Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: The 40 Year Old Splurgin' - Live from NYC

Episode Date: November 24, 2019

It's Crappensgiving on the podcast, and we're celebrating by not just recapping "Real Housewives of New Jersey" but also inviting two people we are deeply thankful for: Kate Chastain (Below Deck) and Hannah Berner (Summer House). Together, the four of us declare what we are most thankful for on Bravo (and life). Then it's on to recap Melissa Gorga's 40th Birthday bash, which is most notable for one thing: RAMONA SINGER. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Mina Kuchiku-chiku-chi! Goodbye, Carl! I'm happy it's Happy it's Happy it's Happy it's Happy it's Happy it's Happy it's Happy it's

Happy it's Happy it's Woah! I guess my best so much that happens Whoa Wow, oh my god New York City wow second show tonight What a day wow what a day who here was who was at the early show? Uh-oh. Hello, people who are about to be kicked out at some point. You wasted, you wasted, trashy motherfuckers. Oh my god. Thank you guys so much for being at the late show.

We love a good late show over here. We really do. There's a guy walking down the stairs with a mop. Just fucking ready for us. Alright, yeah boy. We love love. It's always sounds like bullshit. We love coming to New York, but we really do. Like, I've been looking forward to this show so much for the past, like literally like two or three months. We love you guys. Yeah, this is home for the both of us and a lot of, I've got my best friends here. Brandy and lean, love you girls.

Love you, Michael Brill. Yeah, love you, Bobby. My cousin, Melissa's here with her. We're not even gonna do a show. We're just gonna see Aaron talk about people who are here. Yeah, we have Dave Quinn from People Magazine. This is here, Dave Quinn. You guys, I guarantee you guys have all read his articles because he breaks every cool thing that happens. He just did a cover of me in a tiara

getting married to a guy in an eye patch. Yeah. You remember. You remember. Oh my god. I'm like, I'm like, so full of energy right now. I'm like, I'm like, really just like, I'm very excited.

I'm very excited, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I mean, how could you not be excited? It's crap and it's giving. Yeah. We're very lucky in what we do in that we're not included in anything.

Yeah. Nothing. So when we meet people, it's like through actual real means and you know, we make friends with really funny people who can fucking take a joke Yeah, that is true. When we bring people out, we didn't beg for people to come. We were like, hey bitch If you wanna come be a bitch with us bitch, and they're like, hey bitch And you know like, hey bitch, sir tonight. And you can't have a crap and scathing without like a friend, right? So why don't we bring out like a friend for crap and scum?

Let's do it man. Let's bring out a friend. Hey, who's at our crap and scum? Doorway. Is there anyone down there? Oh my god. That he's down there. It's Hannah from summer house. Hannah from summer house. Here she comes. Oh my God. Hannah Berner, everyone. Hannah Berner in the flesh.

Oh, hi. Thank you. Wow, welcome. I brought some sugar cookies. Thank you for having me. Oh my God, thank you for coming here. Why don't you use this mic? It's much easier.

Yeah. It's much easier with some of the girls. I'm going to sandwich people who make fun of me. It's actually my dream. Yeah. And your mom is here tonight also, right? Well, no, where is she at? Where is she?

I'm see-saw. Someone else just wait. Someone goes like this. I'll be your mom tonight. I'll be your mama. I'll be your mom. I was like backstage. I was like, it's so great to meet your mom.

But like now, how can I make fun of you knowing that your mom is like, listen to our podcast. Oh, go ahead. I said, I'm from Brooklyn, the way we show affection is shitting on each other. And you guys are my favorite podcast. You got me through last season. And we're just a ratchet couple of bitches right here.

Yeah, ratchet bitches. Yeah, ratchet bitches. Tennis. Tennis. Tennis. Did it wait, by the way, did anyone see the Summer House trailer? It is action amazing trailer. It kind of got like with Bravo Con.

They released like everything. It was like, look, Ramona has a new like bucket that she bought. But like, but the summer, I do have a new bucket. Okay, and don't make fun of it. Um. But like the, if you didn't see it, the summer house trailer, and I'm not just saying that because you're right here, it's an amazing trailer.

And I'm really excited. I was you're right here. It's an amazing trailer and I'm really excited I was like making noises that I never made before while watching it I was like crying laughing confused. That's funny because I make noises I've never made before watching it too I Been single woman Over the world single and see single and see Carly-toe! Carly-toe. Carly-toe.

I'm like Carl 3.0 right now, so it's like a totally different Carl than was here before. Yeah. Carl 4.0 is just like working on getting a new job because turns out you have to wake up to go to jobs. You know. Can I do one? Yeah, yeah, Kyle Kyle

When you said Amanda's arc with season one was like, Kyle and she was like season two She is I remember I said everything. I've ever said about anyone and I use it against them when I can Are you wait? Are you in page, still friends? Yes, I understand. Better be me. But we did fight. Oh my God. And I cried really hard.

But you know those cries were like you're crying because of something. And then you remember like when your dad was mean to you when you were five, when you were crying. I never cried. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I cried. You remember your dad on the tennis court

and you're like, this isn't so bad, Paige. This isn't so bad. I'm like imagining, like fighting and crying, Paige would be like, you're a bitch. Yeah. Yeah. With her hands, you don't know what you're talking about. No.

You don't know. Fashion for less. Italian speak with their fingers. Yeah. New Jersey understands that too. Oh. Well listen, Hannah, as wonderful as you are, let's see these sprinkle cookies that you brought. Yeah.

She did not bring these. She's taking her name. I know. Bull on credit. You're really crazy. I'll let ladies from Queens actually brought these sprinkle cookies. These are our girls from the story.

And it just says piece of sprinkle cookies. I can't even say your name. OK, you know what they're from you. Thank you so much. Sorry, um, but you know the thing is this every good Thanksgiving table needs a table scape and all these water bottles are not enough. So let's get this table scape being up. Is there anyone who can help us with our Thanksgiving table scape? I don't know. We got anyone. Oh, it's Kate Chastain from below jump. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It is literally table scoping us right now. She did put a candle upside down, but otherwise this is my dollar table.

And to Kavanaugh, a Kavanaugh sign and pop it off. I don't think that... Oh, yes! I don't think that two pumpkins and three candlesticks in a gather sign have ever had a novation like that. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. course. Hannah Berner. How dare you, my nine.

I'm not great at table skips either, but. Welcome, welcome back to the Show Kate Chastain. Hi. Hi. Now, you know, we always love to see you. I especially love seeing you today, because they edited a clip out of that Bravo Con watcher and happens live that I would love you to tell us about when they had a, Hi, I'm Andy Cohen.

Today we're gonna play a little game I call Quasarif. Squash the beef. Squash the beef. Squash in the, all right. We can do that, right? It's like serpent curve, beef and beef. Yeah, reef and beef. So is beef. Yeah, we even beef.

So is this true that a squash to beef with you was cut? Yes, it was, because you know what? I did not want to turn it into a Jerry Springer moment. Because there was so much fighting. I was like, oh, this is not good. I don't want to be a part of this. And now next up, Kate and Teddy. Oh.

Kate and Teddy. Kate and Teddy. Hi, I'm Teddy. And then she was like, oh, Kate and Teddy. Kate and Teddy, yeah. Oh, I'm Teddy. And then she was like five months pregnant. And you can't argue with a pregnant woman. Your baby's gonna be everywhere. So then I announced that I was pregnant.

So then I announced that I was pregnant. Which is like maybe, because I've been dating a lot. But, woo! So I just was like, congratulations. And I'll be held accountable for all my tweets, and I don't need an accountability coach because I'm pretty fit. Oh, that's- That was so good. So during the season, Kate was like- So wait a minute. How are you being an accountability coach when you want to take accountability?

For being caught in blatant minds? Something like that. No, no, no. It was because she was in a jacuzzi with her husband and Hawaii crying for camera time About how she just wasn't sure if she could like her accountability business was just blossoming so much and she was so stressed out because she didn't want to take time away from her children I'm like, I just tweet. I was like, I didn't so much, and she was so stressed out because she didn't want to take time away from her children. I'm like, I just tweet, I was like, I didn't tag her, I didn't at her. I was like, you know, I'm pretty sure being a accountability coach allows you a lot of time with your kids.

You're just texting. I was being supportive. And she responded with, oh, hashtag, I'm Teddy. I think there's really only one word to sum that all up. And she responded with, oh, hashtag, I'm Teddy. Sorry. I think there's really only one word to sum that all up. Huh. Huh. I never say that.

I do sometimes. That's my element. That's her version of an LL. Yeah, you know you've got Kate. I think we're starting to get Kate goes like this. Huh. It's true. I think it's starting up and Kate goes like this. It's true. I started my Twitter because of K-Chess Jane. Wow.

She's an inspiration to all of us wordsmiths out there. Wait, and wait, can you tell us what, can you like to fill us in a little bit more about what happened when you saw Austin backstage at BravoCon? Yep. You're cute. It's insane. I can't believe we're talking about this. Austin backstage at BravoCon. Yeah. You two. It's insane. I can't believe we're talking about this. It's insane.

This is insane right now. This is insane, Kate. This is insane. You're acting insane right now. It's insane. You're a insane person. We're just at 10. Madison.

You're insane right now. Madison. Madison. So I was talking to Patricia, who's like my new BFF. Campbell Bragg. And all the Bravo people were back there. It was super fun.

And then Austin's like, hi, what show are you on? And I was like, hey, listen, that's fine. That's fine. But I was like, real housewives of Thailand Ocean. It's our seven season. I have been on Bravo a while. So it's real housewives of Thailand. He's like, really?

Are you kidding me? I was like, no. And I walked away and then he thought about it. And then he asked like a brogg, is she kidding with me? He was like, real housewives of Thailand a thing. about it and then he asked like a brobugs is she kidding with me like he what is like a real house is a tie line to thing that's what people say about his beer it's so funny I know prop hop is that executive said okay you should bring his beer on your show I said oh the housewives will love it Hannah's like in

shock she's like oh my god I do not realize this podcast was going to be like this tonight. Oh no, I'm enjoying the banter and the dirt and I'm excited for more. Well, since it is Thanksgiving, crap is giving. And you know what, it's Melissa Gorkas says, thank you baby Jesus. Thank you baby Jesus. We are very grateful. So before we do our Jersey recap, we do want to talk about maybe some three things

that we're all thankful for from the Bravo universe. Ben, would you like to start? Yeah, Ben. You should get a lump K. I guess that's time. Yeah, OK, it gives you guys time. I am thankful for the city of Miami. Because without the city of Miami, we would not have so many wonderful Bravo trips including the trip there by the real houses of New York where Sonia fell on her face

While sitting down I Thought you were gonna say plastic surgery There's that too. Yeah, yeah, well they are they have really perfected heat-resistant plastic surgery there. You've got to have it too, O. Yeah. No, I love that. I don't understand why we don't have real housewas of Miami because they send everyone

there. So let's just have real housewas of Miami back. That's what I'm grateful for. Grateful for the hope of real housewas of Miami coming back someday. Are we rotating one at a time? I don't know if it never want to go down. Yeah, we're going down. We're very formal.

We were doing it, Raven. You want to do it one at a time. We're doing it one at a time. Okay, just one. Okay, well I'm thankful that Summer House is coming back finally. Yeah. I'm so excited. I'm thankful that I got to...

Yes, stop. But these guys have been so fucking supportive. Sorry for cursing of Summer House, and I appreciate that so much I'm thankful for the game of tennis for getting me here Through a lot of hard work. I actually the interview is the first time at an interview They said just explain your Brett tennis career really quick brief concise. I said cool They then repeated it every episode with these same photos, like a mini 30 for 30.

And now I can't go anywhere without someone going, oh, do you play tennis? Yeah. So that is hard. But yeah, I just want to be thankful for that and being in the hot tub and getting away with it. Yeah, good for you. Good for you.

I guess I'm just thankful for vodka and Uber. Okay. In that order. Yes. I like them both. Bravo didn't invent that, but they sure as fuck made us more comfortable with it. This is very true. This is why I moved to New York and not LA because I like drinking

And there's just so much driving in LA True, that is true here. It's like to form the more it's still tough for in the morning here, right? Yeah, end up in some little club under a pizza shop not really understand what's on you or why I saw someone last night Who is passed out standing up? I was like this city really does party's on you or why. I saw someone last night who was passed out standing up. I was like, this city really does party hard. Like he was really famous. Yeah, New York knows how to party for sure. Woo! And there's always a pizza slice at the end of the night.

It's not like LA. Yeah, that's true. In LA, you're like, where do we eat? And I was like, there's a burrito shop that a guy got beheaded in last month. We can go there. Yeah. Somebody robbed the bank down the street

from my apartment with a machete last month. It was so exciting. My mom was like, how's it going? Like, great. I loved an exotic robbery where it comes once every eight years, someone brought a saber into Walmart. I know. A saber.

That's horrifying, but also fascinating. A saber. It's just trying to make old weapons fancy again. I know I'm mine goes back to real hospitalized of New York, too I am really just grateful for the storyline of someone pretending that they quit drinking like that's the best Oh, yeah Because it's like my favorite storyline in real life, too All my friends like oh I quit drinking. Oh really me too, you know?

And then Luanne opens her fridge and it's like sealing to floor like rosés, sparkling rosés or whatever the fuck was in there. White cloth, mixers. Yes. And literally on like the watch what happens live thing when they were like, oh congrats on, congrats on finishing up your probation literally it was like tinsley or, or she can drink again. She can drink again. I was like, yes, that's what we want. Oh, and then that what that new one Leah that girl was jumping into. It's like, shits drinking.

Shits drinking. Did you meet this new Leah girl? I was sure no, but I love Tinsley so much. I love Tinsley too. And Dale. Before I watch what happens, I was like trying to be cool. I put Dale's like, hey, Chastain, I just love you.

She was so fun, Tinsley is so fun, they're the best. Tinsley tries to steal my tennis storyline though, which I don't know. Oh, yeah, she does. She did. I was like, there's so many storylines out there. I actually, with so weird Leah, I knew of this Leah girl, just like in the city. She had like beef with some guy on Raya.

I heard about that. We got the comedian SNL. What's his name? He does weekend update. Oh my gosh. Michael Chase. Her Michael Chase got in like a huge fight. Oh, I love that. I don't know there's she's

She's problematic She's fucking problematic I've seen her in problematic and men She's gonna be great. I'm scared. I feel good about that. I mean It's like what you problem you don't like white chicks or something like that. It's on the internet read it Yeah, you guys might want to check out the new book, The Internet. Yeah, it's amazing.

I would say something else I'm thankful for are, I'm really thankful for where we've come with handbags because without modern handbags, we would have missed out on two really important things that happened in 2019. One was Ramona putting 10 lobsters in one. Like, how did that happen? And they somehow like were still good enough for her to bring back to Durinda

Yeah, it's a lobster. It's okay. I got some lobsters from whoppers house Durinda. You want these lobster Durinda? Yeah, yeah, thank you And then I heard defense fans was like, what? It's part of it. They told us to take them. Yeah, said to. They already did. But what are you gonna do?

Just do. So I'm not a woman in a rap dress, I'm selling it, okay? Just saying. No, she has sort of a bunch vibe, okay? So it just took a lot of things. What? It doesn't like see-fuel, okay?

So then, but also we have to really respect handbags because I'm just so grateful for the visual in my head of Candice's mom hitting her in the head. On Real House, what's the patrol method? You know, like that's just like the best. So thank you handbags. I guess we're gonna keep this going.

I'm thankful for 50 cent. Oh yeah. Yes, yes. We're just keep this going. I'm thankful for 50 cent Yeah, yeah, we're just bringing a storyline that I couldn't have ever imagined Perfect. I want to see like a real housewives of East New York or something with him in it Yeah, sorry, Fafty Like he needs to just be on Vanderpump next season and that'll make the show He needs to just be on Vanderpump next season and that'll make the show fun. Gangster. Yeah, it'd be fast.

It'd be fast. Also, thanks to Randall for just making like chunky awkward guys a thing on Bravo now. Yeah. I cannot wait for 2020. Yeah. He makes it totally. Yeah, he's on it and he's just like, Hey, Lala, it's good to be here. Every time I post a photo on my Instagram, we're like, there's a guy with a beard, just

like kind of trying to be like, that Randall I'm at films? I'm like stop blowing them up. I'm man my man. I'm man My daddy but it worked right? I mean like he made that movie the Irishman what I Think it's too soon to tell It is but you know what we rip her down so much like build her up in the offseason So we have something great. Oh, man. This year's she looks great. I think great. What do you think? Oh, Harry Jubin? Oh, yes Harry Jubin who years up with Harry Jubin anyone Harry Jubin one two three four Six

Prouds raising their hand look Ben so much raising your head up Someone just outed you for fucking Harry Dubin. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I feel like I'm at a basketball game. This is fun. I know it feels like people are going, defense, dude.

Can you guys play basketball? I love sports, Paul. Oh, no. All the sports. You know that's the way to make me like Like the late so sports I'm my last one that I'll say is that I'm very thankful for Okay, cuz you were The gratitude is remarkable. I'm thankful for everyone

No, I'm thankful also to Mama D for destroying her company and giving it to her daughter That was such a power move like I just don't know how anyone could ever top that. You know for people who grew up in Texas, hi Mommy issues. I made it deal with it. I don't care. Ronda. She took off an Ellen. There was me. So no added in now. Sorry. So yeah, for people with mommy issues from mothers from Texas, like that is a very specific kind of mother. And to see Mama D. Ronda come on there and just whip the shit out of her daughter on national TV,

I just have to say bless you. You know, I'm blessed you, Ronda. Bless your heart. Bless your heart. Bless your- Y'all. Someone said that. Bless your ass kicking heart, Mama D. Bless your heart. Y'all. Someone said that. Bless your ass kicking hard, Mama D.

Bless your heart. My final thankful thing is a very important one. I say it the best for last. I'm really thankful for sequence. Mm. Oh, oh, right here. Well represented the audience. Because sequence were the main thing that carried everyone

through BravoCon. Yes. Sequence are the denim of Bravo carried every one through Bravo con. You know, sequins are the denim of Bravo. Yes, the denim. Yes. I support you. They're so important. The sequins really did.

They are important. And I want to thank Ben and Ronnie for just, for keeping us humble during this journey. And just remembering what idiots we all are on this journey of life. And we love you. You can be very self-aware. Thank you. You better not be taking your fucking second season, okay? I'm definitely going to change.

You better still be traumatized by Tenice Gott. Let your bitch flower bloom. You can't say that word around me and triggered. Yes. Tenice. Well you guys, actually what we're most thankful of all is for you guys gracing us at our crap and giving table. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys. Give it up for Hannah and Kate, everyone. Thank you. Come on, shoes. Here comes one right now. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident, not-so-expert-experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking.

Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. And for those missing at home, Ronnie has taken off his pants and has his Luanne's leggings on. It's very important that you have those on right now, Ronnie, because this is, for those of you who may not know, this is the actual location where Luanne had her cabaret show and picked everyone out of a dress again. A lot of Bravo history here. Yeah for those of you at home I just took off my pants but this is a very I'm very hot. You are very hot. Oh thank you. I'm officially in my pajamas now. I'm in a Heybatch t-shirt and some Luan leggings. Are you guys gonna be okay if we do a full recap at this point?

Yeah. Well, you guys still be standing. So, uh... Are you taking it? Welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. We are so lucky to be here with Real Housewives in New Jersey. What a gift. I mean, who thought that we'd be sitting up here saying New Jersey? I mean, we've been saying that

for a long time, but the Jersey has had some rough goddamn moments. I'm looking at you, you twins. Yes. Cool otas. Actually, you know what the twins made an effort. I would like to say, take this chance on Thanksgiving to say, fuck you, Jim and Amber, go fuck yourself, fuck the new fuck you. Yeah, fuck them, fuck them. Big time. Fuck you from now on to a million thanks, how dare you and God bless your gay son and that is such beautiful karma. And what a wonderful boy. So fuck both of you. Yeah, fuck them both. You don't know we're talking about look it up, you'll be horror. You'll be horror.

Look at Jim Marchezy, Home of Fobe, and have a fun night. Yes. So, but you know, New Jersey's come so far in so many ways, but they're still really holding on to the worst B-roll footage of all time, because once again, the show opens up with shots of dead trees. Dead trees. Wait, who is actually from New Jersey? Who are the New Jersey, so I know that like, you know, but she got this is like I and we got the jerseys.

But seriously, you guys are the garden state and you guys are better than dead trees, okay? I mean, you're called the garden state, like garden. You know what I mean? Garden, water your trees, okay? I mean, you're called the Garden State, like Garden. You know what I mean? Garden, water your trees, Jersey. But these previously, it's our office house, I've just mentioned the previously, because we don't get a lot of Danielle. Please, please.

But first we get, if it walks like a duck quacks, I get that, does like a duck, a duck, it's a duck. A duck quacks, it walks, it's a quacking duck. And then, then, stupid Daniel, I'm not sitting here with you anymore trash! Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!

Hoorah! How could you? Hoorah! Hoorah! Don't let the mini-band full youth. I'm not going to rob over for anyone. OK, bridge, stoplight, stead trees, mic mansatchins one kid climbing a house in a mall above a or a house above a mall in Paramount yes, okay, we're in Gen South. We're trying to get a glimpse of that iconic parameter sunset, you know

And sense like get down from there you savage Savage savage God in stage Savage children Savage children and her kid goes mom with savage children And then we have we then caught the Jackie and she's in her mini-vanch like okay, so child who's back there Tell me a funny joke and kids like what's the bulldog and a shit suit a bullshit? joke and kids like what's a bulldog and a shit zoo a bull shit big fan of that joke back there someone has someone to tell Jackie her kid already has a built-in audience I'm totally a sucker for jokes like that I'm like that is a

lot of it not leave that coming and then most most importantly we wind up in the Katania household. With Dolores, putting this thing, just putting pants on, and she's like, we know with the basic spank-esque, like the Jersey version of spanks, and she's like, it's like a snickers rapper that's taped around you I'm gonna fuck with Jersey as much as I Know you guys could take it. We know you guys could take so Dolores like Frank Frank what What the hell what the hell We win right now, but it goes Frank. It's a phah-ha Women wear it to train their waist. It's a phah-ha

Frank you never seen a phah-ha before Frank. It's like your favorite comedy club the ha ha, but it's a phah-ha It's a phah-ha. You know like the holidays when they say phah-la-la-la Keep the phah turned the lot into a ha and only keep one of the ha ha I don't know about this Lord, Jesus Christ. She's like, do not take the name, do not take the Lord's name in vain, Frank. Fah, ha, ha, ha. The Lord's name is Jacqueline, and we all know it.

Oh, sorry, Jacqueline. Finally, my first Jacqueline joke in Prappin's history. my first Jack Lillain joke in crap and history. I Left Ritchie D brought us the joke orca book tonight is again. There he is right there. I Ritchie D and I did not bring it up here. Hey, I'm an app vamp. Hey, hey, who's doing?

Whoa, I can't believe Ronnie just left. I know everyone got excited to be another guest. There's really no that's there's no guest That's it. Whoa. I'm sorry. I guess I'll do my favorite thing which is talk. Okay? Oh, well look at this what happens Just covering my nuts Did you find it? He is so modest. This is a lot of women in here, but the guys understand what cold and hot does to nuts.

It's like a me, it's like a blah, blah, blah, blah. My nuts are so confused. This is what happens when you wear a fah-ha. My nuts are a fah-ha for those of you at home. So I asked him to bring the gorgah book up, because it's too good to not read publicly. It is amazing It's coming Like nuts that like fahas chapter three

Oh, yeah, oh no, man, so the gorgah kids are playing which got health in neighborhood. Yeah And then they bring Melissa Breakfast in bed, which like we're specter mother, she's not eating a fucking pancake. Oh, look at this. Oh, thank you. Oh, we got a two-for-one book deal here because tell them what we have here. Tell them what books we have here. Okay, we've got the girl-good guy to success. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, So it's so fun to have to a random page Ben random page my sister and also let's talk about what's the other what's the other book we got here?

Like joke or it acts like a guy in acting school pretending he's blind. He's like Just a random page Here's a random line. There's that first page I opened up to. You took the punishment, loomed the lesson, and did it better next time. What fitting advice? Oh, there's a paper in here. But like I said, when they wanted to meet with us, I figured it was just to have a have us on an episode or something.

It was Melissa who explained to me, no, they want us on the show, like regulars. Oh yeah, it was a total accident, Joe. I'm Melissa, wasn't there like with a veil on on Facebook, like, it's someone who could possibly know Theresa and Joe from their past. Like Melissa would wear a veil to sneak around on Facebook, right?

They can't see me. I'm looking for something. What did Melissa ever do? Oh, okay. Just kidding. He's here is talking about his high school experience. Black, white, blood, crib, stona,

jock, I was friends with everyone in school. Yeah, I'm sure you're really in with the crib, Joe, Gorgah. I mean, like literally flip to any fucking page in this book. Wait, but we have another book here. Well, Joe, we'll continue to just skip through throughout the show, because that's, I mean, this place wants to be up until 9 in the morning, so we're gonna. Oh, this is from Terry's and Judy.

I think this was the year they were trying to pretend it was Judy, Jay, member. And he's like, no, it's not. Yeah. Like, I've never heard that. It is you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, from pork valley, they don't taste the same because they're prepared differently. First, and Chetta stands there, and we as first cousin vacant to say, okay, and then it puts coming on its face. I'm just kidding, I thought it meant.

But it's not as fun to read, because you know Teresa didn't write this shit. Yeah. That is just a damn lie, Teresa, we all fucking know her. So, Melissa's in bed for her birthday, and Joe comes up with breakfast in bed, and she's like, oh my god, Joe, and Mimo, she has a full face of makeup. I said, she wasn't expecting this. How else do you sleep?

Yeah. Like, what if there's a fire? And she goes, she goes, you know, and now that I'm 40 years old, I'm exactly where I want to be. I've mastered being a mom, and they just cut to her kids down there, slam each other into walls, lighting the place on fire.

I know the kids are like robbing houses next door. I own a business. I mean, even my husband has to admit, I'm a bad-ass woman. He's like, slut! Go to your stupid job, slut! My got you a stupid job, slut? My favorite part was watching Melissa eat her breakfast

in bed and Joe staring at it like a dog in the kitchen floor. He was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like,

he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was it's amazing. It's like a man. It's like a man. I'm a man. Let's see some meat.

I've got to eat it. So Melissa's going to be throwing her big 40th birthday party, and we get a flashback to where a party planner, Larry, who last week was informing us about the idea for the party, which is everything's about to vibe. I know you want to be super sexy, but classy. Never trashy.

Here's the key word, sexy, not threat. Classy, not trashy. So what we're gonna do is have a lot of people in gold. I put your eyes real big everywhere. Classy, not trashy, it's a vibe. I don't need that clip of Larry. I need the clip of Larry who's like, what slut broke this wine glass and just left any in the fucking store

The fuck would do that So So then we go over to a classic Marge's house where she is we love classic March. How much we love classic March? Joe Joe Joe How much we love classic March? Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe. I'm like this. What do I look like at the stress? What is it blood clot? Which was a non-too-big business? So thank you Mark. Yeah, can you love that woman anymore? So she goes hey Joe?

You want to see something horrific? You want to see something horrific here? Let me open up my inner thigh and show you a enormous, an enormous, well, that's in the shape of a, it's the shape of the, of, of Birgen County. This is what it looks like. Joe, do you want to see this, you want to see this clad? It's been like five days already.

It's crazy. I got from an obstacle course that was, only in my mind is that a big business clip. She's pointing out a bruise and going, is it a blood clot joke? I was happy that we got a Danielle Stobb cameo, so. Ha ha ha ha ha. You're that queen who just sees Danielle's face

in everything, like those ladies you see like the Virgin Mary in a tortilla, you know? It was like, ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. I got a bruise, stem y'all stop. How dare you after all I've done for you. Pay attention, police. So how could you do this when I add doiners?

I just got a queezinade, how could you do that? Oh god, yeah. She's hanging upside down from like a fucking pole at the, what's that place called here? Score. Score. Score. Girl, would you believe I tried to get a job at scores when I was younger? Not as like a stripper, but I was like, surely you need waiters.

They were like, no queen. Did you think it was, did you think it was for like scoring like, like, post-aborder, something like a craft? I knew what it was, but like regular restaurants were like, you're disgusting. So I was like, I'll try scores. They said the same thing. You could have been in hustlers. So, um, so Marge is like drained from Danielle and we had a flashback to the last episode of basically Danielle being like at the four years of Diding a married man you finally dignified Jan with a divorce which Marge replies with you know

I had prosecuted fuck a lot of married men and you fucked a lot more than I have bitch My old favorite argument I'm a whore, but you're a bigger whore. Yeah, it works. It works. And you didn't help me to date you up because Maum's senior is looking for an apartment. It's like Nets. She's moved out. She's moved out. She's looking for an apartment.

And that's my feelings because I used to be her daughter. and then I'm just someone else that she calls Marge. It's like Netshow. What do I do? What do I even do about this show? Joe it's like it's like we just have Marge seen you here all the time and now I barely see her. Now you know I'm just like you with Lexi and like she's like, oh Mr. Governor! She wasn't there. We go over to Danielle is that right? So there's a lot of people who are like, I'm not a fan of you. So there's a lot of people who are like,

I'm not a fan of you. So there's a lot of people who are like, I'm not a fan of you. So there's a lot of people who are like, I'm not a fan of you. So there's a lot of people who are like, I'm not a fan of you'm reading. It's crap and scabbing. Sorry. Second, so they're talking about how Marge is like upset at Teresa because every single time Teresa goes after Dan Yell and Marge is like, I have a friend too, you

know. So basically that's like what the beef is for this episode. And Gorgah who's always mansplaining everything to everybody like he's even mansplaining the woman show to the woman Who's the star of the woman show? He's like, you know what? She just needs to understand Flick Daniel right she's like a dark class like dark class. She's always like a just a dark cloud over things, right? Like thanks for explaining Daniel to everybody, Joe. And then on top of everything else, well Melissa, by the way, is doing this fake concern. She's like, I hope no one fights at my birthday party.

And so the other thing is, of course, that Teresa and Jackie have their continuing feud, because Jackie was like two episodes ago, was like once again, was mentioning that there's rumors that Teresa is like banging the Super Hot Pool guy, which I support. And everyone knows it's everyone knows it's true, but everyone wants to say on Teresa's good side because Joe goes, you know, the cheating rumor about tree, I mean it just only looks that way. Only looks that way. But she's getting a pool for like $3.

She's fucking that guy. And God bless her for it. You know, we've seen so many people on Bravo and in real life fucking for free. Get a pool Get a pool get a pool so Melissa's like I believe but you know, this is such a housewives line. I Believe tree personally, but Teresa didn't want Jackie at the obstacle course party. The fucking show. Like, did you ever imagine?

So Joe's going to go talk to his thing is that he's going to go talk to Teresa and tell her to like, you got to sit down with my sister. She's a ticking time bomb. She's a ticking time bomb. You know what I'm going to do? I'm gonna do? I'm gonna have her meet with my old friends who were

Crips, and we're gonna do a scared straight. Crips, blood, I was friends with them all. Yeah. So then we get my personal favorite clips of Jersey. No, no, the task, grab it. No, no, no, in the kitchen. Huh! Huh! Huh! task. No, no, no, in the kitchen. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, she's back. Bring, bring, treat this guy. What do you make him back, the boys? I want some. Back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on, back on she's like, back on her out and he's like, yes, she goes, oh. Can I try some? Bing, bing, bing, bing. And he's like, oh, yes. And then our other favorite tradition.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, alas. Hello. You have received a free call from an inmate at the Clinton Correctional Facility. Would you like to take a call from... Ciao! Yeah, I'll take the cause. Hang chill, Baklabaz. What's going on in my hand? You doing over the hands.

You know what trees the same old shit here every single day, you know? It gets hot in here, I try to open up a window and escape and people like what you can't escape And it's only like in trouble to put you in the shoe sucks You know how it is not well bitch. That's how I am not well bitch So she's a no no I know it's like oh you want to come over? He's like quiet no no get back the back of my No no fucking no no is fucking with you guys in ice fucking it's only this Now, hey ask him if he wants to come over here and drive some

Not funny. All right, not funny. You're funny. That ain't funny So Joe are you okay in there? You're okay in the edge? Joe? No, I'm not, fucking sucks in here. You know what I'm doing? Fucking wasting my life in here. That's how I'm doing. Fucking ridiculous in here. They want to separate us now?

Like, we're like, we're married 20 years, we got four kids, all right. They wanted to destroy four kids. I'm like, are you gonna, like, you know, you did commit a crime, so? You know? They want to break the hearts of children. That's how I'm doing

You know what I'm here now. I'm getting deported and that's all there is to it I'm getting deported I definitely do not have a woman on the side and I'm gonna go get reunited with definitely not Did not just call you a come fitness to a lady in the hall for no reason. Yeah, all right It was gone on camera. Who cares Teresa is so confused by it. She's just like It's like it's like someone just explained to her what a salamander is. Ha, blah. Ha.

Blah. Terri, so when she's talking to Joe on the phone, really looks at the phone like confused and disgusted. She's like, she's still amazed at technology. I almost choked on my own spit. That means it's working. So guys, I have to mention this in the middle of the show. Sorry did you read the recap.

Okay, so years ago when we first started coming here we were laughing in the cabs when you get in. Hi, this is me a Bill the Blossom. Make sure you see Bout is on. And whatever. I thought that was the funniest fucking thing. So today I'm at 23rd Street. And you know how, and where we're from, and in Los Angeles.

The glamorous city of Los Angeles. So when you go to a, across the street thing, a crosswalk, you press and it's like, it does, it does, it does. And it's like M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m What the fuck with this guy? That is Jo Judeis in every crosswalk. Yes, I mean Jo Judeis on every crosswalk. Like, you know what? You could walk right now, who gets a fuck? I literally don't care. Who gets a fuck?

I know what? So I right now, or don't? I don't care. You can walk across that thing. I don't care. No one's getting out of here anyway. I'm in the shoot. Who's the funny shit I ever heard?

Fuck! Fuck! I want to hack that shit. So I love that Joe Judice is like, he's been in jail for like three and a half, four years, and I was in an ice detention facility, which we know is like no walk in the park. And Teresa's like, the phone calls are just

getting baby draining. Oh, sorry, I didn't realize that you had it hard here. Yeah, Teresa's complaining. She's like, you know what, I know he didn't like it, but you know what, he's the one who did it. So he needs to sit there and deal with it. And this is, by the way, this is her laying the groundwork for the divorce, because when she says,

John needs to sit it out and fight for his daughters, this means that she's gonna say, you didn't fight for her daughters, this means that she's going to say, you didn't fight for your daughters, so I'm going to leave you. Mark my words, everyone. Yeah. And another thing about Bravo Con when they had that like 80,000 people on stage and Teresa are, wait,

Caroline is there for like five minutes because she didn't want Teresa to be there at, remember? Caroline and Caroline and Lisa Vanderpump were both like, okay, that's all segment, goodbye. Like they love. The Andy's like, so what about this, what about this, what's what happens live? Caroline, where Teresa said that you were basically

the one who called the cops on her or whatever. And Caroline's like, you know Wendy. It's sad to me. Cause I know this woman, for years I know this woman, I know her, like you know who I know, that woman. And I feel for this woman, Andy. But at the same time, fuck you, you fucking pose. Oh, who the fuck are you to say that about me?

So, so their time is running out on the call. And Joe is the sort of person who yells at technology, as if it means anything, because, you know, he they're talking and it's like, you have one minute left. He goes, oh, you know what, you know, let me call you back. Let me call you back. Let me call you back. Let me call you back. Let me call you back.

Let me call you back. Let me call you back. Let me call you back. Let me call you back. Let me call you back. Let me call you back. Let me call you back. phone but the phone doesn't care the phone is literally an inanimate object like why are you yelling at it and to eat this like I can't take the traumas and they know no ghost your husband your husband he never do anything right I slap your husband never I'm like, fuck, stand by, tell him. Come make a citizen. Go, he never go or her. I didn't know what, he's not wrong, he's not wrong. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no There'd be no no like standing up there like Call me up tonight We have to ring the man

I replay the game Gay shark has a crotch and salsa up It just cuts off like wow even no no can't do it Wow God those interstitials are harder than they seem Yeah So North-Begin County North-Begin County

Who's from Bergen? We got a Bergen We, who's from Bergen? We got one person from Bergen. So Margaret is with March Senior. And we're going to leave the car. Take a keys. Come on, come on. So they were going to look at apartments for March Senior. And so this real estate agent comes over and he's like,

welcome to Duchess. And you know March Senior was probably like like Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, it's Catching on, it's Catching on, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks, Duchess the Dicks the Dicks, Duch, I know you can't just get us to ring that. Sorry, do we have a thing? The first mom just, mom, the largest mom just speaks like this. What a surprise. It's a West Irwin Nity. And 18 years is what I need. You know what I need? Look at you, Peb.

It's what I need. That you thank you. You can just, oh, thank you, drink lady. All right. Here's what I need. I need a place where I can hang out my sex swing, and I can invite Mori Povicio before an inviting night. Yeah, so the mom's like,

this is much better. This is much better than the city. Mom, look at you, the fairies just right there, my. She's got like the same kind of room. Walked me, they took a little high there, my. I like that, that's really good. Are you okay? Yeah, Rubin's going to be right here's really good. I like that, that's really good. Yeah, everybody's gonna be like,

right here. Like a mop of a durinda, like, uh, mop of a durinda. Oh, my God. So of course, the guys like, this is 900 square feet and 33, 50 a month. And she's like, it seems a little small. I'm gonna say that, it seems a little small.

So they, yeah, they look at a bunch of things. That was really good. That was a really good mark senior. That was a really good mark senior. I think that's like, I don't know if it was good, but it feels really felt nice. I felt like you were with that. Sorry, your time is running out on this phone call. All I have to say, Ciao, all I have to say about this place is that the pool had a giant chevron in it, and I just was thinking resa like resa Oh my god

That's a pool for me that pool is so Persian You got a lot of resin tying himself to like a gas station symbol So yeah, so they're looking for this like a fantastic apartment and the mom has a new job as a bookkeeper in the city So now she's like, okay, I'll spend $6,000 a month on an apartment. Yeah What do you all pay bookkeepers out here? Jesus Christ. I'm wasting my life. I'm giving blow jobs in the alley for like five bucks So yeah, so basically Marge is trying to kick start a kick start a story line where she's feeling neglected by her mom. So that's basically what's happening here at this house. Should be neglected by your mother. She did her job.

Okay, she's busy. Well, you know what though? I'll tell you who's not neglected by her parents. Dolores. She's at Spiga with a dad. Dolores is dad is so everybody's dad. Yeah. He's like, I'm hungry.

You even got the wine ready for us. Okay. I like it. He's wearing like a blazer with like shoulder pads that go out to here. And that's how you bond on the East Coast for the dad's like, I'm hungry. And she's like, I'm starving. He's like, but I'm really hungry. I'm really starving.

What do you want to have a fight? What am I hungry than you? You're starving. I'm like, I'm starving hungry. There. Sit with it, dad. He is the most dad of all time. He even has the most dad response to,

what did you do today? And his response is, I went with your mother to Costco. Yeah. They started the sale today. Costco is a sale. Yeah, I know. I was like, I just like the sale, the mystical sale. God, the stuff for the kids

I'm just like could the sea you cheese dad. He's like God bless, honey. I'm glad you found the time. Yeah So dad what'd you get? Closed for the kids I got I got a box of cornflakes, but it's actually two boxes and one big box. So I don't know if we'll go through it all. We might go through more if we ever saw you. You know the Kirkland brand is very good. Hurtful that I have to eat it alone most of the time.

Most of the time. Be nice if I had friends or a fat dog. Dota. So the waiter comes over and he's like, hi. Today's specials, zucchini fires with mozzarella, Parmesan, parotta, just some Chris Go Oil will pour down your throat if you like that.

And I was like, I wasn't here yet when I watched this. And I was like, I cannot fucking wait to get there. I cannot wait. Yeah, it's a fat person here, and they're like, you're the economy, sir, get in here. Well, my dad went in for an eye check, and in terms of he had plaque behind his eyes, he's got three clogged arteries, so.

Try to get him to eat that. What kind of test is that? You have plaque behind your eye, you have three-quad daughteries. And then, of course, the order. The doctor is such a lazy whore. I'll tell you that much right now. You know, my dad, he's tough, you know. I'm like my dad, you know, he goes to Costco.

He's been dragged by cars, he's been shot at. He lost his keys and the couch cushions ones. This is a tough life. I'm like, wait, you just said that he was dragged by cars? And Durinda, I'm so sorry. My dad's a tough man. So she's like, you know, his condition, it's horrible. Plac behind those eyes.

It's called the Widowmaker. I'm like, you know, his condition, it's horrible. Plack behind those eyes. It's called the Widowmaker. I'm like, you better watch him or Ram Daniel because she'll be on that shit like right on right. Oh, really? And meanwhile, there's still like, that's like what Danielle searches for, and like Tinder, you know? Widowmaker.

That's her porn with a makeup. Plack behind the eyes. All right. Got one. Three miles from me. How could you do this to my eyes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So now he's like, so how are things with David? How are those going? Is there any end to the tunnel? You guys have, have you guys actually had your first kiss yet? No, no.

Yeah. And the Laura's is like, well, you know what, Daddy, he's building a house, he's building it to my specifications. And I preserve the right to say, fuck you, loser. I'm not going to do it. Or I enjoy your tire work all move in. That's how it's going. And he's like, but are you in relationships?

Like who fucking cares? Okay, I'm getting a house. I'm finally getting pebble tiles in the house. That's how my relationships going. Let me tell you something Dolores. Time is the most important thing you got. And a Costco card. A Costco card will help too.

Costco card. That will help. Time at Costco. That's the most important thing in life to Laura's. So now we go over to Jennifer's house where she's making bold God. You want to help me make the bold God? Anyone want me help me?

Hey, you savages, get off the wall. You're having air. I'll buy you something off Amazon Prime if you help me with the bold God. I want to make the bold God. I'm gonna make the bold guy. You mean the figure? Yeah. The figure she's like, no, like the rise.

Oh my god, you're all hopeless. Yeah. How are you making this every day? Every Arabic family knows. Every day you're making fucking bulgar weed. They're like, it sounds like boogers. Shut up, you're disgracing your country. So we'd say in my house.

So then meanwhile, while Jen is making her bulgar, Bill is sitting there. Yeah. Like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Really? Oh, thanks. Mm. Tell me more. Tell me more. Ooh.

That's some good tea. Yeah. Anyway, thanks, friend. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm So then I told the girls about Gabby being bullied and Margaret was like, well how do you how do you see things happen with your kid? How do you feel someone put your video on social media and I said that's bullying and then Bill goes Bullying bullying is a big word. That's a big word, mama. It's a big word. You. Oh, I would hate it if someone came and bullied me.

Little Bill. You're big, bully. You're big, big, bully. Stay away from me. Bullying, bullying. Bullying, swing. Mm. We're from the... Bullyswing. Mmm. So then, Jim's like,

You know what we should do? We're gonna show Gabriela our bully daughter at the bullying video and see what she thinks about it. Meanwhile, I just want to point out these poor kids are sitting there eating vulgar and like steamed broccoli. They're like, ugh. Ugh. Ugh. So I take notes on the important stuff, okay?

So they show Gabby this video where Jennifer was, you know, being the comedian that she is. Make fun of her. Make fun of her. Make fun of Jackie's and dumb skinny, whatever one hates, there's your job. I'm looking for this jacket right now. She's stupid. It's like obviously bullying her. Yeah.

And now she's trying to rebrand it. I just, I impersonated her Because I'm a comedian that's like my hobby So Gabriella sees this video she's like um that's fucking bowling you fucking twat like who the fuck Fucking bowling that's horrible mother. My god, it's like, what? So then we crosscut over to a store, like Margaret's there, and she's just like in a full on Margaret Joseph's thing. She's got like weird patches of white fur everywhere, like a poodle, but also weird like cutouts like all the way down here, you know?

And she's always walking like she's carrying a little tiny purse above her shoulder. She's like, oh, what do we have here? Okay, okay. She's not even walking. She's standing in the same place. Like, ha! We hear shopping.

It's the first. It's the first. Friend needs a 2040. She's nuts. So I was 40. You know what, you're as old as you feel. But it's just a lie. It's a lie.

It's a lie. Feel mindy. Classic March, classic March. It's for you, Joan. So Jackie joins her, and they start talking about Jennifer and how she's like, they're talking about age and how they don't like Margaret's like, I don't really don't feel the age difference between any of us, except for you know, except for Jen.

I mean, she never got out of high school. She's like a child. That's for you, Joan. For you. For you. Okay, so doing this little tiny purse-walking thing, I have to bring this, I'm sorry, the show's so long. But I have to bring this up.

Krab this giving. Yeah. It's a long day. Your uncle Ronnie never leaves. It's the grand finale of Ben Roncon, you know? Okay, Tiny Purse made me think of Heather Dubrow because... Remember that fucking black-eyed monster on Real Housewives of Orange County? Heather Dubrow. So she had this...

Oh, don't you owe Heather Dubrow. How dare you? Don't you even start. I'll get boot on anything, but not Heather Dubrow! So Heather Dubrow, we used to always make this joke because her assistant would walk like her talk like her They came in one scene carrying like a tiny purse like do it both doing this at the same time Yeah And did you see that drama just honest?

Well, actually I don't know. I don't know anything. I actually don't know anything. Tell me Okay, so the assistant Heather do two I will she to Heather to bro to bro, Heather to bro, the second. So Heather to bro just had a baby, you know, I don't want to say model who says that Jewish people also Andy I'm not doing that. But like, hey, congratulations. Yeah. Thanks for contributing to the economy is what I mean.

So she just had a baby and you know it's very emotional or whatever, but she's all over Instagram like. All right, can't talk about this. She just had a baby and you know it's very emotional or whatever, but she's all over Instagram like All right, can't talk about this I just don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt her Everyone's like oh my god what happened Heather totally fired this girl right after she had a baby We had a baby, so this is huge. Wow. Wow. It is so good, you guys.

Did Heather too, bros didn't Heather's chair, because that can happen. Well, we still don't know what happened, because Heather did bros like, you would not a good employee, E, and that's it. And I'd like you to leave my house right now. I threw that girl a chat word. I gave her a kiss.

I know we're back in time. So I still don't really know what's going on, but two broke, came on crying on the internet, and then people were like, how dare they do about treat you like this? That podcast is nothing without you. And I was like, that podcast still long? God bless you, everyone. I didn't know she had that podcast. Well, different her. That podcast is nothing without you. And I was like, that podcast still long. God bless you. I did not know that. That podcast. Well, different her. I'm short.

And then, apparently, and then, apparently, Heather, like, threw her a shower, did all this stuff. But then from Heather's cap, regular, deep brow, they said that they gave this girl maternity leave and then offered her money to just stay there doing nothing. And this girl still said no. And it's just trying to cause drama on Instagram. Anyway, I cannot repeat it as funny as it is. Follow this idiot on Instagram. I'm very invested and I'm very excited to follow this as it develops, breaking news. Okay, so either way, basically.

It's better in my head. It's like that is amazing. No, I'm glad you got that out. I'm glad you, I could feel like it was like in you. Yeah, now I'm done. I needed to come out, everyone. Thank you for actually, I'm very, I'm very into it. Continue.

OK. So anyway, so basically right now where it is is that they're talking about this video. And Gabby is basically like, mom, you did bully. And so now Jennifer is doing this thing of like, even though she called me, my children spoiled and said out, she was a tacky and said, like, may fun of me and drove a minivan. Yeah, her daughter is like, yeah, you're still an asshole, mom.

Yeah, okay. You're still the Paul. I'm sitting on a throne right now while I'm saying you're an asshole. I was just boiled child. So more importantly, we now go to Teresa with a pool guy who is my favorite. Tony the pool guy. Tony the tiger.

Yes. So I'm saying, what's the pool guy? You know Teresa calls you every day like, Is it done yet? The pool? The pool done? What's so hard? Is it done?

So she's like, how's it it coming Tony? He's like fast and Tony how long I know you how long I know you It's like do we have to have this conversation every single time we're fucking it's okay And she's doing it in that voice that tree thinks is flirty, but it's not at all saying I said, tree thinks it's flirty, but it's not at all saying, Hi, I'm not yet. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. And her hand is fully on his wrist, and the camera just zooms in on it, like, oh, oh, oh, you know. Those two effect, like as early as this morning, like those two, those two are basically currently fucking in this scene.

It's weird. And Drew says, hey, Tony, how come we never did that prompt thing together? Why don't we, why don't I, why don't I take Tony's to prom? It's like because for some reason you were attracted to Joe Judice of all people and let this hot guy out there for 20 or 25 years. No, he's like, cause of Joe, he's like, gee nice, he's like, no, Gorgas coming right up here, the way. Gorgas's like, hey, hey, good to see you, Tom.

I just saw some bloods and crypts over there. We had a great time. And that's... Good to see you, brother. So, then Trey explains the reason she didn't marry Tony. And it's so funny. She's like, that's amazing. I went to Tony.

I really like Tony. And we were supposed to go to the proms, but then Joe Ju-Rice didn't like it. So I married Joe Ju-Rice instead. Worked out well. The fuck show. Seriously. So Trees is excited that she can pay for this pool herself.

And then she says something very depressing. She goes, you know, because I'm in New York time best-selling Martha. It's like 10 times, 10 times. All right, let's open this book. I get Teresa with the pestle. Like she knows what the fuck is in there. She's holding the pestle like it's a pencil. She's trying to write something. She thinks it's the TV remote. Crack a licking. If you don't have a mortar and pestle,

you can always crush whole peppercorns using a bacon, she, and a heavy pan. Like no shit, Teresa. Yeah. If you don't have a pestle, you can also crush things out of ways. Past that like 10 times. I've lost a crash things out of ways. Past that I tend times.

It's taken me three books to finally get to Nookie. But it was worth the wait. Yes. I always thought it was spelled N.O.K.I. Wow. It's my favorite kind of phone and Nookie phone, you know? Yes, I always thought it was spelled N-O-K-I Wow, it's my favorite kind of phone and no key phone, you know, I think we literally just sold hundreds of books because that is my kind of Finally, I got the knockies So then they I love that they have this like my notebook. I love that they have also this like very like They're like when he's like hey Joe hey, Joe, guess what kind of stone

you sister got? Hey, tell your brother. She goes, and Kucho goes, let me guess, marble. Mabel. Mabel. I was like, why are we seeing this? Thank my town. And Gorgas, like, look at you.

You want to bang him, huh? And inside, no, no, it's making us harder. Oh, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, I can't get you in sight. I'm going to take this hell and up, sir. Yeah, he finally figured out. My app still hit for the obstetrician course. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. You're good out. Let's not forget. Yeah, so Gorgas like you know what four to five you know, you know Who's four four to five got a problem with one of them

So I'm trying to do Gorgas math in my head Imagine if you got the bloods and the crypts and the jocks and the dewebes and they all hate like one person Okay, that's what's going on right here Don't be naive Teresa watch it back. She can manipulate you and Teresa goes She knows better He goes open your eyes Watch because they are No open them no don't wave your hands Open your eyes. Oh, okay, now you're doing splits. Okay

Don't wave your hands. Open your eye. Okay, now you're doing splits, okay. My husband and I go, Daniela, and she gets physical, Joe. She gets physical. I'm like, Teresa, you're really not the one to be throwing these stuff. I know. Sit down, man.

So he's basically like, we're having a party. I don't want no drama at the party, all right? Here's what I want to do. I want to go up the guys I want to touch the nuts and I want to be like, hey, you get some lately. You got some poison in there. what do you want? Come on, give it to me. Give it to me. Do it. It's not a theme, it's a vibe. Right now. So, so now they're all getting ready for this big party. Everyone's like going there and Jackie, Jackie's with her kid, they're getting ready to leave from her place. And she sees her kids and she's like, hey kids, you know Joey and Gino's mom, Melissa,

guess how old she turned, like 50. 50. That's how you make friends with Teresa. Have your kids call Melissa 50 years old? Yeah, I know kidding. They've all got like dollar bills with Teresa's face in their pocket. So, Marge is on the phone with Marge and, uh, sick, how you

do is like, and get in the library, it's like, look, really good for the pub, but, right. Now, I don't, I've seen you. I don't want you to break a cancle, okay? I want you to get the, okay. So, we go over to Dolores French. Yeah. Dolores wants French. We're skinny jeans to this party. Dolores! Dolores! I got calves besides watermelons. I get butt skinny jeans on. What do you think you are?

Dolores, I gave these things on. You know, they look like Dolores are crazy. Well, David wears them. David, can you ungrind the legs? I need a far half of my calves. So... So in tree, uh, to G in the kids, yeah? So where you want? Yeah, I don't know what this is. So in tree, I...

So I'm gonna sit down in my Danielle, and then I'm a great man in me, because she says I'm always sticking up for Danielle. And then fucking Gia, who's like Sally Jessie, we're off at yellow. Gia's like, well, all you have to say to Margaret tonight is I have you back, but when it's four against one, I'm gonna help out the one that needs help.

I was like, who raised you? Get the fuck out of this family now. Teresa's like, but I just got to know he. Teresa actually goes, She's like, I love that, I went to send that. I went to send that, I love that, I love that. And she was like, what would you have said like, oh, I don't know, I'm dumb, I don't know.

Yeah! She said, I don't know, I would have said that's my friend. Go fuck yourself! It's just like... So then Jennifer is telling Gabriella, poor Gabriella, just dragged into this show. I know. So Jennifer's like, mem-me my buddy, heck! All the bulgar in the world.

That was her theme. Bulgar. All the bulgar in the world. It's the enchanted under the bulgar's sea dam. So yeah, she's like, she wants to do a trip for her 40th, and then we get a flashback of Jennifer with Bill. And she's like, she wants to do a trip for her 40th and then we get a flashback of Jennifer with Bill. And she's like, oh, Bill, I want you to come on the 40th Bulgar 5th day, but I know you can't take off the work.

And he's like, hmmm. Can I? Oh, can't I? Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. So Jen's like, I started thinking about what you said about bullying. I'm gonna tell Jackie, sorry you offended you stupid skinny slut. Yeah, everyone's like, no mom, no. Yeah. So see, I'm sorry. I can't, I'm sorry you're stupid, you slut bitch. Damn, damn, I'm richer than you.

My husband just squeezed fat out of my back this morning. What did your husband do? Lama. He's like, no mom. I went to Bangladesh to buy a coaster. OK, what did you do? It's just like, mom, how about just apologize and don't say but just, but, but defends my point of view.

She's like, are you there to defend yourself or are you there to apologize mother? I was like, you know, all these like, no, no, Gia Gabriella, they are just killing it with logic this episode. But you know what, Al that kills Bravo. Yeah, get your logic out of here, okay? What's right with wrong shut up stupid kid go to school, bunch of business. So now the event of the century We have time to go to Melissa's birthday parties. We go to this event space that Larry did and

basically It's time to go to Melissa's birthday party. So we go to this event space that Larry did. And basically, it's like someone's office, and they took the Xerox machine and the cubicles out. And they put a picture of Melissa in every window. And it's gold accents. And Melissa's like, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? And there's still like a janitor moving like a water tank. And now I like that it's Melissa's picture

and all the wind does. And she goes, oh my god, you can see Jersey. It's like, yeah. Well, Larry even goes, Larry even says this. By the way, if your party planner ever says this, you know you have a problem. He goes, just in case you get homesick, you can still see Jersey out your body.

Welcome to Paris. Just in case you get homesick, you can still see Josie out your party. Welcome to Paris. We filled a window with a picture of El Paso for you. Enjoy. Also, everyone's dressing as like, strange. I know that parties, people, they always dress people in strange costumes, but it looks like there's going to be some acrobatics very shortly. I'm like, it feels like there this very strange circus is about to happen. And gold.

Gold. It is. And then the special guest stars that are supposed to be so exciting. They're like, hey, look, it's Lisa and buddy, the cake boss. Yeah, I know. Hey, there's Joanne Spinecucci, who is on season three of the Amazing Race. Hey there's Joanne Spinecucci who is on season three of the amazing race. Hey, you ever see that show the deadliest catch?

There's someone who once ate a crab from that show. Her name is Marion. So the girl started arriving at staff and Melissa's like, before I get drunk at this white tie guy, I love you, but you're drunk, shut up. So they're fighting, basically Jackie's setting herself up for this big fight she's gonna have with tree, right? Yeah, she's like, the reason I don't like tree, is that you just never know what you're gonna get.

I was like, yes you do minivan, she's crazy, and you're barking up a very rough tree. A literal tree. And so now tree entry. You're barking up the literal wrong tree. Yeah. So now tree enters with no no. I was like, come on pop.

Oh, what is this? What is this? What is this? I just want to let that live in my room. The events everywhere. No, those are Melissa's pictures. Oh. Oh. And then why don't you call me? I'm in my room, demons everywhere. Now those are Melissa's pictures. Oh, oh.

And then I'm going to call me. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. And then a gift from the guys that I did not see coming. Wow. Whoa. Whoa. Melissa Georgia. You're 40.

You're 40. I'm 20 years older than you, bitch. You're 40? You're 40? I'm 28 years older than you, bitch! You're not 40. You're not 40. Like, whoa. Like that she's always in a comic book and a speeding bullet coming towards her and she's like, she's like, the Matrix. They're trying to keep her in the Matrix.

And then it says, the Kairan, and I love like an understated chirona goes Ramona Melissa's friend Joe's like what how will you what can I touch you with my penis? What's going on? Oh my god I don't want to see these two go out and Melissa's like you're 62 She's like whoa Excuse me Don't add to it. She's like, whoa, don't answer it, okay? Don't answer it.

All right, I'm 62, but you know what, the truth is, really age less, okay? I may be 62, but the turn does around is 26, which is almost the age of my best friend, slash daughter, Avery, okay? I'm on the age of my best friend, Sleshtwater, every tie. Just a side note, that was assault. What?

You touched me, that was assault. Oh, I thought you said that was assault. I was like, what? Cross the walk, cross the walk, it's 23rd string, cross. No, because Ramona really put her hand on Melissa's face. I was like, have rude. I'm gonna do it to Ronnie.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Thank you for not looking at my palm. Ha ha ha. Um, so who else? You lead me now, you lead me. I have Dol Mel. I don't have Jack, Jack, Mark, Tree, Ramona, Mel, Jack, Jack, Ramona, Mona, Mark, Mark, Mark.

Well, they're trying to make it seem like there's going to be something happening at this party. And so this end was $200. Yeah. So they're like, you know, Joe's like, I'm a freak that Tree is going to explode tonight. And like, Tree's just like, eh. Like, he's like, so calm and glides in everything, you know?

I know my dynamics must, didn't I? Hi, hi, hi, hi. She was like so calm and and collecting everything Theresa enters the room and March senior March senior comes in and doesn't say how to marver it first so now Marge is like You know my mom should go to like CBGB. She was she she got a CVS. She'd go anywhere, really. And I'd be like, mom, don't leave me. Don't leave me, mom. I'd be holding onto her leg. And she'd just like beat me with a vague magazine. I'd be like, ah!

It reminds me of being a kid. You know, I'd be in her ankle's going, but please don't go. And then she would suck up. I'd be so depressed about it. And then she'd start supposed to go play the main. But still, so depressing. Yeah. That's why I can't hear that song. Please don't go. Please don't go. Don't go.

And then you're not supposed to talk about you stuff in your childhood. It's like get over it. You're old. Fuck that. The older you get, the more bitter you should get. Yeah. The older my parents get, the more excited I get for that moment where I'm just sitting in that bed and I just hear beep beep beep and there's like a little machine on their finger and I'm like anything you want to say mother anything you want to say. How rude. Listen, I'm giving you a chance, that's what I'm saying. I'm giving you a chance.

So then entering the party next, or none other than a couple of year Bill and Jennifer, and Bill goes, hmm, should be fun. Oh, make sure you only have one drink. Mm, we don't want to get too saucy. I'm listening. It's like, oh my God, I see Aiden's, I need plastic surgery. Sorry, what's that rib? And Jackie, so Jackie's still having her temper tantrum.

I'm on Team Jackie, but she's also hilariously like petulant about it. And she's sitting in the corner like, I don't see her. Yeah, every scene. So it's only episode three, but still Jackie, every scene, every time she sees tree, so they just have a close up on her going. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. It's clear she's not sorry. She shouldn't be making fun of me. I'm pretty scared to say that.

I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that.

I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. I'm pretty scared to say that. Oh, it's true. It's actually true. I'm not exaggerating. That was a true insight into my childhood. No, because I would always say, I think I've said it on the podcast before,

someone's podcast. I'm a bad tear right now. I'm brushing bent hair. I used to go to the school dance and wait for the girls to ask me to dance. So I'd always be like, I guess no one wants to dance with me. School dance.

I would sit at home like just imagining everybody dying. So, all right. So, you're like, hey Teresa Jack is here saying, then he talked to me and he said, and Marge is here, all right, to call Danielle a prostitute, I need Danielle. Then you all felt like you had four people like getting up to the bone hug, okay? Okay. Oh, so Jennifer's like, I had an a-ha bulgar moment

about Jackie. So I'm gonna go apologize, and Teresa's not like, you fucking bitch you're supposed to be in my troop, right? In my lieutenant, you know? She's like so mad, you know? But Jennifer's also telling us to Teresa in a way like, it's cool

if I apologize to Jackie, right? Teresa's like, eh eh eh eh eh eh. Use to use. Yeah. And Jennifer's like, I don't like to see anybody get bogard. Ramona, Melissa and Teresa are, but Ram, Mel and Trey talk, Ram.

Take it away, Ben. So basically, Ramona's now talking to Joe Gorgah. And she's still like really like fishing for compliments. She's like, whoa, not bad for 62, right Joe? Right, right, Joe, I do ya. Whoa, you know what this potty reminds me of? It reminds me of one time, little girl. To remember this.

And I was like, whoa, I want to go to a party and I want to put my hand on everyone's mouth. And then Joe Dean process missed it so I should put my hand on your mouth because every word you say is annoying, okay? This day, I've never put my hand on anyone's mouth except for five minutes ago when I put my mouth on Melissa Gorgas stupid mouth. What am I even saying to him? I don't know.

The point is this Party's a day class a okay I realized the way through that I just started saying words and I apologize I was like mouth on the mouth on the mouth on the mouth So Jen's telling to Laura. She's like I'm gonna I'm gonna apologize. I'm gonna apologize. Laura, she's like, go for it. What the fuck do I get?

Go on there, say, you're sorry. Like, where's the so hard? Yeah, do you think I can? I got a dad who's got plaque behind his eyes. Guess what? Plaques only supposed to be in your teeth. You try flossing your father's eyeballs and then tell me how sorry you are.

Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You know what, you should apologize for and not go into the sale at Costco? You could have had socks. So Dolores is like, March, what are the odds she's going to fuck this up? 100. 100. So Jennifer comes up to Jackie and Jackie's like, hi.

Hi. Jennifer's like, I just want to say, looking back on it now. You took it as me making fun of you, but I'm a comedian. I know that when I was doing a very accurate impersonation of you, that you took it as making fun of because you don't have the same mental capacity as the rest of us but you know when I see people laughing I feed off their laughter because people like me I don't know if

you know that they don't know what that feels like I'm sorry and Jack is like oh my God that's all I needed to hear and that's okay that's all I need to do here And I'm okay, that's all I want it. I wouldn't be heard if I didn't fucking like you I've rather many vans don't fuck with me to write a article about you now So then to Loris is like oh, she's look over there Look at this one like She keeps taking up the stop like It's not gonna matter Jackie, all right? She is a female attorney, right? She's always gonna have less work. Female and the attorney.

You got the same boy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the boy's like, you know, it's a bar. It's a, the Lord. Don't pass me. I think I'm having a heart attack, but in my head, oh, the Lord's. I mean, I just have no no going.

Great Goose. Great Goose. Great goals! Great goals! Great goals! Which is like his code. You know, remember in Game of Thrones where it's like, Sansa, if you need something like, turn the light on in the tower, it's like, rings like...

That's like a guy called the guy who's somewhere like, Brianna of Tartus, like, he said, great use, so I must go save him. So Jackie tells Marge, like, it was one of the most intense years of having a boy she's ever.

So then Teresa goes to get married. She's like, you're not going to get married, you're not going to get married. And Jackie was apparently just about to say hi to Teresa. So when Teresa took Marge away, Jack is like, oh, well, I was just, hang, hang, hang, hang. And Jackie was apparently just about to say hi to Teresa. So when Teresa took Marge away, Jackie's like, oh, well, I was just about to say, she can't even say hi to him anymore. Looks like I got another thing to go like this too. Kla-la-la.

Jackie, I mean, Jackie is trying very hard. You know, so you got to give her credit. She is working. She is working. No one will work with her. That girl's like, I hate Jackie, fuck her. But she's working, you know, she makes Theresa squirm and I appreciate that. I would like to give Jackie some advice from Joe Gorgon. Which is why every day I come home and I leave my work at the front door. Tomorrow I'm going to go out and do battle, but tonight my home is my peace.

I'm there to be with my wife and kid and I got to leave work alone. But love doesn't just go on call at home. I've got to bring that love to my job every day too, because there's a lot of something going on. Something always goes on something and the money ain't always there. You're always jumping between deals and trying to make it happen. And you gotta be a magician to work through. Congratulations to Joe for not involving his nets and at least three paragraphs of that note.

I think there's also a point that's worth bearing in mind. This is from Fast and Fit. In Italian, in Italian, individuality means furious. I love that. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. So Theresa and Marger talking and saying, I had your feelings with Hart said when he laughed at. And Marger's like, yeah, because yeah because you know Danielle comes in after me It says you spy a things about me. I'm right. I mean don't say five things about me

And then he's expecting that to say anything return because it's called consequence Teresa. It's called consequence and Teresa's like Is that like no? Is that like no key? So she's like, she basically is like, and I want you to think that I'm picking Daniels at your friendship means a lot to me, you call to a whore by. And so Marguer's like, you know what, he's like, he's a baby steps, he's a baby steps.

You know, it's going in the right direction. Nice baby steps, you know what I'm saying? Like, every talk's like a duck and talks like and a walk's like a duck. No, no, baby steps, not duck. It went walks like a train and cracks like a duck and talk like in a walk like a duck. No, baby steps, not duck. It went walk like a train and quacks. I can duck and fly like a bird. Baby steps.

All right, all right, all right. Dmitter Ees' advice is so hilarious, because she goes, I wouldn't let it get to me. Like, yeah, Teresa. Okay, so then the guys, guess what the guys are talking about. Who's banging the loris? Yeah. Gorg about. Who's bangin' the loris? Gorgas, like who's bangin' the loris?

Frank's bangin' them, right? Frank's bangin' them. Can you see? Look at them, he's bangin' the loris, right? And then Jennifer's talking about, I'm a little tipsy right now, but tipsy leads to good blow jobs, rap, bill. And then it cuts back to Bill,

talking about who's been into Laura's and he goes hmm Well, I wouldn't want to accuse somebody of doing something that they're not doing But it's just one of the boys a Boy I then So Laura's me while it's like, I've never given a blowjob. Like, really? She goes,

I'm lying like a bitch. I'm lying like a bitch. I'm lying like a bitch. High five. Someone. I... Thank you, David. David. David with the little legs over there. I'm here

So Jennifer's like, let's say your party is nice and you know little bitchy But you know we need to do we need to make it I put my my husband's money where my mouth is Something so she's like it's my birthday and we're going to make and that's how I wrote my That's something. So she's like, it's my birthday and we're going to make a dad's how I wrote my motherfuckers. And then Marge is like, oh, you know, she's, oh, areas, are you, areas, everyone here's an area,

everyone here's an area. And then Jack is like, I'm a Libra. And Teresa goes, my mom's a Libra, my mom is a Libra, but it's funny because normally Libras are fun people. Normally Libras are nice. And I don't get it. Jack is like, hmmm. So then it's Melissa's birthday party, so we have to have a speech. So it's like, ding, ding, ding, stuck my thickens somebody. All right, everybody listening, everybody listening. But if they need to toss papers, I know I wanted them to do it with a smile.

Because that's what my dad taught, by the way, every other line is my dad taught me, every other line. Because that's what my dad taught us. That you shouldn't go to work with a frown on your face. It's like, have you seen what show you're on? That a lot of people in this world who would kill to have your job, even if you have to work job in the world,

that someone out there would no job at all. I mean, that's my goal, anybody else. That's why in those early days of landscaping, I got the roots. I got the clients. I got the opportunities, because I was out there every day on my rickety lawnmower with the smile on my face, huh? I asked how you're doing. I enjoyed my job even when it was hard, or exhausting, or I was driving a lawnmower across town, even when my nuts were up around my ankles.

Even when I couldn't breathe out the nuts coming out of my ears. I made work fun, even when it was heartbreaking, even when I was sticking my poison and mailboxes because I couldn't find the woman to take it. Happy birthday, Mel. That book is actually very inspiring. It's very inspiring.

And I guess we should probably maybe wrap up with one last piece of advice from Teresa. So she has a chapter called Sex It Up, Romantic Meals. It's just be quiet. It's be quiet with your nookin, your dine-in. I know what you're thinking. I know what you're thinking. Sexy does not belong next to the woods, chickpea and chad. That's literally what I was thinking.

That is crazy. And basically Melissa turns on undisplay, undisplay. And they dance, and she's come far, and we have... She's not come far, she's still playing Undesplay at her birthday party. It's like the definition of never moving. It's the definition of everything in her boutique, Undesplay forever, but never sold. Anyway, and that is the end of Real Assault of New Jersey. Thank you guys so much.

Thank you, K. Good night everyone. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crafts. And add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.