Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: Vibrator de Force

Episode Date: March 26, 2021

A trip to the shore leads to major drama on The Real Housewives of New Jersey as Teresa and Jackie come face to face for the first time since their falling out. Will Teresa act like an animal? Or will things be calm and collected? We'll let you take a wild guess how that turns out.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch For Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker. You can also find me on the Game Brain podcast if you like board games. And joining me is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Karam. What's going on Ronnie?

Wahabian, how's everything? Well, things are great because New Jersey was hilarious this weekend. That's what we're talking about today is the real housewives of New Jersey. But things are also a little sad because moments before I came on the air here, I read something that really broke my heart, which is that Jessica Walter. It was some bad news, girl.

No, this is a tribute and this is not a depressing thing. But Jessica Walter, New Seal Bluth, has passed away. And you know, we on this podcast, yes, we sit here and every day we talk about awful, awful women, but at the same time, we sort of revered them. And before they were the real housewives, there was New Seal Bluth. So, you know, poor little martini out,

actually don't, because she would never prove of that, unless it was by accident if she was doing air quotes. But, or unless it's onto a poor person. Unless it's onto a poor person. But RIP Jessica Walter, and I hope everyone has, is able to take some time out of their day to have a Lucille-Blood moment

where they just are completely awful and snobby to someone or something at some point. We're going to probably do a few times. I have to call my mom. Everyone call their mom and everyone let your mom berate you for a moment. Sign up for some other berating for the day. Well bless her heart. Bless her heart.

Bless her heart, that lady. Yeah, for you her heart. Bless her, that lady. So yeah, you know, yeah, for you for living a great life, lady. Yeah. And if you if you don't know, Lucille Bluth is, I highly recommend watching a rest development seasons one through three. I haven't really been able to get through the other seasons on Netflix. It's just not the same, but seasons one through three. Wow, way to just Jessica show on the day of her death. Well, well, she was the best part She was the best part. This is not her fault. It's not her fault. You know, you know, I do so much You're like RIP Jessica Walter hated most you show hated the second and she's also good in archer. How about that? She was the voice of another classic. I love archer

Yeah, so anyway, so the OG real housewife, Jessica Walter, who if you were a real woman, would probably spark a lot of angry discussion on Facebook. Yeah. So we'll see, you know, her character, yeah, Lucille Bluth would, you know, she would give her a mono a run for her money. I think that's the big question coming up for New York is like, who's gonna give her a mono run for her money? You know, are they finally gonna do they finally find somebody to do it? Yeah, and, you know, I mean, I think she would have been the perfect choice.

So maybe one day, you know, when we've passed on, we can, if we make it there before Andy, we can start like Ghost Housewives or something. Unless, you know, he's already, he's already got that. Somebody's probably already come up with that. He's already got, he's already working on Ghost Housewives. Well, in other news, it's not terrible at all because Ben just depressed the fuck out everybody here

Teresa was on watch what happens live and wow Teresa is much of a ding bad in real life On television bless her little hard. We're gonna play a game called Bless Her Heart. Romney, will you have to save for every second to recess on the screen? Brilliant or bless her heart? I'm gonna have to go with Bless Her Heart, Andy. Hey. Yeah, so I didn't watch it, but I saw a clip on Twitter and by saw, I mean, I like visually saw it. I didn't hear it because it was one of those things

Where I couldn't play the audio at that moment But I could see it playing quietly and it looked like Teresa put her cocktail dress. I'm not cocktail dress her cocktail right in front of her webcam Yeah, they came back from break and she had wine right in front of the camera I can see how wine right in front of the camera. And he said, three for you got a cocktail. Like whenever he's really excited for who's there, he's like over there.

Everything she said, he's like, whoa, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, who he have her wine there. And he's like, Toh, you got your wine. You have a girlfriend. And she's like, Oh, what do I know, huh? And then you see a hand come in to fix it,

because you know Teresa don't know how to do it. When she's eating and stuff. Then Andy says, it's Priscilla, the famous Priscilla. And he's like, Wow's Priscilla the famous Oh, yeah, and he's like wow And so That makes glass of wine there. I'm intentionally so she could sneak in another shot on the Bravo cameras Can't totally she's like sorry. Just got a fix that you're just gonna see my face for the next 27 minutes

Do you think that Priscilla and move? Don't go on? I'm not going ahead. I'm more interested in your Priscilla and Luke fanfic. Do you think that they like have knife fights and back alleys? Like, oh, this is more or two. I've got Darynda. Okay, she's more and don't even come for her Priscilla. Oh, that's fine. I got Kyle Richards and Teresa. Dammit. But I got Karen on Sanbury. Well, she's not on a bravo show. Dumb it again.

Well, I like that you have her just a viscerating Luke in that competition. So she moves the cocktail and then Theresa's like, all right, I'm a man. And then the camera flips. So then the camera is now getting some chair or something. And he's like, for Lisa I'm so wide out with those. Look, come on, what do I look at that right now? The reason I was not even drinking a lot. And she's like, well, I know. And then you just hear Priscilla messing around

with the camera and finally gets it back. And so Andy just tries keep going on with the show. And she's like, wait, wait, wait, wait. And he just doesn't. But then Teresa spends the rest of the time basically, you know, not admitting to anything because she's a good housewife. But, like, do you regret it? Or would you pet it?

Okay. Do you regret saying Melissa was a stripper? She's like, I never said Melissa was a stripper. All right, that was not that I ever did to said she's my sister in losses. Okay, so you would pet it. Okay. So do you regret pulling Marge's hair? I didn't do that, but you know, yeah, yeah, I guess so I guess I kind of regretted that one. So you wouldn't bet it. Okay. And then the other guest, Jackie, I forgot Jackie's last name. I can just imagine her just sitting there like, what is this? She loves Teresa.

So she's seen all the, you know, one of the games was, was will she regret it or it wasn't pen it, obviously, but it was something as inane. Well, Theresa regret this, so he asked Jackie, okay, do you think Theresa is going to regret this? And then he just went through all the same things, right? Like, flipping the table. She's like, now she won't regret it because it made a famous Andy. Yeah, she lied about that. I don't regret that.

I went to the Emmys. Or she said something like that. And he's like, and do you regret, Do you think that she's going to regret calling Melissa a stripper? She's like, yeah, because that's family. I never called her a stripper's hand. You're right. It is.

All right. It did. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just talking about her new man. Yeah. New man, that sounds like a disaster already. Yeah.

Yeah. She says, while his name is Lewis, but he likes being called the weas. Okay. And? Oh, oh, it's fascinating.

Thanks for the note. And she's already bought a house with him, but it's just an investment profit, he's like, well, are you gonna get married? And she goes, well, I'm in it, so we'll see Are you going to get a prenup? How dare you, you bitch? No, Teresa, I'm not. It's an actual thing you signed before you get married. Oh, yeah. You know, he's a man. So if he tells me to sign something, then I'll do it. No, Teresa, are you going to have him sign a prenup? No. You know, you don't tell me the sign things. They tell you and

beans. But anyway, she's not going to get a prenup. Yeah, she's never going to get a prenup with this guy, which is a disaster in the making because everything online is like, this guy's a slime ball. Let's hear from his ex girlfriend. You know, he's already got those doom, what type posts about him. I don't know if they've been on Duma-Wall, but I know it's a type of post where people are already talking about what a monster he is. Yeah, I've heard some scuttle, but about him being an absolutely terrible, terrible, unsavory person. But I guess we'll just see how that works out. I mean, like that might actually be an improvement, you know, from Joe to you guys.

Yeah, so I mean he's taller, so it's a real housewives in New Jersey. You've got to set your bar real low. He can go to the supermarket and it's legal for him to do that and not be kicked out of the country. So that's already like an improvement. So, yeah. So, okay. So, real housewives of New Jersey. So I thought this was interesting that on the previously, it's like previous, previously on, we have one New Jersey. We see Jennifer getting wasted at the pool party. And last week, Jennifer getting drunk at the pool party, it was like, oh, did she just, you know, Fall into an a coma because she broke her skull, but then when we came out of commercial, it was like

And she's like, I'm drunk. Oh get in the flow. We get in the fresh. She's safe. Okay, she's like, I love Bill It was like all like silly and funny, but this week on the previouslies, it was like leaving Las Vegas. Just, just, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, And it's so true. And it's really how we always look at housewives shows, right? It's so hypocritical. And it really depends on what edit we give it in our brain. It's like real housewives of New York. They're wasted, they're screaming, they're, you know, it's terrible every single week. And then Leah had that one week where she seemed cracked out of her mind. Like she just seemed completely cracked out. And we were both like, that's uncomfortable. When you're about to rip the set down on people's heads, that's uncomfortable.

And people were saying, oh you're such fucking hypocrites, you know. After that, and I was like, well, I guess there really is a fine line. Like you could put whatever editing you wanted to that. Maybe it's because the music to that was her running around pulling on the tent and the music was like, don't, don't, don't, don't. When if it was dumb. Da da da da da da da bum bum we pick up

that is hilarious oh no we are totally manipulated all the time by editing anyone who thinks that they aren't are you know sorely mistaken but like we're all and we all like to think we can see right through it but like you can tell like you can tell how we're manipulated you can see when when people love someone one season and in the next season They're just like what a piece of shit. It's like okay

Well, that's because the producers did their job and they have Successfully, you know made us believe that this person I mean that person it probably is terrible They probably are a piece of shit We know we probably have a woken up to it But either they did their job the first season by hiding that they were piece of shit Or they're doing their job this season by making them look like a piece of shit But the point is this we're just putty in the hands of Bravo. Okay. We're just yeah putty sweet sweet Putty

Why is it done over? It never tasted so good So we started Jackie's house and It's all good. So we started Jackie's house. And she's trying. Quick question. Did you notice this time, the opening credits, Laura's going,

did you notice at that time? The same. No, because I'm still stuck on the first thing you pointed out, which is Dolores passing like the trash centers or whatever on that boat. Sorry, I will. I see every time I'm like, what is that? Is it an aquarium?

You know, because those around it, you know, a giant water treatment. What is it? I need to know what that is. It's chemical processing facility and that's all you need to know. It's basically dead body storage for the mafia. Just like chemicals and body parts. Yeah. So we started Jackie's and she's speaking up.

She's throwing away her kids shoes because he's got a big hole in the toe and he's like, goodbye, I miss you. And then Gorga raising his kids just how you think he would by throwing a football over a pool and having them jump in and catch it over and over. Yeah, just just little animals, you know, it's like just just tire him out. And Jennifer is we go to Jennifer and she's mopping her for her performing her one woman show of alone in the entryway. I don't know if you ever saw it. It was a big hit for a limited run right before the pandemic alone and let entryway and it's to go something like this. Hey, baby, I got some drunk. I puke in the foyer, baby.

It's big crowd, please. Yeah, puke all over her own foyer. And this one woman show just takes lines from Shakespeare, which makes it really good. Cause the scene ends with her going, I'm spout, I'm spout, yeah, baby. Yeah, she says, I needed to blow off some steam, so I needed to zonk out a little bit. Ha!

It's like, okay, Rizzo. It's all the problems I gotta go home to, gotta forget about them. And then you see your dad, the clip of her dad going, she's so mean to me, I don't know why. That's what I need to skate, baby. Gotta zonk out. Now, here's another watch what happens. I didn't see this one, but she was apparently on there and Everyone's like, wow, Andy really hates her

Andy had a couple watch that happens where he apparently hated people last week because Hannah was on there And he seemed pretty over her and then Jen was on the next night And I guess he was pretty over Jen as well and Jen said on Instagram. He's got his favorite, so I guess, banner. Ha, ha, ha. Sometimes when I think about Andy Cohen and his favorite, he just got a song called a little bit hard. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

So then we go to Frank and Dolores, this house. And Frank's like, yeah, Dolores, if it was like the old days, I'd venture over the counter in this kitchen, this kitchen Ha what like 21 years ago Frank yeah Oh the Lord's we have to walk we have to worry about Frankie walking in but nowadays we have to worry about walking on Frankie You know I'm saying. Oh the Lord's oh Please he's got a blow job bail about blow job Bella, right? We'll hear it Frankie bring me a lot of Frankie Please we don't have we don't have sex conversations with our kids. Only blowjob bell conversations, Frank.

A great draw line, Frank. And then in the middle of this, while she's lecturing Frank, she's like, these cabinets. What's wrong with these cabinets? So, did you ever take Frank? Did you ever have that talk with Frankie, you know, birds and bees, sex and stuff like that? Are you kidding me?

We can be at stores, Dolores? We can ban stories to Laura's! We can ban so many stories! And she's like, no, this is a nice boy. You know, Daddy's saying very bad things about you. You compare stories and Frankie's like, well, he tells me stories and she's like, that is disgusting you too. Alright. Frank. So then Gabby comes home and, you know, as we all know, Gabby has been studying to be a veterinarian and she's now transferred to Tufts and she basically just like has collected many, many, many dogs.

Like she's basically a lifetime movie, but like the, oh no, a hallmark movie, like about to happen, right? Because we all know hallmark movies revolve around doc people who have like a Ridiculous amount of dogs on a leash like eat dogs on a leash and they get tangled up with Jesse Metcalf, right? So she's just coming back to visit their hometown that's another big thing She's exactly doing Yeah, she's gonna try and save the water treatment plant that her mother poses in front of yeah She is she is and is, and she gets, and she gets all her dogs tangled up with like,

Jesse met Caff and then they have a private moment and she says, you know, just because I go to Tufts doesn't mean I'm actually Tuft, you know? And it's like in the trailer. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, you know how many degrees of love I am with you? She's like, oh, God, man, he makes like, do you know how many degrees of love I am with you? I'm just like, oh, man, he makes tough jokes.

Where in love? But I hate him most of the movie. So yeah, she comes home with like 11 dogs and Dolores. I'm like, you know, Gabby. Yeah, Gabby told me at the age of three, she's going to be a dog doctor. So of course, she goes to the Caribbean and you know what's there? A lot of dogs who need help.

I mean, she went there to give Joju nice $20 because he really, let's face it through. But then she found some dogs and you know, let's need, you don't have to just bring home dogs because you're a veterinarian, okay? Like doctors don't just bring home 10 patients. I mean mean excluding David Yeah, it is it is also there's like dogs there's straight dogs

All over the place in America There's local water treatment strange straight dogs, right? USA So I've adopted in foreign What was that? Remember that campaign like by us like if you were driving like a Nissan, you were a monster. Yeah, I was like, I'm going to have a 1991. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, good times. Yeah, good times. So Gabby has come back because Dolores has receiving a, the she's ambassador of hope award from my monodies hospital, which is, if I had to guess what hospital Dolores would ever

get an award from, it would definitely be my monodies. Like, there's just something about the word my monodies that's just so Dolores. Like, not like St. Vincent's, not Cedar Sinai, but my monodies. So she's getting that, which is actually really great, not taking away from that And so everyone's coming in for it to celebrate her and everything and And then Frank has a Frankie little Frankie hasn't got story. He's like what are my earliest memories?

I said to Gabby. What do you want to be when you grow up? And she said that and then an Aryan, you know and Then the CNN did I mean to be fair. That's probably how it's listed at college there, you know. So, Trees with her kids and she's cooking and her youngest one, I still don't know any of her names, I don't care yet. Yeah. She's like, this is disgusting. It's like, not even disgusting, it's a pork chop, alright All right, kids, come down for pork chops. And then we get to watch Gia pop some zits on Melania's face.

Right. And then, you know, adrenaline's like, go wash your hands. And it becomes like very much a sitcom because adrenaline's like, go wash your hands. And Gia goes, relax, Adriana. And then one of the rare moments on Bravo, sweet Gabriella comes in and says something.

Usually we don't get the second part of that. We usually just have Gabriella like wafting around, but she comes in and she goes, oh my gosh, why are we wearing the same sweat pants? No, she and her mom, I was like, wow, Gabriella's talking. You call your daddy? So they call Joe and he's like, what's up with you? They're moms making pork chops. All right. Well, I'm going out with work and

stuff. He's like, you know what? I saw massages now. That's it. So what? Who cares? You know what? You put a dildo inside of you and it just it just goes soft. You know what? Because it don't care. All right. It's a massage that they don't care. Yeah. You know what? It's massage if you head your ass wherever you want it, you know, it's like that They're like the Rolls Royce of massagers like the road maybe not the Rolls Royce maybe more like the Lexus Maybe not the you know what? You're in a good Kia. They're better causing you to think it's like the Kia massagers Well, you know, jaws, you know, Joe went into business at sex toys is, and you

know why he asked me to be a part of it too. All right, we may not be married anymore, but we got to support our four daughters, all right, there's nothing wrong with sex toys and they pay the bills. There's nothing wrong with sex toys are going into business and sex toys, but there is something wrong going into business with Joju Dice when you already went to jail for it once. Like, what are you thinking, lady? What are you thinking? Yeah, it's nice to see the sex positivity on the other hand. You know, we see so many of these Bravo businesses and the Bravo

stars at home, like Robin from Real House House of Potomac packing up her hats. She's like, oh well, I've packed up so many hats this week. And you just know that Joe is packing these by hands and it makes it so gross, you know. It's like, it's bad enough that you're buying a dildo from Joe Gorgah, but to know that Joe Gorgah is actually using his bare hands to put that in the box. How was this money? How was this money making? And we all know that we know where this business started from, right? Basically a shipping container of dildos fell off,

you know, a barge. And like washed the shore and he was like, what's this? And there's just like a thousand dildos and he's like, you know, sell them. And so you probably just has counterfeit dildos that have, you know, see water on them. Dead, dead mollusks.

You can sell it dildos and like Samsung Galaxy moats, you know. You know it, like, and t-shirts that say things like, you know, like, I'm a stupid. Or like all those t-shirts that they print out for people, for teams that don't actually win the Super Bowl. It's like, congratulations. Congratulations to, that don't actually win the Super Bowl. It's like congratulations. Congratulations to I don't even remember who lost the Tampa Bay this year but congratulations the LA Rams in 2020 or whatever it was. Yeah.

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You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So you know, Teresa is going to be selling, you know, the first, the first Dildo that calls you a cop fitness once you put it inside you. The first deal that I can do a fan kick. You know, so they talk about selling, she's like, you know, you're going to tell Danny that what's selling the house and he's like, you could do whatever you want with your house. It's your house. All right. What the fuck? I don't care. So what? Who cares? All right. Tell him the address is so what? cares avenue, all right. Yeah, it is what it is.

The zip code is it is what it is, you know, so then she starts talking about how they're going to be doing a celebration for No No down at the at the Jersey Shore, which then means we get No No flashbacks, which are so sad. And we see, they really are sad. They really are. They really, really are. And so we see footage from this funeral. And then Joe, Joe Dutys says like,

yeah, well, the funeral was during the strong pit of COVID. You know what I mean? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Strong pit of COVID. I'm like, it is the strong pit of COVID. That has not ended You're acting he's acting like it like like the like funeral happened while Alph was on the air

Okay, it's still as far as I can tell I'm still wearing mask my god side and try not to die, you know Yeah So that's a super sad thing. So she's gonna do another party She's gonna do another, not funeral, but like a celebration of life party and they better have a fucking octopus to boil. That's all I can say. They better.

So they're gonna do that and they're gonna do it down the shore, right? And he's like, yeah, you know, you love parties, all right? So, you know, my deal, those gonna be paying for those. So I guess I am still kind of paying for your parties, right? So, okay, I don't care. You know what it is, what deal is going to be paying for those. So I guess I am still kind of paying for your parties, right? So, okay, I don't care. You know what it is, what it is. Yeah, and then we see more, no, no flashbacks,

where we see him like barely able to walk and then sitting on a chair, saying he has to go see his wife now, which is like, oh my God, it's like a dagger through the heart. And even Theresa is saying that she feels like an orphan now. I mean, she may be as dumb as plywood, but you know, it's still sad.

plywood Christ too. plywood Christ. Okay, I was gonna say that and I was like, does plywood cry? It's a piece of cake. It cries. It cries just go with it. It was one part of a much bigger,

more awesome wooden thing. plywood is that. Yeah, it's a chorista scene it works, okay. So she's talking about her party that she's gonna have more awesome wooden thing. I would have done it. It's a chorista scene. It works. Okay. So she's talking about her party that she's going to have and then the lesson she leaves her girls with is, I want my party to be beautiful, right? Because you got to put it out into universe when you want something. But you know, I'm sure is what every religion has strived for.

Just to teach his people, just stream of a good party and it'll happen. So then we go over to Dolores's house, well, David's house, I guess, and it's been decorated with a lot of flowers, which reminds me of, remember before they had the things to make you smoke it when you die? Remember back then then Ben, but we were like writing horses and being buried and you know, just playing wooden boxes in the backyard. They used to use flowers. The reason you bring flowers to a funeral is because the body stinks, okay?

She put flowers everywhere. And I learned that from listening to a podcast. About murder! Just wanted to flex my new knowledge about old Tommy flower usage. Yeah. Wow, thank you. Thank you for that, Ronnie. I'm not going to comment on that any further because I'm going to...

I have nothing else to add to that except that... You just got word. Well, I mean, the thing is this, the thing is this. Flowers, what can't they do? Am I right? Except live. You know, talk about fun they do? Am I right? Except live. Talk about funerals, flowers. They die so quickly.

I've got some dead flowers already here in this house. So we're at David's house. There are a huge number of flowers everywhere. No dead bodies in sight, no funerals in sight. But it's basically Dolores is like, I've gone a year without flowers because of the pandemic, so I want every flower I could have had right now in David's house. Yeah. And I guess I was just thinking about all those flowers because I also watched the

Lee Savander pump. Oh, I couldn't. I couldn't. You know, I have trouble in programming in general. So it was hard for me to even see that. And I just couldn't bear as much as I love Lisa Vanderpump. I couldn't bear to watch a half an hour of her being naughty and saucy with guests. It is. I couldn't. It is a hundred percent that. You know, it's like her making sex jokes. Like,

look, it's a tortilla with something in the middle who had love something in the middle Hey, I get it Was she dressed a lot of you know? Where she back to no no, that's only Vanderpump rule. She's back into her like semi-flowery, but semi pink flowy You know, but she's something it's just like nothing has changed You know what she's floating on her giant pink swan of the beat yes panties there with her sparkling fucking personality my god so she she sure does Lisa's on one of those pink swan things in the pool she's like panty darling I would love to throw a party for my beautiful wonderful friend loves bars and um Vivaka Fox I mean I don't really know her, but she's coming to Darlink. What can we do to make it special?

And Panty's like, Mother, I know what we can do to make this party very very special Maga Vitas. Oh, Panty! What a smart woman! Let's do it! And so they go make their special things and then people come over and yeah, every little thing is like, when was the first time you had sex with somebody? Oh, there you am, sir! Oh, yeah, I just, I couldn't do it.

I just don't want, like, I don't want to replace my fond memories of Lisa with over served memories of Lisa. So I'm just going to like not involve me. I mean, I loved it because you know, I love Lisa Vanderpump. So I loved it because it was so very her. I mean, I wouldn't say loved it. But, um, I love her. So it was fun.

Yeah. I mean, I watched a whole thing. I just really like her. And it's fun, fun sing can and she just mucks again the whole time It's all like sex jokes about Ken, you know, yeah, I just know it's so difficult to be around Ken Oh, thank god for coronavirus. That's one social distance. I'm into Get it. I just see myself getting annoyed mainly because Reality shows on E are just produced so badly. And I think the combination of like poor E production mixed with Lisa being trying really

hard to be naughty and salacious because I'm young and hip would probably just drive me absolutely not. So I just was like, I think it's just max with like an iPhone 12 camera really Max I'm never for a C max. I'll be okay, you know I think it's just someone with like a phone camera and then Lisa saying the most Lisa things like What is soul train? You know things like that. Yeah, I Then Vivica tells her yeah, I was on soul train. It's like so train. What is that? It's a black dance. So oh Show me how to Soul Train She she they do it, you know, and she's like oh, so you get your own moment as you walk down the

So train and they're like yeah, she goes we should redo this show like Lisa Vanderpub would reduce Soul Train as the star of Soul Train, You know? Just like, people carrying glasses of like pink sangria, as everyone sues slowly. She's so train. Oh, it's a show about dancing. I thought it was a show about celebrating one of my favorite fish. Oh well. So train a Lainian. So so. So train the laningen. So much.

I sure. Okay. Yeah, it seems awful. And I'm probably not going to watch it. Well, it wasn't recapped. So you're missing out. Okay, well, maybe I'll sample and then I will probably have very distinct opinions. All I know is I did watch Lisa and Pandeys. They did something, I don't

know if they did it more than once, but they did a little cooking show on IG Live. And it was like, well as long as we are trapped here in this magnificent mansion due to pandemic, let's cook today we're going to make chicken salad. Pandey should them want to do. Pandey was like, I think that I like to do. I like to chop my onions real fine. Oh, look at the tiny little onions. I'll tell you that's the only thing that's small in this house.

Ooh. Oh, get it. OK, so we're at Dolores's. Oh, anyway, I watch that show and there is flowers everywhere. And I'm like, oh my god, it's just like the old time funerals. There's flowers everywhere because her house has got to smell like shit

because there's animals everywhere. So, you know, the house has got to have like little naps flying everywhere and just smell like poop. And so then when I saw these flowers, it triggered me to oversurge, which triggered me to old funerals. Okay, that's the full circle. We're back at Dolores's party.

And it did sort of have like pump in there. You know, it was definitely a Lisa a van a pump color scheme, right? I hope I hope while you were in this you know In the spirit of observation that you saw the giant pepper mill this week. I Didn't oh my god What is it? That's too much. I have a blind spot. I have a blind spot for pepper mills because I was a waiter for so long I hate those things. This isn spot for pepper mills because I was a waiter for so long. I hate those things This isn't a pepper mill. This is actually act like they need their fucking pepper mill No, you don't okay. You don't need your fresh ground pepper I hate it. I hate everyone who asked for a pepper mill. There he said it

Well, I'll tell you this much. This is not a pepper mill This is like a national landmark like there should be a spiral staircase inside of it So you can get to the top and take pictures because it is massive. I don't know why David. I made a seat. Teresa had a bright red one. But I guess I did see that. Okay, so let's do this thing, God damn it.

So she's talking about the flowers and then David comes home, oh it's hardly, yeah it's a man. So he's like congratulations, how to go. Sorry, Mrs. the ceremony dude you couldn't even be here it wasn't even like a ceremony you had to go somewhere for they literally showed up to her house with one of Joyce Joe's sex toys with like a little sticker on it that said you know congrats hope breast cancer

or something thank you yeah I thought I mean I'm just hoping that what drew him away was that there was a baby or something that came in. But I thought that was also very shitty. I know doctors are very, very busy. But I also know that doctors are able to make time for their girlfriends and wives and whoever's important in their lives. I just don't think, ooh, that was a nice rhyme. I don't think like, I think that was pretty shitty.

So, but we did see that there was this little event and Frank was like crying at it, which was sweet. And, but now David has to go back to the hospital. So he came in to like basically kiss her and then he's gonna leave also right away. But before he leaves, Jennifer shows up in bright fuchsia and then he like walks at him and he's like, you're too skinny, which is like,

who the hell are you to say that? Like you don't get to just say that to a woman who walked into your house, like whether you think it or not, like I thought that was so rude. Even though it was theoretically a compliment, I guess. I just thought I was like, why are you telling Jennifer that she's too skinny?

Yeah, and then some check name Nicole comes over and she's like, brought just some champs It's like okay cut it to bro. Okay. Just cut the crap to bro. Yeah, you're not gonna be on this show So then Melissa comes and Davis basically like gotta go Five seconds and Melissa is just in the mood to fuck with Dolores today I mean you're parking up the wrong tree ma'am. So she comes in and she's like oh my god Dolores What's these flowers though Dolores where. I mean, you're parking up the wrong tree, ma'am. So she comes in and she's like, Oh my God, Dolores, what's these flowers? Dolores, where's David? Oh my God, David's not here. So let's just save them. Melissa's coming hard. This is for Melissa. This is Melissa coming hard for Dolores.

Because Melissa needles, that's like her whole thing, you know. So Jen's like, I don't understand the relationship, baby. It's like a fox in the driveway, right? What's it doing there? Huh? Like she doesn't want to move in with David, but then she's here, but then he's not here. And like, I just don't get it up, baby. I kind of jumped from thinking about it all. So then Jackie comes over and Dolores is like, oh, you know what, Jackie, Theresa's not coming. Something about soccer. She's like, oh, you know what Jackie? Trees is not coming. Something about soccer. She's like, oh, well, that's probably better.

I really just don't need negative energy. And I'm not saying that Trees is negative energy. I'm just saying that I don't want negative energy. Thank you for getting these flowers to show Evan that you don't believe that he cheated. Thank you. That was very sweet. I'll pass you thought to it.

Thank you. I was surprised that Melissa didn't like run over with like 10 tissues. Do you need these? Are you about to cry? Are you about to cry? Because there's like a lot of like cry gas letting later. And I feel like starting to show now.

But like it's ridiculous. Like how much gas lighter about the crying? Yeah. So Jack is like, I mean, I guess it would have been better if she were here because then she wouldn't have this build up to go into Seer in the shore or down the shore whatever they say. But then we find out that they're gonna be staying in split houses. Some are gonna be staying at Dolores and some are gonna be staying at Melissa's.

Yeah, and Jackie wants to stay at Melissa's, but it all depends on whether or not Teresa is like, if Teresa's mad at Melissa or not. So, so then Marge shows up and she's like, I'm like, hi, hi everyone, look at it after me, it's been so many flowers. Oh my God, I love that pink check address. It's beautiful, it's beautiful. Oh my God, I'm gonna put that on Joe next. Today I'm gonna try out bleach stripes on him, okay? But tomorrow it's gonna be pink checkers.

Just watch, just watch. All right, you know what I'd love a drink? What do you have to offer me? Water? Oh, okay, well, you know what, I forgot? A drink. What do you have to offer me? Water? Oh, okay. Well, you know what, I forgot this is a house without love. God forbid I get some ice coffee. All right, water will do. Thank you. Got this ice coffee is looking rather transparent.

Oh, okay. Oh, it's just water. Oh, how strange for you. So, they're like, Jan, aren't you gonna drink? Don't, don't, don't. And she's like, no, I don't need a drink, baby. You know what I need? It's the feel that sounds to buy everything. That's what I need.

Okay, Jen, well, you know, you had a lot last time, Marj is like, oh, yeah, you know what? She doesn't need, she doesn't need a drink, okay? And Jen's like, Bill carried me into the house, baby. I was in the fetal position in the shower while I got the bar out of my hair.

And that's love Do you know how hard it is to get puked up pizza bagel out of your hair? Pizza bagel And Marjord was like oh my god sink gin that drunk had me trick it by my mother's memories Okay, you're all the furniture of me being triggered by my mom's senior So that's over. And Melissa starts in on Dolores. She's like, Dolores, why don't you live in this house? Well, you know, let me tell you this, Melissa.

I built a life of a 20 years. I've raised my kids by myself to get them where they are, which is ironically still at home. And for the first time, I like my freedom. Okay, I like my freedom. Okay, I don't think I want to live with someone. I want to be able to say, Hey, I want to get up and go and stand in front of an industrial refinery and take a selfie, you know? I like that freedom.

Well, I mean, come on, don't say that, don't say that because you know that if you had a brain on your finger that you would live here, and then she tells us, people have such great coping mechanisms. I mean, you can't afford the big car. Well, who needs the bill? My boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with me. Oh, I just like my freedom. The world tells me I can't sing and have zero talent.

Microphones are tacky anyway. Rocked indoors. I never even wanted to have a boutique in the first place. So, yeah, so Dolores is like, okay, everyone, I want to show you my award. And then like, I said, Jen, just giving her the biggest thing guy about it, which I didn't know what that was about. So they're all just like praising Dolores because she's so charitable, et cetera, and all this good stuff. And then Melissa's like, well, Melissa goes,

you sure outpast us with being charitable outpast. Let me do this family. You outpast us with being charitable. I mean, you really shine to that department. You may not live in this house or get a ring, but you sure got a charity award. It's like, damn. I know.

And then Jennifer goes, you shine better than any ring honey Just like always doing Rizo in the corner And Marge is like you know what kind of thing is that to say to somebody you know she doesn't need a man to take care of her All right, how about let's give a cheese to just wow to Lewis is very charitable period all right So they take out to work very period, accept with iced coffee and dissentants. Yeah. I mean, that's a certain kind of talent. Okay. I'll give her that. So Dolores gives a mature of the house. And she's like, Oh, and you know what? This is David's office. All right. It's the only thing he's allowed to touch in the whole house. Oh, this secret door is here.

So come on, not anymore. I hope he's not hiding anything in there. What does he, Webster? Come on. So then they go upstairs, like, ooh, Delores, how much time do you spend over at David's? How often do you spend at bed? And she's like, I want to twice a week. And by week, I mean a month. And by a month, I mean a year.

And by a year, I mean, I've actually never been to this house before. Upstairs, really. Honestly. So, um, then this is your ex-husband's room in your boyfriend's house. Wow, that's so normal. So can I ask you a personal question?

How much you have sex? Which is like, oh my god. Listen, you know what I am? Guess what, I'm gonna give the audience a second to respond to that. You know what I am? Old school, okay. And in old school, you know what I am? Old school, okay? And in the old school, my sex life is many a business, okay?

Yeah. Um, and then she's, and then she brings them to the closet. She's like, oh, and here's the closet, and here's all my clothing. So I'm not moved in, but I have taken over the second floor with my clothing. These are just the red carpet looks, you know? But you know what? Red carpet looks a year, but my day-to-day clothes are at home. So I just get dressed at second floor with my clothing. These are just the red carpet looks, you know. But you know what, red carpet looks a year, but my day-to-day clothes are at home.

So I just get dressed at home. That's me. The Lord is getting dressed at home. Yeah, my red carpet looks cracked me up. Like what is there a TJ Max opening you were invited to? What the fuck you talking about? Looking forward to seeing you at the Oscars. I was like,

they're called Kidmin, who are you wearing? Wait, wait, can't answer that right now. Delores Catania, who are you wearing? Wait, wait, can't answer that right now. Delora's Catania, what are you wearing? So they start talking about sleeping arrangements at the shore and they're asking if Evan's gonna come. And Jack is like, Evan decided that he's gonna come one night. Do you have room for him? I don't wanna be trouble because I'm just not giving this thing

with Teresa, energy or life anymore I'm not even gonna discuss it anymore. So that's enough about that. Yeah And then we see people and now it's like a montage of Mother's packing with children. So we see Dolores packing her bags and Gabby just watching and She's like mom Why are you gonna wear that? You look like a stripper from Alabama. Sorry I had to say that I'm trying to get in

with the toughs kids. I think it looks great, Mom. Um, and then Teresa's packing and Gia's there. And she's like, Why don't I have all these bathing suits? No, do you want one? And Gia's like, yes, she's like, Oh, well, my boobs are bigger than yours yours is so I can't give you this one

And then Jen and build Christian my son She's like what shoes go with the stuff that baby and the sounds like um can I see some other choices mom So she takes them into the closet and he's like these could work All right, but change them to share that's it other choices mom. So she takes him into the closet and he's like, these could work. All right, but change some to share that set from your lipstick, Kristen's yours is, baby.

All this fashion is milking is zombed. Build by the way, speed a fashion, build is wearing some crazy shirt that looks like a museum security system. It's basically like,'s basically like those lasers. It's like Tom Cruise is gonna come down on a rope and just try and make his way through all those lasers. It's like Catherine's data Jones is like crawling into his shirt.

It's like just like green lasers all over his shirt. Yes, well valuable, valuable goods underneath these lasers. So then Joe, you know, Joe, the Neanderthal is over at his place, Joe Gorgah. And he's like, look at this. She's going out with the friends. Look at this. What do you think of this out, Femalesa? Melissa's like, it's cute.

It's like, that's not you can see a belly button. That's very inappropriate. Yeah. And then he, and then the like, Antonio just like button. That's very inappropriate. Yeah. And then then like, Antonio just like leave. She's like, and then he's like, Oh my Lord, times have changed. I was like, times have changed. Like, have you seen the photos of you from the Jersey Shore in the 80s that we keep seeing every episode? She looks like a friggin' non-compared to what you guys were wearing when you guys were. She really does. So then Jackie is getting her kids ready for the nanny.

And then Margin show, we're getting ready. And Margin's like, the show should be fun, Joe. Jackie said to Evan, not even, come, Joe. He's like, I'm shocked. You know, he doesn't go to guys tonight. He doesn't come to this. I mean, is he even going to be able to see me in the cool blue stripe shirt?

I'm going to wear for you tonight? I don't know. It seems like a loss for him. So, well, the part of all this depends on how cool Ervin's gonna play it. And guys might have said I didn't believe it, but Joe Pinnickno said he's heard it. Oh, I am shocked, bear-me, from one, Margaret was the number one defendant, Jackie! This means that Margaret heard it too. If Jackie finds out, she's not gonna be happy. So then we go over to the back to Marges,

and she's like, you know what? I need to get better at antibiotics. All right, she has a UTI, I have a UTI. She takes an antibiotic, I have an antibiotic. She gets a decent glass of ice coffee made for her. I don't. You see where the disconnect here is, Joe. Yeah, you know what, here's the problem. Bella got into the fun Fettie creamer, and now we have a UTI situation. Okay, this is the lesson. Okay, don't drink things that aren't meant for you. Okay, Joe, okay, stay out of the A-jacks. All right, thank you.

So then, so Jackie shows up and they all like hop into a van. And then, then there's like another van where Jan and Frank and Dolores are piling into and we find out that Bill's arriving tomorrow because he's got, I've got patients and surgery and naughty naughty big boy times. They're basically just getting into cars. It's a lot of getting into cars.

Yeah, they get in the car as they start driving and treat them like, two hours on this blow out, you know, I don't want to miss this. So I'm going to sit in the back seat, which I don't know what that means. Like the front seat messes up your blow up or your blow out. I'm not really sure. It might, you know. Yeah, Frank drives them. And then Dolores is like, well, you know what?

Melissa has a nicer yard than me and it's all Frank's fault. You know what he says to me? He says, you know what? All I want in this divorce is the showhouse. All right, so you know what I did? I moved from the master bedroom into another room. Which happens to be my favorite activity, moving into different rooms. So I went from the master bedroom to the living room, to the bathroom, to another bedroom, put my stuff down, then I remembered I left some more stuff upstairs,

so I went back through the bathroom, through the living room, up to the master bedroom, and then I looked at the window, it was nice view, and I said, you know what, it's nice view. I like the view downstairs more to be honest, so it actually was a sort of a win for me. And then I looked at the window, it was nice view. And I said, you know, it's nice view. I like the view downstairs more to be honest. So it actually is a sort of one for me. So then from there, I walked downstairs, went to living room, took a D to one of the kitchen, because guess what? Frank had dropped some pasta on the floor, got to clean that up, cleaned up the pasta, walked back to the living room just to make sure everything was okay, back to the kitchen, bathroom, finally in the bedroom again. It's great day.

Oh, yeah, that reminds me, my divorce did is final. And it's like, oh, you know what, that's so emotional. You know, no matter what's happening in your life, divorce is emotional, because it makes you remember things. She's like, yeah. I forgot what I remembered it, but you know what, I want Jodie to be happy.

And I want me to be happy, too, sis. You know what? Nobody is gonna ever take Joe's place. You know, it's gonna be hard to find another guy. Sort of Pudgy who could do spin kicks, but call me the T-Word too, but I also put somebody to jail. It's kinda hard to follow that,

but you know I'm gonna try my best. You know what Teresa, I gotta say this. I'm so excited for you to find somebody who will let you be you To where you can just drop your walls. Okay, just drop your walls Why if I do that I'm ceiling fall down while I take down the walls the laws And Jen is like oh you know the thing about the law is that she can see exactly what Teresa sees what Teresa deserves But you can't see it for herself, bye bye.

Mm-hmm. So then Jackie is saying in her, in the car she's in, she's like, if I really wanted Evan to come today, he would, but I wanna make sure it's not a shit show first. You have to see how Theresa is. If she starts stuff with me, I'm just gonna ignore it and possibly say something about Jill. So then back in the other car,

Jen is like, But I don't get. It's how Jack is asked. She's just gonna ignore you. Oh fuck her. From the first day I met her, she insulted me. And then we see a clip of Jackie going, do you think your husband would be in jail

if you could control him? Which is still, I mean, I think it's a valid point. Yes. Well, you can say it's an insult as many times as you want, but I still think that she had a valid point. It was Jackie's first time trying a theoretical on Teresa. And what we've learned is that Teresa still doesn't understand theoretical situations.

So yes, and that was another thing on on her watch. It happens. Andy said, so do you think that do you see now that it was an analogy? She's, uh, uh, cause she never said what if I said that, G, oh, so that's not an analogy, Andy, cause she didn't say what if? Oh, okay. What do you think that Priscilla has just given you some major ammo to come

use on what happens live, but it was still an analogy to her. So, Jen, Jennifer's like, oh, so you know what? Now that you bring it up, baby, Bill Tome is some very interesting information about what was said at BOSSNOT. I heard that the rumor, when the rumor came up, the job, but Nina said he heard the room, a tear, baby. Yeah, and you know what that means? And these mods knows and she's not being honest about it. Trees is like, well now my story is validated because Joe's the one who said it. And Frank's like, oh, I find it hard to believe

that Joe said that. I'm just gonna say that now. I find it hard to believe. And Trees is like, you find it hard to believe. You was there, Frank Coutanius. Joe said that. I'm just gonna say that now. I find that hard to believe. And Teresa said, You find that hard to believe. You was there, Frank Coutanius. Yeah, that's always bad when Teresa can bust you with logic. Like, that's bad news.

Like, I think we've actually never seen that before. Teresa was able to do, but you were there, Frank. It's like, oh, wow. How, how, how much does that sting when Teresa can get you? You know, when she figures it out. You know what? What happens to guys tonight? Stays the guys tonight, okay? You know what, what are we gonna talk about?

Your gorg will put in his balls and my mouth blows, taking a nap. Oh shit, I just did it. All right, you know what? Edit that out. Edit that out. Well, yeah, so Jen basically is saying that she thinks that, you know, Marge feels bad for Jackie and is just trying to protect her and Teresa's like,

Well, Marge need to shut up because her husband is the one that said it now. And she just like, I hope it's not like Round Two of like when we went to like George's but when Jersey's George's, you know, I hope it's not Round Two of a Lake because like, you know, I don't want to be talking about Jackie every fucking second of the day.

So anyway, what's going on? Well, I'll talk about Jackie a little bit. Huh? Huh? Huh? So we get to Melissa's house and she's getting up the suitcase and she'll say, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, look down. You got boobs in the vagina.

I'll get that, all right? So he starts carrying and stuff. Yeah. You want to do a little quickie, huh, before everyone gets here, huh? You want to do that? Wow, who's sex, whatever. Hey, by the way, make sure Antonio's not having sex

until she's 24, okay? You know what I'm saying? Let's do this now, man. My dick still works, all right, tell your friends. So then Teresa gets to Dolores's house and she... It's all different from the last time I was here. I hung out with Dolores the past couple of years, but I haven't stayed at a house since the 20s.

Everybody was calling in depression, but everyone was happy. I was so confused. Yeah, how does she not been to Dolores's beach house been like 30 years? So Margaret and the other group of rival Corgas and they're just like, you know, there's more fun chatter like, oh, Jackie, what's going on? You know, it's only two days. I want to get it back in the suitcase, Jackie. She's like, I'm just busy. I'm a big gritty. Yeah.

So they get their joe their rooms and they start making dinner together and Teresa is making the sauce and guess what? Dolores is everybody. Audience Dolores, we're such blank old school girls. That's what it is. Old school. Okay, look at us cooking sauce. Guess what?

New school. No sauce. Yeah. New school? New school? No sauce. Yeah. New school, just new school, new school, jarred sauce, old school tomatoes in a can. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? New school, if you want a gravy fries, you just get fries. No sauce. No gravy. No. New school, prego, old school. Oh my god. I'm 20 when I'm accidentally prego. What the hell are we going to do, Frank? You better find a way to buy this house So Chad the realtor who works with Michelle calls up tree and is like yeah Hey, so someone wants to see the house tomorrow. We got a showing and trees is like that quick and he's like

Well, you told me to sell sell two weeks ago. You told me two weeks ago sell my house So he has what I'm doing like shut up Chad stop trying to be a Yeah, he says it in such a confrontational way. It's like the Jersey way. He's like, what'd you tell me two weeks ago? He said, saw my house. All right. So that's what I'm doing. He's like, oh my god. Text me about it. I meant my DB house MD. I can't watch him anymore. Too many tough memories of Joe Duda, his favorite show. Well, I can understand why you're so upset. You know, it's closure on so many things to research. Yeah, the other day, I sent my my listing to the girls. And here's the text read. It says, he just said, miss it. I will, well, miss it. I don't

know, but it was so nice. Can someone read this? Yeah, yeah. So it said, miss it, I, well, well, miss it. I don't know, but it was so nice. Can someone read this? Yeah, yeah, so it said, so I wrote, I'm gonna set the house, want me to set all the house and stuff, and then Gio was like, I'm gonna miss the house, and I was like, you want me to set all the house? And she said, no, it's time for Flesh-Dot.

And then when La Nia was like, it's gonna be a first time. And then I was like, I was like, I don't, we don't have to be Flesh-Dot. time and then I was like Upcrime to the phone and They sent me an emoji of a train and I didn't understand it And I was like what's that and then they sent me the emoji of a cow and I was like what that and then finally Melania said sorry, I was sitting on my phone and I was like what's that? Wish I had a sister but I'm so happy I got girls. And she said you have us. Isn't that sweet?

Not all Teresa. But then I said, D. She said you got USD. Send me USD or I'll kill your entire family. Isn't that sweet? Yeah, I can't wait to go and tell Melissa the story, but how I said I wish I had a sister, but I don't have no sister,

I just have no millennials. So Dolores is like, how much can someone take? She's gone to jail, she lost appearance, her husband's been deported, she's having with strength, grace, and there's not too many people who can get through it like her, and still offer everybody in the world, dildos bigger than their head. All right, you show me one other woman who could do that.

So Jennifer, of course, during the pot and not the sauce pot is like, so is it gonna be a coffee when Jackie walks in tonight, huh? And then Teresa's like, you know what, the Laura's is my friend, okay? This is my turf, sorry, my turf. I just love this lake. And Jackie does, yeah, my turf, my fan, my turf. That's my stiff end, Laura's. Yeah, so Jackie does look scared

that she looks very nervous. She just keeps like kind of pulling at her hair and saying, how not nervous she is. And Jackie tells Melissa, she's not going to start with me tonight, right? Melissa's like, I wish I could answer that in a way that you'd like. Okay. Um, but I can't. Hey, before we go over there, do you mind helping me chop these onions?

Because I just really want to see you cry. I just really want to see that happen. I'm sorry, but that's too old school. So then Jen is like, to the trees trees is not gonna hold back it's gonna be a fucking blood bath tonight. Old school, old school blood bath. There will be a horse head in a bed. I'm telling you that some old school shit right there. Look look at Frank he's already putting his new pads on. He's learned. Okay. So. So then, hey Frank,

hey Frank, can you watch the pot of sauce? Can't let it burn. Okay, because I'm old school. We don't burn sauce. Okay. Don't let it burn. I'm like, for some reason, I don't trust Frank Catania to not let us us burn. I'd be like, well, he's certainly not going to get, yeah, he's certainly not going to give him a on his health report, because he comes in and he just stands over the pot with a giant cigar dangle And go for it. The more the pot looks good, it looks like nothing is burning. Well Frank is now 50% fuller of your saliva. So great. How have no fury like a pot of sauce you left burdened Frank, whatever that means. It's old school.

It's old school. No burning sauce. Okay. So Jen calls her brother in turkey and he was late picking up the family at the amp-off What are you on turkey time? What's wrong with there a fox in the drowsy block in your car? So the mom ended up refusing to go on the trip because the dad was going and Jen is like it's so crazy to see a sabotage around happiness just because she's mad at my dad Gonna see your grandson, baby And they kept on cutting away cuz she's doing her makeup They kept on cutting away to the little sponge that she was using to apply makeup to her face

And I'm telling you it looked like a bin yay, and I was getting so hungry Did that look did that not look like the most delicious makeup sponge you've ever seen? Cuz she looked like I justye and I was getting so hungry. Did that not look like the most delicious makeup sponge you've ever seen? Because you looked like it was a little soft. I just thanked God. I just thanked God. I don't have to wear makeup. Because it just looks so hard. I'm like, I would make just a complete fucking mess

of myself. I would look like a man. This is just a mess. Ooh, whatever happened to Baby Jane. All right, so everyone's getting ready for dinner. Everyone's putting on their makeup in a much better way than we would. And Joey B. Joey Benino. He's in his, he's, or Ben, is it Benino or Benigno? Joey B. He's, it's Benino. I don't know why they call him Benigno. Well, there's a G in there, but I assumed it was silent. I don't know. So he's in his,

he's in his blue striped shirt again, which is so cute, because it's clearly like, Mark's like, put on the blue stripe shirt. Okay, look, see, okay, take a shower. Take a shower, put it on. No, don't put it on in the shower, you have to teach you everything. Oh my god, for crying at that.

And then the whole, everyone in Melissa's house, hops in the van and heads over to Dolores's and they get there and Dolores is so happy to see the stripe sweater She's like, oh look you dressed up my boyfriend so nice for me Joe come over here. Let's have an old school hog nice old school hog Oh my god, who's better sis is this your butt Frank? Oh, yeah, his boats cost more than our houses I'm right and then Jackie's like Where's Theresa? Where is she? Looking so nervous. Why don't you, don't worry about it.

Yeah, who did I say? She's so nervous. Hey Jackie. She looks, yeah, she looks really nervous. And then she looks at the boat. She goes, Do you need a special license to drive a boat? I'm like, yeah.

That's how you can tell she was nervous. I was gonna say, because Jackie's smart. She knows that you need a license to drive a boat But she's so nervous. She doesn't know how to like her conversation starting is just like It's like a malfunction computer. So yeah, I'm like totally cool right now. Oh, there's a boat next to me Do you need a license to start a boat? Oh, okay? Do you know I started to drive a car? Oh, I didn't I never knew that I thought you could just get in one. Oh cool cool cool cool. Like you can tell it's the same So Teresa's upstairs Teresa's upstairs getting ready. Oh, you know that reminds me can you drive a boat on the street?

The do wheels come out of it. I'm just curious. I've always wanted to resist upstairs How do you go upstairs? Do you just is it like one foot? Yeah, I'm not distracted at all. I'm not distracted by My my me being nervous at all. No, so stairs tell me more about them Hi, it's me. All right. I got guests for everybody even you jacking So she passes out these gifts and she goes it's 24 carriage gold okay It's just caught the king and they open it and there these humongous vibrators Yeah, and March is like oh my god. This one matches my eye. Thank you so much, it matches my eyes, thank you.

And then Marge turns her on, and it starts vibrating, and she touches Melissa with it, and Melissa's like, and she squeals and runs away. But then Marge then touches the lures with it, and the lures just shrugs. Yeah. It was just the most lures response to a vibrator being pressed against her chest.

Yeah, you should try sticking Frank's finger in a light socket. All right. Well, he's inside of you. Now, that's a vibrator right there. And then it cuts to Joe Gorgah, whose face is like purple and his veins are popping out and his eyes are huge, just staring at those things like just imagining how that thing's going to feel later because you know that, you know, that's one kinky little guy. Yeah.

So, um, you know, at this point, I'm like, okay, you know, you know that's one kinky little guy yeah so um you know at this point I'm like okay you know Teresa gave a gift to Jackie this is going okay it's all going all right and then Teresa is like you know it's kind of big so Jackie I don't know if it's gonna fit up your ass but maybe you should try it I was like oh okay here we go yeah yeah and you know because you said you said that her take the olive branches to get my ass All right, so I'm gonna give you something to stick up your ass Jennifer Jennifer it's the deal dough come on pay attention So Jackie's like you know what I'm not doing this tonight

I just found out that you need a special license to drive a boat. I'm not gonna have this conversation. I'm gonna make me a like it, right? Cause you did say that thing about the Olive Branch's gardens, right? You know, you know, Teresa said that was not an Olive Branch that you gave me putting me in a group text like that. Oh, I wasn't in Olive Branch. I mean, I invited you in my house and stuff and stuff. And Margar said, you know, it's a group text. Okay, it's like it's not personal. It's like, if you come to my house and say, I want a glass of the most

delicious iced coffee, and then I take your iced coffee and it's important to everyone's little shot glass. It doesn't feel like a personalized drink to you. Okay, that's what I'm trying to say. All right. Everyone gets to our iced coffee. And she's's like I don't give a fuck Margaret Jack is like no, but let's just agree to not be friends Teresa that's fine and the lord's like all right no fighting tonight

All right, it's so new school give it a minute girls, okay Teresa's like I don't want to find I came bearing gifts All right, I thought that was a nice thing That's all I wanted to say. I'm not gonna say anything else to write you the night about it. That's okay Theresa. All right, all right. I'm done Theresa. Thank you.

Okay, you know what, everything that needs to be said is out of the way now. So we better get the pasta. We're gonna have mushy pasta. Jackie is mushy pasta, all right. You know what, you're wet mushy pasta. Okay, I'm done now. I'm done now. So Margaret's like, I don't understand why she has to do that. I mean, I hope, okay Jackie, you're wet and mostly fine, sir. Okay, I'm done now. I'm done now.

So Margaret's like, I don't understand why she has to do that. I mean, I hear K-Jack, you're about to cry. You're about to cry, aren't you? You're K-Jack, I'm fine. I'm fine, you know what? I just, you know, I swear, I swear to God. I'm totally fine right now. Don't worry about me, because I got cleanx. I got a handkerchief, cleanx, whatever you want.

What's nicer on your eyelids? I'm fine. I'm clean I got a handkerchief clean X whatever you want with what's nicer on your eyelids. I'm fine. I'm honestly listen. I'm just happy to know that people can't get into a boat and just drive around Willie nilly. Okay, you have to go to a process. I'm fine. I'm really really fine. And then Melissa tells her oh you think it's done but it's not. Are you gonna cry? No, I'm not gonna cry. You're not gonna cry. No, I'm totally fine. Stop asking me if I'm gonna cry. She's crying. I'm not crying. Are you gonna cry? If Frank could afford it, we'd buy a tiny little boat to just swim around your eyes because they're so full of saltwater. You're gonna cry. Just gonna cry. Okay, everyone let's go outside and let Jackie cry here. We don't want him in bed. Jackie, you want to go upstairs to fix your makeup from all those tears? We not even cry.

I literally know she has been shed. Oh, okay. All right, she's distraught, everyone. Let's go. So they're eating now. The food is served. And March is like, to do it. Do you have another night for the March?

Okay, you know what, let's be careful around the knives tonight, ladies. And the Laura says like, it's a noise. Do you have another night for the march? Okay, you know what, let's be careful around the knives tonight, ladies. And the Laura's is like, knives and vibrators. What else could we need? Old school. Beats a bagel. Okay, Jennifer, you say that one more time. I'm throwing you into the boat.

So, uh, of course, you know, of course, march sent me, much senior sent me the article to reset, you know, because course, much sent me, much seen me sent me the article to Lisa, you know, because you're moving your house on the market, you know, good for you. I have one question that everybody here wants to ask Jackie, but we're going to direct it to you right now. Are you emotional? Do you want to cry right now, Teresa?

Yeah, it's a little emotional. Yeah, I'm selling a house and stuff. And then they're like, oh, and then, of course, the other piece of news is that you're at the divorce is final, you know, yes, it is. And then she turns to Melissa and Joe and she's like, so you should take your words of taxes and you should take your words of taxes because they were at the reunion. They thought that Joe was going to prolong the divorce and try to go for money, which I think was a fair assumption. I think we all thought Joe might do that. And at the very least, even if he didn't do it,

I think it was always good to be prepared for it. But so now Teresa is like, Joe was a class act. Class act all the way. He didn't find me for nothing, and now we sell in Dildos, okay, class act. I know. So the class act, you can thank him for those Dildos. He just gave all of you and Joe's like what did I even do? I said you talk shit about him

I'm gonna miss a sense. He didn't say that he didn't say it was like a piece of shit loser He just said you know you should have some kind of post-map or something and Joe's like this guy was a nice to my sister Why is everyone pretending like I'm such a bad guy? I stick up for my sister. Yeah, and then, you know, Joe is still pissed because Joe judoized put out that article about, I don't even remember what it was about, but he put out an article, you know, saying shit

about Joe Gorgon and everything, and then Trey didn't even stand up for him. Right. So he's pissed about that. So she's like, all right, see you're not gonna talk about Jo anymore? Great, enjoy your night everybody. I'm gonna say goes, that was so aggressive though, okay? I mean, why do you have to do that? And then Marge is like, yeah, you know what?

You make everyone uncomfortable. I mean, the vibrator, then everyone's worried you're gonna yell and flip something, then everyone's nervous, Jackie's gonna cry and have never spiked out. I'm not crying. What is everyone's I'm like look at her. Oh look at her. It's like a watching a bop. It's special for crying out loud Someone get the putt go to tissue. I'm like literally applying. I'm fine right now. Do you see me crying all over your cheeks Jackie? All over your cheeks all over your cheeks Jackie all over your cheeks.

And trees Jackie says no I'm not gonna cry I'm over it. And three goes oh yeah I love that I love that. And Jackie says well if you're gonna yell at me or tell me to shove a lovely dildo up my ass just go ahead Teresa. It was a fine brand all right. A king you know what oh yeah. And did you hear what your husband said at Boy's Night Mod? Joe tell him what you said Joe Go ahead Joe tell him What you say Joe what you say Joe?

Get to lower this awesome you sure you got tell tell tell tell me Joe Nothing Can you say that he heard it the rumor? Joe Joe shout did you say you had to read my job and he's like Oh No No, I didn't hear I didn't say I heard the rumor. Nope and so then she's like I heard you heard it from town I heard you heard it in town. I love how that keep talking about you here I heard it in town like I heard you heard it in town. I love how they keep talking about you. I heard it in town.

Like, is this like a medieval location? It's a location. This is a very location-based plot line, which I love, because she says, I heard you heard it from in town, which is such a trinklish. I love it. And then Marge is like, Joe, Joe, did you say that you heard it in town?

And Jackie's like, I love it. Could we stop this? I don't care. Just look at me Margaret. I don't care. No, I'm gonna know if he said that he heard it. It's fine Margaret. It's fine. Did you get onto your bicycle and put a baseball card in the spokes and pretend you were an airplane and drive into town and hit people talking about it while they plucked fresh vegetables off of cuts and talked about the new baseball game happening on the radio Did you hear that Joe? I mean they they're just talking like it's so old-fashioned like I went to town. I got a rumor But he did We did Jennifer now

Well shut the fuck up pizza bagel. I'm right. I've had enough heat Don't tell me to shut up. Oh, you better shut up. I wanna hit for my husband. For that! Shut up. You shut up. You shut up.

You shut up! Oh, that was a good one. That was like the back and forth shut ups. Yeah, and then Frank, Frank just something he's probably pretty good at saying. Mm. I don't hear anything. I don't hear anything. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the coast of clear so I don't even want to hear anything about it. Right. But I heard you said you heard of it in town.

He did hear it in town. He just said no. Does a man in stripes with a little bit of pizza sauce on his on his chest? Evan Lai. No. It's like a map quest fight. So you know, he's going to say, I didn't say I heard it in town. I heard it in house. You know, he mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what Theresa you just you you treat me like an asshole, you know, and I think you treat everyone like shit Oh really do I treat you like shit do I treat you like shit? Hey, Bob do I treat you like shit? March do I treat you like shit, huh? It's just well you did have my hair pulled She's alright, you know what you think that and that's fine. No, you did Yeah, there's hey my opinion she came up with Melissa do I treat you like shit?

She's like, um, seasons three through six. Yes, you called me a stripper. And many other things. We're sugar cookies. Yeah, you called me a stripper with sugar cookies, okay? And she was like, could we just stop it? And Laura just goes, now it's on the table. Hey, why'd you get some vitamin, mods?

You know what? Get me interrupting me, Jen. Stop bouncing the shit and say then. You're sitting there getting freaking mad at me. I'm like, what did I do? I'm just like a fox in the driveway hanging out, checking out a huge mansion right? What did I do, baby? So Melissa's like, well, look, Marge, you did get mad at him and him, but not Teresa. You know, and Teresa is the one who said it in the first place.

I mean, let's just call it like it is. If Teresa is acting like an asshole, I say she's an asshole. And then this, you know, and now we've got this girl, look at her. She's going to start crying again. I'm not crying. I'm literally not crying. You're crying. No, I'm not.

I'm literally looking up the laws about getting a license to drive a boat. Like, I don't know. I'm literally a psych the laws about getting a license to drive a boat like I don't know I'm like no literally a second reverse Crime She's trying to marriage So Jackie goes listen, I'm not gonna start crying can we just please drop it and she goes you're fucking calculated Well, there's that You're fucking calculate, okay? I'm not gonna talk about you. I'm not gonna talk about you. I'm not gonna talk about you.

I'm not gonna talk about you. I'm not gonna talk about you. I'm not gonna talk about you. I'm not gonna talk about you. I'm not gonna talk about you. I'm not gonna talk about you. I'm not gonna talk about you. I'm not gonna talk about you.

I'm not gonna talk about you. I'm not gonna talk about you. she's not gonna, she's doing a real good job of trying to like, she, be like the good person. I was like, oh yeah, you go under the belt, you deserve it. Do it Jackie. And she loves, just saying Jail, you know, because you know, whenever you say Jail, Teresa is gonna freak out. And then it goes, and Teresa goes, and Jail, and she goes, Plink, Plink, Plink, Plink, Plink.

And she goes, yeah, that's what I said. Jail, that's what I fucking said. She goes, oh yeah, so I went to jail. So what, you know what? See, that's why I don't like her. She's such a nasty bitch. And then Teresa shows how much she doesn't care about the fact that Jackie brought up Jail

by standing up from the table and yelling, I don't want to be a piece of shit's company that go fuck yourself. You want you want that stupid picture of house? Go fuck yourself. I don't care that you brought up jail at all. Yeah. And just going back to her watch it happens again. He goes, Hey, do you think it was wrong for Jackie to say, you know, jail to you? And she's like, well, you know what? That's why I don't like that girl because you know she plays it low, but then, you know, I play low back and you know, I put a stop to it, you know, that's why I win. Like you walked away screaming like a crazy person.

Literally the opposite. Like you go low and then you force other people to eventually go low because that's the only way they can get through to you. And then you somehow made yourself believe that you didn't start it. No. Yeah. Oh, it was so good. I couldn't believe that Jackie did that. And I was actually concerned.

I was like, I was like, oh God, I was so proud of Jackie in that moment. And I hope I'm not the only one. I'm like, I hope this is not one of those situations where I'm not in sync with the internet. Because I was afraid I was going to go on the internet and people would say Jackie is so mean. She just like threw that into Lisa's face. That was nasty I was afraid people would be like that, but so far everyone I've seen on the internet. It's been like

Yeah And also, you know, we've been saying okay, this is overplayed like you're overplaying your hand It's time to move on from this And also, you know, we've been saying, okay, this is overplayed. Like you're overplaying your hand. It's time to move on from this. So I really like that she showed up at this episode and was like, I don't want to even talk, like it's over. Like I can't, how many episodes can I do this, you know?

So my, Yeah, no, cause like what I said before, which is that, you know what the truth is this, Jack has really only had one like proper scene since all this happened. She's really only had one episode since the premiere. So she had her one scene where she was able to be like fuck Teresa, you know, she did her thing.

And it felt like she was prolonging it just because we were now several episodes into the season, but she herself hadn't really been in a lot of episodes. So like on her and she wasn't really prolonging it. And then but then she was like, okay, I'm like, I'm not gonna prolong this. I she was like, okay, I'm not gonna prolong this, I'm not gonna prolong this, I'm not gonna prolong this, did you get that confidence in jail, bitch?

Okay, good. Yeah. Yeah, pretty fun episode, everybody. We'll be back tomorrow to discuss Summer House. And don't forget to sign up on Patreon because we have all sorts of cool perks on there. We have a weekly bonus episode. This week we broke down the trailer for the new real house size of New York season, which is really great. And of course, if you donate or support on the crap is on demand level, you can actually watch that trailer breakdown where we really,

we actually have the trailer up on screen and we go can actually watch that trailer breakdown where we really you we actually have the trailer up on screen and we go frame by frame and it's really fun. So you can actually see what we're talking about. And of course, get access to things like our discord server, etc. So go to patreon.com slash watch for crap ins to know to check out that stuff and get the full crap ins experience. And until tomorrow, everyone have a safe one good safe day and great, and whatever else you plan to do in the next 24 hours, we'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye everybody!

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