Watch What Crappens - RHOM: Mirror Ball
Episode Date: January 20, 2023*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens* Real Housewives of Miami celebrates Nicole's engagement at a swanky party Larsa was uninvited to through a dollar sto...re mirror. For our premium bonus episodes and video recaps, join Patreon at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Tour Dates: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/2023-cheater-brand-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy
singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride.
Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes,
Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running.
I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. Hi, Ben. What's good to be running? Oh, everything is good. It's the weekend. We're facing the weekend.
So everything is better than I could ever possibly be, you know, the weekend. It's the weekend.
And we're recording this ahead of time of this. But by the time this is released, I will have
appeared on that's a gay ass podcast. Derek Williams, He's doing a live, it's very first-own live show
at Genghis Cohen in LA. And I was very privileged and lucky to be a guest on his show. So thank
you so much Eric for having me and everyone go listen to his show.
Yeah, that's so cool. I love that guy. I'm so jealous I can't be there to go see you.
And at Genghis Cohen, and congrats on selling out.
Buddy.
Yeah.
So thank you that out. Yeah. And by the way, and speaking of live shows, our
live shows are now all fully on sale. The pre sale is over. Now it's general on sale.
And in case you missed the big news, we are, we have added Boston. We're going back to
the Wilbur and we're going to Foxwoods with Zotin Casino, our very first Casino show, which I am like deeply excited
about because Foxwoods was one of the very first Casinos I ever went to in my life.
And I remember having the best time there.
I remember there was a Wheel of Fortune and I thought I was really smart.
The Wheel of Fortune is basically like, it's kind of like a roulette thing.
And I was like, what if I bid a dollar on every single value, every single number?
One of them's gonna hit.
And then I'm gonna make a lot of money.
And so I put a dollar on literally every number.
And then I got like the lowest value number
and I basically lost all my money.
And that's when I learned about the joys of Cassitas.
Oh yeah, they'll screw you.
That's, that's fun.
I can't wait to go.
I can't wait.
The crap's made me.
It's so fun.
Yeah, I'd like to see it like I'd like to see if God's like listening
because you're a God if you really love me
because I learned how to pray around a crap stable.
My dad will, my dad's shameless.
Like he will pray at the crap stable.
He'll be like, Lord.
Hard ate Lord, hard ate.
You know, it's like, you're not supposed to do that.
I don't, I don't, I mean, I think that's in the Bible, but he does it.
And it's a good test to see if God loves you.
Like, I just need an ate Lord.
It's a good and authoritative test if God loves you.
Like, basically, you should, you should basically pin yourself worth with God on how you do
at a capsule.
I will say, I just think about this, Ronnie, that is going to be an amazing place to end
our tour because like after party right there in the casino, you know, do the show and
the casino and then like, everything's there.
It's going to be amazing.
That'll be such a fun.
We'll be up until, I don't know how late this fox was open all night long.
It's a casino.
Of course, it doesn't close. Yeah, it's crazy. such a fun. We'll be up until I don't know how late this fox was open all night long. Is that? No, of course.
You know, right?
Close.
Yes, you go crazy.
After party at the pennies, lots guys.
If anyone needs us.
I'm actually a roulette and a crap guy. So sorry, or a poker table guy where you go
sit at the poker's with like the old hard locals.
Well, we got to go to our meet and say early to our knees. We gotta go to a crop table.
It's literally in our name, okay?
Yeah, hello, a crop and stable.
So yeah, that's where we're closing.
But here is the list.
We start on the 2nd of February.
So just a couple less than two weeks, which is terrible.
Yeah, Austin, Texas, we open in Austin at E-Mos.
That's why hometown, don't disappoint me.
Come to the show. Oh, come on. Everyone show up. I'm not saying you're not. That's why hometown don't just don't disappoint me. Come to the show.
Oh, come on. Everyone show up. I'm not saying you're not. I really don't know. I haven't checked.
But then we go to Dallas, Texas. Then we're Phoenix. Then Los Angeles for the 2023 golden
crappies at the Wilterne Theater. It's huge for us. That is February 24th. then we're on to Charlotte, Atlanta, Denver, Salt Lake City, Seattle, San Francisco, Toronto,
Philadelphia, New York, New York, Washington DC, San Diego, St. Paul, Chicago, Columbus,
a Boston, Massachusetts at the Wilbur Theatre, and then match and tuck it, connect it at the
Fox Woods casino to close it all out.
And I just want to say we've started to assemble our guests for the crappies, and I do not think
you will be disappointed.
This is, it's going to be great.
It's going to be great.
Yeah, that's fun.
Interim. I'm saying right now's going to be great. It's going to be great. Yeah, that's
fun. Interim. I'm saying right now. Talk about, talk about wanting to see if God's paying
attention to you. But God, God, please, that Julia Roberts see this DM. Please, if you,
if you've ever loved me, please get out patino this message. Well, maybe there'll be, I mean, who knows?
I mean, we might be able to shoot really big.
It is oscar season and during oscar season, those leapt will do any public appearance.
So, you know, Jennifer Lawrence, give us a call.
If you're, if you want to promote your, are you oscar nominators?
Are you, do you have a movie that's oscar nominators?
She's been nominators so many times.
Who gives a shit?
She can come.
She's, she's, she's a,
she's a,
I'm just saying I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to,
I'm trying to, I'm trying to, I'm trying to, I'm trying to, I'm trying to, But today we are here for real housewives of me, Jamie, and the episode is called Diamond
Rings and Rumors.
As crap is on demand too, so, I'm sure.
Hi.
We just posed for the camera.
We just became two kids.
I know, actually, I don't see you must of these because I have to put my notes over the page because I will
I'm like Julie if Fox on watch what happens live. I just will sit here and stare at myself the whole time
Oh my god. I look at from this angle. I look bad from this angle. I do that too. I'm always adjusting my
So off from this level, you know
Every time I look at myself if you ever see my shoulders doing like a little shimmy,
it's because I'm trying to like get them proper and fix my posture.
But the other thing is I have to usually cover the screen with my notes,
because otherwise I try to get my eye line as up high as close to the camera as possible,
because otherwise I'm like looking down and it looks like I'm slightly disappointed
throughout the entire episode.
Well, I think that that's a good way to come into a crap and
recap. Always just slightly disappointed, you know?
I'm not disappointed today. I got I love Miami. And, you know,
every this show just is like literally every scene makes me happy.
Oh my god, it's where the God. You know what I heard? Like literally, it makes people happy.
As far as I'm concerned, everything Lars has said. She's like, You know what I heard? Like literally it makes people happy. As far as I'm, everything Lars has said,
she's like, you know what?
Literally, like I swear to God, like this and that,
swear to God, swear my life.
Literally this happened.
Literally like X, Y, Z, and maybe happy.
And I noticed that Nicole's new thing is
this and that, this and that.
This and that X, Y, Z, but Nicole's new thing
is that she's not saying malicious anymore, but
she's saying honestly, honestly, a lot.
Like she's really upped her honestly game.
She's like, honestly, like I heard this and that too.
Like honestly, that's what I heard.
Like honestly, my dad will show up, but like he better not bring his girlfriend.
And like honestly, we're gonna have a great party.
Yeah.
Nicole is really coming into her house.
Y of Z self, like she's really getting down and petty now with the rest of
them, which I think is funny. But she does still seem like kind of such a visitor to me to the whole
thing because she's like, oh my God, I'm doing the pettiest thing to Larza. It's going to be so
funny, honey. And her husband's like, okay, have your fun. You know, it's like she's trying out a new hobby, like being an asshole on the real house.
Right.
Well, I think she's like a second half
of the season bloomer.
Because last season, she was also kind of non-existent
until halfway through when she started fighting with Larsa.
So she's just sort of realized that she's on the show
and needs to kick it up a notch, you know?
In Marisol.
Yeah, fighting with Larsa and Marisol.
Oh yeah, man.
So we are in the middle of a fight
because we are at the purse charity
of the charity event at the purse tour.
And Nicole is like, oh my god,
isn't it like crazy, Darshan?
Like we've never actually like just like sat here.
Like also she has a major Kyle Richards
Botoxi have you noticed that only one of Nicole's eyes blink half the time?
I know I have noticed that but I'll keep an eye on it.
By the way no plumbing tin.
If you're looking for a pillow. Why are you going to be like that?
You know people sit there supposed to be nice furniture dwelling.
He's looking for a bone.
Go over there. Go on.
And now he's acting like you never did anything.
Now he's hiding his head and shame.
Okay. There you go.
Boy. He's out.
He's acting out.
He's in competition with David Gorgeous.
Your fish.
He is.
So they're having this argument and Nicole's like, it's not so we're like
sitting together because like, you know, like we've never like actually even sat together
and had a conversation. And Mars is like, you know what? Like, seriously, like you literally,
let me be honest, like you said, her full things to my face, like you said, like you have to know
me, like bring me to your house, like, and said, like, you have to know me, like, bring me to your house, like,
and guess what?
Like, swear to God.
Guess what I heard?
Like, swear to God, total truth.
I heard you've hooked up with every doctor
in the hospital, like.
Yeah.
So, Nicole is like, what the hell?
She goes, and did I ever mention it?
Did I ever think about it?
No.
Did I hear it?
Yes.
Okay.
Listen to that. You know, like, listen to that about the hospital.
Listen to that swear to God.
Yeah, doctor this and doctor that both said they hooked up with you.
Okay.
They said, get me 10 C C's of XYZ.
And it goes like, how dare Larsa make a comma?
Is if I'm doing anything inappropriate at work.
I went to school for years to be a doctor and to take care of patients.
And this comment is coming from a lady who sells her feet for $5 on the internet. And Lars is like, who are you to judge me?
me Someone not making five dollars on someone's come over their feet
That's who she is. I mean, sorry, but you don't it's like listen
I'm all for the only fans if I had anything to put on only fans. I would be on there, okay?
I don't think there's any shame with the game
But to try and bring down somebody's reputation and then say who are you to judge me? She's literally a doctor
Yeah, okay.
She literally had to study for years
and spend hours and hours and hours in a residency.
So yeah.
Yeah, she can't judge you.
She was on the front lines during COVID.
So I think I'm gonna allow her to have a little bit of judgment.
And that is Dr. Judge to you, man. Dr. Judge, Dr. X Y Z this and that. So then
the calls like, um, yeah, but like, this is what you do, Larson, because like you, you
see these moments again, uncomfortable. And then you pick some random fact that can't be
substantiated. And that could be detrimental to some was reputation. First of all, don't say it's a fact.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, don't say random fact.
You're working against yourself when you say that.
Say random statement or random accusation, but random fact is like, that's a
confirmation.
Yeah, that's confirmation.
And you know, the app, and he's like, oh, no, what did you say?
And Lars is like, the app, but like, you picked something to judge me, right?
Like you went online, right?
And of course, just shaking her hand.
And Larsa tells us, I was like,
mod like boggled last year when Nicole said,
she didn't know who I was before I went to her home.
Like, I've been friends with these girls for like a decade.
Like, you know, I was married to a very popular basketball player.
Yes, we know, Larza.
That's all you fucking got, you know?
She's like, well, maybe she didn't know me except for my famousness.
Like maybe my famousness made her feel fat or something.
I don't know.
I swear to God.
Like I don't even, I don't even know.
I just love that.
Larza is so thickheaded that she still can't parse the difference between
knowing as in understanding who someone is and having heard about them and read about
them and like interface with them at like some party versus knowing like having a relationship
have understanding who they are as a person in real life.
Like that because that's the crux of this and Larsa keeps taking it being very very very
literal about this and then being angry about it.
So she's also, she's also just had a party in her new home where the people that she knew were invited to the party in her home and the people that she didn't know that well and were just like casual friends were invited to the party room in the hotel or whatever the fuck she's living
in.
So the fact that she doesn't understand that some people are close enough that you have
them into your home and some people are not and you leave them in the fucking community
center room in the hotel, you're renting, you know.
That's a great point.
She literally did the same thing.
The producer says, was there something about Larsa that made you uncomfortable about inviting
her into your home? And Nicole's like, well, like honestly, I didn't know her, right? Like,
I didn't know Larsa from a whole in the wall. Okay. And the whole in the wall honestly,
had more personality. So all I knew was like the stuff in the media, like that she was married
to Scotty Pippin. But like, I've never met her. So like, why is it weird that I would like
want to get to know somebody before I want to hang out with them, you know?
Do you know how many people only know Lars is a hole in the wall?
I mean, just that just the turn of phrase.
Yeah.
And she's like, why is it so weird that like I would want to get to know somebody first
before they come to my, you were being an asshole, okay Nicole?
Like, Larsa being an asshole doesn't mean that you weren't also being an asshole.
No, Nicole.
No, Nicole is not. Nicole is not the asshole.
Nicole is not the asshole.
Nicole is being a fucking asshole and she's not owning up to it.
Instead, she's like trying to make it like, what is totally normal to like want to know
somebody before they come to your home.
She's a cast remember of your show and you were treating her like shit because she was
an only fan.
You know, crazy, but she's Larsa.
Like I get it, but you know, don't pretend like you were,
I was just being nice.
But it's just reasonable.
But the issue was not that Nicole was having a party
and decided not to invite Larsa,
because she didn't know Larsa.
They were having a conversation in the Hamptons
and it was like a theoretical thing that came up.
I don't even remember the context of why she brought up like,
well, I didn't, like I don't even know you. I like, like I don't know if the context of why she brought up like, well, I didn't, like,
I don't even know you. I like, like, I don't know if I'd invite you to my house or whatever
it was. She still wound up inviting Larsa to her house and everything. So it's not like
Larsa was snubbed for something. It was just in a conversation. She mentioned how when
she first met Larsa, she didn't know Larsa and she doesn't, I don't even remember the
context. But, ultimately, Larsa, as far as I remember,
and of course my memory is very shoddy at times.
As far as I remember, Larsa was never snubbed
from something in the Coles house.
Well, I like that she even made the point.
She was like, she was at my party.
Like I don't even understand what she was at my house for dinner.
And then we see her like really creepy appropriation dinner. I was like,
oh, I don't know the thing you should be showing this again. Um, so then, um, Nicole is like,
um, Hey, Mary soul, Mary soul, come here. Mary soul, do you invite strangers into your home?
I'm like, yes, it's Mary soul. You kidding? See literally.
Hey, person on the street, you want to have a cocky with me?
Yeah, you know, Marisol's that lady who gets a folding chair out right in front of
her front gate. It's just like, yeah, it's getting a little sun. How are you
Stweeney? You going to school? How's that going? What grade are you doing? Oh,
business major. That's interesting. Come still on my lap. Come on.
She runs a house of meh repute.
So then Laura says, but I'm not a stranger
when I've known everyone for a hundred years.
And Nicole's like, but I don't know you.
Like to me, I've met you like one time before, honestly.
And Laura says, like, is it weird for her to say
to my face, I don't know you?
And it's like, she's not saying she doesn't know you,
she's not saying like you just walked in
and you're a complete stranger.
She says, I don't like, I don't know you.
But also, why would Nicole call Mary Sol over for help?
She knows Mary Sol hates her
and is just waiting to get revenge.
You cannot ever call Alexia or Mary Sol to help you.
It's not gonna work.
And she does it twice in this episode.
So she's like,
You need a life raft.
It was just,
Marisol was floating by.
She was the door and Titanic.
And she needed to climb on it.
She's like, I guess this will have to do.
Yeah.
It won't be great.
We're not all gonna survive,
but at least get on this thing.
I'm Mary Sol saying,
I was shocked, honey.
I mean, I was really shocked when he said that.
I mean, I can believe that you said that,
could not believe that.
And of course, like, well, I didn't intend it to be rude.
And that's because you know what?
I feel about you honestly, like, can I be honest?
Because like, honestly, to tell the truth,
like, you're like nicely people.
You're like nice to everyone to be honest.
And of course, like, yeah, because I'm not an asshole
Just yeah, but you're fake like so you're fake. That's that's it like to be real. That's it. Honestly, honestly
Well, you know what this is why we can never be friends because you just called me fake
You just called me fake and Larsa goes well, I'm willing to move forward which is kind of funny because that's kind of the
Fakest thing like nothing's resolved
But she's like, let's
move forward. And Nicole says, I'm not going to move forward
when you're like fake. Well, when you're like, when you're
like, you're fake, I'm not going to do that.
I'm like, you're doing this thing like it's the worst thing
to say in your face, right? Because it's just like, I can't
believe she like said she doesn't even know me in my face. And
now Nicole's like, oh my God, you just called me fake in my face.
By the way, and meanwhile,
Alexia is like talking to someone
and she sees them talk, she sees them arguing
and she goes, these girls keep fighting, like I can't.
I can't.
Alexia is saying that.
So then, Lars is like, yeah, like how you are sometimes like let me be honest
like you just like flow.
And so Nicole's like, you know, the things she accuses people of she does her self, like,
I'm aggressive, but she's a aggressor or like she says I'm fake, but like there's a lot
fake about you. Like everything she says about people or her own issues and then she deflects
on herself. I'm like, yeah, it's called being a real house like,
have you even watched this show before?
Welcome.
Welcome to the channel.
And then it just cuts to a lady
playing the violin like, oh, oh, oh show. But I love that TV violinist play,
because it's just like so into it.
It's like you're playing in a per-story, you know?
But she's like, oh, we, we, we, we,
she's like bleeding out of the eyes. Like, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we So right now right frerazzaka, let me not take away from that
But could you move away from the crossbody? I'd love to check that out. Thanks. Yeah, let's settle down there
You suck for all men, okay? So it's not yo yo in my way, okay?
Yo yo yo yo my
It's more of a cellist, but that's fine.
I said, I'm just going for anything I can get right now.
Shuttle down, Viola Davis.
Shuttle down, I don't know.
Violin Manuel Miranda.
Shuttle down over there, a bow bridges.
Shuttle down over there, a boat bridges.
Settle down over there.
Holly Hunter. Sorry, that has nothing to do with anything.
I just watched the watching succession and she showed up.
Hey, congrats on your new sitcom, Darren Clarenette, but I'm trying to get,
to try to stop here.
Hey, quiet down, timpani, Amber, you said.
Oh, by the way, do you solve it?
Mike Quartz coming back down there,
Keats, John Lericette.
I said, damn it.
Yeah, I did.
Damn, I kind of suck at this.
John Lericette is coming back to my court.
Who knew?
There it is, everybody, congratulations.
I think all this very channel on PCO.
I'm, yeah, it's on NBC2.
I, they did a big push over the weekend
and I'm just, I'm not fully sold on Loser Roush
as the new judge.
I'm sorry, I've seen the commercials, I'm not sold, but I'm sold on John Lerakette
and, you know, good, good, I'm glad the show's back.
Yeah.
So those who want to watch it.
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Then Lisa and Andreana are talking to another part of the party and Lisa's like,
How are you doing?
I don't think I've ever heard you ask that before. So that's nice, you know, baby steps.
And you're on this like, oh, I got my BB.
Oh, you want to look at it?
So she like spins around.
And Lisa's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I can see.
Yeah, don't worry.
It'll go down 30% in a little while.
Yeah.
Well, I know you're going through a hard time.
And I feel sad for you, but I need
to tell you something. There's somebody big time in Miami who once told me you make
a week at the knees. It's like, I don't get. We can't think Adriana is talking about.
Who's big time in Miami? Is it glorious? Def fans has been, let's be honest.
I have no idea who this could be, but I cannot wait to find out.
Cause you know, the Adriana will be messy and bring him around, you know, the man in Miami.
So, um, Lisa's like, I'm really, I'm not even like in that space because I'm thinking like,
what the fuck am I supposed to do now?
You know, because I have this man a man that I loved
I'm in that I had no idea anything was wrong with and he loved me and I was a princess
And he was a prince and now what now look at me all alone
We're nothing completely blind side of like today even tell her that the scene has changed
It just comes in and does the same thing.
I know you're going through this in real time,
and I'm really sorry for you,
but I'm getting tired of your divorce storyline.
Cut the cord, get it ever with, okay?
Ronnie, it's not just a divorce storyline.
It's a divorce and grocery storyline,
because she's still up to buy that strawberry jam or whatever.
Peanut butter and...
The peanut butter, strawberries and shit.
I've very upset.
She's still hasn't gone to the story yet.
Oh.
So Lisa's like, clearly this man has lost it.
I mean, treating me like I'm the enemy.
Okay, I'm the one with the Trader Joe's loyalty card here.
So Alexa's like, okay, oh well, you know, everyone gather round.
So she thanks everyone and she gives an really lovely speech about the Des Moia organization
and talks about her journey with Frankie and we see some footage from 10 years ago of
Sweet Frankie as a kid in recovery and it's really nice to see how far he's come and it
is a nice reminder of really all the shit that Alexie had to deal with to sort of recover him and you know like it was a definitely an uphill journey
So that was really a nice nice little moment there in the middle of all this madness
And then we get to see Peter and he's not hitting a woman or filming himself punching a homeless guy
So yeah, you know good for you guys. Let's go and great over there for the most part
so then
Frankie like it's to pose for all of his pictures and he's so cute.
Like Frankie, Frankie. They're pretending to be paparazzi everywhere. So then Mary
Saul goes to hug Larza by and she's like, well, I'll see you at Nicole's and me from
playing. There's a barrier. I'm gonna be I love knocking you. I'm a drinker. I hope we can make sound.
And Lars says like, she's,
Lars says she's going in a cold party, but she goes,
I just feel like I can't be funny.
Like I feel like someone's like a certain way.
I'm just gonna like say it.
Like, you know, like if they're like a little bit of this and that,
I can say they're like a little bit of this and that.
Next slide. See?
I can't like be funny.
You're wearing a Kardashian face and you like zip lined and ass into you. What are you talking about? I don't recognize you
so then
Zoologous
Hello, the ass was on the ass line. We on a zip line
I just put flying the air and attached itself onto her, but's what's trying to say? I think maybe mainline or I don't know.
I don't know.
But I like the idea of just an ass as a ass as like,
come and get me.
I'm gonna pretend it didn't happen.
So we got a Julia, she's giving her goat treats, you know?
And she's giving them like that Trader Joe's dried fruit.
She's spoiling her goats.
And then she starts getting afraid
because they are following her really aggressively now.
And that's why you don't go into a giant goat pen
and start handing out Trader Joe's treats.
Okay.
Do you really do this?
Because I'm starting to get the feeling
that she's like fake farmer.
Because you know those people who are like,
I have farm and you're like,
you have like two chickens and, you know,
have already settled this.
Well, no, no, last week your take on it was like,
wow, she's like a legit farmer.
Like she's a farmer that actually like makes food.
And this week suddenly,
and suddenly now like you saw one donkey,
you're like, you know what, she's a fake farmer.
Because it was like a donkey in the mix there.
I don't know if you know it is,
but I was like, I think it's a donkey, it was not a pony.
She would not have a pony, she would have a donkey.
But there definitely was like a little donkey.
She had like a whole, I think like I saw the Netflix special
about her chicken farm.
I mean, there were like hundreds of chickens, you know?
And so I was like, she's really serious
about selling those eggs or whatever,
but she doesn't know certain things. Like you don't drag around a goat on a leash and be dazzled overall
It's like generally that's frowned upon
or you know like taking actual food
Into really hungry animals that could knock you down and we'll mock you down, you know
That's all I'm saying. I'm not buying it today.
We'll see what's next.
Yeah, today hit the farm on the farm stock market
and we're in the stock market.
It's just merely just, it's not market value.
It's just Ronnie's fondness for your farm.
Yeah, today your full sense is sinking.
Yeah, it's low on the on the Ronnie farm market.
So then we see Lisa with her kids
and the kids I guess we're afraid of ghosts and monsters in the room.
So she's like, all right kids, let's go into your room.
We gotta find the monsters and get rid of them.
So the kid takes like a toy grenade
and throws in the room and blows them up.
And I was like, whoa, this kid is,
I mean, they're like, he's playing like Call of Duty
throwing grenades in the room and you're five years old.
I was like, don't leave that.
This kid, I mean, listen, just read the news in America
in the past two decades.
It's not good to have your kid in full arm and care.
I mean, he's got like, boom on, like,
Jarrer, he's got like a little bulletproof vest,
like sunglasses, like a little green beret,
and like, you know, what's that?
I'm like, camouflage and shit, and like, you know, what's that stuff? Camouflage and shit and like little toy grenades.
Could we like maybe just do crayons
and draw little things?
I don't know.
Listen, I'm not a parent.
I don't really know how to parent.
I give a lot of advice about something I don't know about.
But I don't know like, what about like a nature walk?
What about tying your child up and throwing it into a closet until it stops obsessing over what?
You don't even have to be apparent to say you know in America might not be a great idea to have your kids running around in full-arming gear throwing grenades
Yeah, why don't you have a take take why should take your kid to a museum?
Not that museums don't have a lot of violence depicted there, but it's like oil painting violence which doesn't feel as violent
Jesus just for kid and a waking coma feed it through a straw until it's old enough to be passed all this bullshit
That's what I say play classical music while he's under yeah teaching the violin and then maybe he can be playing out of concert party
Then he can be making yo-yo mod jokes at Perseus.
Yeah.
So then we go to Gurdie and Russell speaking of kids.
Now Gurdie and Russell have decided that they're going to do family game night with the kids.
Because last week it was like, well, you hang out with the kids all the time.
And like, I don't see the kids at all because like I'm not into Star Wars.
So like, I'm just just gonna go do something else and I'm out so now Gerdy is going
to make up for last time by having family game night with two very unindusiastic teenagers. She's kids
are so pissed and so is Gerdy she's holding a big one she says okay we're gonna get family and I
started. So go to the reds, charades.
No, they call this charades.
This is not charades at all.
But it's that gamer you get, okay, heads up,
where there's a clue on my pad
and you put it on your forehead.
So you can't see it, but everyone else is telling you
what you're holding over your forehead.
And you can tell they're not a family
because again, this is not a chance.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they start playing it and you know, she's basically, you're already saying how she just wants
to spend more time with the boys and Haitian cultures all about discipline before love, but she
wants to change and everything.
So they're playing and Gurdie plays heads up
pretty much the way you'd expect,
which is that like when Russell is doing it,
it says like high school musical, it's like,
ah, okay, all right, it's like a school,
it's like it's a thing, it's a place where,
you know, I could go in there,
probably with an estimate of like maybe about like $10,000,
but I'd mark it down to like $200,
because it's not average person,
and we could put my law in the walls,
we could have a prom, set a piece on the table,
it's like high school.
Yes, exactly, high school.
All right, perfect.
And you really do tell how a family bonds
when they play games like this.
You know, like when you play with your own family,
like me and my mom can always get each other.
But no, we now just really can get us at all.
And that's how this is because it's girdies
and chance like high school musical. Then she's like, it're not really can get us at all. And that's how this is because it's Gurdys and she has like high school musical.
Then she's like, it's not big, but it's like the fish girl, she comes her hair with a fork,
she sings a song, I guess she's pretty, it's gonna be released again like,
ahhhh big fat octopus really mean to people.
And they're like, what? But then Russell gets a little more made,
but then Russell gets up there and he's like,
uh, like, charge our beings.
Darth Vader.
Do you know what I mean?
The kid doesn't even have to do anything.
Yeah, he gets given the small clues best Star Wars. They're like,
oh, he's like, oh, yeah, uh,
gloobiblar, whatever, or command or blurb, or, or carbonite.
Or something like they just like get all these Star Wars references and gurdi's like,
uh, what's going on?
So they all end up cracking up because one of the many her assistant is there now playing with them.
And the clue is on gurdi's forehead and it says horrible bosses.
And many is like, this is one you should know and the kids start cracking up
Yeah, I think I just think you better tell me what it is. So they're all laughing
Now we go to Julia is now Julia goes to a restaurant with her personal friend in stylists LaSalle
because LaSalle had he and his husband have two children that they have adopted, so she wants to get some input from him.
And Julia is saying, she starts talking about, I was like, yesterday I talked to Agi and
I have potential, all American brand for e-com.
What is e-com?
I don't want to sound stupid, so I just said yes, but what is he come?
He's like e-commerce.
Oh, is that where I sell pickles?
Yeah, he's like, it means it's all online.
Oh, nobody like waiting in line.
Oh, you know, you work your way up in future.
So we're talking because he has two children, he and his husband adopted
and I wanted to talk to him about me and Martina adopting. And then the waitress comes over,
she's like, hey, they're welcome. I was like, where did they get this check? I'm truly
going to have plain change. That's a burger. You want onions?
And she says, that's a burger. You want onions?
I have a question.
Could there be fish that they make there?
Could you let these chefs know that 15 years ago I made very good fish.
Okay, I made very good fish 15 years ago.
Oh God, are you the idiot?
You tried to ship a fucking dresser over here.
My friend told me works for that company.
Still talks about it.
So, Lasal is trying to explain to her that adoption's difficult, you know, and it is.
It's like notoriously difficult to adopt a kid.
And he's saying there are so many steps you have to take, you know, at one stage they come to your house.
We should find a farm or a city. I prefer farm, Martinez City. So if they want me farm, Martin said he's like, no, no, they, like they're coming to do a check to make sure that this kid is going to be okay in the house.
Oh, it's okay. We plug out with fork.
No. okay in the house. Oh it's okay we plug out with fork. What do you do? God baby baby raised by
nanning God it is the way. And what are you going to serve this child for the meals? Dry fish and Peackel, and when the baby has too much vodka, peackel, every time.
Olive oil, and peackel, dried fish,
but I could do fish very well, I could do it.
Yeah, and he's like, let's just put it this way.
It's a journey, and you guys are gonna make it.
You're paying for this dinner, right?
Because I'm not gonna pay to have to sit through this shit.
Yeah, you know, I think the thing that's gonna be tough for Julia is I think that the the adoption people are
They will be invasive because I feel like they're not gonna want to leave. I think they're gonna be in that house
They're just gonna want to be like oh my god, we're in Martinez house
Let's just like draw this out and like see if we can become friends of margina
We have to do another interview with you guys and it is unfortunately on the same night as the
Glee Rewans on Peecock.
Is that going to be okay?
Maybe we should just like watch them all together.
I don't know.
Guys, all the office needs to interview you.
Sorry, it's super Wilson.
That's going gonna work. Okay. Hey, they were saying
that in order to adopt a baby, we have to see if you're a good
tennis player. So maybe we should all play tennis together. And
like, maybe take a photo as a group. I don't know. Yeah,
they're just never leaving. But then she wouldn't even need
to do an adoption in kids. So be like, I have no family now,
adoption agents
So then we go to larisa
Larisa don't you guys don't ever forget it. I'm I'm I'm all of this first
But second I'm a mom, honestly, like...
So we see Larson, one of her good mom scenes,
where she's like, Preston, did you make these cookies?
It's a rock.
You have to make it again.
Yeah, Preston and I guess made cookies
that went stale right away,
which means they were probably overcooked to begin with.
But yeah, Larza's doing her quote unquote mom scene,
wherein she has a cutting board
of very, very neatly sliced veggies.
I'm going to say that she bought some pre sliced veggies.
She the love slices.
Shit, that girl that she's always having over
to try and make a friend.
Zara, Zana.
Yes, that girl sliced all that.
The largest I didn't slice all that.
Yeah, there's no mess in this kitchen.
This is not a kitchen that is,
no one is cooking in this kitchen at this moment
because we know what a kitchen looks like
when you're cooking in it.
There's at least a few things.
There's like a spoon somewhere.
There's olive oil.
It is not pristine.
And then the cutting board
of perfectly sliced veggies. But this is also just, I mean, Laura's is like, I totally cook for my
family and it's just such a lie. I mean, just how she does it, she says a pre-cut plate of veggies
and she just throws them all on a pan and then throws a chicken breast in there. Just like who here wants sad veggies and chicken breasts?
I mean, these poor kids.
That is poor kids.
Yeah.
That is chicken breast and pre sliced veggies.
I mean, that's actually nothing I would.
That's like how poor it.
Maybe I was just like making that stuff in people eat.
Yeah, it's thin food.
But like you don't even do the onions and peppers first.
Like you just throw everything in with the same thing.
I know.
I miss.
That's the thing.
But that's why I'm saying it's so sad
because it's one thing for her to eat the thin food
because that's like the lifestyle she's adopting.
But to force it on her, force on.
Who's sitting there making cookies?
He's, he's tried, she probably iced those cookies that way they'd be hard so that we
had to throw them out. Oh well, I'll have to throw out the fun food.
Yeah, those are her toy cookies to look like a normal person.
So she tells the Scotty genius carrying up for NBA draft, honestly, like,
distance in Europe and to be truthful about it, like, so if you some I am with me, like, they're just like so unique and like different.
And I just like love that they're like so unique.
Yeah, they all have different names.
It's so unique.
Hey, look, scotty genius on TV.
Let's look.
Oh, look.
Oh, no, now he's on hinge.
Mom, that's a basketball game.
Yeah, that's where you find people to date, right?
Hinge.
So then Gerdy comes over and say,
oh hi, Gerdy, he's like, oh my God, I've been doing so good
because I had this whole thing
because after the thing that happened with Lisa,
like it was so hard, I had to say to my own husband,
do you want to be with me?
Like are you still in love with me?
Then we fucked at the beach, like actually at the beach
in the parking lot, which was really funny.
But then we were playing something called charades,
but it's not something like charades.
It's something like it's on your forehead,
and everyone just points at you and calls you stupid
and horrible boss.
I think it's better.
I think it's better.
Oh my god, why did you talk like that
to Nicole at the party?
What happened?
What happened, girl?
You know what I learned about that party?
Do you know that they have like,
Bentley's, when you go to the opera?
What? Yeah, they literally have Bentley's that are designed that they have like Bentley's when you go to the opera? What?
Yeah, they literally have Bentley's
that are designed for operas.
Do you ever heard Phantom of the Opera?
It's crazy, I learned this from this game.
It's absurd.
Well, I mean, at least she can communicate.
And she's like, no, but like I started
this thing at the party, like is something
like you call her a fake or something like that.
Why would you do that?
She's like, because like get this, like honestly, to be honest, like she said like fake or something like that. Why would you do that? She's like, because like, get this, like, honestly,
to be honest, like, she said like,
she needs to like get to know me before like this or that
or like, I get to like do this or that in her house.
And like, that's her fault to me,
because I know things about you two, friends.
It's time for commercial.
It's time for a crap and commercial.
So then it gets to Nicole and Anthony at a restaurant and Nicole's like, I've been like
juicing all week to fit into like my tight and tiny dress for tomorrow because so by
juicing that's drinking juice, right? You're not doing steroids, right? Just Anthony,
oh my god, I have, okay, I've got
to get into this dress. But what's more important is I have to flex on camera. I'll have the
four drop please and the caviar pasta on top of the lobster cocktail. Thank you very much.
Yeah, because they're in the private dining room at Fiola. And she's like, yeah, you know,
we're having this party and it's like a big
deal to us because like we like we don't care for Mary, but like we could be getting Mary
and be like, it's a big deal. And we have this lady and like she's like, do you guys want
like a party at like a 10 or you could have like a party at like a 7 or you could like
maybe do like a party at a 3 and we always say 10 every time with a party.
And then we come to a every time with a party.
And then we come to a week earlier and this party planner is like, okay, so we have a photo booth moment and it's like this new miss, we also have this new
machine, like you're going to be one of the only ones in Florida that have, okay,
so like imagine like an a helium stand, okay, and instead of filling it with air,
you're going to fill the balloons with Alc and alcohol mist. So then you take like balloon shots. I'm just like, this woman is
conning you. She's getting a helium thing from party city and saying it's the
only one in Florida. I'm going to tell you that you're going to feel high off
of it and you're just going to assume you feel high. Yeah. So Anthony asked
to go for dad is going to be invited. And she's like, yeah, but I said,
listen, I want to be abundant and clear. We want you to come to the engagement party bed. Like it's an
invitation for one only. And he's like, okay, but like, let's stay chill, even if he does
bring the girlfriend. And she's like, yeah, well, I'm sorry, babe, but I can't get over
Laxia. So she's not going to talk about the dad issue at all. So she's so excited to
announce that she's finally becoming
a truly petty real-house wife. Yeah. Yeah, she's like, I couldn't like, I couldn't like
react in the moment because like I was so cut off guard and by having ridiculous and malicious
the comment was, but like the more I thought about it, like I was like, she's so ridiculous. Like,
what she said was hurtful and I've worked so so hard to, and for her to be so cavalier
and reckless and I know you wanna say malicious.
I'm not gonna say it.
I'm not gonna say it.
That's what I thought too.
Like she was trying to, she was trying so hard not to say it.
Yeah, I feel like maybe she listened to this podcast
and was like, I'm not gonna let them say malicious this year
because I'm not gonna say it just once.
I'm not giving them malicious.
So she's like, this woman has no more accomplished guiding her.
And Anthony's like, well, she's got some gall
because she'll say anything.
And I don't even, you know,
I'm not even thinking about how I might implicate her.
I mean, she doesn't look past literally her big fat butt.
Literally. I was fat butt literally.
I was like literally.
Honestly, she has like zero respect for what I've accomplished because she has no idea what it is to work for something.
Because everything she's done in her life has been on the backs of somebody else.
And Anthony's like, oh, literally high five.
High five.
Get it.
And basically, your slot high five high five, get it. Basically, I'm just like, high five, high five.
All right.
And it's like, she has everything
because of who she married.
She just, she keeps her last name.
Like, who does that?
Anybody who has children with the person to take divorce,
that's not abnormal.
I mean, I've never heard of you a long time.
I'm a head-to-head.
Hello.
It's a foreign term foster when it was really cool
to be married to David Foster, but then she went back to head-to-head because, no, the kids. It's the first term foster when it was really cool to be married to David Foster,
but then she went back to head-aid because no, the kids.
Oh, the kids.
You keep the most famous last name that you are allowed to keep.
I mean, I think that's very fair.
I think you should keep the most famous last name.
I think you should keep the most famous last name.
I think you should keep the most famous last name.
You should keep the most famous last name.
I think you should keep the most famous last name.
And she was with Scottie Pipin forever.
Now, she amots her.
Of course, she's Lars at Bipin, but she's still,
like the woman gets what she gets, and she gets to keep the name bippin.
If she damn well wants to sir.
She is a pippin and she can find her corner of the sky if she wants to.
That's right. You know, that musical is the noisiest fuck, but it still has the right to be performed.
We're just never going to go see it. Yeah, because both of us dislike it.
Actually, I only know that one song, but I hate that song.
I had to sing it in ninth grade and I hate it so much.
I can't.
I had to just say the entire musical I will refuse to see.
I can't with Pippin.
Okay, so then she's like, oh my god, just so bad Anthony.
And then she goes, well, you know, like the way that she is with me, like people like
her, the only feasible way to like deal way that she is with me, like people like her,
the only feasible way to like deal with them is to like reflect it back on them.
So I'm going to reflect it back on her.
And he goes, what does that mean?
So then we were back at Larsa and we're here.
Ding dong.
This and that.
This and that.
This and that.
X, Y, Z. X, Y' that. Dissin' that.
X, Y, Z.
X, Y, Z.
What's her ring, Cam?
So she opens the door and there's a gift delivery
and she's like, oh my God, Nicole said me something
how random is that to be honest?
Like it's so like truthfully, it's so random.
Yeah, so she hits in the box and she opens up the box and there's a mirror.
And the mirror has a a message written on it that says mirror mirror on the wall.
Who's the fakedest one of all?
Lars is so dumb.
She can only pick out certain words so she goes mirror mirror on the wall.
Who's the fake one?
She doesn't even read it right. Who's the fake one?
Take that and you get to see. And she doesn't even look
and confused. She's trying to get just like the syllables that she
can put together. She's just like, take a good look. Like, who's
the fake one?
She was like trying to figure out what the, she's like, I don't really get it,
but Gertie gets, she's, oh my God. Oh my God. Listen, as someone who just played charades
heads up, I totally understand this reference. Sleeping Beauty. This is a sleeping beauty
moment, gratified, gratified. No, she's so funny. Get that one wrong. She's, because when
Gertie comes in and reads it correctly, which is so funny. She's like, oh my God, look
at this mirror mirror on the wall. Who's the one of all take a good look see yourself. It's you you're uninvited to your own a you're uninvited to my engagement party
And I was just like wait, what?
Where are those words come from here? It's on the mirror
Ali sees me. I look really pretty right now. Like can I be honest? I look really good
I look really good with words. How much words were more in right now,
where the more?
Wow.
Oh my God, Gritty, this person in this plaque
is like really into me.
How do I give her like a $5 discount on my only fans?
Ha, ha, ha.
Oh, so then Gritty's like, oh my gosh, Larsa,
this is terrible.
And Larsa's like, well, let's just see if they even get married.
And then a customer calls so proud of herself saying, is that with the Anthony, like see
yourself?
Get it?
See yourself?
It's a mirror.
It's a mirror, but it's like saying see yourself away.
But it's also because you reflect, but she also deflects.
So she deflects into her reflection.
And then you see the Anthony.
He's like, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. He's like, I got it.
So David and the party they've rented out some bank or something or, I don't know,
it's really nice wherever they rented out.
It's so nice.
Yeah, it's beautiful.
So everybody's getting dressed and, you know, so usual.
Let's call each other well, but getting ready.
So Nicole Nicole and Gerdy you're talking while they're getting made up.
And Gertie's like, oh my God, you better pick up,
you better pick up because you look so pretty,
but you know what, how could you even do this
before your party because like I'm so in shock right now?
Like it was crazy because first I thought
my house was gonna leave me because of what happened with Lisa.
So then I have a charade tonight with my kids.
That was crazy.
Like I have kids who don't know what the little mermaid is.
Like how could I even have kids like this?
That's not gratified.
Those aren't gratified children.
And then this mirror that you sent to Larsa,
what is that?
What is that girl?
Girl, do you better tell me?
Like, if there's like a little mermaid,
there's a big mermaid.
And the big mermaid is this situation here with a mirror.
Okay, this is like shocking.
Okay, what was that about?
I didn't even tell me.
You had me sitting to this awkward-ass moment.
Like, I'm like, what the fuck, you know?
So Nicole's like, well, you know, I purposely didn't tell you
because then that I was going to uninvite her
because I didn't want, I respect our friendship
and like, I didn't want you to have to like sit there
and know that what I was gonna be doing this.
I should, okay, okay, it makes sense now.
Okay, not that you say it.
I was like, what's going on?
And I was like, I felt like I was a road kid.
Okay, am I like to learn? I really damaged this whole thing. Like, maybe she thinks I knew, like it's going on? And I was like, I felt like I was a roadkill. Okay, am I like to learn I will damage this whole thing?
Like maybe she thinks I knew, like it's swear to God.
Girdy is all in a tizzy, not because Nicole
did something really obnoxious.
She's in a tizzy because she didn't know Nicole
was going to do something obnoxious.
I almost like, am I on the outs?
But now that she finds out that everything is good,
she's like, oh yeah, cool, okay, great, fun gag.
So Nicole's like, well, she is fake.
She's fake head to toe.
And so good.
He's like, oh my God, Lord,
I have mercy.
Let us pray now.
Let us pray.
So then we go over to Larsa and she's like,
I'm so happy.
I don't have to like burden myself.
Like honestly, I'm just gonna spend time with the people that I love like.
And then we just see you're cleaning off dog piss stains off the couch.
So now we go to this event space.
Nicole and Anthony arrive and Nicole explains that the theme for the party is because they met
each other at the win resort in Vegas that they found this old bank vault and the
whole idea is like, you hit the jackpot.
So it's like money themed.
And so, Sarel shows up the, her mom and Sarel is just like very funny.
So she, Nicole offers her drink of senior Turkotot tail as well as like, okay, and she drinks.
She's like, well, uh, like what is, what's in your terrible seen in Tricot?
Mom, it's like, tequila.
Like she, she's like, not going to keep up the guys.
So then, uh, Julia comes and Nicole's like, oh, yeah, sorry, I'm invited large shots.
I'm so glad you believe this.
You have to teach people and show them some things are not okay.
And I have no guess what I've wanted more than anything in the world.
A potty trained goat.
No.
A potty trained donkey.
Yes, but no.
Um, a potty train donkey.
Yes, but no, no.
Potty train chickens.
I'm going to want all of these.
Yes.
Hey, we have something to baby. I don't think a child.
And so they cheer and stuff.
Like, she, we thought you were going to say the kitchen timer for your fish.
Okay.
So then Kiki comes and she just gives like a hi to Julie and Julie is like
hi you. And she's literally shady. I love that half of Julie's face is shaded during the scene
and they didn't even like move her into the light. And so she's just ignoring Kiki. Which come on,
Julie, I like you. It's stopping me. Yeah, I don't like that. She is in a food with Kiki.
Because I love Julie and I love Kiki and I need them to be friends.
And it's not fair because I know that everyone makes mistakes or whatever,
but when I'm a fan of somebody, I get really upset when they do things.
I don't like. Like, come on, Julia.
I like this.
Well, the Kiki thing is also ridiculous because she basically went so hard at Kiki when
everyone else was done, equally terrible things to Julia.
I mean, Alexia was terrible to Julia.
Okay, Alexia was literally terrible to Julia, and Alexia was still invited to whatever.
Well, it's not even about Julia, and that one was mean to Julia.
It was about Adriana.
Adriana, yeah.
Still. to Julia, it was about Adriana. Adriana, yeah.
Still.
So, Marisol's on the way and Alexia calls up and she's like,
Oh, well, you know Peter says, your boobs look beautiful.
She says, thanks, babe.
I did this for you.
Titties for you.
Titties for you.
Ronnie, don't you love that word?
Titties, Titties for you.
So then Adriana's coming with T-A-R-ie. She's like, I'm so excited for tonight.
The party all being there.
Such a great couple.
And T.
Erie's like, yeah, I guess they are.
And she's like, all and so tonight, after we clear the air, it will be a good
time.
And she tells us that after all of this controversy that Lars is trying to
spread, Mary saw is trying to spread, Mary Sol is trying to
spread.
She's like, so the airy brought me a stamp certificate of divorce with a seal.
And this is the proof that he is not married.
Meanwhile, it's like written in like the Zapps chance to be found with clip art all over
it, like a little clip art old timey finger and flying toasters.
It's like, yeah, totally authentic.
Did Carol from Lion King make this for you?
Have you heard that news about Lion King?
No.
Carol is saying that they've found her husband at the feds found her husband.
I mean, the sterica.
What I mean, you said Carol from the Lion King as a
plastic carol from Joe the tiger guy what's it called tiger tiger man that's
I was not called tiger king tiger tiger king I think it is tiger King Joe
got a tiger tiger king yeah but like when you said when he said Lion King, I thought there
was some gossip about the Lion King show. So I thought like it was a concept like, oh,
we heard about this meme. Like, oh, I'm Carol. If Lion King, but when you're like, oh,
do you hear about Carol from Lion King? And then he said, well, Carol said this. I was like,
wait, who's Carol in Lion King? Sorry. Tiger King. So Carol says that they found her. Well, I don't think
there's any proof of that. She's just saying that they found him, but I don't think there's
any other proof that that, right? I haven't been able to find it. What say you dead or
not? What happened to Don? Don's dead, right? Don is dead. Yeah. The gun is not done as dead.
I always have to ask you, the world has just gone so fucking crazy.
I don't know what's going on half the time.
I read the news and then I come ask you about it.
I'm like, is this real?
This world is on fire like something on a guest of anyway, Adriana and
Terry.
Oh, yeah, you'll get to my big guest, guest of freak out on dwell.
Hello, episode three, oh two. Oh, yeah, you'll get to my big guest guest of freak out on dwell hello episode 302
I was literally there was smoke literally coming out of my ear about guestos after we recorded that episode yesterday
I had to have a moment with myself for us like Ronnie
What's really wrong?
You know because you're too mad about guestos and I don't even know what what the controversy is i don't even know why mad but i was really
uh ronnie was on one about the gastos i'll just say thank you so that's something for me to put it through thank you for such a patient person because i was like who are you
it's just funny because ronnie ronnie will often be like look i like been
because Ronnie will often be like, look, God, like Ben, let's just, let's be entertaining.
Let's not be political.
And then you're like, oh, these people were the guest,
so they were on a band again.
Well, it's not being political
because I don't even know what the argument is.
I'm just, just like you wake up and then suddenly
everybody on your Facebook and your Twitter's like,
this is why you're furious today.
And we are furious and not.
Look out, God, now we're also supposed
to be out there fucking marching four or against ghastos.
What, what the ghastos do?
I'm just exhausted, you know?
I'm just exhausted.
It's a lot.
This is the kind of anger I like, house-wise anger, you know?
Like did Adriana just Photoshop her, or Facetune?
It's probably not, it's probably just like some Facetune document. like did Adriana just Photoshop her or FaceTune?
It's probably not, it's probably just like some FaceTune document.
It's a face, oh I like it, it was like ugly paper.
So she faced in the paper.
There was a wrinkle in the paper.
She's like the paper had two little holes on the side.
It was Epson.matrix paper, wasn't it?
Yes.
So then we see the dad, Mike, show up at the party. And he pulls up right next to a convertible, you know,
with overflow and with gold balls or whatever.
So he shows up and he's like, what's going on?
Like the dad is just shit faced already.
He comes in, he's talking on his phone. He's in sunglasses
He's saying hi to people. He's like just random people and you know, he's not talking to anybody on the phone either
He's like yeah, yeah, deal deal deal. Hey, hey, good to see. I'll be right with you in a minute. I deal deal deal deal
But he let's make some deals tonight. All right after we party buddy
Hey, yeah, I'll see you with the highlight game.
All right, everyone, where's my daughter?
All right, yeah.
Yeah, you know where my daughter gets all the talent from?
And she has, it's from me, I go,
ah, he just starts making this noise.
He's just going, ah, and Kiki's watching him.
And she's like, oh yeah.
Well, she gets her talent from the daddy
because I love it when you call me Papa.
Yeah.
And she's like, you want me to call you Papa?
And then we go to commercial and we come back
and she's like, you want me to call you Papa?
And you're like, yeah, you're beautiful.
I like when you call me Papa.
And she's like, seriously, Nicole's dad, wow.
But I like him.
I like him.
Thank you.
They are kindred spirits.
She's like, he came in with Burger King.
I like them.
So then Marisol shows up, Marisol's wearing white.
And she's like, oh, did you know it was black time?
I didn't know it was black time.
I was hoping it was gonna be big titty as the theme.
Cause I got them out for you, Lexia.
And of course she shows up to this wedding event wearing white
cause she's Mary saw.
That's how she goes.
Rolls.
So the dad's like, you're here, you're here.
Oh, hey, bartender.
What's up Dave?
How you doing, buddy?
Want to make a deal later? Want to make a deal? And of course, like, bartender. What's up Dave? I ain't doing buddy. What am I gonna do later? What am I gonna do?
And of course, like, oh my god. Of course, my dad knows the bartender's cheese.
The bartender's like, is this your dad? Is this your dad? I've known him for years.
She's like, yeah, yeah, it is. Oh, god.
And so we see if we see him tell the dad because listen, they turned off the spigot,
but I'll bring you a vodka rocks
Like Nicole Nicole told them not to serve him and he's still like don't wear a got you buddy. Yep got him
So and Marissa was like I like him. He sort of looks like a lot of people. I remember from the 80s, okay?
I mean Nicole's dad is like two foot two, just like Nicole.
And he has sunglasses on and so on.
That's a typical drug deal.
Look, it's taken me back to my old school Miami.
I love his dedication to prop work with those glasses
from one prop artist to another.
God bless.
I love how much Mary soul just loves Coke and the old Miami.
I'm just like, yeah, fuck yeah, I do Coke and get fucked up all the time.
I love it Miami.
Like, she doesn't say it like, oh, God, typical drug dealer.
She's like, oh, yeah, now that's a drug dealer.
Look, I found a new best friend, you know.
Yeah, takes her back.
Yeah.
So Nicole comes in for a hug from Mary Soul and she's like, oh my God, it's so good to see you Mary
So like what are you trying to steal my thunder JK only JK? Okay. I'm just like, oh my God
I would never try to steal your thunder first of all you'd have to have some
Yeah, and I'm called like, hello, aren't there
like rules of conduct like black to a funeral?
Anastur Lisa.
I'm pretty sure Marisol has been married a few times.
Hasn't she worn white enough?
Oh, you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to send her like a mirror tomorrow,
but it'll have like a white border.
And I'll be like, look at the white around there.
But it's also you and your face.
Oh, it'll be so good.
Marisol's like, by the way, I saw your dad, the sun glasses inside.
I'm going to have some drinks of that, man. She was, yeah, like, he like high fives
with the bartender, like mortified. She was, yeah, that's my new body. All right.
Bye.
You can send me a mirror anytime you want that a party. If you know what I'm saying,
and she goes to hang out with the dad.
So, uh, Grady shows up and everything.
And then Johnny and Alexia show up.
And then, yeah.
And then, and just people are showing up.
Mike, Mike shows up.
Where Mike is there.
Where Mike is the dad.
Mike is the dad.
Yeah, Mary saw a ghost over to him.
And she's like, hi.
And he's like, he's like, uh, uh,
she goes, hi, Mary's home.
I saw your sunglasses and I said, that's the man I want to hang out with.
You look like trouble and he goes, always trouble.
I like your shoes.
And then he's like, so what do you think about Nicole?
She's amazing, huh?
And Mary's home goes, yeah, she's growing on me.
She's growing on me. I said, how do you say that to someone's parent?
They're grown on you.
And Alex is immediately there, too, of course. So she's like, Oh,
we know Nicole is amazing, but what do you think of her fiance,
Anthony? What do you think of that? What do you think of him?
What do you think of Anthony?
And Mike takes off his sunglasses very slowly and gets a scowl like,
And Mike takes off his sunglasses very slowly and gets a scowl like
Anthony, but he goes He is more than amazing. He's a gentleman at a scholar
So Alexi is like I feel like an accordingly to accept her dad because he's felt a lot of fun
And if she would just focus on the good things, maybe she could be happier
Like maybe you should not tell people like what's serious growing up trauma to just get the
fuck off of it. Yeah. Also, I know that your son's going around causing people the trauma,
so I can understand your willingness to just get past anything and everything that happens
to come up. But you're not really in the right season ever. It's amazing.
up, but you're not really in the right this season ever. It's amazing. So, now the women sort of all get sit down on sofas because they're like, okay, we have
to have a scene. So they all sit down and there's like sort of joking a little bit. And
then Alexia is saying, Alexia's, well, I guess Marisol is joking that she, because she's
dressed in white too, that Anthony's gonna get drunk and marry her by accident.
And in the likes of you,
it's like, oh well, you can't do that twice
because like, oh well, you know, Marisol and Steve
are like, they're not even legally married.
Like, they went to the loom
because that's where everything unbrawful happened.
This season of camera, they went to the loom
and decided to have a spiritual wedding.
And so they like, function as like,
a husband and wife, except they're like,
not legally married, and they also don't spend any time with each other and maybe don't even like
each other. So I think it's funny how she just tries to shoehorn that in like it's no big
deal because yeah, that was the thing last year. Everybody's like, Marisol's not married.
There is no proof that Mary Sol got married again. She is solely doing this for storyline
purposes, you know. Right. This is just like some gay that she knows that she enjoys being wasted with or whatever.
That's the word in a guy, okay?
But some I'm saying.
So she's like, yeah, everybody knows it.
It's not even real.
So Mary still is like, well, I never got married here, you know?
I just don't want anyone to take the patent fortune.
Do you know how many magazines literally were still sitting on?
Oh, yeah, I can we never hear about the magazines and stuff anymore.
She's PR, right?
Yeah, she was PR and Alexia was the magazine.
Alexia had Alexia had the what's it called?
Venture magazine or V magazine or
or Avenue magazine. Yeah, it's like, oh my god, okay,
it was a lot of you know, magazine time. Yeah, oh, well, you know, magazine. So
for the part, I want to say like, oh, well, you know, Peter in the
fall, he likes to wear pants sometimes because they'd like, it's
like the weather is like colder.
Hello, this is it just in from the Alexian News Network.
This is just in the magazine.
Peter has chosen to wear a sweater today.
So if you see him, say, love the sweater, Peter.
Thank you so much.
Alexian News Network out.
So Alexi goes, oh, no one has to take your fortune.
You just need a prenup for that.
And Julia's like, I don't have prenup.
And they just all stare at her.
And she's like, yes, we were getting married.
Everyone on Martina's team said, you are marrying Russian model.
You need to contract this contract.
So she brings this contract to me.
And I look and I say, I cannot see.
Oh, this contract.
What is this? Do you need me to take five hours is going
to take the go through this contract? And she said, never mind. And she threw it away.
That is the best rebuttal to a pre-NEP I've ever heard.
I don't you want me to waste five hours reading this?
As if there will not be a waste of many more hours down the line.
I cannot see, I can't see, I can't see enough.
Oh, fish team in eyes.
So now the dad's talking to Nicole.
He's like, hey, I'm on my best behavior.
Okay. And she's like, you know, I'm on my best behavior, okay, huh?
And she's like, you know, I'm like so happy
that he like showed up and that he like showed up alone.
But like, we may be getting into the drunk zone
and that's like not what I want.
So he's like, all right, now I'm gonna tell you secret
and I never told you this before.
Okay.
One day, Anthony's gonna walk in the front door.
It's gonna be like 11 o'clock in the night.
And I'm not thinking it's gonna be like me,
but he's gonna come home and say the ad.
Dad, like, dad, like I don't wanna have this conversation
right now.
I don't.
I'm so secret.
I'm doing you a secret.
No, I don't wanna secret that.
I don't wanna secret that.
Okay, I love you, man.
Okay.
What do you think his secret was?
He's gonna come in and he's gonna say I fucked somebody and it's not that I don't love you
It's just I'm a man. That's what men do. I think he's like trying to conflate his own
Failures as a father and put it on Anthony and being like you would forgive Anthony, right?
Yeah, or he was probably gonna say,
here's the secret, he was gonna come on 11 a.m.
and he's gonna be tired and he just get down on your knees
because that's all he really wants
and that's how you keep a man.
Like he could be doing it the other way around of like,
Oh my God.
No, me like he's saying like if the secret
to keeping your man around is to service him, right?
Like I wouldn't have left if it had been that way around the other way around
But like even the imaginary things we put in his mouth are just so offensive, you know, I know I
I'm not saying I'm not saying that I'm saying
I know I'm being grossed out by him saying that
in my imagination. I think we're just first name. Yeah. It's disgusting. He's a pig. So then we go
over to Gurley and the girls and she's like, well, I don't know if everybody knows this, but I
played Shrewd's with my family and they was so fun. They don't know what a little mermaid is. I
don't know if I can be with a family like that. But also, Lars is not coming tonight. And they're like, what?
And then we see this shows favorite thing to do.
Here's what happened two minutes ago.
Lars are reading the mirror going like,
mirror on wall, who, who, what?
And cuts back.
And so Mary's so I was like, oh, so there's mystery about a box.
What's going on here?
And Nicole goes, yeah, well, if you're going to come at me with ridiculous accusations,
I'm going to reflect it back on you with a comical disinvitation because it's a reflection.
You do get it? I'm just like, no, you can't, you don't get to do this anymore, okay?
Because you don't get to make these reckless wild claims to everyone in the group.
It's not just me, again, I just want to highlight it was a ridiculous and
comical disinvitation, okay?
Again, does anyone understand the word play going on here?
Because I've been saying reflection, so I sent a remeer.
Does anyone need any like, need me to elaborate a little bit more because I can
do that for you. So then we see the clips of Larsa just being shitty to everybody. She's
like, yeah, they say, you know, what's funny? Like I was looking online swear to God. And
they were like saying you rent your house out every week to make your mortgage weird,
right? God swear to God. And Julia, Julia, someone said that you were making out with the man
the other week. Wow. Isn't that? And then cut to her telling
Adriana, you're like my polar like you're insecure like and
that's it like. And then cut to Nicole. I heard you hooked up
with every doctor in the hospital. That's what I heard.
But the girls are all mad at Nicole, right? Because Alexi is like, like, Alexi literally looks down at her nose and just blinks when she's
inside of people. So she's doing that. And Nicole's like, yeah, and you know what?
Larsa is. She's an arsonist. She likes to throw matches, you know, match, match,
match, and then she'll see what catches. And I've not done anything to her. And Alexi goes, um, you said you had to check her before you
let her into your house.
So that's something you did.
Right?
Girls, right?
And Julia was like, well, I don't love anyone in my house until I know
who they are or if they are good.
So in a course like, uh, well, I like to know like people before I left
them into my house.
That's like not uncommon. And like she goes, um, well, I like to know like people before I left them into my house. That's like not uncommon.
And like, say it goes, well, I don't think you're very nice.
And that's my opinion.
That's just my opinion.
I just don't think you're very nice.
No, it's my opinion.
And it calls like, but I didn't invite her to my house.
She came for dinner.
I didn't, I didn't even have to Google you.
You know, like, you know how you have to Google the card.
As students are dating?
No, you just find out.
And that's the same with Larsa. Like, now I know she's dating Michael Jordan's son.
Did I have to Google it?
No, I didn't.
So like, I don't have to lie,
but the thing is she's like lying about me
in a way that could affect my career financially.
By the way, Bravo to the producers for being so quick
to be like, oh, this larsa pipin news is breaking.
We need to get an interview in Nicole right away.
Just slip it into the next episode somehow, some way.
So Alexia says in Spanish where there's smoke, there's fire.
And Nicole goes, I don't agree.
And she goes, then, you know what?
Just don't pay attention to her then.
Like, just treat it like she's like Linda Cardolini, just like ignore her, you know?
So Alexi is like, yeah, you know, it's just like, but it's silly to
inviting people because if you don't want them there, then why would you invite them in the first
place? So you could disinvite them. Are you into this? So, so Kiki is like, me personally,
knowing her cold, she doesn't give me that vibe.
Like, who is time to sleep at the whole hospital?
That's a lot.
A whole hospital.
It's a big hospital.
Oh gosh.
So in the cold, like, Alexia, you can't just make up lies about people and Alexia gets, then
what did she do that?
She's, because that's what she does.
She's like deflecting. And Alexia says, well, yeah why did she do that? She is because that's what she does. She's like deflecting.
And Alexi says, well, yeah, but everybody does that.
We all deflect.
And Mary so goes, yeah, we do almost a flood.
God, get your head out the ass, Mary.
So for fucking five seconds, have your own thought process
for five seconds.
That's 10 seconds.
I do, but I'm just doubling down on like how much I want you
to have five seconds of
your own thoughts.
I really like how when Nicole accuses Larsa of deflecting that Alexia's response is to
deflect about deflecting.
Yeah.
Like, she literally is like, Larsa deflects.
Well, we all deflect.
It's a Camille ball.
It's like a meta deflection.
So then Nicole's like, but you know what Mary so I work for someone
and there's a code of conduct.
And I could lose my job for that dumbass accusation.
And that's not true.
Mary so it's not true.
Mary so it's like, don't cry.
Oh my God, yeah, she's crying.
Well, I'm sorry.
It pisses me off.
Like I'm sorry, but it's not nice, Mary so it's not nice.
Mary so I was like, well, I wish I had been uninvited to this
Engage and party. I mean we argue all the time. This is crazy. Lars is the lucky one
And Alexia is like anyone can say whatever they want just yeah, but where do we draw the line Alexia?
Yeah, Alexia anyone can say whatever they want not
I'm sure if we go back to the footage we see can find so many instances of Alexa saying I can't believe she's saying that like at my party
Like this is like my my engagement. This is my wedding party
How could you be saying that my wedding? How could you be saying that at my engagement party?
How could you be saying this I like right in front of Frankie, you know?
So then yeah, Nicole's like yeah if the tables were turned would be pissed. And so Nicole just gets pissed and walks away.
And then she turns around to them.
And she goes, the day you guys work for something
for 20 years, and then some girl who's never worked
for anything in her live price to shit on it,
then you can come talk to me.
Okay.
And she goes, then you're going to get pissed.
And then Alexi goes, yeah.
I got stupid, he's good.
I have Alexi he goes, yeah. I got to be continued. I have Alex, he'll be like, yeah.
Like angry, angry agreement, you know?
Yeah.
Oh, that was it.
What is so?
Well, brings us to the end of episode 10 of Mejami.
I'm really happy because I told Ronnie before we started recording,
I said, I am going to find a way to mention Linda Cartelini
in this episode.
And I almost forgot.
And I found a way to really gracelessly insert her name right there at the end there.
So thank you everyone.
Thank you for giving me the space to do that.
Everybody thanks so much for being here.
Go get your tickets for our live shows over at watchupcrapons.com.
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