Watch What Crappens - RHONY: A Woah-pranos Sit Down
Episode Date: March 29, 2019Bethenny has a gangster sit down in Little Italy to make peace between Lu and Dorinda, and Sonja makes out with a chick before reminding Tinsley she's dying alone. To hear this week's bonus e...pisode taking place on a field trip to Glendale and to find Crappens on Demand video recaps, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! GOODBYE KYLE available through March at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Portland, Phoenix, Boston, Irvine, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis. Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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yeah well well stated rondall
don't you think
yeah
that was the original version of Alanis's song.
It's a little well-stated, don't you think?
A little too well-stated.
Yeah, I really do think.
Nothing was better stated than the very last line of this episode.
They were showing previews of next week when they go to Dorinda's house for Halloween.
And there's like a creepy witch mannequin curled
up in a ball in the corner like eating her own arm off and Ramona says, oh my god,
looks like Bethany crying.
That was hilarious.
Oh, fucking it so.
It was cracking up so much, so funny, just cracking up just on the strength of the crazy things these ladies say so good.
So fun.
Yeah, really well.
See, you don't need a big huge fight where everybody's like free for all of it.
You can have just just break or during the down slowly, very slowly.
Yeah, exactly.
And also like maybe casually Hector tinsley for an episode about like her wilting ovaries.
And just send Ramona on a date with anybody, okay?
This show is how you do it.
Yeah, they got it right.
So the episode opens up at the Paper Magazine Party where Sonya's being fetted.
And this is like, we had a cliffhanger last week,
which was Luann walking over to Durinda,
and Durinda going, hey!
So now we pick up with that laptop.
Hey!
It's a very, like, she sounds like when you hit snooze
and then the alarm goes off the game.
It's like,
ee-e-e-e-e.
That sounds a little bit more like a car trying to get out of like a snowy ditch.
I'm sorry, I have to ask you something.
Please.
What were you saying?
So this party is where Sonya is being extremely fettied.
Okay, I didn't mean fettied like F-E-T-I-D.
And I looked it up and I was like,
that's rude. That's smelling extremely unpleasant. I mean, I'm not, I'm used to having a Google
shit ever since you found that goddamn crossword puzzle game. You play every day. Well,
crossword. Yes. What are you saying? She's being fetted.
Like a fet? Like she's being celebrated.
I thought you can't you use fetted, like a feted,
like a verb, I believe you can.
Yeah, honor or entertain someone lavishly.
She was an instant celebrity, fetted by the media.
Well, there you go, everybody. Wow, I love the story of that example, you know.
Wouldn't be great to string along all the dictionary examples together
and see if it tells an narrative like quietly,
Merriam Webster has been telling a tale to the examples
and we didn't realize the tale of Sonia.
She was being, she was being an instant celebrity was fed
by the media.
She was a celebrity, selling by the media. She made up with the random lesbian and woke up fettied
Wait does does now does fettied fettied actually have a definition to you because I would like to see how they fettied
Is the better water of the marsh?
No both of them she took off her underwear and smelled like the fetted Wally with the mash
She was fetted at the party while her what I was fetted like the mash
Now people are doing a lot of words and a lot of context for those words
I'm sorry. I'm speaking for the dumb people. I'm audience. You don't know what you're saying. Okay, we need a voice too and our voice is saying, huh?
Can we can we work fetiches into this now is this like a third layer that we can do or now?
Do it. What's
Fettiches?
I don't think fetiches will actually have an example in dictionary though unfortunately
I don't know these things have you read the dictionary? Who are you?
Well, of course, why would there's no need to contextualize fetishies.
Of course you do. She was smelt-fetted in a marsh and then she came out and had a lovely
snack of fetishies.
And was immediately fetted by the media in her intents' library.
It's a white, salty, Greek cheese made from the milk of user goats. Then she adopted
the dog and she fed it.
Then she tried to go, she tried to kill it
with a shot at the vet it.
And then she took the caracas and married it
across the country one day using federal express.
Oh great.
Oh great.
The Rindon narrates the dictionary.
All right. So yeah. So where we ended last week was D'Arynda freaking out because she had to talk to Luana at this party and Beth things like,
oh, go talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her. Talk to her.
And so she was getting really scared. And finally, the Wander's wanders down
this weird hallway in her hat in her
In her straw Fedora that she's wearing
Yeah, and it's sort of funny because later in the episode Barbara wears like a black Fedora
It was very much like this black and white thing. It was giving me like twin peak season three vibes
like there was like a black lodge in a white lodge situation happening with the Fedoras, you know
one came from Bob the other came from Laura Palmer, and like, there's chaos in
between.
So, Louis has just looking around like she's-
You're like, okay, yeah, going on, moving on.
I didn't watch that, so.
That so was not fedative, my household, saying that.
So, people thought it was pretty fetted on its own. I tried watching the new Twin Peaks and I was bored, okay?
I found it to be funn it.
So Lou Ann comes walking over to Duranda and Duranda is like, hey, you look great, you look
fantastic.
She's like, oh, thanks.
I'm just going to stare at Bethany right now and ignore that your stupid face is in front
of me.
Thanks.
Tell her to the hot rim, Durinda.
So she goes, Luanne, is so consistent in how she hates people.
And this is how she talks to everybody.
She hates you.
How are you?
Yeah, the burden, burden, nice studies. That's what she does. Yeah, she said that every season for like what 11 seasons down how are you?
And turn to the
And then you know she even double kisses John, which is you know, gotta be stressful. It's like
Well, I'll be calling you again one day soon. After parole, you know what I'm saying?
What is parole anyway?
Yeah, you gotta maintain those dry cleaning discounts, you know?
Like she may have a beef with the rinda,
but she wants those discounts, you know?
Yeah.
So during this, like, hey, you ain't.
I like the hat.
And she's like, oh, well, Bethany, I'll address this to you.
Well, I had a bad hair day.
And, you know, I moved into a new apartment,
and I finally hired an assistant,
so I was like, where's the hair dryer?
And he said, we don't have one.
And I said, what do you mean we don't have one?
So long story short, it's a hot day.
Scott, long story long, you murdered some gay person
for not having a hair dryer.
What Luanne was actually going into this confrontation the way I would, which is like panting from
nervousness and then like including way too many details on a very simple answer, you
know, like, hey, I like the hat. Well, I'm having a bad hair day. You can just sort of end
it there, but then it's like a story with no arc about like asking a new hire about a hairdryer that doesn't exist.
Well, she of course has to add in there that she's so famous that she has to have a new assistant.
And that she has to have a new place in the city.
You know, she has to have all that stuff added in there.
Like it's gonna make Durrinda more nervous, you know.
And it doesn't.
Durrinda's like kind of freaked out that Lou An's nervous.
She's like, yeah, she's like, oh, there is some me.
She can't even make a tank.
Yeah, at this point in the way,
and the way I'm just like in a fern,
she's like, and so I said, I don't care what brand of
air dryer it is. Just get me the damn thing.
What do you think about that Alfred?
Oh, she's just talking to some bus boy now.
Anyone but Duranda.
So then her same, you know, fetid tone. She goes, how's
that? I said, oh my god, he's great. Still spells the name with the name. Oh, you kids
are great. He's seen him in there. And the man's like, oh, he has, you know, my kids and
people of variety, vanity, fair, thrifty, nickel, penny saver,
and a trade of justice requires a lot of iron in every word.
They've even named out times after it's called the Victorian times.
They've even named a museum after her and someone named Albert, the Victorian Albert Museum.
Have you been to it?
And during this like
hey right you know what we should talk but another day not today's out of that zone you did you
catch a squatting in the thang on that post drop I just don't understand it but you know what
teaches though and Beth the news like you know you know I tease people like the way they're talking
it's like they never have best friends in the press place like you know I like someone needs to
come something needs to come here and like just break this tension, okay, I was just gonna go on up
We just need to break the tension and then in walks like tinsley and Dale
Dale you just see Dale has a look on her face like did someone say break the tension. I'm here. Okay
What vicious truths should I on earth? Can I do that now?
It's me Dale. I think that things are a little tense here
Why don't we talk about the babies that tinsley's never gonna be able to have.
It's so fun to watch her craft.
You know when you have a beef with another lady, it has so much more residents
when you know you both have children. Am I right, Tinsley?
Has anyone noticed that I'm wearing shoes to sound
about the woman that found the gave top of a baby?
I like to pretend it's my own grandchild, it almost was.
So I mean, it's just checking chaotic really.
Some people call that baby Jennifer.
I call it Mr. Mark, Tinsley.
Has anyone noticed that Luans were in a high,
that looks sort of like a big yacht on her head?
It's very thematic.
So let's see.
So they're basically like, hey, hey, hey, hey, what's up?
And the one's like, yes, what's wrong?
How are you?
Yeah, it feels fake.
I don't know.
So Lou Ann goes back over to Barbara to sit on the top of that booth, wherever they are. And Barbara's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey doll! Check out! She wanted to talk and I said,
not tonight!
And you know it is what it is.
It was cordial, I mentioned that I have a new assistant,
I'm always gonna live on the water and I have 19 homes now.
So, hopefully I got my point across.
You know, let me tell you something.
You can have 19, you can have 19 homes on the water,
but not a single hairdryer.
Write about that one, a lot of smoreset, well stated. It's rough to talk about your homes on the water, but not a single hair dryer. Right about that one. Aladdin's more
upset. Well stated. It's rough to talk about your homes on the water when you're speaking
to the Titanic. Am I right guys? It's like 10,000 homes on the water, but not a single
hair dryer. I'm gonna work that into the caparet. I think it'll play a little. So then
we cut into a conversation with Sonia Barbara and Ramona.
And Sonia's like, yes, Barbara, this is what I've been saying.
You have a fuckable look.
You're very fuckable.
A tinsie got mad because I said she's not fuckable.
But look at her.
She's like a doll.
Who wants to fuck it at all?
You know, I said, I said she's a sort of person
who dust off and put on a shelf.
She's not fuckable.
It's not my fault.
She looks like a porcelain doll.
No one wants to fuck lace, okay?
Why are you wearing lace up to your chin?
Nobody wants to fuck that.
And Barbara's like, all right, I'll be your fuckable friend.
And Roman is like, whoa, is that an invitation?
Whoa, it's like to be lesbian.
And so I'm just like, well, you know,
I've heard that Barbara goes both ways.
I mean, not just because she looks kind of butch.
I'm like Barbara's like butch.
Do you know what a butch lesbian looks like?
I don't know, do they carry around tools?
Quite possibly, but I just don't think Barbara like, necessarily, just because she has tools and
works and structures doesn't actually look much.
I know it is so funny that they all say that because this is the second person to say that
cuz my brother Ramona is like so man.
I don't know how to stand her.
It's like she's got stubble on her face you know it's like always talking to Bluda 24
sept.
So then so then Sonia and Ramona like call over Bethany starts coming over they're like
Speaking of fuckable won't Bethany and Tensy's like oh, but not me like no, you're the doll
She's like sitting next to these whole bags. Anyone's gonna see my naphobo. Oh
I think I'm pretty awful. what do you think about that change?
So Durrindo's like
She's like, you know, at the way and I we got a good foundation. We just got to replace the windows We just got to fix the windows unless someone's renting in that case broken windows
Broken windows
And if someone's really rent a relationship, let's just replace the cabinet
So then Ramona goes up to Beth and he's whoa
Bethany I didn't even get a chance to say hello to you
I guess I was too busy seeing you from across the room and deciding to talk to other people instead
Whoa, anyway, I'm leaving early because I have a date.
And I know you went through something really bad, almost as bad as me being married to Mario
for 19 years and him leaving me and me finding out about it.
Page 6, okay?
I like that she makes it sound like Bethany just went through the stomach flu or something.
She's like, herd you're gonna do something back?
So sorry, Bethany, I'm sorry, okay?
Herd was really bad.
And Bethany's like, ah, yeah, thanks.
Thanks Ramona, yeah, yeah, thanks, thanks Ramona.
Okay, thank you, bye Ramona, bye Ramona.
Okay, all right, all right, all right, you can go, you can go.
So, Lween, Lween, you look beautiful. And the go. So, the wind, the wind, you look beautiful.
And the wind's like, oh thank you, so do you.
You better not talk about me anymore, you stupid bitch.
I'm gonna take off that sexy dress of yours.
I'm gonna put it on the side of the road and burn it.
And you'll be naked.
And Ramona takes that as her being sexy.
She does that thing where she scrunches her hair with her hand.
She goes, okay, Ramona, she thinks she's gonna burn you alive outside.
I need my swimming structure.
Come save me.
I was gonna say Bethany is doing her sports gastro thing.
And this is the role I like Bethany and doing her sports gastro thing and this is the role
I like Bethany and where she's just observing everything and she's literally treating it like a sport you know she yeah
Yeah, remember I came out to me. Yeah, she came right after me. Yeah, here comes remote. I passed past 10
Yeah, all right, you know, she said you know, so you know, so you're so too bad. Yeah, she didn't mind me and conversation
She's just kept it moving, you know, and I thought that was a really small move that was a smart move to the bath of us the both of us all right all right
good move good move all right good move good move good move good move yeah really
this some of some of the best moves that's you never did this season like that
that was the one the however you know what it's got to say boom goes the dynamite so
so then a lady from across the way is like, Sonia, can I come and kiss you?
And of course, Sonia is like, yeah, sure.
So she just comes over and likes and he's like, I'm sorry we haven't gotten a chance to talk.
And then it's like, I want to kiss you in the mouth.
And so he's like, hmm, okay.
And they just fully start making out right there.
And no one seems to notice except for Tinsley who's like um um what um
she started just like falling all over the place tinsies like falling on the couch over there
and Beth and he's like and then all right after 20 yards this girl comes over like a
Venus fucking flytrap and the swarm of come saying snap sir with a tongue get through in a mouse
starts questioning and singing a finale song about taking over the world it was like it was a
lesbian hit and run you know well done team great job
what a good job
the thing goes oh Sonya how was that
Sonya is like I didn't even know that girl but I saw her at the bar
and she was nesting with her friend and you know I didn't know her she kept looking at me
and not to get me I thought she just wanted my card.
Yeah naturally.
So now we go over to God's love we deliver which is charity like a you know feeding people
who need help and so it's Luana's there with her friend Anne and whenever Luana does charity
it's always hilarious so I knew we were in for a special scene here.
You fucking Luana.
Well, under the rules of probation, I have to do community service.
It's not my first time.
I've done it before.
Or I have to.
And then we see a clip of Luana talking to at-risk youth or whatever.
It was just like, you know, or like, I don't know what the proper terminology
to say it, but like basically like young girls
who probably, like, I'm assuming,
they were like, it was like a boys and girls club, whatever,
girls who just like want to model or learn how to like,
like get to a better place in life, whatever.
So Luanne's giving modeling advice and she's like,
well, how old are you?
Stand up, how old are you? She's like, she's like 10 10 oh you have plenty of time and don't worry losing weight is easy that's the
easy bar so hilarious he's such a fucking monster so come back to the kitchen work and she's
pouring soup and she goes what kind of soup is that?
Carponsum and Barley and she goes mmm. Good bar Carponsum and Barley. Okay
Wow, I mean it looks looks a lot better than the balloony sandwich that was thrown in my head, but fine fine
So they give you the carpons of these days. Okay, well
So they give Lou an a little and like she has very simple instructions which is to plunge a little to the bottom scoop everything up and as you bring it up shake the the ladle
to get some of the stuff out of the ladle to get the soup to come in and just take one
scoop full and put it in like a little plastic thing.
So she's like Lou and of course is very dramatic about it at first because well you know
every time I have to pour some soup into a cup,
it's a reminder what my life is going to be like for the next year.
Or you're just pouring soup into a cup to help someone who's in need.
So she's doing it.
She's trying to be positive, but she can't do it, you know.
And so she's trying to, it's like, whoa positive, but she can't do it, you know, and so she's trying to
Like whoa, you really have to shake this thing right? Oh God. Well, I've filled some you didn't see that you didn't see that old man
Next me. All right. Well, I'm gonna double dip. Sorry. I'm doing it. Okay. Fine. Sue me. What are you gonna do? Sue me?
She's like sloshing the suit out of the pot. Like she's like not following the technique.
She's like sweating.
She could not ladle for the life of her.
He's like, the girls need to help me, hey guys.
She's trying to get like some housewives humor
into the people who are working in the suit plan.
And they're like totally not getting it all.
She's like, I can't imagine Sonya here, am I right?
And Angus.
Yeah, it would be like Ethel and Lucy,
which of course Anne puts Ethel first.
Like that's the first time I've ever heard Ethel come first.
That's her right.
You go, Anne.
You go, Anne. Wait a, like she's basically putting herself forward on the cast list here.
So yeah, Leuand's like, wow, guess what?
I was talking to my parole officer and guess what?
I told her, I bought a house, I'm safe,
and I'm going there on Friday and she says,
you mean, can you go on Friday?
I mean, the nerve.
Does she even see the amount of ladling I'm doing?
Oops, knocked over the stockpot.
Because you can go to Palm Beach and go back to jail
if you want to.
I mean, she even asked for my ID and my car registration.
Could you imagine?
I mean, listen, you always hear about parole,
but you don't actually really know what it means.
I mean, I always thought it was a parogi mixed with a roll.
Guess what?
It's actually a time when you're out of jail,
and they monitor you.
Can you believe it, girls?
It's like someone getting into your show for free and just ogling you.
Let me tell you about Paroles.
Three, two, one. Parole with it baby.
Come on, you got a Parole with it baby.
Everyone, Victoria.
Parole in on the river.
That probably would have been a better choice.
I mean, it's like rolling on the river, but with Ike and Ike, you know what I'm saying?
Big little keep on scooping, little and keep on talking.
Perolen, Perolen.
Perolen at the cabaret.
Oh my god, it's like Tina and Ike.
And Jesus like reversing everything.
So then Luan goes,
I mean, here's the thing with parole.
Now I have to have permission to go away.
Now I have to do drug testing, air quote.
I mean, I have to be on my best behavior.
Who knew that's what parole was all about?
Durinda looks like a lightweight compared to that lady.
Oh God, I love Luanne understanding the basics of parole. Not that she's in it.
Like, I mean, how did she not, what did she think parole was?
What did she really think?
I mean, you can't go away for the weekend.
I just love the way she said, well, we all know, we all perg of parole, but we don't really know what it is. I'm like, I think we actually all pretty much know what it is.
I think a good chunk of us have seen precious.
She's like Duranda's getting a TB thrown at her as she tries to run away.
Like what did Lewand thing Pearl was? Did she just think it was like,
did she get like a discount at
subway or something? Well that's a spirit of time. It lasts about eight weeks. You
got a discount at subway and at Pete's coffee.
I'm on parole.
So she's tasting the soup. She's like we've got a taste of soup. No one's looking.
I mean garbons of things. So she drinks right from the ladle and it's so
disgusting and I mean that it's so disgusting.
And I mean, that's just so wrong.
Aren't these people putting up with enough, like, being needy and needing soup without
getting a little bit of spittle all over their soup?
That is disgusting, ma'am.
Well, like, technically, she sipped from the little plastic container, but A, that means
that's an entire soup, and then A does it too, because A is just excited to be on TV. So that's like two soups that are now wasted, not going to people in need, and also like,
was there not a spoon around? Like there's there had to be a way to do it that was a little bit like,
how about pour like a little bit into a big plastic thing and then sip that and throw that away.
So you don't ruin the entire soup with it. The way we call her of garbanzo soup, but we've never really seen it.
You know what I mean?
I like how Ann is like judging the soup.
She drinks hers and she goes,
low salt, yummy.
Of course Ann loves something that doesn't know salt.
I was worried it would have too much flavor, but it turns out it's just right.
Ann. was worried it would have too much flavor, but it turns out it's just right. And…
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So we go over to Tinsley's house,
which in other words, her hotel lobby,
the former lobby of the hotel that she lives in.
It was named after Shina, by the way.
That's totally a Shina hotel.
I'm just at the mama.
What?
Any rooms out to the mama?
Anyone?
I want to go to the mama tomorrow. I don't know what? I don't know what? I don't know what? I don't know what? I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what?
I don't know what? I don't know what? I don't know what? I's wife's company. I can't believe you.
Wow.
And Dale's just like, I know, man.
I take pride in it, too.
And guess what?
Topper and Tabitha just had the most beautiful baby
I've ever seen in my life.
Most beautiful one.
I mean, I've never seen a baby like that.
Of course, my frame of reference is limited.
I've only just seen
the babies I fantasized coming out of you. So it's not necessarily a real baby for one
to my life. It was a little embarrassing when she pulled out a picture of her baby and
I could only pull out a picture of those wrinkled up eggs you had last year that looked like
the California rates in Stanton around a serial bowl. Although at least the guy that phone your raisins knew how to play a saxophone am I right?
She's like and I sent them a present and turns you just he's great.
I'm happy for them.
That's great.
I'm happy for them.
It's fine.
She's the clown.
Tinsley you're getting old.
Tinsley's like my mother thinks that if she doesn't mention oh calm your hair brush
your teeth.
You know use your arms, brush your teeth. You know, use
your arms to pick things up. I'm not gonna know. I'm like, I don't know that I'm older,
I'm not gonna be able to have a baby. It's like, thanks a lot, Mom, you're a genius!
I'm like a grown woman. You don't have to treat me like a little kid. Okay, that's good. Guess what I'm making a stalking for Dabney, but I want to
So true so funny
Look at dimpley who is Dabney, but is that our sister or brother? I don't know that Dabney can go either way and
We know who Dabney is she's making a stop stalking for an FU
She's like, oh I wanted to do one for Scott.
She's like, oh, well, you know, Scott, I think we should just see her things pan out with
that one, you know, tinsley.
Now, tinsley, now that I've taken you down a few pegs, let me really go deep with this
and take, take Bambi down a few pegs.
Okay, let's take off that self-presessed turn on neck.
There we go. Strive to his power. They have Bambi, not take Bambi down a few pegs. Okay, let's take off that self-possessed turn on neck. There we go.
Striped of his power.
They have Bambi, not just Bambi.
Well, they've mentioned that Dale is close with Scott.
You know, Scott takes him on his boat and everything else.
And Dale is just so scat, sad about Scott.
And she just keeps giving her this look like Nat.
And so we're going to talk about Scott really.
And he's like, what do you mean?
Mom, I was just in Chicago.
We're good. Everything's good. Our mom just shakes her head and like looks like she's crying.
It's like her daughter's on trial for murder. You know what the parents are like? I'm gonna be
supportive but not proud. So now we go over speaking of supportive but not proud. We go over to
Sonya's townhouse where she's back some renters have just left
And so she's like I'm gonna do the smell test. Okay smells like mold old condoms rotting cheese perfect just like always
So
Her renters are gone now so she has to get this apartment
You know fixed up for the next renter and there's a lease
Leak that went all over her curtains and, it's like coming out of an electrical socket. I mean,
it's very disturbing. Everything happening in here. I, I'm going to pat myself on the back
for this one because in the latest episode of Real House, whereas the kitchen island,
uh, it took place in basically my version of Sonya's townhouse. And I had a very prominent
leak that I spent a long time animating. so it would be a recurring drip from the ceiling to the floor never realizing that
we would actually have a leak storyline like a week later. So I'm like, I'm just
like giving myself a huge pat on the back for for or being able to see that one
out. Of course I think we all could imagine that that storyline was was gonna
come at some point. I mean where do you go from brown ice?
Around the fire. That's true.
A sheep kitchen your house has been turned into a soup kitchen. Yeah or cracked in. Yeah, something like that. So it's leaked all over the place and she goes, oh I had a leak. It stemmed
from the roof sky, the sky roof because I wasn't there to caulk the sky roof. I guess no one else is
going to think to caulk the sky roof. Yes, oh, yeah. No one's going to think in a place
they're paying 32,000 a month in the day that I just caulk the sky roof. No one expected
that they would have a corner of their house that was specifically very FETTED like a marsh
FETTED callback
So Durinda comes over to help her clear out the basement and Durinda's like
Oh, she can't have dinner!
And she's like, well, I've never had a leak before and it's still leaking
Look, I said Sonia, you just told us that you have a leak unless you caulk the roof, okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So Durrind is like, well, you know when she's in a new place, she has this light that shines
from her.
She's so happy.
But here there's some paranormal play.
It takes over.
I mean, look at her.
Look, she's just like covered in like wet dog water that looks like moles, you know, she's like an actual
actual fated ghost
So Durinda tells her that she'll get her curtains cleaned with jobs like I know okay
Did ladies say a lot of mean things about Jan and it comes to dry cleaning. When it comes to dry cleaning, he's a hero. Everybody loves him when it comes to dry cleaning.
Yeah, well it's true. I mean, listen, sometimes you just have to have that one thing, you know,
whether it's like having a big dick, having a lot of money or just like giving people discounts
on dry cleaning, you just need that one hook. Yeah, like me, I can roll my stomach.
Hahaha.
I can pontificate.
I think that's a big turn on to people.
You said fetid.
So I said fetid.
You know, I know the difference between fetid and fetid.
Yeah.
Although now we all do.
Yeah.
You see, we teach people.
Also, we're educators.
Yeah.
If nothing else, watch our crap crap is a place to learn.
For instance, you learn about Sonya's basement, which is where they had to then take.
I guess they bring the sheets down there or they brought something up from there. Either
way, Sonya brought Duran and Dan into that creepy ass basement. I'm surprised to even
emerge from it. I was like, okay, this is where Duran where, this is the last we see of D'Arundo.
She's in the famous basement where we last saw pickles.
And you know that D'Arundo would love that basement too, like,
oh my god, a jar of mayonnaise from 1983.
That's something, Sonya.
That's something, Sonya.
You know, it's good to remember the past, you know.
It's good to remember things like this is what Mayo looked like in 1983.
I like that.
So they're like wacky and they can't get the stuff up
because it's too heavy.
And so I'm just like, I brought my straightest gay
to lift this.
Which should really be insulting,
but I actually totally get it.
And also, this is when Durinda first mentions to us that she wants to move apartments.
She found a new apartment that she really loves in a certain place, which I like because
it's sort of like London, you know, because it's tall building and people speak English,
you know, so I liked it a lot.
So funny, you say, is the branding of the third and you stick your head out the window
and you hit your head on the window of pain.
You say, what's out the window and you hit your head on the window of pain. You see, what's your window there before?
Yeah, you know what I like about it?
It really reminds me of London because, you know, this, you can, you can enter the, the,
the sudden place with the doorway or you can take an umbrella to the third floor.
So then we go over to Ramona dating.
Whoa, whoa, oh my god.
My chips are out and I'm ready to have a hot date, okay? Then we go over to Ramona dating. Whoa. Whoa. Oh my god.
My chips are out and I'm ready to have a hot date, okay?
It's like someone put hair removal in John Waters' shampoo and now he has no hair and his
skin is totally pale.
Oh my god.
This guy's mark is like exactly what people think.
Like every New York male is like, you know, then they may not
really be too wrong, you know.
It's just like basement, just no sunlight at all ever, you know.
Just like a, like a, like a spurned character from Seinfeld, you know, he just, he, he's
pale and he's sort of like hunched over and so he greets Ramona and they do like the
double kiss thing and then he goes,
ah, you knew the double cheek, you know, I spent two years in Paris, that's how I know about the double cheek thing.
I was like, okay, you know what, like, let's like cool it on the Paris bragging right out of the gate.
Oh, he's not going to. He's like, in there if you really like someone, it's three kisses and she's like well well I haven't heard I haven't
heard four kisses before you know and I know because I lived in Paris for two years and Romani
tells us you know on Ramon okay I may look 26 but I'm not and I don't have time to do this
white thing okay I don't even know which way to swipe. Okay, so I got this girl worried to just do a for me, right?
How much you want to bet that the reason why Ramona gave up Tinder is because she swiped the wrong direction.
She'd always swipe up or down and she's like, whoa, every single time?
Every single time I try to swipe on someone, I just find out who texted me last.
Like, I don't want to date my text.
No, I don't want to lock my phone. What are you keep asking? Every time I like someone, it's like it wants me to turn the volume down.
Why?
I mean, like turn the volume down.
Well, okay, I'll turn the volume down on this.
Yeah.
I just want to date.
What do I got to turn on a flashlight?
Whoa.
Every time I want to say yes, I get a headline about Vladimir Putin, okay?
So she goes, Rory, show me a photo of Mark. let's face it. He's not Red Scarf guy, but he's successful and worthy
And mother always said make sure you get your own woolly man because you don't want to be you don't want to be relying someone else's woolly
Yes, okay
So she's like where you from and he's like well where I was conceived is more interesting want to hear about that
German and he goes
Let's order some wine shall we all right, oh she goes I see let's do a bottle
And it's like all right. Well, how about we do this place because I like the soccer team there and she's like
Sounds like someone that'd be better suited for Sonia. Oh, yeah, I love that soccer team. I mean I blew all of them. They were great
I invested in a wonderful movie they were gonna do that wasn't the best idea that
It was not a very good movie.
It was called Sense and Suckability.
Suck and Suckability.
What are you doing?
Suck it.
You know, I didn't get a widespread release,
but I got a widespread of something else.
But I definitely got a release.
I'll tell you that much.
You know? It played well in Guam.
The best part of that film was the audition period. It was really, it was a great film. And honestly,
I really stand behind my decision to cast the Leonard Nimoy's nephew in it. So this guy's like, well, I speak French and German
because I lived in Paris for two years.
I might have mentioned that.
Do you speak anything?
What a way to phrase that question.
And Ruma, it goes, I only speak English.
I don't even do that very well.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!
Whoa, that's crazy.
That reminds me of this one time, this little girl.
I was like, oh, I want to learn every language in the world.
And go to the United Nations and be like,
here, you hear the all the nations come together.
Two to lay nations come together.
Boku, they nations come together.
And then Geraldine Parsonsmith said, hey, little girl,
stop trying to talk in different languages.
You're just doing bad French.
And no one needs to hear that.
And since that day, I've actually never been able to speak before my life. Everything you're
hearing is just coming from inside my head. Okay.
Now here's things. Three things I look for in a man. Okay. One, a man who's never been
married. And the guy's like, well, I haven't been married, but I've almost been married
18 times. Well, whoa, red fat.
Number two, a man who likes being social.
And he's like, so I bought this place to the woods 16 acres.
I can't even see my neighbors.
When I kill somebody, no one can even hear me.
He's like, number three, strong morals.
He's like, it's unnatural to be monogamous.
I mean, you know, like from a species point of view, you know, like all you look at all the species of the world and you're almost like,
whoa, but not animals.
Like, have you seen your show?
Your animals, okay.
But this guy's such a douchebag.
He's like, you know, look at species.
It's like the film?
No, you know, just animals.
Particularly Paris, where I lived for two years, you know.
But we're not animals, okay? I'm in the I'm very sexual, but I was monocle
And so I don't agree and he's like all give you some animal stories
She's like you know what you do what works for you
How about that and Ramona is mad. She gets a furious her eyes like totally cloud over it and they're black now
Furious her eyes like totally cloud over it and they're black now, you know
Speaking of species like this is what's happened that if everyone wants to know whatever happened to that girl from species Whatever like she broke out of that tank. She terrorized Los Angeles or wherever it disappeared and now she's Ramona
So hey, can I give you my philosophy on marriage? She's like, no.
She goes, I'll say it anyway.
You know what?
Divorce rates 50-50, but in my mind,
it's actually more like 90% 10.
Because no, the children involved,
and people, you know, they stay in it for the children,
and then they lose their love.
So I'm not going down to 10%.
She's like, well, this is crazy.
What have, okay, fine, fine.
You know what, you know what? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're this is crazy. What happened? Okay, fine, fine. You know what?
You know what?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're boring me right now, okay?
When she says no, and he's like,
I'll tell you anyway, she goes,
la, la, la, la.
She doesn't want to hear it,
and then while he's talking,
she's like the squinting through her black eyes,
and then she's just waving her hand,
like there's a fly there.
I mean, so fucking funny.
He just, he's talking and talking.
And she's, you what? I don't know. You marched the beat your own drum. I'll give you that much.
Well, actually, you're correct because I did once become friends with someone who was a drummer.
When I lived in Paris for two years,
fucking room only Ramona could say you beat to the march of your, you march to the beat of your own drummer like it's a terrible thing. So, what?
That's that.
So now we go over to Little Italy, it's daytime, and Bethany has arranged a lunch in Little
Italy to sort of bring together Durinda and Luanne, and Barbara's going to be there too.
And Bethany shows up in this crazy gray pantsuit with, as Durinda said, a
rhinestone bow tie. I mean, she was just like some strange, like, it looked like something
from one of Madonna's strange, like recent passion periods, you know, like that time when
she showed up to the Grammys looking like Colonel Sanders, like this felt like a, like
one of those like Madonna missteps, but it wound up on Bethany instead.
Yeah, it was pretty ugly
And Bethany's like all right, all right come over here come over here for right? All right. Here's what I'm on
I'm on gluten angel here. All right gluten free. It's gotta have no gluten in it
Okay, I want olive oil. It's not better. All right, but I'm not bread, but that gluten
Then I want spinach and I want spinach to spinach. All right. I want beats right?
They even sent a beat spinach, okay, you know, Bethany is one of those people that every waiter is like,
Oh God, here she comes.
And a lot of feta, okay? A lot of feta.
So you got me comic cards, I want to leave some comments, right?
What should I do that? All right, I take these comments to have right right in the card for me.
So Durinda shows up in like another Adidas shirt with like her shoulders showing and she's
got like pink in her hair and she's like, yeah, she's hoping to be gangsta.
And for a while, I was like, oh my god, like, I thought she was meaning like she's trying
to be like gangsta because there's that moment last last year when I think it was last year
when the way I was like, oh, we're gonna try to like do like a gangsta rap, right?
At the cabaret and like, no, no, no, so I was like, oh, we're gonna try to like do a gangster rap, right? At the cabaret and like, no, no, no,
so I was like, oh gosh, every time these women
say gangster are a cringe.
But in this case, she actually meant like a mob wife,
which made a little bit more sense,
but still didn't totally make any sense.
So yeah, because they were in Little Italy.
So Bethany was like, all right,
we're gonna have a gangster sit down.
So that's what she tells them.
So they're also supposed to come dressed gangster,
which to Durinda means Adidas
Right, Durinda being paid by Adidas because this is weird. She's always wearing Adidas stuff like what's that?
Yeah, I don't know. I'm gonna ask my friend who works there and be like is Durinda your new mascot because this is this is an odd choice and I support it
I love that you're branching out, you know, just society ladies in New York
Yeah, exactly
So Bethany her whole goal from this long, and she just wants them to sort of like the cop up to what they did
She wants the land to be like, you know what? I said that thing about oh, she's turning and I shouldn't have said it
Although personally me. I don't think that was such a bad thing to say and then she wants her and to be like, you know
I did heckle you okay? I. That's all that Bethany wants,
but we all know none of that's gonna happen.
So instead, Luanne shows up,
she sees Dorenda's pink highlight thing
is going on in interest.
Pink hair!
Huh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, you dressed gangster.
I got it.
Got it.
Got it.
I'm like, she doesn't get it at all.
She has no idea what's happening. Yeah, I I'm like, she doesn't get it at all. She has no idea what's happening.
Yeah, it's during the like, he didn't look like he said, oh, I get it. Oh, the pink hair is for gangster.
You went all out, didn't you?
Beth, he's like, then look at it. Then look at that. Pink hair. Then look at it. And she goes, oh, and pink lipstick.
Mmm. And he's just smiles stares, which is like,
she says it's sort of a nice way as in like,
oh, that looks great, but she doesn't actually say it looks good.
She just stares like penetratingly.
Yeah, she gives her, how are you?
Look, she's like, she's just...
You know, I could get me to say on camera that pink hair
and pink lipstick look good together.
I mean, why would a cabaret star go to that level?
So during this, like, so how's your new house doing?
You know, you get in a new house and breathes and you like it better?
You like it better? And lose, like, I do. It's round.
And Trinity goes, huh, I'm ranch house.
You know what they do that, right?
The devil will never come in there.
You know, let's play they do that because the devil gets you in the corner.
This is the point counter-part. Actually, well, they say it's very good thing
shui to live in a round house. You know, animals live in round things. They live in trees.
And, you know, Indians live in teabies and eskimos. They live in igloos. And I mean, I don't know who else.
Chinese people, they live in igloos and I mean, I don't know who else Chinese people they live in circle things don't they?
Cheese lives in the moon. I mean round things. Am I right guys?
Fish got a swim birds got a fly
Cabrera singers got a performing the rounds and the renders like yeah, you know what his predators can't get you
You know why cuz predators get you going. He's like to devil and that's like wow wow
Company says probably the funniest thing that she said in a few season she goes these two bitches at whack jobs
She's just like stuck in this conversation also. Let's like not overlook like the
The problematic just the position of saying,
well, animals live in round things,
they live in trees, and Indians live in TPs.
It's like, we are saying, can we not put like that
like right next to each other?
They're fucking blue-an.
They go from animals, Indians.
And you're not even using the prop terminology,
Luan, who is famously Native American.
Yeah. Oh, Luan. So, nothing's like, these two bitches are wack jobs. When I look for real estate,
I don't even consider weather and not the devil is coming. All right. Like, who thinks
that? Like, oh my god. I have corn to see devil's coming to my house. So then Barbara
shows up, she's like, hi. She's the devil. She's wearing a fedora. She goes, I thought it was a gangster bridge. I mean,
looks dressed like itself. Look, going to jail, what that doesn't make a
gangster, all right? Hey, I think it's pretty gangster in here. We're sitting
in a square courtyard. So you know, the devil's everywhere.
Nothing's like, I hope you don't mind. I ordered it had a right you could all do with that some gluten.
All right. Well actually know the funny part is that before she says that they
shorter the head the food starts to arrive and Luan were of course like classic
Luan and Tyden Lincoln's oh wow.
I love it when they just bring you food.
You don't even have to order.
Just Luan just assumes the food is coming for her, which I I think is amazing she's looking at the bar to see who's sending
her an entire meal oh they know my music oh they're just sending over my food
that's so nice of them oh no I ordered for you guys I ordered
listen we all know why we're here the wean I love you I hope we can wake
this up I thought we were on a compact listen I care for you I hope we can wake this up. I thought we were on a good path. Listen, I care for you
And if we can't be friends right now, I mean I have peace and I want you to know I love you
You know the old saying I can't wish you luck, but I wish you well
Which I've never heard that saying it doesn't sound like a nice saying there. It doesn't sound nice
That's not nice. I don't even know why can't you wish her luck and well.
Like why is that one of the other?
James pretty rude. I think she would want me to have some luck.
Now that I live in a silo.
You know what the gig 12 in the bush means when in the hand.
Your music is terrible.
You can't have your cake and stick your face into two with candles in it.
It's like, well, Duranda, I don't know what you're talking about.
Of course I wish you well too, and I don't want to keep this whole thing going.
I mean, I don't want you to be uncomfortable.
I don't want to be uncomfortable.
We see each other a lot.
We have the same friends.
We live in the same neighborhoods.
One of us is a celebrity.
One of us is a normal person who has to pay for seats. You know how it goes. Yeah, you know. One of us lives in roundhouses because the
devil is chasing us. One lives in roundhouses because they understand Native American,
if it's a Native Americanism. All right, that's all I'm saying. You know, it's funny. I always
heard about the concept of a roundhouse, but I didn't really know what that was
I mean a building that's round doesn't make sense, but now I get it
Suplifts and round containers just remembered that one I basically live in an overturned ladle
So that's because all right well and I love to say something without you guys getting mad because like what am I even here for like am I
I'm supposed to say something no one ever does me say anything they just get mad whenever I say anything alright look like here's what I'm gonna say there's no perfect relationship
Alright look like like for example like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle alright they're not like happy all the time the way I get so mad
She's like well British arist right? We're not comparing ourselves.
There's no need to bring D'Aurinda up to that level.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
Maybe a Fergie in a bottle of ketchup, all right?
And I mean both Fergie's hideous.
So I mean, we were good after Cartagena.
And then the Cabaret show happened and
awww, it was awful.
Yeah, and during this like, baby, baby, you can't well.
Uh, you know, and then what you did at my Cabaret show, it's just, well, they'd be clear.
I was with someone for seven years, oh listen, we're not gonna go on with a John story.
I mean, so what I invited everyone including the carpenter who I just met earlier in the day on the Uber driver and not John what's the big deal
Listen I couldn't have the wet cleaner and the dry cleaner at the same event
So Bethan's like okay, you know what to render just just on that you did hekel Giovanni
Okay, you did say the Giovanni thing and turned it'sa's like, I didn't think I was going to have enough seats.
And you know, I didn't thank you properly for taking me to Giovanni,
getting me my entire wardrobe for free, basically.
Thank you.
I mean, Luanne has had to learn that lesson 50 times in the show.
She had the same problem with Rods of Elle.
And she'll never forgot that.
You know, she hated Carol until the very end over a fight that started with just not saying thank you
And trying to get free shit from Carol's friends who designed a dress for Michelle Obama. Yeah, exactly
So meanwhile the latest plague to hit bravo is the mispronunciation of texts because it's really goes
You know, I got all these texts is afterwards great to see you. I said, you sent you my prayer.
Yeah, I sent you a pass and moving forward. I was like, okay, so now we have like half the
casting New Jersey saying Texas, we have, we have, can and Lisa and Doreet
saying Texas on Beverly Hills. And now we got to run to saying Texas.
And this is going to be what happens with champ. You know,
everyone says champs because that's how they say, and I'm
bravo never since stupid Heather said champs.
Yeah, it's always been shampers.
Okay.
I'm waiting.
People are suddenly getting shamps.
But now everybody says, let's have some shamps.
And it's crazy.
I'm not saying shamps and I'm not saying Texas.
Okay.
It's also like a green.
It's like, remember what's his face Fred, Fred Durst said,
a green sound like an award show back in 2002
And everyone made fun of him like agreeances into word even though it's like it is like an obscure version of like
Agreement like we're all in agreement, but he said agreeance and ever since that people are like well
I think we're all in agreeance over that. I'm like stop following Fred Durst's lead
Or screw me one shame on you screw me twice and can to do it again
Guys come on
So the editors of course
Well the directors of course cut directly to a clip of
Which was cracking me up and turned this like listen, I mean you just can't sometimes everything in life has a beginning a middle in the land
Right you just can't beat up a dance horse all the time
And Barbara's like you know to read this problem. She just can't admit. She's wrong
She is excused for everything didn't part didn't there to use this clip of Barbara
What what do you mean when she's like you know to read this problem?
She just can't admit what she's wrong. She has to excuse for everything
I think they use that exact same clip of Barbara. They're just like copying and pasting clips of Barbara
But it's like a totally appropriate thing to just to insert there, you know like went in doubt
Just got your power saying you know what the wind is problem is she just can't say I'm sorry. Just like any time. Like, like, hey,
Tim's live, why haven't you had a baby yet? You know what the Rind is problem is. She
just can't sayled Giovanni. The man goes what I mean
What
Not even like a sorry. Maybe I did heckled Giovanni. Yeah, maybe I did whoops. I mean something
Yeah, and then so then Durinda cringes is like this
Yeah, just you know, I want to congratulate you you know you your cab rays doing great
I'm so happy for your success and you got your new home that's in like maybe a nuclear reactor or something this circle place. I don't know
Yeah, congratulations on the overturned Ferris. We all you're living in that's great news
You know and the way out of course she doesn't say thank you. She's just like well. I know exactly
I'm moving on to start a new chapter
I'm about to say yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe I'm moving on to starting a new chapter. I'm about to say, yeah, maybe, you know,
she can be a new new chapter.
And Tyrenta goes, well, maybe not, but for me.
Maybe, yeah, okay, because there's a life is,
hey, now, up, down, around in the middle,
you know what I mean?
Can't take the voices, then you say to the room,
stop kicking the worst, but for me.
I'm about to say, yeah, Ramona, maybe the apologizer, but Tyrenta is the den to the road? That kick in the worst bit of me. I'm Bethany. Yeah, Ramona may be the apologizer,
but Tarinta is the Jnaya, okay?
Yeah.
But the best part about that was that when Bethany said,
like, well, you know, maybe you can be in a chapter together
and when Tarinta, like, clapped back at Bethany,
Bethany just like, she just burned her face in her place.
She's like, okay, these crazy, crazy bitches.
Like, she didn't get mad.
She didn't make a reaction.
She just like, dropped her head and was like, oh, God, these crazy bitches like she shouldn't get mad. She didn't make a reaction just like
Droped her head. I was like, oh god. He's crazy. This is what she says now. I know what they went to last season with me and Carol
When I'm like, oh, let's call a truce, okay, we can be fine
We like that we were fine. I was really good for the glam
Talking about beating a dead horse Okay okay beating a dead clam and Beth
And Beth thinks alright just chance to a truth she's a truth in the way goes
True's let's put our guns down she's you can look you're about to get
Hooked for me you know what's a perfect circle my arms around your body here
We go nice big hug and then they kiss. And Barbara's like,
A la kiss! You know that wasn't a kiss of death. It was a kiss of
meh. I mean I really didn't feel any
apology in that kiss. I mean when you're in little Italy, you know, you just
sort of say that, you know, the funny thing is, you always hear about
little Italy, but you don't actually know what it is. Turns out it's not an actual miniature-sized version of the
country. It's just a few blocks. Who knew?
So Durant has at home doing my favorite during the thing, walking around the house, talking
to herself. She's like, yeah, I think I can get tons of little buddies from the restaurant
I take them from, and I put them in a little bowl. They're gonna pull a little bellies.
That's what I'm saying.
She's got her bowl of diner but yeah, diner butters.
And then this real estate agent comes by and then Lori, Lori, for Lori.
She like went to the Donald Trump tanning bed.
I don't know what happened, but like her face was, I don't know if she went hard.
She went hard in the orange.
Laurie. She's like, hey, it's me, Laurie. And she's like, you look like you did 20 years
ago. Now you're supposed to tell me that. I'm doing this. I can't eat you. You're eating. You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating.
You're eating. You're eating. You're eating. You're eating. You're eating. Cheers one time I almost burnt down this entire city have you gained weight? What are you?
I'll tell you a story I went to the I went to the beauty Paula and I said you know what I want a new hairstyles
Give me the Madeline all right, but make it big make it big
I'm gonna like the story one time I dated the guy who ran the Crayola factory
And he said you're so
beautiful I'm name the crayon after you and then comes burnt sienna I'll tell
you a story one day I was walking by a construction site and a construction
worker grabbed me by the face I thought he was gonna try to kiss me no he tried
to put me in the wall he thought I was a brick who knew when you got my walk
past a construction site.
They whistled at me and started sanding me down, not even kidding.
One time, you know, the best part is that every time I try to walk across this
street, all the cars stopped for me.
I always thought it was because of my beauty, turns out that thought I was a red light.
I was always my grandson's favorite.
And it wasn't until he started talking that everyone realized he thinks that I'm woody from toy story the whole time. I mean kids
Now's babe, huh? I can never go to Florida when I got a Florida. They just try to pick me. I'm like, I'm not an orange, okay?
You've never lived until someone's tried to squeeze you into a glass
I've never lived until someone's tried to squeeze you into a glass. So anyway, so, so, to Rindy gives Lori like a little side hug and I was like, oh, I love
how Zafteeg you are.
I like that.
And then he's like, what is Zafteeg me?
You know, it means, you know, it means like when someone puts their arm around you, it
feels nice.
It doesn't feel bony.
I'm like, she's calling you fat.
Zafteeg means plump and heavy okay like a full like full figure you know that's what that means
They start talking about renting out her place and she's gonna try and sell it
But if she can't sell she's gonna rent it and
she can get 8 grand a month for that place which is fucking insane.
Like, I'm in New York.
Yeah, I'm in New York.
I'm living in New York.
What do you guys do for a living?
Seriously, New Yorkers, you gotta like fix that.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, God.
And she's like, yeah, maybe I'll keep it.
Maybe I'm gonna have a baby, we, so basically we go over to,
we go over to the Mondrian where Sonia's a rooftop and Tinsley and Dale join her.
And they're all just chatting away.
It's sort of like a really fun trio.
And Sonia's like, oh, look,
my daughter made my ex husband cry
because guess what, she made cum laude.
They're like, and then she's like,
I think it's cum laude.
She's like, oh, I thought it was cum laude.
And they're like, oh, cum laude,
cum laude, cum laude.
They all were saying that.
cum laude, cum laude.
And Tinsley's just mortified.
And so some of you guys are like, come on. Tinsley, you know what, Tinsley? Let's talk about Tinsley's just mortified and so some yes like come on
Tinsley you know what Tinsley let's talk about Tinsley
Tinsley you want to value yourself doesn't she tail? I'm always telling her you under value yourself
You're like dollar store prices, but you know you're like a five dollar tree, you know
You're more like a big lot you treat yourself like a 99 cents or but you're a big lots by now. Yeah
She's like you treat yourself like a rospit your arm muscles
When we she said I'm unethical and the next week she says I undervalue myself
Oh
And they
was like teens lead sonia's right you do under value yourself you're strong you
could do things yourself which is my way of saying you're making your own
damn stockin this year. And son he's like you know this scot thing I mean you
shouldn't be chasing scot he should be chasing you. They was like yeah scot's a
great guy but I'd prefer him to be a sun in law instead of just some guy.
And some of you's like, there are 500 guys just ready for you. D'you know, there's of 43, talk about Gala and Dasha, am I right?
And his age, I mean, six months is enough to know, right?
Get on with the exchange left.
Tinsley said that Tinsley is that dollar
that's been left in a Bible for 19 years.
You touch it and it just falls apart.
All right, you don't find that Bible and start,
that dollar and start touching it,
you buy something immediately.
That's what I'm just trying to tell
tensley
tins is like that clover you put in your dictionary like I'm gonna put this
in here and you forget about it and then ten years later you open up your
dictionary and find that clover and say what a beautiful for-leaf clover I'm so glad
it's so well preserved but in the back of your mind you know it's just old
old that's why she's not gonna give give Scott any more time. She's breaking
up with them right now today. I'm faith-stomping them now.
Take my mom a star. I'm actually really loving this version of
Tinsley who's just beleaguered by the old kuts on this show. You know, she's like, oh,
what I have to do for fame. It is hilarious. I mean every scene she's showing up and people are just like
Palting her. Yeah, and she's like the most beautiful the most well dressed out of all of them
And she is the one who's just getting a shot upon like she's the one who's being viewed as like the most pathetic
Like the saddest I know
It's amazing for thing, but it's really hilarious, you know, and Sonny's like oh
Tensies up to her same old tricks. You meet a guy you get co-dependent with them
You let them treat you treat you badly so you can get some shoes in the handbag empty promises die alone
I was like Sonia. Hello
You seen your townhouse
You're living in your daughter's apartment. Ma'am.
Okay.
That's like it got so sad that you had to move in with your daughter.
Come on.
Sonia's like, you know what?
Like I have too many guys that are coming for me right now.
Here's what I want.
I want a guy who has his own friends who can take care of himself because you know what?
I can take care of a guy myself and then just cut to commercial.
Like, okay, enough with this bitch.
Let's just go to commercial.
Yes.
As she says that she's putting the butter in her in her purse like D'Arenda
She's like stealing the glasses no silver. Where should I get you mind if I take home this umbrella?
So then we go back to D'Arenda's house and Bob Rishos up
You know the problem with the renders that she just can't say I'm sorry
She's like knock knock knock hi You know the problem with the renda is that she just can't say I'm sorry So Durinda is you know Durinda starting every scene is positively as she can
And I get what she's what she's trying to do and I love positive Durinda
I love negative durinda
All versions of Durinda. I love negative Durinda. I love all versions of
Durinda, but really she's making this so hard on herself. All she has to do is say, I was wrong.
I'm sorry. Let's get over it. You know, like, yeah, like you can say you're wrong, but it's
like such a small thing. It's like not going to be in the world. Just say I'm sorry. Please, please.
But God, it makes for some fun scenes because she she starts everyone's so desperate. She's like
Baby look
Yeah, so basically Der Derinda wants advice,
because since she wants to rent out her apartment,
she wants to renovate it, make especially the kitchen,
and she's like, yeah, I got to be doing the floors,
and Barbara's like, oh, yeah, definitely.
The floors are atrocious.
Ugh, can't believe we're even stepping on these things.
Ugh, I feel like a worst person for being here,
just to step on your floors right now.
Ugh, and what about those lights? You're going to do something about those lights, on these things. I feel like a worst person for being here just to step on your flaws right now.
What about those lights? You're gonna do something about those lights, those are terrible. And they show the lighting. They're like wires and things. And you suck it and dangling things.
Yeah, that's fair, man. This is saying, you're getting $8,000 a month. You don't, you're inviting.
That's because when she goes, when I'm at the countertop, she's like,
nah, nah, nah, he's saying he can't think, he's saying,
maybe we face the cabinet, she's, I wouldn't,
I would just rip out the whole kitchen.
She's like, that's the husband's grave.
Remember it's like, not if you have the right contract.
Uh, at which point a giant like pepper mill falls from the ceiling and nearly hits them.
You got it, why is that if you have pepper mill, attack you whenever you're not looking.
So, Barbara's like, I was taken aback by Dumbit this house.
I mean, I was expecting something a lot more than fine.
Like, you were?
Why?
I was expecting, I was expecting like a pile of yarn, you know, and like some newspaper
clippings.
Yeah, it looks exactly the way I would expect it to be during the apartment.
I don't, I mean, it's not a knock on her.
I just don't see her having a refined apartment.
I just see her having like a very normal, like, every man apartment.
Yeah.
And so, to Rint is like, so, yeah, you think he and Gladi came
over here to talk about you. So, really battle lunch, we did think about the lunch, so
we did a good job, right? A good job, right? So Barbara is a little bit of a shitzer here
because everything is more or less fine, but Barbara is like, well, you know, I was talking
to Lou and she was surprised that you wouldn't even budge on an apology.
And it's like I always say the problem with you is that you never can say I'm sorry.
And during this, like, you know, way she stuck the poor girl.
I feel sorry for it.
And then she gets up, so move around and keep herself busy because she's getting so pissed.
She's helping with that. She's shallow-baking. She's victimizing herself and villainizing me. No, at
the point you just gotta go, ducky, ducky, get me the news, right? I get a bad taste of
having a bad attitude. Yeah, I'm gonna go in here and just move some night bulbs around.
She's in the other room, like punching pillows on shit. Yeah, and then so Barbara's trying to explain and doing is like,
bad guy, you know, you gotta be careful.
Okay, ask the other girls, you started to drink the coolade,
which is mean because Barbara does sort of look like she might come bustin'
through a water construction site.
It's like that's not great to bring my job into it.
No, I'm not drinking the cool lead. I'm just drinking champagne.
Hey, stop trying to road chest your house wipe tag line, am you okay?
So during the toss of kiss, personally, you're doing so much cool lead.
She's taking two day of duties.
It's really a specific and accurate thing to say.
So Barbara's like, well, you know,
Duane heard that, you know,
that you went to lunch and were waving around papers
from the lawsuits and everything.
Duane!
I knew that!
Yadis did lie, didn't I?
Do that.
And then it cuts to a clip of her waving around her
cell phone with papers on it.
Yeah, she's like, 18 pages right here.
I mean, like so technically, it was on a cell phone and not actual pieces of paper but but then what's even worse is that
during this like I didn't bring those Sonya did that was all Sonya Morgan. Yeah she's
so awesome it was filed. Well if if Dorinda was her real friend she would have shut that conversation down and Dorita's like
Here's what I think I think that you're involved in a lot of things
You know you're waving around papers you're not supporting other women
Talk to soon. Yeah, talk to so oh god damn it. We're sitting in the corner. Oh, we damn it
Non-roundhouses.
You know the problem with the rid-
She doesn't ever take responsibility for anything.
And if I drink a cool late, she's stiff and gloom.
Right, honey?
So then, uh, yes.
So, yeah, it's not supportive of other women,
and I don't like it. Are you should talk to show yeah talk to show yeah, and then such
Durinda's like trying desperately to stay cool, but Barbara keeps on pushing it
She's like she expects an apology
Listen, I don't need you a bestie me involved in my relationship
Okay, I've been friends with this girl for a few years.
I've been right at time.
I was there with no one else was around.
I had her on a special ring.
Okay, everyone else was on, yo, yo,
but she was on, woof, woof, woof, okay.
I'm a child hell wedding.
And Barbara, because I know I was there.
She was, yeah, I was there she yeah
She has my You think you have it? Brand God. I mean, that's a bad guy.
Proper's like, and you can take your renovation
and do it yourself.
And you can do it, man.
So congratulations to Rene.
You just cost yourself about $40,000 more.
Oh my god, what an episode.
Hilarious.
Hilarious as usual.
So fun.
All right, well that brings us to the end of today.
We will be back tomorrow with some of our house.
Go get your tickets for Phoenix and Portland,
which are coming up next week.
And also for Bill Wachie and Pittsburgh,
which are coming up very soon.
But we also have Irvine too, by the way, Southern California
people, we've got Irvine coming up.
We also have Milwaukee people in the Chicago area. We will be in Milwaukee.
Plenty of options for everyone. Yeah, but this is doing okay.
Get the shirts over it. Watch it crapens. We love you guys. Thank you. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download
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