Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Leaving Worsthampton Live in Houston

Episode Date: February 1, 2020

This week's Real Housewives of New Jersey was recorded live from Warehouse Live in Houston, TX. The fight about childrens' party budgets rages, Tre and Joe Gorga get steamy over cauliflower, and our live audience reaches levels of coo-coo never before heard in the history of live shows. Buckle those belts. For this week's bonus about lamps and the alphabet, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. *** Limited Edition Shirts! "Shannon Bowldor", "Twerp", "Dork", "When Life Gives You Tacos Make Taco Salads" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Detroit, Columbus, Austin (late show added!), Houston, NOLA, Birmingham, NOLA, Lawrence KS, Omaha, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Orlando, Charleston, Oklahoma, Asbury Park NJ, Washington DC, San Francisco and Boston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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No one can do it like Andrea do it! Yes, we can! With Howley, Carolyn, and Ann! Somebody get us ten CCs of Betsy M.D! Nancy C. C. C. C. C. We love you guys. Oh my god Whoa Back into it. How's that? Oh my god Houston you guys are maniacs wow

Oh my God, Houston. Oh, look at me just rubbing my butt on the chair. Wow. Like a dog so happy to see you guys. I know, it's been too long years since we were in your last. Thank you for waiting for us. You guys, last time we were here, one of you all was Lou Ann's style and the bushy's outside. Oh yeah, that is a true story. We went out there and there were just two Luanne style and the bushy's outside. Oh yeah, that is a true story.

We walked out there and there were just two legs sticking out of the bus. Yup. True story. I'm a girl covered in trash. It's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. This is true. This is very true. Thank you so much for being here.

Wow. It was amazing. You guys all look great. I even see some people who were in Austin last night. That's awesome. We love our Texas people. Oh, hi everyone. So, we're ish. Like those kind of girls they just show up. They're always wasted but they're still so we're looking somehow. Yeah. Oh, thank you, Adderall for all you give this word. I know oh You know my family here again. I love you guys back

All of you guys a bunch of El Paso in the house and we're in Texas. Yeah We've got some El Paso in the house. Okay, so I talk about our family friend Nora a lot on the podcast. Ronda, I love Houston, isn't it? Yes, he's here tonight, Nora. I love you. Nora! And these are Judy and Ronda's peros from a chat. Oh. We'll be giving those away later.

So go buy your brows. There's so many gingers up in our section. We've got three full on gingers up there. Well, you know, one thing that always makes us excited is are those few special times when we do a live show and we're actually able to bring out a special guest. And I'm happy to say last time we summer here, Tonto came, right? This year, all the way from Italy, we have Joe Gorgah.

I mean, Joe, you guys. Joe, you guys. Joe, you guys, this year. Little Joe, you guys. For those of you at home, it's a little little rounded back ease. Bucket the squirrel. It's a bucket squirrel Beaver Otter beaver Is it a squirrel in the shape?

And the shape of Joe Juday's He was patiently under this table all this time So So what? The shoe? He's on the shoe. He's on the table shoe. He should just have a vackeys, you know. Like a Joe, I showed you that style vackeys. Like instead of me like, thanks, come again. Just like, so what? Who cares? Yeah. Okay, your bag. Just get a bag of shit, just says, who cares? I love the buckies, we went there today. My first buckies experience. Yes.

Man, people and buckies, even if they hate your ass. Yeah. You know, I'm always looking around, we always walk and like, oh my god, look at that, look at that. And so I caught this lady's eye and I said, hi, Harry always walk and I was like, oh my god, look at that, look at that. And so I caught this lady's eye and I said, hi, how are you? And she was like, how are you? Oh, it's like the longest.

She's like, Texas Lee Serena. How are you? Get the fuck out of my store. I have never seen so much beef jerky in my life. There was one point. I swear to God, it was like, I started doing an Instagram story. I'm like, I'm gonna walk all the way along the beef jerky case, and I'm just going and going and going and going.

I was like, how many beefs are there, and how can it be jerked? It's every animal on the ark. It's not even beef. Fuck the jerky. Dear jerky, raf jerky. It was like, giraffe jerky in there. I swear to God. They had a like a chicken stick jerky. Did you see that?

That's all the jerky jerky. What the fuck out of my face? Chicken jerky. Yeah. Yeah. We also on the drive down here. So I was also very excited. Aside from the fact that I got to go to Bucky's for the first time,

and that was exciting. But we also did a road trip, so I was excited that I got to drive through Texas, and see you in the world. You were excited. Oh my God. So you know, when you've been to a restaurant, and then you take your friend, you're like, oh my God, did you see the menu? Did you see the walls? Did you see the color? Did you see the last?

You're like, that's all I am with, bed in Texas. Like everything we put, he's like, I've been to Texas before, honey. Yeah. That's like, app it all. That was really sweet. But then, but it was like, it was so Texas. Like, I feel like every mile,

there was some oversized, plastic version of something. Like, I saw a squirrel that was as big as this. We saw, I feel like a chestnut. We actually saw, there was a golf ball. We actually saw Zebras, which I was not expecting. Well, yeah, so we're driving along and you know, fucking Texas. I mean, when you're from Texas, you're always like, isn't Texas great? Look at that. I mean, it's the first Baptist church, man. The first one. Yeah. He's like, look, there's cast, there's horses.

And he goes, look, there's zebra's. And I'm like, what a fucking idiot. You in my mind, I'm like, oh my god, northern, you know. Yeah. And I looked over, there's zebra, there's literal zebra's in the posture. There were also a lot of buildings that were like, there were some like, you know, roadside, small little,

sort of like, shacky buildings that but we're like really trying to like be there were like the real housewives of buildings because it was like national headquarters of the raspberry picking coalition and it's like a little shack like okay or they're not trying at all yeah those are my favorite buildings they're just just like a shack, but together with some Scotch state. Yeah, but then it's like a full on business outside. And Ben kept going, are those sea sheds?

Are those sea sheds? So many sea sheds. Because I love that sea shed commercial, you know? And so I think that is sea shed. I said yes, but in Texas they're called barns, okay? They're just barns. Why are there so many little she-shirts everywhere? For sale.

And the billboards. Oh my God. Between here. Lawyer billboards. Between Austin and here. Wow. First of all, you know people get in fucking trouble all over the place.

They're just like, lawyer, lawyer. And you have so many different kinds of lawyers, you know, yeah, the first one had really long So white guy with dreads He looked like Ron Pearlman. Yeah, I'm the rock and lawyer which by the way, just not in still confidence Yeah, it's like I just finished guitar and a blunt, you know I don't want you representing me. Oh, I don't want someone who looks like they're selling, like, I don't know, press juice to come and represent me

at the court. Yeah, because it's just, yeah, it's his whole vibe, his whole billboard vibe. Is that, yeah. It's injured? Yeah. Nickelback. Wouldn't that injury great?

And then a few miles up, there's a guy who looks like Angela Lambsbury's friend on murder she wrote. Yeah. With a little little frimly. Because like, I'm the sheriff of something. Yeah. He was like, I'm see Arthur Lawyer. And he has like a cowboy hat on.

And he's like, I'm serious. And other billboarders are pussy, you know? Yeah. You serious? It serious about law. Yeah, it was like shaming the other billboard just to its eyes. It was great. We floss our teeth at this family law firm. How about that room? It was also very wholesome because when we did a road trip through Missouri, every billboard was like,

everything was like, Jesus saves, Jesus saves, here's a Bible verse, Bible verse, born strip club! Jesus saves, Jesus saves. That's what it was like. Strip club, strip club, strip club. When does that life work? Texas was just like, listen, we're just going to focus on the she-sheds.

I always like to think it is like, strip, strip, strip, strip, because it's like the strippers going to church. Not everybody else. Yeah. So I go, God, you know what I had to do with last night, please. But we still got Vanderpimp rules on our mind from last night in this year. Yeah. For her. For whatever my mom is here. We still got Vanderpump rules on our mind from last night. Yeah.

For her. Whenever my mom is here, it's just like, let's talk about whatever disgusting thing we can. Like, come to Vanderpump, pull strip club at this egg. Well, even though we're in tax lists, why don't we take a trip up to New Jersey, shall we? Yeah. Welcome to Watcher Crappens, a podcast. That all that crap on Bravo, we love to watch. We announced where you are 10 minutes later.

You're like, what the fuck am I? I've been out of here. It does happen. We do have people who wander in and are confused. I thought you guys was jurellian. What the hell? I've got too many things to fumble around with. I know, okay. I've got five bottles of water. You have like a water vericator there.

You have like a bottle of tea to some Canada drys and pearls and phones, my hotel card. All right, real housewives of Neaturzy. Wow. Oh wait, sorry. I mean, here we have this proud of 5,000 people or whatever 5,000 people and we do we really do have some VIPs we have some premium sponsors here tonight Time to get some credit the premium sponsors

So first Kelly's dumb He's stopped the storm master! Tell his storm! Woo! Woo! We also have some new sponsors, better than tabooly, it's Annie and Julie! Who else are there other ones who are missing any premium sponsors? It's your birthday.

Happy birthday. It's her fucking birthday! answers at your birthday. Happy birthday. It's her fucking birthday. Do me a favor, hands your drink to your friend, would you? This is for you. Some pearls for your B-Day. Happy birthday. I said, capsis B-K, you're all holding drinks. Like everybody probably ended up covered in shit.

So we're gonna have a great time tonight. But by the way, we're not afraid to kick people out either. So everyone, get yourself together. Oh yeah, we just start now. Yeah. Okay, so real housewives of New Jersey For those who missed last week we ended on a classic fight of Why did why don't you spend any money on your children's birthday parties?

When I spend so much money on my children's birthday So previously we come Jack they're all in the Hamptons. You see Jackie? You know what my kids wanted for their birthday? They wanted pizza and fucking Nutella cake. I've never heard Nutella cake be so weaponized. Nutella cake. I was like... And Jen's like,

I just feel bad for you. You have so many blessings and you just can't enjoy them. And then Melissa, yeah, skip that out. And then you have Melissa who, for some reason, I'm like, fucking loving right now, out of nowhere. It's weird. She's like, okay, you know what? The way you throw lavish parties, the way you do, the way you do, the way I pretend to. You know what? Guess who's winning. This bitch is winning.

They're all like, eh. I'm kinda like, why? Because she's a saver. She saved her money. Which is a form, everybody in Jersey was like, I don't know. I don't know. How could you?

They were so offended. I know. At the idea of someone saying she's winning because she's saving her money, they're like, oh! So Jennifer, of course, takes us to the next level. I just say my kids aren't going to be successful in 30 years! Melissa says she is! You watch your children are going to be set up in 30 years.

You watch because she's saving her money. My kids aren't gonna be successful in 30 years. Let me tell you where my kids are gonna be in 30 years. They're gonna be running at a jewelry shop at Long Island and we're gonna be buying them three wives. Success. So Melissa goes, bitch, what are you talking about? And she says, you're calling me a bitch now. Bitch don't call me bitch. And then they make it sound like she threw a knot.

Well, how does it sound like you threw it? Well, they made it sound like she threw an actual grenade across the table. But she had a plate, but she had a plate. She had a fork and a knife that was on an napkin, that was on a plate, standard plate setting. And so now Melissa's like, fuck this bitch, not paying attention. So Jennifer's doing that thing where she's like, Hello, hello, hello, hello. And so she throws the fork and knife on the napkin towards Melissa.

I like that you're mapping it out because it has like history with some silverware. And then this time it's like, why don't you just put a horn in there? It's like throwing a blade, just bravo as any sound effect they want to, you know. And then there's a lady who goes like this. Yes! Secret, secret picture. A lady as an every single person in this room.

We're all doing it, we're all doing it. No, we're loud and proud here. We're like, I'm filming your ass. You keep backing stupid. Keep doing it, keep doing it. It's going on my Instagram. Keep doing it. This lady's like, ooooh!

So Melissa jumps through her feet, and I love it also during this entire thing, Melissa's wearing like a Daria jacket, right? So she's, I think that's why I like her. If she weren't wearing that green jacket, I'd be like, oh, Melissa. But instead, I'm like listening to Liz Fair in my head. I'm like, finally Daria gets her say.

So she's like, Melissa gets gets up and she's like, walk away, walk away, walk away. Jennifer goes, no. The Melissa grabs a napkin. I'm sorry to do this to Jojo guys. She takes a napkin and she goes like this. You better go. She starts like flapping listlessly this napkin.

I'm sorry. Because they're doing that thing that they always do on Jersey. Where they're like, home it back, home it back. Home it back. Home it back. Like there's no one holding you back. You're just like stop, you better hold me.

You better stop it, but I hold me back. But no one's making any effort. So Margaret? Also across the table. Like they literally cannot get to each other anyway. It's like, ah! The table is holding you back. Yeah, it's physics.

Well, actually on this show, I guess that's not really true. That's true. Not get prostitution! Ah! Let me know with the table. Since when the tables blockade, I've never done this. Tables are a state of mind. So, this is why I love Margaret. Okay, this is why I love the marriage.

Because the middle of this, Margaret starts pulling Jennifer away, and she's pulling her away to separate her. She turns the other woman to go, let's go. Pack my lunch. Yeah. Pack it. I'm eating the spl lunch. Yeah, pack it. I'm eating this lunch. No, no, no.

The mozzarella sticks they'll travel. They'll travel. Pack them. Pack it. Give that a few. I'm still eating. So Jen goes outside onto the sidewalk of the restaurant. But it's an open restaurant.

They're all outside, right? So now they're separated by a table and like a little picket fence, because there's a ham fence. Wow, picket fences. So she's outside on the sidewalk, and she's just walking back and forth by the picket fence going. So good.

And Melissa's still like, hey, you better stop picking me. Are you looking at me? It's like, I look at you. I'm a list of still like, hey, you better stop picking me, are you looking at me? It's like, I look at you, I look at you. I love a look off. Over a child, like how much you spend on your kids birthday party? Yeah, my parents do it right. Bowling Owens, Eater Piper, Jucky Cheese, apart.

Yeah. Uh-huh. That was exactly right. They spent it where it needed to be spent. A cake from Carvell. Cars and jewelry. Yes. So then of course, so now Teresa who has spent the past six seasons telling us why my Melissa should always have her back. She tells us, she's like, maybe Jennifer shouldn't have thrown the plea, but maybe Melissa shouldn't have called everyone a loser.

She didn't say that. She literally did not say that. But you just tell Teresa what somebody else says and she always believes it, you know. Thank you, she did. They do that this whole episode. Thank you. And then Jen keeps trying to rile her up.

She's like, that pelican out there just said, you think, you got me? Yeah. Like, I'm complimenting you. She's an idiot. So Jennifer, yeah, Jennifer's now pacing with Dolores. Because Dolores, by the way, is also really pissed. That Melissa implied that, like, trying to do this.

Because Dolores is just ready to always jump on Melissa. Like Dolores hates Melissa, because Teresa has to pretend to be nice to Melissa now and Dolores is always, right? Because you know on the phone, Teresa, like, fuck that bitch. Ha ha ha. It's okay. So I'll take up for you.

So Jennifer's match, she's like, how does she know what I have for my kids? How does she know? And Dolores is like, yeah, how does she know what I have for my kids, how does she know? And the Laura says, yeah, how does she know what I have for my kids? Huh? I then in the background, I don't know if you notice

that they're fighting in the background, there's a theater, and the marquee behind it in caps just says, extreme magic. I'm like, I love that they're fighting outside of a magic show. And I, of course, am like envisioning, like Lisa Van Dupam's like, some like, Yonious playing, and she's like,

oh, for my next trick, I'm going to catch cannon. Oh! Oh! Extreme magic! They're really going to cut someone into, like, how extreme are you gonna get? Magic is already cutting somebody into and and like staying underwater for 10 minutes and drowning. Like how much better do you get?

Yeah. So Jennifer's obviously acting stupid, right? So Dolores is trying to agree with her while also disagreeing with her because she keeps sides, you know? Yeah. So it's like yeah, well how does she know what I got from my kids? Well, look, right, she was wrong. I'm saying she was wrong. And then send a person like, I'm less like, I get looking at me. You look at me, bitch.

So Dolores, like, let's go. And you know, Dolores is just like a board and pissed all the time. And Margaret just goes, I'm more to side. I would like to eat. Guess what everyone, great news. You don't have to pack up my lunch, I'm staying.

So Melissa, Margin, Jackie, stay at the restaurant. And Melissa's like, oh my god, look what I got. It's like a little dot of mayonnaise on my shirt on her shirt. It's like welcome to my life. I mean, welcome to my life. Welcome to my life. If that's what counts for a fight, like I'm constantly like being gang beat every day. Like it's gangs of people beating me up.

I'm walking around with 20 different stains on this and I just got it. Like, fresh off the raft, rack from Costco. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, man, is I'm desperately trying to come up with a Joe Gorgas firm count joke, but I just, I can't do it. I can't do it.

So, that man mayonnaise was probably swimming faster than any of Gorgas there we go there we go so Carol she's not in this Carol Teresa so it's in the car there's a car that's how I that's how I miss you so they they're in the car. There's a car. Because that's how I, that's how I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I Dolores is like, you know what, it was a stupid thing to say. I was going to ask her what she meant by it, but you know, you threw a plate, so...

Let me get a two. Let's make a two. So then it's a table. Okay, this restaurant. So they're trying to make it like, look at them! They're in the huntins, it's so fancy! We cut to the table. It's turned over plastic containers, okay, of chili or something. It looked like meat chili, just like turned over on the table. And then no busboy ever comes to cleaning that. No, I mean, they're basically eating at Sonic, okay? It's just basically like sticky flickers gonna come up on like roller skates. Come on, I serve you!

Oh! I'm gonna let's actually go. Who throws food in a restaurant? How long ago was it that she threw the entire fucking cake across the restaurant? Yeah. We're fun. Not even mad. Wow.

You can only do it if you're in a good mood. Yeah. We're fine. Not even mad. Wow. You can only do it if you're in a good mood. Yeah. And in a good restaurant, apparently, also. So now Margaret's getting mad because her whole thing is that Teresa never seems to have her back. And I always have the wrong people's back. So she's like, why is it that Teresa always

leaves with a party that's not injured, as if anyone got injured here? But she has a point, you know? And she, and Melissa's like, you know what? If the march, do shit at Teresa, and I got in the car and left with the march, OMG, I would never hear it, ends of it. She's right.

And I like that she calls her the march. She's like, like, Teresa left with the march. Marge is just like, yeah, that would be nuclear. Well, thank you for using that in front of my name. Thank you. I feel like I'm finally accepted. Stopping. Literally, stopping.

Stopping with you, baby. Yeah, we're just bad. You eat this at food right now. So then back to the cart. And if you're like, Take your thing, I'm rid. You're rid. You're rid.

You're rid. You are. Got her. You are. Got her. Little, are. God-er. Oh, no, no. So, uh... Food is delivered.

Hey, the food is delivered, and Marge is like, I think she's... Thank God, come here, come here, come here. Get... Get on the tape, I'm gonna lick you dry. Just get... Wait, I'm gonna eat a waiter. I literally don't care. So they decide they're gonna eat all the Teresa's food.

And Jackie is like, I'm fucking eating her salad she's all excited you know so I said it was just excited I would be excited too. So everybody here is like prepared from eating for us. We're not gonna make fun of eating disorders people. I only make fun of my own eating disorder. We're only making fun of gay eating disorders. We don't make fun of my own eating disorder. All the other way. We only make fun of gay eating disorders. But we don't make fun of lady eating disorders. People always laugh when I say eating disorder, like, ha ha, you're not thin. That's not what an eating disorder is.

Unfortunately. Also called binge eating disorder, which is otherwise known. It can be known as a hobby. Yeah. It's called going to Bucky's. Yeah, it depends on what mood I learned. I learned. Today I was thinking that, because let's hold shows about eating.

You know, I was thinking we were talking in the car. We had a long time. You know, we were bonding. We bonded. So we were like, what do we think about food all the time? You know, we were like having a food conversation. We blame basically everybody. Yes. But me, everybody but me.

And yeah, I was like, that's not really fair. Like, it is a meeting disorder. I mean, we just went to Bucky's. I looked through that whole place. I didn't get anything except skinny pop and pretzels because they're low in calories. Do you guys? Then I ate literally everything I saw the rest of the day, everywhere else we've been, you know? We literally had like a hard-to-hard about eating and why it's so hard to like you know, especially when we travel

so much it's hard to you know keep the weight off and we're like you know we just have to be better and the reason this entire conversation, I was eating fudge from Bucky's. I was like wanting it. You know, it's just, you know, but I've been doing a lot better. I've been like really good in 2008. Yeah. That's how you do it.

I've not even joking. I was literally eating fudge. I've always said they make a huge mistake, like a huge money mistake, a huge money making mistake at Weight Watchers. There should be a restaurant mistake at Weight Watchers. There should be a restaurant in the Weight Watchers. It's so crazy to have those meetings and all sit around talking about being fat

while you don't have fucking pizza. But who wants to talk about this? Yeah, and you're hungry. I miss that drink in the morning. I really hate drinking. I'll tell you this much, my fucking gym in LA once had a day where there were like, it's membership appreciation day

and they brought in pizza, they were literally serving pizza in a gym. That's how thin people at gym think, so the people who run it, they're like pizza, we'll save money, who's gonna eat it, you know, me. That's a crunch gym in West Hollywood, when I first moved there, I was like thin-ish, you know, I was all spectrum, I was like thin-ish, you know, like I was all spectrum

I was on the spectrum of things spectrum Yeah, and I was on one of the elliptical trainer things the standing Paddle thing whatever and they have windows that look out in the West Hollywood It's right across the street from McDonald's the sign of the McDonald's is the glow on your face The crunch and West Hollywood is also really fucked up because they also they have like the majority of the McDonalds is the glow on your face. The crunch in West Hollywood is also really fucked up because they also, they have the majority of the cardio machines face these weird shaded things. I don't know if it's like this in other crunches,

but in the West Hollywood crunch, when you go to shower, they have shaded glass, and so your silhouette is through the glass, and all the cardio machines look at the silhouettes of people showering. Yeah. I know it's like could you clean these windows so we can. So yeah. That's why when we come to Bucky's we're like give us everything. Sorry. So in other words we're not here to make fun of eating disorders. Now we're just gonna talk about diets. Yeah we're just here to buy hours. Okay. It's like all I want to talk about now. I'm so I'm not to make fun of eating disorders. Now we're just gonna talk about diets. Yeah, we're just here to buy. For three hours, okay. It's like all I wanna talk about now.

So I'm not gonna make fun of eating disorders, but I will do is make fun of Jackie's dad, because then we get a flashback. Oh! I will. Because we get a flashback and he's like, he's like, you're a good inspiration. And she's like, dad.

I'm gonna love you, didn't see it. He showed a video of her in high school and she was bigger in high school. And her kids were like, Mom, you look pretty. And then he's like, and now look at you. You know, you were so big then or something. She's like, and he goes, look at you now.

I was like, Dad, I have a serious eating disorder. Yeah. He's like like you were doing great, you were such an aspiration. Well, either way, the point is that everything is settled up between Margaret and Jackie, everything's good. Like, you know what? Let's focus on how awful Jennifer is because that's really what we're here to do, you know? Well, I can't argue with that. I did want to talk about food because just naturally watching the show, the waiter came and she's like, okay, who had the chicken kebabs? I immediately

wrote them, who had the chicken fingers thinking like, Teresa's there, you know? So then I keep typing and I'm like, that doesn't sound right, she's not going you know? Yeah. So then I keep typing and I'm like, chicken, that doesn't sound right. Chicken, like she's not gonna eat the breading. Like she does have the mental capacity. You know, like she has that mental capacity and like, like, she would order that? No fans, everybody out there.

But it was, I had to go back and look at it and it was chicken come out. So things you make up in your head. So anyway, she's delivering the food, right? And so Marge was like, all right, chicken come out. So things you make up in your head. So anyway, she's delivering the food, right? And so, Martin's like, all right, chicken come out from salads. What was she we say having? I'm having it, she's having it.

I'm having it. That's we say not even here. It's a fuck, I'm gonna just sell it. So then, Melissa's like, oh yeah, Teresa wants to leave. Then Jackie, you're eating to salad right now. And she starts for speeding for one. And she big crying about her eating disorder for two months. The whole bee line of this is Jackie's eating disorder. Melissa starts shoving food down her face.

And I'm sorry, but she's kind of the bitch too in this situation. Well, I also like when Margaret was like, you know, I'm so sorry for bringing it up, I should never made light of it, but seriously, you don't eat. I was like, Margaret! Well, but then Margaret is like, but then Margaret is like, listen, okay, Jennifer, take credit. She didn't make fun of eating, okay? She just called you cheap and stingy. All right? That's all. Yeah. And Jackie was like, don't say you don't eat. You know, don't say you don't eat. I had an eating disorder. How could you say I don't eat?

She's like, I didn't mean it in the mean way. And it's true. How many times have you said to someone, oh, Jesus Christ, eat as much. You don't know that it's really upsetting them. I'm not saying like, same on you. I'm saying, you're making me feel really fat. Please get fatter right now, please!

Like when your friend loses 10 pounds and you're like, congratulations, I'm never hanging out with that bitch again. Never. I have, I'm having an issue. I'm having an issue with a friend right now because that reason, he's like just posting short list things on Instagram, I'm like, fuck you!

LAUGHTER LAUGHTER So then Jackie'm like, fuck you. So then Jackie is like, look, I didn't mean it. I mean, I didn't mean it. I don't even know what it's like. I didn't mean it. But whatever. I said, Jackie's like, the 10. I do eat. Don't say that. I just had a whole bag of chips, a whole thing of guacamole, a drink two beers before my food came out, and I'm just like, I'm starving, please. I know. Where's the side of blue tea, and I'm like,

I don't wanna pick up that salsa, because I'll reach to the TV right now. Yeah. Get it. I was starving. It's time for commercial. It's time for a... Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting.

Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone.

So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. That crap is commercial. So anyway, the other girls are right back at the house. I'm not crying I'm literally sweating in the winter. So the other girls are back at the house and they get in there and Jennifer goes, I don't understand how it escalated so bad.

You shamed her for serving pizza and kids birthday party. That's how it escalated so bad, you know. You're in red bitch. Yeah. And Dolores is like, well, Jennifer, if you told me my party sucks, I'd be pissed. I'd be pissed. I'd be pissed. I said, yeah, but I mean, she has the means. Why not go, I'm not over the top, not below the top. At the top.

It's not a thing. What can you say? It's like, you know, everyone has their things. My thing, I hate Pebble Tile. What can I say? I hate it. Not my thing, not my thing. So Jennifer is like, I just want my friends to have good parties.

She's being like, I'm trying to spin this as if she's a saint. Like she's fucking like all five members of Guierrein, one woman trying to save. Oh, yeah. Like she's trying to spin this as if she's the same. Like she's fucking like all five members of Quirai and one woman trying to save. Oh yeah. Like she's trying to save her. She's like, you know, I just, I don't want any guess walk you away from her party's criticizing her.

That's all I'm like, like you did. Quirai, starting Jennifer, it's just all the gay guys. You're that stupid. Quierreye, starring Jennifer, is just all the gay, gosh. You're that stupid! You're that poor. Get that poor! Cut your hair! So, the Laura says, like, listen, I don't know why Melissa felt

to need to criticize everybody and see that, just because we have a lavish party for our children, to make us lose us. Like oh my god. This is now a storyline for the entire season. I know. I love this show. I love this show. She's the...

I... Yeah, give it up. So it goes, you know, I work very hard on giving a life for my kids and giving them a future. You know, I... I spend many days walking from the living room to the kitchen to the living room, picking up pasta on the floor. You know, Frank leaves pasta everywhere and then, you know, I hear that bell go off upstairs. I'm like, all right, whoever's up there, get out, get out.

You're done, you're time's done. You think that blow drop bell paid for itself? Yeah. So, Jim, say, I don't know if I even feel comfortable staying here anymore. They become the housewives' storyline. I'm leaving the trip. I don't feel comfortable staying here. I shame someone for only serving pizza.

She got mad at me. And now I can't stay at her gorgeous house. Or at least beach house. Yeah, and we know the reason that she can't stay there. It's the same damn reason none of us can stay there. Because every guest room is twin beds. Yeah. How about you fuck off, okay?

No, the reason why she can't stay there is that she feels a shame that she's the only one that doesn't have a beach house So she has to come up with a reason why this whole thing sucks I don't know I've had a lot of shame fixed by a decent bed. I'll say that Feel shame every day, but if you give me like a mattress topper and a nice blanket I'm like do whatever you want hit me with a bat. Like I literally don't care. So basically Jennifer's like, you know, she's going to talk with Jackie, and if it doesn't go well, she's going to leave, and then Dolores will all leave with you. And she's like, yeah,

leave too, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling. Yeah. So then they come up with this new role, which is just set over and over again during the episode, where it reads, he's like, we all came together, so I'm leaving, I know. You're not at war, I mean, like, I'm not mean. I mean, leave no man behind.

Like you literally are, you were just in prison. Like, that's not how friendship works. I'm not leaving until you leave. No, you're leaving when the fuck you can leave. Yeah. You're not like on the side of the highway in the middle of the night. You don't need to get help for your car, OK?

Someone's going for the children. Run from the joint beds. I don't even care who came for me. I'm getting in a fucking Uber. I'm out of there. So then Jen's like, Yeah, but can you even live? Cause I'm not my second rabbit.

Yeah, yeah, when she got mad. And then the lyrus is like, who cares? Who cares? Because Teresa is just ignorant. Isn't that what Melissa said, Trey? Isn't that what she said? You're just ignorant.

Trey, Trey's the ghost. Yeah. She's still trying to figure out what's going on. She doesn't really know. You know, because Melissa did say that right to her. Oh you Melissa, it's like, I mean, you it's like you to reason. You know, when you say things and you're being ignorant people just know you're just like ignorant like it's okay another reason why I'm really liking Melissa she's like you're just a fucking idiot you know because Teresa doesn't even know you're dissing her unless someone tells you later that you're dissing her you know

so then we then there's like a transition and we see just a some stock footage of the beach, but because this is real housewives of New Jersey, we can't just have settle down over there. Yeah! Because it's like, New Jersey, we can't just like have like a pretty picture of beach. There's literally like a dead horseshoe crab,

I'm screened. It's like the Dolores horseshoe crab. You know what, I'm just gonna say, I'm dying here, I'm crab. I'm screen. It's like a Dolores horseshoe crab. You know what, I'm just gonna say, I'm dying here, I'm dead. I'm dead. Dead on the beach. So ring ring Dolores. Hey Frank.

Dolores. Hey Frank, I gotta tell you something quick before anyone comes in here. I might be coming home early. Oh Dolores, if you're coming home early I gotta make a arrangement because your son basically turns your house into a thot of a gull. Stop him and gulman, you two boys. Their son is such a whore right in front of their face.

Yeah, I know, I'm proud. And I get that look, I was raised with like a proper amount of shame about sex, okay? Do it, just don't tell me about it, you know? It's kind of, and I guess I kind of have that with my friends from like, oh my God, you're dating, I don't wanna hear that, that is too much, okay? It's a normal for him to like,

put it in my earlobe and then stick it in. But I just like, that's just how I'm raised. I get that, you know, it's not that I don't like, fucking, but I'm not gonna tell you about it. Like even saying that, I started sweating more. Yeah, you're my mom. Your mom's right there, just so you know. Ooh.

But these two, these parents, you're like, you're my mom's right there, just so you know. Ooh. But these two, these parents are like, you fucking? Dolores told the story last year, it's like, you know what this bell is for? They bring it in school so they can get blow jobs. And now he's like, she's got him in here. Do you think he was telling the truth or joking around that Frankie was like son of a... I don't know.

Part of me feels like they are so... part of me wonders if like Frankie's getting no ass whatsoever and they're trying to almost advertise for him because it's just like... No. I mean, obviously if you were here, you'd be like eating up alive, right? by all of us. But they're like, because Frankie was like,

yeah, you know, the Lord, he got like two or three every time! Like it's like crazy, like with the other door and there's the Lord. I'm like, oh, you have like a nanny cam on. What's happening? How do you know this? She's like, well, that better stop right now. I'm going to send my mother up there. So what's he going to do?

You want a cookie? Ding, ding, ding, ding. I'm stringing this bell. You want a blowjob? Hey. Cookies. Hey Frankie. Yeah, brought you a cookie. You want some cookie?

Cookies. So, uh, close up of turn to the plastics with chili spilling out all over the table. Oh, not at the Hamptons. Some bus boys got fired from this restaurant, and you know that it was the same shot of turn to over chili on that table. Yeah. Someone probably cleaned it up, but they just kept cutting to that one close up or they turned some four bus boys at home like,

damn it, I did clean it! It was editing! It was editing! Like a real housewife bus boy. There was probably some producer just parking at a cameraman, get the salsa, get the salsa get the salsa So the other girls so now the other girls are now heading home and Melissa is still a ranting And she's like it's too fucking bad that her husband can't make her pretty on the inside You I was like

Melissa Wow Love it and still in the same Daroria Jack. That's all this just like. That is actually a shame. You just can't get surgery for that, you know? Inside surgery. Thanks, that. So Jen calls Bill. It's called a lot of men.

Let's you know, it's our favorite part of the show. Yeah. So she's like, hi honey. He's like, mm. Mm. Mm. How's the trip? Are you guys having a ravishing time?

Woo! Any pillow fights? I've slept in twins before. Bill, Bill's one of those doctors who goes and God bless him. He goes home and just like take a serenction just in Jesus shit out. And I think that's okay. It's like you can fix your own car if you're a mechanic, you know, I say like if you, if you're a cert

or if I give yourself surgery, I say just do it. Open yourself up, fix it. You're your own operation. Like if you can do it. But Bill is the only husband who poses like properly. It's not too far down like this. That's where like your neck's like, oh.

And it's not a selfie. It's just right here and he's like mmm and his eyebrows are like And nothing moves so good I love Bill Girl friend give me all the team Like everything what the f**king stat on the track bar Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm And it's fun to be a little uncomfortable. Mm. Mm. Mm. Just give it a minute. Ha, ha. Mm. Just relax. Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Come back to Dolores, still on the phone with Frank. I'm chorisa, come say I'm like, ha, ha. Mm. Dolores. Sit. Dolores goes. Gentua plate. with Frank, I'm Tereesa, come stand like, ha ha a conundrum, Frank.

It's a real conundrum. Well, I've been telling Frank to use those. No, Frank, conundrum. I've just always said, oh, it's the one with the one, Frank, don't come in. No, Frank. No, Frank, conundrum, Frank. Conundrum. Not Frank, I'm Andrewm Frank.

This is like everyone just got in a huge fight Frank. How do we even stay in this house? How do we even stay in this beautiful beach side house? We all have a bed and everything's paid for and we have beautiful views and we're in a wonderful elite town that most of the country never gets a chance to be. And how do we stay here, Frank? He's right, gotta see, battle floors. Oh, I think you caught Timmy. I got a crab, but Timmy, Franky, get down here.

Yeah. Frank, poor Franky, is being attacked by sexual plagues. That Franky is just bringing into the house. I got like babies. So then Melissa comes home and she's just trying to play it up because it's Teresa. So you know, like Santa Claus didn't come.

It's like, did you have a fun Christmas Santa came? We're saying, ha! So Melissa comes in like, hi, house! Yeah. And so I treated her like, ah! Totally forgot she's supposed to be mad. And the Laura's goes,

oh yeah, you went your big fucking mouth. And Melissa goes, oh, you're gonna be looking mad! Oh! Laura's goescus Melissa. She's always like sucking on the end of a butterscotch, you know, where it's like, she's so mad. She's so mad. You're just trying not to bite into it because you know it's gonna stick to your goddamn

back tooth and you're gonna be good at cavity. So, Melissa, what did you mean when you said losers? I said winning, winning. The Lord goes wrong. If you said winning, would I have a sucking candy in my mouth?? No sucking candy wrong. You're wrong. You're wrong Wrong wrong wrong. You're definitely wrong and you're wrong Melissa's like well if she doesn't want to put out a massive spread and press the world then she's winning Cuz she's a saver

I'm Dolores cuz I didn't like it. Just so you know. No, I didn't like it. Wrong. She gets triggered every time the mattress commercial comes on. Leave the last S.O. for savings. I don't like that. I don't like that. I'll leave whatever I want off.

You don't tell me what to leave off. I'm calling 1-800-MAT-DR-E-S-S, OK? That's it. So then now Jennifer is trying to revise her savage attack. She's like, you know what? I didn't even, I didn't throw a knife, I technically had threw a plate, you know, that's, that's, I was like, I wasn't even trying to even hurt you. I was just, I was like, you know what, I just want to, I want to get your attention. So I just threw the, I basically just like touched the plate in

your direction. That's all. And Melissa goes, why are you throwing a plate when it's dangerous? It's like asking a white man why he keeps failing upwards on Bravo. It's like, how did you get a restaurant? And then Teresa goes, and then you call me Aignor with my three so this is it's not about you right now I love when they just showed the clip she's like, why do you keep throwing things you gotta stop throwing things? And it's just like clips of Jennifer like Breaking a glass and then holding a decision to come after someone.

Just need to get some attention, okay? But then when it comes to Jennifer's shake, I just did a thick eye, changing the mood, I do a pot. So you can, they cut out a lot of this bill conversation because you know Bill coached her so well. Yes. And he does do a good job. And I hate saying that.

I'm like, he coached her, because this real house was of New Jersey, and they're the biggest massage vests on the planet, you know. But he totally did, because she's like all-contract. He's like, mm, Jennifer. Let me tell you what you gotta say. You gotta look them in the eyes, I'd say. Let me tell you what you got to say

You got to look him in the eyes and say So Melissa's like you can't just throw things at people. I was trying to get you to do a verse. I was like, it's okay. I just saw you out of the corner of my eye like, uh-oh. It's like, what I do. So, Melissa is like, you can't just do that. You can't just throw things at people. So then Teresa, who doesn't even know where she is is she is at this point she

think to Melissa we're not yelling at Melissa right now okay we're still yelling at the other one and then Melissa defends herself she says this in a way like no this is all I said she She goes, no, I called you ignorant because you do things in embarrassed people. Like, oh, that's all. I'm not ignorant. I'm not ignorant. And Jen's like, oh, she's doing things to embarrassed people. Ha, I can't bet.

Like, Jen just dropped the accent, Lee. I'm listening to like, shut up, you. I don't have to shut up. No. No. No. Most of us like, you know who else is ignorant? The girl threw something on me and then you left with her.

Teresa goes, but I told you I was leaving with her. Oh, I didn't realize that's all it took. You just tell people. I tell you now.'s all it took. You just tell people. I tell you. Give a little alert. Yeah, it's called, yeah, it was bomb-ing-yes. It's like, it's a mad when we start worse. Told you.

So, Melissa, then this other rule on this show which is so stupid. But I'm your sister-in-law. Doesn't that mean like, I mean, I think you're a lot to hate whoever you want. Yeah. So now, Teresa, just because your family doesn't mean you have to write the shit on each other, you know?

Can you tell I listened to Oprah today, all like half the way here? Can't sit on the horse with two saddles, Oprah. Can't sit on two saddles without one horse, Oprah. Dr. Phil, sorry, go ahead. Super saw. Super saw, let's get back to children's birthday parties. And you're my sister.

So what you saying, I don't have a Super saw? What are you saying, Oprah? My son's not stupid. She would get mad at Oprah. She would all the time. So what, I'm not in the book club suddenly. Do I not get a car? No, you're at home, Jennifer.

You're not in the studio, audience. So Teresa, so now they're like talking again about like that. But you throw something. So Teresa's like, yeah, but she didn't throw something at you. And Jennifer's like, yeah, I didn't throw something. I threw it towards you Towards you if you want to get technical So then Jennifer this is where the bill coaching comes at she's very calm and she goes

Jackie to give you some respect You came to my party that's here and you commented on the decadence of it. I was like, what are you doing? Those words are all too big. This is obviously Bill. He's like, say it again. Decadence. Say it again.

Say it again. Wax off, wax off. You're almost there, Jennifer. Paint off. Paint off. Nell is Mr. Miyagi. I have the right to fight for my honor. Karate man. So, by the way, during this entire thing, this entire fight, they keep cutting over to Margaret who's just sitting there scratching the back of her head going Why

All right And then they just got assaulted on my boat me tail like a couple of weeks ago Too much So now so basically Jennifer is like So now, so basically Jennifer is like, yeah, so you were the one who came into my house and wrote an article about it and Jackie's like, oh, she does this thing where she rolls her head back. She's like, you smirked, I know you smirked, I see that smirk anyway. Fuck you with your smirk. But did anybody else think like, oh my god, she has a point. Jackie totally criticized her kids' birthday party.

And in the New York, the Bergen whatever. No, no, no, no, no. That actually did not happen. That's just Jennifer continuing to railroad that convenient narrative. Jackie, Jackie wrote about how considering how much that they have, how amazing the kids are, lovely kids. I mean, I still was, I do agree, it's like a little F-E,

she probably should not have just even gone there. But Jennifer, like how many times does it have to be explained to Jennifer that it was her saying, your kids are really nice. Yeah. Kind of, but it's in like that, it's a very texticy way of saying it. I'm, right? It's a very blessed your heart.

I'm going to write an article about you, about how your kids had a birthday party with Rebonk and Donkey Dickists. But they're still decent. It's about the fact that you're a tacky whore and spent $90 million on their wedding. But they're really saying, thank you for coming to Bucky's honey. Thank you. You know what, you have convinced me,

but it doesn't mean I don't support it any less. I totally appreciate a good past aggressive moment versus Jennifer saying, why don't you spend more money than just pizza? Well, these aren't even fights that these two started. They're the other lady is going, did you know? Did you know, she was talking about you saying that you didn't spend any money on your kids' party and then walking away and then they're like, oh my god, was she saying that I'm not conspiring? They're all like chorisa. Yeah, but that's also not then they're like, Oh my God, when she said that man can't spot it,

they're all like Theresa. Yeah, but that's also not forget that, like, basically Jennifer walked through Jackie's house with her camera, taking pictures of everything and comparing it all on Amazon. The tack is bullshit. We're podcasters. That's right.

We literally walk through everywhere. Yes. Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, Dunk, dunk, dunk, dunk, tacking ourselves. You know what I mean? But that's our job. Kind of. I mean, kind of. That's the love we chose. We're allowed to be tacky.

We're supposed to be thirsty. But we're not. We're working a desert. We're supposed to be a thirsty batch. This is reaching out to the two of us. Sorry. I said, thirst. Okay. No, thank you. No, no. I'm holding on to your shots and great health and also please sit down I'm not taking a shot. Are you fucking crazy? Thank you though. Thank you. Leave it right there It's thank you. You can your seat is waiting for you

Your seat is waiting in a nice way. Nice way and a lot of a way full of love Leave him. Yeah, leave him there. We'll come back. No, I'm not gonna have a cigarette with you Literally, you're gonna get flamed on Facebook. Be careful. Love you. All right, go. Go. Love you. Love you. Go. Go. Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen.

Love you, though. Not afraid. Wow, it's because I said we were thirsty. Look what happens. Yes, see what happens. That is literally like Oprah said on the podcast. You just visualize it and said, I'm thirsty. Literal shots come to the stage. I would like to thank Oprah, Dr. Phil, and even that mother fucker troll, Olstein, for all

the shit they taught me today. I know, the secret. The secret works, everyone. I don't believe anybody should have the right to get married. OK, continue. OK. OK. So anyway, so Jackie and Jennifer are just

like fighting again about like, you know what? I'm not sure when we're even friends. It shouldn't be this hot. Right back at your sister. I was like, it was like some weird version of West Side Story. Yeah. West Hampton.

Story. Yeah. West Hampton Story. It's even sadder, you know. So, okay. This is what I was gonna say before Everybody we've got about 20 minutes to five hours last

Just center yourselves Quiet It's gonna be great stop talking someone's talking next to their two drunk just say no They just keep doing our here. you still fucking doing it about to Then you say security get them out. We've worn these feet. Yeah All right, so second hacks. Kibi. Oh, it's fine. I'm having great time We got Joe Judas here. We got Titos. I got one of that live. A lot of thirst.

OK. So then we enter the chorisa. The chorisa parts, right? So first, Jack, he's like, oh my god, Jennifer. I can't. You would create a sighting my over-abundance of, I was an over-abundant survivor. I was over-abundant of society. Whatever, they're fighting about this money, so, right?

So then she was like, every time I talk, you give me that fucking smirk, fucking smirk. And in her defense, Jackie is literally like, she has resting smirk face. Yeah. It's not her fault. So she goes, look at that smirk. Did you see that smirk to Laura? And to Laura is like, not really, but what the fuck do I care?

So did you see that smirk to Lisa? To Lisa's like, ha ha ha ha. What's that smirk? Hey, I'm Iron Man. I'm not ignorant. So Jennifer's like, God, leading. So she goes after her room and Dolores goes, Theresa, go talk to her, you know, your friend, your girlfriend. And then Jackie's telling us, when I have a kid, when I was a, when I have a kid, I don't

have any money. Oh, God, welcome to my life. She's like, when I have a, got dammit. When I was a kid, I didn't have any money. And my mother would take 15 of us to the mall for my birthday. It's like, we had plenty of money, and my mom did the same fucking thing. Yeah, there you go. Why not?

Where the hell else you could have smoked cigarettes in the bathroom and like secretly get your ears pierced it clears. What you fucking do, they're children. So they haven't married anybody rich yet, and they don't get to spend like that. Jennifer. Jennifer. So Jennifer's now packing.

So Teresa goes in to talk to her. So you know that Teresa is ready to be like a good friend, because all her fingers are out. What's going on? You know how she does that? She puts all her fingers, like, as a space partner, it's possible. You're gonna leave? What's going on, you're gonna leave?

Oh, are you gonna leave? So then Jennifer is like, yeah, well guess what? Don't forget the melissa cud you embarrassing. Trees is like like oh my Treats and like she That's because you embarrassing you did not know that Melissa literally just said to you literally Half an hour ago. Yeah, at best you know when you're ignorant and you embarrass other people, add an eang on the end.

It's another version of embarrassed Teresa. I think, oh, I'm gonna ask that. So Teresa immediately leaves and goes back and goes, hey, you call me a bada. So Melissa gets remad a gen now. She's like, you know what, Jenna? She's like, why don't you shut the fuck up? You're getting between family. You're, I want to get out of the middle of, just,

I don't want to be in the middle of your family. Stop talking about your fucking family if you don't want me in the middle of your family. You know, it's like, I'm gonna come on this show and fight with my sister in law for years and then get mad that people talk about it. It's like a tuna salad being mad at bread. You know what I mean?

Exactly. So Jennifer's like, I'm bored if you already. I'm bored if you guys. And Teresa's's like I can't with them tools, you know But Teresa's on some it doesn't seem like drugs because you know I'd love to call out a drug. I'll reach your people's on the TV San ex coke. I think it's called Pool Boy Dick. Not as great as it sounds. Especially when you don't have a pool, you're literally just jumping over fences.

It's a lot of work. Oh, it's stupid. So Teresa, anyway, she's so happy, like nothing's bothering her, a pooboy egg. So she's like, can you imagine she's saying, I'm egging my rat. Emily says, like, egging my rat, saying, I'm going to my meal.

So these, the ladies have decided we're all leaving, because we all came together, right? So Marge is like, wait a minute, Laura's just leaving, too. Laura's can't leave. What's it, what's it, Laura's doing? Laura's can't go. Okay, she can't go anywhere.

I mean, why is she gonna go? Why is she gonna go back to her? I mean, she has to stay here. I mean, wow. Why? What's she doing? She can't go. I'm gonna eat all of her fucking food if she goes.

Has Dolores ordered anything? You can't somebody look up Dolores's postmates and see if she's ordered anything from Wendy's past. That'd be great. So, Dolores. I came with her, I'll leave with her. Yeah! It's like the most dramatic stance to take on a pizza fight.

It's so weird. It's like everybody on the bus has to get off at the same time, you know? He got on at the same time with leaving at the same time. Set. Frank. She's probably very annoying at airports. We went through security together, we're getting on the airplane together. I don't care what my board and class is. It's like, ma'am, you're taking a stance of something very minor.

I'll tell you, who's Chase that fire, okay? So, so basically Jennifer and Dolores leave and Teresa stays behind Shocking I was actually surprised. I was surprised that like though the hamster woke up and like did a half rotation of the wheel I made her realize I better stay No, I didn't wake up she was like a hamster asleep on the wheel and like me and my sister like put the fingers through it made it Hamster is probably dead for days Teresa's so stupid. I'm like, Teresa. You can't leave.

You're a guess in someone's home saying, yeah, I'm a guess in someone home. I'm like, Teresa, you can't leave because that's your friend. But this is just a sister in my face. Oh my God, it's blind. It's like, no, it's not blood, Teresa. It's not blood. Simmily, fucking blood. Whatever, not blood, Trees. It's not blood. Similarly, fucking blood.

But you need whatever you can't say. I can't mean, come back to my sister. Oh. Trees to go back to your cell. OK. Like, see, that's how you make her say. Trigger some things. I love a good bend, boo. I'm on a roll tonight, baby. So now it's, hey guys, let's take a trip to

Morris Town, New Jersey at night. We got a summit of the Joe's and Franks. Oh God. Did you get lost? No. Okay. I wasn't just by a race that it was. I was like, he just to make sure I was on the right thing. So we're at this like neighborhood bar. And...

South Street Social. South Street Pacific. To be specific. And Gorgah is Gorgah orders Cheetos on the rock, which, you know, I love it. I love it. Gorgah, Gorgah on the rocks. So the other Joe Bonino meets him. Okay, so these guys, these guys are such pigs on their show. But like such lovable pigs, you know, and we're such a weird, not a weird time

in life. And I'm like, fuck you, you can't say that kind of a life. But then on New Jersey, we literally forgive any little thing that comes out of their mouth. Yeah. So they're there at this bar and they have a waitress named Kelly. You're hot, you're hot Kelly. Oh, thanks, guys. You guys want to shine, you guys the best, you're hot Kelly. Oh thanks guys. You got the best huh? Yeah. Yeah you guys want a shot, you guys the best you know. Hey Kelly, I want to order you shot a hot Kelly. It's what they want like Joe Gorgas lines like. Yeah, you're hot.

I definitely have 15 million sperm going through me right now. Yeah. So that's still the funniest shit ever. Normally at 15 million you have three sperm. You have three sperm swimming around, sir. So yeah, Gorgas, that waitress is hot. I'm going to grab a Fafranky, you know, Frankie Catania. So the waitress is like, you know, she's kind of going along, cause what do you do, you know?

And then Jovenina's like, don't get them for Frankie. Frank can't even probably get it up, cause he works out so much. Which is like I was saying, when your friend loses 10 pounds, you're like, fuck that bitch. It's the same with guys. You're like, oh, you look a lot that you dick doesn't work. Which I never heard of by the way.

But anyway, so Frank shows up. They're all wearing green. It's like lighting a pass. So Frank shows up. Did you say that Frank showed up already or no? I don't know. I was like it was like a lot of stuff was happening We're talking about sperm. We say Frankie a lot on this Frank Joe Frank Frank Joe Frank Frank Frank Frank Joe Frank Joe Frank Frank Frank Joe Frank Frank Joe So so Frank shows up all the guys were in the same clothes by the way, which is hilarious. They're all wearing this like gray green So he sits down and Joe Gorgah goes,

hey, you know what Joe says? You know what he says? He says you've been pumping so much time, you can't get a heart on it anymore. Hey. And Frank's like, you know what? Drumped down, drunk down the lords. And both like 20 pants, and then my dick is

riding the morning against. Crazy. Yeah, I wake up with wood every morning now the Lord I don't want wood and I don't want pebble tile, okay One travertine Look what I thought and now I wake up in the morning with the wood again also pebble tiles under my pillow, which is bizarre We love doing the New Jersey recaps because we can just make weird jokes about Peppletiles. Only podcast in a world that does Peppletiles. Peppletiles blow job bells and cookies.

So Kelly, the way dress comes by, she's like, All right, we got four allas as prescribed. And what do you want, Mr. Bodybuilder? Well, not on the loris. I want a green apple bark in it, please. Right. And that's my tiniest. And do not go light on the pucker.

Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so good. So of course all the guys look, what are you gain? That's for my team. Yeah, what is this? The pucker. I don't even know what. I have to admit though, I was like, that's a really gay drink.

Yeah, I was like, I was more just like, it's an outdated drink. Outdated gay drink. Like if Ben, if you ordered that, if we were at, you're like, Apple Martini would be like, Oh, look at it. That is gay. But then I had this, but then I had this other side of me that was like, oh my God, that's so embarrassing,

but apple marghting is actually really good. I think I'm gonna have one. Yeah. That's one of those drinks that you'd really like to drink a lot at home, but it's hard to make. So... So... So then we actually do get to sperm, right? Do we? Or is it... I don't think anyone's going to sperm.

I don't think anyone's going to sperm. So your wife did a great job. Oh, I just showed Gorgas. Yeah, Frankie was so hot at that fashion. So, hey, how many sperms you think he's got? Three, four. Ha ha ha ha ha. Frank's like 19 million. I'm still mopping the fucking fool from him, right?

Ha ha ha ha. Got a mop bucket to prove it. You can thought him and go more up. It's a lot of pucker, if you know what I'm saying. So then Kelly's back with like more shots. I said, I love you guys. Because we love you too, talk to me. Ooh.

So then they started talking about Jennifer and Jack and how they're in a big fight. At this point, Frank's Marciene has arrived. And it's like this, it's like big old Frank and there's like this little glass. It looks like a playing piece with Monopoly. The Lord, here it is So Frank's like apparently they had leaked the trip because you found that Jackie's loaded and Gargis like loaded like boco bucks

Boco Bucks? Boco's? No. No, they... Jackie made it. Jackie made it. They have inside a prenup. He's like, whoa, did we just get refills? Oh no, it's just my... Just your saliva and my glass.

Uh-oh, here we go with prenup talk. And man, oh God. So Jackie is loaded. So of course, she made her hot ass worked out at the time, probably more, but still worked at hot, even thought, if you're rich and you're fucking a hot, blonde, gorgeous person, of course, you make them sign up for pre-nupt.

What is wrong with you? We want pre-nupt, right? We want preup. Right. So Prinsik, you serious? You serious? You did that? And Gorg is like, if I had to sign up for you, what's Melissa going to have you sign up for? You matter like in front of a hawk dog stripper shop on a fucking boardwalk somewhere. Melissa, you got to sign up for you.

He's like, you know to sign a brain up. He's like, you know, it reminds me of like one of my favorite inspirational sayings. If you got to sign a brain up, you should be signing a post-nup because guess what? Nup doesn't respect nup, am I right? What are you saying? What are these quotes you've got? The man is your boat to beat the breadwinner, Dolores. It was like really on this show? Yes, seriously.

Your wives are all stars on television shows. Yes. You're hoping that she may some other guy so you can live in her house. What the fuck are you people talking about? And you got this borrowed. So dinner in the West Hampton. We're at the dinner.

Now this place, you know that everybody's been telling us online. That's like the poor Hampton's West Hampton's the poor one. I don't know. It's like the difference between Palm Beach and West Palm Beach. Yeah, what I'm saying. So this is like West Palm Beach. I guess it's like when it's West in its name, but West Hollywood is better than Hollywood. Crazy how that works. Okay, so anyway, they're having dinner, but you know this is like really the board neighborhood because they decorate with like vents from lows There's like here's 10 vent air vents on the wall

Oh, yes, I did notice that like wow also the restaurant's called doctors It's like having a restaurant called khaki Yes doctors So the ladies talk about Kaki. Yes. Dockers. So the ladies talk about eating disorders and Jackie, everyone's giving Teresa, you know, like we haven't had an episode until we've talked about how hard Teresa's anime. Which grants is she married Joe, Judy, but Teresa is also Teresa. Let's not forget.

Okay, she's having a good episode, but this is a woman who threw a table at somebody. Yeah, so Teresa is still holding on to this like lie that she and Joe, everything is gonna work out, but they sit down and Jack is like, oh look look at the botan. He's really cute. She's like, brrrr. Buh. A botan did down. Oh, yeah. A pool boy is better. Teresa. That's kidding. That guy like a bill's pool.

Still, how dare you pour shame somebody? Didn't you just defraud people out of like a millions of dollars for them? Yeah. You can get your wings on your door. Yeah. Didn't you just be fraud people out of like a millions of dollars for She goes so she whips her head around to look at this hot bartender who she's like no, no, no I just want to see what he looked like, you know, I just want to see what your type is insane, you know that You know, that's all not gonna leave Joe you guys not at all And Marge is like well very bit to pool boy

Have you has a pool boy ever been inside your pool which is the most disgusting sex analogy? I possibly ever heard and I watch every episode of real house lives would be Jersey gross And Teresa's like am I pulling on built yet? So you've a China Teresa, you have a China. And the jury's talking about you to China. Now we never have sex, we never even had a from high school. You know, the way I was raised,

you're only make out with your brother. Until college. And then you start having sex. And it after after college you can have sex with other people. It's kidding, I'm sorry but these two have vibes, the Gorgas. They do. So they're like, okay, let's see some pics of him because she's like, Yeah, I got pics of him when my high school was hot. So she's like, alright, let's see some photos. So Teresa pulls out this photo of the pool guy

who's already smoking hot, and it's him shirtless in the mirror. Hot. But also like, why does Teresa have this photo? And also, I support it. Can you guys that mean that? But in her defense, like hot guys who take pictures of themselves looking in the mirror also do send pictures like that to you for no reasons. Every friendly look, if I work out for five minutes, you're gonna get a picture. I'm like, look, it's me. I'm a...

They're fucking. But anyway, everybody knows they're fucking my two carrots. So then we get the whole segment of Teresa being like, I'm in downtown Washington. Do you see him been through so much? I'm gonna think, oh my god. She's not like literally I'm crying because she's been through that much. I'm not ready to give up on her. I'm not gonna give up on her. Okay. All right. I'm not going to give up on her. Okay. All right.

Do you want to skip two? Sorry. Sorry, there's a microphone here. Yeah. And it just part out. Do you want to skip two? Then having dinner together? Melissa, I mean, Joe and Teresa.

Okay. Two, it. Listen to you people. This sounds like a food court in a ball. I know. I mean, like, you know what? Hey, dog with bones out there. Shut up. Speaking of which, I do have to mention this before we go to that. Speaking of which, I do have to mention this before we go to that. We now have like a bunch of clips of people doing things all around the place. And we have Frank and Dolores working out. And I totally forgot that Dolores has a dog named Dog. The most Dolores name of a dog.

Dog. Dolog. Who's the dog? The most elorest name of a dog. Dog. Dog. Who's the dog? Dog. So Martin, Martin, your have a sweet scene where Martin your comes over and say, hello, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Martin's like, I beg you, it's been really hard

because I had to pack for you and also, like, I raised myself because you were always in the city. And I'm like, I thought you were okay, I'm sorry. I'm basically Margaret's like, listen mom, like sometimes I need you to be the mom and I have to be the daughter. I mean like, you know, like, who am I supposed to turn to if Joe isn't here?

And she goes, Lexi. You're secretary. Ma. We're supposed to turn to if Joe isn't here and she goes, Lexi. Your secretary? Ma. Alright, so let's go to our favorite scene, our favorite set place of Real House Sauce in New Jersey. RELES! So Teresa, you know Teresa, like we like her on the show, glad she's there, she's not our kind of girl because she goes, can I have a high top? Who asked to sit at a high top?

Yeah, on TV too. Do you know, she wants a low angle for the nation. Well, this brother and sister, I mean, they have the best chemistry on the whole show. They really do. Did anyone catch this? Hey everyone at the bar. We did it.

We're gonna murder you and kick you ass. We hear all of you guys. I'll kick you out after I kill your ass. I'll have you dragged out. Dead. That's right. So they're in this bar and they're really hot with each other, you guys. So Teresa's.

So Teresa's. So of course, you know, because they're in a restaurant, like that's, you know, there's always the scene of a waiter coming over and they're like, hey, what do you guys want? The dinner tonight. So Teresa goes And I don't know if you guys saw this but Teresa and Joe both looked each other like Yeah

Yeah, Colin flowers I only got tree sperm left, but I'm gonna use them right now on that cally-flower steak, eh? You got some rock and linens, yeah. Yeah, I like that, I like that, sis. Yeah. Call of fire. Call of the flower steak. Oh, big, howin' rye, big.

Call of flower. Huh. He's like, your husband's mean and he's in prison saying, eh, eh, eh, eh. So now that Joe's going out, want to sing a flower. Yeah. You want a big floret or a little one Because I got both cauliflower is like the least sexy vegetable and we just keep eating it. I don't know because when you're roasted it smells sort of like nuts

The cauliflower Has served swimming faster than Joe Gore. Literally everything in this show is swimming faster than Joe Gore has spurved. I also want to point out that at this restaurant they served Joe Gore, a Moscow mule. And the Moscow mule literally looked like Joju Dice. I'm never gonna be able to look at a Moscow Mjolkop ever the same. They all like little Joju Dices. So Teresa is getting ready. She's getting the kids ready to go see each other. Which I cannot wait. This is our first time going to ICE on Bravo. I know this is kind of amazing. They're literally going to ICE

from the West Hamptons to ICE. Yeah, same episode. ICE, by Bravo. So ICE is a cruel, cruel organization. They're only allowing Theresa to bring to-ever daughters. So like, we knew this would happen someday, that Teresa would finally have to pick favorites. And now is the time. Thanks to ICE.

The ones who get the most camera time. So no, no, is there cooking? Oh, thank God to work on. I'm on the way, ladies. Well, first day show me just because Dries is packed. I'm like, we gotta go, we gotta go. And Nono's just standing there like, oh, he's chewing on something. He's like, oh, it standing there like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, It is like 20,000 leagues under the sea is going into that pot. Who? Who needs the octopus at 6 a.m.?

I love octopus. And then No No's dead. What the fuck do I care about your husband and I, and your sad children in a car? I want to know about No No and the Calamari. That's it. Why. I want to know about no no and the calamari. That's why I want to know about no no on the squid. It was like the biggest occupants I've ever seen in my life. It's like a crane.

So anyway, so Teresa, this is the final scene. So Teresa and Melania and Gia, they get in the back. There's a lot of like we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go. They get in the back. There's a lot of like, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go. So they pile in the back of this escalade. Mom, I'm telling you, you know, Melania goes to sleep in the back. Yeah, mom. Yeah, mom.

Like the kids visibly and audibly just hate Terry, says. I'm like, oh, and I ain't singing. The chat up, we're trying to sleep it. Yeah. They're driving along. They have the driving for like 90 minutes. And then I was like, oh my god, I don't want you, but I don't want you.

I'm a god, I don't want you. I forgot it in my eyes. I'm a god in my life, and in your birth, the dead man. Oh my god, I told the tribe, and I go to Florida. Oh my god, the da da da. I'm a god that made me, I'm a god, my life, Tim, all in my life. Like she just said.

I left Kevin at home. Oh my god I Would love to like make fun of Teresa for city. Oh, Shitting I would love to make fun of I would do that. I Would make fun of Teresa for sitting I would too and that would be the first poop scene on Bravo By the way like until Reese is sitting. Okay, so it's probably not someone went no until Reese is sitting. OK, so it's probably not. Someone went, no. Yes.

Yes. I would love to make fun of her for forgetting stuff. I've left my laptop on a plane, my iPad on a plane. Today we went the car in the hotel. I was like, thank you, valet. Oh, that's great. Bye. Thanks.

Call me. We're like going into the hotel. I was like, I left my phone in the car. Yeah. Ah, my phone in the car. Yeah So Gia says basically like the founding principal of water crap ends she goes Can you stop screaming because it's not doing anything? Says fucking who And that was it to walk with the phone

That was this in the end Here's to thank you so much Love you guys, you guys are crazy Bye everyone Good night! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

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