Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Chestnuts Roasted

Starting point is 00:00:00 Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride, Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors! Just saying okay.

Starting point is 00:00:25 Christy wow, we're doing dowry. Jamie, she has no last name. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. As she's a pony, she don't take noble loanie. You don't touch the Nicki Morgan letters. Aaron McNickolas, she don't miss no trickleess. Megan the Slayer Taylor.

Starting point is 00:00:44 Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow we go high-low. Megan Bird, you can't have a burger without the bird. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Cut dang, it's Jessica Dang. He makes a squee, Ritchie D's. Eric Greenwood surely uses her power for good. Hannah, gotta love that banana. Anderson.

Starting point is 00:01:01 Higher than Iris, it's more in Paris. Avonigila Weber. Lisa Walland, now's more in Paris of a Nagila Webber. Lisa Walland. Now that's what I call long-tainment. The Bay Area Betges, Patas and our super premium Patreon subscribers. Let's take off with Tamala Plane. Give them hell, Miss Noel. Always ready for Nicole Passa-Ready.

Starting point is 00:01:19 One day your Rachel's in. In the next eight, you're out. Lordus, the Lordus of the Rings. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. She ain't no shrinking violet kuchar. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. Yes, we can with Howley, Carolyn and Anne. Yes, we should with Carrie Bridgewood.

Starting point is 00:01:37 You're the Windom beneath our wings. Joe Windom. Nancy C. C. C. C. Sto. Hey Grant, the Grand Master. Somebody get us ten C. C'ss of Betsy M.D. Let's get Racy with Miss Stacey. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony.

Starting point is 00:01:51 Incredible, edible Matthew sisters. And... Mina Kuchikuchikuchi. Oh, I'm on, all for his life. He's... Goodbye, Carl. All for his life is... Goodbye, Carl! Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is.

Starting point is 00:02:15 Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Poppins. Poppins. Yeah, crap. I'm not a crap. I'm a crap. Poppins Crack this was happens when there's so much that I love Seattle. I love Seattle. Damn, you guys are crazy. Oh my God, the energy, the energy. Merry Crapins Must. Merry Crapins Must.

Starting point is 00:03:02 Everyone, Merry Crapins Must. Thank you so much for being here. Merry Grappens, my Sereon, Merry Grappens, my Sereon. Thank you so much for being here. You guys have given us the best year of our life. I mean, the best year of my life. Yeah, this has been amazing. This has been so great. This has been so great. Thank you guys so much for everything you do for us.

Starting point is 00:03:19 Thank you, thank you. Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you, Seattle. It is so awesome to be back here in Seattle. This is, as many of you know, as I said, the last show, Seattle's where I came out of the closet. Yeah. Something about that, Seattle Vod.

Starting point is 00:03:41 Yes. Just makes me super good. He's been sucking dick after dick ever. He's been sucking dick after dick ever. So he's been sucking dick after dick after dick after dick after. It was nice, I had like a really nice start to this show. I know, it's crap, it's missed. You know this, this is the first ever crap it's missed. So we can start all the new traditions tonight, you know?

Starting point is 00:03:58 It all starts tonight. Well one thing I want to give you as a gift is a tip for Christmas travel, okay? So we're cheap fuckers, so we fly Southwest, obviously, a lot. And also, I just love the whole game of Southwest. Like, you have to have a better number, better letter and a better number. So the trick is when you get on there,

Starting point is 00:04:21 you get to choose your seats, you feel like a badass if you're group A. But then some slub and group C. Tristro ruin your life at the very end of the line, right? Group C. I've been that slub so many times. Yeah. So today we figured out how to get a middle seat.

Starting point is 00:04:36 Yeah. And I thought we did a really nice thing. Killed is, OK. So obviously we left the middle seat empty and Ben bent over. Yeah. I was like, I was like I was like Just not that far from reality, but still I played it up and I'm already a big guy But I'm not big enough to where people can't sit by me, which is gonna change first of all We all know that's gonna change next time you see me. I'm gonna be like as big as this table

Starting point is 00:05:04 No, you won't proudly First of all, we all know that's gonna change. Next time you see me, I'm gonna be like as big as this table. No, you won't. Proudly. But they'll be doling my ass out here, like, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. But, you know, I'm not that big yet. So I could fit in the chair and I was like, this is not gonna work.

Starting point is 00:05:18 Like, this is Christmas travel. So I wear a puffer jacket, so I put my... Oh, no. No. I put my puffer jacket, so I put my... I put my backpack on my lap and then put the puffer jacket around me and spill it. And I even have it folded up, like the arms are folded like this into each other. Yeah, really? Like that poor fat man with the fat arm, you see, man?

Starting point is 00:05:41 He really liked it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, really liked it. No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Thank you very much. Yeah, he killed it. We had an MGC in between us, the only one on the plan. It was great. Well done, Ronnie. Well done.

Starting point is 00:05:53 And then we landed in Seattle, and literally, Nirvana was playing in the airport. I was like, this is so unbrand. So unbrand. I'm looking at this place. This place, I can't believe we're in that place. Yeah, that's awesome. I think Nirvana actually played here.

Starting point is 00:06:09 Nirvana actually played here. Look, yeah. Yeah, this is incredible. So, you know, lots of been happening on Bravo. A lot of like crazy shitty things too, because you know, it's Christmas. Why not be depressed? Yeah. But it's like a Christmas episode of Jersey.

Starting point is 00:06:24 Let's end it with children crying because our father's being the fuck. But luckily we have some things to uplift you, which is that first and foremost, I do believe that we have some premium and super premium sponsors here. I do believe that we have Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good right there. Megan Burger can't have the burger without the burger.

Starting point is 00:06:50 Oh, your hair is dark. Double fisting it like a true crap and spits right there. Are there any other premium sponsors that are here that we don't know about? Wait, wait. What? I'll say it again. Say it again. What? that are here that we don't know about. Wait, wait, what? What?

Starting point is 00:07:11 Oh, you're very new. She's like, little start a week ago. That's why we're like, she's the Bronwyn Wyndham Burke of the premium sponsor. Yes. She's new. Thank you for joining the sponsor, the whole thing. Yes, thank you. You look great. Sorry. You're Shannon Boldorshirt.

Starting point is 00:07:29 And she's wearing a candy just for those people at home. She's wearing a candy cane headband. That looks like she's been shot in the head with the candy cane is coming up both the way. There you have. So actually, this is totally, now for this moment right now, this is actually a very real thing. I don't know if you guys have been following on Twitter

Starting point is 00:07:50 or in the just general Bravo world. Does anyone here part of Bravo Junkeys? Does anyone know Bravo Junkeys? The Bravo Junkeys group. So there is a woman named Catherine Wright, who is part of the Bravo Junkeys, and she was actually diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer. And her wish is that she just wants

Starting point is 00:08:09 to make it to Christmas. And so she, a lot of people have been sending videos like Captain Lee, I think Bethany and E. Cohen. And so what we want to do is we're going to send a video, but we want to also have you guys all part of it, too. Because we feel like that's in the spirit of crap and some ass, right? You want to record it? Okay.

Starting point is 00:08:29 So we're gonna start on us guys. Okay. Okay. Wait, everyone be quiet so that way it's a surprise. That way it's a surprise. Even though I'm literally holding a microphone. You know I'm not gonna edit that shit. Okay, alright, well be quiet. I don't care what's happening in your life. I'm not going to edit that shit. Okay, all right, won't be a lot of fun.

Starting point is 00:08:45 I don't care what's happening in your life. I'm not doing the extra work. Now I'm just kidding. All right, so her name is Catherine Rowe. Hey Catherine, it's Ben and Ronnie from WatcherCrapins. Hi, we hope you're doing okay over there. We love you, but we wanted to say, Merry Christmas sent you some love from us and all of our friends. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:09:06 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:09:22 Thank you. Thank you., thank you. And now we can go back to being awful people. That was hard. Wow. Now I know how Jesus felt when he finally got the fucking just get up there, you know. It's probably exhausted. Oh, that was so hard.

Starting point is 00:09:40 By the way, take a look at Ronnie is taking it off but it's home and I was a little cold so I'm wearing a sweater but I am also wearing my happy Ramonica t-shirt too so so my people are represented as well all right well today we're celebrating baby Jesus the second half of the book which you know his people have not read okay We're also celebrating the first half of the book, okay. Yeah, we're celebrating all books Crapen is gelvin love him. Yeah, Mary Higgins Clark. Look good mystery. Yeah Yeah Mary Higgins Clark, but good mystery. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:26 That book about Daniel Stobbing and the mob. The real housewife of Just Beverly. The Joe Gorgah Guide to Success, all the books. So welcome to Watch or Crap In's, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo. We love to watch. Just queuing up my memes later. I always look like I'm texting like welcome to the show. So tonight where we'll be we're gonna be recapping real house.

Starting point is 00:10:58 New Jersey. What a show. We're very blessed, you know. A lot of people on this show are not. Wait, did you hear that? Oh my God, someone's at the doorbell. Oh my God. Is that a crap and Ms. Caroller? Oh my God, I think it's a Christmas caroler. Oh my God, it's a Christmas caroler. It's a mop with a with a wig let's open it up Yeah, let's open up the door and see who's here to come sing to a Durinda medley Oh I got you, let me look back. What did you ever say, thank you for working on Land Day.

Starting point is 00:11:53 I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. What can we be friends? I'm so close to doing it.

Starting point is 00:12:01 Just stay in there. Yeah. Wow, thanks, Durinda. Thanks, Durinda. That was that brought a tear to my eye, a tear. I hope we can get on with this show. And nobody else, Ding Dong. Yeah, I hope we don't get interrupted by lots of Christmas carolers tonight.

Starting point is 00:12:16 That would be awful. Oh. So my favorite person to ever open the housewives' narration is tonight. It's a very special night. Hey, me and Sing-O, the real housewives in the night. And they're like, like, could you not learn how to just say those words?

Starting point is 00:12:38 Yeah. Like, did you only get one take? Yeah. Hey, me and me, I'm hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey, man, hey Dog with a bone. Dog with a bone. Hey, dog with a bone. Dog with a bone. We're not cut from the same cloth, dog with a bone. You're just different. You raise very different from us. We're different.

Starting point is 00:13:09 We're not friends. We're different. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to be your friend either. Yeah. Okay. I don't consider it a loss. I don't consider it a loss, Dolores.

Starting point is 00:13:20 Which pretty much sums up this whole season. Yeah. Dog with a bone. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to be your frok. Okay, Jackie. I'm gonna do a roast. I'm gonna do a roast. So we're still in Jamaica to the rest of the world.

Starting point is 00:13:39 Sorry. You know, as usual, as usual on a house to wives trip were very sorry For all of America we abolished. Yeah. Yeah, when we export our We're wears someone call our wears Our house was Someone was Commenting the other day on a post that they don't even say hey, Mon and Jamaica that that's just some shit They made up for the tourists, isn't that funny? I believe that.

Starting point is 00:14:08 I believe that. I'm surprised Jennifer did not show up with her favorite jams from 1986, you know? So yeah, so it opens up in a pretty mundane way. As usual, this show has the most mundane openings. It's always like Dolores, like cutting her nails, like, well, okay, I cut that one pretty well. Let's try this one. Not as good, not as good.

Starting point is 00:14:30 Okay, number three, you know I'm bored, I'm bored. Well, what a cuticle says is shaped like that for us, seriously, like, is any thumb shaped like this, like, what am I supposed to do with this? Why do they call it a cuticle if it's not even cute? I don't get it. You're not cuticle, cuticle. So I thought it was actually really good opening,

Starting point is 00:14:48 because we got the house-wise face timing their loved ones, yes. A classic mantra. And this one is Jen face timing. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Starting point is 00:15:04 Mm-mm. And the wallpaper in that room is Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. And his the wallpaper in that room is like purple and silver. Like purple, yellow. It's like purple, yellow. It's like saloon. It's like new vote. Like a weird announcement.

Starting point is 00:15:22 Yeah. And he's just like, hmm, hey, hey girl, I'm sure you tied one on last night and hmm, I had a little hangover this morning, midnight ap on, get boys not bad. Mmm. We don't have any problems, you're the ones with a more catty-ness. Meow. Yeah. The only kind of fighting we do is sword fight.

Starting point is 00:16:01 And even those are just our sausages. Mm-hmm. I did really well in poker last night. We got a straight flush. As in, I was running a bunch of straight guys, and I was flushed. But, Jim's like, I highly object to that bell. I'm not caddy, anyway. Ooh, oh. Oh. Oh.

Starting point is 00:16:28 Kittycat. Thanks for different. So then Dolores is very upset that people can't let things go. So here we are the day after. Yeah. Exactly what I was saying. Dolores is like, well, Jackie succeeded.

Starting point is 00:16:42 And pissing me off. Now I'm mad. She just won't let things go. Like, draw with the bone. It pissing me off. Now I'm at. She just won't let things go. Like, drop with the bone. Like, there she go. Drop the fucking bone. Well, think about it. Congratulations, Jackie.

Starting point is 00:16:52 You succeeded in making me wake up in a bad mood because you can't let things go. You can't let things go. You can't let things go. I'm like, you're the one who woke up in the bad mood because of it. And then Miracle of Miracles. It's a Christmas show,

Starting point is 00:17:05 because David answers his phone when she calls. David says, I'm just like, wow. Someone needs to sign off on a tile shipment. Like what the fuck are you answering the phone for? I think she just like changed her name in the caller ID. I think so, I think so. She called from at the hotel phone, that's what she had.

Starting point is 00:17:23 It's like, Jocelyn Maine customer service. He's like, oh, all right. Johnson main. So she's like, hi, David. It's your girlfriend, Dolores. Hi. He's like, oh, Dolores. I'm going to go see Frank Fadinner. I'm going to wear a poncho just to protect myself from the spit. I know It's like going to dinner at SeaWorld like in the front row It's like it's like what you got to me to the mist and agra falls. You got to wear that blue tarp thing Go and see Gallagher so She's like David sweetheart. What are you doing with that shirt on all right when I come home

Starting point is 00:18:01 Get ready to say bye to that shirt. David, David, I'm talking to you, David. He's like, good to loris. What the hell with this? I'm talking to you. I know you're talking to me, Dolores. Let's see you on the fucking phone. And he's doing that. He's like, I'm driving, all right?

Starting point is 00:18:13 I'm driving. Yeah, I'm driving. I'm trying to get my eyes on the fucking road, Dolores. Goodbye. And her, she goes, my God. She just like holds her phone in stairs with the camera light. Typical. Well, I hope he's driving safely.

Starting point is 00:18:36 So then the gorgas on the phone, I love how they have a very serious conversation. Melissa's always like, hi. That was Jen later on at Sorry Spoiler alert, but when Jen is roasting their asses later on, that was the best one. Just Melissa always in a selfie. I'm like, hi. Isn't it terrible about Jo-Judy?

Starting point is 00:18:56 I'm like, what's going to happen to him? I feel terrible for Teresa. Just terrible. And Gorgas over there with this crazy ass like, yes, Terrible. Oh. Oh. Trees gonna be living alone.

Starting point is 00:19:21 I mean, aside from, no, no, when a stack of chicken cutlet has got to cook this morning. Yeah, except for her chaining gang of one, no-no, over there, chained to the kitchen. Like, oh! He's got like a dim sum cart filled with chicken cutlets. Oh, what's wrong? Someone think what this? Money ain't doing it, dad. Cooking! It's time to make the pasta!

Starting point is 00:19:49 So then we go over to just that. So Trees talking to Gia and she's doing that like, I'm a fun mom, it's my crying all the time when she's in home for two hours a day. So she's doing that real high pitch like, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high, high. You know what's that Teresa is incapable of putting her fingers together when she waves? Hi. Or when she waves, or when she dries her tears, she goes like this. Oh, oh.

Starting point is 00:20:21 It's like a dead hand. It's much more effective if you go like this I ate college food. I'm gonna threw up. I mean we're basically on our own here It's called college So Jennifer blocks it. Hey honey How's it going? See any hot guys or Rutgers you want to fuck to ya? Yeah, you're seeing hot guys to ya? Moooo.

Starting point is 00:20:54 I get it, you're on the phone with your mom. They're all pegs, a mission, a man at a mission, a student, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, a mission, So where are they? They're chorizo's right? Or are they at lunch? I think they're in the... Oh, they're still in the hotel room.

Starting point is 00:21:27 Oh yeah, yeah, they're like... Yeah, because they're going to get it for breakfast and Dolores is wearing a giant shirt that says, Hey, Mom. And her mom's just wearing one that says, Cookies. Oh, cookie. Hey, Mom, what are you eating today? Cookies.

Starting point is 00:21:44 Would you have for dinner last night, Mom? Cookies. Cookies. Hey, Ma, what are you eating today? Cookies. What'd you have for dinner last night, Ma? Cookies. Cookies. See us for cookies. It's good enough for me. So the loris is still mad about last night. So mad that that girl can't let it go.

Starting point is 00:22:00 Yeah, I don't know about all yous. I don't know about all yous, but I'm mad from last night. Dog with a bone. Dog with a bone. So then, Margin Jack here in their own room, and Margin's like, how are you after that night? How are you doing? How are you doing after that night? What's going on with you? And Jack, he's like, like, you know what I learned? You can't fix stupid, right? And she's like, well, obviously, you know what? She doesn't speak for me in Melissa. All right, we'd like you.

Starting point is 00:22:26 I mean, okay, we'd like you, okay. You'd like this friend. You're there. You know what? You're a person. You're a person. You know what I mean? It's like you're just like standing and you're there

Starting point is 00:22:36 and you have nice hair. I just took off my bra for no reason. If you want to hold it. Go ahead and hold it. You'll like it. You'll like it. I like that that's the largest thing that she's just always getting naked around her friends.

Starting point is 00:22:48 Just like what make it? What the fuck, Mark? Hope you're feeling better after last night. I'll write here's my panties. Just hold onto them. It's good to see you here, whack my vagina at you a little bit. Let's just talk. How do you feel?

Starting point is 00:23:01 Oh, anyway. feel. Anyway. I think it's I think it's is that Kelly Dod song. All right come on in. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm no more, I said to fight her. I'm sorry. You're bitch, you're a top. You're gone, you're bitch, you're a top. You're a top. All right, Kelly.

Starting point is 00:23:58 Thank you, Kelly. Thank you, Kelly. That was... Wow. So then we go back to the other house where Jen is still talking with Dolores and Teresa over their breakfast and Jen's like, tonight I'm gonna say some jokes of a dinner.

Starting point is 00:24:14 It's gonna be hilarious. And Dolores is like, just be careful, make sure you're not gonna hurt someone's feelings. But if you want, but if you're hard to hurt someone's feelings, do walk with them. So the thing that's going to happen today, today's activity, is that they're going to go visit Landon from Southern Charm.

Starting point is 00:24:41 All's known as swimming with the dolphins. I think I'm in love with dolphins. Bronwyn is also, by the way, in contention for that title. That be his not fair, because dolphins are cute. They're wonderful. You know? Like if I knew that I could get, if I knew that I could get fucking landings head stuck in one of those little coquirings, I'd just be throwing those coquirings in the ocean every day.

Starting point is 00:25:14 Oh. Oh. Oh. Well, we can look into that on Rome, Doc. Where are those ladies yelling dolphins? Oh, they're, are you guys dressed as dolphins? Are there people here dressed in dolphins? Oh, there's dolphins on the wall?

Starting point is 00:25:31 Are we in like a game for this? Is this prices right, all of a sudden? Okay, thank you. All right, thank you. Dog with a bone. Dog with a brain. Guys, it's great. Oh my god, that's too much.

Starting point is 00:25:45 Neptune, we got it. Oh yeah, the Neptune theater. What happens is you talk like Teresa too much. I don't get it. Neptune. Why would I have the Neptune's? Teresa should come with a lighting guy like that. I know.

Starting point is 00:25:59 That was amazing. He's just like, let me light it up for you. It was a fancy theater. Oh. Yeah, we're not used to this with Watch Out Crappin' so I can ask, like, do we have an ad to clean any vomit up off the floor yet up here? And I'm very nice, Pryze, very fan.

Starting point is 00:26:13 It's usually my own, let's be honest. But still, but also I was very surprised how beautiful this theater is because I just automatically think of Bravo with anything. And so Neptune, hello, Neptune's net from Vanderpump Rules. The very romantic scene where Jack's finally got a free, fried shrimp basket dinner in order to propose. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:36 So much class. And also, just the coenke eating, but remember when he retolls the story later, like you're watching the thing, he's like, she's fucking doing it, She's fucking doing it. She's fucking doing it. My dad would be happy. This is to it.

Starting point is 00:26:52 I should see it. And then you see behind him the PCH, just trucks passing by. And then later he was retelling the story to Stasi. He's like, it was so fucking romantic. There were dolphins jumping in the background. Jumping. Jumping. It's like a real dolphins jumping in the background. Jumping, jumping.

Starting point is 00:27:05 It's like a real cream out of the water. So, Teresa is scared of dolphins, which for some reasons, like very hilarious to me, it's like the most benign animal on the planet and she's scared of them. How do you think they feel, you know? I know. So Dolores is like, no, Teresa, don't be scared. They're intelligent, beautiful animals. You know what?

Starting point is 00:27:32 Honestly, one of them is going to move in with me, you know? Still pasta on the floor. That's okay. I'm okay with that. You know what Dolphin? That's okay. We got a room for you Dolphin. So the lady is like, okay, the Dolphins are going to come kiss you on the cheek, okay? And some of them are excited, you know. Who the ladies like okay the dolphins are going to come kiss you on the cheek

Starting point is 00:27:46 okay and some of them are excited you know who goes for I don't know why are we writing dolphin notes okay there's like ten pages of a dolphin swims up and then the lady squeals what Dolores is like hi guys all the dolphins hi guys hi ant Hi, Anteloris is here. The loris is just like, what? It's kind of like pecker. I feel like I'm in that movie with the shark. I'm like, hey, it's called jaws, you idiot. Second of all, it's a dolphin. What's he knows? she just said it? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:26 Feel like I'm in that movie with a shock. I feel like I'm in that movie with the dinosaurs that they brought back to life. It's like that's not even the Storastic Park. I feel like I'm in that movie with the two parents and the kid, a creamer versus creamer. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:45 Feel like I'm moving with that little alien that comes down in three sets of pieces in a 10. Tamer's house. Uh. So Teresa's like, is that dwarfing gonna go crazy on us? Yeah. So Dolores is like, you throw tables, okay? Dolores is like, you know what?

Starting point is 00:29:12 Animals are my happy place. I love animals except for a dog with a bone. And I'm not letting Jackie get in the way with this. I have a date with a dolphin. I'm like, well, it's good to see that you have a date with someone, that's. Because her boyfriend doesn't pay attention to her. I love the Lord.

Starting point is 00:29:28 I just throw out that's her most interesting storyline today. I have a date with his dolphin. Okay, next. Come in. I'm in. So Teresa. I'm not a fan of animals, I mean. I don't know how she goes.

Starting point is 00:29:43 I'm not a fan of animals, I don't know. And I don't know this dolphin. Do you need to shoot a scene with it? Do you need to go to a posh fashion show with it? What do we need to do? Emma Lissa is that person who's always like, oh my god, your talk just spits me. Which happens. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:05 God, I hope I don't get sued one day and then there's a recording of me going, yeah, I'm a dog bites people. Ah. But Melissa's that person, because she's like, stop it. Hoping I'm popping in their face. Do not clap in a dog's face, okay?

Starting point is 00:30:19 He'll bite you. That dog was very nice about it. Yeah, Melissa's that person who taunts the tiger at the zoo and the tiger jumps out of the cage and eats her, okay? Yes, when everyone on the internet's like, she shouldn't acclaim that fence. God, those were fun times. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:35 That's just pretend that was 2019. What a fun year. So, so Dolores is like, you know what? He's being filed eating every year. Okay, I'm sorry. You know what? Dolphins bring out the best in people. Look what is done for Jackie.

Starting point is 00:30:49 She's actually having fun. Meanwhile, Jackie's like, I didn't really appreciate the way that you didn't invite me into the other Dolphin pool. Like, you invited the other Dolphins. Yeah. That was a really very nice review, Dolphins. Yeah, Dolphin, I thought we were actually friends

Starting point is 00:31:03 and the way you actually pushed me across to what it was actually very violent. And I didn't appreciate that at all. She's offended of the dolphins. She's riding her like a lion. She's such a blow-hold dolphin, right? Just sitting here and take it. She turns into like Sarah Jessica Parker.

Starting point is 00:31:17 I couldn't help wondering local mom with newspaper. Was the dolphin pushing me? Was I pushing the dolphin? I don't know, either either way I was offended. And then some advice from Dolores, she's like, another thing she should learn from Dolphins. Get thick skin. There's so many things you can learn from Dolphins. I don't think they can teach you that. They can teach you to find like new Sandra the Ocean.

Starting point is 00:31:43 Yeah. Like dolphins are really smart. Like let dolphins teach you how to get skin. Like. I think this is our favorite couple. Lisa Vanderpump and Kent Todd. Oh, hi, you guys. Hi. God. Oh, hi you guys. Bye. God. Lisa, I'm so impressed that you even came out of your house after everything

Starting point is 00:32:10 that's happened, you know. Bing me tree! She was betrayed. I have to go away. Oh, you're just cool, don't you? I really can't stay. Come on, you can, you can stay if you want, but I've got pump tunies in here. And you shouldn't go outside if you don't want to go outside.

Starting point is 00:32:36 It's pretty terrible out there. I wouldn't go outside either if I were you actually. Never do it, darling. I must find some Chilean sea bass Why is there a bathroom door in the middle of the living room All right get out. I'm gonna knock your spark out get out. I You quit the show. We're shutting the door in your face. How could you do this to me in 2019, Lisa Vanderpump. Don't give them any candy.

Starting point is 00:33:08 No. So Margaret and Jen are in the gift shop. And Margaret's like, oh, wait, look at the salt and pepper shake. Oh, my god. You don't even have to do a race tonight. This is hilarious. OK, it's like two pigs, and they're having sex.

Starting point is 00:33:21 Do you see that salt and pepper are actually having? Our seasonings are having sex right now. Do you see that? Do pepper are actually having sex? Our seasonings are having sex right now. Do you see that? Do you see this Jennifer? Jennifer? Anyone? Anyone? Hello?

Starting point is 00:33:28 Hello. I have me and Joe. Yeah. You just said the fucking. Yeah, it's pig's fucking. Like, it's not only pig's fucking. This store was made for the real housewives of New Jersey. It's not just pig's fucking. It's like one pig bent over.

Starting point is 00:33:39 Well, I guess pigs are naturally bent over. But the other pig is on like two legs, like butt, butt fucking the pig. Yeah. I'm the pig on the knees and that's vineyard vines behind me right now. Okay, that's what's happening to be right now. Okay? I'm taking it. I'm taking it. Okay, that was for you, Joe. That's for you, Joe. If this wasn't me and Joe and it was just me, it would beat me bent over, getting fucked by a whale. Alright, just a whale, an image image of a well yeah yeah no Pinocchio in sight so I like that when they're shopping Melissa's like let's split it to shop because that always works out

Starting point is 00:34:13 really well on the real ass ass of New Jersey remember last year that was a fight that's what started with Danielle in the street shopping through the markets where she's like oh god you do do that. That's right. That's right. I forgot about that. So many layers. So while they're shopping, Jackie, are you okay? No. I need a roller chair. I'm used to having like an office chair that rolls around and I can just be like, no, it... Roll back into the frame. So there's a storyline that they are pushing. They're starting to ramp it up, but basically the storyline that they're trying to introduce

Starting point is 00:34:58 is that Jackie doesn't eat food. So they're starting to really push it hard this episode. So trying to pitch her last season storyline was anorexia. And this season, every time she sits down, she's like, not really into food. So I'm just going to have a drink, you know, which, but it's still so cold. Like don't be secret anorexia eating somebody on a show.

Starting point is 00:35:18 That's terrible. Secret anorexia. Yes. That's also a part of the crap it's in this tradition. We don't have secret Santa. We have secret anorex have secret Adam Rexie. Adam Rexie. Someone has a great conversation.

Starting point is 00:35:28 He's gonna be called Adam Rexie today in the office. It's so bad and you know, I feel like the Melissa's acting so innocent. And I have to say, I've given Melissa a lot of shit over the years, but I I'm really loving her lately like she's been great. She's been on the right side for me Me too. I really liked her But I feel like she pushes things along and just acts so innocent like with the Tariq the Treesa Joe jail story I'm saying what's gonna happen, you know, so this one she's She's like waitress. I'll have a salad. And a margarita pizza. Huge one, a huge one.

Starting point is 00:36:06 You know, she's not gonna eat that. Tussier. She's like this big. She's not ordering that. So then, yeah, so Jackie is like, I'm not really here for food, I'm here for drinks. Which I know everyone was like, oh, I do that.

Starting point is 00:36:22 I'm not there for the food, I'm there for the drinks. Then I'm fucking there for the food. Lots of these Lots of these Bing-Bee-Tza-Stem It's time for commercial. It's time. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasai.

Starting point is 00:36:47 And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

Starting point is 00:37:17 But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering Up. So then we go over to Teresa and Laura throughout the spa, they're at the hotel spa, and they're like, they sit down in some chairs that are near a pool, and basically, and the Laura's like, hey, tree, look at that pool. Look at that pool.

Starting point is 00:37:56 Yeah, wow. You want to put your feet in the pool? No, I can't put your feet in. Yeah. And Dolores was like, hey, three. I was really shocked when you went for those dolphins. I was really cheering you on, three. It was really cheering you on. You did a great job today with those dolphins, three.

Starting point is 00:38:17 Dolores is the best kiss ass because usually kiss asses in movies like, oh my God, what can I do for you? Like the kiss assed in mean girls. Like, oh my God, let me just help you.? Like, kiss acid, mean girls. Like, oh my God, let me just help you. And Laura says, like, you're really great tree. Anything I could do for you, really. So, it's like the lowest energy kiss acid of all time. Like, you need anything.

Starting point is 00:38:36 You're great. You're great. Trees is like, what the hell, friends? Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. You know, my biggest family in Arizona is, and she's like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, And trees mad now. So trees is mad because she doesn't like Jackie. So she doesn't want to learn to be mad. So trees just makes my favorite look. It's like a, when a dog has like, when there's like that,

Starting point is 00:39:16 what, like that invisible fence of the dog like walks across it. So then we cut to Jen and Marge, and Jen's like, So that's not Jackie, huh? I have a really good thing for the roast. You know how, you know how that's how Jackie doesn't eat? Let's make fun of that tonight, right? I don't shame someone for not eating. You just got like 10 turkeys sucked out of your back.

Starting point is 00:39:46 I'm free by your husband. That is not cool. And Margaret's just like, oh yeah, well, because of eating disorder, right? Oh, you're going to make her not eating disorder. OK, your piece of trash. OK, got it. Got it.

Starting point is 00:39:59 Yeah, you have to gobb it, so right? You know, but things like that could be in the head to any moment. You know, that's why things like Dolores. Dolores is the same way. She could be in her head at any moment. One minute, you're just driving, having a nice lunch with your friends in a car, probably driving out on the way I said it like that.

Starting point is 00:40:15 But let's just say it's what you're doing. And then suddenly, there you are, this Dolores, talking about Pebble Tiles. I can't. Yeah, it's scary. It's very scary. You don't want to be driving. You just want to be driving. You don't. She's like, I do not want to talk about't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming.

Starting point is 00:40:26 You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming.

Starting point is 00:40:34 You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming.

Starting point is 00:40:42 You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to be jamming. You don't want to That's not the show I've been watching. President, who are? President, who are? Yeah, and also that whole christening. I think we talked about it last time with that old boy, Joey Gorgas, like, I could do you my five, oh my God.

Starting point is 00:40:52 I could do you my five, oh my God. We can stand you, we can be my two. Oh. We're the only ones that come to chicken godlets. What about you, cook the chicken godlets? Yes, baby's flying against the church. Chairs going through stained glass windows. They're you, go to the chicken godlets. You have babies flying against the church, chairs going through stained glass windows. They're like, we don't feel anything, man.

Starting point is 00:41:09 Italians, no emotion. So Dolores, Dolores is like, you know what, Jackie, she talks too much. That's the thing, she talks too much. And Teresa's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She should watch what she says is the people. You know, and Mark, Mark, it's another one. You know, when she's talking, she knows exactly

Starting point is 00:41:29 what she's saying, you know, like me, when I don't know what I'm saying when I talk. I know. Platypus, whoa. Only the Teresa is that a mean thing to say about somebody. Backer, when she talks, she knows what she's talking about. She thinks before she talks. It's like burn, Teresa.

Starting point is 00:41:47 Burn. And then we get this clip of last week, Quintrice is sees a gather, like a really long gather sign in a restaurant thing. Mine is not me anymore, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking 21 year olds, Ryan.

Starting point is 00:42:06 Hey, hey, Margaret. Hey, Margaret. Look, this sign's just for you. We reserved the right to refuse service to anyone. Oh, oh, never mind. She just reading signs. Hi, Malik Manuva. Stop.

Starting point is 00:42:22 So Teresa's like, you know, the team in mind, like, if this room was out of it, out there about me, just don't say anything about them, all right? Like, like, like, that's such, that's so perfect in the, to say in this episode. That worked out really well. Season one of the Daniels, stop, right? Teresa? Also, by the end of this episode, like Teresa just completely disregards out by the end of this episode. So, Teresa is likeards out by the end of this episode.

Starting point is 00:42:46 So Teresa's like, yeah, now I see my Danielle had a problem with her because you know Danielle, Danielle's sensitive. Oh, yeah. The prostitute. The prostitute. Is that... Is fucking Carolers, I mean they just keep coming through. Oh my god, get it, Ben, who is it now?

Starting point is 00:43:11 It looks like it's actually someone from my tribe. It's so nice to see that there's actual Jewish Carolers out there. That's nice. And I think it's... is that... Is that Cameron Westcott? Oh my God. I don't know if he's from Jewish. Hi Cameron, welcome.

Starting point is 00:43:31 Go ahead, sink your piece. I have a taco salad. I made it out of tacos. And when it's cooked and ready, a taco salad I will have trash, trash, trash. Oh, yeah. Is that the F and word? Ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho. Thanks for stopping by, Cameron.

Starting point is 00:44:17 Wow. It's nice to see my people represented once in a while, right? That was nice. So, Marge is like, but I'm hoping tonight's gonna be fine. All right, Jen, how are you doing with the roast? I'm so proud of you if you think it can be, you're gonna do good with the roast tonight.

Starting point is 00:44:34 I'm sure it's gonna go really, really well, Jen. Right? Yeah, it's going so well. Okay. What do you call a piece of shit? That's as far as I got. That's as far as I got. That's as far as I got.

Starting point is 00:44:52 You know what? It's not as far as I'm ready. I'm gonna give you that note. So, Jackie's like, you know what the big test is tonight? The CFG's actually gonna say shit about Teresa. That's gonna be the real tests Which it will so let's see yeah By the way if people are talking too much around you say be quiet. Yeah be quiet because and they won't be well

Starting point is 00:45:14 They won't be quiet say security Say that look I'm drag their asses out. Yeah, okay Ben said that respect the spirit of crap and smiths, okay? Okay, respect us. So, um, so where are we? I don't even know how to say it. Okay, I'll tell you where we are. We're back in New Jersey.

Starting point is 00:45:34 Jerzy. Whoever cares the most has to continue this paragraph. We're back in New Jersey and Frank Catania has just walked into a restaurant. And he apparently knows everyone because he walks and doing this. Hey, how's it going? How's it going? Hey, how's it going? How good to see you.

Starting point is 00:45:57 How good to see you. How are you? How are you? Frank Coutania. How good to see you. Oh, okay. I mean, orders that way that like every guy from New Jersey on TV at least orders.

Starting point is 00:46:08 He goes, you want to grab some water with lemon, right, all right, all right, all right, all right. It's gonna be a play to produce, so played to produce, is it made to lose? Is that all right? I am, just to get the question. I'm just gonna have to close the power to protect.

Starting point is 00:46:21 All right, you over there, you. All right, all right, all question. You had to question. I told you over there. You were very visible to security right now. I know. You're wearing big red lines around you. You're wearing Christmas lights. Okay. You're very easy to kick out. Very countable.

Starting point is 00:46:39 So yeah, Frank is going to lunch with David. And David's like, yeah, you have a good day of work, huh? And Frank's like, yeah, how many babies do you deliver? How many babies do you deliver? And he's like, this is slow to day for you, huh? Just describing those babies to babies. So David wants to talk about the house because for those of you who haven't been paying attention,

Starting point is 00:47:00 Frank and Tanya is building David's house. So Frank's like, you know, when Dolores told me, asked me to build a house for you David, I was somewhat reluctant because God forbid something goes wrong. And then I realized I can't get this bought again. So everything's cool now. David's like, what could go wrong?

Starting point is 00:47:20 Women, all right? A wall breaks as a hole in the wall. You fix the wall. Women, that's what we do. We fix it. You know what, you know what the hottest part, you know what the hottest part is, the building a house?

Starting point is 00:47:34 What? What? The Lord's, the Lord's fucking the Lord, that's it. I'd say it. Oh my God. And then Frank says the most awkward thing. Well, first David's like, you know what? I think we're on the same page.

Starting point is 00:47:51 Then the next day boom, it's all fucking different. These women. Yeah, these women. Yeah, these women. And Frank's like, I hate to say it. I hate to say it like this. Save it. I hate to say it like this.

Starting point is 00:48:00 But we got a tag team. Well, we got a double team on. It's like, listen. I hate to say it like this. I hate to say it like this, but we got a tag team, but we got a double team. I was like, listen, I hate to say it like this. I hate to say it like this. But metaphorically, metaphorically, we got to stick our dicks in our mouths. metaphorically, metaphorically. I hate to say it like that.

Starting point is 00:48:15 I hate to say it. metaphorically, I'm saying we need to spit roast, right? This is good show of everything. metaphorically, pro necklace, pro necklace, that's what I'm saying. metaphorically, I hate to say it like that. So he's like, all right, pro necklace, that's what I'm saying. Metaphorically, I hate to say it like that. So he's like, all right, you know, where are you two going? Right?

Starting point is 00:48:30 Because Laura says she's not moving in the house, she gets the commitment, frankly, I don't see it, coming from you, what are you doing, all right? What are you doing, all right? And David's like, you know, I know what you're saying. And Dolores knows that my first love is my job and she seems cool with it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:43 Like, hey, fuck you, how about you get your motorcycle out of the door and you break your first love and your fucking job? Not just love, it's your fucking job. Get out of here. He's like, yeah, I think that once we get the house done, things will be a lot clearer. It's gonna be, you know, the house will be done. And Frank inhales like this, he goes,

Starting point is 00:48:59 okay, there's a basket of bread and Frank goes, they are both. He inhales, but then also downs a piece of bread at the same time, and snot. It's the grossest thing. Like a leg, like the largest piece of Pajudo, I've ever seen my life. It's like,

Starting point is 00:49:17 it looked like he ate a woppy cushion. It was just like, this big piece of Pajudo. Well, he inhaled, you know? It's like, Frank would never choke, you know? So David's like, we can't even get tiles done Frank, all right? We're just such a funny callback. It's like David watches this show, you know?

Starting point is 00:49:36 Pebble tiles, Frank. Pebble tile. So it's like, we can't even get tiles done Frank. So we're ring, it's not there yet. Doesn't sound promising, right? A ring will be there on your front door to catch your cheating, asking whatever the fuck you're doing, because I don't trust for one second the year over there just delivering babies 18 hours a day, that's a bullshit.

Starting point is 00:49:56 A was woman once saying, Girls, you are. Girls, girls, girls. Girls, girls, girls, girls, I will murder you. I can't reach you, but don't think I can't murder your soul, because you know my as well. Anti-aronny doesn't play. You guys.

Starting point is 00:50:23 I'm hard to interrupt you. No, I was just saying you don't play house We have very fun memories of a girl getting yanked out in Fort Lauderdale She was carried out by two security guards. She had one You know, she's like hanging like this off the security guards and they were carrying her backwards So we saw her face going down the whole aisle and dragged up the stairs and she's like, make it! She saluted us.

Starting point is 00:50:49 She actually saluted us. We're like this. Hmm. I know it sounds fun, do not be that woman. I don't know what ended up even happening to her. We never heard from her again. She was stolen by Krampus. So David's like, you know, the guys she's dated in the past,

Starting point is 00:51:09 have you been ejected like this with those guys? And Frank's like, have you seen Rex Boyfransche? I'm gonna cut him out. Ha, ha, ha. So now we're back in Jamaica, and Jenna's practicing her roast. And she's just in the mirror going, thank God I'm Theresa Sister and I otherwise I'd be so boring just saying roast.

Starting point is 00:51:31 And then it's my favorite. It's not a roast. It's my favorite montage. The girl's getting ready. Don't, we're all wearing flowers. Look at that. We're all wearing flowers. You see that? Oh my god, what a beauty.

Starting point is 00:52:10 Is this the early 90's sitcom called Blossom? Because we're all wearing flowers right now. Yeah. Really excited for your best, Jen. You better bring a game. If I can't wait to watch Teresa Slit your throat on national television, this is going gonna be good. So outside the drum thingies. They go out to dinner and there's steel drums playing

Starting point is 00:52:30 and there's one steel drum player who is having the time of his life. Because everyone's like doing the typical like and he's like, yeah, yeah. He's like, he's like, the today show behind the window of the today show. He was like, he was auditioning for Imagine Dragons or something. He was like,

Starting point is 00:52:54 boom. He was having a great time. It's a perfect man, yeah. Like, you got, you got to menu with three items. Yeah, we yeah. Yeah. Like, you got, you got a menu with three items. Yeah, one, two, three. Okay. One, two, and three.

Starting point is 00:53:11 Fifth, fifth, fifth, fifth, you have. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha. Oh. You know what's funny is that that, that sort of like, when I saw that happen, I was like, was like okay whatever and then now that you say it I'm so enraged right now. I prefix by her being like is that's a prefix menu

Starting point is 00:53:34 Well, she's very classy. She wears a lot of things that say Chanel on them. So I Don't know I wouldn't question the rich culture in America I don't know, I wouldn't question the rich culture in America. The privileged class, if you would. So Teresa... Uh... Who is a band? Who's at the door? Bo-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do Broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, Santa baby, hurry down to the back room tonight. Mmm, Santa baby, put a sausage on the tree for me. And I'm not asking for pain, Santa baby, there's a camera in my man's room Bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada

Starting point is 00:54:46 Think of all the fun I've missed Think of all the things I haven't kissed But I'm done Next year, I could be so good Bada-bada-bada-bada If you don't check off, my Christmas list, my boobs. All right, you horde, get out of here. Yeah, all right.

Starting point is 00:55:08 Bill, get out of here, Bill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was a very alluring Christmas Carol, and not appropriate. Girl, not appropriate. Santa's just crawling back up the chimney and fast as he can.

Starting point is 00:55:22 I'm like, oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Fuck me! Just a random Christmas Carol story. When I finally understood that mommy's kissing Santa Claus and I figured out it was like the dad, the mom was kissing the whole time dress like Santa Claus. It's like that would never happen in my house. It's like, I saw mommy hitting Santa

Starting point is 00:55:47 on the face and telling him to move the fucking loser and reminding him to close the garage door. Well, as I learned this week on Twitter, you know who is the little girl on that song. Hi, I'm Teddy. She posted a video. Is that true? Teddy Melon Camp posted a video of her dad's... Well, he didn't write. I... Oh, I know. Oh, is that other?

Starting point is 00:56:13 Is that John Cougar Melon Camp one? Melon... John Cougar Melon Camp. Never mind. Oh, is that version? Was she singing on it? You know what, never mind. I never...

Starting point is 00:56:21 I never... I never should have seen it. I was like, fuck that. I don't want to even look at Teddy talking. I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- I never- It's a fever dream. So Melissa's like, oh, here we are at another outdoor dinner. I love outdoor dinner. It's like, I'm so well for us. And then they show that fight with Danielle. You fucking god.

Starting point is 00:56:52 They're throwing wine at each other. And then the best guy of last season, the security guard with the lollipop breaking it up. Like, you didn't give a fuck. It's like women going out each other and he's like, where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?

Starting point is 00:57:07 Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?

Starting point is 00:57:15 Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?

Starting point is 00:57:23 Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? She didn't even love him, right? Like, that was not even real, okay? And she was like, no, yeah, she made it out. Oh, yeah, well, well. You were so close to the deal, we said a wedding. And check, that wasn't real. That wasn't even real, buddy. She was doing it for her house. She didn't get it.

Starting point is 00:57:36 Sorry, slut, you lose. Yeah. No. And Teresa's like, yeah, my aunt thinks that when they like, no, no, I'm only in that minute. She's dead, lovin', she's dead, love, and so Melissa's like, are you gonna fucking defend Danielle forever? Can we eat?

Starting point is 00:57:50 Can we just have a civilized dinner and then possibly get me a dessert to throw across the restaurant just for fun? Can we do that? Thanks. And at that Theresa gives Melissa such a look like. Blink, blink, blink. So no one will see you with Danielle, right? So Teresa has got Danielle's back for whatever reason. Danielle must have some serious shit on Teresa. I've never seen Teresa

Starting point is 00:58:17 go this hard for some time. It's called, it's called a sex tape with the pool boy, my suspicion. Shit, Teresa would release that. Teresa will release anything where she looks I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

Starting point is 00:58:31 I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

Starting point is 00:58:39 I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, five-year-old is long as in that, like, 44-year-old bait. He's like the worst criticism ever. She has sex with, of age, people, that Theresa. I'm like, I can't believe he says that.

Starting point is 00:58:52 So Theresa has, like, a little secret. And she's like, girls, guess what? Daniela did, she had sex. She has sex with Marty. Yeah, she has sex with Marty. Marty. And Marty's like, excuse me. She was his Marty. Guess. Yeah, she had sex with Maddie. Maddie. And Marge was like, excuse me. She was just maddy.

Starting point is 00:59:08 Guess what? I'm not going to believe this. All right. I'm going to treat this like it's a purse with the whale on it from Vineyard Vind. Not buying it. Not buying it. That's it.

Starting point is 00:59:17 Not buying it. I'm not going to buy it. She's like, and the Margaret asks the worst question. She's, oh, really? Did you see pictures of it? Does anyone want to see pictures of Danielle and Marty have sex? No, but it's not a bad question,

Starting point is 00:59:28 because if Danielle did fuck Marty again, it would be all over a porno. Trust me, just do a search. That's all I'll say. So, Marge's like, I don't believe it. He wouldn't have sex with her again. I mean, she wouldn't have sex with him when they were married.

Starting point is 00:59:43 Why would she do it now? It's like, well, you're not supposed to have sex with him when they were married. Why would she do it now? He's like, well, you're not supposed to have sex with him when you're married. Yeah, that's how it goes. So, yeah, so, so, March thinks that Danielle's long and Teresa's like, what's the point of lying in? And she's like, right, Jimmy said, this girl is pathological, okay?

Starting point is 01:00:00 Pathological, all right. Molly's just smart to open himself up to that humiliation with that pathological lie, alright. Pathological, okay. You know when Margaret gets really mad, she like does this weird like thing where she just like does this weird syllables with a big frown like AEI OU, it's sometimes why? So it's like this no way, this no way, we've been coaching Marty for a year, there's no way

Starting point is 01:00:35 that he would have sex with Teresa, or with Danielle again. And Teresa's like, well I'm there, man. And then Dolores tries to come in and stick up for Teresa again. She's like, but March, Danielle being a pathological Lieta, Lieta doesn't negate the fact that she fucked Marty. Like, why isn't Dolores a lawyer?

Starting point is 01:00:52 I want Dolores on the good fight. Yeah. She'll be great. Like in a Davidi Kelly courtroom drama. Yes. Dolores Esquire, huh? Because, Yirana, here's the big twist of the thing. I don'tores Esquire. Huh. Because, Yerana, here's the big twist of the thing. I don't know who did it. I don't

Starting point is 01:01:09 fucking care. It's been a long day. Can we fucking go home already? You know what? Seriously. I object. The end. Can we let it go? I feel very comfortable in the courtroom. It's like being at home. I walk in my kitchen to living rooms to kitchen. That's what I do even the courtroom, you're on a case closed, okay? So Marge updates us. She's like, currently, 10 year old Marty, are still living together, but Marty owns a house.

Starting point is 01:01:35 And according to the terms of the supports, she has to buy him out of the house over 2 million and get the fuck out. That's it. So she fucking him, I don't know. Maybe he's gonna give it that, who fucking does? Is it worth two million dollars that pussy? Like Martin's like going to town on the... Yeah. Yeah. Martin has like, she hates Danielle, you know. So then, so Jenna, so she's gonna call Joe. I mean, call Joe, Joe Benigno, okay. I'm gonna find

Starting point is 01:01:58 out what really happened with Maddie, okay. So she's like trying to call Joe. And Jennifer's like, since when did you become such good friends with Maddie? okay. So she's like trying to try to call Joe. And Jennifer's like, since when did you become such good friends with Maddie? Because last time we saw them, they were literally throwing Marty into a pool. You have spent the pool. You have spent the pool. Yeah, it's been in the pool.

Starting point is 01:02:16 Yeah, it's been in the pool. Bye. So Margaret's like, well, you know what, he called Joe, not too long after that. He was very apologetic. And where the fuck is Joe? Why are we having this conversation? I was like, what is he doing?

Starting point is 01:02:27 He's not answering my call right now. Like, she got really, she's like picked up a cult guy and it's over So Delores is like just call Marty if you such good friends with them go ahead So she's like I can I can so they're all going around right and trees is like Kapish She's trying to cover her eyes, but her eyes are so strong, they're like moving her fingers. Like, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling. Hi, sweet cake. Are you with Danielle right now? No, okay.

Starting point is 01:03:15 It seems as though Danielle is spreading rumours to the national posts that you and her are banging. Please tell me it's not true. Marge is like, what? -♪ Muma is on my own, real man. That's what her game is. We have sex. She tells everyone I lie about it. That's her game every single time.

Starting point is 01:03:34 Yeah, Marge is like, what? She's got to come up with the money on my house. That's it. Which is so funny. Do you guys think that they had sex? Of course. Okay. I'm sorry for the three men that are in here tonight. Which is so funny. Do you guys think that they had sex? Of course. OK. I'm sorry for the three men that are in here tonight.

Starting point is 01:03:50 But you know we a bunch of dumbasses. We'll do anything. We will do anything. And who said a heart dick doesn't lie? Who said, or no? What did they say, home, I don't have to get to it. To Laura. To Laura says, a stiff dick has no conscience.

Starting point is 01:04:07 Dolores has a lot of like fortune cookie moments because later she goes, you know what? One pussy could pull a freight train. And that's how the American West happened. Yeah, glorious dynamem over there. One pussy could pull a freight train. So Jennifer's like, it's Margaret Tillin's bastard and that's yes.

Starting point is 01:04:35 Like, has Tamia on. So Teresa's like, oh my, oh my. Because her phone goes off and it's like, hey, no, no, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, because her phone goes off and it's like, Hey, no, no, no, that means, that means, that means, Oh my, Daniels, the Collins, me, you know. Did you notice, did you notice that the sound of Teresa's phone vibrating with the sound of Daniels voice? It was like, oh Teresa, oh Teresa, Teresa. Oh, Theresa. Theresa. Theresa.

Starting point is 01:05:06 Theresa. So Marl just like, oh god, it must have texted her already. It's something. She's like, oh my god, I'm in trouble. So she's like, how miles? And Danielle's like, Mar, Molly just called the babe. I was like, oh no. And Jen got.

Starting point is 01:05:29 That's just how the cookie crumbas. Wow, the roast is off to a great start. So she's like, Hey Danielle, is it okay if I talk about this in front of the girls and the dolphins and stuff? No. Nope. I ain't doing that. I was just dolphins and stuff. No. No. No.

Starting point is 01:05:45 I am not. No. I was just saying no again. No. No. So curious. He's like, I'm your man. I told the girls.

Starting point is 01:05:54 Y'all. It's like a frog version of Shannon Bedouard. That's Michigan J Frogger, Shannon Bedouard. I am gaming with me, darling. No. 40 to 50 negative thoughts. Ha, ha. David.

Starting point is 01:06:16 David. David. Pure lies, David Yostoff. Killed byy's rumors So she's like yeah, I'm mad. I told the girls dope and so she just hangs up on Teresa Which is crazy cuz Danielle knew there were cameras there. I'm like god Danielle must have really been mad This is actually her best scene of the season so far. I know I'm mad that Danielle's not there I know, I'm mad that Danielle's not there. So, Teresa's like, I'm here, man. So, I'm just like, what do you feel bad?

Starting point is 01:06:46 You've done nothing. I literally just did all the hard work. All right, thank you being quick at wireless. All right. So then Teresa feels bad that she basically gossiped and Danielle got mad and hung up with her. And Margaret's like, who the fuck cares? And Teresa's like, I don't like that.

Starting point is 01:07:05 You didn't get mad, man. I don't like that. I'm gonna sit at the step with this girl. I'm your baby, my man. My man, my man. Now it really means my man. And Margaret's like, I can't believe my ears. Like, you can't believe a word this slut says, Teresa.

Starting point is 01:07:21 Like, what are we even talking about right now? Why am I wearing a dress? I'm taking off on my clothes. I'm selling into vineyards. I'm selling into vineyards. So, Melissa's like, I'm so done talking about her. Let's get to Jen's roast. So, finally, here we are with Jen's roast.

Starting point is 01:07:41 Jen's roast. Wow, what a roast it was. with Jen's. Jen's roast. Wow, what a roast it was. First up was Jen's impersonation of Teresa. Oh, no, Margaret. Teresa, you're hilarious, I'm Margaret. Jazz yourself funny.

Starting point is 01:07:58 Ha, ha, ha, ha, look at me, I'm Margaret. And I'm gonna look like that was so good. Oh, that was so good. So I like, oh. That was so good. It's like, okay, next up. Oh my God, I got a shedmin' and new romper. So come a little stuff. Take selfies while I stay thinking. Oh my God, so fucking God.

Starting point is 01:08:17 I'm free. So she goes, it sure you do look good. Guess what? Someone tells me that David, but he would never tell me that because he's not a man look I'm being Dolores now Dolores Look I'm Theresa I'm working out I'm working out it's a rose I'm working out And then she's like, she's like, I don't know why I'm laughing at,

Starting point is 01:08:52 Jenna's the worst fucking person, okay. So Jenna's Jennifer's like, look at me. Yeah, that's so terrible. The one person who really needs to be roasted is the one. She's fucking terrible. So she's like, look at me, I'm Jackie. I'm not obsessed with it all, because I cook food. Okay.

Starting point is 01:09:14 What you guys? Hey, I'm Jackie, and I'm obsessed with knowledge. So I'm here and you're down here. I was like, sick burn. Yeah, sick burn. Like, hey, Jackie likes to learn things. Ooh. So she doesn't get a reaction, which is crazy.

Starting point is 01:09:33 And good for Jackie, I guess. I mean, you're on a housewives show, but still, good job for now. Good job for now, just being quiet. So Jackie handles it really well, she really does. She just smiles like, I hope this bitch fucking dies. I can't wait to sue her.

Starting point is 01:09:46 Yeah. So Jen doesn't get the reaction she wants out of her. So she's like, Oh, Jackie, I just wanted to do that. Because, you know, before you said when I was impersonating you, I wasn't doing it in front of your face. So I wanted to do it in front of your face, so I wanted to do it in front of your bed. Yay!

Starting point is 01:10:05 And Jackie's like, hilarious. Yeah. That's really great. So funny. That's really great. So Dolores high fives. So Dolores has impressed that Jackie did not lose her shit over the stupid roast, so that somehow like impressed

Starting point is 01:10:21 the Dolores, and she's like, you know what, Jackie, I just want to say, I feel bad for how things went last night. There was no reason for it to get to that place. Things was said that I didn't mean. I mean, I meant them. I don't like you. I don't like you. Let's just forget this weekend when I said you would never

Starting point is 01:10:41 my friend and just go back to where it was. Right? We get that right. I'm like, when she said, can we go back to the way we were. I was like what is the what is that also the way we were is not a happy movie. Yeah. From what I remember and Jackie's like you know what I don't know what you feel about me but lots of nasty things with that by both of us and I just need you know what I just needed to hear I'm sorry and I heard it thank you this was fun. Anyone want to hide five? This has been really fucking fun.

Starting point is 01:11:06 I'm gonna have a great night. Thank you everybody. I did everyone's like, yay! I was like, did they make up? Didn't seem like it to me. And they were in Melissa's, we finally made it throughout dinner. We made it through dinner without breaking the glass

Starting point is 01:11:21 of Teresa's name. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Who's throwing glasses on the ground? Not fucking drama is still jumping up and down.

Starting point is 01:11:34 Like, I don't even care! So back in New Jersey. Back in Seenig, New Jersey, the home of dead trees and tires. back in scenic New Jersey, the home of dead trees and tires. So Gorgah is teaching his little dog the same way he was taught growing up. I catch you pissing one more time in this house here out. The dog just looks at him like a typical Jersey dog he goes. The dog just looks at him like a typical Jersey dog he goes. I'm sorry to look at my phone, but I have to do this.

Starting point is 01:12:11 Very important to share with you on this Christmas. Joey Gorka, inspirational mean. Yes, thank you. Just a matter that I'm really little, really hot, and pretending I'm blind for no reason. OK. Oh, my God. He's like, those people who tried to bury you

Starting point is 01:12:32 didn't know you was a seed. That's why I spread my seed everywhere I go. You know what I'm saying? Oh, my God. That's one of my all-time favorites. Whoops! An apple tree just grew on my front yard! That's one of my all-time favorites. What? An apple tree just grew in my front yard! I had no idea that was a seed when I was bearing that random thing in my front yard!

Starting point is 01:12:55 Does he know how seeds work, by the way? They don't just like work if you bury them. I know, you can look at my balcony. I have dead mint. Ben's balcony of dead seeds. It's dead mint. OK, it's terrible back there. So we go from this crazy trip to just normal time.

Starting point is 01:13:16 Let's just pretend it's the beginning of a housewives episode. Yeah. People have children, birds are twirping, garbage is being thrown on the freeway. It's back in New Jersey. Yep. So we're there, and Teresa's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm going out. Okay, so Teresa is bringing the kids out.

Starting point is 01:13:51 Oh, God. She's like, It's killing when I'm pulling all the new albums. Look, this is when Melania first got arrested when she was six years old. But she's not abiding to suit. She's in the restaurant. Oh, yeah, here's a picture of my wife sitting on the salad in Weckman's.

Starting point is 01:14:09 Yeah. These lights are changing a lot. Are we getting the lights? It's like comedy. Have you noticed the lights are changing? It's like, it's the spirit of crap. It's mess. It's like act five.

Starting point is 01:14:23 It's really nice. If you want us to get off, you have to say, get the fuck off, go. I don't know what to work about. So they're looking at pictures, and I was like, what a way to end a fun episode, talking about our dad going to jail. So basically, so no one in the scene?

Starting point is 01:14:43 No, this is not the end of the episode. Oh, jeez. Yeah. So this is just merely the scene where we're supposed to feel bad for everyone. So Teresa's like, hey, you guys remember Dad? You remember Dad? Oh, it's a banana. You remember Dad?

Starting point is 01:14:56 You remember Dad, Adriana? And then Gabriella, who has never spoken in 10 years, goes, she goes, probably not. I know. I was like, welcome Gabrielle, welcome. And who can blame her? I mean, Teresa's pulling out pictures like, look, has a picture of that one. It's like, it's a blank wall.

Starting point is 01:15:17 Because she can, any of these pictures. Yeah. So, I mean, it's like, I guess it is, I mean, sad for the girls the girls obviously that they have like a Puts for dad, you know, so we get this flashbacks of like oh Joe. Joe dies. What a dad he was Trying to open up people in ice, you know, so then Boo So Dolores is walking boot to in a baby

Starting point is 01:15:43 Yeah So Dolores is walking Boutu in a baby. She's got a little baby and a little dog in a baby stroller, or whatever she's doing. So she goes up to the construction site. And Frank's like, God Dolores, she know we got here like half an hour ago, right? Dolores. Dolores, what are you doing with a dog in a baby car? Is this stupidest thing I ever saw?

Starting point is 01:16:02 Dolores, why are you having a dog in a baby car? Dolores! She's like, I'm protecting the dog from you, Frank. Look how much you're just spat on the stupid thing. So this is their house, right? It's their house. And the big issue is that Frank is cutting down a tree. It's like, oh my god, Frank, you're taking down the tree.

Starting point is 01:16:21 Check, clean up the fucking front yard. What do you want me to do? I'm going to rip down every fucking thing except the brick from the front of the house. You know, but I have to fucking do down the tree. Check cleaned up the fucking front yard. What do you want me to do? I'm gonna rip down every fucking thing except the brick from the front of the house. You know what I have? With the fucking doothel, or? I feel a little bad. You know why I get attached to things?

Starting point is 01:16:32 I was, honestly, I was gonna invite the tree to come stay with us inside the house. I let the tree use the bathroom to store its motorcycle, you know? So Frank's like, what the hell? All right, you know what I went to the most with David the other day? Let's spit all over the way there All right, you know what, I went to the most David's the other day. I spit all over the way there.

Starting point is 01:16:47 Then I got to water with lemon, all right? Psst, fit. That's it. You know, I said, David, are you gonna fucking commit to the law? The law is just fucking committing, David. And David's like, fuck that. You know what, I married to my job.

Starting point is 01:16:59 So what, there, I said it. And the law is just like, um, that's not the fucking answer I want to, Frank. You know what? You don't put a specific deadline on things like this. Okay, what you do is you let them string you along for five to ten years. And then you think about me be moving on. But you don't really commit to it.

Starting point is 01:17:21 Okay, Frank, that's how this goes. Yeah, Dolores is standing at a construction site going, you don't put a to it, okay Frank? That's how this goes. Yeah Dolores is standing at a construction site going, you don't put a timeline on things Frank. It's like yes you do, like you literally do. She goes, this is by the way, the show, how hot and heavy their relationship is, she goes, I think David wants to be with me. I mean, I'm, I'm very, very content. I think David wants to be with me. I mean, I'm very, very content. I'm content, I'm content, that's it.

Starting point is 01:17:49 Wait, you wanna know how I feel? I'm content, that's it. And then she looks away sad. But he's like, I don't know about, I don't know, but I've known Glorice for a long time. I don't think she's content. I don't think so. Glorice's like cut to the Loris shopping down the tree

Starting point is 01:18:01 with her own fucking arms. You know, when I was married to the Laura, I would go away for like six hours a day on a boat. Wasn't in the water, it was just a boat in the middle of a parking lot, I'm just going there. And I know it'd be so after Laura's. Peace are so bad, I still do it, because it's fun. I put on a little hat, I'd be like,

Starting point is 01:18:21 hey, pizza hot, look out, my boat's coming through you, but it wasn't going into the parking lot She didn't like that very much. She was also was boating a girl inside there too, so you know You know what the lores win Shay she's upset with me But I could tell she was upset with me because I come back to the boat next thing to be like 10 dead hookers making a sidewalk all the way to the The lores never showed you she was unhappy, Frank, really. So, oh, so now we go to my favorite, my favorite indentured servants. No, no, no, change into the kitchen. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was cooking a swear. Oh, cooking cleaning.

Starting point is 01:19:08 Boring, man. Painting with my elbow. Always the bolognese. So then we find out Nino's real thing here. He's trying to kill this whole fucking family, okay? Nino is going to literally be the death of this family. They sew what no no is cooking. He's cooking pork chops in a pot with bacon.

Starting point is 01:19:32 You will all die before your 20 years old. Teresa's like, no, no, I got the mail. What do you wanna look at? woman, woman on the mail. Woman, woman, woman, this male. It's like catalogs, he's all mad that there's girly things in there. woman, woman, woman. Oh.

Starting point is 01:20:02 God show it, Pepe. So then, I don fucking busy, that's why I left the eye, so it's like fucking taking me back to Italy. What am I going to sit here and spend my time and fucking ice? And so we were like, who would do that? But now they're making it sound like all of the tap that they made the decision and told Joe what to do.

Starting point is 01:20:30 So I'm not sure the timing of all of this. So basically, Teresa's lawyer, James, comes over in his most formal underarmor. He's got his Kirkland jeans on, you know. I call my brother all the two because he understands everything. He does? I know. I know. I know.

Starting point is 01:20:59 I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know., because he understands everything. It does? I know.

Starting point is 01:21:09 Joe Gorgas is going to be here, like, Capo? I don't know. So, is that it? Capo, I don't know. I'm not up on my Mafia terms. But, anyway, so he comes over and treats like, I feel mom, I feel mom. And they're talking. So he comes over and he's like, I feel mom, I feel mom.

Starting point is 01:21:26 And they're talking. And so basically, you know, Joju Dice's appeal got denied. And it's like pretty much the end of the road. Yeah, it's pretty much. So he's like, What about you, Joju? Do you know everything? And Jowips out of meme.

Starting point is 01:21:41 He's like, Joey Golka, nobody watches you harder than the people that can't stand to. He's like, oh my god, that speaks to me. Yeah. And you're so right. So, Joey Golga's like, so well, what is the percentage of him coming home? 53. No.

Starting point is 01:21:57 No, Loa. Loa. Seven. Loa. Five. Loa. Four. Loa. Six. Loa. Tenowa, six. Lowa, ten.

Starting point is 01:22:05 Lowa, three. Zero chances. Hi. Hi. It's not coming home. It's not coming home. Pi. Bingo.

Starting point is 01:22:15 No Teresa, we're not doing that right now. I love that you had Joey Gorgas saying, Pi. I know. I gave him a lot of joke. Gorgas really does know everything. He finally found where pie ends. Could you imagine that? He's so sad for humanity.

Starting point is 01:22:33 When pie ends? I'll be the judge of when fucking pie ends. So Theresa, James is like, James is like, look, let me just put it this way. He's in trouble, okay? The courts denied it. Very aggressively. I just love that the courts are like, no!

Starting point is 01:22:54 Stop fucking coming back here, no! It was basically Kim D. Be like, clink, clink, clink, clink. It's just Kim D and Kim G. It's the court of D and G. I'm Karen Euger. Clank, clank,clank. It's just Kim D and Kim G. It's the court of D and G. I'm Karen Euger. Clank-clank. Clank-clank. So, Teresa basically says that Joe called her to apologize for everything that he did.

Starting point is 01:23:14 We actually have audio of that phone call. All right, I want to hear that. You have, hello. This is a phone call from the North Bergen Correctional Facility from... Ciao! That was also with Christmas Carol, by the way. Ciao! Ciao!

Starting point is 01:23:40 So, the lawyer is trying to explain to them. He's like, so we've appealed 80,000 times. We could go for 81. Frankly, love the new house I bought. Thank you very much. I would like to thank Standing Strong, Quittery, and the tree pose on the cover for paying for my entire fucking house. But honestly, how much can I charge you and Teresa's like I feel helpless I didn't sign up to do this alone meanwhile fucking no nose like I'm

Starting point is 01:24:17 You want to talk about someone who didn't fucking sign up So then they start this whole conversation. Like, where are we gonna fight? Where are we gonna fight, Treesus? Just ripping your money away is doing all this. We should just let it go. Like you guys just showed us the scene of Joe Gorgah or Joe Judi's saying he's not gonna stay in jail because they won't open the window for it. Yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 01:24:37 Stop faking it, stop faking it. Joe Gorgah is like, Loya, I can't believe you. I can't believe you're doing this. I can't believe you're doing this. I can't believe you're doing this. I can't believe you're doing this. I can't believe you're in jail because they won't open the window for me. Yeah, exactly. Stop faking it, stop faking it. Joe Gorgas, like,

Starting point is 01:24:48 Loya, I gotta see his question. How many times do you joke off a day? I do about three times, what about you? Uh, uh, uh, uh. All right, so we have, I think we should just have everyone over for our car. Oh yeah, oh, look they're all here One last little Christmas Carol wow

Starting point is 01:25:09 It's out wait. Oh, they they already start they already start there. They've already been singing We haven't even opened the door because we had to talk about no no no no that they're already in their last part of their song I'm so sad it sounds like they're singing the 12 days of Christmas. Yeah, let's join in, man. Yeah. On the 12th day of Christmas, my two love, give to me. 12 negative thoughts I think in. 11 securities, a security. 10 barra posts that's going to call in seriously. 10 Barra posts that's going to call on seriously, seriously. Nine Hatsers Hatsling, how are you? Hahahaha.

Starting point is 01:25:52 Hahahaha. Eight, eight pillows that I haven't sewn yet, but I'm gonna sew. I just haven't sewn them yet, but I'm working on it really hard. And I just, it just didn't know me came over and I hurt my hand and I don't know how to sew. Seven facts that don't give a fuck. Six goddamn goddamn it! Five goddamn it! Five goddamn it!

Starting point is 01:26:30 Five goddamn it! Five goddamn it! Five goddamn it! Five goddamn it! Five goddamn it! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. Remember I'm number 12. I'm number 12. Number 12. Remember when I did number two during number 12?

Starting point is 01:27:08 Like I, you do so many number twos, you do like number 10. Remember when I did number two during number 12? No, no, no, no. Like, I, you do so many number twos, you do like at number 12. No, no, no, no. And Eduardo, who is also my best friend, because we look, basically, ages of pie. I'm going to do that. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry.

Starting point is 01:27:43 I looked the exact same. Well, baby, you just came out and said, sorry, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is crazy. OK, this portrait with the pear tree, smog is, my, my, my, my, my, my, this one time as a little girl.

Starting point is 01:27:57 I was like, I want to buy a pair of shoes. And my father's friend, Jine Parsons, Smith said no. You only get one shoe, so I spent my entire childhood walking on one shoe. And to this day, I've never had a pair of shoes or a pair in a potridge tree, okay? And a potridge in a pair. How could you be streaming?

Starting point is 01:28:27 That brings us again, that brings us lots of new jersey. We love you guys. Good night everyone. Thank you for the absolutely amazing year. Good night. We love you. Thank you. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:28:39 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. you Hey, Prime members, you can listen to WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

Starting point is 01:29:41 and Apple podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at onedry.com slash survey.

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