Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Gym Rat

Episode Date: February 18, 2021

Teresa starts The Real Housewives of New Jersey's new season off with a bang by accusing someone's husband of cheating at the gym. The tables are quickly flipped, though, and a symphony of hurled c words crescendos into a beautiful season. This week's bonus is a completely shallow judging sesh of Top Chef's new contestants. Find it at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens**We designed lots of face masks for Bravo lovers available at crappensmerch.com A portion of sales go to MedShare!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, but people are running around and getting squawks. I think it's worth it so much that it happens. Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Happens. The podcast for Olds At Crap, we just love to talk about on you, bros! I'm Ronnie, that's been over there.

Hi, Bane. Hey Ronnie, what's up? Well, I'm just having the best day of my life because real housewives of New Jersey is back. Yes, it is. So excited about it. And wow, what a first episode. Wow.

This so just came steam rolling right back into our little hearts. Yeah, just so funny. Just it just came in so strong, like so strong. What an amazing season opener. Wow, wow. Yes, I mean, they've upped everything in the show even to Laura. So I mean, to Laura still has the same mundane story in line, but it's like, well, you know

what? Now we're going to do it in the kitchen. We're doing this in a new kitchen, David. And I was like, oh my god, they're really up in their game. And really at first, it didn't seem like that because our first scene was in her closet. But then she's like, guess what? That was a misdirect David. We're going to do it in your kitchen. Okay. The law. We've got bigger veins on Frank and an even redder face. Marge has like, you know, finished the living room or whatever.

Jen, Jen is just as Jen is Jen can Jen. Yeah. She's going for a new looks with her makeup. It's a various degrees of success. It's just a big new season. And it just, it's a big new season and it just. It really Teresa Teresa just was like, fuck it. I'm going to just start shit in a very in a very like un smooth way. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna do it.

Just be blatant about it. Well, yeah, it's like I'm not on probation. No more is going ain't going to tell me to shut my mouth. I'm going to do whatever I want. Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. Oh my God. And her blinks were just so on point today or yeah, really heavy, but fast blinking. I mean, just really, really good. And Jackie coming back trying to be like, you know what, people have, you know have suggested that maybe I show a fun lighter side of Jackie and here it comes.

Here comes the light fun side of Jackie and then it's just destroyed immediately. Yeah, immediately immediately just savaged. So the episode opens up, we're at Margers house, and Jackie shows up, and she's like, all right, okay, okay, a bunch of guests, I want to get to work this out, do you want a nice coffee? You want a nice coffee? Anyway, I'm gonna offer this, okay,

the big twist of the season is that people want a nice coffee, okay, anyone want a nice coffee? Now, okay, guys sit down, get sit down. All right, sit down, I want you to work it out, all right? And Jackie's like Theresa, can I just talk first and you listen? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. She's talking through a baby. And she's like, listen Teresa. I'm not a stupid girl. I'm a lawyer. She's not a stupid girl. They stand up for yourself. Where the smoke does fire. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, she's saying this smoke in this fire, it's a house on fire,

we just literally finished it. Joe, Joe, the house is on fire. Can you just take a fire stick or should I make sure I mean, what am I gonna do? I'm like, freaking out right now, the house is on fire. I mean, I'm freaking out. Can we offer the house some coffee? Can we just offer the house some iced coffee, please?

And then Jackie takes a line from Meredith. Meredith, Meredith, what's her face? Meredith marks and says, you know what? I'm not engaging in this. Okay, I need you to admit that this is a lie. I need you to admit that I can do this. You know what, I don't give a shit about that. I don't give a shit about that.

And then you just need to say two weeks ago, fucking bitch, I win. It's just like, what are they fighting about? No, she goes, you bitch, and Jackie goes, I win. It's just like what are they fighting about? No, she goes you bitch and Jackie goes I win It's because you're a fucking cop fitness go fuck yourself and Jackie's like that was not the same thing to research Like fuck out what happened? This is the ice coffee. It's a new machine. I mean, you want a colada? Give me a honest review. All right, all right Do you want?

Okay, here but this, have a latte. You want a nice latte, it's delicious. You really should try it out. No, you know what? She bought up my daughter. She's a fucking cop fitness. She's a fucking cop fitness. What happened?

What happened? What happened? She's disgusting. Cop fitness, cop fitness, cop fitness, cop fitness, cop fitness, cop fitness. And then she leaves. And it's like three days early, oh. this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup

in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup in this cup and then she leaves and then it's like three days early. I was like, damn, I was was expecting a seven weeks earlier. I was like, oh, we're only rewinding, you know,

72 hours, we were, wow, okay, okay. So three days early. I was thinking, wow, it's Corona time, so this could be a whole season and then it's like three days earlier and it's the end you know Which was a nice surprise because we actually get this at the end of this episode Yeah, that's why we was just full of surprises this whole episode So we're at Jackie's house now and Hunter is playing hilarious games. He's like you know it's things my feet Yeah, Teresa my mind. Yeah little baby Teresa Yeah, Teresa in my mind. Yeah, little baby Teresa. And then Jackie's talking about how excited she is to celebrate Evan's birthday.

And she's just going to invite a small crew over for the birthday. Just a small 60 person crew over. So Jackie's like, I mean, if you, if you watched me, if you watched me crying as I scrapped my toilets, you don't understand how much I hate cleaning my own house. But all that aside, I really did love being around my family during this pandemic. And then we see clips of them playing horse and one kid is wearing a helmet, which is hilarious.

That's Carly in my family, my little sister, God bless her. It's like aim it towards the mask, get nod at your sister's head. Hey. And Jack is like, my life is pretty spectacular as far as my family goes. I mean, there's really nothing that could go wrong. I don't see anything that could possibly go wrong. I mean, we're just about to shoot another season of the show.

So truly, everything is great and perfect. And you know, it's like I literally think this is the best family that's ever been in the history of New Jersey. And I can't get worse. Nothing, nothing could go wrong. And she's getting ready for the big party. And she's like, all right, show me what you're wearing. Show me what you're wearing, Evan. You know what, pop the collar, maybe roll up the sleeves. Let's show some chest hair. We're going to be around the Italian friends tonight. Okay, Evan, come on,

jersey it up. Yeah. So then we go over to Melissa Gorgah, who's like, I'm not excited to go out as she's like, of course, like totally made up and looks beautiful. And we just see Joe Gorgah, who's like, I'm not excited to go out as she's like, of course, like totally made up and looks beautiful. And we just see Joe Gorgah on the sofa. And his whole thing this season is that he has an overly sculpted beard with like that hard line between like hair and cheek. That's like so Jersey.

He's finally really leaned into that. Yeah. And he's just, you know, as red face and wide eyed is ever not really able to focus on anything. He's like, what is it with you women? What if I got, what is it with you all with your plastic surgeries? Because Moses saying, you know, I hear

a microcotted booby standing to Laura Scott's second butt implant. He's like, come on, women. What if I got a penis implant? Ah, she's like, ah, how does that work? I don't know, I don't know. What is it when you women always get in these surgeries? I'm like, maybe it's because you drool like a rabid animal.

Anytime you see big boobs that maybe I don't know some of the women feel the pressure to do that. I don't know Joe, maybe you're part of the problem. Joe Gorgah. Yeah, Joe, weren't you drawing on your head until like two seasons ago? Can be a break. So then we go over the Gens house and she's like, we're taking a new but a night. So both of us can

drink. She's like still reaching for the rafters in her like community production of Jennifer's life, right? So feels like like so I can have an extra drink so I could be a little naughty yeah we can both have an extra drink baby you're like oh so the whole gang is getting together yeah but I don't know the noise is gonna bring Frank Frank or David I guess we'll see my money's on Frank baby And now me go play some crops with the guys. I hope I earn my money back to pay my rent If I had to guess I would say Frank

I love their interleads they totally are like the villain and villainous interlude scene and a musical or the music And then they literally gross his head back in cartoon glasses So then we go over to Dolores and Frank in a closet Frank Will you just looking at my ass when you did that? The Lord is the Lord! I just wrote Frank, more red-faced and vainie than ever. He's like, I'm not the Lord's, come on! It's like, Frank, I know what's big, and I know what I have to do about it, all right?

But look, I got it lifted a little. You see that? And he's like, oh my God, you're full age yourself, the Lord's, the Lord's. You know what? That's what I do to a flounder. I do that to a flounder. Actually, I kind of jerk off on a flounder. And then I do that to a flounder. And she's like, well, my ass was floundering, Frank.

Thank you, everyone. I'm like, this is like dinner theater or something. Like between Jennifer and the loris. He's like, little seams. Let me go over to Martin, Joe. And it's like, what shit should I, you know, I got new boobs, so I need to show those off. All right, you know what, I just hope

that Jen doesn't cause trauma tonight. You know, Jen, she's always causing trauma. Yeah, I've been Jackie invited her and Joe's like, all right, well, Jackie's being nice, but you know what, Jackie's waiting, okay, Joe, get in the shower, get in the shower, Joe. know what, Jackie's waiting. Okay, Joe, get in the shower. Get in the shower, Joe. I feel like how many times does she tell Joe to get in the shower? Oh, did you hear the news today?

There's a riot at the cap. Okay, Joe, just get in the shower. Get in the shower. You know, it's like, it's always like a non-sequitur. She throws in. And since they're upping everything this year, let's see how much more G.A. hates Theresa's abnormal. A lot more.

Theresa facetimes with G. hates Theresa the normal a lot more. Theresa face times the Gia and say morning sunshine and Gia's just like, what? What? But this is a sad scene because this is when we addressed the fact that poor Nono passed away. And so Theresa tells us really what happened that he had pneumonia and that was followed by like a small stroke and basically, you know, 24 hours later he passed away.

And we love No No. We do love God. I love you, No No. And if you guys miss No No, just go over to Real Housewives of Dallas because we still do an impression of him. Yeah, we use his voice for carries. It really, so he's still alive on crap ends.

So then, so now we go to a place called Axia, which sounds like it should be a consulting firm, but it's actually some sort of restaurant. And it's basically they've tended the parking lot, which I think was probably the plan, even if there wasn't coronavirus. It's like, oh yeah, come, we have a great parking lot. We want to have your parking lot parking lot. Oh yeah, it sounds wonderful. have a great parking lot. If you want to have your parking lot, parking lot.

Oh yeah, it sounds wonderful. Let's do a parking lot. You want to do a parking lot, party, Evan? Yeah, yeah, let's do that. And then, of course, Joanne Decatur is exactly who you think she is. She's like, hi, welcome back, see ya. So good to see you. They got the party.

So listen, we got lots of balls with wings and I'm hey We've got 20 different kinds of wings. Oh don't don't think we forgot both the peanuts. We got those two and yeah And there's like a lot of like COVID protocol theater going on because they do like everyone like see each other and like Oh wish we could hug elbow bumps, but they don't have masks on Okay, all right. I'm glad you are choosing not to hug but you have totally unmasked so good luck with that But I mean everyone's tested so it's fine Yeah, I'm just like we tested we can kiss all right Ben A Jackie so good to see you and Jack is like oh my god for the first time I can see your whole face right now

like oh my god for the first time I can see your whole face right now. I was like oh the flowers, the gorgeous, that, that, that, a Yoda voiced young lady do this for you. It was a Joanne. She's got 20 kinds of wings in a bowl. You know what, Gila, I probably went out of Dundas birthday party because before coronavirus because you know, it's just, you just for 46. It's no big special thing.

But you know what, now with coronavirus, I realize when you have somebody happy to celebrate, you fucking celebrate it. So anyway, guys, putting pizza on the floor there, and then there's a box of Amazon treats that don't help themselves. Yeah, you know what, I would have been my crotchety of self and not invited Jen, but this is the new me. So I invited her.

So then the Gorgas arrive and Melissa, of course, is like straight to Marjus new boobs and she's like feeling numb and complimenting her hard nipples. I'm like, look, look, look, it's here. It's like a tad little god. It's like, hey, do you want any ice coffee? We can tell them that they can make some ice coffee if you want some ice coffee.

And so Dolores is coming and Melissa's like, I've never seen someone hang out more with the reaction to Laura. It's does. Yeah, you know, but I think Dolores is a catch of the century. And David just doesn't appreciate her as much as he should. But I hope he loves Dolores's new high ass because I love it. That is a high ass. It's a high ass.

I mean, it sort of looks exactly the same as any other season, but you know, whatever, it's fine. It's fine. Joe, go take a shower. We're at a restaurant. I mean, it sort of looks exactly the same as any other season, but you know, it's fine. It's fine. Jump. Go take a shower. We're at a restaurant. I don't care. Find a shower with someone in shower. Okay.

So then, Jackie's like, well, you know I invited Jan. And while that was nice of you, Jackie. Thanks, Laura. And then we, Jan had called Margaret to say that she was looking forward to this party as a chance for a fresh start, baby. Well, she's not excited enough to get here on time. Are you ready to see her?

Are you ready to see Jen? And she's like, well, you know, I haven't seen her since we sat on that couch. And then we see their big fight at the reunion Where it's like you know what I think you're an asshole too. Well you're an asshole and you need to stop throwing objects You need to stop making me want to throw objects So now they're having their their big first face to face here in a parking lot and Melissa's like even though I cannot stand Jennifer, I'm not going to bring that up tonight. I'd rather just enjoy my food here in this parking lot.

And just rather than deal with Jennifer and all her damn nonsense. So then, uh, Jackie introduces someone to the girls who Dell, I wrote Dell, Intros Dell to girls. Jack intros Dell to girls. There were a lot of people coming through this party. A lot of people got kairons. It's like, here's Amanda and George. Here's Diane and you know, Peter and Frank and Frank and Joanne.

Hey, you know, Joe and Joe and Rina. Hey, hey. Yeah. So, um, so, uh, joke workers like, eh, just to the man. Yeah, I seen the man in the wild, not being crazy and getting boob and plans like all those crazy girls, right? Hey, here's to the guys who all got our original assets. Let me feel each one of them. Come on, bring them over here. Yeah. And Jackie's like, it's like, I'm already drunk. I'm so crazy. Look at me being so crazy when I'm drunk. Look at me. I'm a lawyer. I'm a drunk lawyer right now. I win.

So they're joking with her and Jen's like, trees and even hair already, where's Theresa? And Mel's like, oh, Jackie, you're gonna give your husband a blowjob tonight, right, because it's his birthday. And Jackie's like, no, I just don't like that girls. I don't like it. And Jen goes, they don't call it a job for nothing, honey. The most original comment.

All right, I'm gonna get into track to win. I gotta see the races. I gotta feel good feeling about this one horse baby I feel like this is the three ladies from Little Shopper 4 is just standing around popping yeah like makes it like a little bit of the pink ladies so what's up with you that's up the pink girl huh so then Lexi is Lexi is still on the blowjob thing she's like I keep Gloria and the Madison YouTube, I'll give you a clear

Lexi has the most confounding accent on Bravo truly. It's like hafters you have Cockney And you never know which side is gonna pop up, but is like I give a career ending play job you know what? So listen listen listen since we're up back together let's all go to make George a great girl trip and I was like we can't go to Vegas or something listen we can't fly mother's son look the time, so right. God. Well, you know what, honestly, I'll do anything to get away from my children and husband for four days. I'm just gonna set up that storyline right now.

I'm unhappy. So. I'm gonna call it a job for nothing, honey. All right, you already said that. You need a nice copy of something. Okay, what's going on with you? So Teresa shows up and I don't know why I wrote this down. I wrote down Watch the puddle

Someone's I think someone said to Teresa watch the puddle, which is like hmm. I don't know why I just feel like Teresa Would be the one who just steps into a puddle like oh I stepped it into the puddle did I stepped it into the puddle did. I'm on. There's a bottle. So she's with a new girl, Michelle and Dolores is like, Oh, I know, Michelle. Oh, I miss out. So I had an open house. And Michelle's like, yeah, there's seven trees house now.

And Melissa says, we thought you was going to be a man. Sorry. And Melissa says, we thought you was going to be a man. Sorry. Sorry. So Teresa is saying that she's not dating anyone. And Jack is like, oh, that's so good because Evan knows Evan has a friend in DC who be absolutely perfect for you. He has low standards.

He just wants to get his rocks off. And he likes talking to walls. Okay, he'd be perfect for you. Why I want to date a guy from a comic book. And Jackie tells us we've had our problems in the past, but this has been a crappy year for everybody, but this has been a crappy decade for Theresa. So you know what, I'm going to try and throw a little bone and Jackie goes, fuck, I'm fun now. He's a good fuck, Theresa.

And they're like, who are you? Like, since Wendy you talk like that. And Teresa, I don't want to go fuck. I want to go. And then Jennifer's like, don't be such a prude. You're single and ready to mingle. Hey, huh. She also says, Jackie says, she says, yeah, he's half Italian half Jewish and then Jen goes bitch the bagel I miss that part, but I love a piece of bagel. Oh, so cheers everybody. They're doing kamikaze shots and trees. I know that we know that we know that by way We know they're doing kamikaze shots because Jennifer goes Hey, mr. when we get off work. I got a kamikaze to shot to do I'm just gonna sit here and giggle for this entire round.

So Teresa is like, I gotta make sure I stand up straight because I can't have 200 drinks is, and I don't want my Bubbys to come out. Peeps, there you go. Sorry, did I say that when I read? Peeps, there you go. Then I got a pizza bag There ain't nothing honey. Okay, so Jackie gets up to give a drunk speech. Like, and I'm fun now speech. And she's like, you know, I just want to say that I love my husband so much.

He's rich, but I'm a lawyer, but I got it. Love him, baby, his name, baby, his little love you honey. And then she takes it, she takes him and just makes out with him, baby, his little baby honey. And then she takes it, she takes him and just makes out with him, like open mouths and stuff. She's really going for like a new Jackie this season. You go girl. Everything's great in our marriage, everything's happy and I'm fun.

So Teresa's like, you know, I can give him a little job. I mean, try to make him feel good today. It's his birthday. So then Teresa just turns to someone. And then this is truly the most hilarious and like ineligant rumor mongering that we've ever seen on Bravo. She just turned to someone and said, so I heard he does stuff. Does he? They're like, what Teresa, what are you talking about? I don't know. Does he do things? Cause I heard he does stuff at the gym.

Daddy do that. What? He's like, you know what? Maybe Margaret would know because she lives in that area. So now we start the that area. Remind the 10 of five people claim to only know things that are happening in their area. Yeah, like, what is this? Like, like 1875, like, where does it get down to where people convene? And so Teresa goes out to Margram and she's like, hey, you know what,

a lot of people? Like, do you have, yeah, rumors was about Evan? And he likes iced coffee. That's all I really know. Okay. Well, I hear something. Have you heard he does stuff at the gym, like school on a ramp? And he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Chew-Ree-Sah, that is one coffee that you're serving right now. All right, ice coffee only, Risa. Only it's got. Margaret has full bottom lip curl down to her chin. Doing a full Margaret Joseph's, like, I'm shocked that you bring this up right now. My lip is going to curl all the way down. It's going to actually go below my chin and all the way.

It's going to touch my babies. This is like classic lip moment because then Teresa has her classic, like, kind of opening her lips and then moving her tongue back and forth and cross the moon. She's like, I don't know. I can't remember.

You know me. I forget things. And Teresa, you know, she's starting shit because her hands, her fingers are fully spread apart. She's holding invisible melons, so she's talking with her fingers fully extended in all different directions. I don't know, I can't remember now. You know what? You know me, I forget things.

I don't know, I'm stupid. I was stupid little teeth patch, short and short. You know what I'm saying? Just moving her tongue back and forth I don't want to hear it just like what is it that you heard baby? Kevin stuff at the gym he cheats on a Melissa's like oh my god someone please press rewind can we racist this is supposed to be my bad marriage season Please press rewind. Can we erase this? This is supposed to be my bad marriage season.

Wow, this is a crazy. I thought she never would go and steady. You know what I heard that a long time ago from Teresa, but at the end of the day, you know what? Do you keep receiving it then shut the fuck up, baby? Shut the fuck up and meet me at the soda jerk okay. So, markets like Teresa, this is not the place okay. This is his birthday okay. Joe, go shower. Go shower Joe. Teresa goes, alright, but I heard it. You know what, let me have the lord if you heard it. You know what? Let me ask the Lord if he heard it. Hey, the Lord is. Hey Teresa. What's the story? Mom and glory. What's the word? I'm in

bad. Did you hear about you going, Kim? The Lord is. And so she's telling the Lord is a molissa's like, my heart is actually aching. Do you hear the admin fucks around? She's not even saying did stuff anymore. She just saying, do you hear he fucks around? And the Laura's goes, this is such a delure thing. She goes, that would surprise me. That would surprise the shit out of me. Oh, Melissa's like, oh, God, Jackie is running around in this cute little dress,

making out with her husband for 12 minutes straight thinking This is the best night of her life and we see Trees now with Joe Gorega You know, I try to keep my mouth shut by I'm drinking tonight. So I can't help And you know what you think you fucks she's like going up to the waitress Hey, you think that girl over there. You see that guy over there. You do stuff. You do stuff, right? Right? So that's why people saying that and just like I don't know Teresa You know what? I'm not in the area so I don't know this isn't my area All right, I'm from a different area. I'm March goes. I'm from the area and I have not heard that

Okay, I'm from the area. And I have not heard that. All right. I am from this area. So then Margaret goes, Oh, God, fuck me. And she walks into the middle of the part. She's like in the middle of the parking lot. And she just, she just says, to literally no one, just sort of says it to the party. Does anyone else have to pee? Anyone want to pee? Anyone want to come with me to pee? Anyone on, okay, open invitation to pee with me. Anyone want to pee? Anyone want to pee? And the come with me to pee anyone. Okay, open invitation to pee with me I want to pee and I'm gonna pee and get the most Jersey answer ever from Melissa if I don't pee right now It's gonna come out my clip We're like in the first like 10 minutes of this show. I'm like what what are these what blessings? This is like where where did we why are we so lucky to receive this right now?

Right lessons. This is like, where are we? Why are we so lucky to receive this right now? Right. You think that things can't get better. And then they do. So they start, everyone starts singing happy birthday to Evan as they go into the bathroom. So they're in this like trailer bathroom thing. And Marge is like, I do not like what just happened. I swear on my life, I'm a shot to be sad. I'm a shot. Right. I mean, thank you for dropping a nucleobomb in my lap to be sad. Yeah, and most is like whether or not it's true. This to Jackie would be devastating and I'm going to be fake outrage all season long guys. I am outraged right now. And then they come back outside and join the group and the happy birthday song is just ending.

I was like, this is the longest, most painful happy birthday song I've ever been to. It's like a 10 minute happy birthday song. I know. And Jackie's like, you know, I'm feeling really good about tonight. I mean, everyone had a really good time. We're all together. And maybe this is the beginning of us getting back to normal. I mean, we're already hanging out in a parking lot.

I mean, it's essentially like old times. Get over here, Evan. And then she starts like making out with him again. Um, so then the next day Bill is in bed and the kids are running around his room. And he's like, oh, let me take it out. But have a headache. God, what's going on, guys? Hmm. So then, maybe it's because you were so lemon, we came home last night, baby. And then we got to, we got to them. Having, they took a bunch of pictures and like got home wasted and Bill shirts all and done. And he's being all sexy for the camera.

I thought, who was taking those photos? Please tell me it was like Gabriella. Maybe it was, or, or, or, or, problem. I mean, who was someone who was taking those photos? And I love you. You know, Olivia was like sitting on the those photos? I don't know. I don't know. You know Olivia was like sitting on the chase in like a ball gown waiting for them to come

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and she's like, how are you honing him here? Okay, all right, no, I'm already gonna tell you this right now, Margaret. I don't want a nice coffee. All right, mom,, honey, I'm here. Okay, all right. No, I'm already gonna tell you this right now, Margaret. I don't want a nice coffee. All right, mom, you know, I'm doing fine, fine. I'll just check it myself. And the house is looking good

and we see clips of year after year Margaret bitching about getting the house done. And when she's like, why does it seem so into wallpaper Joe? And he's like, cause he get crappy wallpaper. Good take a shower Joe. All right, good take a shower. So Joe and he's like, uh, because he get crappy wallpaper. Go take a shower, Joe. All right. Good to get shot.

Um, so Joe still in bed because he got totally wasted with all the guys and then it cuts to a clip of him just barfing like bending over. Yeah. I was concerned we wouldn't have any vomit in the first 20 minutes of the season premiere, but of course, of course, not. We would have it. You know, always come on Jersey. You know, Joe, I mean, like, it's throwing up, you know,

with these guys that give him all this beer and he just throws up. I mean, he just shout for crying out. I don't know, he's puking. Okay, he's got a shower again. So then we go over to Melissa's and there's a bunch of teenage girls there and they're like calling someone on the phone and giggling with each other. And Joe's like, quiet, I'm trying to sleep all the year. Yeah, because Antonio's turning 15,

and so since you can't have a proper party, what they're gonna do is make cupcakes and go down to the shore for a pool party. I'm like, that is a proper party. Idiots, that's a proper party. Okay, not everything has to, you know, have like Lil Nas X come out of a cake. Okay. It's not. Yeah. Doesn't have to be that way. And I'm telling you, he's like, by the way, boys are coming. Zach and Mikey. And

Joe does this whole. I prefer my daughter to wear that done outfit and pray to church. I don't approve of no boyfriend. All right. You know what kids? I want you to know something. I was the most respectful kid ever. All right, you know what I'm going with that, right? And Anthony says, Dad, you can't see another word about it. And she does her mom's like little squealing thing. Ugh. So back at Marge's house, she's talking

about how Joe Gorka always gives Joe, and he knows all these drinks and then she's like, no mom, let me tell you something, okay. Let me tell you, Teresa is walking around saying that Evan is, you know, he's just going around and like sleeping, sleeping without the women, sleeping without the people at the gym and Marge, you know, does like this big jump back, I was like, shwink! They give her like a whole sound effect, she's like,

where the hell did she get that? What? And then I turned her back, she's telling everyone at the party mom. And then Melissa is telling Jo about it. And she's like, oh my god, it's so bad. But to spread it on the guy's birthday, and then to Jen and Bill, she's like,

Trace and Evan is shooting, baby. He's like, well, he is a good looking guy with a job. You know, broad shoulders, strong chest, heaving muscles, a little whisp of a chest hair that comes right up above the shirt and that. A way that says, I'm a man, but I also have a sensitive side. Why wouldn't you do that also have a sensitive sort. And why wouldn't you? What a weird response. He plays a good guy.

But a good job. He's a good looking guy with a good job. It's like, you cut that out there. And so then Joe is like, you know, tree, she holds grudges. You know, remember when there was stories about treewood a guy? And Melissa's like, yeah, but that was in blogs and magazines. There were pictures of her out with people that Jackie was talking about. I mean, this is not, this is based on nothing, you know, and member when Teresa said that Kim D can't accuse her of things without any proof. And then we see the clip of that when

Kim T is just like shackled to a chair. just like shackled to a chair. Okay. Okay. Okay. Glink, link. So then now we're back to Margaret and she's like, we need, I'm nervous about the trip, ma'am. I'm really nervous.

And then Marge Seagull is like, well, you know, especially because some of those boats they capsize, you know, you got to be careful. Those boats capsize. No. It's not enough. I love that. Like, there's a capsize fear about, I mean, they, I mean, boats kind of capsize. But I love that that's where Marge Se. That's where her her mind goes about this trip

So then we go over to David's new house and Frankie juniors there with Dolores and Dolores is like a little Frankie Hi, honey. I love David. How was work David? He's like I'm tired All right David for the season, right? It's all I'm going to say. I'm tired. All right. Let me explain the situation here. Okay.

I built the house with my boyfriend, David, and I didn't move in. There you're done. That's the situation. I live in my house with my husband and then my son decides to come moving with my boyfriend to study. You know, as long as I would, as much as I would like to say, my home is a safe haven, it's not a safe space. And then it cuts to her with a spray bottle and paper towels going, all right, who's shit on the floor? Who was it?

You know, Frankie, he tried to study for the GMATS here, but you know know when he was doing a sample one and they asked him to write an essay About what sort of business models he would use for pizza hot all he wrote was Dolores So we said we got to get him away from his father You know Dolores. He's the only kid. I know who used his pandemic time to do something positive And I told him if you don't put the time in, you don't get anything. And she's like, well, we did put it at the time, David, didn't we?

Look at this house, look at my fingers. Is there a ring here? This is not. I'm just saying. Yeah. And basically, Frankie, you know, Frankie is like, yeah, I've seen your relationship grow a lot, you know, like, you know, like now, David, you answer my mom's calls.

I mean, you've really grown a lot. I really appreciate that a lot. And the Lord says like, well, you know what, this isn't how I thought it would grow. You should have come last night, David. Everyone wanted you there. And he goes, no, but come on, David, just for an hour, they were asking about you, David.

And he goes, oh, you know what the Lord's house Your butt because you didn't tell me about that. She's like oh, I didn't tell him because he's not for a elective surgery Okay, it was a butt implant secret You know what I didn't tell him before the night until the night before the surgery because honestly if I had told him beforehand He'd been like a dog with a bone okay, and I would have been surgery because honestly if I had told him beforehand he'd be like a dog with a bone okay and I would have been eviscerated so you know what I did instead I walked from the living room to the kitchen around the first island around the second island background the first island back to the motorcycle in the living room and I

said David I'm getting a new butt tomorrow what do you want me to do about it huh and that was it you know what David sometimes you just off the charts with me. I mean, my plastic surgery, you go on and on and on. He goes, you didn't need it. And God forbid something could happen in surgery. It's like, well, do you know the great thing, David, is I don't need your permission. You know, I didn't get the commitment. I thought, I just served. Here's my finger again.

Look at my naked finger, David. Look at my naked finger, David. And he just gets up and walks off and he's like, we're done. We're done. Until I want to have sex again, huh? So then we go over to Jennifer's house. And Olivia is now like fully dressed like she's going to, you know, like the theater in 1952. And she's got makeup on. She's got a little purse. She's like, you know, I'm doing like, I love her. Yeah, she's really come a long way and you know, she has warmed her way into my heart as well. And she's like, Mama, I want to see the grownup

table tonight. Oh, yeah, you want to see the grownup table? You don't want to see the island? No, mama, I want to be with the the grownups! I wanna hear what the grownups have to say for once! Okay baby, you can be with the grownups, but only if you can handle it, huh? I can handle it, MAMA! Mmm, so your mom's not feeling well, I suppose? She's not coming? Mmm, and drink, guess... Uh, yeah.

So look, I was thinking to sit in the kids at the island. Maybe because I just wanted to sit with my two parents and maybe in this world. Is that so wrong? And then there's like a, you know, ring at the doorbell, I'm in the doorbell rings. And so Bill goes and answer it. Tina Jennifer sister who comes over. He's like, hello. who comes over, he's like, oh, hello. She's like mom sent food, all right?

And she's like, oh my god, Tina brought something from mom too, come on mom. Yeah, and then Steven comes over, the gay brother who we love, and he's also brought food from mom. So all this, like, what we learn later is like past. I thought, I was like, oh, the mom is sick and so she but she's still so sweet to send This food but now we're realizing this is just past of aggressive food like don't you want me to be there?

So We find out it's because Michael lived at home, but then he got married and he moved to Turkey and he was the buffer between my parents And he laughs and now they beg her all the time so I made the executive decision to have my dad live with me and Then we see a little clip of the dad going I can't live with your mother anymore Please help me You see a shoe bounce off his head God Melda What would you say Delta? No, no, I was saying Mel, who would have thought? I can feel. Oh, what would you say Delta?

No, no, I was saying Melda, who would have thought the Melda situation would have these repercussions? Oh my gosh. So the bill is such an ass. There's a whole table of all the shit she made and that the mother made. It's like all these people made this humongous meal meal. And Bill goes, hmm, you want wanna make some hummus for something?

She's like, nobody eats that bill. Yeah. Come on, Bill. So. He's gotta get hummus too, geez. Buddy. So they're just,

so they're eating it and the kids go off to place. Now it's just the adults and Gabriella talking about the situation with the mom. And Jennifer saying that her mom has just been like just Crazy and and just like you know, she fight like she's just she says the arguments that she gets in with Bill are a fraction of the Ugliness that you know her mom and dad get into and the dad is like she fights all the time with everybody the poor the poor dad is like please oh god let's not talk about her I'm from I'm traumatized by her. He says all you can say is how are you and she gets in your face and does like well you can

be emotional but are you good looking to have a good job. And then if you can't control it, it puts stress on everybody. And the sister, you can tell the sister is on the mom side because first of all when the sister brought the food in, she's like, so mom brought mom gave us sausages and peppers and cleaner for you dad. She's like, what points it out? And this time she goes, you know what, I think with mom, she almost just has too much passion. She just can't control it. I'm like, and this time she goes, you know what, I think with mom, she almost just has too much passion. She just can't control it.

I'm like, um, passion. That's a nice way of putting it. And Jim's like, I just don't want to see my dad being a punching bag anymore. And she's like, you know what, it was the bright thing to do, even if it goes against what she wants. So his two and the dishes.

She even goes gavvy. And she's like, oh, you serious and she's like, are you serious? She's like, I was your ally. So now we go back over. Now we get like some clips of things around around town. So we go to Melissa's house where Joey Jr. is like, he's in some sort of silly shoes and she's like, you're wearing silly shoes.

He's like, no, I'm not. And then he falls over. I want those shoes. I've always wanted those little roller shoes. So, but my feet are too fat. They don't sell them in extra wides. So then we go to marches and she's like, oh, could you do the biggest faith in chap?

I need some water. And he's like, oh my god, what are you with? Dictators, could you fan me chop? I'm a dictator fan me chop I'm a sweater. I'm sweating right now. I'm a sweater. Okay, I'm a sweater and then we have Dolores Face timing Frankie Steve being like I don't know what you say so Frankie. I got some big news today. I spilled I spilled some pasta your father spilled some some, some milk. And I let it sit for too long and actually, it actually cooked itself on the floor. So if you want

to come over, we got floor pasta for you. Mom, I'm studying. So then at Teresa's house, Jackie calls her and she says, you know, we should, we should talk before we go away together because I heard there was some thing said it. Evan's birthday and Jackie tells us the morning after my friend, the morning after, my friend called and said she heard that Teresa was thinking that Evan was cheating on me. And so they're gonna meet at Margaret's house because it's, she goes,

I don't think it's good for us to be together at our houses. Margaret's place is neutral. Yeah, and Jackie goes That's not fun gossip. That's something that has the potential to tear their parents of four small beautiful children who appreciate pizza and Amazon gifts. They can all be torn apart. Okay, that's not fun gossip So She is upset the day of it's like the day of this big meeting and Jackie's been upset and she's like, you know what hurt so badly is it's one of my friends that I invited to a special night with us could have the fucking nerve to go around this party and spread

a fucking real mariner and I was like, oh wow, it's gonna be fun. So and she says that when I told Evan about what Theresa was saying, it was one of the worst days of my entire life. Okay, he went so crazy, he was fucking, he was fucking angry as hell, he was so pissed, he was angry. So, which by the way, understandably, because it was a horrific rumor to spread if it's not true so So then if it is true, you know what if I'm fucking someone at the gym that is up that is a no-till zone

I pay for this and also don't tell it at his birthday party don't tell it as birthday party It's just like it's so obnoxious and I'm so glad it happened for us So if you can't get a blowjob at a gym, I'm telling you right now, 80% more men would be obese. That's right. That's right. So, Jackie has opened a Margaret's and we see, and then we see Lexi's her story arc, which is, I'm gonna get packing goody bags for the weekend.

She's like very into packing goody bags for the weekend. She's like very into these goody bags. I have an idea. So Marr just like all right this year at 10 a.m. say don't drown to reset because she can't swim. So they're talking about it and like she's like it reads so resentful. Jack is beautiful children. A bird has been this folks purpose he wanted to go in and destroy life. You know what it's this beard underlying resentment. I just I just don't get it. I just don't get it. All right. So Jackie shows up and she's like, Oh, hi, hi, you want a nice coffee? You

want to ask anything nice coffee? Okay, how about if I give you a glass of ice and a glass of coffee and you can decide what to do with that? Is that for you? Okay. So Jackie's like complimenting the house, but also super depressed. And Mark's is like, the floor is their vintage, the 1907. Is that crazy? I bet this, I don't want you to be hurting. I bet just because somebody says something doesn't mean it's true. Check this in.

Evanis works so hard to be where he is. And I don't want even the smallest taint on him. I was like, oh, no pun intended. What I need from Teresa is I need for her to shut it down. Okay. How far? I mean, how far did we let a woman like Teresa go? She's spread vicious rumors about people. She is physically assaulted people and you know what? Danielle wouldn't have insulted you if she hadn't told her, you know, and of course we get like, roll the footage of Teresa flipping the table. Roll that. Yeah, it's all Teresa's greatest hits. The Melissa

stripper gate thing, it's definitely bringing some of them on to say Melissa was a stripper and the table flipping. And then she does her thing. Now she's then now she's trying to tear apart a family with the most adorable and loving four of the sports children that you could have to save your life, but- So if they weren't adorable, it'd be okay if that family got torn apart. Listen, Justice for ugly children. Yes, yes, yes. Justice for ugly children.

On the ugly kids. Yes. What the ugly kids cry, okay. So Jackie's like, I'm so embarrassed. All his friends were hearing this. Well, I was, she was having a jolly good time. A jolly good time. Do you know what was he was having a jolly good time a jolly good time to know what jolly good time and his friends have to hear this. So Teresa Maxx just like she blinks. Yeah.

Yeah. Back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back and Lexi just turns into a pillar of DOS she goes I mean I'm gonna mo I'm gonna go make some more booty bags for the wee goon Just gone out of there Howie you want nice coffee one nice coffee. Oh, you don't even have that is I understand. Okay. I'll just drop it I'll drop it. You know what this is very stressful to research. It doesn't gotta be stressful though Howie you Jackie? Jackie's like, can I just talk and you just listen?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Theresa's talking like she's a therapist. Like, yes, speak. Tell me what's going on in mind. Okay, okay. So Jackie does her monologue of, if anything is the best guy in the world. My marriage is beautiful.

My family is beautiful. And this weekend, you took his name name and watched most important to him, being a great husband and father and gym goer, and you shat all over it. And you did it all, you did it all to our friends at his birthday party. And I don't know if you made it up or someone told you, but you need to admit that whoever told you this doesn't know me and doesn't know Evan and give you no evidence of anything. And you have to admit it was no Margaret. I don't want this ice coffee. This is terrible timing.

I just thought I'm just going to put it down really quietly right in front of you. Okay. Really quiet. It's exciting. I don't want you to be upset at it. All right. This is a rumor. I heard it.

I can't see the person's name. But listen, if it's not true and you want Evan know it's not true then what's the big deal? Okay, well does this person even know me and Evan? Did they even know me? I don't know well obviously they do because they said it but I can't get into details because I could give two shit alright it in my husband. I could give two shits which is why I went to everyone that party and said yeah Evan doing stuff. know, doing stuff. By the way, this is the best one. Jackie tries to have a reasonable conversation with Teresa and expects some sort of logic or logical response. It is always the most funny, funny outcome. Yeah, because Teresa doesn't

work on that level, you know, she's like, so, um, Jackie's like, so they didn't say I know Evan and Jackie and he cheats. And this is how I know. I don't care about that. I mean, woman to woman. I hear this and you don't want me to tell you. No, no, I don't. Like she came to her, like she came to her and told her and didn't tell everybody at the birthday party instead.

But she's like, she's like, Margaret, Margaret, if I heard that Joe was cheating on you, you wouldn't want to know. And she's like, not in the party, not in the party. Okay, I can't. I'm so sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have done it at the party, but I was drinking. And not that I want to blame alcohol, but I didn't tell her and it's not like a through add-on. Like my friends. All right, you told everyone at the party. Okay, you even told the parking attendant, right?

So Jack is like, you know what? I'm not engaging this. I'm disengaging. I'm disengaging right now. You tainted his name. Okay. Like, stop with the tape. Stop with the tape.

You're just like cursing the situation and Teresa's like then why is everyone saying this? Did you ever get the same if they smoke this fire? And it cost a Margaret pacing backward like Lexi's still making the goody bags trying to pretend like nothing is happening And she's like I've got Teresa says it's true, but it's smoke this fire. I mean, what am I gonna say? I'm gonna freak out Lexi. I'm gonna freak out Lexi these bags look terrible. What do you do? Why are you putting staplers in the bags? We're not making actual office supply bags. Lexi Lexi get a control Lexi is shaking right now. Lexi don't light it on fire I didn't say I know listen I said when they smoke this fire

I didn't say light the goody bags on fire Lex. Oh, then just burn down the room that Joe just did Joe I need to get out the shower and fix this what Lexi just did. Sorry Well, I'm glad this year I'm single and I've been approached by lots of married guys who think it's okay to have a face, okay? That's why, and Jackie's like, oh, I'm so sorry that all these married men have been harassing you, but my married man has never looked in your direction, so leave my married man the fuck alone. I just need you to admit who told you this has no evidence to

research. I'm just like, I never asked for evidence. I'm just telling you what's out there. I need you to admit this is a lie. I need you to admit this is a lie to reach out. Clear my husband's name. You were spreading a faceless rumor to reach out. I apologize. I'm just like, I don't You were spreading a faceless Ruma Terri's death. I apologize. Just like, I don't give a shit if you apologize. She does. She goes, I apologize for doing it at the party.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just like, I don't give a shit if you apologize. I'm not a stupid girl. I'm a fucking lawyer. All right, I get it. Every two seconds, I'm a lawyer.

I'm a lawyer. I don't give two shit, sir, right? You don't call the shots. So she tells it, if you're not a stupid girl and you know your husband's not cheating on you then fucking stand up for yourself then. What does that even mean? She's literally standing up for herself right now. She's literally saying like, why the fuck did you say? I don't understand much. Teresa just strongly together, three phrases that sounded sort of good together. Teresa really is his dumbest box of chocolates.

Like, he just got a lover. She's a jack. He's like, admit, you need to admit, you spread it. Just I did not spread rumors. I heard the rumor. And the classic, every single person you ran into. Literally everyone. And so then here it was the twist of the show.

This is what I did not see coming. Jackie just turns and goes, well, I heard that GS North's coke in the bathroom at parties. I heard it. I don't know where it came from, but I heard it. I was like, whoa, whoa, Lisa Rina. Whoa. I was like, oh, this is not going to end well. I literally like, I was like, I had to like stop and be like,

oh my God, that was my house. I was cheering like I was watching straight people things on TV. I was like, yeah! Oh, it's like, yeah! Yeah. And I thought she was gonna say, now that's something I know is not true,

but wouldn't that be just as harmful if I had said that? But she's just like, nope nope that's what I heard. Yeah fuck you lady. So I died I had to pause it to you to just cheer and then it's just Theresa going Blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink. And Jack is like I heard it I don't know who I heard it from but I heard it she was you fucking bitch. Well how was that not the same thing Theresa?

Yeah a fucking confetti. It's called fuck it's out. Fuck you you never should go after the kids you never should go after the kids. But how was that not the same thing to reason? You're a fucking confedinus, call fuck yourself! Fuck you, you never should go after the kids, you never should go after the kids. Husband's only, okay? And then Jack is like, you want to throw something at me? Throw it! You're a fucking see-cuff-see-cuffinus. I must have said seward and cup-binus altogether. I'm Jacky, because I'm living the life you wanna live.

I win. You know you know you're fucking out of the sheet, that's why you're crying because you fucking know it. And Margaret's like, what's happening? Is someone like something on fire? Then we need something, what's going on? She's like, no, no, she's like, fuck her. She's a fucking cut fitness. She brought up my daughter. She's a fucking cut fitness

And Jack is like I said it's the same thing as me saying I hear the genus North's coconut or Gia's North's coconut bathroom She's disgusting. She has four kids. She's disgusting Cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness cut fitness Wow, we and it's cut in it. Cut in it. Cut in it. Cut in it. Cut in it. Cut in it. Cut in it. Wow. We, let me see here. Real house swans of New Jersey, G.A.H.

Let's see how old she is. I thought it said 48, but I guess that's Teresa. They're saying in addition to posting about how she adores G.A. Teresa 48 shows support for Elder Dottest, for elder daughters daughters decision in the Instagram post. Oh, I don't care about this. How old is she's 19 because this article is Gia, Judy, it's 19 reveal she got a nose job. Hey, guess what? Your kids old enough to be in the army, vote and get trashed on national television. and get trapped on national television.

Oh, man, this is not going to end well. It will be this is. Oh, man, like dragging Gia into a scandal. This is the first, this is a first Gia, Gia, the arguably the smartest and most sensible person on the show. Wow. It's not going to end well. That's great. But it's's gonna be so much fun. Yeah, that was great. This is a great episode. I'm so excited to see what's gonna happen next.

Thank you all for listening. On our next episode, we are tackling part two of the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Reunion. So that will undoubtedly be equally amazing. And that's it, so we'll see you on the next episode, everyone stays safe and talk to you next time. Bye. Love you guys. Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors.

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