Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Spoiled Turkeys

Episode Date: January 4, 2019

The Gorga brat is upstaged by Jennifer's brats at his own communion. The horror! This week's bonus is about our week off for the Holidays. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live has added a second show to Dallas on Feb 8, plus announced shows in Vancouver, Irvine, and Boston! Find ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com **New "Ben in the Streets, Ronnie in the Sheets" Limited Edition tees avail at www.CrappensMerch.com until Feb! Free shipping on orders of over $45 til Jan 22. You can also find store links and ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I know. What a blessing. What a blessing. blessing what what I'm not saying guys I feel like you know what I feel like I feel like I have just been invited to throw an event at rails that's what I feel like I feel like just the bell of the ball I feel really hungry for some body of Christ switch down with his blood okay yeah because it's the community that the said everybody yeah I long last but before we get to that big news we sold out our DC show so thank you you everyone who bought tickets for that. The DC show is sold out. There will not be a second show. I'm sorry to say, it's just going to be that show.

So thank you guys for coming to buy those tickets. We'll see you guys in March. In the meantime, next month, we have a big show in Dallas. We actually have two shows. The first one sold out, so we added a second one. So there are still some tickets left for that one. And then in April, we got Boston, a second show in Boston, because the first one sold out there. And then, oh, also in February, we also have, we're going to just for last Northwest in Vancouver, which should be soups exciting. So if you're in that Pacific Northwest area, come see us at the festival because that festival is super, super fun, like a change my life,

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You can also find shower curtains, journals, and all of our watch what crappens, logo, t-shirts and all that good stuff. So go get those and I think that is it for today. Oh, tomorrow for the top chef recap, we will be streaming on the TV Party app. So get your TV Party app. We'll be live streaming that and then of course we'll be releasing it as audio as well. Yeah, so that's that for plug and stuff. Now let's get into some real housewives of Nijerze. Yeah, we'd be, yeah. Let's do it. I'm really enjoying this season so far. I have to say and it's it seems to continue to ramp up But first before anything happens we start with Melania who has some crazy nails on her fingers

multi-colored nails They're little talons and she basically can't do anything with them. So she's been rendered helpless by them and she basically can't do anything with them. So she's been rendered helpless by them. So they look like they're bowling melted. They look like they are melted bowling ball pins. My dad used to use bowling ball pins because we owned a bowling alley when I was a kid. And he used to use those for firewood. And that's what it looks like when they melt those nails.

They're horrific little weapons. What? Wait, bowling ball. Opens. Opens locked down. Oh, he's in for firewood. Yeah, they're like covered in this plastic shit that looks like her nails, but yeah, they're wooden on the inside.

They were. They used to be. I can't. That's so funny using them for firewood. I know. You know, you know how things just change so much. Like who burns rubber like that or whatever the hell they're coated with. We're probably all going to die young, but yeah, I feel like whatever toxic fumes are in that bowling pins paint should not have been lit aflame.

Probably not, but that's apparent in the 70s, you know, they didn't know. They were like here, have fun, play with this can opener. Like they did, like literally didn't know. So who's actually being very progressive because he was like, reduce, reuse, recycle, you know? So before wasting it, turn it into firewood. I know, I wondered, well, I always wonder, why did I start smoking so young? And my mom always smokes, but I think I was really

just craving bowling ball pins. Ha, ha, ha. You're like, why is it that for the first few years I smoked cigarettes, I felt the urge to fling myself down a wooden floor. Why did I just keep getting knocked over so easily? Why would I sometimes yell, a turkey? And I grew up waiting for balls to fly in my face.

So, you know, like it just never leaves you alone. The bowling alley childhood. I know. Bowling alleyey Childhood. I know. Bowling Alley's is where all the magic happens. I have a formative memory in high school of going to the Bowling Alley and this red sparkly ball just rolled up out of the machine and it said Ruth. And I just thought that was the funniest. That was the funniest thing.

It was like that. I thought that that route's here. And then my friend that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,

that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, Oh my god, that was funny. Ruth. Oh God. Ruth the bowling ball always remember Ruth. Oh, Ruth. Like, Ruth, you're dressed nice today. We're just mowing like an assi of anonymous black and gray and occasionally like blue balls. All of a sudden, your gums are red, sparkly, ball and then Ruth. Well, this, this episode didn't really start with that. It started with the 9 to 5 scene, which I thought was hilarious. Okay, that made me laugh so hard. I lost my voice.

Hold on. Yeah, you're, you're joking. Come on throughout. It remembered those bully, the, the pin fumes. It was like, I'm closing. Hold on. Come on throughout open. Open up.

You can do it. Oh my gosh. so open with, don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't Yeah, exactly. So yeah, we got to see the general like, um, like craziness happening all around the town with all these people. So you see like Marlini making coffee for the Marge and they're like, Melanie, are you putting equal in there? What are you doing with that? And then what's your face? Lexi's like, who knows with more weemie, you know? Oh, now it's like she's going to do a M nice. She's got like her 10 accents. I think Lexi's British accent has fully disappeared at this point because I was listening to it.

I was like, no, she has fully transitioned into like Jersey girls. She think, oh, my gosh, this tea looks good with the couch. Don't you think, Matt? Yes, Dr.. Yes, Dr. She's very odd to me from Little Stopper Forest. Also, one of my favorite recurring things, I think it's every season, but especially this

season, they're really highlighting it. Is it no child wants to come to your Teresa? Yeah, she can't get a kiss from any child ever. She's like, come here, you're in Canada. And they're just like running away. She had to kiss Melania's hand, which God knows where that thing's been. It's Melania after all. Did you see that picture of tree and Andy on a beach? I think that's surface the yesterday. Yeah, that was a horrifying picture. Horrifying on all accounts. If anybody ever

tries to take a picture, well, you'll never see me on a beach. But if you dare try and take my picture on a beach, I'll kill you. Yeah, although somehow that picture was still more entertaining than New Year's Eve with Anderson and Andy. How did you watch that? Oh, did I watch it? Why would you do that? Well, I didn't, I did not choose to. I was like in the kitchen preparing something

and someone turned on that and they were talking and I'm like, how are you guys such good friends and have such terrible banter how are you guys such good friends and have such terrible banter? Like you guys should be. Oh, it was awful. It was awful. And we were all staring at it.

Like what is this? Like what's happening here? All these awkward jokes and strange references and it just was like, it was an embarrassment. Yeah, I think he actually got up stage this year because last year everyone was like, fuck this. And this year I think he got up staged by Christy T. Ginn getting hit in the head with an umbrella and vaging or staining her vage. Everyone was very upset about that the next day. I did not see that. That was on NBC. NBC. Oh, okay. Well, that's too bad that I missed that. And then also your favorite, what's your name?

Tiffany Haddish bombed on New Year's Eve. And so she had to give a speech the next day, well, Twitter speech, a paragraph, whatever, 36 characters or whatever it is. So she's like, yeah, this happened, I bombed. Sorry, everybody. So it was like an interesting New Year for people just falling over.

Yeah. Really both dwell for our show this weekend. You know, I think so because it seems like when everybody else has bad luck, I have really good luck. And then when everybody else has really good luck, you know, it's opposite. So I'm going with, you all have a terrible 2019 because it seems to mean a great one for me.

We're gonna do, we're gonna do great things. This is the only way. So anyway. So. really great things. This is the only way. So anyway, we become president. So. Okay guys, let's get to the show. We're on second seven of this episode. I know. Jennifer's daughter Olivia Farts.

And that's really how we really usher in this episode. That should be Jennifer's opening. I thought it. That's what it is. So then we go over to the vortex of hell, just kidding, it's Frank breathing while he makes breakfast. He's like, yeah. What's happening now?

Hey, Lord, why'd you kiss me like that? Tell me to kiss my grandmother with that kiss. It's like toilet papers flying by, just getting sucked down into it. The vortex of his soul. Yeah, the the Laura's and Frank are just slowly transitioning until like a moon struck or something. I don't know what's happening because she's just like, you know what?

She's like, am I angry at Frank? Yeah, I'm angry at Frank. But you know what? I've been alone in that home for 20 years. You know, booze gone, masses at the gym. Frankie's at college, you know? And since David doesn't have a lot of spare time for me, Frank is now a company. So at the end of the day, you know what, I'd rather stay angry than be lonely.

Like, Lee, you have to get your priorities in order. This is not the saddest shit I've ever heard. Why are you with this guy, David, who doesn't have time for you after two years, okay? Why, why, like, that seems to be like the, the keystone to this entire premise. Well, David doesn't have time for me. He's fixing up his motorcycle in the living room. So you know what I'm as well hanging out with Frank and my mom's never cookie.

I want to cookie. Like, even the new kitchen counter tried to run away like seriously. I said, if you ever try to do that again, okay, I forgive you. Sometimes just for fun, I knock over some dry pasta and see if Frank will clean it up. And then guess what? Guess who cleans it up? I do. I'm the one who has to clean up. You know what I need to be needed. What can I tell you? So Frank's like this dog pretends he loves me better. He just wants my

food. You know what? She's got me fooled. She got me full thinking she loves me. And Dolores, because you should be used to that Frank Geez And then the scene just ends And then you just show how it's pretending to be friends with Frank. Yeah, so then we go over to Jackie and Melissa getting lunch And I feel like the new like the new trend this season on new jersey is to walk into a restaurant say oh this is cute to a restaurant and say, oh, this is cute. That's cute. That's cute.

Like, have these women been dining in like a hole in the ground? I know. They say every restaurant, they're like dumbfounded. I guess this is what happens when every function has been previously held at Rails. Yeah, it's like being colorblind, but with strip malls. Like, it's everything's just a strip mall, so they're all just equally as cute. You know? It's nice as cute. Right? Look, all the umbrellas, they're standing mile so they're all just equally as cute. It's just you right.

Look all the umbrellas they're standing up. They're not falling over. Cute. And then Melissa, you know, Melissa comes by and she's like, my dude, it's just said he is pretty. A lot of people don't make such a big deal over of a first community. But I'm a party thrower. I'm like, everybody makes a big deal a first community. But I'm a party thrower. I'm like, everybody makes a big deal over first community. It's okay. I thought like, communions are like famously a big deal. I've never been

to one, but I'm just assuming they're like a big deal. Yeah, well, they're sure a kid they are. Mine was sure a big deal. Got some money. Got a book. That's where I got the book. If God loves me, why can't I get my locker open? Which is to this day my favorite book title of all time. Wow, yeah, that's. It's a great title. At least it's a good question. You know what I mean? Did you find out the answer?

I read that fucking book, but I thought it was hilarious. I kept it in my room until I moved away out of my house. I just had to put it in my room. God creates challenges for all of us. And the only way we can grow and get closer to Jesus is if we overcome those challenges, like not being able to open up your locker. Yeah, I think it's just like you pray and then you accept everything to be okay. And then when it's not, you're like, well, fuck that. And it's like, no, it's not supposed to be okay.

You're just supposed to pray anyway, which I've always thought is bullshit, you know? Yeah, for me, you've got to go and just make it today. Yeah, it's like going to work. And it's like, you don't need to paycheck this week. You're just here to work because that's what people do. No, it's not. Okay. I'm coming here for money.

Yeah. So yeah, it's the first communion. And she's like, well, you know, it's, it's our bot mitzvah. It's like a bot. I mean, bar mitzvah to resummit that up. Sinacodewi why I don't like that Melissa takes on so much tree personality It takes on trees ignorance

It's like it's contagious. Yeah, exactly Yeah, now and then so Melissa then starts talking about Dan yellow and how she's a brightzilla and so mean to marge and all this thing and then she just serves size and says Well, I hope she and Marty last which I think is hilarious. They keep on like sewing in these foreshadowing moments, because as we all know, Danielle and Marty divorced three months later. And then now he has like a restraining order against her. Yeah. Well, you know, it's like he just like signing papers.

Yeah. Once you get used to it. So Melissa is like between you and me to Reese's piss and Jackie's like Yeah, she went by Nana since green to curse at me and kind of like threatened me I mean, I think that with the threat that she gave me but I'm not gonna be threatened by anybody because I'm not a child Threatening is bad. Okay, it's not okay Yeah, she's doing this whole thing of like well, you know, I feel bad that I cut it to a core And I never want to hurt anyone but the same time I'm not sorry for having a voice in opinion You know, I want to have a voice in opinion, but I'm not sorry that I heard it to it

I'm sorry that I heard it to her core. I'm like okay, just just accept it You're gonna go balls the wall with Teresa. That's fine And then she's like just pray for me please because I'm gonna see Teresa And I don't know what she's gonna do to me and if God loves me, why can't I get my locker open? That's my question. What's the second? We should have that power. So then we go to Jen, who's just,

just a woman, they start from the bottom up, you know, they're like, don't jump. Yeah, Jen's walking into a store. And her shoes i mean it was just any store excuse me yeah she's walking into the the

like look at her like that is why i really hate this lady on top of being so obnoxious she also like tries like getting on the jivani thing no that is a that's a full on the wind or in the storyline you are not allowed into jivani well at this point i'm i'm just assuming that javani is uh... a sponsor right there one of the they're like core water of this show the core water of this show that got to be which makes the whole the fight between the way and the during the even more hilarious it's like during the during this on the below deck boat like

i think you that cool violet. Well, that means you will have violet. It's like a sponsored derenda. Go, water, go, water. So if there wasn't for me, you wouldn't have had blueprint to your wedding. Well, either way. So Jennifer and her mom go to Giovanni because they want to do some shopping for Melda,

who is the bride to be for her brother. And they guess they want to get her address. I'm like, are they preparing her for a cabaret performance in Istanbul? Like, what exactly is happening here? Well, the way that Jen talks about it, you would think it is. She's like, well, in Turkey, what we do,

is we put the bride on spit. Then we light a fire. Then we're like, just kidding. Then we all like Zina. Then tap dance around her then we throw her weave I'm like what is that what is your tradition? She's always adding something like it's turkey Yeah, and well everything's about like she's like in our tradition What we have to do is we go to a store we buy a dress for someone Okay, and then we bring the dress somewhere and then we put jewels on and we give it to a bribe and then we say hey

Bride you get to wear this dress to distract you from the fact you have to marry my ugly-ass brother We also like cover them in dresses jewels and loop atons because it's a very hard to run in We want to make every bride feel like the best cabaret star that they can be before they marry my Shleba for brother I know this is so sad. I don't even know who this woman is the East Marring and I'm so terrified for her I feel so bad for Melda. She's gonna be like dressed up like a figure skater and then sent off with this this guy And I mean like either really no other options in Turkey. I mean Melda come on Melda They not have a greyhound in Turkey. Just get a Jack rabbit. So, Jack rabbit. I hope she's not one of those people who like has

nightmares of suffocating. Hmm, see, I don't know what her nightmares are going to have been, but I know what they will be. So, Jen's like, she's Jennifer's like, you know, all the men in our culture, they always say that, you know, they earn the money and then we have to do everything else. And it's like, I can't even complain to Bill because if I complain to Bill, he's like, but I give you this wonderful life. You know what I'm saying, mother?

And her mom's like, ah, I have to say, I agree with the man on this. He works so hard. Have you seen your face? Your face is filled with $19,000. That could send somebody to college, right? Let him go with his friends. A man needs to be with his friends.

You know, am I right? You can just imagine, build like, yes, this is correct. I need to go hot mad night with my friends. Mad night, we're gonna do something naughty. Mm. And our culture, men make the money. So they think that we could do everything else. I'm like, well then get a job.

Like who's stopping you, okay? How about you stop dropping damn babies everywhere. You've already got like 20,000 consumers. She's, this woman is like 10 American households, you know? Yeah, yeah. No, she's just terrible. She's like, you're like literally warming the gloves by yourself.

She is creating holes in the ozone layer. Just by poking her throes, she's like, yeah, I think there's a spot up there. I want to clear it up. Boom, ooh, I made a hole in the ozone layer. Sorry. And she goes, like, I made a hole in the ozone layer. Sorry. And she goes, like, I can't even complain to Belle. And the mom goes, you're complaining. You complain all the time. You're complaining right now. Okay. You do nothing but complain, Jennifer. So now in a really interesting scene, Teresa brings Melania to a music studio to work with

scene Teresa brings Melania to a music studio to work with Guy named Niddy and a girl named Biyusha and then another dude because apparently Melania really likes Fetty Wop and Since Melania has been acting out Teresa wants to find a in Avenue for Melania's emotions to go down and that avenue is wrapping because Melania likes to wrap now That's a great that's a great outlet for your child whose parents have both been to jail and probably has a built-in resentment for cops Wrap Sounds great. I'm sure that's gonna harbor some some great actions, okay? Yeah So the first line that Melania has to sing is something like,

I can't wait to grow up or something like that. And she's like, I can't wait to stop. Stop. Stop. I can't wait. Oh my God. I got dreams of being among the magazine. And he's like, no, you gotta feel it.

You gotta feel it. I want you to feel it. She's like, okay. I gotta feel it. You gotta feel it. I want you to feel it. She's like, okay, I dream the moon and my magazine. You know what? It's actually a corner on the market, just one flat note. Yeah, repeated over and over again. And like not with the beat. They even start playing the beat and it's like, boom, boom, boom, boom. Can't wait to grow up. I'm only getting older. I gotta travel so much. I don't care so what? I don't want to grow up on my towards the rescue

That's that's label again ring-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-ang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-ang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang-tang Yeah, I thought she's committed to this. I was like, how is she committed to this? You brought her to one session. Yeah. You forced her on camera because you basically got like a free session with these guys. I think she just wanted to see how M&Ms were made. Okay. It doesn't mean she wants to like make an M&M. She literally thought by going there, she was going to be able to get like a feta rap salad. She loves feta rap. Oh, good. The names are getting, rapper names are getting longer too, because this guy's RGF M80. That's a lot. Okay. Ruth. Oh, now I was going to say Ruth Gator Finnsberg.

Maybe. Ruth Gator Finnsberg. Now we know who's ball that belonged to. Oh, god. This is the mood I'm in today. Okay. So that's everything comes back to Ruth. Ruth the ball.

That was Ruth Bader Ginsburg's ball. Let's be honest. beta against berg is like I I decided to pursue just this after someone stole my bowling ball and never seen it ever since One one time they were coming down to rewrapping they knocked my pins down on accident and it only gave me a spare instead of a Strike I'm going into the Supreme Court. This isn't right. I'm going to become a beloved judge. And Jennifer goes in front of her to argue for more freedom from her husband. She's like, Oh, God, Turkey. Why can't I escape that fateful day, the

bowling alley? You know, Jennifer's bringing her a shitty ass tray of crudite as the bowling alley. You know, Jennifer's bringing her shitty ass tray of cruditeyes, the bowling alley too. Hey, Judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I brought some cruditeyes. Hey, I've got a question. In my tradition, when we go bowling afterwards, we give the ball to the bride to be to say, Hey, you're welcome to the family. This is your ball now. Do you do that too? She falls asleep, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I want to put this in my house, bowling alley. When Trey said, I saw Frashies commit and found a way to express herself. I just thought of Jessica Lang and American Horror Story like, excusing Chris on who's a serial killer.

Like, well, it's just how he expresses himself. Yeah. Don't wait for second best baby. You gotta express yourself. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on. Some days parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

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What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts, you can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Vince commercial. So now we go over to Joe Gorgha having caveman lunch with Frank.

Oh, good. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. What you going to eat, bro? Bro, bro, bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro hey could you see a bro how is the wedding bro hey bro follow for anything bro and Joe walks into a restaurant he's like nice spot they got food hey this is cute cute nice so Joe Gorgas starts telling Frank about the wedding and everything and about Marty and he's like, he's Gaga over that pussy, I tell ya. He's Gaga, he is, he is.

I'm like, well, it's not like a good thing. Don't you want that out of like a husband and a wife situation? He's so gross. Wouldn't it be worse if he was not Gaga over that pussy? Yeah, then gay. Like what's better to be gay or to be hooked on pussy, huh? And then the waitress comes over.

I thought this was funny because the waitress comes over and says, do you guys want anything to drink and Frank orders a soft pretzel? And in my mind, I was actually imagining Frank drinking a pretzel. He would drink a hot pretzel. He's like, put it up on one of those pretzel stands he got. Hey, Joe, you want to do a pretzel shot? Here we go open up Takes takes a few minutes just read deep

So it's like so how would you? Joe's like so what about you you getting pussy? Hey bro, my friends like hey God working. How'd you like to have your wife and your partner? I need jobs say just imagine what I'm working. How'd you like to have your wife and your partner? I need jobs say. Just imagine what I'm going through, bruh. And he's like, you flipping the rehab in because you know, like we had a restaurant and then you know, the second your partner's with your wife, you know, and you do something behind their back, it's like a disaster or questions, all right? The restaurant closed because my business spot and I didn't see either. I was like, don't blame this on height. Okay. Yeah. You probably were stealing out of the register, sir. Yeah. And by the

way, it doesn't matter if it's your wife or someone else. If you do something behind your partner's back, they're going to have a disaster of questions. Yeah. Like where did all our money go? Yeah. Exactly. Wait. Why did we like buy the lot next door to add on this restaurant? That's not doing anything anyway Yeah, when did our name get changed to watch what flappens? Sorry, we're gonna be more bird oriented Previously on the real housebirds so Yeah, so then

Then Joe's like so what's going on with you being disbarred? And Frank's like, you know, when it happened, I never said nothing nobody, you know, that's it. So, now then Frank starts lecturing Joe about spending time with No-No-No. You gotta find the time, bro. It's like pretzels. You gotta find the time to do it, you know, it's important. Like, look, you dance like a pretzel. How long's it gonna be fresh? Like, what, five more minutes? Drink him. How long is it gonna be fresh? What five more minutes drink him drink? No, no, right? You can just look this beautiful pretzel city and not drink it. Oh my god

So now we so now we go into New York City and Classic Marge is arriving at a bar and she's with Lexi and Lexi's like, oh, this is great classic This is great classic more This is so classic mind Yeah, and so Mara just like I don't like too much a good grab I mean I'm psyched because I need new photos for the website because the old photos like past But like pay the other like much. I need like new mods in this day like not classic not regular but like new mods in this day, like not classic, not regular, but like new mods. Yeah, so she's getting her hair done and everything and her, she could be doing a photo shoot

and her stepson Brett shows up and we learned of Brett and Jan. Brett and Jan are sort of a strange right now and you know, about a month ago, Jan's mother died. So there's a few notes. So we're all there. And so Brett was there and Jan, Bretton Jan, or sort of a strange right now. And, you know, Jan, about a month ago, Jan's mother died, so there's a few notes. So we're all there. And so Bret was there and Jan was there. But Bretton Jan haven't talked since then,

and I haven't talked to my other kids. But I talk with Bretton, Bretton, I know close. And I wonder if I can get along with him, not jump like Jan, then Bret can get along with Jan. But he doesn't talk to Jan, so I'm like, what do you get to talk to Jan? I'm like, oh my God, this is not saying Jan. Also, why is the season about children

who ate their parents? Teresa can't get a kid a kiss from a kid there's a parent in jail Joe won't talk to his father who's the other ones Marty's kids hate Daniel Marty's kids it's like geez hey maybe I should I don't know I don't even know the answer cuz I don't have kids and Bueller can't speak so if he hates me he's lost to be nice to me to get fed so So maybe do that. Well, all of the story is,

you guys should all go bowling together and have fun time. Yeah. Glitter bowling balls. That's the answer here. Yeah. So it's just heard, you know, mom just heard. Yeah, it's just like her modeling and giving advice to Brett

and Brett, like not wanting to talk to Jan and then Lexi in the background every now and then, surely didn't even be like, that's very much, that's very much, very very much. I mean, I have the way he likes it, the classic. And that still speaks to it. So what's the big deal? So next up, Dolores and Frank, in my favorite,

Dolores and Frank setting, they're kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. It's their own Italian version of fences. Yeah. It's their own Italian version of fences. It's supposed to be a baseball player. Uh, so she's Dolores comes in. She's like, we're in trouble. Did you see what your son brought home? It's a bell.

Okay. It's a bell. And he goes, a bull. Like ding. And she goes, no, like ding, a bell for ding. You know what it's for? It's a it's a bell for a blowjob, all right? That is a ring for blowjob, okay? And I rang it back. I think I thought it was a ring for a hug from your mother turns out It's a blowjob. It's a problem Frank. It's a problem

Yeah, that was pretty awkward because Frank goes is it for you? Like oh god This so I liked that this show can up each other's gross, each scene can up the grossness of the scene before it. I also like that Dolores is like wearing a full-on schmata in her hair and holding laundry. I mean, it's like, like they're in some weird honeymooners thing happening over in their side of the show. So Dolores is like, I gotta gotta tell you Frank, I don't know what this communion is gonna be like, everyone's fighting. It's almost like, want a reality show, you know, you know, like Danielle and Marge, they don't talk, Jackie and Shree, they don't talk, Melissa and food, they don't talk. Me and really, well, I

talk to anyone, because I pretty much am alone all the time, you know, because you're in the vlog all the time, and you know, I got this got this laundry I rang sometimes I ring Frankie's bell just for the fun of it Frank's like ding ding ding That's not for you Frank. All right. I hate it right. Hey, did you see the newspaper? Huh, this is this article. It's called does given too many gifts for all the kids listen to this We'll ride at the house. Yeezy Jim. Aspa.

A double level play. I'm exhausted. Did you finish? Being a Bergen Records hot. I was amused that they, that Frank even knew how to read the Bergen record. So, yeah, so basically Jackie really it. He's like, Hey, DeLore, I've been putting this record, I've been putting this Bergen record in the play for like 10

minutes now and just making no noise. What's going on? So basically Jackie wrote an article about like, do too many gifts, spoil a children, she talks about going to Jennifer's house, etc. So of course the first thing Dolores does is called Jennifer, say, hey Jennifer, hi, hi, this is Jennifer. In my tradition, we answer the phone by saying hi, this is Jennifer. In my culture, we pick up the phone and we put it between our ear and our shoulder. Hold on a second to LORUS.

I have someone on the other line. Or as we say in my tradition, someone on the other line. Okay, so, and she's like, wait, is that a bell in your background? That's for blowtops, you know? We're giving with traditionally weekend to the bride hold on I'm getting a text message hold on oh it's from Melda hold on uh no Melda no you cannot have pretends or exchanges all sales are final you are stuck with my brother thank you okay what were you saying about a

record player and the lures is like uh you don't talk about someone's house, that's private. And I think she deserves a full warning. Yeah, that's, that house is private, especially after it's been featured on television in like an extended montage of all its luxury. Yeah. Also, like when you've had the said owner of the house

went on a trip to Oklahoma, and we're not stopped talking about said house. Yeah. And she's like, well, I am shaking, first of all, just because I have this big house doesn't mean I give my kids exactly what they want. Amazon's here, someone get the door. Amazon's here, they got out of bed. So I came from a present.

So, you know, the Amazon guy has to show up with a blindfold over his eyes. Yeah. The kids are like whatever those faceless demons are. Oh, I invite this woman into my house. This is the thing. I get. Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Thank you so much for letting us into your house. You could show it. This woman is so fucking annoying. Now on the other hand, Jackie is such an asshole. And I love it. Me too. Yeah, I like it. It is shady. Now, on the other hand, Jackie is such an asshole. I love it. Me too. See, I like it.

It is shady. I mean, Dolores is right. I can't imagine going over to a friend's house and writing about everything in their house. And then, it is weird because it's on reality TV. And so, it was already displayed. But if we're just going to pretend we're not paying like paying attention to the meta that meta aspect of it. Yeah, it is shady, but I think it's great. Yeah, me too. I think it's a lit because she does spoil her damn kids.

I mean, come on. You get a break. Like, she's not just a little bit of a asshole. And she's raising disgusting children. Okay, there I say I'm sorry. It's true. Oh, sorry. Dolores is like Frank and he goes, well, this went from a nice pleasant day to a shit day like what you're the one he brought it at He then goes to fridge and like is like hey, where's my sunny pretzel D Frank I made you some popover mix sitting on the counter there if you want to have something before your poop Yeah, well, I guess any porn is to them

so now we go over to rails epicenter of all things real house hearts of New Jersey and That everyone's arriving the communion just happened. There's like a big sign that says like congrats Joey or something like that Melissa's like now Jesus is in your heart baby Like I yeah, we brought you a sign from Ross. It says God bless. So Jesus is in your heart. You know what else Jesus loved donuts. He went into that cave. Everyone thought he was dead. Then somebody rolled a donut out of the way and found that he had been living the whole time. It's like, where do you people go to church? I want to go. And that cave is downstairs at Rails where I had my birthday party. Want to go and that cave is downstairs at rails where I had my birthday party

Is this an open bar or I got a paper that don't know them about the drink So then so we see like you know Melissa's family is there we see Donna Then Trees shows up with her girls and trees like I'm not looking for us to seeing Jackie's and sad. Oh, yeah. Say, jolly, jolly, can't get me a kiss, jolly, he's like, no, you're gross. He just runs away from her. Then Melissa tells us as Catholic Italians, we love taking pictures.

I'm like, everybody else on earth. Yeah, you really cornered the market on that. So, yeah, so also, by the way, were you so happy to see Teresa's lawyer there? Yes, oh my God, because I can keep my conspiracy theory going. She's boning her lawyer. Oh, yeah. So, I give everybody a boner. Sorry, good luck going through your day. So then we see No, no, he's standing by. There's like a giant spread of like various different salted meats. He's like,

Oh, you see that? I tried all that. Oh, they didn't go job with the meats. Oh, it's like the ones that all settled, no, no, down. Like don't put him by a meat display ever again. Condo, Kenny. You know on the Rose Parade, how they like get chicken wire,

and then they just put roses in every little hole on the chicken wire, and it makes a big, beautiful, turkey float. Yeah. Just like that, but with like slimy, disgusting meat, it looks like just a big animal, like a big alien from a movie. It's laying on, it looks disgusting. Like a big, disgusting meat. It looks like just a big animal, like a big alien from a movie. It looks disgusting.

Like a big prosciutto pile. Yeah, pile up prosciutto. Yeah, someone like finger folded every single little piece of meat. Ugh. I mean, I would have had it. I would have made myself a nice little plate. So Frank is like, a tree. I'm impressed with you, but the chili is going into the

you. And she's like, way of eating like that. She's like my uppers cup, but my low, I'm worried about my low, but my ass class is all that blink blink and he's like, is it bubbly?

Tell the random, let me see it. It's like, jeez, it's fucking show. Can't wait. I actually thought that was not, it's fucking show. Can't wait. I actually thought it was not an inappropriate moment. I thought he was being like a coach at that moment.

I guess, but we just saw him with like stretch mark, you know, like a stretch mark sweater on, okay? Like, I don't be careful who you take your advice from. That's true. He's like, yeah, no, no, no, no, actually don't get all stressed, you know, because if you get stressed, it's gonna raise your levels of cortisol. And if you, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, where she's like, I'm gonna ask how would you before I start saying my business? Because I've been told 20,000 times that I've been told that I only pay attention to myself.

So how would you have with Bermany? Yeah, how is Marge, how is Danielle, how is Melissa, do you have a nice room? Okay, great. Can I tell you about this? Do you ever read the big and record? No, it's not like a record that you play music on No, why does everyone keep saying that?

The lotion no not Jorgens the Bergen record and I'll ask him in a few rounds So Jennifer's like said Jackie Can you believe this in our culture? We call this being offended? She wrote an article for the big and record about how I spoil my kids. Do I spoil my kids? I don't think so. And anytime they say that they're not spoiled, I give them a treat to

Amazon. Okay. Why are you asking Theresa? Theresa just hired like a famous rapper to produce a song for her child. Well, I don't know that you're asking the most innocent person here of spoiling her kids. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, so Jennifer, she has just live it. She is so angry right now. And Jackie walks in and the best part is that Jackie doesn't realize that Jennifer is mad at her. So Jackie comes in all smiles, she comes over. And Jennifer's, And Jennifer's still doing this thing of like, I invited this girl into my home,

and I feel angry and violated. Oh Teresa said violated, you've been violated. Okay Teresa. She's talking to me and now you. You don't talk about husband and you don't talk about children, especially children. and you don't talk about children, especially children.

Oh, but the thing is that like, yeah, literally all they talk about on this show, that's all to talk about. Like what can we talk about lunch meets? Let's just have a show talking about the lunch meat disaster over there. Okay. Meanwhile, Joey Jr. walk stuff's like, um, I just drank alcohol. I thought it was my sprite. They're like, no, we swapped it out with alcohol on purpose. Welcome to the family, kid. I thought I was snorting, snorting, don't that's my. So Jackie comes up. Hi, a day didn't have a deal

and the lores is like jackie's acting like she has no idea to reach and on happy i mean i wouldn't want one of them unhappy with me much less both of them like really because you started both of these fights pretty sure the worst so i think jennifer on some level was expecting jacky to come over and be like hey so you know that article i feel like everything was taken out of context So I think Jennifer on some level was expecting Jackie to come over and be like,

Hey, so you know that article, I feel like everything was taken out of context. And I'm sorry, Ben said Jack is just started talking about Teresa. She's like, you know, I'm having all these dishes Teresa, you know, because I feel bad. I mean, it cut it to a core, but like at the same time, you know, I have to have my boys in my opinion. She's not going to be able to bully me. And Jennifer just like, I can't believe that right now you're talking about Teresa and not me. Okay. I can't believe this. She's like gonna be able to bully me in general. Just like, I can't believe that right now, you're talking about to reason not me. Okay, I can't believe this.

She's like, okay, do you agree that children are off limits? And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess she's like, children are off limits, whatever. And I'm not gonna be treated like a child. That's for sure. Because treating someone like a child is awesome. It's just like, but do you agree

that writing an article about children is off limits? Like, I'm gonna tell you death. No one's gonna write an article about me being a minute. But do you agree that writing an article about children is off limits? Like I can tell you death. No one's going to write an article about me being a child because I will not take the animal woman. Okay. Okay. In my tradition, we often ask, why would you write an article about my kids being spoiled? And Jackie goes, what did I say? Anything untrue? I think I felt judgment. Children should be up limits. Well, to be fair, you're not really children. They're more like little monsters.

Okay, you know, if I said it was a tiny little job of the Hudson waiting for Amazon all day, I could get it. But I didn't think, okay? I said they were hersy-k Kis shaped children waiting for a truck that could have been delivering anything. Like what are you mad at me for? I mean, I don't know if you, I don't know if you order things from like Amazon.com or maybe from Wal-Mart.com, I don't know. So Jennifer's then Jennifer goes, you know what, the article does not specifically say my children are spoiled,

but if you skim it, the gist you get is that they're spoiled. I'm like, well, girl, you just said the article doesn't say they're spoiled. She's like, what is she carry Bradshaw? Oh Jennifer. So Teresa and Melissa are talking and Teresa's like righteous you know right now She's like yeah, Jen's in travel. I see brother. Oh, I mean what's the name? Jackie's in travel because you wrote a article she could have called her first and said I'm writing an article son of Teresa I don't so March comes and say hi. Hi, I won't believe it.

Jan's still not talking to the kid. We got some good pictures. I mean, they weren't classic, but they're like new bars. I've been like a new barge. I wanted to invite Jan to this party, but Jan was like, well, he's breaking the beat. And I was like, I don't know if Brett's gonna beat them. Jan was like, well, if I don't even get,

if you can't come from a Brett's gonna be there or not, then I'm not gonna come out. I was like, Jan, what are you doing? What's crazy? What's going on? Like, why don't you just talk to Brett and get this over with and get all the comfort of the community? And they didn't come, so I got no Jan, I got no Brett, but guess what?

I got Joby. So Marjus Tracy, like, she's my eye, look at Marjus, like, oh my god, what are we dead? Never wanted to read something so bad. Yeah, so now there's like a moment of like, we see like dancing and then there's speeches and then there's like old man DJ DJ's like DJing and stuff.

And now we settle in on Jackie and Margaret talking and you know, Jackie's doing this whole thing of like, you know, I'm not going to let a grown woman yell at me. That's just not what I'm about. You know what I'm saying? Etc. Etc. Yeah. So I'm in the 40 something year old woman. Okay. I'm not saying something about it to kick that. I'm just not not gonna let a grown woman yell at me like that and March goes look I get in trouble. I get in trouble all the time with the dialogies. So I get it, okay?

But you know if with maybe it was about control Have you heard of what about the doctor who tried to cross the street to get to chicken? She's like, oh, sorry, but the combo like she's gonna go savage. I don't need another problem in my face. Did you even see the article like, so they're going on and on and Marjus like, what the brex cost at least about material things? I think she'd be flattered. Yeah. And then they start reading the article and Marjus like, I don't know, I think the article is hilarious. I think it's great article. And and basically, I mean, what the

article is saying is Like given that Jennifer gives these kids all these toys that they turned that that they're still such lovely children How how are you able to spoil a child and also have them turn on nice which is which is you know It's not I mean yeah, as Martha herself said what I think that's pretty nice I mean I think it as Martin herself said, what? I think that's pretty nice. I mean, considering where she was. Yeah, I think Margaret's right. Like, there was definitely some shade in there, but it like, ultimately, it's complimentary. And if anyone read it with a calf brain,

you'd see that it is ultimately complimentary. Yeah, but it's being complimentary so she doesn't get in trouble, which of course, you know. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I think she was like a total dick for writing it, but it's also hilarious. And it's also true, you know. I mean, you can't sit on TV for five weeks in a row,

bragging about how many toys that you have and they get mad at someone called you an asshole. Exactly. And I was kind of, my other feeling is, if you think it's bad that Jackie wrote about this, I mean, like brace yourself, girl, for like all of America, I think that you're the biggest asshole, okay? because having something written in the Bergen record is nothing compared to having Twitter coming against you. Yeah. And she's trying to get everyone on her side

and they do have little teams forming like Theresa's with Dolores and Jenn. You know, they've got that little team. The Marj is gonna be with Jackie and Melissa. So they've got that little team. It's the dream team. Yeah. And Jennifer's like, yeah, she said they were compliments,

but I saw red. She's shady spice. So is there one thing you haven't stolen from the early 2000s? At least, just one thing. I know. So now Jackie is gonna, she's decided that she wants to set up a time with Teresa to talk things out.

So she walks up to Teresa and she's like, Hey, Tv, so I was wondering if maybe we could set up a time in the future to talk. And Teresa is like, it's my nephews communion. It's like, yeah, yeah, hence the word future, like in the future, like not here. It's my, it's my nephews communion. Yeah, like maybe in like future like not here. It's my it's my nafis communion Yeah, like maybe in like a week from now. It's my nafis commune. It's like Teresa Teresa is so stupid and Jackie is like good luck because no one can talk sensitive Teresa because she doesn't understand words You know, no, and she's like if I call you know? Yeah. And she's like, but if I call you, you'll get ant-fed

and she's like, uh-huh. And she goes, she's fucking delusioned off. She thinks she's gonna be a knight. We're gonna have a knight fit down. She's got another thing coming right now. She's like, but I said in the future. Yeah, this is gonna be a disaster because Teresa's dumb and she holds grudges and

I don't even know why Jackie why even Jackie wants to have like clear the air with Teresa like who the fuck cares She's an idiot. Well Teresa can get your ass fired real quick from the show but Well, or also maybe I mean I don't know I don't know how much power she has, you know, I don't think she has Hiring and firing powers as much. I wrote one big note that we forgot to say, and it's just Jackie told Jen,

when Jen wouldn't give it up, she's like, well, I feel like you went to Rita again, you got on me right now. And I just had to point it out because you can't be, like, you can't come out, come for people, like you've been doing, and then act like a victim. I mean, you can't be like you can't come out come for people like you've been doing and then act like a victim. I mean, you can. But that's actually exactly what that's like that's sort of the the M.O. of any real house wife. Yeah, I suppose so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that was the episode that was what

you say? I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry, I can't wait for Blow Deck to come back. I know, isn't it weird that we haven't, I feel like it's been off for an entire season. I know. I feel like I've been doing nothing but watching Real House as a New Jersey. But tomorrow we're going to be talking Top Chef, which I'm excited about. Top Chef was not off, actually. There was a part one of Restaurant Wars was last week, and it was very stressful, and it was a full-on disaster.

So I'm actually extremely excited to see tonight's episode, and we'll be recapping Restaurant Wars tomorrow. It should be a great time. And of course, go to WatchUpCrapins.com to buy tickets to all our shows, definitely come through our shows. I mean, how many times I'll do the pitch? You have a fun time people, and then also get your merchandise and hey there's like only a day left to vote in the crappies, so if you haven't voted, vote and then send

it to your friend so that they'll vote too because it's fun. And that's about it. We'll talk to you tomorrow, everybody! Bye! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to WaterCrapins ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.