Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Most Talented Cake in the World

Episode Date: October 6, 2017

The Real Housewives of New Jersey is back, and this time, there are new faces, old faces, new old and now new faces, and a truly upsetting cake fight. Enjoy! **This week’s premium bonus is about our trip to Chicago! For bonus episodes and extras, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends

That's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends You can also find us on social media on Twitter. We're at what crap ends on Instagram and Facebook at watch what crap ends We'll see you there I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, I have cramped, Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors Cindy Burgess Gerson was an amazing person Jason or Jason Andrews just saying okay Kelly Barlow when she goes Barlow we go high low Kristie Dowdy the OG Prem Suprem and our super duper premium sponsor Kelly Grant the most gorgeous girl in Texas. We love you. Hello and welcome to Watch What Happens. The podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on

Geo Braves. I'm Ronnie Keram from Trash Talk TV in the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast. And here I am with my traveling little friend Ben Mandelker of the B-side blog in the banter, Pylinder, podcast. And I'm going to be going to watch the podcast. And here I am with my traveling little friend, Ben Mandelker of the B-side blog in the Banchor Pylinder podcast, Hello, Bean. Hello there, hello greetings from Sonny Austin, Texas. Oh, I'm so jealous.

That's right. That's all I wanted. It's all I wanted. Yes, I have traveled to the middle of the country because, because why not? Actually, I'm here to see the opening night of singing in the rain, the Zach theater in Austin, Texas. Everyone should go see it. Yay. I'm so tell on so many levels, hey, while you're there, ask Dave Stakeley if he wants

us to do a crap ends over there at the Zach Scott. They have that small. We know. Yeah, ask him. Who knows? Maybe ask him who knows maybe you know I mean I mean Austin City limits is starting up like tomorrow or something so maybe that'll be a good excuse to scout out some some locations although the truth is I'm going up to Oakland tomorrow so I'm I'm on my own little cross-country tour I'm touring the country without a tour well stately will be there tonight to mention it. I will. I will. Because you know, we've been talking about going to Dallas, but we

could just as easily go to Austin or Houston. Who knows? Well, I love. We want to happen because crap in life or live gives me the opportunity to perform places like I normally wouldn't get to like the Gotham comedy club in New York. My comment friends are like really, really Ronnie. That's not fair. Like, you see? Oh, I thought you were going to be like really, like it was if it wasn't cool.

What it's mean really like it's, it's great. Yeah, that's great. Of course, yeah. And Zack Scott is an amazing theater. They've had stuff good a Broadway, okay? Oh, yeah, 100%. I mean, I'm, what I'm actually really excited for is our podcast to get to the point where we can start booking the houses that are like a thousand people because they are sort

of are more of them. And it's just like, it's super cool to be like a real theater. Not that our venues are not like Quoam Quo real ones. They're all they've all been awesome. Yeah, it's just like a really nice like feather and to be like, wow, like the Zach Deeter in Austin or the Kennedy Center in DC. LOL. Hello.

The Kennedy Center honors. Carnegie Hall. Hey, I can dream, right? Siggies inspired me. What if we get a Kennedy Center honor? Trump's like this show is big Lee. This show is bigly, the, the the city, the city I'm telling you, I'm telling you normally, normally, I

would say that a county center honor is a bit far off for us. But these days, everything's a little topsy, Jeremy. So we accept the world has gone so crazy, you never know. Yeah. By the way, there actually are still tickets available for the San Francisco show, which is very exciting. Speaking of cool venues, social halls San Francisco,

I think, I don't know where we are with our VIP tickets because I went, it looked like there were still VIP tickets, but then someone said that there weren't any or not. We don't know, but either way, the supplies are limited and they're running out. So if you are interested in taking the plunge, going to Bay Area to see us on November 4th, do it because. Oh my God, we're so excited for that one. Super excited. So guess what else I'm excited about? And I can't believe I'm saying this.

What? The New Jersey's back. You know, I never thought I would say that. I'm so excited for Jersey. The past couple of years really have been kind of a slog. Even though last year we loved despite its sluggishness. But I wouldn't say that we loved last year, but I feel like we saw signs of life. Like, like, SIGGI and Dolores were like, we felt like the show was on the right track. And we, I stand by. And I stand by that. I stand by that.

And like you, I was also very excited for the season, mainly because there was an absolutely epic trailer. Yeah, that trailer was amazing. And maybe not loved last season, but laughed. Like we laughed a lot doing those recaps. And this time I thought, oh, God, they've gotten up hill battle, you know? And then the way this episode starts,

I thought, oh Jesus, oh Jesus God. Yeah, same. I was like, will these producers ever learn that we are sick of real house, as of New Jersey, opening with a somber piano? Do we, do we owe every single season? It's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, that's like the trials and tribulations of Teresa.

What is Teresa sad about today? But this one, of course, is like a serious, yeah, legit. So that made me feel even worse, you know? Yeah. Because it's so sad. And then it's all told in black and white, because Teresa's mom died.

And it really was, I mean, Jesus, God, Jesus, God. Yeah, that's, I mean, like, you know, that's, that's, that's just, it's terrible. And it's, it's, it's a part of life, unfortunately, but it's, it's not a part that anyone looks forward to and hopefully can be put off for as long as possible. And it was really sad. And then when they started thinking about what about my parents? And I was like, oh, no. And I was, you know, thankfully, yeah, it was over. Yeah. I didn't like living it too long. Well, our hugs going out. Now that said, of course, there was still some funny shit

in there. I love that she was like, I'm going to miss my mom. She took so many pictures. And then it's just a clip of her mom taking pictures of her. It's like, oh, this is the sweetest memory. And then her lawyer date, he's getting really big, so I'm wondering if they're together, because that's Rubbert, you know, the internet, the internet guys. Yeah. And then also, I love that children wear

skin type gold lame jumpsuits to funerals in New Jersey. I mean, does it get better than that? I'm glad you said that that because in a few minutes, I'm probably, I'm gonna have some comments that may get me in trouble talking about children's wardrobe. And I was like, should I touch this? But now that you've touched it, I feel like now the floodgates are open. So yes, I'm glad you said that. Thank you.

Yes, not making fun of anybody dying or any pain. And not even making fun of the shoulder. I was like a 10 year old child and a gold lame jump suited a funeral. You know, it makes me want to move to Jersey. Just seems like so much fun. I want a Wednesday. Well, when I was watching this, so I didn't watch it on TV. I was watching on Bravo's website because I'm traveling. And it appeared that we did not have an opening credits, right?

Because we saw funeral, it was sad, and then it sort of faded out or dissolved into the state of New Jersey. Like real house, New Jersey is all serious and sad, right? We did not get something like, when I'm out of prison, I run the house, but I'm not locked up, like in a house. I don't know, that's why I imagine Teresa's line would be.

I may be in lock up, but I hold the key to a door. I may do yoga, but I also like yoga. I may be in a downward dog, but we did get Teresa crying and fanning her face and then it went Like one final sad plank and then it brought up the real housewives of New Jersey and it still showed them all Posing in those wind machine poses now. Why does why does New Jersey get the wind machine because no one can take it They all look like oh Jesus. It's the wind machine? Because no one can take it. They all look like, oh, Jesus, it's the wind. Like they're trying to pose. They're giant eyelashes are fluttering. Like especially Teresa, Teresa's like, what do I do?

What do I do? Tell me again. What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I just want you to know they are, they're not actually in front of a wind machine. They're just standing behind a New Jersey transit bus.

Woohoo. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Transit bus. Hey, it's hot. Graham. It's hot. Hi. Glorious. Like how long we take this photo? I got to get on the bus. You know, I got to go to my gym.

I lost my, you know, my car's in the shop. I got to take the bus. Got to get the mask. Can we man? Okay. Well, now you know what? Now, it's mad. Frank, move back in.

What am I going to do? Okay. You can take the photo. I'll get on the bus. Oh, Dolores, even Dolores has a story line that I'm behind this year. The storyline, which is we got to get more furniture for Frank, okay? Gonna go to Pier one, gonna go to Pottery Bonn. I'm gonna look at all of them. I don't know. Okay, Martin, you know, came on his tables. We got one to get a bed, but you got a massage table instead. You know what,

like, you know what, I can't do it. Frank, have Frankie don't I will see did talk like that last year she had a lot to say about her kitchen yeah this here this here to achieve and mention the kitchen it's like it's just over the kitchen you know what it's like you know what the kitchen's there it's fixed and like I got to move on in life I got to far but Frankie you know he's he's moving on to college I'm only have so many months left to take that you know naked photos of him. And it's hard. Naked photos are Frankie. Take off your shirt Frankie.

Oh gosh. So handsome. Look at those abs. Look at those abs. One ab for every tear I'm going to shed. He leaves. Lot of abs. It's a keg of abs.

So keg of tears. So it starts with you know then plink, wind machine. And then it's like, buddum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum. OK, glad we got over that quickly. And we're at Teresa's house. And she's playing, she's doing that thing where it's Mr. Mom, like that Joe Morgan normally does. He's like, I never had to do this alone.

But it's Teresa. Yeah, exactly. He's like, I never had to do this alone, but it's Teresa. Yeah, exactly. She's waking up the girls. Jasmine, gotten for a year, but he got, he's lost weight. He got a GD, you know, he, yeah, he found someone to hold on to the inside of his pocket. I don't know what that means, but I think it's cute. He's not with guys.

I wasn't looking for change in his pockets for him. I think it's fun. They play that game where it's like, You know, it's guys. I wasn't looking for change in his pockets for him. I think it's fun. They play that game where it's like, you know, your best friend holds your pocket. That's nice. So he's got a new friend with somebody named my bitch. So here's, okay, here's, I'm going to try to say this as delicately as possible. So I don't get into too much trouble. Okay, here's, I'm gonna try to say this as delicately as possible, so I don't get into too much trouble. And this is really more about Teresa than Adriana. It's really not about Adriana,

because she's just a kid. But the shirt that Adriana is wearing, I'm like, first of all, it wouldn't look good on an adult, but it was just like, it was so Jersey trashy. It's just like, did you notice it was like this black shirt with kind of like these cutouts on the sleeve with little strings across it? It looked like it was like a discard

from that movie cookie from the 80s, you know, with Peter Falk. I'm looking at it right now. I actually have the video pulled up because there was so much in this episode to talk about. Yes, I do see. It's cute. It's like justice.

It's like justice housewife. You know the store for kids. I don't, I don see it's cute. It's like justice. It's like justice housewife. You know the store for kids. I don't I don't know what that is. Well, at least it's just stringy on the sleeves. My favorite is that she came with a full housewife makeover this season. Like her hair is done. She's got like real cute clothes. She's got I think fake little baby eyelashes. I just, you know what it is, I hate to see Jersey fashion's inculcated into a girl at such a young age. I feel like let her have some, let her have a few years of like normal fashion before she

goes down the trashy route, you know. Well, look, kids in Roamton were jeans, okay. They'd look weird. They had to wear shoes. I feel like I'm always the one who's like going in on some kiddie thing and people must think I'm the biggest asshole. And you're right. You're right.

You know why I don't go on kids clothes because my sister and I did this. Let's scan old photos for our parents for their anniversary. Ben, I mean, I'm not like any fashion queen now. You all know I'm an old maybe queen, but you should have seen what the 80s, what I did to the 80s, actually. Like that was, that shit was even terrible for the 80s. Like full on jumpsuits from Gavzouk's that are like white with Zeebra Stripes. But it's okay to have dumb kids clothes, you know?

Like, you know, like, that's what we all go through. We look at our foes and the dumb kids clothes, you know? Like, you know, like, that's what we all go through. We look at our foes and the dumb kids clothes, but to have like something that like Sammy from Jersey Shore, would have worn on a bad day, and then to like, like redo it for something that like your kid would wear, it's just like, I just, I just feel like we can do better as a society. I feel like Adriana deserves better. Guys, it takes a village to address a Adriana, okay. Let's all help. I was noticing the breakfast more, because Adriana's posing with a banana on her head,

and I was like, that really does symbolize this family so well. She's doing three poses. Yeah, three poses with a banana on her head, which is very judicis. But then trees, one of them, which one didn't like the waffles? That was Gia, Gia rejected her Ego waffles, which was blasphemy. Yeah, Gia's still basically Christin from Vanderprop rules.

Yeah, she's like, oh, mom, it's a soggy waffle. Yeah, you want a great, you want a banana, you want a waffle? What kind of choice is this? By the way, what do you think you want a banana you want a waffle? What kind of choices this? Yeah, by the way, what do you think you put on a waffle syrup? Okay, that's the whole point is supposed to get soggy enjoy it Joe, don't pre-surp your waffles, okay? Yeah, and by the way, you're not always gonna have someone to make you waffles all right? Enjoy that waffle, you know, you should be you should be so lucky to have someone to make you a waffle You don't have it in the twaffle. Yeah, exactly. You got a mother to toast your waffles, dammit. So tree, of course, her first line in this scene is, it's been a

tough few years. I was away. I was on my vacation for so long and then Joe and now my mom and then she's like, anyone want bacon? The way the show cuts back and forth. And the hardest part of all is that G.O. won't even eat my waffles anymore. Where I got good days, I got bad days, I got waffles, I got soggy waffles.

I also got grapes. Do you want grapes? Do you want grapes? I got waffles with grapes on them. Waffles with grapes, huh? Find out. You want a? I got waffles with grapes on them, waffles with grapes, huh? Find out for me. Well, in a study of contrast, Melissa is over at her kitchen offering her kids turkey,

which is exciting. I'm like, it's good to see that Melissa is still doing nothing interesting. Who wants turkey? You want some sliced turkey, anyone? Nicholas, Joey, Antonia, turkey, anyone want turkey? Turkey. But this season on Real House, I was in New Jersey,

Melissa finally gets someone to eat Turkey. Someone steals Melissa's Turkey. I love that with Melissa, something's always someone else's fault. So she goes on with this about how hard it's been. And she's like, I learned with this that I want to work to live and not live to work. Like when did you live to, to like what are you talking about?

Yeah. Stop blaming your failed store on the or your failing store on this, okay? Yeah, yeah, please. So Joe is depressing thing be its own depressing thing. So Joe is sad. Can you hear us still hearing my microphone? If something popped up on my laptop being like no I was like Ben hung up on me. Yeah, I can hear you No, my my cuz I'm holding my microphone Yeah, Ben's doing that thing when you're in the hotel and there's no mic stand So you're walking around like you're doing stand at You will the thing is though my mic is heavy because it's it's the mic with a bass

So it's resting on my on my Lord Durn t-shirt. And I don't want it to ruin my Lord. I don't want it to like scrape off the Lord Durn t-shirt. So I'm trying to like rearrange it. And as I do it, it's like, my laptop's like, stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Which Lord Durn, like which iteration?

Diane Twin Peaks Lord Durn. Irmer Gurd. I love Lord Darn. Ermergurd, I love Lordearn. Yeah, and in fact today, when I went to snooze of Austin for breakfast, I was wearing it. And a girl was like, oh my god, I love your t-shirt. And I was like, thank you so much. You know, that's all I live for is wearing things that people say I love. So, you know, could another story happen?

Could we do a story with you saying that again? Anyway, Lordearn and also Dolores is a little tiny dog. So Dolores is like life, yeah, dog, the kairong dog. Dolores is like, life is like an hourglass and the sand is running through. Someone had to write that down. I know it was it was just so funny because it's like not a terribly profound thought, you know, like it's literally opening up days of our lives. Every time I look at my watch, it's later than the last time, but it's now, but then I look at it again and it's not now anymore, it's later, but then it's still now.

You know what I mean? Yes, Dolores. Life is like, you know what life is like? It's like a period of existence when you're alive. That's what life is like. And what's with this week, all the housewives talking about how they're going to die. Earlier, we had Vicki getting a colonic being like, they have a little bit of life left.

I just need to be friends with Tabra. I'm dying. And now Dolores is like, life is in avoclass. And the sand is it's running out. I'm like, this isn't scrabble, okay? You guys are fine. We've got a little more. Just not a life glass.

We're running out of time. There's not even enough time to name the dog. So we just called the dog dog dog, which is, by the way, it's still a better name than girly girl. Yeah, she's like, will you go get something out of my new friend, the cabinet, his name is cabinet. Thanks, Dolores. So she's updating us. She's like, my kid is graduating. She got to vet school and then there's Frankie, who's my little shadow. He's going to be going to college. And then like in the middle of this, they just like cut to this like airbrushed hot photo of Frankie

shirtless. She's like, he's my shadow. And it's like, it's like him and sexy photos. Yeah, nothing says on a roll like a photo of your kid with his bang barely touching his eye. Well, he's like, do we on the face? And his mouth open and model pose. So you and Yale. Yeah.

So see it, the spelling be Frankie. So then Frank comes back in Frank is the lorsez ex and, uh, he's like, Hey, I'm back at home, everybody. Okay, thanks. It'll be regimented now. I'm back, you know, and lorsez is like, Frank and his girlfriend are on what I call the hamps to wheel of an argument. You know, they just, they just, they're an argument. They can't get out of there. Just rolling and running and running and running and running and running.. But you know, put them in an amaze. They have a good time. You know, I just have amaze. You know, Frank

used to have a little bit of hands for you to run around the house all the time. You put them in the ball. They run around the house. You know, it's growing up. He's going to college. I'm like, Dolores stop. Please stop saying people

are in hamster wheels when you're bringing your ex-husband back into the house. Hello, and he's carrying the Gucci bag, which is on the street. I'm going to get a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a Please stop saying people learn hamster wheels when you're bringing your ex-husband back into the house.

Hello, and he's carrying the Gucci bag, which is obviously hers. It's this huge Gucci bag, and then he's bringing in a pink rolling suitcase. It's like this guy never even bought his own luggage. Like he never planned on staying anywhere. Yeah, he's like, hey, it's father bear. Father bear, home, okay. It turns out, it's father bear. Father be at home. Okay. It turns out the Gucci bag is full of just protein shakes. Yeah.

Things. He'd be a lot different around here from now on. Protein shakes and every cup. But I bought these cabinets. I'm going to stock these cabinets protein shakes everywhere. She's like, I got one request. Do not put your protein shakes in the wrong cabinet. And don't beat Frankie. please don't beat Frankie. I was like, what's going on with these two that she's so scared for poor little Frankie?

Listen, from now on, it's going to be Frank's way, no, like literally way protein, it's all over the place, okay? It's going to be Frank's way, way. So she said, then they go into his room and he's like, what is this? The massage table? The stains on that. She's like, I'm busy, Frank. I got three businesses, a gym, a gym, and then she didn't mention the other one. Yeah, she didn't. She didn't.

I think we have to assume it's another gym. You know, Mazna, we, you know, Mazna, we did so well. The gym was so good and I, like, I know I sort of feel like I'm here. I am woman. I'm not sleeping on that. She's like, I'm busy, Frank. I got three businesses, a gym, a gym. You know, Maznaya, we did so well.

The gym was so good. And I sort of feel like I'm here, I am, woman, you're me, roar, but that's such a cliche. I don't want to be a cliche, but you know, I'm talking to my therapist and boo's been dead for a year and you don't really lift me up. It's hard with Maz and do gyms and working out and everything. And I thought, I can't walk.

I can't bark like boo because it's boo's dead. You know, it's sad. Frankie's gonna college Frankie Frankie right in the beginning of this my first prediction Frankie's not going to college and I love when I can be so right so quickly Or at least not right now not right now so next okay, so I have to say I was by the way. I'm so calm today. I have no idea why That's fine. I just like chill going through this. I'm amped on coffee and michelada, which I had earlier. So I was looking at the Facebook group today and people were talking about how much they hate Sige.

Why? Sige. She's annoying the hell out of it because she's just so. That's her thing. She's so much. She's so bullhorned. Sige, you know, but I was dying, like her first Linus. I need a spoon, a spoon.

What is a spoon? A fork, a fork, I need a fork. A fork. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Looks like she's on some game show. It was the Linus Moore set ironic game show. I need a spoon, I need a knife, I need a knife. It's just, I like a spoon, I need a knife.

She's playing celebrity pyramid with herself. She's like I like as spoons and you know I she's playing celebrity pyramid with herself She's like it's me and the most talented actor in the world. Sige Okay, okay, this is a thing you eat soup with spoon. Yes, got it. Okay. This is something you might scoop up Something with it's not a fork is not a knife also a spoon. Yes, got it all right next Come on, Sige. Step behind on your looks. So now we get a mystery man, mystery bold man coming to the house and turns out it's Michael Campanella who's decided to fill this year. I don't know why. Yeah. He only appeared for like a second last year, but now this time you got the theme bug in him, and now he's fearing everywhere. So we get the at home scenes we never got last year. You want to

salad? You want to salad campanella? Look, I'm pouring some water from a picture. You want some water from a picture? What is this? A spoon or a fork? Tell me, tell me. Do not tell me I don't want to cheat. Guess what? It's a spoon and a fork. What a wonderful world. They have sparks. It's the best of both worlds. I'm feeling that empty, that syndrome. It's very hard letting go of real housewives

of New York voices to translate, to transfer into Jersey. Yeah, it is a little tricky. I can't believe like that. I feel like Durinda, but that's, Ziggy's nothing like Durinda. I'm not sure if you're going to get it. Jersey. Yeah, it is a little tricky. I'm trying to do like that. I feel like D'Arinda, but that's not.

Siggies, nothing like D'Arinda. You know what, you know what, Ronnie, in your life, you could be whatever you want. If you want to be D'Arinda, be D'Arinda. Me like, I'm so into it. Look at this thing I got no mail today. It's a pointing finger. I also got the sheets. I got the comforter. I got the towels with it. I got the toilet paper. I got

tweezers. It's a very, very tiny pointing finger on the tweezers. But I got it. I'm so excited. I'm so sad for Joshua to drive away to college. I hope he runs over many, many, many trash can lids. Tiny finger, tiny finger. Hey, before you go, give your mother a kiss and give this tiny finger a kiss. Because Sophie comes through because she's like, I'm going out with friends. Going out with friends. What about me? Is it so you flicker your best friend? I'm going out with friends going out with friends. What about me is in city flicker your best friend

I'm only the most talented human being in the whole world and I believe in me Do not make me cry and Campanella's like we're alone. You want to go upstairs Take the little finger please take the little finger So more sad music. It's like playing playing because Tiny finger empty nested tiny finger, empty nested. Please. So who we just how we do it is no mystery. So this is another really sad scene. Now this is tree and

Joe and their dad packing stuff at the mom's house. And it's really sad. Do we have to talk about it? Um, no, I mean, all that we know is that basically, you know, the dad wants us all to house and the house. And it's really sad. Do we have to talk about it? No, I mean, all that we know is that basically, you know, the dad wants to sell the house, and they're going to move him in with tree. And it's just, it's actually like just sad and too real. So why don't we move on to something more exciting? The envy boutique. And they now we get the new employees, Jen and Alyssa. Yeah, now this cracked me up. I don't know if you noticed this, but like this door girl was like, Hey, Alyssa, how are you?

And Alyssa goes, nothing much. I've done it. I mean, we've all done that. I've totally done that before. But for some reason, I love to me that typifies Alyssa, because you know she doesn't listen to this bitch. Yeah, Alyssa never listens. And she walks in and basically she's got one glitter dress in the front now and then a bunch of shirts to say envy.

Yeah. She's she's very happy because now she's the full owner of the envy boutique and as we saw in the middle of the night and took them to posh. And I was so grateful that this entire saga was just contained to like five minutes in the first episode. Jackie and I decided to dissolve our partnership. And then it cuts to Jackie and her two to like you can't know you can't have everything in the size two. And then Melissa being upset. Like, why not? That was so hilarious. And I wonder if everything in there is like a size two now. Yeah, it probably is. And it all says, and Viana is just probably just like T-shirts,

black T-shirts. Melissa has always been kind of on my nerves. But it's hard not to side with Jackie just because she wears two twos and has an aparel hair. Yeah. I'm, I, I, I, I actually never really like Jackie and as stupid as this enemy boutique was, I thought it was really shitty that Jackie was always down in the Bahamas or something, you know, like during important dates for this fake boutique.

No one's ever there. I think this is the time, the first time Melissa's up, because she was like, oh, hi, girls. Oh, it's been so great working hard. It's like, you've not worked here. You're shocked at the first dress you see. You're like, oh my God, I picked this out from a line sheet. That's a little bit annoying. I think it's super cool to have your own boutique.

Like, that's very fun. And I really do respect all entrepreneurs out there given that we're sort of entrepreneurs in our own way. But she honestly acts like she just launched Microsoft 95 or something, you know, 95. Not even a good Microsoft. I just got an Eminem delivery. My food just brought me some Eminem's right now. I'm very excited about this. I'll I'll save them for after the show. I got that coming back on this podcast, Eminem's. What kind? Yeah, I don't think he even realizes that we just had a whole

conversation about the Eminem's on the podcast two days ago. What kind is just a good boob? Peanut Eminem's. Yum, my favorite. And in fact, one of our listeners, I forget who was. I'm so sorry. I think it's like, I feel really bad about this.

I always am like, one of our listeners, because we get so many tweets I never remember, but someone said that we should really check out the caramel M&Ms. Oh yeah, there's a whole M&M conversation right now online. Yeah, I'm sorry. I need to go to like a CVS where there's a million different kinds of M&Ms, so you can actually choose between all the different flavours. You know, there's a gas station. There's a mobile station on Santa Monica and Kings in West Hollywood that they famously had that like burrito vending machine.

And they have like the largest variety of candy and all the Los Angeles. Okay, well there. Now I know where I'm going after the show. Yeah. So anyway, speaking of things that will rot your teeth, Melissa starts talking about Kim D and she's, she's just start talking, she starts talking about how Kim D is like a rat that's always looking for, she's like, she's a rat who's always like for a piece of cheese. And sometimes that rat comes at the sewer and she gets the piece of cheese and then

she brings the cheese back down into the sewer and then she like eats a little bit of the cheese and puts it aside, she goes back into more cheese and she comes about looking for more cheese like, okay, Melissa, we got it. Yeah, we're going on with Melissa this year. She's talking a lot cheese and she comes back looking for more cheese like okay Melissa. We got it We got her say yeah, we're going on with Melissa this year She's talking a lot more and she's she's doing a lot of animal stories, you know Like she does a few in this one and they're really long She's like you know the rat with the cheese and how it comes out of the sewer and it looks for the cheese But then it doesn't find the cheese but then

It found the cheese Good story. It's like when you go to London and then there's like a rat who like controls the underworld and they're going to like destroy big band and then you have to like call a basil on Baker Street and be like there's a rat that's like Melissa that was not a documentary that was a great mouse detective. She's not even that interesting. She's just like remember when there was that mouse and it came out and there was a mouse, it's like, you're never gonna write a movie. Yeah, her animated movie is gonna be about like an adorable mouse that opens up a boutique and then sells some maxi dresses. Well, she did find some good cheerleaders for this store because Jen's like, you was violated. You was violated. And she's like, yeah, it's my baby. This is my baby. And

there were struggles. And then it cuts to Joe being like, you were a woman. I'm a man. Blink, blink. You can't worry. Oh, I really wish the producers didn't even go back because that was truly molasses. I think last year was molasses worth season ever, which he had nothing to do. And this contrived storyline with Joe pretending to need her at home, they cannot go back into that same well. Well, Melissa's definitely making an effort this year. I think someone came into the cast and they were like, look guys, okay, make an effort.

And so now she's like, okay, give me a list of animals or just general household pests. And I'll do some really good scenes. I'll do some really good diary rooms. Okay, it's something. It's an effort, you know, she's like, you know what she's like, she's like a vol, you know, and like, oh gosh, here we go. Just stop it rat. Just stop it rat. Yeah, it doesn't have to always be a rodent. So tree is with her dad and G at the house and she's like, Hey, Gia, you like a shirt? I blood it. You like these shoes for dad? I got it. You like these shoes and he's like, $10. So another flower delivery comes and they start talking about Danielle because they're from Danielle. And he's like, who is she? Because no, no. Remember when mommy flipped the table, that was that was Danielle.

What a great way to be remembered. Yeah. And so Trey tells the whole story about how she's, you know, when when I was in jails is, you know, I had a lot of time to think since stuff's so I thought about Danielle It turns out well, you know, I was mad about her because she went to jails is two and I was I meant to jails is and then we could be Jails is together and we could do yoga jails is so now I like it again We go to yell get a gather She could do hers on a pole. I mean man Dan yell can really work that pole Do you remember when she worked it? Oh, I still have the image. Oh my god. She's so good. And I, and in star contrast, the Kim Grant tell who could not work the poll to save her life. So trying to, trying to wrap a crowbar around a poll, it just doesn't work. Just like blanks around

and falls the ground. Oh, poor Kim. See then all the girls come over and someone brought Chinese food and Sigi brought a huge tray with grapes and wine, which is going to go down with the Chinese food. But also I'm just pointing this out because Sigi is bringing large trays to places now. That's her thing. Yeah. That's I love new patterns in the first I love that as a pattern by the way I like when anyone brings a large tray of something to where I am like here I brought some grapes I brought some Tylenol I brought some cheesic crackers and I brought a little miniature speaker. Okay, great. So there are all these ladies that come over that are their trees trees his friend because Joe came by to like basically take And the role on a huge tray. So there are all these ladies that come over that are there are three three

sisters friend because Joe came by to like basically take Gia and the grandpa away. So that way, Tricot have a lady's night. So it was like Lisa G, Lisa F Rosanna, Lisa D Rosanna P Perry G, G Perry. And then any random ones can just be wife of somebody named Joe. No, I have them were named Lisa Lisa they were it was like Lisa a Lisa B Lisa D. We forgot C. But we'll find one. We will give a C

Everyone on the show is best named Lisa or Joe So yeah, so then Siggie and Dolores come over Sige with a tray, as you mentioned Dolores. And Dolores like, well, you know, everyone guess what? Big news, Frank moved back in and he came in, we just did the cab as we may have to do new cabinets. I don't know. This is what we're working with, you know, it's hard, you know, because Frank's moved in, boozed dead. I got a new dog named dog.

I don't know what to do in my life, but you know, it's a lot of Frank's moving out to college. I don't know. I'm Sige. Oh, yeah, out of your freaking mind. Oh, M G. Dolores is like, yeah, well, I met this great guy. He's a doctor. He delivers babies and he's wonderful.

And we're dating, but Frank is going to come back and everyone thinks it's so weird. But you know, what best friends? So like, if I'm dating you, you're dating Frank. I mean, like, he has the best, he has the best protein checks in town. That's it. Like, you want me? You're going to have Frank's protein checks. Just don't hit Frankie.

That's what I ask. Yeah. And so he's like, let me you're gonna have Frank's protein shakes just don't hit Frankie. That's what I ask Yeah, and Ziggy's like let me tell you something if Michael Campanello knew that my ex is moving back in He's gonna be like I don't think so They're like whoa all the windows break me while Everyone in this complex here in in Austin is like what is going on down in this apartment? What is this noise? Well, even people at tree's house were like, what the hell? Because she just keeps yelling everything. They're like, what happened to Sige? Dominique is shaking his head at me right now. By the way, he's like, what are these noises you're making on your podcast? Are his

eyes half shut? Because that's my. There's eye homelike. His eyes are a little half shut. Yeah. It's nice and narrow. That's my favorite. Tom look. I love it. Tom just said rude to you. Um, so then they go.

It's like fun, fun, fun. Look at our fortunes. Look at our fortunes. And then Melissa's like, Joe and Trey took turns every night at the hospital. You guys. Stop making it like really fun and then really cry and then really fun again. I can't take it, okay? Yeah, and I also feel like these producers love to play up the the the martyr angle of

of Joe and Teresa. I think it's wonderful that they did that. And that's like, you know, what you should do and well, a lot of families go through. But these producers really love just always, if they ever have a sound bite, what they can say before Joe went away for prison to reach to his death from every single day. Like honestly, you know, we already had like the like the little scene at the top of the show, you know, like Rest in Peace to Teresa's mother. Very, very sad. I get it. I'm like ready to move on from the constant sadness in Teresa's life.

And I understand it actually does play a plot point in this, but like you said, it's constantly like, wow, wow, wow. Yeah, well, guess who else is sick of it? Ziggy, she's like, oh yeah, that's so sad. You know what, we need? A vacation. Let's go to Boca. Boca, all in favor.

Boca. Is that where they make the, is that where they make the oatmeal burgers? Boca. Boca. Boca. Boca anyway. Boca anyway. Boca.

Boca. Boca. Boca. Boca. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday's parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your

resident not-so-expert-expert. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong, what would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So yeah, they're all like, let's go to Boca.

So now we, then after this dinner, we go to some random spa where Sigi is showing up to give advice. And she's like, the advice that I speak about and that comes out of my mouth is souped. And that's the best thing you will ever hear. Souped and that's, it's the best you'll ever hear. Sigi, this is, this is what you put nuts in your soup. Great advice right there.

Sometimes you gotta change your texture. Put some nuts in your soup. Soupton, that's the best advice. Literally. So this isn't the beauty spot, like you said. And she's pouring it like things of lotion. She's like, this is so pretty. Is that my mic?

Like I need a mic. I don't even need one. I don't got a inside voice. Soptonuts. You know, I don't have an inside voice, but my voice comes from inside. My heart, yeah, soup to nuts, not a good nugget for you.

In the past year, I took off. You know, my butt took off this year, so I got it down so they give lectures, like a lecture. It's like she's so thrilled for every little thing. And I love that she's giving lectures and beauty shops around the world. Yeah, she's like going to GNC and talking to five people. Hello, fantastic Sam's.

Hello, Hula-Hannan Lawrence. Hello, Hula-Hannan Lawrence. So let's see all the girls start coming. I love Dolores. I love Dolores. Jody. Hey, Jody. This is also. Jody.

There's always a Jody. Yes. And this is also the beginning of SIGGI just screaming hello to people in random places. Yes. Jody. Jody. Oh, I love Jody. And look, it's Margaret. Margaret, who I met through Jody.

I love Jody to this hand. I love Jody. Jody. Margaret, Ziggy. Oh, that's me. I have an announcement to make into this butter shave. Margaret, she beats to her own drum. And no one does otherwise. Margaret's like okay I'll take

that I beat to my own drum. So I say he's like here's my advice this is the best advice you could ever hear outside of Boga Raton which is my second home away from home after it's real New Jersey and a few other places okay here's what I say I say. No, your words. Thank you very much, everyone. Enjoy the scrubs. Follow your passion. Find your passion and follow your passion, ladies. I'm not perfect, even though you can't believe it. Look at me, I had a divorce.

My marriage failed, okay? And I'm a sex toy. Look at me. When people hang on my words, it's orgasmic. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Deloore, Spokas. Even people like Sigith Luka get rejected, okay? But let me tell you, ladies, rejection is God protection.

Okay, that rhymes, that rhymes. But if God used protection, we'd never would have had Jesus. A man's rejection is God's projection, and for the more, I would like to ask you to all make a selection and on top of that, we are then going to watch a movie which will be shown on projection. Hey, look at this, look at this mask. It knows its worth, it's got a price tag. I'm not sure if you're gonna get a comment on this. I'm not sure if you're gonna get a comment on this.

Hey, look at this. Look at this mask. It knows it's worth. It's got a price tag. This mask has read my book. Siky Flicka on out. So then she's our signing things.

The marker comes over and she's like, hey, I've been very what you might as well come to Boca Raton. We're gonna throw napkins up in the air. I didn't know what that really meant, but it sounded exciting. Sometimes this show is like watching Real Housewives of Auckland or, you know, Melbourne or whatever, where there's a lot of things we just don't know what the hell they are. Throw our napkins up in the air. how they are. We're gonna throw our napkins up at the air. So next up is Dolores and Frankie because it's the big packing segment everybody's going to bokeh. I'm loving the music this year. It's a little all over because some of it's like electric guitar positivity, which I don't like that part, but I do love the... It's like this jazz like kind of funk jazz thing they've got going on and I like it even though it's just leading to Dolores and Frankie

Yeah, I like to call it the ballad of Maz It's like Doom Doom Doom Goddamnit Doom Doom Doom Doom What are you showing up to work? You Goddamn Blu Blu Blu You know, he's right, he's right, I need to show up if I need to be a woman of work I need to sharpen to the work, I can't be woman of work, I need to show up into the work I can't be at home looking at cabins and helping a Frank here with his application. I should be on top of that

Should be on top of mass. What can I say? Boo died. You know, boo's been dead for a year now and I got dog now and you know It's good, but it's hard to get into it Frankie is excited about this scene as Gia is about every other scene. She's like so. Are you glad you dad's home? He's like, uh, but that's not convincing and She's like, so are you glad you dad's home? He's like, but that's not convincing. And he's like, uh, okay, you sure? Okay. We'll be nice because I'm not here to protect you. Again, it's like abusive Frank. Are we laying groundwork for something? I don't know. It seems like it seems like it's going to turn into some one of those like, you know, our House Har movies.

Frank and Frankie left at home for the weekend. It'll be like that Roman Plansky movie where the woman where Catherine Nova is alone in her own apartment and goes crazy. What was it called? Like a poltion or something? Yeah, just like that. Who got blood on the cabinet? So next is another scene with a kid that hates the mom packing

and it's Gea just watching Tree. And he's like, did you have a grape? Did you have a pineapple? I got crispy waffles now, huh? Mom, you're not crispy. Yeah, she just yons at her. She's like, you even looking at me? Yon. So then Ziggy, uh, Ziggy and, uh, Campanella, she's like, I hope this still fits. It's me. Hey, Brandy. Hey, over there. It's like you're in your bedroom. Stop saying a lot of people.

Just like, Boca is my home away from home. My kids were born there. My plastic surgeons are there. I once saw an alligator walkin' across the street there. I was like, hi, alligator, you're my favorite alligator. He was like, I like you too. I'm not gonna eat you. I said, great. I love you. Know your worth, alligator. I love you know your worth alligator. I love bokeh. No, you're worth So next up is Joe mr. Mom Like no one the mr. Mom thing is played out. We saw last season. We didn't like it. I don't want to see it again You're a terrible you're a terrible little Joe, okay, but also Melissa Why do you have cloth seating at your kitchen with two small

children and a gorgah? I mean, I just, I just can't runny. I can't. Well, let's skip, but the huge news here in this scene is that Melissa's like, I'm going to use phase, I'm going to learn to, to do FaceTime for naked pictures. It's like, okay, you know, Melissa, Melissa's making an effort, so life goals, life goals, you know, like, Melissa's making an effort. So life goals, life goals, you know, like crossing envy off the lists, next to her naked selfies. Okay. So next is Boka, Boka. Oh, it smells so good. My babies were born there. My plastic surgeons are here. Why ever the list of why everybody loves their hometowns. This is my favorite Chipotle in the nation right here in Boka. They always know exactly I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get out of

the car. Why ever the list of why everybody loves their hometowns. This is my favorite chipotle in the nation right here in Bokka. They always know exactly how I like it here. As they get out of the hotel van she's

like, could you hold my hands? I usually fall out of cars. Please fall out of cars. Yeah. How dare that man help her out? Sir, could you please turn on the air? I got no uterus. Like how are people not liking Segi? She's the best thing that has happened in the show in many seasons, many, many, many seasons.

So they all go to the hotel, and then they go out onto like a balcony in a drinking champagne. And the presidential. The presidential suite. How terrible I guess that. Well, unfortunately these days it makes sense. It's scary, the presidential suite.

So yeah, they have the champagne toast and the Laura says like, I haven't had a vacation. I'm still waiting to tell you what my third business is. Cheers. And she's like, I haven't had a vacation for years besides camps. Except for vacation. Except I, yeah.

Yeah, she's like, I'm still on probation, but now I'm on vacation. Oh, look. I'm like, can I write dead down? Can I write dead down? Just because you're on probation doesn't mean you can't go on vacation to have some motivation. I'm using that. I'm using that at my next to four elect.

So they're all getting ready again. Mostly this episode is like dumb, boom, boom, boom, ladies getting ready. Terrible outfits. Where did they find them? I mean, the outfits on the show are so insane. I can't even begin. I started writing some down like Siggy's blue like Bordello stitched thing with that see through boob under thing. I was like, this is how I'm writing it to, by the way. I was like, you got to stop saying like, just stop trying to explain it. By the way, did you hear my stomach girl just now? No. Okay, good. I didn't get to explain it. By the way, did you hear my stomach girl just now? No. Okay, good. I didn't get it.

I wasn't sure. I didn't get it again. I can't make you know the stomach, the stomach wants with the stomach wants, but my stomach just as you were talking about these things, my stomach was just like this. I like even my stomach was like, I can't deal with these fashion right now. Your stomach is like gross. Yeah. So they all meet up in the hotel room and guess who's here

It's my friend. It's my girlfriend Margaret. She knows Jody who's come to my lectures 16 times Jody saw my lecture over a game stop. It was great Now I've never understood those like save the alibi Hats with the raccoon tails, but I see them all the time, you know, especially while I used to growing up, but that's Margaret's hair. She's got double. She's like, you know, long live the alibi or whatever. Margaret, I like because she, her pigtails are ridiculous.

And also because she says things like this, I call myself the Powerhouse in Pigtails. Yeah. I actually like her so far as well. I don't think she's as hilarious as she thinks she is. The Pigtail thing, it's a very affected image that's no one really cares. It's the awful bleach blonde version of Wendy's. But she's like, yeah, so I have the Macbeth collection by Margaret Joseph's, and my aesthetic is Lily Pulitzer on Crack meets New Jersey meets a pothole.

That's what my aesthetic is. She's like, I have a company, and my mom works for me. Her name is Marge Senior, and she's basically what Annie Potts will be like in 10 years. So very, very excited for that. She is, that's a good call. Any pots playing Mark senior. And she's like, I, yeah, multi

million dollar business, the moat Mcbeth collection. It's like, that's terrible. That's not a good omen. Yeah. You know, it's cursed, right? There's a spot on everything. Is that Mcbeth? Not damn spot? Yes. Okay. I try to get it out all the time. I'm like, this damn spot out, out already that Macbeth, out damn spot? Yes, it's okay. I try to get it out all the time. I'm like, this damn spot, out, out already, y'all, you know? Pig tails, it's spots.

So yeah, she's like, I'm wacky. And look at my pig tails. Look, everyone works at my house, which is great when I don't want to cuddle with my husband in the morning. Like, look, it's my mom, Marcia and then Marcia. And you're like, you know that guy without without the day, he called me. He called me and she's like, you're a hasima.

You're a hasima. Senior. Marcia. It was like, remember that time when I worked in that firehouse, but it wasn't for firemen. It was for guys who killed ghosts. Yeah. I remember those days too.

You're a hasima. You're a hasima. So guess what, Margaret, guess what Margaret. You're a happy mind. You're a happy. So guess what? Margaret's guess what a Margaret's husband's name is Joe. Joe, because we didn't have enough Joe's on the show. Now we have Joe Gorgah, Joe Judice. We have this Joe. We have Melissa's brother in law, Joe.

We have Joe Gorgah, San Joe. It's funny. It's funny when Frank is the minority in New Jersey. And there's already Frank's. Oh, too, that's true. True. True. So she starts telling us her story of her husband.

And she's like, I met Joe because he was my contractor. He did a molding and my marriage wasn't going so great. It was going down the tubes. So boom, I ended up with Joe. And it was a huge scandal. But you know, I am what I am. And it's like her on a motorcycle with Joe. Yeah, it's never good when your love story involves the critical use.

Mention the word mold. He did a bolding. So Margaret shows up in a crazy caftan. And like, ah, Margaret, where's Jody? Oh, no, who cares? So now they all go out to dinner and he's like, I can't wait to get dinner. I'm gonna have a steak. I'm gonna have onion rings. I'm gonna have some broccoli, some, I'm gonna have some steamed spinach. It's gonna be a wonderful thing.

I love when Theresa met Margaret because she just looked her up and down like she was crazy and then as Margaret faster Teresa is just staring at her butt And she goes, yeah, are you real blind? And she goes, well, I can pull down my pants right now Even if I could okay, it's like who Margaret spicy So in the van the poor van driver is like bleaching his brain every time these ladies get out of the car. Someone's like, I don't want to stick my fingers in if it's a J J move over. I don't got a uterus. And he's yelling at the Lord's day.

The Lord's open up the door right now. The Lord's the Lord's right. I can't open the door. I got to think about Frankie. No, I don't know where Frankie's doing right now. How can I open the door when we think about Frankie and Matt? It's not boo. He's dead.

I hope Frankie's okay. So in the restaurant. Okay. This is the restaurant obviously in both. Oh my god. Ziggy. Hello everybody. Not even in exaggeration. Yeah. She is just like Wendy. Wendy. Oh, Wendy. I love you. Wendy. Jodie number three. I love you. Jody number three. You're almost good as Jody number four. And there's Bunnies. Bunnies, Lisa number six.

Oh my God. When gay guys like, oh my God, it's Ziggy Flicker and covers his mouth. And another lady just starts shaking her head like, oh Jesus Christ. Do we still have to pay for our meal? Are we gonna have to listen to this the whole time? She's like, hey, enjoy your steak. Is that what you have? Oh my god. I miss you. We went to prom. Remember

prom. Yeah. And then like the rest of the cast is like sitting at the table, meiling. Should we order? She's going to be up there for a long time, going to be able to table. And then see he just comes back with a plate of food. I stole this from someone else's table. I'm like, you can't do that. I'm like, this is actually like, it reminded me of Katie, because Orla, I was like, this is what Katie would do. She'd walk into a restaurant and she'd say hi to everyone and then suddenly show up with the food that she took from someone else.

I love that she knew the name of everybody in the restaurant. That was so, so good. So then the waiter is this really funny queen. And he's like, hey, hey, ladies, hey, my view. Hey, you want a bottle of wine? What do you want? A cabinet? What do you want? A ported house slice thing? Is that what you want? Okay, love you. She's like, here's what I want. Okay, I want the best champagne. I want all the food. I want onion rings. And if you have any charge keys for Penn State,

like them two, like send them to Joshua before he moves away and listen to the heart to cry by myself alone with Michael campin That lot I'm not pointing at you. Don't worry Jimmy. It's just this little finger What about when he goes away to school? Oh, hey there, Bernice Just sit down, Sikki sit down. I need to know is there a pizza press nearby? No, I don want food there. I just need to know if I need to set up a motivational talk there instead. Can I be the lady in the bathroom who off his towels? She'll be there like while you wash your hands. Listen, you're bettering yourself. So know yourself wash your hands and wash your thoughts. Okay, that's $18, but I'll sign it. and watch your thoughts. Okay, that's $18, but I'll sign it. You know what?

You know what, come see me tomorrow at John Bajouz. So okay, I'm gonna be doing a very inspirational talk there. Okay. So then Mark, great, not to be out done with the list of businesses this year of all the ladies who are just listing random things like they're trying to impress some random on LinkedIn. She's like, oh God, I had a busy day in Palm Beach.

I got my shoe line here. Oh yeah, I got a shoe line. I also got a clothes line. I got a change purse line. We were worried that it looked like elephant dick this morning, but my mom, what a hussey. Then we started talking about a stationary because I got a stationary line, a greeting card line.

Trash cans, I make parachutes actually. The parachutes are wonderful. They really work most of the time. I have ceiling fans. I also sell those little things that you pull down on the ceiling fans. Someone's gonna make those things a little change. Sell those. I sell those readers that you get at a drugstore coloring books. It's great. Wet maps, paper towels. You name it. I got it. I'm like a mark mark is on prime. It's like, okay, Margaret, you're very busy, okay? And then Theresa, I don't know why everything Theresa says,

I have to write down, but I just love Theresa English. She's like, oh my God, this mashed potatoes is so good. So, Ziggy's like, you guys, there's something I want to talk about, and I'm not sure if I want to talk about it tomorrow at the UPS store with all the people. So here's what I want to know about. Mine, I love talking to people. It is my greatest passion in the world. It's spreading my supreme talent to other people. But my man, Michael Campanello, does not want me to work so hard.

And then they cut to a scene of him saying, you know, you're doing like three engagements a week. man, Michael Campanello does not want me to walk work so hard. And then they cut to a scene of him saying, you know, you're doing like three engagements a week. I think you should be doing two. And she's like, well, I think about what you're asking me to do. He's like, I'm not asking you to do it. I'm telling you. It's like, whoa.

You said a big man. But then did you cast that looks to give him? Like, you think I won't stab you because there's cameras here? Like anybody who really believes that that man has any control over anything ever in that house. No. Yeah. All you have to do is look at that looks he gave him. Like, I just roasted some Brussels sprouts.

Oh, and gee, don't you want my heart to sing Campanella? Don't you want my heart to sing? My husband doesn't want my heart to sing.anella? Don't you want my heart to sing? My husband doesn't want my heart to sing. I just don't know what to do. And some Margaret, Margaret's response is, well, you know, it's funny that you say that because I was married to a guy's and you know, like after 17 years,

I ran off with a contract. It was a big scam in my town. And yeah, I did that. But, you know, I, yeah, so now I have a contract that's my husband and you know that's what I do I'm like what is this have to do with anything that's a you say You didn't cheat on your husband because you had like too many businesses These are totally different things okay, I think that maybe what she was trying to say is that like my husband knows

I've got like three million businesses and he lets me do my thing But instead she just wanted to talk about her ex. Yeah, well, yeah, she's like it's hard to balance. I just got a divorce. Like, okay, stop trying to make everybody else get divorced because it was fun for you. Exactly. And Siggie's like, all right, let me throw it over to Teresa for the weather at 11.25 PM.

Teresa, what would you have to say about working? It's an 80% chance of potatoes being good, Is you know that movie cloudy with a chance of meatballs. Like I didn't understand it because I never saw the meatballs falling and like how could they often say I in the first place. Thank you, Ziggy. Cloudy with a chance of meatballs is right behind you because that lady has meatballs. Grab them. Grab them.

Oh, I'm. Ziggy with a chance of meatballs. By meatballs, I say love. And the chance is 100% for Joshua. Her baton pass was so funny because she's like, here we are talking about husband's not wanting us to work. And then this to Risa, who can't stop working even if she wanted to to Risa? Take it over. It was such a complain like the producers were like, could you ask Teresa about something? Sure, I got this

second transition easily. So anyway, about jail time, Teresa, you. So like Teresa needs to say something. Can we order more mashed potatoes? No, you guys have to start it. So Teresa's Teresa is basically starting to do this thing where she's like,

so like I should've been smarter but like, you know, Joe, I like put me in a position where I like I where she's like, so like I should've been smarter, but like, you know, Joe, I like playing that position where I like I lost 11 half months while I'm I'm in like, it's like, Nicole. So like, yeah. And so what position he put me in. Yeah. So then Dolores is like, you know, I used to always say that Theresa will never leave Joe, but you know what? Now that her mom died, I'm going to take back the wood never. Okay. I I'm gonna take it back. I'm like, okay, I'm glad we cleared that up. So I was really holding you to that. I was really holding you.

Her psychic stuff is really weird because over the Chinese food, she's like, I need to read my fortune first. Everybody. My husband, my husband's moving back in. I'm like, what does this have to do with your fortune? Weird. Teresa sad. So they're like, okay, good talk. Bye everybody. Bye, Brittney. Bye, good bye, Brinise. Bye that girl who stood at the wall of prom. I saw you. I felt for you. Your emotion needs to be your commotion. okay? Just leave. Just leave. All of you. I'll be at the class boutique. I'm bokehable of tomorrow giving inspiration to all the kids, okay? So now Joe and Melissa are

face timing the next morning. And he's like, whoa, I got an instant hot on looking at you, looking at your naked pics. It's like a, it's like a boner. I get from the porno, okay? Taz and got hot. Taz on Tazzan wants to thank you. Which Tarzan? Yeah. Which version? I think it's the Alexander Scars guard. Oh, sorry. No, no, Joe. As Tarzan? No, no, no, it has to be

the only one that Brendan did Tarzan and lost all that weight and then he gained a bunch of weight after. Oh, I thought, well, that was George of the jungle, but I thought you were saying which Tarzan would be most likely to give a boner, not which Tarzan would joke, joke, goorca beat. Oh, yeah. You know, I'd joke that before. I've said Tarzan before and you're like, that's George of the jungle. It's like just a recurring thing that I'm never going to learn what that movie was.

I don't know if that's the first, I don't think I think that was the first time I had to correct you on, on the proper white man in the jungle. Jason Tarzan. Yeah. Okay. So this recap is going on forever because I had to talk about Teresa's breakfast for 30 minutes. But basically, Joe got off on the list is nude things. And she's like, I did it.

I finally sent a nude pic. Yeah. great job. And Teresa's on the phone with Gia while she's learning to drive with no, no, but more importantly, we then cut to Dolores on the phone with Deb, Deb, the college tutor. And guess what? It turns out Frankie hasn't turned in any college applications. What a shock. What a shock that a kid who's 18 and has like a huge buff body is not interested in college. Yeah, who needs it? Mary up, kid, you weren't it. Dolores is that typical parent who just forgives their kid anything and doesn't really do much to raise them, which is why she's terrified of Frank. But she's like, oh, Dad, did Sub did someone drop the ball? She's like, uh, yeah, Frankie, Frankie dropped the ball. She's like, what did I do?

She's like, I dropped the ball. I knew, I'm a new floor. I just, I just put in a new floor as Deb. Like, you should come over, see the cabinets, the floor. As you can talk to Mads, talk to Frank, you know, booze not there anymore. He died, you know, but I got dog now. So dog is good.

He's really cute. Like dog a lot. Who dropped the ball again? What we're talking about, we're going to, because Super Bowl, huh? She's like, is there anything we could do? And Deb's like, well, I guess he could appeal. Like, what are you going to appeal?

I didn't turn shit on, shit in on time. Can I please get an appeal? No. How, how, honestly, like, how does Dolores, how does, how is Dolores not on top of the shit? I swear to God, when I was like college time, whoa, was my mom like, did you finish? Did you finish? Let me look your essay. Let me,. Did you finish? Let me let me look this over.

Are you done? Let me like, ever was like nonstop. It's like, yes, mom, you know, like, I've been to Laura's barely even showed up to work until she got yelled at. She was like, I didn't know like, what was I supposed to be here on time? Like, that's true. And she didn't seem to even notice the fact that Frankie bought a massage table for Frank senior to sleep on like She may have some like some tunnel vision in her life, and I don't know where that tunnel's going Didn't Dolores like have a martini party at her gym during a sumba class like this is where Dolores is my design, okay? She doesn't yeah So Siggie's like well, you know, it's very sad, but what a shit I could. I'm gonna write that down.

I'm gonna write that down, and I'm gonna tell it to the employees of Lightbulbs Unlimited. So Melissa joins them for breakfast, and she's like, yeah, everyone needs coffee, and I need a bloody marry, too. And Trey Jorn, and she's like, I can't do that. That was Danielle Stobby. No, but Melissa said it first. Really? Yes. That's why that's why I mentioned it because it was funny.

It was Danielle comes. Sorry to know and you know, but I had to mention that because when Danielle comes, she's like, it's me and I need a coffee and a bloody Mary both at the same time. I was like, Melissa already stole that thunder. Danielle. Well, more importantly, Teresa was like Melissa already stole that thunder, Danielle. Well, more importantly, Teresa was like, I'll have a mimos is. So anyway, Daniel, Daniel makes her a triumphant return. She's like, I'm back bitches.

It's the ghost from Christmas past. With Christmas futures face, what is going on? That Bell Murray. What a wacky guy. So we then like we have a flashback to a party that Daniel had. I mean, Daniel's boyfriend, Maddie and Daniel's like, you know, things are really good with me and Teresa these days. And I'm hoping to someday get an apology. I'm like, uh, if you're hoping for that apology, then things are not good. Yeah, good luck with that.

Yeah. Every clip they show of Danielle is in the past, like it happened all this time ago, but it's obviously all new scenes that just happened, but they're not putting it in the show. So I don't know if that's because everybody decided to be nice in those scenes or what, but she's like, welcome to my party. And she's like, hi, hi, hi, hi. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks for shooting that, guys.

And everyone's talking about how wonderful Dan Yala's and Delors is like, am I the one who's crazy year? Like am I the one who thinks that Dan Yala's like off a rocker? Am I the one? Is that just me? Why is everyone so excited for her to come back? And Melissa's like, call me crazy.

But I really like Dan Yala. Yeah, of course you do. She helped get you on the show. Like does Melissa think that everybody just forgets Every plotline that ever happened The way that she phrases things every new season like We know that you're friends. You had your secret Facebook messaging and all that shit It's already been out there and they're rewriting history. They're rewriting it Yeah, so Danielle is like, you know what? There's some, we have to, we have a lot to talk about.

And it's like, commercial, like, as if, as if she's going to like break some news about Caroline man. So we knew it was all going to be like a big nothing. But she comes back and we come back and she starts talking about the, um, that crazy Kim D story that happened a few months ago. We're basically one of her cars was burnt down and there were two bodies that were found inside of it. And they're like, Kim D thought it was her son and they're like, oh, God, Kim D, da da da. And this is all just to say, I was excited about this

because it afforded us a flashback of Ashley playing Kim D. You all stop the hair out of her head. And she's like, I was part of that. I, you know, I'm, I regretted it. I'm sorry. She said something like that, which won't count as an apology. But I like that Danielle is bringing up all this stuff.

Like she's going to gossip about it and be a bitch. And everyone's like, are we supposed to laugh that she thought her son was dead for four hours and the car was burnt to a crisp. Like even we're not going to make fun of that. And she's like, okay, well the last time I saw her, she was pulling out my hair. And the Melissa's like, well that's the last time you saw her, then congrats, congrats because what does she say? She's like a nightmare.

She goes, she's a cockroach. You know what? She's a cockroach. She's like, well, if she's a cockroach, she's a cockroach that I love. Wait a minute. I'm friends with her. She's like, well, if you don't stop kids, even if you kiss a rat, she's still going to turn on you. Yeah. She's like, you know what? I'm still mad that you said, kids and arrests. I got a lot of pride. Miss Melissa. Okay. I got a lot of pride, but I'm going to let it go because it's your birthday and I've got a plan.

I got a lot of pride, but I'm gonna let it go because it's your birthday and I've got a plan. Yeah, I think they're showing the seeds of a Melissa Sige feud. That's what I'm sensing. Oh yeah. So then back at Melissa's house, we get another one of these scenes of like, oh my God, it's Joe, he doesn't know how to parent.

I'm like, are we still doing these scenes? And it's like, oh, Melissa is the mean parent, but Joe is the fun one. And like his kid, like it's like, oh, Melissa is the mean parent, but Joe is the fun one. And like his kid, like, wipes his face, like, sort of like, slaps his face with a pancake. And so then Joe takes a pancake and throws it at his kid and it like splashes our own shoes everywhere. And I'm like, how is this supposed to be entertaining? This is like irresponsible parenting.

And it's all over the cloth seating. All over. Exactly. And you know, that's not stain protected. You know, it's not. And also that little kid, it needs a spanking because he's like, do you guys miss mommy? And he's like, no, she's mean. It should be don't talk that way about your mother.

Yeah. It's like, yeah, that's right. I'm the fun one. But also I just have to mention I loved watching Joe try to clean stuff up because he had like one paper towel to clean up orange juice off the floor. And he just kept moving the pancake around. It's like this kids, this guy's terrible. She's going to come back and they're still going to be like a dried up pancake on the floor

and like orange juice stains everywhere. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I think it's crazy that he threw a pancake at the sun. I know it was all in fun and games, but my dad, my dad never threw a pancake at my face. And the orange juice, he threw the, he basically threw everything in front of him at the kid. Yeah, that's, that's not leading by example, Joe. Well, guess what's happening right now. It's the most amazing thing of the season,

the getting ready song. Don't stop to get ready. Everybody's getting ready to have another meal. And now they're going on a boat. Yeah, boat trip in Boca. everybody's getting ready to have another meal. And now they're going on a boat. Yeah, boat trip in Boca. So they're on a boat and then a tree face. I'm the Audrey Anna, which was actually really, you know,

at the poor little girls crying because she misses no Na. So there's that. And then like, again, it's like, let's party. We're on a boat and then the kids sobbing. I miss known us. Oh my God, you guys. You're killing me with this. Can we just have fun on the boat? Put your phone on silent. Well, this is some of that bullshit that like reality producers do when they, when they're trying to strive for greatness, you know, they, they had aspirations at one point for doing something that like profoundly affects mankind and other stock being producers on reality TV. So they try

to put in stuff that keeps it real, keeps it grounded, you know? Like let's have a scene of Teresa comforting her daughter because the grandma just died. Like this is real, it's dark. Like this shows that so much more. It's like I don't give a fuck. I want to see petty shit.

Petty, petty, petty, petty. Well at least they're mixing it in with close ups of Margaret's bun that doesn't match her hair underneath. It's like Margaret, you've got 30 businesses. How do you not have a matching bun? So then we get some commercials I have to talk about, escape, still kicking for episode event. Uh-huh. When's that start? November 5th. November 5th. There's a Will and Grace Bravo tie in commercial where they're like, Karen is the original housewife, which she, I would agree with that. She would have

been a great real housewife. But Lisa Vanderpump, you're not Karen. That's so weird. Like you've obviously never watched Will and Grace if Lisa Vanderpump is Karen. What the hell? Yeah. And that's it. Just little comments on commercials. Just had to say. Yeah. Um, so then we go to dinner and uh, let's go to shoot us. I just like the name because the show's always talking about common stuff. Yeah. The way this waiter is like how we doing, how we doing, how we doing. Okay. Boca waiter. Yeah. And Danielle's like, you know, I want to know, I want to know about you more about you, Margaret, you know, because I'm, you know, I had, I don't always, I'm still to warm up to outsiders. I'm like, outsiders, you just got here, Danielle.

Okay. Like I knew you were around like nine years ago, but like, let's just like, keep it, like, slow it down a little bit. Yeah. And Danielle's like, you know, because I have no, the intentions, Margaret, I've have no idea intentions, Margaret. I've got no idea intention. Do you want to dance on this tabletop? Margaret's like, anyway, I've got pig tails and migraines. Also stationary tennis shoes, suitcases, lots of businesses. You want to talk about my businesses?

Danielle has that look of a house wife who is determined to have a fight and really make an effort to make a splash and keep her job. Which, you know, you got to say good for you for trying. But man, every time she tries, no one will let her. Margaret's like, I'm not fighting with you idiot. I'm not even going to start fighting with you. So, stand there, Margaret. Heaps up with her and she's like, why aren't you drinking? Why aren't you drinking, Margaret? And she's like, you know what? Maybe it's because I'm a little controlling, but also I get these migraines. Well, I'm naturally high, but I do one thing. Me and my husbands do my husband do do one things. It's called the papus.

One spray on the pus and you have an incredible orgasm. Yeah, it's just squit squit marinade. That's like, oh, that's If there's ever if there was ever like a chance of me being straight, she just ruined it. Marinate it for 20 minutes. Oh my god. Oh my god. So, so, and everyone's like, oh, marinate. And then somehow this gets into conversation about Melissa's bachelor at party, talking

about how, like how Joe was controlling. And Teresa told Joe, I don't know, Melissa is dancing with another guy's, Joe is, and they got into a big fight and they're like, you know, he's not jealous, he's just old school. And then Siggie starts saying, you know, any time you're a man, who's a man, like in terms of like how does her thoughts on guys were controlling. She basically says, you know, it's okay. Because if you marry a guy who's a man, that's part of the pack.

Oh god, I had to do the actual SIGI on this because I wrote down this whole quote. But first it starts because Margaret's fucking with her. You know, Margaret is fucking with SIGI because she's like, that's a real turn on to me when guys boss you around. And Margaret's like, yeah, I think that's controlling, you know, like yesterday when you you were saying your husband wants you to quit working so much, like you don't find that controlling. She's like, no, turning on. I'm turning on. And she

goes, look, anytime you marry a man who's a man, I didn't marry a wussy. I didn't marry a pussy. I married a man. And Margaret, because I don't know what that means. I looked up man at the dictionary and I didn't see Campanelas pick there. I was like, oh, that's such a real housewives who's New Jersey burn. And you know, I'm glad you said that because I don't, I do not support that thing that like in order to be a real man, you have to be stubborn and control your woman like that like I don't like this like this. We'll see like a real man Is in what's your all that stuff like well? It's a Jersey. Oh my god. This is like so I saw a slice of New Jersey this argument. It cracks me up and also I can imagine these women really looking up man

At the dictionary and expecting to see a picture next to it How am I supposed to even know what a man is? So then Cindy goes into her whole, on the other hand, like I like a controlling man because the Meezy loves me. On the other hand, I think God gave me a gift. I think I'm the most talented human being on earth. And then, you know, I love how like literal molasses like, huh? I mean, haven't you heard of Michael Jackson or Madonna or Phil Collins or like the people who composed from the band, Mr. Mr. Mr. like, I don't get it.

Or the guy who invented the light bulb. Yeah, what's his name again? There are a lot of talented people out there. I love that her only examples that she can think of are MJ and Madonna. Oh, Melissa. And she has her dead, by the way. And she has her own special Melissa clown music now. Yeah.

He's like a cockroach. It's like you can't put the cockroach. Sometimes there's a cockroach, but then the cockroach is head, but then it's still a cockroach. Okay, Melissa. It's like, don't, don't, don't, don't. So then Ziggy starts crying again. I love to help people. How can I not help people? If I'm not allowed to share my talent with the world. I love helping people, and I love Michael Camp about, I can't, I can't, I can't talk about it anymore. And she spills her wine on the table. She just throws it over. She turns it completely upside down.

And it splashes a little bit on Margaret. And Danielle just turns during us. Don't ever wear white again. Save by the cake with save by the cake. That's in my lectures saved by the cake. So this big cake is brought over and they sing Happy Birthday to Smellissa. Smellissa. What am I in fifth grade? I hope I didn't do that on purpose. Maybe. They bring this huge cake and she's like, I had a pastry cake make this cake that's specific like there's a picture of Melissa standing in a store with wallpaper in the back and look it's the wallpaper. It was an ugly cake I'm sorry it looked expensive but it was ugly so yeah she's like it's my tribute to Melissa my very special tribute and it's also my tribute to Michael Campanella

who loves cake Melissa tribute she even has to call Joe for permission to eat it. The inside is all the inside is all missing. Kim D is at home eating it. So so the cake comes. And then Melissa starts like making a joke again. She's about like about Teresa calling like t, tattling on her to Joe, about the basketball. Because, you know, in typical fashion,

like Melissa does not know when to leave well enough alone. So they start making this joke, and then Teresa is like, hey, so she takes a scoop up some of this cake and shuts it in Melissa's face. So then Melissa takes the top tier and just throws it on Teresa's head. And so then Teresa takes the entire bottom tier

just throws it on the sidewalk. And And then Teresa takes the entire bottom tier, just throws it on the sidewalk. And Siggy's like, what's going on? That cake with a work of art. You threw a work of art on the sidewalk. It's like throwing my god-given talents into the ocean. It's not right. She picks up the entire tray that Kate came on and throws that.

What is wrong with Teresa? But also, like, Siggy, you know, what you guys weren't going to eat that whole cake and and you weren't gonna take it with you guys on the plane You know you guys already got slices on your plates, so just calm down. No, it was so gross. I'm with her. What's wrong with you? I mean, this is the woman who just walked into another restaurant going Bernie, I love this restaurant. You're all wrong. Yeah, but at least she didn't throw a whole tray of cake across the restaurant. Teresa really has it. Oh, no, I think it's, oh, I think it was wrong. I, I, I, I mean, don't give me wrong. I, I did think it was totally disrespectful because that, a cake like that cost at least $500, you know. So I do agree.

She would not quit. She's just like, what classy. We're gonna have to tell them, sorry, we're from Jersey. Sorry, we're from Jersey. I think they already know. They guessed and a market's like, okay, take it down a fucking notch. And then Ziggy gives her like those Tola. You want to fight arms like, huh? What do you guys? What the fuck yourself? That's a five.

I'd love to see Margaret and Ziggy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm the most talented cake picker up around earth. I think a pretty solid, a pretty solid opening episode. Yeah, me too. I think it's going to be a pretty fun season. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Well, the trailer's great, as we know.

So looking forward to more craziness and to see where these feuds go. Yep, and we will be back tomorrow with below dick. This was a really long recap for Jersey. It really, really was. Well, we know I was very caffeinated personally, but very fun. Not bad. It's really fun.

It's just I'm looking at the time now. I'm like, wow, we really went there. Yeah, I know. I know. It was a long ass recap. Everybody we love you. We will talk tomorrow. Thanks so much for being here. I know. It was a long ass recap. Everybody, we love you. We will talk to you tomorrow. Thanks so much for being here.

Bye everyone. Hey, prime members. You can listen to WatcherCrapins, ad free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.