Watch What Crappens - RHOM: Miami Catch Up!

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

So much has, like, gone on, like, with Real Housewives of Miami. Here we are to recap the stuff we've missed — from beachside goats to Lisa's marital woes. We are LOVING it!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watch Our Crappins! A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one, the only Mr. Ronnie Kerr. I'm hi, Ronnie. How are you? Well, hello, Bonnadoodle. Hi, happy new year. Well, thank you, happy new year to you too. We're actually recording this before the new year. So I wonder if the new year is really different I wonder if we're like oh my god. It's 2023 now everything's changed We're like every Wow, I mean who knows what could have happened in the world I don't know but like we are recording this ahead of time

They were recording this in December. It is We're here to talk about real housewives of Miami. So basically We're here to talk about real housewives of Miami. So basically, Peacock dropped a million of these Miami episodes on us right in the middle of December. Right as we're trying to wrap up, and we were gonna try to just record like four extra recaps and then release them. We just couldn't do it.

We couldn't do it. And it sucks because these episodes all deserve love. Cause I am absolutely loving Real Housewives of Miami. So I wish we could recap all these things. It's just not possible for us. So as a press time, when we're recording this, episodes one through five, excuse me, I'm getting choked up. One through five have been released.

We did a full recap of an episode one. So we're gonna do a quick kind of like, this is what's happened so far between episodes two and five so far. And we're just gonna be playing catchup with the show for a little bit. So that's what's going on here. Yes, so let's just get right into it, shall we?

So we should we just do like main storylines? What do you want to do? Yeah, I guess we talked about like the things that we that we we could talk. Yeah, storylines. We can break it down by character. How about that? That makes them might might get easier to like sort of get through all this stuff. I will say that just overall like I'm loving this season. It's so good. I just love this show. I'm gonna be saying it every season, but I just love big boobies, big colors, you know, just I love everyone's interactions, I just everything about this show. I'm even liking Larsa this season, which is really weird. I've never liked Larsa.

Are you liking Larsa or is that just me? Larsa is much better divorced and trying to convince everybody that she's still really rich and making half a billion dollars on only fans or whatever she's doing. She's much more fun as thirsty Larsa rather than like snottied top of the pile Larsa, you know. Yeah. Because she was just too snooty. Also it helps that she came back as a completely different person.

I mean, she really doesn't even look like the first Larsa at all. She's had a head transplant. So that helps. It's like a complete recast. It's like someone at Bravo said, Larsa's not working. Everyone hates her guts. Let's recast her because we like the basic type. You know?

Yeah. I think she also benefits from being in a multi-episode arc with Lisa Hawks' team where Lisa is like mad about being accused of having a mortgage, which I just feel like we've seen so many things on the housewives, but we've never seen someone who is like in mortgage denial before. Lisa literally does not know what a mortgage is, which is so fucking funny about it. So Lisa also does this fighting, she has this fighting style where she just repeats herself over and over and no matter if somebody new comes around she'll just start repeating the story to that person. She's that friend that makes this all freaking crazy with her stories because she never stops.

It's like, oh well I guess Larsa thinks she that I have a more to hear that Lard's just that out of mortgage. Oh my god Mary's so do you hear? Lard's I said I Me have a mortgage and then I went to my house. First of all you do rent at your house It's verifiable information on the internet. There's an Airbnb with your house Yeah, the people posted on reddit, so thank you, brother real housewives as always But yeah, like you you do rent it. So thank you, brother real housewives, as always. But yeah, like you do rent it. What are you crying about? And she has a scene with Lenny, where she's like,

get this Len, these ladies, I mean, Laura's accusing me of having a mortgage. And because do you know what a mortgage is? And she's like, yes, it's an, uh-huh. I wish refundable association. It's like that's an IRA. Okay, and that's not what that stands for. Okay. It's a refinancers of Irish settlements He's like, I don't even know what that stands for and that's not what it is either I know what a mortgage is mortgage. Okay. Okay. A mortgage is when you go to your friend Mortyy, and you're like, Hey, I need a cage for my pet. It's a mortgage. Mortgage.

Pat, Pat trans asses. It's like, that's a parent teacher association, the PTA, and there has nothing to do with mortgages. What are you talking about? Payments and transactions. That just stands for PETA, which is not PETA, it actually has nothing to do with. That just sounds like PTA, which was also wrong. No, that's an automatic transaction machine and it's not anybody's auntie, okay? Amorgad, we have a mortgage honey. She's like, oh, oh, okay, so but how dare she?

He's like, no, a mortgage is not a bad thing. I'm just like, oh, okay? So she's been furious because she doesn't know what amorgad just said. But the thing is that he says they have no mortgages, but what he did was he got like a home equity line of credit. I think he said, he's like, here's, okay, he goes, could they're having a quote unquote romantic dinner outside? He's like, I can't believe in 12 years,

we never ate outside on the porch before. He's like, yeah, I'm trying to avoid one of ones with you. But he's like, okay, he goes, oh, you know what it was? I have a home equity line of credit because I thought it would be good to have cash on hand in case I maybe needed it. But I think I've only used it once, which is code for using it all the time, girl. You better look into this. And it's probably using that money on his address. Which is codes for, yeah, which is code for, good luck with your hasa,

cads from real housewives of Melbourne. Oh yeah, because I don't know much that homeic read line of credits, because I'm just, I just don't know much. It's another, it's, isn't it like another mortgage? You're taking a loan out based on your house and they can repossess your house if you don't pay back the loan.

So that's basically what, that's what my understanding is. And also if you were to sell your house, you can repossess your house if you don't pay back the loan. That's basically what my understanding is. And also if you were to sell your house, you basically wouldn't get anything because you've taken out cash. The point is, there's something about that that I feel like is scary. Like if you wanna have cash on hand, why don't you just have cash?

Like I don't, you know, like it's like you are allegedly a successful plastic surgeon and the money's you've already You've already paid off your 40 million dollar mortgage, which also is crazy So where's the cash? I don't know she like but of course in her mind she's like see she says stupid She doesn't even know what a home equity loan is so yeah, I knew it. I knew we were in love Yeah, it's pretty bad. I mean, she has so many signs here that she's just complete.

When your husband just tells you he's taken out a line of credit on the house that you didn't know about and claims to maybe have not spent that much, I mean, girl. Yeah, but it's like very milder for me. Like it made me so happy. Because, you know, it's just great when you for me like it made me so like that scene made me so happy because You know, it's just great when you've said this guy's a piece of shit This guy's a piece of shit and he's really he always was a piece of shit

He never was not a piece of shit, but it's nice to see like you know We we put in 10 years waiting for this this moment to happen and it's finally happening You know, it's like we finally we're getting to to report we sowed in terms of hopes and dreams. Yeah, I'm trying to look for all these, you know, what I'm just going to look for it online, because I take screenshots of everything I want to talk about on the show that I see on Reddit or wherever, just to show them the, yeah, and Lenny responds Instagram real housewives of Miami. I mean,

this guy really is a pig. Like people are like, what a pig and he's coming and you know kind of telling people off in the comments. Like Lenny, you look bad enough dude. Just sit this one out babe. Okay, sit it out Len. Yeah. And then like after that romantic dinner, well actually in the middle of the romantic dinner, basically someone in the staff comes up to them and is like, hey, just so you know, the nanny fell over in the shower and broke her wrists and needs to go to the hospital or something. So then Lisa starts freaking out, she's like,

oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, we gotta call 911, we gotta call 911 and let me just like, don't call 911, that's like an abuse of the system. Well, we'll put her in an Uber or something. And meanwhile, I'm like, or one of you guys driver there for crying out 911, that's like an abuse of the system. Well, we'll put her in an Uber or something. And meanwhile, I'm like, or one of you guys driver there for crying out loud, she's your employee,

and don't you want not want to get sued? Like put her in the back of your Range Rover or something, but Lisa's freaking out. She's like, I've got to call 911, I've got to call 911, and he's like, Lisa, don't call 911. Yeah, and, it's pretty awkward, like you said said because of the Uber and stuff that could easily drive her in.

Also just the fact that Lisa's not like, oh my god are you okay? What can I do for you? How can I help you? She's just like, oh jeez, the nanny. What am I going to do? I've got to go out tomorrow. So here's one of the articles that I found talking about it. So first of all, they threw their annual Halloween party this year together, which is bizarre,

you know, because they're broken up, and it's not an easy breakup. And these Halloween parties are just basically like, I mean, they look like escort events, really, where it's just like one guy in a ton of escorts that they're showing off to like, I don't know, people who own yachts or whatever and it's all women in like lingerie and stuff and so they they threw it together again which was bizarre so this is from reality blurb then in the comments section of the post at least a question Lenny about the lack of footage that she was in in all of these videos from the party.

And she wrote, why am I edited out of this video? And Lenny says, you're in four scenes. I'm only in two. The only person edited out is me. And she's like, well, why not post the original? And he says the original was centered around a single person. So he's, you know, being super mature there. Wow. They're just Instagram. They're just like a full on disaster. I think those parties with all the young ladies, it's just like a client recruiting event because he knows like, okay, like once things start falling apart, you know, it's like bring them to the party, nick them a little bit, and then make them feel insecure about their bodies, and they'll come to my practice, and I can plump up their lips and whatever.

I think that's the whole, I think that is the overarching scheme. That's my conspiracy, and the reason is in it, because Lisa wants to get the alimony, so like whatever money goes to Lenny, it's gonna start filtering down to her. This is my, on the fly conspiracy. Okay, so that's what's going on so far

in the beginning episodes with them, you know, some mortgage fight, and then it just continues and continues. They have this party at the beach, like a dog party, which turns out to be just a big Larsa promoting the Halo Collar. Yeah, it wasn't Halo one of our sponsors. Who's gonna? Yes, yes, I have a Halo Collar. Yeah. Wasn't Halo one of our sponsors? Who's gonna...

Yes, yes, I have a Halo Collar. I actually like our set. Did you say it was good? It's like an invisible fence. Well, I don't think Larser really knows what it is because she's like, I'm gonna bring my dogs to like do this like Halo Collar for video.

It's like a Halo Collar. No, that's not what it does. Yeah, but it makes dogs behave. Yeah, look at my dogs, they're so well behaved. And her dogs are like monsters with zero training. They are, no. I brought jazz in from Los Angeles. He's like the best dog trainer.

Look, look, look at the way he gives the dog a treat. He's like the best. I love jazz. I'm going to give jazz a halo, Kyle. They're also. And he was trying so hard to not say, you know, it's not just the dogs that we have to train. It's also the people. Cause he'll say he keeps saying like, it's not just the dogs we have to train. It's, it's us, you know, is we have to, we have to learn. And you can see them about to say it a million times, but, you know, be like how dare you say you're gonna chain me I'm the harza have 19 like businesses like

at you say she goes The dogs acting like crazier like than ever because it's like You know, it's like all cooped up in this like tani apartment and it's like our barman is literally 4,000 square feet It's like all cooped up like it has room to move. It has there it can run and I guarantee that building probably has like a little like like a dog park like thing. It probably has something on the roof for down in stairs. It's definitely a dog run going on in that building like I guess. so they had this really funny dog party and Julia did you really bring her goat I bring got I bring got and be hilarious and go like

head butts the dog and the goats also and a dog feed on the Birken the dog did some good work yes someone's dog Pete on Lisa's Birken, which I loved. That was like a signal that the M. is not for her. Another reason I really love this season and how they're doing it, there's so many women, you know? And this group of women is so funny to have a giant group of women because every event, everything that happens, there's like six screams, you know? It's like, oh my god, somebody peed on the purse.

The purse, somebody peed on the purse! And better not be my purse, I'm an alcoholic. It's like everybody has their reaction. Yeah, everyone. Alexia is cracking me up this season because she's not doing much, but she's just giving like monotone reaction, everything like, oh, well, you know a dog know a dog is on the person like if you have a dog in the person It's of course gonna be on a person like what do you have a dog you are a person like why are you even doing that? Why are you doing that she's just like an internet commenter, but like they're in person and just so funny

Like this is like this like Why you have dogs in the sand because if you have dogs in the sand the sand is gonna get everywhere But like I love you like I love you like I love Peter, you know, but like what you have sent. Yeah. If I can Alexia, Alexia is cracking me up too because she's always trying to rewrite history with her son Peter, who's terrible, okay? So Peter, oh well, you know Peter, Peter, you know, Peter, Peter, you know, okay, so this is what happened with Peter, okay? So, but you know, Peter's with his girl. And so this girl's so drunk. And Peter's just trying to be responsible with the girl

and say, you cannot drive drunk. You cannot drive like this. So he's trying to keep her and she's saying, no, no, no, no, no, no. So she goes out into the hallway and he brings her back in and then boom, the police come. You know, and he called me and he said, mom, what do I do with this poor girl?

I don't want her to drive. So I come over and I see it happen and I'm thinking, oh, but you know, Peter, like all he wanted to do was save this girl. You know, but now Peter looks bad. I'm like, oh, okay, interesting rewrite. Mm-hmm. Ma'am.

Peter is really just a hero, guys, okay? Yeah. Peter is just like a mouth breather in a burberry vest and he's sitting there and he's still just, I don't remember what he said, but he speaks sort of like this. How are your 30 years old? Start speaking correctly. Like I'm sorry.

Like he's still talking like this. Like well mom, like you know every girl that comes into my life, you kind of like scare them away. The only one I have issues with is you. I'm like Can you please stop talking like you're 17? This is this is anti-bend now coming in we talk about anti-Rony but anti-bend is here and he's getting it's time It's time Peter is time to start talking like an adult. I mean he's ridiculous So yeah, they have this dinner and she's like well, you know what?

You know Peter I just want to I just want you to be happy, I don't know about this girl. And he's like, no, mom, the real problem here is you. No, the real problem here is you. You were the one who went to jail. You were the one who got arrested for this shit. Yeah, no, he's like uniquely terrible. And Alexia is just like the most enabling mom. And she's like, well, you know,

I have to welcome this girl into my life You know I have to do it, but I don't you know, but I'm always gonna be hard I'm always gonna be harder. You're never gonna get the rid of me. You're never going to cut to Peter doing some sort of like Rinky dank keystone capers assassination attempt on his mother that's gonna go terribly awry So then her other thing is she's throwing this big wedding party right now because last season was about my wedding and so this season needs to be about my wedding again but maybe just a party but we'll make it last all season and thankfully they didn't make it last all season

because I really thought this was going to go for another 10 episodes. The storyline of her like oh my god it's so hard for me to have a party. So she's mad because Quirty is busy for her party and Gertie's mad because the fight on the show were so silly. And Gertie is mad because Alexia said, well, you know, the best party of last season was the Versace party, you know, And like even, you know, the brothers, like the thing you did for your brother, you know? That was like better or whatever. And she's like, why are you comparing the event

for my dead brother to this party? So that became like a fight with them. Yeah, but they bury the hatchet because Gurdys like, you know, because I see was like a friend first and I see was like a friend. You're like a friend before you are a client. And I just thought, I thought his friend, I thought like a friend wouldn't do that.

And Alex is like, oh well, you know, I saw you as like someone who's helping me, but like that's okay. And like I just say this because I love you. You know, but they basically bury the hatchet awkwardly. And Gerdy is so consistent about coming into every scene going, guys, I am so busy, it's insane. Like, oh my god, we're going on a boat right now, but I left work for to come on the boat. Can you believe it? I left work to come on the boat,

and now here I'm coming on the boat. I can't do work because I'm on the boat. So, you know, when you see me on the boat, just know I'm supposed to be at work right now doing things. And I always tell myself, GERDI, you know what? You need to do more for yourself than just be working all the time, and then I tell myself tell myself stop talking you're supposed to be working. Why are you talking to Gerdie? And then Gerdie's like, oh my god, I'm so sorry I was talking while you're supposed to be working. So you're just still talking Gerdie.

You know what I'm saying, girls? It's just like one of the challenges a big named best planner in the entire world by Vogue because I think she actually says Vogue named her the best planner in the entire world. Like the very, very best one in the world. You're looking at her right now, and she's now on a yacht not doing kibble. Yeah, she was, I think it was a Vogue spread, but she was in some article spread of the best party planners.

And Lexi is like, well, I just thought you didn't want to take care of my party because you know, like I'm not in Vogue. So. And you're great, you're like, no, absolutely not. But I mean, that's sort of true. It is sort of true. I mean, look at the shitty thing out of you.

What is this? This is ridiculous. Gurdie is like, ah, never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. And Vogue. Me, Gurdie. I'm so busy, I could barely even sing part of that song. Giving us something she could feel.

I mean, what's it gonna be? What's it gonna be? Party. I'm out of invokes on. Yeah, I'm sorry. What what a man, what a man, what a man, what a man. I actually can imagine Grady is singing that singing just like the hooks from from that song by Tsunpepper. I could just I could just walk in and be like, okay, there's a party, okay, what a man, what a man, what a man, what a man, okay, all right, move the flowers, what a man, what a man, what a man, what a man, what a man, yeah, it's not in Vogue, right? Well, it was it was Tsunpepper, but I think, um, I thought like in Vogue saying with me, what was Tsunpepper and then Vogue song? I thought it was what a man. Oh Maybe it was I love that song. I love it too What a man what a man what a man what a man what a mighty good man

I might be mighty good man. Yes, and Vogue with actually it's actually it's in Vogue with salt and pepper What about that? Oh there you go? Oh wait no Someone else says it's on pepper featuring and Vogue wow. We got a full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full full At one point she's showing her kid how to pull off a confetti bomb. She's like, okay, so you get the tube and then you pull it and you're going to go to find this bitch. Now you're going to see what it's like to be a dirty party and like what, picking things up from the floor. But so far, Gertie is not doing too much.

She just sort of is there. There's also... I'm doing everything. I'm doing everything. I'm sorry. I'm good at finding my road. I'm doing everything. We also have Nicole, who she's like trying to figure things out with her dad still.

And now her mom is really team to add at the moment. So she goes out to lunch with her mom and her mom starts basically crying And she's like she's like how many times do I drive home in tears because of the way you treat me Nicole's like, oh my god. This is so malicious. I treat you well mom Wait a minute. So you're saying the problem is me and she's like, yes, you are so mean You should accept your father for who he is. That's some bullshit, okay? No, if some man, I don't care who it is,

comes to my Thanksgiving dinner, waste it off his ass to cook a turkey in my oven and then leave, fuck that guy. I don't care, you don't have to just take whatever shit from your pants, that's nuts. Yeah, and then Alexia, of course, is like, well, you never know how much time you're gonna have with her. Have with him, so like, you should make it right

with your dad, because like, it's actually an honor to have him like, make Turkey in your oven, leave. Like, that's honor, because like, my father, I don't have my father to make Turkey in my oven, so like, you should do that. Yeah, I didn't like that, but Nicole is, look, we're all waiting to see what's going on with Nicole's guy, Anthony, because if that's his name right, Anthony Lopez.

Anthony Lopez? Anthony, yeah, and he's also been on the show a lot more, like he's starting to get into the fame thing. But the other thing with Nicole, I've noticed, I feel like every episode, she's like, oh well, you know, starting another 24 shift. Oh, sorry another 24 hour shift. She's like constantly going on a 20 I mean she is a doctor, you know hats off, but I've noticed that she's constantly going on 24 hour shifts Um, I didn't even notice but her so I want to see what's going on with her husband because that guy has like a fleet of Ferrari isn't shit And like this mall house and all this other stuff. I don't understand. I don't understand that math

I need somebody to explain this math to me. It's this Tom Jorarty math. I'm getting Tom Jorarty math hugely, I mean so when they so when they flew to the keys in episode five He flew them on the branded jet that said like, you're insurance attorney. And then he was wearing a polo shirt that said, you're insurance attorney. So I'm like, is this like a sweet James kind of situation? Because honestly, the track record for, you know, prominent attorneys on Bravo has not been wonderful. It's not. And I like Nicole, so I don't want to see that happen. Also he's pretty funny too when he said yeah you know you guys can go on the boat but just tell Lars

that I leave that captain alone because you know he's he's married and we don't we don't need him. What do you say something like we don't need him getting sidetracked from that home wrecker or something. Oh isn't like that. And she discovers her face with her napkin, like, oh my god. We're gonna get me into trouble. Right before my 24 hour shift. So, yeah, I said that's what she's dealing with. Julia also, Julia is really turning out to be

a quite the Yolanda type. I guess is this just like a style of supermodel? You don't think she's the Yolanda type. I guess is this just like a style of school level? You don't think she's the Yolanda type? No, not at all. Yolanda's fairies. I mean, different. Yolanda's like has price tags on the daughters.

I feel like Julia just can't be alone, you know? But she's just so much sweeter than you. Yolanda's such an asshole and an ice queen and Julia's like Oh my god, I just want my children with me all the time and she has this dinner with Martina that is so cringe I just wanted to reach through that TV and shake Julia and be like listen to me Put in this earbud and let me tell you what to say in this dinner because it was oh Put in this earbud and let me tell you what to say in this dinner because it was oh Yeah, she needs to figure it out because she's like I am not happy

Martina I know is dinner for two dinner for she's saying dinner for two. She's like no more dinner for two I'm lonely dinner for no more but you know for two and I want to be near the farm I'm not happy in this beautiful mansion on Miami Beach. I need to be near God poop Yes, well she's she basically said in this dinner We find out that Julia has stopped basically being a wife to Martina, right? Like she stopped she refuses to kick dinner for two anymore and She's really depressed and Martina's busy. she's at work all the time flying all over to do commentating and stuff. And so Julie is lonely, which I get, but like when Martina's there, she's like, this is terrible. Just me and you. Oh god. Martina's like, well honey, you know,

isn't it good that we get to spend? No, it is not good though. I don't like it though. No, it is not good though. I don't like it though. Honey though, I brushed some of my hair for this today. I'm making sacrifices too. Yeah, so Martina looks over it. Marchina's here is definitely over it because she it's like some of it is like combed her hair But then there's always like this one strand that's like going on its own different path. Martina, let's get, we could, we could work with this a little bit more. Martina could start giving piggybacks to children and charge them for hay rides at this point. She's just, she's just a bell of, she's a bell of hay with a microphone at this point. is a bail of hay with a microphone at this point. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha China, Nevada, World icon, you know, trying to be artists, slash person who is like, making all your dreams come true. I am here and you're saying that I'm not enough.

And like, that's not nice for your Julia to be like, no, I need my children and if not children, I need gods. And it's so, it makes it even more awkward because it's not just like, you know, I really feel like I'm not enough for Julia But no, it's not that you just don't feel it. It's just going, you are not enough Like just literally, but are kind enough for you Julia. I'm just like, no, you're not I'm not enough. Okay. Well, I guess Hey tonight when we face time the the daughters, the girls, can we have them show their awards from Wimbledon and US, the US Open?

Just want to see what they've won to make them more than me. Right. So what made this more interesting to me is that the kids are just like, mom, please leave us alone, you know, like leave us alone. You know, like leave us alone. So one of them is in Paris Emma is in Paris finishing up high school and living with her dad And so she's very upset about that. So Emma finally comes in town and she's like mom, please stop touching me Stop hugging me all but we are having dinner for three Martina finally I quote Martina Do you like dinner for three Martina is very nice on me and Emma's like mom Please don't hug me. No, I can hug you if I want to hug I'm mother Martinez like stop it. She said she Doesn't want to be hugged by you. You have to stop talking and then it becomes this really awkward fight

You know, we're now they're teaming up on Julia Yeah, and Julia's it looks like Julia has made a borscht Which means that borscht is really getting some some screen time on Miami this season because we already had in the first episode Lisa being like I'm gonna make borscht. I'm gonna I'm gonna make Lenny's famous borscht I'm gonna make it for his mother who knows nothing about borscht So now we're having borschtu and then the daughter's like, so guys, you can't be mad at me, but I'm getting a scooter and she was like, you're getting a scooter?

No, I'm sorry, did you say goats? I approve of goats. No, scooter. So you ride goat? You ride goat in Paris? No, mom, a scooter. You're naming goats, No, Mama Scooter. You're naming goat scooter cute. Cute.

Mama, I'm not going to be exactly like you. How dare you say that? Have more boars. Yeah, and Julie is like, well, I want to tell you when I was first in Paris, I was driving around on scooter. So why can't I do it? I don't know. I don't know.

No. You have no options. Why not go? And Martin is like, let her ride the scooter. I just turned her into Rob. Let her ride the scooter. And then she's like, well, you have to wear it. I don't mind.

She's like, you have to. I'll be stupid not to wear it. I'll be, why are you arguing with me? Martin, I said it would be stupid not to wear it at home. Yeah, Martin is over it. I'm hoping this isn't a housewives divorce. It looks like it's headed that way, but I actually really don't want it to either. I really love them together. Well, yeah, you got to root for the lesbian couple, you know, because it's the first full-time cast member lesbian couple, you know, and I'm rooting for them and I really like both of them. So I hope it doesn't go here, not looking good.

It's not looking good for those two. Yeah, it's definitely not looking good. Larsa is also dating by the way. I think she dated a little bit. She started, she dabbled in that. Maybe the first episode or maybe the second, she goes on some date and she says, yeah, I'm really looking to date outside of the basketball world. I'm like, she says it like that's a challenge.

Like, oh God, don't you hate it when everyone you meet is in the NBA? It's like literally just talked to, lab would say 99% of people, they will not be in the basketball world. She's just such a dodo. Okay. So she sits down for a date with this guy and she goes, it's an amazing how like I didn't drink, but like now I drink.

He's like, yeah, that's really crazy. She's like, wow. Like, I don't know where I'm going to meet like guys like, but like, I should like hanging, I should like start hanging out like a law firm like, because then I could meet guys you don't play basketball. Yeah. And they're making sushi, they're making their own sushi, so they're back in the kitchen and she keeps doing that thing where she's like,

oh my god, we're making sushi, sushi, but like I don't like ever, I don't like know how to make sushi. And then she puts her fingers straight out like she's waving, like she's waving and then she puts them right up to her face like, oh my god, like this is so hard like, I just want a guy who's like in touch with his emotional side and feels comfortable paying 1199 to have a talk with me on our dates. Oh gosh, so that's her big storyline. Let's see. Okay, what we, are we done with?

Okay, now here's another one. Yeah. Adriana. Oh my god. So Adriana's fake ass. So Adriana comes in with all these fake storylines. Everybody knows it. You know, last year like, I'm dating.

I'm dating so many guys, but there's like a four month mark to date the guy. So they cannot get me until it's been four months. We're like, you are not dating anybody. OK, everybody knows it. So the first guy ended up dumping her. She got in an argument with the guy and the guy that we saw at the reunion that was sitting backstage with his feet on

the table, that classic. So we saw, it was a number two, you know what I mean. Yeah, number two was number two. So that guy, they got in some kind of argument. So he's the plastic surgeon, right? And so he went on Instagram and posted a video of her Before and after plastic surgery and said I'm popping her cherry And so of course says that about a man Who says that about a woman who would do this? I was confused because that guy who was at the reunion. I didn't was he an act, he was a plastic surgeon. I was confused by that because the other guy was a doctor. It's got date number one who she then brought

to Alexia's wedding. Oh, so was that, no, because that's the guy that she's still dating the old guy? The old her guy? Yeah, I was, honestly, I was confused by this and I was like, I just, I rewound it to make sure I heard it correctly and then I heard it the second time and then I decided I was like, I just, I rewound it to make sure I heard it correctly and then I heard it the second time and then I decided I was just gonna move on. I believe this

was also the scene where Kiki's hat kept on blowing off and I was like more interested in that than Adriana's ridiculous fake storyline because Kiki was like, how do you keep hat on? You have your hat on? How was hat on? I'm just gonna blow off. Yeah and she looked at it like she wasn't going to get it, right? Yeah. Oh, my hat blew. Are you going to pick up your hat? She's like, no, no, it's gone. I don't know. Yeah.

So, um, anyway, so it's Adrianna thing. So she says that she broke up with that guy, but now she's getting serious with the southern guy. And, uh, Alexi is like, oh, but you know, Peter heard with this other guy. And Alexi is like, oh, well, you know, Peter heard that this guy's married. And I just like to tell you because, you know, sometimes the people don't tell you. So now I just like to tell it right up front. So, and she's like, who told you that he's married?

And she's like, well, I heard it from a friend who went to a doctor because she had an appointment. And it was a place around where they had this ball that you throw into a number of little hoops and a pizza place, skibal. Yeah, it's a skibal thing and she's like it was Mary Sol who told you and she's like yes okay I told you I would never lie to you so yeah. I cannot lie, I'm like you literally just lie. I can't lie, I'm too honest I can't lie, I can't lie.

It was a matter of you literally lie but that's okay. But are we supposed to believe that Adriana doesn't know this guy is married? I can lie. I can lie. It was magical. You literally lied, but that's okay. But are we supposed to believe that Adriana doesn't know this guy is married? Of course she knows. She doesn't care. You know? And even now she's going to try and make it a fight. Like how dare you tell people that my guy is married?

He's married, okay? Look. Yes. Oh my God. This one cracks me up. They're the most delusional, I think, on this one. I'm not saying something. Being on at the same time is not like city.

And I feel like they just have really good group scenes where they all kind of like, they hear news and they go, oh my god, they all do that together. So that leads everything, it basically leads up to this party that Lisa Hoxin throws. It's a party. I don't even remember, what was the purpose of the party? She just had five. It was a good vibe. That was a good vibe.

It was a good vibe, guys. You did not get easy to zap, it's like of course it does basically. It's a good vibes party and she invited the cast over and then all of the launch of great girls that are in every other party. Yeah, and so they're having this party and Lenny is there, he's miserable, he's sucking a pink shirt in his friend Vito is there. And outside, Lisa has been really talking up her marriage.

And especially at one point, Julie is crying because she feels like she's losing her way. She's explaining to, I think it was Degurty, or I think it was Degurty, her issues that she was happy with Martina and she's explaining to I think it was to Gertie or I think it was Gertie her issues that she was happy with Martina And she's crying and she's crying because she misses her daughters She feels depressed or whatever, but she's like in a state and then Lisa comes over and Lisa's version of consoling her is saying Look, I understand because you know like with Lenny, you know, we all have our ups and our marriage because you know, like with Lenny, you know, we all have our ups and our marriages,

all have their ups and their downs. And right now we're in and up right now. We're really in and up. And you know what, we don't say the grass is always greener because there's no grass to look at. All the grass is here. She's basically not consoling Julia whatsoever. She's just using it as an excuse

to talk about how great her marriage is. And she's like, we just have a great grassy marriage, full of great tall grass and short grass, no crab grass, no crabs, nothing at all. Everything's great. We're actually kind of like a perfect couple. And I would say that we were even, maybe even a forever couple. So that's what I have got.

Am I making Christ a more Julia? Is that what I'm doing to you? Yeah. And then everyone else is like, why is this part, all of her parties, only all these like lingerie bottles? What the hell is going on? Right. Yeah. So then inside the cameras are with Lenny and his friend and They're kind of acting normal at first or whatever and then the camera slowly

I just love imagining this camera person like slowly backing out of the room, you know like Homer Simpson going back into the bushes and So Lenny's like, oh, whatever, this is all bullshit. Fuck her. And yeah, I think Vito says, well, in a few weeks, I'm going to be single. And it goes in a few months, I'm going to be single. And then what Lenny says, that's going to be me in two weeks or something. And the guy's like, what was something like, what's going on? And Lenny basically has a hot mic moment, where it's like, I am like, I can't stand her.

Like I'm leaving her. And he says, he's like, yeah, I don't sleep with these anymore because then I'd be cheating on the one I really care about. And I was like, oh, I like, I actually gasped when he said that. Yeah, so he totally got caught in that one. And his friend is like, wait, aren't you bite?

He goes, yeah, that's why I'm whispering. Like, idiot. Maybe go to an audiologist, perhaps. I'm not sure. So then Lisa throws a trip. She's going to have a trip. And this is the one that Anthony is taking them on a plane to this trip and It's in the keys. It's in the floor of the keys and so all the ladies are waiting on this plane and of course

Lisa doesn't show up they're calling her and she doesn't answer and we get a well, you know, Lisa is late often and See like you know all the times leases late and at the reunion when she comes that she's like here I am it does the twirl and Andy's like you don't get a parade we're all annoyed sit down and it was so pissed that he had to wait for someone on peacock so there like a bunch of them are on the plane waiting there are some other people who are driving and Kiki is in a car with is she with Marisol I think and I think Marisol has brought a game. That's like it's like Ron she questions like hell like read this card

It'll say something Ron she and Kiki's reading. Like watching Kiki read things where she's like, what do you do with dirty, a dirty call? Call, what's call, and the likes is like call, call, call. How do you say call, call, call, call, call, call, carol, carol, and Marisol's like no not Carol not Carol Carl like it's a cool Cool Alexia's a little can't say it she's like wait what who Carol Carol? Why do you do this in America you name people Carol? Why a man? Why would you do that?

Because it was like Kiki. It was Kiki and I know it was Alexia flashback, but I don't know, but it was Kiki and Mary saw was telling her later what it was. She was telling her the story of the car. So yeah, she's like, okay, so this one, what is Bukak, Bukak, Bukak, Bukak, what is this? She's like, all the men ejaculate on a woman's face and Marcia was, oh, okay. All right, put that. She's like, man, that says no bueno. Okay, I'll take a grain goose that's extra durmy with two blue-cheese stuffed no buenoes. All right.

What's a dirty sand chow? I don't even know what that is. And then Kiki's like, you should know this one. It's Spanish. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, you should know this one, it's Spanish. I just could like, I would just be very happy with having Kiki read Ronshi cards all episode long. So then back on the plane, Anthony's getting pissed. He's like, I have an actual job, okay, I'm not a pilot.

You guys realize that, right? I'm not a taxi. I have to go to the office. Tell Lisa she could you better get here or we're out of here. Okay, I'm not a pilot you guys realize that right. I'm not a taxi. I have to go to the office tell Lisa She could you better get here or we're out of here So Lisa shows up in hour and a half fucking late. They still left her If you're not gonna come don't come but having us all sit here and wait an hour and a half and then the rest of the trip is taking up With your sobbing to I mean I agree

dumped in a more polite fashion, please. Well, but so before she really even reveals that she's been dumped, she's on a phone call with Lenny. I think this is, was this when she was still at home, or maybe they're at the keys, it doesn't matter. She's on the phone call and he's like on phone with him. And there's no one to watch the kids because the nanny broke her arm.

So she's like, hey Lennyny. Hey, hey, can you Can you watch I can't find anyone you got to watch the kids because I've got a tennis lesson. So, you know, I don't know maybe put them out on the street and see if someone picks them up. I don't know. I got tennis There's real weird is a guy tennis, but if you can't find someone to do it, then I guess I won't have tennis, but I would appreciate it if you would try to find someone Lisa. And she's like, well, you know, I don't think I can. And I think you should spend time with your kids. And he's like, Lisa, if I have, if I have to, I will. But I'd really like you to try Lisa. I'm just like, I know, but you might have to be there as what I'm saying and he's like well I would like you to try okay, okay Lisa It's like bro move your tennis lesson like you were the one paying for the tennis. He's got a date

Yeah, not a daily Yeah, either way he's still in the power position and everyone else can accommodate him. He's the wealthy one Yeah, that's how he acts and he's like and, and she's like, this is your fucking kids. This is intense. And yeah, and Lenny's the one who insisted on the kids in the first place. This was all Lenny, you know? It's like the kid who insists on getting a dog.

And you're like, well, you know what that means, right? You're gonna have to walk the dog. You're gonna have to feed the dog. And you're like, yes, mother, yes. And you ain't, you never see that dog again. You know, you just look outside and it's raining all over your mom's head while she's picking up dog poop with an old newspaper. Also, where is Marina?

I'd like to ask. Where is Marina Lenny's mom? Like where she isn't, she's like, can't she be a nanny duty? Can he call her his mom in from whatever she's doing? Girl, Marinas lived a life. She didn't give a shit. It's like my mom said, I'm a grandmother, not a babysitter. Don't pull that shit with me.

Marinas making proper bores in the kitchen. She's like, I'm making bores the way I want to. I'm going to add water. Marinas just crouched down somewhere, pouring liquid on the board. Making these for 100 years for Lenny. Lenny, leave him, leave her, leave her. Yeah. So then Lisa gets to the plane and she's like, girl, oh my god, the daddy, I don't have

a daddy, the villains are unreliable, the dogs just died. Because that was another storyline that happened down put down their dog which was so sad and so everything is just like colliding right now. A Mary's all is like oh you need hugs Monkin I'm feeling you really need some hugs Monkin get her a drink some money get her a drink monkey me a string. Can we get her a khaki? Oh my khaki's run out. Oh don't worry. I have a backup. That's right I got I brought a whole trunk of these glasses with me today. Oh, then she brings out like this gigantic tall glass with like Plastic plants coming out of it. God, you're such a dry heard my god God when I found out Lisa was Two hours late to the plane my eyes were like wow

I was like okay Marisol you can put the googly eye glasses down Just like the eyeballs on the springs, you know hanging out the glasses. I'm sure I took Took me a while to find the glasses. I think the people would really like to see them Monkey if you're if you get even more sad, I'm going to have to smash a watermelon with this melon and mix it with a little gringo. So my right. Wow. God, that was so awkward on the airplane. Thank God I wasn't there. It's like, you can take off the grouch of Marx glasses now. You're not doing a dirty sanchez on me now dirty belvidere bring it on. Am I right? Okay, I'm

just going to eat this entire bowl of males right now. It's like stop it. You were you're taking the prop comedy too far. It's dangerous now. So they're like, what's going on Lisa like like Lisa? Lisa was going on like, going on like a banana day. It was really hard Nothing nothing wrong We need a different cock for you. Yeah

Yeah, we're gonna get you on a different cock so they're they're at the hotel finally and they're all outside by the pool So Lisa's finally like I'm gonna She's like guys. I think it's over like I think my my wedding my marriages is over like what and they're all outside by the pool. So Lisa's finally like, I'm gonna, she's like, guys, I think it's over. Like I think my wedding, my marriage is over. And they're like, oh no, you know, no. Like you can make it work out. Like you can work out, you just have to talk it through. Like there's highs and lows.

They're all giving her kind of like, no, it's ticklish because no, it's over. He's dating another girl. And they're like, what? And Alexa goes, there's someone else in five days. I always knew, I always knew. I always knew I always knew I always knew I knew it And the way when she's like yeah And she says is there anyone else involved? Yes, I knew it. I knew it and then everybody just

Screaming it's like pandemonium Because it was basically them also saying like yeah, we all knew your marriage was falling apart in a shame Like you never loved you Just how they all start screaming like they're just seeing a car wreck you know like Because like also like we know that feeling like I thought like I was there with them I felt like I was doing a two like I knew it. I knew it and Gurdies like oh someone else that is so not okay. And Lisa's like, yeah, she's much younger than him.

She's been lurking around. She's been at the parties at my fucking house. Well, what are you doing throwing those parties? You idiot. I mean, my God. And this isn't a blame to victim moment. None of this is her fault, but Jesus, who else would allow that? Like who else would allow that? My God. So then Alexia is doing that thing where she's like monotone,

but she's also raising her voice the same time. She's like, wait, is he in your safe house? Wait, oh, wait, no Peter, oh, like, in your fucking house? No, I fucking can't, I fucking can't, I fucking can't, and they're all just like, they're just like throwing lawn chairs, tossing pillows across the pools Breaking glasses you just hear a pop. Oh, I'm so sorry. That was the confetti I was teaching my son to use but you know what this divorce just got girdified I'm the confetti bomb Define this divorce

Wait a minute was golden confetti following on my face. I'm sorry. I didn't have anything to throw I felt really bad for Julia and Adriana because they were over at the bar and they were kind of missing out on. They're like, oh well, something's happening over there and like, oh, girls, you're missing it. Get over there. Join in. Yeah, that was so sad.

And he told her that she needs to find a home for her and the kids. I mean, for her kids, he said, you got to find a home for you and your kids. So they're like, what about it's like, it's like, they're all like, your kids, they're his kids too. It was like, this, it was just like, constant like, shock waves rippling through the group. Man, this is something, but I will give this the best divorce announcement scene of all the housewives of all time. I mean, this was great. The screaming and the pandemonium, you know, just like the, it's like, why is she jumping

over a fence? You know, it's like a grant of auto. Like, they're coming, you know, screaming plates flying, lighting things on fire. It was just like, it was turning over trash cans. screaming plates flying lighting things on fire It was turning over trash cans It was just oh it was like it was a group rage like group anger, you know and But I was also I loved it too because like their emotional reaction was both like very supportive But also you know in that moment all those women felt so validated because they've all had conversations, probably about like they've heard Lenny is cheating or like Lisa has to wake up because the da da da da da. So I think for them in that moment

to, they're really kind of, kind of like, no, like finally the wool is off of Lisa's eyes. She can kind of, but it's Miami. They've all got wool on there. I mean, look, you've got Alexia, who was married to the Coke dealer, and then the gay guy. And then you've got, I mean, they, going down the line, it's not like they've, they're probably all in situations, almost all in situations that could turn out like, it's like a Hollywood wives type of thing, where it happens and everyone's shocked, but then they're like, well, of course that happened. You know, of course. And by the way, I would say, what an absolute pig that guy is.

Speaking of pigs and assholes, I have to say, there was one thing that bothered me, so small, but at Todd's, Todd and Alexie's wedding party, Todd made like a speech, you know, like thanking everyone or whatever. And then afterwards Anthony went up to him and goes, hey, well, you know, I couldn't hear your speech, couldn't hear your speech because it was like whatever, but it goes, I couldn't hear your speech,

but I knew you were talking. And he's kind of like shaming him for making a long speech at his own party. And I was like, you know what, excuse me, small dick airplane guy with 400 for our, is let the man have a speech at his wedding. Sure, it may have been long, but you don't go up to him on the same wedding night

and then shame them for how long it went on, and then also brag about how you didn't listen to it. That really bothered me. Yeah, Anthony's kind of a dick, that's his thing, you know? Yeah, it's like, the grief bear. I know, well. Who doesn't even trim his beard beard because he doesn't have to Well, by the time this episode

We put this episode up there will be I believe two more Miami episodes will be episode six and seven so I'm really looking forward To seeing those as bum that they're going up over the holidays. Maybe peacock will hold one off But you know, we'll just continue playing catch up as best that we can, as the epic come out. Cause it's such a good season. I absolutely love this season. Yeah, I'm glad to have Miami on the air.

Well everybody, thank you so much for being here and happy new year to you all. And I guess we'll be talking to you, Maniana with a little real housewives of Potomac. Yeah, bye everyone. Bye! Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors.

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Let's get real with Caitlyn O'Neal. We want a hang with Liz Lang. Shannon out of a can in Anthony. Let's take off with Tim Le Plain. She ain't no shrinking Violet Couture. We love you guys. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today.

Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts, before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on! raise your own social media. Raise your own social media. Raise your own social media. Raise your own social media. Raise your own social media. Raise your own social media. Raise your own social media. Raise your own social media.

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We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app.