Watch What Crappens - RHONJ: We Got The Yacht!
Episode Date: April 23, 2021The Real Housewives of New Jersey goes on a yacht trip to preview Marge's new book, and then afterwards, Jennifer hosts an emotional Turkish Tea Party for the moms. Also, Olivia is our hero.O...ur Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy
singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride.
Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes,
Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Your Crappins!
A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.
I'm Ben Mandelker, and also, if I'm in the Game Brain podcast, and joining me today is my favorite,
the one and only, Mr. Ronnie Karam, what's going on Ronnie?
Happy and high. How are you today?
How are you?
I'm good. I'm feeling very Olivia from Real Housewives of New Jersey today.
I should have shown up here in red lipstick and one glove
Wooden Madonna glove. Yeah, you really should have you really missed an opportunity
Today is crap is on demand so you like you really missed an opportunity because it's we're on camera today
So if you just want to watch
You know our faces you can go to crap and it's on on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch where crap ends. And also we got our New York,
or the New York premier is coming up in a few weeks,
we're doing that live, so come buy tickets for that.
The whole community is gonna come together for it.
It's gonna be so much fun,
on locationlive.com slash watch where crap ends.
The links on our website, it's also on our Instagram.
It's just everywhere, it's really easy, just Google.
So come to that, we always have so much fun with our live shows. So, uh, what if my muscles were this big?
Yeah, that's hot. Man, I would love to make my arms look like muscles big,
Frankie,
Katania muscles. That would be yeah, me too. We could be like, hey, mom, you know what? They're standing medical, ma. All right?
That's not a woman thing. It's a medical thing, ma. All right.
Mom, it's a hell, ma. Why don't you tell me, ma? I'm more mad. You didn't standing medical, ma. All right? That's not a woman thing. It's a medical thing, ma. All right?
Ma, that's a hell, ma.
Why don't you tell me, ma?
I'm more mad you didn't tell me, ma.
Huh?
I'm gonna go get the date.
Well, maybe.
Maybe if I had arms that big, I wouldn't be so upset.
I had to shop in a big and tall store.
Okay? I have to tell, okay.
So everybody, I know I just made waffles for everybody
this weekend and I'm already complaining about my way to care.
Okay? I see the hypocrisy in that. I see it. So before I go any further, I see it.
But guys, I've gotten so fat that I can't even fit into Old Navy. I've found out today.
Why? Because I want to Old Navy. Okay. So then Ben, I'm searching online Austin,
big and tall shops, right? So I'm like, well, I guess here we go. You know, like, let's just
pretend I'm waiting to play the mom and hairspray You know, like, that's what I tell myself.
Like, maybe, you know, like, maybe I'm preparing for a role.
Okay, guess what?
Couldn't fit into old, maybe.
Big and tall is listed JC Penny.
So I thought, what am I?
Like in my bag of dishwasher, fine.
I'll find the JC Penny or whatever.
So I look up, they have a coupon.
Super excited.
I'm like, Ronnie, don't be down on yourself.
You had fun eating, you can't cry about the gating. Because I really have had a great time getting to sweat. It's been great. So I go on to get my
coupon for JC Penny. Um, look at this coupon and look at the coupon word that you have to use to
get your big and tall clothes. I piggy. PIG. No. I G.IGGY. That is the word that Jayce Manny made to use to get your fat clothes.
So Jayce Manny, go fuck yourself.
I'm not buying your terrible fat people dockers.
Okay.
Is that there you?
Serious?
PIGGY?
So what, you're over the big and tall to go on the couch.
I'm sorry, the coupon.
Yeah, I'm saying on my end, I'm's where I'm having I guess maybe some internet issues
So it's sort of pixelated, but oh wow
Wow, I that is so terrible and the only way that Jayce penny could ever make it up to us is if they became sponsor for what happens
Thanks, no, I won't even take it. I will not take it. Jayce penny
No, keep your goddamn money. No, I might eat it
No, keep your goddamn money. No, I might eat it. Fuckers.
All that money that they've earned from fat shaming promotions.
Piggy, that's crazy. I can definitely eat that.
That fucked up. Piggy, isn't it also amazing?
I started cracking up. I was like, you know, some fucker who probably just lost 15 pounds
came up with that coupon. because you know you lose 15 pounds
Then everyone else in the world is obese to you, you know, and I'm like this fucker
It's probably about like two pounds and it's now calling the fat people picky on the JC penny coupon go fuck yourself
JC penny and go fuck yourself JC penny coupon rider
Yeah, I am actually astounded like I'm actually astounded that JC penny
Has picky as their promotional code for their big and tall clothing.
Like that is.
Gotta have it to them though. That is pretty funny. I didn't find it.
This could be the biggest scandal since they found shroomtails and cinnamon toast crunch last month.
Oh, you see this is like this is why I need to go to therapy
because I'm really out of control with addiction.
I mean, that story came out,
I immediately ordered Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Immediately, a huge box of it,
and I ate the whole box in two days, it was delicious.
It's like, you could tell me there's rap poop in it,
but as long as you say Cinnamon Toast Crunch,
I'm ordering it because it's in my head now.
I'm sick, sick, I'm ordering it because it's in my head now. I'm a six, six, I'm sick.
I have an issue.
I can't get you in my face.
I can't get you in my face.
Well, you know, I don't believe that fucking guy anyway.
Didn't he try not to be an abuser and a horrible person?
I don't believe him with his fake shrimp
in his cinnamon toast crunch.
Fuck that.
Whoa, whoa.
What's that?
You mean to Panga's husband?
He was married to Panga.
Is that who it was? Yeah, he was married to Tapanga. Who to Penga?
Tapanga from Boy Meets World. That show that was I didn't watch
our time. I thought I was stupid. I just know that there's a girl named Tapanga on it.
So there's that. Well, fuck you to Tapanga. Yeah, okay. That's all I'm feeling today everybody. Fuck Tapanga.
Fuck the shrimp tails. Fuck JC Penny.
Everybody fuck to pang a fuck the shrimp tails fuck JC penny
Fuck weevils I found weevils in my in my flower the other night and that wasn't fun. You ever had weevils in your flower?
Nope Well, I have to use my flower it was not nice well speaking of weevils and flowers
Let's see what Teresa's doing this week on real house lots of new Jersey
Let's see what Teresa's doing this week on real house lots of New Jersey
All right, so so we've the real weevils of New Jersey
So we open up with
Shots of what's going on around town. We see Jackie with her kids. She's telling them that she's going on a yacht and they're
She's just telling them that, which is fine.
Is this when they're like,
I don't know.
Don't wear that dress, there's naked people on it.
She's like, oh my God, it does have naked people on it.
Everyone wanted to wear that pattern.
Is that like the New Jersey boat pattern
that you wear on a boat?
It's like draw, you know, those old school drawing,
like Victorian drawings on your dress,
because Teresa wore that.
Yeah, it's a while.
No, Teresa didn't wear that.
Someone wore a jacket.
It was a while away.
And I noticed I was like someone wore the dress
that Jackie's kid said no to.
I have it in my notes.
When it happens, I'll be like, guys, listen,
I figured out who it was.
Some two ladies didn't like go access my boyfriend.
There was like dying to know.
Yeah, don't worry everyone.
We will have the answer coming up.
I wrote it down.
It's coming.
You don't have to tweet at us. So then let me see Margaret and she's with Joe and she's like,
Joe, Joe, okay, I want to show you this outfit. Do you think this is very yachty? And he goes,
yeah, it looks good. Yeah, why are you eating a bowl of canotly? Okay. And he goes,
when was the last time you made breakfast for me? never. And then he just laughs for five minutes.
He's just like so proud of you.
She does too.
I like that they, I like that they just crack each other up.
And she's like, but you know what, Jeff,
my co-author, what's a face?
It's not Emily.
That's what I brought to you.
Is it Emily?
I read my co-author, Emily.
She wants to cheat the siat, you know.
And I think it's a good idea.
And he goes, who's better than you, Marge?
And she says, Emily, obviously, she's got a yacht.
That's what's for you, yacht, Joan.
Let's take, Joan is on a coast yacht right now cracking up at that.
Oh, you know, oh, speaking of yachts, by the way, in our below deck selling recap, we,
this week, we referred to the trophy wife.
We called her Amanda the entire episode, but as below Dex,
very own Hannah Farrier, a former desk her name was Jessica.
And I guess she was on below Dex Med.
And she was like, don't you remember him from below Dex Med?
And I was like, honestly, like, after like a few months,
they just, it's like, they're all just Johnny Damans wife.
Like every single one of them.
I'm like, I just remember Johnny Dam's wife when she came on every single charter
Yeah, oh, yeah, I don't care. So sorry, sorry Hannah, but yeah, I don't care. Love you though, Hannah
So they're going on a yacht and then we go over to what's your button still Laura's house
Oh, yeah, Marge is nervous because you know, Melissa's not gonna be there
So she's not gonna have somebody to stick up for her if Jen goes crazy on her because you know
I'm reading a very sensitive chapter today on the butt jump
You know, I don't want to take it from the program is small. Okay, more house. Okay. I don't need miss hot dog
I'm gonna stick in my living room telling me what my life is all right
Since when does Marge need Melissa to stand up for her?
Margaret is just like very self-sustaining.
Like Melissa standing up for someone.
Melissa's not like, sure, this is what Melissa does as an ally.
Are you serious right now?
Don't talk to her like that.
And that's basically all you get out of her.
Yeah, or she'll throw the cheese that you were just eating
so that you can no longer eat it. Keep your fights away from the food that I'm currently snacking on yeah, or throw it
She'll throw fork on the floor. She did remember remember last season. She had there was like a there was like a knife like a butter knife
Like an anapkin that she's like
She did something. No, no, no, no, no, she got her that was towards her. That was Jennifer. Oh right right right Jennifer through the through the thing
Like she threw a knife in my face towards her that was Jennifer. Oh right, right, right, Jennifer through the thing. Like the little up.
Through the knife in my face.
So then we go.
So we're at the lorises.
Yeah, right to lorises.
So Frankie, the most like the most doding sun in the history
of Bravo.
He's like, Hey, mom, you want a coffee?
I'm going to make coffee.
She's like, Frank, okay, Frankie, I'm looking for an outfit
because I'm going on a yacht. Okay, and some day you're going to have a yacht. And I'll be on your yacht. How about okay, Frankie, I'm looking for an outfit because I'm going on a yacht, okay,
and some day you're gonna have a yacht,
and I'll be on your yacht.
How about that, Frankie?
Sounds good, Mom.
Sounds real good, Mom.
He's like, you know what I'm doing, Mom?
I'm studying right now.
I like, that's what I'm doing.
And she's like, oh, Frankie, with the studying,
you know what all you do is study.
You need to stop.
You're studying so much.
Give your brain a break.
It's like such.
That's such a...
I've never heard a parent say that.
You know?
And he's like, no, you know what I like it.
I, you know, so I have my GMAT.
I like the studying.
It's really fun for me.
All right, Frank.
You know what, Frank, let me tell you something, okay?
I'm gonna get a mammogram.
Oh yeah, you know, I think you should have
some initials on your table.
No, no, no.
Not a mammogram. A mammogram. should have some initials on your table. No, no, no Not a grama mammogram a mammogram
Is that in your study? But you've already got a ma is that like a monogram? I'm buying
All right, listen Mr. Brain Trust, okay? Is that like a graham cracker with like like mom's graham crackers?
Is that when somebody sends you like a singing mammogram? It's like someone's mom singing happy birthday to you. What are you doing? You need a new job, huh?
Mars that mean you're gonna come singing me grant to me again. It's so weird when you do that. You know what Frank?
First of all
You always said you loved every heartbeat. Okay. Yeah, it's true. I love that song
It's an Instagram for only moms that is by the way the most the lowest
Because if you really listen to lyrics, it's like every heartbeat, there's your name.
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.
Loud and clear.
I stake my claim, Frank.
This red hot.
So she's like, you know, I didn't even want to talk to you about it, Frank, because you
know what, it's a girl thing, okay?
But the moral is, you gotta take care of yourself.
He's like, the moral is to me, Ma.
That you didn't even tell me,
and I gotta find out I'm crossing, like this, all right?
Like, I'm crossing in your closet, all right?
I don't need to find out about it, like that, all right?
This ain't a girl thing, this is a health thing.
And she's like, you know what?
I had to think of what my mom said.
Roll back to take, please.
Ma, I gotta get my breast felt.
There might be something in there.
Cookies?
No ma.
No ma.
No ma.
I like the-
My cookies.
I like the specific, the actual quote that she said was,
but then I remembered what my mother told me
after my tummy tongue.
I love that that's like like never forget
But my mother said after that tummy tuck
Little moment in her life the tummy tuck. I know what my mother would say after my tummy tuck
Thank God, I've been telling you to do this since came to our garden. What took you so fucking long to listen to me?
So now we go to Teresa's and Gia's room.
Gia is, I feel like we haven't even talked about the fact and this has been going on
for several weeks that Gia is like breaking the internet right now, her song from season
three, like wicking up in the money.
That song is like, like all.
Everyone's doing videos about that and it all started because of Will Smith of all people. So good for you.
And yeah, good for you.
But then Gia did like the worst version of it.
Just like laughing and smiling and doing a good dance.
I was like, no, I need like a true sad reenactment of this or an update, you know.
So, but yeah, she broke it. I need like a truce, the sad reenactment of this or an update, you know.
So, but yeah, she broke it. But right now she's just in that teenage mode that basically every teenager on this show
is in and probably in real life as well.
Where it's just like, this is the sound of G at mentally.
Hey,
GM, what are you doing?
Hey,
me and your hungry friend,
Brad,
that.
and let me do it. Hey, baby, are you hungry for breakfast?
Oh, oh!
And Teresa's like,
yes, yes, so I'm much got a book deal
and she do it with Michael's Rad of Emily.
I'm like, please don't make this a turf war about Emily.
Like, I just sort of had that sense
that she was like, there's Michael's Rad of first
as if like Teresa had stakes on Emily,
but luckily they didn't really go there,
at least not yet.
I guarantee the first fight, she's gonna be like,
and then you take my ghost riot, my ghost riot.
Just tell you right now, that's a fiction.
At least she's admitting it now.
You know what, for a long time,
I thought I was the only one who could see her.
You know, Margie's special.
Man. for a long time I thought I was the only one who could see her. You know Margie's special.
So then Joe Judice sends a voice text to Gia, which goes, hi Gia, I love you, which is almost as good. Almost as good for us. You have received a phone call from
phone call from JOW!
JOW!
I missed those things.
And she is like, this is so weird.
I type my tax.
I can't even type his tax.
Say, who the, I mean,
you got a picture of a girl
did in on his phone?
Who the, I mean,
was that his girlfriend
or something?
He's like, no, but I did meet his girlfriend.
He introduced me on FaceTime.
He was like, hey, do you want to meet this girl?
You know, like he was actually
shitting his pants, mom.
Ha ha.
By the way, I got distracted.
I'm sorry for something that's like,
I feel like really, this is actually
makes sense within real housewives of New Jersey recap.
There's an emergency alert here in Los Angeles that there's a natural gas leak.
And I was like, that's perfect for talking about it.
Real housewives in New Jersey.
He wear my God, avoid down.
I mean, I don't get it down.
Yeah, who does?
I think they're always cast leaks and down.
It sounds like generally dangerous.
Literally, it sounds like it's like a place like
come for Sizzler stay for the gas leaks, you know.
You know.
Sorry, sorry I got distracted as emergency alert.
I was so sick of those emergency alerts.
I finally figured out how to turn it off
because I turned my Apple watch on because I was like,
oh, maybe I'm going to try and get some activity rings
which is was like literally the biggest joke I've told myself
all year.
It didn't happen.
But I plugged it in and it was sitting on my nightstand and it's 6.30 in the morning
the other day.
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, because it
just starts buzzing off the nightstand, you know, going crazy and I woke up and I'm freaking
out and I pick up the thing and it's an emergency alert.
It's an amber alert.
You know, I've never been mad at a kidnap victim until that day.
I was like, fuck off, Tiffany. Oh my god. Seriously? What's 30 in the morning? What child he has abducted?
So what what is that child doing out of the house? Seriously? I'm furious with you. Good luck to
you, but I'm still furious. I hope you I hope I get a notification that you've been found
I hope I get a notification that you've been found during working hours. Okay.
Also, that kidnaper, like really get onto a better schedule.
Please.
Oh my God.
It's just like Apple, they need to rethink that whole thing because it really makes you
resent the victims.
Like this poor girl, you know, and no one's like putting good energy in the world.
Like, hey, I hope I can find Tiffany.
Well maybe, you know what? Maybe it's reverse psychology because now Like, hey, I hope I can find Tiffany. Well, maybe, you know what?
Maybe it's reverse psychology, because now,
it's like, I do want to find Tiffany,
just so I can say, listen here, you little brat, okay?
I got booked in a bit, 6.30 in the morning
because of you, okay, we're going home to your mother
and I'm gonna have a word with her.
I'm always impressed, and I applaud it,
but I'm always impressed that people can see a photo of wanted or missing,
whatever they can see a photo or they can look in the back of a milk garden if that's something that still happens.
And then they can like see someone out in the wall and be like, oh, that's that person.
Like I see a person that's like, it's like, like missing this, this child is missing.
I literally would then turn around
and the child would be right there and I'd be like,
wow, did you see this?
This child is missing anyway.
I'm like, no.
You never see the people that actually be it,
but then the people that don't need it at all,
you see everywhere.
Is that central Bullock?
You guys, I think that's central Bullock over there.
At the time, I thought I saw Michelle fight
for my very first day, I moved to Los Angeles.
I was so like, first day I moved here I was like, there's celebrities everywhere that
I convinced myself that I saw Michelle fight for driving a Nissan down Lassi, Anika while
I was eating a Johnny Rockets and then later I was like, no Michelle fight for driving
a Nissan and she's not going anywhere in the early center. Okay, so Teresa starts giving Joe shit about his
girlfriend and she's like, come on, she is like, come on, I mean,
you're both dating, why are you guys giving each other shit? She's
like, all right, all right, all right, I was dating, all right, I
just didn't talk about it because I'm not ready to do it. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
But I guess some people got loose lips, huh?
Like yeah, like maybe someone who goes to someone's birthday party
and tells everyone they heard that that person
might be having an affair.
Yeah, I guess some people do have loose lips.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
She's like, she's like, yeah, you know,
I just wanted to find out when I'm like ready for them to find out, you know, I'm like
That's that's nice that you are like
Basically asking for grace of like, you know your own time and space for doing these things
But again, I will cite the first half of the season when you basically went out to destroy Jackie's marriage just for the fun
I mean, yeah, yeah, so then we go over to Jen's house and she's with Olivia.
And she's like, what are you doing, baby?
She's like, how much, baby?
And she's like, why don't I believe you, Olivia, baby?
And then Olivia just takes a, she'd like,
squint her eyes and then takes a really long suck off her ring
pop like.
Trick-do-again, baby.
Baby. Trick-do-again, baby!
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I also like Olivia.
Did you notice Olivia's bed?
First of all, for such like this over the top big tacky house,
her bed itself is like very humble.
It's just like one of those, it's like a white bed like with like metal,
like the headboard is like metal poles, you know?
And then like the quilt, like it has this like sort of like,
it almost feels like this old world quilt, a very simple quilt. I'm like, why is Olivia's
room like from a totally different, you know, like country, what's going on here?
We sent the Z gallery for the rooms that people can say about it. Little girls who don't take breaks during school get good bad dreams, beba.
So then she goes in.
But that sweater, baby, I'm on a scar, I don't got today.
And she's like, guess what, lady, don't care.
Olivia was really just like, I'm top of her game this episode.
So then Jen goes, wanders over to Gabby's room
and she's like, what are you doing, bye bye?
She's like, I'm just supposed to be at school too.
She's like, I'm on a break also.
She's like, oh, okay.
How come it, it's how you're doing, baby?
And she's like, good.
How come whenever you ask a kid,
how they're doing all this, it is good.
Am I right, baby?
The Turkish Sign fell ladies and gentlemen
This Kramer
Jen just all the characters
So she's like yeah, I just wanted to talk to you about the fact you witnessed
other day.
I don't like seeing you sad.
And she's like, yeah, well, I mean, I've heard him scream and but I've never heard him
screaming like that.
Not that there's anything wrong with it, baby.
Sorry, I'm gonna sign that.
I don't know.
So, yeah, so she just talking, she starts talking to Gabby. This was actually, I thought
a surprisingly good Gen-Sina thought she was being a good mom here. And she's talking to Gabby
about like everything that Nana has gone through and how it was an arranged marriage and how
she's basically ripped from her life. And she was miserable because of it, and she's also now kind of embarrassed
because they're living separately,
and maybe her mom is jealous of her
because she's in a happy relationship,
which of course Jennifer would say that.
I think in any situation Jennifer would be like,
I don't know the thing about mom,
she's just jealous of me.
Funny, jealous of something, mom. Yeah, she had an Instagram thing because it
was her birthday, baby. And so she was going on a trip and apparently someone was really
rude to her and Belle from... Was it Delta? No, that was someone else about it, Delta.
The airlines are getting a lot of mean tweets from celebrities, okay? From American Airlines,
she's like, Hey, somebody, I just wanted to tell you
a Batson Thalma from American Airlines.
Thanks a lot for ruining my bad thing,
being me and my wonderful husband,
your jealous bitches.
What's so wrong with a passenger asking
if you could just have a simple pizza bag
along the board?
So Gabby's like, well listen, I get it.
I would have hatred for my husband too, baby.
I think she just wants to get an anger out.
She's like, yeah, I feel some very sense.
She's just, you know, you see it?
What do people think with her saying,
him saying, him saying,
then a little house not by a mom, baby?
She lives in a house where they don't got foxes in the driveway.
That's what I got to say, baby, she jealous.
I'm like obsessed with that fox in the driveway that she saw.
I don't know why I keep my reference again every week, but I just, I just love that she
came onto an episode and said, guess what, baby, I saw a fox in the driveway.
So then we go to the yacht margin, like, see your coming and the lot is the yacht is called frivolous. And it's basically, it
looks like the inside of a mobile home. This is like the least
fabulous yacht. I think we've ever seen no fence ghostwriter
Emily. Don't get mad. Okay, it's like, it almost feels like
below deck, if like one of the stews. Okay. It's like, it almost feels like below deck,
if like one of the stews was an actual yacht.
Like this is the yacht that would be like,
down there, it's all the stew quarters.
Yes.
Or like something my Nima would own,
you know, because she drove us around in that mobile home
when we were kids on vacation.
And it looked just like that.
It's like below deck, Mima.
You know what boats I loved?
Was one there in episode of Top Chef,
where they had to go on to Lake Boat.
It was like big wide.
It was like a houseboat thing and they lost power.
God, I love those.
I like a big wide boat.
Or maybe that was just from house centers
when we recapped it.
I think, I don't know.
So, there were on this, the frivolous, yeah, and Emily's there.
So Margin and Lexi arrive and like, oh my god, like this is just good.
Like it is like it is beautiful.
Yeah, like it's so spacious.
Look, look, both my elbows touch each wall.
This is just good, just okay.
And so then, um, Emily's like, okay, what does everyone want for drink?
Okay, who wants something to drink and Lexi's like, you know what, I think a glass of white
wine would be perfect.
I was like, God, that likes the accent.
That's me every time.
I know.
So then Jackie comes and much like, I've got your efficient in orange and we meet first
mate Parker who's like the hotdish, young guy and captain Fred.
And Jackie's like, first mate Parker, we have a very lovely lady named Teresa coming on
I'm like, oh, we're gonna hook up Teresa and she tells us you know
It's been after three likes hot young guys. I just wanted to be happy because Teresa's happy
Maybe she's stopping a horrid human being
Maybe she's stopping the worst person I've ever met in my entire life
So then Teresa come so Teresa comes on board and I wrote, is she wearing the dress that Jackie almost wore?
So Teresa herself.
Wow, imagine if they had shown up in the same dress, the entire fire would have been
reignited.
Yeah, two of them were wearing that.
Teresa's wearing it and Dolores wears it on this.
That's why I'm asking, is that just like a popular print?
It's like, yeah.
So she comes and she's like,
Oh, I have sent to Kayla
and put her in Apple on the rocks, I read.
And Jackie looks super awkward.
But she's like,
I use so many,
I can't believe I haven't been out here yet.
I'm on my knees.
And she's like,
you know what,
I'm not gonna have this conversation with you
because I've invited you 10 times. Yeah, yeah, I'm on my knees. And she's like, you know what? I'm not gonna have this conversation with you because I've invited you 10 times.
Yeah, okay.
Emily's like, don't start with me, bitch.
I have invited you, okay.
So then Dolores shows up.
She's like, I hear my girls.
Ah, you look like Sophia Lorenzo Moss, yeah.
Emily's just sick, am I like?
And then let's see here.
They're basically like,
no one's concerned.
No one's concerned.
In the middle of a pandemic, Melissa is sick
and throwing up and vomiting and everyone's like,
yeah, she's sick.
I'm like, yeah, she's scared.
She might have coronavirus.
Anyone?
No, this is Jersey, that'll give a fuck.
They don't.
coronavirus probably has a hit out on it. Like they're're afraid of that shit. Yeah, like just take care of it
Hey, so what who is yes? So what so then Jennifer shows up and there's just everyone's there and then
Dolores decides to go downstairs from the top deck
So that should take this like steep staircase. Yes, all right. You know what? I don't want you to see my big ass
But you know what it's don't want you to see my big ass, but you know what, it's there.
So enjoy, enjoy, okay.
Yeah, also you just got that thing put in,
of course you want them to see it, okay?
It's not like you just had COVID gain.
You literally paid for that ass.
That's right.
So then they're talking about how Theresa,
someone says, oh, Marge is like,
you know what, we should go away because
Jackie's going to be 44 years old, we should go somewhere. And some who says I would go to
Glenmere Mountain.
Terence, someone is like, what are we, I think I might have been Emily actually who said
like, let's go to Glenmere Mansion. And then all of a sudden, it's like becomes all about
Glenmere mansion, which
I think I misspelled on him here, by the way, sorry.
Glenmure mansion, Glenmure mansion.
So Teresa's like, I went there on a date and Marge's like, oh, see, I finally admitted
that you went on a date.
I'm thrilled.
And she's like, yeah, yeah, Jen goes to the hotel you were, he was taking me on the date,
she just show up and get me a mansion.
And she's like, no, it was a surprise.
Like, he sent a driver for me.
I mean, this guy, like every time I get together with him,
I got flowers.
I'm like, hmm.
This guy is totally going to make you
sign so much paperwork, Sherry.
So I do not trust this at all.
I don't trust you.
This guy is on his way to fucking you over.
Please don't sign anything.
I just don't trust like the like the hot and heavy come on, right?
Like I don't trust the guy who like who just comes on with like a million gifts and lavish things and
Then he's he just comes on strong and then like once he's got you. It's like good luck. Enjoy this
I just feel like they're all all the guys who do that are basically Rob from below deck meta as long as we're talking about He just comes on strong and then once he's got you, it's like, good luck, enjoy this.
I just feel like they're all the guys who do that
are basically Rob from Below Deck Met
as long as we're talking about Below Deck Met.
That's what I always think it is.
Come on strong with a charm attack and then you're like,
just like.
Well, consistently, you consistently see this man
in one place.
I mean, you see him all over the place,
but consistently, you see them in one place lifetime.
The mother fuckers who act one are like this.
Act two, you start suspecting them.
Act three, you gotta kill the mother fucker three times because he won't even die.
Being pushed down the stairs, stabbed in the face, shot through the gut, strangled with
a garden hose.
I mean, you can't kill him.
Okay.
There's another place you find them, which is in Lindsey Hubbard's past, okay?
And so like, if this is someone
that would date Lindsey Hubbard,
so like basically comes on strong
with a helicopter ride,
and then disappointment after that.
So, you know, yeah.
You see that.
So we find, we hear the story of how Theresa met this guy.
She's like,
offer's name was a walk.
Okay, this is what happened.
I was walking one day and I was like,
really the press because I was missing my dad.
And I said,
mama, papa sent me a guy.
And then on the street where I said that,
that's why I met the guy, all right?
Cause Rosanna called me to go walk on the Jersey shore.
We was walking and he was at the shore house and then he wave did it at me and then like I was so shy
But then we were like
And I was like I hope he didn't see me
What the fuck is this story? Okay, so Teresa
Teresa is walking with Rosanna, okay, yeah
I'm talking with Rosanna, okay? Yeah.
Rosanna and Rosanna.
Rosanna and Rosanna, who knows what happened to poor Rosanna, okay?
She stuck at home cleaning or something.
So Teresa's talking with Rosanna.
They see a guy, they say hi, and then they start freaking out because he's cute.
And then they walk up to him and then he recognized us or from TV and then pulls out a stack
of papers for
her to sign for time shares.
Yeah.
Um, well, that also let's be honest Theresa probably walks down every single street saying,
mama mama papa send me a guy please.
Okay, no one on this street.
Let's go the next one.
Mama, papa send me a guy.
Oh, send me on me and doesn't count. Let's go the next one
Probably did that for a year before she finally found this guy
And Dolores is like oh, yes, so you would like wow he's so hot just here Yeah, we was jumping up and down like little girls girls and then you know what then we took it very very slow
I was that taking it slow you see you do standing outside you say hi start screaming and yelling and jumping up and down
Go right up to him and you know you banged him. I mean give me a break. Yeah, exactly very soon after
Jersey Shore like I was literally the Jersey Shore you guys went into the crawl space and banged, okay?
So don't tell me that you're taking it very, very slow, okay?
Yeah.
So in Margaret's side, you know what?
Now that we're letting the cat out of the bag,
just a minute, you getting the pussy fed.
Okay, that was for you, John, little cat pussy.
It was great, it's in the butt.
All right, you know what Fred says,
this chap is see, so we're gonna go on the water later. I'm like, I know Fred just told him that so the
Laura's this keep talking about the guy and how to read and how Melissa was really good in line for Teresa and
say, you know what? You just don't want to tell anybody in first and then you said, Glen me a mansion and it seemed
appropriate. It is because I, because I thought that's why he took me on the day.
What do you do, Glenn, your mansion? You know what? I don't even care.
So then Dolores, I'm like, I don't, I don't, we'll find out.
We'll find out.
I've now opened up the floodgates.
So Dolores is like, um, uh, it's like, you know what?
I don't think she's being honest with how much she really likes this guy.
You know what I'm saying?
Look at Frank over there.
He doesn't even know.
Hey, Frankie, you about to reset dating a new guy?
Ma, what do I gotta find out about this in crossing?
Ha ma, why in crossing?
So we get to the book.
Camarach starts talking about her book, which we got a copy of.
Oh yeah, they're happy.
I don't have it up here, but I will be reading this book.
Where is it?
It's downstairs.
Did you get yours, Ben?
I do.
I have it over here.
You want me to pull it out?
Hold on up.
Let's read some pages from it.
Okay.
Let's see what ghost right Emily's got up a sleeve.
Hold on.
That's what I say we can do.
Okay.
So you know what?
We get this book from March, you know,
and I said, what is this?
It's wrapped in gold.
I've never seen gold wrapping like that in my life.
Oh my God, they came with beautiful gold wrapping.
Okay, by the way, it also has an inscription.
It says,
keep living the dreams.
No one does not, better than you, exo, exo, the real March.
Thanks, March. Actually, I'm really you. Exo exo. The real mod. Thanks much.
Um, actually I'm really offended. So thanks a lot. I'm taking my book back to the store and getting a refund.
Because why did not say I'd do the best march? You said you need the best march. Mine says like, Ronnie,
caveat treats. No caveat for you.
Ha ha. Not. Fuck does that mean?
No, but he doesn't like the coupon code Piggy or what?
Okay, okay, I'm just gonna be up a random page. Okay, this is chapter four.
God mental girl, okay? Okay, in my scene you have cottage. I met an Italian rugby player, Luca.
What I liked about Luca was that he was sexy and manly. He was actually a marine for a while.
He was also smart, very well-read, older, and you had to make eyes coffee Joe.
I had a thought.
I had a thing for older men, okay? Being mature beyond my ears. I was I was used to being around adults.
I didn't have patients for people who were pedantic, okay?
Jennifer, you'll have to look up that word later, okay?
So I didn't need shallow conversation. The problem was I later found out that Luca was totally
nuts controlling an emotionally abusive,
a real fucking asshole.
Oh, did I just come to the,
I think I'm at the chapter.
I feel like I'm actually at the chapter.
God, you picked like the most depressing chapter ever, man.
Thanks a lot, genius.
I'm gonna move forward, I'm gonna move forward.
Okay, okay, here's one.
This is from page 161. I don't even know the context.
Okay, I did the math and 5% of a few million dollars a year in addition to money up front sounded like a cakewalk to me
and comparison to running my own factory and dealing with screen by my mother's who didn't get the centerpieces in time.
This was just what I needed. I didn't have to make anything. I just had to help design it and then collect my percentage.
I was thinking what's wrong with this deal nothing so I was like a table for four at
Buracan extra lobster fried rice please thank you. Thank you. That was the next
Dream's I tune a fish budget
The ghost tried is like oh
Oh my god guys
Wait a second.
There are some pictures.
This is so meta.
Look at what's, like what's,
what there's a picture of.
Wait, let me, do you see?
Let's see, the boat.
Oh my God, they're on the boat right now.
It's this image of them on the boat.
And in the book, there's a picture.
It says, there's a picture from this episode. There picture from this episode there's a she's reading she's reading to them in the book in this
episode and there's a picture of this episode in the book it's like the snake
eating its own tail okay it's just like the blue Lexi's mind.
Okay so she reads the chapter about the boss
that she slept with.
And basically she starts with, this man had me.
Let's call them Dick, I beg.
And she talks about how we learned her back
to his apartment and he pressed his nape thick against me.
And she panicked and she felt like she had no choice.
And I know that you're all probably thinking that I'm a slut, but I'm thinking, I can't say no. his nape sake against me and she panicked and she felt like she had no choice and you
know I know that you're all probably thinking that I'm a slut but I'm thinking I can't say no
you know and I knew it was wrong but I was an adult you know and it turns out he wasn't
just dick he was also an asshole.
I'm assuming that's the way it is.
So she finishes yeah she finishes and she just looks at John like well, nobody have to say about yourself stupid face and
just like whoa and
Dolores is like yeah, you know what in that moment?
You just don't want to make the man feel bad. It's so sad
Yeah, cuz you could do she job and John's like well
That's a very different tone, you know, then the first time you told it, you know, because the first time I just heard you said with your bastard head
So sorry about that. Sorry
Like she literally never even said that she never said I'm like hits what I did to get ahead in life
I just let me at the top she was like I slept with my boss
She's like I it was uncomfortable, but I did it
Sorry, all I heard you say was that you're a big slut and you liked it, huh?
It's like, what? Yeah.
And so Jen tells us that she didn't really understand the story was about
March feeling powerless, you know, and she says, obviously, I was wrong.
Right.
So she's like, well, obviously, March, I'm telling you, I processed it that way.
It's just, well, maybe you have a processing issue then.
Okay.
It's like, well, maybe you have a presentation.
And this year, and, uh, Margaret's like, you know, what, you know, I's like well, maybe you have a presentation this year
Margarine's like you know what you know, I think you just just don't read things correctly Okay, like the other night you're on Instagram. Okay, you're doing Instagram live and talk about nanny
You nanny to help out. I mean like this is a time when people are worried about getting a second stimulus check
And you're complaining that you can't find help. I mean you really tone death, okay?
Yeah, and she's like what I can't find help. I mean, you're really tone deaf, okay? Yeah, and she's like,
What the hell is about that?
I'm a hot dog, I beat the anyone's trumpet my own baby.
You know, if you don't like my music,
turn down the channel, bitch.
Now, here's a step with my music. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go see you in there, but that is the tone.
Okay, it's the tone.
She's my tone.
And Lexi goes, I just think that he don't know here to read the
y'all.
Hey, Mr. You don't understand how to read the y'all.
So, um, Jen's like, you know what this all stems from?
You making comments about me being a slap-and-drog, huh?
Listen, my kid's a homeschooled and a giant home, and it's a huge house, and they can't handle
all the cleaning and my parents going at each other, and I'm like a referee in one of
those sports ball games.
So what if you, so what if I want to unwind a little bit of losing myself up, you know,
a little bit of booze.
I really don't think I should be judged for it.
Bebe.
Yeah, I'm sick.
And this conversation started with the policy attempts.
Okay.
And you cut me off.
And she's like, listen, I said after hearing your story, like, I feel bad and I really
am sorry for how I handled it and Marge's like oh
Okay, but thank you. Okay. Thank you. I accept. It's like geez
I'm Jackie goes let's get back to that part of that sharing apart your family with us to our family apart
I'm like oh my god
I'm not the first to say something to my mom that might be the catalyst of her never speaking to me again
She's very mean to my dad. I mean she doubts abuse in the marriage, but you know what you
really gonna her when I tell her I've never liked your buckle if I'm mama.
Mama, mama I don't like your buckle. This is part of my music too.
Mama, don't need your buckle. I've got a pastry by myself. Don't need your bag, Levo. Gotta pay for your bad myself.
Don't need your honey, follow.
So Dolores goes, oh, so does she just feel like you betraying her if you're nice to him
or what?
I get it.
I get it.
You know when my mouth up betrayed, went there and went grocery shopping for her.
And I said, ma, open the fridge.
She opened it.
There were no cookies.
There were apples.
She cried for three weeks.
Okay.
And then the next day I came over.
I said, look, ma, they're cookies.
But it was a trick.
They were actually crackers in the shape cookies.
It's America where we've been still talking.
And ghost Emily's like, would you like to write a book about that, honey?
Yeah, so, uh, so basically Jennifer's like, she wants to do something social for her mom because she thinks her mom is depressed.
And so she decides to invite all the girls over for a Turkish tea party.
And, um, and they're saying this is good too because since Jackie's mom and
Jackie's dad don't live together that way, Jennifer's mom mom could like realize it's like not such a crazy thing. It just
have to be embarrassed and Dolores's mom also doesn't live with her dad so
they're like excited. I love the cast of Jersey mothers. I just love this. All
the moms are like fuck that. I'm not living with your father. What a pig. I'll
stay married to him though. Yeah pretty much. So, So, um, Mark, you know what? Okay,
I just, okay, you know what? Let's just move forward. Now life is too short. Okay. And in
your case, it's straw and stupid. All right. So let's just no time for grudges. All right.
Yeah. And so they pass a boat of guys and I'm going to a green terrain side. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
And then it only goes,
I read a lot of books for this boat.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
A lot of dumb books.
And I've also read a lot of dumb proposals and thank God,
that molasses in here,
because you should've seen what Joe Gorgas submitted to me.
Wow.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I've never seen a sentence with more periods.
Oh, did you see Joe Gorgas latest inspiration today, Ronnie?
Oh, this has been brought to you
by the Joe Gorga inspirational account.
All right, I'm gonna Instagram.
I'm gonna pull it up, I'm gonna pull it up.
It's really, really inspirational, this one, okay?
Ready?
Okay, it's a picture of him in a tank top, It's really, really inspirational, this one, okay? Ready? Okay.
It's a picture of him in a tank top with sexy muscles.
It goes, sex with no passion sucks.
Kissing with no passion sucks.
Conversation with no passion sucks.
Korea with no passion sucks.
Life with no passion sucks life with no passion sucks
That's it everyone just a collection of things without passion that suck. That's it
Things that suck a list of things that don't lead anywhere with no passion sucks
that don't lead anywhere with no passion. Sucks.
Hey, we're the drain sucks.
All right.
Here's another one.
He goes, did you know he's like in a muscle tea like a long sleeve really tight
muscle shirt, but then I think it's cold outside because his nipples are like saying
hi, and he's wearing dog tags and he's just so very serious at the camera.
And it says,
did you know that some people hate you
because somebody liked them about you?
Yeah, that's one of my favorites.
Did you know that?
I love the acid question like, did you know?
Did you know that?
I don't like it.
Did you know that someone's talking about it?
So bad, that's good with Ryan Bailey.
Ryan Bailey wrote, I did know this
Speaking of the gorgas we go over now to Melissa. We're we're after the boat ride
I'm sad because I think this is the yacht where Dolores took a took a photo in front of the oil refinery
Off of Long Island sound there, but we go over to Melissa and
off of Long Island Sound there. But we go over to Melissa and she's now cooking.
She's cooking and Jackie's coming over
because Melissa apparently tested negative for COVID.
So she just had a classic sickness,
which is so funny that we can actually get that too.
So Jackie comes on over and I don't know why I never noticed it.
Maybe it's new, but right in the foyer
Like right when you open the door to the gorgas. There's like a sheena-shay
Family like unframed family portrait of the gorgas just right there like straight out of
JC penny cremokode piggy right there, you know
It was a pick and tall picture for JC
Not saying they're a pick-ins by the way.
Call back.
So Melissa is, I like how Melissa tells her dog,
because this dog won't stop barking.
She's like, me, get a grip.
Which is so funny.
Like, it's so funny how you get dogs to stop doing things.
I always yell the Bueller like, shut up.
What the fuck, Mordy?
They're gonna find you in a dumpster outside of a bowling alley
if you bark one more guy at the end time.
And you just keep barking and barking.
And finally I started going,
oh my God, Billor, thank you.
And then you'd be like,
like that's all he needs.
He's like, I'm doing this for you, okay?
What do you think I'm doing this for me?
I'm doing this for you, pa-pa, all right?
That's all I wanted.
So now I say, good boy, Billor, you're doing a great job. And it's all I wanted. So now I say good boy, be alert.
You're doing a great job.
And it's like, yeah, and then you just wax his tail and stay quiet.
It's all he needs.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, I mean, listen, everyone on Bravo knows that if you want to get on another season,
you got to bark a little bit.
So, Jackie, Jackie's telling Melissa about the yacht and everything.
And then, well, actually, I'm sorry. What happens is Melissa goes,
oh my God, tell me about the yacht.
I want to know everything.
And also last night, I had date night with Joe at Rails.
Let me talk about Joe instead.
I was like, are you wanting your about the yacht?
You're just talking about Joe now.
Yeah, she just moved right over into Joe.
And she's like, you know, like he feels like
I'm putting him at the bottom of the totem pole.
When I, you know, when I'm working so hard
I'm like, okay, we can drop this now. Nobody's buying this Melissa. And she's like, you know, but then I'm scared to have in depth
Conversations with him because we start to argue. I mean, you know, everyone makes agreements at the beginning of a marriage
Oh, Jackie says that she's like everyone agrees to have, you know, everyone makes agreements at the beginning of a marriage
You know at the beginning we agreed to have two kids, but then I wanted another one
So he had to agree to that, okay, you know, I said
He he agreed that he wanted to start working out in a different town where nobody gives me any information from and I agreed
That's how marriage works and I agreed I agreed I would protect his reputation at all costs
because he works in the highly respectable realm
of finance where everyone has wonderful reputations.
Only honest people there.
Only honest people.
So, um,
yeah, they talk about this,
but I'm still not really buying the storyline.
So Jackie, of course, we start talking about tree
and she's like,
how could you keep such a secret from us?
You're supposed to tell me in March everything and she's like, I was sworn
to secrecy. So they basically talk about this Theresa thing and
Jackie's trying to get information out of Melissa. Melissa is not giving
her really anything, but Melissa also doesn't really care. She's like, we
here to talk about my pretend storyline with my husband. It's like, why're here to talk about my pretend story of life with my husband.
It's like, why?
Can I get away from a Teresa storyline
from once in my goddamn life?
Yeah, I mean, basically, and they just conclude
that they just want Teresa happy
because when she's not happy, she's a monster.
So, but the joke's not them because when Teresa's happy,
she's also a monster, okay?
Yeah.
So then speaking of barking dogs,
we're at Marge's house and the dog is barking.
Bella, what are you barking at?
What's going on here?
Okay, you look beautiful.
It's something like that.
Okay.
So Marge Senior comes over and you know what's funny, Ronnie?
And was this like Marge's fourth season?
I have never noticed that Marge Senior has an accent.
I never noticed that she has a Hungarian accent until, but it was only what?
Like an episode or two ago where Margaret
Said that her mother was an immigrant from Hungary and now all I could hear was a Hungarian accent. I was like I never noticed it before am I crazy?
Usually don't hear it either because she is
Like she has such a you know mods interesting voice anyway. Yeah
much interesting voice anyway. Yeah, it's such a bomb.
It's like this.
It's like this anyway.
Yeah.
This all I could hear was like the sounds like,
well, you know, Margaret, you know what I was like,
I was like, to me, just have like full on Eastern European
this week.
I was like, how did that happen?
Did I just notice it?
Is there an accident coming on stronger?
It's probably a bend thing, right?
No, no, I heard it this week too.
I don't normally hear it either.
No, no, no. So they week too, I don't normally hear it either. No, no, no.
So they go into the little sitting room in the front, which has just been time.
And she's like, what do you think about the sitting room up?
Do you think it's got shelves, the objects out?
Yeah.
Okay.
Do you want to buy a coffee?
Very fancy.
Very fancy, mom.
Okay, just, you know, if you say no, the ice coffee, it once again proves that you've been
a very bad mother to me.
Okay, you're just not go of your mom's.
All right, fine.
Have it like, I think.
So they start talking, I think, so they start talking
about the book and the mom's like,
I know the things you did in high school
because you're told me, but I didn't know
about the sexual harassment.
You didn't tell me about that.
So like, yeah, you know what, mom,
I didn't want you to feel shame for it,
if you're responsible for it, all right. You know, I shouldn't want to blame you, mom. I mean, I do blame you,
but I didn't want to seem like that. But because it comes off as a little harsh, okay? Yeah. And
they start, yeah, they're talking about it and she's saying she's afraid to say anything because
it was her dream job. And, you know, like at M.R. Senior is saying how she was sort of, you know, like, at Marge's senior is saying how she was sort of, you know, she felt bad because,
you know, she felt like she just wasn't the mom that Margaret wanted. Like, we're Margaret's
saying how she felt like her mom was counting on her more than she counting on the mom. And so,
you know, Marge's senior felt really bad. That Marge junior felt safe, you know, and you know,
Marge's like, don't cry about it. I mean, if you get to, what's wrong with it?
Don't cry about it.
You're not a traditional mother.
Who cares?
You went out, you got owned, you know, every single week,
and he had great time, okay?
I envy that.
I envy that.
Yeah.
And so they have a good conversation where the moms
like, I'm so sorry, you know.
And she's like, so then they both cry.
It's actually really cutesy.
It is nice.
And the moms like, listen, my personal relationship sucked.
Like I couldn't give you advice,
and I'm sure you couldn't come to me for advice
because of that, and I'm really sorry.
And she's like, wait, you made up for it.
Look at you now.
You know, you're fantastic.
Okay.
And then they, you know,
I'm gonna call cry, cry, cry, cry.
Yeah, basically like, let's just cute.
We didn't have any food in the fridge,
but we had makeup everywhere.
It was very glamorous.
Okay, I just, I learned to live like a model very early on. on no food. That's a makeup pick up smoking when I'm three years old
Okay, it's great
You know what if I ever have a cookbook like to reset my first recipe is lipstick with mustard on it
Better than people better than better than you would think okay
So now um now a nice cringey scene where Melissa brings
Antonio to envy, which has already gotten us cringing.
It's like, oh gosh, an envy scene.
So she brings Antonio to envy and we watch
Antonio try on all these different looks,
which is exciting.
And Antonio is a teenager on this show.
So she's like, want to try this on?
Yeah, it's what she was not having it and at one point she's like
But you only want these pants this has a matching set you don't want the whole matching set and Tony is like
Are you crazy who wears sets? You just know page the sorbos like um
Well, it's funny that you say that because I'm actually not wearing a set
But it's meant to look like a set so I can't tell if I should be angry with you or co-signing what you're saying.
Either way, I got a mask.
So Melissa's like, you know what? We're going to have to talk about sex now. I'm like, okay,
why are we pretending that you have never maybe you have never talked to her about sex, but all you
in your husband do is talk about sex. So I'm sure she's I'm sure she's well aware of what's coming for her.
Okay.
If anything, she's expecting a dude to have his finger up her butt hole in the kitchen at
all times, because that's what Eurost is.
So I don't think any of your kids need to know any more about sex.
Okay.
They've been overexposed.
Okay.
And Antonia, she isia she is like
Not only is this an awkward conversation to have with your parent, but it's also on TV and she is full-on mortified and Melissa is just like Okay, well
You haven't had sex right? Yeah, I mean your cousin said you have. She's like, oh my god
Why are you talking to my cousins about it?
Tell me information because I'm a cool mom. I guess that's what it is. I'm just so young
I just look like I'm 14. I guess that's what it is. I'm just so young. I just look like I'm 14.
I guess that's what it is.
Stop it mom.
Yeah.
So then we go over to Jen and Jen's mom.
Jen's mom's cooking.
She's making the tabooly with the bulgur.
And the mom's like, you know, she said,
mom, don't wait. it's going to be found.
All the moms are going to come.
She's like, if the other moms weren't coming, I would not be coming to this.
Say, God, what they are, mama.
And then the dad's like, she loves to cook.
Shut up stupid.
Like, Pia, let's go flying across the kitchen.
He's just sitting there on that table.
I don't know if he's actually moved from that table.
I'm actually not convinced he ever went to Turkey because he's just sitting there on that table. I don't know if he's actually moved from that table. I'm actually not convinced he ever went to Turkey
because he's just sitting there, you know, like his head is like at the table
and the arms are like above it.
He's like, she loved to cook.
Yes.
So, um, yeah, so they're cooking everything
and she's like, mom, go put on a better shirt.
I don't, we don't wear your belly shirt.
She's like, what's wrong with my belly. I like my belly
So then let's see Teresa arrives and
Jennifer's like hey, you're not great wearing black and white stripes love the homage to prison baby
So come on in you want some of mine? I don't know if I'm gonna have someone
You know, I really don't drink that much
Even tree
picks up on this
Terri's his face. He's just like
You don't drink too much
Just there and I just don't drink during the day and this was my party
It reminds me of Bulls of a Broadway where Diane
Wies is like, well, I've been doing great.
I haven't had a drink since New Year's like Chinese New Year's.
Yes, but that was two days ago.
So she's like, yeah, well, during the day, you know, who would see that?
Like, then we see the clips of her wasted in the daytime.
That was actually in the daytime.
So Olivia comes downstairs dressed like she's going to
blue cocktail dress. Yes. And high here, gold high heels and bright red lips
sticking to Madonna glove like a netted Madonna glove. And she's ready for all the hugs.
She just walks she just walks in with her hands out. Like her hands are up and out.
And she's just like literally just like ready for a hug
from anyone she sees.
She's like, I'm here and I'm adorable.
So I deserve to be hugged.
Okay, who's first?
She literally just has the hands out.
Like she hasn't even met some of these moms.
And she's just like, here I am.
You're a little angel.
Yeah, she's so cute.
She's so good, she's Olivia is.
She's had such an amazing arc.
Her first season, she was like a terror.
The second season, she decided that she wanted to be an angel
and now she's somewhere in the middle and it's perfect.
Yeah.
So all the ladies started arriving
and Jackie and her mom were walking up the driveway
and Jackie's like, it's like the and Jackie's like it's like the you know
It's like a it's like the touch my heart touch my heart had a boy had a huge mortgage and
Looked like a mall
It's the touch my mom
They're like cracking up and so
Dolores is my Dolores comes with her mom and she walks in and she's like oh my god
This house is insane. You get lost in your own house and she's like, oh my god, this house is insane. You get lost in your own house?
And she's like, come on, my mom says it's not a mom. There's no stores. I'm right. Oh
No, what happened? I don't know. I lost you, but I'm here, Ronnie. Oh, I lost you. I lost, but there's no video
Ronnie got
He's coming back. Oh, here I am this is great content for those who's booted
Sorry guys on these crap and so on demand days
We can't even edit it out because it's I mean we can't in the audio
But we can't on the video so sorry you had to deal with that
I think there was some weird connection thing because you actually look a lot sharper now now that you're back
Now that you're back. Since you've been gone, your connection got better.
Baby, more my music.
Okay.
So, yeah.
So Delores walks in with her mom and she's like, some mom.
Is this something or what?
I don't know.
I'm not just talking about my giant ass.
Don't look at it, everyone.
Look.
She thinks it's a mall.
No stores in here, ma.
No stores.
No, not even a Mrs. Fields.
Oh, that's too bad
So Jennifer is like I'm serving turkey on a tray because this is how I guess the dentist little girl
My parents would have people over and I'd serve it on a tray. It's like yeah, yeah I did down tune. I didn't I didn't I had a train. I ain't I would do it
I did it to happen to my hands are shake. Oh, yeah, but I had a trailer then ain't I would do it. I did it to happen to my hands or shake oh, yeah
But I had a trailer then and I will hold the train I ain't for my mother's press so
That's the chicken I said I did that I did that
One of those made sure you said by the way
It makes the most sense ever that Jennifer carried a little train around because Jennifer is basically one of those cigarette
You know waitresses from like a club in the 20s. Like, hey, not a cockatack spinning.
How big, boy, you want to cigarette for the Jastats playing?
She basically is from all over Broadway now that I think about it.
So, um, someone's like, oh my goodness, Olivia, look at you.
Look at those shoes.
And she goes, they're Michael Cors, baby.
This is the way she just leaps at that brag is amazing.
So she's just like her mother, my gosh.
And I was like, I think you should go up there and do your homework.
I hate homework.
I like fashion. For a minute, they're talking and Teresa goes,
hey, Olivia, you gotta keep your legs closed.
I'm like, geez, oh my god, what is this episode?
They're just gonna lecture every single kid about sex ed,
but she meant like cross your legs.
It's just how Teresa phrases things.
I was like, go on, go on.
So she goes to do her homework. And
she just the way she shuffles out of there is so funny. It's like May, it's like someone
ring the doorbell may West house. She's just like, a backpack, baby. Just kind of the
jaw. So Melissa's telling everyone that she had the sex talk with Antonia and then Josephine
Josephine is Jennifer's mother is like oh my mother never talked to me about something like that
Especially in my time in turkey which was robbed from me. Yes, you are that I see you at the table
Yeah, and
Jackie's like you know what all the all the boys and you have to talk because the boys even the nice boys
All they really wanted to blow job in the back of the car
Which is why I still hate blow jobs and they all start laughing by the way Jackie is wearing a weird hair hat on her head
Like what is she wearing on her head?
It's like a made of hair yeah, it's like made of hair. It was a hat right a hat of hair I was it was like made of hair. Yeah, it's like made of hair.
It was a hat, right?
A hat of hair.
I was, you know, it was just,
it was right in line with Jersey.
It was a perfect New Jersey hair hat, hat hair.
I mean, I've heard of hats before.
I'm not sure if it was a hat hair before.
Hair hat, hair hat.
Yeah, hair hat.
So they all start cracking up and then Jen uses her line that she loves so much.
She's like, they don't call it a bell chop for nothing.
Yeah, she loves that.
So original too.
So Teresa is like, oh my god, Jennifer's mother is going to have a heart attack.
And she just means like, no, I don't mind.
It's fine.
And she's like, yeah, I never talk like that with my mom, either.
And the worst goes, I always say terrible things to my mom.
I'm like, hey, ma, I was out banging a guy all last night,
huh, ma?
Yeah, did you give you a cookie afterwards?
No, ma.
Dump them.
Baby, touch your cookies?
Well, he did, actually.
Love him.
Bring him home to meet me.
Yeah, hold on a second, ma. Frankie'sjob bell. Just rang. Let me go check.
I see if they need any warm milk or anything like that.
Or fresh towel. Okay.
I will never I will never forget Franky's blowjob bell. Oh my god.
Okay. So then Cherisa gets upset saying, you know what?
And I feel uncomfortable.
This is and it gets then this part gets really sad because it's sad.
It must be really hard because her mom died
not that long ago and then she said this mother daughter event
and all the mothers are like,
aha, aha, remember this?
Like, yeah.
Fun thing from mother daughter youth time
and so she got really upset and had to leave.
It was actually really, really sad.
I was actually surprised by how much I was actually moved by it
because I'm rarely moved by Teresa, but I was moved by it.
And I was really, really sad.
And the thing that was weird is that like,
she was leaving, everyone understood,
everyone's crying for her, especially Don.
I love Don, I'm a list of moms.
She's crying, I love her.
But they're all so, and she's like, I gotta go, I gotta go.
And then they started rolling the credits over it, and then she gets into her car and it's
like to be continued.
And I was like, why is this a to be continued?
Like, there's nothing like I'm not in any suspense.
She's having a very human emotional reaction.
Like I don't think this need to be teased out to be like.
It was a weird use of TBC.
I was like, we're all just hanging on threads,
to see Teresa crying in the back of a car next week.
Yeah, I can't wait.
I'm counting down the moments till I see her have more
of a very emotional, introspective moment.
I don't know.
Yeah.
It was odd, but removing that, I was actually, I thought it was odd, but it was but that but removing that I was actually I thought was like very emotional and
You know it was really cool
Before we wrap this up on this note my friend
She got a note from parachute remember parachute they the parachute of course
No, the sheets and the sheets
They sent an email out and they said listen as Mother's Day and Father's Day comes out
We know this is actually a difficult time for for many people
So if you want to be
Excluded from Mother's Day and Father's Day promotional emails, let us know and I thought that was actually such a lovely thing for a company to do
So just maybe think of that and I don't know why I felt like sharing that on the gas, but it was on my mind
Well, someone might want to tell parachute sheets that I'm terrified of fucking bunnies, okay?
Because I really didn't appreciate that email even this year.
But that scene with Teresa was really sad, smart, Laturisa. So that was sad. It was a sad ending,
but you know, fun episodes still love the show. It still was. It was, yeah, really good.
but you know, fun episode still. Love the show.
It still was.
Yeah, really good.
We're going to be back tomorrow with the Summer House season
finale, which is probably going to be very hilarious.
So we'll go check that out.
That will also be crapets on demand
and also come see our library cap of Rony, which will be in May.
So go to our website for all that information. And the meantime, Rony loves seeing you face.
Oh, BAN! Love you guys!
Bye everyone!
Bye!
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