Watch What Crappens - RHOM: Video Killed the Ohwellyouknow Star

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

Adriana tries to shoot her HOT music video on Real Housewives of Miami (S05E08), but the girls mess it up with their squabbling and fake tears. In related news, Kiki earns her crown by fighting with a Whopper in her hand. For our premium bonus episodes and video recaps, join Patreon at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Tour Dates: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/2023-cheater-brand-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. But when he comes back, he can't squat. I've been spread this so much that it's happened. Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens. A podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Yeover Oves. I'm Ronnie.

Guess who I'm with? He's handsome. He's smart. He's gorgeous. He's got beautiful hair, beautiful eyes, but even more. A beautiful heart. His name is Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. How are you doing, my little darling? Oh my god, I am, I'm great. It's been a busy ass week for us coming back from the holiday and we're finally at the end of it. And I'm so glad it's been, but it's been an extraordinary, so many exciting things have happened.

Yes, one of them is that our tickets went on sale today. So come see us, we are doing a new tour this year. It's called the Cheetah brand, two cheetah brands. And we've got a lot of places. We're opening in Austin, Texas on February 2nd. And I'll read a list of cities. Okay. So if you want tickets, come to watch what crap and stuff. And you do want tickets, you want them. Go to watch what

crap and stuff. And there's ticket links right there. Okay. How you got to do is click them. So here's where we're going. Austin Dallas Phoenix LA. That's where we're going to have the 2023 golden crappies at the Wilterin Theater, which is insane. So please come to that. That's where we're going to have the 2023 golden crappies at the Wilterin Theater, which is insane. So please come to that. That's going to be a party. You know, that'll be a good one. Charlotte, North Carolina, then we're going to Atlanta, then Denver, Salt Lake City.

It's our first time there, you have been. Yeah, I'm so excited. Seattle, San Francisco, Toronto, Philadelphia, New York, and Washington, D.C. So go get your tickets, watch what crapens.com. Also join us over at patreon.com. That's where you get our couple videos a week. We did Salt Lake City and Potomac this week as videos. Super fun.

And it's also where you get our bonus episodes. So come over there. Oh, hey, man. It's also by the way, our first time going to Toronto. I just want to point out, I don't want the Toronto people to feel left out of the game. The first time love. I thought we've been there before. No, we were going to go, but pandemic victim. Oh, well, sorry, Toronto. We're excited for you too. I really like that your state of abbreviation is on like you've got to have you've always got to have something going on there. You can't just be tired in Toronto. It's like the state of on. I'm on, baby.

They're so on all the time. I just want to get to know the real Toronto. So here we are guys. It's real housewives of my everyday. How does this show? I know, stay so good. Because normally, I thought it was going to peak. I thought, God, we didn't really give a few of these episodes full recap, such a course, we feel great. Get on the ground.

And I thought it peaked, right? Because the least it think, the anything, the craziness of it all, I thought that's it. The rest of the season's just gonna slide downhill. Nothing's gonna happen. And boy, was I incorrect about that. I know, I mean, there really are like every episode, there's stuff happening. I have to say I'm also very upset at this episode

because I want justice for Kiki. I don't know why Kiki gets singled out for yelling or whatever at Adriana's. Why is she the one who doesn't get invited to go party? Okay, I think it's not right, it's not fair. And you know what, there could possibly be something slightly problematic about it too. But either way, Kiki deserves to be invited to all the good stuff

because we love Kiki. Oh yeah, Kiki's killing it this season. You know, last year, it was like, oh my God, Kiki's so beautiful. She says a couple things now and then, who would just like to her, because she's fabulous, really. But this season, my God, what a second season.

She just, I mean, she's hilarious. I love Kiki. She's, I think that she's probably gonna get a crappy's nomination in like the friend of category. Well, spoiler alert. Hey. So this is season five, episode eight. It's called Sing and Shout.

Um, and shout no more singing. Please, okay? Sing a shout no more about it. Um, so Miami Beach Marina, it's Adriana's music video day. Yeah, much anticipated. They're a great follow up to Miami. A song that sounds like it could also be someone scrubbing its lore. Right? Yeah, or like a little tiny baby yawning in the back of a car that's going over multiple speed bumps. You know. So, uh, the baby is also saying it's first word. It's amazing. It's also a declaration of where it is.

It was probably just mommy, but you know, Adrian, I heard it. It's like, oh my god, it's my first song. My first word. Yeah. She owes that kid a lot. So we get to the boat. She gets to the boat, the yacht. And Jonathan, this director, is hall larry. So he's there with two waxed gay dudes and speedos, you know, and they're not flattering speed. Well, they're flattering because these guys are like perfectly bodied, but they're not flattering in the peanut department, okay? No, you can't put that. You can't put something on a man that's going to push it on the inside. I mean, my natural kind of goes that way because it's just like board of the world. But like models shouldn't have penises that are hiding.

What are they hiding from? I'm waiting for Groundhog say at this point. Jonathan. We need a she-by-shurray dick print. Okay. And then we're not getting it from there. Yeah, this is like the antithesis of she-by-shurray's dick print. So Jonathan's like, I'm back. Why do you want to go over? We're going to shoot. We're going to shoot. We need to go over it.

And Adrienne explains to us, in these days of social media, the song will do better if the video is good. There are more chance to go viral. Also another thing that really helps the song go viral. I actually don't know if you know this, Ronny, but I was just reading about this for a song to go really viral in 2022. The song has to be good. Well, you know, not necessarily.

I don't know if you've been to a home goods lately, but I've heard a lot of your pop music children. Listen. Listen. Listen. Hey, there's anybody know what a chorus is? That's what I was saying. I'm like the last big dish of the home goods.

Maybe there has to be a hook, okay. Well, there just has to be talent in some area and some aspect of it, you know, somewhere. Like maybe even craft services. Let that vibe of craft services like permeate the music Like Ariana Grande you may have some stinkers lately, but God I smell the Doritos coming out of the speakers. I'm in Just you know lots of boots and that's that's exciting comes through she's she's like a pioneer in the boot genre boot and bone-eat-tale genre Yeah, she's committed to a high pony, you know mumble. Yeah, yeah Yeah, she actually I would actually you pony, you know? Mumble. I think of some kind to that. Yeah, she actually, I would actually,

you could probably make an argument that Ariana Grande stole her entire style and vibe from this show's theme song. I mean, right? Like, in many ways, ha, ha, ha, my baby. Is kind of like an Ariana Grande song, right? It is. I mean, the Ariana Grande was in the passenger seat

of that car. Adriana was driving. She just heard the, she's like, that's a career. Exactly. So, yeah, so they're on this like Gucci, I don't know if it's a Gucci boat, but it's like painted with the Gucci stripes on the bottom and everything. And, and Adriana is like, this is a one day, one shot video, I'm like, okay, M&M, settle down. It's like, you better lose yourself in the music.

The moment you're never gonna let it go. And Jonathan is just being every director in every movie ever. He's like, here's what I'm envisioning poses. And then he poses. He's like puts his hand on his forehead and like leans back. It's like elegant. Vogue. That's what I'm picturing. Vogue. Nothing in this music video, I just want to say, it says anything about Vogueing. I think it's just like a term he heard somewhere when he was choreographing the sixth grade production of Kat and a hot tin roof.

It's just an old queen still stuck in the Madonna time, you know, Vogue, that's where it's at. You know what, we're gonna stand still and we're gonna have in black and white. It's gonna be no. So then he's like lying back on the sofa. He's like, get me some cold breasts. And he asked her if the girls learned any of the choreography. And she's like,

well, I sent it to them and they're supposed to learn it. I guess we'll see. Adriana, you're scared of me. And so Adriana says, you know, I'm a single woman supporting myself and I need to make this a success. Like I don't have a rich dick to go to every night to do the withdrawal and it starts during the blow job motion. And I fall for people doing it for themselves and making that money. But when she's like, I'm just a single mom.

We just saw you last season going to a sports car vending machine warehouse where there's like elevators of sports cars and like I'll take that one, I'll have that one too and she's like I'm just, you know, I'm just trying to make it work. She's got a Porsche, but she's still got a used car. They were trying to make it like wow, it's a Porsche praise, but people were posting the prices online. I was like oh, you know, all right, you know. She's working within her budget, you know, and good for her. I just appreciate the dedication to feminism, you know, I don't have to dig to draw money from like an ATM. Honey, I need a new part, blow job. Honey, I need a new dress blow job. Honey, pay my bills, blow job.

I just glorious, I just see glorious, I'm poking your eyes with forks, you know Yeah, which she just might be doing that in general watching Bravo Bravo content so Alexia and Nicole approach and me and other directors like okay, so you know what when we're shooting this video I want you to move okay show me your Brazilian salsa stuff I know Brazilians don't do salsa, but just you know South American things, you know, yeah, give me some plantain You do that, huh? Give me some guac baby

Tango guacamole tango Cigars, Panama hats Uh, cigars, Panama hats. To re-so, show me some, to re-so, baby. He's just like obsessed with food, like Jonathan. Keep your head in the game. Okay, stick with Vogue. You were ahead. Yeah.

So Nicole and Alexia come and John's like, speak at the chimichanga. It's something from Brazil, right? That's a Brazilian term, right? Did Something from Brazil right? That's a Brazilian term right? Did I get that right? They're like okay, so Sam sandwich you're getting further Jonathan Well, it's actually is for the close to a Kubano so he's almost in our fictional version of his racial and sensitivity He's actually almost getting more accurate But it's only food in sensitivity

His racial He's like, all right here my shakshuka's oh now you just went all the way across the world Oh Jonathan so Nicole and Lexi come and the world. Oh, Jonathan. So Nicole and Lexi come and Alexia is like, oh, just bought this bonus spectacular. Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. Yeah, oh, that's like the, the Alexia tree. To Alexia, to Rese, yeah, Alexia. So then, so it's like they all bathing and they came in black because they are also supposed to be wearing black today. Hmm, perfect for a beautiful, sunny, love letter to Miami wearing all black.

Exactly what the city's known for. And John's like, did you guys learn the choreography? And Nicole goes, I have beats. Perfect. That's all Adriana has to. That's why it's wrong. Twice is when it beats in the song. So now, Gery and Julia show up.

And they're like, I don't know how to dance these dance or dancing, dancing, generally, actually. And Nicole tells us, it's like not just I'm malicious, but there's my first time in a music video. But I used to be like a cheerleader. And so I'm like, I'm a little coordinated. So I'm hoping I can like figure this out, you know? Like no, no, no, no, it won't work out.

So Gertie's like, okay, I'm here. Tell me to do what you need me to do. Because right now I'm swiping through my phone. She's just like swiping through her phone. Like I'm here, I'm here. So busy. I can't stop working. Yeah.

Okay, so I'm like purposely avoiding Alex,i, because like what she showed me on that boss was like so off-putting. And I was like, what's the Lexi as two colors are? Like now I know. Okay. Until you know how to act. And that's like a human, by the way, like we will not be in a gg period. Hey, show me your moves, girlie. Okay. I'll show you. You move column C next to column B because the rearrange completely, unacceptably right now, I'm very busy you move column C next to column B because they're rearranged completely Unacceptably right now. I'm very busy. I do not have time for this success spreadsheet to be unorganized So then Marisol and Kiki show up and they like get to the to get on to the boat You have to go up this little kind of like step ladder thing that has no railings and Marisol's like oh

This makes me nervous can someone help me this makes me more nervous than a non-alcoholic tacky. Someone help me up here. Mm-hmm. And so Adriana is doing the dance with the girls, which by the way is step touch, step touch. I've not seen anything beyond that in this whole dance, okay? But they're still like, what? They just keep talking to me. I know. I was like, because I was going into this, I still like, what? They just keep talking through your mind.

I know. I was like, because I was going into this, I was like, oh, this is gonna be fucked. None of them know the choreography. This could be a mess. And then when you see what the choreography is, which is one, two, three, four, five, circle.

One, two, three, four, five, circle. I was like, I think they could probably catch this on the, pick this up on the fly. But they can't. And that's so, so funny about it because it just cuts to Julia, like reaching out fists and squeezing and pulling them up and down. This is milking goat Julia. Okay. Come on. I know how to milk. Goat. So Marisol's like, well, I'm the bartender. Nobody realizes in the universe how important bartender role is. I take it very seriously.

Look, I'm pouring booze into some other vessel with a tiny funnel. Don't judge me. Don't judge me. Slady excludes me with her drinking stick. So then they cut her in the diorama room and she's like pouring vodka in her cocky thing, saying, zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon zon z So they all they all take a break, which I haven't done anything by the way. And yeah, do start doing shots. Marisol's the biggest dream killer in this episode and she never gets called out for it. Because every time they even start to concentrate, she's like,

I got shots everybody. That's right. It's a nice super arts and they're very important. Yeah. And then Lars is like struggling getting out the boat all so she's there's like not like a handed thing like like what if someone like falls over like I'm not doing all this Titanic like type shit like.

So Adriana hugs Lisa and she's like wait a minute you brought the wrong outfit because Lisa's in bright pink and she's like, sorry, I can't stay. I came to do a crying scene, get everyone to root for me, and then I'm gonna leave. I hope that's okay. You know, Adriana's always been so supportive of me, the least I could do is show up to support her music. By actually leaving, my support is by leaving.

So, the director is showing up to take a focus from anything that's going on here and the bleepinger and the best. Yeah, so now the director, like this, let's shot like I think in June or something like that. I seem to remember there was a fleeting reference to June or July last episode.

So the director's like, okay ladies, I need everyone to listen to me. We are losing light. We got two hours of light left. We are shooting a video. We have to do it now. What's not happening at all me. We are losing light. We got two hours of light left. We are shooting a video We have to do it now. What's not happening at all today will lose in light. I'm like, so this is not even a real music video Just take out your phone and just start walking around the boat and just assemble that footage together in some way Pretty much and I'd hate for people to think that people in Miami party at night. I'd be so weird

And then Laura says like if I was like ever kind of like being a music video like it would never for people to think that people in Miami party at night would be so weird. And then Laura says like, if I was like ever can I like be in a music video like it would never like be Adriana's. It just wouldn't. Ladies, light! And Lisa's like, I would love to stay, but Logan has a concert. And obviously I have to be there for it.

Call you later. I'll call you later. It's a daytime concert and apparently we're losing light. So I gotta get out of here. Okay. Ladies, lie. Okay, settle down, Terence Malik. So then Julia's like, she's like, they're looking at the guys, the shirtless guys.

And Julia's like, Hey guy on the left, looks like he swims a lot because he has swimmer's bodies if Martina was here she could look at his body and be like I know what sports they play and they are pussy. And Alexis is like oh you look at hot guys oh well I don't know I don't know about you what do you do you look at hot boys too I mean you charge them right Russian you know and um You know, and John's like wait it's like he's just screaming and

He's screaming and yelling at them and Larsa is like looking at her phone and being like hi, it's me like like taking selfies on the yacht for her instead Yeah, so Julia's like well if Marty man I were not together. I don't know who I'll be attracted to like literally It's about a person energy who you love you feel. What sort of goat milk do you make? Oh my god. Like, can I like to tell you a funny story like someone called me a week ago? And they like to me. You were making it with a man. I was making out with a man at the, at the surf club at four seasons. What season? The 4 seasons. But we've season was I making out with the man for spring. Autumn. Okay. But like I wasn't there. So

I don't know. I wasn't there. What do I know? But it was my friend. He's like a designer like and she's like, Oh, yes, yes, yes, designer friend. Yes. Yeah, all of a sudden Julia does a full hairpin turn on her story. We're from going from, oh, I wasn't even there. Like, oh, yeah, I was there with your friend and really goes, oh, well, so you made out with someone. She actually goes, no, not made out. And Larser goes, yeah, but like she actually took like a photo of it.

Oh, see, I see Larissa coming up with this plate of hers. Yes, Larissa, it was me making out with a man. Any more questions? It's like, actually, yes, many, many more questions. Now that you've admitted it. And Julie says, Jason, there's make out. And then there's make out. And Keke is like, what's the difference? She goes, wait, why you keep kissing on a man? You're a whole married woman woman. And Julia says, okay, if you and I on both make out in front of all the ladies in public, this is makeup. But if we are behind closed doors, that is makeup. That's like, oh, okay.

So like, if you do it in public, it doesn't count. Yes. And what about if you do it while bringing a turkey to Thanksgiving and then bringing a turkey way? Is that still making out? Because you're making out with my turkey? Oh, yes, actually. And Larson just laughs because she's trying this whole plot line with Julia and Julia does

not give a fuck, right? So she's like, you're in wild like car Julia like, haha. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and scum. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle.

And we're the hosts of WonderZoo podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up any time soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Meshoo. Come out ladies, Jesus Christ! Get out here! You know what? There's too many people in this shot. I need to see Adriana. She is what's hot in Miami. Get the fuck out of the frame.

And Gerdy's like, oh my god, I can go. I've got too much to do anyway. I reported this mission. Thank you. So now they're doing more choreo. And then, um, and then they're trying to shoot this thing. And then people are hanging out or coming out the doors of the yacht and trying to say, come on guys, I need everything cleared out back there and shut the doors for crying out loud. We're shooting music video that no one's gonna watch She's like walks right into this side. No bottle Mary. So why are you not listening to me clear? So now they go on a break from like 0.3 seconds of filming this video and three seconds of filming this video. And Mars is like, hey, page six, like has posted like this about like Lisa and Lenny, like, and Lenny denies that he and Lisa are

breaking up like telling people it's not true. Like, he says, nice try though. Like, yeah, what's the reason for that? And Lexi says, what's the reason? Why did I? He has something under his sleeve. And they're just all screaming, what? What? They're like very excited that they got to be blown away again. It's like, what? I thought we got all this out of our system in Key West, but suffice to say what? And Alexey Kew is trying to say things to Gerdy.

Like, can you believe this man? Like, what's under his sleeve? And Gerdy just turns her whole head around. She's not subtle at all. She's like completely turning around. So Alexie says, you're ignoring me. And she's like, yes, yes, I am ignoring you because I'm still annoyed. She goes, I don't know why you're annoyed with me. And she's on the sprinter band when you're like, you're making a face like with the wedding. Like I've really dismissed and I appreciate it because when you said everyone's party was okay and this is great and this is great but my party was only okay

and I need mine to be tough not like every party is tough not every party I do is tough not. I'm at the plaza and Alexi goes, okay well you're being super insensitive because like you knew my situation, you knew I didn't get married because my mother died and so she starts crying and Gurd is like, she's like well, she's like well I cried the same day. It's the same way with Russell. When you talked about my charity

event, comparing it to Mara's Souls. So now they're both having like a sob off over who is more totally crying off. And it's so funny. Girdy is like, I'm not having this, you know, because at first, he's just looking at her sternly like, bitch, don't start with this, right? Because he's like, oh my mother. So her knee just decides to play the same thing. It's like, oh my brother. And then they just start holding their fingers to their eyes and fake crying. But then when they start fighting, they immediately drop the tears.

I mean, yeah, classic. Yeah. And Alexis, like the fact that you abandoned me after a year that took for me to get married. And her, he's like, well, I asked you what is the date. And you said, and I said I was booked, unfortunately, but you still shut up. That's a fucking party. You did that. I knew I thought you had a wedding.

I don't do a wedding. And she says, because I have class and education and I have a heart. And you don't have a heart. Like, what is that? Like, you only came to the party because Alexi has class and education and the heart, she's making a set. So, Gertie's like, well, in the sprinter van, your behavior was unacceptable and disgusting. It was disgusting.

So, because you're the exorcist, like you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, falling on the couch. Jonathan, that's it! That's what I need to tell the dude about you. That is the fire of my amy. Keep rolling, keep rolling, finally, drama. So that's like, yeah, dude, all this stuff, like, oh my god, like did I say something? Like, who the fuck are you? And Grady goes, what are you talking about? And so, so now what likes you to start telling us, I mean, when you're sitting across from her, it's scary. It's scary. Like, that, that, that, that, that Girty made, Girty has been making exaggerated faces

for like two years now, and now Alexia is like, oh, it's really scary. I thought she was like being, being exercise. It's crazy. And she tells her on the sprinter, all the shit you do with your face, and Girty's like, oh, you can't read my face. Well, let me explain what's happening here.

Mmm, this is happy. Well, let me explain what's happening here. This is happy. This is mad. She's like, well, I didn't know what, quote, unquote, emotion that was. And Gerdy starts like throwing yourself on the couch like Alexia. I just love, I didn't know what emotion that was. I was so scared because I didn't know what emotion, like I couldn't read what emotion was flickering across your face at that moment. And Gertie's like, I'm like this falling down. I was like that. Did you see me move bitch? And Kiki's like, yeah, I've seen Alexia like this, but I'm not Gertie. What is this?

And so Gertie says, I'm disappointed. And Alexia goes, no, I'm disappointed. Just, no, I'm more disappointed. Because you are ungrateful. Just for what? Grateful for what? What did you do for me? Mind blown bubble.

You're in a bubble. And Alexi goes, no, you're in a bubble because you're full of yourself. Why are you so defensive? Why do you think everyone's out to get you? Is it then, A.T.R.A.N. It's like these girls have no consideration, nor spect on a day that is so crucially important to me.

I love when I love when people on Bravo do this thing like this day. It's so crucially important. This music video that I'm putting out when I'm not even on a record label or have any track record, really in music, like this is so crucially important. Yeah. This is so crucially important. Yeah, this is so crucially important to be taken seriously as an artist with my entire cast being for the real housewives of Miami. Yeah, exactly.

That's why they not hire any professional dancers or actors or anything or director. So then Gerdy changes it up. Well, no, she doesn't. She just brings it back to her brother and she's like, I'm gonna give you a comparison. My brother, 10 or 11 years ago, it still hurts. And Alexi's like, my mother, she died. And they both start like during the Telenovela cry at each other. And Gerdy's like, well, we can both cry. She was exactly, we can both cry.

So why are you trying to put me down? Yeah, Gerdy goes, well, what I'm trying to say is my brother is no touch zone no touch zone like the charity equals my brother to me So when you mention the charity, it's like protective mode Protective mode and all the other women are just like looking at them like what is going on with these women? What's not they're really crying and like best friends, right? Yeah Larissa's like I don't know what's what's going on except there's like a lot of emotions like. And of course Marisol is like, my drinks are so fantastic that takes people all kinds to all kinds of emotional levels to the happy and emotional breakdown. Well, cockies, the power of

cockies. Yeah, hold on. Let me hold up this be dazzled gallon jug of Mr. Bolvin here to show how much I like cocky I'm an alcohol like So gritty is like I just want some love back and Lexia's like I like you and I admire you. I really I really respect you like I really do you know Yeah, she's really done she already does and the fact that you say all this stuff like really hurts me And if it didn't hurt me, I would not be crying. I could I could get it like a fuck like I couldn't so then they hug Adriana's like okay then come on girls now we're gonna do Vogue and I'm like yeah, just Vogue girls just Vogue think sexy think beautiful think plantains and ham sandwich

And now they're all now they're finally like shooting the video They're like dancing and the music it's like music video dancing and lounging around and giving like giving like Fuck me eyes, you know to the camera, but then dancing some more than looking sexy Then get dancing and in the middle of it you just see lar says just sitting in a chair just looking at everyone like what is this? But she's like in the video at the same time Moos love like it's a photo shoot That's no snacks. Wow. You're wearing cotton leather there. Can that thing bring your snack is can you have a breathing? Manny no

So then it finishes with Adriana on a table and they're like, good, good, we got it. This video is going to win some awards. It's going to be great. Yeah. So Julia mentions to them that she's going to have a party because they built their house on Miami Beach and no one's actually ever seen it. They've seen the farm side of her, but they haven't seen the lamb side of her. So she's going to have this party. And Larsa is like, okay let's try this again. Hey Julia like I need to know like have relationships work in 2022 because I told you like that someone called and they said like they started julie making out and I said wrong Julia so you want to try this again now from the top. Yeah like so how does that work like? And Julie's like, well, I'm a little bit slight

and leave public person, you know, and so is my friend. And so when we see some idiots wanting to take pictures of us to spice it up, it's called Chip Thrill. That's what we do, a Chip Thrill. And she's like, oh yeah, she tells us. There's no paparazzi at the first season. So Julie, like, saying it was for the paps, that's like a lot. Ding, la, ding, la, ding, la seasons. So Julia, like, sing, it was for the paps. That's like a lot.

Ding, la, ding, la, ding, la, ding, la, ding, la, It's a lie, like. Your friend was holding a camera up and aiming at them. So, yeah. Yeah, but I kind of, I'm kind of with lurs on this one. I think that Julia's story has changed like three times now. I'm not saying that Julia was cheating, but Julia first was like, oh, I wasn't there. And then she's like, oh, yeah, like I made out with

someone, but like it was like making out just like whatever. And now it's like, oh, well, we weren't, we saw someone was wanting to take a photo of us. So we made out because we thought to give them a thrill. I was like, mm, yeah if you're going to have a real relationship, like basically, you get a call from your man from some truck somewhere, and then you take off your flip-flop, and then he spramps on his phone. And then boom, you're married. Like you're doing it wrong. So, Kiki's like, so Martina is OK.

Was you kissing a man or a woman? As long as you're having fun, is that the deal? And she was like, no, there's a difference between going out and kissing a man, okay? And Kiki's like, so was it like making out with a man or like just like a, wah, wah. It was make out I guess. And Adriana's like, Julia, stop explaining.

We're such a good vibe. This is ruining the vibe. Like guys, I can tell she's upset. I know my friend. Number two, nothing said what she'd done with Lisa down her throat. You guys didn't say nothing about that because remember you kissed Lisa and Kiki's like,

yeah, but that was a game. And she says, what do you know Kiki? You don't know shit. And so Kiki is like, she just snaps at Kiki. And Kiki's like, how do you tell me I don't know shit? And Julia's like, it's probably upset too, because today is about her and her moment

and he's turning into screaming. So Kiki is like, I was the only one that for yesterday and this bitch is gonna attack me. Fuck her. And Alexie is like, you can't leave. She's like, I'm not staying. And she whips out Burger King. And she starts like waving around this hamburger and eating it

And like she goes wait you have burger king I'm very so good. Well, I'm sending a vibe so Kiki starts swinging her burger around She's like I was there for you yesterday But I'm here now and I don't have to put up with this. I could be with my trainer right now While she's holding a hamburger. I could be with my trainer right now. While she's holding a hamburger. Why not? I think she said daughter.

Oh. But maybe her daughter is a trainer. So Kiki's like, that's a wrap. I'm gonna eat this because it means that now my son is gonna be bloated, so I'm done. I just like that she just had this waiting old day for her whopper and she's like, you know what? Fuck it.

This shoot is over, whopper time. But like I came out of nowhere. It wasn't like we saw her even reach into anything. It was just like, it just appeared in her hand. It's like all those TikTok videos where people snap and they're dressed in something else because everyone just finally learned like the joys of stopping and starting video. It's like, that's what happened with her with the with the wopper. So good. So she's like, I'm not going to put up with this bullshit. This is over. So she gets really bad. And I'm proud of her because this is like her first

big housewives fight. All right, she hasn't really had that yet. But though she had a fight actually, believe it or not, she, no, she had that fight in season, the last season about the goat like, like, oh yeah, sucking a goat's dick or something like that. I forgot, it was something really bizarre fight that she got into the Marisol.

Oh, but that, yeah, when Marisol say, God, I can't remember. But I remember, it was like the first party of the year or something. So I can eat, you know, and have goats. And there are no goats in Norway. Sometimes I don't know what the fuck it was. It was the dumbest fight.

So then now it's Gertie's house in the morning and her husband's in the kitchen, now it's Gurdie's house in the morning and, um, her husband's in the kitchen and she's in the bedroom and he calls her on her phone. It's like honey, do you want coffee or lemon water? So lemon water, please. Oh my God. So much to do. It's wedding season.

And of course, I'm booked and blessed and busy. And like, I actually really do local weddings. I do weddings all over the country. I everywhere, all around the country, everywhere, all around the world, Portugal, Cabo, Mexico, LA, Palm Springs, Tucson, Omaha, Vermont, wherever you want me, that's where I am. I'm gonna gratify the world one wedding at a time.

Mm. And Russell just wanders in and she's still looking at her phone and she's like, I haven't even seen the kid Russell. Can you believe this? I'm so busy. And if I'd grow up to be different, but I had two boys and I have been to his best friends with them. So you know what, I excel.

Yeah, their mother is Marvel. So yeah, she's basically just like, just like asking him to put on the suntan lotion on her legs and just answer. She's just on her phone the entire time, kind of not really present, not paying attention to him. It's just another goodie is very busy scene. So then we go over to Lisa's hideous fucking mansion. Oh my god. It looks like the structure store in the mall. You remember that store?

Oh yeah. Wow. I can fake Colorado. You're hitting below the belt now. The funnel looks like. That's a hideous house. So she's giving her kid ice cream and she's like, it's his healthy mommy. Todd, you're doing a terrible job raising. I know. That's my thought too. Like, I feel like no child of that age should be asking if the ice cream is healthy. So she's saying how she hasn't told the kids yet about her and Lenny.

Yeah, because they're young and they're probably doing understand. Yeah, no, they won't understand. They still don't understand the ice cream salty. So she's talking about the divorce and like the producer was asking like why is he denying? Why is Lenny denying that they're getting divorced? And she's like, I'm not even sure. I don't even know why she would deny after telling me so confidently that we're done over like done over and not getting back together and like It's one thing to go through a divorce privately, but now I have to go through it publicly and it's embarrassing

It's really fucking with me and I'll wake up to check the news and there I am on the news my marriage Fronten Center item number one on 60 minutes. God America's obsessed with me. I know number one on 60 minutes. God America's obsessed with me. I know. Oh, she's smiling while she says this, by the way. She's like, charm on the news. There I am. You smile. So, by the way, it sounds like she's almost like blaming Lenny for this being a public divorce, but I mean, you're the one on this TV show. I just want to say, like, there is a way around. There's a way to make this more private. Yeah, and so she tells her kid to take an app and she's like, I'm scared. And she basically, it's really, her kid's really cute. So when we go to the day of Julius party and there's birds in a cage, that's how you know your Julius house and caterers everywhere. She's going to change and get Elvis right in his costume.

Yeah, and Gertie shows up and there's a waiter in the driveway with glasses of champagne on his platter and Gertie's like, half poor, half poor. I mean, it's a hard day of work and like you need to fill the drink all the way up. Okay, we need to gratify this champagne. Gratify! So she's sitting downstairs and Julie is still getting ready. So she calls her and Julie is like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm just finishing with my grades.

And she's like, everything's great here. Don't worry. And Julie tells her, I disinvited Ki Ki by the way. You know, I already have loud birds. What the hell? And then she's so rude. I hate this. I hate rude. I hate this. I hate this.

I hate it because like your best friends would the loudest bird of all. Your best friends would a crackle. Okay, she's like, she's like, I didn't want to have that energy in my house. I texted Rotobait saying, good morning, Kiki. After events of yesterday, I will not have you in home. This home is a sacred, beautiful place suitable only for God that poop. Okay? So no kiki. And she says, but they're screaming at the threat of suing. And I was like, okay,

now you're just making shit out because that didn't happen, you know. So then we see a clip of what we didn't see 10 minutes ago. And this is when Kiki storms off the boat. She's taking off her shoes and she goes, take me out of this video. I don't want to be in that music video. And if I see myself on that video, I will sue. And then she storms off. Yeah.

So then Julia's life. Friends, you don't do that. And these kinds of crossing and attention grabbing screams, I can't have it. Okay, my daughters here my wife is here God, I just would like people who can have like and kind of controller anger issues, you know, cuz I already have loud birds That's it. Well, then don't invite the soul cast Yeah, Adriana barked at Kiki. Kiki was not being like wild and tension grabbing. Adriana was on his like,

why don't you be quiet? You know nothing. It's just so rude. Rude, yeah. And Gertie's like, ooh, you know, she's like, well, get yourself together I guess, but yeah, this is not cool. So Mary's soul and Alexia arrive,

but it's not Alexia. It's in a cool Well, you know Nicole So yeah, and then their marisos like hey, wait, are you Cuban all the good-looking people are Cuban? Kankies. I'm sorry. I don't drink champagne Killing So Julia comes in with her goat on a pink rope, tried to round it and kind of muscling it and her muzzle dogs. I was like, you know what?

Doesn't make me feel comfortable at a party. Muscle animals. Good. Fuck yeah. What's your dog like? Maybe. And this goats like on is like in a denim outfit, but also the diaper.

It's the whole thing. Yeah. Mary so it's like, you know, on that time, or like weird and twist and crosses the line. That's all this is a go. I just love an animal on a diaper. So. I just love an animal on a diaper. So it's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So Julia's daughter is in from Richmond and Larsa's on the way.

And Nicole's talking about her conversation with Larsa and Julia's like, I felt like Larsa conversation was pretty meditated. And Nicole's like, yeah, I felt like you derived like a sick, they are I say malicious pleasure of like Martina having like a moment with Larsa. Yeah, because they're like, but you invited her, you didn't invite Kiki, but you invited Larsa and she's the one who started all that shit.

And Nicole's like, yeah, because you want to see how, you know, your wife deals with Larsa or whatever. And Mary says like, bro, she's gonna swing some channels where I can't, I'm kind of giggling. So, Laura's a comes and she brings flowers. And she's like, I like to don't like feel bad, like for asking Julie if she kissed a man. And she doesn't feel bad about kissing a man.

I shouldn't feel bad about asking her about kissing a man. Yeah. And getting all offended about people asking you about your only fans last year. Yeah, you're right. Wasn't wasn't the big fight. In that, in that like a restaurant last year, where she stormed off. Yeah. Is that about only fans or was that about, I don't know, I think they were asking her

too many questions. So Martina comes in and she said, oh, hello, welcome everybody. Hello, darling. And Larsa's like, Larsa meets Martina for the first time, I guess. That's how I would like it. And Larsa's like, Adriana, how was your music video shoot? Were you happy? And she was happy. You guys ruined it. And we see Jonathan having a meeting with Adriana, how was your music video shoot? Were you happy? It was happy. You guys ruined it. And we see Jonathan having a meeting with Adriana. And she's like, so yesterday we weren't able to get all the coverage that we needed. We're still missing a lot of footage that we need.

Okay, the lens cap was on. I'll just say it, the lens cap was on. It's ruined, it's all ruined. I don't see Vogue here. I see us weekly. I'm done, I'm out of here. Um, so Lars is like, who ruined it like you did when you were attacking Julia. And she's, did I attack you Julia? I mean, I asked the question. Say.

And Adriana was like, well, I was very shady and Lars is like, but she admitted it. Well, it was premeditated. It was a premeditated thing. And Lars is basically like, I don't think it's a big deal. And then we see over by Elvis that his diaper has just like fallen and there's just like around his ankles, and my arms all is like,

I mean, everyone's fighting, but right now, I see his like, go with a diaper, a soil diaper, wrapped around his ankles, shimmy around the house. I mean, where do you go from there? You can't even think about anything else. No, so then Martinez is like,

oh, darling, the diapers on the floor. And Julie's like, oh, darling, talk to the people. My friend has questions. I'll take care of it. And Adrienne was like, okay, Martina, they're trying to read comments that could implicate Julia and you and I don't like it. Okay?

No, they're trying to implicate Julia and you and I don't like it. And she goes, oh, implicate. Oh, in what way? Like, Martina does not give a fuck. She's like, you are the pettiest idiots I've ever had in my home. I can't believe you're even in the same house as books. She, I don't, she, Martina ever had in my home. I can't believe you're even the same house as books. She I don't she Martina Probably had to deal with I don't I don't know if this is true or not, but I'm sure in the 80s

She probably had to deal with like a fair share of worldwide tabloid headlines and gossip like this is just like nothing for her She's like I'm a sports icon. I really don't care what Lars Pippin has to say about me or my wife Yeah, and so we get it done done. I fucking love Martina. And what? So, she actively is mocking like the story point of the show we're watching. And they're playing all this dramatic music and she does not care. And Lars is like, well, two weeks ago, like someone told me they saw Juliet like

fall, winter, spring and summer. The four seasons. I was trying to make it so like, Juliet could understand it, but like she was making out with like a man. Well, hold on, let me put my finger on my chin and do the thinker pose. Don't, don't't don't don't

Well, I would prefer Julia to make out with a man over a woman and they're like yeah I'll start cracking up. Yeah, Alexia's like oh, you're so cool and Marchine goes Well, when I miss when if when I kiss Quintet Paltrow on TV. She didn't like it so much That's my little way of saying that like while you're coming up with Gotham about a guy at the four seasons, my gossip's about Gwyneth Paltrow. It's just like my scandals deal with A-listers. So Marina, Marina, Martinez says, oh I haven't kissed him at any long time. He's well-known in the tennis world. and they're like who? And no one really cares everyone just kind of walks off book marises. It's like wait a minute I can got sus because I'm

an old one. Was a fratistby. Kim, I'm telling me. Oh, never tell. That's a good way to just clear the room of people who are trying to get dirt on you. But like, well, it was someone who's very well known and men's tennis people like, you know what? It's okay. Is he? Yeah. So then Lisa comes of course, you know, she's never she always has to have like her solo entrance. And I kind of love Lisa. She's like, hi.

Hi guys. Hey guys, let's have a monkey chat. Monkey chat. Lisa go to the sofa. So Larsa. But I love that Lisa handed wine to Martina and Martina is like, mmm, and she just looks at right up to her face and like gives it a solid body check. That one.

Oh, this reminds me of the wine that I received from Steven Spielberg. He loves chewb chock as well. Because you know her ass is locked out of that wine cellar. Yeah, it certainly is. So they sit down and they're basically asking her like, why does Lenny deny this divorce? And Marisol's like you know, he's just not thinking straight. I'm like, that's not going to give Lenny an excuses about whether or not he's thinking straight. He's thinking with his dick and who cares? That's his fault.

Yeah. And she does her whole, it's so hard when it's public. You know, she does that one log again. And the call's like, do you know how long this has been going on? She's like, I don't know. Well, it's usually like a year or two because the women, they don't see it because they don't want to see it. And that's how it happens. Yeah, he's probably been sleeping in someone with like four or five six, seven years. You probably just didn't know. You're sort of stupid. Here's a stupid person in denial. Sad

that you're in denial. But that's what you are. You know, there's just women. Oh, like you're just coming in saying that, oh, yeah, he's probably sleeping with her for two years. I'm sure that's exactly what Liz wanted to hear at that moment. Like a warm hug. So Lisa's like, I noted something weird, like a crush, like in our parties. And I hate those fucking parties. You guys see, I like those parties. Like I don't like random hos in my house, you know?

Like Miami's a very different place to be married, first of all. And then you have these parties and these Instagram hos and all this contributed to the demise of our marriage. You know what, also contributed to the demise of your marriage. Your husband is a douchebag, awful person. It's, I mean, like, yes, there are these girls and quote unquote Instagram hosts. But it's him.

He's the one who contributed to the demise of your marriage. Don't blame everyone else. Yeah. I'm not saying that she's wrong. I'm saying, let's not forget Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny. Yeah, don't blame the Instagram young ladies. Okay. Yes. And so Lars is like, yeah, like the way that he's like handling this is like so crazy. Like you want to give up your relationship of 15 years and Gurdys like this could happen to all of us. This house is on fire. Let me call Russell.

Well you know what Lisa? This is setting you up for something great. Okay, because like you're going to have so many great things happening now because of this and like wow this reminds me of why I never want to be malicious. I'm never going to stop working. Okay, because life can change in the blink of an eye. And the only person you can rely on is yourself. And, you know, someone to take you to the keys on their private plane on top of it.

I like that. So they go outside and Julie is afraid too, right? Because every time you see a crumbling marriage, you're like, am I next? And she's like, I'm living type Foxy through that horror of what could happen with my marriage. It's wake up cold. And we could bail ringing in my ear since weeks.

And so they're all standing on the dock. And Martinez's like, oh, I'm gonna jump off that dock. It just looks beautiful out here. And they're like, oh, I'm gonna jump off that dog. It just looks beautiful out here. And they're like, oh my God, you could drown. Yeah, and Nicole's like, oh, you know what would be really like romantic, would be if like you, like you and Martina, Julia, you and Martina like, oh, just like in the water, kissing, sunset going down.

So they hatched this plan, Julia jumps in the water and she like hides under the dock. And then Martina's like, oh, I'm gonna jump in. So she comes in, Julia jumps in the water and she hides under the dock. And then Martina's like, I'm gonna jump in. So she comes in and she jumps in the water and she doesn't realize Julia's there. And Julia's like, I'm here. And then Martina's actually very delighted. And they kind of embraced in the water

and just like cuddle in the water. And they're all cheering the models. I was like a very sweet way to end the episode. And then they drowned. So that was a fun one. Love this show. I just love the way everything. I love the colors of they drowned. So that was a fun one. Love this show. I just love the way everything.

I love the colors of it. I love the way the show shot. I love the just silliness of all the reactions to it. There's kind of like a rawness in all their emotional reactions, right? Like there's something a little unfiltered. Like when they feel something, it just comes out in like, in a full way, you know, it's not, it's,

it's not tempered, it's not polite, it's just kind of like, this is how I feel right now, and this is the urgency of my feeling. Love it. Well, everybody, thank you so much for being here. That brings us to the end of Real Housewives of Miami. Go to watchrootcrapons.com to get live show tickets and patreon.com slash watchroot crap ons for our crap ons on demand videos and bonuses and we will talk to you next week everybody have a great weekend. Bye everyone. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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