Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Barking Up The Wrong Tre - Live from Vancouver!

Episode Date: February 23, 2019

We took our show to "Just For Laughs" in Vancouver this week, and what better way to make a splash in Canada than by recapping the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion part 1. This is peak Bravo. Come listen! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The crap in Watch what crap in Kids what happens when there's so much that crap in The crap in Kids what happens when there's so much that they're clapping? Hello, and welcome to Watch Run Crappens. If I'd guess about all that crap, we just love to talk about our Yo Brown.

We love it. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi. Wow. Oh my god. I'm Ronnie that's been hi Wow, oh my god this place looks so much bigger from right here. Yeah, it's huge It's crazy. We came here last night to see a really funny show and I was like shit, man What nobody comes. Please. It's gonna be so sad. We're like sitting back in that booth back there Thank you for coming in other way. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much Booth back there. Thank you for coming in other words. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And also Canada all the rumors about you guys being the nicest fucking people on earth. They are so true It's you know, I'm true. I Mean I'm from Texas and the rumors are we're loud mouth assholes and that's not true. Obviously. No. No You guys are so nice. We went to a gay bar last night after the show, and there were two older guys playing cards at the end of the bar, which I was like, how quaint? You know, it's like murder she wrote. It's like so quaint. And the hot bartender, who in our town would have been sexually harassed in a G-string, as they should be, was sitting there playing cards with the older couple.

And I was like this? I'm moving here. Yeah. So by the way, ignore what you heard. You are more than welcome to take photos and video, by the way. Oh, yes. It would be wild. It would be wild.

We have a meeting today. We're very hungry for your attention. Yeah. It's really cool. This is our first time ever in Vancouver, which is really super cool. We met, we met a bunch of you guys in Seattle a few months ago. And then we're going back to Portland in like a month and a half. So Pacific Northwest, hopefully we'll see a bunch of you guys there too, for someone's, for Tracy's birthday.

Uh, listen, we could go on and on about all the crazy stuff that's happened over even just the past day, but we don't have a lot of time and we have just an absolutely amazing episode of Real House, as a New Jersey, to discuss, right? Oh my god, this show. So we were going to do Real Housewives of Vancouver. I watched a whole first season of Vancouver when it came out, and when that went it came out, but like a year or two later. And I just remember feeling sick to my stomach.

I mean, and I have a high tolerance for vile bitches. Okay. Yeah. It's my hobby, but that show is disgusting. I was like, let's do it. But then we watched a first episode and no one's vile yet. It's like still when they're pretending like, you know, not satanic.

And so I's like nah Let's get to let's get to some real double worshipers. Yeah, let's get to Jersey Which is so good this season so good so here's how we knew we were in store for like an amazing reunion Because like for the shit reunions we watched like five minutes of people walking up to the studio like and Curlers and they are makeup and like having a soda But this time like I feel like all we saw was Jennifer in like a boxing robe. She's like, I'm ready to fight today, Andy.

Then I was just like, oh. And then we know it's coming, that everybody's gonna accuse Jennifer of being an alcoholic later in the three union, because Melissa and Jackie are talking, and Melissa's like, I wonder if she's drinking yet. Oh, certainly she wouldn't be drinking now.

Certainly she wouldn't be drinking yet. I like that you're talking at the side of your mouth. That's how she talks. She's got like a pop I think going on. I like that. So, pretty much like the women all come out on stage and the reunion begins. And, of course, like, the very first question that Andy has to ask is about, like, their bodies.

He's like, so, Teresa, we ran into you, huh? I ran into you at the beach before I had a baby. I've got a baby, by the way. How does Joe like your body? He's like, eh. He said this like, for Joe, Andy,y. Like, my mom's back, Ellie. Kapish, Kapish, my sister's here. Kapish.

Kapish. Did you see the Teresa Blink? It was on full display this time in this show. The whole time, she has this like weird, charo area on a grande thing happening with her hair. It's like, you know, yeah, a dream of Jeannie. It's very like, and her eyes are just like wide open like fling fling fling fling fling fling and here I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I am, I Mmm, sorry. What's that about? That gonna happen? A lot to pack up there.

Yeah. She always says a lot's on pack. A lot to pack there. Yeah, a lot to pack there. A lot to pack there. I've been on a rollercoaster and I don't know how much I'm passing in 10. Yeah. Port Teresa, she was actually on a rollerco in Action Park, New Jersey for like five rounds.

I went away, get to come off it. But uh, I didn't. So then Andy's like, so Marge, you finally got your facelift that you wanted so much. Show me hands! Who here has a facelift? Who got a facelift? People really ask that.

I know, it's like 2019 everywhere, but bravo. And I love it. So yeah, he's like, Marjorie's different about your face. She's like, you know what I did, what I got to, regenerate your lips like right here.

I'm like, really? Girl, if you're gonna go in there, just get the whole shit done. I don't like getting one piece done at a time, okay? This isn't a condo. So get it done. What, it's dressing me out. The funniest thing happened,

I was like, Joe, I gotta get my face out. The funniest thing happened. I was like, Joe, I got to get my face done. And I went in and I was like, OK, just get the face done, make it look good, make me look like Joe, OK? It's circa 1993 when she had the talk show. OK, guess what? My surgeon was Marleney. Who would've thought she'd a terrible job? But I love her.

I'm a pest. Then Andy is like, so Dolores implants? You know? What the fuck? And Dolores is like, no, implants, you know What the fuck? And Dolores is like no, no they're not implant-indie like what I did with it It's actually my own stuff. It's just put my butt. Yeah, like that's so much better You know Dolores is so much better than everyone else because at least it's like organic Yeah, you know and off with your whole food surgery

I mean basically what I did was I was like Frank What do I do when he's like put some pebble tile in mean, basically what I did was I was like, Frank, what do I do when he's like, put some pebble tile in your face, so I did. So I got pebble tile in my cheeks. You know what I like it? I like it. And Jackie's like, I gotta tell me, I have four kids. I was like, congratulations.

Shut up about your fucking four kids, okay? Look at that. Although she did become my hero later in this episode. I mean, she's my hero at all the time, to be honest. So in my opinion, you don't brag about having four children. You apologize for having four children, okay? We're trying to cut down a police in this country. That's like me bragging that I just dumped my trash out

on the streets. So I thought you were talking about March for a second. I had an instant brain fart, which I think is what happens when you watch this show. So when you're like, my hero, I was like, well, March is always my hero. I was like, well, Mark's always my hero. And I was like, oh, Jackie, yeah, very pro Jackie. I feel like she's been a great addition.

When the season began, I was like, ah, but I'm like, that bit brought out old Teresa. And that's all I mean. Teresa, like Teresa, ever. I love that everyone's always saying old Teresa. Teresa's always been like this. She's a fucking moron for like 20 episodes And then she she watches the episodes back and like some gay she works with from Prid tells her girl

They're making you look stupid and explains to her what everybody's been saying in the whole time And then she comes furious. I mean this whole reunion Teresa is fucking furious This is so good. Nothing's even happened yet She just keeps doing that housewife thing where you pull your hair and you pat your hair and you pull your hair. Yeah. So we dive in. The first segment's about Marge.

We see a whole montage that ends with Marge and Joe in the shower, which is really not necessary. And he's like, so, like, pressing question. How many days a week do you and Joe have sex? And oh, by the way, Melissa, how many times do you have sex? Who else your sex like four times a week anyone? Anyone? Have your implants feel about that? Yeah So they get to a marriage and he's like so

Marge made it through your sophomore season. Yeah, here you are in your soft Did you give the newbies the new advice and say be your authentic self. Okay, just be your authentic self. And then Teresa's like, ugh. Ugh. Like she's so mad. Like she's so mad at that advice. Authentic self with the generation Facebook.

So, yeah, so she's like, talking about Marlene, you're like, Marlene is hilarious. She mistyces everything. Like, I don't even know where Lexi is anymore. Nice. She's the captain of the summer. I don't care. She's hilarious, I love her. I don't even know where Lexi is anymore. She's the captain, so I don't care. She's the lady, I love her.

I love Marlini. I actually love Marlini too. I feel like Marlini is very happy that we have more Marlini this season. Everyone got so serious. I know, it's like Marlini's still alive, guys. Yeah, I was like, that's no wow. So then we move on to Jen, who, you know, I mean, God bless her.

She's earning every cent of that $5 they're paying her to do this. You know, because first house, first your housewives get like nothing. They get like Valpax to do this. And she's earning every penny of it. And he's like, did you have any preconceived notions? Blah blah blah. And then Teresa's like, wow, we just clicked. Wow, we just clicked, wow. We just clicked.

And she's like, yeah, I thought March was a spitfire. And I thought to Lord, she'd kick my ass, Andy. I mean, I've never had a group of girlfriends who've asked me to go away. I was like, no shit. Yeah. Who would? Who would ever.

But then on top of that, she goes, I mean, I wasn't proud that it was Oklahoma. Like, I'd like to go somewhere like Vegas or something. That's more super classy. Yeah. I mean, I'm not trying to be insulting. And just that Oklahoma was everything that I envisioned it would be. You know, just like a shit place with shit people.

I'm not trying to be insulting. Just what I thought. It must I'm not trying to be insulting, just what I thought. I'm gonna say so much restraint to be like, you're from Paramis, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. So Marge is all mad. Marge is like coming out fighting. She's doing some weird, like pants suit gown thing.

It's like two different outfits, so I'm not sure what she's doing here. You make that collection, isn't it? And I'm excited for it, but she's like, let's just stick out foot, not about to get it. Why don't we do that? Let's just stick. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here.

I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here.

I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not sure what she's doing here. I'm not you. It's like a sim-city farm. Homosexuals, okay? People from Oklahoma will tell you,

Oklahoma sucks, okay? It's not like anyone's walking around thinking Oklahoma doesn't suck. All right. Well, either way, I just like that I get this, like, most ridiculous, like, semantics issue. She's like, listen, it's not Fodland. It's a ranch, okay?

Fodms for vegetables. Ranchists have cattle. FYI. She's like FYI. She's like, FYI. The most important salient point is taken away from this. That's the most FYI. Jennifer's like, wow, I really learned something today. I take it all back. Oh.

And Jennifer's like, I had to play Ratshi Roo that from my bad room. I mean, I didn't leave my kids for this. I was like, you left your kids because they're fucking monsters, okay? Yeah. Byron, you, I'd be glad to sleep in a fucking outhouse. Rush roulette for a bedroom.

I mean, this woman is so overdramatic. She's so awful, but I'm so glad that she's on this show. I'm sorry, we need a good villain and she's been doing a great job, you know? Uh, I love the three-person clap. I feel like Jennifer's really earned that. A sad three. We need to send you a sound clip.

Three to time. Well, this teller to get out, snap. Well, this teller takes three to time, girl. Three to time, okay. Like a vegetable card. It will grow, it will grow. Yeah. So then, Andy goes, guys, we'll talk about this more later.

I was like, really? You're going to talk more about how much Jennifer doesn't like vegetable farms, Andy, really? Promise? I don't. Like, you hear click offs of TV all across America. Yeah. Yeah.

So yeah. So then we go into the kids' saying, and because there's always a kid's segment, you know, to lighten things up. So we see this montage montage of like little kids, little kids fighting screaming kids, or out of control, kids, kids, kids, because it's like, Frankie.

What? Like, buff and naked. It kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, Frankie. I'm like, what sort of kid segment is this? It's disgusting, I'm sorry. Like Frankie's so cute, look at his little face and stuff. Like when they show clips and they're like, look at Frankie playing soccer two years ago

when he was 11. And now he's like, ooh, you know, he just leaves brown smudges everywhere and goes from a spray-tam shit. Like, this is a blowjob, I always use, et cetera. Like, bagels are delicious, IOUs, et cetera. Like, bagels are delicious, but don't overtoast them. It's like simple, simple math.

And then we're talking about Jen's kids. And Andy is, you know, it's like a tough question, right? Because how do you say, so your kid's a fucking asshole? So instead, he's like, so Jennifer from Jehuti says, Jennifer, your kid's an asshole. Because I'm like, so Jennifer from Jehudi says, Jennifer, your kid's an asshole. Because I'm like, she comes off as bratty and Jennifer's like, well, you know what, she just knows what funs to push.

And then when she acts like that, I'm just like putty in her hands and they know she's my baby, she's the last one. So yeah, she's a brat. She's a fucking brat. She's a fucking brat. That's a brat. If your kid has to have its own Amazon prime account to just eat his fucking dinner, get rid of it.

Get rid of it. Get rid of it. I mean, Amazon has a great returns policy. Just put the child in the box and send it back. They have Amazon for everything else. Why don't they have an Amazon womb? Okay, you know, keep it for 14 years if If you don't like it, get rid of it. You paid that yearly fee.

Yeah. Okay, so that is so disgusting. Like really, then we get to Dolores who's like the most boring human being on earth, but my favorite of the show for whatever reason. Like, I love her Mendacity. It's not a word.

What does that mean? You're what, her what, her Mendacity? Yeah, What does that mean? You're what? Her mendacity? Yeah, what does that mean? It just came into my mind. The Dacity is famously the quality of walking from the kitchen to the living room, to the kitchen, to the living room. And I still am a viserated.

That's what I do. I make a trying guy around the house with he can do. Okay. The graciousness. Frank was very upset, you know? So Andy's like, so those tiles, huh? She's like, yeah, it was terrible. He's like, are you still living from the house?

He goes, you know, I learned how to make, I learned that you shouldn't make decisions when you're vulnerable. I was very vulnerable when I made that decision. Okay. How are you vulnerable? What was she vulnerable about? Nothing happened to you, you literally all season.

Okay. Literally. I was viscerated in the kitchen. I was the most vulnerable I ever was. I called my mom, like, mom, what are you doing? He's eating your cookies. Vonable. Vulnerable a hoise, my favorite cookie. So then her story gets crazier and crazier

as you just keep asking her questions, right? He's like, OK, but I get it, you're gonna stay in the house, but so you're still with Frank and you're still with David. And he's like, oh no, it's totally different now. I think we fixed it. So basically, David wants a house, so Frank is making him a house. So it's like, what?

Like you guys are getting even fucking crazier and kinkier. And I love it. Yeah. I love a threesome with like tile talk, you guys are getting even fucking crazier and kinkier. And I love it. Yeah. I love a threesome with, like, tile talk, you know? Yeah. Well, and nothing makes sense. I mean, because this guy has a motorcycle in his living room. Frank is, like, probably, like, cementing these bricks with splooge.

Is this not a... I mean, it's true. I didn't say it was pretty. It's not going to be on house hunters. The Laura's, the Laura's, the Laura's. The Laura's, I mean, she's- If you know what I'm saying. Laura's gonna be standing here waiting for you.

Look, Laura's, he just wanna need you to tell me. If you see from standing here, just tell me standing here, I'm gonna stop standing here waiting for you. Laura's, it's it, right? Tell me what you want. The worst thing that I could ever imagine, Laura's, would I ever be hearing, that I'm getting in the way

of you right now. But if you don't mind, I would actually like to get in the way of you right now. The worse. I just just cemented my door. Because I was watching this, and I was like, why am I watching Dolores? You know, like I'm mad, but then I'm like,

I love hearts Dolores. So then after this Reen, and she tweeted something like, oh my god Can you believe he disregarded my tile wish like she's still tweeting she's tweeting about the tiles Love her. I love the fact that Dolores was also a prison guard like I can just imagine her Walking through a maximum security prison and just boring all the prisoners still like oh here comes off as her Dolores Like hey, what's going on in there? You were a guy on that ship.

It's a nice ship. I like it. I'm going to see in a few seconds. What's going on with you? Yeah, you guys, you guys a couple now. OK, that's nice. I'm not a couple with anyone. I just walked back and forth.

I'm off the cell A. I'm just going to be there. To cell D. To cell A. To cell D. That's fine. No one tries to even climb the wall. They've just all given up. They're like, oh. So then, you know how sometimes these questions

are so obviously made up for Andy or by Andy. And then sometimes you can tell who's really watching the show because these Jersey people are one of a kind, okay? And he's like, okay, I've got a question from birth, you know, Prisco Canyon, New Jersey or whatever. And it's like, listen here. Uh. And that's it. Listen here.

Listen here. Okay, next question. If somebody called me a little misperfect, I'd fucking slam the head in the street to drag him by the ankles all the way to Dan-Tan, stump him in the assholes, break him up and burn him. It's like, whoa, okay, that's a legit Jersey question, you know. It's nice to know that they are actually

putting the feelers out there. Yeah. So Melissa's like, yeah, of course she called me misperfect, but you know, I've learned not to sweat the small stuff, Andy. Also, she could beat me up with her pinkies, so I'm just gonna be nice to her. Because that's what I want the other thing I love about Laura is that she's so born most of the time, but there is like a switch in her and she becomes crazy and I love that. That is like that Patterson thing,

you know, we saw in Teresa of what season three or season two during that thing, the posh fashion show. Well, once you've heard that she's a prison, she's an ex-prison guard and you picture her in that polyester outfit. You'll never see it. You can put her tits on a shelf all you want. Everyone's in glitter, by the way. We didn't mention their sequence. The sequence are crazy.

Even as a gay person, I was like, this is gay. This is too much. We need to all take a step back. But even with her boobs out and everything, that's all I see is that polyester. Like, hey, how's it going? Track climbing the wall? I didn't think so, all right?

Just sit down. What do you want to eat today? Cookies? All right, fine, I'll be right back. This is the mudge. I guess it's time for a commercial. Is something like that? I don't know.

No, I don't need a commercial. I need a new living room. OK, Jeff, that's what I did. OK, classic mudge. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasive. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder Re's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserve session with these feuds say about us?

We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selina Gomez and Justin and Haley Beaver, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selina talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up any time soon, despite both Selina and the Beaver's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. So the point was, Andy is like, you know, do you even like Kurt Dolores? listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. and Pebble-tile. Maybe. Abby's like, just admit it, you fucking hater, okay? And she's like, listen, Annie, you know what? I say things. That's it. I'm the kind of person when I have something to say. I say things.

It's fun for me. And I'm not going to stop it. So, like, perfect answer. I'm a list of just like, patting her wig like, okay. So now we get on to like the Jennifer segment. Jennifer and drinking. The cocktail queen. I'm like, I know what I'm saying. Oh my god, the cocktail queen.

Oh my god, I got you. Oh my god, I got you. Oh my god, I got you. Oh my god, I got you. Oh my god, I got you. Okay, so Betty from Durham thinks that Jennifer's a mess when she drinks the dinner. I was like, I agree, I agree.

I'm such a mess. Wait a second, what am I answering for? What's happening? It's like I never really like drinking Andy. Never really liked it. And so he's like, okay, so this segment, sticks and sounds may break your bones, but low blows and cheating and you win those

really break these housewives. It's like that's not even a pun. It's like two separate sentences you just push together. Where's the industry? Then we get the Jennifer being horrible montage, which is just fucking glorious. I mean, it's amazing. And so when it, oh, sorry.

So then it's a monkey's asshole, right? A monkey's that's all you you fucking suck, probably. Yeah. One of the best lines of the season. So Andy's like, wow, you sure aren't scared of March, you know? What the hell? And she's like, yeah, I just thought that the way she met her husband with tapoo, Andy, I mean, if you're going to cheat on somebody,

you take that to the grave. You know, if you're gonna cheat on somebody, you take that to the grave. You know, if you marry someone that you never love, then you're them for five days, and now he hangs out with his friends, and maybe isn't very attracted to you at all. You take that to the grave, Andy. Yeah. You build a pool house, Andy.

That's how you deal with it, all right. So, uh, Marge is like, what's the hype? Literally, what's the hype? All right, let me taste it. Let me be honest. It's a tell us all this time. All right, it's a tell us all this time. Like she's bringing beauty in the beast, okay?

That is not what beauty in the beast is about, okay? It's not like Belle was married to somebody and then like decided she wanted to fuck that beast who never finished this living room. You know? I mean, I got a joke. This just started to dance around. She knows suddenly I'd bread 19 million bucks in both joints.

Both joints. Hello. Bonjour. Hi, Zika. Hello. Bonjour. Hello. They're like, what is this lady doing?

Walk around the town square. Hello. Classic belt. Classic belt. Classic belt. Let me be honest. Let me be honest. So then this fight gets, March can't win this fight, okay? I mean, even with me, and I don't believe in marriage or children, I think you're all

idiots for doing either, okay? I support you because I love you and we're friends, okay? But I think it's just a bad idea all the way around. But Marge is just still not gonna win this fight. Listen, there's married people in here. Who the hell is gonna say, oh, it's fine. You guys fell in love with other people. You cheated for multiple years.

Like no one can be on your side, Marge. Just saying, like, it hurt a lot of people, we were sad. Well, it's worth it. The end. The end. She was also like a little shady when they're like, well, how long will you guys like having your efforts? You know, a little bit of time.

A little bit of time. A little bit of time. Just like, you know, like a few days. We used to eat some months, you know, like, like, my five years. Like, basically, like, my wedding day. You know, just like, make that the connection. 12 years. 19 years.

Yeah. 80 months. I don't know, something like that. Yeah, so he's like more than five minutes, less than a year. It was more than a year. It was more than a year. And so everybody's like, oh, you know. And he's like, so did you get caught? What happened?

And she goes, you know, I told Chad. That's how I did. I told Chad. Yeah, other people do. You know, other people do. It wasn't the prettiest scenario. And Andy's like, so what do you think about the Rames marriage? And she's like, I mean, told you, yeah, other people do. You know, other people, it wasn't the prettiest scenario. And Andy's like, so what do you think about her age marriage?

And she's like, I mean, it's antiquated, Andy. You stay together no matter what. I mean, it's ridiculous, Andy. She goes, March goes, I mean, it's crazy. Whether it's admissible or not, they stay together and join us. We do, we do. Like you're-

We build a lot of work into that. Like you're standing up for being miserable with Bill right now. Yeah, I don't know. I think both are fucking crazy. You don't have to stay- Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm What are you guys all talking about? Why are we getting so dramatic? So much chatter. This is why I got with the boys. Yes, Queen. You're my Queen, Queen.

She's like, we're not miserable. We're fierce. And Martin's like, yeah, she went even further. She said, and then she's telling everyone, you know, her mother said that if you're gonna sleep a rat, you should just sleep with the slutty American girls. Listen, I'm from a Lebanese family, and my sithy told all of us that.

You know, like, if you're gonna sit and do it with the sinners, I mean, I can see that, I'm not gonna get mad. And I have ever since. So, thank you, slutty American boys. Thank you. You've done a great job for myself, esteemed sluts, so thanks. So, now this starts talking about, like, this whole male-order bride, like, controversy,

which I think is, like, totally a reasonable thing, right? Like, March was like, what is he? Like, meh, hello, eh? That's classic joke. That was joke. Meh, hello, reasonable thing, right? Like, March was like, what is he like? Me all the way there. That's classic joke. That was Joe. Just me all the joke. Classic, it's classic. So he's like, so, March, you don't like arranged marriages.

Just, just, you weren't kidding when you said arranged marriage to suck or whatever. And it's like, look, here's what it was. Here's what it was, to be honest. Let me, let me tell you the truth about this, just to be honest about it, right? It was a low blood pot shotshot joke, that was the point. I love March's, it's like, March's never apologized. But I like that she was just like, it's a pot-shot. Like, as flop times people bullshit their way, they were like,

well, you know, was this thing, I was feeling, whatever, it's like, no, it's just a pot-shot joke and whatever, move on, you know? That's why I like March. Uh, yeah. Uh, and, uh, Jen's like, it was fabulous. It's so pretty. Which is a shit that comes out of Jennifer's mouth as hilarious as she would say that.

But then Teresa goes, I mean, I don't know what it was. I don't know what it was. I'm very, very long. I mean, she has no idea what a range of marriages, which is, or a Melo de Brod was. I didn't know has no idea what a range marriage is, which is... Or a male order bride. A male order bride. I didn't know what a male order bride was.

Can I just ask a question, guys? Please. 2019. If I could order a fucking bride through the male, why shouldn't I? Sounds good to me. I can order someone to fuck off my phone. Why shouldn't I order someone to live with off my phone? Like, where do we draw the line? Can we please stop drawing these lines?

So, Trees is like, uh, well, I don't, I don't even know what a male or a brags is, but if it was my brothers, I would be mad right now. I'm not just like, well, your brother wouldn't marry someone after two weeks. And let's just like, um, two months. Well, he's banged you, okay? Where is Melda, by the way, also? I really hope we get to see Melda next season

because I'm very fascinated by this relationship and how it's gonna turn out, you know? I think Melda should be the next cast. Oh, Melda, are you kidding? You think she's laying under that fucking heat lamp for fun? She'll be here. She'll be here.

She will fucking be here. Meldinge, coming to clean up back hair out of a sourdrain. Trust me, Melda will be here soon. God bless her. She's like the Turkish Brittany from Vendor Promperals. Oh, hell. We're in gay, yay, yay,ay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay. We're making beer homies, suss suss suss.

Beer homies. City's beer homies. Oh, so Andy's like, uh, yeah, who cares? Oh yeah, Andy's like, Jennifer, your brother's marrying so many met ones. Can you see how she would have made that lead to see this mail order? And she's like, yes, Andy, but that's what white totally

offended me. Because there's a possibility that after someone saying that on national TV, that people will believe that. I was like, you literally went to Turkey. Yeah. To get the woman that you're not one time. The woman called up after like six years was like, hey, is your brother still on sale?

Can I, can I do that? Can I do that? Can we? I mean, I'm for it. Like, I'm not against arranged marriage. I'd say you go. It's really harder to try and deal with some of the you actually liked once when they turned bad.

Do you know what I mean? It's like, I believed in you. It's easier when it's someone, because you don't have expectations. You're like, oh my god, you just blew a snot rocket before dinner. Yeah. All right, maybe it'll get better, you know? So Andy's like, so can you just admit, Jen, that you were getting back at March when you slut-shamed her mom? Can we just admit that?

She goes, yeah. Absolutely, Andy. Absolutely. The Jack is like after saying that you don't go after a family. I was like, yeah, it's point for Jackie. Point for Jackie. What is, how else are we going to go after? It's a family show.

Yeah. If I can't make fun of your family, I quit. I think it's a point. I think it's a bullshit rule. I think that family is totally on limits if you're on reality TV. Sorry. If we're forced to watch stupid scenes of your kids playing basketball for Amazon Prime,

then they are on limits. Yeah, if you put your children on TV, I'm allowed to call them little fuckwits. Yeah, okay, bury it. Sorry. So then Jen's like surprised and then Jackie's like, what did I say something mean? little fuck with. Yeah. Okay? Barry. Sorry. So, then Jen's like, surprise, and then Jackie's like, uh, what did I say something mean? And then Jen goes, Larry Curly and Mo.

From that side of the couch. She was waiting the entire reunion to do that too. She was so excited. It's just like, I'm going to, I can't wait to use my good Larry Curly and Mo material on this episode bill hilarious Are you sure you don't want to workshop some Huey-Duey and Louie? No, okay fine How about Le Verne and Julian

Okay, so depends on the arrangements Hmm. I guess it depends on the arrangements. Come on, Belle. Oh, yeah, she's all mad at arrangement. So Marge is like, it's a word. It's a word. It says, it makes me mad. Male or the bride.

It was a joke. I didn't insult a mother or a child. So now they're minting, right? So Jen's like, you know what? I don't even feel bad for your mother, okay? She was having an affair. I feel bad for the woman that was waiting for her husband to come home.

And then March gets mad. She goes, ah, that's what she thought about. The woman who was getting cheated on. Can you believe this? Can you believe it? I'm like, March, you are so fucking wrong in every sense. She is so wrong on this. And I'm still reading for her.

I'm like, you go girl. Fuck that wife sitting around waiting for her husband cheating on him for 15 years. Wiggling, get some self respect. I'm just such an odd argument. Like, what are you arguing about? I know. I know. So, March goes, oh, what are you arguing about? I know. I know.

So, March goes, oh, so now my mother's a home record. I'm like, your mother is literally a home record. We just need to change the subject. You know what I mean? You're not going to win this one. So this, and by the way, so then Jennifer's like all pissed in Margaret because Margaret made this joke about her brother. And then she says, you know, the real reason

I was angry Andy is because, you know what? She used things I said against me because I'm always walking around making jokes about like, oh, I'm gonna throw Bill out into the pool house. Oh, when I got mad, I go there. When he has an affair with me, I kick him out over to there. I'm like, bitch, you just got mad at her for joking. You're the one sitting here talking about Bill.

I'm ranting, I'm so mad. I know, I'm not even gonna finish it. I just got myself, I just got myself so worked up in so short amount of time. Yeah, but that's what happens because you're like, wait, but she's wrong. But wait, but she's, and it's like, I don't, I'm like, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don, I don't, I don, I don't, I don't, I don, I don, I don, I don't, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don, I don,, like, let's just be just, he cracked jokes. Like, remember when you said Jen's lips

look like a monkey's hat? Oh. Oh. And he's just dying. And even when they talk about some serious shit, he is just cracking up this whole time, you know? And she was actually, it was a monkey's asshole. Yeah.

That's what I said. All right. Yeah, I like that she tries to like then, like, deconstruct her joke. She's like, I mean, basically, is what I say. All right. Yeah, I like that she tries to like then like, do you can stroke, Turgio? She's like, I mean, basically he has what happened, okay. So, like, she was sitting there, she was puffing up, okay, she was in a cocktail queen, okay, did I say that one yet? Okay, she's puffing up at the thing is that Monkeys,

baboons, they, they, when they get mad, they turn around and they present their, their, their, their, their, their, their, buttocks. And they're very round, there's round circles, a big circle with lip liner, okay? And bullshit just comes out. They don't get what? Monkeys, they don't know that a farmer's

for vegetables that are ranches for meat. Am I right? Am I right? Like, what the raps you do? So it's like, look at this monkey lip liner here that doesn't know about farms and ranches. Okay, I can't. She's like, it's very logical.

And then, but the monkey that is, he bends over. And then their bottle goes like this. It goes like that, and I'm like, he's like, he's very logical. And then, but the monkey does, he bends over. And then, the bottle goes like this. It goes like that, and I'm like, whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wow. Jennifer's like, you've never seen a monkey's ass hold look so good, baby!

Good, good! Jennifer's come back. I didn't even know if he had an out of me of a monkey and these. No one thought you did. So then Andy goes, actually, I think what you mean is a bad boom. They have big assholes. This is true, by the way. I'm not making this up.

He's like, they have big assholes. And this is big, this is true, but I didn't mean monkey. This is like, now we're going to argue about who's assholes. Just going to bring out the genus and the species of it all of her insults, yeah. So, yeah, so Marjus like listen, you were very rude to- very rude to trees. Okay, cocktail queen over here, okay, like we butt this necklace, and then she says it's ugly. And then this one Theresa, this idiot over here is staring at the wall because she thinks it's a mouth of some sort. She doesn't even defend that.

He's staring at the wall because she thinks it's a mouth of some sort. She doesn't even defend that. I mean... I was really thankful I got in back when she said strong periods because I was like, Get out of me, and me, and get out of home. I like when Delores weighs in with some low-key, like, you know what Theresa, you probably should have thought about. Yeah, you probably should have. Yeah. You know what? That was wrong.

Yeah, I should have done that. I shouldn't do it like that. Yeah. And she's like, ah, ah, ah, and she just stops and like kind of nods her head blinking really fast, like waiting to reset, you know. So then, Jen is like, I mean, it's like stuff, because I didn't go to her brother to get this jewel.

Yeah. In like long Island city. Long Island city. He's in Long Island, she's in Paramis. So if you need New York driving, of course, you're not going to fucking go to Long Island city. And you know, Jen's not going to give you a discount anyway. Jen's not like, come to my brother,

he'll give you a discount. Jen's like, come to my brother. Yeah. That's it. She also has like the weirdest explanation. She's like, no, I mean, like, of course, I mean, like, I didn't brother. Yeah, that's it. And she... She also has like the weirdest I've seen. She's like, no, I mean, like, of course, I mean, like, I didn't think it was real jewelry. I mean, like, if you're gonna give someone

a Botox gift, I'm not gonna be like, I'm gonna go in it. I'm gonna use my own Botox, right? I'm gonna raid everyone, and you're like, what are you talking about? Why would I go in on a Botox gift card for someone? I got Botox in my backyard. I'm like, here we go. And she doesn't like farming.

Like, I'm suddenly, here we go. And she doesn't like farming. Like I'm suddenly into farming now. So then Marge is like, yeah, she ended, she just plays the drinking end. She just blames the drinking. And Andy is like, well, what was going through your mind when she was ramping up? And she's like, Polly, Polly, such a good person. Oh, she's such a good person. I'm like, Polly can be a good person all she wants to. Polly can buy me dinner. But Polly also the bitch who made me stay in the house with eight people with one toilet. Are you fucking crazy? Well, yeah, because now it's like.

I'm Polly too, damn with Polly. I'm very pro, Polly, I have to say. But here's the thing. So like now we're talking about Oklahoma and how Jim was just like a total terror on that trip. And basically, you know, Marjus like, you know what, she's one of my best friends. She's very sensitive.

And she opened up the house. It's not the Taj Mahal, but you should've been grateful and like polite. And Jennifer, she's like, well, you know, I was just making a lot of jokes at things. I'm like, I fucking hate when people get so mad about, don't get it again. I love it.

Go ahead. It's like, it's just like, you call it a rant. I call it a coffee break. It's like, it's just like, you call it a wrap? I call it a coffee break. Yeah. I just get so mad. I just get so mad. And I so happy at the same time. I can only be happy when I'm so mad.

That's how it feels good, girl. Yeah. So then, the lawyer says like, well, he says, so, sorry, I'm turning into these people. Yeah, you just, you just, into these people. Yeah, you're just a what-up, you're just a what-up, you know? Like, Laura's like seriously, look at you, Laura's shaking your head at me. You don't think she's a what-up, but Laura's and Laura's goes, I think she can come across that way, but I don't think that's how she is.

What? I think if you've come across as a what-up, then you're a what-up. Yeah. You just gotta look deeper. That's a true, that's. Yeah. You just gotta look deeper. That's easy. That's how it works. And so Teresa's like, Arnie, she reminds me of me,

and me. And I was like, I got that sunset, too. Well, it's like Teresa took from it. Well, because she also sees pretty sunsets. Because Jennifer, she's trying to fend herself. She's like, you know, I'm just making some jokes. And like, I can't believe that people all fixated on me saying I've got 16 bathrooms.

I mean, I also have a basketball court. I did elevator two. I mean, I'm not trying to brag. And then he goes, kind of, it sounds like you're art. You repeated it several times. So then it's like, what about that sunset? She was like, I mean, okay, you know what? Like, you sat there and you told me,

well, I'm sorry, was that more? I can't even tell. No, no, it's her. My brain is like going crazy. It's her, she's like, okay, so what? Here's what happens. You see a beautiful gorgeous sunset. And then you see a sunset somewhere else

and they say, look at the sunset. You're not gonna say, I saw a beautiful sunset too. I'm gonna say, look at the sunset. I saw the other day guy, you're like, what? And she's like, I mean, it's like you sat there and you said, it's like, who's thickest, bigger? My thickest, bigger. I'm like, bitch, you're talking about a sunset right now.

That goes across the entire country, okay? Relax. So then, Andy, oh my God, the most awkward question ever. This is like the most basic fucking question. And it's like, if you're friends with people who do this, break up a phone. Don't be friends with them. They're horrible people. They're weaklings.

Oh yeah. I know what you're about to say. You know when your friends are like, and you wear a socks in the sitting cart. If we wear a socks in the sitting cart. Oh. Who would we be? That's Andy's next question.

He's like, so, uh, Jackie, some people say you look like Popeye, but some people say that you're like, you're very sexy in the city, you know, so in your carry Bradshaw, I'm saying, oh, that's really nice, Andy, but I'm not really carry Bradshaw, even though she's kind of the leader.

I'm more Miranda, because Miranda's also a lawyer. Yeah, so- And then she goes, and I'll say Melissa's the leader, so she's Karen, and just she Teresa be like, Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bl, bling, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, bl, like, Teresa, do you think that Jackie is Carrie Bradshaw? She's like, uh, no comment. Comment. Who's Carrie Bradshaw? Uh. Yeah, no kidding. No comment.

Oh, Teresa. See, at least Teresa does learn. She can go through things, but she'll learn. I mean, she's like, no comment. Okay? This one thing you learn in court. No comment. I believe the fifth bitch.

But Andy keep referring, like over the next two minutes, he refers to Jackie as Carrie Bradshaw, like 10 different times, each time to be like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh like presses like one letter on a keyboard like oh, you're like Carrie Bradshaw You have a MacBook you're totally like Carrie Bradshaw. Oh my god I mean she's big, but she doesn't like she plays football. No, not Terry Bradshaw Oh Everybody is a Teresa's like furious now, but she's not really sure why. But I think it's just because he said, Jackie said that Melissa is the leader.

So she says, you know, like, it's like a hamster wheel on top of a toilet paper roll. It's just like, so she's furious. And then, oh yeah, Andy goes, which housewife do you hang out with the most, Melissa? And then, uh, oh yeah, Andy goes, which housewife do you hang out with the most Melissa and then Theresa goes, Marna, hello, look I'm outside of the couch, y'all, why you gotta ask that question Andy? And he's like, whoa Theresa, geez, sorry. And she's like, do you even want to show him any?

Do you even want to show him? Okay then, for sure, kapiche. So then Melissa takes us as an opportunity to turn herself into the victim, which is her favorite thing to do. And she's like, I mean, Teresa, look at your couch. Did you sit there on purpose? Teresa's like, the point is that we were placed here. It doesn't mean we're still friends. She's like, ah, and Melissa's like, oh, so now we're not friends anymore.

What happened to fam? It's like, okay, Melissa settled down. It was not your time, yeah. She waited for Teresa's already being kicked. So that's what I love about Melissa. She'll stay quiet and quiet and quiet and wait for someone else to jump on Teresa's ass. And she'll be like, how could you?

She'll jump on it. Just really smart playing. Like she's finally learned how to play this really well, Melissa. Yeah. So Teresa's like, yeah, you should have been on this side, this will ain't him. Like, she still doesn't get it. And then Melissa's like, you miserable.

And then Jackie goes, I think she's in a bad mood, and she's picking. She's just picking. And Teresa goes, all right. And then we get like a solid 30 seconds of Tariya still looking around like this. What? What?

Someone remotely rebooted her system. She's like, blah. She was jerking her head back. She's a fly coming under. It's like a under. So funny. Funny. OK. So then we have like a then we go into like the Jackie segment.

Jackie's life is on the record. And it's extremely boring. So let's please fast forward that and get to her screaming get Teresa. Jackie's life is on the record. She admits to riding a minivan around and pretending to give a fuck about a sister that she hasn't talked to in ten years some of the way.

You're the one who bought a fast forward. Oh, no. When you press fast forward, you don't actually move the video forward. You wait for the machine to do it. What am I supposed to do? No, so yeah, so, oh, then we get to the, I'm sorry, we can't fast forward because we have to talk about eating disorders. Okay, this is it now, listen.

You all know that I'm eating disordered. Unfortunately for me, it's going the wrong direction. But a disorder is a disorder bitch, okay? I feel like I get left out because I get to eat. You know what I mean? So, look, I get it. But do I really need to hear every housewife all fucking week talk about their eating disorder?

Of course you have a eating disorder. You're a real housewife. You wouldn't be on this show if you didn't have an eating disorder. You wouldn't be on television if you did. It's called making an effort. So. Sorry.

But it's true. Lisa Reina. So. We're very fired up. OK, this reunion does like a lot to us. It's just like it's so much. It's like, that's where you didn't do us a lot to us. It's like it's so much. It's like, okay, but she doesn't really ever do it where they're eating disorder thing. She's just like, yeah, I had one and it's over, whatever. And Andy's like, but now that you see how you look on TV, are you gonna relapse?

Which is so, that's such an Andy question, you know? I know. And she's like, nah, I have a nutritionist. I'm like, okay, so she's still got needing disorder. That's me. Come on. So, Andy's like, uh, Dolores, what about you? And Dolores is like, you know what? I didn't even think I had a needing disorder. Like, for me, it was just called wanting to be skinny.

No, so, I ate, and I ate, and I stopped eating so I get skinny, and then my family was like, seriously, you're too skinny. So, like, I stopped because of my family. I mean, is it gets skinny and my family was like seriously you're too skinny So like I stopped because of my family. I mean is that a meeting disorder? I don't know. I Think it's more of a family disorder, you know It's last time I checked. I'm alone in the kitchen and Frank's down in Florida Frankies in school boo. He's dead Boo or boo or boo or boo or boo. Well now she has dog

Literally a dog game dog. It's like the lowest effort name ever dog So she's just over it. She's like dog. She's name it so on So Andy's like oh, let's talk about how Jackie went to law school and so Teresa gets so mad Because Jackie's like I wanted to fall in them and I practice from O-1 to O-A, but then I loved writing, so I decided to start writing. I'm sure he's sick of it. Oh, yeah, she loves writing about other people after she goes into their home.

Oh. So that's a woman who's been on TV for like the past eight years, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. So, it's an end they're talking about like how Jackie has like a sister and the sister things are doing well with the sister that she wanna be on TV. They're just talking about her family.

It's so mad. She's just getting mad through this whole thing. Yeah. And then, and Teresa's like, yeah, I'm just gonna talk to, I'm just gonna talk to it. I'm like, remember Joe Gorgah, remember? Yeah, because she's, because she's, he's like, well, you know, you see, it's weird that you don't get along with your sister.

Does everybody, but everybody gets along with your brother? What's up with that? She's like, my brother is learning disabled Andy, okay? Like everyone loves her. He's like a positive little spirit in all of our lives. And then Jackie's like, uh, Andy goes, so what does a learning disabled brother taught you? And she's like, that I don't let people bully me.

And Teresa's like, oh, you're doing it on the bully, why? What? It's like, yeah, she's saying that Teresa's a bully. That's what's happening right now. And Teresa's like, you're bullying her. You went to her home. You went to her at home. You bullied her.

Because you went to her home. And then you wrote about it in the newspapers. Check, is that what you consider bullying? Is that that what you consider bullying you didn't even read it It was a little cat with a dog and as a guy say why does that you're reading Garfield You shouldn't have gotten the guy feels house. I'm reading it You shouldn't have gone in the bathroom, you'll tell us. I needed it. And then this is my favorite fight of the whole, which this reunion has great fights,

but this is my favorite one because she goes, you need to read it, she says, Yeah, I did. She says, Yeah, I did. I did. Yeah, I did. I did.

I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. Ah! Laneed in. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Jersey just elevating, elevating conversation all across America. Yeah.

So she's like, oh, you think you know me so well? You think you know me so well? Why? You think like, you think you know what happens in my leg? You think you know how many brothers, kids, and they have to. Why? You still like, yeah, it's like, you've been on TV, honestly. Like, it's not that hard.

It's not my- You pretended to write like five books, so yeah. So Jack, he's like, I don't want to know you Theresa. You're not my kind of people. Okay. And then Theresa goes, you don't even talk to your sister, you're not my kind of people. You want to be me.

You want to be me. You want to be me. You have no way. Yes. I mean, that's great. I think that was the sound of you. North America, making that noise. Yeah. That was the sound of North America drawing a line in the sand

between us. Yeah. America. Did you like it? Oh, we've had it. Keep Jersey. Keep Jersey. Did you notice how candid and was lucid? We're being North America.

See? Hi. So now Teresa is just yelling and screaming because someone says she's not her kind of people. So Teresa is like, yeah, I ain't even talking to you. It's just, okay, the third, Yeah, you ain't even talking to your sister. Okay, the third season opened with you and your brother like throwing things at a Christening

because you hadn't spoken in years. You went to jail? Yeah. What's a jail? You did not talk to your sister in jail, Teresa. Yes, you did not talk to her. So, Trees is like, Oh, yeah, you want to be me?

You want to be me. And Jackie, guys, you have zero that I aspire to to research. Yeah. Oh yeah, so that's why you're standing in my book signings, huh? I got a picture of that. That's why you're following me for 10 years. I got a picture of that. I got a picture of that. I got counted from 10 years ago. Show for 10 years. I got a picture that I had a serious picture.

I got counted from 10 years ago. Showed 10 years of picture. And Andy, like he's in the most fun conversation, never like, laughing at all up. He's like, he's like, there's a picture going around in social media. I saw that. I saw that.

And Jack goes, yeah, Andy, it's from my own social media. I'm not ashamed of it. All right. I showed it to you, Theresa. I showed it to you when I started the show three. So what's the big deal? You guys? I just started. Start. You're stuck. Finally, Jack is like, define stalker for me and Miss Marion Webster. She's like, uh. Uh. Uh.

Uh. Uh. Oh, the Stalker. The Stalker. The Stalker. You have them in genders. I can't believe Teresa knew the word a gender. I know.

I thought the same thing. I was like, whoa, that's three syllables. That's big. Agenda. That's big. We can say whatever we want about the jail system, but they have good yoga classes. And Teresa knows how to say agenda.

And so Andy's like, so what's the story behind this picture? And Jackie's trying to answer. And you know, Teresa's like, yes, Akka. And so then she's like, can I answer without you jumping and she goes, yes, honey, boo, boo. I was like, oh, she can't. How's she guys? Yes, honey, boo, boo.

She can't even do honey, boo, boo, correctly. Bunch that, honey, boo-bo. I was like, oh, she can't. How's she guys? Yes, honey, boo-bo. She can't even do honey, boo-boo, correctly. Right, so. Bunch that honey, boo-boo. She tries to face it by just going, cookie, I'm like, now you're just saying things. Yeah, cause Jackie's like, would you shut your pie, whole dear? Did she? Yeah, honey, boo-ba, 20 poops.

And Jennifer just starts laughing. And Jackie's like, it's that funny. Jennifer and Jennifer's like, this is funny. Sorry. So Jack is like, I was walking past his shoes to a strolling mic babies, and there's about four people in line for some.

It was a pay less shoes. Oh. I walked in, there was a sale on TV's, and I was like, look at that beautiful brown shoe, it was Teresa turns out. Ah! Look at how they can they dig a desk for people! There's four people really, and she goes, well, you know, I like this show, so I went in, and Andy goes, how's that a stalker?

How's that thing a stalker? And like his face is a wrong point, this whole show. And Teresa's like, you know, when we went out of the matter, she says she was such a big fan, she couldn't wait to meet me. And then most of the time, but Jennifer said the same thing and everything. And she is like, well, but but Jennifer said the same thing and everything and she's like

She will stick my and Jackie's like clearly she threatened by me and she's like, you're the one who came in here gummin' in me Yeah, you're the one in here, okay, this is what Jackie she goes, you're not gonna win a war of words with me Theresa. She's like, gumball up, oki-pooka-paka. Honey, bawa, oz. Honey, bawa-pooka-paka, gummin' it up with me, I can mash it. Uh. Jack said clearly she's afraid

because she came gunning for me. He's like, you're gummin' for me. Like, she can't even repeat the proper word. It's not that she didn't know the word. That's fine, but she just said it. All you have to do is repeat it. It's like the hokey-poky treats is like, huh?

You put your left foot in. Huh? Huh, which one? Huh? Left foot in. I don't know this dance. OK, but we're telling you. You're left foot in. But don't know this dance. Okay, but we're telling you. You're left foot in.

But you're left foot out. Ha! How many weeks? How many weeks do you think I took her to learn the Macarena? Let's be honest. Um, Macarena. No.

Oh my god. So Teresa now doesn't know what to do, right? So she just said you're coming at me. So Jackie goes, you're not gonna win a war of words with me Teresa. And Teresa goes, oh yeah, well now I'm gonna bring it bitch. Now you're gonna deal with me. Calling her a bitch right after she said,

you're not gonna win a war of words. Yeah, this is Teresa who's claimed that she's not a bully who then says, he is looking around this room, okay? Anyone who went around, look, anyone who went against me, just you can't even move my room anymore, anyone? I'm like, yeah. Then I do that, that's why. You see him here, you know why?

Because they're not here anymore, that's why. So funny. She's actually just stating very simple concepts. There was someone in this room earlier, but now they're not here anymore, now I'm in the room. I was in my room earlier, but now that I hear anymore, now I'm in the room. I was in my car earlier. Ha!

Ha! She's like not making a point. So, uh, oh, by the way, can I have a vodka soda up here? Thank you. And I love another one of these. Bring us around. Well hurry up, guys. They're so word, we're so worried.

I'm like, we saw it in my team hours. There's like a band that's coming on after us. So we have to we are We're waiting oh no they want we I'm a great band. Okay, so Jackie Jackie is really getting it to Lisa right and she's loving it because Jackie It's like smart. It's like how she's got four babies. Do you know how much she's care about her face like yeah She's carry Bradshaw like she can deal with it So she just starts doing the child's argument because that's how you talk to children how much she's carrying out in her face like yeah, she's carry Bradshaw like she can deal with it So she just starts doing the child's argument because that's how you talk to children right so she treats is like Yeah, I see no money out here. It was never high me my heart and then Jack is like, oh, that's good So the answer is so what are you gonna do to treat is like? Like she's starting to go fucking crazy. I know what are you gonna do?

like, ha, ha, ha, like she's starting to go fucking crazy. I think how are you gonna do, huh? And then she does the thing that I think all Bravo fans appreciated that she did a call back to Kelly Benzema from season two of Renewarska's. You're down here and I'm up here, okay? And you know Teresa was like, no, but I'm sitting right here. I don't, huh? Thank you. Oh. You all have no leads. I was like, no, but I'm sitting right here. I don't, huh?

Thank you. Oh. Oh. They all have no more leaves. Thank you for the drink. This is a sighter. I'm so sorry to boss you around, but it does feel very good. I feel very powerful.

Thank you. Oh my god, it's so cute. She's like, thank you. There's your waiters here. These people are so kind. Thank you, everyone. To leave money, make it rain people, please. So Terese is like, you're a lawyer, you're a lawyer,

but you have a blogger too. I'm like, you're an ex-fellon with a cookbook and you don't even know how to say ingredients, okay? Yeah! But Terese was funny, good to know. Wait. Oh, that's you? You were a lawyer and a blocker. Wait, you're a lawyer and a blocker.

Wait, you're a lawyer, but a blocker. She's working through the conjunctions. You're a lawyer? You're a blocker. And then Dolores, Dolores. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

And it raises the stain of that conjunction humor. Yeah, so Jackie's like, yeah, I'm a blocker, too. And maybe if you've learned to read Theresa, you could enjoy some of my blogs. And then to Laura's guys, I'm pretty sure she knows how to read Jackie. Thank you very much. All right.

Thank you very much. Perfect. Wow, thank you. Oh, I don't care. So I don't give this clear and drunk. Thank you. Look at this. You guys are so kind. We have a drink for every one of Teresa's daughters.

That's Melania, that's Gia, that's the quiet one, and that's the new one. So, the Laura's is like, yeah, I'm pretty sure she knows how to read Jackie and Theresa goes, oh yeah, that's why you're kind of my book signings, huh? Like Theresa is still stuck, like, from in five minutes ago. And I love that Jackie finally decides she's just gonna flip it on or such. So, like, people who come to your book signings are all stalkers, is that what you're saying? She's like, yeah, stop. Uh. Ah.

No. I love my band name. My fans are the best. I love the moles is. I love my band name. And Dolores goes, look, you see how she turns to the round? That's it. That's it.

That's not her dress. The last time I saw something turn around that fast was me going from the living room back to the kitchen. So Teresa's like, give a sock and me for 10 years. And then check, she goes, oh, yeah, she's got a lot to die of fire too. She goes,

Aspire me? Aspire. It's like those movies where it's just like she found Nell or something. She's like, a spy amy. So I have to back up to Nevis because this is my favorite Teresa reunion move and she does it every reunion. At some point she gets so mad she goes, spy amy. QE today.

She bends down like she's like she touches her boobs to her knees. Eat today. Because you look high. You look high. By the way, we can't you know, we can't pass it up. This is a big thing here. Did you eat today who says that to someone with an eating disorder? Yeah.

What a horrible thing to say. Unless you've got a sandwich in your pocket and you're trying to help. What did you eat today? That was so cold. So I was like, OK. And in case you didn't know how cold it was, Melissa's like, don't say that.

She has an eating disorder. And then there's side of the catch. Because, oh, she didn't mean it like that. She didn't mean the lures as a kid. Here's Reese. He's had a saving. You know, like the lures is totally coaching her the whole time. Pebble tile. No, no, no, no. Cookies, no Frank. Can you talk about Frank? No, no, no, no. Oh, thirsty. Thirsty. Say you were meant thirsty. And thirsty. Thirsty. Thirsty. You know, thirsty. Yeah. Thirsty. I can win a contest. Yeah, because Jennifer is like, I think she met Thirsty.

And he's like, oh! Yeah, yeah. Thirsty! That's what she met. I was like, what are you trying to say? She did not mean thirsty, okay? She did not. She was taking a lot of love.

That was shitty. What I meant to say was, did you eat today because you look thirsty? LAUGHTER This does actually make like kind of a sick Theresa sense, you know. I mean I understand what's in big dealings and eating like if I ordered the food of course I'm going to eat this order. What else are you going to do with it? I like a good pun.

Good old dad joke guys. Thanks for coming. So finally Jackie says what I think we've all been saying for years and years because I lose brain cells talking to you Oh my god, oh yeah, there it is. I was like oh no, where it happened. It happens. It happens. I had a Teresa's like We've actually actively lost brain cells while discussing this So when we come back from commercial and he's like so Jackie, Sidger ground What made you stand up to oh then we start to bully thinking yeah, yeah Let me just stand up to, oh, then we start the bully thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a lot of time. This happened already, right? No, there's a lot of like, it's like classical music. There's a lot of like motifs that come back on a moment. So also regular music, Frazier. Well, we are in the Northwest. So Jackie goes, Jackie starts doing that. That felt nice.

Jackie goes, she's doing this thing again. Like, see, she's a bully. She's a bully. So Teresa, in an effort to prove that she's not a bully Says well, thank God you're so far away and Jackie's like why what happened? She's like I Punch you in the face take away your lunch money I can't stand no matter how I know, boy. Yeah. She's spitting mad, you know? Ha, ha, ha.

So funny. So then we get to this article that Jackie wrote after she went to Jennifer's disgusting home. Disgusted. And wrote about Adda's children are probably going to grow up to be like horrible monster people, which they are, OK? They have the Ronnie of the group.

Like that little girl is my favorite. The little older girl who's just like, wants approval from her mom, but then gets hit in the face with the jump rope. My spirit animal. And you know, she's gonna support the rest of those fuckers her whole life. She's gonna have, like, a good job at a bank. Therapists are just lining up in the premise mall

waiting to take them, like. Yes, lifelong. Life longer. Yeah, so I don't want to include her in there, but the rest of them, you're fucked. So, yeah, lifelong. I'm a long-time customer. Yeah, so I don't want to include her in there, but the rest of them, you're fucked. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. So yeah, so now, are the women afraid to confront Theresa?

And Jack is like, well, I think that she tries to scare people. I don't say I don't try to scare people. Boo! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. The Lord's like, I was- I don't try that. I don't. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Honey, Bob, Bob. By the way, what sort of prison did Teresa go to that she comes out of prison and the scariest thing that she can say is Honey, Bob, I'm sorry. Do you remember when she was like, yeah, do you remember when she said that people were

masturbating within the jail? Do you remember? What was it? Toothbrushes. I rememberbrushes. I remember toothbrushes. They used to wrap them up and they do them thousands of presents. That was funny. Erin camps.

So. Okay. We have 10 minutes. I don't have this much left. Hold on. I'm making sure that we get there. You're right. Look at my notes, look at your notes. I know, but my, you know when you sit next to people

who don't see very well on the plane and their iPhone is like this big in the type, like, you see what, or is this big? That's what my notes look like right now. So that's why, okay, we're fine, we're fine. Okay. So anyway, now I'm officially lost. Sorry, I did that, because this is what I'm doing.

Don't, don't. Slicking through and I'm like, where are we? Okay, so Teresa was basically just yelling and she's like, I'm going to, okay, they're fighting about this article, right? Jackie's like, what's the big deal? It's an article, Teresa, you didn't even read it, you know? So they start having that fight all over again. Yeah.

And then Teresa's like, I'm gonna do it right now. She's trying to stick a dig at me. Teresa's still trying to prove that she's like sweet, lovely cookbook Teresa and not scary jail. Teresa, you know? She's like, I'm that scary, I'm not mean. And Jack is like, you literally just said, talk to me like that and you don't come back. You literally said you were going to shoot me in the head.

So what are they talking about when Andy says, Marjor, the Queen of Analogies, would you say that Jackie's statement was a spot on analogy? I don't even know what they were talking about. Marjorie's probably like, okay, I'll end that. Okay, so monkeys, when they get to eat there,ge was like, okay, I'll leave it at that. Okay, 10. So monkeys, when they get in the air, feel like, okay, next.

When monkeys bend over, most of this was about holes. Okay, they did this, it was about holes. Let me tell you something. So Marge was like, it made sense, but it was hurtful. You'd all say that it was hurtful. And then Dolores goes, I don't think it made sense at all. And Jackie goes, I have never seen such a yes man in my life.

And the Laura's goes, well, I'm giving my opinion. She goes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's your opinion. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Put the baby gay. Put the baby gay. Put the baby gay. Yeah, she is, she is.

Theresa starts to roll over on the floor. Give her a claw. So anyway, so Theresa's so unraged because we know Teresa only refers to Jellis Camps and she's so unraged that she starts saying that we're Jell multiple times. Did you guys notice that? That's the first time, even though she knew what that was. I've never heard her say Jell.

And so it's like, you know Teresa, your husband's in Jell, the question is your husband's in Jell. So why was it so wrong that Jackie brought it up, and she was like, it was wrong. She has no compassionate. Zinc has no compassionate. You know, we ask the prize, we have to remember, this is the woman who introduced the concept of prostitution horror into our culture. Like, that's not correct.

And it's redundant. Look, we're in 2019. You're stupid if you don't have two jobs. This is a double-top economy. My prostitution and the damn will whore at night. What are you gonna do? So there's more fighting and Jackie's upset, whatever. And she's like, she's giving her a opinion.

Did you take your notes? I'm like, ooh, just giving her a opinion. Did you have to get, did you take your notes? Ha, ha, ha, I'm like, ooh, good notes burn. Yeah. She's been watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and is talking to Erica in her mind. Did you take your notes? So Andy's like, why didn't Melissa have Trees back? And Melissa's like, why would I have her back in that fight?

Teresa was yelling at me. Yeah. Like Andy really doesn't watch these shows. Do you ever notice that? He's like, what? What happened? Especially like the Mary de Betticins and stuff. Yeah. He's like, so, Quaff. Shit, Quad. Yes. Quaff. Quaff. And I can't believe he's that hot baby. So, Andy got a lot going on. Okay, I don't blame him. So Melissa's like, look, you know, Theresa, she gets very threatened by people

who can think and reason rationally. She says it right there. Theresa goes, oh, and I can't think rationally, huh? Honey, bobo, pookie, muddy, poke up, bookie, and suck, and suck up. I ain't rationals, don't talk to me no more. I ain't gonna never talk to hate no more.

Okay, that's it. Real rational, real rational, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real I ain't rational don't talk to me no more. I ain't gonna never talk to hate number one Tree man Yeah, great I'm gonna run this reunion now So Teresa how's your cabray act going oh Sorry so sorry So how many below any sandwich a thrown at your head in jail? Oh Oh, you have one! Oh, sorry! Sorry! So sorry! So how many below, and you say I was just throwing a earhead in jail? Oh, none!

Zavahani! Oh, Dharina! Yeah, Laili! Yeah, you bang! Sad tree says like, I'm not going to do anything. So Teresa is like, I'm not going to do anything. What? Glue. Oh my god, we need to do this show of Dorinda.

I think they're flashing. Okay, so now here's the big fight of the thing. So Teresa is like, I ain't even talking on my eyes. And Melissa goes, thank you Jesus, which is her thing. So Teresa is like, say a lot of Melissa, say a says like, Say a lot of Melissa, say a lot of. Say a lot of Melissa, say a lot of. Say a lot of, stalk the words Melissa's second. So Melissa does that thing,

or it cuts the Lord, she's like, Melissa, she's going through a lot, you know? She's like, oh, so this is how she talks to a family? Then why don't you say next one? Ah, with that. So Melissa leaves, but like no one cares Melissa does nothing. She's like, you want family, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that's what, that, that's what and she's telling Teresa. So Jack is like, don't Melissa don't even get a fett about it because the world is revolving around Teresa right now. Like, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna treat you. It's done right now, bitch.

Because my husband's not here, you're a cool-hearted bitch. Your husband didn't die, Teresa, okay? She's a cold-hearted bitch. Oh, look into her eyes. Oh, oh. She's a cold-headed bitch. Oh, look into her eyes. Oh, oh. She's a stalker, stalker. So, Jack, can you just stop a second to reach the, I'm not on the Teresa show.

She goes, oh yeah, you are on the Teresa show, bitch. She's like, no, I'm not on the Teresa show. Yeah, you are on the Teresa show. No, I'm not on them. Yeah, you won. Yeah, you won. And I'd like to do this my next guest, Inky Bus. Oh. Oh.

Because in my mind, the Toe Eat this show Inky Bus is booked. So then the best part of this reunion for me went to Reesa Guss. Oh, yeah, you're on the Toe Eat this show. Because I'm a New York Times fan, I'm a New York Times fan, I'm a New York Times fan, and you're a blogger. And then Jackie Gus, didn't even write your book, Theresa. You didn't even write your book.

Very a Viva dresser. I appreciate it. I just, I like that Jackie is like learning the lessons of people who've been kicked off of New York and is applying it to Theresa. It's very good for me. And I admit it, you know, she's like, yes, I've watched every episode of this show. That's very good for me. And I miss it. You know, she's like, yes,

I've watched every episode of this show. That's how I'm gonna take you down. Yes, we need a student. It's called writing out a game plan. Okay, it's very smart. Yeah. So Teresa's screaming and yelling and she's now she's going crazy.

And so she goes, Oh really? Can't you wanna make a bet? And she goes, I met the ghost writer of Melania's party, Teresa. Like she said, I wrote Teresa's book, you know? I'm saying. She goes, I was in Jail's and I wrote it.

It's like, oh. I was in Jail, I was in Jail. How much do you want to bet that I was like, Kim G, who wrote the book? Like, would that not be the best? It's been a long time since I've been a whore. It's like, wait, I wrote this down. I wrote this.

Just like a takedown, an autobiographical takedown of herself. Yeah, I wrote this, yeah. So she just starts screaming cold-hearted bitch, and everyone's like, Teresa, what are you saying, that? I said, go on, it's bitch. And then no one knows what to do, so they just kind of look at Teresa.

And then she grabs Andy's papers out of his hands. She's like, ah! And they always act like she's like fucking Godzilla. Every time she does this, it's at a reunion, right? Because there was the one season where she like, Andy gets up and she like pushes Andy like falls in with chair and they're like, whoa! Andy stood up and then sat back down on his chair quicker than normal. So, whoa, she's out of control.

She took some paper, she's gonna attack with stationery. I mean, that's just terrifying, I'm sorry, I'm scared. I saw those papers, those cute cards, like you never think paper can cut you, but it doesn't hurt, paper cuts hurt. Teresa would do it. That brings us to the end of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Woo!

You guys. Wow. Thank you so much for coming. We know it's like... Thank you, thank you. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crappens, Add Free on Amazon Music.

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