Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: An Apple A Day Keeps Dolores Away

Episode Date: May 7, 2021

This week on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, the women go apple picking. Dolores has a few things on her mind, and she's not afraid to say them.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Karam, what's going on Ronnie? Well, hello, being.

Hi, are you excited for tonight? Are you so excited for tonight? Oh my god, I'm so excited tonight. I'm gonna even shave my back for it. Wow, I don't even know what I'm gonna wear, but if history is any indication, I will decide five minutes before we go live, and then I will realize that everything that I thought about wearing is wrinkled, and so then I'll just wear something stupid instead. Mine all fits like a tube top.

So whatever I wear will be fitting like a tube top, I'm sure, because all my button down shirts are from pre-coronate times. Okay. Okay. Yes. So what we're talking about is that we have our live show tonight. Time is running out to get tickets. It's actually it's not really running out because the live show is tonight.

So if you want to be part of it live, you can do that. But it's actually going to be available for seven days. So even if you miss it tonight, you can actually still be, you can still go and like get a ticket and watch it. It's just that the people that are watching it tonight get to participate in a Q&A and all that fun stuff. Yes. Everyone can be watching all at the same time. And so there'll be lots of chatter on the internets. So in because we're so excited about tonight's live show where we will be recapping the Roni season premiere and we are also going to be talking about the big shot with Beth and Franco. We are getting into the mood by talking about our favorite or who I'm sorry who we believe are the most underrated real housewives of New York and we're

getting down to it. Okay, we're here at number three and we're gonna announce the top two of our list on the live show. But for number three, Rhyny, why don't you tell everyone who is your number three most underrated Real Housewives of New York player? Well, you know, I'm gonna have to give this one to Tinsley.

Now I know this might be controversial because you know, why would Tinsley be underrated? You know, people like Tinsley for the most part and she's fairly recent. I think she's underrated because Tinsley never gets any damn credit for anything. You know when Tinsley came on it was the same year as other people and everyone's like Tinsley is boring, she's too young, she just cries all the time. That was me who said that. That's actually quotes that you can find in mind at the New York Times. Yeah. Like on a big poster on Broadway. So yeah.

But then, we started to love her. I even left her back then because she was always, oh my eggs. Loved all that. And then as time went on, I think she just kept getting overshadowed. It's like her last season, she's overshadowed by Leah coming in.

And even when she left, it's like, well, Leah's left alone. Poor Leah. It wasn't like T Tinsley, you know, it was like poor Leah. And then she also got overshadowed by Durinda. And also Durinda was super toxic. Her last season and really tried to do her in. And then Tinsley, I think, had a really triumphant reunion episode where she went out with a good bang. And then guess what? Then she gets dumped by Scott and the whole fairy tale, the whole fairy tale ending totally crashed on its face. And did anybody say, you know what? This housewife season could use an extra person.

Okay, it's only five people right now on New York. We could have used, did anyone say, hey, call Tinsley? No, everyone instead is like, you know what, where's Drender? What are you doing here with that Drender? So I think that Tinsley is highly underrated. And you know what? It bugs me. Yeah, you know, I think, I think you make some great points

because I think that when Tinsley came onto, when she was cast, it felt a little bit like stun casting because she's a known socialite and she just is Kind of seems like not from a different world but different generation You know the real housewives of New York were just always these older women and they all went to the Hampton They just had a different life and Tinsley just felt like she was it didn't feel like a culture fit Necessarily even though totally an upper-rise side sort of girl like culture fit like that, yes. But just Tinsley felt like she was coming. She was always New York City's off brand

parasolton through the ops, right? And just felt like a weird, stunty kind of casting choice. I think that New York had had, you know, jewels and quite workout and before that Kristen take men, both on our list. But I think that New York York they kind of were like, Oh, we got to put someone with name recognition or something like that. And at first I thought, I don't know about this, it's in the Mortimer and everyone else is so outrageous and she's just like there.

But then I've come to realize that, you know, her, her sad desperation, her aging starlit kind of vibe, which was best epitomized with her being in the big Apple circus with big like Dolly makeup on crime. I'm miserable, I'm like miserable. It's kind of amazing. It's kind of amazing. It's kind of amazing. You know, and whatever happened to Baby Jane get up was pretty perfect.

Yeah, so I actually completely agree with you, which is why Tinzy Mortimer is also my number three, but I'm gonna give it a little bit of a judge, and if you feel like taking this judge, you're more to my flavor. Yeah, Tinsley number three for both of us, but I'm gonna add a little judge, because when I went on to Instagram live a few nights ago, and I pulled the audience, people suggested a name that should have been on my list

and wasn't, and I said, you know what, I'm just gonna cheat a little bit, and I'm gonna wedge her in here too. I'm gonna not say just tens, I'm gonna say tensly and Dale. I think Dale is actually, is great on Real Housewives of New York. She's always hilarious, the way she undermines,

she's competitive and undermines her daughter and babies her at the same time. They are kind of an amazing duo. I actually think Dale could have been a Real Housewife of New York. So I'm going to kind of wedge Dale and maybe she's on your list higher up, but for me, I'm kind of wedging her in with this. I'm saying tinsley and Dale for my number three.

Wow. Um, you know, I didn't even include mothers or, you know, people like that. We included Elise, you know, like we have, we both have Elise and Elise. Elise isn't somebody's mother. How dare you? No, but I mean, that she's not a- No, but I mean, that she's not a- No, but I mean, that we both have a lease. Well, at least it's somebody's mother. How dare you? No, but me, that is not the other day. It's the other day that Elise did just what I said. She was doing that I loved.

She had an Instagram, she's like, today, we're talking about Ethereum in the cryptocurrencies. What is Ethereum? Keep watching to find out. Today, we're talking about Doggycoin. Okay, what is Doggycoin? Oh God, don't get me started on that. I'm so mad. I missed out on that. Okay, yeah. So Dale, you know, Dale's amazing. Yeah, I would

put Dale number one if that's allowed. Although I don't know that Dale's underrated because everyone I think universally thinks Dale's amazing, except for those people who she triggers. You know, because there's a lot of people who are like, oh my god, that is my bother. I'm trigger Well, we got a lot of that. Well, that's why she's sort of just kind of getting wedged in with Tinsley I don't really know where Dale fits. I figured as long as we're doing friends of then you know, Dale I think Dale counts as being being in the mix. So that's that's where I'm I'm putting her Okay, That was great. What a wonderful way to come together on this fine day. And then our number two is number one is going to be

are still to come. I'm excited to hear what you have for your tops. Okay. Well, you know, I'm excited to come up with them. So everybody does will be tonight. And we'll also read your your faves out of who we chose in tonight. So see you there. Okay. 6 p.m. Pacific 9 p.m. Eastern, you know, we'll be there with very tight clothes on. So today we have Thank you for not committing us with bells to bells. I was afraid we're gonna have to wear bells. I hate that saying I'll be there with especially as a gay guy. Like I'll be there with bells on because you know everybody in their rooms like all bet you will bitch Like what am I, a cow? Huh?

Huh? Time is money. So, um, real house was a new jersey. Here we are. Um, the episode opens up with the most exciting thing possible. Melissa going to envy and fudzing with mannequins as if she actually works there. She's like, oh, I don't know if I like this. No, oh, did we just get this in?

Okay, what is this? Cheetah print and zebra mixed together. I have such good taste. Let's like, oh, I don't know if I like this. No, oh, did we just get this in? Okay, what is this? Cheetah print and zebra mixed together. I have such good taste. Let's put this on a mannequin. Yeah, she's very, you know, she's gonna do that whole, I'm a woman and I have a business storyline today where she's like a badass business bitch. So today, she's like, I, you know what?

I don't like that sweater on her. Let's trade it to this sweater and tuck it in. I was like, whoa, whoa. She's a woman in fashion. Wow. Someone called Anna Winter and let her know what's happening across the bridge. And Jersey is literally Anna Winter. It's just like some horrible lady who is just always out in the winter, making

everybody miserable. It's like, oh, here comes Anna Winter in her five ponchos. Hi, it's Anna winter. Just hanging out with Jody and Jody number two. Hi, you know what? I know winter's a hard time for everybody, honey. So if anybody's having trouble with the ovens, feel free to come down to my house. All right. No need to call Shoshana again. That was disgusting to me and the whole neighborhood, frankly. Yeah, but you know what? Just so you know, we're not in Rana, not invited. Okay. So, um, actually, it's Rana and Rana.

I apologize. You put that like, I like the Anna winter has her own, you know, lesbian friends with the same man. Anna has a Rana and Rana and Riz has Rana and Rizana. So, so why not? There's nine million Joes. Well, 9 million and one, because you know, there's always one more. So, um, so the worker that over a Margaret, the workers are putting stuff on the

walls and the ballroom. They're finally getting that ready for her big photo shoot. This photo shoot, which we've been on the verge of having for like, 10 weeks, like how long is the take to set up for a photo shoot? This one's been going on a long time. And then yeah, a really long time. And she's like, you know, I don't even need to wax because it's not like any but it's gonna be

photographic, my pus. That's fiat, that's fiat. And Lexi goes, maybe that's another book. I don't know, with Mr. Nipple Creative Director, you never know what's gonna wind up in the photo shoot. Now that's when you need to, okay, that guy, listen, he's cute and everything. And if I could wear, let's face it,

I'm not even gonna put myself like, if I could wear one of those muscle tees, that's never gonna happen. But if you're gonna wear one, you know, when you put something on and you try it out in the mirror and you're always standing up straight and look cute, no. When you get front of the mirror you need to like slouch over and preferably bend over a housewife Because that's when you really know how that things looks, you know like what are you trying to feed her put on a shirt? Sir, I know I know it was like I was getting flashbacks to the squirrel that I found dead on the walkway

And it was like a lady squirrel and so, her, she was just like, this squirrel was so sad and so disturbing, this squirrel just spayed out. As dead as the squirrel can be, like every arm, as far apart as possible, I was like, I just fell from a tree. Like it was literally like, see, you flicker in squirrel form. The biggie flicker, squirrel.

I'm like, it's all I want, man. At all its squirrel nips were out. Like it was like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And it's not even the fight that was like a very sad scene because it was a poor squirrel and probably was nursing, which is why his nips were like, but it was also like when I saw this guy's nip, I like literally got a flashback to this

dead nipley squirrel on his sidewalk. And I was like, please don't take me back to that place. Yeah, that's a bad flashback, jeez. Yeah, it's traumatic. It happened a week ago and I didn't really share it, but it was, like the squirrel literally had his tongue hanging out of its mouth too. It was like as dead, like the deadest squirrel

you've ever seen in your life. Well, hopefully nobody knows that guy and nobody will tell him to listen to this show because I don't think he needs to walk around with that in his mind, like, I look like a dead pregnant squirrel on the side of the road. Oh, fuck those queens. Who are these queens that said I've got nipples

like a dead squirrel on the side? I'm sorry for what's a visual reference. I'm not even being snarky. It's a visual reference to something that happened on my life. Yeah. All right, let's go over to Jackie's house where the kids are playing soccer. Good.

The most and most Jackieish thing that could be happening is the kids playing soccer on the lawn. I feel like that's how you're saying Jackie. Yeah, they're just giving themselves haircuts while they play soccer. It's like everyone's heads are kind of bleeding, you know, because they can't stay still. Every Jackie scene at home sort of feels like it's the beginning of a Sunday D commercial. Just a little bit. I feel like every scene at Jackie's house is like, but you're rich. That's always how I feel. I'm like, don't your kids have play stations? I'm like, you're rich.

Every scene should go outside and play kids. No, how about you're a billionaire and I deserve a hoverboard or something. Yeah, that's true. Do better, do better rich people. Mm-hmm. So Jackie is going on a birthday trip tomorrow. It's her birthday.

And so everyone's gonna go apple picking and wine tasting at one of New Jersey's famed wine vineyards. And Jackie gives us one of the most uninteresting observations in the history of this show. You know, I actually would like to go apple picking my family. When you have all that little kid energy at home, it's like chaos, but when you bring that to an app

all it should, it's almost like a great memory. Right, thanks. Thanks for the insight. You got news flash. Kids are much more tolerable when they're outside. Kids are much better when there's the threat of things falling on their heads. When there's gravity there, it can balance out the chaotic energy of children.

So she's trusting Evan with virtual school, which I wouldn't. I mean, I think that every mom in the country was just like, don't do it. All right, well, here's the day the kids aren't going to do jack shit. Okay. So then Dolores, she calls Dolores Coul her and Dolores is like, Hey, it's me Dolores. Listen, I just wanted to tell you I'm going to be a little late today because I have an appointment in the morning with a doctor. Don't worry, even though I've, you know, been talking about cancer a little bit and now I'm using doctors to fake excuse. Please

don't worry about anything. I kind of hate you. Can you tell by my voice or is this the, I have some dried pasta on my on my countertops voice. I'm not really with anything. I kind of hate you. Can you tell by my voice, or is this the, I have some dried pasta on my, on my countertops voice? I'm not really with store I'm using, but I am walking back and forth from the garage to the living room, to the laundry room and back. I'm making a triangle, that's all I'm saying. Anything to add.

Well, you know, I'm really happy that you're coming since, you know, you know, we have a release spoken since Michelle's party and, and Dolores is, oh, it's okay, it's okay. I'm just gonna drive up, but, you know, I have it with these spoken since Michelle's party and Dolores is, oh, it's okay. It's okay. I'm just going to drive up, but, you know, I've cooled off. I've cooled off. You know, so you do have a doctor's appointment.

It's not just an excuse. Yeah, yeah, I have a doctor's appointment. A very repeatable doctor. His name is Dr. Seuss and he's apparently going to treat all my heebies and my GVs and guess I am going to have Dr. Seuss look at my cans. Listen the guys a couple of books short of a doctorate but I'm gonna trust them anyway I found them on a group on okay so she's she then it cost her telling us she's like all right I don't have a doctor's appointment but after the way everyone acted in Michelle's birthday party,

I don't wanna be in the car with you fucking jerk offs, all right? But I'm gonna do the right thing and I'm gonna go, even if they haven't done right by me. Yeah, so, you know, Jackie's just hoping that when they get there, they can all talk about it and not scream about it. And Evan's like, yeah, I think that human beings can disagree and talk in a normal tone, you know what I'm saying? And she's like, well, you know, human beings and women from New Jersey have two different animals. Okay. One does really well in an apple orchard and one doesn't. Okay. So then

we go over to Jen's house. Now, Jen, congratulations on your freezy gallery furniture. Okay. I love a bargain. I love people who can pick a bargain. Don't pick out your own furniture next time, but somebody else do that. Why would you get gray on gray on gray in a gray house with a gray bat, even your background's gray? Like, even the overlooking out the window over the mall is gray in parameters. It's like pure parameters, gray skies, gray walls, gray furniture. Come on. It's like gray skies are gonna clear up and reveal more gray. So this new furniture comes gray.

Just a lot of gray. And so Jen sits down on it and Gabby's there and she's, hey, Gab's checking out a match the couch. I'm like the couch is the epitome of neutral. Literally everything matches the couch. Yeah. Um, so Jen is telling us she's been waiting to redecorate for a long time. And basically she says she gravitated towards Bill's style because he loves regal or neat. And then the pentemic hit and I said, you know what? I can't stand this funny, sad, and aggressive. But that is not Bill's. Bill did not say go to China and find me. I can't stand this funny to their back risen.

But that is not Bill's. Bill did not say go to China and find me 19th-Romers to sit at. You did not do that. You did that. Stop blaming Bill. Did Bill say I want this place to look like Liberace's love palace? Perhaps. But did he say do you have to go to China for it? I'm not sure. Mm-hmm. Did you see the watcher happens live with them? perhaps, but did he say do you have to go to China for it? I'm not sure.

Did you see the watch it happens live with them? You know, I didn't have time to. How was everyone seem to be loving it? Well, I stopped watching it, not out of hate or anything. I was just like, okay, it's just one of those games where he's like, all right, who thinks it just stands too much. My, you know, it was one of those, but the opening was so good. I saw the opening. It was the house opening, the house has been so new to her as they only had all their opening lines and stuff.

And Bill says, on the only build that my wife needs to worry about. Mm. So Jen is calling up her. She wants her mom to come over to see the new furniture because she's been so excited to see the new furniture, so she calls up Josephine and she's like, hey mom, how's it going, baby? And her mom's like, hey, is everything okay, baby? Yes, I'm sitting down on the earth. What are you doing, babe? And she's like, wow, we've been turning the furniture, baby. Come see the delivery. You can see it. Come off the truck.

You can see that they have such good practice. I'd like to say thank you to you, gathering on. It's all about your emotions. Come on, Oma. What love service, baby? So, it just feels like, no, no. You make a fool out of me. You made a fool out of me. What do you mean I made a fool out of you? Baby, just because I add all your grievances on national TV ads. I just wanted to show you that all the women in New Jersey are different to husbands and that's still happening. Look at that, baby.

And the mom's like, you embarrassed me. Now you're making look like, you know, I'm a fool. When I should be happy, I should spend this time enjoying my grandchildren. Well, there's a saying in life, no good deed goes unpunished, right, baby. I know one person who knows what that's all about. It's called a fox and lives on the block, okay? That fox gets no appreciation, baby. So the mom hangs up and she turns to the dad and she's like, she thinks she thinks she's punished for me now.

You hear that dad? She thinks I'm looking behind the back to making, working behind the back to make her look bad. Really think of that dad? That's not fair to go bitch about her to the dad who is kind of the cause of this whole thing. But Jen's just really a good person with frezy gallery. So we'll just let it slide. I also like that the dad was just sort of sitting there

at the counter with a giant Betty Boop mug. I think of course Jennifer has a Betty Boop mug. Hey, check out this mod lady over here. Betty Boop, I like that. Betty Boop is coming with me, baby. Commissars, here comes one right now. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife.

And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon.

Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Um, so he's still sitting there with one of his, uh, Arab, his, it's not AirPods, I guess, because they're courted, but one of his like,

little accessories. Earpod, AirPods things above his ear, which just cracks me up. I don't know why, but I'm not sure. You get to certain age and life, and you just decide to always have, um, telecom accessories on you at all times, right? Yeah, you just don't want to lose it like the remote control. He's like wearing the remote controllers about tie

You know, it's like those guys who remember like in especially the heyday of beepers those guys are just or or or just people who just have Their cell phone like a little holster on the side of their pants. I always like a middle-aged guy I've been like hold on let me get myself on out of my gun holster on the side of their pants. I always like a middle-aged guy. I'd be like, hold on, let me get my cellphone out of my gun holster, except it holds up. Yeah, I mean, Texas, so that literally happens. Or people who wear the blue juice, I had that thing in that one year, like all day long. Yeah, that's what it's kind of like.

Yeah, like a Wall Street guy who's like, yeah, I could be on Bluetooth or I could be talking to you. Who cares, I'm in dick either way. So let's go to tree's house, okay, so now instead of Gia We've got Melania in there who's already kind of talking like she speaks 97 smokes 97 calorie She smokes can you tell where my brain is at today? What was smoking calories now? Jesus Christ. I would if I could trust me We're smoking calories now. Jesus Christ. I would if I could trust you.

You could. Oh, she's like, oh, what are you doing, my? What are you making breakfast? Food right now. Come on, my buddy, you making breakfast. So give me a fucking break. And Teresa's like, nah, boil an eggs. Which winds up being a theme in this episode.

Of course, New Jersey would have boiling eggs as a theme. So then Teresa's like, yeah, I just worked out. I just came back from the gym. I was a G&M. I was a G&M. I was a G&M. The G&M rose and rose and rose and rosy and yeah. Well, I got a burger and fries too bad. You can't have me, mom. Stupid. Look at me. I mean, I think a burger and fries. And, uh, Ding Tongue. It's my brother. What gonna one and I have to garage to do? It's like, oh my God. This is like looking at Teresa's garage was like all the things that the toy mafia

has put hits out on are interhesus garage. It's like she's got these big giant dead wooden nut crackers. Hons of them. And like a big dead, like a big dead tarantula. It's just like a horrible like everything that's been hot and hit in toy land. Is it like it's like when they filmed babes in Toyland and they're like okay Tom to strike the set. No, no, no, I got a place for that

She's like the entire set of that movie is in her garage. Yeah So he comes he's like, yeah, you got a man here, right? You know what you need help cleaning Yeah, you need help taking that Amazon boxes. That's why God, you know, means you, you know, so you could call a man, all right. You know, when you took a rib out of a man, it's really just because it was in the shape of a telephone for a woman to call so the man could do all the stuff that woman's too stupid to do.

So, all right, glad you called me under rib. Hey, what's the deal? Why did you tell everyone's allows and love? Like, why were you saying that, Dad? Yes. Because you're so happy. And that guy's so hot. Have you seen that guy in a speedo? God, that guy gets me hard, all right? You know what? I like a guy who can show us feelings and you know what? I can show my feelings. I want to

fuck that guy. That's what I'm saying, all right? Because I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm man enough to admit it, all right? So yeah, he's basically, he he's just he loves this guy we see a flashback of him telling him unless how much he likes this guy and then he's like I like a guy I like a man that can admit that he's in love with you you know like your act has never said anything nice and then we see once again let's wheel out the only clip that's used more than prostitution or is this one? She comes as my bitch wife. She's such a cut fitness. Oh god, I hate her. So why do Ks in the way you come to Lisa? And she's like, yeah, you know the second time around that's what I want. And he's like, do you love him? Do you love him? Like I love him. And she's like got her hand on this gigantic

triantula thing. And he's like, I want to hear from your mouth. I want to hear it from your mouth. And did you notice he's kind of playing with his nipples while he says that? I did not. Tell me how much you like him. Tell me how much you like him. It's like back up. Weirdo, geez.

And she's like, well, he's the most amazing guys I have ever met. And he really is. And he like, he makes me laugh. And he's so smart, you know? And like, you know, in the past, in the past, I opened up my life as is and like, you know, it hasn't gotten too well. You know what I'm saying, huh? Yeah, opening your life wasn't the problem, okay?

Opening up something. Farching documents. Opening up that pen was the document. Yeah. It was the problem, okay. So then she's like, what, what's that saying? You have to test private before you buy it, huh? Which makes me wonder how many lemon cars she's like, what's that saying? You have to test drive it before you buys it, huh? Which makes me wonder how many lemon cars she's purchased in her life

that she never test drove. What do you say? What do you do? You're supposed to test drive, huh? How do you do it? So then we go over to the photo shoot at Marge and Lexi's like, the contrast is killer. And Joe has finally finished the ballroom. It took him eight years. And so, Marge is doing the photo shoot. Okay, Marge, seeing this coming up, we're gonna put it on the cover. The back cover, I'm when I crazy here.

I'm gonna put it on the back cover. Okay, you know what? This photo shoot is very emotional for me. Okay, it's so crazy looking back at my younger self. I was just very intimidated by men. And now I look back at my completely different woman now. I'm stronger, I'm independent, I love ice coffee with a little confetti creamer in it and a straw.

I mean, I'm a different person. Yeah, I'm totally different. And what I brought people to see when they look at the cover of this book is not only a finished house, but I want them to see a woman who's comfortable enough eating grapes and to also french fries. Okay, perfect setup. Yeah, so she's basically just, you know, like, they're just, it's just a photo shoot and then she and Marb seeing yours from a pub and cry and Marb seeing her as proud of her. It's, you know,

it is the great conclusion of the photo shoot storyline until next week when it comes back, I'm sure. Yeah, so then we go over to Dolores's house where she's either in her closet or her kitchen it's the kitchen kitchen wins Dolores way you have to lores Dolores Dolores were I in the lores um so uh so Frank comes in with a bunch of balloons I mean he this is they truly have a sitcom life like this is not this is no joke the way he sitcom life. Like, this is not, this is no joke. The way he always has a tagline when he enters in, which is the wars. And then he always has some sort of

prop. So this week's prop is, is our balloons. He's like, oh, the lures. I can't believe I own our children. I'm getting it. We have one thousand to be a doctor. And they always go on Wall Street. Oh, we didn't do so bad parents. Did we, huh? Huh? Huh? The kids are a week apart, and since they were little, we did joint parties in the groan, so we keep it alive. All right, we'll still just keep it alive. You know what? Because none of them are in my business.

And if they were, I say, fuck you and fuck you, both on your birthday, okay? Happy fuck you, Dave. Both you get the fuck out of my house. Yeah, so Frankie comes over, and I like that when Frankie shows up to Laura's always acts like he just Like sang a little song and his you know third grade Musical because you you she goes oh

Yeah, he's like hey mom. Oh look Frank at the camp quarter get the camp quarter. It's his his performance I think Abby comes and she's like mom. I like your skirt. I like your shirt. And she goes oh Do you want it Gabby? You can have like, mom, I like your shirt, or I like your shirt. And she goes, oh, do you want it Gabby? You can have it just, no. But it's nice. She's like, yeah, we don't dress the same. Okay, well at least Frank's here. Hi, little Frankie.

Oh, look at him. Look, he's sitting down. He's sitting down. You know what your sister wants for her birthday? You to sing something. Come on, Frankie, do it for her. Come on, do the tea pot song. It's your favorite.

You know, this bout a whole thing. Come on. You'll wear my top, right Frankie? Come on Frankie, do it for it. Come on, do the T-Pots song. It's your favorite. You know, the spout, the whole thing. Come on. You're your wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- you're wh- He's wearing another motorcycle jacket cuz guess what he loves motorcycles in case you couldn't tell Yeah, he really does So Frank is like, whoa you should have seen the Lord's the cocktail party and right? She got so mad just you know what I did yell because they said look Why would David buy you a Porsche and not a ring? You know and then you know what they did they took a poll could you can you believe it?

They took a poll I mean as if it's is it a diversion and are you just buying me a Porsche to stall that was the poll You know what that is the last straw right that the last straw poll actually It's a look listen. I wrote a letter to both Gallup and Quinnipiac and I said no more polls, okay? It's disrespectful. I don't want to hear anything more. Okay, so David's like listen You're putting the ass in Rasmussen. Do I need to come over there and kick your ass? Because I'll do it.

All right, no more polls. So David, he doesn't really care, mainly because he's barely even committed to this relationship. So he's like, you know what, I'm 56 years old. I'm comfortable in my life. It's okay, I got a motorcycle in the living room. What do I got to complain about? I got a rocket in my pocket, okay's okay. I got a motorcycle in the living room. What do I got to complain about? I got a rocket in my pocket.

Okay, what do I care? But also, I think he cares about the relationship. I mean, look, he gave the woman a Porsche. Why is everybody acting like a Porsche isn't a big gift? I'd fucking die. I don't need you to marry me. I don't want you to marry me in the first place, but if you get me a Porsche, I'll do whatever you want.

I'll get that but child for you. Well, I think that's the issue. That's the issue. That's the issue, which is that it seems like he's buying her off. But actually, there is no issue because the Lord is happy and this is what all she wants out of it. So there really is no issue, but the reason why it pings on people's radars

is that in other relationships, this would be viewed as a tactic to say, like, oh, you think you're gonna maybe walk away from me? I just bought you something, so now you are like, you know, I've been transdue by giving you things. So I think in other relationships, it would feel a little bit like, oh, this guy is not serious, but he's just gonna buy his way into her affection. But I'm into it. I can get stuff without marrying your stupid ass.

Yeah. I mean, that's amazing. Well, it's more so than I'm getting stuff that I would, it's like I'm getting stuff that I can get stuff without marrying your stupid ass. I mean, that's amazing. Well, it's more easy to do. It's like I'm getting stuff that I would get from you in the divorce anyway. So just keep, you know, bring it on. Yeah. No, listen, if that's what you want out of it, then it's perfect, you know, but I think they're just sort of confused because she said last year that she wanted a ring. And now all of a sudden she doesn't want to ring it anymore. Now she wants, you know, a ring cam now all of a sudden she doesn't want to ring anymore now she wants you know a ring cam perhaps so Or ring doorbell or whatever it was a bad pun. Okay, we're moving forward. So so Dolores is like you know what? Door floor floor

It's a Frank a Frank can we what we what we what It's a prank. A prank. Where you at? Where you at? The Lord, the Lord, the Lord! That would be the most horrifying throughout of all time. So, um, the Lord says, listen, I just want to respect and protect our relationship, even if our relationship just consists of us seeing each other once or twice a month.

Okay, I wanna protect that. Okay, we're in a beautiful monogamous relationship. And then Gabby turns the Frank and goes, I'm sure that's a foreign concept for you, Dad. But he's like, how does it turn to me, huh? So she's like, you know, I know my friends think I'm not happy, but David shows up where it matters You know what? Is anyone else standing at my door with little kitty cat screen printed onto a cake for Gabby?

The one who refuses to wear my clothes? No, David is so you know what? You ride the horse that comes out of the stable That's what I'm saying Just imagining theores unstable. So when the host is gonna come out? Do we have a host? Okay, well wait, well wait. I don't have anything to do. I've been in Texas too long, I'm sorry.

No, I love you. You always pepper the recaps with all these fun little Texas colloquialism. Yeah, so. I don't think that it's long. You said what the other day, and this one actually quoted it and put it on to Facebook, so I don't think that it's one. You said what the other day, and this one actually quoted it and put it on to Facebook, and I don't remember what it was. Oh, actually, I don't think it was a colloquialism. You said that Cameron has Teflon on her,

so that way she doesn't have to learn anything more with that whole Scotch guard. Scotch guard. So Frank, let's see. OK, so then we go over to Jackie's house where she is putting food in bags. Like she's really determined to show that she loves food because she's ordered food for the cast.

But there's like six of them and there's like 13 individual packed breakfasts. Yeah, there's lots of sandwich options. And so Margaret shows up first. She's like, my God, you look so full-sheik. Margaret's, no, you look full-sheik. You look full-sheik. You look full-sheik.

So they go and- You look so classy, Mark. You just are the epitome of class. Look at you. And Mark, it goes to what Mark is wearing. She's wearing a skin type jacket with a pink fur, a brown fur, and a gray fur, altogether, all on different parts of it. I was like, yeah,

Jersey. Yep. Yep. So then Melissa shows up and Jack, you let them all know that Dolores will be meeting them. Meeting them there because she has a doctor's appointment with Dr. Seuss and Melissa's like, you know, I was gonna tell Dolores that I just feel bad about what Joe said. I mean, I know I could have said it at the time and just stopped it, but it was sort of fun watching it happen, but now the time has passed.

It's a good way to show, you know, at least on a surface level that you care. So I'm gonna tell her today. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, you know, maybe she just doesn't want to drive with us, it's my worry. And Melissa's like, yeah, you know what? I just doesn't want to drive with us as my worry. And Melissa's like, yeah, you know what?

I'll say I'll tell her she feels bad because Joe was challenging her. Okay. Yes, he was, but you started it. Yeah. And you egged it on the whole time like all season. So Marjor's like, yeah, you know what? I found it offensive with Joe and I'm not gonna lie about you know, you know what she said about the pull. Okay. She's very upset about the pull. I was like, what do you hear the recl...

Like calm down, right? You put too much, she's very upset about the pull. I was like, what do you hear the reclinting? Like calm down, right? You put too much thought into pulls, okay? And then we see a flashback and Laura says, you know, I don't care about Joe Gorgah. He's, you know, he's on the end of the fall, okay? But that, but the pull, that's a fucking scumbag move. I'm sorry. And yeah, but she just thinks

that no one's really a cheerleader. Oh, and they're like, no, but we do care, you know, and Jackie's saying that her opinion isn't based on nothing, you know, it's based on her saying that she wanted to bring and if she didn't get one, she was out and then she didn't get one. And now she says she's just like supporting. I mean, it just sounds like she's rationalizing to me. Yeah, yeah, some lessons. I feel like at this point, it's like fine, fine. You know, Teresa has a new boyfriend. So I would much rather fixate and destroy that instead. So I'm just like, yeah, fine. So they start talking about the boyfriend. Have you met her? She's like, oh my God, it's totally Teresa's husband. You know, they both go out of their

way for camera. I mean, each other. And you know, they my god, it's totally Teresa's husband. You know, they both go out of their way for camera. I mean, each other. And you know, they really just, she lets her guard down. And you know, that's what a real relationship is. And blah, blah, blah. So then Teresa shows up dressed kind of like a preacher. She looks like a priest. She looks like a priest from, like, old, like, from Old Sicily.

Like, she looks like every time there was a character from old Sicily. She looks like every time there was a character from Old Sicily that showed up on the Golden Girls. Or like father, Guido Sarducci, or maybe a preacher that was, maybe the preacher from there will be blood. She's just sort of like all variety of antiquated preacher. She just shows up in this big black black room at this black, this white collar sort of mock turtle neck above her black shirt that just, it's just, it's what everybody

really wants to hear when their daughter is possessed by Satan. You call for help. The power of Christ. How you say is it? The power of Christ is, you is it the power of Christ is you know I'm pretty private So I don't know if I want to talk about the power of Christ So I don't know that's gonna be your problem. You got the devil in you know the powers of Christmas complete me The devil just runs out of your daughter because it's like so sick of hearing that voice runs out of your daughter because it's like so sick of hearing that voice. So, you know, like one time I was, you know, I was out with this new guy who I really liked, but like, I know you got 10.

I first, the devil's like, I'm out. Bye. You deal with this. I'm leaving. Oh, I like this piece soup you got here. So they, yeah, so they, they all are sitting at the table and Jennifer also shows up and Jennifer actually got Jackie some earrings and so she puts them on and everything. I don't know why I'm telling you guys, it's like guys, Jackie put on earrings.

Everyone, everyone got her group gift earrings, which is super nice and I'm wondering how much Jen actually got from that sale because you know they're just from her brother's jewelry store. Oh no, is that the brother that moved? Well, but I'm sure that the store is still there and she probably said like that's a discount, you know, I just got really worried about that jewelry store. I was like, what happened to the jewelry store? I was already going to do what is Long Island City going to do without that place. Where's her connect? So, um, so then, uh, Jen's, Jen's like, oh you know what's funny about today? I took my parents up a peck and, uh, uh, and my mom was pissed that my dad was there the entire time. Yeah, she was so mad, she threw an apple at his head

five different times, yeah, but her total disaster. So I don't think we're gonna be talking for a while, she's mad about the party and Trees is like when she gets choked up she becomes like a different 1950s person She's so I don't think we're gonna be talking anymore baby. I don't think it's gonna be happening anytime soon She didn't even come to see me. She's got a lot of furniture. I mean, this is really really bad Truth is like look, you know, she stuck in her waist it it, you know when someone's like stuck it in their ways You know, they're always gonna try and make out what you want Christmas Eve even when you're saying Joey to all for that now All right, we was just kids doing you know and

They're like yeah, stop crying about it. She's like, okay, fine, I'm not calling her anymore. That's it, my mom can die lonely in the house. I don't even care anymore. Hey, have fun sitting on the 19 gallery, friends show, woman. She doesn't got Z-Cow, every furniture, she got Y-G-L-E,

like, why don't I even have this? So then Melissa gets the touch of the, come make a go on, oh my God. And her kid says that Joe Gorgah like fell on his on the ground. So she calls him and he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, like, oh my God, could be a stone. Okay, oh my God. Is that a kidney stone? You know what I bet it's a kidney stone.

Okay, I bet it's a kidney stone. Go to the hospital. Okay, he's got to go to the hospital. Okay, so yeah, so Melissa's gonna leave. Is she gonna say, I feel bad, leave it like, no, are you crazy, you gotta go, go, go, go, go, baby, go, baby. So, be sure to take a gift bag with you, Melissa, there's about 19 boxes of croissants in there. Okay, enjoy those.

You know that that's true, right? So, um, so she leaves and then um, and then Teresa goes, you know, I want to go to, but you know, she's got. So I'm not going to go. I'm like, okay, Teresa. Good sister. Oh my god, okay. He's a good, good sister. So now they head off to the orchard and so they're in the bus and Jackie calls up the Laura's to let them know that they're leaving. And that also Joe Gorgas is going to the hospital.

So she's like, oh, we'll have him go to Paterson because David can meet them there. Yeah, go to that. It'll be wonderful. So you know, how crazy would it be if David takes care of him because he was giving giving David such lip the other night. You know, Joe's going to feel like he's passing David through that, that, that end of his penis. All right. He's eating it. And so there was karma, penis karma. Okay. It's going to feel like he's passing a can of tuna fish. You know, penis. Okay, that was a tie onto my block. Okay. Kidneystone diet on a tuna fish budget. Okay. So in your penis, in your penis. Okay. Your penis is

in the pool. Okay. Kidneystones in the toilet. Okay. So just work, work shopping, some different things for the next block. Okay. So you know what? Before Joe had caviar tuna fish or whatever coming out of spenus, Melissa was saying that she met your boyfriend Teresa. Oh, my God. Maria, Maria, me, my Madonna. So she's like, you know, first my brother, then Melissa, with the big mouth. Yeah.

So she says that Luis is the best guy she's ever met. But she needs her brother to slow it down because he's got diary of the mouth. And that maybe that's why it's summer curts because you got diary of the mouth. And like, that was a good one to me. So yeah, your first joke you've made that almost had like a coherent setup and punch line.

Good for you, first joke you've made that almost had like a coherent setup and punchline good for you get for you So they get to the apple place and some ladies really trying to make it work, but nobody cares Like everybody's like this is the dumbest birthday we've ever been to. Mark's like, can I go pee? Just, you know, but I don't even care what we do today. All right, you want to take me to a real Apple store. Okay, I could recharge this watch. Okay, you know, my activity rings out working right now.

Okay, can you find a way to ping my husband, Joe's Apple watch and just say, you know what, take a shower, Joe. Okay, can we put that on the activity right? Take a shower. We're thin cook. The lady, the lady you're right, the lady was really trying to make a heart, like really trying to sell this place.

She was like, welcome to New Jersey's premier winery. We make wine, we make spirits. We're like a Disney world of alcohol. We're also happen to be the only rest up on the garden state freeway for the next five miles. So please enjoy this and if you have to poop, the rest up on the garden state freeway for the next five miles. So please enjoy this and if you have to poop the rest room's over there. So if you want some ice, I mean, if you want some wine or some corn nuts or some gasoline,

we here for you. Okay. You may know it is that our tasting room is actually a former Roy Rogers restaurant. Now it's a pizza hut and a taco bow. OK, one of the one of the perks about this orchard is that it's surrounded on all sides by the God and State Parkway. OK, that is what the first. In fact, we have less than half an acre of land.

And that means that the apples are really constant. The apples are actually just purchased from the store. So enjoy. Yeah. Oh, that would have been good. That's like a real housewives of Washington DC. Yeah. When she had the great stop, but all the grapes were bought from the grocery store.

People were like, wait a second. I feel bad on all these housewives shows when they get dragged out to a local winery because none of the regions that they ever go to are known for their wine. Like Malibu, Florida, Virginia. I mean, you can have wine in those areas, but it's not, not everyone here's living in Napa. You know? Yeah, yeah.

So, you know, everybody's like hugging and talking about how Joe ended up going to David. And she's like, we're just saying how a Bronicican is that Joe just gave David shit. And now it's David's bitch. You know what I bet, I bet Joe's gonna walk out of there with the ring. That's my guess, baby. And Dolores Dolores is talking about Joe Gorgas.

You know what? I think that Joe Gorgas is going through something. Maybe it's almost, it's almost as if his father just died. I feel like he's going through something. Yeah, I can't quite put my finger on it, but obviously it's something, okay. And they say that kidney stones is comparable to having a baby.

And then that's what everybody says over and over. Just hold up a cell. They're like, oh my God, it's like having a baby, baby. It's like trying to push a fucks, who a black, my name is Ronnie. This hummingbird is all over the place. Oh, I don't think I mentioned that. I want one. There's a hummingbird that is like all outside my window.

And for some reason whenever I see it, I think of Ronnie. I want one so bad. I saw this guy on Facebook and he was putting flowers in his nose and in his ear and then the hummingbird would come up and take little little sips from it and then the hummingbird all because you know how hummingbirds fly up and then they pause yeah like they just like kind of look at whatever they're about to do so it would like take a little bite and then it would back up and just stare at the guy like what the fuck is this guy doing Mike does he think I'm an idiot and I don't know I'm taking you drink out of his nose, but

I'm going to take the drink. You know, you know what you really offended me was not it was not the flowers nostrils. It was the poll. It was that all these other hummingbirds said who things to Laura says can go up to the guy with the flowers and his nose and I did. So what I did is none of their business totally. Oh. Is that a flower?

All right, it's a Totally. Oh, is that a flower? Alright, so flower. Okay, I'm gonna have some deck there. You know what, I'm gonna drink. Alright, that's it. I never know when I'm gonna come across another flower. So this once in a guy's know, you know what, you are where you are. You know what I like to do? I go from the daisy to the tulip to the daisy back again. It's sad. You know, I don't have any other hummingbirds here. Listen, you climb to ladder that's leaned up against the house. again. It's sad. You know, I don't have any other hummingbirds here. Listen, you climb the ladder that's leaned up against the house.

All right, that's it. I'm going to do it. So they go on this wagon ride. They go on this wagon ride. And they're talking about, you know, like who's gone on these before. And yeah, Dolores is talking about Joe. And she's like, you know what?

I just, I would hope that Melissa would have told them to chill out. You know, she should have just told them chill out and she goes, yeah, that was messed up. I don't surpass you. Then get even more mad than you got. She's like, well, you know what? I was surprised you took a poll. So you know what? I guess we're just all surprised.

Okay. And who raised their hand in that poll? Okay. I want to take a poll of who raised their hand. Raise your hand if you raised your hand at the poll. I want to have another poll right now. Okay. It's a poll that poll. Okay, I want to take a poll of who raised it. Raise your hand if you raise your hand at the poll. I want to have a matter of poll right now. Okay, it's a poll that polls. Have you, do you ever participate in a poll specifically the poll from the other night? Raise your hand. Well, I raised it, but I don't think it was inventive. And also I was willing to feed about 37

people. Hem, Hemchressants this morning. So I think I should get off easy on this one. Jackie, it's your birthday, so I'm gonna speak nice to my friend. But here's the thing, dog with a bone. My friends were taking part in a conversation about me in a party with strangers, and that's not what true friends do. Dolores, why are you flapping your hands?

Listen, I'm a hummingbird, okay? How awesome I suppose to be. Why? You flapping your hands. Listen, I'm a hummingbird. Okay, how else am I supposed to fly? Okay. I want a bigger apple pie, all right? Oh yeah, this is the new thing. Teresa had her first apple pie or something yesterday because she does not shut up about apple pie. I don't think she even understands the concept of what an apple pie is.

Like, I want an apple pie. You guys have mictaches. Mictaches, you got mictaches. This is a woman who's written three cookbooks and she's like, yeah, mictaches. They're like mac and tosses? No. Anyway, that's really bad for baking

because it's really mushy. And Marj was like, you know what? I want the mushy thing because I'm afraid of breaking my veneers, okay? So just soft apples. Just point me towards the soft apples, please. And Teresa goes, she goes, I never meet an apple pie, I'm gonna fry it.

And then Jennifer goes, a good apple pie, a lot of money, picking up an any apple. I'm like, what are you talking about? What are you saying over there? For people who think we're making this up, that was a verbatim quote that she said. She literally said, good apple pie all about Hannah.

Like are you a some weird carnival bar for the Apple foundation? I don't know. So they're into groups because it's a task. So I've tripped. So God forbid they just walk through the place together. You know, they they have to separate so Jackie's telling someone you know what I'm just I'm not going to take it back because that's how I felt you know and I don't want to fight today but I just feel that way you know brings them more important than porches okay and then over with Dolores his with Mars she's like and you know what what if that pole was about whether Jackie's husband did that stuff at the gym or what if it was Melissa's marriage, would she make it through this? You know, would I have taken part in that poll, not for one god's answer? Second, you know who the census doesn't know even lives right now? Me. Okay, nobody even

knows I'm in my neighborhood. Okay, I couldn't even vote by mail if I wanted to. You know what, I went up when I grew up, when I grew up, you know what, when my children grew up, you know where I told them Santa lived, I said he lives in nowhere because I don't believe in poles, okay? I just set up North. I read it and give specific with them. To this day, they think Santa's from Saskatoon.

Does he live in the North Pole or the South Pole? He lives in the North Pole, right? Santa. North Pole, right? Santa. North Pole. I had to write the first time. You know what? Don't question yourself. Okay, just don't question.

All right, we're going to take a poll about who thinks Santa was actually in the North Pole. Okay. You know what? I'm not just some bitch walking down the street. But you want to talk about it. I'm not some bitch. You want to talk about. I'm not some bitch. You want to talk about it?

Which makes me think, does the Laura just see women down the walking down the street go, hey look at that bitch, let's talk about it. Look at that bitch just walking down the street. Look at that bitch. Look at that stupid normal beak. Okay, okay, that's a crow, okay? Nice try, ugly bird.

Probably bulls its friends. You know what, I'm feeling okay, that's a crow, okay, nice try ugly bird. Probably bulls its friends. You know what, I'm feeling judged and that's enough. I've had enough, okay, don't you better stay in your lanes and don't come into mind with that bullshit you're talking, okay? So then like five rows of apples, like right next to her. Like, why are you doing angry woman at the orchard? You know, I can't get out of here, okay? I'm not some bitch walking through the watcher that you can just talk about. That's just a bitch walking down the street.

So then Teresa throws an apple and it's just hilarious. And then Marge gets, Marge is like, how do you even shut this bag? I mean, this is ridiculous. How much does this shut this bag? All right, what kind of business is this? And then to Laura says, like, I'm ready to go. I mean, this is ridiculous. How much does this shut this bag? All right, what kind of business is this? And then to Laura's like, I'm ready to go. I'm hot. I'm not just some bitch who walks in or just it's not sweaty, okay? So Teresa, then one of them has like a lot of apples and

Teresa goes, Oh, you got a lot. I'm coming over for an apple pie. Like, I thought you were making the apple pie. It's just as everyone making apple pie. Just you and you know they cut out so many comments. She made about apple pie like, oh, look at these. Can you put these in an apple pie? Can you put that in the apple pie? I really like my new boyfriend. He's a swing and it's like apple ice cream.

Well Teresa, you could have actually said apple pie in that one. Oh, I didn't know. So they now head over to the wine tasting portion and they're like toasting and they get the update that yep, Joe Gorga has a kidney stone and David's with him. So it's all right. And then for some reason this made me laugh, Ronnie. I don't know why, but they're talking about it. And Teresa says that, you know, her father used to get kidney stones. And Mark just goes, I read it, Terry.

I don't know why. It just like cracked me up because it was like such a large word. Like it just sounded so large coming out of her mouth. I get the credit. Terry. Also, I like when they cut to Joe in the hospital with David, is that this part? I'm lost in my notes, but they once went to like, Joe's with David and then they cut to them in the hospital. And David's just drawing a big dick to explain to Joe what's happening. He's like, look, he's a big dick on the table, all right? This thing goes through this part of you, Dick.

And I just can't believe Joe wasn't laughing the whole time. I mean, Joe is really, Joe is really downing out when he's not laughing at another guy drawing a dick. Yeah, yeah. That's what we know, he's on a lot of painkillers. So, Joe Pignino, by the way, is turning 65, which is shocking, he looks great. And Marge is gonna throw a big 65th birthday for him.

And she starts saying I was gonna be like a combination party of Halloween and birthday and all that stuff. And the meantime, the waitress comes by with more wine and Teresa's like, Oh good, yeah, I didn't really like the first one that much. I'm like, Teresa, you guys, the discerning palette of New Jersey wines. Yeah, the woman who just learned what a Macintosh is. Also, this wine, I was a waiter who faked wine. I would be like, oh, really?

Pepper on the top. You have pepper on the palate. Get ready. But I never really knew what the fuck I was talking about. I would just try and sell the most expensive one, obviously. So I don't know a lot about wine, but these wines said very jersey to me. Cause the waitress is like, okay, here's your first wine.

Tropical melon on the nose. I was like, really? And then the next wine waitress is like, okay, here's your first wine, Tropical Melon on the nose. Smells like really? And then the next wine, she's like, okay, this one has dried pineapple on the tongue. Look, what the fuck are you talking about? Is this wine flavors or is this a jersey thing? Well, when it comes to describing wine flavors, really the world is your oyster,

because I once went to someone's house and they had a whole like wine tasting kit where it was you different sense that you'd smell and supposed to inform you and any know everyone's like oh well this sort of has notes of chocolate and garbage bag and it has a nice you know like radish finish and what are you talking about just say it's sweet and taste good. Yeah, taste good and I'm already kind of drunk. Oh, I am. I'm in. So, um, Dolores says she'll bring to this to Marjus party. She said that she'll bring

David up to resupprise her man and Jennifer goes, but here's your man. Here should be there for you at least once, baby. She says, you know what if she doesn't shut the fuck up this one all right listen I'm telling you all right now because you've mocked me you raised a hand in a pole Okay, and you know what don't tonight who who's gonna tonight? I want to take a poll of how many you're gonna tonight having a poll Let's do it right some some bitch you can make a poll about okay, and then you make fun of all right and Jackie's I'm a discer fun of, all right? And Jack is like, I'm just earning hummingbirds. All right. So raise your fucking hands. And Jack is like, I didn't mock you, you know, I just said that buying the car was buying time so that you'd stay with him because

you didn't get a ring. You know, that's not mocking, you know, like, you know what, I have something to make you feel better. Here's three boxes of croissant egg sandwiches. You know what? I will take those sandwiches, but let me tell you something else. Okay, I don't want a ring. I told you, I don't want a ring. You know what I want? A crocus.

They're delicious. Wonderful nectar. That's what I want. When looking out for you, you know what I'm here to support my friend. My friend wants to bring us to party. My friend wants to space, I support it. My friend wants to come sit on my z-gun and refinerage, and say, yeah, baby, I'm sick of doing bills with something you can't, baby, I'm dead.

Talking about money off a bill, up a column, man. And she goes, you know what? Life changes, Jennifer. It's always changing, and you don't fall apart. All right, you go with it. Okay. You get into the Uber that shows up at your door. All right, you don't just sit there on your phone and keep swiping. The Z, the Uber I got. You know what? One thing that I've learned in life that is if something doesn't go your way,

it's not a bad thing, just a generally sad thing. Okay. You know what? When Frank cheated on me if I didn't move if you know Listen listen if I didn't move in if I didn't get a ring and the things you know things stayed the way they are now That's fine, you know I didn't you know my life took a different turn You know I didn't get engaged my life is taking a different turn now. I'm doing different things I'm checking out different flowers getting do nectar. I'm loving life as a hummingbird Yeah, listen, I've told you guys ad noisy um, that I'm happy. Okay. So Teresa, make sure that your man stays and comes to everywhere they want him to because if things change in your

relationship, people are going to get mad Teresa. I hope that you're ready for the polls. Hope you're ready for those numbers to come rolling in Risa and Just like, oh, you know what's just something I'm around then she goes. Oh my god. You see what I deal with Yeah, she's like what's the more you tell us the model having opinion now Teresa why don't you tell us about your boyfriend? Dealing with Stevie Hicks over here get out of here with that hat and Marjor's like, you know It's just put him in a costume and we'll never even bet we's there. Okay, thank you, can be supportive, and nobody'll know anything about it. So we go over to Joe and Melissa's house,

because you know what, I really need another scene, where Melissa tries to convince everybody that she's some boss ass bitch. Yeah, running girl boss. 90, yeah, girl boss. So we now have a nice call back, because Joe, Goregalk's into the kitchen, goes, hey, you making breakfast?

And she goes, no, I'm just making some hard boiled eggs. I was like, oh, I love how this show came full circle with the whole, are you making breakfast? No, I'm boiling eggs thing. Boiling eggs, a nice thematic through line. I know, and Joe's been there for both of those boiled eggs, which makes you wonder about those kidney stones. Yeah.

So, you know, anybody who's wondering why they're having to push things out of their penis, been there for both of those boiled eggs, which makes you wonder about those kidney stones. Okay. So, you know, anybody who's wondering why they're having to push things out of their penis, maybe you should tell us how many boiled eggs you've eaten, okay? It's my thesis. Yeah. So he is better, he's recovered, he's like, no, David was great by the way. And Melissa says that she's just not going to judge him on how, you know, like, how he has a boyfriend, but like, you know what,

she's just done telling Dolores, you know, what to do or what to think. She's a grown adult. Melissa's done budding her nose into it. And she goes, and you, you should not be commenting. And he's like, you know what, she's my friend, you know, I know what before I even knew you, okay? You know, she can command me if she wants.

And she's like, yeah, but Marge was calling you a show vanistick and he's, show the what? Come on, show vanistick, what? Me what? What's show vanistick again? What's that? Was that, I know it's supposed to be bad. Like I'm supposed to know these crazy things

that you women come up with, right? Show vanism, huh? So I never, I never driven somebody in an olden-me-scene before. What, why is she calling me that? So, well, it sounds like, well, you're telling the lore, she needs a man, okay. And you know, and, you know, and guess what?

As much as you're saying, we need man, we can survive on our own, okay. And he goes, bull shit, how about that? Bull shit. So I can't, but we can't survive with that man. And he goes, oh yeah, you as my wife saying, I'm showvin' this thick, and then you got Margaret saying,

I'm some bad man, she goes, no, I just don't, I don't have to always agree with your thoughts, Joe. And he's like, you as my wife saying I'm showvin' this thick, and then you got Margaret singing on some bad man? She goes, no, I just don't have to always agree with your thoughts, Joe. And he's like, you know what? You know what I want? My old wife back. That love of a sweet girl. A ragdance who I want back in my life, right? Well, you know I love you.

I mean, I know you want more time and attention from me, and I'm not gonna give up my personal growth and dreams and huge fashion empire that has Anna Winter knocking on my door okay. I'm not gonna do that and if I have to run to the city you know if I have to get things to grow my company which is already pretty big. I'm not gonna let go of those things. I'm sick of you feeling that if I do something from me I'm doing I'm not doing I'm doing something wrong for you. Oh god well I like this because he's like, you know what? As my wife, I put you on a pedestal, you know?

You wanted to sing? I have you sing. You know what? And that was a serious singing career. You know how Celine Dion started? And leather bikinis rolling around on a living room floor. You know what? I gave that to you. I gave it to you. Okay. Yeah. Uh, you know Melissa wanted gave that to you. I gave it to you. Yeah. You know Melissa wanted to open a bendy.

No problem. I built a rebutique. Melissa wanted a no pair. Let's get no pair. I'm not here supporting her. And then you want to go to the moon? I go to the fucking moon. You know what I'm saying? And you know what I'm there to do.

I'm there to say you could do all these things. And then I under mine of the entire time. That's what I do. You know what I'm gonna do when I'm there to say you could do all these things and then I under mine of the entire time. That's what I do You know what I'm gonna do when I get to the moon Eat a devil deck. That's it. It's this boiled and it's got mayonnaise in it, all right So he gets mad and he's like we're done. I give you everything so he leaves and then we go over to Teresa and Melania trees is getting grubby and Melania. Teresa is getting ready. And Melania is like, where you going?

Second. Look, I got this dress with high boots. I'm just like, oh my, come on too much. You know what? I like this top. And it's a velvet crop top off the shoulder crop top thing. You just called the pretty classy dress too much. She's like, here, Ma, he has a velvet crop top.

And Teresa tells us that she spends all night on the phone with Louis and she can't wait to fall in love and then a car pulls up and here comes Louis. And he walks the door and then it says, to be continued, which is cute, but this isn't really a cliffhanger. I don't think any of us are wondering how their date at Panera Bread is gonna go.

Which pants? What that mean? So that's that's it. And I like that Teresa tone down her outfit. Mashi's wearing skin tight, bright, you know, shiny, pleather pants and a velvet crop top. It's nice. It's classy. This show kills me. Okay, everyone. Well, hopefully we'll see a whole bunch of you guys tonight at our live show. Again, to get tickets, that's go to watch

crapens.com. And there's links there. Or just go to on location.com, slash watcher crap ends. It's going to start at six o'clock on the west coast and nine o'clock on the east coast and then obviously at seven and eight in the middle of the country. And we are gonna have a great time. So go check it out, tell your friends and then tomorrow we are gonna be back with the summer house, the big summer house reunion finale. It's gonna be a good one. So keep an eye out, just subscribe to our feed and that way you won't miss any of these episodes.

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