Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Jackie Non-Joiner

Episode Date: February 26, 2021

In the wake of Teresa and Jackie's blowout last week, the Real Housewives of New Jersey head to Lake George for some rest, relaxation, and nip slips. What could go wrong? Watch this recap here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/crappens-on-1434-48019649Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is

Who happens Who happens Who happens Watch what happens Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is Who cares Who cares Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast that I'll bet a crap on Bravo that we just love to watch.

I'm Ben Mandelker, you can also find me on the Game Brain podcast and also the real housewares of Kitchen Island, which is on YouTube. And joining me is the wonderful and sumptuous and delicious Ronnie Carram coming to us love from Texas. Hey Ronnie, what's up? Hi. Hi. This is a crap and it's on demand episode. So if you want to watch it, go to patreon.com slash watch or crap ins. I'm not going to give you the spiel two days in a row, but just just let you know that crap is on demand allows you to watch us while we record and not just listen to us. It's really cool. If you sign up, you get access to our discord server and our bonus episodes. And this week we talked about the movie I care a lot, and we talked about behind our eyes, and a whole bunch of other TV shows

and we also talked about food that we were cooking. It's really fun stuff just you know shooting the shit. So welcome guys we're talking Real Housewives of New Jersey episode two. Oh yeah. How you doing? I'm doing good. Pretty fun life over here. Watching a lot of housewives. A lot of housewives tonight. There was a Salt Lake City, there was a housewife. Yeah. Jersey. So it's good.

Yeah, if you were not too many, and we have no life, I would tell you about my real life, but guess what, nothing is going on. Okay, that thing. Still stuck inside. If you're tuning in and wondering, where is that Salt Lake City reunion? Oh, it was the previous episode, so go and look on. Okay. Still stuck in the slide. If you're tuning in and wondering where is that Salt Lake City reunion? Oh, it was the previous episode. So go and look on your feed. It's there. So anyway, let's dive into it. Last we saw on this show was Theresa leaving Margaret's home going.

Cat fitness, cat fitness, cat fitness, bling bling, cat fitness, cat fitness, she's a cat fitness. My daughter, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter, cat fitness, cat, bling,, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. She's like, well, I said that if, like, if I said, if I heard that G.S. North and co, and you could imagine me doing that at G.S. party, like if she doesn't know what an, an out-and-an-anology is, I don't know what to tell you. Well, Jackie, I hate to break it to you, but you're dealing with recent U.D.s. So, analogy already has way too many syllables for it to be out of the name. She doesn't even know how to use AM, A.M.

Okay. She still hasn't, she to use AM, AM, okay? She still hasn't gotten past, uh, so there you go. She just gets the anal part and it's like, yeah, I would do that. It's like, no, anal, OG. So, I ain't, oh, OG. Analogy, that is the science of doing an email, right? It's like, no, analogy is not that.

So, um, Margaret's like, all right, clearly, clearly, Jackie clearly doesn't know her audience. Okay, like there's two rules in the friend group. Okay, never use analogies because no one in this group understands it. Like, like they just said, analogies too much. And also don't bring up kids. And don't bring up analogies back kids.

Okay, she just delivered twice in one, she did two, two delivery special. Okay, it was like two iceees for the price of one. All right, that's what she did. That was for you, John. So Jackie calls Evan and she's like, you know, I said, what if I said that she is North's co-casing example and she went bananas.

He's like, I'm curious, this is a fucking joke. This is so long class. You got one blow job in a steam room and everything goes off the rails. Yeah, okay, she's talking to Evan. And so Margaret's like, did we discuss that part of it? I'm sorry to interrupt you, Ben. If you're if you're fucking somebody at the gym, does that not mean you're getting blow jobs in the steam room from dudes?

I mean, is that the real accusation that's being made here? That's where my mind went, but we didn't really discuss it. But then on this episode, it changed into, he says he's going to the gym, but he's actually going off to screw around. So, because I've all week I've been wondering, I'm like, wait, was this a gay thing?

Then why isn't anybody talking about the gay part? Because to me, that sounds like you're saying, oh, he's going in, he's getting blowjob. I mean, listen, that's why we've always said it on the show. That's why gay guys often have very worked out bodies. You get blow jobs at the gym, okay? That is why. But I didn't know. And then I thought, well, is it just a world I don't understand? You straight people do that too? Because that's just gross. I wasn't totally sure. And I just figured I would let this rumor unfurl itself naturally. And we just be able to bask in all it.

And it did. Yeah. I mean, so so Margaret's so Margaret's like okay like why doesn't Theresa just like say she doesn't believe it is not true I just don't understand it it's like saying hey this is a nice coffee but it's actually nice to you just I don't believe that it's not true this is not nice to okay and Jack is like this and I want to go on your trip I really believe you trying to do a good thing with this girl's trip but if that woman goes will not go. I will not be around that woman again. And Marge is like, let me hold your hand and tell you, it's going to be made right. It's going to be made right now. I can't promise anything about Teresa, but I do learn that you don't take any milk in your iced coffee. So next time it will be made right now, I'll train

Joe. You know what? It's like, it's like, here's what it's like. It's like you go to Starbucks and you order a nice coffee and what you get is you get a latte. It's not really the same thing. Is this lost on you? That's my thought. I use an analogy.

I apologize, I already. I apologize. So Teresa screeches into her garage. You see her like, what? And she's like, for well-in-developed driving into her, her house. Yes. And her garage, I never noticed this before.

Her garage door has been painted to look like it's like a faux rustic barn door. It's just the, you know, of course Teresa has a faux barn door as her garage. It's like, I know that's not a barn Teresa. You're not fooling me. It's a garage. It's mechanical. It raises up on its own Teresa. You were not in you're not at some stable in Tuscany She bringing up my daughter Discussing daughter disgusting disgusting. She will bring my daughter Just talking to herself and she's in the kitchen making coffee

Rich actually calling Melissa and the dog is so scared of her. It just gets up and runs off, which is so funny So it's photoskin doghouse. Yeah, so much you do on my mind It's like I'm at the showhouse and it's the Antonio's birthday and the girls' rest all right anyway I met your friend at Margaret Hopefully after I tell you what she did. She's not gonna be a friend anymore Really what happened? pulling it after I tell you what she did. She's not gonna be a friend anymore, right? Really what happened? She's like, well, I was being nice to her, you know?

I was like, come on, you can talk to me about how your husband gets blow job at the gym, you know? And she was just like, you know, she was like crying. She was like crying. That's as if it's like the craziest thing in the world. To be crying over rumors that you spread at her husband's birthday party about her husband Yeah, she's like you got it

Everyone in in true and I was like I didn't start the room. I'm listening to us Yeah, well you did tell everyone at the party Teresa I did not tell everyone I'm right I told you my sister in law and my friends and my family and the way it is All right the way this really my family and the way it is. The way it is really had to. And the value of the car guy. The car guy, yeah. Yeah, yeah, the bus, the bus, the people at the next table, because they were wondering what am I talking about.

I'm like, I'm a nice person. I'm a nice person. Melissa, so I had to tell them, because they're cute. I had to do it, you know? Yeah, my thing is, I think any strong woman would want to know, but I guess she's not a strong woman, right? I said, I didn't say it was true strong woman, we wanna know, but I guess she's not a strong woman, right?

I said, I didn't say it was true and she goes off about what if I said Gia Snort and Lyons in the bathroom, like a Coke, like a Coke. That's what she said, stupid fucking bitch. Someone says like, wow, I am shocked that you're saying this. Mainly, I'm just shocked that you're using all these words.

I'm like really impressed with your vocabulary these days. She's a new one. Also, I'm shocked that you would suggest that Gia could be snorling lines of like Coca-Cola. But also, this is also proving that Teresa did get that it was an analogy and she's still going off and being an asshole about it. You know? So Melissa's like, I know Jackie would never accuse G of doing cocaine.

I know some things being twisted. And so she goes, she tells Theresa she goes, you know what, I wasn't there. I don't know how she said it. And Theresa's like, well, you mean how she said it. There's only one fucking way she can say it. I went bananas. I literally, I literally blacked out.

I was like, fucking bananas. You know what I'm saying? And like this weekend, I'm gonna slice and dice her with my tongue, okay? I'm gonna demolish you girlfriend, just like, with this tongue, I'm gonna say, hey, you stupid thing, why I'm gonna put some ingredients in your coming,

you know what I'm, stupid, stupid face. Yeah, slice and dice. Who's slice and dice with her tongue? Oh, so then Jennifer is with Olivia going to visit Jen's mom and she's like, okay, careful in your hands, baby They get to the mom's house and the mom's like, oh, can I borrow those shoes? They're so pretty Yeah, she's like wearing these wedges Gold gold glitter wedges

these wedges. Gold glitter wedges. I live here on my hero. I can normal little girl dress but then gold wedges. So the mom is like, okay, you want to eat? Okay. Like here, eat a broken one. Okay. The nice ones are for company. I'm like, what company is coming? Is this for the camera crew? It's like free. This like pre company hangout that Jen's having with her mom. Yeah, this COVID hangout for 900 people looking at the cookies that she's made. So Jen's like, we were testing the neighborhood. So I just spuck in a marker. And then she tells us my brother got married in Terranney. He got married to Melda, but he's at a papers coming orders.

They had a honeymoon, baby, baby. And the honor of my father, the slacks of guys who have been abandoned, they named him John. His name John, baby, I mean, not baby, it's a baby, baby, it's a John, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm stuck. And Olivia's like,

why do you call him Brian, if his name is John? To the grandma, and she's like, Why do you call him Brian if his name is John? To the grandma. And she's like, I have reason to not call him John, you know? Because Daddy says things to hurt me. The way he's talking behind Don, nobody knows. I'm like, nobody knows. Nobody knows.

I'm not in front of Olivia right now. Anyone? And then then Jen's like I never see him say anything bad baby. She's oh you never see him He turned my kids against me. That's why I might hate with him starts. Okay, you think he's an angel But he is not like Olivia is like right here and she still might actually love her grandfather So so what listen? I don't I don't understand. I read all these comments who are like, how could you do that in front of a child? What else do you supposed to do with those little fuckers are always around? We supposed to put them in a crate in the backyard or something to bitch about somebody in your family. Yes.

Not my family. Great. Why create for children? Not my family. It's like your father's a real asshole, huh? We're like, yes, mommy. And then we get a free roll up. Okay, this out works.

So then Olivia's so cute. Olivia's really come so far in her few years on the show because she used to be an absolute terror, but she's not. She's last year, they were doing that thing where they were trying to convince us that Olivia's action angel. And so she was still trying to learn the part But now she seems like she's actually turned into an angel So she like brings the tissue over to the grandma

A really bitchy one A really bitchy diva angel Yeah, I love it Um, like Hillary Duff would play her in a movie So she brings she brings the tissue over and Jen's like You know in our house daddy never talks bad about you over and Jen's like, you know what, our house, daddy never talks bad about you, mother. And she's like, well, it's whatever.

You don't know him. I'm better off with him without him anyway. There's such a melodramatic family. Yeah, really. And Jen is telling us that it was an arranged marriage and you don't do divorce in their family. But she never saw her dad disrespect her mom, but she never really saw love either from him.

And so Jen's like, well I might be the best. She's like, very good tennis game, no love. So basically, you know, that's that. And I was thinking kind of this should be a lame storyline, but it's really not, I'm into it. Me too, I'm sensitive to people being like, fuck your father's a shithead.

It's very like Tennessee Williams or something. So, um, uh, and now we go from one pair of wedges to another, because it's the Laura's getting out of her car with wedges on, and we see her not, she's at like a, like a normal house and she like knocks on the door. Man, all right, I'm gonna leave this for you, for your mom. I got you some cookies. Cookies? Yeah, mom. And we see all these.

I got you food for a month during COVID. 37 cases of cookies, all right, mom? All right, just get some of them. Just leave out all the, I cleared out the entire Entomans outlet store just for your mom. And then they go out to the mom's garden, which is basically just some ferns and a lot of plaster animals

Did it like kind of creepily looking at you and the mom valor is like I Found I'd like gardening me all the age How you feel how you and then they have like a very like Jersey Conversation how you feel I feel good. Okay, what's going on? How's everyone? Yeah, it's good. You know as everyone of you. Yeah, well good. Well good. Okay, what's going on? How's everyone? Everyone's good, you know, how's everyone's good? Yeah, we're good, we're good, you know. Frankie's been living with David and Frank is back and he was living with David, but now he's back.

And David's not living with me because I didn't get a commitment from David because he's hanging out with Frankie too much. So I've been talking to Frank who's living with me now. And you know, I got a new ass in plan. Frankie likes it and Frank likes it, but David doesn't like it. So I said Frank, can you talk to David about this?

Because Frank and David's like, I don't want to hear about it because I'm talking with Frank and I'll get into it. So I said Frank, can you talk to David about this? Because Frank and David's like, I don't wanna hear about it, cause I'm talking with Frank and Alpen get into school. So I got a new book. Okay. Mm-hmm. So what's been on your mind, Ma? Cuckies.

Cuckies is pretty much cookies. You know, I miss my grandchild, Fred. I miss massage and Frank is feekin' it. You know, I miss them, but at least they come to the gate to see me. And, uh, to Laura. I just say to Laura, it's like, for the past 15 years, my mother has done nothing, but take care of her 4,000 grandchildren. Like, out of nowhere, there's 15 grandchildren. All these cousins

So yeah, she's telling them about David and the mom's like well, it's work ethics are fine But this relationship I don't know Well, he was upset. I didn't tell him about that get the tummy tuck mom You know, I didn't tell them till the night before she was shame on you shame on you the lawyer Respired to do that so well, you know, I'm sorry, but you do that, so... Well, you know, I don't have to explain anything if he doesn't give me a commitment. Well, maybe in his mind, with the search where you went through with everything,

you just went through all of it yourself and you gotta think of other people too, and how they're gonna feel. And, you know, they wanna be there and help you take care of you and bring you a cookie. You know, you give so many cookies. Sometimes people wanna give a cookie back to you. Okay. Everyone likes a cookie. Yeah, I get it from you, ma'am, right? You know, you can't fight the DNA Valerie. And she

says that her mom, yeah, her mom taught her to fend for herself because she had a nontraditional marriage because when her dad became chief of police, he had to move to Patterson and her mom didn't want to move. So they they stayed married but they didn't live together. I could do this. Now this is, New Jersey is making me believe that relationships are possible again. Well, what happened was my dad moved to Patterson. My mom stayed in Tatoa. And now when they talk, what happens is I go to Patterson to Tatoa, I was a Patterson to Tatoa,

I'm back to Patterson, back to Tatoa, back and forth, back and forth. And then I go to my living room and I walk from a living room to Paterson to Tatoa, I was a Paterson to Tatoa, I'm back to Paterson, back to Tatoa, back and forth, back and forth. And then I go to my living room and I walk from a living room to the kitchen, to the living room to the kitchen. I go to Paterson today, a Tatoa today. I don't know,

I just make round trips all day long. That's what I do, Frank. Let me ask you something to Loivis. Are you happy? She's like, you know what, Mark? You know what I enjoy? I enjoy the freedom of it. All right? And you know what? He's an okay guy. He's not abusive. All right. He doesn't beat the crap out of me

My so you know what you here's where he is. He's working every time all right, and he's good to the kids Does he massage Frankie's feet? God I miss massage and Frankie's feet. I dream about it I dream about it when I'm in bed my cookies cookies. And I think God I was Frank is feet with you. You know what? David's close with the kids. And you know, he's a good guy, but you know, he shouldn't have acted like that though. Mom, he shouldn't have acted. Well, maybe Panicked. Like the time I went to the store and they said they were out of cookies and I knocked over the display of pasta. And I was like, you better get some fucking cookies back in here the panic But you know what I said what I wanted and guess what the store got cookies it all works the law

It all works out, you know and she's like well, you should help them not panic My alright cuz he says that you're the smartest woman in nose and she's like well that I know for a fact of the smartest woman he knows and she's like, Well, that I know for a fact. I'm like, ha ha ha ha. And then we go over to Jennifer's house where we see Bill's like, Mmm, what are we doing? Mmm, packing for a trip? Mmm, mmm.

Yeah, I'm petting Diamond Pink Tennis shoes because I gotta live my life better. She said, lick, she, but that's just what I'm gonna wear. Ha ha ha. It's what I'm gonna wear It's a little extra for link George if I do say so myself They're all a little extra for link George. I mean Jesus Christ Well, they're just a lot of extra

So I don't know why I brought like Bell on to this. You know, that's what happens You have her first name name like I'm just gonna bring you into a lake pond. So Dolores calls up Margaret's like so what do. You know, that's what happens. You have a first name name, like, I'm just gonna bring you into a lake pond. So Dolores calls up Margaret and it's like, so what are you packing? And she's like, you know what? All right. Here's what I'm packing. All right. I got, I'm wearing, basically I'm wearing a Starbucks bag as my cover up. It's basically ice coffee. Okay, that's what I'm wearing.

I'm wearing a blind-bice coffee. So guess what? It's okay. Okay, so Jackie comes over. Teresa comes over. Okay, Jackie uses an analogy. Can you believe that she's an analogy? Oh, she made it to say.

And Dolores is like, oh, she had an analogy. No. Yes, she was gonna do a medical one. I said, come on, Jackie, let's not tax the poor woman. Okay, let's just do an analogy. Oh, God. She said, what about it, similarly? What about a similarly?

I said, no, how about this? How about you drink some iced coffee before you send anything else? She could blow a gasket over there, okay? Okay. Glorious, it's like, oh shit, you know what? I don't blame Jackie, but she just took gasoline and she threw it on a fire.

Okay, true, but Teresa started the fire, okay? Yeah. So Teresa calls Jen and she's like, Ha, ha, what's going on? I don't care. So listen, I met with Jackie and you can't believe the shit she said Like what about if she is not uncoken the bathroom and I called her the C word I called her the CU next unword so many times I like the way that she tried to like make it better for TV I called her the CU and word I like the way that she tried to like make it better for TV. I call to the C1 word.

The... I call to the C1 word that ends with T. 21 times. Usually you're saying that you don't have to spell out 75% of the word. You can just say the C word, everyone gets it. Well, what are the things I said I called the recalzone, huh? Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court.

I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows, it snowballed into

a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this esteemed jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wondria. So Melissa's on the phone with Jackie and of course Melissa has a Chanel coffee cup. I mean it's a fucking Melissa. So, those are collection.

Yeah, so Jackie's like it's called an analogy Melissa. She's like, I don't think she understands that that's an analogy Oh, what an analogy is have you ever heard her even heard his say and she won't do it Listen, I didn't spread the rumors. Okay. She spread the rumors and now I'm the bad guy because I stood up to her for spreading rumors Listen, anything you say about kids is just not the way to get through Yeah, let me explain something to you Jackie, okay Teresa only understood that the G becomes a G and not a G when it's followed by a Y last year Okay, so really pushing an analogy on her is gonna be too much for her all right So now we go to Dolores packing and Frank is like whoa well Dolores, okay?

I didn't know that I didn't know there's a big Guidat population like George the lures okay, I bet you guys are gonna fit in like a fought in church All right, you know what Frank try not to get beaten up by the mob again while I'm gone all right Yeah, how about you pay for your protection this time Frank all right, so I'm not scraping you off the floor of the construction site Hey Frank, how about you pay your bills and stop sending at the top of staircases, okay? So I like that he said you'll fit in like a rotten church because Margaret and Dolores, I think it was them did the like housewives watch other housewives and they watched Dallas and I didn't see it yet I have it on the D.F.R.

But on the preview to Lurica, they're showing the part where Brandi is twerking on that table and that Texas bar and Lurica's, she's trying to be funny, but it's not working out for her. You know, it's going over like a fart in church. This is the, so we just saw the Genesis. The fart in church. Listen, analogies are new to us.

Alright, they're new to us. We're still workshopping this whole concept of an analogy, okay? We normally speak very directly. We don't like to use flowery words to explain things, okay? So Dolores is like, no, I've been fighting with David and you know, he's just been pushing me away. Well Dolores, a lot of it has to do with him not giving you a commitment okay. It's sort of like when he gives someone a commitment and say hey you're going to commit to paying $15,000 every single week with a little bit of interest and if you don't come back to it very scary things can happen on staircases to your needs okay.

And commitment it's very scary thing Dolores okay. You have to understand this. You know, you might want to give them a heads up to back off about my surgery. All right, well, I'm gone. Pray for me because the sweetens going to be a blood bath. Hopefully, only in like George and not here for Christ's sake, do I need to lock you away in a closet or something this time you're going to be on? Say on the first floor of wherever you are. All right. Frank, when I come back, are you actually going to be here? You're going to be in Arizona under a new name. Frank, when I come back, are you actually gonna be here? You're gonna be in Arizona under a new name. That's all I wanna know, okay?

That's all I wanna know. So now we go to Margaret Parking and she's like, oh God, oh God, I got to tell the girls that Jackie's not coming. I mean, I'm having a freak out. I'm having a absolute freak out right now, okay? And then we see a flashback of Jackie calling and being, I'm sorry, I just, I can't come.

I can't come on this. You know what, right now, I feel like a bird on a wire. Oh my God, you're on a wire, you gotta get dead. How do I get this? It's another analogy, my great, sorry. Sorry, it's very new to my group. You know what, I'm sorry, I'm still traumatized. Lois was saying she farted in church

and I've never been more mortified. All right, I just thought it was turban. And just church and I've never been more modified. All right. I just find this turban. And Joe's like, oh my god, you're packing so much. She's, I don't need your hostility, Joe. All right. All right. You know, but I'm not going to cancel the trip anymore

because Jackie decided she's not going to come. So Jackie's not going to come. Why would I cancel? You know, this is going to be the perfect opportunity for us to tell Theresa she's an asshole. You know, you know, Dean, you know, you're going to help with the Dean, you're gonna help with the kitchen, Dean, I'm about to freak out. Alright. Oh my god, I'm so glad we hired this dinosaur from the Flintstones to help out.

Okay, great. So. Oh god, Joe just got locked out of the house again. Dean, you guys stop doing that. So, so Melissa shows up and she has like a million suitcases of course and She's so she's she's like oh my god. I got so many two cases the funniest thing that I ever saw in my life Yeah, Melissa really falls into every single housewives trope you, like even her coffee cup has to be Chanel. She has to be like, oh my God, I've got so much luggage.

Then she goes, then when she gets to the place, she's like, I'm gonna run it around like crazy and get the best room. Like, oh my God, Jesus. Did you wake up to a vaginal rejuvenation to my last, like every trope in every episode, you know? And speaking of tropes, Margaret is really trying to pioneer a new one because just like last week,

she's like, okay, you want something to drink? I have ice coffee. What? You want some ice coffee? Joe, we get her cold brew with some hazelnut. Okay, we got ice coffee here. But she really, yeah, she really opted with the cold brew. And Joe's like, I never made cold brew.

She's like, oh my god, it's cold, poured from a glass joke. I write your point from the glass, it's cold brew on it. So she pours it into a wine glass. My glass lies, it's like a big red wine glass. She pours it into, which I've never had, I mean, I'm not opposed to having my cold brew like that, but it was very important.

Oh, look at you, Doredie. Look at Ben going down the Dorete path right now. How could you use the wrong glass with your last one? This is not called blue glass. I'm not to read. Oh, sorry, you were doing an analogy. Sorry. Sorry.

I'm using. So, March doesn't herself and she brings it out. I'm a list of guys. Good job, ciao. I love their cold brew shaming. So, I'm sorry, Devon June. Oh, Jennifer walks in. And she's like, hey, I don't remember

having been in this room. And then she sees Melissa. And she goes, muah, muah, muah, muah, muah, muah. It's almost like, oh please, I'm not in the mood for her kiss my ass. Someone listed walks right past here in Ignorcer and Jennifer tells us, why am I this, maybe if I was a man,

you would greet me, just saying. And it goes without saying that Margaret then makes Jen a nice coffee. And so then to Lourish shows up, so she makes a nice coffee. And so then Delores shows up. So she makes a nice coffee for Delores. And, uh, Joe, the job beat. Joe, could you clean up the, clean up the beat? Okay, Joe, take a shower.

Okay, take a shower. Point's like, Joe, what are you gonna do everything for you? Okay, whatever. So more luggage and more luggage. Then Lexi Coons. So Lexi's here. And Margaret's like, of course, you Lexie's here and Marge is like,

of course, you're coming this time. And she's like, do you think I'm starting here with that construction? Fulk that. Fulk it about it. So she tells everyone that Jackie will not be joining them. Jackie non-joiner, Cursey. And so Margaret is...

The Cursey doesn't really fit in, but... I just imagine you waking up in the middle of the night like, I gotta get that in. I just thought about right now. Is that gonna be episode title? Jackie non-joiner? Yes, that's amazing. Is it Jackie Joyner or Jackie Joyner Cursey? I thought it was Jackie Joyner Cursey. I don't know, that's a sports thing, right?

I don't got it. From just push me down and call me back for it, okay? Jackie non-joiner, everyone. Origin story of today's episode title. So, so Margaret's like, okay, we just have to tell to me that like, you know, you don't go to a party and spread a room about someone's family. Okay, you just don't do that. You know, so Laura says like, yeah, but Jackie knows this. You know, she

knows not to bring up the word, I mean, that is playing with fire. And the Laura says like, you know, what she heard, you said something about my job is that's that's all she fire. And Dolores is like, you know what she heard? You said something about my daughter. That's it. That's all she heard. And I can tell you, it's volatile at this moment. Do you think that we should call Jackie? Because Melissa just said she was playing with fire. It sounds like she burned her hands a little bit.

It's an analogy. Oh, my mistake. Getting used to it. So Teresa comes in and Melissa's like, noticed that we're missing someone and March and Teresa the look on Teresa's face. She's like She has no idea and March goes Jackie's not coming Teresa that's the person that's missing she's She's just, oh, we're saying, oh, good, we're going to have so much fun. I was looking forward to it though, you know, like you go after my child, no, no, no. All right, well, you know, she didn't go after your child. She was seeing how damaging something not true could be.

Okay, it was an analogy. It was an analogy to reason. Fuck you and your analges, all right? You don't say something like that. So, um, so now they're getting, they watch them all go into the van and it's so cute because it's raining. So Joe and Dino escort them off the van with, uh, of umbrellas and then like Margaret like falls over, uh, getting into the van and Dolores is like, Joe, you're a real sweetheart. Thank you. Thank you for making the commitment to walking into the van and Dolores is like, Joe, you're a real sweetheart, thank you.

Thank you for making the commitment to walking into the van. Looks like someone can make a commitment around here. Am I right, everyone? Am I right? All right, Joe, talk to you later. All right, and then they're driving around. I love the soundtrack for this show. It's all 50s music.

And it's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And Melissa's like, oh my God, I hope it's not raining and like George. And so Marge is giving them the plans. One day we're gonna have a chef. One day we're gonna have a boat ride. You know, here's the reason we're coming here. My husband, Jan, used to bring me up here. They had the best closet to lock me into.

You know, he enjoyed pretty much every closet, but this one had a double lock, which was very rare he loved it my kids went to camp here a very good memories in here. Wait does that mean you're gay because you're in the closet Teresa this actually was not an analogy. Oh that's not talking about anal damn. So Teresa's just happy she feels like they're gonna have so much fun. And she's talking about their confrontation in the van. And she's like, yeah, walk down and she was upset and like, she was like, I need to clear

his name. I need to clear his name. And I was like, I said, I didn't put it out there. I mean, where I come from, a girl wants to know. And then they show a flashback of Theresa just yelling at Kim D because Kim D mentioned like cheating rumors. Yes. This is like totally hypocritical.

And she's like, I said inside with the wrong time, I ain't about, you know what? I'm not sorry for saying it because I was looking at Evan. And you know what? He's kind of smawving, all right. Which that's now the second time we've heard it because when Bill heard that he's cheating is like Well, he is a good looking guy. I know something good job I

Think this is great and I'll tell you why because we're so used to men doing this to women I think it's great that it's finally happening to men like oh, oh, well, she looks like she's a whore, so she clearly sleeps around. It's great that now we have, it's like, oh, well, he looks like he's too good looking. So of course, he sleeps around. So nice to finally see men being, you know, stereotyped based on their looks. And Martin's like, really, you have to crash on him to be said, but it's a crash. And Melissa's like, oh my god, you know what, it's not all good looking men cheat. All right, some of them, if they have some rage or something to express, start in an Instagram where they pointed the air and then put inspirational

quotes that make no sense above. Yeah. All right. By the way, during all of this, especially every time to resist something ridiculous, we just see Dolores sitting there, her face is just, her eyes are bulging and her mouth is just like, mm, like, oh, tree. Oh, that was a bad one. Oh, wait, no, that was worse.

Oh, man, that was worse. Oh, she's, oh, wow. It just keeps getting worse and worse. So Margaret's like, she's like, what's, Treeti, don't you, do you have like a crush on him on Evan or something like that? She's no, no, I mean he's my tie, but I don't have a question him It's not like I'm trying to break him up or something make him single. I said I'm like that. No, he's not my crush I'm not

at all Most of like I must someone had to picture no one should say nothing It's like Well then she could stand up for her man, Irene. I mean, she even said she doesn't give them blow jobs. All right. If you love somebody, look, I'm upside down.

I'm just like, this is going south. I'm just going south. You know what? She would have been my big child weekend. I would have wrote it had it, then her husband would have ever wrote in her. You know what I'm saying? Does that mean she's gonna get on top of her

and ride us to the store? I think I actually did an analogy. It was an anal G. So Marge is like, we're gonna have to try pounding it into a tiny little brain later, because we just need to have a good weekend. Okay, and if anyone's has sprained facts around, just don't, let's oligrid not tell each other. Alright.

And now the next segment is brought to you by Joe Gorgas' inspirational Instagram. Picture if you will, Joe Gorgas' standing shirtless, rainy muscled, confused in the eyes. Can he not see? Can he not focus? Why is one eyebrow up and one down? Why is he in the gym? Why is his thumbs about to touch his wiener? The most important outfit you can put on is confidence. Oh wow.

Thank you, Joe. Thank you. That was beautiful. That was really, really powerful. You know what? I personally am a fan of this one. I think I'm going to be clever, and I'm going to, let's see, can I share this image of him? Okay, here we go.

Sharing Joe Gorga. He's not what we have in life, but who we have in our lives that matter. And I'm gonna point at that and have a very pooled, lit photo of me to show. See, if you had someone in your life who could light your photo, that would matter a lot more than Melissa here.

You know what I'm saying? Ringlights don't matter by Joe Gorega. Okay, so, let's see, now we're at the game, we're at the gun place. Oh, this just makes me nervous because my parents have decided to get guns. And now they go on double dates with this other couple to the gun range. Okay, this is not good. Like what mom, what are you doing Friday night? Double date at the gun range? Oh Listen I we also what happened I remember the golden girl girls episode of Rose shot the vase be careful I'm the vase. I know she's gonna shoot me with that thing. I just fucking know it So if I use this in a quarter-blown

It's gonna be an allergy you're the vase so So these two idiots go to the gun range where everyone is indoors and I think about 50% of the people have their masks on. What could go wrong? So they're in there and there's like joking and they're shooting and they're like, oh yeah, you got the bulls eye, yeah.

Oh look, they've got all the bulls eye. But Frank missed everything. So the reason why Frank did not get the bulls eye why he missed everything is he's like well the Loris Dolores producer usually usually I'm a good shooter in all senses of the word if you know what I'm saying right Dolores but six months ago I fell down some stairs and Next thing you know both my quads ofads are detached my kneecap is down by my shin and I can't walk so that's what happened because I fell down the stairs and I was not

pushed and I was not hit by a lead pipe in someone's hands at the bottom of the staircase I know I know we asked Marginston we went to to his on our show. We were like, dude, I don't remember. I don't remember. She was like, no, of course not. Of course he didn't get, you know, it wasn't the mob. All right. But it's just an idiot. Yeah, that's the way he's playing.

Yeah, more afraid though. But it is fishy. But everything is fishy and Jersey, you know, everything that happens, you're like, hmm, but what really happened? He's like, yeah, I felt on the stairs at a construction site Like hmm So but yeah poor guy. I mean, this is really bad So David ended up he moved in with David and David took care of him and nursed him because David has the first floor bathroom

A two islands in case I can only walk the watch David seems more interested in inviting the men into Laura's life over to his house than to Laura's herself Well, you marry the family, don't you? interested in inviting the men into Laura's life over to his house and to Laura's herself. Well, you marry the family, don't you? You marry the family. Yeah. So, so the guys were hanging out and Frank is like, you know, I can't help you enough for helping me when I was most helpless in my entire life. I mean, you let me, you let me sleep in your bed and that bed.

You brought me into the shower. You jerked me off. Man, that was a good time. Thank you so much, David. That was funny when he was saying, yeah, it was so nice of you when you helped me into that shower. The thing is she didn't got to grab my balls, all right? Yeah, I can listen, I broke my knees, not my hands.

I can grab my own balls, okay, Dolores. My name's not Dolores, please stop calling me that. I'm like, what a freak, it's like, hey, you know what? You want to grab a drink, a coffee, a hero? Hey, if they have any more of those tiny apple martinis here, so So he's like, okay, I need to talk to you about Dolores. Okay, listen with the surgeries. I was on your side And you know, David's like what if there was David's like, what if there was a complication? What if there was a complication? You know, you're 100% right? Okay, you're 100% right, but neither of you

Stay how you actually really feel, okay? And you don't you don't like what you don't like what she's saying She doesn't like what you're saying. You both like to jerk me off. It's very confusing You know, I you're not as with each other Yeah, her feelings were because she didn't ask her to get married. So her defense mechanism, it's not moving in with you. All right, that's how she defense herself by not moving in the places. Okay.

And Dave was like, well, you know what? I said, we'll finish the house and then we'll do the yard. And the one we're done with the yard we'll get on top of cleaning the garage and then we're gonna really commit remodeling the kitchen again, because by then it's really going to need it. We're going to get solar panels on the roof, which of course means that first we got to

renovate the attic, because it already has bats, even though it's a brand new house. And then there's the driveway. I want to get sealed. You know, these winter weather are terrible. And then we can talk about marrying the catch-ups together because we have a lot of catch-up models. You know what you are? You're like me and a bathtub with my best friend. You're a jerk off. All right. You have a commitment problem. And Dave's like, listen, you've got more of a commitment problem than me, Frank. And he's like, yeah, but you know what? I'm not with Dolores, all right?

You know what? Maybe we'll all move in with you. You know what? I love both of yous, okay? And nothing, nothing better I'd love to see that the two of yous happy together, okay? Nothing more than two of you. Hey, what are you looking at?

Nothing, I just have a lot of your spit in my eyes right now. I'm a doctor and a pandemic. By the way, God forbid, like if a guy ever says to you, I don't want to take this relationship to the next level until you're finished doing the backyard, that's when you have to leave. I'm sorry, that's when you leave. Yeah, this next segment is brought to you by

Joe Gorgas inspirational Instagram Picture if you will Joe Gorgas possibly in front of a foosball machine or an outdoor grill can't really tell you which Looking to the side sadly or last who knows it's Joe Gorgas There is only one person you spend your whole life with and that is your self-period if You aren't okay with you Coma then there's an issue By Joe Gorgah. I put the wrong Joe Gorgah. Sorry everyone who was watching out But the wrong I put the inspirational one up that said

Classies when you have a lot to say, but you choose to remain silent in front of fools. And then he's a good one. You know what that comes from? What? That comes from the wikili daughter getting married. And they were like, they didn't invite tree and Joe. The gorgas were missing from the wedding. And the sun wrote, hell no, there's no way we're having those animals there. And so everybody's waiting for the Gorgas response and his response was with what you just said. Classies when you don't when you got a lot to say, but you choose to remain silent in front of fools. So that was a really inspirational moment from Joe Gorgah.

Now we go to Lake George, where everyone's arrived in a house that's been designed by Gina from Real House, Heise of Orange County, with lots of sayings, a lot of gather type sayings all over the walls. So they all walk in and everyone's just tired from this drive up to the Adirondacks and they just walk in like, I'll take this room.

I'll take that room. And then as you mentioned before, Melissa's like, I gotta find a room, guys. Woo! And everyone's like, I don't care. Give me the sense like, I don't care about my room. She has to go for the one with the biggest mirror. Just say it.

Jen says this as if she did not totally become a monster about room selection and every other vacation. She's only not being a monster because she hates Melissa right now. So she's just trying to prove a point by being a monster. So they all go pick rooms and stuff. They look at the backyard, they look at the kitchen, and they've got some catering there for sandwiches and wine. Both is delicious.

Salads. Delicious. And they, you know, trees is like, jack is missing out. Just saying. Just saying has really made it onto Jersey this year. I mean, I thought we were finally getting rid of Just saying in real life for an acumen, but man,

Jersey's really doing it's best to keep it alive. Well, you know, Daniel Stahl was a real early champion of Just saying in real life for an acumen. But, man, Jersey's really doing it's best to keep it alive. Well, you know, Daniel Stahl was a real early champion of just saying, uh, jazz probably a band. She really pioneered it. And I just want to make sure she gets credit in this also speaking of someone who was not invited on this trip. So, um, you know, Jackie is just devastated.

She's embarrassed, okay? Embarrassed about what it had. And she's like, well, you know, like, she didn't want the rumor perpetuated. Pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, something about me. She talked about me. And we see the clip of of that walk that could talk suck it duck. And Marge is like, yeah, I know, but in that situation type of photographs, I mean, there was photographs national magazines. Yeah, but then Marge, you said that thing to Jennifer. And then we see the clip of them on the beach eating. When it March, say back to her, when she's like,

yeah, yeah, yeah, has been sleeping in the guest cabin or whatever in the pool house. There's a girlfriend and she's something like that. I'm saying something to hit you right now. She's like, well, I took it back in five minutes. Okay, I took it back. I just said, I want to hurt you.

Well, she said I had a duck. That was a, it was another analogy to me. So I wasn't saying you're actually dating a duck. That was a... It was another analogy to Lisa. Wasn't saying you were actually dating a duck. Oh But in also in five minutes, I took that back and they said she knew but Jen I was just trying to hurt you and March tells us give it up I make this no precedent for what she did You know, where did she learn that if you apologize you look like a douche? You look like a douche if that if you apologize, you look like a ditch. He'll look like a ditch if you don't apologize

Right So now Teresa's blaming everyone else for why she spread the rumors Well, maybe has stupid friends should have kept a mouth shut, okay? Hey, but maybe next time you don't give me the key to Jennifer I mean you know, you should have made it better. You should have made it better You should make it better. Hahaha. So Dolores is like, oh my god poor Jackie, if she saw us laughing about this. Yeah, but when she said about my daughter, fuck her. You know what, she was fucking, I was in Margaret's house, right?

You know what, Theresa and I were raised that you don't talk about people's kids, okay? Because then you're gonna get physically hurt. Also, we're raised, you give your kids a foot massages and give cookies to your parents. That's how we were raised. We're just sort of old school like that. I'm actually surprised Jackie was able to get out on a robe. And Trees, like, yeah, she had time to think about this too.

She thought about this all night. All right, all night. Cause she knew exactly when she was gonna say that. And she's a liquorice person. You mean malicious malicious person. And she was crying all night. She was crying. All right. Yeah. She didn't want to say anything. That's about your kids Theresa while she did. You know what? I'm gonna throw this glass of wine right now cuz yeah she's ready she's ready she's gonna throw it at that pillow so now they all go and grab their luggage and they finally get Lexi's goody bags cuz last week Lexi's like do what I'm gonna I'm gonna walk away from this and walk out the Gucci box So she's the goody bags are going to get the goody bags. And she's

like, okay, there's a plucks for anyone who anyone wants to list anything. Now I'm Lexi, I'm British and from the jazzy, you're at the same time. I love these goody bags because usually the goody bags are either full of, you know, like your own product, like the Bethany bag that sent Kelly Benzimone into a nervous breakdown on real housewives of New York. It's usually like all of your own stuff that you're trying to advertise, but this one is like the old whale that March got sued over, you know, it's like those extra things filled

with like earplugs, bug spray and ad fill. Like an iced coffee, Coozy. Bugspray and Advvill. Okay. Like an iced coffee, Coozy. So now we see, now we go to Jackie's house and Evans at home typing. And Jackie is doing haircuts. She's decided to, she got blades. And so she's talking about why she, this is why I, by the way, Ronnie, this is why I got my hair, I got my haircut.

I mean, I cut my hair today because I saw Jackie doing it. You do look like you just got a haircut by Jackie. You have the exact same haircut she gave her kids. How dare you. I do not have Hudson. No, she, um, yeah, because she was like, she's like, you know what? So during the pandemic, my kids here was out of control. So I was like, I got to take care of this.

So I got some clippers. I guess what, I actually secretly really love it. Okay. Slon, mommy is open. Okay. So I love that feeling when the hair comes off. And the truth is I love that feeling too, which is what it's like I have to do it. So yeah, I buzzed my hair. However, she needs to learn about different clipper lengths because she just did like a one over. I was like, give your poor kid a fade. Try like a one and a three or a one and a two, three. No, that's advanced. That's by now COVID, you know,

like when you still have to do it, this is not beginning of COVID. In the beginning of COVID, you're just like, get the lights out of their hair, you know, it's different and bleach. I know, and I'm talking like I can give myself a fade. Like every time I try to give myself a fade, I look like a monk from 1213.

Like, I'm like this ring of hair up top, myself a fade. Every time I try to give myself a fade, I look like a monk from 12, 13. Like I have this ring of hair up top, like a mushroom. Yeah, that's so I used to do it when I was a kid. I would have a fade coming up the side and then I have mushrooming. I was like a lion, like a direct lion around my scalp. Yeah. But I still think, change up those clipper sizes. So Jen is like, I'm sorry, Jackie up those clipper sizes. So, so Jen is like, she's, I'm sorry,

Jackie's like talking to the kids and she's like, so you guys all happy I stayed home. Okay, now I get to have all this time playing with my babies. I get to spend more time with my children that I get to spend time with literally every single day because we're gonna pan them and I'm not upset that I didn't get to go to Lake George, not upset at all. At all, I'm so happy.

Next kid. Get the next kid. So she gets the next kid. And she's like, so, and the little girl says, why don't you go on the trip? I'm like, well, when someone's mean to mommy, I give them a chance. And listen, you know what?

Sometimes girls, they do mean things. They do really mean things. And number one, you don't have to be friends with anyone who doesn't speak to you, right? No one matters, but your family family and she's like pulling on the little kids hair like his ears like half cut off bleeding down his face it's okay he just being nice to you Pam I'm so really gold. What's her last name again? Jackie Gold.

Gold. Gold. Anyway, so gold. Gold Schneider. So, yeah, so she's giving like a pep talk while her child is like crying under the clippers. Like, his blood coming everywhere. So, yeah.

And she does the thing where she says like, you know, the one who causes trouble and then I'm left picking up the pieces Well, she goes on vacation with my friends. I hope my friends have my back while they're there Okay, now you're trying the old housewives thing You're not gonna win this one where you're gonna try and cut somebody else out of filming and say like well if she goes I'm not gonna go. It's just not how it works. Okay. It's a housewives show If you're not gonna go to filming, you're gonna be off the show. What do you think they're gonna be like,

oh, okay, Jackie is in the right. So we're gonna kick Teresa off the show now. No, Teresa has never been in the right. No, Jackie just has to do, she has to do one sacrificial thing. So that way Evan can't be like, if you care about this marriage, you wide you hang out with those girls,

you said those things. So she can, now she can be like I stayed home from like George I said home from like she knows this the early season trip This way she doesn't have to skip the late season trip. Yeah, she's getting it out of the way. Yeah, so now it's 50s music And the girls are getting ready for dinner and Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum I'll be like I'm coming out. I want the world to know if dedicated to my nipple, okay? So So then Melissa's get some Melissa's hug in the bathroom. Thank God about my So margin Lexi are like taking Instagram pics outside and Margaret's like oh my god You know, but I have to make myself laugh. I'm my teeth looks so fucking big. We teach we teach that again. How do we make teeth look smaller? I mean, is there a filter for that? Just use a gum filter. All right. I just want to gum filter. Okay. Yeah, so then

Melissa's like I can't believe Jackie's not here. Wow. What a difference, right? And Lex is like Jackie's not here. Wow, what a difference, right? And Lex is like, you know what? Treesau says I want someone to tell me what you didn't tell her. So, you know, you got to go with every, you know, you got to tell everyone, oh, it's one of those, I make your bags. Okay, Lexi, that's enough. That's enough, Lexi. You're confusing the locals, right? You know, but I just want, I just want to be it to be better.

All right, I care for her, so just be better. Amalisa's like, oh really? Do you want hell to freeze over too? Yeah. Oh my God, hell freeze over. It was an analogy. Oh God, I thought it's like, even I'm having trouble with them now.

So Amalisa's like, yeah, Jackie's trying to argue with Theresa like I have in the past. And she's like, it was so important for me to try and use logic. And then we see clips of that. And it's back in Teresa. Teresa is just a classic man. She does not get anything. Like, you were coming after my husband.

But you remember that time. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. It's, you know, like this is something that we have talked about over the years. And I feel like I had my moments with being crazed about Teresa and her inability to understand logic many years ago.

And I feel like there are a lot of people who are now just seeing this, not saying that like I'm some pioneer in this. By already, I already had my frustration with Teresa about this. And now at this point, I that like I'm some pioneer in this. But I already had my frustration with Teresa about this. And now at this point I've like moved past it and now I'm like, this dumb piece of wood. God bless you. You just have to remember Teresa was not gonna go to jail. Okay, this was this is the funniest thing I think about Teresa when all of that stuff was happening Teresa was gonna go she was gonna be let off she was gonna get like home home whatever Everyone felt like everybody was saying there's no way Teresa is gonna go to jail

The reason she ended up going to jail was because she'd lie she came in and started just telling stupid lies for no reason Like for no reason, like for no reason. Yeah. I'm like, she's the dumbest fucking person. And I just, at this point, you got to just love it. You got to just respect the amount of stupid there. Yeah, or at least accept it. You know, just accept it.

You know, that's right. Yeah, because she did, she's definitely like your Kyle Richards. Like Kyle Richards has always just made me, well since season two and on, just made me, she'll still infuriate me. Okay, that's some Jersey language right there. She'll still just make me crazy.

And this is, I think Teresa is that one for you for sure. Yeah, Teresa's in season one, like season one, I was like, this woman's an idiot and she's toxic. And I like every season, I would just get more and more angry about it. And then I just got to a place where I was like, she is an idiot and she is toxic. But this is what we need. So I finally came to embrace it. Oh gosh.

So now we go to the girls making drinks before they go to dinner and Dolores and Melissa are both in Danna. Um And Martin's like, oh my god. He's back as this wench. I love that. That's much. It's mine. So Margaret your nip is coming out. Oh forget it. Okay, you know as we nip slip all night Guess what this is gonna fall into my ice coffee. It's gonna be disaster. All right. I can't do it. So then trees are gonna try to find some. I wanna do it. I wanna find some man's.

And like, she's like, here's you meeting Yacht, a private plane. Or stick him on it. And trees are like, yeah, we have sex three times a day. Like this, like this, like this, like this, like this. Like this, like this, like this, like this, like this. I was like, is that more scode? So she's like, you know what, I like a guy with big hands who can grab me. Okay, that's what I like. Mickey Mouse is so hot.

That's a thing. That's a thing. That's a thing. me. Okay, that's what I like. Mickey Mouse. So hot. And then March goes, March goes, I'll be after Jesus put the word out. And let's go. Well, there has to be some chemistry, right? And like, looks, it goes chemistry is instantaneous when you see him standing on his wallet. And my right goes. I feel like who's this?

So they go to a place called Chateau on the lake. And they sit outside. and they are ordering dinner And of course it's like all of them ordering and then when they're done ordering molissa goes I always get a watermelon drink in the summer. Thanks Melissa Melissa's last stand behind the music with Melissa Goriga. Yeah, the real inspiration for on display was really talking about me having a watermelon drink because of the summertime. So Jackie sends everyone a group tax and trees is like, huh, she means family to me. I wonder why. So yeah, so basically the text was like, whoopee cause we're all having fun.

I'm having a great time. I've cut all my children's hair five times. The scops are all bleeding, but we're having a great time. Have a drink for me. And Martin's like, you know what? I think she just needs to think. I mean, she thinks, you know,

cause if she thinks, then she'll know that I wasn't trying to machiciously hurt her, all right? You know what? I even called Gia about it. And then we get a clip of her calling Gia, who's got, I cannot believe that Gia hasn't blocked her mother's number yet because you know, it's all day with Theresa calling with her petty bullshit for Gia. So she calls Gia and said, can you believe that?

And then she said, what did I say that Gia was not encoded in the bathroom? Did it? And she's like, look, my alright, listen, you know, she hurt your feelings because she said there were pictures of you making out with the guy, and then you are her feelings because you said a husband cheated. Maybe you should just apologize to each other. Can I go now? Not for nothing, but if you went about it in a shit way that upset her, then you should apologize.

I mean, I'm sure you were happy about all the cheating, you weren't happy about all the cheating rumors with you and dad, right? I mean, if you're upset, if you upset her, say sorry. Clearly, none of this got into Teresa's head. Yeah. And she goes, she's like, so mature. So they're like, you know what, I love that you listen to Gia. You know what? Gia is the one she said she should call it. Give her a call. So it's hilarious because

for a whole week everybody's been going on like, how dare she say something about Gia and Teresa didn't know it was an analogy and how dare Jackie. And now Teresa is just like, fuck it. I totally understood what she was doing and I don't care. I'm gonna rip her to shreds anyway. Yeah, love it. So Margaret's like, okay, let's talk about something else. Okay, Teresa, we're gonna find here at Shatter on the Lake.

Okay, that's gonna get your blood flowing. Okay, what about that old man over there in the Tommy Bahaba, right? Am I right, everyone? She's like, I didn't bring my sexist toys, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then it starts talking about how Joe, Judai's is selling sex toys now. I think, you know what, my dad would say?

If you can make money, make money, right? Ha, ha, ha. I'm like, that's what got you into the mess in the first place don't forget oh morning octopus oh oh no no um so chance like oh my god it's not a bowl of it's dick or anything it's

and it's like uh uh no you know what he's not one it was amazing I'm like it's like and is it the one like you stick on yourself It happens side yourself at the ones that you rub on it's the one that you press the button in the TV turns on That actually that's a remote control to be Oh that explains why the channels James so quickly so I Was trying to watch the porn Zid and Elvis was seeing an anited.

So they hadn't just turning her into Toya. So they really haunted your cop to flip a flop. Which I watched this morning and I went, I got so triggered. They put such terrible tile into this one house and, you know, she's like, oh, TORIC. So Melissa's like, and what grade? And what grade? And what grade? Which grade do you want?

It's like, that grade is so crazy. You know what? Let's go with the hexagons. Well, it was funny. She was having her daughter, also known as Heather's best nine year old friend. She's like, okay, what color should we, should we color the door? How about this? Why don't you pick out a color? My daughter always picked out the best colors. So the daughter pulls out like a red because this red is beautiful. Wow, that's such a bold color.

Wow. Yeah, let's go with the neutral. They went with gray anyway. So, um, Melissa's like, I don't use a vibrator. Oh yeah, you come all the times. Ha ha ha. Yeah, Joe is really good about that. Yeah, I remember one time in high school, never minds is it. So the seafood tower arrives. And they're trying to kind of change the subject, I guess. So Dolores is like, well, my whole thing would save it.

It's you know what, he has to work himself up to talk about his feelings. I told them, you know, what basically do I'm just like a big vagina? All right. And then what does he do? He runs out of the room. You know, but he's good to my kids. He's good to my feelings. You know what? I got to pick out the tile, the tile around the island. So what else could you ask for? You know what? I always say you got to build your relationship on a good foundation and then that foundation has to have a beautiful house on top of it at a beautiful backyard and we're working on the backyard. So when we get there we'll get there. You know what? What can you do? Alright? Yeah and you know what? If it doesn't work anymore,

I don't have to be there. And Jen's like, I am fascinated by your relationship with David. I'm more like you're nipple showing Jen. She's like, Oh, it's all for you. Hello. Hi. Robert baby. Robert make a wish. All right. You know, okay, I guess I even though Jack isn't here, the good news is that both of you guys are getting along.

That's really great. That's really great. And Melissa goes, Oh, am I still self absorbedabsorbed? Jen? And she'll say, oh, come on. I don't think being self-absorbed is so bad. Just, oh, come on. You were rude to me, Jen. Listen, baby, I was on the defense that day. Pits a big old. Sorry, it's still left over feelings last week. Tell her, like, what do you mean you were on the deep fence? You came in hot at that reunion and then they show the clip up her being like,

this is mother's son, I'm so cute, look at me, I'm so hot, baby. I know, she's, you know what? I was rude, 100% and I apologize for that. I would love to start fresh, baby. And they're like, okay, so we're gonna have a good girl's night tonight. And Teresa just brings it right back to Jackie. She's like, well, I'm glad Jackie didn't come. I don't think it would be good.

I don't think I did anything wrong. I tell her to shut the fuck up and stop crying like a baby. Hi, an analogy, an analogy, alright, right? Right? You know what, Teresa's brain books and mystery is space. You know, someone says something that makes complete sense. Like, apologize.

There's a skeleton in the closet. I ain't helped that for analogies. I ain't, my husband's sinned and he's in a closet. And Marge's like, he gave skeletons. He gave skeletons. He gives suit to cocks and the little cobwebs and then the hair extensions. And then it comes out on mangle didn't fuck tap Ladies the gentleman at the next table have bought you around drinks and they say please drink this and leave the restaurant as soon as possible

Melissa's like to Jackie not being here and trees are like yeah to Jackie fucking off Cheers to making a man's back. Okay, Jen, stop yelling. Stop yelling. They sent you a drink to shut you up. Not just keep screaming. Oh, Jersey. Jersey, delicious. Well, that was fun. That was a fun episode. Jersey is so good. It is so. Yeah. So bad. I have to ask. It is so bad. So bad to have Jersey back. It is, I cannot believe this show is so good, considering how bad it used to be.

In the like it's middle seasons there, it is just so good. And it does a lot of heavy lifting. And we've been talking a lot about, we always talk about Roni being so great. And there's been a lot of discussion about how Potomac is excellent and sort of overlooked. But I think we have to include Jersey in this conversation, lot of discussion about how Potomac is excellent and overlooked. But I think we have to include Jersey in this conversation, because it is just so hilarious.

Yeah, I love this one. Alright everybody, we are out of here. We will talk to you later with a little summer house. Yes, summer houseicles. Talk to you all later. Stay safe and see you on the next episode. Bye. Watch what crap ends. Would to think it's premium sponsors ain't no thing like Allison King

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