Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Here Comes the Dried

Episode Date: January 3, 2019

Danielle Staub ties the noose this week on Real Housewives of New Jersey. Will Classic Marge make it out alive? This week's bonus is about our week off for the Holidays. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live has added a second show to Dallas on Feb 8, plus announced shows in Vancouver, Irvine, Boston and DC! Find ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com **New "Ben in the Streets, Ronnie in the Sheets" Limited Edition tees avail at www.CrappensMerch.com until Feb! You can also find store links and ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

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What's up, what's going on? Our first recording session of 2019, Succa. Yeah, feels good to be back. That's like weird. It's like, whoa, do I even remember how to do this anymore? Well, thankfully it's just talking shit, which you can do in your sleep. Yeah, that's true. We just actually recorded our bonus episode where we talked about what we did over the break and we spent a lot of time talking about just stories from the

break and then we talked about video games at the end, our various adventures on the Nintendo Switch. And then we also talked about Bird Box a little bit. So, go to... A little jump plan, little... Jump, uh... Yeah, it was good stuff. So go to patreon.com slash watch for crappins. And if you sign up there, you'll get access to the bonus episode, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Yes, et cetera. And limited edition t-shirt just came out today. It's been in the streets, running in the seats. So if you want that, just go over to crappensmerch.com. You can also get all of our watcher crappens t-shirts and stuff over there. And if you're wondering what that t-shirt means, it means a gentleman and a gentleman in both scenarios. A gentleman in the sleut. Now, man, what were you gonna say, honey?

I was just gonna say that now that's 2019, people better get serious. It's time for people to get serious about their New Year's resolutions. And I'm sure one of your resolutions is to come see one of our live shows. So we have, in next month in February, we have a show in Dallas, and we also have a show in Vancouver as part of just for laughs

So that'll be amazing just for laughs so much fun last time in March We have a show in Washington DC to be our only show there. We are not planning on adding a second show and then in April We have a bunch April we've got a show. Excuse me in April, we have a bunch. April, we've got a show, excuse me, in Phoenix, Arizona. We've got a show in Boston, and we have, oh, just those two. And then in May, we have Irvine, California. So the first Boston show sold out. So now the other one is also selling pretty well. So get your tickets while you can,

because they're not going to be there very longer. Go to watchocrapans.com to get all your tickets. There will be new cities announced soon enough. So get excited, everyone. We're going to some places that we've never gone to before. Places that people have been patiently requesting us to visit for a while now. So gird your lines. And the meantime definitely go see us in these shows. Don't worry about going solo. You'll make friends. It happens every single show. Look at our Bay Area Betches. We have a whole group up in the Bay Area. Bay Area Betches, we became besties and they all hung out on New Year's together, I think. So crap ends brings people together, everyone. Yeah, everybody. Come on. So today we are coming

back with yesterday was our Beverly Hills preview. Super fun. Yeah. But we decided, hey, we have a day to fill. So why don't we Yeah. But we decided, hey, we have a data fill. So why don't we do something that we missed last week, which is real housewives of Neuturacy? I mean, look, Danielle's only going to get married 37 times. And I feel, you know, it's our responsibility to be there to cover it. Yeah.

I was really excited for this episode because it's, you know, the Danielle stop wedding is the wedding of the century. If you ask me, this is an event with a capital E and truthfully there was a new episode of Atlanta on that same night but here's what happened on the real house was of Atlanta. Cynthia Bailey had people over and then to like say goodbye to Noel before she went to Howard and then Noel was like I don't want to leave mom I'm crying crying, send them home. So she sent them home. It was so rude. That's all you need to know.

I saw Mama Joyce is on there. I did a live TV. Oh, yeah, TV party viewing thing this week on the TV party app for Atlanta. And I don't know a thing that happened because we just talked and laughed the whole time. Yeah, Mama Joyce did some weird like Trumpian logic, where she was like Todd was mad that she called that she said that candy turned a lemon into lemonade. So she's like, I can't, I don't think it's, you know, you're the lemon. You tend to deliminate. And she's like, hey, now, right, you know, making any sense.

Oh, Lord. Well, thankfully, we're off from that this week. We'll be back with that Monday, and along with the Mary to Medicine, part two of the reunion, because we also didn't talk about part one of that reunion. And that was crazy. Oh, yeah. It was a crazy damn mess.

Did you watch that? Oh, I certainly did. But here's the takeaway from part one. Mariah's eyebrows, something's going on. Like that's a disaster. Mariah's a nightmare of a human being, and I'm glad I did not fall for her fake. Look, I've changed because she's terrible,

and I know that only was like for two weeks of story, but she's more horrible than ever. Simone came after Contessa really for no reason. She's so pretty. Are you sure we didn't talk about this? I think we did talk about it. I think we did. I think we were already on break, but maybe we did. Who knows? Okay, well, let's just get let's just get it. So today is real Housewives of New Jersey, the wedding from, you know, I don't want to say hell, but I'm just The wedding from the Dollar Tree wedding. The Dollar Tree wedding. Yeah, same thing.

So yeah, so we're back in Bimini and Anec Grand, a left pick of temps role. So Teresa, we were seeing like, this is what everyone's up to in Bimini. So Melissa Gora was like, it's a beautiful day. And then we see like Teresa and Joe Gora working out

together, basically like doing whatever they can, not to have sex under the lat machine. And then we see Joe and Marge, like Marge is Joe, Joe B, I guess we're calling him. They're like getting out of bed and she's wearing like a green print. And she's like, Joe, Joe, look at me. Joe, that looks like a tropical,

that looks like a big tropical mess, right? Like, she could have banana, right? That's what I am, I'm the banana, okay, Joe. All right. He's like, you don't even need a face lifted, or like, shut up, Joe, look at me. Don't look so tropical. I look like a big tropical mess, right? Like, you get a banana, right? That's what I am. I'm the banana, okay, Joe. All right. He's like, you don't even need a face lifted wall. Like, shut up, Joe. Just be quiet over there.

We all know it need a face lift. My brother got butt. Look at her. She looks totally different now. And then, yeah, Melissa's like, it's a beautiful the Aunt Bambini. Thank you, Jesus, which really would have brought it home with her husband's thumb up or ask again.

He's doing it. And then Gorgas, like Gorga is laying around, you know, after the gym with this little waxed adorable body. He's such a pig. I hate that I love him so much. He is a pig. Why is he so hot? He's such a pig.

Yeah. And Melissa's like, you guys are overachieved as you and your sister. I'm like, yeah, that's Joe, regular. Yeah. 30 businesses. Look at this. How many businesses out of 30 are still open?

Can we even count them? There needs to be a list. Yeah. I don't even know what he's doing anymore. Wasn't he like, didn't he have a shredding business at one point? I don't know. He's shredding business.

He had like sidewalk-shuffling business. I don't know, all I gotta say is, like, I don't know. I'm writing business. He had sidewalk-suffling business. I don't know. All I got to say is, I don't know if they're overachievers. Overachieving means you've actually achieved something, I think. I think you're more over. I think you're just over. Overdoers. Overstarters.

I think they're overstarters. Yeah. They start talking about the crazy dinner over beginners like that Overfailers, that's what they are so they're not failures, they're just overfailers. Yeah, so yes So they start talking about this crazy dinner the night before Where Danielle and Marley got into a fight and Danielle's like his kids hate me. They hate me so much that. And you did this, Marty. You raised them like that, Marty. You did that.

You did that. Yeah. So they're basically like, um, Danielle needs to like slow her roll because she really shouldn't be talking about Marty's kids that way. Like, you know, basically like, Danielle needs to like slow her role because she really shouldn't be talking about Marge's kids that way. You know, and Joe's like, if I ever got, if I ever divorced you, Melissa, and I met a new girl, and she was like saying that sort of stuff, I'll be like, hit the road, okay? Hit the road slot, you know?

Yeah, my kids are my life. Melissa's like, well, I hope you'd say that to your next bitch because I'll kill her. Yeah. So then we go over to Marge and Margaret is upset because Danielle wants to do this like cock-a-mamey photo shoot. And she's like, I got to do a ride squad photo shoot. Like, what is this? It's like, you know, I feel like a giant pair being held up by like two bananas, like right now. I remember to get a bananas call back. Call back to earlier Joe. It's tropical call back.

It's like an entertaining version of Dumplin on Netflix starring Bards, where she just feels like she's T-Fat. But she's really not. I'm like, really, have you been to Disney World? Yeah, largely. You look fine. Yeah.

Yeah, I love Bards. I don't like her at Disney herself all the time. No, she's a good fashion during that. These fucking girls, I mean, look at these girls. They're great shape. I've got Dopples, I've got Dopples on my They're great shape. I've got tipples on my legs. That's what I've got. I've got tipples on my legs, right?

Yeah, I've got, I've got a cheese. You might as well put some kettle up in me because I got a cottage cheese back there. Okay, you know what I'm saying? It's nutritious breakfast. Except I don't look too nutritious. You know what I'm saying? Okay, classic gin.

That's a big gin. I actually tell it's a joke. Just be careful, Joe. I don't want you to say anything to dead yell because dead just very, very crazy right now. Like she's literally like crazy right now. And I don't know what he's saying anything to upset her, because you know, you can be very harsh.

And I haven't really seen that part of it, Joe. All I've seen is Joe being like sweet and adorable, you know? Exactly. I was sort of surprised at that warning. I was like, does Joe need that warning? Yeah. So then we go over to Teresa's room where she's put on these crazy red earrings. It was like she took found like some red construction paper or like, tore up a menu and like

strung them together and dangled them from her ears. She does like cocktail lapkins or like somebody just grabbed her by the ankles, slammed her down on the bachelor set and then just dragged her away. Because you know, it's all those big rose petals and stuff. She just like tore apart a la. And I was like, yeah, this is my lean out. And I haven't been laid in a long time. I want to get laid from you to get it. Yeah.

So she facetimes. What's your buttons? Dolores Dolores. Yeah, and Dolores has like Uno cards on her face or something I'm she has something on her face to forget We know cards He's so sorry I'm going on because then yellow modding's got into it on the way as and Dolores is like well if I was in her position Listen, this is what I say to him.

I say, listen, Marty, I'm going to forgive you this time, but if you ever lied to me, oh, you just lied to me again, and I'm going to forgive you for it. But if you ever do it, okay, you just lied to me again, Marty, but if you ever do it again, I'm taking too long. Hey, have you seen Frank down there? You know, I don't see Frank very much anymore. He said he's in Florida, but you know, for all I know he's in Bimini too, you know Frank and then I you know Boo Boo's dad and I don't see my daughter anymore on Frank. He's never around. Oh wait Frank. He's on the other line

Hold on hold on Frank. He's on oh wait. No, no. Sorry. All right You updated me on Dan yellow whore. What's up with the kitchen counters and where you staying? You have a kitchen in there is this separate room. Yeah Is there a bar? You know speaking of a bar, you know, Frank Cobb to spot, you know, today I tell you that, huh? I haven't been laid in a bar so long. So the Laura says like, yeah, well, you know, Jackie called me. She wants to have lunch and treats like, why? Why? Why would she be me and with you? What she said was very out of lines. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Also, by the way, I'm sick of this narrative, this convenient narrative, as Katie would say, that they're spinning, that Jackie was throwing in her face. Jackie's, all Jackie said was, if you could control your husband, do you think that he would

be in jail right now? Like, she was basically, maybe not the smartest example, but it was she wasn't being like, your husband's in jail. It's a failure. She just like used a fact that has been highly publicized that there have been specials on watch what happens live with, you know, like you're like what no one can mention it. And then I was like, ah, she talked about the husband, she talked about the husband She talked about the husband Yeah Teresa but then Teresa gets this new victim line that she says over and over she's like yeah

She said say that because that's common sense this common sense that's common sense not to hire somebody That's common sense. I'm like oh oh God, someone told Teresa what common sense is. Yeah. And here she goes, like the woman with none. So Durinda's like, all right, we'll give you a friend advice and tell her, listen, you need to back off Marty so she can walk down the aisle. Because if you don't walk down the aisle, you never get the opportunity to read any kitchen.

All right, and that's like, that's a season long story line right there. Yeah, next thing you know, you're standing in your kitchen looking at dried pasta on the countertop, saying I'm alone, I'm eviscerated right now. Oh my God, Frankie's on the other line, Frankie's on the other line, gotta go, gotta go, guys see what's going on.

Frankie needs me right now, Trey, I'm sorry, Frankie, it's Frankie, I gotta go, I gotta go. So everyone gathers to go take this van or golf car to whatever to go do their bride squad shoot. And the daughters are there, Daniel's daughters are there. Yeah, everyone on this show is like, what? Or everybody that we talk to you at least on the Facebook is like, Oh my God, our daughters are so classy. And I mean, you can say what

you want about Danielle, but those girls seem sweet. Those girls seem like they're dead inside. They both seem like pieces of driftwood with no souls. And I feel that. What do you think? I don't feel that way at all. I feel like they don't. I think that they are just like, let's get through this ridiculous weekend where like, like our mom's crazy, we're stuck with these crazy bitches who made our life hell on TV. And now we also deal with Marty Caffrey's family. Let's just like enjoy this son and get this over with. I don't think

they seem dead inside. I think they are just like, they've gone through like childhood trauma of being Danielle Sobs daughters and they're just trying to survive. I think it's a coping mechanism. I think they've given up trying to survive and they're just like husks. They're like husks with souls, you know, little bit souls inside. They're just, they're putting, right now,

they're just, their focus is just thiccath. That's just all that, that's's that's what the attention towards right now Yeah, they're like you'd listen It'll all be worth a life. Yeah, my life could be totally horrible and I'm traumatized and have PTSD, but I can still have thai gap Yeah, so so now they're like yeah, there's they're all going to the photoshoot and everything and they're gonna be burning these like they're in these tank tops I say Brad squad, which is like, like I'm just mortified for all of them. And they're like, like, so Danielle, what's this photo shoot going to be like? What's the vibe? She's like, you know, silly on the beach. I was like, I love that as an artistic vision. I have a vision of

silly on the beach. Silly on the beach. Beef jerky being dried out on the beach. Okay. Pepperoni being sun dried in the sand. And then Mars of course is behind them. Seriously, each of us, everyone's a good shape except me. You got a classic, classic budge. All right, the voluptuous chubby budge.

All right, I have a lot of meat. All right, I've like three subway trays for the meat for an office party. All right. I mean, you know, like, you know, think I'd have got meat in all the right placess. I have a lot of meat. I have like three subway trays for the meat for an office party. I mean, thank God I got meat in all the right places, but it's a lot of meat. Okay, this is like, we got Pajito. Okay, we got Bacon. We got Pride Rib.

It's all here, right here. And that's just my knee, okay? So funny, poor thing. Okay, so then they get to the beach and some of the brands just want to take off. Yeah, yeah, and Barsha doesn't want to take off her pants. And you know, look, you should take off those pants because they're Vicki Gumbelsen, MacRame,

C3 pants, okay? Give it a go. Yeah, take them off not to be part of, not because you're supporting Danielle's vision. Take them off because they just are hideous. Yeah, because you're supporting Vicki's vision. Yeah up because they just are hideous. And soaring Vicky's vision. Yeah, so Teresa is like trying to empathize. She's like,

I get it because I'm nervous is to wear a tiny bikini design stages, you know, for my fitness and competitions and such, and like I'm nervous about that. I'm like, yeah, no, don't try to like be like your nervous too. You're in amazing shape. You're doing, you're like training for fitness competition.

So like, no one wants to, you're have your nervous about wearing an itzy bitty, teeny, weeny bikini. When you've also worn that sort of bikini like a thousand times on the show, even when you work in competition. You're working out. Yeah.

Also, they showed a picture of her competing. And wow, you know, the, the boob jobs, it's just awkward. I think they're starting to use plunger bottoms. It looks like Malamars stuck in there. It looks like a plunger being pushed down. Like there's like a rim around. It looks like, you know how catering, you know, chargers, the plates, I'm the plate.

It's like, yeah. It looks like, honestly, it looks like a bell at a front desk at a hotel when the clerk's in the same thing. It does look like a hotel bell. Now that said, I hate talking about boobs because like who am I? You know, like a boob same somebody. My only thing is like, look, don't use plungers for boobs.

Like, save up for a decent boob job, okay? Don't use plungers or chargers or desk bells. Don't use desk bells. Like, like, don't use, like,. Don't use blanchers or chargers or desk bells. Don't use desk bells. Please don't use those things that when you buy a little trinket and a vending machine, it comes down like a little capped, like a little ball thing that you opened up. Don't use those either. It's funny. Yeah. It's like a sunny side egg. Yeah, don't use eggs. Don't It's like a sunny side egg. Basically. Don't use eggs.

Don't do like a really hard boiled egg that you've been laminated. It's just odd because it's only housewives. Like I would never comment on someone's boot job. It's just housewives is so specifically crazy in the boot job department. I think it's also because it's Teresa. Like there's just something with Teresa that I just feel like she just often needs to be taken down a peg. She needs to be taken down a desk bell. And I always say that because you probably has a friend named Peg who's like, you look

right Teresa, you look great. I'm like, we got to take down Peg. Okay. Hey, anybody feel like taking down a peg? Teresa, you look wonderful today. That boob, the boob's look great. No, no, don't even go in. Don't even go in and get another, don't get a peg. Teresa, you look wonderful today. That boob, the boob's look great. No, no, don't even go in, don't even go in and get another, don't get a fix. It looks good, but the way it is, are you crazy? Are you crazy? It's a wedding week answer. We should be a team play us. So then we get some basic, you know, some basic shots and the other rides made show up,

which they're lucky they're not on this cast because Danielle would have cheered them in a hole if any of the cast was asleep. Yeah, exactly. Um, yeah. So it marges just like losing it and she's like, you know, I mean, I'm giving me menstrual in two seconds. I feel like coming. I'm just gonna be menstrual. I was like, that's funny, but also like, that's also a very visceral image that you've just inserted into this photo shoot. Yeah. Um, yeah, I know even me, I stopped reading my notes.

I was like, yeah, gross. And then Daniel's like, all right, everyone, I want to do a sexy walk. Okay, we're gonna do a Baywatch bitches walk. Okay, Johan face, Johan face, Johan face. And like watching these ladies, first of all, this photo shoot, I mean, did they get like Maria from, you know, accounting to come do this photo shoot?

This was not a, like who was this woman taking this? When they were doing their like Maria from, you know, accounting to come do this photo shoot? This was not a fun, like who was this woman taking, when they were doing their like sexy walk, they were so spread out, like this is not a good photo. Like one woman was probably like, I think like 10 feet away, like off in the waves and someone else was like hiding in the bushes. Like there was no organization, no focal point. It was like Baylip, Because, and another thing I noticed,

it was like when they were doing, Bayon watch. Yeah. It was like dried bay leaves watch. It was like Richard Bay watch. So they were coming, you know, they were walking, when they get to the wedding part, they're walking on the sand, which is nice, because it's like a beach wedding or whatever.

But the sand is all uneven, because no one I guess not necessary to rake the sand first. So there wasn't like a flat surface to walk on. So it really does look like everybody's limping down the aisle. And I thought that is so fitting for this show for Daniel's wedding. Everybody's just limping to the finish line. Yeah, I just like stumbling through that sand. So then it's like now the next artistic vision is jumping jacks, you know, and some march is just hating it, and my whole nipple came out. That's what it is. I'm not a, I'm not a poet. And then trees like, I need water, I need water.

And Daniel, Melissa goes, yeah, how come nobody's making sure that the bridesmaid have a drink and Danielle's like Forgot to order me alcohol God yeah, this was it was just such a hilarious cluster fuck and I'm like You guys are too old to be doing this I'm not saying that from like an age-shaming point of view. It's like you guys should be like wiser like you guys should be smarter like you like from like an age-shaming point of view, it's like you guys should be like wiser. Like you guys should be smarter. Like you like you're not like a basic 21 year old. So I'm not saying it like, Oh, you're two old. You shouldn't be able to be able to do this. No, it's like you're two old. You should have better. You should have more common sense. You've been to be doing this right now. It's just because it looks stupid.

Yeah. It's not about how you physically look. It's just like a this is a stupid photo shoot. Yeah. So why am I so mad right now, Ronnie? Because it's hard to be happy for somebody when they're like a zillion years old and have had five million weddings and it's just like, I'm getting another free trip and now everybody has to treat... No, that's not how your 18th wedding works. Lady, okay?

But I'm like mad that I'm also deeply thankful that the scene happened because I thought it was so funny. It's just like, like a happiness. Like a happiness through anger. So yeah, exactly. So thanks, Peg. Thanks for arranging the photo shoot, Peg.

Yeah, thanks, Peg. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crappin' school. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on. Some days, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting.

Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone.

So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So the guys are gonna go eat Joe Gorgah, Joe West's buns and Marty are all gonna go eat and Gorgah is like, ha, dinner was rough. We're gonna make sure we're getting into it, Danielle, because I don't think he knows. Listen, he's had Danielle wrapped around his penis, okay?

He knows. If he's still gonna get married to Danielle, there's, it's like, what are you gonna do? You know, it's like warming a storm chaser. Like, it's gonna rain on you. Like, they know. Yeah, yeah, like, this is like, exactly. So, I mean, like getting all choked up on behalf of Danielle. I Yeah. Like this is like exactly. So I mean, like getting all choked up on behalf of Danielle. I'm like, this is like the modic house going to fly

on your face. And Danielle is just going to be a Danielle flying in your face like in Twister. Okay. Yeah. There are some people you can't warn. So they're yes, they get like a giant like that of like various cocktails and they got that they get drunk and they hop on a golf cart, you know, to crash somewhere. And meanwhile the women start to get gathering around to get cocktails and Teresa's like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, and then she's Jackie called the lores to hang out and stuff and I'm like, why would you do that? You know what I'm saying? Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, and so now they start talking about Jackie, et cetera. And, you know, Melissa's feeling like,

yeah, it's so hard to connect with someone, and I really connect with Jackie. And I just hope that Theresa and Jackie can meet because, you know, I really connect with her, and I want them to be friends. I'm like, oh God, this will be a disaster. Yeah, and Theresa, she's like, I hope they keep the peace and it cuts to Theresa going,

I didn't start it. But all fucking finish it Like you kind of did start it because you're the one who clap back at like Jackie's like Yeah, you earned there comment. I feel nothing for you woman. So yeah over with the guys the guys are getting drinks and marty Yeah, it's like my bachelor party without being a bachelor party Yeah, I wish point Joe Gorgah started just being awful like awful like this is why we have toxic masculinity because of people like Joe Gorgah because he's like he's like you know what Danielle already has Marty by the balls He's got Danielle's got you pussy whipped your pussy whipped, Marty, you're like a little bitch, huh? Like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you pussy whipped. You get pussy last night, bro. You get pussy last night, bro.

Oh, I hate guys like that. Oh, it's so, so obnoxious. And Marty's like, hey, if anybody can pussy whip somebody, it's her. She's so freaking hot. Am I right? Everyone? Am I right? Anyone raise your hands? Raise your hands. You all agree? No. She's so freaking hot. Am I right everyone? Am I right? Anyone raise your hands. Raise your hands. You all agree? No. It's like sticking it inside a pizza roll. You know what it does.

What are those calls? A TOTINOS pizza roll. A TOTINOS pizza roll. We're actually talking about peg totinas. Hey, peg, you make one of those pizza rolls for money. Okay. Hey, want you to stick a dick in that, huh? That you could do better off with the with pegs. Totina pegs took the pizza roll, huh? No. And Gorgas, like, you got pussy last night, huh? If you ain't get pussy, cut it off and save the money. So disgusting this guy. He's like, Hey, you know what? Like, you know, you can, Marty, you got to man up, okay? Cause like Daniel's telling you, Hey, Marty,

hold the dress like this. Do this like that. Do this like that. What's to it? Man, oh, you Marty, what are you doing? I'm like, shut the fuck up. Like, this is there, this is what they, their dynamic is. And that's fine. You know what? Like, if he's, if dynamic is and that's fine. You know what? Like if he's, if Marty is gonna just take order from Daniel, that's just the dynamic. That's what he responds to. That's his personality type. Yeah, and then the other two was like, yeah, and Mars said the 10 year went and spent 45 grand on your black card and you don't even know it yet. You make the money, you pay

for the house, you pay for the dresses, you pay for the house, you pay for the dresses, you pay for the jewelry, you pay for the boobs, you pay for the shoes, you pay for the orders, you pay for bust, it's like, okay, okay. He's like, don't come to our house crying. Boo hoo, boo hoo. Yeah. And so they're just like, there just on top of everything else the guys getting married tomorrow Why would you even say this stuff to them the day before it's so no this is not like I'm you know like in a movie This stuff that you see it's happened, but like in real life. You're like, you know what like like why not? Why did you not say it earlier? Etc. So Marty's like well, you know what by way we should also mention they're all wasted at this point so Mars like

You know what she's a challenge to me and I like a challenge. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, for only my kids were more challenging. It's still be talking to the little fuckers, huh? Eh? Eh? And Joe's like, yeah, but she ripped you into a warehouse. You know, and the kids, like, that's fucked up.

I can't believe you put up with that. And then Joe's like, you know what? Let's have some conch. And Marty, uh, Marty said his conk. And he's like, nah, that's not how you say it. Uh, of course, it's conk. Yeah, don't mansplain the conk. So then they go over and they look at this conk that's like on the cutting board that's a still alive. And Joe go over and say, Hey, that's my buddy. He's getting married tomorrow. He's got a penis, but the balls are gone. You got no balls. You like a can, but no canc balls. You know what I'm saying? Give it to the bitch. Give it to the bitch. He loses his give it to said bitch. And Marty is getting so pissed. He takes this like a ballless dick thing and like sucks it down really creepily

while he watches them. And I'm like, I'm not sure what you're trying to say but it's Chris. He looked wasted and he looked like his right to like fall over and he's like, you're questioning me and Joe's like, yeah. And then there was like this weird moment with the editing where like, they like,

Marty basically splashed a drink on Joe But he knows like crotch But they only caught like the last part of it. So there's like this weird cut back and everything and then they splashed It throws a drink at Joe, but they just were like they're like, uh, well, okay And then they realized that Marty is now mad so they they pivot and they start saying hey You passed the test you passed the test you start saying, Hey, you passed the test. You passed the test. You love her. You love her.

You passed the test. I'm gonna to cast a Gorgia going, this was not a test. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, hey, congratulations. We're always going to be there for you. I'm like, really?

We're all to talk about the guys have about the girls. They're so caddy, you know, whatever. Like you guys are, you guys are being the bullshiters so caddy, you know, whatever like you guys are you guys are being the bullshitters here Yes, Joe Gorgas a little bit. So then we go to Jackie and Dolores having lunch I don't know. I just started laughing at that Just Dolores going anywhere Dolores is weave is so humongous. I mean Doris has already got a full ass head of his volume hair like she's got a big ol' heavy head hair. And then she's got like these terrible bleach blonde like additions that go down to her butt. And bad fillers. So she's just like, I

don't know, it's just a little like, it's a little scary. So she walks into this open air outdoor restaurant and she's like, all right, so it's a restaurant. It's at the nice weather spring. You know, there's an umbrella over there. I probably won't fall over anytime soon. We'll just sit here. Feels safe reminds me of Frankie, but you know, like Frank isn't the only one in the sunshine.

Guess what I'm in the sunshine too. I'm an independent woman, you know? So like I'm like, I don't have one man that I could trust, but you know what, I got to got myself and here I am at a table. Frank said, I should come here anyway. He said the umbrellas are good and sturdy at this place. but you know what I got to got myself and here I am at a table. Frank said I should come here anyway. He said the umbrellas are good and sturdy at this place and you know I trust them. You know he's lied to me three times, but I don't think he's gonna lie to me about this one.

Never gonna lie to me again. I'll tell you that much because if he ever does it again, I swear to God. Ever lie to me again. Clunk. Oh, I guess an umbrella just fell on my head, but you know what though, like, okay. All right, so you know he lied to me, all right? But you know what they're going forward? We're gonna work on it. He says, he says only one umbrella.

I just texted him. He said only one umbrella is ever gonna follow me. It's not gonna be a second one. Okay, so we're okay. Clunk. So Jackie's like, hi, you hear anything from the guy, same lemonade?

The Lord's like, well, look, I'm gonna be honest now. I think they're in trouble, all right? They're basically like a motorcycle in a living room. Like where's it gonna go? You know what I mean? I heard they went on a three hour tour and known 2000 FaceTime He Sense, so I don't know You know, I've seen 10-year-old action. She's a little crazy and then we get a montage of Danielle just being crazy Yes, and Jackie's like I got a question. How can she find 25 guys and you can't find one?

So, or says like, well, you know, I've been I've been sitting there been thinking about that in my kitchen, but I'm alone. I got to be straight and I think, well, I don't know why I can't find any life. I can't find more than one guy, but maybe it's hard to find the guy who wants to come over and talk about cabinets. I don't know. Yeah, you know what? It's quality, not quantity. I'm like, you've got two men at the moment. Like, what are you talking about? So also, I just have to say that flashback to Danielle's dog throwing dishes in a restaurant

in Milan made me so happy because like people really, I feel like people, I said, I know, I'm so sorry, I said this all the time, but people really slept on last season of New Jersey. There were like several crazy fights that season, like several glasses thrown, plates thrown, just screaming matches that were so funny and over the top. And watching that flashback, I was like, this was a great season. This is going to go down as one of the most overlooked seasons of all time. Well, it takes a long time for people to forgive. And I mean, after the twins and Amber season, they've got a lot of work.

I think people are starting to forgive now. I think the buzz on New Jersey has started to come back. I've noticed, but yeah, it takes a while for people to circle back. Yeah. And that Jim Marchese is still going for. And actually, so is Amber. Jim Marchese just made a really hom actually so is Amber. Jim Marchese he just made a really homophobic comment a couple of weeks ago on Twitter, asshole. And

the other followed up. I mean, Jesus Christ. What? I said, he could throw himself into a volcano. He's disgusting. Yeah. So yeah, they're both still terrible. And I think that that made people, you know, even more grateful that they're gone. So maybe they're giving this show another chance. I hope so. Yeah. So now that so now Dolores and Jackie start talking. Jackie's like, so, uh, said Dolores, I really want to get your input about what I should do with Teresa, you know, because I want to know what's going on with that. And Dolores like, well, frankly, you know what?

Am I say, frankly, I'm actually referring to my son Frankie and also my ex husband Frank See he's been in Florida a lot. I say, hey, yeah, focus the Lord's focus. Oh, okay All right, well look, you know, here's what happened Frankie Frankie. Frankly, all right Think of the muscles, you know, oh Frank again It's like what you said was extremely offensive for right extremely it was what we call a low blow Yeah, but I'm just going to my friends the fans. Did you see the way she screamed at me? It's not the way a normal educator person speaks to another person Don't don't assume this someone is dumb just because they yell I feel like you're very elitist with that

You're an elitist attitude. That's what we call with that. You're an elitist attitude, that's what we call that, right? You're an elitist attitude, right? That's where I said it, that's it. Yeah, you know what, don't assume that someone's dumb just because they got this barred for stealing money from their client, okay? Don't assume that they wasn't gonna tell you the second they remembered that they didn't tell you

in the first place, you know what I mean? That's where you come from. You know. So look, here's what I'm going to tell you. You do this again. I'm going to be very one more time. And Jack is like, but yeah, but let me explain my thing. Because in my family, it happens to my father went away for fraud.

And then she tells us my dad went away for tax evasion. My mom was on half the rest. And you know, it was real tough when the sentence and what's happening? But once they were doing their time we weren't ashamed because it's a family Basically, she's in a rest of development Liza Manelli came over pretended to be my mother and you know what we were grateful for the ZD Yeah, and my brother-in we were grateful for the ZD. Yeah, and my brother-in-law, he joined the Blue Man Group.

So my other brother, he lost his hand to a loose seal. This is Dolores, get jumps on this. She's like, okay. Now how old were you when this happened? She's like, I have a thing college. She's, well now look. So it's not something that happens to your family, okay? I'm like, yes it is.

That literally happened to her family. What are you talking to with her parents when she was... She's like, listen, two very different things. She was in college, and her dad went away for six months. For Teresa, she's a mother, and she's raising kids, and she knowingly participated in fraud with her husband and committed a crime and now as a victim to her own crimes.

Two different things. Just look, here's what I think. It's like kicking someone while they're down and Jackie just keeps arguing, you know, because she's right. I mean, Jackie is right, but at the same time, you can't just tell someone, oh, what, your husband's in prison and you know, and then expect them not to be mad like like yeah Yeah, yeah exactly. I don't think I don't think Jackie say anything wrong I'm not surprised that Teresa got mad But I just get mad that they make it sound like she said your your husband's a piece of trash

And he deserves to die in prison. She didn't say that she just was like if you you keep saying that you can control the husband But if you could control your husband he wouldn't be where he is, you know Well, it's every season with Teresa's proxy wars because Teresa doesn't want to get her hamstrings now So it's always everybody else's fighting for her and so this isn't even between Jackie and Teresa And it's not even between Dolores and Jackie. It up on Melissa and I love Jackie this like passive-aggressive thing that she said she goes you know what I'm used to arguing logically and I think it just went over the wrong way. Oh I was like that should be that's like that's not like that's like not Jersey shade that's like that's some real house wasn't New York shade right there.

Yeah and the lawyer says like well look someone has to compromise it's like not Jersey shade. That's like that's some real house wasn't New York shade right there. Yeah, I'm the lures is like But look someone has to compromise. It's like I told that I'm broke It's like I told Frank we got to make a compromise I need you to help me put up some more cabinets and in return The umbrella falls over and Jack wants like, ah, that was Theresa. Which is just funny, because it does kind of look like Theresa that umbrella.

And then there was some great editing because it cuts from this umbrella, just falling over to Down and Bimini, to out of nowhere, Joe Gorker just falls over onto the floor. He just like walks in, dr to this into their little into their room I mean he just in the room go whoa and he just falls flat onto his side. Yeah with a full drink And then he goes to the table and there's a shit ton of food on this table like it looks like I just got I'm gonna go up with it's like tons of. And he's the kid that got the leftovers. And Melissa and Trio come back.

And she's like, what did Melissa call him, Susie? I don't, I didn't hear that. I don't know. I'm Susie. Why are you wet? Maybe a sweetie. But she goes, why are you wet? And he goes, I don't know.

Where was you? And Trio, they live in a poverty zone. But she goes why are you wet and he goes I don't know where was you entry they So he starts telling them about All the shit that went down at lunch and he's like yeah like you know We went out with Marty and we're like Marty pulled it together, right? You know this like this put together. The Marty this quiet, Marty, this woosey, Marty, this pussy of a man, Marty, this ballless cock, cranky, Marty. This guy throws a drink at Joe's balls. And then we cut over to Marge coming back into the room and seeing Joe, they kiss and she's like, uh, Joe, Joe, I taste the alcohol.

What's going on? What's going on with the booths on your lips? Okay, do I, do I put you in an alcoholic synonymous except everyone knows who you are. It's just be called Joeaholics anonymous. Get a classic march. Okay, I'm gonna workshop that one, okay. Alcoholic Joe, there's classic Joe right there. Yeah, so Joe tells Marge about the whole conversation.

She's like, oh great, she knows she's gonna hear it from Danielle. Yeah, and meanwhile Gorgas is like, this is what I said to him. This is what I said, the callus Marty, house owning Marty, you know, Marty, I go, Marty, don't let the pussy whip you, you whip the pussy. What the fuck with this guy?

This guy is the worst, okay? Yeah. He's lucky as a cute little smile and meth eyes because that's the only reason anybody forgives him He is a caveman basically So then to change things up we then go back up to New Jersey where the Queen of Paramus shows up It's Jennifer. She goes to like the family jewelry shop where her brother's holding behind the counter and her dad is just sitting there Like on a little stool like I was just my life you know and she goes he goes the brothers like how are the kids

she's like oh that good that good and goes your kids got personality yeah I know where did they get that from no one one in this family. I think we can get things bill for that. Well, it's like my dad always says, to paraphrase my dad, they have personalities, bad personalities. So Jen, he owns a jewelry store. So Jen's all excited because she gets across because she's Turkish and in my culture,

we don't get brings, we get crosses because you know Jesus Back in Jesus's day you wear a cross You get a bright ship to you from Japan and boom you're married like what is this? What is this dating five years getting to know somebody? She goes she goes see this just goes to show that when you know you know Okay, that's what this just goes to show. And I'm like, what do you mean? Like you know, you know, like they met five years ago and she was repulsed by him and then five years later,

she had no better options. So she's like, is this, is this, hey, do you still have that, that car in the back room? I wanna kick its tires a little bit, you know? Yeah, I'm hopeless and Turkey's not doing so great. Can you please just put me under the fat guy like a door stop? Please. I'll do whatever I need.

I don't know. Are they? I think they're going to Turkey. I started to get the sense that this was the early seeds of the vacation because he's like, we're all going to be going to Turkey because my brother's going to be presenting the cross to Melda in a ceremony. And that's what we do in our culture. Okay, we're Syrian Christian Orthodox and we're the best view in all of Paramis. So we're

considering changing religion to Paramis Syrian Orthodox. Okay. What is this dating getting to know someone, Jerk of Jerk of Jerk? Oh sorry daddy. I only wish Bill were here to see this lovely cross. Ooooooooh! I'm here. I'm on this here. You rubbed the little thing and I just came right out. Hmm, Chris Cross will make you jump jump. Well, well, a lot, sir.

What will your pleasure be? Let me take your own hair right it down. You ain't never had a friend like me. So then to Reese, Brincher's self with the curling iron, because she's a fucking moron. I mean, my god. And then she's like, Ion. I mean my god and then she's like I hate doing my own hands. We didn't realize that that was actually foreshadowing for the big drama of the episode. But um, yeah, it was done their own

hair and so long is so funny. I'm surprised you didn't catch your stupid earrings on fire. I hadn't had one of these in a long time. Oh! Tree, it's good. Don't worry. You won't hurt yourself at all. Okay, peg. Oh!

So, her cheerleader is in the corner. Hey, tree. Try these earrings on. They're glickery. Oh, they look so good on you, tree. They look so good. So, peg. Tag, tatani. So, pig.

Hey, Tittani. So, Tittinos, I'm sorry, Tittinos. So, yeah. So, they all start getting, they all have to, oh wait, where are they going now? They're going to the rehearsal dinner. And so, they're piling into the little tram thing. And Marge is like, you know, I was like, you have to whip it, okay? I was like, okay, it's gonna be fucking raining out tomorrow. Okay, it's like rain, rain, go away. How about rain, rain, rain, rain stay away? How about that?

Okay, like I just did my hat, okay? So they're in the tram and it's getting windy and Danielle sitting next to Marge. Marge is looking at her phone. She's like, okay, all right, it's all fucking rain to me. Oh, look, I feel it, I feel rain. You feel that?

It's really, it's a good effect to rate. I feel it right now. And Danielle's like, let's keep talking about it. No really, Margaret. Let's just keep talking about it, Margaret. She can say this. She wants to curse the wedding. Yeah, wherever you think about, you bring about, so thank you think about you bring about so thank you Margaret

Thank you. Thank you. Oh, that's my fault the wedding is gonna be right down because I said it Jesus I should say I'm gonna put a lottery. That's what I'm gonna with everybody write that down Did you write that down cuz it's classic? Joe hey, I was going up and you know what this rain is it's it's Joan crying from laughter at my jokes, okay? From heaven. She doesn't have it. Okay, I'll going up and you know what this rain is? It's it's Joan crying from laughter at my jokes. Okay. From heaven. She doesn't have it. Okay, Eric laughed at it. Get it.

I'm a tree. She's like, hey, Margaret, where are you seeing family? It's like, well, did out here. She's waiting for the year. Well, did not the wedding. This is a rehearsal pod. So they'll just come to the dinner after and trees is like, Blink, blink.

This is not understand the word for six. What? So then speaking of which we then see March senior, she's just like casually walking and then just she just falls over. So we got the umbrella, Joe Gorgon and March senior all going down this episode. So goes, are you all right? So like I didn't really like the steps with it. Just, oh, I like, I like her, like her squeal of pain or she's like, oh, I'm gonna get out to go in a tree.

She's like, I like the rain stop that it just sees. Then you're like, yeah, look at the rainbow. That's a rainbow there. And joke over because that means something. Yeah, I'm gonna touch his quia that mod is a queer I'll better touch his right down on mod his head cuz he's about a gold to my right no I hear the rainbows only touch down on people who actually I dick and balls sorry moddy it's not touching you so then Margaret of course she sees Joe at the bar and she's like, guess what?

Daniel, apparently everything's in my thought. Daniel's been yelling at me. Everything's in my thought. The way that everything, just blame that. Just blame me. Just blame me. That's all. So then Melissa and Trey are talking and she's like, it seems like that at each other's

throat, Margaret's being very negative. Actually, that was Melissa who said that. She seemed like they're at the other each other's throat. It's Margaret's being very, very negative. And Trey just goes, yeah. Just like, no idea what's happening. Yeah. When my tap, she's got a horse.

So she's a March senior. She's like, hello, Margaret. I'm so. And Marga's like, what do you, what do you drunk? Don't get drunk by that. You don't want to ruin your face. Just, of course not.

What'd you see, you see a rainbow or something? Huh? Is it a rainbow? It's gonna rain tomorrow. That's what I gotta say. So then Danielle, Danielle then confronts Joe Gore. I was like, so pay attention. Police.

I hear you had a conversation with Marty. It's a something was said about me, huh? That I stay with a man just for money. Okay? Get him to explain yourself and Joe Gorgas for all his, it's all, you know, you're a bus for Europe. Bus for Europe. You're a bus for Europe.

He's like, uh, uh, uh, hey, hey Joe, come over here. Joe, Joe, come over here. I like she goes, look at me, Joe. And he's like, uh, you scare me a little bit. Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh Danielle stop. This is what Marty deals with. Yeah, so Danielle's like, here's what I began to think. A third of Ford party info. And so I want to ask you, do you think I'm with Marty for his money? And it's a silence. And why are people having third and fourth parties when this is supposed to be about my party?

I'm the bride. I'm the bride. So then, Joe goes, she's like, do you think I'm after Marty first money and Joe Budino's like, I'm debating the answer. Oh, you kidding. He's like, no, no, no, I don't think you're with him for his money. We was drinking and she goes, Marcus, like, yeah, they were both busted. They were just busted. Where you drink it? Where you drink it? Where you drink it? A dot, Joe. Where you drink it? A dot, they were both busted. They were just busted. Where you drink it? Where you drink it or not, Joe? Where you drink it or not?

They're there. He said it. They drink it. And she goes, Danielle's answer to this is so funny. She goes, well, look, whose money is as important as love. And naturally, my love comes from his money. So you see it's all a tangled web. I only want to be surrounded by people that are supporting us and loving us and just like the entire party just evaporates.

Oh my god. The joke organ does. He loves you. He adores you. Okay. That's what we got out of this. In fact, that's like a gift It's almost good that we call them a pussy and it was whipped and that you're just out for the money because guess I he loves you He adores you. Yeah, and I was like, oh You can go have the dinner the bravo is paying for now So Margaret's like you know what I'm gonna be I'm just gonna get through sweating because I said I would but the truth is this is no way to live I was like, okay, relax Margaret you're acting like you've been like put in like an Anne Frank attic Okay, just like you're at a you're at a beautiful wedding

Okay, and she like got mad at you about the weather. She's been ridiculous, but like you know Danielle stop. Yeah So now's the wedding day and we get another scene of Tariq called Tariq Sikollinger daughters, which is always hilarious because they show her phone and it's like 10 calls to Adriana. It's like, yeah, Adriana, Adriana, Adriana, Adriana, Adriana, Adriana, Adriana. It's like, what? It's like, let me see, I'm pinning a little, I'm pinning a little, I'm pinning a little, I'm pinning a little, I'm pinning a little, I'm pinning a little, she's like, my mom click and she sings up on her.

Yeah, and Mara writes me while she's scolding Joe. She's like, you know, you deserve to be Yada, but you did to me, okay? All right, I'm gonna be, I'm just gonna be very devoted to Danielle today. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be devoted and be, hope this needs to be devoted to her, okay?

So then in the hair and makeup suite, Melissa comes over, she's just taking a shower and then she's like, tell me your hair is not completely wet. No, we are not doing complete blowouts. No, no, we cannot. We cannot, because apparently the thing said, like you get your hair and makeup done and she's like,

no, that's only for my friends, only only for my family you guys only get your makeup done which is so cheap like professional even paying for this like i mean it's already paying for it but you're not going to the hair for all the women just make up come on down you know yeah more Melissa said the email said full hair and makeup the sick clu-t-dry cleaning i have a pride i have a bride and the tree has wet hair too, but I

Here is just like her hair is just like an unrun out mop Just like water everywhere. I say oh my god. Don't you have wet too? And the guy the gay is like and the guy the gay is like oh I'm like shut up gay you're gonna pay for this calm down and get your blow dryer blowing okay sure so then Margaret walks in and her hair is wet too and they're like seriously what the fuck I'm like okay it's wet hair come down are you getting so mad at their hair was just making me cackle. I spent the entire week at making sure you feel fabulous and it's supposed to be about me. Marguerite's like, oh my god, only fact, this is side

drama. And she's on the edge. Yeah, some Marcus, like, you know, I'm just gonna draw, I'm just gonna blow dry my own hair. Like it's fine, which was like shocking. I don't think we've ever seen this on Bravo. A woman actually picking up a hair dryer and blowing out her own hair. It's like, I think I'm gonna use it. You could do it. Yeah.

Trees is like, like, Margaret's got a baby. Thanks for the blow dryer, Theresa. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. everyone get down. Margaret's got a gun. It's a hair dryer. Look at Ma, let's try the hair. She's almost forgiven for the last nights.

The right bodies, who knows what he's getting into. Oh, you didn't give your husband a warning first. That was your fault, Margaret. Marge is like, oh, geez. Here we go again. Listen to Danielle, I've had you back the most out of anyone in this entire trip. Okay. Yeah, I've had you back the most and you speak to me the rest. And Danielle's like, and you've hurt me the most. I'm like, what is Margaret doing? That's for you. She like had a, she had like

a cocktail and we need with the Laura's ones. And then we get a clip of what she supposedly did and the same young going, what even have a carbon with the Laura's once. And then we get a clip of what she supposedly did and the same young going, what even have a carbon with the Laura? You cheated on your husband and she got cheated on! Uh-oh. And then Daniel's like, Margaret, you blindsided me. My heart got broken in half and it hurt me.

And Margaret's like, you know what? Guess what? Guess what? I'm getting on a plane, okay? And I will not be on the wedding, okay? Enjoy yourself, it's over. It's all over. I'm getting on a plane, okay? And I will not be in the waiting, okay? Enjoy yourself, it's over. It's all over, I'm getting on a plane.

I'm getting on an American Airlines too, okay? Enjoy your Southwest flight back, okay? Guess what? You live in the Northeast, good luck getting your Southwest flight, okay? That's all I'm saying. Directions, okay? Carnal directions. I'm asking you to understand what things come from Margaret.

She's like, okay, you know what? She not only beats a dead horse, she drags it through the river, then the mud, then she drives it She tries to start it off fire, but it's wet So she waits for it to dry off that she puts on a pink spit Rowsed around that she shoots it in the face stabs it open its guts pause him all over herself Like this girl just kill the horse already, right? I love the idea that that Marge actually beat the dead horse on her joke about Beating the dead horse on her joke about beating a dead horse.

So then Danielle, Danielle is like, as you always like to say a classic bully, you just say something, you punch them in the face and they're like, so Danielle goes after her and just like, come and sit down, come and sit down. And Melissa is like, no arguing. At the wedding day, no arguing. So Marge is like, yeah, yeah, it's disgusting. It's ridiculous, it's disgusting. And then Danielle just hugs her, and then they start to cry and Danielle apologizes. You're hate's Danielle's wedding. Was he barking?

Yeah, you didn't hear him, he's like so mad. I have some comments. I have some comments on treats coming today. Did an umbrella hit him? Is that what happened? If you do it again, I swear to God God you do it one more time, Pula. I'm done with you forever Yeah, okay, you're forgiven So Marge is now like you know what like we made up and I would be nice and everything

But you know what the lowest was right about Danielle? I wish I listened I was like whoa Because I didn't realize it had a falling out and I looked afterwards I saw that they are not friends. That Danielle edited Marge out of all her bridal photos. Yes, and then Danielle, that was the worst wedding, it was the worst wedding day ever. It's like, what? He's talking about it, it looks beautiful.

Oh yeah, she's so amazing. You're manipulating Danielle. Like just say thank you for your free Costco sample, okay? It's like someone who takes a free chicken sample and it's like, I don't like that chicken. And in other words, it's me. It's a now they're getting dressed and it has the wedding ceremony.

We see Marty's son, he's like a big ol' shlub. His like, the top button is like undone, his tie is like, the knot of his tie is down like in the middle of his chest. He just looks like a used car salesman. Nothing against used car salesman, of course. Yeah, and then they make sure to show us that the kids are there, you know, they don't look like thrills,

but no one really looks through it. But also, I think the kids were like 13, 17, things like that. So it was like even like when all this stuff was talking about the kids, I was like, ooh, you know, but the kids are like full on growing adults, which I mean, you still, like kids are, like that's still adults, which I mean, you still like kids are like that's still important But they made it sound like they were young and impressionable and like you have to like really protect them and I was like they're kind of Adults and they kind of I don't know

Well, they're protecting that inheritance You imagine the life that Martin made them go through and they're like this fuckers got probably a couple months to go And now some heifer comes in and seals all of his money. Yeah, that's what the real issue is, you're right. So, it's the beach wedding. I just wrote, David, Marty's son, wow. And Joe Gorgas, still a pig. That, so the procession starts coming in,

so Marty's up first, and then the bridesmaids. Melissa Gorgas walks down the aisle Joe Gorge stands up and is like I'm like just fucking walking okay, this is mine. I write that pussy's mine Like this is not about you and your and your wife, okay, like sit down, please. Yeah So they've written their own vows and so Marty gets to go first and he's like The minute the minute I felt you to steal your role around me You squeezed me it hurt me. I got scrapes

But then I got a band-aid and I have Fred Flintstone on it. I love Fred Flintstone. I love you I promise that you will feel safe every day, every moment, forever. And by forever, I mean, about three months. I promise I will never call you a piece of shit, co-core, every day, forever. The only restraining order I'm ever going to get is a restraining order against bad feelings. And she's like, I promise you that I will trust you. I will take your trust. I will cash in your trust probably before it's probably before it's too. And I will spend your trust. Okay.

We're going to have a lot of fun, fun, fun, fun, not fun, fun. So Marge is just like watching from the side, just hating life. And she's like, you know, I don't think this marriage is going to last. No, I'm like, I mean, true. But like, based on the vows, I would actually like, like, there are many reasons why the marriage is not going to last. But I don't think it was because on the vows I would actually like like there are many reasons why the marriage is not gonna last But I don't think it was because of the vows and she's like pretty soon Myad is gonna find out Danielle's not who she betrays herself to be like Pretty accurately. I don't think she's been faking it Actually, I agree with you. I think Danielle's pretty much herself Yeah, did you notice that so we've had this whole episode, like, are you with them for

his money? Danielle is literally leaning away from him in their wedding vows, you know, if you were a body language reader, she's standing there as she's leaning back. Well, I mean, well, I mean, let's be honest, Marty's breath is probably like cigarettes and sardines and conk. Like pickled conk. So we end with tree going, you know, then young commitment might, but she has a good heart. And she deserves a second chance to happiness.

What third or fourth of fifth is something? Blink, blink, blink, blink. Yeah, and that was the, that was the wedding. For some reason I thought the wedding was where, like Marty was and yet thrown into a pool, but, apparently not yet. Yeah, we'll have to wait for that. Well, everybody, thank you so much for joining us. It's good to be back.

We look forward to having a great 2019 with y'all. Go get your watch at Crappens Live tickets for Dallas, Boston, DC, Vancouver. We'll see some of you this Saturday at the Golden Crapie Awards here in Hollywood. Oh my goodness. We are so thrilled about and you can get your new limited edition t-shirts. There is free shipping on those t-shirts for orders of over $45 until January 26th. So go to crappenswernich.com. Also if you want to vote in the crappies, the voting is going to be open until 6 o'clock Pacific time on Friday. There's been a huge amount of votes. So go vote if you haven't voted yet. Just because it's fun, it's free and you know it's good time. Get over there everybody. We sure love ya!

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