Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Feed the (Face) Plants

Episode Date: March 19, 2021

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* This week's Real Housewives of New Jersey takes us to a pool party at Tre's where Joe squirms out of paying a debt and Jennifer drinks herself into a face plant. This week's bonus is a quick dive into WandaVision. Find it and all of our premium bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens**We designed lots of face masks for Bravo lovers available at crappensmerch.com A portion of sales go to MedShare!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm not a fan of crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I'm a crap, I Hello and welcome to WatchaCrapins. The podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on you, bros. I'm Ronnie Caram.

You can find me from the life of Ronnie Caram, which is just my life. But Ben Mandelker, you can find in other places. He's in a YouTube show that he writes and that he draws and that he boists. It's called the Real Housewives of New York. The Real Housewives of Kitchen Island. You see I start Ramona and then there's no going back. Real Housewives, Kitchen Island, guy. And basically, Real Housewives of New York

just in the Kitchen Island. In our uniform and in shapes of like forks and knives. Pizza cutters. Then is also on the Game Brain podcast, which you can find wherever you listen to podcasts. Guy, welcome to the show, everybody. How you doing today, Bane? I am great. So excited to podcast with you today.

And thank you to everyone who watched us and watched what happens live. We had really such an amazing time. It was so, so, so fun. And yeah, it was just like the best. What else I said? Yeah, that's it. Okay, we're done. It's over now. We're over it. Now it's done. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. And that's pretty much it. I mean, Real Housewives of New Jersey. Now there's some fun. Okay. There is a. oh, Ronnie, I forgot to put on a tuna net for this broadcast.

Oh, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, so. Teresa's fashion sense this year is a little confounding because they're not just nets. They're like t-shirt material, you know, tied together like a big hat. Military grade.

It's like, it's like when they put that weird like camouflage netting over things to make it look like like like like like plants. That's what she's you know it's like I feel like I'm watching Blatoon. Oh God Splatoon Teresa. Yeah. Yeah. Her style is oh so by the way, this is crap is on demand, by the way. So come watch us go to patreon.com slash watch for crap and sign up for crap is on demand. You can watch us record this, not just listen and get access to our discord server and our bonus episodes and this is going to be right in your face. Ronnie will call your face.

I've got a new webcam today, so like I'm really excited to see how this works out. I have to look directly into it and I can't look down at the screen and look at see what Ronnie's doing, so it feels weird. But we're talking about Juan Division on the bonus episode this week, which we're going to probably record right after this. So go listen to that to be super cool. Yeah. Well, today Teresa gets the honors of giving us that PEPA's Lies, PEPA's Lies, PEPA's Lies.

PEPA's Lies. Fucking Teresa. Teresa spends this episode trying to be nice Teresa, which means... Talking like that, like you talk like that. Like really high. Yeah.

And voice, herty, voice scratchy. Yeah. So I'm just gonna mention that right now because I don't wanna actually do it through the whole thing. I'm a vapor, okay. I'm gonna try my own space, the throat space. I just don't have it, okay. Yeah, because you know what?

She filmed in loud environments this week. And when she is, when she starts to speak loudly, her voice gets higher. So she filmed in a crowded restaurant and at a pool party. So everything was like, hi, guys, I'm like, oh, my God, my mix of just that pure vocal just scratch, you know, yeah. I say sign all my never tasted so good at it. And I like to after all these years, Teresa still can't really pose. She's like, yeah.

She's just sort of like a lady on a turntable, very awkwardly. I also noticed that with the lures, I feel like I noticed something new about the lures is opening credits moment every week. The previous revelation was that she's posing in front of some sort of like oil refinery. The next one that I noticed this week is that, what's her line as something like, I'm lovable, I'm hoggable, but don't call me gullible.

And I notice that after the second word, which is, I'm lovable, I'm hoggable, and then it cuts her going, ha! Don't call me gullible. It's like a very small thing in front of the back going,. Ha! Did you know that I can't see past the Teresa as the pink avatar. I can't get past it. Like once I saw that, that's all I see now to do the whole thing.

But I like Dolores. It's like I'm lovable, I'm hugable, but do not call me. Listen, you know what I'm not going to do? Just whatever you want to write, David. I'm not going to move into your house. I'm going to take one drawer and maybe bring a toothpaste, toothpaste and a toothbrush. Let's see how that works out for you, David.

I'm lovable. I'm hawkable, but don't call me bad oral hygiene. Okay. I brush my teeth a lot. Don't call me someone wise with more good smite. All right. So let's get into it. Okay. So the episode opens up in Tom's river at

the Gorga Beach House and they're all there and they're just like, Melissa's like, what would I do without this house? And the kids are, the kids are all there. I'm like, you know what you do without this house, you'd actually just be fine, actually. But they're all the kids like, I wanna make a Peanue Calada and they're all just sort of like filing into this sort of like bar area. And they have like that wall art, the neon wall art that says,

this is all the dream. Like I came from Urban Outfitters or something, you know? I'm out of the Bob Newhart ending, you know, for those old people out there, listen, my ass love, I don't answer. Suzanne Blisch has just sitting there waiting for them. Five minutes waiting for you. Yeah, Suzanne Blisch could have been a real housewife,

or something. She really could have, she was, I'm lovable, I'm huggable, but I swear to God, if you fuck with me one more time, Bob Newhart. All right. Whoever said that money can't buy you happiness clearly doesn't have my credit limit. Okay, I'm so sample shit She just I like I like to think that she says that at the end of every sentence. I'm so simple shit. I'm so simple So yeah, she's walking around with her terrible neon art and is somebody's birthday. forget oh who's birthday is it Joe he's like I'm gonna say happy birthday to me huh come on my kids don't even say no happy birthday to me huh

and they're like happy birthday and they're like why are you kissing little joey's ass why do you favor him and she's like so tonight we're going out with zealisa, Zia Teresa, Zia, you know, Marges, basically she's gonna go out tonight with her sister who are Marges sisters from the Simpsons. Do not smoking every time they talk to like, hey, how you doing? How are you so good to see you? What's going on with the girls? Suzanne Blaschette is our vocal inspiration. It's Mark. Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson.

It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It's Mark Simpson. It on my own. It's all a dream of time going by. It's all a dream. It's all a dream.

So Joe's like, so last night, last night was awkward, right? And she's like, you know, I know you were trying to back up your sister, but here's the point, you know, I believe she heard the rumours. She's not a liar, but you don't say that. I think the only person that can get through to her Joe is you. You both have that grunt, that way of dragging your knuckles on the ground, just kind of grunt to get your point across.

You know, Joe? Just be like Neanderthal to Neanderthal. He is what you got to do. You know? Just tap a banana on a tree until she gets the Morse code of it all, Joe. Seriously. Yeah. So he's like, no, tree is just taking you. She's taking things too far, you know? And so then she's like, well, you

excited for tonight, your big birthday, dinner. And he's like, yeah, but you know what I'm really excited about. I haven't seen you in lingerie in a really long time, huh? Yeah, let's have sex. Let's have sex. And then later, let me hold on. In five minutes, I got a shoot of steam where I talk about how uncomfortable I am about Antonio having sex.

Okay, but I'm going to have sex with you right now. He's like, yeah, the bitch, you're all can mix me whony bitch. Yeah, Joe, I'm just at this point, I just think Joe's impotent. I cannot be the only person who just suspects that Joe is impotent. He is just overcompensating way too much. Okay. No one needs to know that your penis still works out while. Okay. Nobody cares. Okay. We all take your Joe, but every scene, he's like, yeah, you know what? This to keep us pretty good. You know what else is for China's boobies, that love like a fucking mall day. It's like, all right, Joe.

Okay, you're very good. You're out, Joe. Exactly. You know, if you want to prove it to us, open and only fans and we will subscribe, but until then, I don't want to hear it anymore. Yes, this is really just us trying to get you to open and open. I would watch that shit. I would talk.

Oh, and we can write it off. That's a business expense. Okay, Joe's organ only fans. So if you be so annoying, you'd open an old. I would watch that shit. I would tell you. And we can write it off. That's a business expense. Okay. Joe Gorgon only fans. So if you be so annoying, you'd be like, have a ride that. Is that guy so hot you write that off? Uncle Sam will be jerking off when he gets your ride off.

He'll be like, yeah. But he'll be trying to inspire us while he jerks off. He's like, in life, oh, you got a sometimes grab it. Oh, by the nuts, oh, because that what you got to do to be a good person Oh, and that's what I say because you always takes it like one line too far in his inspiration Like you could have ended it like a phrase earlier. Yeah. Oh Joker this moment has been brought to you by a very very long Joe Gorka moment on Instagram everybody here's a picture of standing like this

He's doing like a jeep but like Jesus going, huh? He's going like, but his eyes are blank as usual. Like the, and it says, uh, how I learned to my my own business. And that's in white font and the rest isn't black, which is very, you know, creatively, I feel like he's growing. Just going to put you out there. He's like, I was walking by the mental hospital the other day. And all the patients were shouting 13, 13, 13. The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks. So I looked through to see what was going on. And under it in white again, it says, some media poked me in the eye with the stick.

And then they all started shouting 14 14 14 one of his classier posts. Is that like a joke that he got learned into something and they've been. I don't know is that you got a lot of is that they were yelling 13 13 13. So he'd look through the fence and they poked him in the eye. And he learned how to mind his own business because he was looking at the fence. Right, because he was the, he was like the 14th person to do that, right? Yeah, you know what then, if I have to explain a joke or a meme to you, we're just fucking lost at the point.

I mean, I'm, no, no, I'm just, you don't have to explain to me. I'm just bold over with inspiration. From that tale of him walking by a mental hospital and getting poked in the eye because he'd look through the slats of some sort of Tom Sawyer fence that was around it. So he got a lot of you got to love that the hospital has a fence like a new riot Disneyland, you know, it's all just boards with like maybe one little hole in it. But you can look just like a little ticket through it, all right.

And I was like, number one, number one, two, three, four, whoa, this is going fast. Okay, so the kids are going to go to have some crabs, some spaghetti. So they're talking about, yeah, so they're done, right, we're done with them. Okay, now we go to Paramus, baby. We're in Paramus and truly one of my favorite scenes of this early season, we're a Jennifer's pool and so Olivia, Gabriella and like one of the boys,

because none of the boys really seem to have any names. Yeah, who cares about the boys? Olivia and Gabriella, they're sitting on a ledge. At first, it's like, doesn't over the pool. And they're just sitting there and then their brothers are like, why are you sitting there? They're like, because it's caught out. There's this shade. And then the brother says, like, hold on, check this out. And they're just at first, they're just the three of them are sitting there. And then they stand up, they're like, oh, and Olivia just starts crying. And I was like, what happened?

And then I like rerun and watch it like two times before I realized that they turned on the waterfall and they were sitting in the path of the waterfall. And then I watch it five more times just to watch little Olivia just start to cry. She's like, ah! And just like, Justin does not find it, baby!

And we better put a half a set of table. I think everyone is like, I don't, but I think I'm gonna have to, because I'm the only person in this family who will do fucking anything. Yeah, pretty much. So then, Jen's sister Tina comes over and she's like, Hey, what's up? And, Jen, guess, I'm just miserable grilling over here, baby. Don't get it. Grellin is a man's job.

Oh, so, excuse me. Now, I'm coughing. I'm about to sneeze and I don't want to do this on the podcast. Oh, my gosh. I hope you fart at the same time to at all at the same time Like windy Williams on the windy Williams, so They said that windy Williams first Sneezed and pooped herself at the same time

I mean they have that happened to you right when your lifetime movie just came out, you know I mean, how about happen to you right when your lifetime movie just came out, you know? I had to take it. I had to make sure I was camera ready again. I was like, okay, you check in your nose. Yeah, everything out. We're all good. We're all good. We're back. What a way to break in the new webcam, you know? Yeah, so they all sit down for dinner and one of the kids is like, do not mix my steak with my brisemeather. And she's like, oh yeah, he doesn't like his food to touch. Yeah, and then one kid's like, the steak is too thick and then another kid goes,

unacceptable. LAUGHTER Probably Olivia. Olivia's doing that dramatic chew that kids do when they like, want, I'm really sure how much they don't like something when they open their mouth like, like really big, like I hate this so much, I'm gonna let everyone see it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, He's got a bug on your head. The whole family talks like that.

Hey, grandpa. Yeah, bug on your head. No, I wasn't talking about real grandpa. That's what I'm calling you, little brother. Grandpa. Grandpa. You got a bug on your head. Stupid.

He's like, oh, do I? I got you, dumb dumb. Olivia's like, I'm done, baby. So Jennifer goes. Jennifer goes, okay. So each of you grab a plate and bring it in. And Olivia goes, sorry, mom, mom, I'm done, baby. So Jennifer goes, Jennifer goes, okay, so each of you grab a plate and bring it in and Olivia goes, sorry mom, I'm going swimming. And she's like Justin.

Justin, can you help me bring another plate, it's baby. And he's like, give me a second mom. Say it, come. He just like runs inside. They all just talk like they're making an exit on Broadway. Whatever you say, hey another thing grandpa, you got a bug on your head. Everything, everything,

they can just do walking up stage. So Tina tell sir, you know I love when people just give you advice thinking they're really helping you out and it's just like go fuck yourself Tina, okay, this is what Tina tells her. You know what, you need Cess? You really need to get the kids to help you out. Oh really? What do you think she's trying to do? If you want to give good advice to your children, give her words from the late great Bernie Mac. Hey Cess, beat your children, beat them!

Yeah, I mean, Jennifer did say you had to bring in the plates and they were like, sorry, gotta get swimming tuts. Like, yeah, a certain point like it's just too late. So then they start talking urgently about their father and whether he was too hot in his pants and if he needs new clothes and if he's uncomfortable in his pants or whatever, there's like a real intense discussion about this and then he needs new clothes and if he's uncomfortable in his pants,

so there's like a real intense discussion about this. And then he comes down and you know, we're sure in shorts. Like, oh, dad, you're changed, dealing to dad, you're changed. He's like, yeah, it's always changing. We'll talk about it. Why are we watching this? I know. They have like a whole thing of like,

dad can't do anything by himself. He doesn't even know how to wear shorts. Look at dad and his pants. He's like, I put on shorts. I don't think I Did to put on shorts. All right, so we're talking turkey dad. All right. We want you to go to turkey and see grandson dad, right? Who wears short short Great great idea by the way. I'm not like a huge COVID chamber, but why would you tell your old man,

family member to get on a plane to another country right at the start of COVID? Come on, yeah. Come on people. You gotta, gotta talk and behave. This guy's not safe anywhere, he goes. So then the thing is if he goes to Turkey so Tina would go with him But then that's gonna cause a problem with the mom because she's gonna get mad and she'd be like so he gets Tina

I don't get Tina because they just I guess really like Tina more than Jen or something. Yeah, they love you now Jen's like I'm just trying to keep the peace because they're like well she can go on her own She doesn't need to have Tina with her and then then, then Jen tells us, you know what, I wish my mom could see that I love each one of them equally. I'm like, yeah, so mom, you get steerage in the back of the plane, we're gonna give dad, Tina, and first glass, and he also gets to live with us, and we're just gonna talk shit about you on camera,

behind your back, all season long, but I love you both equally, love you equally. Yeah. So now the next step is talking to mom. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, baby. No, it doesn't. That's such a lie, okay? What doesn't kill you makes you weaker

until you just get so weak that you eventually die later, okay? What doesn't kill you just takes longer to kill you, okay? Whatever, whatever, whatever doesn't kill you just gets internalized and manifests in getting a pool party. Yeah, what doesn't kill you turns into love handles because you've been stress-seating about it the whole time. Yeah, whatever. Exactly. So now we go to Dolores at David's new house and she calls him and she's like, Hey, David, I'm at the house.

So come in and eat whenever you can. Thank you. This is the lorse. So she calls Frank and he's like, he's like, oh, you look great. She's like, oh, you look handsome with glass. Listen, if you talk to David, have you talked to him? Now, have you talked to him? She's like, oh, you look handsome with glasses. Listen, if you talk to David, have you talked to him? Now, have you talked to him? She's like, no, he's on the way. Listen, I got to talk to him about our relationship.

You know, what David really loves is when I corner him in his own kitchen on camera about our relationship. He just loves it, Frank, all right? Frank, here's what I've decided to do. I'm going to butter him up by putting two very generic plain salads on the second island of his home. And then when he's feeling comfortable, I'm gonna confront him.

Also, Frank, what am I going to happen? It's gonna be ready. The Lord, he didn't even send me to sign to your clients at the Lord. Okay, okay, Frank. Okay, Frank. The decorator was supposed to do that, all right? I texted the decorator in between the trash recycler company and then the water treatment

company when I was on that boat, David. I don't know why I would, Frank, I don't know why it hasn't happened yet. So then David arrives, I'll badass. I'm a motorcycle. And you know what, you know what, David, I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to hear about how you were mad at Dolores because she had elective surgery and there might have been a complication.

Yes, that is scary, but I don't wanna hear it anymore if you're driving a motorcycle, okay? Now, like, like, you are like a surgeon and you're on a motorcycle. I feel like that's 10 times more dangerous than it is going for an elective surgery like once. I mean, surgery has its risks, but all I'm saying is you are,

you are taking unnecessary risks every single day. I know that like people who drive motorcycles know how to do it safely, but it's like you could also just be driving a car. If you're saying Dolores, you went out of your way to make your life riskier. What the fuck do you think you're doing with your midlife crisis Harley Davidson situation?

I mean, that's true, but look, as someone who rides a Vespa, which is totally as manly as a Harley, okay everybody. I think part of him just wants a plastic surgery, because I know the second I get hit on my Vespa, I'm coming back with new tits, amazing new tits. It's always been my plan.

I'm gonna come out of a body cast and have new boobs and a new face and just look cool just fine. I really hope that Ronnie, I don't know if you do this, but I hope that when you ride your vest bar around, you have like old-fashioned biplane goggles and a scarf, sort of like. I do.

Yeah, I'm actually happy to ride. The scarf just flaps in the wind and you can just sort of arrive like darling, I'm here. Yeah, so I do actually drive around like that. I'm a someone told me, oh, do you know Mario Battali? And I was like, oh, yeah, I know who that is. And I'm like, you're just like him. He's also a fat guy on a tiny little bike.

Do you have those goggles? I'm like, thank you. That is so nice. That was nice. And then guess what? Guess what? That didn't kill me. And it's right here. It's right fucking here on these slow handles, all right? And the person who said that was John a DeLinrentus. So, John,

yeah. She wouldn't say that. So, okay, so David gets off his motorcycle. Well, by the way, and like, it's not just anyone who rides and motorcycles going to a midlife crisis, but the way David rides his motorcycle and comes in with that jacket, like, way, and like, I'm not, it's not just anyone who rides and motorcycle is going to a midlife crisis, but the way David rides his motorcycle and comes in with that jacket like, hey, babe. Yeah, he does. He's very like, I just wanted to hit a jukebox, you know, and a gaze you didn't know that I ride a motorcycle.

Let me take off the jacket and hey, yeah, sure, it says motorcycle. So he just does it in a midlife crisis way. Oh, wait, hey, my little rebel. Listen, listen to what I just figured out. The new fridge that I'm watering has a water dispenser inside. I'm very excited. Does that bother you because you know that I'm getting a water dispenser inside my door of the fridge, which means I'll probably be coming over here less, David.

Is it bothering you right now? You know, I'm happy about it, David. It means that Frank won't be setting off the water dispenser every time he leans on the fridge anymore. I'm like, Frank, get your elbow out of the water dispenser. He was like, the Lord's like a war on me. Well, that's what you get when you put your elbow in the water dispenser. And on the counter, like a normal person, the Frank just leaning on every led.

She sees. I just can imagine Frank is totally that person. Just like, to Lord, I got to tell you something. He just leans over and just like oh Dolores So David's just looking at her trying to be cool in his motorcycle shirt and she's like determined to piss him off So she's like what are you gonna be upset come on David? You can watch it dispense it there. I said it you triggered David and he's like listen

I built you this house and then what do you do you go and you redo your house? and I pelt you this house and then what do you do? You go and you redo your house. What's the best is that make, all right? It's like getting a new butt when you don't need one, all right? What was wrong with the other butt? Uh, by the way, this was all discussed in the presence of the world's largest pepper grinder. I don't know, did you see the pepper grinder, the background running?

I really hope you go back and see it or in future episodes. That thing was like the like, Burj Khalifa in Dubai, it was just so massive. I thought Tom Cruise was scaling the sides of it at one point. I really hope everyone takes a moment to appreciate that pepper grinder. So, you know what, David, why didn't we just get engaged

when the house was done, David? He was like, you know what, you're all over the place. Me? I'm home every night. It's like, don't make excuses was done, David. He's like, you know what, you're all over the place. Me? I'm home every night. Don't make excuses with me, David. All right. When you didn't give me that ring, David, you know what it did?

It pushed me away. Then I ran into Frank. Then Frank leaned on the fridge. Then he got water all over his elbow. Well, I know it was even worse because it was actually on the crush dice setting. So it was like, not it was even worse than it was worse than water. It was worse than ice. It was crushed ice. It was like as as worse than water. It was worse than ice. It was crushed ice.

It was like as as sloppy as water, but as annoying as ice. Do you know how hard that is for me, David? You know, especially when the machine is making noise warning you to this chopping the ice, you know, Frank still didn't move. Yeah, he said that he thought it meant that the filter needed replacing him. Like what sort of refilt replacement

alarm gets water on your arm? Do you know, he said, I don't know Dolores. I don't know. Anyway, I felt a viscerated by the entire thing. Okay. He's like, every night I give you the option to come here. He's like, oh, what? So I have the option to watch you on your computer.

He's like, I can't stop someone from going and delay with Dolores. She's like, I'm not complaining about baby's David. All right. Do you miss me? Do you want to have me more David? Then let's make a pact. We all know, I'm not here to come over,

watch you on a computer, okay? You know, put some effort into it. Scatter some pasta around the floor so I can come around and pick it up, okay? That's what you call romance, all right, David? I need some dust in the living room. Then I need a little trail of dust leading to the dining room. Then I need a little trail of dust leading to the kitchen

and then back into the triangle. All right, David. Give me a path. That's what I'm saying. Give me a path to walk. Okay. By the way, I don't want to hear it from David about this too. Like, oh, well, you're so busy doing your thing, which I think may have been code for the show itself. But either way, you knew who you were dating. When you when you started dating Dolores, okay, that's the package deal. Like, and she knew who she was dating when she started dating David,

who doesn't want any kind of commitment and keeps putting everything off, you know? I think these two are perfect for each other actually, you know? Neither of us, she doesn't want to sit there and watch him on her computer. He doesn't want to sit there and listen to her talk about internal water spouts or whatever the fuck she's going on about.

They just like to get, they really just want to both hang out with Frank. They're both to shut those reasons to hang out with Frank without having to fuck Frank, you know? Yeah, exactly. I think that's a very fair. You know what it is? It's like the old school, like when, when colleges were like girls only college and boys only college and like she's like Smith and he's like, I don't know, some boys college and they sometimes will like have a formal and they'll like the boys and girls will go out to a dance together and they go back to their their colleges. So anyway, it's bad analogy, you know, but you know, that's what this shows all about, the season analogies.

So anyway, yes, so it's been more time together. So yeah. And apparently Dolores will wear the keys to the house because you do wear the keys to the house as well, probably because you got me mad. So I was frustrated, David. You know what? That's what happens. And he goes, okay, well, now we don't have keys to the house. She goes, now we don't have keys to the house. Glad we could do that. Celebrity beef you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife and I'm Sydney Battle and we're the host of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions.

What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber. A seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling,

and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. So here we go with the Simpson sister. It's Joe's birthday man, but I am a place called me So trees my theory at and the sisters are like we brought wine Like you need to bring a lot of things okay, it's like the world's worst like Vendor at a baseball game. Welcome. Yeah. Yeah.

When you breathe out of a tailpipe, Jesus Christ you do. So tree eventually does come and she sits down and there at the waiter comes by and they're ordering vodka and and Joe Gorgas. Like, you tree. What do you normally go with vodka? Pup, pup, pineapple. Yeah. like you treat what what do you normally get with vodka? I'm like, pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop my children's hands swing like can't yes. He just buy half ales because she's she's in her high voice now because that's a crowded restaurant. So then they start razzling her about Tony, the the pool guy and everything and she's like, no, he's my best friend. I don't know. I'm not trying to have sex with him. Maybe though he's got a beautiful body and a good face and like I'm best best friend

and why I want to have sex with him. Yeah, usually I like talk, and handsome. Like your two boyfriend's have been your brother and Jojoo nice. Like who are you fucking kidding with this? Short, round and like, Rocky looking. Yes, and non-focused in the eyes. You know, because both of them are very unfocused and Joe Gorgah looks like this like he's like looking around at little gnats flying around on a hot summer day and Joe

Judeis is just kind of semi-crossed I'd always kind of like looking through around hog. Yeah, so She's like, yeah, I want to get my peach kiss. I got my everyone's like, oh We don't want to think about Teresa's beach and it was like, please, I want to get my peach kiss. I got my, everyone's like, oh, we don't want to think about Teresa's beach. And she was like, please, please stop talking like that. I write, you know, that's here. That's here. Spirit is here with us. And I was like, that's a weird thing to bring up in a sex conversation.

But then here, the ghost of No No has come to meet in a Jersey shore. No, no, has come to meet in the Jersey Shore No, no, we'll never pass up a task to go to meet They're like hey, you see that like octopus floating out of that pot. So So they're talking about sex and Malik because Teresa's like I didn't have a boyfriends and I was 18 and then Melissa's like, I don't have a boyfriend, I don't have 18. And then Melissa's like, I wasn't allowed to do anything. I wasn't allowed.

I couldn't do, but by now I'm like, you know, now I'm a good mom. So I like Antonio do whatever she wants, but I'm gonna have to have that talk with her. So they're talking about how they're gonna have to have the bird in the bees conversation. And that's when Joe Gorker throws up his hands like, oh, oh, she's too young. Okay, she had to at least be in her 20s

before she had sex, huh? Too young, too. I'm like, you are the one who is constantly talking about sex in front of your entire family with your wife, which, you know, it's your wife, you're a course, like have sex with her, but then like, why is it cool for you to be like a, like a, like a, what's the word, libidness? Why is it cool for you to be like a, like a, like a, like a, what was the word,

libidness? Why is it cool for you to have this out of control, libido? We're like, yeah, I got to see her in lingerie. But then like the, your daughter, like, can't even, even think about sex until she's in a dress. Well, I think because he's just thinking guys are going gonna treat her how he treats Melissa, like walking glory hole. So no one wants to think of their daughter like that, you know? So I get it, but it's also like just please note, please note, Joe Gorgah, the double standard that you have. Yeah, it's patriocracy.

So, as Mel is like, yeah, but you know what? I just say, like, you've dated the same boy for a long time and I just wanna know if he touches you. And Joe throws his fork. And Trees, like, oh, that reminds us of me. I'm having a pool party on Thursday. How does underage sex make you think of your pool party on Sunday, Teresa?

It's like, Teresa's, Teresa's segues. Well, because the first time I had sex with Joe, do you guys, uh, we're watching the Hogan family and Mrs. Pool came by and I was like, Ha, she's funny. Let's do it. So can I say something? Ha, listen, you got to invite Jackie. All right. Look, I, you know what, I want you to own it a bit, right?

Because you were wrong. So you, you just need to say that you know she's not a cheater. And she's like, I didn't say that. It's a fact, I mean. And last year I heard her husband cheated on it. But she royally screwed up saying, she did coal in the back room. And the sisters are like, what?

What? What? Ghost of Nodo. So Melissa is Melissa saying she wasn't saying geo with saying that she wanted to hit it some She was doing an analogy an analogy. Oh, I don't do allergies. Okay. I don't Front to our own these okay front to us only's yeah, I'm she's like ah she said it She said that I'm Melissa says no analogy. It's like yeah, well, you know what she's like, uh, she said it. She said that. Melissa says, uh, no, analogy. She's like, yeah, well, you know what? She's fucking dumb. So the sisters are like, they she up apologize to you.

I used to mad at that analogy. She's like, no, oh, yeah, she told Paul he's got it right. Yeah. So, but, but, but, but so Joe Jo and Melissa are like no, but like we saw her last night and she walked right up to us and said I'm so sorry It was an analogy, you know, they're being very apology And then Melissa was like well, can you at least to reach that? Can you at least say you was wrong for you to do it at the birthday party? And she's like he didn't find out at the birthday party, okay? Like, total stopping such a fucking cry baby. And she was like, make it right, right from my birthday wish, right?

My other birthday wish is sticking my dick in my wife right now. My right guy is my right, what's I'm five, yeah. So she's like, yeah, well, she didn't invite me to her birthday, but all right, or her little get together, but all right, you know, I'll be the bigger person. I'm going to send the text to all the girls. Yeah. What was I doing? What was I doing? Looks like I'll do it. But you're not going to, you're not going to tell it, you're not going to give her attitude, right? And you're not gonna tell it to be a tough enough, you're not gonna tell it to be a cry baby, right?

Teresa's like, okay, you do it. Because you know she's gonna lay into Jackie on the text message. Yeah. So then Teresa's like, okay, this is what you got, right? Poor party, bring your husband's, All right, poor party, bring your husband's is and songs are preferable, preferable. Yeah. And then to the time as I rain.

So Joe's like, oh, what about that crazy bitch who's selling your house and talking shit. And Melissa's like, yeah, did you ever talk to that girl, Michelle? And she's like, I said, I won't listen that girl, Michelle? And she's like, I ain't said to her. I won't listen to my hyaline when you until you get me in good bad, I wet my brother. And she says she would, I ain't. Which she totally listed that house with Michelle anyway.

Why would Michelle go do all the pictures if she wasn't listing the house? Yeah, exactly. So now we go over to Margaret's house. And we have the first Marleney up, scene of the season and there's just like stuff all over the house, I'm Margaret's like, oh, hey, Marleney, I mean, how will we living like this?

How we living like this? Okay, I'm gonna make an ice coffee. Let me show you something, which look at this, look at this, guess what? It's coconut milk, it's not even dairy, I can't do dairy. Marlene is like, is it good? She's, you know what, it's no half and half. I'll tell you that much, but it's good.

Okay, it's good, I like it. You know what? It's no half and half. I'll tell you that much, but it's good. Okay. It's good I like it. You know what? I'm shooting my book cover and you know But if I have any half and half before I shoot my book cover, I might as well just blow my brain sad I might as well just blow my I just might as well shoot myself. I'll be sick fat So Emily comes over who's the ghost rider? writer. I get right. I'm doing carry now. I'm doing care from Dallas. I'm the host. I follow writer around. I think there's a

ghost following me and he smells like Calamari. So I'm not sure what's happening. You want to you want to drink what can I get you? I have everything. She's like just some water. Oh, you mean water that's frozen into little cubes and put into ice. All right, I'll get you a nice coffee. Very good. Ciao. Joe, make it make a nice coffee. Okay, just pour it. Joe, it's very simple. Okay, the way you pour it, you hold something, you lift it up, and then you rotate it at an angle

until things come out of it. And then you stop when things get to the top of the glass. Joe, you're doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong. Joe, you're an idiot, Joe. You know what? Back away from the fridge. So she's like, that's the danger in having your husband as your contractor, you know,

slow going on the remodel. And Marge is like, I got a lot more debt in the girlfriend. I'll say that much. So they're going to record this whole thing. And she's like, you know what, we'll just, you know, we're going to spit ball here. You can add stuff, omit stuff, you know,

because sometimes you say stuff you regret. Am I right? Like that whole, you're going to die if you don't learn to have poor something in the goddamn glass joke. You might not want that in your book. Okay. So they sit down at a very small table

that has a very large chess game on it. I don't know why Marge has like a chess nook, but it's just theirs. They sit over a chess table. And all right, all right, we could call this the Marge's dilemma, all right? So, okay, so let me tell you about my childhood. Okay, a group I never had ice coffee

and then I tried it when I was older and it was great and I love it and I put half and half and on that some dieting, okay? I know I do coconut milk, I'll tell you that's the real coconut thing, okay? I'm cocoa for coconut milk, okay? The end, you have enough? Yeah, also I've had sex with my bosses, so I mentioned that part. Okay, so here's what's going to happen, you know, there were men in power who tried to manipulate me and then, you know what, I got manipulated, did I sleep with some bosses?

Absolutely, I slept with some bosses. And she's like, well, you know what, I got manipulated. Did I sleep with some bosses? Absolutely, I slept with some bosses. And she's like, well, you know what, that's understandable. There was no mean to that, you know? And, you know, from what you've told me about your mom, you've probably learned your worth is tied up in your sexuality. And she's like, oh yeah, that's, you know,

I don't have a problem with that anymore, which is why I'm constantly getting surgery to improve my sexuality. Yeah. Yeah, I don't have a problem with it. Listen, my mother was using immigrant from Hungary and I took a lot from that, mainly the word hungry, okay, because I can't stop snacking.

All right, I'm sorry, let's just say, love it. I love it so much. Joe, could you get me a snack? Hungary, okay, thank you. You know, if you were looking good back then, that meant you made it. Her self-worth was all about being attractive to men. And I was very good at compartmentalizing.

You know, Janet and I would have these huge fights, huge knocked them, track out, throw them in the closet, lock them in the closet, stay in the closet. You know what, actually, I lived in the closet for a long time. The point is, you know, I could go to a party and just totally turn it on. I could be fine, you know. The closet light that is, because I couldn't actually get out the closet, but I'd be like, well, it's a good party inside here, okay? So this was a wonderful time, okay? Listen, listen, and hungry, what they call that, what they call the closet, but I'd be like, well, it's a cabartee inside here. So this was a wonderful time. Listen, and hungry, what they call the closet, they call that love. That's what I'm going to say.

You know, I just, I met Jan, I was enamored because I thought, you know, this was going to be so stable after my mother. And she's like, yeah, and Jan was supportive of your business. And she's like, no, no, no, he said, good job. It makes some money, you know. We've never on the same page, you know, I just never had any one. I mean, this is actually really sweet thing because she's talking about she's like this older guy. Yeah, she's talking about how she married this older guy for stability and he was so smart and he could kind of help her in the world. But, you know, he was

a total asshole and she didn't think she was worth even having somebody decent. So she never really thought that would happen until she met Joe, which is so sweet. And Joe was, you know, her first nurturing adult relationship. And she's like, but, you know, but at the same time, you want to kill the mother fucker too. You know what I mean? And then we just see a clip of Joe, what's wrong with this wallpaper?

Why isn't it lining up right? He's like, you bought cheap wallpaper. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Why isn't the water on? Joe, Joe, Joe. He's like, uh, line is cut., Joe, Joe. Why isn't the water on? Joe, the water on, Joe. He's like, uh, minus cut. Joe, you're wearing two different types of shoes. What's going on, Joe?

Okay. Joe, why are you wearing floaties? We're not even here at pool. Joe. Joe, why are you wearing a shirt? It doesn't have pimento's that match the shorts and the olives on the shirt. Joe.

Joe, Joe, why are you wearing this stuff, Pepper Shirt? Okay, tonight's the olive shirt. Okay, Joe. Yeah. Um, so it's actually really sweet. And she's really grateful for a little Joe, why are you wearing this stuff, Pepper Shirt? Okay, tonight's the olive shirt, okay, Joe. Yeah. So it's actually really sweet. And she's really grateful for little Joe, Joe, Joe, and E now. And then the dog just kind of like does that dog thing

where they just collapse on the floor. They're like staring at you to do something fun and play with them and then they just realize, no, you're not gonna do anything for me. It's just like a solid like, funt on the ground. It's like a bed of sport. All right. I have that side to the book, Bella.

All right, just ripped my heart out of my body. All right. Okay, she's not buying a copy. That's fine. So then we go over to Teresa's house and she's face-time with Joe Judice because he's like, so I just signed the divorce papers. What you're gonna do?

No big deal. Signed it. You know, unfortunately for do, no big deal. Assigned it. You know, unfortunately for you, I signed them with a dildo. So, you know, my name's kind of big on it. I hope it doesn't just destroy you to write. Yeah, and Teresa's like, you know, I think that we had the most easiest divorce of all times. Is this and people taught that like, you know,

it was going to be really bad. Is it and he's going to want to go for the money, but he knew he wasn't getting trouble with the daughters if he did that. So, you know, he just like signed it. Also, he thought it was a menu from take out. So, you know, it worked. Yeah. He just thought it was a tax lien. So, you know, he signed that. I didn't know what he was signing me, though, right? So she's showing off her outfit, which is the t-shirt netting thing over his suit, cover up or whatever. And he's like, you look alright for an old lady.

You know what, so what? What do I say? Cargo now. And then, yeah, you look fine. I mean, I got a lot of that here in the town, Italy too. So what are you going to do? And then we see Melissa FaceTime in Joe Gorgherga. And he's like, hey, he's like, so you're gonna have a bathing suit on when I get home?

Yeah, I'm gonna hit that shit when I get home. Antonio's not allowed to have sex. No sex for Antonio. Yeah, Melissa. And then Marge, this is where Marge is like, you know what, this shirt has red olives on it, Joe. All right, so you need to wear this because the red of these shorts are gonna match the red and the pimentos in the olives, Joe And he's like, oh Jesus Christ, do I have to do this? You're gonna do it, Joe. All right

You're gonna compliment pimentos to take that's your goal in life Pimentos chic. Okay, this is new in the Macbeth collection. Okay, everyone looks like olives. All right people like the color of olives How about the shape of olives? Okay, it's new for 2021. And then over at Frank into Laura's, he's like, why you love you? You're going to bring out the rest of that swimsuit to put on the Lord's to Lord. I mean, what is the Lord's?

So then, uh, then Jennifer is showing Olivia some options and Olivia's like, uh, I'm going to go go swimming mother then she's like do you like this one and she goes and now how about this one baby and she is yes I'm done so winning so then Jenna so then Jennifer FaceTime is Bill he's like, hmm, hi baby. Mmm. She's like, so Bill, maybe I'll meet you at the pool party, baby. He's like, hmm, yes. Sounds good to me, girlfriend. Mmm. I'll be late.

I'll be spending some time at the hospital. And she's like, well, I just want to let this tonight, baby. You know how overwhelmed I am with my parents. You know, since I tell you my dad didn't wear shorts today, but then he turns out he had some drugs in his pocket I mean, what is supposed to do with that bell? My love a little leg in the evening time Shorty skin

She says the only person I'm gonna make happen tonight is myself And he goes Mmm, self love is the best love. So then Melissa is on the phone with Joe. And she's like, so Theresa invited Michelle. I don't know why we're getting another Melissa scene when we just have that. But anyway, she's like, so Theresa invited Michelle.

So you know what, look Joe, I don't want any man fight. And he's like, yeah, I'm't want any man fights. He's like, yeah, I'm trying to hear if he's got to say what he says to my face, all right? Let's see if he got the balls to come up to me because I ain't going up to him. Let's see if he got the balls. I'd like to see that too. So then, uh, yeah. So, uh, so Frank, then Dolores is telling Frank about this guy, John, right? And like, how he's claiming that Joe owes him tens of thousands dollars. And Frank's like, why Dolores? Why Theresa inviting people?

Who have an issue with a brother? I mean, you ever see Joe lose his temper? No, but you're getting a lot of bias in the flow of Frank. Could you just stand up straight, please? Thank you. Have you seen the temper on guys who are old tens of thousands of dollars? I'll bring Joe my my my my guards. All right.

So Teresa's like, I gotta bring stuff out of the side. So she's with the caterer is just passing them around on stuff and getting the pool party set up and Joe comes over and he's like, tree, what the hell are you wearing? God, a woman with sexuality. Why? Marlowe. Now, what the hell are you wearing? Hey, Melissa, you're gonna wear that swimsuit?

Yeah, I wanna bone you in Atlanta. So then, yeah, so she's like, I told everyone, we were done. And I'm wearing it for me, you know? So then she asked if Joe had heard from Jack and he hasn't heard from her. And Melissa though had like met up with Jackie the night before and we see a flashback from it.

And Jackie's like, does she really think that I'm gonna go to a pool right now? And Melissa's like, well, it's an olive branch. She's like, well, she can take the olive branch and she can shove it up her ass right now. Good, good man. You know, well, she can take that I'll look branching. She can shove it up her ass right now. Good, good man. You know, neither she's saying that I'm done. You know what?

And tell her, I don't like it off my ass. All right? Tell her to do that to her husband and maybe he won't go cheating. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Jackie is playing this all wrong if you ask me because she is letting Teresa fully shape the narrative right now. If you'd noticed this episode, the first scenes were all Teresa. It was all about Teresa saying she can't be a crybaby, she can't be a crybaby. And I noticed over the past week that people are now really saying, oh Jackie just has

to, she has to just get over it. Jackie's like, drawing this out, la di atti atti atta. And I understand that sentiment because I was starting to feel that way too. And then I really thought about it. And I was like, Jackie didn't go, Jackie didn't go on, go to Lake George.

So we have like a few episodes of Teresa saying like, I don't wanna talk to her. Jackie has like literally, has only had like one proper scene, like, I don't wanna talk to her. Jackie has literally only had one proper scene with a party and everything since actually the premiere. And now people are accusing her of prolonging it and it's just like she kind of hasn't had equal time but she is now, I think we're getting normalized

to Teresa's side a little bit. And so now when Jackie is like, you know what, I'm not gonna shoot. It feels like she's the one who's holding it up. And it's kind of like a raw deal that she's getting, but at the same time, it's like, you should go to some of these things because right now you're not,

you're not, you're not, you're not shaping any of the narrative. Yeah, she's overplaying her hand. I mean, Teresa was completely wrong in what she did, but Jackie, that party last week with Jackie just going, thank you for coming to my party. Now please tell Evan that I didn't do it, or that you don't think you did it.

It's just like too much and it's cringed, and then just not doing scenes and stuff. You know they're not gonna stop shooting with Teresa, so that means they're just gonna stop shooting with you. And then you won't even really shoot that much in your house so you're giving your kids haircuts on the lawn, it's weird. She's messing up, like, it's weird. You know what I mean?

She's messing up, like, she's messing up like really something that should be a home run for her. And I kind of have, I feel bad for her because I see Jackie's been like a little socially awkward on this show. Like that whole party last year, it was a little socially awkward.

And Teresa's just like a bulldog. And I feel like we sort of see this dynamic play out in life in so many ways, where you just have an idiot blow hard who just says some bullshit. And then the social awkward person has to pretend that they're tough, or they can even be tough, but they're just not tough in the same way.

And people are like, and they kind of are the ones that lose out. And so I feel like a little, I do feel a shred of sympathy for Jackie in this. And I do think that she should be I'm saying this as if this hasn't already all been filmed But if it were present tense, I'd be like Jackie You need to go to that party and make Teresa feel uncomfortable at her

Make Teresa look fucking stupid, you know make her look like a guy that she was accused of boning while she was married to Joe or do something You know like I get that saying your husband is cheating. That was low to Reese. It was wrong. Obviously, but it is a reality show and kind of the whole point is everybody ruining each other's lives. And it's not like, you know, like look at Mars. Look how Mars dealt with it right when she came on. She knew someone was going to say, I heard that you broke up your family and left them for for your contractor, you know. So Mars came on the show and she was just like,

all right, my name is Marge, I have the pig tails and I left my family for a contractor. It's very sad, but isn't it cute? You know, it's like just take the air out of it. I'm not saying, come on and say, oh yeah, my husband is cheating or whatever, but either laugh it off, bring it up. I mean, you're basically putting yourself

on an obstacle course and then getting upset when you trip over, you know. She's being a little too civilized. She's actually like obstacles like Teresa's cover up like a big net that you climb up. But the thing is she's being actually too normal and civilized about it. She's doing what like a normal person would do, which is be like, you know what, fuck this bitch, you know, if I have to choose my husband or this girl or the show, I choose my husband, which is good for her. But the problem is that now she is totally left out of the narrative

and it's gonna actually, you know, I think it's actually gonna be worse for her in the end. I guarantee by the end of the season, everyone is going to be hating Jackie. I guarantee that people are gonna be like annoyed with her. They're gonna be turning. I don't think it's gonna be that strong, but I think that people will be like,

Jackie just has to get over. I think that's what the vibe is gonna like, Jackie just has to get over. I think that's what that's what the vibe is going to be. It just gets to be enough. Like we're on episode what we look here. Well, that's the thing. I like episode eight or something. It's like, come on. No, but that's what I'm saying is that we're on episode eight.

And it's like, oh, you're prolonging this, but she's actually really only. No, but she's promoting it by not engaging. She's prolonging it by now. She hasn't engaged in now. It's episode eight. I don't need this the last five years. I like to act even I'm like hurry up. Okay. I like like a nine episode arc of a few. I think three is too short unless you're gonna have like a fight that spirals like it builds and builds and builds. But unless it's Rooney where you have like a three episode fight that's followed by another three episode fight, followed by another three episode fight,

then it's like wraps back to the first one and you just have it coming in all directions. That's cool too. Yeah, so let's see. Here we are at the party and Joe's friend is there. Oh, well Dolores comes and they're all looking at a rass and stuff and Trees is like, Dolores is ass looks amazing,

but it's always been amazing. Like mine. I mean, I was always known for my ins, in my eyes. Ha, ha, ha. Did I spy, what were the name of those two girls from last season? Was it like Renata and Renata? I don't think that was their names, right?

Were they there though? Rosanna and Rosanna. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I've got I saw. I've been raised on up from my mind. I have no idea. I'm Rosanna.

I'm Rosie. Yeah, Rosanna and Rosanna or something. Yeah. And there was also a Jodie there too. Just say, everyone knows. There's always got to be a Jodie and a Rosanna. And 20 Joes. Like there.

I mean, the order of this show today went Joe Gorgah, Joe Bonino, Jo Judeis. Like, and Joe, Joe, who's married to like Lisa, Melissa sister, a brother-in-law, Joe too. And then Joey, little Joey, little Joe, little Joe, little Joey was in there too, yeah. So now we get a John, which is nice. So first Dana comes, comes over, I don't know why we need to know who she is, but she is like, Mark, I got pentacles. I'm in.

Don't you find apples tree? He's like, yeah, they make my poopies taste better. I'm in. So, and then meanwhile, during all this quietly, uh, Jennifer is just drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking. And then so, uh, Margaret shows up and everything and, and I love that. Joe and Frank being like the muppet old guys in the balcony to everybody who comes in. They're like, ah, look at what, what, what you can really change the way you taste based

on what you eat. No wonder I taste like a meat stick. Hey, Dolores, do I taste like beef jerky or what? All right, Frank, I got settled down over there. So then, Margaret and Joe come in and Joe Gorgas like, look at Joe over there. You can tell the Margaret dressed them, huh? Look, olives. I'll think Joe comes over and he's like, didn't much dress you.

He's like, yeah, I had to wear it. So Teresa is, you know, doing her normal kind of cheer. So she's like, yeah, everyone looks so glad. You know what I love? I love that Jackie's not here, right? What's your down the list already? To shove it on my ass. Melissa's such a great friend to tell Teresa that that's what Jackie said. That was what a good friend Melissa is. You know what I call it, I live on olive. Okay, we need to have two olives come together and get onto a

small piece of the olive. And I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table.

I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table.

I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it on the table. I'm going to put it one on one. I live on out of you know what I call it. I love on out of okay. We need to have two olives come together and get onto a swizzle stick and make a match. You need to get that's what I gotta say. You could Emily. You could put that in the book. Emily is Emily here. No, okay. So I'm a list of you guys need the at least be in the same room together. Like come on. This is ridiculous at this point. And Dolores,

because don't worry. This hope. All right. I'm fighting. I'm fighting everyone over because I'm getting an award for breast cancer. All right. In the past couple of years, I was involved with the pink runway. So this year, I was nominated for ambassador of hope. So I'd like to see opened her speech of the theme. She's like, don't worry, this hope, because I've been nominated for a bastard of hope. And what better way to celebrate the survivors of breast cancer that inviting in a fight between Teresa and Jackie. Better way. So, uh, but Teresa can't go because she's got a soccer tournament all weekend.

So she won't be there. And then Dolores is like, Oh, I was going to get you two's together. All right. Well, I'll just have Frank. Well, just teach Matties the ice machine. That's it. That's all we'll do instead. So then the guys are talking and Frank's like, you know what?

This motherfucker drink us under the table every time. And Corga says, yeah, I don't know what's in my blood because I do alcohol. So now, so Michelle and her man are going to be coming. So Joe is getting ready for it. And she, you know, because he just loves a confrontation. And so now they said he was never going to chase the guy down. He wants to see if John got the balls to come up to him. And Joe's immediately like, John, we got a talk. Come over here. Yeah. So this guy shows up and, oh, God. I mean, everything's wrong.

Everything's wrong. Everything's wrong. Everything's wrong. I get cron, you know, it's corona, but you're not, you're not, what's the guy who plays Wolf Wolverine? What's his name? That's right. He is Hugh Jackman. He's right, he's Hugh Jackman.

Yeah, I know Hugh Jackman, sir. It goes up to your ocular bone. And he's got some weird David DeCovny vibe going, but it's all messed up because his beard is not right. It's like his beard is not, listen, a new Jersey I often complained at the men over manicure their beard, they're always just like these. Yeah, this guy could use a bug on.. They look like this guy could use them.

Like you just know this guy could use a bunch of wax. And I don't even, like I'm not even into that. You just know like if this is a presentation, you just know that just like tons going wrong here. All of it's wrong, sir. He just smells like, he just looks like he smells like onions in a bad way. And his hair is like greased back in a way

that looks like it's greased back but also unwashed. It's just like- Yeah, and then he has like one really long string of hair behind his ear that you're like, what? What's that? Like listen, normally I'd be like, yeah, it's COVID, it's what happens to your hair in COVID. But these are people that obviously don't care that much because they are shooting a reality show.

And so like, by some clippers, I did it. You can do it too. Like he needs clippers, basically. And the shalker just do it for him. So they walk in and Joe wants to talk to him and then Melissa sees this from a shell check and she's like, that's the woman who got the boss to talk behind our backs. So then Joe's like, hey, come here. So don't, don't, don't.

And when we come back, it's John and Joe. And they're big, growing with Gorg a conversation. So John starts off like a gay porn. He's like, hey, looking good, buddy. Yeah, it always look good, huh? He's like, yeah, I know you do. It's like, yeah, how's Michelle doing? He's like, oh, man.

So wanting. I haven't had sex in so long, right? Yeah, I could help you out with that. Oh, wait, wait a party. Oh, like, Oh man, so wanting to have him have sex. It's so long, right? Yeah, I could help you out with that. Oh wait, wait a party. Oh, anyway, move on. And Melissa's like, it stresses me out when men have conversations. What are you talking about? You guys are the ones throwing throwing glasses at every brick wall in Jersey. Okay. She's stressed out having to operate a doorbell. So let's be honest, Melissa's always dressed out about something. So Joe's like, right. So you know what? We need to have a conversation because I hear stuff you got to say.

You know, I hear stuff that you want to say to me. So you know what? Just say it. You know, I prefer it in a couple of different colored fonts, preferably over a picture of me doing this. So so John he goes, well, you know, you know how there's a you know the profit that we made? Okay, have you ever done a job and you're supposed to get paid when it was done? How you big dummy? You know how you know how job works and the picture works. And yeah, if you have a deal to do that, yeah, just like we had, you know, we were your partners on it. He's like, the event's called Grow with Gogo. Okay? Not Grow With Gogo and a Harry man, all right? Huh?

What don't you get about that, huh? Yeah, and he's like, yeah, but Joe, why would I go out of my way just to do an event and sell $20,000 worth of vendor memberships and do the MC and all that stuff? Why would I do that, Joe? And he's like, because you were hired for a job,

so that's hired to be an MC. Yeah. And Joe's like, well, that's hired to be a job of a company. Yeah. And just like, well, you did that to write my co-tells. And so meanwhile, which is hilarious. So then meanwhile, Michelle is talking to the girls now. And she's like, hi girls. And Melissa's like, oh, VLH, she's going to spread rumors and pretend she can say hi to me.

How about the fuck yourself? So she goes, come here, Michelle. You know, when I say it at the party, you didn't even say anything about this to me. I'm, she's like, well, why would I? She goes, well, I mean, I would have been like, hey, have your husband call mine, okay? And said he said it's Jennifer,

which by the way, again, when we saw the flashback, Jennifer was the one who was like, so how is it baby, work with Melissa and Joe? Jennifer was the one who prodded, and you know, Michelle didn't have to say that, but it's not like Michelle just like walked over and was like, hey, this is the tea about Joe Gorgah. Like, you know, was Jennifer was kind of also digging too.

Yeah, she was like, well, we got into a conversation. I didn't know it was gonna be this big of a deal. And Melissa goes, it's a smear fest on my husband. Why do they keep saying smear fest? It's making me crazy. It's not making me think of bagels It is not just a slab of cream cheese on a bagel stop saying it's a smear Yeah, like a yeah, yeah, the bagel is a smear

Libeless stuff is this like smear It's a little bit more okay So Michelle says well here's the deal. It's all true So then we cut back to the guy and chose like I don't play mind games, okay? You know if we were to spoke about money we would have had that up front, right? And then John is like well you know, you know what you told me when I interviewed you You said you would do you would do deals on handshake deals, right? And I thought we were doing something together and if it went well, we'll keep doing more events together.

At, well, first of all, this guy's an idiot for doing a handshake deal with Joe Gorega. Okay, so already, sorry, Jonathan, you're the idiot here. You know, he didn't even say he had a handshake deal with Joe. This guy's really slippery. And this guy is saying that against Joe Gorega,

who's like literally slippery, Like, he glistens. Like, he's literally fell over in an episode in a doorway. Okay, he slipped, he slipped on himself. No, but this guy, like, I'm sorry, you were hired to empty an event and to like bring people into, like, make calls and sell things. Just because you sell the tickets does not mean that you were entitled to half of the entire event.

Yeah. Not how that works. And he doesn't even say they made a handshake deal. He just says, I heard you say you do handshake deals, so why didn't this a handshake deal? It's not a deal. You can't even say what the deal was. If we're going to try something together, then maybe we'll do other events. And Joe's like, yeah, well, that's what it was.

You know, and so going forward, we can split some money or something, but not that event. So then I was like, oh, wait, so Joe is being shady here, saying that they did have an agreement that what he was going to work for free the first time and then they're going to split the money. So now you're saying it is worth splitting the money with this guy. What?

I don't know. Sounds like to shady. Sounds like to shady untrustworthy people talking to each other. Yeah. So meanwhile, back at the women, Dolores goes up, like, because Michelle, you know, she's being like, I don't know why there's such a big deal or whatever. And Dolores is like, you know what, Michelle, you make your bed and you're lying it. Maybe Frank will be there.

You just say, Frank, get out of the bed. It's my bed, you know. But listen, you said it, what you said it, you said it at a party to party to Jonathan Aiden this drunk over here That was the worst part Michelle and she'll you know what I probably shouldn't have said it It wasn't the right atmosphere, okay? I should have waited for you know possibly more oxygen I don't know but as far as John and Joe that's between them. I don't want to get involved Okay, we're just ladies. Okay, we meet sacks that they stick their weenies into. We don't mean to talk with the brains. All right, ladies.

I'm like, yeah, I agree. We need to be told when to have sacks when we're older. Okay, one little girl. Okay. So then Jonathan is like, because you know that Michelle laid into this guy, right? She was like, you better fucking fix this, because I've got a huge commission, and I feather my cap with Teresa's house.

You better, whatever it is, you just say, I'm sorry. So he's like, you know what? Let's just squash it. You know, there's bigger battles to fight, starting with my facial hair, right? So all I'm asking is, can you let my wife sell your sister's house? Can we just really talk about what's what has the most upside here? And Joe's like, listen, you have to you have to say to me, you have to say to me, you like you don't you didn't I don't know you Any money that's what you got to say to me. I don't know you any money. He's like I think it was a miscommunication. That's all you don't know me

Any money I think it missed communication and Joe's like yeah, all right done done that's it all right That's all I wanted to hear but his vein is still popping out the side of his head, you know Like you can tell when Joe hasn't let it go because his veins like So they try and get over it and John goes next time we do something together. We'll put it in writing You're never doing anything together again, sir. Yeah. Okay. He doesn't even know how to write. So. So then Melissa and Michelle are still kind of beefing, but then the guys are like, like she can and hugging and dapping and Michelle's like, look, they're good. So there's no reason why we have to fight. Okay, because we're girls, we can't have our own emotions.

All right, moving on. So people are everyone, you know, now we, the party mills around and stuff. And trees are like, Nally Moussions! And Frank's like, God, if it's not one Gorgas, another Gorgas, it's Ryan's gonna give me drunk. So Bill shows up and you know,

cause you just hear, hello, hello. Mm, hey you. Hey, girlfriend, hi. Yes, late to the party. Let's get wet at this pool party, right? So, Jen, just they're all taking shots, but Jen's just taking doubles and she's just getting shit-faced. And then Tony, the pool guy comes over and all the girls start fighting over Tony the pool guy. Yeah, and then like, you know, Joe Gorgas like, oh, I go back so far with Tony, you know, he's like my best friend,

but he's a dirty dog. I don't want him to be my sister. The only one who's good enough of my sister is a felon who'll send her to jail too. That's what I want my sister, right? Huh? Huh? You know what? Let's do another one. Do another shot Jennifer I'm just like oh my god this is not gonna end well and Bill's asking her how many shots did you do mm and she's like I had to kill the drinks yeah and yeah she's just getting more and more wasted and she's like I'm not gonna be a fucking pussy bear

He's like, he's wearing shacks How's that about the fox? I saw him a block? Yeah, real life fox, beba So they go into the pool to play some pool pong And just like, don't get close to my sister And Bill's like, ooh Tony Keep your hands to yourself, all right, Tiger? Hands above the water, unless you want to go deep.

So Marge is noticing that Jen is just shit-faced. She's like, why is Jen drinking so much? And then it cuts to Jen trying to drink a bottle of water but missing her mouth and just pouring it down her It's a really bad version of splash dance And flash dance and then so then she just basically is like on the floor She just she just on the side by the side by the pool. She was on the floor there and Marge is like, you know, this isn't the first time. I've seen to kill it Jen. Okay. This isn't the first time And so then we get like a montage of Jen being drunk

over the past three years, which is always great. And now let me introduce you to a new storyline. This is falling into like serious drinking issue problems and I'm actually worried. Don, don, don, don, don, okay. How many housewives shows and how many alcoholism stories concurrently? It's like every single one this year has been, has been someone having to confront alcoholism.

So she ends like, Mommy can't handle her alcohol, baby. And she somehow found like all sorts of bread and she just like shoving it into her face like, except it's a echo. And then she just falls shoving it into her face like it's a piece of hair go and then she just falls on her face yeah they're trying to help her up and she just face plants so Marge is like I might need to be good Jen

she's like I was a junkicass okay that's not what I meant alright you know what it always helps to focus on something just solid and gorgeous think about the pink wallpaper in my house. Just like projectile vomiting. Look at the olives. How many olives do you see on Joe's shirt? 32 or 64?

Oh, so she gets bill and she's like, Bill, you know what? I'm worried. Seriously, she's really fucked up Bill. And he's like, you okay, what's wrong? You know what might make you feel better? I don't know, let me rub big Tony and see what he's got to say about it. Let me carry my wife out to the car. Oops, I guess I must have grabbed Tony and said,

I'll take him to, boy, I just want to be boys. And Jen's like, yeah, the hardest thing I haven't laid eyes on. And so he's carrying her out and Gorgon Frank come out there. Come on, what are you doing, Gary? Let me help you. Let's help you. And then just like carrying her and she's just like, Ha, baby. And just like flailing and she's just like,

and then they just like throw her into the Ferrari that Bill took over. And she's like laughing and then just like passing out and then laughing and then passing out And then she just like she's like so And then she just like passes out ultimately and barfs like they drive off and you just hear her going So now is Jen and alcoholic So now is Jen and alcoholic. And next week, it looks like the shit is really hitting the fan. First of all, Teresa and Jackie appear in the same scene together. And then second of all, you know, it comes out that joke.

And you know, it's heard the rumors beforehand. So it's all going to become a big disaster. I can't wait for it. Such a good season. Love this show. Thank you all for watching. Thank you all for watching. Thank you all for listening. And we'll be back tomorrow with some summer house.

She'd be a good one, right? I'm looking out. Thanks all for being here. We'll talk to you in the next episode. Bye. Bye. Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley so boni she don't take no baloney

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