Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Fetty Little Liar

Episode Date: January 18, 2019

Milania gets her time in the sun on Real Housewives of New Jersey and to celebrate, the ladies fight over arranged marriages, adultery and Danielle Staub. We're doing a couple of shows a week on video which you can find on Patreon along with our bonus eps. This week's is a Celebrity Big Brother cast preview. Find it at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live has added a second show to Dallas on Feb 8, plus announced shows in Vancouver, Irvine, and Boston! Find ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com **New "Ben in the Streets, Ronnie in the Sheets" Limited Edition tees avail at www.CrappensMerch.com until Feb! Free shipping on orders of over $45 til Jan 22. You can also find store links and ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Kelly Grant the grant master give them hell miss Noel. Let's get racy with Miss Stacy Shannon out of a cannon Anthony the incredible edible Matthew sisters and Lizzie Drucker a fine mother fuck. We love you guys. Hello and welcome to watch what crap the podcast about all the crap we just love to talk about on you all broth Armani Karam. I'm from the roast pricks bastard roast podcast, which is out and competing very nicely with another huge show called watch the crap then so thank you for everybody His listening to that. Hello, my little co-host and bestie Ben. Hi. Also, the creator of The Real House,

who's a kitchen island. What do you think about that? Hi, Ben. Hi, I just wrote the fourth episode last night. So now the animation is happening, and the new episode should be up, I don't know, probably within the next week or so. Very excited for it.

I feel like it's really going into some deep territory now, like really getting into the brains of these women, you know? I'd help us. I'll help us. And you do it through bachelor's really makes the thing. Yeah. Yeah. So first and foremost, we are doing a simulcast today at this podcast. Not only are we recording it in our normal ways, but we are also, we got our TV party cameras up and recording. So, be sure if you haven't downloaded that app, go download it and watch us when we do this. It's fun. For instance, right now, you could see me in my bird sweater. I look like a broken bird with a full face of feathers. Which you'd only be able to see if you're watching a TD party app or you can catch our crap in this video on demand by going to Patreon.

Yeah, okay, we're also gonna be out of town. We're going to Dallas, that's a big show in February 8th. Come to that, we're gonna go to Irvine, Phoenix, and the Spring, we're gonna go to the Vancouver Comedy Festival to call just for laughs, that's March. I mean, it's nuts, where every place, go get tickets at watchyourcrapins.com, enter a t-shirt,

bend the streets, draw me in the sheets. And by the way, I literally just looked at our Cincinnati show and there are four tickets left. I'm assuming his four tickets left. It's kind of crazy. And also, they just announced that Seth Rogen is gonna be at just for laughs In Vancouver. So another reason to come see us up there. You might see a super famous person Okay, let's get on to real housewives of knee Jersey. Shall we what a show?

What a show what an episode, huh? This is a historic episode actually because we get another musical number fun with the judai's children. Yeah, no. They're gonna have their own album soon and it's gonna sound like... It's gonna sound like a horn from far away on a steamboat. Yeah. It'll sound like a cruise line are coming into port

Yes Very slowly you're like oh my god coming towards us, but it's not really anything you could do the USS Melania Yeah, like you've got your camera out because you're gonna do an Instagram story But you're like it looks closer than it is one's a closer and just like waiting You're like hearing and making Melania noise and she's like just get closer so I can make my story and move on my life. If I don't know where you're aiming, I don't know how to run away. Yeah. Um, Ronnie, I'm sorry. Could you pause because you're being really, really choppy, so I'm plugging in my ethernet.

Hold on. Yeah. Whoa. Hold on. Hold on. You're going to lose connection with me for one second. Du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du- hold on you're gonna lose connection with me for one second. Dude dude dude dude. See as CTV party people you get to see what happens during the pauses.

Is that exciting happening? Oh I'm back. Everything's freaking out. My thing isn't recording. I don't know what's happening. Am I gonna have to go off Skype and come back on here? It's like, are you recording all these little little hiccups and bops in your audio? Yeah, there's like my computer's going f-ing nuts. I was in your computer's processing issues.

I don't know. I don't know why it would. Okay, everybody, we're back. Now, about Melania's a steamboat. Okay, so you know how on real housewives in near Jersey, there's no talking about children. You leave the children and the family out of it. Well guess what? This is what's what crap is we don't follow those rules, okay?

Yeah, yeah, you want your if you want your children and family out of it. You don't put them on TV. Okay, you know What's off limits children? Husbands, halibut cheers children, husbands, halibut, chairs, and people. Bingo! Bingo's out of the question. Bingo. B-I-N-G-Clapp, okay? Out of the question. I'm in pink of the dog. Leave them out of this fight. You know what? That's a off limits. That's a off limits. You know what's off's what limits, that's what limits, you know,

it's off limits, the little cubes that you plug in your USB into. So it goes into the wall off limits. So we opened this with the wacky jersey opening, seeing what everybody's doing in the day. Yeah. And we start a, I just wrote for the first line, uh, oh, it's a disaster number. What does that mean? Maybe it's because we saw a, I just wrote for the first line, uh, oh, it's a disaster number. But does that mean? Uh, maybe it's because we saw a little bit of Mulani are going, I can't wait to grow up. Something like that. I can't work, you're gone. That's almost, that's almost too much on beat to sing it like that.

So, uh, trading mostly on the tone. I went to grow up. I. I went to grow up. I can't wait to grow up. It's like, it's like she, it's weird because Melania has this amazing ability to totally be out of sync with the beat. Like even in the beginning when she said, what does she say? She was like, hey, it's Melania. You probably see me on TV.

She somehow like manages just to just when she's speaking, she She somehow like manages just when she's speaking, she manages to be off key when she's speaking, which is exactly what we all were like when we were 13 or 12. Okay, bless her little heart. You know, here's the thing, you don't expect anything of a kid, right? Who's doing this? No, of course not.

You just expect of the parents. And look, I have to say, I would not expect better of my parent Because if there was YouTube and shit when I was younger, I would still be I would not be anywhere to be found I'd be hiding on the mountain somewhere, you know, because God knows I was embarrassing as hell Like I went to the karaoke place in the mall. There was like a little karaoke booth and I would sing And I sang with Dexas trying to learn my Judy Garland vibrato because I'm a stereotype. And that would be out now forever. You know, and it's not.

It's on a cassette tape. And my mom still holds it over my head, but what are you going to do with it? No one can play it. Yeah. Yeah. So could you, Rhonda? No, and I also want people to know that like, I am basically obsessed with Melania's song,

and I went to iTunes to see if I could download it. I couldn't find it. So don't let me criticizing her unique meter, get like confusing to thinking that I dislike the song because I'm like very into it. I am very, very, very. I don't wanna grow up. I got a plan so to grow up. I got

Plants of love. Fetty Wops seemed really nice and I also like Feta wraps. So like I like the whole thing like I was and I was I Found the whole thing very tasteful. Yeah, at least in the idea. Yeah, I think it's I think it's great and I just watched the Official music video right before recording this and I felt like what I really liked about it was that it incorporated my other hobby, which is board gaming. So I was like, you know what? This song is really meant for me. How does it incorporate board gaming? Because what happens is in the video

is that like Melania and her two friends, what are the like Stephanie and like Tony or something are like lying on a bed and like, and they're on their phones and Theresa walks in and she's like, oh my God, is this what you do? Sound like a sum of parties these days? You might as well be in different houses.

Blink, blink, blink, blink. And they're like, mom, and she's like, okay, here's a board game. She says, more time, have fun with it. And when I come back in, you better be playing the board games. And so then they start playing the board game and then it like lights the board games like a fake mall. And they're like, I wish this was a real mall. And then it lights up and they press

it. Melania presses it. Because of course, Melania is going to touch something that she's not supposed to touch her friends. Like, don't touch it. And Melania of course touches it. And they get transported to the mall. And then they're just like kids having fun. And then the song starts. It's like, Hey, it's Melania. You may see me on TV or from Pinkberry and here I come walking and dancing and singing. I don't want to you know, yeah, that is so much rhyming for Melania because this song was very my absolute in the rhyming department. It was like a different kind of poetry You know, it was like Melania you might remember me from TV. I am in a mall and it was like a different kind of poetry. You know, it was like, Hi, I'm Alania.

You might remember me from TV. I am in a mall. I'm like, none of the thrimes, you know? But I didn't know if I'm too stupid to get it. No, because you did that. But we all are, actually, I think this is on, I think the song's on another level. We're all too stupid.

Yeah. The world is too stupid to handle this Melania song, okay? I mean, this Melania song, in terms of like Bravo, the world is too stupid to handle this Melania song. Okay. I mean this this Melania song as in terms of like Bravo The Bravo Cannon this is like it like shoots to at least number three like I think it's probably behind I mean I I personally put She's say a little bit at the top And then probably like money can't buy you class and then probably this song. I think I might oh really Well, I have a complaint

from a caller named Good is Gold. Okay, you're right. Good is Gold is number two to me actually. I would do Sheik Salah V. Good is gold. I did love Tarty for the party at the time, but I think this is number three, then I would say Money Camp by You class then Tarty for the party.

Okay, I just say that good well I still she's say the V. I could sing off the top of my head good as gold I know that when we played at our live shows. It's like stuck in my head for years. Yeah, good as gold Isn't actually like really great song. I mean, it's like shit, but it's it sticks in your head, you know Yeah, so I get that but this I think it's also pretty good Yeah, can't wait to Yeah, so I get that. But this I think is also pretty good. Yeah, can't wait to cry.

And then I got plans of that. I just respect it. Someone easy, but I'm feeling queasy. Yeah, I just respect that someone's come up with an entirely different musical note that's ever been out before. You know, so you may not like the song, everybody, but it's making waves in the historical music books, okay? And I also like that this song has like, it has like roots in Fettie Wop.

Like I like that this top of everything else. It's like, it's got the blessing of Fettie Wop. Yeah. Okay, everybody. So that's enough about that for right now. So it's a disaster number. Yeah, this is a big episode We have a lot to discuss. This is very new Jersey just starting it off with uh-oh It's a disaster number. It's like a sleep number bed like what level of disasters Jersey gonna be at today?

I know like a scale of one to Christy how bad is the Jersey disaster? So bad is the Jersey disaster. So, um, so, you see Jackie's kids, Jackie's like driving her kids around and the kids like, well, I can't send a rela play basketball because she ran away from the ball. And I'm just like, Jennifer's kids would probably be like, because she didn't renew her Amazon Prime subscription. That's Jackie's kids. Yeah, and I would be Cinderella because I still will run away from the ball. If, well, I can't send her a play basketball. Oh, because she has no discernible skills in that area, because she's spent her whole life cleaning up fireplaces. That would be my answer. Because she couldn't find a bird to play basketball for an amazing slag.

Because she's wearing glass slippers and those don't work on basketball courts. And I like that Jackie can barely even fake it with her kids. She's like, that is so, bana. I'm going to write an article saying, when we spoil Cinderella, can she still play professional sports? Okay, I have to say something about Jennifer. Bless her heart. And I know people are loving Jennifer right now because Jennifer is a mess, you know. But Jennifer is feeding her kids pepperoni and white bread. Okay, like, I think our mother's had an excuse. We didn't know any better. This is like feeding your children's

cigarettes, Jennifer. Okay, make an effort. In our culture, it's very important to feed our children a cute meat and a stoch together. I just don't see the Sunday Guile for anybody in that family. Yeah, and I also don't think her daughter is singing careers can take off either because her daughter is like, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG. And the bathroom, I mean, I'm in a dilemma. I'm like, yeah, you're a mom. Maybe that's just her opening, you know,

it takes time to write a masterpiece. And then we see a very deloitte opening, which is the Laura stomping into her living room and yelling at her daughters, did you do this? Did you do this? I mean, here I am. I'm like walking from the kitchen to the living room,

to the kitchen to the living room. And obviously I see this. It's a puddle. Did you do this? And like the camera shifts, and she's like yelling at her dogs. Like this is her lonely life. And she's like, they show the dogs,

the chiroms of the dogs, and she goes, one, you see one dog goes, lolly, and then another one goes, razz, and then another one just goes, dog. Dog. Like she just ran out of nae. You know she was running out of nae's by the time she got to Razz.

She's like, no, I missed Mass. Massing sound late. So I'm gonna have Razz. Mass is always razzing me. So I'm just going to have Razz. You know what? The dogs pee. It's a disaster. I don't know what's going on. But you know, that was nice to be wanted. You know, it gives me something to do. I clean up their pee.

You know what? Do I like that they do do. I like that they pee on the floor No, do I like that Frank P's on the floor too? No, but you know what we have a happy family did my children never want for love? No Do you ever pee on this floor again, Razz? I swear okay, you did it. Okay. I'm gonna forgive you But if you were to do it again, Razz this peeing. I mean, what'd you have a breakfast? Woof, oka-key, woof. So Melissa's just trying to get her kids to school and they won't listen to her. Shocker, friends in that family.

And then Jackie is really working Ben's nerves because they're about to go on this party bus to go on a wine trip. I guess she's carrying supermarket fruit trays. That actually does not bother me as much as supermarket cheese and cracker trays because I do feel like, oh look how you're changing it for Jackie because you know, no, no, no, it's not for Jackie. I think it's because I have a, I'm generally not into fruits. I'm like, fuck it, whatever. I don't know. I mean, I definitely wrote it down. I was like, bitch, you couldn't have made a nicer fruit tray, but it doesn't bother

me quite as much as the Cheez and Cracker one, because I think the Cheez and Cracker one just looks like especially sad. And so does the Crudite's one, the fruit one, I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, the fruit one should have been nicer. It should have been like fruit and it should have been like a beautiful Gorgon So uh or something like that like Well, you might just be getting used to it because Jersey is getting used to tacky shit like you know store-bought trays

It's like murder. You know how murder used to be really bad But now we've watched so much law and order and stuff that we're like Murder someone got murdered man. Whatever. You know, it's like that really bad, but now we've watched so much law and order and stuff that we're like, ah, murder, someone got murdered, man, whatever. You know, it's like that, but with store-bought trays. You're being sensitized just what I'm saying. I just thought it was like so much, and then also to bring it onto a hot party bus, it probably just stank a kindergarten classroom in there.

You know, it's just like, I feel like if you're going on a wine trip, you bring a bunch of cheese, like beautiful gourmet cheeses and crackers, honestly. I don't even know if I'd even bring snacks for the bus, to be a wine trip, you bring a bunch of cheese and like beautiful like gourmet cheeses and crackers. Honestly, I don't even know if I'd even bring snacks for the bus to be honest. Yeah, it's a pie. It's a, it's like a bus. Yeah, it's a van. You're gonna go like 10 minutes away. You're going to action park, action park vineyards, you know? Yeah, they're going to the water slide place for wine tasting.

They, they put the wine down the water slide. They go down it. It's stomping on the bottom as they like break their neck So the girls all start arriving and March you know that March is ready to fight because she comes in one of those pirate tops Which are so famous on brava now like those big pirate except hers is like a pirate crop top. Yeah Yeah, so I need to see it. It's from the Macbeth collection. It's from the Macbeth collection it's called like Macbeth Macbeth on the high seas. Yeah, it's basically like what would happen to Macbeth I had to place on a pirate ship that's basically what I'm thinking right now. Okay. It's like genius. It's like classic much So let's see Everybody is showing up and Jackie's like outside of my husband and my kids out there with just

Very few things I love more than wine. Who puts their kids in their husband in the same sentence as that? It's like, yeah, I'm like my family. Also, heroin. You know, that's delicious as well. Keep them out of the same sentence, okay? Okay, so trees. At first, I was like, why is Teresa act like everybody's asking for her autograph? You know, she's like always hit a book signing. She's like, oh, hello, David. Nice to meet you. Bling, bling, bling, bling. Without even like getting his name or anything.

Yeah. But then I think it turned out to be politeness because I think it's a lores. It's a lores. Hello, I'm to lores. I have the lores. I have the lores. He peed on the floor today. What a nightmare.

I will tell you what's bringing me through the countertops. That was the best decision I ever made in my life. Okay. So you're the van driver? That's nice. That's nice. He gets to be around people all day. I don't get to be. I just stand by my kitchen island. It's way for people to come home. I just stand there. I'm a viscer. I look at pools of urine from the living room when I'm done doing my walk. I mean, like, this is my life right here. Like, and David, I mean, he's just sitting there tinkering on his motorcycle and his living room. I mean, what do I got to do around here? You know, but that's David and he's a man there tinkering on his motorbike and his living room. I mean what do I got to do around here, you know? You know, but that's David and he's a man and so I'm okay with that, you know,

the what's a man gonna do pay you attention? No, he's a man. So I like the wall. I don't expect nothing from him. I like, you know what I like? I like the walls in your van. At least you guys have picked out the walls. I, you know, I chose something and next thing I know Frank's choosing the the the P tile and I didn't want the P tile, but I'd launch it new and he gets it a new and you know what should I do? You know, but you know that that's like that's Frank. I got to move on right got happy family driver. I'm too loris if I said Pabletiles What are you gonna do? Bubble tiles. That's it. We're getting married. All right. I'm putting your motorcycle in my living room. All right.

So then I don't know I wrote down Marge is trying to eat a cracker. She must have been like I don't know why I wrote down Marge is trying to eat a cracker. She must have been like I don't know why. Marge eats like this. She's this is and she does it in like every time she eats she goes she eats it and then she puts her hand And she's like trying to like find it and like put it in the mouth. I don't know It's like she's always going to the dentist where her mouth is always known or something She's like kind of pushing the cracker around her mouth to try and get it in there It's almost like those carnival machines where the clog goes down to pick up the stuffed animal, except it's going into her mouth with the cracker and just trying to aim it in there. It's like,

okay, it's coming in. Okay, okay, okay, my senior, good, watch this is coming in. I'm gonna get the ritz cracker this time. Match. Okay, I got it. Okay, let's have a look. I got a video game where she's like, okay, I told my mouth. I told my mouth you better start chewing so my mouth is chewing and it's just getting the cookie in there at the right time You know all I do is I just chew my mouth. I chew it like I'm like a cow I'm like chewing my cut and I just wait for the cracker to come in and every day when the cracker actually gets in there It's great. Can I can I tell you the truth try to eat a cracker? I tell you the truth, try to eat a cracker. It's like, it's not easy.

Yeah, you know, it's not. You're honest, okay. I beat the cracker, that's what I'm doing. You know what, my mother has problems with the two. I have problems with the two. I sense a pattern. Okay, so it's not a pattern, it's a quince of the volcanic cracker, okay?

So Jackie's like, before we leave, I gotta pee. I gotta make some pee pee anymore. I'm gonna come. Jennifer's like, come and come, I'm gonna come with you. So Jennifer is like, after she came into my home and used it against me, I think I'm gonna pass up an opportunity

to see her home not a chance. She's already winning because her home is not over a graveyard, okay? It's not next door to like a bus stop or whatever that. Yeah, exactly. So Jennifer's an exhortal like a bus stop or whatever that helps. Yeah. Exactly. So Jennifer is like, she's like looking around, she's being a bridge like, okay, okay. She goes in the bathroom. She's

like, what a dump, huh? Yeah. I don't even see a throne in the throne. And if you know what I'm saying, you know what I'm saying? Oh, so this is the bathroom, just the one then, just the one downstairs. Okay. Is this an indoor basketball courts? The fleas, it's so small in here.

Hi, I'd like to use the bathroom and the bouncy house castle. Oh, there isn't one. Okay. Hi, I've been waiting for your elevated show up. Oh, this is just a closet door. It's not an actual elevator. Oh, okay.

She's the worst because that house is gorgeous. She's like, what a dump. I'm like, no, I don't think so, honey. It's gorgeous and it has so much more charm and character than her giant, just like, vapid, empty, white marble shit mansion that she has. Literally a shit house. Like it was built to shit in.

That's all they cared about when they were building that house. Like, where are we gonna piss? Like, okay, we'll have 10 bathrooms. We need more, okay? We'll have 12 back. We need more. If 18 bathrooms, is this like supposed to be where people from the premise mall do like overflow parking?

And then this is like their rest area. Like, flow parking, you know. There's not gonna be any overflowing here. And if there is, you got a bathroom number 15. They literally converted a mall parking garage into a mansion. They just put walls along the side and took out the cars. I mean, if anybody was built for a teamy sponsorship, it's Jennifer with the 16 bathrooms. Okay. Yeah, so there's another one there away and they're talking on the bus and they're like, Hey, Twesey, you want any food?

You're like, Matt, Twian, Matt, Shugga. I'm like, how does this half-shug is when it's grown from the grounds as is? I'm like, it's not like some mystical force went and sprinkled sugar on the ground. Sugar is naturally occurring chemical. You know where sugar comes from? The ground.

Yeah, she's like, wait, is it the ground in the trees, huh? Is it the ground in the trees? Yeah. And Marge is like, I can't, is that real is that real? But it's supposed to be a classic, classic Maryland over here. Classic.

All right, he wants to put a quarter in me and get the grape in my mouth. Okay, he wants to do that. here. Classic. All right, he wants to put a quarter in me and get the grape in my mouth. Okay, who wants to do that? Ah. Okay. So. So. So.

I see. Poor words. Like people on this show, it's like, can I eat a fucking cracker? Like. Like we, yeah, I know, I do feel bad because we see one stupid thing. And now we're gonna harp on this for like the next life It's gonna be 10 years of making Jenna Mars trying to eat a cracker

Like that's why you this is what you can't go on reality because you do one wrong thing the editors will find it put on there And then leave it to up to two schmucks like us to sit here and snicker about it for 12 years. That's fine and good, but it's not having gotten my grip yet. So, so, so, Jennifer tells us that she, um, I'm not sure for Jackie. Jackie was overweight in high school. And so we got to see pictures of fat Jackie, which is like Monica from friends.

And, you know, she's, she's made a huge mistake. She's made a huge error here because people aren't still unsure with the new girls. Like, do we love them? Do we hate them? So they change our mind every week. And I know this because I read Elle Internetto. So Jackie made a huge mistake here.

First of all, guess she's watching your show. Me, who's that? Okay, and other people who are fat as well. And so she's like, I never got taken to prom. I was fat. So gross, but now I'm not. You know, no, no, I'm not. My mom fed me so much that I burst and now look at me.

And I'm like, oh, you're kind of like, once you're not fat anymore, you have to be really nice to other fat people. You can't just be like, I'm not fat anymore, gross. Because that's when the internet's gonna kick your ass. And guess who's not gonna be there. Because that's when you, the internet's gonna kick your ass. And guess who's not gonna be there to help you? Me.

I was proud of her. Well, I really did. I like that she blamed her mother because you know what? That's who I blame for my, that's who I blame for everything. And also look at Jennifer's feeding her kids pepperoni and white bread. They're gonna blame their mother too. And guess what, they're right. Yeah, they are right. So, um, meanwhile, I'm going to get in trouble because of what I

just said, you see, see, they continue on like the ring. So Teresa, meanwhile, um, she is speaking of speaking of calories. So Teresa can't eat anything. And they're like, but can you have wine? Can you have wine? She's like, I can't have even a wine. Is it like, what about it? What about even a sip, Teresa? Why don't you text Frank? Because Frank's for a coach now. It's like, dear Franks, is, can I drink wine?

Is this or now? And of course, he's like, no. And this then starts a conversation about the fact that Frank is planning to tattoo Dolores's name onto his body, much like Dennis the hot dogman did with Porsche. Yeah, it's like is that what happens every time you tell a lie you have to do something dramatic like that? Like I mean, why is it all these liars on Bravo getting tattoos of women's names on their body? Dolores is going to be so sad for the moment she's like finally gets to see her name

tattooed on his body and it turns out he just tattoos Peppletyle instead. He's like, well, I had to make a last minute decision to Laura's. Frank, I can't believe you replaced me with Peppletyle. Well, Laura's, you weren't well. I had to make a decision at 12 and you had to launch him. I don't know why you're right. You know what I'm not doing this right, he has to lose. Right? Not doing this right now, right? Like walks out with like a like one of those big those big rib eye things that Fred Flintstone had to brawn a source. The Fred Flintstone have on his car. I like to when they said, yeah, the trees is like, yeah, give me your name tattooed on it. And it's like, I just like think it's the most romantic thing ever. I'm like

his stretch marks probably already smelled the loris when you like took the chance. Okay. Leave the guy alone. Marge was like, you know what? If Jan got my name, Kati done his body, I think Joe would tattoo his name across Jan space with his fist. What I'm trying to say is that

that Joe would punch Jan in the face. Classic, classic, classic, classic Joe and classic Jan. Okay, that's what you call an MJJ, okay? Oh, that crack could just hit me in the face before I was standing. Oh God, got a, got a wits shot in my cheek. Let's try a cell team. I'm gonna try a cell team.

I think we could do that one. Hmm. So, Melissa's that, that friend who you never, kind of like stopped being an alcoholic around or go on a diet around or improve yourself in any way. Cause she's like, just one. What's the tip? What's that shut up?

You and Joe Gorgah both. Ketted out. Yeah, well, she's an undermine in front of Teresa, which is glorious. So then Dolores now is hard to talk about David. This like terrible relationship she's in with David. I feel like this almost does not get it up grief from like us and the internet and the people on the show

that Dolores like sees this guy once a week and like he is also not emotionally available to her. So she's like, she's like, yeah, well, you know what, David's, you know, he's in the glifful and emotional department, but that's why I got Frank. Frank gives me the emotional fulfillment. He gives me the sexual fulfillment. He makes me feel like I'm in a relationship. And David, uh, he's got a Dave and Buster's card, you know? I'm motorcycle parking for him. You know what? And that's good.

What else would I expect? He's a man, you know? What do you expect from a man? Not much. That's what I'll say. So if it takes two to get the job done, it takes two to get the job done. All right.

What are you going to do? So then Teresa starts eating her chicken and Jennifer, um, we now have a segment with that, that I like to call Jennifer's chicken facts, where she goes, you know what, they don't have chicken so much in checkie. I was like, thanks. Thanks for that, thanks for that, that fascinating cultural insight. Yeah, I would hope not since their name is Turkey. I would hope that they'd stick to the state bird. The very least.

You know what, we eat a lot of in Turkey. Turkey. Turkey, yes, exactly, exactly. And my culture, guess who we have a rivalry with? The country chicken. We're so stupid. Because turkeys and chickens don't have a rivalry with the country chicken. We're so stupid. Cause turkeys and chickens don't have a rivalry anyway.

Yes they do. I feel like there's more of a turkey ham rivalry. Do you? Oh, cause of Thanksgiving, because hammers are don't Thanksgiving. No, I think just like a turkey sandwich versus a ham sandwich. Hmm. No, they're not even this, they're not birds. You know, the turkeys, I know, but like in terms of the birds are both white meat, you can choose dark meat white meat. You take them both apart.

Well, that's an intro competition for each bird. That, yeah, that's an internal competition. I mean, look, I say chicken wins. Oh, chicken for sure wins over Turkey, but I like the challenge of a turkey duck. Duck to me is my favorite though to me. If we're going to really go down this whole poultry line, duck, if there was a country name, duck, that's the last my favorite country. Duck wins it all. Duck is probably the most difficult to get right to in Turkey. Second place.

I isn't afraid like to think how long it took people to like Turkey, because it's like so hard to make right. I'm like, it is generations and generations. Everyone just pretended to like Turkey because of like like so hard to make, right? I'm like, for generations and generations, everyone just pretended to like Turkey because of like the Mayflower and stuff. Yeah. But like it really didn't happen until what the 50s, what do you think Turkey got good?

I don't know, let's talk Turkey history. It's literally talk Turkey. In my culture, Turkey's always been good. I think, I don't know, like Turkey, it's Turkey's hard. You know what though, chicken's hard too. Chicken think, I don't know, like Turkey, it's Turkey's hard. You know what though? Chicken's hard too. Chicken is like so commonplace that people forget how hard it is. Because if you do a chicken right, it is fabulous.

But there's so much mundane chicken out there in the world. So much mundane chicken. I know. So it's so mundane. In my way. Anyway. It's time for commercial. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial.

Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert-experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.

We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So Jennifer, she then pulls out all these bags and now comes like Jennifer's big

past aggressive moment. She's been planning for for like literally two weeks. She's like, okay, everyone. So I went to Turkey, landed in her chickens. And in my culture, we get people gifts when they're mad at them. So here I got gifts for everyone except for March. She has must have gotten lost in the mail along with the mail. I would have brought that never was.

I'm like, yeah. And then March was even nice to her because she's like, I got everyone gets and turkey. And Marge is like, by the way, that's really lovely. Just for the record, that's wonderful of you. Yeah, Marge, you know, that was really considerate. That's really considerate. Did you give me a cracker because I'm having some issues today? And So yeah, she's like here's got lost in the mail with mail order bride and I'm like that never one Yeah, good one good one ask and so Marge is like what okay, you know what her brother's getting married some half a rage They've known each other for a week and she's coming from overseas. It's kind of a mail order bride Is it not yeah, is Yeah, is that not mellow or that? Okay, into that order. Is that fair?

Cope check order, because you met him in a wedding. Like, is that like what he wanted? It's like a courier, okay, what a, maybe like a DHL. Okay. So then she gives, first of all, these gifts are terrible. It's like a little glass candle, candle holder shop at the airport. Yeah, why are you bringing this all the way back from Turkey?

You know that she got that at Newark. You know, she got it at a world plus, whatever it's called. Yeah, I just brought it over because who's going to pack that in all that glass in their suitcase? I don't believe it. So then she gets to Jack and she's like, and you in Turkey, we have this thing called knives that backs that you, I'm like, oh, really? You have a specific dagger to backstab in the stuff. Yeah, she's like, this way I give you something tangible. So next time I can see it coming, well, except it's to be in your back. So you actually won't see it coming.

But you know, I know kidding. Unless he hugs you, while she does it, which actually is a good scene. I would watch that. And so, Jack is like, I don't want your passive aggressive. Yes, she's like, you want to talk about passive aggressive? Who's the fuck are you to come into my home and use that as content for an entire article about spoiled children? My home is only to be used for content for a TV show that showcases my spoiled children. Yeah, no kidding. Who made your kids look spoiled? You did you crazy hooker. Yeah. Who made your kids look spoiled? You did you crazy hooker. Yeah, and then she's like, you accused my children of being spoiled.

She's like, I did not, you were insane. She's like, okay, you implied it. I'm like, okay, Jennifer, time to like take a seat on this van. That's right. Your children are fucking spoiled. They pepperoni a white bread. You lined them up on the basketball core and said like whoever gets like five points first gets whatever they want from Amazon Prime. Yeah. That's called

spoiling your children, okay. She has no ground to stand on, thus for sure. So it's like all been churning to a graveyard over the premise. And Jackie said, I will not accept. I do not need your passive aggressive gifts. I do not need that. Yeah. I don't need this. Okay. So then and then they show a flashback fish. It's always waiting for bait to just slide in, you know, like a fish. So she's always like.

It's like someone puts a bait in her mouth and cats at fish. Jackie. Yeah. So then Jackie's like, that's your paranoia. And I'm not going to parent, I'm not going to apologize for your paranoia. And Jennifer is like, you came into my, my house with a holy get then doubt attitude. I'm like, she did not have a holder than that attitude. She was walking around like, who is this crazy, crazy bitch? That's not a whole other than that. That's someone who has like pretty standard reactions to seeing a ridiculous parking garage turned into a mansion with 34 bathrooms and 27 thrones. And of course, you know, to be fair, of course,

we're gonna stick out for the person who walks into your house and then tells everybody about it because while I call out, that's what we do. Yeah, we're like, oh, we saw Jennifer's house. Everything should be covered in plastic. What a nightmare. You know, it smells like chicken, whatever. No, you know, it turns out there's not a lot of chicken in Jennifer's house. So Jen. So Dolores, like Dolores, the dance up on the van. She's like, oh, yeah, you know what? I would be offended too. I would be offended.

It's like shut up. You're being cheated on by two men at the same time. Why don't you have a seat over there? Well, Dolores, we'll wait to see what happens when Jack writes an article. Can your dogs pee on the floor when you're home alone and people still think you're lonely? When you let these dogs piss all over your house,

she's lucky that those dogs are still so sweet the way that she lets them pee all over your house. She's lucky that those dogs are still so sweet the way that she lets them pee all over the place. Yeah, so Jennifer finally admits she's like, you know what, the real reason why I'm upset is because, you know, my kids go to school with other kids and their parents read the big and record and they're going to get a perception that my children are spoiled. I'm like, I guarantee you the viewership of real house, house of New Jersey probably is significantly larger than whatever the circulation is of the Bergen record. Okay. You are the one who put this shit on TV. Yeah. This shit is on TV, girl. Like Jackie's Oracle is like a drop in

the bucket of, you know, criticism. Yeah. Your kids have a lot more to make fun of. Over your have your kids have a lot more to make fun of over your have your kids have a lot more reasons to be made fun of over than that. Okay. Yeah. One of them just tried to strangle the other one. Okay. So Jackie's like, you're a kid. Here's what I was trying to say. Your kids are an inspiration. They're an inspiration to me to children everywhere. And she's like, oh, okay. So now they're good. So she's still on the war path and she's still got Margaret to overcome. So let's see how this goes. Let's go to Saint James, New York to a winery called Harmony, which I forgot that. It's like there's no, this episode is the opposite of Harmony, okay. It? So Melania Song episode. It's like quite literally the opposite of Harmony and

Melody and rhythm and musicality. Welcome to our winery off key talk singing. I can't wait to make wine. I Got plans to have fun. I Ain't no one said it'd be easy, but I'm making Pino. Now you're rhyming like a Maloney. There we go. That's a Maloney around. Okay. So I had the Bravo glitch, which happens on Direct TV once per episode, which means that I lose a minute of Bravo time.

Like it's like a screen scrambles and I come back a minute later. It was three and a lot. It I come back a minute later. Um, this is when I came back. It's squealing a lot. Just going, I was like, I'm on that. You know, Teresa, like, is like, so excited. So she squeals a lot. That was Teresa this whole episode. She like, oh my god. It's a one of me. This reminds me of all I miss, I miss Joe. I wish he was human. The corner calling me the seawood.

Before he fucked me up against the tree on camera Oh, I miss those days So yeah, so did you see Jen getting drunk like she starts getting drunk right away when yeah, cuz when I came back It was like commercial then almost that skips to Jennifer going Dick my bitch back. I was like, wait, what? Yeah, she's like, my bitch sucking my dick deep inside. And they're like, whoa, whoa, a tree's like,

you sent me my land, he is back up. Ha, ha, song and Andrea and Teresa's like, you know what? Pado says see how passionate she is about it. So so he actually laid it laid down a track with her. I'm like Yeah, I check the idea of like watching Melania and that rehearsal be like I can't wait to grow up It's like whoa Send it down and let's not charge the parents anything. Okay? Totally free. And she's like, yeah, my mommy.

I'm so proud of having seen how focused she is about this. She's so focused. Kept to Melania not knowing any of her choreography and reading lyrics off of her phone. I know. It's like she took a shower for this. Okay, just say that. So now it's another talking and they're talking about Marge. Just talking about Marge senior and like, yeah, you know,

I just see me like she's so wonderful. You know, she did like like someone was saying, like, why isn't she with Marge senior so great? Why isn't she with so much? Well, you know, she had she had a love of a life. She'd love this guy. And, you know, it seemed like they were gonna have a one for life together, but then she was,

you know, he was saying that he was gonna leave his wife and he never did it or whatever. And that's when Jennifer goes, oh, I see a pattern here. I see a pattern here. And Marc's like, what's the pattern? What is that? You see a pattern?

Is there a pattern out of see aded what what pattern are you talking about? No, I literally see a cow across the field and I want to put cow pattern on my chance She's sourcing her next Her next table she's She's goodbye Where'd you go? She's gonna buy her where did you go? You're getting up and walking your red neck because they're on camera. I was just plucking in my computer because I'm plucking. Oh, I see a pattern. Ronnie's completely unprepared.

That's the pattern. So she said it was the pattern. It was the pastly because that that by come back. And Jen's like, no, your mother was with the married man. You're with the married man. You were with the married man. You're with the married man. How about that? How about that for a pattern? Everybody here married is with the married man.

That's what she should have said. Yeah, exactly. But there's a march like, it's not a pattern. It's called a quincense. And then she tells us, you do it. You do it. Jen, she says husbands and children are off limits. Well, such a parents, okay, hypocrisy is off the charts.

You know what else should be off limits? What a crack is, can't get the minimum to watch. They need to bake forks for crackers. That should be on limits. Okay. I'm going to call it the cracker clamp by the reflection. So Jen's like, it's a joke.

Just like the male the one abri-thing was a joke. Okay, I think Jen's being a complete asshole here, but she is right. I mean, I don't think she's wrong. If March can make jokes about stuff like that, then Jen should be able to. Of course, Jen's making vindictive jokes, and I don't think March is being vindictive. I think, I will obviously, Jennifer took March's joke as a vindictive joke.

I think it's a little, I think it's, I think it is different. Like on the surface, it's like that false logic. Like, oh, well, March made a joke. Now, I'm making a joke. But March's joke is like, what is, this is crazy, you know, it doesn't, like, oh, well, Marge made a joke. Now, I'm making a joke. But Marge's joke is like, what is this is crazy? You know, it doesn't like, Shora may have been like culturally tone deaf what Marge said, but it wasn't,

she wasn't saying something to be like, to get Jen where it hurts. Like, it's not like Jen has a, like, this isn't, this was not an assessment of Jennifer's character, a past or a rest assessment. Whereas when Jennifer said it, she's basically like your cheater, you're amoral and you come from amoral.

She's going to always seek you mother. So it's like, they are both jokes. Yes, but one has a totally different thing. And then Marge said, you know, I said, I'm not going to, because it's not common in modern society to have an arranged marriage.

So she's basically saying, like her joke is like this is crazy, which again may have been culturally insensitive, but I changed that change. I'm back with you. Yeah, but then Jennifer is here because sometimes like with people I like, I'm like, okay, I'll just stand up from orange. Even though she, you know, that isn't nice to say, arranged marriages are punk, even though they are and this is America and good luck with that. But you know, you want to do it. Go ahead. Who am I? Well, also Jennifer's being ridiculous because she's like Jennifer, it's not an arranged marriage. Okay. It was set up with the intent to marry. So you arranged it. You literally

arranged it. A marriage. A set up is an arrangement. Yeah. She's saying because the girl had a choice, she could have said, no, you know, so then that's not arranged, but it is, you know, and I think that what I'm... I think the problem is that Mel just said no one too many times, and now she's like, ugh, non-suck with this. Yeah, and Marge is like, tomato, tomato, a rage tomato, canned tomato. That's what I'm saying, okay. And she's like, no, that's not it. It's not tomatoes, okay? And she's like, look, all of a thing is culture-related. And she's like, well, you can't relate to people

with set up marriages, and I can't relate to people who, you know, marry married people. Or whether or not. We have a fierce marriage people, and then Marge has a great connection. She's like, I guarantee you that somebody the Syrian Orthodox community has fought someone else who wasn't a wife a husband

Jennifer's you know, of course is like you know bad like rocks or world. Yeah, well March had two good ones She started with wow wow wow Wow wow Wow, I thought was funny, and I'm gonna use that one. Yeah, I'm gonna use that in any argument. And then- It's a nice variation on the Ramona. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Yeah, and then she's like, and if you don't, if you don't love someone who's never had an affair, did you have it lived? You haven't lived, that's it. To be honest, you haven't lived. I'm like, why? Okay, so then Jen's like, oh, I haven't lived that's it to be honest you haven't lived yeah, okay So then Jen's like I haven't lived oh, yeah, I've been married to the same person for 15 years How boring and march is like yeah the same person who sleeps to the pull-house

Okay, they're there said it you know to be honest, I just said it okay. Yeah I got to bill being like Okay, yeah, I got to bill being like I love a good car I wouldn't want to enjoy the master bedroom too I sleep on a big golden swan In my dreams I sleep on a cloud without the care bears Okay, so this pool housing is the next big chapter which I fucking left because I think we said in the first episode when we saw Bill We're like that guy's cheating on you

Hi Your husband who's never home and doesn't come home any night of the week. Yeah, it's cheating on you I'm sorry, and he has a little house cot Yeah, so we see a flashback of Jennifer giving a tour and being like this is the pool house And I'll coach it. This is where we put on men when they cheat on us Yeah, so we see a flashback of Jennifer giving a tour and being like this is the pool has in our culture This is where we put on men when they cheat on us I mean this is where Bill sometimes will sleep for no good reason because there's a cut there so So then so that's when Marge is like well, you know obviously you've got issues because Bill sleeps on the cock sometimes and

And then Jennifer's like you know what you should avoid making comments about things you don't understand and I'll avoid making comments about things that I don't understand, which is pretty much everything. So just be quiet for the rest of the series. I'll be talking about toilets until the series ends, okay? Cause that's what I understand. Yeah, and then Jack is like, all right, you know, now that you guys have fought and it's been really fun,

all that matters is that no matter how you find the person that makes you happy, what matters these day happy and now you're happy even if you got spoiled grad children Yeah And then Melissa's like I like when Jennifer drinks Get a storyline already okay as well those moments I kind of wish the trapdoor would open and Melissa just falling Go away. So, so now after the winery Teresa goes to visit Danielle and Marty and Teresa walks

him through a house saying, hey, so how's married life is is and he's like unbelievable and then just like custom Marty and Danielle like glaring at each other and like. Yeah. Danielle looks at him like she's going to fucking kill this guy. Also, I don't know if I mentioned this, but I watched Dirty John on Bravo. Pretty. Yeah. So left it. And I looked up Dirty John, because I forgot what he looked like, because I

looked him up a long time ago when I listened to the podcast. Anyway, Marty, that's what he looked like. Oh God. Dirty John looked just like Marty, which is freaky. He got a real upgrade with Eric Bonilla. Yeah, he really did. Everyone gets an upgrade on TV. But you know, obviously he's not scamming Daniels the other way around, but still just

to anybody who watch that show on Bravo, there you go. There you have it. So Teresa is like Daniels doing the Danielle thing where she's like, look Teresa, I'm a good friend. I make brand Cato and Salman and everything that you could have from Teresa's like, oh, blink, blink, blink, all right. And he wanted me to turn and just now the first thing I've eaten in a week. She's like, yeah, I just saw Joe. He was like trying to touch my ass and everything.

I'm like, Joe, who stopped trying to touch my ass? We get so horny wings around me. So then I left my brother and I went to see my husband at jail and that was really fun So Daniel's like, oh, yeah, I can't when he gets out of it really gonna come in too. So treat us like yeah I even think about the importation because that's like negative. To me, he's just coming home. I still maintain my theory, which is that Donald Trump is going to pardon Joe G dies because Reese was on the apprentice. I guarantee it. I guarantee that happens. I will, I will freak the whole world will freak out if that happens. I guarantee it, which is hilarious

because like in the midst of this whole like, oh no, immigrants are coming to ruin our country. If he then like, um, pardons someone from being, uh, deported, that would be hilarious. Someone who's actually in jail. Yeah, I talk about not sending your best. It's pardoned you, that's how we. Yeah, I'm sure Italy is also making a strong lobby for him to be pardoned. Like, no, no, no, no, you keep on, you keep on, man.

Mama Mia, here's a meatball for you too. They're just slingshotting him back and forth. Mario is their actual ambassador. Keep it rain, get out of here with Skido. Nobody wants you here. Okay, you're a terrible man. They must have heard that the mosquito must have heard the serenestine impersonation.

Oh, so now they start talking about Marge. Because Daniels, because it's a recent vice-Daniel to Melania's listening party and says that Marge is going to be there. And Daniel starts saying that Marge is not a loyal friend. And Marge is like, she's jealous. She's jealous that she doesn't have as nice a wig as me and Danielle.

So. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Okay, oh really? She's such a bad friend that she was like your best bridesmaid or whatever your best woman come on Dan exactly Exactly and she's like she's like yeah, Marge said you're not to be trusted and neither is Melissa. Okay, so there she said that and here's the Brands you know so I'm like Now I and I I love Daniel stop on this show because I think she's nutty and kuku and starts so much trouble But she's also like she is the one never to be trusted. I mean she is full of shit at all. She's like what makes it so much more like this woman makes me crazy. I hate it. I like when they fight over real things, not just made up shit. Well, I mean, you know, it's a sliding game. I like when they fight over Daniel's top shit. It's so like Daniel's top and Kim D are some of the best shitsters of all time. Okay,

and I think that they need to be respected for that. Okay, Ben. Okay. I'll give it to you, Ben. Pay attention. Police. So then Marth is shoe shopping with Jackie and Jackie's like, what are you? A mom, my mom was with the pedics like that.

So then, you know, then they get to the real meat of it. And it's Danielle. And well, no, it's Jennifer. The first jacket. Well, first Jackie starts talking about like, oh, when are we gonna make my sister? You know, I don't know. I don't know what's being me.

I'm just talking about our sister and Marge. It's like, you know, you just have to communicate it in some way, because I, you know, like my children don't even talk to me. And I send them letters all the time. I don't know why they don't talk to me. Maybe it's because no one reads letters anymore. Anyway, so they're just talking about that.

And then they're like, but now let's talk about, now let's talk about like, I think now they want to talk about Jennifer or whatever. What is it with siblings on this show that no sibling will speak to you. Everyone has an issue with siblings. Melissa got a missing sibling Teresa fought with her sibling the whole time. Jackie doesn't speak with her sibling. I mean, I just want to hug my sister watching this show. No, exactly.

So then we go over to Jennifer and Dolores meeting in a park and Dolores is like, first of all, beyond beautiful day. Beyond, it's like beyond. It's amazing when you walk outside the kitchen, turns out you can have a beautiful day in New Jersey. I never thought so. Look, I know you don't like working out. So I got you weights. Okay, little pink weight. So they'll be fun. We're going to make this fun. It's going to be, it's pink. So it's

working out, but it's pink, you know, great. It's fun to like do it. It's like a thanks to Laura. You really changed working out for the masses. Okay. And you want Jennifer's like panting. She's like, so they start talking about relationships and David and Dolores. Like, yeah, you know, I mean, he may only give me 2%. But I'm always going to give 100% back. You know, that's what I call a healthy relationship. Managing real as you're there. He'd rather have his motorcycle in his living room than you want us in his bed. But I say, you know what? I give 100% to that. What I'm going to be. Who am I to complete? What am I a millennial to complain against the one percenters?

Okay, look, I'll take it. Okay, I'll take it. Jennifer's like in my culture, we get married more for the commitment. I'm like, that's I think that's pretty much the general fundamental. Yeah, pretty much. That's how everybody that but she's like, oh, well, it's like, you know, you see if you can commit to someone. Like it's a game. Okay, this isn't like hungry hippos Okay, this is like marriage you idiot Um, she's and she starts saying about like, you know, like You know having girlfriends is important because this way you can like vent to them and stuff and like I get really mad about like Margaret because she is bits and pieces of my venting. I was just really venting in the pool house,

and she used it against me. I'm like, well, A, that's probably still better than using bits and pieces about what you heard about Margaret Cheating and used it against her. And also, what is this trying to gloss it over? You were just venting. I was like, no, you were literally like- You were being an asshole, okay? I'm retaliation to you thinking she was being an asshole, yeah it's just what it's what it's okay and she's like

I'm seeing a pattern and then it cuts to Jackie going I'm seeing a pattern then it comes back to Janet she's like I know this sounds juvenile but she started it like um actually no she didn't what she said behind your back was only related to you through Teresa. Yeah. Who doesn't want to have any fights on her own so she can sell enough books to, you know, like fly back and forth to Italy while she just divorces Joe. Exactly. Don't sit here and tell me my brother has a male or a bride. Okay, she was UPS, not USPS. she was hand delivered like an edible arrangement okay that does not mean she was in a ranged marriage she's just an edible arrangement

so everyone's like we're gonna go to the event the Melania event the Melania event what will happen at the Melania event you all be lucky to walk out with your ear drums intact that's what that's was about to happen good luck so Mulania is at dance class uh with with Doris her dance instructor Doris um and so Melissa and Teresa come by and um you know Melissa's been like when I was on stage it was such a rush. It was so great. And the best part is how I had no discernible singing career afterwards. So enjoy this irrelevant moment in your life, Melania. Yeah, I love the master, the masterbators class with, with Melissa, the master class with Melissa Gorgah and her, her, her, her hit tune on display, on display on the only thing these songs have in common is that the

producers are not going to be paid when they bill the gorgon gentlemen. Exactly. Teresa is like Teresa of course takes the opportunity to shade on display and she's like Melissa's song was not my thing and when I say not my thing I thought it was like a bigger piece of garbage. There ain't anything the man's no children ever did. It was like really like a big piece of shit. It was like, you know how I'm like a really good blowah of Joe? It's like the reverse of that.

It's like what would the worst blowah of Joe be like? And that's what that swung was. No. I'm not sure he's like, she's the one on stage. Blink, blink, blink, blink. Just like anybody. And no, nobody heard that. Yeah, that's what I thought. Uh, so all they're trying to get Mulani to do is do like a pivot, like a little pivot.

Okay. And she's like, ah, like she can't do it. She hasn't learned her dance. She hasn't learned her lyrics. And Theresa Melissa about like, like, that's Melania. Like pivoting. She's like, get out. Yeah.

Each time they do a pivot, they are like, like, like, seriously pouring their souls into Melania. They're like, oh, to be 12 and the promise of a musical career ahead of us. Like, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Melania's of us. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Melania's like this. Melania's. Oh, so then they go out. They go out. So basically Melissa and Teresa go out to the lobby to talk and Melissa's like, yeah,

to the count. I mean, Teresa's like, yeah, to the competition and stuff. I'm so see I haven't been able to drink and stuff. So why don't we go on a trip so we can drink and stuff. So they decide they're going to do with a cast trip to Cabo. Now this show is fixing itself and do you know how it's fixing itself? They realize group trips.

The only way anybody wants to watch this show is if everybody is together fighting, okay? So they're gonna go on a group trip every other week. And I say good for you, it's working. Yeah. So now it's like the show day. And Teresa and Melania are getting their hair make up done Melania they put like giant lion S clause on to Melania they're like 10 inches long.

She's like ready to do she's like that toy that like the car that like the clause used to come out of the car as a drove as you know that little remote control toy. Yes. She looks she looks horrifying, honestly. Like Melania, I love Melania. I will always, even though I've been making fun of her here, I love Melania, but I feel like Melania is so close to being a murderer anyway. Don't get from murder weapons on her hands.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, she's definitely murdered some salads. I'll tell you that much. Sitting on the side of it. Sit and on it. Hey, Fetty, can we write a song called Sitting on Sushi? That'll be great.

So Joe, Joe, you guys texted Melania earlier and made her cry. I'm just sad. Yeah, he's like, could you send me money? She's like, oh, can I keep my allowance for one week? So let me see. So blah, blah, blah, a bunch of crap, a bunch of crap. So then listen Joe, John. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go to, let's go to this party. Okay. It's that space, which is where Daniel Sobs bachelor at party was, which again, interesting omen for this song that took that it's being debuted at Daniel Sobs venue. And as we pointed out there, it's black debuted at Daniel Stobbs venue.

And as we pointed out there, it's Black and White Stripes theme, which in the old days was a jail uniform. So it's very interesting that that's where they'd have a lot of your preferred. They're like, you miss you dad? All right. Let's have you dance on the stage of Black and White Stripes. We ran over the hamburger and made him day cool. So, so they meet up with the producer, knit the grit.

And he's like, now hold on, I've got a surprise. And Outwalk's Fettie Wop. There's contractually obligated 10 second cam. You know, he basically comes out, hugs him, lawn m lawn, I was like, oh my god, oh my god, which is pretty cool. If you're like 11 year old and like Fetty Wop shows up, that's super cool.

I mean, I guess I have nothing to say really about it by the way, I was like, wow, but I did like that he was like, hi. Okay, thanks. See ya. Yeah, he's like, bye. I got the fuck out of there. Jesus, like Fetty Wop support won't replace Maloney's dad,

but him coming to see it really does mean a lot. I like the idea of like Fetty Wap's support won't replace Melania's dad, but him coming to see it really does mean a lot. I like the idea of like Fetty Wap as like a substitute Joe. Yeah. It does here. And it's like Fetty Wap. Hey Melania, my daughter. Hey Melania, I put some sushi on my lap. Go ahead and sit on it for a while.

All right, you feel better? Okay, go on. That's all your friends. That is a reference to the grocery store from Melania's Sap on Sushi Pack. All right, you feel better? Okay, go on. That's all the difference. That is a reference to the grocery store from Lonnie's app on sushi packets. Okay, everybody just got disturbed because I got disturbed. I was like, whoa, that yeah, you're right. That you put the sushi on Fettywap's lap. And that's yeah, that's yeah, we don't we're not putting that on Fettywap. We're

not we're not going to put that listen or a lot or anybody really. Sorry, everybody is sometimes things just come out wrong. Okay. Yeah. Well, yes. Anyway, so anyway, I'll start to arrive. And really, all anybody cares about his these stupid fights, right? And by the way, nothing says hip hop, like Marty Caffrey showing up with a van using shirt talked into his jeans. It's like, well, this party is off the his up. Marty Caffrey is here. Marty Caffrey in the house. So, so Marge is really nice to Jennifer when she sees her, but not to Danielle.

And Marge is like, well, that wasn't cool. That wasn't cool. And he's getting like bliger and over there and Marge is like yeah, I'm gonna stay with Danielle, okay. So tree saying, I am a money. It's meant to grats. Okay, Melania, I wanted to say it's all mad at Melania. I just love that they had an ironic piano on stage. I know like an unnecessary piano. I was expecting that, like, Mac the night guy from McDonald's to show up.

Remember that moon? That's like McDonald's is open late. As I mentioned it. I thought he was going to come out and sing a song. So, so now Melania takes center stage. After Nitha Great gives her like his little speech. And Melania.

I just, I love this intro where Melania is like, you know, she's, she turned around of turns and she's like, Hey, it's me and Melania. You've probably seen me around. You probably see me on TV. I got to pick my besties, Tate and Stephanie. It's just like such a rousing start to a song. I might know me. I'm teaming with my friend Tate.

I don't want to go. I don't want to have blank, blank, blank, blank. Yeah, I might know me my friend And then they dance and people are like Wow Pay it I paid attention So I love all the all Melonius friends like basically like they like cheer and they like they just like gather around her and give like a big group hug And I love there's like one girl who was like not included in the hug and but she was like having her phone out I'm ready. Yeah, it's like oh my god. That's me the one who like There's no room left in the group hug for her so she just sort of stands awkwardly by the next the group hug I'll get my I'll get my I'll be next. It'll be fine. And but then like Melania

gets like, she winds up like going off to other people and you never get your hug. You're like, oh, for Ben. I was never I was having a good daddy's hair and spirit. I love that she's just basically killed off Joe in her mind, you know, it's like ghost dad now. Melania, I've got big news. Your dad's here. Fetty Wop comes out again. Fetty Wop's like, so what? Who cares? So what? Who cares? All right, hands next to Honda. So Fetty Wop doing karate kicks in the corner. Yeah.

So the girls start to gather for that fight. It's like, where to party? Time time to fight come on. Let's get this done. I have things to do later today Yeah, they all gathered to start fighting and the Joe's Gorgah and what's his buns other Joe started talking with you know dirty John over there mark Yeah, Marty's like oh, we were just talking about wine and wine sellers I'm like welcome back to the Marty Kaffrey show We're talking about wine and wine sellers today and how best, welcome back to the Marty Cafrie show. We're talking about wine and wine sellers today. And how best is how can you're a shirt into your jeans at hip hop show? So, uh, Jen's like, that was so great. My daughter is asking when it's going to be on

iTunes so I can arrange for her to download it. And by arranged, I mean, I'm going to set her up to have a downloading session. It's not an arranged listen. So they just Teresa and now says that they're going to go on a trip, etc, etc. And so Jack's like, well, I know you're close to Danielle. Is she going to come tell? And Teresa's like, yeah, yeah, I like it. I come and Marge is like, yeah, I'd like it to come.

And Marge is like, well, I don't want to say I'm safe, Louis. So I'm just kidding. Like, to be honest, like I just, I've done, I've done, that's where it is. Like to tell you the truth, I've done, all right? Yeah. At which point Danielle drifts over.

Like she can just tell. She just drifts over, say, hi, hi, I'm like, I need to clear, we're all gonna be traveling. I need to clear the air. Did Marge say not to trust me and not to trust Theresa? Danielle, did she say that or not? Which was like, commercial break and when it comes back, Marge, it looks furious. Oh, my Marge's face, she's like, to be honest, to be honest. Her, she is angrier than if she had gotten three quarters of a rich cracker into her mouth and then it fell out, you know.

She's like, I almost had it. So, man. I almost had that was the bread of my mouth and fell out. So, like that is not true. And meanwhile the, the Joe Gore guy is like, then yelling much, they yelling at each other. Bros, bros, they yelling at each other. And Marty's like, yeah, well, they got some things to clarify. Yeah, they don't look like the clarify and the me. Yeah. So we are, let's just talk

about the guys first. We don't enter cars. And this is what happens with the guys. So the guys are like, now they start to get into it. And Joe Benino, whatever his name is, is like, you know what? Danielle's been wrong shit all over the place. And one is like, I think Maj is throwing shit all over the place. Maj is jealous. There's no reason for Danielle to be jealous of Margaret

because there's nobody in the world who looks better than Danielle store. I'll put it out there right now. I'm going to tell you this right now. Margaret doesn't want to walk into a room with Danielle because she's so gorgeous. Imagine that gorgeous. It sounds like whoa hold me back. There's like this weird fake fight that happens because they're all smiling. There's like this weird fake fight that happens because they're all smiling And Joe Joe go over like oh, oh my god. Hey, you got you guys got to be separated Hey wink wink and they're like oh, they like doing like an old-time me like this fight thing like my And Corgan's like well, bro, you don't say that about someone's wife If he said that about my wife, he'd have a foot in his throat.

I'm like, you just called Dan, you were just saying Danielle's full of shit last week. And then she's like, you were singing to his face. You, yeah, exactly. You call me. So me and Danielle and Marga are having their fight. And Marga base is like, I never said don't trust to be sick. And Melissa, I said, if you don't know who to trust, don't trust anyone. I never said don't trust Theresa and Melissa I said if you don't know who to trust don't trust anyone I said don't trust anyone, but now you're choosing it make it sound like I just only spoke about them

You have a way of twisting things which I cannot just by I cannot associate with you at all now We're at the saltines. Okay goldfish those will fit. Let's get a goldfish up in here Good for Marge remembering what the hell Daniels even talking about because Dolores comes over. She's like, what did I miss? Did I mention that the drug peed right in front of the motorcycle? I forgave it, but that's the last time I'm telling you that. You know what I don't see around here? Pebble tile, okay?

And Marge is like, well, I'll tell you what happened. I said what they twisted it. She made it into Dolores. She's like, oh, really? Because that's what I said happened last year And nobody wanted to believe me. I don't know why Dan guilt does this but she twists things So have fun not believing me. I'm going over here. Well, you didn't believe me last year have fun with that I'm like, okay, welcome back scumbag welcome back scumb welcome back to the group scumbag and

Welcome back, come back, welcome back, come back to the group, scumbag. And here's the difference. You didn't remember what you said. At least Marge can remember how it was twisted. Now I believe Daniel did this to you, too, but the Laura looked guilty because she was, she never really did. She denied saying anything at all. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And Jackie, of course, is happy to be like, as, as Jennifer would say, I sense a pattern. Hey, remember when you said that Jennifer, when you're being a total bitch in the van. A march. Yeah, Marge is like you lie every time you lips. You lie. All right. That's not too we get we're dead. Have a happy life. But that's what you and trees like my grass bed,aining Daniel Harsh Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink,

which means look, Theresa knows it March is more popular. Yeah, I will say. Okay. Yeah, exactly. But they're all going to go to Mexico together and they're going to just be

disaster. So I'm looking forward to that. Yeah, March is like, she's a bot like, she's like, she's like single white female. Like, excuse me, I've done, I've done, which I think would be funny like I would love to hang up in pig tails I would love I'd love to Danielle just trying to join up with like Bridget fondos hair and that you know

Just a little red little red bob Anyone want anyone see my stiletto shoe. No, All right, everybody, that brings us to the end of a full episode. We sure love you guys. Go buy life tickets. Thank you for being here on TV party. For those of you who missed it and you want video, just go look on Patreon.

It's there. We're going to put it up there. You can see my colorful bird-like sweater. So I know you don't want to miss this. All of this. Yeah. You don't want to miss that, everybody. Car, car, car.

All right, we will see you next time, guys. Love ya. Bye, everyone. you. Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself

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