number. It's like, I wish we could just both be a seven. So, Gerdy's like, well, it's actually, we're okay, right? And he's like, well, I mean, more is always better, you know? But don't worry, babe, I'm here for the long run. You know that, I'm not talking about me and you I'm talking about the kids too. I'm always gonna be their dad and maybe I'll still be your husband

And she's like, well, yes, but it's hard for me, you know, because like the boys are like, you know They're always like daddy daddy daddy and like they always want to play Star Wars and Legos They never want to play designer wedding and it's just like sad Yeah, because you know Lego Star Wars, I'm not cool like that. I finish meetings and I'm tired. And he's like, I get it. You're tired. But we're in the family funk.

Okay, we need, you remember when we used to have family game night? Yeah. Do you remember my favorite game? You would give the kids cake samples and make them choose the best one. And if they didn't choose the most moist one, you'd hit them on the head with a fly swatter. God, I missed those days.

We need to return to those days. Yes, we need to bring back cake raids. Not sure, heads, cake raids. If there are ten seats at a table, but the mother-in-law is single and doesn't have a seat, where do you put her? God, that was a good game. None of you got that right.

None of you. All boys. Then listen Russell, to be fair, we would often play one of your games. We would play picture-narray, so don't act like we only played wedding games. Yeah, but every single time you just drew wedding charts. We always knew what it was. So, she's like, well, I've been trying, but I'm not the best girl to yet. So then they decide to go fuck in the car. So Julia is in a huge asterock with red rims. I love red rims, I want red rims.

Yeah. I don't think you should get red rims. I'm getting red rims. I'm getting red rims. I'm getting some eye on them. You have a black car. A black car with red rims. It's just cheesy. I'm gonna look like you know what? You're gonna look like you play League of Legends professional. Okay. It's my dream and also I'm a thumb ring person. Now I can

pull it off. So Julie is like, I'm imploring the audience. Please tell Ronnie not to put red rims on his black car. With lights, I want them with LED lights too. Oh god. So Julie is like, here we are, not turning back now. And I was like, oh my god, says the chicken in your coop. I can literally can't escape. But she's with Adriana at a wellness aesthetic clinic.

And I swear to you, you know how you marry people? You know how, like, especially gay guys do this. You date someone that looks exactly like you. I mean, not in your case, but you know how that's like the whole thing. I know, there's definitely a phenomenon of gay guys who look identical to each other and they post together on Instagram. Go if you don't.

Your eyes are not open to it. Look on Instagram and you will never, it's like the most crazy shocking thing. I've like taken, I've taken like screen grabs of it. And then I'm like, I always want to post it, but then I'm afraid to be like, why are you shaming gay love? Like it just like love is love.

And so I never post them, but I like my collection. Yeah. So that's the thing. Or like people who buy dogs, it look like them. And you can, and you can dogs it look like them and you And you can look it up on Google and they look exactly like they're done. Adrian is like that except with Estheticians did you notice that this woman was her twin? Yeah, 100% her twin. It was literally Adriana Okay, this is okay. This is why I love Miami

Adriana is going in for Brazilian butt lift and the nurse practitioner walks in looking like the hostess of a restaurant. I mean, it's like she is like this gorgeous gorgeous woman, which of course that has nothing to do with it. But like her hair's like all blown out. She's wearing just this like she's just wearing something. She's wearing a formal dress. A formal. It's like a cocktail dress. Yeah, it's like an evening at the White House dinner dress. You know. Yeah. And then later on when she starts the procedure, this nurse practitioner, I think her name is Olivia. She doesn't put on like a white like doctor's coat. She sort of puts on almost like a little smocky thing. It's like a sleeveless thing, white thing that she sort of

drapes over her dress. It's like a pure, it's like a functional thing. Yeah, it's like, it just is so fun. She's like, okay, well, now I'm going to do something medical. So I'm going to put this, I'm going to put on a tiny smock. I know, it's like not medical at all. It's, it's tailored to look just like her dress, but go right over her dress. So, yes, it's so funny. I was like, I wonder if she has these for every different kind of outfit she wear. Because you see it? You saw it. Yes, it was so funny. I was like, I wonder if she has these for every different kind of outfit she wears. Cause you know this lady will show up in a full on ball gown with like a full ball gown smock.

Yeah, like I'm fully expecting doctors in Miami to be in like to wear dresses like you see in the opening title card of Real House as a Miami. I'm like, okay, time to scrub up and they just put on like a scarf. Okay, I'm ready. So they're talking about the butt procedure

and it's not gonna be surgery. It's just she's gonna get shots and stuff. And then of course it becomes about Larza and Adriana's big butt fight. And Larza is saying, I think I bet like the, oh no, Adriana saying, I think our butt looks great. It's just for it bothers me that she tonight. She's had our butt on just own it on it And then Olivia I love Olivia doing you know explaining what the procedure is she's like the end result is an augmented rounded

lifted buttocks with a beautiful silky sin like the petals of a rose Well, I loveckles of a Rolls. Well, I love the battles of a Rolls. So they do it and Julia's freaking out. She's like, I cannot handle needles. So, um, and just by the way, this was as, as needle scenes go on real housewives, this was a little bit more visceral. There was definitely blood streaming out of Adriana's, but where the needle was going in,

because I know there's a lot of veins back there. So, but normally we just, we see these Botox needles going in. It's like, okay, but this time it was a little bit more like, wee, so then Adriana's like, oh, tell me a funny story Julia, distract me. So Julia goes, oh, when? My team name, I are going to have a baby.

It walks something up inside both of us. It brought us closer. You know, Martina knows how much I cannot comprehend empty house. And she knows how I really can make a good fish. I really, really can. I did it 14 years ago. I really can do it. Okay?

So, Martina came up to her after that romantic dinner and hugged her and said, maybe it's time to adopt, which I think is so cute and sweet. And I love that that is their option. I mean, I love that that's their decision instead of doing the usual housewives go through the whole fertility thing. And I'm not dissing that. I just mean like being older, I think, I just think it's nice to hear somebody say this.

Like I'm gonna adopt an older kid who needs somebody, you know, I don't need like the full biological deal. Like it was just, and Julius, and Adrian was like, Adrian was like, but you know, there's gonna be like driving to school and drop off and Julius like, I missed that. Just like, that's what I love. I still think energy, I've got the energy,

I've got the health to care for another human being. And I just, I know like I just want this so bad. And Adriana's like, and there are so many in this kids in this world that would die to have you as a family. And they're like, kind of clasping hands. And it's actually such a sweet moment. And then you remember, it's all happening.

Well, Adriana's getting a swollen heart. I was dying. That's why this shows the best and Julia's like, you've been salty good mother to Adriano and Adriana's like, I'll be a good mother to my butt. And so then it's the day of a Lexius Charity Event! So everybody's getting ready and Hedrown is but is sore. It's like not paying, not ganging. So then everyone starts arriving. Nicole and Gurdie are driving together. And Nicole's talking about like, I can't believe Nuckstreet is my engagement party. Oh, me too.

I'm so excited. What's going on? Talk to me girl. Like, I don't believe I didn't have to read about it and people first. And she's like, well, you know, Anthony, I met Vegas. So we're going to play off the Vegas theme, you know, like winning and love. Please don't do that because literally nobody wins in Vegas. Everybody knows that.

She goes, it's going to be like a very great Gatsby Vegas theme. I'm like, you know, those are two very different things. Just, I just want to put it out there. Las Vegas and Great Gatsby are two totally different concepts. But their theme is terrible, terrible outcomes, right? And I'm like, don't do a Vegas theme. First of all, nobody survives Great Gatsby, okay? I mean, if you don't know that by now, you don't even get a Vegas theme. First of all, nobody survives great gaspies. Okay. If you don't know that by now,

you don't even get a spoiler alert. And Vegas, you feel like you went a lot and then it's all taken back. And we're already worried for this relationship. So I know. I think. So Nicole's decided that she wants to participate in this season.

So she goes, oh, by the way, I noticed some of your jobs, like they were I say, malicious jobs from Larsa. And she's always like, oh, your ex-hus oh by the way, like I noticed some of your jobs, like they're I say malicious jobs from Larsa and she's always like, oh your ex-husband, the teacher, oh your ex-husband, the teacher and then we get flashback from Larsa, he's in Larsa being like, well I mean, you know, your experience with your ex-husband was different because she, because he was a teacher, I mean your ex-husband, he was a teacher, I mean you left, you were a marriage with a man, he was a teacher. I mean, you left your marriage with man, who was a teacher?

And she's like, I mean, I just don't get why she's doing that. It's like telling you, like, you know, your husband, the fireman, and she's like, no, no, I don't think that she meant to demeaning like that. She's, well, what else could it mean? It means that you dumped your teacher for a rich person the second you got the chance.

Don't pretend you don't know what she meant. Well, actually, I think also what Lars, I hate to take Lars aside. Although I'm really enjoying Lars' of the season, the weirdest thing I've not hated Lars' is that she is basically saying, look, it's one thing to divorce sort of a normal, a normal person, but it's another thing

when you divorce someone's extremely wealthy and high profile, you have to deal with a lot of bullshit. That's really, when you divorce someone's extremely wealthy and high profile, you have to deal with a lot of bullshit. That's really, I think what Lars is trying to say, far be it for me to ever defend her. Well, in this argument, that's what she's saying, but when she brought it up the first time, she was saying, no, she was, yeah, she was saying the cold of social climbing. Yeah, but we'll get to this new fight moment. So then everyone starts showing up. Frankie, of course, is like, girls, you're all so beautiful. And then goes and starts hugging and kissing all the workers there. And Alexi is like, oh my god, he's been waiting

for this. And Frankie goes, where's my drink, dog? Then I'm proud of my drink. Frankie is so cute. He's adorable. And so then Alexi, Marisol shows'm proud of my drink. Frankly, so cute. He's adorable. And so then Alexey, Marisol shows up. She's like, oh, well, you need a cocky? Like, if you're a na, okay, hey, Marisol, if you're a name of a cocktail after me, like, what would you name it?

And she's like, hmm, prolexia. No, she said blonde. She said, blowlexia. Blowlexia? Oh, I thought it was a pro. I think so because she said, because Lexia. Blow Lexia? Oh, I thought it was real. I think so because she said, because you're blonde, you know, so like blonde and Lexia. That's how I took it, but I thought it was funny because she was also on cooking cabbos, you know.

Oh, yeah. So, oh, I see what you're saying. So then, Adriana arrives and Lisa's getting we see where seeing people arriving. Lisa's getting her makeup done. And then Lexi is like, oh, well, you know, non-peters have you seen the latest article that came out with Lenny's article, like Lenny's girlfriend giving like a statement. Like, is it crazy? Like, are you ready for this?

So then we go over Lisa and she's like, oh my God. Here's page six says this Lenny's girlfriend. I'm not the reason for his divorce. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Why is she even giving statements shut up and stay out of it? And Alexis is like, oh my god, she's like nobody, she's like the other one. And Adrienne is like, well that's how these Miami holes operate.

And then, That's how these Miami holes operate and then Larza comes and they're all talking about it and the close like oh my god And now the new girl is making statements and large it goes like who like does that like? And so then Lisa goes into her steps into her car to go to the party and she calls up Lenny and she's like I don't know how you're allowing this to happen is someone someone's going to lie about me, I'm going to tell the truth about them and that's that. Okay, I got to go. This is bullshit and I'm not going to let you think. You two think that you're going to get away with this squeaky clean like we're separated long before. That's a lie. Okay, I will see you at horror class. Our kids are going to read this. You don't care about the children and if you wouldn't

if she did, you wouldn't be doing this. And he just goes, fuck you. And then she looks at the phone and shock. Like, she can't believe that Lenny, one of the classiest gentlemen on this planet, would just say fuck you. I know. Can't believe it. He's normally so.

Yeah, he's so polite and... Such a charming. And charming and yes, so, you know, such a worldly man. So now they're basically, back at the party, we find that Julia's not going to be there. She had an accident. She got 14 stitches because her dogs bit her. Basically, she has two puppies and they were fighting. And Julia tried to intervene and the dog bit her.

But we all know was that chicken. Let's be honest, it was the chicken, she does not want to admit it, okay? She wouldn't let the chicken go. She's like, we are going to try this again, chicken. You will be my friend. Martinez is like, honey, this is all I want. Please don't tell people you got stitches from a chicken.

Okay, because you represent me, you're an extension of me. Just say it was the dogs. Please don't say you, you got stitches from a chicken. Okay, because you represent me, you're an extension of me. Just say it was the dogs. Please don't say you got a chicken injury. Don't hurt the chicken reputation. But everybody knows you don't get between two dogs. Get a squirt gun, you know Martinez got one. Hey, you're having dinner.

You having dinner with me tonight? No, I can not have two birds in dinner. You having dinner with me tonight? No, I can have two birds and dinner These ones my eye I think Marchina could get between your dogs like nothing can stop Marchina With a tennis racket, you know Dogs you crazy little muffins. So then Alexia, they're talking, you know, whatever, they're talking about their, their mingling. And then the guys

from the charity come in to represent. And she's like, oh my God, thank you so much for doing this, because I cannot believe you do this for the community. And the guys like, well, anyone should have a chance to work because everyone has a unique ability. And he's wearing a t shirt that says, be unique. Yeah, like be unique every day. And then Kiki walks in and he's wearing a t-shirt that says be unique. Yeah, like be unique every day. And then Kiki walks in and she's like, Oh, I want that t-shirt. So, uh, do you guys have Burger King here or what?

What's going on? I don't know why that made me cough my face off, but they did. Yeah, well, you know, what happens? You know, I'm dead. I died. Carry on. Congratulations on your new life alone. So, um, so anyway, Adriana is like, hello everyone. I got my, my, my BBL yesterday and so she

starts showing it off. And she doesn't because she's wearing a really long jacket that goes straight down. You can't see her but it all. I know. And everyone's like, you got it yesterday. She's like, well, it's nonsurgical. So they're all looking at it. And Laura's just like, I have no idea like what Adriana is doing. Like, she judged me like because I have a fat ass like. She's jealous.

She wishes she had my body. Okay. So she's basically going to buy it like. Well, so did you. It's like being mad that somebody bought the same dress you did. You know what I mean? That's like your butt anyway. She has to buy it, but I like having a really like

I think on the line of butts starts with Kim Kardashian at the front. Adriana in the back. She's really funny when she's going to get every she's getting Kim Kardashian's face her butt like every single thing from Kim Kardashian. Then she's like, oh my god that girl's like so jealous of me like she's trying to, like every single thing from King of Kardashian. And then she's like, oh my God, that girl's like so jealous of me. Like she's trying to look like me. I know. It's amazing. Oh my God. Announcement.

What? First baby snail of this romantic snail pairing and baby gorgeous is little bowl. Guys, we saw him bone in last week. And now the first baby has arrived. There's a baby snail. Welcome to the world. Yes, there's a little baby snail. Welcome to the world. Ow! Why did you bite me? I don't bite you. Well, for every could you imagine this now bite? The pendulum swings both ways. I've got I've got news to summer houses coming back on February 7th. That was just announced.

Mine's better. Okay, so they are back at the place and Alex, he's like, thank you so much for coming. Larsa. And she's like, I want to tell you something. Lisa listens to me very, like, carefully, like, that girl is no one. Okay. Like, she's like, I don't even know who, because like she's no one. And Lisa's like, when he's doing this, it's when he's doing it. He's doing it, let's sit down.

I'm sure everybody wants to hear about my pain some more. Let's sit. Well, I'll have to say, like, is if you were a no one, would you go talk to the press? Like, we would never do that, like, never. Girl, are you telling Elarsa? You are a Larsa. You literally are a no one.

You were like married to a basketball player. Like you exist because you talk to the press. Yes. You call the press all the time. Are you telling me you don't call the pops the pops to go get you with pictures in the mall holding hands with 16 year olds? Come on. Yeah.

So then at least it's just like, well, I just cry and cry and cry. Oh, look at this text. Oh my God. Let me just text me this. Are you planning on ordering groceries anytime soon? Crunchy peanut butter and bananas, drummers to this fuck face has the nerve to demand that she gets him groceries when he's actively sleeping with someone else and Thing somewhere else. No Lenny. You do not get your peanut butter and bananas and strawberries too

Gamars to just starts laughing. Louis both start laughing because it's so ridiculous and large is like oh my god He has lost his mind is like, oh my God, he has lost his mind. Can Trader Trash not order groceries at her own like house like? Now, like, what the hell? And Lisa's like, yeah, now he wants me to bring strawberries and bananas. You know what? I'll buy those bananas and I'll stick them up here. Yes.

Yeah. So then now, I guess Lisa walks off somewhere and ready to go to the bathroom or something. So now Nicole sits down with Larza, and Larza tells her about the soul's grocery situation. And then Nicole, like, Larza's like, oh my god, this is like crazy, like, and I'm like, yeah, that's so funny. Hey, you know what's like the interesting thing is though,

that this is like that first time that you and I have ever sat down and had like a conversation, which is like funny. And it's funny that she said that because it's not a conversation, this is actually about to be a confrontation, but she's acting like they're having a conversation. Yeah, like it's just like, really? She says, yeah, and it's like both of us.

Because it takes two to tango, and like, we don't dance. But what's weird is like the last time we, the last couple of times we've been together, you just keep saying your ex has been the teacher. And it's like, where are we going with this? Yeah, well, do you know who I was married to? Like, do you know who I was married to? Like, do you know who I was married to? Like, if you like it, I like divorce from Anthony, like, let's talk like. And that's not really the point. Lars is saying, like, you don't have

anything to say because you don't understand a divorce from a famous person But she's not saying that so and of course like yeah, but like it seems like you're being condescending and I don't think that was your Intention but like moving forward. Maybe we should like work on that or whatever in our relationship Yeah, and so Lars is like um I think that that's like my like baby steps because um, like and when I say baby steps, I mean like baby snail steps, like a small steps first nail, like the one in Ronnie's house, because you just judged me before you knew who I was.

You said her for things to me, like, you know what, you said to me, you said to my face, you said you had to know who I was before you could invite me to your house. Wow. And then we see the clip of that with her going like, before you could invite me to your house. Wow Then we see the clip of that with her going like why would I invite you to my house? I barely even know you and then Larsa goes who the fuck are you to invite me to your house? So then we're back and Nicole's like oh, well, I was just saying I wanted to get to know you Yeah, I know but but like Nicole, like I heard like crazy things about you. Like I heard like you hooked up with like every doctor in the hospital, swear to God, swear to God,

swear to God like, but like did I ever mention it? No, but did I hear about it? Yeah, so like who are you to judge me? Who are you to judge somebody hooking up with people? You know what, this is fucking crazy, Tom. Well, Larsa just always has wild rumors. I love that Larsa gets so mad that Adriana's like, I saw Kanye West's penis and then she's like,

oh, and then she's like mad that Larsa, that Adriana would spread that rumor. And then yet she is happy to say that Nicole has slept with every single doctor in hospital. The woman making people come with her toes on only fans is slut shaming somebody. That makes me crazy about this. A doctor slept shaming. A doctor no less. A doctor no less.

But why are you shaming somebody for fucking every doctor in the hospital? I would fuck every doctor in the hospital if I got the chance and more power to me My god, I'm so sick of the slut shaming. It's Miami for Christ's sake. Yeah, it should be called sluggablifting Yes, let's uplift Slutlifting let's let's say it like that. So anyway to be continued We got a great mid season trailer. I can't believe we're already an episode nine, but considering that peacock dropped about 45 episodes during December while we run break, I guess that makes sense. But anyway, thank you all for listening. Go get your

crappins tickets. By the way, Ronnie, did you do you have a name for your baby snail? Not yet, it just arrived. It's like, I don't know what to name it. Maybe Larson. See, it's baby gorgeous. So she'll probably have something to do with Lisa Barlow. Uh, baby gorgeous. You guys name it. Just comment on this on Instagram and tell us what we should name it. It's so cute. Oh my god. You're so little. Maybe you call it Peter. Like, oh, well, you know know Peter, you know? Oh my God, well that's just not good luck. That's not good luck, you're right.

That's like an abusive horrible snail. Well, I'm so happy that your fish tank got gratified mid episode. That is wonderful. That is a little baby snail arrived. A birth happened during the podcast live on the air. And the doctor who delivered that snail Maybe slept with Nicole. I don't know. She's up with every doctor

I know like all right everybody. Well, thank you so much for being with us What a wonderful fun week. We've had and still to come is Well, hello at some point on premium wondering. It may already be out. Who knows? Yes, and just a reminder, I think I say it at the beginning of every episode. I think I'm the voice. It's like, and Amazon Prime members, but if you are on Amazon Prime, you already have commercial free crappings and all of the Dwell Hello episodes. Beh-ro. You just have to listen through Amazon Music.

So try that. And everybody, thanks so much for being with us. Don't forget to go get your tickets at watchwotcrapins.com. This tour is shaping up to be a really, really big one and a really fun one. So join us for that. Go check out our Vanderpump Rules preview video, which is an hour long, super fun.

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