Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Mother of All Episodes

Episode Date: January 16, 2020

This episode also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo The Real Housewives of New Jersey celebrates Mothers Day with a drag brunch and the ladies head to the Hampt...ons for a knock down drag out. For this week's bonus about lamps and the alphabet, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. *** Limited Edition Shirts! "Shannon Bowldor", "Twerp", "Dork", "When Life Gives You Tacos Make Taco Salads" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Detroit, Columbus, Austin (late show added!), Houston, NOLA, Birmingham, NOLA, Lawrence KS, Omaha, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Orlando, Charleston, Oklahoma, Asbury Park NJ, Washington DC, San Francisco and Boston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors! The Bay Area Betches! Betches!
Starting point is 00:00:32 You're the Wyndham beneath our wings, Joe Wyndham. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela! Itchalls! Oops, she did it again, it's Brittany Montana. Aaron McNickalus! She don't miss no trickle-ists. Avonigila Weber! Sarah Greenwood only uses her power for good. Again, it's Brittany Montana. Aaron McNickalus, she don't miss no trickle-ists. Hava-Nigila Weber. Sarah Greenwood only uses her power for good.
Starting point is 00:00:49 He makes a squee-it's rich-y-d. Jamie, she has no last name-y. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. You don't touch the Nicki Morgan letters. One day your Rachel's in, and the next day your out. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. Higher than Iris, it's Lauren Perez. Ain't no thing like Allison King.
Starting point is 00:01:09 Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird. Just saying, okay. Christy, wow, where do you dowry-dee? Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Hammer, God, I love that banana. Anderson! And our super premium Patreon subscribers. Mina Kuchikuchi Kuchikuchi!
Starting point is 00:01:28 She ain't no shrinking violet kuchar. Better than tabooly, it's Annie and Julie. Let's take off with Tamala Plane. Let's get Racy with Miss Stacey. Yes, we should with Carrie Bridgewood. Lordus, the Lordus of the Rings. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony incredible edible Matthew sisters give them hell miss Noel Kelly stump the stump master always ready for Nicole pass
Starting point is 00:01:52 already we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva no one can do it like Andrea do it yes we can with howly Carolyn and Ann somebody get us ten C. C.s of Betsy MD! Nancy pleasure. I'm happy. Oh, but these are friends. I'm happy. It's a pleasure. I'm happy. It's so much that I'm happy. Hello, and welcome to Watch What Happens. A podcast about all that crap.
Starting point is 00:02:35 We just love to talk about on Yale Brawfs. Hi, it's me, Ronnie. And over there is Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, how are you? Good. How's it going? Great. Thanks. We're doing this at night time,
Starting point is 00:02:46 which is why I have creepy lighting on me now. We, this is a crap and it's on demand video. So you guys, whoever's watching, hi, if you want to watch, just go to watch what crap and it's calm. Also, if you want to find us on our other stuff, I do a podcast called Rosepricks for the bachelor and Ben over there writes and records and draws, voices, everything for the real house where it's kitchen oil on YouTube. Also, we're going to be doing the crappies this week, which is why we're doing a nighttime recording today. We're very excited for the crappies on Friday. We'll see you guys there. Also, we are traveling this here, United States, everybody. We're back out there on the road. Next week, we're going to be in Detroit
Starting point is 00:03:30 and Columbus. Ben, what are the shows we're doing in Detroit and Columbus? Well, in Detroit, we're going to be doing Vanderpump rules. And then in Columbus, or Zyla, to call it, whoa, Columbus, we are going to be doing Real Housewives of New Jersey and by the looks of the previews, that's gonna be quite a show. So you better come to our show and watch us reenact the Real Housewives of New Jersey fighting in the middle of the Hampton.
Starting point is 00:03:57 You're hard, but by the way, you can still want to be a bad dude. I'm in. I'm in. Yeah, I love some of your show. I mean, it's like everything I can want. It's like Inaigarten need garden Bravo all together in one space Yes, and all the people so insecure that they're Jersey store people and not Hampton's people talking love that okay
Starting point is 00:04:14 So after that we're gonna be in Austin, Texas for two shows at the end of January Then Houston the next night then we're gonna go to Birmingham new Orleans Kansas City Omaha Salt Lake City van Vancouver, Orlando, Charleston, Madison, Oklahoma City, Hesbury Park, Washington, San Francisco, and Boston, Massachusetts. So go get so links at watch at crap and stuff. Com songs, you know, go to page for you to all our bonus content videos episodes this week. We have a really good debate on the alphabet, and which letters should be insecure. You guys, let me, I just have to say that bonus episode,
Starting point is 00:05:00 we recorded it after Van Opemprools, and we went into it like, well, what are we gonna talk about? And so we're like, we'll talk about some things. The episode that we put out, which I'm going to be posting probably after we record this, is truly one of the craziest things we've ever done. Like we spent 25 minutes comparing letters in the alphabet. Like if you want, if you've been waiting for us to weigh in on several letters and what we think about them. This is the bonus episode for you. We didn't even get to have the alphabet.
Starting point is 00:05:29 It's a thing that happened and it was really fun. It was like one of the most fun bonus episodes we've had in two years. It was, when we went on break, I was like, wow, what a riveting conversation that was about the alphabet. Like and I actually went, when we ended, I was like, Oh, I forgot to say something about the letter M. Like I, like I had like still things I wanted to address. Don't even start with the letter M. Okay.
Starting point is 00:05:55 And I had things about the letter P too. Like I was like, Oh, why didn't I say this about P? I said, Oh, well, maybe we'll do a part two of that because you're, you're going gonna need it. Okay. I mean, we can't leave people hanging. Letters need to be addressed. We need to talk about K.
Starting point is 00:06:11 Oh god. Okay. So, let's get over. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:06:21 Oh gosh. All right. Let's go over to real housewives of Jersey. Yeah. What an episode. What an episode? Drag brunch because they're just figuring out what drag brunch is over and over in the juries. I mean they've been doing it all this time It just didn't really realize what was called They usually just call it real housewives Yeah, they call it going to the brownstone.
Starting point is 00:06:45 So, so Melissa is, we start off with Melissa putting together a dinner. It's like, you know, you know, you know, mallet dinner meals at the Gorka household are just the worst. Cause always like, Joey! Joey! Hey! Do you know Joey Frankie?
Starting point is 00:07:02 Do you know Joey Frankie? Do you know, do you know Joey? Joey Frankie Joey Joey Frankie Gina Gina Joey Yeah, it's like roll call it the sizzler and you know Wayne New Jersey Joey Joey Frankie Joey Joey Joey Frankie Gina Paulie Frankie so Paulie. Franky. So, um, so yeah, so, so the kids are all mad because Melissa took away their controllers that I can't play for at the moment. So instead, it looks like they're all going to gather for a cute
Starting point is 00:07:36 family scene like that, like Melissa and Joey, they sort of like sit down on the couch and, and you know, like sit down on the couch and you know and other Joey like future father of someone named Frankie probably or Paulie maybe a Nikki but they're all sitting there and it's like cute and Melissa's like on her laptop which has a giant envy sticker on it. Girl, if you paid money for that, you paid, we all know Apple extorts us. If you spent that money on an Apple laptop, you better brag about it. Don't cover up that important brand name with a huge NV sticker.
Starting point is 00:08:17 She has a higher, a more high quality. I'm listening to Teresa too much. She has a higher quality sticker than we did though, because we did watch it crap and stickers one time And I put it on the apple of my computer my own personal envy Macbacar and My name is real thin. So you just it just looked like a weird blue apple Instead of still shine through well, that's good shining through like a like the seminal 1990s movie starring Melanie Griffith and Michael Douglas
Starting point is 00:08:46 where Melanie Griffith is a as a secretary in the stenop who goes over being able to spot to infiltrate the Nazis. God, they really just wanted Melanie Griffith. That was the like the fantasy back then. Just make Melanie Griffith a secretary. Working girl as a Nazi spy. For spy for the Nazis. Yeah. not working girl now let's make her secretary again, but she's going to be a Nazi secretary.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Like what Nazi? What Nazi? She's been on the griffin says, oh, there's an authentic German. Right? Like the worst spy choice of all time. And that was the downfall of the German of the Nazi Empire, whatever. I may have gotten the story wrong. I know I have to, I know I feel compelled to watch.
Starting point is 00:09:30 I love it though. I love thinking that Melanie Griffith is not because Melanie Griffith is such a dodo bird. Not to say that Nazis are generally intelligent. I mean, I don't know why that would be. I feel this type of plot for you. Okay, good. I want you to infiltrate the Nazis now Okay God where is this going okay?
Starting point is 00:09:55 So I cannot believe you're in a very good mood mood tonight and of course I can't You watch it you Ronnie I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it.
Starting point is 00:10:14 I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. I'm not sure if you're gonna be able to get it. with Jersey households, you know. And I also feel like at this point, like Melissa and Joe, they're just like, ah, we can either discipline these kids or have sex. Let's just have sex.
Starting point is 00:10:36 I'm like, you know, I'm not going to fault them for that. Lee Kyle Richards, she's like, look at how precious my daughter is sitting on a countertop. Like she actually thinks it's a value ad, you know? Yeah, and in this case like it's just Joey or G. No or whatever So then they get a call from the sperm lady whose name is Amy and it's not just Amy It's Amy and all caps and it's not just all caps because everything is all caps. It's like any Spur lady and like regular ladders So she's like hi, I'm
Starting point is 00:11:15 You have received a call from It's obviously Joe's mistress Joe. Do you nice is mistress from a different present? Joe's mistress Joe two nicest mistress from a different present. Oh, she's like, you know what? Your AMH looks great. AMH that stands for AMA. So it looks Emma.
Starting point is 00:11:36 Your AMH looks great. 1.1 or higher is normal and you're at 2.83. All I mean, that's almost twice your grade school average. So we're very impressed over here. And then they move on to little gorg bless his heart. She's like a normal seamen analysis, which show 15 million sperm. But we only saw three that we're swimming. What percentile was that?
Starting point is 00:12:12 That's like, we saw three. Could you imagine that applied to any other scenario? Well, back in the day, signvelled with the, it's like the big bank theory, we get 15 million viewers, except there's one night only three people in all of America tuned in. Yeah, I mean, God, I've never won a sperm test if they can see that closely with your sperm. You know, my sperm is just like taking it out. You're supposed to have 15 million sperm. Unfortunately, you have 15 million and three sperm taking it out, which is amazing. It's a tennis sperm, but it's all very, very tired. I feel bad for those three sperm. Like, how awkward for them. They're like, they're showing up at the sperm party
Starting point is 00:12:48 and it's like the three of them are like, is it was, was that was tonight the night? We, there was an ejaculation, right? Like, I'm supposed to be here. They're just trying to get out of like, can you get out of my way? It's just all these dead sperm laying around. You know, it's like the white sperm
Starting point is 00:13:02 and the zombie sperm apocalypse. Just trying to get out of my way. Yeah, it's basically like the number of people who went to see cats. Well, the Brock's Office productions were 15 million. We're losers for not going to cats, by the way. We're very disappointed in us. Hello, where were you? You were not even here.
Starting point is 00:13:18 I would have come back to see cats with you. You said you were fused to see it. So guess what? Did I text this? Yes. Well, I would have changed my tune if I had to, but I realized how campy it was going to be. It's not too late, Ronnie. You're in town this weekend. We can still watch cats. No, Grave. So let's see it when we go out of town.
Starting point is 00:13:34 That way, I'll feel like we never see we never see movies when we're out of town. Remember when I almost saw it was set when I almost was like, I thought about seeing parasite and seeing this. Oh, I want to see that movie. I know I want to see it so badly. No one spoil it. If someone spoils it on our Facebook group or Twitter, I'm like, X communicated from watch or crap and just telling you right now,
Starting point is 00:13:55 even if you think you're being cute. I mean, and don't even do the thing of like, I'll just tell you one thing because you tell me one thing. My brain races and a lot of times I'm, I'm mostly like, I spoil it for myself. Maybe in Detroit, maybe in Detroit, we're going to see cats in Detroit. Cats in Detroit. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:14:12 Okay. So does this. She's like, there's a number of reasons, sperm because cop becomes compromised. Compromised. Compromised. We'll have some forgiveness for the... I... What happened? Just like Jack Bauer had an issue.
Starting point is 00:14:31 Like... I was like the sperm, like, what did someone break through the hard perimeter? Like... What is like going on with this clear dames taking the sperm? Clear dames. Now that is an exhausted sperm. Have you watched Homeland? Oh my God. If clear dames was a sperm... No, I just taking the sperm clear day's now that is an exhausted sperm Have you watched homeland oh my god if clear day just saw the sperm?
Starting point is 00:14:48 Well, that's clear days exhausted okay, she's like you know I can't get by the theme song. I can't I hate that theme So that like acid jazz is supposed to represent Unstable move no no it represents like a low point and television theme songs No, no it represents like a low point and television theme songs So the reason The sperm has been compromised is because sometimes Supplements firm has been compromised is because sometimes supplements. Oh, right. Oh, right. Right.
Starting point is 00:15:28 Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. And you can tell how Melissa answers, because Melissa is like, oh, well, you know, that's funny that you say not roids because he's been totally using this cream that'll give him stronger bones that are not steroids.
Starting point is 00:15:44 Okay. It's just a cream. That's totally a cream. Yeah. Emma is like, yeah, that's probably it. Yeah. And then Melissa's like, ha ha, do you look at you, Mr. Tarzan, with your three sperm? Like what? I know. And Melissa goes, hey, Gino, Gino, guess what? You know what the doctor just told me? And he goes, I heard it. I'm like, right here, Daddy has three out of 15 million sperm. Oh, so then, Marge, Marge, Jackie, Marge is at her house.
Starting point is 00:16:17 Just, you know, like, I'm looking for a job. It's like, all right, it's like Mother it's like, my other day is coming up. Okay, I wanted to have a drag by this day because I had a drag birthday party earlier this week. I was like, it was so fun when I have more drags. Okay, when I have lots of gears in the mom's drag queen. It's okay.
Starting point is 00:16:38 Yeah, I just, I have lots of drags. So Jackie comes over and they start talking about, sorry, I'm just like going through every single line that was mentioned or every single line uttered in the show, just saying drag over and over and over and that. Back, drag, drag. Yeah. So basically like the brunch is going to happen in the property that's next door that she's going to sell.
Starting point is 00:17:00 It's like, well, I'm going to sell this property, but I want to use it one last time, you know. So they're walking over there and it's like, it's like, I don't know, it looks like it's been found in the middle of the jungle. It's so over the weeds everywhere, I don't know. It's like Gregardin's, great gardens. And she's like walking with her dog, I was like, get out there, I don't want you to get ticks.
Starting point is 00:17:17 Okay, don't get ticks, I don't want to tick. I don't want any little Daniels dogs on you, okay? So. Bloodsucker. If you're trying to sell your property, I get showing your property on national television would probably help sell it, right? Why not?
Starting point is 00:17:32 They use the house west to sell every other thing. That said, been to a lot of drag shows, and I can tell you, there's always pieces of weave just less strewn about. And I don't, I think that your pack are, your extra lot is scary enough without just left strewn about. And I don't think that your your pack are your extra lot is scary enough without just random. I know. Like one thing to have like Jumanji next door. It's another thing to have Jumanji and weave. It just looks terrifying, you know. It's like walking walking around West Hollywood after,
Starting point is 00:18:01 you know, gay pride and there's always like wigs. There's just a wig and one platform glitter heel. You're like, what happened to this poor queen? So many stories. It's weird in Hollywood how many random tracks of hair you find on the sidewalk and in this intersection. And you always know there's a good story and you've missed it. So anyway, Margaret is not inviting to research at this Mother's Day branch because at the
Starting point is 00:18:27 NV Fashion Show Teresa did not even walk up to her to say, how are you feeling? You know, I'm sorry about what Danielle did. So she's just like fuming and she's mad at Teresa and she's not going to invite someone to her party that she's not liking right now. I get it. Horrible, horrible timing to this mother's day. Yeah, like maybe this is not the battle like you fight. Yeah, the wrong battle.
Starting point is 00:18:51 You're gonna lose this one. So Jackie's like, well, I'm finally getting along with Theresa. But you know what? I just don't think that she understands who the real Jackie is. And that is the lady with a house on the beach in the Hamptons. So I'm going to have a party there next week. Yeah, so no, a lot of people have seen me in my in my element. I want them
Starting point is 00:19:10 to know like, this is like fun Jackie, you know, this is like, this is like the journalist at ease, you know, I couldn't help but wonder if the girls see in my, see me in my element, will they like me more or they like me more if I buy a Honda element. I don't know. Point. Myth. I'm extremely rich. I'm extremely rich and my father gives very wet sloppy kisses. So oh God. Look at the
Starting point is 00:19:40 So Dolores is showing up for a pedicure and Teresa joins her and just watching Teresa park her car Okay, Teresa parks her car, but it's on one of those grass median things that you have to be like Where's the sidewalk how do I walk on the grass and just watching Teresa go through that? I don't know it just made me really happy just Just Teresa get a get every huge card looking down like, what do I do? Ah! How do I get all of that? It's a median. If I, if I, if I asked this median,
Starting point is 00:20:13 if she can talk to my mom, do you think she'll do it? No, that's a medium. Oh. Oh, God. Teresa just talking to the median. Come on. She just talking to the median party last.. She just talking to the media in party last. I want to know about my great grandmother.
Starting point is 00:20:29 What do you know about it? It's like, man, could you please keep stop talking to our little traffic island? Thank you. They're scaring away our creatures. So Teresa goes in. I love the shoes. I love the shoes.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Bye, bye. So the Lord says, like, what's had the shares, blah, blah. So Dolores is like, what's the latest? I didn't get to talk to you at the fashion show. I'm sorry, my son's hot. Have I told you his penis is gigantic? So I can pick that. Jake Anik penis, he gets below jobs upstairs. It's like it's a problem almost, but you know what?
Starting point is 00:21:00 I'm proud of him. So I don't mind. You know, when I hear that sound of the squishin' coming from this room, I just, I go downstairs and I walk from the living room to the kitchen, to the living room, and hopefully, if all goes well, Frank has spilled a whole bunch of pasta, a bunch of dry pasta on the floor.
Starting point is 00:21:17 So the crunching of my feet over the dried pasta make drowns out the noise of Frank he doing whatever he's doing in his bedroom. It works out great. You know, they have this bell. You know why they bring the bell blow jobs. I will never forget that. That was one of the most horrifying thing. That was the most horrifying thing I had heard a housewife say about their son until last week when they were talking about how big Frankie stick was. Let me do this show really can one up itself. Got a really credit. They really can't keep it up.
Starting point is 00:21:51 So, so, so now, yeah, so basically to recent and the Laura, Laura started about the fact that Frankie and Gia have been texting each other a lot. And they, like, this is like their dream come true because the kids have always liked each other and like their dream would be for Frankie and Gia to get married. And I'll say that suddenly became my dream too. I was like, I want that as well. I don't know why, but I think that would somehow be amazing.
Starting point is 00:22:15 Frankie and Gia getting married, I support it. I'm into it. I don't really, you know what? When it comes to, I don't care. Okay. That'll allow energy position to take. You were like, wow, wouldn't that be sweet? I just, I don't know, my sperm got even more exhausted. That's what just happened. I just can't believe I have two sperm not taking a nap now. I just
Starting point is 00:22:37 can't believe you were more excited to talk about the letter Y than to talk about a potential romantic. Like, can we go back to talking about the grass median that Theresa couldn't figure out across because that's what I'm here for. So Theresa's like, I want the white polish with the glitter on it. I don't know why I wrote that down. I just got a half she said it. She's like, I want the white with the glitter on it. Want the glitter?
Starting point is 00:23:02 Want the glitter. So Want the glider? So Jackie calls up and she's like, hi Theresa, I'm just calling to say, since you haven't really seen me in my element, I want you to come to the Hamptons and I thought it'd be fine. And Theresa's like, oh, that's so nice. So they're good right now.
Starting point is 00:23:20 Yeah, Dolores, does that mean me too, Jackie, when you say the girls? She's like, oh, I was going to tell you tomorrow, Dolores, does that mean me too, Jackie, when you say the girls, she's like, oh, I was going to tell you tomorrow Dolores, last tomorrow. And they could have just said Tuesday. Yeah, but it means to reset your talking. Yeah, Teresa actually needs to know the concept of tomorrow. What's that? What it means? So Dolores's face goes from like smiling to angry like, oh, shit,. Guess I got explain this now. Okay. Hey Jackie, I got a question your house in the Hamptons. Is it pet friendly? Can I bring a dog with a bone dog with a bone? So Teresa's like that bitch my grandmother's day nice you to mind me bitch
Starting point is 00:24:04 Yeah, so she's mad and to Laura select to me a favor all right It's my grandmother's day. Nice to meet you. It's my me bitch. Yeah. So she's mad and Dolores, like do me a favor. All right, just talk to her right before the think it's out of control. I mean, the last thing we need, do you have clean counters? Let's talk about counter top. So I'm really more interested in that. Let's get to that.
Starting point is 00:24:22 She says I'm embarrassing. I'm embarrassing. I'm embarrassing. She's embarrassing. That's like Teresa's standard defense for everything. She repeats the allegation twice and then says you are. Yeah, but you are diverse. I got shiny shoes. I got shiny shoes.
Starting point is 00:24:35 You got shiny shoes. Teresa's court. Like judge Teresa, you guys. My tenant in pay his bills. And so I kicked him out of the house. You is. All right. Well,
Starting point is 00:24:56 like the sort of stenting. So now it's Mother's Day. So first we start over at Teresa's house where all the girls are like putting together breakfast while Teresa is coming back from the gym. And then we go over to Margaret's house where she is doing a tour of the party spread because she brought in caterers and a party planner. And they said this whole table with all these chairs
Starting point is 00:25:19 and a whole buffet station, they did not mow the damn lawn. So it's like all this stuff in this like overgrown grass I mean you want to talk about getting ticks. I mean this is just like and it's like that northeastern like scraggly grass that like I grew up with it's like the sort of grass you don't get out here in like California because in California it's all sort of fake anyway, so it's perfect But there it's like that like hey look I'm natural grass like at me. I'm natural grass and It's all grass like, hey, look, I'm natural grass. Like, at me, I'm natural grass. And it was all grass, it's like Margaret. I'm a grass-bracking.
Starting point is 00:25:49 Yeah, but it was just like, I was like, how do you invite people over and put a table in this messiest grass? I know. And in the last segment with Mark, she's like, you know, I'm being shoot for $18 million. The important thing is that I just have a good time. I mean, get this so, and then she has like this huge party
Starting point is 00:26:07 But that said of course it's probably all donated and you can tell when the lady's like oh let me show you Whose name is also Amy by the way this like the party planner lady. It's probably sperm Amy. It's all caps sperm Amy lighting Like um well, we put it in order for, you know, an omelette station, but we only got three eggs weird. Thankfully Melissa brought all of her healthy eggs. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, she's showing off the omelette station and stuff. But, um, oh God. Aimee is like, it was really fun to floor
Starting point is 00:26:44 plan your property here. We've got an Omelette station that we've got a salad station that we've got a I was like shut up Amy. Okay. Could you guys get a gardener that would trade for Instagram likes to like what a gardener is. Yeah. Why isn't always people with like shit to chill like that? You know, a gardener could use some extra insta likes. Yeah. I or Joe Benino, I mean, he's a contractor. He should know how to like moa long. I mean, just get the old, you know, the John Deer out and just were like, hire Frankie.
Starting point is 00:27:13 Frankie loves doing that stuff. You know, he loves doing that. But like, hey, Frankie, can you go the long? He'll be like, yeah, absolutely. I'd love it. Let him do it. Half the block is like, did you call me? No, the other Frankie.
Starting point is 00:27:24 Did you call me? No, the other frankly. It's time for commercial. It's time for a- Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert-experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.
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Starting point is 00:28:29 Okay, so Teresa comes home and the kids are making her mother's day brunch and Adriana is so cute. Adriana is so cute. She's dancing around like, I love it. And during this whole, you know, like literal song and dance, so let's break her heart, guys. I mean, yeah, what the hell? the adorable Adriana? Break her damn heart. Yeah, so there are also not the table in every Ella who rarely ever speaks on this show. She just walks up to Teresa and like, plops a present down in front of her and goes, Hey, T, you want to open this? I'm so embarrassed, my mother.
Starting point is 00:29:08 So Teresa, I think it's funny that she's just forcing Teresa to read something on camera because that's not Teresa's strong seat. You know, she's saying, there, Mommy. Uh, there's mommy. All right. Can someone just take this card from her? Can we get the audio cards? I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.
Starting point is 00:29:27 I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.
Starting point is 00:29:35 I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.
Starting point is 00:29:43 I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not of the car trees. Come on now. Dear mommies, I pledge allegiance to the flags of the United States. Mom, that's not in the card. Uh-huh. Dear mommies, your iPhone requires attached PS woods to open up. Okay, where do I press? Mom, stop, stop press, mom, stop trying to unlock the card. It's not a phone So she cries, you know as happens they give her a little necklace
Starting point is 00:30:16 So yeah, so she's you know She's crying and at the same time also harboring rudge about Margaret about the fact that Margaret didn't invite her to the brunch. She's like, you know, this is a hat time of year for me. Because, you know, obviously, you know, Teresa's mom died only about two years ago, two or three years ago. So obviously, it is hard. So this sort of underscores everything. And but so she's she is additionally insulted about the fact that Margaret did not to not invite her. So but she has her daughters, and then guess what, the phone rings, and you have received a free call from...
Starting point is 00:30:52 DOW! DOW! DOW! DOW! DOW! Hello, girls. Hello, happy Mother's Day. I'm in the shoe again. What can I say? That's why that's why the cars that's why the cards from the shoebox greetings because I'm literally no shoe
Starting point is 00:31:11 Try to open the window what are you gonna do? You know what another mother's take on that's it. What are you gonna do? So what who cares? I know it's been a lot of mothers They got me in necklace with my name on it. Ohall oh yeah I put you in necklace with your name on it Yeah, I got you necklace with your fucking name on a stupid wall Yeah, remember I got you that neck that necklace that said dumb fuck. Yeah, that's your name, right? Remember I got you that necklace that said Remember the guy that necklace that said my stupid cut in this white. Yeah. So Mulani, of course, Mulani is like daddy's little girl. So she's like,
Starting point is 00:31:51 Oh, he's saying he did it so we did it, mom. Yeah, that's true. That's known for telling the truth. Yeah, that's why he is currently at Harvard University. Oh, I'm sorry, that was jail. Um, he's like, I would remember, if he gave me a necklace with my name's on it. It's like, no, you don't remember anything, Mom. Oh, good.
Starting point is 00:32:14 I remember when I sang a song with Fitty Wop. Oh, don't remember that, Mom. Teresa has this amazing ability to get you totally on her side. It's like, okay, Martian invite you on Mother's Day, that shitty. To immediately being like, shut up, Theresa. Can your kids just have one decent day? Like you need to start a fight with Joe. Yeah, exactly. Like how about Joe's side over Theresa?
Starting point is 00:32:38 This is bad. Wait, no, I'm not on Joe's side at all. I didn't feel like she started to fight either. He did. He says, he's saying this shitty thing. And he's like, I bought you a, I bought you something like, Hey, I don't know. I figure so much of the shoe in ice. I figured like someone's in the shoe in ice. They get to, they get like two minutes on the phone. Just, just, just say this. Blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, just be quiet. Let the kids, let the kids talk. Not take, I'm not taking Joe side ever so Yeah, so she's like, you know, yeah, you don't remember I bought you a lot of things, you know My wife's brain is gone to mush that's what I'm saying right now
Starting point is 00:33:13 That's a mash See right there you've been talking to parking lot mediums again. Yeah, and so she's like, you know He goes, you know, this place this I mean, it makes me appreciate you girls more. I'm gonna save that. I think it shouldn't think going away to appreciate us. He's like, oh, Jesus Christ. And she goes, oh, really, mom, you didn't appreciate us more when you were away. And she's like, no, I wasn't appreciating you the same way.
Starting point is 00:33:39 And just, yeah, I appreciated you too. And Trega's, yeah, maybe the kids. It's like, it's just a small to time for this fight. Okay, just do it later. But then we see a clip of Joe's greatest hits of being an absolute monster to Treesau. Pretty great. What do you get to do?
Starting point is 00:33:54 Yeah, it's like a montage of like him just being an asshole. It's like, yeah, well, guess what? You're where you belong right now. Yeah. And wow, in the shoe. In the shoe. So then over at the drag branch, so Marv senior arrives and then a bunch of drag queens show up. So like everything's getting
Starting point is 00:34:13 getting ready. And then so the drag queens arrive. Margaret's like, okay, all right, all right, let's go outside and I'll show you the area. And this one drag queen goes, yes, the area. Yes, the area. That same drag queen just kept saying yes for every single thing. It was so funny. I know. These names of the drag queens, Harmony
Starting point is 00:34:33 spelled with a U instead of an O. Digna. I don't even know. Susia. Yeah, Alpenturance. Big Digna. Susia and Habiscus, hollering. I wonder if, I'm sure some of them have been on RuPaul.
Starting point is 00:34:51 I don't know. You think? Well, I feel like every time I'm like, who is this crazy drag queen? Someone's always like, you don't remember a season three of Drag Race, I mean, legendary. Like, sorry, I watch different drag wins. I watch New Jersey.
Starting point is 00:35:07 So now that, yeah, so basically the queens are being put on like welcome duty for the guests. So all of them, all these women and their moms arrived. So Jackie's there with her mom Ann, who has rejected her, her makeover from last season, back to floppy hair. And then Jennifer, really the key is like Jennifer showing up with her mom, Josephine, and Josephine just looks terrified.
Starting point is 00:35:30 She's like ready to find a cross and just like put it right in their faces. Like the power of Christ compels you. I get pushing cast members into like drama and putting them in awkward situations for drama, but really are we gonna go for the bomb and I know I was just saying like two weeks ago. Last we got a whole brand. Well, but this is just like throwing grit, throwing your at the deep end, you know. My God.
Starting point is 00:35:59 My point was like if you're allowed to have those views and I'm allowed to have the views that are fuck you, you know, like if you don't accept that but whatever. Okay, so did you notice that drag queen wearing Lala eyeliner? Hull areas. Which one? Could you be more specific? I know. It was like huge lines of silver like all the way out to here and then black over the silver. Because it's a new thing. Now we're just talking in the previous recap about it. There we go. Yeah, I mean, if anyone should be talking about makeup, it's Shinapi-us, because we don't know anything.
Starting point is 00:36:31 So, so then yeah, so all these drag queens, all these people come in to Laura's with her mom valorations, like, it's gonna be a cookie's here. Any cookies? Um, so they all sit down at the table and, I just, you know, don't forget to put on your flower crans I could get some flower crans put them on they're a dough needed. I right enjoy them now Okay, and if you feel anything itching on your ankles is probably the overgrown grass
Starting point is 00:36:52 I tell Joe but a lot more than I'm long enough it did so you know where they forget lime disease don't blame me They'm Joe and the Laura's puts on her flower crunch. You guys this is real because this is real. It's like bad. It's real. The fuck puts a real flower on your head. That's the thing. There's bugs in there. We're ahead.
Starting point is 00:37:12 You know, like good old school Italian. You could be your flowers in the boss. You know, you know, you know, you know, I sold school Italians, all right? Big flowers only. You know what? And our old school Italians, we don't put flowers in our here because you know what that says?
Starting point is 00:37:24 It says I wish your head was a boss. OK, I wish your head old school times, we don't put flowers in our hair because you know what that says? It says I wish your head was a vase, okay? I wish your head was empty. So we don't do that. So Margaret goes, all right, you know what, we have left the on the, hashtag on the part from outside, the party, the party space set, whatever the fuck. It's a name.
Starting point is 00:37:40 I mean, we're gonna go ahead and eat other wonderful food. Well, the queens go ahead and get ready for the wonderful show. And the gas one goes, we'll be changing our tampons. With the back. It's like, oh, Josephine's like,
Starting point is 00:37:56 is there a panic button I can press? So Jayaki is like, so said Dolores's mom, Valerie, how many so how many grandchildren do you have? She's like 14 16 if you include the cookies. I wrote how many grandkids do you have donuts? cookies cookies
Starting point is 00:38:20 face trees Okay, grownups. So Melissa, like, did you invite Teresa and Margaret's like, no, you know what? I wanted to, but she didn't even talk to me. So what do I can do in fact, I tried to, but she wouldn't talk to me. She says, I mean, yeah, yeah. So, uh, yeah. So Jackie is, Jackie is now like, so you guys know that we have everyone here at the table, I want to invite everyone to my house in Hampton. I already told Dolores yesterday because you know that's how Theresa found out about this today.
Starting point is 00:38:54 Sorry about that by the way, but anyway, I think you're going to get to see another side of me. It's a side of me from the Hampton's that's like, you know how normally I'm like, wow, it's Jackie, but there it's more like, wow, it's Jackie, but yeah, it's more like, wow, it's Jackie, so good, excited. And Jackie is like, yeah, sorry, I had to tell you know, Teresa found out. And the lawyer's like, yeah, yeah, she found out. Do you know what, as an Italian would say, I'm an embarrassment, you're an embarrassment. So the Italians would do, you know how you know I'm gonna and then and tries to Workshop her Italian impersonation and as Jackie's mom she goes she says she's like I'm a barbarism and
Starting point is 00:39:34 Like I'm Paris with pizza by a banky joy So Margaret's like you know what I was I was terrible embarrassment, you know, I'd like you know What's the you know listen? I'm just like some poor woman who's being sued by vineyard vines who take who is just like channeling her emotions and doing embarrassing ways. Okay, I can't have it. I can't, I was embarrassed.
Starting point is 00:39:54 I'm embarrassed. And Jen's like, my mom, I was said growing up. You are your friends. It's a God I hope not for my friends sake. Jesus Christ. So Melissa's like, well, good luck because Marge only knows the Namaste side of tree. Have fun, bitch. Yeah, basically.
Starting point is 00:40:14 Yeah, so yeah, Marge is like, listen, I'm just about the character of a person. I'm not going to be a sidekick, you know, and Dolores goes, it's going to be war. And then we cut to commercial and then we come back and it starts at the war, it's gonna be war. It's like the time when Frank wanted Pebble tile and I was like, I don't want Pebble tile. War. Look, Teresa's under a lot of stress
Starting point is 00:40:41 and now she's in jungle mode. I'm like, I think that's you guys in that backyard. You guys are bushwhacking your way from the table to the buffet. She's like, good enough for that. Let's hear stories about people growing up. Jim, why don't you start and just like, I was a straight era straight. Right, mom? Straight.
Starting point is 00:41:01 I'm the kid who straights that bad mom. So leave your mother alone. I know. Josephine is like in the fetal position. Like, men wanted tampon. Men wanted tampon. So then, like, so then valor. So valor is like, apparently, valor would not let Dolores move in with a guy before they were married And she goes hey check this out check this out. Hey, Ma What do you think about David's house and the Valerie goes?
Starting point is 00:41:31 He didn't yours And Jack is like well, but very different. We're very liberal You know one time the sky wanted you know, he wanted to marry me so bad And I was like mom by the ring. I'm not marrying this guy. And so my mom bought the ring. And her mom, the mom's like, yeah, I gave him like 15 grand for it. Everyone's like, what? And everyone's seen more like, everyone's reaction seemed to be more like, wow, she had just $15,000 to throw away. I'm like, what, why isn't anyone reacting to the fact that this was such a ridiculous way to get rid of
Starting point is 00:42:05 Why isn't anyone reacting to the fact that this was such a ridiculous way to get rid of a fiance? Jane had the master's font. She's like, my mom didn't have the money. It just buys somebody off. She'd just say, go away! Go away. I'm going to find my daughter, a handsome man from the Turkish church. Yeah. And it just means, it just means like, she never listens. She never listened ever before. And Jennifer's like, yeah, I used to tell my classmates, I'm not considered, I'm just convinced, baby. And then we get a March senior story. And everyone's like expecting you to be hilarious, right?
Starting point is 00:42:44 Because it's March Senior and March. So March Senior's like, she had the rules so she was wild. She didn't drink because I was drinking. And March is like, oh yeah, she was so ad-p-a-d-p-a-dit. What type of we wear this party? March is totally ad-p-a-dit. Then almost fell off of the balcony.
Starting point is 00:43:04 And everyone's like, traumatized as a child. And I was like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You know, you know, that movie post cuts from the edge, okay? The eyes would have just been called home videos from the edge. All right, it was just like crazy. So, yeah, so what would, what would the moms do differently? And Marge seniors like, yeah, I think that I probably would have been more of a mother than a friend, you know, and then she starts to cry.
Starting point is 00:43:29 I said, no, no, but you're a great mom and they're all it's like sweet. And then the drag queens come out to do their performance. And for some reason, the producers decided to play the Nutcracker. I mean, maybe maybe that was the commentary and then they're in the name. But I just was like Some mother's day performance. I think this seems a little out of season Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. But it was like I was like a remix. I was like it's still the nutcracker Yeah, there were some crazy stuff going on during the nutcracker song
Starting point is 00:44:01 There was like a lady standing on her head or a drag queen standing on her head. And then, so just keep getting back to Jen's mom, like, oh, like horrified. She doesn't know where she is. She's like, she's like, to erase this experience, I'm gonna go home right away and make 1,500 meat pies until I feel happy again. Yes, the meat pie therapy. Yeah, she's like, I'm just going to like submerge myself and meat pies until I have
Starting point is 00:44:29 blocked this experience out of my head. So yeah, the host is, Sucia was probably super sad that Teresa wasn't there. I don't know if this is just Sucia's like natural, well, obviously it's not the natural hairline, but that was some Teresa hairline that Sucia had. Did you notice? I didn't notice because again on this show I'm sort of immuneirline, but that was some Theresa hairline that's who you had. Did you notice? I didn't notice because again on this show I'm sort of immune to it, but now that you see it, yes, that was a Theresa hairline. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:52 And they were also doing Melissa's song. They were doing on display, but although they already said that, the Metcracker. Just kidding. But the drag queen seemed to have, they struggled with the lyrics. It seemed like the lip syncing was not the best, which that's sad. I mean, if you can't lip sync a Melissa Gorgas song, what can you lip sync? I'll play on display on display. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:45:20 So it's like it's an endless stream of hits from this channel. It really is. I'll tell you what's not on display 14,997 sperm Oh, guys, so everybody gets up and starts dancing and with the queens except for Gensmob who's just sitting there like meat pie meat pie Is what's the meat pie, meat pie. So meat pie. It was the meat pies. There's a meat pie at the end of the tunnel. There's a meat pie at the end of the tunnel.
Starting point is 00:45:50 And Marlene is just parting dancing around in March. Because I mean, got ladies like a drunken whore over there. It's like, thank you. So now Dolores goes over to the hospital to see David. And it looks exactly like the set of house, M.D. I was like, wow There you know, because I know Because that show does take place in New Jersey. I was like, wow, they really nailed that set design
Starting point is 00:46:11 Wow, I feel like I'm right there. So So she strolls up to see David and she's brought dinner for her and David and so they go out to a courtyard And she's like you sit David you've been on your feet all day you sit you don't know how to sit You don't know how to sit stop stop. Okay. I'll sit, stop, stop, okay, I'll sit, I'll sit, fine, I'll sit. And then possibly the best thing to be uttered this night. So tell me about sniper school. David's like, I loved it.
Starting point is 00:46:40 I loved it. It was so much fun. Well, I'm sorry you had to miss the fashion show. I would have loved for you to have been there. He's like, yeah, well, guess what? Now when I go on an imaginary military raid, I can maybe shoot someone right in the head from across the street. So I don't know.
Starting point is 00:46:55 David has this habit of not coming into or supporting anything that makes me happy or anything that's important to me. Okay. Yeah. Which is best of luck to you too. So she goes, you know, quite frankly, we're very good together, but I feel like this is my second home here. I mean, we've had dinner here in this hospital more than we have at home.
Starting point is 00:47:15 I mean, sometimes it's better being a patient than your girlfriend. You know what? And the look that you're giving me tells me that I'm right. And David just stares at her and then he, I don't know if he knows this. He just fully pulls a Ramona singer. He stares at her and then just goes, okay. Yeah. Yeah, because he's like, here we go.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Now you're gonna confront me on camera, crazy lady. Like this. At my workplace. Yeah. So he's like, she says, I'm getting a lot of crappin' this really. She's like, you know, my father, he asked you about the wedding,
Starting point is 00:47:47 and you know what he said to me? He said, the Lord. You know the answer I got? I got the same answer as when I said, hey, you kids, who broke the door? And all of you said, no answer. That's the answer I got. What happened to the door?
Starting point is 00:48:01 What is given to the door? What happened to the door, Dol is given to the door? I know. What happened to the door, Dolores? Tell us about the door. No wonder Dolores is so into house rehabs. You know, you're always trying to fix your childhood. I'm going to fix that door, I broke the dead. No, I broke the door when I was seven years old.
Starting point is 00:48:19 And my dad said until someone tells me who broke this door, we're going to leave it hanging off this hinge, just like this. And my whole childhood,'s what was on the hinge and I walked by it every day in the door we go thumb thumb thumb it was like a telltale hot but actually it was just a door banging in the breeze because it was broken. I was really cold back then. So I was alone. Uh, so uh, with the bone, with the bone. So, uh, basically they start laughing about it in email because this is just how it is.
Starting point is 00:48:50 He's like, you look like you're gonna throw a table and she's like, what are you gonna do about it? Nothing? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Well, he goes, when the house is done, we'll talk and everything will fall into place.
Starting point is 00:49:01 I'm like, um, the house isn't gonna be done for like two more years. And I don't like that answer. So now we go over to Jennifer's home where Josephine is like, all right, 1497, 1498, 1499. And I'm about to forget that awful branch and then, hey, ma, oh God, what number was I on? You were, I thought you were counting those firms. That's why I just came as Jojuna as Jojuna.
Starting point is 00:49:35 Oh, no, I was going to fit it yet, but I just, I just got on the number pass. I just had, I was just imagining Josephine counting me pies until she could like block out the memory of the brunch and like a getting ruined by Jennifer Just buddy. No, I got you. So mom that's okay. It's I got you once it was done, but I just climaxed in the middle of your Don't worry always be sperm came out. Yeah They were exhausted three exhausted sperm came out three sperm like, oh man, he only takes one. So Jen is like, Mom, what do you think about your son? Let's talk about tradquakes.
Starting point is 00:50:13 And she's like, oh my God, I didn't know what was going on. You know, I didn't know there was a guy. The Lord told me, they was men. I said, you gotta be kidding me. You gotta be kidding, how are these people men? No, I love animals. I love that she was offended the whole time and she didn't even know that they were men.
Starting point is 00:50:33 I know. These men, they all speak like Dorothy's Bonak woman. So, yeah, so Jennifer is saying how she, you know, she's always, she's been raising her kids, kids are being, to be accepting of people. And, and Gabby has been really confused as to why Josephine said last week that, like, denied knowing that her son was gay, whatever.
Starting point is 00:50:56 So, so, so, Jen is basically, Jennifer is like approaching her mom about confronting her, and Josephine is so pissed. I mean, you want to talk about David being annoyed about being confronted on camera. Josephine is like, you are not talking about your awful brother on camera. Yeah, she's like really pushing it with her.
Starting point is 00:51:16 And the mom's like, well, I'm not ashamed of him. It's not his fault. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I'm like coming back to her side a little, you know? And then she's like, if you have a sick child, are you willing, you're gonna throw him out on the street? Like, mom, it's not a sick, what I meant to say was, if your child jumped into a swimming pool full of acid, are you gonna say, have fun killing yourself?
Starting point is 00:51:39 Like, mom, it's not the same thing as I'm swimming full of acid. If your son sets himself on fire Are you gonna say start yourself up? Listen if he is happy God be with him back to meet pies Just let's see. I'm gonna think 3,500 to delete this experience. Yes, okay one two three Just come back to the next nice she's still making some Yes, okay, one, two, three. Just come back to the next night.
Starting point is 00:52:08 She's still making some 1400 by the eight. 1400 by the five. Mom, you gotta get done. Meanwhile, half of New Jersey is fed. Yeah. So Jennifer's basically like, you know what, mom, he'll be a lot happier if you acknowledge him in public and say, you know, I love you and I love you being you.
Starting point is 00:52:36 And Josephine's like, you know, she, I mean, she's basically like, you know, these things were not normal in my time. And you know, I don't know know I don't know I'll try I'll try I was like no I guess I guess sometimes you gotta take baby steps but get with it Josephine yeah get with it Joseph there were things happening in the world yeah no kidding so then we go over to Marge and Marge senior's old apartment which she's having to move out of and just Marge freaking out because
Starting point is 00:53:05 nothing's packed. The mom hasn't called the new apartment to tell them to hook up the electricity. March is like, mom, you got to throw this away. Like, what are you doing with these big leather siletto? But you just touched on these. You got to throw them away. She's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give these boots to the Vietnam veterans society. It's like, what kind of Vietnam veterans could wear these shoes, Bob? Come on. Yeah, just a bunch of God, the people who are receiving donations from Bravo.
Starting point is 00:53:33 Last week, we had mom and the giving her old wigs. So just a bunch of like cancer patients, mom and the wigs. And now we're using Vietnam vets walking around and in sassy, you know, pleather boots. Yeah. Also, we also should mention the fact that that that Marb senior seems to have packed, whatever she has packed, she's packed in like giant tartan bags. What is the deal? Why does she have so many tartan bags? Is that like, did she steal them from the McBeth collection or those Macbeth collection bags because how does one woman have so many bags with a turntin pattern on them?
Starting point is 00:54:08 Wow, you have a good eye. I mean, I don't have a good eye, they were everywhere. It was like looking into like bag pipes or us. So then March sees a guy shot like a gay shot statue at or something like mom that's like my ex husband's ex wives guys. Like you could have get rid of that. I'm just like no, it's not you craze. It was like mom seriously I was pitching about that when I bet with that with I was buried to Jan. All right. This gay show was suck at the closet with me. Remember that time it's Jan locked me the closet. Good. Got it. Yeah, good memory later. Yeah, this show
Starting point is 00:54:48 Yeah, we see that movie Pulitzer guys. Okay, so those were like that movie was based on our life except the differences that like when the kid rock Of the villain night and couldn't find a clown it was the Gaysher that was missing and then when she looked under the bed The Gaysher was sitting there saying like so what do you want to fuck me? I'm down here. What do you want? Smells like purple remix with retro in here. Let me come out. That's what my that's what my stepsons don't talk too many more to be honest. But that's like a fish dollar round too long to get the shit out of them. So I can't even do the sea ball. I gotta go now. I gotta I'm not gonna do the city more to take. And then mom goes, all right, well thanks for coming. It did yell at me.
Starting point is 00:55:25 So now we have like quick pops of everyone's house because they're about to go off to the Hamptons. And so we're at Jackie's house and she's seeing her kids. She's like, guess what guys? I'm going to the Hamptons house without you and people are like, sleeping at kids. They're like, no! They're just, they're young and even they know that there's gonna be so much bronzer on their sheets that will never come out Yeah, it's gonna have stained pillows Uh, then Marge is with Joe and Marlini and Marlini and she's like I'm having hot flashes. I make a Melania. Yeah, you're handsome put them on my boots Put them on my boots and then having hot flashes
Starting point is 00:56:03 Yeah, and then Dolores is likeoris is with Frank and she's like I want to the Hamptons 10 years ago Frank and he goes oh yeah the loris do they have wheels and we that's the hot the loris and just yeah well when the reason I get that they will it's with the only old school Italians yeah so then Jen and Bill, Jen's like, yeah, you never been to the Hamptons, right? I bet when I was in my Chinese young and gorgeous, he's like, mmm, young and gorgeous right now. Yeah, back when you're, hmm, maybe I'll do a surprise visit.
Starting point is 00:56:41 Good. That's a surprise. Millie's here. So she was out the Google earth to get the address, you know, Mmm hmm. Good. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise.
Starting point is 00:56:51 That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise.
Starting point is 00:56:59 That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. That's a big surprise. Yeah, Jennifer is seething with rage by the way. She is so jealous right now because she always thought like of the two new girls She was the rich one and Jackie was supposed to be like the homely one and now yeah the notion that actually Jackie might secretly be the super rich one especially now
Starting point is 00:57:15 Now that she found out that her mom just like through $15,000 that a guy to make him go away Jennifer is basically a shook-ah Yeah, she is and the way she puts it, she says, I have the feeling that Jackie doesn't like talking about money. Really? Is that based on the fact that she doesn't talk about money? And you do? Good call.
Starting point is 00:57:37 And Belga, well, it should be a sophisticated trail with a sophisticated lady. Maybe she'll have you sitting around doing some book reading Bookburn so So then Teresa calls up the Laura's because for some reason it's raining at Teresa's house But nowhere else in New Jersey and just like Am I come on producer as we know you shot this like a month later? So she's like the Laura's I don't even want to go to the amp, this poor ring, I don't want to go.
Starting point is 00:58:11 Listen, you know, what's wrong to me? So what's wrong today? And she's like, I'm in a bad moon because the kids take Josiah and hearing him, but in my ass, it is. And he's the greatest thing to ever walk the earth. The Lord says, like, I know there's, you know what? I know it's hard, but in my ass it is and he's the greatest thing to ever walk the earth. The Lord is like, I know there's, you know what? I know it's hard, but there's a time you got to put down, you got to say, you got to put your foot down and say, I'm not already. I'm not already.
Starting point is 00:58:40 And that's already, I'm not already, you are not already. Sorry, instinct, instinct. Old school Italian. So yeah, Teresa, of course, is also not looking forward to seeing Margaret like her in her big mouth. So, but she's gonna go anyway. So now they, you know, there's one car comes up and it's going to have it has Melissa and Jackie and Marge and I for some reason I thought it was really funny that they put Margaret in like the way back. Like she's all the way back there. Like, all right, I'm back here. I'm in the way back. All right, like I'm gonna stop like coffee. I'm back here like a child. You know what, that's fine. Just out of the why, like there's nothing,
Starting point is 00:59:12 there's just, there was, they never really drew too much attention to it. I just thought the visual of Margaret all the way in the way back was funny. So Dolores, I mean, yeah. So they're basically split in there two different cars. And Jane gets in her car and she's like, oh, girls, you like my sunglasses? God, $900. Saddest version of real housewives ever. I mean, even Dana had 35,000. Yeah, 25,000. I know. It's another driving. And so Jennifer's basically like, says she rents at the house for $50,000 a month.
Starting point is 00:59:51 And so they're talking about like, wow, she must be rich because she was in the Hamptons or whatever. And then I heard that I, as they're talking, I realized they're going to West Hampton. And in my mind, I was like, I seem to remember from like everything I've heard from like watching real housewives of New York, listening to like Ramona, beautiful like that. And also like some of my friends that West Hampton is like, like it's a Hampton in name only. So of course I started to do research.
Starting point is 01:00:18 And I found this amazing article from Fathom. Fathom it's called Fathomaway.com. But it's written by someone that's Pabri Arasadi. Fathom. And this article is such, it is hilarious. This woman just tears apart like everyone because she lives in the Hamptons and she's like, okay, let me tell you what it is. So she talks about all the different Hamptons because there's like East Hampton and South Hampton and Bridge Hampton and Sag Harbor, all this stuff. But before she even gets into those,
Starting point is 01:00:49 she has a section called, don't call this a Hampton. Okay, the Hamptons begin in South Hampton and not as you might think if you applied a shred of logic when looking at the map in West Hampton. First, let's quickly dispense with the talents to skirt around, okay. West Hampton doesn't count. It's full of tacky, overcrowded sharehouses, brimming with 20-something advertising account
Starting point is 01:01:08 managers who can't hold their vodka red bulls. Oh my god. And I was like, and then you see Jackie's house at its like definitely one of those like share houses or whatever. I was like, oh, but you know what, it's a lot nicer than I could have had. And I'll see. What do you mean the shared house. It's like, I'm a, I think a share house is like time share. Oh, I don't think Jack is a time share house, but I meant that it's like clearly. Like it's like, oh, yeah, they probably rent this out for like parties every.
Starting point is 01:01:43 Oh, yeah, I don't know. I don't know why I'm saying that like it's a bad thing like well It's like best like she rents her house out for like 50 grand or something right the house that she bought on real house So I said New York. She really? Yeah, she runs on the highway. Yeah, she did some house and like rents it out for the summers or something I don't know. It's my head I Could be well either way. I definitely I'll put the link up on our Facebook group, but I definitely think anyone who's interested in getting a rundown about the Hamptons neighborhood
Starting point is 01:02:10 should really read this article because it's very funny. But apparently, to people who live in the Hamptons, they do not, they are very snobby about West Hampton and they say it does not count as a Hampton. So there. Well, it sure does on this show. I mean, everyone is so mortified that they're just, like, they just go to the bay and they, they're trying to not be insecure about it, but stupid Janice with her $900 glasses. And Melissa's like, wow, this is really nice. I mean, I just have a house on the bay. I have an house on the shower. I think that if Jennifer had a house that was like adjacent to a Hampton's end, she'd be like, yeah, I live in the Hamptons.
Starting point is 01:02:52 I live in the Hamptons. Hampton in. Counts. So Teresa is just, March is like, you know, but this whole thing this whole mother's safe party. You know, but I really I would just get past it because I'd love to be so I think that Teresa going. I don't get the fuck about my I got a lot of shit going on if I do this is me off. So the women all arrive at the house and we got a house tour and everything. And Margaret and Melissa are just in love with the house. They're seeing all the rooms.
Starting point is 01:03:35 They're gonna stand to embed the kids' room. So everything's happy. And Margaret is like, she actually brought Teresa's gift bag from the brunch. This show that like, it was like a weird thing she wants to sort of show that she's going to invite Teresa and also I don't know I just would not have brought that gift bag. I would have been like okay. I made like a move. I said I'm not going to invite Teresa and I think you sort of like it's almost like equivocating to bring the the gift bag to be like also try to be like the nice guys like now you to rely on the sand just like own it you know yeah but it's also like hits back for the party wouldn't invite it to that's like another burn too so to Teresa and to Laura's and Jenna arrive and Melissa's like
Starting point is 01:04:16 Teresa squeal thank you she does that thing where she's just being evil and starts talking to really high pitched voice like when she took that you know extended gather sign from yeah They're tripping Thank you for inviting me and Margaret. Thank you for not inviting me And Margaret's like jeez it could be so hot and heavy. All right. I'm like well on the same friend room and everyone else was invited by me Yeah, I'm always like my intention was to invite you, but so I even brought you a goody bag. I don't want your goody bag.
Starting point is 01:04:49 And Teresa's like ready to fight, you know, because she's like, I don't want your goody bag, and she starts like patting her hair and like kind of pulling out her weave, you know. Yeah, she does, and she's getting really mad. And so it's sort of like the cliffhanger. By the way, we should mention that the boutique thing, Stephen Dan was actually in Great Neck, New York.
Starting point is 01:05:08 How about that? Well, how about that? Great neck. How about that? Great neck. Great, great neck. Great neck, guys. Look, everybody, thank you so much for being here.
Starting point is 01:05:18 Thanks for joining us on video, Krapins on to my hands. And we will see you at the crappies. God's tomorrow. Friday, every night. Oh yeah, Friday night. video crap is on to bands and we will see you at the crappies Friday every night oh yeah Friday night it could be amazing it could be tomorrow everybody do it say have a wonderful day we sure love you guys we'll talk to you next time bye Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us
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