Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Gym Tan Beverly

Episode Date: February 14, 2020

The Real Housewives of New Jersey head down to the shore for some fights about thrown plates and Beverly is officially shown to the door. Until next week. For this week's bonus Trailer Breakdown for RHONY, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. *** Limited Edition Shirts! "Shannon Bowldor", "Twerp", "Dork", "When Life Gives You Tacos Make Taco Salads" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Lawrence KS, Omaha, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Orlando, Charleston, Oklahoma, Asbury Park NJ, Toronto, Washington DC, San Francisco and Boston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

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Better than tabooly, it's Annie and Julie. Let's take off with Tamala Plane. Let's get Racy with Miss Stacey. Yes we should with Carrie Bridgewood. Lordus, the Lordus of the Rings. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Incredible, edible Matthew sisters. Give them hell, Miss Noel. Kelly Stump, the Stump Master.

Always ready for Nicole Passa Ready. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. No one can do it like Andrea do it. Yes, we can, with Howley, Carolyn and Ann. Somebody get us 10 CCs of Betsy MD. Nancy, Cease and Desisto. We love you guys. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens! The podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Yeo Bros. As you some Ronnie Carroms you can find me over on the Bachelor Rost podcast called Rose

Briggs. And here I am with Ben Mantleker, my co-host and little Bestie, who also does the Real House Whairs of Keption Island, which you can find on YouTube. Just go look for him, okay? Subscribe to it. Hi Ben. Hey Ronnie, how's it going? Good, what's going on baby?

Not much, just you know, I literally just finished watching all of our shows that we have to record today, Jersey and Summer House are so good. I couldn't really watch them last night because I went to the Rob has a podcast, a 10 year anniversary show, slash survivor, premier party thing and I just want to give a shout out to Rob, even though we don't talk about survivor on this podcast. I'm still a huge survivor fan and Rob is a fellow podcaster and he came up just along with us both in terms of blogging and in terms of podcasting and so I just want to say happy anniversary to Rob and if you love survivor go check out his podcast because it's like kind of the place to go for a survivor stuff.

So congrats Rob. So we yeah congrats happy. So we got you. Congrats, happy anniversary Rob Sternino. Yeah, and also gotta give a shout out someone, oh my God, I'm so sorry, I forgot your name because I'm just bad like that. But he came up to me and was like, oh my God, I love watch your crap. And we met him back in Boston.

He's one of our Boston listeners. And he actually flew out to this thing last night to be at this robbing, but he's still a Boston bass. So it's always so cool to still run into crappiners. And on top of that, ran into one of the survivor contestants. Her name is Rourke and she's actually, we talked about her before. She is actually a crappin's listener and then wound up on survivor and got to see her again. So it's just, it's still always so cool to meet crap as listeners in the wild.

So big shout out and hello and thank you to everyone from last night. Yeah, that's cool. Right on. Well, congrats Rob. That's a neat. Yeah. That's a 10 years speak. Yeah.

Whoa, 10 years. Okay. Next week we are going to be traveling to a couple places. We're going to go to Lawrence, Kansas and We're going to go to Lawrence, Kansas, and we're going to go to Is that right? And then we're going to Omaha, Nebraska. So We are recapping Summer House and then New Jersey right, PN? We're doing we're doing actually We're doing New Jersey in

Kansas and Summer House and Omaha. I'll put that up on the website. So there you go. So you guys come, see if you're in town, come, see us. And then there's a bunch of other dates. You can go check those out over on our watchworkcraftens.com site. There's ticket links and all that stuff with a bunch of cities there. Charleston's a big one.

That's coming in April. And we're going to be recapping the real housewives of New York coming in April. And we're gonna be recapping the real housewives of New York trailer. And that, no, that season premiere. What did I say, the trailer? The trailer. Okay, sorry guys. You just started today.

I've been, I just love. I just love. I just love. I just love. I just love. I just love. I just love.

I just love. I just love. I just love. I just love. I just love. I just love. I just love. I've been organizing races and keenwas and shit like that into jars. So that's where my head's at You know, I get it. I love I loved I heard you on your breath. You're like, okay, the show is on 4 4 So that month is generally yeah, I still don't know months. I know my birthday month Christmas month and Thanks giving month and yeah, I know 10. I know as I go later. I know like 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, but all the other ones I'm like, oh no.

Those generic spring months can catch up to you. I've even counted the first month. Like when it's when something I've been like, oh, okay, yeah, duh. I've gotten really bad at calendar math. I've got, I've realized it when someone says, oh, that was from 1996, I have to like stop and think, okay, how many years ago was that again?

Because now it's like 2020, so that's like 20 years to 2000, and then, okay, then it's for it. I have to like literally stop and do all sorts of math. I feel dumb. The odd dumb, oh my gosh, when you're reading a recipe or something from another country, and they're like, oh, here's how many grams it is

I'm like go fuck yourself with that now. I know America is the one that changed all that You know, we're like we got to have our own kinds of numbers and measurements So I know it was our fault, but come on people. You're talking to me. I'm stupid because somebody just translate this I don't have to whip out my stupid phone every single time Classy to gram to ounces or whatever the hell. Classic crap ends. We spend all of yesterday making fun of Raquel and math. And then here we are being like, now, how do we add five and six

together again? Well, that's why we're not total hypocrites. You know, we make fun of people, but we're also disasters. So those are the live shows we're going to be doing next week. Also, go check out our crap and send them to band videos. Those are super fun. This week we have Vanderpump rules and the Real Housewives of New York trailer.

So I knew it was there somewhere. Those were both great. And so we're our bonus episodes. This week we did one about the Real Housewives of New York trailer as well. It's all the same thing. So go over there and check those out. Thanks for your support. Bloody Blah. but seriously, no blah. We love you. And now we're onto the

real housewives of New Jersey. Okay, they're going down to the Jersey's floor. Yeah, the Jersey's sure. So the episode opens up with a few vignettes of things going on around Jersey. Oh, oh wait, by the way, I should say since we're talking about Jersey There's only 25 tickets left for asbury park show so if you want to come there's only 25 tickets left. Okay, that's it Anyway, yeah, so it opens up Hey, Melanie, Melanie, I just you know, I need some I need some coffee and Jo need a little pastry Can you get a little pastry for Joe? Melanie can you can do that? Where they need like you are too fat Joe It's just basically everyone above the age of 60 in my family too. It's like

you just, I don't know what it is about getting older. I mean, this hit, this happened to me when I was five, but we just don't give a fuck what you say anymore to people. Well, because you learn that what you say to people doesn't, like, it doesn't really matter. It really doesn't make any way. No one's really, no one's truly paying attention until you say something really terrible and then they pay way too much attention. Yeah, but you know, Joe Sakai, we've learned on this show, guys are different to ladies, right? Here's the difference between guys and ladies, guys laugh when you say that to

them. That's what that's when Joe and the nice misogynistic world of New Jersey. Yeah, and then we go over to Jackie's house and her kid really wants chicken Parmesan. And then there's some discussion that he's going to start up a chicken Parm restaurant, but it's all going to be cold chicken Parmesan. It's like, okay. Yeah. Hudson is quickly becoming my favorite child. He's great.

He's great. Even though he has a little bit of a mouth on him as we see later in the episode But he's growing up to Jersey. What the fuck Fucking champ a chip fucking champion chip man. I damn it What your math are we're having another yoga parfait bay birthday party man. What's your matter? We're having another yoga parfait day. Dan being a man. Another build your yoga parfait day. So then over at Teresa house, Teresa's house,

it is, you know, like a little party prep because she is going to prom cake that broccoli on the table. Get those blues blown up. She's going to prom. Yeah. And to celebrate the occasion, we then get a call from Joe. So we get our customary. This is a free call from... Ciao! And the kids are just so used to... The kids are just so used to him being gone. She's like, oh, daddy, could you call back?

I gotta get my hair done. Idiot. It's call me later. He's like, oh, daddy, could you call back? So I gotta get my hair done. It yet. It's call me later. He's like, all right. All right, I mean, I mean, I mean, I said I'm in the shoe, but yeah, I'll do whatever I can to fit your schedule. Yeah. I like that one minute. He's like, you know what, they shoot me in the fucking shoe

for opening a window. And now he's like, yeah, I'll call you whenever. When's good, you know, they're open with the schedule here at shoe. Right. At shoe. I like you took off the article. It's just, it's like when British people talk about the hosp,

going to the hospital, they just say, I'm going to hospital. Yeah, I'm at Shoe. I'm at Shoe, right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm at Shoe, okay? Great, great, great designs for less. Shoe.

And something that I'm sure has been said a million times in this house, Theresa. That broccoli smell. Oh, come on. As she sprays, I want to, I assumed it was for breeze, but knowing her is probably some weird lice all. So it probably smelled like fresh laundry and broccoli at the same time. Yeah, because you know broccoli, like you don't even have to be making broccoli.

There are just some things that have that weird broccoli smell. And you know that that you know that Joe had that smell. You know he had like a weird broccoli. And going to be thrown away. Yeah. Yeah. And innate broccoli sense about him. Yeah.

Why was she making broccoli for this prom party anyway? By the way, what sort of prom party requires fresh broccoli? I don't know, but I like her healthy party vibes because it's just like a tray of pre-cut vegetables and then some broccoli. That's all I really knew about this party. I feel like Melania requested that or something. Also, I will say there is a difference

between broccoli when it's boiled and broccoli when it's roasted in terms of scent. I mean, roasted broccoli still has a distinct scent, but it's a little nuttier, so it's more, it's like a terms of scent. I mean, roasted broccoli still has a distinct scent, but it's a little nuttier, so it's more, it's like a little more tolerable. But like when you boil or steam broccoli, I mean, God save you.

Yeah, it's disgusting. It sticks in your walls, it sticks in everything. Okay, broccoli is for smoothies. That's what I'm saying right now. I started putting them in my smoothies. Feel broccat. Broccat is for making lovely little dioramas. Okay. I'll put it. So Teresa gives us, you know, every episode Teresa, we have to feel sorry for Teresa. So this time it's because Joseph and Jill, she's going to

prom. She's like, you know, it's mainly important for her. When she had a eighth grade prom, I was away and now she's having a dis one and Joseph away. Like, well, you know, you better hope she doesn't marry Frankie anytime soon because that's a very important event in her life. And someone else from the family is gonna have to go to prison, you know, like once you see a pattern, you just gotta keep it going, Melania.

All right, get the hot wire over there. Or maybe no, no, he's been illegally catching octopus pushes out of, octopi out of Is it octopi or octopuses because you know if like if it's Greek it's it's ES but if it's or the other never mind So I had to Know I was like I was like why am I trying to question The proper declension or man Uralization during a Teresa G guys you are you are at the wrong bus stop, sir. The point is that the Doregal rings and Gina Kio

shows up with a bunch of balloons. I was like, there's Gina. Oh my God, she made it to New Jersey and she has balloons. And guess what? Guess what we get? Another call from. You have a free call from. Yeah.

Ciao. So Joe calls back and she is like, mom, so psycho dad. She's a psychopath You should see you're over here. Yeah, she loves it. She loves that shit. You know spending my money on stupid shit I mean, prom to be fair. I mean Teresa is running around like Lorraine Bronco at the end of good fellows You know she does helicopter does a helicopter does helicopter overhead. Oh my god. Oh my god. It's a promise. Oh my head Make your talk like Bethany, but you get the point. Yeah.

So Gorga, little Gorga comes over and brings flowers and she is like, oh my god, you're like my dad. You look my second dad. Which, you know, Jo Judeis just threw a breakthrough into an Italy. Yeah, somewhere. Sure he'd love to sing that. I'm in the Italian shoe now, which is funny

because the country's shipped like a shoe. So I guess I'm sure he'd love to sing that. I'm in the Italian shoe now, which is funny because the country's shipped like a shoe. So I guess I'm just in Italy. And thank God we have balloons to spell out prom. Because I know. It's very, it's a very confused mother of the household over here. What a thing a prom! Happy broccoli day, honey! Happy broccoli day! Yeah, I mean, talk about like, listen, I don't often get onto my environmental soapbox,

but those, I mean, talk about a single-serve balloon. I guess they all are single-serve, but that was for a very brief. Those are, do we need prom-renowned in balloon form? Can you just do a banner? Yeah. A great. Yeah, those balloons are no joke. They're no joke. They are literally not a, they're not funny. They are not a joke. They're serious. Wait a shit all over G.S. Prom.

You know what? Well, what they have to do is after the prom, they have to turn into a party is that way they can put the P at the end of the word. And now it's a ramp. See See you're making a second use to the letters. I'm okay with that a Boom the poem Fucking bitch wife of mine. I didn't actually do it one that boom Thanks morning. We don't have to clean up the mess. You just take out the art and we arrange it just map map So Oh, so Dolores is getting Freddie Frankie Freddie Frankie Dolores is getting Frankie ready for prom and she'll come on Frankie Come down. Yeah, I want to see you. It sucks. Oh Frankie. Look at you up moms here mom. What'd you bring?

Cookies up moms here mom what you bring cookies all right so mom didn't get you a boot near but she got you a cookie so he append to your lapel okay this is an EL fudge all right that looks very nice and you have very handsome with your EL fudge cookie and you lapel he's like let me let me let my little grandma only see me a little increment it's gonna be too much for a seeing the whole text too much yeah it's like opening up the entire box It's gonna be too much for her seeing the whole pecs too much Yeah, it's like opening up the entire box of Malamars too much for grandma. It's like reverse stripping with grandma Oh my god, he's in the shirt. I'm so proud. Oh my god. He's in a boat. I am a shirt. I'm so proud Oh my god, he's in a tuxedo jacket and a shirt and a boat side

So proud Wait till I tell you father Dolores, he's doing so well with his eating. All his ice cream, he toasts it first to reduce half the calories. Ronnie, did you ever go to prom? Hell no, no way. I never went to prom, never asked, never was asked, hated it, hated everybody who went there. I read Kerry while people were at prom and I'm not even kidding. I read it for the second time while people are at prom

because we don't have that. Hands. And if you don't, you're missing a good book. Did you go? Hell yeah. I went to prom and had non-sexual experiences with every prom date I went. I went to five proms actually.

Yeah, I was not that kind of high schooler. It's like fuck this place. Fuck you, fuck you. Oh, I was not that kind of high schooler. It's like fuck this place. Fuck you. Fuck you. Oh, I was only too happy my junior year I went to junior prom and I went to junior prom with Rebecca I can't remember who last name all of a sudden which is ridiculous because we're Facebook friends and then and then I went to a senior prom with Kim Mastis and we That was a problem that was on a boat that went around Manhattan, which was like a circle line, so that was very glamorous. And then, then the next year, I went to my friends, so I went to my friends, senior prom,

in Connecticut, and then I went to, I was Miriam Akerman's date to her junior prom, but then I had some sort of weird gastrointestinal cramping, so I had to leave after the prom, which was so me. And then for my senior prom, it was like a hotel somewhere. So those were my five proms, five proms, but I was gay, so, ah, very non-sexual and very platonic experiences across the board. Yeah, not me, I was like, you're all fucking idiots.

Have fun. Have fun at your idiot dance. I remember there was a big controversy, because I was also on like the prom. I was on the prom. Well, I was class, I was the class of EP, senior year. So I was there. Like the class officers have to put together the prom.

And there was a big, I remember having like clashing with a girl named Meredith about what should be served at the prom. And I was, I was pushing hard core for like chocolate cheesecake and she was pushing hard core for ice cream sundae and it was an issue. There was a big issue about that. But I guess to one chance, I think it was like a homecoming dance or something. And my mom made me go because you know, my mom was like a junior leagueer and she was like mortified that I was in like black combat boots and a cigarette. So the children

are less at the wall, you know, in the back. So I went to win and the theme of it, I remember, was night and white satin because you remember that song? Nothing was satin. Yeah,, of course I love that song. So that was the theme of this dance. And I went to it and I was like, no one's even wearing white. These fucking morons. This is what happened.

People are too stupid to even wear white. Like, I can't. I'm done. The theme of our senior prom was the Rose based on the Beddler song, The Rose. That's another real- And I did not choose that theme. I did not. I mean, I put all my eggs in the chocolate cheese cake basket.

Yeah, let's have a high school dance and theme it after a movie about drug addiction and life loss. That sounds great. Yeah, I was actually opposed to the theme because it was the theme of the prom the year before and I was like we're not doing the rose again and it was like no we loved it we loved it we're doing it again and you were in the closet back then

so you're probably like oh my god please don't put that middle in my prom God knows how I'm gonna react you're gonna be yeah it was triggering I was like have it be someone very strict. Why can't this be a Brooks and Dunn prom? Okay, so Frank gets over to Teresa's house. And he's like, what's always like to reach into the ocean? And then Melissa tells everybody,

oh yeah, we're going to the shore until Laura's just doing the trip. Um, and uh, Gorgas, Gorgas like, uh, what? What did I wrote? Why not? Gorgas says why not? Why? I don't know because I didn't write down the line before it. Well, he probably also works. He says why not to everything. Like, once more broccoli, why not? Like a f**k with Melissa? Why not? Why not? No, the issue is Melissa thinks that because they're reminiscing on the Jersey Shore and Melissa, she thinks that basically Jennifer and Jackie and Marge, they're not sure that they're going to like the Jersey Shore because they're not really

from there and they're more of a Hampton's vibe than a Jersey Shore vibe. So maybe that's why Joe was like, why not? Oh, okay. Um, so Bill and Jennifer, so Bill is doing that thing where he just sits and watches Jennifer get dressed. And he sits on Premon proper with his back straight up in his eyebrows alert. Yeah. He's like, oh, he, I. Mmm. Where could you possibly be? Come out, come out wherever you are. Mmm. I'm trying to pick out a dress for the gay event thing that we're going to for my brother, he's gay. My dad can't come because he came down

with the case of my son, his gay, James needs us. So he's gonna stay home, but we're gonna go back. Yeah, so yeah, so basically her brother, is her brother's name Steven, I forget. Yeah, I think it's Steven. So Steven's, you know, he works like a performing art school in Long Island, so they're gonna be having a fundraiser.

And Jennifer wants to bring Gabby because Gabby's been bullied recently and it like cuts back to that. That clip where Gabby's like a girl through a ball at my head and said, next time I should have looked out for the ball or something like that, which was so cruel. And it's also like, what a, it just always makes me laugh because it's such a,

like, not laughing at Gabby, I laugh at the absurdity of that bullying, you know? Really? That's terrible bullying. It's like a so bad bullying. It's just terrible. It's just like, it's like, it almost doesn't seem like a real thing That's someone did but anyway

Yeah, so that poor kid and also don't cut a prom. Okay everybody that's basically what Ben just I won't get no I want I want to get a real it to be that girl who like writes to a Super famous like NBA player and is like I bullied, will you take me to my prom? And then he actually comes, I want her to be in one of those stories. That's like in the oddly enough section of Yahoo. I do, I want- I do have sex in.

You know, I want her to have that thing where she's been bullied and then she goes to prom with a super famous person. famous person. So she's like bullying she got bullied and now Steven I wanted to see what it's like because Steven was you know look at him now he's doing great so it's gonna be inspiring to her I mean it should be a fun party not like that sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-thousand night. Yeah. Like, Joe was very appropriate that night, right? Mmm. You think? A clip of Joe being like, you got a banger wife more, huh?

So she's such a bitch, right? Banger. Fuck her. Do what? Slammer. Come on. Yeah, it was very disrespectful. Mmm.

And it certainly requires an apology. Mmm. She's like it certainly requires an apology. Mm. She's like, I'm just ready to have a shot check. It's gonna be. So then we go over to Gorgah. And he's like, yeah, I told Bill, told Dr. Bill, bang your wife more. And then he walked off.

Like, what the hell? Yeah. And they're like, yeah, oh wait. Frank's like, well, you know, what happens. So then Frankie shows up. And so Frankie's there, you know, kissing everyone hello and Gia's getting dressed. And then it's one of these moments where I was like, like, how much has he is coming in life. And then we get like a giant Gia

trauma montage with this poor girl who starts off like so happy and dancing on her bed singing songs, doing her cry song and having to watch like her parents basically ruin her life over the past eight years. And it's amazing that she's turned out as well as she has. It really is. It's also amazing that she quit smoking 20 cigarettes a day since she was like a kid, you know, because I forgot that her voice is like, hey, when she was a little girl, she's like, I gotta learn to think about everybody.

He's like, geez, she's like the baby from Roger Rabbit. And now she's like, hello, mother. She's like all fancy now. Well, either way, she comes down the stairs, which, you know, of course in my head, I'm singing the, she's all that song. Kiss me, I'm in the lean, I'm singing the she's all that song You know like I don't think any girl can come down to staircase without that song playing in everyone's heads, right? Yeah Like I never saw the movie. I don't know what you're talking. No, I'm like prom sex. I'm like trigger

I know Ron is low-key triggered right now like and then he's just not he's just I Yeah, I'm trying to get the I did I was having issues because I cried in this scene. How you did? Yeah, like a literally crying. I think so. You know, just cause I don't know. I cry at things like that. Like weddings or whenever like something's big

and the parent is like, oh my god, my kid has grown so much. I start crying. Then I started crying in this fucking mom scene with Jennifer later. And see that I started like literal tears squ mom scene with Jennifer later. And see that I started on the list. A lot of tears squirting out of my eyes. And then I thought, get something going on in your life.

Like seriously, you're sitting here crying Real House was in New Jersey twice. Like that's not okay, you know? Yeah, organize some quinoa for crying out loud. That's what I did, you know? That's what I did. I went down to organize rice and quinoa. And when you went downstairs, did you hear the music playing?

That's Rodney's prom. I'm just sobbing on the bottom of the stairs with like a little jar of quinoa in my hands. Rodney's back in work. It is an end. It is. The rose girl that would have brought me back to life a little a little gay icon in my life Next time you organize keen wow you should play the rose see how it feels I was playing the Beatles because I put on Hey play modern pop and that was a disaster. Okay. It's like, oh my god, these kids and they're terrible garage band music that just repeats over and over. They played the Beatles on Modern Pop. Where was that like, oh, is it serious? I said play Pop and she's like,

we're playing Modern Pop from Apple Music and then I said, okay, fuck that, cause that was a nightmare. It's just, that was terrible. I really know that I'm an old man now after listening to the Pop Station for 10 minutes. I couldn't take it. So I was like, play the Beatles and I was like, did you just say that out loud? Come on, Ronnie.

Wow. I mean, there's got to be a happy medium. Did you try 90s pop? No, but they wouldn't play 80s pop. I did try that and then they start playing just regular pop. I don't know if this is Alexa. Was this Alexa? It's Alexa, but she's hooked up to my music. Alexa is a terrible curator. I was at my friend's house and I told Alexa to play Annie Lennox. Annie Lennox has so many amazing songs, but in the later part of her career, she just has nothing but durges.

And Alexa was like, okay, here's another durge. And I was like, Annie Lennox be like, ooh, it was like no, no music. It was like no, no FM. It was like, ooh, yeah. I'm like, why didn't Alexa, when they first came out and I was like oh yeah I'm like I didn't know like said when I when they first came out and I was them oh god she came on sorry everybody I was in Los Angeles and whenever I came home drunk I'd go hey lady

you know saying her name I'd say play me in a Simone and she would always play love is the color of my true love's name. So like the next song, it should be like, I love you, Porky. I was like, oh my god, we make, we make. I haven't got the sweet depressing song here. I had an issue yesterday in the shower. I mean, you know me anytime I,

anytime I mention the S word as in my digital assistant inside my phone. Any time I say anything that sounds like her, she chaps. Yes, yes, what can I help you with? So this so I have like a little Bluetooth speaker in the bathroom and I was playing music on shuffle and there's this annoying thing with Apple music which is that when it syn sinks with your library, your desktop library, all the songs that you have unchecked because you don't really like them, but you don't really want to get rid of them, but you don't want to listen to them. When it sinks to the phone, it's like everything is checked and you can't uncheck it.

So all this awful music comes up at all times. And I'm sitting there and listening to some very lovely song probably everywhere by Fleet with Mac. And then it switches to some very lovely song probably everywhere by Fleetwood Mac. And then it like switches to some random like Tony Yeo song that I haven't listened to in 15 years. And it's awful. And I'm shouting like, hey S word, next song. And I'm like shouting in the shower and she will not do it. She will not even listen to my voice. And I was like, what has happened to my life that this is what I'm doing. I I'm shouting at my phone and I'm like and my phone is giving me the silent treatment while Tony Yeo, the I.O. plays, I mean what is this life?

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That crap is commercial. So now let's go over to Tao in New York City for the big fundraiser. So Jennifer walks in with Gabby. Gabby, oh my God, she was so cute because she's still cute. She was like a 12 year old, but she's dressed up as the first time we've seen her, she's in a cute little outfit, with a little bag and her hair is all done.

And she's dressed like she's going to a club, but she's still 12, it was adorable. A club or a catacism, and she's wearing her, she's wearing the same thing, really. When you're a catolic it's always a club She's wearing our mom's little Chanel earrings. So I was like do not become your mother do not be kind I didn't notice that but her mom is really cute with her kids So yeah, they go in and it's totally a theater party

Stephen is talking to a little girl in her mom and the mom goes oh Seat has some acting and he goes, Oh, you should totally be in Sweeney Todd with us. I know. What the hell kind of musical theater camp is this? That they're doing Sweeney Todd? A good one. God.

So dark. It's like a serial killer. And it's also not the easiest, but OK, you guys have fun in that theater camp next summer we're doing angels in America yeah it's like wow guys so they come in and hug him and all that good stuff and he's like I'll have them and hatten on the rocks and she's like I have a patron on the rocks he's like behave yourself

you need to behave now. Also, but what sort of like little kid's theater camp fundraiser A is going to be held in Tao. And B, there's booze served at it. It seems a little crazy. But I guess they know they've got to get that money flowing, huh? Oh, shit. They always drink in theater with theater stuff when I was a kid.

Because I always do theater growing up. Shocker. I theater growing up shocker I know everybody's shocker, but yeah, it's always get lit. I think that's the only reason parents put their kids in theater, you know That's probably true. It's basically just you know Fancy babysitting yeah, the munchies want to get loaded with gay guys and Funger, you know, you're right. There's so many things that make so much more sense now What I'm older. I mean, I didn't do, I wasn't in theater camp.

I think I was, I mean, I did go to a camp. My sleep away camp was called, it was called the long-lake camp for performing arts. But the first year I went, it was not called that. But then I re-branded itself as a performing arts theater camp. So then I guess I did so never mind. So the mom is coming and Jen is like yeah well you know my family would never miss his fundraising now but when he was a kid they never came to our events but that's changed and I was like this better be your mother's redemption episode because I was

ready to throw something off it I was ready to throw something off the, I was ready to throw the actual TV, not even something out the TV. Yeah. You are already triggered by prom. And now the mom is coming into your world. You know, Sir Ray. I know.

I was having, I was ready to have a full on Ragey moment. So she tells us her mom's story. She's like, my mom grew up in a tiny village. She got married at 16. My father brought her here. She didn't know the language. She wanted to be there for us, but she was just trying to figure out

how shit was going, like how it all worked and stuff. Which is nice. But I was still ready to be triggered. So I was like, I think there are a lot of moms who were trying to finish it out. Bring it on. Bring it on with your fishing village stories bring it on I feel nothing

Ron is like I'll see your fishing village and raise you a bowling alley So so so anyways, they're all there and then Stephen makes he makes a little speech He's like and now mr. Nathan Brewer who I don't know who that was, maybe someone, he's probably famous, but I don't know. So the Nathan Brewer is like, ladies and gentlemen, now let me introduce Carolyn Bowman and then she comes out and starts singing and I literally wrote this note, I feel like Ronnie is crying.

And you were. I guess I think I was crying because, I mean, this is where I started crying, I think, because the mom was crying, you know. When that mom started to cry, I actually started to get a little choked up too. Because it was a real cry. And then that lady, I guess, he said she's super famous, like the Thai introduced her or something.

And so I was like, oh my god, she's really famous. And then it said she was in wicked. And so I was like, oh, she must play the Adina Menzel part because she sounds just like her. And then I started thinking of Adina Menzel part because she sounds just like her. And then I started thinking of Adina Menzel singing songs and I was like, I'm a god. Now I'm crying. And there's a mom here. Yeah.

And then like of course all the kids come out behind her and start singing. Like if no one got transported back to middle school, I don't know what's, I don't know what's wrong with you. I'm sorry. I have no explanations. So, yeah. So then Josephine's a tear goes down her cheek and Jennifer's like, why are you crying, ma? She's like, because of happiness. And she goes up to him and she's like, I've never been proud of it. No matter what, I'll be there for you. I love you so much. No matter what. No matter what. It like so beautiful. It was beautiful.

Even though part of me was like, don't say gay being no matter what, but you know, the other part of me was like crying. But like it is also like a for it for a son who feels like he has not been accepted by his mom, even though she didn't as Jennifer sets, even though she didn't, you know, bust out a rainbow flag and be like, I love Gays. You know, she did say I'll be there for you no matter what. And that was you know, that was as much as she can give right now. And so I was happy.

Okay. Listen, you can torture me all you want. But if you come to my show, I will cry and forgive you. I mean, that's just how it is. So I am. So I work. We're pretty easy like that. So then we go from this touching beautiful mother daughter scene to Teresa and Danielle Stobb scene. That takes place at a place called

bean and bean coffee. I don't know why that was funny bean and bean. Bean and bean. Welcome to broccoli. Oh, it's called bean and bean. Bean and beans. You guys have beans here? So damn you elbows. Yeah, and Teresa's like, I've been here. So down the elbows. Yeah, and Teresa's like I was gonna wear jeans like that, but I wanted to wear these shoes. I wore different jeans Oh, though she's are really pretty to me. So really pretty so pretty to me. Well, nice to see you. It's been forever Teresa. And Teresa's like sorry. It's been crazy. I've been busy with my daughters in chosen. I spend time with the girls and you know what they don't get along But then yes, what am I supposed to do? Yeah, and and she's like yeah

I mean, you know, it's been a lot of my family and she has been getting real emotional and stuff and little girls need their father I feel like they're trying getting my children 20 of them Yeah, exactly Exactly, I feel like Danielle is about to start up her own musical little girls Little girls need their father's and then Danielle takes a bite of whatever she's eating and she's whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop! That's like what is that? What is the salad at bean and bean? Oh, I thought she was having an avocado toast.

Oh, whatever. Whatever she had. It's like whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop! Whoa, whoa! It's more of a guacamole toast. No. So they make some all talk about Marty and she's still getting along with Marty

and she let the other guy out of his cage, I guess. The police finally came about all of her go. Yeah. And then Teresa is telling Daniel about the Hamptons stuff and everything and how that basically Teresa got into a laden issue with Margaret and the Hamptons and how like, you know, she's like, you know, it's like I'm not gonna take size, you know?

And Danielle's like, never asked you to, but she has, she has little girls near the fore, those, now who was there? Teresa's like, ah, my aunt Jackie's the more it's me, Melissa Jackie's the more it's me, Melissa, Jackie, the more it's mine, Melissa, the more it's mine. All right, get through it, Doreen. So why can I go?

Yeah, she's like, because then she tells Danielle about the Jersey short trip and everyone's getting invited. Really, it seems like nobody invites me to anything, you know? One moment, your friends with everyone and next minute whoa whoa whoa whoa Self-acadabte of the man. You pull a little weave and suddenly you're the odd man out She's like well as it happens. I'm going to the show this weekend anyway Just saying

Just saying So Teresa goes this is the conclusion that I've come to which I was like whoa Actually, I think that conclusion well, and that I'm like I'm sorry No, just the end that she like prefaced her sentence with like a condition or something I don't know what you would call it, but that she's like this She basically said a sentence that has a colon in it. This is the conclusion that I've come to calling. I was like, whoa. I love you trying to say a pressrather because I wrote down, this is the

conclusion I came to. I was like, did she say conclusion or was that of my head? You just never know what's true. This is the conclusion I came to. Every time you use a marker hangs out, it's toxic. And I don't want, and the girl don't want to is every time you use a marker hangs out is toxic and I don't want and the girl don't want to hang out with you too. And Daniel's like, well I can understand my marker turned against me but what is with

my lesson? I was in the last two birthdays. And not a single time that I mentioned she used to be a stripper on the jersey show. Not a single time that I mentioned she used to be a stripper on the jersey show, not a single time. Maybe some ass guys. Like yeah, I'll be there. And so matter of fact, just by pure coincidence, just saying, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, wuh, just call my name.

I'll be there. So now we have the lures at a construction site. Basically it's David's house. And she walks in, the house is coming along nicely, and we meet her interior designer named Sam, who's not wearing socks. And he is a- And he's in my favorite white Yolanda Foster jeans.

Yeah, he seems lovely, actually. And the time has come to start thinking about interior designing this new house for David. and did I hear this right? Did I hear that Dave? Did I hear this right that David wants to keep? Yeah, I'm fine. I heard like a little whoo from Skype. Oh, what was the last thing you heard me say? I heard you I heard everything. I just heard a little pause. So did you hear this right? Did David say what? Oh? a little pause. So did you hear this right? Did David say what? Oh, did Dolores say that David wants to keep all his furniture and his furniture as salmon? I don't. Did you say

it was all salmon? I didn't write that down. I know. I heard her say salmon. I mean, I think in general, I always think Dolores is talking about salmon. But in this case, I really thought she said that David's furniture was all salmon colored and she didn't want that. Oh, gross. Salmon colored. Yeah, but I could be wrong. I could be.

Yeah, I'm not sure. But yeah, he wants to keep all his furniture and the David comes in and he's like, Sam, you look amazing as always. There's something so weird about David, but really sure what he is. He's always overexposed. Yeah, he's like, I mean, I'm not trying to make fun of like how pale he is, but it's like, I feel like he's been in that hospital a long time,

a long time. Yeah, he's not been out to us in a while. Yeah, I'm with you. Okay, so then Dolores gives him a tour of everything going on and she's like, we're not bringing you a table. He's like, oh, but what the tables? Like, so then Dolores gives him a tour of everything going on and she's like when not bringing a table He's like oh, but I want the tables like you're not bringing your couch. I want the girls Yeah, cuz she's like cuz there's like I think Sam says and we're gonna have some slate gray couch is he's like

sleep gray. I mean You're not for real with slate gray. Yeah God forbid of Like a very popular neutral colored couch is in your house. Yeah. So then Sam hits the road, right? Well, I thought it was funny too that David has a four-postor bed. Yeah. Because Laura's goes, I'm not taking his bedroom set.

It's a four-post I can't. And Sam's like, well, I'm here to find a happy medium and bury the spaces. Which means we're burning all your furniture or four posts there. Exactly. Yeah because when Dolores says she's not taking the bedroom set David goes Dolores. I'm like I guess this is a common theme with the husbands right Dolores. You gotta say it that way but Sam Basley is like okay so I'm just gonna send you some mood boards and then jump into the Hudson River. Thank you guys so much. Been a great life. So then David and Dolores have some private time and she's like, do you

know how hot it was for me to pick every single thing in this house without a commitment from you, David? He's like, you know what? Let's just finish the house first. You know, so you can come into the okay, fine. So you're gonna come to the Jersey Shore. He's like, I have work. I suddenly decided I've work and now I have work. So I have work. No, we don't go anywhere together. My kid even said to me the other day. She said, ma, I really don't like watching the dog with a house outside because it's a pain in the ass. What's your patio furniture? Also, is this sliding tool working? Is it sticking or is it me? Also, you don't want to get set up for disappointment by a loser man, David

All right, you feel this is the LORUS The LORUS, you're you know what? The LORUS, what I have spent this much money with you building a house and Let's not forget that I got it heavily discounted because I did built it with you Would I have done that without having some idea that maybe there'll be a commitment sometime in the future perhaps? Come on now Dolores. Why would I do something like that? I don't know. Maybe to have somebody design your house,

pick out everything for your house, get re-vernish the entire house. I mean, I can see some good reasons. Yeah, but he does do something that we haven't seen him do. He actually kisses her and he goes, I love you relax Which I think is probably what Dolores here has been hearing her whole life. I love you relax Relax Dolores. I like how Dolores looks at it She's like, you know in the past I've had commitments from guys that haven't respected me and they've lied Well, he's never lied. He may not commit, but he's never lied. He's never cheated

So for now, that's better than a ring And he does say he hill ditch all his furniture. So, you know, baby steps literally baby steps because that's what he does for a career. Obstetrician high risk. Babies in the days, not worth a night. Can't wait to meet this David. So now is time for everyone to pack up their clothes for the

Jersey Shore. Tree is packing up bikinis, margrots packing up some joe. You know, you said sludge. Well, like, why are you taking so long to pack your bag, Joe? I mean, like, look at me. I'm already packed on my vineyard vine stuff over here that I have not copied. Hmm.

Delores is packing with Frank and he's packing really bright colors. Like, Frank, who wears this color things? Seriously, you look at the Jersey Shore. And then Jackie is talking to Evan over at their place. And she's like, oh, I used to go to the Jersey Shore. Yeah, I fist bumped. I fist bumped. I actually, I fist bumped a person

and said, I'm never coming back. I came back here, I'm going to the Hampton instead. Also, what was Jackie wearing? She was wearing some sort of crazy shorts. Did you see them? Ha ha. They were like Beyond cargo shorts like there were pockets and buckles and straps and more buckles

There were but I've never seen so many buckles on a pair of shorts. I was like I do. I do. Would you say I miss cargo shorts They still sell them at old Navy, but my sister won't let me wear them Yeah, I used to love them until all of a sudden I realized that everyone was making fun of me. It's those in Teeva's. Yeah, I'm not allowed anymore. So Jen and Bill are getting ready. They're packing again or getting ready again. Bill's just sitting there watching her. She's like, I already said sorry to Jacka and she didn't accept. So what I'm not sorry anymore I'm just where this shirt that says sorry not sorry Yeah, great one and he's like Well, that's definitely not gonna help the situation

Mmm, and she's like I don't care if Melissa sees me. I'm just getting no Yeah, good luck ignoring me in my shirt He's like, haha, but it's funny Let's just at least try to have some fun down there So everybody goes to the shore Gorgas are driving with Teresa. They're driving her and they're talking about a Gorgas still like oh with Jenk Come and she needs to get laid. She's sexually frustrated Yeah, and then Teresa's like

This is the second time she attacked my wife you know, I'm Melissa's like yeah, she's an animal and then Melissa starts telling them that Danielle is gonna be on the shore and Because Danielle texted Melissa to meet up and she's very scared that Danielle will show up at the shore house. Yeah, but she will, of course she will. Yeah, of course. So then we see Dolores and Frank arriving and Dolores has found this gorgeous house online. Dolores is like, not bad for the internet, huh? And they're looking around. She's made cupcakes with everybody's faces on them. Which, wow. The plastic surgery really isn't as frightening.

You've never know how frightened you are by it until you see it on the cupcake. Wow. Cupcakes can really give you a bad angle. I stretched the wrong things on your face. So yeah, she's putting cupcakes on everyone's bed to assign the beds, which is cute, although I just have visions of ants. I guess ants are probably already there as the Jersey Shore.

So she's assigning the cupcakes to everything. So Jen and Bill arrived first and then Margaret and Jo and Jackie. And so when Jennifer sees Jackie walk through the door, she's all excited. She's like, people are here. I guess you're the people are here. Oh, it's Jackie, never mind. So they're all making drinks for themselves.

And Bill's like, what do you have, my queen? And she's like, I have a tequila, Bill. Oh, you're ready for tequila, are you? And then he just pours her a tequila on the rocks. It is so fucking humongous. Huge. That's a little... It's like he's never put it before.

Yeah. I was, so here's a call back to something. Remember I said I was in, I went to long lake, long lake, sleep away camp for the performing arts, whatever. So my first year there I wrote a play. It was a play called Becoming the Butler about a guy who has to become a Butler in order to not be kicked out

of that apartment. It didn't really make a lot of sense. I was in eighth grade, but like in a pivotal scene, a woman gets drunk. And I remember writing it and being like, and then she drinks 99 shots, because I didn't know. And then like I remember like it and being like, and then she drinks 99 shots. Cause I didn't know. And then like I remember like the counselor was like 99 shots.

I was like, well, how many of the tics? She's like not 99 shots. I was like, okay, 20 shots. I'll bargain with you. So that's what this remind me of. Like, ooh, this is a proper cocktail. Let me just pour this highball glass, the top full of tequila. Mmm, go some egos.

Yeah, a little shit starter over there. So then everyone goes and finds their room and stuff. And the gorgas, like, they just say how to gin. And she's like, she said hi to me and I wanted a punch in her face. I feel like it's going to go well. Yeah, exactly. So now everyone's like,

now everyone has gathered around the kitchen island and they're all talking. And they start talking about Gia and Frankie and going to the prom and stuff and Dolores like, oh my God, I love Gia. Oh man, if I could, if I could choose anyone, you know, it's so Italian, you know, because I know the mother, I know the father, I know the tile that they have in their foyer.

God, I want them to get together. It's a girl I like. I'm so Italian, I know. I'm like, yeah, no one else except Italians cares that their son is with somebody that they actually know and like. Nobody else would want that. Thank God for Italian. Most of us are just throwing our kids off to strangers.

We meet at truck stops. So thank God. My God, there's still so much. Bill actually seizes on this because it's actually kind of a callback to something that happened last season because Bill is like, well, that's how a range of marriages are set up right there. And that's how I met the love of my life, Jennifer. Honeybony

Make sure they sign the prenup's now. I has to sign a prenup. You know what she told me and just like he didn't have a prenup He had nothing. He was a president And Jack is like well, we have a prenup and we're fine with it and Bell's like who offers to set up a prenup Who offers to sign a prenna that is redoncule us Redoncule us baby So, uh, yes, and now they all start talking about prenapps and Teresa starts saying she's Starts saying how she sounded prenapped with with, with, jow, a week before getting married,

and that Joe didn't even want to get married. So I guess was she implying that Joe suggested doing a pre-nup because he thought it was gonna send her away? Is that what it was? Well, she signed it. She brought up a pre-nup a week before, and he told her on the phone last week. He's like, yeah, you know, the reason,

I didn't even want to get married, you know, that's why the prenup. Whatever. Yeah. So I guess that's, oh, I see meaning that like, he didn't want to get married. So he's gonna protect his shit because he didn't want to get married in the first place. I was just thinking in the context of this conversation that since everyone was saying, yeah, it's like the most unromantic thing, yada, yada, yada, that Joe thought by sending a prenup to Teresa that she'd walk away but oh maybe No, no, no, no, your way your your I think your way is the one that was the intended the intended results Yeah, I've no idea, but it turns into another story of how Joe was mean to her and so Frank's like yeah

What an ass. I don't like that. He said that. She's like yeah, I got a lot of resentment I didn't deserve that I was the perfect right the perfect fucking wife He's like do you think he was as good as good. Do you think he was just go to husband to you Theresa? And she's like she you know there was room and something Like you've been on television for 10 years now. I know and Joe, but you know Joe, but you know He's like you think he ever fooled around behind your back and she's like well the conclusion I've come to is this he has separate cell phone with another girl you know and like really how do you know that I found it today you know it was his ex-girlfriend sister and he said that he said

that she was going to a divorce and he was gonna help a cell a house at the back you know but I should I should have let her then I should have have let her in, but he denied it. It was kind of like, first of all, like, girl, you saw that and you still stayed with him, but also at the same time, this is kind of crazy because this is the first time that Teresa has ever not looked the other way. Yeah, and they've been trying for years to get her.

I mean, so much evidence, like the pictures of the guy that she was holding Can I mean just so much evidence yeah, and so on the cell phone with other late being with the mistress or whatever being like Yeah, my fucking bitch wife is coming to Fitness or whatever So there's been so much and she's denied tonight tonight, but now she needs a divorce where she's not paying him money Yeah But now she needs a divorce where she's not paying him money Yeah, she's like you know Teresa will bring it out when it suits her and that's good for her Because it is her business, so she should bring it out She did she and he's just like she's like now I believe he cheated, you know

Sometimes you're blind and Margarit's like you know what like you want to say the best that your husband I get it, but you know you put your time in I'm like Margarit maybe like, you know what? Like you want to say the best that your husband, I get it. But you know, you put your time in. I'm like, Margarit, maybe she's a different phrase. Yeah, I'm not kidding with this couple. Ha ha ha ha. You know, sometimes love can be a prison. Am I right? Am I right? Yeah, Melissa says what we just said.

She's like, the news isn't that Joe cheated. It's that Teresa's talking about it. Like, it was nice. So, Teresa's like, yeah, you know, I've got, it's been a long time long times, but it's still hard for me to admit it, but I ought to myself to tell myself about it. I was so mad when I told me. I was so mad when I told me.

March is like, you know what, Trees, what time we go into today? Let's continue this later. And Bill's like, I need more than 45 minutes to do my hair I have a ravishing look for tonight So now it's makeup time and cocktails and while everyone's getting ready Joe Gorgger pulls Bill aside and goes what's up doc? Which is already very annoying that he does that. What's up doc? So the other day the other night when I was saying you saying you had to bang your wife a little bit more,

you walked away. Why'd you walk away? What I was being, uh, a total show-in-a-s pig at that moment. Why would you do that? Well, that was very inappropriate at the party the other night. What are you doing, brother? I like that he tries to get all jersey. Yeah.

Hey, bro, hand. We can agree to have little differences at time, but you need to have more R-E-S-P-C-T. Find out what it does to me. Yeah, it was just trying to bust your balls, all right? It's just that they were so full they exploded all over the place. What am I supposed to do? Bank your wife, man? Yeah, it's like, no disrespect. I love you, Bill. I love you.

Oh, yes. Love is all around. And Joe Gorgas basically, he basically tells us, listen, he can't help but that his wife is a crazy, nuts, a loose cannon. Want me to keep going? Actually, yes. I would like you to. So then Jackie calls her kid Hudson.

And she's like, I can cry, crying but wrong and he's like nah just saw my fucking championship fucking sucks. He's like need the curse. Fine. I lost my fucking championship. Sorry mom. Let me try that again. Let's take from the top from the top.

I am crying because I lost my championship and it fucking sucks. So then it's time to go out and the girls separate from the boys. It's Bravo and that's how we drive places. Yeah, Teresa is wearing just the shiniest, the most blue pants I've ever seen on Bravo. And then I thought you really, I feel like you probably really enjoyed Ronnie. That bill was wearing vertical stripes but Joepanino was wearing horizontal stripes and they were sitting next to each other I was like here is a study in contrast of stripes what stripes can do for you and what they can't do for you I was like this is something Ronnie probably loves I didn't even see bell because he looks so thin

He's like, why is there a stripper pull in the guys car? It's just all I see is a pull. And so we get classic Joe Gorgah, like, hey, you see how guys do it? Bill got mad at me earlier for saying he needs to be in his wife more, which he does. And that will find, because I said I'm not sorry, but you know, you need to be in your wife more. You see? And Benino's like, yeah, it's because we're guys So guys do it

Yeah, yes, that's just how guys do it males big males So then at the restaurant I'm to order everyone's looking in Jennifer's like at looking at the menu in Jennifer's like There's something called the power man. They'll think you just drink It didn't do anything So Jennifer is warming up for a big vacation episode I know ordering all sorts of weird things like I think it's molasses like I'll have the garden state lemonade I was like, I don't know what that is, but I'm saying far away from it.

Yeah, Garden State lemonade. So then, could you bring a festival salad to the table? So, so festival salad and a Garden State lemonade already were in trouble. And the poor waitress is because they're all shouting things that they want and this waitress is trying to get around all these people. Okay, they hold on one moment. Okay festival salad go on state lemonade Someone want the turnpike jacuzzi beverage to him. I want to turnpike jacuzzi's no Okay, I wish I was there so I could help her out and just be like serve anything you want Just do it in a sippy cup because it's gonna go flying. Okay. Yes So then

Dolores is like self. What do you think I do in a throwback and go into Janks tomorrow? There's a bar that a beach, we always go there, it was a thing. And Gorgas is like, yes, where I met Melissa, well, I met Aaron King-Kill, but she said that from the Jersey Shore, so I went every weekend until I found her. Yeah, I was a real Janks regular, you know?

And then we find out that Teresa beat up two girls at a place called Temptations, the names of these places. Yeah. Yeah, I just always got a Temptations and get a gun state lemonade. That's what I was doing there. Yeah, I say my boy family's hard and some girls hand. And Gorgon's like, yeah, if a boyfriend looked at another girl, she would abuse them. And that's why I'm shocked that she ends up with the city, you know? Like now suddenly she needs proof. She sees pics of naked chicks, or she'd see pics of a molding animal chicks on the internet and be like, what? That didn't happen.

I need to research it. And everybody's cracking up. And Teresa's like, uh, Nissa Fanny is my life. Yeah, she's like, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling. No one's told her she's offended yet, so she doesn't really know that she's supposed to be yet, so she's kind of laughing along, yeah, blinking confusedly. And they're all laughing about cheating.

They're like, so Frank, what was your excuse for cheating against the Laura's? He was, ah, it wasn't me, the Laura's, it wasn't me. And she's like, I hired a private investigator. He took one look at Frank, he dropped the camera and broke it. So that ended that. Anyway, he actually just moved into my house.

He's upstairs. So then we'll know it's like, oh, yeah, that reminds me. Danielle's coming to the shore. What? And Margaret goes, I thought I'd smell something in the fucking water. Like, no, I think that was just a garden state lemonade It's like she said she wanted to sit down entries like you guys was fine. She was it your last two birthday parties

Yeah, and Margaret's like you know like like It just because you were once close with Danielle doesn't mean you still have to be close Okay, I mean this is ridiculous right now. I mean like this woman. She's worse than like a She's worse than like a festival salad on a hot day. Am I right? Everyone at my right festival salad? That's for you, Jern. That's for you, Jern. F***ing barnacle. I'm a list of like, well, you know what? I'm gonna meet up with her and I'm gonna tell her once and for all. Listen, you went too far and you can't be around us anymore. And that's it!

Yeah, she goes, that bitch is cray. Oh, and also Jennifer, you're on thin ice too. It's like, what? You heard that word. Jennifer, Jennifer was just sitting there in the corner and being like, another thing I saw Broadway singing. It was in May. Wait, what?

What's happening over here now? What? Yeah. And the Laura says, like, she's not on thin ice with me. What she is with me. And the Laura tells us tells us oh she's so mad about the plate throwing I think Melissa forgets. She's the one who started it She did not start it. She did not start easy. You people are idiots. You're idiots Melissa was not coming for you guys Melissa was propping Jackie up by by commending how much she saves money.

It is. It is. So good. Yeah. So Melissa is like, you know, it's the second time it happened, Jennifer. Throw one more thing at me. I'm going to lose it. At that point, I actually kind of want to Jennifer to throw something at her, even though I'm totally on Melissa's side, just to see what was going to happen. You know, we can see a different style of throwing,

because they're actually sitting on the same side of the table, so it's like a lot of throw. Like I wanted to see for a lava, a butter knife and then a chopper. Yeah, you know, like a trick shot, like when someone like hits the cue ball and goes around three balls, but then winds up in the pocket anyway.

You've been a pro like Jen for this long, you gotta come out with new tricks, right? You sound it. And then they all just like toast. She's like, yeah, you've been a pro like Jen for this long. You got to you got to come out with new tricks, right? You sold it. And then they all just like toast. She's like, yeah, you know, throw one more thing at me and we're all gonna have a problem here. Anyway, cheers guys, cheers to Jersey Shore. And Jen's like, are we going to God after this?

And Bill says, I need some action. I'm gonna go home and bang my wife and they all start cracking up. Yeah. Mm, that's what I need. I need to be have sexual penis and vagina experiences with lady wife. So then the next morning everybody you know gets out of bed as they do and Gorgas embedded with them. He's like, God, we're on vacation. You didn't even take care of

me. I'm sitting over here with blue balls. Oh God. How about Billy even got some and then we cut to Bill and he's like you can hear it my stomach is growling It's saying meow So then we see we saw also see Frank and Dolores And she's like Frank are you kidding me? Yadda the cupcakes we bought for everyone. What can I do the the Lord's house starving? I was so starving. I need the cupcakes. I wanted to take those up. We're gonna take them home. They're just gonna be less of them.

Yeah, and then did you see this amazing shot? Teresa is like getting ready and so she knocks on the bathroom. She tries to go into bathroom door, but it's locked. So she knocks. She's like, come on, I need to take a shower and stuff. I need to get in the bathroom. need in the end the bathroom and then the cameraman backs up and then pivot so we're like moves to the right and we see that like the bathroom is fully open it was like the bathroom had like a two doors and almost had to do all three had to do was like walk around essentially a wall so amazing it's hard to describe but when, but when you see it, you know it. And

it's it was like actually such an amazing moment. And the fact that the camera man knew at that moment, I got to show the audience that all jazz to do is walk around this wall to get in. So then they're in the kitchen and Frank's making breakfast and Dolores is like, I'll take our eggs and turkey bacon. He's like, what is this? I know what is this? It's a list ridiculous. I'm you all Margaret's making English muffin She's I don't even know how to use a twist rough and this is crazy. Okay, I've done this I've been in this planet for 78 years, okay? Okay, okay. I'm gonna try to put this in all right All right, which button do I press toast wow? This is crazy. What a world what a world? Oh, I'm awake top of the morning

award goes to go go So what are we doing today and Dolores goes today? We're going to Janks There's something about a bar called Janks that is so unappetizing to me Like I don't think I ever want to go to someplace named Janks Janks. It's like a scary clown to someplace named Janks. Janks, it's like a scary clown. It's like I reserve Kabanas. And Melissa says, I think we can find

a tree a little boy there that she'll like. And trees like, that's a stupid thing to say. Why would you say something so stupid? She's like, oh, I thought we were on an honesty kick now. Melissa, you were about to get your ass beat. You're barking up. Too many trees at one time, okay? Pick one.

She really is. I know. She has a lot of trees. She's got a lot of trees, including tree. Yep. It's gonna be great. So now Teresa feels bad about talking all that should about you yesterday because she realized she was like, Oh, yeah, my daughter still loved their dad. But then she still keeps going because she starts saying how like, you know what, she's really resentful about what happened with Joe because it's sort of like she had all these things, all these businesses or

Who knows what like things that were going for her and then it all it all came crashing down because of Joe So she's really resentful. Yeah, you know She's got to pay all these lawyers and everybody's like oh fuck it You have all these lawyers his court cases dumping, you know and then Marge is like yeah, you got a feed the beast You know to be say you got lots of shoes, I got lots of shoes. And people don't get the stress of that. You got to pay the lawyers off the time. They're just calling you. And Jane goes, yeah, Marge, but you know the difference.

You got Joe, she doesn't have a partner now. So you have no idea what she's going through, really. Marge is so mad. Leave it to Jennifer to diminish my bodic moment. Okay, she's like an anti-john. Okay, don't like it. By the way, Teresa has Joe Goruga and like No No and all these people in her life. Okay, so yeah, I'm not taking away from what Teresa is going through, but she's not like,

there are many more people in life who are dealing with the same sort of shit who do not actually have the resources that Teresa has. Yeah, but Marge, yeah, Marge is like, I totally get what it's like for your children to lose it because I have a lawyer to, it sucks. It's a chance I can't need it. So then Bill goes, well, you know, sometimes children have just selfish that way. I tell Jim sometimes, listen.

Children are incapable of seeing how hard their mom's work is. Do you know how hard it was for me to do all this work on her? Oh really? I did. That was fun. Those fillers don't fill themselves. That's... So Margaret's like, oh really?

I didn't know the gem worked. Okay, and Jennifer's like, excuse me Raising five kids isn't work. My job is 10 times harder than what she does Like you also have like 45 nannies, so yeah Hmm a market's like I'm done with that. I'm done game on you want to have a game game on then Yes, but it's about to be the pull wait. I like it actually like it. Can we throw Bill and something other than a pool actually like it? Your husband's in the ball of the ball pool. Yeah, it's been a pool of balls. I'm sitting at a very comfortable chair right now I like it. We put him in a nice chair. He has been in the chair

What if a sense to throw the pool I can't do it to Bill really love it? Can you just bring me what of a sentence to throw the pool? I can't do it to Bill. I really love it This one's on the list so So that's that that's that the next week I have been waiting all season long to find out what's going on when they all have to carry Bill into who knows where I'm assuming he gets wasted with the bros. I'm excited. We are going to be recapping the Jersey Shore episode the next installment of it in Kansas, next week at Lawrence Fucking Kansas. So go to watchocrappens.com to get your tickets to that because it will be a great time.

We have so much fun recapping this show with a live audience. And then for people in Omaha, we got a summer house the next night. So, so much fun. In fact, we're going to be doing summer house on the very next episode of right now. So stay tuned for that, subscribe, that way the episode comes right to you and And that's basically it. We love you guys love you Ronnie. Oh, it's a little bit guys. We'll talk to you later Talk on the next episode. Bye everyone Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today.

Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.