Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Teresa's Gettin' Marriededed

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* Teresa and Luis tie the knot on this week's Real Housewives of New Jersey (S13E16) and the rest of us tense up and wait to see if they're going to try to make purple babies. This week's premium bonus is a recap of Below Deck Sailing Yacht For bonus episodes and video recaps, join Patreon at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Tour Dates: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/2023-cheater-brand-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. This episode is sponsored by Uber1. We've all used Uber for rides, and I love using UberEats for food delivery. Okay, hello. I mean, I kind of live off of it. But have you ever heard about Uber1? Uber1 is a membership that helps you save on Uber and UberEats. With an Uber-1 membership, you get exclusive member perks, like up to 10% off UberEats and a $0 delivery fee on eligible orders. It just makes sense. I'm always getting Uberes.

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talk about. On the O'Brien's. Hi everyone, I'm Ronnie, guess what I'm with? He's cute, adorable, and maybe one day he's gonna be telling us. I'm getting married, and I'm in, and I'm in. He's been Madelker, hello Ben. I'm in, and I'm in,, Ben. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, at the end of last season. Whoa. I'm having a very Vanderpump rules wedding next weekend. I'm very excited.

Are they calling it the last season wedding? Okay. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. Been time. Hi everybody, welcome to the show today. Today is Teresa's big wedding.

I know you're all excited. I know I was all excited. It's very excited. I have to say first wedding in a long time, I haven't cried at. Yeah. Also, I know, I was all excited, very excited. I have to say first wedding in a long time, I haven't cried at. Yeah, also, I thought this wedding episode was going to break the curse of the Bravo wedding for me, which is, or I should say, it was going to make me amend my theory, which is that all Bravo wedding episodes are crap.

Or shit. Yeah, and unfortunately, this just kind of like bolstered that theory. I'm sorry, I do not like Bravo wedding episodes or crap or shit. Yeah, and unfortunately, this just kind of like bolstered that theory. I'm sorry, I do not like Bravo wedding episodes. I thought this would be funny and chaotic. I feel like there's been like what? I know there's been like one or two chaotic terrible weddings out there, but honestly, they're terrible because it's like Bravo stops doing the Bravo thing. Bravo becomes sincere.

Bravo stops making fun of its stars because that's the Bravo thing. Bravo becomes sincere. Bravo stops making fun of its stars, because that's what Bravo does. We've heard that there's something called the Bravo Wink. This is a thing that people at development and Bravo use when they give notes to the producers of these shows. Where is the Bravo Wink in this scene? Where it's kind of like, we know what you're watching is crazy.

But with the wedding episodes, they're like, guys, this is real. We're going to submit this to like the not.com for their award show or something. Yeah, they take it very seriously. I mean, there was a little nodding. I feel like they were like, listen, this is a big budget episode. Let's bring in some new sound effects people to make like, can we just have 20 variations of choruses and idiot? Can we have that sound effect? Like, they had the little woodblock rattle. That was my favorite one.

Oh, I think that a couple of slide whistles when Theresa would mispronounce things that a couple of like, doop. I think I heard the prices right, like you failed at Plinco sound. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, then Boston, and we're ending up in the Foxwoods casino in Connecticut. It's going to be an amazing party of a night. That is where Game of Crowns took place.

Yes. It's pretty big for us. So, that's a big one. Also, we are on video every day now. If you want new videos, be on crap and it's on demand. Okay? That's on Patreon. It's also where you get our bonus episodes.

You get a fresh as they're delivered. If you want them for free, you can watch them on YouTube now. We're putting them all on YouTube. Just go to our watch what happens YouTube. Also, to find out what shows will be covering at the live shows. We announced them a week before in our Instagram. So, you know, follow us everywhere. If there's a social media app, search us on there and follow us. Okay, now let's get into... J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J- Oh. So, what could you, okay. Very shocking. This episode starts with Teresa saying,

I can't believe I'm getting married. Ah! Ah! The school. And then she hives, hives Louis. And we're not using a green screen today, guys. We're using a white screen because it's a wedding. Yeah.

So it's very like wedding-themed. Louis is even not purple at the beginning of this, which I thought was crazy. Like I don't think I've ever seen Louis not purple. I know. I was like, is this the one time you've let Louis have air conditioning? Did Louis leave his time bag at home? What's going on with Louis and why isn't he purple? I'm not comfortable with pale Louis. He was more in like a

maroon or burgundy space, but yeah, he wasn't that full purple just yet. Maybe it's because Joe Gorka wasn't anywhere on this episode. Only the presence of him. You have to be around a purple person to become a purple, by the way I'm pretty red today myself. That said, I'm like, I'm like blown out today. You really are. You're super bright. The other day you were super red. Now you're super bright.

You're like a little light bright. I know. Well, you know what I'm radiating with wedding essence today. So I'm blowing. I'm blowing. You deserve this, Ben. You deserve this. You deserve this.

I'm not cloud nine. I'm cloud nine is my face. Okay. So she's like, you know, we're so excited. And it's two days away. And I can't believe it. I'm always like the fairy tale. I always wanted, but instead of a fairy tale, it's Louis and Teresa's fairy tale.

Like it was so special from then one day. And why is it? Why is it different from any other fairy tale? I mean, talk about the brother's grim, right? Like, if anyone could emphasize the idea of grim, it's Louis and Teresa having a fairy tale. There are so many fairy tales that actually make sense with like the princess and the frog, except like a red frog, a dragon frog, if that's a thing.

There's a puzzle,, a dragon frog, if that's a thing. There's a Rapunzel, a real big frog. A real estate frog, a fraud frog. Then there's Rapunzel where she can let down that huge weave because that ship would go all the way to the ground. Red riding. Big bad wolf, you know, all of them. They all kind of work.

Yeah. So yeah, she's saying, I feel like it will special from like they want and then we see flashbacks over the past few years of the two of them in their Romance and all the high points including when he hired that saxophonist To celebrate their anniversary when he pulled out that scroll and everything that saxophonist from junior high school that I think is now on tour with Tom Sands of all so congrats to him. Yeah, congrats baby. Baby is playing you know, uh, baby is playing musical instruments, so that's always nice. Yeah. Um, and then Louis tells us, uh, oh, and of course this was not planned at all this engagement. I'm sure she had no idea this was coming. There was a big heart made out of candles on the beach and a giant neon sign that says,

marry me. Marry me. Yeah. Like a luggage. It was light luggage that trip. Yeah, exactly. And it was like, oh God, I actually proposed a Theresa and Santa Rini and it was a whole production.

You know, the bow, the fireworks, the everything, this and that, the other thing. And then she goes, yeah, well, you know, the Greeks, I guess they don't understand English, you know, this is where we get the woodblock rattle. It's like, tree's is made here. It's a lot of confusion about which countries speak English on this show, you know, between Theresa and Brittany. Muturously thinks they're the only country. They probably think they're a country.

And they're the only country that knows English. The rest of us are just borrowing. Theresa, like Brittany is shocked that people in Ireland can speak English. And Theresa is surprised that people in Greece can't speak English. So it's like, yeah, they were supposed to, yeah, they did it the wrong time.

I was like, yeah, because they were supposed to wait for me to go, yeah. And then, but they let the fireworks off instead. So I just said, you know, he said, like, you know, will you be with me until we die? And then I thought he shot me. But he didn't, I'm so lucky. Yeah.

Apparently when the fireworks went off, she just started looking at the fireworks show. And I guess maybe didn't even notice there was a giant, like a sparkler sign that said, marry me. And he's like, apparently down on Monday. Like that is so Teresa, like Teresa, I want to ask you something that I've been wanting to ask you for a long time. I'm going to get down to, so funny. He says I got him. I got him. I need and she kept getting overwhelmed by the fireworks. And after a minute I had to say did you say yes? I mean that is just so crazy. Oh my god. It's like fire, but it's in the sky.

crazy. Oh my God, it's like fire, but it's in the sky. I can't believe they got July four here, but it's not even July four. That's so nice. So then we she is like, yeah, we got to save at these moments before you come husband and wife. So I don't know what she's talking about. But that means, she's not wanna be husband and wife. Hey, man, you can only have these moments before you're married and it all goes to shit. Listen, she's been down this road before. Okay. She's married a crazy person before,

a man with a vile temper before. Of course, Joe, Ju Dice looks like an angel compared to this guy. I mean, Joe Ju Dice looks like he's been doing yoga for years compared to this guy meditating and shit. I mean, Joe Judice's worst was like, my bitch wife is coming. This guy's like hiring private eyes and calling other people's jobs to get them fired and shit. Like, this guy's vile. Yeah. I wonder why Joe Judice looks so relaxed. Is it something about spending his time splitting it between like the Caribbean and the Amalfi coast and Italy. Yeah.

That's the criminal ever. Yeah, best deportation ever. Yeah, best deportation. It's like go to glamorous Italy. He's got like a Dildo company and he lives in Italy and fucking the Caribbean, the Bahamas or whatever. He's fine. Oh, Shucks. He doesn't get to have a one bedroom in 10 of fly. So I'm sure he's so depressed.

I know. So then we get a thing on the screen. It's like an envelope with fancy script of font. That's like, you're invited to recent Louise rehearsal dinner. It sort of has this like low rent 1993, like corporate video thing that comes up on the screen. This is so your friend who wants you. You look at their list of shit that they want and everything's like $1,000. They're like, oh, I registered for everything between $510,000.

Enjoy this wedding list of gifts that you could, what do you call it? Registry. Registry. Yeah, look at this registry. Yeah, but then their invites are like the free ones from the anime. It's like you are evicted to, I know. It reminded me of, remember the first time you got to like,

you got to use like print shop, or like, elicographic application on your computer and you're like, you got to use like print shop, or like, elicographics application on your computer, and you're like, oh my god, I can print fake menus now. You know what happened? You're like, clip art, I can wait, are you telling me I can put an old time you finger pointing to the right on my documents? I pray kid, back then it was like,

Mac and cheese night, and then there would be like, clip art of a chef in a chef cheese night. And then there would be like clip part of a chef and a chef's hat. And fancy fond and like a border. Remember, oh, the borders, the checkered border around the edges. It was like the best. That's what like this. Like you were cordially invited to Teresa's rehearsal dinner. That was what it felt like. That post production was doing. It's also very Teresa. I wonder if she requested this because Teresa, you know, she holds her event in very high esteem, like she's got a very high self confidence about every single

event. And you know that every event had its own invitation. Like, so who was invited to the reception? I was invited to the rehearsal dinner where you didn't invite it to the wedding. No, I wasn't invited in ceremony, but I was invited to the rehearsal and the reception app. No, was it the dinner reception or was it the dance reception? It was the dinner reception. I'm invited to the dance reception, but not the dinner. We saved me a chicken leg from the dinner.

Teresa's ass, letting everyone know how important they are by separate invitations. I wouldn't be surprised if that was real. Yeah, I believe there were many DHL deliveries of strange shaped invitations that were very heavy and potentially had animals in them. And you know what? We're giving DHL a lot of shit this week. You know what? We are.

And that's okay, because someone's having to shit this week. It's going to be someone or something in this week's DHL. Sorry, DHL. Okay, be more reliable. But they're like fine, by the way. But I realized as you're saying that about like the the rehearsed the invitations of rehearsal dinners and this and that, I was thinking about like who else would do that. I was like obviously Sheena did that this season. And then I was like, okay, Sheena had a wedding episode that I could get

behind. That was a fun up wedding episode because it was just like trashy and it was and it was like a small part of the overall episode and it was a normal episode of the show wasn't its own spin-off show and I think that's where they get in trouble like Tamra's wedding. Oh, Nini's. Nini's wedding. Bethany's entire thing. Bethany peeing in a bucket, you know, all of them. Candy's wedding was actually pretty fun because it was like a whole drama. You know, like Candy's spin-offs have like her whole own cast and drama and all that stuff going on. But this one, there were too many people on the, you know, like Veronica's obviously very thirsty.

This Veronica chick who is Louise Older sister who I think Teresa said was a fan that had met her at a book signing years ago, which I think is hilarious. It Theresa now thinks that's adorable when she held it against Jackie for years, right? Yeah, but yeah, that's not just bad to say. We didn't get all the messy sisters because you know they're all crazy, right? And we see through this episode that Louis comes from a crazy tree. His dad is crazy, his dad's a shyster.

He's like an obvious fucking shyster. His son, both of his sons are real cute, but one of the sons, I think it's his older son's real, the real cute one, like Louis Jr. or Louis Craysie eyes. That one's got crazy eyes, and he's looking at everybody with crazy eyes. Like he's trying to fall in love with this wedding.

And then his brother, his brother, David's real fucking weird too. So, yeah. They have a fight with David about about a pizza oven last season. Didn't they have, or wasn't it like that they were busy together? They'd had a fight the day before where they almost like choked each other or something. I think they were just bickering over the pizza, right?

Like, no, you do the quote, woof, woof. Pizza ovens, we're doing it now. A divisive issue for Louis pizza ovens. Yeah, Louis gets real heated around pizza ovens. No pun intended. Wow. So yeah. Wow, my in conclusion. Wow. Wow.

Says. So we are now at the rehearsal dinner at this estate. That's like on a hill or something. I say, I please, I bring this place because I love you and cause it was free. And Louis, I love you and cuz it was free and we Like oh, I love you. Wait hold on. Let me kiss you. Yeah Oh, and so they're like kissing and everything and Teresa's like I never thought I would've ever find the love of my life But then when turns out that like if you see a narcissist walking on the street and you say hi to him

Then it all works out. It's so crazy. I was like walking down the street with my friends and then he popped up behind a bush and I said, is your follow with me? And he said, yeah. And I said, then some romantic woman, let's get married. It's guy clearly stalking her. I just happen to be walking down the street.

There he was. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So Louis was like, with the tree, I was like, I was like, I think you just happen to be walking down to the tree? There he was. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So Louis, like, with the tree, I was like, I was like, I think I'm falling in love. And I'm in love with you. And she was like, really? And then I was like, you know, any of my faults, Teresa loves them just as much. And she's like, oh, you don't have any faults.

And he's like, yeah, well, no, I have a fault. I sit down when I pee. It's like that's your biggest self described fault. Is like, you sit down when you pee. But then Teresa's like, yeah, I like that. Oh, really? Is that a thing? Is that a thing that people have?

Like, man, I'm looking for a guy who sits down to pee. I can't wait to find it. Also, I like when she's like, you don't have any faults. Do you not subscribe to people? Listen, I don't, I don't like it. Yeah, that's not something you say. You're a huge reader or anything, but girl, the hash picture is in it that clearly described that he's met.

I just like that, that like this guy who's supposedly so introspective and is all about like self-awareness, the fault that he lists is that he sits down to pee, and that's not even a fault. That's just like a preference. So then the guests start arriving. And I'm calling future problems with Iris, Louie's mom, because she's a camera horror.

Okay, they're set at Louie. I've said it Iris. Okay, you better calm the fuck down. Teresa's not gonna have this. So Iris comes and Laura's in Paul and Veronica, the sister who's too much. She's like, oh oh the necklace came out great Let me see the shoes. Oh what numbers are in pie? Just kidding. That's just kidding love you. I love you

That's just a cruel thing to ever ask to her. Even in a joke with Ronnie. Even in a theoretical So to be like oh Veronica the sister I never had. She's actually marrying us and I couldn't ask for a better efficient, which is as we all know, someone who's an aunt to a fish. And Jen comes in and she's got her LVs all over her pattern. You know, what do I think is kind of tacky? You're at a wedding, okay?

Like we know, you know, we know you have LV. Like, you just wear something simpler. I feel like that's tacky. You are asking, you're making a very big ask of a lady from New Jersey. Okay. Just wear something simpler. Yeah. I'm Dolores is like, I give ready bride. Are you ready? Because it's your day. And she tells us Theresa and I have been friends for 28 years now. I've seen Teresa go through so much, but it's so comforting to see she's found her prince Trump. Have you ever heard Teresa say anything like this about Dolores? No.

I have literally never heard of her. This is an unfair friendship. You know, you've spent through a lot Dolores. Yes. That too. Dolores was like a prison guard. She fucking married Frank who was breaking couches and anger and fucking girls out in their bushes and like going down the shore and like fucking everybody there while she was pregnant. You never hear Teresa like, you know why I'm so happy for you that you found Fred from the

Irish version of Fred from the stones. Like Like, I'm glad to meet you. Does Teresa even know that Dolores and Paulie are dating? I feel like she's never, I feel like she's never said like, I'm so happy for the law and she finally got a good guy. Like you said, like, she's, she doesn't seem to have ever had an opinion about any of the people in Dolores's life. You know, because even when they, No.

Yeah, because even in Ireland, which was about Dolores and her relationship, even though it was for Teresa's party, when people would say, Dolores, it's your turn next, Dolores, she'd go, oh yeah, because that's my bridal show. She'd always like change it into being about her bridal shower.

Yeah. It's so true. I mean, this is classic tree. Also, we should mention that not only is Jen there, but Bill Aiden, and he's like's like, it's a hot day today. Oh, it's going to be sizzling hot at rehearsal dinner today. Ding dong. Ding dong. It's so uncollified, man. Bill Aiden was the most Bill Aiden he's ever been in this episode. They like dipped Bill Aiden in Bill Aiden before sending him out for this episode. Truly. It's time for commercial.

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Exactly. Impossible is making meat history this summer. Yeah, they are. Summer of Impossible. I am so excited to be spending time, cooking my summer foods, all that good stuff, and guess what? We can use impossible sausages, impossible brats. I mean, it's gonna be a great summer for impossible foods. Impossible beef is made from plants and 19 grams of protein per serving,

and it's better for the planet. And it's meat! Plant meat! Correct! So if you're looking for something to grab for your grill, grab some impossible beef. Summer summer of impossible start making meat history today just head over to the meat aisle at your local grocery store grabs him impossible beef or patties and get grilling so now uh yet treasus now saying like you know what it was like really disappointing that to tell me my daughters net z on Joe and Zia Melissa and I'm gonna be coming to the win. Gabriella's like mom, they're not coming. This is Gabriella's big coming out episode. Yes.

Because Gabriella used to never speak. She used to be the one that doesn't look like anybody in the family and doesn't ever speak, right? That was her thing. And now she's like, I will be the star of the show. Thank you. Hi, I'm Gabriella, clocking in, finally. So she comes in and she's like, Mom, they're not coming.

Did he even call you, Mom? Did she send you a text? That's the least he could have done. And she's holding her phone in that itchy way where she means business. She's like, I'm holding my phone in the power position. I will not have this in my back. She's like, I'm ready.

I'm ready. Well, you know what? I found out through the law position. I will not have that. She's like, I'm alright. Well, you know why I found out through the Laura's, alright? I wish the lawyers could find somebody. I wish he didn't have to spend all her time on social media. So yeah, I don't know. I feel again, I feel like I just wouldn't have said that to my to my de-waters. I would have been like, yeah, they can't make it. Not like I had to find out through the lures, you know? So Teresa's like, yeah, what a love for Joe to be in there. So that way, like I could have humiliated him a little bit more in front of all the people of Bravo,

but like never in a million years, what I had thought he wouldn't have been there after I went out of my way to learn about and help spread rumors about his wife G. And oh gosh so Louis well you know I'm on team tree with that one so we have to agree to disagree and that's called marriage so then Louis and by the way have we ever talked about I was gonna say I do think, I do think that Melissa and Joe should go on to the wedding despite everything. I will say that.

I do think that they should have. Yeah, but this is right after they filmed the thing. Melissa was determined to have her fit, which we found out she knew all this information, the whole season, and that whole finale was such a mess. God, what a fun mess though. That was a fun mess. God, what a fun mess though. That was a fun, but it's a good finale. Great finale.

But yeah, I think, and I'm just gonna go ahead and piss everybody off now and not hold this opinion. Melissa and Joe stuck, suck still. I think the horrible fucking human beings, and I think them not only not showing up, but going out of their way to like, bully maybe I guess is not the best word. Yeah, that's tacky.

No, you're being solely tacky on social media. Being extremely tacky, I'm like, not bullying, but taunting, taunting her on social media that she wasn't there and trying to get their own publicity on her wedding, you guys fucking suck, you both suck. And I hope Home Depot never lets you back in, or clappers, or whatever the place that you danced at. I hope that you're not allowed in either of those places anymore.

You deserve it. You fucking monsters. Yeah, I think they should have gone to this wedding and they can still be mad at Teresa and they can still be like, fuck this bitch because by the way, half the people at that wedding were probably feeling that way. I think they should have still gone because like ultimately in the long run, it's the right thing to do. Plus also, like, it's just a smart thing to do if you're going to war against someone like Teresa, because you can say, and I still went, I went to you,

but I supported you. Like, you just like don't even have, you've removed your biggest piece of ammo. You've given her a big piece of ammo. So they should have gone. Yeah. So Louis is top, this is what I was gonna say. We haven't ever discussed the name change of Louis. Louis was spelled L U I S. Okay. Louis is Dominican, Mexican, and Puerto Rican. That's what he said in interviews. I looked it up, just because I was curious, you know,

not that it really matters. But his name is Luis, right? So they call him Louis and then they've now changed the spelling to Louis to be L-O-U-I-S. And I guess, to be L, wait, so man interrupt. So it was not L-O-U-I-E anymore now, it's L-O-U-I-S. No, it wasn't ever L- IE. It was LUIS. It was Luis, but she would pronounce it Louis. And so now this year they started spelling it LOUIE.

And that's not cool. That's a racer. Okay. And I don't know. I'm not the man. I don't think that's very nice. We actually did talk about this because I raised similar confusion about, like, is it Louis or Louis,

why can't we get a consistent spelling? Cause I would see L-U-I-S, and then I would see L-O-U-I-E. And someone did respond at one point and said, his name is, I may have this inverted, so apologies. His name is Louis spelled L-U-I-S, but or Louis, but his nickname is Louis. And so the nickname is spelled L-O-U-I-E. God, that's so kind of.

His name is spelled. This is just such a tree. And it's only point, it doesn't really matter. Like who cares? It's just so Theresa to be like. Well, when she came out, she's like, my name isn't Jeweldy's Nanny Ways. I mean, it's Jeweldy Cheng. It's like French. It's like a juda chain. That's how it's pronounced. And we're all everyone and she didn't she say that I

would have reunion and everybody's like no, it's not. Girl, I've known you for 30 years. Your name is judo. She's like, ah, it's juda chains. No, it's not and so she tried that for a year and then we finally all learned it because you know, you respect people's names or whatever. And then we all learned it. And then she just went back to Judas with that Judas of that telling us, you need to work on your branding. Okay. So that's the thing. Yeah.

That would help. So anyway, just it's more people are filtering into this rehearsal dinner. Louis has some actually relatively good looking business partners. This one guy, or the middle of the cameras, can't get scammed by a likely person. That's right. We've got to have hot people in your real estate firm selling tonnify. So Louis, they're standing at a high top at the business partners and Bill's there too. And so one guy's like, hey Bill, so your plastic surgeon, like what do you think about my cheekbones?

And Bill's like, hmm, well, there's a little hollowness, but we all get it. I mean, you know, I'll never really oppose to poking on into some hollowness and seeing what happens. Have you ever explored another man's hollowness? It's a thrilling experience. I love Bill that he just said that. So they're like, no, no, you're perfect. You don't need me at all.

He's like, yeah, there's a little hollowness. You old fuck. Come on in. Here's my card. Like, don't ever ask a plastic surgeon jokingly to tell you what you need done. They do have sharpies in their pocket and they will start drawing right on you. Okay. It will Literally, and they'll make you feel bad about something you didn't realize. You felt bad about that. Yeah. You look great. I mean, that elbow fat I'd be concerned about. I'm like, wait, what elbow fat?

I was asking about my brows, but now I'm concerned about my elbows. I know I'm here for a elbow. I'm here for Botox and you're like, you know what? I think it's so sweet that you have the anti arm when you wave your underarm just jiggles like that. That is so comforting. Kids love that. No, you're you're a exceptionally handsome man except for that cavernous quality in your cheekbones. Come on in. Now just stay still. It's just going to be a

small prick. So Louis, Louis like who's your real mom? Swin I got two sons like a Nicholas Louis. I got my brother David I got my two business partners Fernando and Joe. I got my friends from down in the mall Nick Garrett Joe Bill. I picked a bill like what those gonna be in my life. How long like forever? That's what I think forever This guy named Randy when met at a kiosk, he sold me a mic the case for my phone. Great guy. I think it's been my life forever. So, he's a Grimzman also. Yeah, he's got like the cricket mobile staff there. Like, wow, I'm glad that you guys

can have like 97 people here, except for Teresa's family, you wouldn't ask. But literally everybody else in the city you asked. So Teresa's like, here are my bridesmaids. I got my four daughters. I got Carrie Ann, who's my assistant. She's like my bridesmaid slash doing everything for the bridesmaids.

I got Dolores. Jan, I got Louise Hista, Jennifer. I got my best friend Rosanna. Unfortunately, the other Rosanna can't be this. Only one Rosanna. And there was a girl from the piercing pagoda and also Girl named Susan who works at yoga and sometimes These are people who's ruling for us. That's what we want to outweigh

People's rule for us So then we go to Gia who's with Jen and Dolores, you know, and they're like, oh my god, Jen's doing that. Jen's that person who goes to your event and she's kind of making it all about you, but in a way that's making it about her really loudly, you know, like look, look how much I care, baby. She's like, how are you two in Tadah with the pride? Look over here, everybody.

It's Tadah with the pride. How's it going? Don't tell you feel. What are you wearing? Who are you wearing? Who's the designer, baby? Tadah with the pride over here. That's the matter with the bride? How's it going? How's how you feel? What are you wearing? Who are you wearing? Here's a designer, baby. That was the bride over here.

That's the question of you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Just like, well, the only thing that stressed out my mom was my uncle. And then Geo tells us, when I heard he wasn't coming, I was just like, wow. At this point, it's like you really didn't, you just like completely burned a bridge, like it's over for everybody, including me and my sisters.

You know, I feel bad because there were a lot of things that aren't good. And if you can't move forward, if you can't let go. If you can't move to the living room, if you're thinking of the dining room, and you can't move to the dining room, if you're thinking about the kitchen, then you can't walk from the kitchen to the living room to the dining room to the kitchen. How are you going to think in triangles? I'm just saying. Hey, have a kiss. I think we should just focus on what's happy about the next two days. No, Melissa Gaga. Okay. Your mom's really happy. Louis so happy. He's turned in the

color of an eggplant right now and I think I actually see the eggplant emoji in his pants. Wow. Just focus on the half of things. Gee, yeah, baby. Well, this is not happy. But if we all threw some ones at it while she twiled on a pole, she might be. So let's just send us some ones to call it a day, baby. And Luris is like, I want nothing more for them to be there and stand together and have Joe give her away. And Jen's like, that's not a fucking fairy tale, baby. They were always happy endings. Which I think is funny, because Teresa's literally backstage going, and so I'm staring

down. I know. Jen was probably just hiding out with her brother while he forced her to listen to Into the Wood soundtrack. So people, everyone's having now, now it's time to go down to dinner. It's dinner time so they go down. And I'm treated like, oh, how beautiful!

Like Teresa, have you even looked at the venues that you chose for your events? She's always like, look at this room! Oh my God, there's a table! Oh my God! She sent Rosanna out to find free shit and she's just showing up for her free. So this is where Iris, Louis mom really overstepped, I think. So she comes and she's like right in between them. And she's like, I'm so proud of you that you found love Louis. Congratulations. And you to reach the congratulation and Tree does the whole like she reminds me of my mom because she had kids and then also my mom had kids too

So it's like they're both moms so she's like a mom and I had a mom too. It's all nice And so Iris is like oh god, does she look good does he look good? Do I look good? That's the question? Okay, got him so excited for tomorrow. And Teresa's fine. She won't leave. Like she's standing there in the middle of them kind of soaking up all the attention of everybody saying, what a beautiful family.

And finally Teresa's like, All right, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Walk away, old woman. Ah. Teresa also does make some time to give another dig at Joe Judeys, because she's like, you know, like, you know, my mom would have loved Louis,

but like, because my mom, he did not like Joe Judeys. She did not want me to marry Joe Judeys whatsoever, but I knew my soulmate would be out there. So another classic like from Teresa, although I support this one fully, I support this, this, I do too, except how many times has Tree told us how unloved she was with Joe Judis and she's never gonna leave Joe Judis

and even after everything that happened, Joe is as is our charming and he never cheated on her. I mean, she's laid this delusional crap on us for years, okay? Teresa's not the brightest bulb on the tree, but everyone can smell smoke, okay? Ever, I mean, I guess there's people with no scent of smoke, but even their eyes were a scent of smell, but even their eyes burn.

You know what I mean? She's not that dumb. She's still got some instinct. I would hope. So, Louis makes a toast. Louis Senior makes a toast. Where he's like, hey everyone, thank you. And then while he's doing the toast,

Louis, regular Louis, tells us, like, growing up, I had a hard time with my dad. My dad was an alcoholic. So I had to be the alpha of my family, you know, because when people look at me, they think, Louis, alpha, am I right? So I was the oldest son and my dad was very hard on me and he's recovered alcoholic now and he's done a lot of healing with him. And I've taught him how to like, punch a jaw real tight to your face turns, the color

of grimace from McDonald's. It's great. So I thought it was funny that Louis so they announced the dad's gonna speak right and Louis eyes were like this He got really furious bug. I like he doesn't just get bug eyes. He gets like squinty bug eyes where it's like Like they're scary eyes and so he got those eyes like would you better watch it old man? I was like, what the hell? How could you possibly be mad at this person played by George Costanza's father on Seinfeld? Like how could you, how could you get mad at Mr. Stiller?

Okay. Yeah. But then the dad gets up there and we see where Louie gets it. Cause he's like, no, everyone, we're blessed. We've been so blessed, beyond blessed. And I know The day and I go to the big casino who up in the sky. I'm gonna be comfortable Because there's a woman who's got you back. There's a woman who's got you back

Now I'm gonna send around cards everybody write your social security and your mother's made name on them And we'll call it a day I was like, these very used car salesman, I don't trust him. Yeah. And speaking of the big casino in the sky, if I should pass before my debts are cleared, let me just say sorry in advance and I may owe some money to the Harris Corporation. All right, good night everyone. So Jen goes and sits by Paul and she's like, Hey Paul, you're self-am-anland., hey, Paul, yourself, I'm Ireland. Is that yes? Well, I changed where I was born. So yes, I'm still Irish. Well, you want to have some whiskey with me.

I love whiskey. Yeah. And he goes, oh, you're like whiskey. Do we? Yeah, we should have an Irish party. We should make this an Irish way. And that's the Irish shit. Cut the shit.

Paul, OK? You tried your mom. Yeah. And then she's like, you know, I don't really like the taste of whiskey, you know, but I love the effect, you know, I'm like, you know, you could get the same effect from literally any other alcohol, right? So he gives her this look like you're a fucking moron. Okay, and that's where it looks like this interaction ends, but after this show, I watched

Dance Queen's in my new favorite Bravo show, even though we're not covering it, I fucking love that show. I encourage you all to watch it. It's classic Bravo. Please watch it. I'm begging you. It needs to come back on here. Okay, it's only where I'm watching that. And they're like, and now an extended scene from Teresa's from Teresa's wedding. And so it's this scene and it continues. She's like, I don't like bourbon, what's the taste of it? So Louis is like, all right, I'm going to give a speech now. So he stands up. She's like, yeah, but you know what? Here's what I'm going to give speech about. Whisk him bourbon. I love it. He'll add it. She's like taking shots and just talking like no one is giving a speech. So Jen apparently got wasted at this thing and made

mass out of herself. And everyone's trying to give speeches and just kept talking through and then she's like, wow, this food is delicious, baby. She's just like she's having food in her mouth during the speeches. I was dying. I can't believe they cut all that out. Yeah. How could they cut it? Considering there was so many dull moments going to happen. You know, so, um, uh, so treats like, well, I can't wait to party tomorrow. And we're going to dance all night long. I'm all about the dancing dancing queens coming to Bravo soon.

I am sorry, but you have to keep talking because I'm doing something extremely important right now. I'm getting a screenshot that I need to show everybody of Priscilla's mask. Oh, I have one of Theresa and her mask. I shot that up as well. Yeah, you do Theresa and I'm going to do Priscilla. I'm going to air drop this over to my laptop because I took a picture and I was like, I don't think these were actually COVID masks. Is this like a makeup mask that you have to put on in order to like not be I don't think you're supposed to completely suffocate yourself during COVID. Okay, here's Priscilla.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, I mean that's that's really amazing. Okay, I'm gonna do I'm gonna do Teresa's hold on I have to convert it because I hate this format. Can I complain about something? Okay, I cannot stand these photos that come out as .h-e-i-c files instead of JPEG. What the fuck? Why do they have to unleash a new image file on us that like nothing doesn't work with anything? Do you know this? They also did that with the web.

The web A, whatever. Web P, web P files. Stop, we don't need new image formats. Now you have to like, now you have to like open them, and then you have to screenshot the photo of the photo, and then you get a pinning. And then so if you need a JPEG, you need to go transfer the pinning into some other fucking thing.

Oh, you can do the web, the web P or the HICP, you have to open up in Preview, and you have to convert it to JPEG. And it just is stupid, deeply, deeply unpleasant. Okay. So anyway, let's go to the makeup suite, which is why we're bringing up these pictures. So Priscilla is an insane mask. I don't know what it is, but

the trees is a mask. I'm guessing this is like a moisturizing kind of a mask that keeps. Oh, yeah, must be a a mask. Which is a mask is up. I'm guessing this is like a moisturizing kind of a mask that keeps. Oh yeah, must be a moisturizing mask. Yeah, it is. I thought it was like a hard plastic, but now that I look at it more carefully, I think you're right.

I think it's a- But it looks like something that, it's like you ordered your Teresa online and it came. And then of course, it suddenly turns murderous and then everybody's running, it's like the Megan, you know, the tree. Well, you know when you get like a new iPhone or something like that and it has all these plastic on it, that's not like sticky. There's always like a little tab and you pull it off and

it like, it sort of like glides off. This is like Teresa just came from the Apple Store. Like, she was actually purchased at the Apple Store and you just have to start taking the plastic off before you can start using her. Yeah. So they're in the makeup suite. Chris Lillilux and Sane, and she's like, like, honestly, three, you have been on such a journey. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Three because Priscilla is old school Bravo. I mean, she's been doing makeup for Bravo. Laborities specifically real housewives for years and years.

I mean, yeah, if anyone's going to ever write a tell all, it is going to be Priscilla. And I am going to read it. Priscilla has been making money pretending to be these bitches friends forever. Okay. Yeah. I don't know if she really is our friend who knows, but you'll never really know because you're paying her. Okay. Exactly. But Priscilla's there giving her, you know, friend, ploy support, which is cute. And I always love to see Priscilla because she's, you know, like I said, she said, character he's been around forever. There's Priscilla. There's like three makeup artists on Broadway.

There's Priscilla. There's that other girl, I forget her name, but she's Kyle Richards makeup lady, who also appears a lot on other people's. And then there was like Joey Maloof. So like those are like the three makeup people that circle the world of Broadway. Priscilla, I would say, is the main one.

She is the queen of all. Oh, Priscilla's, yeah. She's the top. She's the head. And she also, I see, she's the head-privileged. Head is the queen of all. Oh, Priscilla's, yeah. She's the top. Priscilla is the top. And she's the head-prvian charge. Head-prvian charge. And actually, what you can, like, what you really see later in this episode is,

she also knows her role as a makeup lady to really, like, advance a storyline or try to make someone cry or, like, just creating a scene. She really knows what she's doing. Or she attempts, it's not her fault, it doesn't work out, but she knows what her duties are as a makeup person on Bravo. It's time for commercial, it's time. Hi, I'm Michael Patrick King, host of the official Max Companion podcast, and just

like that, the writer's room. Each episode members of the writer's room and I unpacked moments from season 2, sharing juicy details you can only hear from us. Stream and just like that season 2 starting June 22nd on Max, and listen to end just like that, the right is room on Max or wherever you get your podcasts. So, Luccia and Priscilla, I consider them like my best friends, circles, and all right. I know them for over 10 years today and they were both always especially deaf for me, even what my dad. So they're like prankingly family, thing, ah, be ah.

Luccia is like, remember when you met him? You were like, do you, gaga. And she was, and remember she was saying like all these things like oh my god He's sending me shade he's sending me shade music. I'm like the idea of Teresa trying to figure out shade is hilarious Oh my god who said what's this saying? I don't understand is it a crime? I don't get it. So he's Jewish Like his mother say it later Teresa So he's Jewish? Like his mother's say to her. Later, Teresa.

So Angie texts tree. Okay, so we find out that Angie is a nurse from the hospital where her dad was sick. So it's sweet that she gets a text. Now I would suggest Angie, you know, maybe self-edit because it's a very long text for a wedding day. Okay, Angie is 10 pages long. Check your text.

But it was nice. She's like, you're dead. I dreamt about you, dad. Your dad told me how proud of you and how he's at the wedding right now. He's eating it up right now. And she's like, yeah, I would love to have my parents walk me down the aisle. You know, it's a sad part. And she's like, you know, what's happened? Amazing day. And then she keeps reading the text. They said, your brother took a mortgage out on a mansion in heaven and didn't pay it. So they moved back in with me and Louis. It's so nice to so have them around. Oh my God, no wonder did you know that

ghost octopus still smells funny? I said, my dad, he cooked when I'm out. I ran. It's a Teresa's obviously'm going. It's a recess, obviously, very emotional. So she's like, as she's reading it, she starts to get choked up and she's squeak reading. And it's like, it's very sweet. And so I'm like, this is very sweet, but also I'm cracking up at her voice, because she's like,

Hey, how you doing, babe? Hello, my dad. Hello. I was like, I am a terrible person that I'm laughing so hard while she's like crying about her dead parents, but like I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I'm trying to make us cry in a cartoon. You can't make us try in a cartoon.

Cry in a cartoon. You can't have the, okay, the road runner can't, okay. Wiley Kiyote can't fall off the cliff, and then we have to sit there during the wake for Wiley Kiyote for his like family, okay? It's just not right. So then Priscilla's like, don't worry, and you have a good family you're entering in, all right?

You got two new sisters. Oh, and the last time we touched base, Joey might not be coming. What's going on with that? Ah, and what's like you said, she's like, I'm gonna move the plot forward because listen to someone who's on these sets all the time to special sucks.

Okay, let me just say it's extremely boring. All right. Briscilla's like, okay, come on, let's get a reaction. Look, we haven't done the eyes yet. So let's get some tears work. Okay. So Teresa's like, yeah, he's not coming in. So you're only sibling in the entire world, the only person who shares some DNA with you

at the generational level is not showing up today. And this is where Gabriella jumps in. And it's like, I'm now I'm punching in for work today. So she's like, I hear my uncle's name. And I think for a day, he's not present. He definitely shouldn't be present in our conversation. This is the biggest state of her life.

My mom should enjoy her wedding in peace. I was like, well, unfortunately, your mother is enjoying a televised wedding for a show that she causes a lot of drama on with the sibling they're discussing. So if you're gonna do this, you're gonna need to start screaming and crying about it or get off my screen. And it's like she listened to me.

It's like she could hear me from my chair. And I was like, okay, Ronnie, thanks for the coaching. I'm jumping in. Gabriella, look, I know what you mean. You want your mom. Like, his name should be mentioned, and your mom should have like a wedding day in peace. Yes, but like, you know, Priscilla works for her. Priscilla's not asking her those questions unless she knew Teresa wanted those questions, put on TV to highlight for the audience, how terrible Joe Gorgher was. Of course, Teresa is very happy to have that question asked. Of course, Teresa needs to highlight

that she's a complete and total victim at all times, right? So Priscilla was doing her job. Your Priscilla was doing, yeah. Teresa, this is Teresa's piece. Being able to be like, my only sibling didn't want to be here. I'm the biggest happiest day of my life. Like, that is Teresa's piece.

That's her love language. You can't jump on stage because your mom is playing Cinderella and then tell her, no, don't go back for the shoe. Go back for the shoe. It's like you're ruining the thing. You don't go back for the shoe, go back for the shoe. It's like you're ruining the thing. You don't know what you're doing.

And this is part of the process. It's a yes. Go back to your fucking seat. Okay. So that helps Louis, you know, Jerry Stiller helps Louis with his outfit and that's probably pickpocketing him as well for all we know. And Louis's like,

oh my dad is helping me with my butt. He's tickling my ass at the same time. So Bill comes over and he's like, I'll take over. And he bends down and grabs the band and he's like, we don't want those pants to fall off prematurely now, do we? Snap. Wouldn't want those buttocks those tight listening buttocks be exposed to the air So Jen go she shows up in the makeup room So I can't do this and she's wearing a glitter shirt that says a plastic surgery Glad you got your moment to publicize that your friends wedding So she's like, hey, can I buy you for a second? She said, I mean, what's going to, I was just going to wait until you were free, but apparently you're going to be

in here for 19 hours, getting something attached to your head. So come on, baby. So she pulls her side and she had a little heart made with a picture of her parents in it, like a little necklace charm, which is cute. And she's like, I just wanted to say, I'm real sorry, back 10 and 10, yeah, the back this cheating rumor from a list even though you told me to do it. I just feel like I played a part

and I'm not coming in, you're welcome too. It's just like it's so shameless, like the faux sorrow that she's expressing and just how like how Theresa and Jennifer have acted about this whole rumor, we never wanted this to get out. I never should have said it. Oh, and now look at the discord that it has caused. I feel so terrible that this rumor about Melissa cheating on her brother. I mean, just like a little slut.

Just like that. I feel terrible. There was that twist to it that it's like Melissa already knew the entire time and they just wanted to make sure it was on camera. Yes. But she cheated. I mean, just so it's just so diabolical and hilarious. And so am I. And it's just so diabolical and hilarious. I'm so ham-hand.

Priscilla, folks are headed. Your only brother not coming to the wedding. Can you believe it? Your only brother. Your only as happy as the sibling who's being cheated on by his stupid stripper of a wife is. So to be said, that's not your fault. They made their decision and you know, like it's okay. So meanwhile, in the other room, Gabriella's,

like she has been activated, like her, she is ready to go. And she's like, really? They better not be talking about my uncle right now. Don't you mean your sister's only brother who's not here right now, would you be with his gene wife. And with all the girls who are in a confessional together,

and Gabriella's like, I think it's unfair to my mom that people keep bringing up my uncle to my mom. And Melania's like, yeah, people should know this is a sensitive topic. And he honestly just makes the song really upset. And she's like, well, I'm sorry, baby. And then she goes, but today's about positive vibes. And then we hear Gabriella having a fucking fit now in the other room going, no, I don't want

to hear his name. I don't want to hear it. Like, what are you, the new Rosie? I'm so glad that there's like a Rosie next generation. Well, no there's like also another Rosie, Rosie, because Malani goes, are you serious? Why is she crying? No, this is when I get pissed off. Okay, why does Gabriel cry? I'm gonna piss off right now. I don't want to hear with me.

Why is she crying? No. She's crying, someone, why is she crying? This one's silent for 10 years, almost she gets to cry on my mom's special No, we all made it back. No one gets to cry First and cry we all cry So tree run tree runs out there saying oh my god. We're not talking about any money

All right, and just like sorry. I was just trying to give her a gift girls and Gabrielle's like it's a wedding day Jen have bay use I'm you think I'm sorry I'm sorry baby Yes, Teresa's daughter is telling off gen. Okay, maybe this could be about Teresa's daughter So first I was hesitant, but I'm hopeful now You know what my daughter's I'm like very overprotective of me because like since Joe left like we've only had each on a you know, and you've also had your only Sippling in the entire world who chose not to be yet. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Priscilla. Thanks, Priscilla So then we go to what the Things on the screen the stage directions or whatever say in distinct chatter that sounds like, there he is.

So then it's the groomsman, they're all talking to each other. And Louis has a real creepy friend named Garrett, who's like, hey, Louis, you can marry today. I was like, ooh, back off, Garrett, fuck. You know, it's creepy ginger. And then Louis, like, guys, this is like a real pivotal moment right here. And, you know, this is the blessed I've ever felt.

I went back to make sure I'm to confirm, he said, it's the blessed, this is the blessed. And so the dad's like, we're all happy. It's an improvement, because they could have said, it's the most blessed it had it. It is. That's true. Blessed it has.

Blessed. And Bill goes, yeah, because you found your match. Mm. And David. David, OK. So now, David is the brother kind of with Frank Katania voice, which is really weird. Like he sounds just like he's like, all right.

You know what you got? Mutuality, man. That's what you got. Mutuality. Mutuality, which is not something someone's ever said about me with a dictionary. The fact is, you know, she's a partner who's meeting you here when you're, when, when meeting you where you were so important. I'm sorry.

What I was trying to say is like, you're here. You're love is here. And you're love is you need someone to meet you here and here, not here and here. Mutuality. And then he starts crying. Another fucking shyster in this family with self-help bullshit. This family is a mess.

I cannot believe she's marrying into this. And so Louis is like, I love you man. He's like, I love you man. And they're all purple and they're all crying now. And David's like, yeah, but I love you with the same level man. He's like, I love you with the same level, man. He's like, I love you with this egg, well, bro.

And Louie has like very special crazy eyes. We're just like, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Matrimonial crazy eyes. Weird out. Yeah. So then back in the, in the makeup room, Priscilla's like, tree tree, tree tree is going to

get married today. Teresa's getting married today. And her only sibling isn't here to see it. And Trees is like, Lucy, Aunt Luchina came with me when I picked up my headbeats and I told Luchina, I want her half up and half down because Louis likes my hair away from my face. And I like my hair close to the ceiling. Fucking Teresa.

close to the ceiling. Fucking Teresa. So they're getting a ton of hair on Teresa. We've already all seen in the media. Yes. But Lutchi is like, this is the biggest project we've ever done, Bambalina. And I told them, I want a big, you know, you like get the ground and then have to work on the ground. It's got to be real big. And Lutchi apparently has like some kind of margin in Simpson's fixation, I don't know what it is,

but we get the hair reveal and it is whole areas, margin Simpson style, humongous, leaning tower of pizza. Okay, it's gigantic. I honestly, I actually love it. I think this is like, everyone's like, this is too big. I'm like, you know what, I think it is so perfect. It is so perfect for Teresa for this wedding. I think it is like, everyone's like, this is too big. I'm like, you know what? I think it is so perfect. It is so perfect for Teresa, for this wedding.

I think it was great. We've also had time to digest this wig. And I have to say now that I have, it looks normal. By the time I saw it on the show, it's like, that's not so big. What's the big deal? Like it looks great. But the look on people's face, seeing this the first time,

oh my God, they're just looking at her like, oh wow. And Jen's like, it's very appropriate. And she tells us, I'm a team player, so don't be, but the hair's supposed to be an accent piece, not the man show, baby. And Jen's like, so is that a piece or is that extensions? Is that yet? No, it's all her fucking hair.

What kind of clog, what kind of drain do you think she has in Marisha Hauer? Like a city, a fucking pipe? Come on. It's like she's been plucking hairs quietly for the past 15 years to shape this wig for a day when she might finally need to use it. So, um, yeah, it yeah, it's total craziness. So yeah, and it's like $10,000 worth also.

Capriela tells her mom. She says, it literally looks like a rat's nest. Okay, Capriela. All right. All right. Do you guys, I mean, obviously it's big. Like, Queen Elizabeth probably has a crown like that. Yes, I'm sure Queen Elizabeth, that's exact. This was a look that Queen Elizabeth was really hoping for right before she passed. She was like, it was a deathbed request.

Yeah, you know, Queen Elizabeth, known for her, you know, fucking amazing fashion choices and huge hair So Teresa like oh my god, thanks for being and Laura's goes would I like it to be a little lower? Yes, but she looks beautiful Teresa can pull that off, but How do we get this to be a little lower just a little lower? It's just it's very tall at this point I'm starting to worry that dog's gonna fall down it. There's no real way.

I mean, no banister is what I meant to say. Moving on, so Paul, Paul arise, Paul, and then Jennifer Fessler. Now this is the time when people are arriving at the weddings. We have lots of bravo people, so we have Jennifer Fessler, we get Modge, we have Ashley Darby, Danielle and Nate Daniels, like, oh my god I know I'm here for the for Teresa and Louis like the way things got out of hand at Paulie's house like oh

Oh, if I had known that what I would have said would have caused Joe not to go to Teresa's wedding I never would have said it This is what an hour never would have said it. Y'all might avoid all that drama the day. My great jacket. Not here. Not now. If it's her we say, all right. So she comes, I have to say Danielle was the best part

of this episode for me. I thought she was fucking hilarious in this episode. I died. I love you. Love you, Danielle. You're a great addition. I hope you do great. I hope you're on this format I died. I love you. Love you, Danielle. You're a great addition. I hope you do great. I hope you're on this format.

Bye. You generation speaking of his. Yes, ladies. So then we see Chanel Ion is there and then Jackie and then Doreen. Doreen just shows you up. You better back it up wedding. And of course, Hi, still Zarin.

And she like, I love Jill and Margaret's banter. I was like, why have we not seen these two together? Because Jill's like, you look like you lost weight. This is a good way for you. Oh yeah, you like this weight, but you know what? Like I told my mom, like this is those the way that I'm going for. Well, it looks good on you. Thank you.

It looks good. You look beautiful too. You look gorgeous. You look gorgeous. I'm gorgeous. You're gorgeous, but both gorgeous. You know, I told my senior not to come because Melissa's mom isn't here. You know what? It's just going to be uncomfortable.

The whole thing. So I said, my say home. You know, and then she tells us, I want this all to be about to recently. Of course, but on the other hand, poor Melissa and Joe feel very betrayed. It's shocking. It's devastating. And I have a hard time wrapping my head around it. I just can't. Margaret, no.

Bad. Don't come on here and start drama that somebody's wedding. No. Stay. Stay in the way that I'm not. Stay in the way that I'm not. So this episode, I was like,

I agree. No, no. Well, it's more like it. It's like she took on too much for Melissa and Joe. Like she should have just gone and had fun at the wedding because it was a big wedding. Everyone was there, like all the Bravo people were there, go and party till the night's over.

Bringing the negativity from Melissa and Joe's not cool. I didn't like it at all. And I get that she's friends with Melissa, but Melissa sucks, and she's currently online while this is all happening, taunting Teresa and being a complete dick with her husband, Joe. So I think that makes it even worse. And you know, Marjus attached to that fucking phone. So she knows all this is going on. It's like, it's gross, gross, not a good move.

I just think it, yeah, I just think, like, I don't care if she talks about Melissa at the wedding. I just think that she shouldn't have left early out of some sort of loyalty to Melissa. I think that's stupid. So it's the whole bringing the drama around everybody. Like, can you believe this is going, oh, what are we gonna do about this?

It's a recent show and then an ass like, yeah, don't even bring it to the door, you know? And then we noticed that there are show girls everywhere. And I was like, wow. What's like, face dancers? Like, there's like guys in top hats. Like, nothing really made sense. Yeah, it's like,

we're all will Rogers Follies. I was like, what is going on? So now the guests go outside for this hair money and it's super hot outside, it's like 100 degrees. And Teresa's taking forever, of course, and she is zipping up her dress and she's like, my fingers are in your ass, just say it, ma. Yeah, and Danielle's like, oh my God,

it's like a million degrees. Yeah, everyone is sweating, you know, like my makeup is running. You can already tell the genius and who he is and the police and the police are all dripping right now. And Marjord's like, everyone has spanked on. We're gonna smell like swamp ass. Okay, no, no, no, not good. Okay, not good.

Yeah, and we see Fadre parks there and then Dorenda, Dorenda's sitting with Chanel and she's like, Hey, show us that. I heard you buy it. I like this. Yeah, is this what it's like? Like New Jersey? So now it's time for the ceremony. And then we get a card because of course it's another segment. You're invited to the bridal ceremony. Guys, the audience is lucky. We got invited to every event. I know. So on the list. Louis walks down and Mars pretends to cry, which is so funny how she pretends because she

just like kind of hits her eye with her fingers. She's like, oh my god, just something coming to my eye. I got it. Oh god, it's another one. It's like inside, it's like slides inside my wet flies try to come out. God. God. Never. He looks good. This is where Margaret is now calling everything gorgeous. You know what? He looks gorgeous. He likes gorgeous. You know what? They look gorgeous too. In whatever you look gorgeous. Oh, look at these trees.

Gorgeous. Everything here is just absolutely gorgeous right now. And Louis is also complimenting everything as he walks down the aisle. He's like, oh, look at this. Look at this pathway. It's great job. Great job on the pathway. Oh, hey, hey Bob. Hey, yeah, yeah.

I know that guy from college. Okay, yeah, yeah. What are you my sister? Veronica, hey, Veronica, you're a good sister. You look beautiful Veronica. Girls, girls, bright face. You look beautiful. You look beautiful.

All of you look beautiful. Let's get, and you know, I'm sincere, because I'm doing prayer hands when I do it. Beautiful, you look beautiful. Beautiful, thank you. You look beautiful. You look beautiful. All of you look beautiful. Let's do it. And you know, I'm sincere because I'm doing prayer hands. When I do it, beautiful. You look beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you. Oh, yeah, doing his blast, just like a gorgeous. Beautiful.

Beautiful. So then they play Ave Maria, which is that a wedding song? You know, I don't know. I don't know what when Ave Maria is supposed I thought Ave Maria is supposed to be used when Dubs are flying and slow motion and people are shooting guns. Okay, I'm looking up is Ave Maria awaiting her a funeral song? I've heard it at funerals. Ave Maria, which is translated from Latin to mean Hail Mary, is a popular funeral choice. It was written by Ron Schubert in 1825. That's some funny shit. And it's on the list of 11 popular funeral hymns and songs for religious services Come again at number one on most popular funeral hits

No, that was the first answer There also is a follow- on another article from Busted Halo. I think it's funny for this conversation. I can see it. Is Ava Maria appropriate for a wedding? The song Ava Maria is a popular choice for Catholic weddings and is liturgically appropriate to include it if the couple chooses to do so. So there we go. Here it is.

But it's still funny that the very first thing is like the most popular funeral songs in full time to reach this, to resist wedding songs. To a scam artist. It's a huge bop at funerals. And you know, as long as we are here talking about things, I have to say Teresa's hair and her old look, what cracks me up is that, look, she literally looks like a board game.

She literally looks like a board game cover right now because look at this ridiculousness. Of course, I can't bring it up right now. She, her hair, she looks like a little cartoon. Look at that. That is Teresa. It is a... That's too small.

That hair is actually too small. I know. I take it back. I take it back. Grease, similar Greason vibe, but wow. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back.

I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back.

I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. I take it back. as deep as you'd think. And as she walks down, Marge is like, oh my God, and she gets closer to me.

That hair gets bigger and bigger. I'm just waiting for the dubs to fly out of there. I mean, what else could she be packing in that hair? Jesus Christ, what is it? Danlie Davido gonna come out of there for a special performance? I mean, Jesus Christ. I think we now know where all the pizza ovens are.

They're just in her hair. So Danielle is like, well, you know this saying the higher the hair, well, this is the closer the God, wow, God is looking up to her at this point. He's like, wow, look up to what's going on up there. Um, so then we get to kind of that was so funny. I love her. I think she's doing so guy. So Louis, like, yeah, her hair is up there in the house, like three feet. Oh, that's what she wanted. And that's

beautiful. This beautiful, that's what she wanted and that's beautiful This beautiful that's what she wants So then Veronica does hers, you know, it's all very generic after say, you know, it's not like oh my god You know what when the first day when you asked me for my eye-cloud pass what and then yes If you could be on my find my friends that. That was the nicest thing you would have of them for me. But then for now, you always know where I was and you always showed up there. Angry with me, think that I was cheating on you. It's something I was expecting something. But it's like, you're a woman.

I'm a man. I love you. You love me. Let's get married. It's like, yeah, it was very, very generic. The vows were extremely generic. And Veronica, she's like, well, I want to welcome you all because I cannot think of two other people

more suited for each other than Louis and Teresa. And I was like, I don't think she meant that in a positive way. I think she meant, please welcome two idiots getting married and joining them themselves in idiotic matrimony. Yeah, she tried to make some jokes because it's Veronica, but they didn't really go over. So then we go, we are invited to the reception. Okay, so at first it's kind of normal. Okay, so Marz tries it. So she's with Jackie and Fessler, and they're talking about how beautiful she was,

how gorgeous, and Louis was so emotional, and Fessler's like, oh yeah, well, he had Margaret to compete with, didn't he? I mean, it was you and Louis, crying in the whole wedding. And Margaret's like, yeah, it only when crying was me and Louis. And you know why? Because she's just sister,

and all I could think of, we're here, and they're not here. I mean, so how could I feel as happy as we should I don't feel good dancing tonight away while Melissa and Joe while they're home being up sounds like they're home having a fucking party making Instagrams about how Teresa's never their family anyway. Yeah, choose their own family and this and that bad move and good move, though, to Fessler and Jackie, who did not play along with this at all. I never really liked it. I'm gonna stop it.

This is ridiculous. Like, don't hit your ride to any of these people, because you're gonna get burned at the end. Come on. And so, you're like, no, I don't wanna talk about it. Okay, let's have a good time. Let's have a good time. Go ahead, just go ahead, just go ahead,

just everything's going, just okay. Also, then meanwhile, while this is happening, Teresa's in the chapel taking photos, and she has, on for her wedding outfit, she has like, lace gloves that are like, integrated into her dress. And she's like, oh my God, Veronica! I forgot to take my glove off with the ring,

Veronica! Veronica's like, and? I, I, this is a glove. I, I didn't take my glove off isn't that funny around a good. She's you know Veronica's like Oh God's the next 50 years of my life dealing with this lady in my family Then we get a cameo from the gold crackle papas The trade. Oh my god. I love Nicole crackle papas like why her own like to not worsen fall and she's like Oh, I saw was you in the lace and her classy miss did you pick this one out? Hey, let me say something right fucking now

Am I going to a wedding right next year because I gotta get the dress now these arms are big all right Let me know let it let a pepano D'loss come on you give your go pep out give Give her a heads up, cause this, what I'm wearing right now is so fucking gorgeous. That if I'm not wearing something as fucking gorgeous as this fucking piece of shit that I'm wearing right now, I don't know if I can even show up at your wedding. So give me a heads up, okay, do a go-saw it, okay?

So then everyone's changing and Teresa, Teresa and Louis go on the elevator's like, can we have sex before we go back? So gross. We know your penis works, Louis, okay? Fucking weirdo. So they all march and go ahead, sorry. I was gonna say, I love, I love Durinda being so puzzled by the sweating.

She's like, wait a second, like, how do we eat all this food? And then we still have to have dinner. How are you gonna do that? What's your human? There's already a 40 hand 10 dinner. How you gonna do that? What's your year worth? It's already a 40-hours 10 appetizers and the three laps is, what's going on? And Mark, it's a challenge.

Okay, a challenge, I don't think you've ever been doing a Italian wedding before. Yeah, Tarenda's confused by everything in this wedding. It was pretty funny. And she's like criticizing it in little ways. Like when the strippers start coming out, she has got a lot of jersey wedding. Cause they all have strippers start coming out, she has, I got to love a Jersey wedding. Because they all have strippers at them, you know?

So Marge is talking to Dolores and, now Marge is not taking the hint here. And so they're like, you look gorgeous, you look gorgeous. So she's like, you know what, I'm going to watch him walk in. And I think I'm going to slip out. She's like, really? I love Margaret. She's a friend of mine, but today's about Theresa, you know? Like, there's always next week.

You can always do this next week. And then the headlines start popping up on everybody's phone across the wedding. Fester sees it first and we know because we see this much. Oh! And then Jen sees it and headlines start splashing all over the screen.

Melissa slams Theresa. Just respectful, unapologetic. Melissa and Joe Gorgher unbothered an unapologetic an hour away from Teresa to Tis' wedding side. Boo, Daily Mally, Savannah Pump. I mean, so salty, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, we see those famous Instagram stories of them like at the Sumina pool, be like, this is what real families like. So then, Jan is like, you can't just let her have a happy day, Kenya. It's only bad enough that she doesn't have her one last family, but by his side, but he's bashing her on social media. This is supposed to be the happiest day of the life.

She can't see this post, What happens if she sees this post? Baby and then upstairs Louis sees it while he's waiting for Teresa to get dressed and he's like oh my gosh Oh my god, Rizanna Rizanna if these fucking people put out one more message on social media I swear to god. I'm gonna fucking bury him so bad Rosanna I'm gonna fucking bury them and then the I guess he tells the cameraman to go away. So the cameraman puts the camera on the ground and is so shady, I love it. And then we just goes on.

If he puts out one more, I swear to God, I'm gonna, for him not to come that fucked up. Her parents would go crazy if they saw this. I'm gonna bury them with this. Rosanna's like, you can't let them get to you. Okay, here's what you do. We're gonna send Nicole Greco-Pipus down there and she'll take care of business.

Okay, I'm on top of it. Rosanna out. So then it's a reception dancing part and Teresa comes out and saying, Man, looing, boom! And he's like, come on, can we just go down? Can we go down to our wedding? All right, come on. Because he's not gonna tell her why he's so stressed.

It's Joe. Melissa's behavior. So we go downstairs and there's like a burlesque dancer doing back bends on. There's all sorts of stuff. And Teresa's like, yeah, I want to my wedding to be sexy and high. I want to like lots of people be sexy. And then there's like a girl sitting in a martini like an oversized martini glass with a girl in it. And Teresa told her wedding planner. She's like, yeah, I said like,

when I as less clothes as possible, I want everyone to look like Melissa Gorka on the pole, you know? Yeah, don't tell me Melissa wasn't invited. She's all over this place, I mean. And Daniel's like, I'm like, wow, is it any lady in front of me? Look at it. You like I feel like I should put more body into the car actually. I want to go fish my envelope because I need to put more body in there. So then, um, Louis and Teresa are having their dance and Melania's like, mom and Louise first dance was literally the most beautiful thing I ever saw. Like, we gotta get Melania out of the house more than... Yeah, more of Melania.

By the way, March slips out and she takes Fessler with her. And I thought that for Fessler, yeah. Well, Fessler get an Uber, you know? That's what I'm saying. I think she's still in her first season that March brought her on, so she feels like, okay, I've got to go with Marge. You know, it's the Jersey rule, if I rode with you, I got to go home with you. So by the way, I do have to say, I don't generally look down on people who sneak out of weddings,

because you know what, there's like a lot of value in doing that, because, you know, after a certain point, like, you just got to get out of a wedding. But in this, the context of her doing it, I did not approve. Well, this is coming, doing something on national TV in front of cameras that's purposely like, I don't approve of how you treated Melissa and Joe, and this is me acting out on it on your wedding. You know, it's not cool, unlike it.

And she's gonna get it for this because Theresa never lets anything go. So we'll see what this turns into. That would be bad. Yeah. Louis will probably call the actual whale that sued Marge in the first place and start some shit. Who knows what he's going to do.

Oh, Ditalanit. So there's a wedding. Like, so then, so yeah, they're all just like happy with the first dance. And then like, oh, Olivia's there. And Olivia's like crying watching it. She's so cute. She's like, I work so hard for this moment, baby.

Divination therapist. I'm a love therapist. This is so, baby, this is the girl. I'm an eagle. So there's just like more wedding stuff. There's like a million camos. We haven't even talked about Kenya's there. Kenya's there. Lonnie love is there Alexia's there I mean, they're just like so many A Swarler This is a Swarler and Bill gets like an immediate boner So Jen just looks at the Swarler and then looks at us like what the fuck is going on?

Baby And she is just deadpan. Okay, so the daughters give speeches. Louis, they're, you know, like, ma, ma, what a marry, but now, ma is married. Don't mention Joe. It's like beautiful speeches, girls. Adriana is 12 and she looks like she's 25. It's like really blowing my mind.

Yeah. And then Louis does a speech. And he's like, I like to see all plugged in, family bro. And I can't wait for us to be grandparents. And Tracy's like, no, yeah, I'm right. We got time for that. And they kiss each other. They call each other so weird. And they just kiss each other and kiss each other. And I just wrote, please end. And that's my last note. And it did end. And that's my last note.

And it did end. And then we saw a preview for what looks to be such an incredibly toxic reunion that it'll be, it's gonna be a great June for Bravo and toxic reunions. It's just gonna be insane. There's a lot of negativity coming up guys. So I just wanted to start it with some positivity. Love Teresa's Bob.

Love it. It is so cute or hair is so cute. I Like it too. I thought it was a great great. It's the best. It's looked in years. I think it's really cute. Otherwise, wow looks super fun. I'm glad that Melissa's dropped the act. That's nice. I'm glad we're getting season one Melissa back while Melissa's first season Not season one obviously, but when Melissa first came on at the christening and was just a vile and she's like, hi, I just wanted to say hi to fuck you. Get away from us. You suck. I'm glad that they're back because I think that they would have been entertaining all this

time if Melissa had really not been taking it. So welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. come back, come back. Yeah, there you go. So that'll be next week. In the meantime, if you want this video, go to Patreon's Crappin' on demand for us, us, Hi. And thank you to everybody who's here and get your free videos over on YouTube. Go become a member. Also, you know what, we love you. Go get tickets for our live shows. You do that over at patreon.com. I mean, watch what crap is.com. That's our website. Okay. Yeah, bye. Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors.

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