Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Brunch & Bimini

Episode Date: December 21, 2018

Classic Marge has a brunch with age-accelerating masks, and all hell breaks loose. Then half the ladies head down to Bimini for Danielle Staub's wedding disaster. Just another week of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Thanks to everyone who watched us record the episode live on TVPartyApp! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Kristi, wow, or de-dowardy? Asli, Savoni? She don't take nobelone! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird! Ain't no thing like Allison King. Megan the Slayer Taylor! Hot dang! It's Jessica Dang!

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And Lizzie Drucker, a fine mother f- Watch what crap bins! Watch what crap bins! Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap bins? What crap bins? What crap bins? What crap bins? What crap bins? What crap bins? Watch what crap bins? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch Your Crappins, Ins podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just

love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of the real housewares of Kitchen Island, which is on YouTube. The third episode is coming very soon. And joining me is the wonderful, the lovable, the work husband of my life. Ronnie Karam from RosePrix, Bachelor Rose Podcast. What's up, Ronnie? Happy. How's it going today? Good, what are you doing? I'm podcasting with you and also looking at your face

via the TV Party app because you're living live and we have various listeners who are like, or watchers in this case, watchers who are watching us podcasts as we speak. Yeah, we have this new thing on the TV party Apple where we streaming sometimes. And that's normally going to be a Patreon level. But today's just a trial, trial and hopefully non-era session.

Yeah, we had announced that this would be a Patreon tier reward and then lots of people signed up for that and we haven't actually moved over to a Patreon just yet because we're also ironing out the kinks with the app and everything but once it's all set up It's gonna be a thing that's gonna be exclusive to patreon So thank you for your patience and thank you for all of you guys who've tuned in already There's like a bunch of people we have like 53 people who are watching us right now Yeah, yeah like 53 people who are watching us right now. We're doing it.

We're doing it. We're doing it. Yeah. Yeah. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but,, Irvine, Boston, DC, Vancouver for the Just For Last Festival. All those tickets are on sale, so go get those over at watchwetcrapins.com and also T-shirts, et cetera, limited edition crap and T-shirts from the whole year are available until the first of the new year when a new shirt arrives on the scene. And don't forget of those shows, the one that's coming up the

soonest is the Dallas show. We added a second Dallas show. So everyone go buy tickets to that because that's Dallas, home of Real Housewives of Dallas. And you know, you know, you know, you can't have some crazy housewives showing up there for 100 people. Yeah, she'll be like They're just 100 people, but they work quite well Even though we're not making any promises. We're not making any promises But if one or two or three of them

But skip girl, I don't want to adopt it. I don't want a bash an adopted audience, but girl girl I don't want to adopt an adept audience, but girl. Girl. Well, today is a very special day because it's real housewives of New Jersey. Everyone's favorite house, much. Yes. I'm actually really thoroughly enjoying the season. I really, really like it a lot. I have to say. This show is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen in my life.

Okay. Sometimes I'm watching this show and I'm like, why am I doing this to myself? But then I start cracking up. Yeah, so I don't know. I really like being judgmental and angry. And this show makes me feel that, like, in spades. And so it's like the cuddly warm hate blanket that I'm wearing. I feel like it's really good.

I think that Jackie, for instance, has been really... She's been a surprisingly strong addition. The trailer did not indicate that she'd be so good. But this is now two episodes in a row where she's been a surprisingly strong addition the trailer did not indicate that she'd be so good But she this is now two episodes in a row where she's just like, you know what to reset? I don't really care what you have to say you know you don't intimidate me Teresa and I think that like Yeah, a little lift and her like um she has like six-year-old boy face, which I really like it like it really That sounds so that sounds so problematic to say I don't mean it like that. She just has a cute face, like a little kid. You know, like, she never grew out of it.

But she's been like really feisty in a way that I really like. And we have a bunch of feisty people on this show right now and Dolores is getting cranky. And I feel like this show's really, really working. Yeah, I just like that she's become a hero for telling Teresa to shut up. I mean, that's how bad it's been.

You tell Teresa to shut up a couple of times and suddenly you've got America rallying behind you. The whole internet's like, best housewife ever. And I don't know if I'm ready to go that far, but it is nice. I think someone stand up to Teresa. And Teresa doesn't even know what to do about it. No, she's totally out of law. She's confused. You know, she's both hangry and stupid and that's a terrible combination.

So this week's episode, it starts up with classic March opening up, I'm not opening up, but she's setting up a brunch buffet. She's just like a therapeutic brunch buffet. Like, just like, just like therapeutic girls are gonna come over. It's gonna be bread for the girls. Like, but none of I'm gonna eat it so just be for me and then we're gonna like talk and put on masks. It'll be great. Yeah, it's gonna be about the fabulous. We've got croissants, we've got big little crazy skinny bitches. I can eat anything. I mean, the older ones you can eat like them. It's gonna eat like seriously. I love that March just walks around her house talking with she's always got employees in there.

Yeah, and she's got got employees in there. Yeah. And she's got like, gay, Steve and Larry, I guess those are like the party planners of note. And I just love watching March walk around in her like, flowy things, being like, Steve. Kresson, more Kresson Steve. Yeah. Steve and Larry.

She's always like, she's perpetually in the first five minutes of a play, like a Wendy Wasserstein play. All right, and just stayed left. All right, here I am, I'm gonna pick up something. Steve, Larry, all right, what's going on? We got an omnisphere, got a mask, what's going on here? Okay, like, she does, yeah, she sets up the scene.

She's like, look, here we are, it's the body. And she spoke up, Joe was really holding the spot. So I came into it, what can I say? It was great, classic bud, right? And here we are, about to have a bud. She got so cool to say that. Steve Larry, the gaze, you know, it's all here. It's like we can see, you know, it's like a theater for the blind. It's like an audio, it's like an audio play. By the way, I started listening to one of those audio

plays on the on the podcast. It's called Carman, Carmen, what's called? Oh my god, I'm so terrible. I don't even know him, Ronnie. It's the girl from rent. I'm so terrible. I don't even know. I'm Ronnie. It's a it's the girl from rent And she's like telling a story about how she used to be a drug dealer, but she just got out of jail And anyway, it reminds me of that. I'm like, what is this? Some weirdo telling me a story. I mean, I used to be a drug dealer. I just got a jail So I'm gonna have a brunch to be very dirty for all the ex-concentre right there. Yeah Yeah, so she's walking around.

And the first to arrive is America's new hero, Jackie. She's like, hi, how do you do this? Because I totally don't have to come, I can't. So crazy. I'm a margin like I called a caterer. That's what I do. You pick up the phone. You call us once the Joe picks it up.

That's what you do. That's it's very easy. That's a classic match right there. Marge is a classic match. So the Melissa arrives next and Melissa is like, hi. And then, uh, they, you know, they start talking about Teresa and their whole fight at Jennifer's house. And Jackie basically thinks that Teresa is hypocritical. Um, I don't remember why she thinks she's hypocritical, but you can just sort of, there's like any number of reasons why that statement is true. Yeah. Well, we're just getting the fight set up.

Like the daily fight. You're like just for those of you who are new to watching, she's like, Daisy talked into the race and it's like, yeah, she's mad at me for not backing her up. Did you see the croissants? I just woke up at Joe, that's croissants. It's like, okay, okay.

Yeah. So then Dolores arrives next. She's like, well, you know, like I'm pretty mad at Melissa because she riled up Joe. But you know at the same time, you know, this morning I woke up and I went to the kitchen island and there was no one down. I thought, you know what, life is lonely. I feel eviscerated right now.

Am I going to sit here be mad at Melissa? I'm not going to sit here be mad that Frank didn't refill the orange juice when he left this morning. Yeah, I'm just eviscerated. I woke up this morning. No one I'm just sophisticated. I'm just a little bit. I woke up this morning, no one was there, so I walked from the kitchen to the living room, to the living room, to the dentist, to the kitchen.

It was like a circle, it was like a triangle circle. You know what I did today? I actually walked to the basement and came back up again. I was like, what's happening to me? Who have I become that I actually had the basement into the rotation, you know? And then my mom's sitting there just sitting cookies

on the corner. I got to that basement, and I thought the rotation, you know? And then my mom's sitting there just sitting cookies on the corner. I got to that basement and I thought, God, I got to redo this kitchen. Then I realized it was the basement already. We did the kitchen. So I went upstairs and I counted my blessings, the countertop, the chef cookie base. You know, I looked at every single cabinet

and all the handles that work. There's no squeaking, no nothing. I said, why am I so mad about things in life? I've got so many good things that are happening for me Why Frankies at home Frank is in Florida. We're working on our trust my cabinets work boo well boo's dead. Okay, so that's sad Boo, I mean, boo am I right? It's really fun doing Dolores when I can see your face Ronnie Her lips are always like Just like what Jesus Pesner lifts out like you know what she's best for a lip

satellite you know what she's always talking yourself into arguments and then resolving it with herself you know what she's like there's a lot of there a lot of problems in this lot you know what like Melissa I don't like the way she treats Joe but you know what my cabinets work so what's the deal so I put some macaroni and cheese on the microwave and I put two minutes and that's when it says it was gonna be done Then it wasn't done. It was like so cold on the inside and I said listen here microwave If you ever lied to me again, I swear to God. I'm never gonna use you again

Okay, I'm gonna get a new microwave then it happened again, and I said okay, you do this one more time Turns out I was using the express cook option. I don't need to express cook like what is this the garden? Stay parkway. I don't need to express things You know what I need I just need my macaroni and cheese and you know It's not a big deal if I have to wait another minute is that such a big thing in life. No Then I said Frank Frank came home. I said Frank. What are you eating? That's hot That's a hot burrito and he said I use a microwave of work. It's like god damn it I thought I could trust you finally. I'm a visor a bit And finally I put my hands on the table like this. I said Frank. I can't keep it in anymore

I'm mad about the mac and cheese. You took it out of the microwave for two minutes and needs another minute. You told me needs two minutes. Now I'm working on Trusslebook you and the microwave. But you know what? Our son's healthy. What am I really complaining about? You know what? It's okay. Mmm. Then Teresa comes Teresa comes in and she's like so stupid. She's not sure who she's supposed to be mad at. Like she forgets the day before. And she just kinda looks like her eyes are half closed. She says, and she just kinda looks around like, oh, hi, hi, hi, hi lunch? It's brunch. Why? It's a portmanteau. Who? Why? Who said portmanteau to Teresa? Oh my god. Don't don't even bring in the big guns.

Charcuterie. Like a loser. I'm scat. A chax. Who's the one who had this? What was that? There was a brab usher where charcuterie was an ongoing theme. Yeah, remember that was that southern charm. Uh, I don't know. Remember there was one where it was like, it's scrubbed. Someone didn't know what charcuterie church. Uh, charcuterie. Wasn't that Brittany? I think that was Brittany. I'll banter prep rules. You didn't know what the charcuterie is. Oh, yeah, secretary. Secretary.

Now I'm going to have ma ma's, our could replatter. And Mel's Melissa is scared of Teresa, you know, and she's like, I know that Mark March wants to come by a brunch, but tree tree looks like, come on, bitch. I'm like, she does not treat just looks like this Did you notice the ice cold kiss that Teresa gave Jackie's jacket like hi Teresa and Teresa just sort of stands there Like a cactus and you know Jackie comes and kisses her and she's like Yeah, she definitely had some confused cherry siblings for that one. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I see what's happening. So anyway, so now they're all there. There's like a small talk. They're talking about Danielle's battery party

and that there were like strippers there. And Mark's like, yeah, his head was in a push. There's like full on like strip ahead in like lady puts. Like see what I'm saying here is like, it's like, what is this? Like person boots except it's a person boots to be called person trippers. Okay, classic march.

That's for you, Jen. This for you, Jen. I have great bass cause you know, bud seed you kind of facelift. We're all I have great bass because, you know, bud, see, you got a facelift. So we're all going to have face bass, all right? All right, after this we're going to go, we're going to go to the obliot station. I'm like, why are you talking about strippers heads of vaginas? And then your nasty ass masks.

And then an omelette. I'm not hungry. No, I think you're, I think you're confused, Ronnie. The omelette station is actually the name of the strip club in Jersey That would actually explain that stripper. Yeah, that was one messy omelette of a stripper, okay? It's a big runny omelette. Yeah, can I have less better next time? Yeah, it's like a broken and burnt broken and burnt omelette So she announces these mass and then Daniel's like, I'm sorry, but I'm allergic to cocoa and cocoa lead. Okay, I'm allergic to all of these, but thanks a lot Margaret. Thank you for

having me over here. And then also meanwhile, while that's happening, the Laura says she just hates Daniel so much and she just doesn't care. So like when Danielle arrives and they're talking about that stripper, she's like, his sack was in my face and the Lord says like, that wouldn't be the first time, or the 500 time, or the 1000 time, you know what I'm saying? Million time. I can stand up. Five hundredth time. I'm just going to go and increments of 500. Yeah. Also Melissa said that she was not doing a mask. She didn't even have the excuse of allergies. She just is like, I'm not gonna do it.

She's basically like, I'm not gonna show up at your house without makeup, okay. I'm on television, I will not be seen without makeup. Yeah, Melissa could use a mask. Melissa's a very pretty girl, but she has a very dry, messy looking skin. Hmm. I have a little say.

Someone who spends time in Palm Springs. Wow. And then Jennifer arrived also and she's like, Shrippers, I'm against our Turkish culture. Also I think it'd be disrespectful to build. Lady, you know, I'm kind of sick. I'm Lebanese and I guess that's similar in America. But ain't nobody gonna arrange shit for me.

I will die first. Could you imagine someone coming over and being like, okay Ben, you're gonna marry Romney. Like gross, no. Yeah, I feel like you know it's probably like it's not good, and probably against Turkish culture being an idiot, okay, on TV. That's probably what it is.

Yeah, acting like a jackass on TV. Yeah, so yeah, so that's like. How does Turkish culture feel about ripping off your god-given face and then injecting it with like cock from home depot and then putting it back on probably not they probably don't look highly on that either okay yeah yeah is that is that a thing I'm calling this 10 bullshit so Daniel who's like when she's like when she's like when she's when she bases like, I'm allergic to the cochlea and whatever. She then she goes, you know how I'm allergic to everything? And Lorka's not the penis.

And Danielle starting to get mad like these are really offensive jokes. They're not really offensive jokes. Why is everybody talking about fucking all the time? But then this is the first cast to section every little thing. Yeah, you know, yeah, because later on Danielle's like, what do you let's be in? I'm like, oh, geez. I'm like, you had like a lesbian love song on watch what happens. No, Kenny, you were a lesbian for five minutes. And what the hell is it only okay to be a lesbian with someone's putting a 20 up your

choice? Yeah. Yeah, you can't choose your times where it's suddenly okay to be a lesbian with someone's putting a 20 up your choice. Yeah Yeah, you can't choose your times where it's suddenly okay to be a lesbian. It's always okay to be a lesbian, okay? So then Danielle's come she's complaining truly about everything She's like oh well I can't have an omelette because this can be butter in the pan Well, let's just wipe out the butter. It's like it's not that simple. It's not that simple. Thanks a lot for understanding, Ma, Grace, and I can't have bothered with my parents. Margaret's like, I can't with her. I can't with her. Okay, she's too much. She's bright, she's bright, she's ridiculous.

Bright, she's like, skip. I know, I love Danielle being a bright, I think it's hilarious. Like, to me, this is when Brava weddings work. When the wedding is just like ridiculous and absurd, like with Luan and with Danielle. But when the wedding, when we're supposed to be like, oh my god, this is beautiful. It's a fairy tale come true, but it's like with Tamra. Like no, that doesn't work for me. I'm not here to see candy asses fairy tale moment.

Oh, and by the way, everyone vote in the crappies. That's if you go watch what crappens.com slash crappies, you can do that and vote for your the storyline. You think it's ready to die. Yeah. So Dolores is really going for Danielle, but then she admits why she said, because she's like, I have two men who lied to me. And she finds another sucker. Like, what the hell? What the fuck am I doing wrong

to practice voodoo like she has a ring on a finger she has a ring on a finger and I can't get David to commit to a dinner reservation I'm like I feel like that's less about Danielle I'm more about David like maybe it's time it has the thought like cross your mind that maybe like David has an entire like family and you're the mistress at what point do you start to put these things together Dolores Dolores I hate to sound like my Mima but when you're a free sample at Costco ain't nobody gonna buy the package. You know what I mean? You're just like the cause you're just like a sample tray standing there giving everything away for free. Okay. No one's gonna buy you. Stop being so nice to men. You need to make them work at least a little bit. I mean what has Frank done so far? He's

stolen. He's gotten disbarred. He's just taken to your sweet potatoes and just walked away like he's the king of the world. He does nothing. He doesn't even listen to you. He's a liar. Yeah. Absolutely. A woman hour, okay? Yeah. I will say though that if you, if Dolores, there is one exception, if you are the sample of chocolate silk milk, then yeah, you might get bought really are you one of those oh my god I'm totally buying this I don't often get this I don't often buy what's in the samples but that chocolate silk milk or silk chocolate

almond look whatever it is it usually it tastes so good I don't like that it's fuck you and pasta milk it's chocolate it's more about the chocolate anyway that by the I'll drink that by the gallon. I've got a Hershey's over there. So now this is like the part of the breakfast where I get really excited because have to win put on like charcoal masks, so they're just in full on like gray face. And then the other women put on these clear masks that are now sort of like their magic power is it reveals what their skin would look like if they hadn't had procedures done. So they all have these like all of a sudden it's like that.

Sorceress in Game of Thrones like. Like, yeah, that's true. They all had like lines and they look like they were decaying like it was like they is like rapid onset decomposition and it was fabulous. Yeah, that was definitely like some quick aging makeup. It's like when the witch in into the woods turns into Bernadette Peters and then back, you know, like, yeah, it was really, it was very exciting for me. I like.

So Dolores is still trying to set off Danielle who I don't know why Danielle doesn't go off. I'm not really sure because she's like ready to, you know, try and get her, I forgot what they were holding again. Would we decide they were holding it at the beginning? A little pile of garbage. Yeah, little pieces of chewed up gum that were stuck under like tables. Yeah. A little piece of bread. She's trying to get her meatball back. But she says pretty calm because she's like, oh, Marty hasn't talked to me since

the bridal party. He didn't want to see what I look like after the bridal party. Like, gomma do some of this. And Dolores is like, what did he come home and put a black light on you? Just cracking yourself up. And then you'll just give her. Yeah, just like this is the gas face, which is pretty much like her normal face. Yeah, Melissa Pipe's in yeah. Yeah, Melissa's like, you know, I didn't have strippers in my and my wet my bachelor at parties. I didn't have strippers. I'm like, first of all, Joe Gorga basically is a stripper. So yeah, I think he admitted to that. Yeah, and girl, if you invited people from work, I'm sure you had strippers in your wedding.

So close enough. She had exotic dancers, not strippers. So then Dolores starts making fun of our Dolores is like, oh, of course, I'm Melissa Goga and I'm perfect. And Melissa starts getting mad and Dolores is like, you know what Melissa? It's just that it comes off as fake You know, it's like yaks like oh, I'm so perfect and like you're totally capable of approaching Joe But then yaks like oh, I don't want to get involved What proxy war go ahead?

Deluxe web it prox war no, I was gonna say she's not totally wrong You know, this has been one of the complaints that we have about Melissa. She's always like oh know I was gonna say she's not totally wrong. You know, this has been one of the complaints that we have about Melissa. She's always like, oh my god, I don't want to get involved. No, you know, listen in Calvatured, sort of have that same thing going on, which is that they can be bitches if they want,

but they're afraid to let America see that, even though we've already seen it. Well, I don't mind somebody coming for her. I just mind that it's because Dolores has nothing to do except fight for Teresa. You know, it's like, okay, you're Teresa's proxy But then Jackie who is Melissa's proxy jumps in and she's like, I don't think that's fast Yeah, and then

Reloots are like this like they're always wrapped around a jar an open jar like Who Dolores or Jackie? Oh, yeah, so kind of sits with her mouth open. She's like, I don't think that's bad. That's not fair. And so Teresa's like, why is she buttoning into the family's businesses against says the woman who like Dolores just fully butted in? Like like all Jackie said was,

I don't think that's fair. I know like Teresa's going nuts. So Teresa's like, you're just mad two minutes ago. And now you know, now you know what she's thinking. Is that what it is? And she's like, you're just mad two minutes ago, and now you know what she's thinking, is that what it is? And she's like, no, it wasn't two minutes ago.

Teresa, so is five minutes. If you want to make it to 10, I would show up if I were you. I was like, is anyone else impressed that Teresa can even tell time? Like, I'm a little impressed. I don't think she can, because it gets very confusing,

because she's like, you've been here two minutes, Link. And she's like, no, I haven't. She's like, five minutes, Link. Eight minute abs. It's like, you've been here two minutes, Link. And she's like, no, I haven't. She's like, five minutes, Link. Eight minute abs. Like, she has no idea what's going on. She's just, she's like trying to grasp time. Yeah. Like, she would be the perfect time traveler and the time traveler movie

because she wouldn't even know anything's different. Like, she'd walk into a cave and try and buy, you know, like beef jerky. Yeah, she just thinks everything's like a, like, a, some sort of like home run of Asian show. Oh, look at this. It says it's 1985, but now it's 1955. Look, they changed the clock. So says is it daylight savings times is?

Ronald Reagan's going to be presidencies. You're moving up five minutes. And if you want to make it the time, I shut it if I was used. Uh, and she's like, this is my sister in law. I was like, you need to make up your mind. Because this fight is about you yelling at Melissa. So I guess she's saying, that's my sister in law. I can, I can evict the rate if I want to.

Yeah. And Jack is like, do you own her? And then you know that like totally blows to reach his mind. Like, wait a second, do I own her? Did I have a buy head? What's happened? Do I have a deed on her? I don't know. How fucking dear you, you know, she just yeah. Teresa is just so excited that anybody thinks she owns anything. She's like completely flamix for a second. Yeah, and the truth is that if Teresa owned anything, the thing that she would

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And Jackie starts basically doing this whole thing where she starts doing a classic diversion. She's like, OK, you know what, relax with the cursing. OK, you've talked to me like a civilized human being, which is the Jersey way of saying Yeah But then Theresa gets so Theresa. She starts to her Theresa squeal, which I love and she does she's like Exactly and Jack just like you have to stop yelling at me.

I'm way too old to be yelled at and then treat us like, you don't cross the fucking line, you don't do that. You don't cross the fucking line. Maybe we're other people, but not with me. Yeah. I write her lines down by like that, by the way. Other people not with me. You don't go between family.

You don't talk about me. You don't talk about my husband. Did you notice when Jackie goes, talk to me it's like a civilized human being. And Tracy goes, Ah, and then Jackie goes, you don't sound intelligent.

And she's like, you know, sound intelligent. And she's like, I don't give a fuck. Theresa didn't know what civilized human being meant, which, I mean, that's why Theresa keeps her job. Yeah. I'm poor Jackie that she ever like that there was Jackie making the assumption that Theresa could ever sound intelligent. Well, she is, she is going for it kind of easy pickings in a way, you know. that Teresa could ever sound intelligent. Hehehe.

Well, she is going for it kind of easy pickins in a way, you know? Yeah. So she's like, who do you think, yeah, Teresa? Who do you think you are? And Danielle goes, whooow! Whooow! She's just gonna, Danielle's just going to resort to some alpachino.

Whooow! She's gonna walk around with like a little cane and do tango with people and decide what's Danielle doing? You've been trained me, Donnie Fransco! She's walking around to closing doors on people on Diane Keaton. She's just like going into different rooms. So... She wakes up with a horse and her bad and buries it. It's just like, oh, Marty, there you are. So Jackie's whole thing is that like, you know, because Jackie doesn't even know why Teresa

is popping off on her so hard. And Teresa is like, I'm continuing from Jennifer's house. So I like that Teresa is like, previously on Teresa. We were at Jennifer's house. So I like that Teresa is like previously on Teresa. We were at Jennifer's house. So Jackie's like, listen, if you have an issue to be talking about this, have the conversation and private. You know, if you don't want me to weigh in,

have the conversation and private, but you involved all of this, okay? So like, you don't get to make all the rules and then everyone else just has to follow them at which point Teresa is like, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, what? Yeah, she's like, what?

Like she has no idea what to say. And it's like such a simple fight. It's so funny that she can't follow it. So she's like, I'm mad right now. So she's like, don't you ever blink, ever, blink, ever, blink, ever, blink. It's like hit around the side of the head gets broken, fucking record. So, say, family, family, and finally, Jack, he's like, okay, okay

So that Danielle she comes in with her curly hair'd wig in the microphone like and like the password music is playing it She goes the words you should never you should always avoid talking about awe Husband and Family the past Husbands and family the past husband and family Doing a micro I'm like This is what happens this finally I'm glad this I'm glad we're being broadcasts because you can see that I'm physically holding a microphone The password is husband so Jack is like you know what Danielle you weren't even there

Don't dismiss me don't dismiss me. I'm like please dismiss her That's when we get the best Danielle whenever Danielle is dismissed. That's when we get the crazy fully comes out and Then Teresa tells it. Yeah, he's in y'all standing up for me Blink blink and my sister in white stainless tail and stand silent. That's fucked up That's not like a civilizit is a the that bubble Like a civilizid Elizabeth Eliza Um, so just to recap Teresa is mad that after she and Dolores went in on Melissa, that Melissa that didn't then defend Teresa after Jackie defended Melissa.

Yeah, you know, it's a very intelligent fight. It's your house, so I was in New Jersey. Yeah, I mean, no one made parts with their armpits. So, you know, I think it's like baby steps towards class. So the Jack is like, you know what I think about my statement and then they cut to Marge and Marge just goes like this Jack well, so they just happen to be Joe. Well You want to check the burn is are they are they on Jony number two? She can move here check them on I don't know I'm feeling feeling something good. Well How long do you know this one how how long do you know this one how long oh Melissa? So now she's fighting with Melissa, right? Yeah, well because Melissa's go because Teresa's yelling at Melissa for now Teresa's man a Melissa For not telling Jackie to shut up. So she's mad at Jack. She's met

Well, but I guess that's the same thing right she's mad that Melissa's not standing not defending her So Melissa's like well, okay fine then tell the Laura's to shut up and then Teresa's like how long you knows her's for Okay, how long you know says for Like a long time is she a Southern chicken stay whatever she wants I'm like, okay, so there's like a time on this how long do I have to know you before I get to tell you shut the fuck up and your husband's in prison Okay, yeah, it's not a secret Yeah, exactly exactly so Teresa gets up and Jack is like where's she going is she pissed? Which I think it's funny

Is she pissed? Is that making a lot of noise I had to turn on my fan. It's like summer today suddenly in Los Angeles Yeah, yeah, what's going on over there? I see you fiddling around with stuff. I know I hate that you can see me now. Is it making a hiss in the in the microphone? I don't hear anything, but my fan is on the floor and like it's blowing up on my nuts. Sorry. That's fun. That's a great nice. I'm actually gonna patent that net fan. Not fan. I don't know. It wasn't even my nuts that were hot. I didn't even know my nuts were hot until I turned on that fan. Yeah, well sudden nut heat can really... It's not called sudden nut heat for nothing.

sudden onset nut heat. So Melissa's like, so now Theresa and George have gone off to the bathroom. And Melissa's turn to Jack. He was like, are you okay? I'm Jack. He's like, baby, I'm good. Dan and I'm good. Dan and I'm good. So Gypsy over there. Yeah, sort of. Has yet, my has she as well. I don't want to kick nothing. I'm sorry. That's it. So in the bathroom,

she's reading. We just, we have that camera on the other side of the bathroom door, so they don't think they're heard. And three, so they, I've been holding that in and Dolores is like, well, it looks like a golf ball. That had to hurt. No, Jacky. So she, who does she? And meanwhile, Jennifer's at the table telling, uh, Jackie about,

you know, she's Jennifer's trying to explain how people in drugs talk to Jackie when Jackie is from Jersey. She's like, you know, sometimes the way we talk in New Jersey and New York, when you want to be passionate about something you yell, that's what you do in New Jersey, New York. I don't know if you know that since you're obviously not from here. I'm like, what are you talking about? She's an idiot. I like that she's also specifying where people only, where people yell because they want their feelings for it. Like no one ever does that anywhere out. It's only in New York, New Jersey, the tri-state area. Let's say.

You know what, Jackie shouldn't expect Theresa to become because she was attacking her husband. Like Jennifer, first of all, be quiet. She was not attacking her husband. Yeah, I didn't even get to shut up. She was saying we have to watch you later at home. Yeah, basically Teresa was telling Melissa, you have to control your husband because he's being mean to me.

And Melissa said, I can't control someone. And all that Jackie did was provide an example. She was not attacking Jo Judeis. Like, I hate this idea that you can't even mention his name and it's like if you do, it's an attack. This is actually very similar to last year when Margaret made an analogy and referenced Hitler and then Siggy Flicker was like,

don't say Hitler. You're an anti guy's semi. It's like, you can say Hitler. You can mention the word Hitler. I just heard her and you Jersey throw a phone up against the wall because you brought that up. Yeah. Ah!

Basically, we took Ziggy Flicker and made her a new Nino voice. Yeah. Joshua. Joshua. So then back at the table, Danielle's like still at the table Danielle's like we went through so much to be here Me to reset we work and Jackie's like I don't think that's relevant to this conversation

And she's like you are cocky you are cocky She's like I'm not cocky. That's not the right. That's not the right choice of words. Well, we look Jackie squared now no, I'm not leaving a square. So you got yours another word What the giant a that's what you are you are the giant a right survey says All right, I like that Jackie can just fuck everybody up with intelligence the jyda ee right. Survey says err. Oh, alright. I like that Jackie can just fuck everybody up with intelligence. She could be like, that's not the papal white dee. It's in this context.

And everyone's like, Yeah, she used the word. Where do we find words? She comes out with a red pan and just marks up all there. Everything they say. Check minus. Ugh! I thought she was talking, but maybe I'm wrong. So then Jack, he's like,

I'm not gonna take advice from Danielle on relationships when she got through, and like toy that pay by. There's a big assumption that Danielle uses toilet paper in that statement. So then, Danielle is now like, now Danielle's turned into Melissa, and and she's like and she's like Why like she's like oh she turns to Jack and she's like so why are you defending her so much? How what's going on there? You got like a lesbian thing going on here like what's going on?

Danielle Like what like that that's now you know you've lost because you have nothing better to do than to sort of like drag it into a homophobic territory. Yeah, so then Marge is like, I mean, that would be a beautiful day. It would be like, you know, Chris Swartz, all the things that Steve and Larry did, that's the H.O.s charcoal, but whatever, I guess it's the clump, it's the cocked and that.

You know, like, that's a lot of swatge of faces. Like, this is getting very fucking heated, okay? Like, instead of mud mass, there was like muds thing and get it, it's like I use mud to do it the way. It's okay. This fight is so long, like this stupid scene was so long. God, I loved it. I don't have any breaks in my notes.

And every time I look down, I'm like, oh, God, it's just like Teresa's stupid. That's a little really all I wrote over here. And then Danielle is like going up to Mola and she's like, aren't you pissed that she judged you as sister-in-law, aren't you pissed? Come on, Danielle, you can do better.

You can do better. You can do better. You can do better. You can do better, okay? I mean, so much fear for getting a table thrown in your face, you know what I mean? I should try that. Get some damn respect forever.

Yeah. So then Teresa and Delores just leave. Like, gotta get out of here. Bye. Bye. And then I got the Bravo glitch. So I missed like the next minute when I came back. Classic Marge was talking to Joe.

So before that, it was just Teresa packing her bags with her kids surrounding her. Like, why do we have to be around this crazy bitch like I'm wondering if Teresa ever even sees those kids when she's not on camera because the kids are like I'm a Lonia has like makeup now. She has like cute little brown eyeshadow. I love a Lonia. I don't care what anyone says. Okay Let's just my hero. Yeah, that's good and she's they're talking about how this trip is coming up. And it's a couple's trip. And Teresa is going to be all alone.

So then we go to Joe and Melissa. And she's like, he goes, God, all you did today was go to the gym at the doctor. And she's like, yeah, because I got my coach done. I got my coach nice and hairless. Yeah, and you like that? And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah. yeah And then she's like please talk to your sister and he's like oh Yeah, it's like he's getting horny by anything she says

Yeah, I saw I saw it be like you guys have no middle to the Namaste. I'm gonna kill you He's like sorry. I just came. Oh Joe So then marriage she's like I need to pick some clothes Joe I need to make some clothes Joe I tried to get a voice down But it's really hard for me to separate to do her voice you do it really good Okay, you know what it's like Joe, baby. It's taught me how to do much is boys. Okay, you just go like this. You put your hands out like this Okay, like you're like one of those Chinese statues if you hands out like this. You put your hands out like this. Okay, like one of those handy statues. If you hands out like this,

I only blow on suit, you go. Like suit. Like suit, but do you get right now? It's better, right? Joe, watch that break here. I mean, this wedding is like a disaster, okay. Like we're going to Bimini. Like what's Bimini anyway?

It's like Bethany, what's called Bimini instead? Like Bimini, Frankl, is that what we're talking about right now? Be strong, I'm trying to be strong right now. I know what I'm feeling right now, being annoyed. Okay. Get it. That's a few much I mean, so she's like what should I wait at this thing? Joe what like what should I do? Where what but Joe wear and he's like just get something that looks like Jaguar something Jaguar something I'm really enjoying Marjor's Joe. He's just like laughing every scene is laughing like

What are these crazy people? I don't even know what I'm doing here like one moment I'm trying to put wallpaper up in our great room the next moment. I'm patching up Danielle's tongue What is this rolls with it? You know, that's a good husband. He does. I'm looking for one of those And I'm going to give people are gay and we're drama queens. Okay, there's not like a role with it. It's like I'll get in there and I'll fight much for you or I'll fight Danielle for you. It's like no, honey. This is my thing.

Okay, I'm gay today. You just be a Joe. Can you just be a Joe? Mars Joe, not a Gorgazo. Yeah, I don't want to finger up my butt while I'm fighting you there. Okay, Joe Gorgah. Keep your hands out of your wife's butt on national television. We will he post a playground already.

When will he post a playground girl? So we then go see Dolores. She is basically like, you know what, I got sick of walking from the living room to the dining room, to the kitchen, to the living room, to the kitchen, to the dining room. So I decided to drive it instead. So I'm going to bed, bath and beyond,

and then I'm driving home. I'm going back to bed, bath and beyond, then I'm driving home. And it feels good. I feel like alive. I see cause on the street and I feel like them my friends So then she gets a call from Jackie and Jackie's like hey, do you have a few minutes? I'm like this is Dolores She always has a few minutes Dolores has time. Okay. Yeah Girl if Dolores was a grabback and you reached in you would feel nothing because there's only time yeah time, time.

Yes. So, Jackie wants advice. Jackie wants advice with how to work with Teresa on this whole situation. And Jackie explains that she really treasures her relationship with Melissa. And because she likes Melissa so much, she wants to make it work with Teresa, so she wants to get to Laura's input. I'm like, no, this is so stupid, but they have nothing to do because they're not on the cast trap. So they have to do something and she's like, yeah, maybe I can get me some advice. And Laura says, oh, well, that explains the cool.

I get me some advice and Dolores is like, oh, that explains the cool. Oh, that explains it. Idiot. And then she's like, because we're real women. We're mature. We shouldn't act like children. I was like, you're literally, it's like your mom turned around and you're like, thank you, mom.

You know? Yeah. So I guess they're going to meet. Yeah. And then Dolores is like, well, I'm going to a shelter because that's the only place out of the my house that I'm allowed to walk from the kitchen to the bathroom to the living room to the kitchen to the bathroom to the living room. There's no basement for me to be confused.

You know what I heard a song that said, give me shelter. And I said, okay, I guess I'll get your shelter. Like, I mean, what else am I supposed to do? You know, I got nothing else to do. I could sit in the kitchen and go to the living room, then back the kitchen, then the living room, then the kitchen. Or I could get someone shelter, something could get someone shelter. I guess I gotta bring some stones in there too, apparently, some sort of rolling. Mm-hmm. This is the match.

I guess it's time for a commercial. Is something like that? I don't know. I don't need a commercial. I need a new living room. Okay, Joe, that's what I need. Okay, classic match. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards

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nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong, what would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So Marge is, now we see them on the plane, the whole gang, the Bimini gang, and Margin Joe are like making out on the plane. And we see like Teresa sitting alone like, eh, I'm so sad this is.

Yeah. Are we supposed to really feel bad for this woman sitting like, oh, the pain of Teresa that she has to sit in her own, like an aisle, in a row alone, with a window seat in like business class. Like, oh, the torture of Teresa. I mean, it kind of is. You're on a plane with the gorgas. Every time I see them go on a plane, it's like Southwest, that Southwest flight to Vegas.

It's like, there it's innocent, but then you come back and everyone's just like, smells like butts. Yeah. And like, you know, burping. Flies and burping. Yeah, they're flying disparate airlines. So Daniel They they land in Bimini, which is in Bahamas and Daniel's just so ridiculous

They it's one of these airports where there's no there's no jet way you walk down the staircase onto the tarmac and Daniel's like Hello, hello. I need someone to help me with this this luggage I need someone to bring it down the stairs. I need people to help me with this this luggage. I need someone to break it down the stairs I need people to help me hello hello And then Marge is like I love that yell, but there's no way I be carrying it. What do I look like a fuck that lay? And then so it turns out on it turns out Mars senior ends up carrying Danielle shit. She carries like a dress with I mean, who does that you're making someone's mother carry your shit. Yeah, I know it's ridiculous I mean also like if it's too heavy for you to get it on to the to get it off the plane

Then you should not have brought it on the plane yourself. Yeah, yeah, I don't like when people are just like This is why I'm never in weddings You know because brides can't be like this even when they're semi-nice it's like that I'm the bride I don't care, okay? I robust boy. Yeah, and all those jokes because Daniel's like all the bitches that weren't helping me Are gonna go into the wood and that's what I got to say and it's like ha ha ha look at me being high maintenance But like you make enough of those jokes. It's like no you actually are being high maintenance, but like you make enough of those jokes. It's like, no, you actually are being high maintenance right now. Like you can't coat that in a joke. Yeah, she's terrible.

So then Joe stuffs his face up, Melissa's butt. Danielle's yelling at this poor Marty guy. Oh my god. So they're getting on this boat and she's putting all the luggage on because he's married this disaster. I don't know what Marty, what kind of person Marty is to be this far in and like give up his whole family. I mean, really?

Ugh. I don't even know. That makes it even worse. So he's putting like all the Louis Vuitton, like the fake Chinatown Louis Vuittons because you know those are all fake, especially in Melissa. She's like, we need these covered. I was like, the plastic is probably more expensive than your fucking fake luggage lady. Do you think you're kidding? Yeah, exactly

So then meanwhile we go back to Jersey and Dolores shows up at the shelter She's like, all right. Well, I'm here at the shelter. What's going on? And so she talks to these ladies who've been through hell, etc. And they're telling their stories and and basically Dolores like, yeah, let me tell you something You know you lost your business and you lost your home And basically Dolores is like, yeah, let me tell you something. You know, you lost your business and you lost your home, but you did it once before, you can do it again, you know, as long as you trust the right people.

I mean, I don't know. Like, I don't know. Apparently, I don't trust the right people. I told Frank, I was like, Frank, we need to build a house together. And he's like, okay, he goes, he builds a house, he doesn't even tell me. I'm like, Frank, you're supposed to tell me.

So I don't have any trust in him anymore. But, you know, what can I say? I got new cabinets, boozed dead, I missed booed, but you know what, Frank, he's back from college. I feel great about it Sometimes I sit alone on my viscerate and I said, oh, don't forget to do your laps I walk into the living room back to kitchen back to living rooms the kitchen not so viscerate anymore And it's good, you know, I have a little meal and I say Frank. I got to get this off my mind all the women are like We're leaving. We're just going to the street now. The shelter is empty

They're like, well finally we've got more beds. Thanks for coming by, boys. You've given everyone enough strength or terror to run the hell out of here. She's like, you know what you need to do. You need to steam a sweet potato and some salmon. And just leave it out on your new kitchen counters until someone gets said to eat it. Listen, let me tell you something, ladies.

I know you've been through some horrible things, but you've ever had a big man who looks like a boulder spilt pasta all over your can of top That happens then you really don't know pain. Okay, that's what I gotta say Oh good So then we go over back to bemmany and our bimmy Melissa's like I'm gonna judge the game to the guys no just skiing all right We got to work you are bright squad you're my bright squad and look at these girls. They've done everything for me These girls are daughters have done more for me in two days and you have this entire time

This entire time I'm like a piece of crap of the bottom of a shoe And Teresa's like hey hey, hey, we're going to have a table flipping good times. It's like, OK, who wrote that for you five months ago? Lesterisa. And Glory days. So now we go over to Jennifer's house where they're cooking a big Turkish meal

because her brother's engaged. And I don't know if you notice this Ronnie, but They were fully using some cheap ass cookware. That's like meant to look like Lucrucé. Did you notice that? I was like no, it's like classic Jennifer. Okay, you have this big giant house But you show up with like a store bought Cruditais tray to hatch at night and now here you are trying to pass off your cheap Groupon pots as Lucruce and I know that they are cheap Groupon pots because I have them also. Okay girl, please. Well that's not the only cheap ass thing she's trying to pass off. She's trying to pass her cheap ass fat brother to some girl

she met at a wedding. I mean this scene was very disturbing to me. Yeah Bravo is stealing a lot of ideas and like, you know, we love our Bravo But this Friday home or Saturday home or whatever night they're putting it on they're literally just taking others like they're coming out with the property brothers But it's like other people whatever. So there I see what they're doing It's really gonna come for 90 day fiancee If you're gonna go for 90 day fiance, do that on it's own show. Don't bring it onto Jersey. It's a more terrifying than the TLC one.

I know. I was like, hashtag justice for Melda because basically Melda, like I guess Jennifer met Melda at a party and she's like, Hey Melda, you know what, I'd like that your name sounds like it's short

for Melda Hyde. That's funny, right? Where you laughing when she's laughing at my joke? Here's my, here's my brother. He's big and fat and awful. Has no personality, but you know, I can see a desperate situation. Marry him. She's like, no. And then like six years go by and Melden doesn't find any, which is like, uh, I got it. I guess I got to go with that guy.

And so yeah. And then her story of it is, yeah, she calls her all these years later. And she's like, she told her all these years later and she's like, she told me she wants to start having babies immediately. I was like, ew, this is gross. And then when she tells that story, she's like, yeah, my friends don't understand how did it. It's like they see this girl and they're like, what?

They never even dated. I mean, maybe they've known each other for 10 days or something. These American women. I mean, they just don't get it. I'm like, yeah, God forbid you fucking fall in love with somebody. Listen, there's a reason we call the old country old. Leave it behind. Okay. I told Melda. I said, Melda, if you marry my brother, I'll give you anything you want from Amazon. Okay. Anything you want to all Melda you pick it up but you also have to get three baskets in a row Melda three baskets and my brother wins horse wins the horse

let me tell you something no one in my family has ever gotten a divorce so the pre-fiz in the pudding I'm like well congratulations you're on bra. So we'll be counting down to that. And then second of all, the editors are so funny. Right on the heels of her saying, no one in my film has ever gone a divorce. They cut to Bill, sashaying and be like, Hey, girl. Hey.

Hey, girl, hey. Bill's back. What are we having for dinner, girls? What are we having for dinner girls? What are we talking about girls? Mmm. We're talking about engagement. Mmm. Have we all seen rules of engagement?

Mmm. Great movie. The mom's like passing out her home made great please. Which look amazing. So, you know, if I can say one positive thing, to that mother like thank you mom's the mom's great she's a she is a lovely woman who is just like tirelessly just handing out great leaves and I think in her mind she's like you know what my children have turned into monsters but at least we I can live comfortably now you know after all these

years of sitting on a stool and rolling up. Yeah. It's like, by next year we'll have a nude, loveless baby in the family. Enjoy your tiny phallic dessert, your tiny phallic appetizer. Mmm. Mmm. Baby. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. So over at Bimini. Bimini. Bimini, Bimini, Bimini, Bimini, Bimini, Bimini, Bimini, Bimini, Bimini, Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini Bimini B I'm gonna know the story. I thought that's the horrifying things about you. I feel like every day, how is this possible? We've been together a long time. I've seen like big chunks of Cinderella, but I've just never sat down and watched it all the way through. I want them to make a new Cinderella like they did with Sleeping Beauty

where Angelina Jolie plays the evil queen. And you're like, oh, she was right. Sleeping Beauty's a bitch. I want them to do that with the evil stepmother in Cinderella. I actually feel like I actually opt in root for villains. And I actually, I do that with the evil stepmother in Cinderella. I actually feel like I actually opt in root for villains and I do feel like the evil stepmother in Cinderella is I'm like not on her side at all. I am. I'm on her side.

I mean, you know, she's like sitting there being all pretty, getting everything handed to her in the world because she's like got Cinderella privilege. That's true. And then her poor homely daughters, like what do they get? Nothing. They don't get anything. They don't have the right birth, right? They don't have anything.

So they're like, she's got to like sell them off. Like there's someone from this family, Jennifer's family. Yeah. And you know, fuck that, fuck that Cinderella. Lock her in the basement, tell her chores or done. I don't see what's so wrong with that. Yeah, I actually do, I do think you have a point. I mean, there is like, there is like this,

there's the sense that like, the whole Cinderella story has been basically told to us by the godmother godmother Who's like oh, I know this girl. She's so great. She's so lovely and like she just really hasn't had a shan life You know, and so we just you're like oh, yeah this poor girl when yeah, you're right She does have Cinderella privilege. She's pretty and she's probably very self-involved and she probably never asks you about what's going on with you. And remember, we thought sisters were like, we want to blend this family, let's have a blended family, you know? And Cinderella's like, I'm sorry, what was that? I'm sorry. And she's just like in her room, like singing to a brush singing like Ariana Grande. And the other sisters are like, hey, we were thinking about like maybe going to check out

this new copy house and like Cinderella is like the next day. It's like, oh, sorry, I just saw this text and they're like, fucking Cinderella. Yeah, I couldn't hear you through these Bose soundless headphones. My dad bought me yesterday. What do you get you guys, like that little bitch, you know?

You know, like she's always like pushing it then. Like when did, when in the story with Cinderella studying? You know what I mean? Like when did they interrupt her studying or like trying to do better in life? No, she's always just looking pretty, wishing she got, she had more in life, you know? Yeah, exactly.

So probably, you know what, what's the reason? Like fucking clean out that fireplace. Also, your name's fucking stupid. Yeah, Cinderella. Yeah, named after cinders. Hate her. I didn't even know I hated Cinderella. I'm realizing that I have a real Yeah, Cinderella. Yeah, named after cinders hate her. I didn't even know I hate a Cinderella. I'm

realizing that I have a real issue with Cinderella. Thank you for like opening my eyes to that because I was like, no, like, that's that mom was pretty bad, but no, I'm realizing like, that's that mom is probably like, the set mom's like had to raise these daughters and it's like, I've been basically a single mom for who knows how long. And I finally meet this great dude. And life seems really really lovely and he's got like seems like a perfectly pretty daughter turns out she's a spoiled daddy's girl and she's probably a slut. She's probably like going out at night sleeping

with like little woodland creatures or whatever. Also do you know what Cinderella's sisters did? This evil step evil the evil step sisters or how about the making an effort step sisters? Is that too long of a name? When Cinderella left her glass slipper at the ball, which Also, who does that? It's not only dangerous for you to wear glass slippers. It's dangerous for everybody else when you're slipper breaks You know fuck off. Yeah, so she's having a statement piece Cinderella. Yeah, send So she leaves her shoe there and then The prince comes around from

House to House trying to get see who fits the shoe because I guess there's like only one size six and all of the land or whatever. And then the step sisters cut their feet, parts of their feet off to fit into the slipper. I mean, that's called effort. You know, if you have a woman who's cutting off parts of her feet to be with you, why would you marry the, I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to work last use in the first place. I wouldn't even who's cutting off parts of her feet to be with you. Why would you marry the dumb one who wore glasses in the first place? I wouldn't even say that it's effort. I think what it is is these girls are like,

like, we need to be heard. We have not been heard. We're just sitting here and like, like, we are saying that we are here and we want to be known. We want to be part of this conversation. And like, what do we have to do? Like, I'm sorry

that we're not blonde. Does that mean we're like not worthy? Like, do I have to really cut off my heel for you to like pay at like an ounce of attention to me? But the joke doesn't Cinderella anyway, because pinch charming is obviously gay. So. And, bro, yeah. Okay. So Cinderella, I fuck you. That's the end of that. So now on to to I tried to wipe my iPad off and then I got lost now now that I'm sure I mean okay yes I'm sure 90 day fiance like this poor girl just it's probably like bombing around her house and she just wants to get to America and now she's like pond off to Jennifer's brother probably for free now and I can't wait till next season I hope she's on I do hope she's on this problem and she'll be traumatized I mean she'll be

I don't know what Disney character she's gonna be because she's obviously not gonna be Cinderella She might be snow-y at that best. I don't know. She's probably gonna be like Jasmine You know just because poor Jasmine got a bad. She got a real bad, you know Yeah, it's like Jasmine if she got stuck with Jafar got a real bad, you know. Yeah, it's like Jasmine if she got stuck with Jafar. You know, well, here's the thing. I'm not gonna like go in on this too much because people will interpret this

to be extremely problematic. If I'm like, oh my God, Bill is just like Jafar because obviously Middle Eastern, et cetera. And I'm not trying to say that, but they do kind of talk like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, well, I have Middle Eastern, you can say it. You have Middle Eastern affili ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh people will, people will miss interpret it, be like, I can't believe you said that bill is like jafar, that's so racist. It's not about the

turkish Middle East. People have bigger things to worry about trust me, okay. I'll send you some, I'll send you some live streams from when I get to El Paso and visit mine this Christmas. Listen, I don't care about that. Aladdin had some controversy back in the day. Remember they have to change the lyrics of that opening song. the last version back of the day. Remember they have the change the lyrics of that opening song. Um. A-ravee-a-night.

We need to get on with the three cap. They are remaking that. I know. I saw that photo. I don't know if I approved. Did you see that photo? Yes. Well, I saw the photo with the three cast members. Is that what you mean? Yeah. I was like, what's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? That Will Smith is it that will Smith is the genius?

It just looks so ridiculous. Oh, yeah, you're no rock guy playing so far speaking which so there is justice for jafar See we're just my submittal Eastern people solve. I did it Okay, so Anyway, we now Can't do any property boom what started us off with all of this. this Joe Gorgas niffing Melissa's toes Oh, and eating them he's sucking them. Yeah, he's like ruining it for everyone. So then to release Running toes for everyone. He's ruining toes like Actually now I understand why those stepsisters cut off their parts their their feet. They're like

I don't want him up in my feet their their feet they're like I don't want them up in my feet So Teresa is alone in her giant sweet just like very very nice. All right. All right. Oh, the loans. I'm gonna call you. Yeah, I'm alone. Who cares? You would rather joby there with you in Bimini. Yeah, please. We all look at that. That's a damn lie. Okay.

Enjoy your time when you still get to stay in America. Okay. Your dress has got to leave soon. Just enjoy Bimini. Well, it's not America. Well, I just see I just made get to stay in America. Okay, your ass has gotta leave soon. Just enjoy bemmany. Well, it's not America. Well, I just see I just made it to read some mistakes. No, you made it, yeah, you made it to your mistake when she was like, it's Bahamas in the United States and Teresa is like, now, is it?

For the first time, Teresa almost got a geographical question correct. She's like this close. You know, like the people at the World Geography Survey were like this close. You know like the people at the World Geography Survey were like, I don't even know if that's like a real thing. I made that up the world. I don't either, but I'm ignorant so I'll just believe anything. Now I'm a geography survey. So she's like, I definitely don't want to involve G as any more. I see my private job don't want to invite you as anymore. Is it my private job?

Link, Link. And then we see a clip of her totally involving Gia. Like, you wait. So, um, so then obviously Marge and Joe and her Joe and they're just like talking and Joe is like making a joke. He's like, Hey, hey, look, there's Marty running. Get it? Cause Marty's doing all the all the work for Danielle and part of it.

I write, you know, enough of the jokes. Like you crack yourself up. Okay, you're not like Joan Rivers. You're like an alien, like an alien booze low. Okay, you gotta like work yourself up. Okay. Let me show you how it's done. Okay, Brian's are always difficult,

but you think it'd get easier the third time, Brad. You say classic joke, I just did it. I just did it. There, thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. So then it's nighttime and there's a medical emergency. Dan Yelstob has a hole in her tongue. And they're like, what were you eating? She's like, can a lope? She has a hole from the top of her tongue all the way through to the bottom of her tongue.

I mean, that's what she says later. She's like, She's your sister tongue with a cantaloupe. I don't even know how that happens. So Joe goes over and is like holding it. And then Danielle keeps getting mad because it's still bleeding. I'm like, you bet all the way through your tongue, you fucking idiot. There is no bridezill.

There is no like bride squad. It's gonna come fix that. And how hard are you chomping on your cantaloupe? Like are there hard things in cantaloupes? Is there like a seed or something? And like, even if there was a seed, why were you going like, and also how did it get like, how did it get into your tongue? Were you that means there had to have been like a seed and you were sticking your tongue out and biting it. That's our girl. So she was like, my guess is that she got Groupon teeth like the rest of the housewives

because you know they get free like Groupon staff. And so I think she got like some free dental work. And you know when you have bad dental work, which I currently have, thank you. This is why I know you can't really fill your teeth the same. You don't really know what they're doing. And I think she probably like just incisor to herself all the way down. I will tell you one thing. This is a terrifying story that happened to me.

I think I told about this in the... I feel like at this point I've told every story, but I'll just bring it up again, because I think it's important that we're sharing. A few years ago, I went to Jones Cafe on Santa Monica Boulevard, and they have this, they have this like apple pie. It's like, it comes on a skillet, it's size of apple pie, it's delicious,

and it comes, it's like bubbling, and there's like caramel, on the skillet size of apple pie. It's delicious and it comes it's like it's like bubbling and there's like caramel And I took a piece of it and I put it in my mouth and I think I had some ice cream also with it And so I put it all in mode I put it in my mouth and the ice cream like the caramel sauce and everything the ice cream Immediately solidified the caramel so it went from being gooey to like solid and it like it like solidified on my teeth. So all of a sudden it made this like jagged caramel on my teeth and it's all happened like in one second and then I bit and like I bit down on my tongue with like jagged hard caramel spikes and I basically bit a hole in my tongue and not but not as deep. It was just like it was just like you know like a cut. It was was the equivalent of any cut So you got cut by science me. I got a cup of it hurt so badly for like a week and a half it was

Traumatic did you have a Joe to come in and unplug your hole? I did not I was very very sad Everyone's like yay black my whole yeah the whole plug Yeah, I blink my whole. Yeah, he's a whole point girl. Oh, I'm a whole. Marcia's like, I feel bad to you. No blowchops this week at FYI. Marty, because you know, it's like this extended shot of Danielle over sink, being like, and like, Marty, his eyes were bulging.

Like, what am I doing? I'm like literally marrying a beast. I don't know if she's a beast or a zebra, but like, either way, not appropriate. And I've gone too far. I have to see this through. So then we get to dinner. Finally, we're at dinner. I mean, this is already like twice as long as the show this recap. Yeah. But finally, we're at the dinner. And Teresa, you know, I feel like Teresa is such an inspiration for really, truly, is not being me. It's really an inspiration for people who are ever on a diet and go to a restaurant,

because she really knows how to stick to it. She's like, I'm trying to add a choking and some cauliflower. I'm like, that's, you know, so you still can't go out, guys. Well, she'd never eat that. You better bring my ass to an oches. Yeah, to be fair, I don't think that I think Teresa was confused. I thought she thinks she was ordering the art of choking. Like, this is how to choke a bitch

I want to learn about the out of choking. Please. Thank you So everyone's kind of well not everyone march specifically is kind of pissed that they have to do this glam squad bridal squad Bride bride suit in bikinis on a beach. Yeah, the bikini photoshoot. That listen, friend who works out every day, doesn't eat and does yoga and has implants everywhere on their body. I love that you're gonna be in bikini shoot

for your wedding. Fuck you if you think I'm gonna do it too. Fuck you. Yeah, Marge is like, I mean, I mean, like, we're not like, we're not like, we're not like, we're not like 20, we're not like, pretty 20 runs, okay? Like, have you ever seen me in a bathing suit? It's like, meet me and more me.

Okay, yeah, yeah. Someone called Jodie number two and told her to turn the oven on because there's like a lot of meat coming through. Okay, that's all. Oh, that's a lot of meat. There's a lot of, there's a lot of, so Steven Larry is a lot of meat coming through everything.

A lot of meat, a lot of meat. Okay, we got to answer me. Lots of meat, I mean, courtesy of the match. Okay. You know, I don't need all this extra meat. All right. But you can see all of it. So Joe's like, so how many people are coming to the wedding?

And Daniel's like, oh, this like 70, 70 people who could be doing something for me that aren't doing anything more. I'm very likable. I'm very likable. So then Joe Muse ride it. Because everyone knows, knows obviously her history and probably have seen her fight with Marty a million times Yeah, so he's like uh, so what about the kids? You got me kids, Marty. We're like two out of three kids. Yeah, yeah Three kids are coming. They're hanging out right now with Danielle's kids and like what about the third kid? Where's the third kid? Oh, well

He don't like Danielle and she's like his kids don't like me. I don't know why I mean look at me I have a loving face. I don't like to be dismissed. I have a hold on my tongue. What's there not to love? And Marge is like listen, thanks to the route. Yeah One day you locked in the closet the next day you're with a man of your dreams. The kids eventually cover, I mean, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Don't come between the man and his children. It's like, I'll tell you this.

I come at respect. I come at respect. If you're not going to respect me, get out of my face. Which is funny because she refuses to leave the house that Marty bought after disrespecting Marty, so I command respect Danielle stop so yeah some Marge is basically like Marge is correct She's like guess what you're the adult and don't break up this family You got to you got to bring the kids together and then Danielle's like you know, it's it's hard for me I come from a background and Marge is like it's hard for you. It's like, you know, it's hard for me. I come from a background and I'm like,

it's hard for you, it's hard for you. It's hard for me. It's hard for me. It's hard for me. Don't cut me off. Yeah, well, I'm just saying it's hard for me. The worst I show you are all of them. Don't cut me off.

He's like, I chose you. I chose you over those kids. I was like, is that supposed to make you look good? You look like a jackass right now. Who does that? Yeah. I mean, I can't believe I'm agreeing with Joe Gorgas because Joe Gorgas like his face is like this and the my yeah, he's too close to the camera. I actually took a picture of it. I was like my wall is like 90% George Gorgas right now because he's like his face like. he's like, if anything, whatever did that to my kids. No!

So ultimately Marty is saying, that's the direct quote. It's not my fault, it's not your fault, you know, it's just this situation. We have to move on, life for sure, life for sure. So, okay, I guess that's resolved. So then it turns to, then it turns to, Tari is like,

The life caught me. I mean, you're a congrats on this, and Tom Yalmad, and... Which, no, she didn't. She wouldn't call and say, Hey, just wanted to say, Tell Tom Yal, like, you know, center my love.

Yeah, she, Dolores called to say, Hey, Tari, I just noticed that the color in my dining room is a little different than the living room. Oh, wait, no, not that I'm here. No, they're the same color. No, I'm back at the dining room now tree and I don't know, like I can't tell us the lighting of the pants. I'm going back in the living room. What's the difference really between granted and marble? I never really asked myself that until now as I stayed down at my new kitchen counter. I think still considered new I don't even know That's an expensive game for children to play marbles. You know what? I have my children play

I have them play come give your mother a hug. It's my favorite game So Joe's like she's got a big mouth at Dolores. Melissa's like, who gives a fuck? But she has to say, that's what I say about Dolores. Who gives a fuck? She called me a little bit more. She's called me a little bit more. She's got her husband behind behind.

Yeah. Because now she's got Joe there, not hiding behind, but like teening up with her. So she's a little more vocal because she knows that Teresa's trying to start shit. So she's like, go ahead. Yeah. Let's let's spray on do this. Okay. Go ahead. Start a fight.

Yeah. So Melissa's like, you're backing her up. She called me a little misperfect and you're backing her up. And she's like, when you didn't have my back so your house is, her house is so what's going on? And he has, I don't know. So then Teresa goes, I'm here for over two years of loans and my kids don't have a father's is is.

I'm like, yeah, this was all because of what you did. By the way, Joe was not like swept up by a cyclone and sent off to a mountain. Okay, like he did this. You thought the cyclone is sent to a mountain. I don't know, why in my mind? It's like some very strange off brand like like Wizard of Oz. So Joe like stands up at the table and he's like he's like that's it that's it that's it come over here we're gonna talk about this come all here we're gonna talk about this and I love one little Joe he's

like Mr. Jefferson like coming out all mad and so he makes them go talk about it which thank god get the hell away. I'm so sick of this fight. Please let this be the end of this fucking my dad loves. Go see daddy more than me. Whatever. Oh no come to see me. By the way, Rachel Mazer, you should come see us in Irvine. Sorry. So yeah, so they go, we speak at the same time when he says, I've had enough of this shit, I can't.

So then Melissa, like, what is it? It's the principal's office in Trees. She's like, yeah, why are you by, and then you're not family, I'll wait you off, Emily. Damn it, my own rules. What do I do with my own rules? The sad part is that this is what the principal office looked like for Teresa growing up.

It's just outside by her. He's outside. Just near some grass and some dead crabs. So basically, he just makes a make up, right? He's like, look, with family, your resistor, your resistor in law, you're a wife. I've done your boat up to buttons. You know, what are you gonna do? Let's just all hug together and I'll go see Tatmur.

But I'm working, you know, I'm working. And she's like, yeah, but then mom died. I don't want you to feel like I found you didn't mend enough time and not. Oh, you want me to spend more time with that? That's what you have to say the whole time. Yeah. Why don't you say that?

You know, if I could hang out with Daddy more, I'd hang out with Daddy more. I don't want to hang out with Daddy more. You know, say I don't you say that you know, I would if I could hang out with daddy more I'd hang out with daddy Yeah, daddy more Want to be the for mommy, but I want to be the daddy Fingers up both of their beds in the end and then I'm gonna be back with our first full recap of the season of Top Chef. And then what's happening? Then it's Christmas week. We're out of here. So we're gonna be back with a couple of things. So we're gonna be back with our first full recap of the season of Top Chef. And then what's happening? Then it's Christmas week. We're out of here tomorrow we're going to be back with our first full recap of the season of top chef.

And then what's happening? Then it's, you know, Christmas week. We're out of here. Succas Ben will be here with a very special guest on Monday to do Vander Promp rules because I will be in a cabin in Mexico with my family in one Z's where there's no Wi-Fi except community Wi-Fi. So I'm out of here. Yeah. And then we're going to be back on the first of January, New Year's Day. So one more, three more shows. So you guys, thanks very much. We'll be back tomorrow with some top chef and go buy tickets to those shows.

I'm going to say it and say it and say it to the all sold out. Yes, everybody. And thanks so much for everybody for joining us on TV party. That will become a Patreon feature starting next time we do it, I guess, in 2019. So we'll see you. Thank you, everybody. This was so much fun doing this online with you guys.

And we will talk to you soon. Bye. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crappens. Add free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com

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