Watch What Crappens - RHOM: Fuming and Tuluming

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

This week Real Housewives of Miami, Guerdy throws a Tulum themed birthday party for Julia. There's a sorrow war, animal poop, and one really awkward foot massage. Find all of our premium bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens, and get tickets for our Winter Tour at https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/10th-anniversary-hunky-dory-tourSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram about all that crap we just love to talk about on you, or brawls. Guess who we are.

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How's life with you, Chica? Oh, it's so good. I'm so excited to talk about real house wasn't my yummy today and It's looking like unless there's any delays. It was looking like tomorrow our Our crappy is nominations are gonna gonna go live When fingers crossed no tomorrow tomorrow you're right. Yeah, so you never know with you know It's us watch our crap and things things often go wrong. So as of right now, when's is the day? So exciting and everybody. Thank you so much for helping us with some nominations giving us your input on take a seat

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So we're not recapping the week that we miss. We're gonna do the we're doing episode four, but what we did miss We finally found out what Told said to oh, well, you know, Peter that caused them to have a huge huge rift that is well Well a gulf has been created that will never be bridged. And it turns out that Todd said to Peter, you are, you're not, nothing's your loser.

That's what it was. It's just like, you're a loser and you're gonna be a loser like your dad. I was like, oh, I thought it was gonna be like, I thought it was gonna be like, like a mic drop moment. I thought it was gonna be something horrific, but it was gonna be like, like a, like a, like a mic drop moment. I thought it was gonna be something horrific, but it was just like a guy being angry. They're like, oh, you're a loser. Yes.

And kind of typical stepdad stuff, right? Like, oh, God, you, you don't have a job. You don't have anything. Not that all stepdads are bad. I'm just saying, you know, if you were dealt, if you were dealt with this fucking kid as a stepdad, you know, it's like, you spoiled, you don't have a job, this is normal for you. You don't work, you don't do shit because your dad left you too much money.

You're gonna amount to nothing if you keep being a loser like this. Which, hey, we said it way worse on the show. I've said it way worse. You suck, Peter, you're a piece of shit. You're lazy, you don't do shit, you're abusive to people, and you're a piece of shit. You're lazy. You don't do shit. You're abusive to people and you're a monster. Okay. Yeah And you take advantage of your mom your mom's generosity So that was a big thing. Yeah, and then for sure. Yeah, what'd you say team Todd did that? Yeah team Todd to And um the other thing that happened was that Martina had a, finally had her, her gallery showing

and Adriana put that together and she invited both of the guys that she's dating. What crazy hijinks than Adriana had. She did. She's not dating these guys. Not dating at all. She's maybe, maybe gone out once with the other one, but the other one, I mean, that guy is gay as day. We all know it.

Let's just, I know we're not supposed to be saying he's gay and he's not, not saying it in an offensive way like he was flaming. It didn't seem like that at all, but that was definitely gay friend energy, right? It was at the very least it was definitely a friend who wants to be on TV energy. That's for sure. Yes. Okay. Then thirsty energy. We'll take the gay out of it. Thirsty energy really bothers people, but yeah, well, yeah, he didn't follow me. I'm just saying I got thirsty energy from end of the most. Yes, so I didn't buy that for a second, but it was funny that she's still,

you know, the old housewives stand by of my vagina still working. It's like, look at me with two dates. So that happened. I have to say, I'm kind of sad we didn't, you know, we agreed beforehand. We're just going to take a damn break period. But man, I was laughing so hard at that episode. It was so good. So Adriana, they were all having a dinner party and Alexi was telling everybody, you know, I've found her aunt's lover and we have decided we are going to meet.

He agreed to meet with me and they're like, wow, that's big of you. And Adriana's like, yes, because I heard that your ex-husband died having sex with a guy. And everyone's like, oh my god, you know, like this is such a terrible rude, right? Yes. Alexi just goes, oh my God, you know, like this is such a terrible rude, right? And Alexi just goes, oh, well, you know what? I hope that's how I die to them. I hope so. What was Happy Covery?

I was darned at that. It was great. And actually, probably the most significant part of the entire episode is that Alexi actually said, well, you know Peter, she actually said it. So we're not crazy, guys. We're not crazy said, well, you know, Peter, she actually said it. So we're not crazy, guys, we're not crazy. She said, you know, Peter. Oh, and let's see, Larza showed off her house.

Basically, she was showing it to this real edition on you sold it to 200. Well, he didn't, we don't know if she sold it, but he listed it, 250 million dollar listing in Bel-Lay, all right. And so she's watching. She was on selling sunset. He was the one who was gonna try to help Mary find a house for her wedding. She's like, yeah, Mary, I got a house that you can use.

Mary fell through. Yeah, it's okay. I knew I recognized that guy. So Lars was walking around the house. Like we all do, you know do when we're showing our house, like in a bikini top and short shorts. Like a Larza outfit, which is so, Larza is cracking me up this year too.

I think she's really grown. Larza doesn't really do anything. Yeah, but she's just ridiculous. Yeah, she's accepted this, like this kind of grody person that she is. Like I'm just, I'm more into it than last time, you know, she's just like more, I guess herself. Like she's locking around and she's telling her woes

me story like, you know, like me and my husband, like we're so happy and we had such a great family. But I was just like, it's all Scotty. Like after 20 years, I was like, where's my dream? And so now I'm living my dream. Like you guys are jerking off to your feet. Oh, that's her dream. Her dream is to be on like her own custom house

hunter's episode. That's basically what her father does as far as we can tell. Oh, I could dreams of that. What an odd dream. I personally really loved Martina Nevratilova getting annoyed by Julia being in glam and like for the gallery opening. And Martina had sort of dressed up a little bit. She put on like a lip and she had a little pocket book. And I love this like Martina goes out vibe that she has like come on let's let's

time to go it's time to go now I also really just enjoy Martina's voice the sort of like softful setto that she has okay well those girls are really out today there's a lot of put the girls back in honey it's like no I'm going to wear this to the art opening I want to look pretty for you like put them back in, honey. And she's looking at the cameras like, are you fucking kidding me with this? Since when do we have five people here doing Julius Aaron make up? Oh my god. Martina is so barely tolerating any of this. She's like, I am a sports, sports icon.

And this is how that had to do with no, I will not do this. But I also really like that she's so amused by it too. Like she's annoyed, but she's also just, because we see in this episode when they all start fighting, she's got sort of an amused, you know, veneer. And I never really thought that, or facade, I don't know what I'm trying to say. But I never really thought, I thought,

because you know, I've watched tennis, I come from a tennis loving family, except for me. And so it was always on. So I actually watched her a lot, and I loved when she would get mad and stuff. She just always seems so tough, and she seems a lot softer than I expected. Well, Martina is that special kind of person that Bravo every now and then cymbals into. The person who's actually so incredibly famous that they just don't care if there's a reality showing their life because they know it like it's they

don't care. So she just is sitting there like she has nothing to protect. She's marching now. She's already got her accolades and everything. So now she's just going to sit there and watch what happens. You know, like actually how Scotty Pippin wasn't and hit and larses for season. Yes, she actually is a perfect like husband to energy there and watch what happens. You know, yeah. Like actually how Scotty Pippin was and his and Larsus for a season. Yes, she actually is the perfect like husband

to energy for this, right? Like the glam squad and this and that. And also the lesbian drama. Ooh, that was kicking off even more last week. They all went to pride in my. Oh, oh god. Oh, like, yeah, we have. Yeah. Oh my god, this is the most this is the funniest moment.

So, I mean, so many of them, but mine just starts with the Lexia going, oh, you know, I love pride because, you know, I am a gay Align and I was like, wow, you're really, you're really an ally. You don't even know the word ally. But she's like, I love the gaze. You know, look at this crap. Half of them I want to marry and half of them I want to have an affair on the married person with. I just love these guys. Well, she's talking about how she's like very involved

in the LGBTQ community, et cetera. And then they're at pride, and there's a trans lady like dancing, and she goes, that's a dude, by the way. I was like, where'd it go, like, see, you really, really killed it. Yeah, nice align over there, okay. And then Lars is like, she's telling us in a diary room. You know, I really like love.

It's important to be like LG B LG BG what is it again? Okay, LG BT. It's like really important that I'm like part of the LTG What is it again? LG BG Like They like don't even bother with the queue. Okay. Just let her get the four down first. Yeah.

So then, ultimately, the episode, it climaxes with Alexia sitting down at a restaurant to basically have lunch with Herman's DL muscle top lover. And so I've been waiting for like a week and a half to see what's gonna happen because I only watched the episode today. And I was like, I cannot wait to see this guy because they've been blurring out his face but I assume they blurred out his face

because they want to have like a big reveal for when he walks in. And he walks in and I was like, oh, and he doesn't walk in, I should say. Like we are, he, we're like, he's sitting there and waiting and waiting and waiting. And I'm like, this guy better not be a no-show because like we're all kind of all of America

is waiting for this moment right now. And not only that, but how fucking rude, you were the one having an affair with her husband, and now you're gonna like, stand her up and make her just sit there and wait for you, not for you. And you reached out, and you're the one who reached out. Okay, what's going on with this?

So she's, you know, so it's time and time and time goes by and she's like, toasting to herself. And after 30 minutes, she leaves a voicemail where she's like, oh well, you know, not Peter. Like, I was here, I was waiting for you, I was really looking forward to meeting you, but like, I have to leave now, so like, I understand your position,

because he probably texted her and said, I'm not comfortable being on camera, which like, in some ways, I respect that, because he probably knew that if you went on camera, we'd be like, oh, you're thirsty queen. We just wanted this for the attention. This is lies.

We probably would have just like torn apart, but that being said, you're the one who you started it. Well, Johnny did, right? He just saw Johnny at a bar and johnny said would you ever want to have the conversation so johnny reached out to him i think that their friend well someone on reddit that are get to the bottom of it because we saw enough

we saw enough photos that we could probably like someone in my army is part of the gay community probably l g g b g b d b that's our stop probably piece it together. Lurs is still trying. Um, so yeah, so she ends up leaving. And Anthony and Nicole are at their house.

I'm sorry, it's this episode four. I think that I've given it enough time to officially declare Nicole to me. As boring as hell, just go away. You're wasting my damn time, okay? Go, just go. Just fine're wasting my damn time, okay? Go, just go. She's fine. Close the door behind you.

I'm not, I don't hate her. I don't hate her. I don't love her. I don't hate her. I do feel like there's like a core of women on this show that I'm like, that the show seems to care about more and that I seem to care about more. I'm surprised that actually one of those women is Julia. I thought Julia was going to be like a bland, whatever, but Julia's, I'm really into Julia.

Like, and I still really stand by my statement. She is great. That she is definitely like a Caroline Flaming type. Like she's like so pretentious, and you know, she's like a, she's gonna have a, she is, we're gonna see another side of her, I guarantee. Oh yeah, yeah, I wouldn't mess with her. That was my assessment, it's I would not fuck with this lady.

And I stand by that too. So look at us just standing by everything. Welcome to the show. I stand by things. I stand by the things I say. I stand by me by Steven Spellmark. So dramatic music plays while like, okay, so Alexia sings over.

And then Anthony Nicole, they're boring. And then Gerdy is with her son. And then her husband, the Russell, like, hey, you want a hot dog? And which I think is the first time he's talked. And Gerdy's like, okay, you can have a hot dog today, but Monday through Friday, we have to talk about that because that cannot be your only meal.

Okay, you're hot dogified right now. I need you to go on and fight. Hot dogified, hot dog of five right now. I need you to go to five. Hot dog of five. Hot dog of five. You know, Russell, I'm trying to figure out like the energy he gives me like, it's sort of like, I'm trying to look up this guy's name. Oh yeah, he sort of gives me like, Al Gore meets Steve Young, the quarterback. I don't know if you know Steve Young because it's football But he was like this really big quarterback for 49ers. He sort of gives me that like plain silent

Like white man kind of vibe, right? Yes, I think he to me he first of all Steve Young. I mean what I named to live up to but This guy yeah, I feel like he's just annoyed. He's got like, and she said he was just like that in high school. He's just one of those people bored annoyed. And I have a knee-side track. She came out and she looked at us all and was like, what the fuck is this? Why? And I love it. And she's kept it like you grow up how you were born, you know, and she's just always annoyed.

And I love that. I mean, look, I was born like this. Like they spanked me instead of yelling. I was like, Well, I think that like, if I were Russell, I'd be annoyed too, because when you, it's like, how could you not be annoyed after her years

of asking a simple question like, you want a hot dog? You're like, Oh, if you're gonna have a hot dog in, then he cannot have a hot dog for Monday to Friday because he cannot have a hot dog for my, but I'm taking different meals, different meals, cause he's good at hot, good at hot, good at hot. Whoa, I just wanna know if he wants that hot dog.

So then Lisa is making beds with her kids and Logan, her little son is like, oh, make it. She's like, oh, yeah, you could see plus for that. That you did a sucky job on that. Which I like seeing Lisa being a good mother, who's making her kids make beds on grades. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, that car bed, I just sort of like rolled my eyes out.

I sort of negates anything from that scene. And then Lisa loves. This kind of like a normal bed, which I liked. Yeah, I wasn't like digging Lisa as a mother. I have to say I wasn't expecting it. Like I've never thought she was a horrible person or anything, but I just I don't know. I just never expected this.

And I think it's like, okay, you can have a normal child's race car bed, okay? And you have to make it. I like that. Well, I'm glad you had this moment with Lisa. I'm happy for you. So then we go to Larissa with her daughter. There's a lot of family time in this one.

So this is an episode that thematically is about parents and children. So now we have Larissa with her daughter. This gorgeous 12 year old girl who is clearly going to be a model, right? And they go into a store where there's a personal shopper, Dame Sophia, and they're like walking to the store. And then Sophia just locks the door, which I get. there's a personal shopper, Dame Sophia, and they were like walking to the store, and then Sophia just like locks the door,

which I get, it's a private shopping experience, but there was something sort of like, it was so quiet, and she just was like, go gung, I was like, uh-oh, Sophia's got you now. Now, this here, all the clothes I've picked at just for you. I was like, what is this room? Jesus, lady. A room.

So then Larissa says the most annoying thing ever. I feel like I have the best relationship with my kids. We're like best friends. We do everything together. I'm like, including your only fans, because that could be a problem. Yeah. That could lead to a lot of issues, ma'am.

But she definitely does the full. I'm a cool, I'm not a normal mom, I'm a cool mom. And so they're going through all these clothes and, I mean, my God. I, they're like, I broke out of knives. Yeah, I broke out of knives. That's $600. $100 short. Come on.

And she gives like an update on what all her kids are doing. And she says that Sophia is into modeling and acting and dancing. And then she like an update on what all her kids are doing. And she says that Sophia is into modeling and acting and dancing. And then she goes, she only takes photos if she's paid to take photos, which is hilarious at 12. I mean, is that even normal? I'm like, Larsa, you're literally on only bands. That is the entire premise of that, right? You're marching for photos, okay? I mean, at least they're still free from your kid. Oh my God. So, so now Larsa gives us her martyr act again. I put my whole life into my kids. People forget.

They're like, she must party at the time, but I'm like, by the way, I never used to go out. I never went out in my whole 20s and 30s. And I've been in milk since I was 24. I've been locked inside rooms. So now that I'm free, I've come here where I can be locked in a room with Sophia. Won't let me out.

OK, I guess I'm still locked. So then they spend like $7,000. $75,000. So she likes. So then we go to Julia. and she's prepping some food because Adriana is coming over and Adriana is like, hello, what are we doing for your birthday party? Yeah, so they're going to be planning her birthday party and she was like, oh, you know, nothing, nothing sophisticated, you know, I'm just simple humble Russian model

who happened to Mary Tena superstar. Nothing, nothing, I don't need much. And she has invited Gurdie over to help her with party planning. So they're checking out the farm, they're getting the tour. And Adriana has come in white with white shoes and has been to this farm a million times. Or so she makes it sound. Audrey and I has come in white with white shoes and has been to this farm a million times.

Or so she makes it sound. And walks through the mud in her shoes. So, yeah. So I feel sorry for, not you. I feel more sorry for the mud because those spikes probably hurt. And am I supposed to be? I feel sorry for the chickens.

I feel sorry for the chickens and the goats who probably thought like a giant little joke was coming towards them because she was dressing all white and they probably were excited. It's like, it's gonna be a little joke time. But instead it was Adriana and so she's you're right this is exactly what I was thinking like she's walking through this mud she knows it rained right because she's she saw out the window at some point in the day and she knows Julia's Julia has a farm and she let listen. I don't know Julia much.

She's only seen three episodes, but I know enough that if I went to Julia's house, she's always gonna make you go and look at the chickens. So you always are trudging through that mud, okay? Plus Adriana has walked. Adriana's had the farm experience on Miami before. We all never forget season one, when Leah Black brought everyone to an organic farm

and they all bitched in the moon the entire time. So she knows if you're going to a farm on Real House as a Miami, it's going to get dirty. So I have no sympathy whatsoever that she decided to wear designer white shoes to this mud bit. Yeah, Adriana, I think it's just trying to do the reality show storylines. Like, oh my God, it's a farm and I brought white shoes and then, you know, look at me with two dates. She's she's trying hard, but I'm also liking

this Adriana. I'm always liked Adriana, huh? Yeah, well, I liked Adriana, except I thought that when she turned against Leah, I thought that was like a spoiled kind of move. But I mean, that being said, like, Adriana, I feel like it's actually doing more on this show than Larsa is. That being said, like Adriana, I feel like it's actually doing more on this show than Larsa is. Yeah, for now. For now. This is just kind of floating around, you know. So they look at the chickens and goats and that they're laughing at Adriana's whackiness

and then Gurdys, like, okay, let's party find out. Okay, we're going to party find out. That's enough walking through. We're going to talk about this party right now, okay? And Adriana's like, but my shoes are muddy. I deserve you to wash my feet. And I'm not joking about that. She's like, okay.

So Juliana's like kissing Adriana and Gerdy's like, what the hell is going on, right? So then, Juliana brings out buckets of water and starts washing Adriana's feet, but then like massaging them lovingly. Yeah, no, this is not called for. Okay, just, I'm not like ew, like a girl on girl. I don't care about that, but it's like,

you're, her shoes got dirty. It does not mean that she gets a foot massage because she wasn't, you know, because she wore the wrong shoes. And she was being actually, I think Adriana was also being just rude, being like, oh, you all mean new shoes because you ruined my shoes. She didn't ruin the shoes.

You could have taken off your shoes if you wanted to. Or you could have said, I'll hang back here while you guys walk in the mud. Julia literally did not ruin anyone's shoes. I like that this is all about actual feet washing to you. Not just crazy. What are they doing? Okay. Last episode, they had the art thing for Martina and when Adriana brought

to Mende the party, what's her buzz? Julia got all upset about it and like very jealous and was giving dirty looks and she's like, well she is my friend. She didn't tell me she's dating somebody. And that was really weird and Adriana was like, so you're jealous and she's like tell me she's dating somebody. And that was really weird. And Audra and I was like, so you're jealous. And she's like, oh, a little bit. And then so they were all hugging kissy. I mean, they're kind of purposely putting this idea out there that they're dating, right?

Like it seems like they're, it's like why would you like bring out stuff on TV and like massage someone's feet like that? Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's like a very odd, like, it's just, it feels like Bravo does this every now and then. I know it's peacock, but Bravo does this every now and then where they kind of like to be like, ooh, maybe there's something more going on between them here.

I was like, okay, we just have to endure it, you know. Yeah, but this one is a gay marriage. So it's like this lady is married to Martina like Martina's not gonna love this. I don't know. No, you know Because even if you have an open like if I had an open relationship, I still don't want to see it You know what I mean? But I don't want you flaunting it and especially not on TV Julia do not get divorced because of the show Okay, it's more fun than this show. Please don't yeah, you got to keep you got to keep that Martina it and especially not on TV, Julia do not get divorced because of the show, okay? It's more like, please don't. Please don't. Please don't.

Yeah, you gotta keep that Martina relationship intact, okay? Yeah, you gotta keep the Martina Navacolava, alright. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling,

and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Then it Vince commercial. Oh, so Gurdie is loving the farm and she's like, oh, I love the farm. Do you have girls? Do they like the farm? They like the farm, right? And she's like, no, none of the girls like the farm. And she says, dude, sometimes we should, you had a boy so that they would love the farm. Yeah. And like, I just think it's like, oh, it's whatever question.

And then, and then like, it's like, oh, it's whatever question. And then, and then like Julia's like, she says like none of them, like you have girls, do they like French? It's like, no none of them, none of my girls like the farm. And then when she says, what do you think, she pretty goes, what do you think if you had a boy, if you had a boy, what would that be? Like, and then all of a sudden Julia just starts crying.

She starts bawling. Yeah, this is so sad. Oh my God. So apparently she had a son in Maximeleon, and she hired a nanny, and then basically came home and the kid was in a coma because the nanny shook the kid,

and Max died in the hospital at four months old. It was just... It was a horrific, horrific story. But the thing that was sort of strange about this scene was that Julia's obviously rattled and traumatized by this and she's crying and she's saying she's like, I had a boy and then Gerdy goes, and I had a girl, so please, I was like, And I had a girl, so please, I was like, I had a little uncomfortable with this, like, like, dueling tragedy moment here. I was like, I was like, this is,

I thought that was a weird, I'm not gonna say a weird response. It's probably like a shared grief moment, but I also was like, that, in the context of a real housewives show, I was, my eyebrow was like, what's going on here? But I've shown I was my I was like what's going on here. But then we hear this like really gut wrenching story and everything and Adriana actually

is also she picks up on it too and she's like please don't do this this isn't about you Gertie this is about Julia and Gertie has made it about herself. Right and so then Julia sobbing right telling the story and then Gerdy gets up and goes to sob in the corners So they have to go comfort her and Adriano's pissed and Yeah, I'm team Adriana on this one and then I think she nails it pretty well later in the episode Which we'll get to later with that too So then we go over to Mary Saul's house Hi, did you think that I wasn't gonna have a lollipop prop for this?

Well, you were mistaken. Here's my lollipop prop. Welcome, guys. Your icon is here last, Marisol Patton. Yes. So, um, uh, some Marisol and Alexia and Johnny are hanging out. The drinking champagne and Alexia's like, oh, well, you know, uh, oh, you know, her man. Uh, so like champagne and Alexia's like, oh well, you know, oh, you know, her man. So like, he's lover, like, didn't show up, you know,

and like, he doesn't want to be on camera, so he like didn't want to show up. So like, I respect the decision. And so, but he like, we call it the phone. And then like, we spoke, oh, well, you know, like, Peter, like, we like spoke for like four hours, like four hours. That's like longer than Peter has ever held a job. Yeah, no kidding. And basically this guy told her that

he really, that Herman really loved her and that she was a great wife and a great mother. And she's like, and I told him, was I ever gonna know about this? Like was anybody gonna ever tell me about this? And he said no because he respects you too much. And I'm like, oh, no, I mean, that's not. I respect you too much. Yeah, well, I'm like, you know, fucking somebody else. I'm gonna keep a massive secret in my life because I respect you too much.

But, you know, I mean, you know, I feel like, I'm like, closeted, I mean, I feel like I'm like closeted, closeted people of a certain age and generation, I think it's like a whole different, it's a whole different ball game, you know? It is. And so I'm not really judging that specifically because that is, like we've come a very long way,

I think in my lifetime, which has been short, I mean, come on, everybody knows. which has been short. I mean, come on everybody knows What a 22 years We've come such a long way so much has changed so I get it, you know I'm not like condemning the man, but for him to be like yeah, he didn't tell me he was fucking me He didn't tell you he's fucking me for years because he respects you too much just beyond the gainess It's like the just the whole you's like the whole, you know. Like the cheating, they're still cheating. Like I understand that he was like he was closet

and he found a lover and that like there's like the romantic version of this, which is like this was his true passion, he got to be himself and like that's all totally true. But he was also still cheating. Like that's true, you know. So, so Marisol in fact, it just like, well, Alexia's a rare bird. If my husband had a gay lover, I couldn't handle it. I really could it.

Okay. I'm going to sip of my cup. Whoops. That one's finished. Here's my backup. Sparkly cup. I'm going to sip my cocky. You know, it's a rare bird.

Unlike the bird, I'm currently wearing, which is a TJ Max feather bath mat bird turned into a blouse. But, you know, that's just me. Can someone bring my lollipop to deep throat? The gays are gonna love that. I'm such an icon here in Miami with the gays. What can I say? They love my cocky work.

So Alexi is just glad to know that Herman was happy, but just pretty cute. That is cute, but I'm deeply unsatisfied that we never got to meet the guy. I'm shocked too for the same reason she said earlier. I really thought this was going to be some thirsty guy, but I also just love Alexia that she's like, Guy, but I also just love Alexia that she's like, I'm surprised to think this relationship was deeper. Like, her mom brought the parents from their country, to America, he bought the guy a house. Like, apparently they were in love love.

Because at first, I was like, you're gonna go have lunch with your husband's escort, because like, we've all seen those pictures, and we've all seen her, but, you know, it actually turned out to be more than I had originally judged. Who knew? Who knew? Who knew?

But I'll tell you who doesn't know me, because I need to see you guys face. I'm sorry. Okay. Like, I will not sign off on their love story until, you know, listen, listen, sir, sir, sir, sir lover. Like the whole thing is that Herman had to live in secret and he didn't really, and it's a shame that he felt that way that he couldn't be his best self. So you don't do the same, don't be in the

pop culture closet. Young camera. Come out of the Bravo closet, sir. Come out the Bravo closet and show yourself to all of us. So then we go to Larsza, she's with Lisa, and they're looking at a house in Boca. And this is full on house hunters right now. They're driving through Boca,

and it's like literally the same angles. It's two of them in the front of the car, and Lisa saying, Larza, this is a lovely little community, and I love that it's manicured and gated, but it's far from town. It's literally like every house hunter's like the way it opens up. Like, Larza is doing only fans

and hoping to upgrade to a nicer place that doesn't quite have quite the same footprint as the previous place, but Lisa wants something that's closer to town. Well, Larza choose to penthouse in the city or to place away from the town where she'll have more room to show off her feet for guys to jerk off to.

What will it be? Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do So this house is, I think he's showing it to her because he's like, listen, you want $14 million for your house and that's dated. Which I don't think her house is that dated. I think her house is. It was dated. Oh, we didn't talk about that. That was the thing that happened is that he came in and it was like her house is dated.

And it was, her house is dated. It is dated. Well, I don't know. I guess it's like, when they say dated on house hunters, it's like, what was it dated by the entire football team? I mean, this don't know. I guess it's like when they say dated on house hunters. It's like what was it dated by the entire football team? I mean this thing has been Well here I'm like, well, it's still gorgeous, you know to be fair on house hunters when they say something is dated It was usually a kitchen from like 1973 on luxury shows when they say something is dated it means that there's a restoration hardware

so from 2018. You know, it's like, oh, this has to go. They're like, your kitchen tiles are not done in a house, do you have patterns? So we're gonna need an entire remodel, all right? Yeah. So they're, they're walled. Can I say house, do you have a tooth?

I'm at chevron, sorry, go ahead. Carey, just for anybody out there trying, googling house, they're walking. I say house tooth. I'm at chevron. Sorry. Go ahead. Carry. Just for anybody out there trying, googling hounds tooth to hounds to hounds to backslash. That's for 2022, guys. Uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, um, you know, whatever I think of back splashes, I always think of quad when she was with dr. Gregory, they're awful, awful back splashes that they had in their house.

Like, I'm still traumatized by that. You really, you really have not been able to get over that for years. That's what we should be trying to like do. That may have been a turning point for me and Meredith medicine. So anyway, so they arrive at this house and they're just getting the whole tour and everything and they go

They get approached the master bedroom and Sean is like the master bedroom the doors open up automatically for you when you walk in It's automatic. It's like they have supernatural powers like Sean You've all been to a supermarket. We understand how these things work I know he's gonna go to an go into a mall and just have a stroke. Are you mean to tell me this mall was designed by the same people who made this house that's unbelievable? Yeah, this house is a little tacky, I think. It's like weird neon in the doors. I don't know, it's a weird house.

So they have two bathroom. But, okay, they have one primary bathroom, but two toilets and there's like a weird park bathroom divider in between the toilets. Like, it's put two room, put two, put two, put two poop closets in there. I'm not paying you to go, like have a public park experience, okay? Yeah, it's sort of weird that it's like this,

it's a half wall or something. At that point, just make a cubby hole or something, right? Like, why does it, like, you, like, why does it have to be open like that? I don't, I don't get that. Poop closet. Poop closet, like, if you go to the Bellagio in Vegas, you know, when you go to the Bellagio,

I'm mentioning, because it's a nice casino, right? And when you have to go, you have to go, you have to go use the toilet, you go to the Bellagio in Vegas, you know, when you go to the Bellagio, I'm mentioning, because it's a nice casino, right? And when you have to go use the toilet, you go in the bathroom, they've got like 24 poop closets lined up, and they're very luxurious, and I still, it doesn't feel like you're in some gas station. So you can still have a luxury experience in a poop closet, okay? So you could, it would not have attracted from this house, whoever designed it. Sir. Right. They should have made a poop closet instead of two toilets.

That's my memo to you. I am pay on your mansion that you designed. You really dropped it on that one. All right, buddy. I say cubby or poop closet. Yeah. So anyway, it's a great highlight for Larissa Fippen's storyline this week, the lack there of a poop closet.

So Larissa thinks this house is just too much house and it's sad and her house is too much house. So she wants to move out and every time she talks about it, she cries. Is that weird? My God, she's I can't with Larsa. So then Lisa's asking her about her divorce and she talks about how they haven't really been together for three years, but it's still really hard and Lisa's like listen, I mean, I've been with Lenny for 12 years and I can't imagine calling it quits. I mean, at that point, just stick with that person and wait for him to die. I know. I love Lisa saying all the things that they're going to use in black and white flashbacks next season when her marriage falls apart.

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Lenny and Marquette. You know, the Cayman Islands just bringing hoties. Marquette, you know, they're a little pocketbook. So, yeah, so basically, they're just like talking. It's honestly, it's really not that interesting. They're just talking about Lars' marriage and how they're,

it's kind of like they're separated, not quite fully divorced because they want to keep some sort of family unit for the kids. And that like Scotty gives Lars such shit for the guys that she dates. And like, oh, the guy she was dating wound up going to jail for 90 days. I'm sorry, I don't remember. His name is Malik and I don't know why he went to jail because unfortunately, Marami, I do not keep up with my Laura so good in gossip. Yeah, I mean, I sometimes see it on there, but I just, you know, this scroll, I scroll past. She's like a pop up ad. She's like pop culture's version of a pop up ad. She is. She is basically one of those ads that slide over your whole screen and you like no matter how hard you try to hit the exit won't go

She's almost like another website. You're like I hit the X She's like the cookies warning this site uses cookies. Do you accept it? I was like I guess I have to. He's here. Yeah, thanks for that law. I love what they, when they passed after, like we're making websites so much better now. Oh my God.

So now they're still taking all of your shit. They're just telling you first. Oh my God, every time you have to click that stupid thing, it's always over the most important part. So okay, so now it's time for Julia's birthday party and you know what triggered me, huh? Don't really stop jumping on the table. Oh My gosh

Yeah, I guess I would yeah, that was pretty gross so Gurdie is with her assistant Garrett and They're talking about doing tacos and whatever who. So Julia comes in and they hug and gurdy's like, this is my gift to you, go inside, get me carte blanche, I'll do whatever you want because good to fight. So Julia goes in and then we go. Oh, and Julia's, Julia's sort of like a frankophile or something like, I'm picking up that she's a frankophile

because it sound like she lived in Paris for a little bit. Obviously that's where she met Martina at the French Open. And I feel like Julia went to Paris to be a model. And now she's like, can't just Leuand about French things. Because when Girdy goes, give me Cretz Blanche. I'll do whatever you want. I'll do whatever I want. And she goes, ooh, Cretz Blanche.

Oh, perfect. She's just so excited that someone said something in French to her. Yes. She's going to be one of those people that is going to start a conversation with her in French later She's gonna be like yeah, I don't know French. I'm sorry, but you said Okay, time to gratify go away So then we go over to Nicole's house where her mother

Siral Surrell comes over and the best way to describe Surrell is like Surrell is what Mary from selling sunset is gonna look like in about a year you know like that's Mary's I'm giving a year I'm not giving I'm not not 20 years I'm giving it a year Mary is on the Cerelle trajectory which is not a it's not a insult to anyone I'm just saying that's the trajectory she's on. This is not an insult to anybody. That lady's like twice Mary's age. Wow, wow, Mary. Oh, I'm just joking.

She's jerking her head back and forth and it's approval right now somewhere. So Nicole gives us a monologue and this show is really, I think one place that this show is struggling with is the same monologues every week. I know your dad went to jail. I know your mom did everything. I'm tired of your fucking monologue, Nicole. You're going to have to do something more entertaining than moving half of your mouth

and one eye at a time, you know, because like one eye at a time, one eye at a time, one eye at a time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, when you're going through frame by frame to try and find a picture in a video, like for a screenshot or something, and their faces just look so crazy. It's like one eyes closing and the other eyes kind of opening at the same time, one of their looks. She, that's how she talks all the time it's making me nuts and the boat talks better. Well, she does do the mom log regardless about how they lost everything

they would go to the grocery store and her mom would have to choose between buying milk and eggs the whole thing the whole we were poor thing. So then then we go over to now everyone's getting ready for the party, so some of them are in glam. Alexia is actually doing her own makeup and Lars is doing, it looks like Lars is doing her own makeup, which is strange, she probably had a glam squad, but they're all doing it. Lisa, we get another glimpse of Lisa in her dry cleaner closet,

where she's like, she's like doing the dry cleaner thing where she presses the button and has a hand on her hip and it's like, like all the things coming down to her. That closet never fails to make me laugh. Like ever and she tries she's like look at my fancy closet. I hope she gives herself like a limp roller every Christmas. I feel like when you walk into our closet cause there's like a headshot of Bob Hope signed over. Does it give a penny, take a penny trade?

I'm like good calendars from the local church. Like a stand, a stand on the counter with some shoe polish. You're like, wait a minute. Wait, who is that old lady in the corner sewing something? Oh, she just lives in my closet. So then we go back to the party and Gurdie is still getting set up and Martina comes at. She says, Martina, I'm so sorry I i'm so sorry to cover your house you sure did

yes you did just the way i took over christopher's life when i destroyed her fortify it martina don't martina i'll destroy your table, Chris Avert. I'm gonna treat you like Steffi Graff. I'll destroy you. So they're talking like where's the birthday girl and stuff. And so Adriana walks in and it's like hello, it's me. And she goes, oh my god, a dog.

You did I girded, I'm girdied probably like makes lots of obvious proclamation all the time. Oh my god. Jorley. And the dog is dyed pink and purple and I was like he's single and ready to me and go he threw up but he's ready to hump. Like yeah. She's like a dog. She was not willing just to let that dog have only one tag line. She's like, I'll say both the tag lines. You edit out which one you don't like more. So, Audrey and I come out and see this gratified backyard

that's supposed to be like Tulum and she goes, Oh, I'm not liking this already. Nothing for the chairs. You better do better to better chairs and he's like, no, Tulum is not over done. So, we're leaving it rustic. Rustic, gratified. And Adraana tells us, I am underwhelmed. And she tells Gurdie, she's like, not classy.

This is not classy. And she tells us, I'm like, Julia, why did you think Gurdie should do this? Is she special or something to you? Like, oh my gosh, you're both going to be so jealous of each other over every little thing. Yeah, and Adriana's like,

I'm kind of underwhelmed with this bar situation over here, Gertie. Like I'm not feeling it. So she just starts to like, fuzz around and Gertie's like, I think that Adriana's jealous. Knock knock, who's the party plan here? Is she home? She's right here.

There could only be one. Gertie, okay? Knock knock, who's there? Gertie, okay? Why the Gertie crossed the road? Because she has to go to find the road. Gurdie, okay? Knock knock, who's there? Gurdie, okay? Why the Gurdie cross the road? Cause you have to Gurdify the road, Gurdify! Gurdify the joke. So, it's the 49th birthday.

So, later, and Julie, it comes out all dressed and Adriana's like posing on the couch sexually for her. She's like, I brought you these for your birthday. I mean the dog. Ha ha ha. I guess she died the dog for a special occasion or something. Just the dog's name is Baskett.

I'm sure this is exactly how Baskett wants his legacy to be preserved through this poodle that's been died various colors, like one of those popsicles in July 4th. So she's like, well, I got here early to make sure it was great and they was fine, but I did the bar. So, you know, I'm your friend first. Yeah, and we see the bar, she just basically put some like landhorns on it. Landhorns. And it's like, okay, so it's like, well now I have to get changed now. This is like not my, not my evening look. I'm thought to my standards. So she goes and then Julia starts

taking pictures with the dogs and everything and people are arriving. She does this weird squat pose with a goat. I'm like, what is this? What is this pose? I'm just here squatting with goat. The you get picture. I want squat with God 49. It's a Russian tradition 49 squat over God. In Russia, the most exciting day of the year was when the sports illustrated swimsuit issue came out, but of course in Russia, it's called goats illustrated and it's really just about goats and

It's a big big magazine cover for me So Lisa arrives and the the theme is to loom and Lisa is In like a seethrough a see through dress with a thong under so when she comes in Well, first she looks in the window or something. And she's like, um, that's an actual goat. And Audrey, I was like, I see naked ass out there. Yeah. Lisa continues her streak of not being able to walk directly to her front door. She always has to get sidetracked by something.

That's true. So Lisa, you know, asked for the tour and Julie is like, Oh, welcome to Jurassic Park and then kind of looks her up and down nervously. Yeah. Julie has got such a weirdo energy. I'm loving it. Yeah, I love Julia. So then there's like lots of goats buying and Larsa comes in.

Of course she hates it. She's like, she's like, I'm not a farm type. I don't like having poop on my shoes. I don't like to even hear birds. The producer is like, wait, you don't like to hear birds. She's like, I'm not a farm type. I don't like having poop on my shoes. I don't like to even hear birds. The birds are like, wait, you don't like to hear birds? She's like, no. And I thought Ronnie, for sure, that we're going to show the footage of her on the organic farm years ago, but no. No, no, no such luck. So Kiki comes in flappa fringe and Julie, that's a lot of party arrive. A shit. So Julie is posing with two showgirls that have been hired

and then she's holding the goat on a leash and the goat just takes off and like takes her right in between one of these showgirls legs, which was really funny. And then she's showing Lisa the birds and Lisa's like, do they talk? And she goes, oh yes, they say asshole. Yeah, and then the apparel squawks and they give it a caption that says,

asshole, nice throw it back to T'Challa. So then, I know, guys, I'm sorry. So then, then we see Martina goes up to Adriana and she's like, oh, so this is your night outfit. And then Lars, Lars then goes up to Adriana and I was like, oh my god, your boobs are on full display I'm like, I know that's not Larser Pippin saying that. I know right. When Lars is the most covered up one. It's time for commercial It's time for a crap and commercial So then Nicole arrives. That's all I wrote Nicole arrives. So then Lisa is talking to Nick. Who's Nick?

Nicole. Uh, Nicole, maybe. Oh, Nicole, I just said her name. I'm like, who is Nick? Literally just that that's what she's doing to me. I'm like Nicole arrives. Wait, who's Nicole? So Lisa is telling Kiki. She's so beautiful. They're like, oh my god, you're so gorgeous. And she's, well, thank you. But everyone thinks I'm such a bitch. And I like to see you guys. You'll just look like one. And that's a compliment.

Yeah. I'm like, I don't know if it is, but sure. And then I also, right before that, Larza is talking to Martina. And this is so Larza. She goes, oh, so I used to take 10 ass lessons five years ago. Do you think we could play 10 ass one day?

Martina just like laughs and like the sort of laugh that only can come from a tennis icon talking to someone who has no idea about 10 ass and large because I feel like I'm really good. God. Martina is like we can play ball

or something that you say. That's good. She was well we could play ball or something. What'd you say? She says, well, we can play basketball. And I take it to the hole. Mm-hmm. So then Adriana puts flowers in her cleavage. And she's like, look, Julia, flowers in my cleavage. And she's like, oh, I'm just mad at them.

And Martin is just looking at them, like, what the fuck are you two doing? Like, why are you begging me to divorce you right now on camera? Yeah. So Gurdie then Gurdie is going to try to like force this issue. So she's like, I have a question. It's a little intrusive or not. Maybe little like it's well, okay, the food washing ceremony, okay. And Julie goes, oh, don't worry, I already told Martina about this. She goes, okay, well, Martina tonight is her birthday. So how about, that's a massage for her honey, huh? How about a massage for her honey? And Martina's like, yeah, well, I do that for her all the time.

It's a very one-sided relationship. And Curly is like, well, Julia being married, I'm just interested to see how that crossed the line with Martina's disapproval. You know, as a spouse, myself, I would be concerned. Just a little, Yeah, I know. You just tried to cause a bunch of shit and somebody's marriage and guess what?

It backfired in your fucking face because Julia already took care of it the right way. Yeah, she knows how to deal with Martina. And then Martina's like overall, that she says, can we eat? Can we eat? So, so they also done the table and they're passing out food and he goes, sharing is caring, sharing is caring, sharing is going to fight, go to fight.

And Martinez is like, Martinez is like, well, what do you mean by that? What do you mean by sharing is caring? And Julie is like, yes, sharing is good. She goes, well, what do you share? And she goes, what would you like me to share, Darling. She's like, I don't know Darling. So what you did to Adriana? Well, Adriana, what did you do to deserve a massage from Julia on your feet since I haven't gotten one in 13 years? Well, she run my designer shoes. Yeah, I kept it, Adriana.on's, well, she wrote my designer shoes and I was singing in the chicken poop like wet.

So my feet covered in poop, goat and chicken poop, like, you know, so that's why. And Gertie is covering her mouth with both her hands like what? And my team is like, well, you could just wipe off the mud. I mean, whatever. It's just, well, that's what she did. She washed my feet. She washed your feet. Are you the Pope or something? And everyone's giving this shocked look, but Martinez, like fine, you know,

and so everyone's got everyone literally goes, that's the shoes, Matatar. It's like, well, listen, you gave a great massage and you gave it to somebody else. So thanks a lot, Julia. It's like finding out that I caught you at dinner with Chris Ampere. And Kurte is going on about how nobody is gonna touch my husband's feet. And will I beg her for a massage?

And she won't give me one. I mean, Martina's rich. It's fucked. Give her a damn foot massage. I don't care if you I gotta put on work gloves. Go out in the garage and get you some tool gloves. I don't know. I don't care.

You think this goat farm just built itself? Give Martina a foot rub for crying out loud. So good. Because you know Martina, in her downtime, is doing weird shit. She's throwing broken glass down on the asphalt and running over it. I just want to see how tough my souls were. So Gurdie's like, still got it. I know, you know she's doing weird shit. So Gurdie's like, well you know what,

they're just like Gurdie just walk away. I'm like with pleasure, with pleasure. I go back inside to my own business during their weird foot massage, lesbianism, gratifying. So she's still, Martin is like, don't worry, I'm not going to touch your husband's feet. I'm not going to happen on this earth. And Adriana's starting to get really, really pissed with a dirty. Yeah. And they're sitting by the way, this is important because Adriana and Gertie are sitting right next to each other as like shoulder to shoulder. All right, and she's like, oh my God, you weren't even there.

She's like, don't touch me, please. Do not touch me. Because Adriana was like touching her arm to be like, oh, come on. She's like, do not touch me. Do not touch me. She's then move your arms, Gerdy. You're sitting there with elbows on the table

this whole night. I can't even talk to my friend over there because I cannot see her past your arms. And it's funny because I'm so curious saying this is very intrusive. This is very aggressive, very aggressive. And Adriana is like, you're like so intrusive that they just keep saying I'm true. So to each other, because can I see my friend as I'm talking like you're like this, like this, like this, oh, go ahead with do your physicality. Go ahead, go, get some class, get some class. Oh, sad, don't even touch me, sad.

Sad. I'm not touching you. And these have been my friends a lot longer than you have been around. Just, oh, well, that seems to be an issue for you. She's like, it is not an issue because you don't shut up. You have to get into every single conversation. And then she does the classic middle school thing.

Nobody likes you here, by the way. Well, yeah, because Gurdie is doing the same, because she's going, Brava, brava for that performance. And she's also makes you. Yeah, well Gurdie is also making all these little side comments like, oh, wow, I'm scared. Oh, my God, like you're crazy right now.

Oh, God, like, oh, this sat. I'm sad for you. So then, so then Adriana says Nobody likes you by the way. Marching you goes. I like her. I think it's good good So you need to lower your voice and talk like a normal human It's like please you're yelling this whole time air bow center She goes. Yeah, Adriana goes. You're always shouting at the top of your lungs I'm like Gurdie say what you will. goes, you're always shouting at the top of your lungs. I'm like, Gurdie, say what you will.

Gurdie is not shouting at all. Was she project talks? And she does it a lot. And she rapid fire talks and tries to start shit. Like I can see why Adriana would be mad, but Adriana started it by coming in and being like, this is not a good party. I'm going to redo this party. So you started

in Audra, I hope you enjoy your medicine. Exactly. And so, Gertie is like, well, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And Nicole goes, in Gertie's defense, her job is to delegate and give people's orders. And it's very hard for someone who's in that field, just like, any, just like Anthony, who's in a journey to turn off the moment when they get home. I'm like, I like the way she just wedged her boyfriend into this. Just like Anthony, who's an attorney, who's wealthy, who has a yacht, and we have a son,

and he also has a hard time turning it off. It's just like that, it's hard. Yeah, and it was a very bad try, and they just ignore her. So I'll try and let's like, okay, then you want to sit here? Why don't you sit over here? And why don't Gertie? Why don't you go sit over there?

And she's like, get your hand out of my face. So like, no, I'm just asking if you want to sit over there and now she's standing up in Gertie's, like standing over her. I'm trying to make Gertie move. Yeah. Why don't I know why she's trying to make Gertie move? Because Nicole's like, can I sit next with her next to her

And so I'm so now Adriana has interpreted that as Nicole's gonna take Adriana's seat then Adriana's gonna take over Gerdy's seat and Gerdy's gonna move to Nicole's seat. It's like no Adriana You take Nicole's seat because her gritty is like I'm gonna not do anything you tell me to do back off I don't do anything so then so then Julia comes over to Adriana and just starts kissing her. She goes, one more time, one more time, one more time, one more time. I never thought he's like, what the fuck is going on? So Julia tells us in Russia, when people fight, we take a shot and hug and kiss and kiss and hug. And then it's not so emotional anymore. And Gurdie is like, she's being, she's being physical.

You have to acknowledge that. She's being physical. So then the producer goes, so in Miami, how do you resolve a fight? And she goes, well, I'm not so sure yet how you would resolve fight in Miami, but I hope there'll be adult enough to come to terms with this silly conflict. Stop guys. My chickens in my coop get along better than you Zinga And yes, I am wearing one right now as an outfit She's got like the craziest feather outfit on so gurney is still getting all pissed

And she goes oh she wants me to move and I want move because look at this leaf. Do you see what it says? Oh gurney And you see this other leaf over here. This is gonna bring it to me. Bring it to me, Garrett. It says, five. I will not move. She's just gonna bring that leaf wherever she goes. Oh, you want me to move?

Oh, you're closing this restaurant? Well, guess what? Look what this leaf says. GERDI! Some Martina goes, Oh, Adrianna, why don't you just go sit with Julia over there? She's like, okay, I will. So she leaves, she goes to sit somewhere else

and Gertie's still going. Brava, creativity at its finest. Oh, wow, it's easy to do. I can wind it down easily, the volume, because everyone's on seven. And everyone's like, what is this woman even saying? Right, I know. So she goes, how about you, Alexia?

Are you living your life at a seven? And she's like, what? What do you mean what? I just don't understand you because you're talking so fast right now. She's, oh, okay, okay, now I'm talking too fast. Okay. I like just like, oh, I don't know. Peter like something about seven.

I don't know. I don't know what you're saying seven. So you know that's going to stick in Alexia's mind for like a week. So like the other day, I talked to her, and like, I don't know what you're saying, seven. You know that's gonna stick in Alexia's mind for like a week. So like the other day I talked to a Gerdy and like, I don't know, some about seven. Peter, do you know anything about seven? What seven? Peter?

Finally Peter told me to rent a movie and I did. Poor Gwyneth, that's all I would say. You know what, after what Gwyneth went through, she can come out with as many candles that smell like the giantness that she wants to. She earned it. Oh, so then afterwards I was like, maybe it was a different seven. So then it turns out there's a whole bunch of movies that are like 00 it. Oh, so then afterwards I was like, maybe it was a different seven.

So then it turns out there's a whole bunch of movies that are like 007. So I watched that and I'm like, oh well you know James Bond, like he is like a spy. And like he's very smart. Like Peter could be like a James Bond. Like, oh no Peter actually is like, he has cups and I'm like Peter, be careful with your cups

because there could be bullets in there, you know? So Alexia tells us that Gerdy is basically doing this to herself and she's right. And she's like, yes, she can talk over people, but you know, she just needs to like learn to chill, put down a wall, you know, like let go of work and stop asking people around or whatever. So, Nicole's like, I mean, Gertie, do you take a vitamin or something? Because I want to have what you're having and Mart Martina goes, oh, that one she's having. From a really great film. Really, really good when Harry met Sally.

Guess what? Neither one of them ever got a foot massage. It's not crazy. I guess that's not valid in this conversation. Go ahead. So, Dirty is like, can you guys just shut the fuck up for once? Let me talk, because I've been doing all the talking. Okay, let me talk. And then she starts getting choked up.

Because you guys, do not know what I've been through. Okay, it's not easy, guys. You do not just get good to fight overnight. Okay, you do not know. Okay. That's what happens. So that's like, you get her like, what the hell? And Abdulhamid goes, oh my god, she's crying.

She says, people say to me, oh my god, you're too much. Who are you to decimal? Who are you to decimal? Who are you to decimal my level of happiness? Don't decimal my level of happiness. And the happiness comes from a lot of sorrow. I lost my brother, two of his three kids. And it's like, I came to this country, didn't speak English, and look at me now.

So it's funny because as I'm watching, I'm like, obviously it's tragic that she lost her brother and his kids and everything. But when she does the whole, I came to this country, didn't speak English and look at me now. I'm like, if there's any franchise where that line is not gonna work, it's this one. Like literally almost everyone at the table

is from another country originally. Right, and she's doing it, she's using all of this in kind of a gross way because she was just being an asshole to somebody, right? So it's like, how does that lead to this? So then Adriana's like, but you're not the only one who came here with nothing and has problems. I lost my brother. I lost my father. And Martin is like, let's not compete with sorrow now. Let's not compare each other's sorrows because I can tell you you're gonna lose, Everett. Yeah. This was like the first time that that sentiment has ever been uttered on Bravo.

I was so proud of Martina because this happens all the time where people are like, well, you know someone who died. I know someone who died, right? So she's like, I did something wrong. I did something wrong. So, but there's my backstory.

It's like, okay, but you're still an asshole. So Lisa's like, give her a moment. Let her talk. Listen to what she has to say. We owe it to her to listen to it. She brought my name on a banana leaf. And you know what? People spell it wrong all the time. So thank you, Gerdy. You can decibel it. Whatever decibel you want to decibel at. And Adrianna's like, but what I'm trying to say is that lost is not justify you not letting other people speak.

And she's like, you didn't even hear my story. You didn't even hear my story. Brava for not hearing stories. And then Adrianna says, well, you haven't heard mine. So they're back to comparing it down, like who hasn't heard a story more. And then Gerdy goes, you're sorry what's about to foot massage. I'm Adriana's like, but Martina started that conversation about the foot massage. And Lisa's like, um, guys, can we bring it back here, please?

No, it's a birthday. The moment is gone. Because I'm only gonna open up to people who care about me. The moment for goodification is gone. So then Adriana is like, every time you share something with us, she one ups you and then ends up crying, which is true. And then she tells us, Adriana is like, you know, I can see through Gertie.

She has a bigger than life personality. And the minute they lose control, they switch, they cry, they do whatever they can to be the center of attention, which is very true. And it's exactly also Adriana. Yes. Yes. She's, yes, exactly. But that's the part where I was like, okay, Adriana's nowling this, but like, you know, she is, I'll try to have a spiritual mirror. Well, she was able to nail it because she is it. Yeah. God, that's horrifying.

So Lisa's like, it's like, Gurdie, I want to know what happened to your family. So that way I can then talk about me and Lenny, right? Cause that's what that's all we at least just wants. Like the springboards. That way she can join them with the one-upsmanship. So Gurdie is like, I'm going to talk to people who understand the scope of it. No, it is over. Goji is silent.

Grady, put it down. Be bathroomified. Goodbye. And so she goes to the bathroom and Lisa and Nicole follow her to talk to her. And then the dog is eating the food. Larsa is disgusted. She was like, the dog is eating the fish.

And Adriana is like, oh yeah, Basquiat, or whatever she says, but Larza is kind of like, this is nice food and you're letting your dog to eat that, okay. Yeah, and Adriana is going, well, we all have losses. I lost my brother and my father and my mother almost died from the COVID. And Lisa's like, oh my God, we're all mad at each other

for overtroking, but let's face it, we're all guilty of, see, I just did it to myself. Like, as a group, we're terrible. She just has like a little puppet show that she has just so that way she can talk over herself. Oh my God, my left hand just poked over me. And now here comes my right hand. Yeah, so Adriana says this whole thing about like how her mom,

everyone, like lots of people died and her mom almost died because am I swinging my losses? Am I swinging my losses? I'm like, kind of, yeah, actually. So then they go to the follower to the bathroom and Lisa tells her, Lisa tells Gurdie, like yeah, we all, like everyone talks over each other which goes, you know what?

Adriana should never have interrupted you, and Grady goes, you officially get to me. It's official. All right, hold on. I've got the Gennan Velopier. It has the results. I've opened up Lisa Hockstein. It's official.

You get me. Congratulations. Um, and then Julia basically just blows out her birthday candles and kisses Martina. And that wraps it up for this episode I'm thinking this show is so fucking funny and most of them aren't really doing that much yet I mean Lars is not really in the mix yet I guess still ramping up. I feel like I think it's so funny like I love gurdy like already cracks me up Martina cracks me up. I loved also by the way like Martina was holding this like birthday cake on this tray and Julia's like

It's birthday cake for me. Oh, what the wonderful thing. She's like blow the candle out Oh, and it's so it's just a cake in this beautiful blow it out Oh, and look it's candles and I was like I can't hold it forever blow it out Oh, I cannot blow out these candles until I'm squatting over golf some of the brain golf please Bluffer fuck sake Do you work for Chris effort? Yeah, this shows killing it.

And I love all the colors of Miami. Just the craziness. They all look so funny to me. Like I love how they dress and they're gigantic boobs. I mean, the ladies in Miami really take it to another level with those boobs. Like Alexa's dress is I spent half the episode like I heard those hernipplesipples but then wire her nipples

all the way over there and I think it was like a mic in her I don't know like I'm obsessed with their boobs I can't stop staring at them. It's just everything's larger than life I really hope people are watching because it is so good it is already so good and like not a huge amount has happened but it's just actually a huge amount has happened. I mean, we've already have like scandals about Herman and Herman's gay lover and you have Peter and and next week, the next episode Todd is going to be like, you want to fight me Peter? I'm going to fight you back. I'm like, oh my god, this show is so good. I'm enjoying all of them and you know, as much as we give Mary Solshed, I'm really enjoying Mary Solshed. She's been good. She's been really good and fine. I think she finally found her her fine. I think she finally found her

her lane. I think she finally realized she was always sort of simmering and quiet and passive aggressive. And I don't mind passive aggression, but she was always sort of like meh. And now she is finally kind of like, oh, I can just be this this sort of weird sassy lady in the corner, you know, and it works. It's almost like she was always waiting for this moan. Like, you know, everybody has different peaks in life. This is just like the drunker old and wealthy lady. That's her lane. Because before I was like, I'm getting married and we're going to have the most romantic whatever. And it was just like boring. But yeah, she's really this like kind of sardonic, slow-drawling leany, who keeps cockies and a diamond cop. Like I'm enjoying it.

Yeah, I totally agree. I think it's a great ensemble. And I think also Kiki, I want to give shout out to Kiki. I love Kiki showing up sort of on the fringes of the party, wearing fringe, getting into fights with Marisol. I'm enjoying K you. Yeah, the goat party was really funny. Or the goat milk stuff was funny. And I'm just loving her attitude. Like, at one point, Alexi is like, oh, well, because you know, Alexi is that friend who's just always got drama. And every time you see them, it's like, oh, well, here's what's going on with me.

Then he did this and then they did this. And you just kind of sit there and what? Like that you could be anybody, you know? And Alexi, I think, is that kind of person? So they had a scene where she had Kiki and someone else over and she's going off well. You know, so I spoke to the guy and then he didn't show up. But then we talked for four hours and she's doing the whole thing and Kiki is just looking at her like, who the fuck is this person? And they were on me for asking if I can go to milk with milk, a

goat with my mouth, you know? Yeah, it's crazy. Totally. That's so good. Everyone, we really recommend that you watch it if you're not watching. I mean, obviously you have to subscribe to Peacock, but if it's something that you can spring for, definitely do it. And if you're just springing for Peacock, then also check out Ultimate Girls Trip because that's also amazing. Anyway guys, thank you so much for being here. Gotta watch for crappens.com to get tickets for our live shows, which are coming up.

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