Watch What Crappens - RHONY: I Do (Not Feed Guests) Again

Episode Date: August 21, 2023

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* Erin renews her vows on this week’s Real Housewives of New York City and keeps everyone’s calories down by passing one tray of weenies around all night. This week's bonus is a recap of Crappie Lake. Get all our video recaps and bonuses at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Happy New Year! Well, hello and welcome to What's What Crew Upends! A podcast for all that crap we'd love to talk about on yeel brawves. I'm Ronnie. That's been over there. Hello Ben. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Good.

It's really good for me because it's a weird day. I love weird days. I love when things are not normal. This is not a Monday. This is actually a Sunday. We were lucky enough to get a screener today. And Ben has a hurricane on its way to Los Angeles called Helicane Hillary. So we are recording on a Sunday, which is crazy. Yes, as you can see behind me, because this is on video, you can see that I

am in the throes of a vicious hurricane. It's so intense that all the leaves behind me are very still. But actually, to be fair, the hurricane is in Baja, California at the moment. It is basically on spring break, town in Cabo San Lucas, it just made landfall, but it is going to be arriving here by this late afternoon or evening. And so I fully anticipate losing power because when there was a blizzard here in Los Angeles, on the same night as the crappies, I lost power for 48 hours. So I'm like,

if there's a hurricane, there's no way that LA is going to be able to stand up to that. And it's funny because today, a whole bunch of watcher-crapins listeners were going to descend on my crap house, which is a crap restaurant that I had recently mentioned. Like, oh god, I went to this restaurant. I really like it. I feel like it's going to go out of business. If you're in LL, you should go to it. So a whole bunch of crap ins listeners were going to go and I was going to join. And we were going to have a meal at my crap house, formerly known as Oh, my crap. And so of course, on a crap ins like event,

unofficial event, of course there's a hurricane. So that's a bummer. Yeah, you guys are about to save the town of Benton. We were about to save the grab house, okay? The grabbies. Well, I'd like to congratulate Omicrab for the name change because that's definitely a huge improvement.

Do we already know that? That it was changed? I think we did know that, I mean, my crap house is fine. I like, oh my crap personally. It's not a great pun, but it's... Oh my crap! Oh my crap! Yeah.

So that's just postponed, just postponed the week, but still, it's just like, of course, if we put something on the crappin's calendar, a hurricane comes barreling through. That's just like what we do. That's how we roll, you know? And whatever town we come to and we're to a ring, we bring the blizzards, the hurricanes, the blockbusters, whatever the fuck they're called,

the blockbusters. The bomb cyclones. Bomb cyclones, that's what they are. LA really is just full of drama queens. I mean, you guys, listen, you're already, I think because everybody's on strike, there's so much drama that's being pent up right now in such a dramatic town that even the weather is going to have a fit. And then of course, you guys are just ignoring the news that it has turned and is going to be a tropical storm by the time it gets there. Like,

it has changed. It has already been like, I'm now going to just be a tropical storm. My name is Hillary, and I can do whatever the fuck I want to be. No one's going to define what I am. So it's coming to LA. It's all excited. It's going to come out. It's like a tropical storm. And you guys are just not having it. You're not letting Hillary just live her life or their life. And you're like, fuck this. We're still calling it a blizzard. We're going to with this. Um, everywhere on Twitter, no one is like, Oh, it's just a tropical storm. Let's go to Oh my crab everybody. You guys are still like, it's a hurricane! You're like hiding in bath tubs and shit. I'm watching you from over here in Texas.

Like, that's true. Because the New York Times seven minutes ago has, has started referring to her as tropical storm Hillary. Um, and it is kind of funny when you think about like the way, like, hurricane is such a scary and ominous thing. like a typical storm Hillary. And it is kind of funny when you think about like the way, like hurricane is such a scary and ominous thing. And then it's so funny that like once the hurricane gets down to a certain level that we just like,

turn the hurricane because something that sounds like it's like a club med like tropical storm Hillary, you know. It's like a drink with a fucking umbrella in it. It sounds tropical. Well, yeah, she's in, she's coming. She's a coming. She's a coming. And so I have, yeah, so we can monitor her progress

through my windows right now. And sorry for the reflection of this lamp, but we need this to have good lighting. So sorry, everyone. You can see. Hey, there's no apologies here. Everybody, we're sorry, both of us for taking up all this time. I'm not talking about Real Housewives of New York,

which we're going to get to right now. Welcome to Crappens. Today, we're talking Real Housewives of New York. Like I just said, I'm loopy because it's Sunday, and I just randomly took an appet. You know, noon. So that was fun. And, oh yeah, we're on video. So Crappens onto man. What are you doing? And, um, oh yeah, we're on video, so crap is on demand. What are you doing? Just making shadow puppets. I was making shadow puppets. Oh, see, look. I can make shadow puppets on the reflection of my lamp in the

room. The amount of creativity that you're putting into that shadow. That shadow puppet might as well have come up with the name, oh my crap. Okay. Oh my, yeah. I'm literally just doing a pinch. You're just doing that. up at might as well have come up with the name Oh my crap. Okay. Oh my. It's like, yeah, that's how I probably leave that up. I'm just doing a pinch. You're just like, I was only one hand that I couldn't, I couldn't do a proper bird.

I mean, give me a wrap. It's two hands. You know, like making effort can we something? There we go. Okay. That's good. What is that? A bird.

Well, it's like a little deer. I think a little deer. I love deer. So this is on video. So you can watch that at Crappens on demand level at patreon.com slash watch crop ons. Also barbana, stop a thawd thaw. And this week's bonus was really fun.

It was a shot by shot trailer trash breakdown of real housewives of Salt Lake City. So let's get into this, Ben. Real housewives of New York episode 1406. Wait, I also want to promote the fact that we have, by the time this is actually airing, crap, hour is back. That's true. That's true. Instagram, Instagram live, that's 530, Eastern time, 830 Pacific time, if Ben's not dead, we'll be there. I'll still go there. What do I care? I'll go there with Bueller. memorialize me. Okay.

Yeah, so that's on Instagram live. We hope to see you guys there. It's our live talkback show. You get to talk back. Hey, talk back. You pay your taxes. Talk back. Okay, so here we are with Real Housewives of New York City. Another party can we just start this by just putting it on the table. Taxis talk back. Okay, so here we are with real housewives of New York City. Another party, can we just start this, by just putting it on the table. Another party where this chick, Erin, doesn't feed her guests. Is she kidding at this point?

Now listen, I'll be friends with a thin person. Don't try to bring me into your religion. I'll go to a Christian's house, but don't like shove my head in the water and call it a baptism. You know what I mean? That's just rude. And if you're going to be like on some eating plan or some omad one meal a day or some

calorie counting or some shit, good for you. I support you. Don't force me on to your shit. How dare you get me to a fucking party and put on a dress to eat a weeny. Who does that? Yeah. This looked like a uniquely terrible party, mainly because they had so many people speaking and we just know that's a disaster.

I recently went to a birthday party and the honoree gave a very lovely speech and then someone goes, well, should we just, should we all go around and say something? And I was like, oh, God. Okay, everyone, two speeches maximum at your function. Okay, because after that, everyone try, then it becomes, then it becomes the cheers Olympics. It becomes the toast Olympics. And everyone is trying to outt to each other with every stupid, you know, anecdote. That's usually about them and not the person you're honoring and it goes on and on and no one really gets a shit.

Well, yeah, listen, I only believe in giving speeches if you make it about yourself. Like, I'm not going to your wedding to give you all the attention. You can enough attention. If you hand me the microphone, forget it. Okay. I'm going to take it. You would make a good speech, Ronny, because you're funny and you're like a natural performer. But a lot of people are like, I remember the time we went and saw almond brothers and we got a flat tire. And then we went into the 7-11. Aaron would even have that speech at her wedding because it has the word almond in it. She'd be like, no, I don't want anything with calories in my wedding.

She won't even see who'd eat the blowfish because blowfish is served as a high-risk sushi. Yeah, these speech events where everybody gets up, these are basically like a battle of the basics. Like it's basic people telling basic story. It's like proving how they, how much more basic they are than you. They're like, I met Don when we were bowling and we were fighting over the last bottle of course light

while we were eating ranch with our wings. I'm like, why are you fighting? Like just go just getting to your Ford escape and drive into the goddamn sunset and like give your, give your speech to your car radio and your Ford. I don't care. I don't want to hear it.

Hey, I'm here for food. There's no food. And plus what about the vegetarians and the the homes? I'm just serving weamies and pigs in a blanket. Do we need to cover up pigs? Let pigs fly free. Pigs don't need a blanket. Stop shaming pigs. I would like a blanket though.

That being said, like, it's, this is cozy hurricane weather and I really would like a blanket. I want to be a bend in the blanket I would also like to say that I Here's another complaint I have it wouldn't get no one would complain if I served Ben in the blankets at parties They bend the bend would complain you like to get the appetizer and maybe like now I like the best what a terrible venue blanket. Why would they serve you in here? Let me say something, here's another complaint

I have about Erin. It feels like the past four episodes in a row. It's always been like, previously, on the real housewives of New York and we see this clip so many times of Jenna saying, I think she called you like, cackling hags and Erin goes, cackling hags. Like if I have to hear her rhetorically

ask cackling hags one more time, I'm gonna just, I'm gonna, I'm going off to the mountains. You know, I just, because that's kind of her thing is that when she doesn't really know what to say, she just repeats it in a sort of like incredulous way. Like if you were to say, she just repeats it in a sort of like incredulous way. Like if you were to say, Aaron, you remind me of a calculator of a calculator. She just like goes like cool girl, I roll. So we start now. I would like to think these edit, these shows obviously were edited before us. And listen, the world doesn't revolve around me according to other people which is weird. But I would like to thank this show anyway for taking

my notes about getting Trixie some more positive music because last week Trixie was like singing out a basement window like like she was sad this week she's like I'm gonna take if you're gay to help me. Like she was sad. This week she's like, I'm going to take you high. I never need you low. And I like that. It's like, Trixie got over it. You know, I love seeing people work through their issues. Yeah.

Yeah, I like, I love an emotional arc for my interstitial musicians. So we see Uba. She's walking into a store, of course, looking amazing. It's a jewelry store. And she's like, check up is the jeweler to the stars to the 1%. And if you want to shine bright like diamonds, you go to Jacob, so then Aaron shows up. And Aaron's like, this is an insane looking store.

Like, I love it. But like, why am I here? Oh, that's right. I'm renewing my vows tonight. And you're going to get to have to listen to me for entire hour talking about my vows. I'm really shipped to Abe. And it was like, oh, yeah, here to borrow some jewelry, you know what, there's something borrow,

something new, something coconut milk. Oh my god, I'm taking the song. No one can stop me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Why is this coconut milk blue? So then we cut to Brim walking the sidewalk and she goes into a store that's really like having on the neon signs, I guess because they're selling them,

but it's like a very Kyle Richards vibe in there. And there is a neon sign that says, it's okay for me to have everything I want. Congratulations, neon sign, you're empowered. This is privilege. Yeah, although I think if you're hanging that neon sign in your home, I guess one of the things that you if you have everything you want, I guess one of the things you don't want is Refinement because that sign is tacky. Yeah, and this song is Ching k Ching. I love k Ching andling, who says a lady can't be king.

That's those concepts don't have anything to do with each other. No one was questioning your sovereignty. But I like that. I like them in the neon store. Someone's like questioning vocabulary like wait a minute. What is the word King come from? Wait, you like a Qing and bling? I'm not sure you're a King.

No, I am. So she's out there. Well, there's a guy's like, well, come talk. What is it? Carcane and do bets or something? It's like, I don't know, Jen. Kernazabat. Kernazabat.

Or Kernazabat. I don't know, Kernazabet. Kernazabet. Kernazabet. Or Kernazabet. I don't know. I wrote Carcane. I know that's not right. Kernkulkin.

Welcome to Kernkulkin, the boutique for people who want to wear clothes. So Brin is in there talking to some guy named Junje, Junje, and then Justin Lentour is saying, is she bothering you, sir? Hello, friend! Oh, I'm so happy to be here to rub shoulders with you. And he laughs in that salesman way. Or he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, guess what?

Karen is a bet. It's quintessential New York, the best fashion, everything is on trend, and there's no sign of puff it anywhere. It's honestly my Disneyland. Everything's on trend except the sky in the knockoff Gucci jumpsuit Karen Huga wore four years ago. And she's in a sweatshirt that says, morons! Really big across the front. And it's like a sweatshirt poncho, which I would love. I would love that. I feel like that was made for man boobs, but they're only sold for her.

And to her, I ask, who says a man can't be queen? Exactly. So for Sachi time and Tumblers, that's a kind of store we're in. And I think it's like an exchange, not an exchange store. Is it like consignment? Do you think it's consignment store, right? Or is it? It's probably, I think it was like a stylist boutique where you go and you run it close.

I don't know. It's like a, it's like a out of the closet maybe, like an out of the closet for high-end stuff. I guess that's more of a thrift store. I think it's just for place where stylists go and they just style you without fits and you wear them out and you come back and they take the clothes back. Well, he should start with himself. You know what I mean?

I don't want to go to an ear doctor who's got earwax balls falling out. You need to take care of your own style and this salesman looks ridiculous and he looks like he's just been on Canal Street. So, he needs to work, like shopping for knockoffs. So, let's see. So, brands like, I've been engaged three times and none of my engagements works out because I,

oh, I just wasn't ready. You could just stop it. None of my engagements worked out. We know why. Okay. We've met you. Yes. You're, you've been watching this.

Your personality started to come through. So, the producer is like, well, why not say no to the proposal? Well, it's easier to say yes. You just look in your eyes and you just say yes. Oh, by the, this one guy, I went on a date with him to a party and I was bored. So I just like left him at the party and I texted him when I got home

and was like, oops, I left. Yeah, you're an awful person. Yeah, you're, you're terrible. Terrible. One issue is wearing this pink dress with sleeves that are only around the forearms and they're really puffy and they look like pink cauliflower. Okay.

That's really all I have to say about it, but they're disturbing. I keep seeing like pink cauliflower flopping in front of my face. Second, I think that she keeps saying yes because she doesn't know whether she's going to have to sign a prenup until after she says yes, right? Because she's going to be like, hey, do do you wanna sign a prenup and get married? No one's gonna say that. They're gonna say, you wanna get married, and then they're like, you have to sign a prenup.

And then she runs. What do you think? Yeah, because I think that's probably it. I would do that. I would say yes, until we got to the prenup. Well, maybe, fuck you. Yeah, I think that tracks. It seems like a good theory.

So she says, it tells us, like, I'm ready to settle down. Like, I can't do this Shit anymore like I'm old I'm tired like I don't want to date anymore. I don't want to get to know people I don't want to be like oh when am I gonna be your marines or like one's the first time we can move in front of each other Like I don't want to do any of that. I just like just like ready to be married And she's like yeah like if somebody left me and like they just left me in a party, like there would be a horse's head and has bad the next morning.

So then we go back to the jewelry place and Aaron's like, so, uba, how did you wear a joke, Jacob, a bow or whatever, a bow, a dope, a bow, what's his name? He's famous. He's a famous jacob. I just wrote down Jacob. I said, Jacob and company he's famous he's a famous I just for down Jacob I said Jacob and company yeah he's a famous jeweler apparently she's like so how does you guys meet each other and he's like where was it miracle something she's like oh yes what charity off for Prince Albert something about the environment and we've been best friends so you probably did not make a donation.

I'm going to assume given that you're like, I don't know, something about environment or or I don't know penis piercings. I'm going to think other women have really donated much. Uba was there to look hot. Joseph was there or Jacob was there to like loan pollution necklace for a night and read them with it. Yeah. Was, do we think this is the same Prince Albert charity that

Cali Richards hosted an event for like Princess, like What's Her Face? Remember at the end of the Beverly Hills season finale, she had a charity thing for like Prince Albert for What's Her Face? It was like the Natalie Wood Foundation or something. It was like, it's time to donate to Natalie Wood, her memory. What was that Audrey Hepburn that they were doing? I think they dressed up like Audrey Hepburn maybe. Wasn't it like there was some charity, I don't remember what it was, probably a perfectly

fine charity, but it was connected to Monaco and I thought Prince Albert was connected to it in some way. Either way, Prince Albert just can't catch a break because I just googled Prince Albert human trafficking because I don't know. I figured you might as well try. You never know. Every time you hear of a prince, I just start googling them to see what nasty shit they've done. And I feel bad for Prince Albert because everything is Prince Andrew, Prince Andrew, Prince Andrew.

Yeah. If the other Prince A taking all that, you know, like you can't Google yourself anymore, you know what I mean? Sorry, Albs. Yeah, Prince, Prince Andrew, it's not, not, people are not feeling him these days. So the Aaron, she's trying on earrings, she's like, I I'm in love I'm in love right now and they're like you know the diamonds. She's wearing our 224,000 dollars And she's like I'm loving uba for bringing me like if anyone else will be like I'm gonna bring you to have millions of Dollars of diamonds so that you're dripping for your anniversary party

I wouldn't believe them, but it's uba. So I already feel like a million bucks. And now I feel like two million bucks. Like, is this the content that Bravo was like, we need to have her on our show? Like, you know what? This one right here, let's make her the center. Not only do we want her beyond Real House of New York, let's build an entire episode, two weeks in a row around her,

where she just narrates scenes for five minutes. Well, let's just watch her be somewhere and she can just talk at the audience for five minutes. I think that'll be great. She's like, so, Joseph, so like, what do I have? Like, I have two 25 on my ears. Like, what do I have?

Like, another 224 on my bracelet. I mean, let me at least take you to dinner. Hold on. This is a stick of orbits. Enjoy. Bye. Here's some pocket only one for you though. Enjoy your dinner.

There's a pocket stick. So my goal weight, if anybody's judging by what I feed other people, it's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So then we go back to Bren and Jess Holland Bren and Jess was like, oh my God, your body is ridiculous. Did you read the evidence? Invite closely that.

Like you snick a snick a and bring it like, I'm always there, penis on it or something ah Pineses are back everybody by the way penises were out for a while but they're back in I I love this like this this low wattage attempt at being you know um risqué like did you like hey did you see that invitation there a penis on it oh um, risqué. Did you like, did you like, hey, did you see that invitation? There are peanuts on it. Oh, I'm like, there's not even anything close to a setup for that, Joe. It's just her personality. She's like, I'm just gonna say sex after everything and see how that works for me.

She's like, I'm just gonna pan her to the gaze right now because you know on Twitter, like, oh my god, is there a penis? Queen. I got. I got I got oh my god. Is she wearing pink cauliflower's on her forearms? I got I got I got I got her back. Holler is icons are so back. I concert being Mrs. now. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, emergency alert. Okay.

Oh girl, I love that sound. Who got kid mapped? Okay, you know who got kid mapped? Probably some pedals getting washed away because guess what? A flash flood warning is in effect for this area until 7.45 pm. Okay, so everyone keep an eye out that window.

Flash flood. Isn't that another downgrade from tropical storm? What is it gonna be a fucking ballet show by the time it gets sealed? It's gonna be like, BAAA! The Nutcracker is playing out. I'm like, I can't.

I'm like, I can't. Look at it. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I just got a text from Aaron that says a flash flood really Really you know where I'm from they call it a penis flat Everyone's jumping on all the house vibes are open like I'm so flash flood I know flash flood I'm friends. I'm red blood. I'm red shoulders with flash floods I know flashlight. I'm from a flashlight. I'm web shoulders with flash floods.

I'm really awkward around flash floods. Oh, so flash flood, like in my window, and try to come inside. So they're talking about these invitations for Aaron's vowel renewal. And just as like, just like, yeah, there were a bunch of sponsors at the bottom. Tee hee hee,

which, listen, I mean, sounds smart to me, like yeah, there were a bunch of sponsors at the bottom. Teeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee say Kyle beat somebody else and anything is a huge thing. And so don't be proud of that. Okay. Yeah. I'll tell you one sponsor. I did not see at the bottom of that M&Ms or like Bill Bida or anything. Well, maybe they did have Pillsbury because they did have the pigs in the blanket. So maybe they did. Those are Pillsbury things, right?

Where you get them like croissant dough or whatever. Cracker rolls, as they call them. You put the croissants. Yeah, so Brynn's like, I don't recognize any brands. It's like a chalapaster and like, but they're the ones in the ham who have a house in the ham dunes, so not me, is that all the way to hell? Two seconds, I'm gonna have to have

to have a bottle service to get into this party? Bottles look like Pena says. And Justin's like, do you have a promoter to walk you in? Ho ho ho ho ho ho. They're like, what are we walking into? So then we cut back to Uba and Aaron. And Uba's like, how have you been?

And Aaron's like, um, crazy. Thank God for my friends at Alberto's Tequila Design for just making this not a little bit easier. Oh, yeah, yesterday you seemed really stressed and if you'd like to ask me about my life I'd be happy to share a little bit about my life too and everyone's like, oh, yeah I was not in a good mood. I feel like but like I felt like if I didn't come to jostles stupid event It'd be like really something a bad message. And she says that she would,

you know, I would rather be friends with Jussle than like, be pissed off at her all the time. Like, I don't need to hold a scrunch. Like, for now, like, just a nigh or good. I wanna have like fun with her at my party and like, move on. So like, work out. She's like, but also she made a comment like,

I don't support women like I was like, don't you dare how dare you say I don't support women. And she's like, yeah, like you're the one who calls them cocks. She's like, yeah, cackling, cackling, cackling old eggs. She's like, yeah, she's like, yeah, I don't call women old hags. Oh, for fuck's sake. So you want to see how that ratio was when I was called old hagg.

Let's roll that footage. She called you an old hagg. Old hagg. Oh. So then now, Brennan Jessler sitting at the store. This is the scene cut back and forth that goes on forever. It really goes on for a long time. I also wanna point out, this is like a, normally they cut back and forth that goes on forever. It really goes on for a long time.

I also want to point out, this is like a, normally they do back and forth if there's like drama brewing, if there's an issue, if there's two sides of a story, there's like simmering resentments, but it's literally just back and forth like two, like two women are in one place and two women are in another place. Let's cross back and forth. Just because it's not. Well, you're being a good me though, because it's your favorite subject

that we're gonna talk about now. Cackling hags. So we go back to Brinn and Jessel and Brinn's like, sell how's the Pinson's Cackling hags? Cut to Aaron. Cackling hags. So, cut back.

Can't believe we're in Cackling hags, still. Yeah, it's a gate. I'm trying to get into a gate And Justin's like, well, I feel like there was some unresolved stuff between us So I just wanted to squash it Yeah, but did you apologize for saying cackling hans? Because like you should apologize for that. I feel like you should Just like I was, but I feel like my apology at my vent was an inclusive apology. It was like a, a D-old of the above, I apologize.

I thought that was pretty clear. It's like, what, so it's like a buffet? It's like all-inclusive apologies. Like what is like the club mad about apologies? Is it like $300 extra dollars and you get to drink all the apologies you want? It's like you pay $25 and you can touch all the penises that you want. It's like a penis buffet. It you can touch all the penises that you want.

It's like a penis buffet, just like all just like men with penises were like wealthy, like bankers with penises at the buffet. Was it like one of those? Well, and then, oh and Dressel's like, well, I did apologize. And she came up and she said, thank you. So let me be clear. She's had a problem. That's be real now.

She's had a problem with you. She's had a problem with Si. She's had a problem with Sai. She's had a problem with Jenna, because Jenna left her house, and she has a problem with me. I don't think it's us. I think it's general people and calories, mostly. People ingesting calories, she has a problem.

She's got a problem with carbs, she's got a problem with proteins. I mean, let's really mad at everybody. She's hungry all the time. Someone just needs the feeder. So now we go to Jenna's apartment, and she's there with Brandon. So there's more, because she's like,

yeah, there's a common denominator. She's like, there is a commoner. No, a common denominator. Now I'm talking about Pauve, it's standing at the window. As if you're a commoner, this is mommy time, ow. Oh, you're getting the cookies soggy. Why did you bring the jaws to the street?

You can't take away my abusing Povit fanfix it, okay? I need it. No, no, we needed it all times. So now we go to Jenna's apartment. Jenna is with Brandon and says, Brandon friend slash architect, but isn't this also her private cook? Is her architect or private cook or is her private cook her architect?

It's her, it's her gay ploy. He just does everything. I've never seen someone have like, but I've never seen the hyphenate of like private chef slash architect. That is pretty wild. He literally does everything. He's like paid to be everything. And I think it's so smart to have a bald guy do it too

because I think to people with hair, or as we call them hair to people, we just all look the same. So I think that you could just play all those different roles and nobody over and know it's the same guy at all. You know, people like me and they're like, Hey, Tom Cliqueo, let me on top of staff. You're great. So Jenna says, oh my god, we're so good on the shield.

Well, ever since, uh, leading J crew, I had some attempts to do things that I wanted to do for years like interior design work and I renovated a brownstone and ironically, I got more attention for that than anything did anything in micro-enthanation. So now I'm gonna like FaceTime, someone who's giving big actress energy, and we're gonna see what that goes. Yeah, and then we see her plans for this house and it says Emily Hampshire's Playhouse.

So she calls future Katie from Vance. She calls Katie from Vanderpump Rules if Katie had like a really fun personality. It looks like Katie to me, or like maybe Katie and that actress who is in Father of the Bride. What's that chick's name? The old one. They were. Elizabeth Perkins. No. Oh, the daughter. I think it was Cindy Wilson's daughter. Cindy Wilson. No, that's my mom's friend. Carney Wilson. The mom and the carny Wilson. Shirley from Loverman, Shirley.

What was her name? Honey, more of a daughter. No, that was Loverman. Oh, come on. You were not allowed to learn. Time to learn and Shirley. No, not time daily. Are you kidding?

She couldn't be. Cindy Williams' daughter. Okay. Cindy Williams. Cindy Williams' daughter. Andy Williams. Well, you can see what? Cindy Williams is daughter Andy Williams Well, you know, her

She we both lost that lose we lost We're dead Catherine Helmond yeah, so she's like she's kind of like Katie from let's just stick with Katie from Van Our proper rules with the personality so she's kind of like Katie from, let's just stick with Katie from Vanderpump rules with the personality. So she's like, yeah, Emily and I are friends and we're like introduced on a date, but like we have a love connection, but we did have a friend connection and then she bought this house. So I'm gonna do the house for her.

Oh my God, hi Emily, it's me, Jen. Oh my God, Jenna, just like, just so awkward to be here right now. And Emily's like, I'm a janitor, so anything different about me? Do you notice anything different about me? Psh. This woman is being so, so extra on this face, something I was like, are you auditioning

to be on this show right now? What is going on? And I was like, I don't know who this person is. She's very pretty, so I imagine she's an actress. And she's going through the whole thing and later on in the conversation as we get to, she talks about like like I'm willing to do an unboxing for you And I was like what's like a person she's like I just look a Canadian I just looked her up. Oh, well, I looked her up

Tell me about her her name is Emily hamster because I didn't get her last name. The she's a prince Albert Google that she knows Prince Albert she She was on shits Creek. She was like the awkward, the awkward, like front desk employee on Shit's Creek. Do you ever watch Shit's Creek? Oh, no. And that's what we get from not enjoying, not allowing joy into our lives through the television.

But it was so weird, because I actually always thought she was like, not very good on that show. I always thought she had like, I'm sharing you. I'm sharing you. I had very to say that about that. I was like, show. I also thought she had like, I'm sharing you. I'm sharing you. I had very to say that about that. I was like, well, I always thought she had such strange reading.

She's always like, okay, I'll do this. I was like, this is such a strange performance. And I've said this before in the podcast, and people have said how dare you bend. And I apologize. I apologize to those people who are big CV heads. But then seeing her here, I was like, this is a whole different personality, which in some ways is a testament seeing her here, I was like, this is a whole different personality,

which in some ways is a testament to her acting, I guess. But also, I'm like, I don't understand this person. I don't understand their performances both on Shits Creek and on Rody. She's just got like really big actor personality. She's like, she says. Do you know there's anything different about me, darling?

And she's like, yeah, wait, hold on, let me try to guess. Did you meet the Obama's? Because I did. I really recently still have the dress. Do you want to see it? And Jenna says, well, I also came out with a line of eyelashes called Love Scene that were really made for Emily Hampshire because she just loves being seen. And she's probably one of my biggest supporters. She's like send them to me and I'll do an unboxing and I'll wear them and I'll give them my makeup artist and it's like such

an honor to have this person who has a sense that she has a huge following bigger than me wanted to do an unboxing for me. That's great. And that's what I'm always like my makeup artist and even get them from you. She had a she said put them in the bed. You know what that means? Like when you're done using them, put them in the bed. You even call it the bed? It's a little part of the container that you pull out of the box.

You put them back in there and then you put them to bed. You should call it that. We should trademark it that. You can have that. That's for free. That's for me. Emily Hampshire, Sits Creek bed. Put it to bed.

Put it to bed. I'm a cat right now. I'm a cat with lashes. I'm a cat from ashes. Big ball little ball. Oh my gosh, she was so extra. So then Janet goes, okay, the question that I have, okay, so this is your dining table. I'm going to show you my dining table, the dining table. Okay, remember that insane over-the-top lighting fixture that we were talking about? I'm thinking that like, it's like maybe too much. I don't know, what do you think?

You seem to be doing too much right now. Is this too much? A scale of one to Emily, is this too much? She's like, well, are you gonna use the entire lighting budget on that one light? I'm gonna be because then the rest of the house is gonna be dark, it's gonna be so scary and it's gonna be terrifying.

I'm gonna have to protect me in my lashes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Patrick flying at you, Patrick flying at you. Unfortunately, you can't see them because it's gonna be terrifying. I'm gonna have to protect me in my lashes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Burke tavern and Aaron meets with Abe outside and she's like, why are we at David Burke? I mean, we haven't been here for years. I mean, tackling hags. I love that they're just dissing basically every restaurant they go to on the show. They've already got catch, you know, their panties are in a bunch. And now this one, she's like, oh my god, who even does David Burke's anymore? David Burke's still here. Is the real David Burke even still alive?

God, what are we gonna have? Like I'm dried out chicken pot pie gross. Thanks a lot. Abe. Stupid. So she said, Abe and I have been together for like, for 12 years. 10 years married.

I mean, I was basically just sitting there on our first day, coloring in on in my books with Gwenna Paltrow and Pitt inside and Abe walked in. I was like that's my husband And so the lady a lady the lady the only lady in David book There's a lady like a service person who comes over and she's like, um, hey, you didn't check your code You want me to take that coat for you? And it's like, uh, no, I'll keep my code. And Aaron goes, oh, that's weird. Just keeping his code.

Well, because he's used to her keeping the, remember the Hamptons? He's used to freezing ass cold spaces around Aaron. He's like, uh, she's going to turn down the AC soon. She's going to say she has to go to the bathroom and then turn off the heat very soon. You all, you've all been warned. So, she's so able to say, well, I feel like we've been downtown so long.

It's like I'm miscoming to the upper side. I mean, I'm not saying I want to move back here and I hate our place in Tribeca. But what I am saying is we should make this a regular thing and then also live up here. And she's like, I just like really don't love going above canal, but for you, I will. It's not so trendy of me.

I like don't go above canal. That's like some New York humor. I only go where I know that I'm like within a mile of Robert J. Nero's home. So, I was talking to eggs. So, I was like, well, when we started dating, you were uptown, and I was downtown, you were so pissed about that. She goes, yeah, I was annoyed that you asked me on a date, and then, like, you made the date around where you lived.

And I had, like, go there. I was, who does that? He's like, yeah, well, I knew I couldn't cater to you, because then there'd be no second date. He's just like, yeah, that's so true. I like him, pretty like shit. Anyway, we're gonna have a great party. There's just like, yeah, that's the true. I like on a pretty like shit. Anyway, we're gonna have a great party. There's gonna be like one hot dog there

and then like very high ceilings and a lot of people talking. So this would be really exciting. Yeah. And she's like, our friends wanna make speeches. So we need to get a run of show. So I already knew, oh no. Run of show.

The basics, yeah, a run of show for your basic friends to be like one time we were watching football together and Abe spilled a Dorito on the floor and he picked it up and we're like a dirty eat-a-brow and Abe fucking ate it oh yeah I can't wait to hear stories about their times they had at Lehman Brothers before it closed down So Aaron is like stocks those are the days of my right boys Bastons am I right? God no that time we talked poor people into getting more could just they couldn't afford and then

Jacked up the interest rates after three years. God those were good times miss you Miss you Here's God those were good times. Miss ya, miss ya. Seren's like, I'm just like stressed about riding my vows. Like, you know, I think we didn't do vows the first time because we're just like so young. Like at 25, you don't even know how to write words yet. Like I was still working on my uppercase and lower cases, you know? And the rabbi just did the whole ceremony for us. Like, honestly, we didn't really think about it.

Although now in retrospect I did think it was strange that there was an intermission and then I realized we actually never got married we just went to see Fiddler on the roof. It was crazy because like during our wedding we were both turning butter and there was a girl beneath between us turning butter too so weird. The bottle dance was a strange part of our wedding, I have to say. So amazing when my dad started singing sunrise sunset and then Bruntroy to fuck him. It's really weird. I didn't even know where to go. So she's like, I just want to tell him how much I love him.

Okay, so here's what I have so far. You left dishes in the sink last night, but thanks for taking out the trash. Now put the kids to bed and don't ever make me come up down again, because it's not cute. And I'm not only stabbing you with this but butter knife because we're on TV, I'm gonna choke you. Okay, I do. And why is this so fucking hot in here?

P.S. tackling hags. Cackling hags. That's where every time you hear it now, you're gonna be like, It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So Abe, he's like, yeah, I remember, I remember, like, you know, you were babies when we got married at 25, you know, and isn't it funny?

I proposed to you after nine months and she goes, Abe and I just kind of locked eyes and kind of understood each other on a level that I can't really explain. Like if you've ever looked into someone's soul and saw that that soul's parents had to house the Hamptons and then they saw that your soul's parents had to house the Hamptons and you realize your souls together could create a new house in the Hamptons. That's what our souls felt like they did.

I knew the second I was going to pretend to pay for drinks and we both pulled out our amics and they were the same exact color that we were meant to be together. I know when I was sharing stories of coloring in pictures next to Guineath and Brad and he was telling stories of coloring in pictures and he was telling stories of coloring in pictures next to Freddie Prince and Sarah Michelle that we were pretty much destined to be together. And she has a martini. She gets a martini and there's a giant ice cube in her martini, which I don't approve of, not because I don't think things should be cold. Okay, and I know we're on air and all the time. So it's like leave the woman alone, you know, but stop wasting room in the martini glass. You need more room for the vodka. Like I just feel like it's wasteful of what could have been more martini. And it makes me not trust her. So then Abe, this is a pain in the ass couple, but Abe has this like she comes across as a pain in the ass.

So that's not surprising. But Abe is like doing that nice guy thing or he's like, oh my god, I'm so in love with you. I do whatever my wife wants. I'm so Abe on the stab Everybody does that But then Abe's like, um, remember how I ordered this drink. Yeah, I don't want to be that guy But I really hate this drink. Then why'd you order the fruity drink? At the fucking David Burke dude, okay? It's a lot. They're not gonna have you a tiny spoon to taste everything that comes out. Okay? This is not yogurt planet, sir

Drink your fucking brave captain or whatever the fuck you just ordered You know I didn't because I wasn't paying attention But then a dream captain dream captain. Okay. Yeah, that's no I also like Aaron Aaron started to create this narrative last week And it didn't really get traction so she's trying try it again this week, Dave's face and she goes, you know, like, I think that like what's like really cool is that like, it's important that we would be friends. Like if we like just like never got together

and like we were never sexually attracted to each other and didn't have babies, we would still be friends. Like could you coast on this for me because I tried it last week and everyone laughed at me. You know what I'm saying, Abe? But I like, no, I wouldn't be friends with you if I couldn't fuck you. Ha ha. She's like, um, thanks a lot. Fucking asshole. And you're doing this to me uptown as well. And so he gives her, he's like, babe, look, I got you diamond ring. It's like, oh my god, are you serious? Are you like, oh my god, hold on, hold on, I'm crying right now. Wow. This is serious.

This is like almost as good as the jewelry I actually already got earlier today. That was worth probably about five times as much as this ring, but it's so cute what you got me. This is going to look so cute next to my bomb ass rental jewelry. So Jesswell calls, she calls Povett. So, she's sitting in her living room. First of all, her white couches, her cream walls, her marble spike column things coming out of the walls,

and she's in like an oatmeal page made. I like she's really going for just beige. And I just love this woman's commitment to just beigeness. So, she's going for it, and she calls Povid on her phone and she's like, Povid, the kids are napping. Could you come here? Because I want you to look at this school app stuff. And he's like, are you sure?

Would you take off my collar? All right, I'll turn off the collar. So you can come out and come back to the dining room with your laptop. So he like comes out of the room. Broom. Sorry, I was just forgot, turned it off a little late. Thank you to Halo collar. Can we brand that as Povit collar? No, I'll speak to

lots of people about it. So she goes, so she's like, did you get the application? We have an email. Did we have the email from Montessourid? You get the application? she's like, did you get the application? We have an email. Did we have the email from Montessourid? Did you get the application? He's like, yeah, yeah, I got it. She's like, and you didn't do anything about it. I don't think you understand the urgency that we have less than two weeks to get these applications in.

She goes, this preschool application process is sci-cotic. We narrow the preschool search to two. I've done it. Poverty's been on the couch fiddling with his balls. And not even like his testicles. I mean, he actually has two little cat tours in the shape of balls with bells in and just plays with them because if you Lord knows, he has no real man balls. I think we all know that.

No that. Yeah, well, you wouldn't know because you haven't fucked him in like years. Okay, get out of my scene, Si. All right. Let's disrespect both, Bale. So she's like, we need to in-person meetings. Then we need to prep between us realistically

what we're able to do. So I love this one because it's international private deaf schools in San Paulo, Brazil, Hong Kong, New York. Basically, it's like watching the very end of a Tom Cruise movie. Yes, that look at everywhere. Where's Hollywood, the Hamptons, schools everywhere. You're just looking at the website for Barry's bootcamp. Oh, so I am. So it's an orange theory or is it a color? Let's just discuss. Let's think on that for a moment, Povett.

And so he's like, yeah, but like, who cares? Because we live in New York. And I guess, Povett, I get that. Listen, Povett, they teach mentoring, do you understand? And Spanish. So you're like immersed in this like language. I mean, imagine our kids could say popsicle in Spanish and Mandarin both. Yeah, but you know, that's like just

a TV show. It's not real. Not the Mandarin, the Lorean parvets. Mandarin. Jesus, but they can barely speak English right now. Cause they're kids. But they speak English private. And then the second one is this Montessori. And it's very cool because celebrities, tech entrepreneurs, it's very high level school. And he's like, are they race car drivers? It's like, fuck, sick private.

You keep joking about this stuff, but it's important, okay? And it's like, yeah, but they're so young. And she's like, I, I, I, listen, race car drivers are no race car drivers, the famous people that are nearby. So we're going to go and look at the price and we're going to pay it. And he goes, are you crazy? $62,000 for what? For coloring? No, I didn't know. It's not just coloring pavet. You stupid, Ibezill. There's so much not just coloring, Povette, you stupid, Imbasille. There's so much more than coloring. There's snacks, granola bars, juice boxes.

Our children could go to school with X19, pie, hashtag, ampersandmuskpovette. Come on, it's who you rub shoulders with, it's important. And also, they pay for materials, they get snacks and an apple iPad and a Mac. He's like, 65 grand for an iPad and a Mac. What a bargain. But that's what it is, Povett.

It's, you know, it's something that we have to focus on and you have to invest now. You have to imagine Tom Cruise Center's kid here. It's not called Montessori for no reason, Surrey Cruise, okay? So you can be rubbing shoulders without that, rubbing shoulders, parvete. It's the comfort of knowing your children

won't be around Samsung products, parvete. I mean, would you have them raised by people on Windows phones, side kicks, raise a flip, parvete? It's like you're being ridiculous. She's like, no, Tom Cruise, come on. It's like, I didn't, I didn't listen, didn't, didn't Tom Cruise's kid get so weird

she turned into that digital assistant on the speaker and that's Siri, you idiot, not sorry. Did you think an actual human could transition into being a digital presence? Like, it does not have that even works, but it, how many times I was to explain to you. Tom Cruise sent his children there, and Tom Cruise is a high point

of what we should all be aspiring to. Tom Cruise was in speed racer, which was about race car driving. He's like, okay, I'm in. Ah, Jesus, Bobbitt. He's a thunder, Bobbitt. He's a thunder. Could've just led with that.

Oh, it was a thunder. Was he also a speed racer? I don't think so. Thank you. I'm in some dangerous car. I feel like Freddie Prince Jr. was in speed racer actually, ironically, but I could be wrong. So, suggested jessles like, oh god, now look at the application.

If asking for boards and organization, put it down that plank. It's not an actual board they want. They don't want to, they don't want to, just a couldery board, Povit. Now, are you part of any boards or organizations? Come on, Povit, besides that fried chicken committee that you're not to eat. I was like, what?

And he goes, it's the street food association in New York City. I was like, the fact that she calls that the fried chicken committee kind of makes me love Jessel. But also the fact that he's on the street food association of New York, it's hilarious. That's the only like out of school thing that he does. It's only like the street food. She's like, okay, they want statements from us.

Oh great, you're gonna talk about the texture of the flat pigeon you pealed off the sidewalk. All right, which one are you going to do right now? So I'll do Rio. Is that the one that was glanced at by Dame Judy Denton Sacks? No, that was Kai. Right. All right, Kai loves Tom Cruise. Will that work?

Or I don't know anything about Kai, really? All right, what do I say? Here, hold on. I'll let you do that. Rio is thoughtful, intelligent, and- But socially in- Poups, I've got poups down.

Do you think we've got poups there? Totally nominated for an Oscar. Nominated for an Oscar, I've got that. Lacks, human basic levels of human hygiene. That's good, right? Each only burgos until 11 a.m. Refuses to wear pants and loves to pee on humans. Socially inept pooping human smelly. Should we say smelly? I think smelly might be a word over. he's probably it's like so inept

I don't think that's a positive word. I'm just like I don't know look at top pop it look at up This is what you get for going against Siri. All right look at up now You have to look up your own words look how adept he is no I think you meant adept for socially adept and me as an apt. Oh, Puppet, you may be know what you're talking about He's like, you're the English major which cracks me up and she's like, oh shit Socially inept is when people don't know how to be how to comfortably socialize God Puppet Congratulations, you've made it into one history book

Puppet why have you not sent your photo into Miriam Webster? You should be right there in the entry. So then we go to size brownstone to her Rio. She's like, Rio, are you doing coloring? You know, it's like, yeah. And you're doing it to my table? Not my table Rio. Where else is supposed to color?

Aaron's like, where's Brad Pitt and Gweneth? Am I right? I guess Rio is not gonna have the same child that is me. So it's like, honey, there's Marka on the rug. Did you see this? She's like, this is why I don't like anything in here. Get outta here, get out! All right, God, I had good luck with David

because he's there for the kids. He goes above and beyond for his children. I mean, look at him, using Nature's's miracle to get Mark go out of the carpet. Father of the year right there. I can love this guy. Oh my god. I feel like I've had a million events. Okay. Because, uh, oh, by the way, get this. Apparently Aaron and Jessl got into it. And Jessl got really emotional and started crying. Reo interrupts and goes. Cheese. trying Rio interrupts and goes cheese. Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep up real. Okay, we're on a new fight now. Okay, it's about crying about being full of princess. I don't think why you get emotional. I died that Rio knows about the cheese fight because he listens to the mom's talking about all the fights.

He's like, cheese. I know this fight. Yeah, well, Jessica got really emotional and started crying, which is not true. You know, this is never cried. We saw it. She literally never cried. She had no emotion. And so, yeah, Rio is like, why are you getting emotional? They're like, oh my god, shut up. We're going into the room of the carpet that you just fucking do more lives and humiliated

than completely ruined Rio. All right. I love this. Let's not have this conversation in front of Rio. Okay, let's go into a whole different room. It just like walked two feet over and sit down. We'll open. Okay, thank you.

You're out of it now. God, don't you miss wall. I miss walls. So then, walls are up. Oh, great. So walls are up. Walls are up.

I think, Michael. Walls up. So size. That's the point. Walter up. So I was like, why would you cry? Just because someone calls you pampered. And David's like, listen, on top of raising twins, she started working again. And listen, if someone wants to call me pampered or this, she's juggling a lot of stuff. Okay, guys, I could be pissed off too.

Think about what a difficult year she's had. It's like, this guy's amazing. I don't think this guy belongs on Bravo or he's a murderer. There's something about him. I don't, I don't trust a husband this good on Bravo. They don't hire husbands like this. You have to be a piece of shit to be on this show. So show me some kind of sign that you're real, sir. Yeah, it's pretty weird. And Si is like, you know, he's like, you know, I find it funny that a lot of the ladies come to you to discuss feelings because you have like many strong suits, but being a counselor is not one of them.

She's like, yeah, no, I don't like, I don't like feelings. You know, because I have a tendency to like, you know, just be like hot and people because I like my upbringing and not being a victim. So like I tend not to be so empathetic. So yeah, I don't give a fuck of what anyone says. So David's like, well, when someone opens up to you emotionally, you seem to tune them out.

It's kind of amazing. Your husband must be so lucky. You must, so lucky to deal with that. So like, I'm sure when he comes crying to you about the pain that he feels and how lonely he feels in the marriage, you're very, bad, I'm just serious. Seriously.

Yes, dear, my God. I was to see. So then we go to Aaron's apartment and she's choosing outfits and they were like, oh my God, those are like sick. So then we go to Jenna's and she's with another God daughter, God, ploy. She's like with a God. Why? God, ploy. God, ploy, because that sounds like God is your employee and God don't work for us. Okay. Let's see. What would you call it? A new Goddaughter employee.

A Goddaughter employee. Like Goddaughter employee. Godturn, fan-ploy. Godturn, I like that. Okay, so, she's like, oh my God, my pit smell. That's so awkward. I don't know what's more awkward right now. I'm here in my armpits.

Oh my God, I'm hiding. Is this a ficus tree? I'm hiding behind it right now. I'm glad that I'm like so nervous to even be in the scene right now. I can't believe I'm even here. Okay, let's try this dress. Let's try this topless shirt. Yeah.

And then Jettles and Glam over in her apartment and Papa comes in and brings her some wine. And she goes, you know, it's like full in the afternoon. You socially inept person. I understand it now. So then we go back to Aaron and Abe and she's like, we're having a long night. So I'm going to eat the salad now. Yeah. That's not fair.

You can't eat before and then expect everyone else to have done that as well, because you're having a night event, man. I'd like seven dinner time. Exactly. And, um, and, uh, she, because. I'm like seven, at dinner time. Exactly. And she does like, again, the errand thing, because she goes, we have a long night ahead of us. And he goes, I know, she goes, like, a long night.

Yeah, he's like, yeah, I get it. No, like, tackling hacks. Oh, oh, I thought you were saying long night for a third time. No, no, no, like a long night. So we're back on long night for a third time. No, no, no. Look, a long night. So we're back on long night. Catching the night. So then we go to, they're just basically talking about how her

and Jessel made up. And so, or she and Jessel made up. Look at me catching my grammar. And she's ready to have fun with Jessel now. And I mean, that's good for you because you love Povett, right? So that's cool. And then we go back to Jussle and Povett

and she's like, this hairspray, wait, this drink smells like hairspray. What are you giving me, Povett? He's like, I'm not breaking out the good stuff for you. Saving it for fucking days of thunder. Fried chicken committee, just say it it fried chicken committee gets the good wine Don't the street food association in New York City. Oh, pop it be quiet. Why do you get so nervous? I have such you I mean I You look terrible you look like a piece of shit puppet Sorry, I just had to say that to reset myself. It's like, well, why do you look nervous? I have such good days, I'm gonna pick out something nice

because almost six, seven years to get his rights right because you used to look like a piece of shit. And if it weren't for the Street Food Committee of stupid facing stupid people, probably would have been in style as soon as this drink is really getting to my head quickly, I have to say. So I really created a monster when I taught him about style. I mean, now he gets his hair blown out,

he gets his eyebrows done, gets his ass whole waxed and bleached. I mean, it's a whole thing, really. I was like, why are your eyebrows thinner than mine? You know, you look like a zoo lander and the character not Ben Stiller, which would actually have been helpful for Montessori induction.

So, they've been nice. I wonder if Ben Stiller knows what inept So, that would have been nice. I want to have been still I know what anept means, if he would have looked up to you. So then, so then Jussle says, well, she says, where's my mic? I'm literally going to drop the mic because of your, the way you looked tonight, or pavit, pavit, and where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked

at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked

looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at the where you looked at just waiting for something to drop on the floor. Put that in the application. So, Ubin calls Aaron and she's like, oh, I'm so sick. I was going to come and I picked my dress and I got my diamond in my aid because I wasn't sure you were going to feed me. I've been through the whole process. I saw you looking out the window. Is it storming out there? I thought I heard something, but it's fine. Everything's normal.

Don't worry, everyone. Hurricane Hillary is still just sort of trundling along. Literally, nothing is moving back there still. Just an update on Hurricane Lynn or Hillary. It almost looks sunny out there. Not even wind. Not even wind. Yeah, so, Upa is like in bed. At this point, we now know what this phone calls about on Bravo, because we've seen

it so many times, you know, and Uber's like, I'm so afraid to give you these news, but I'm on the verge of having a storyline. Oh my God, are you okay? Are you feeling okay? No, it's strange. I don't know how to feel about it, but also I have COVID. Like, awww. It's just strange that only people who have met Prince Albert can get.

It's the, it's the total you get of being part of a wild and interesting group of women. So, Aaron's like, don't tell me you have COVID. Do not tell me you have COVID. I have COVID. COVID, you have COVID. Cackling COVID. Cackling. Seriously, virus. So, she's like, I cannot believe you're gonna be,

you're not gonna be out there with me with this jewelry. I cannot believe it. I was be out there with me with this jewelry. I cannot believe it. I was really hoping to brag about knowing as you've modeled tonight. Wow. Well, I look a million dollars better because of her. So then we go to Broadway and Chambers to a space called the Lumiere, which is a beautiful space.

I mean, this was a real stunner. My gosh. It was, but I was wondering when the candles were going to start dancing for us. I was like, uh, hello. What's going on here? We're a little beauty in the beast for you. A little bit, a little bit of the beast. I like it because I'm always, I used to, when I was a cater waiter in New York, like I was 18 or something, and I didn't know the city at all.

And to just walk into these shitty buildings, not saying that this is a shitty building, but everything looks the same in New York pretty much, you know. And you walk into this like shitty looking little building. And then you walk into this. And I would just be amazed that they can even put stuff like this in a city. I was like, wow, a waterfall wall. That's amazing. I mean, the whole back wall is a waterfall, not like a head of the brow leaky basement wall, okay? Yeah. This is like severe Vegas style waterfall. I mean, it's pretty good. Yeah. But I would totally say I do in this place. That being said, I did not love it as a choice of

venue for this event because it looks too big for the amount of people that were there and it looked very cavernous and empty and there was no food going around, obviously. So it just, it felt like it was something that was meant for like a proper gala. And this was too small for it. Well, I liked it. And it was free because you know that their name was probably at the bottom of that invitation.

Yeah, probably. It got so many. It's for a free or something. So Aaron is there and she goes up to her dad and her dad has brought a date named Jackie and Jackie just looks Aaron up and down so rudely because Aaron's wearing like a boob dress. She's wearing like a see-through chain dress

with it's taped to her boobs. And this lady judges Aaron so hard, she totally body checks Aaron. And then Aaron is like, dad has a girlfriend, shocker, at least this one's of age. Jackie, very of age, in fact, almost two of age. Sorry Jackie, it's called gets in the talks. So then Aaron greets Robert from Jacob and company.

She's like the one who brings the jewelry and is gonna like lurk around and make sure it doesn't get stolen. And she's like, Robert from Jacobin Company, it's gonna follow me around until I'm like, ready to get back the jewels, which may not even be tonight. Just think about that. I'm gonna try and say, I'm gonna like wear

the jewels a long time ago. That security guard might be in bed with us. I'm hilarious to say, I mean, like where the jewels along come from. That security guard might be in bed with us. I'm worried. So, Brian comes and she's like, is this a bank? It makes us feel like a bank in a courtroom. My two favorite places. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, guys, hi penises, hand drops are back. Oh my god, the kids are running away from me when I say hi.

Is this because of the stepmom from the parent trap? You know, in the scene where she walks into a room full of penises, I was not cut from the original. Oh, the penis trap. So she's like, yeah, I've got my party stocking on, my outfit, my fur, I'm flying high, just keep those glasses on. Hey, Erin, here's my friend Sarah.

She was Sarah, nice to meet you everyone. Okay, Sarah, okay, now you're never gonna see Sarah again. Buying you Sarah. Oh my God, this is great. And Erin's like, brain is like still in her sunglasses. It's like nine o'clock, like take them off. Take them off. I'm gonna meet your dad.

I'm gonna meet him. She does, do not hit on my dad. I'm totally gonna hit on your dad. This place is crawling but dude, it's why there's so many dudes. It's just like my birthday party. There's like so many dudes here. Oh my god.

So then, um, Jettel and Povid arrive and then Brynn meets Aaron's brother David and Aaron's like, oh my god, she's gonna hit on my brother or two now as wild. I have such wild friends. This is outrageous. Cackling hags. What? So then, um, Jettel and Jettel and Poverty meet the dad, Eli. And he was like, so you're married, when? When did you get married? And Jessel's like, we, well, 2018.

All right, that's when we met each other. That's when we got, well, I mean, I've found a started finding and worthy of my marriage and about, let's see, hasn't really happened yet. Let's see, I have a time machine that goes forward, which fingers crossed, we might get there. Hopefully you'll have a time machine

that's not completely inept. Am I right, Eli? Word of the day, everybody. Word of the day. He's like, why did you, so you have kids? And she's like, two kids, two, well they're not so much children as they are Wolverines. And's like, oh not enough, continue, continue, continue. Some people

call them children, we call them little tiny alcoholics who will possibly one day be connected to Tom Cruise in some way shape or form. We're helping there's an opening for, for, for Flore Laker and Tom Cruise's mansion someday soon. So then Jussles, I spent three years trying to have a child. I have seven embryos chilling in a freezer and my girl is in there and Poverty thinks he's too and done. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm going to have another very next child very soon.

So then Jussle goes over and she's like, hello, Erin. And Erin's like, hi, I'm wearing armor. My dad said in Hebrew, I can see your boobs. It's not hilarious. I'm sorry, am I cackling right now? Cause you remember you call me a cackling hog. Ah.

Is this sick burn and a burns everyday? So, they'll bring us having a cocktail weiner and she's like, there's a having a cocktail weener and just like, there's a lot of weener in this place, but I'm in my mouth, put them cocktail weener in my mouth, mouth. I fucking gone. Oh, God, you're my God. So then Povit is talking to Aaron. Okay. So just on Aaron or not talking to Jessel and Jessel and Povit are now talking to Aaron. So he's like, so I saw you come to are not talking Aaron to Jettel and Povitor now talking Aaron.

So he's like, so I saw you come to our place the other night for like a split second, but then you work on from our place, you know, but like I saw you there, that was cool that you were there. She's like, yeah, I was just there 10 minutes because like my kid was sick. It was like, oh, holy hell. It was really hard. It's really hard being me. It's like my kid was sick.

And I was like, you don't even have the luxury of being like sick at like three Lincoln Center right now knowing that Gwyneth is just like a phone call away. Just like, oh, you could have just called me. You could have called me and Aaron's like, yeah, but we had our thing and I wanted to show up because I know it was important to you. Remember, hashtag, you don't support other women.

That was about me, right? Because you've said it, basically. And second, remember when I told you I appreciated how much you came? Oh, God, I still appreciate myself for telling you that moment, how much I appreciate you for coming. Was that kind of me?

It's kind of both of us. I'm so proud of us right now. And so then Jenna comes in and she's looking around like, oh my God, I'm like, I'm like in a wacky mood, but I'm also awkward, but I'm also wacky. But I'm also gonna grab Aaron's butt, but I'm gonna do it like awkwardly, but also wackly. And now she's pretending that she hasn't

feel some of grabbing her butt, and I'm gonna grab it again. It's awkward, but still wacky. She's pretending that she doesn't even know I grabbed her but now she's made it awkward. This was like the most awkward but grab I ever did. This is why I don't do but grabs. I'm so awkward, I'm just going home. Wow, this is more awkward than the time I tried to pinch

Emily Hamstruss but while she was getting into character for I remember Mama. So Jenna's like... ... ... ... It's great. It's great play.

So, Jenna's like, you know, it's not mine. My rapid-riding grab passes are like, maybe it is. Like, I should check that. I feel like it's a little weirdo now. A weirdo who knows Emily Hampshire. Who's also weirdo. A place one on TV is actually very cool in real life. Wow. Hey, by the way, do you like on TV, is actually like very cool in real life. Wow.

Hey, by the way, do you like this, Blazer? Because I was totally wearing it when I talked to Emily Hampshire on FaceTime once. Should I keep this? Do you think I should keep it? I don't know what's the bigger flex. Michelle Obama or the girlfriend, Shits Creek. I don't know Shits Creek.

I wonder if fiancee remembers what she was wearing when she met Emily Hampshire. Maybe she just never has that stuff out for Beyonce. So then Sy comes and she's looking beautiful and do that of it. And Jenna is talking to Abe and she's like, so is this whole renewing your vowsing, your idea or her idea? And he's like, well, we just wanted to do it because we didn't do our vows because we were so young. And she's like, okay, but I guess I'm trying to figure out

how you didn't realize you had to do vows at a wedding, just like every wedding does, just because you were young. It's like, you weren't ready to write vows, but you were ready to commit to each other for the rest of your lives. That's like saying, I can't work khaki to a khaki party, but then you go to the Hamptons of work khaki all day. So like, I make it make sense for me. I don't know. It's confusing. It's really confusing. So then, um, si, si, si, the air in and si, it's like, oh my god, my hand's a freezing. It's beautiful in here, but freezing, of course. Okay. Is there any food to put my hands on?

Seriously, to warm them up. Cause at this point, I'm thinking, of course, she's got food. Yeah, right. At this point, I throw all that shaming. So I was like, oh yeah, sorry, everyone. David can't make it. One of the kids got sick and he's staying home

and he also said something about how I'm not fulfilling his emotional needs. I don't know, some bullshit like that. I don't know, I just left with him crying on the pillow. Anyway, is that food? Is that food? Yeah, he doesn't give a shit though. He doesn't want to be here that. I don't know. I just left with him crying on the pillow. Anyway, is that food? Is that food? Yeah, he doesn't give a shit though. He doesn't want to be here anyway.

So with a food. So then Brynn and Jessel are talking and Brynn's like, this place feels like I banked of America, meets Cherry DeGala, meets Bar Mitzvah, meets Pienis Factory. Because literally there are dicks everywhere. Even in Wini's, which I've eaten three of, give me all the decks in Blankets. She tells us, I'm like a little bored, so like, how do I entertain myself? By pitching, which I was like, okay, point for Brynn. And then, I know, she didn't, she didn't get

a point with that. I was like, okay, I can do my something friends with her now. So, Brynn is someone breaks something and Brynn's like, Oh, don't worry, it's sponsored. It's fine. I hate this fucking party. So she got two in a row. I thought that was really good. I know. I'm not worried sponsor. I think word Brynn is the best Brynn turns out. And then enter. Max and child baby toddler only carted him together and he was like, oh, the baby cart man, what am I doing?

Man, I heard man, there were some little children running around this party who were scared of that lady over there and I was wondering if my toddler could play with them. He needs to make new friends. That old king. And Aaron's like, you guys are so sweet to be here. You should totally come over first of all. I'm saying, I'm well. I'm going to bring a white bean salad and a lemon that was caught my fine family members. Oh, that would be very, very nice.

So now Brynn goes up to A because, um, so Ebe, like, once you're ready to get a divorce, I'm single, it's like a swap. Oh, you wanna do a swap? And just as like, I can't take her anywhere. The other day, we went to a store together and I had to go in and I had to tell the salesperson, is this woman bothering you?

Oh, and then he laughed like this. Oh, it was hilarious. So Abe is saying that you do your vows soon and friends like, um, If you didn't say your vows, does that mean that you're technically like not married? And he's like, no, no, there's a contract because if anyone knows how to get up contracts, it's you and your penis is a penis contract Yeah, what did that mean if anyone knows how to get out of contracts, it's Abe. Is he a lawyer? I don't know.

I thought that was a weird thing to say. And Jess Jussle was like, oh my God, she's for the event this. And Brin's like, whatever you do, don't mess up and say, I do, Brin. It's not you I'm interested in. It's actually Aaron's dad, because then I could be Aaron's stepmother.

Oh my God, she'd be amazing. That's the look she's going for. You know, he'd be the perfect evil stepmother. I would. If I were Aaron's stepmom, I wouldn't even let her call me Brynn. I'd be like, no, you have to call me mom now. Call me mom. Yeah, mom.

Everyone's like mom, mom. So, so now Brandon just will go to mingle. And Brandon's like, I kinda like me shit up. I'm like ripping on the party and shooting on her husband. I'm like never again, but I do another anniversary party again. So Jenna is talking to Si and Jenna's like, oh my god, who's that like hot dude over there?

He just made me feel even more awkward than I already felt which was awkward And I'm like super awkward. Oh my god Can I make him my god son and so Si's like would you have? Would you have a sleep with a guy again and she's like yeah the right one came in just oh It's only making moves just well. I'm single, so yeah, I'm making moves. And just like, single, my sister, my sister, my friend is single, which of course I do, because we share everything at night. But I'll pretend like I didn't know, because I did know all this.

So what happened, sister Jenna? Of course you haven't told me the story yet, but of course I felt it. You know, I told Parvett, look at that rain outside. Jenna's hurting right now. I felt it. You know, I talked about it. Look at that rain outside. Jenna is hurting right now. I feel it. I just feel it. So Jenna's like, life happened, you know,

just happened past couple of weeks, you know? And just like, Jenna, how do you feel because my heart is hurting? Because my heart is your heart and my heart feels your heart right now. So, well, it's been rough because like, you know, you know, you think your life is going in one direction, but then it goes in another direction and you thought one direction was going to be there forever.

So basically, Harry Styles, you're feeling that Harry Styles, do you know him by any chance? If you went to a Montessori school, which do you think he'd pick? Could you write a letter of recommendations? Is he inept at that? So, Jenna says, well, a dated person for a year and a half, and it's not been consistent, and I think they were signs, and you know you get excited, and you believe something's going to go, it's going to be something, and then like it doesn't, it goes away, like, be heartbreaking, and be heartbreaking. And I'm not getting any younger, but luckily I still am still fairly famous and very rich and pretty influential.

So I can really get anyone I want. So not a problem. And Jess was like, what's it, Neutrul, Jenna? And so I was like, yeah, was it because this person wanted to be more vocal, more seen? I was like, geez, victim blame, much side Jesus Christ. And Jenna's like, actually it was like, geez, victim blame, my side Jesus Christ. And Janice like, actually, it was like the other way around,

they were like, I just don't like, I didn't have this in mind. And I was like, I mean, I hear that, but like, I'm like famous. And I just like can't turn it off, you know what I mean? Like, I'm just not like, you know, like, pop it, you know, like his ability to just turn just a lot. Oh my god, second to none, you're correct about that, sister. You know, it was just, I didn't really know if there was an easy way for me to tell Emily Hamströder stop throwing bricks to do like girlfriend's window, so we just had to call

it off. And so I was like, well, you can come hang with us. You know, bring your son over. I'll have a lunch called Poor Jenna Got Divorce lunch. And it'll be amazing, you know, like we could have some enchiladas and then I'll say, you know what, this is Jenna's fault because she wanted to keep her girlfriend in the closet.

It's gonna be a great time. You should come. Yeah, then Sai says this whole thing about how she's like, really happy that Jenna really has opened up to her because you know now Like Jenna knows that she can lean on saw and that they're like much closer now. I'm like She did not open up to she said oh, yeah, we broken up and I'm still not gonna give you any details I have to say I'm single and that guy over there's cute and I would add there like I'd like to either fuck him or make him work for me So

Just like what you you like to have a three-some with me in my husband? Could we put that on a school form? It's out of anything. Perhaps with the three-some, you could write a recommendation at the same time. Are you familiar with my Microsoft word? Actually, I don't want a three-some with Povet. I just want a three-some with you. And the old lady with the thick glasses

from the old Navy commercials. So that... What about that lady who has the pink t-soner cheek? Lin Yeager. I thought about doing a threesome with her. How about this? Would you be interested in doing a threesome with you, my laptop, and then eventually

a letter and a stamp? I guess that's a threesome. Listen, I would love to do a threesome with you, Baze and Cream as well. I think all three of us could really make a good living room setup. So now it's time for the vows. So first, a guy named Adam is like, okay, everyone, come close,

or we're gonna start a speech, okay? So I went to the University of Wisconsin with Abe and then Jenna sees the sky. She sees him talking and just from that opening line of like, well, I went to the University of Wisconsin We already know this would be a long yarn and then she sees the pages He has four pages in his hand and it's all small font and single lined. And she's like, oh my God, he's got four pages. Oh my God, girls. I'm too famous for this.

And then another speaker comes up and they're like, yeah, I met Aaron one time. Like we were standing in line to get a burrito. And she was like, oh my God, I cannot believe. I'm like a block north of Canal Street. And I was like, I my God, I cannot believe I'm like a block north of Canal Street. And I was like, I know it's like disgusting. And then we went back down below Canal Street to actually eat the burritos.

And we've been like sisters ever since. And then like, speaker number three is like, the first time I'm at Brin in Abe, I just knew we were going to somewhere only like a few feet north of Canal Street and she had such a therapist face on and he didn't even mind and I knew that he was going to be for her. Yeah. Well, you know, when I met Abe, I'm like his babe of a wife, Aaron. Like, we saw each other at the country club and I was like, oh my God, that dude loves

wearing polo shirts. I lives wearing polo shirts. I love wearing polo shirts. Aaron's wearing a sweater, my wife is wearing a sweater. We've been inseparable ever since. Hey guys, do you guys like Granite? Do you guys like marble on your countertops? Austin Stopus, do you still got it? And then when the four of us went to that Ed Sheeran concert together at Aaron got so like a little bit drunk I was like she is great. She's my best friend and I just want her to be happy So meanwhile nobody is paying attention to anything this the the acoustics in this place

It's like doing speeches in the middle of a food court at a mall. You just hear talking, like warring talking, by the way. It's not just a couple of people talking. Literally no one is paying attention to this. This is going on too long. This is not a wedding. This is barely even a vowel renewal. It's barely even that. Like nobody wants to hear from your friends, okay?

It's just a very self-involved event. Like let's get everyone together and make everyone listen to other people talk about us, a deeply uncharismatic couple. So everyone's talking and including our cast. Our cast is like, you know what, we should probably start trying to talk with each other as a cast because we're on a TV show. And so then Kelly, who is Aaron Sister, comes over and she's like, she's like, I don't want to wait for loves to be over. And like, that is poly-cull, right?

That was poly-cull. That was not her sister, right? That was poly-cull, right? Dika. But she's like, we're here, but the cab was gone. We sing that song, is that poly-cull? That was poly-cull. Those were her two songs.

Thank you. That was that one. That's as far as the joke goes by the way like she has two songs two references to it the Polyco thing is over but Not even that they're not even out loud like brin goes um oh my god another speech great. They're amazing They're love. They're hot. They're rich. Yay Yeah Exactly so she goes hi. I'm Aaron's sister so nice to meet you guys. Yeah Hey! Yeah, exactly. So she goes, hi, I'm Aaron's sister.

So nice to meet you guys. Yeah, I'm coming in like I am so excited to have a conversation with you, but actually I just wanna tell you guys, it's a little rude that you're all talking right now. Like we're at our engagement. Can you like pay attention to these really exciting stories from 10 years ago?

Thank you so much. It's even worse than that. Because she comes over and says, yeah, I just want to tell you it's kind of rude because we're at her engagement and you guys are over here arguing and stuff. And they're like, no, we're not arguing. That's not the case.

Well, whatever you're chitchatting. Okay, Kelly, back the fuck off and go, your sister barely has enough charisma to be here. Okay, go meet somebody famous who will get you this show. Go meet your own Frederick Eklund, okay, because I don't think he had guests on his invitation to be here. Shut the fuck up, lady. No one invited you on to Bravo YouTube, boring. I don't even remember what you look like. You might as well be a thumb, a thumb with a wig for all I care. Get off my television, man. Policool. You. She looks like Policool. But let me tell you something. If you don't want people to

be talking at your party, put something in their mouths, specifically food. But also, I'll tell you that it's a good sign for these housewives that I'm sticking up for them, because I was so offended. I was like, how dare you? You leave them alone. I know. I know. I was a man, because I was like, well, this is to me, this has been Brynn's best scene of

the series. I mean, I know she had very bad feelings. It has been her best episode, for sure. But this was the first time she genuinely was making me laugh and I was like, okay, I feel like I'm finding a way into Brin. And then Kelly comes around and just shutting them up. And I'm like, this is, first of all,

she comes around saying this is their engagement. It's literally not their engagement. This is 10 years in and it's such a self-satisfied event and you're gonna come in and tell the people that are giving your sister a paycheck to shut up. Like they're doing their job right now, Kelly. So you go to the front and you're just trying to become friend of, yeah, it's like sorry, Kelly, fail.

So then Brynn's like, okay, are you gonna go around and tell everyone else this too? Because literally everyone in here is talking. And you can see everybody around them is talking, right? Yeah, and Kelly goes, I mean, look, that's fair, but guys, it's my sister. And Bryn's like, okay, I get it, then, fine, I get it. Jenna mean well as me, okay?

Because Jenna's like conflict avoidance. She says, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, we're wrong, we're wrong, we're wrong, you're right, we're wrong, we're wrong, you're right, you're right, I'm like Jenna,'re right, you're wrong, we're wrong, we're wrong, we're wrong, you're right, we're wrong, we're wrong, you're right, you're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, I'm like Jenna. Stop doing that, you're on a TV show, fight. And then Dorothy Aaron's mom comes up and she goes, oh, hi guys, my name is Dorothy. I'm Aaron's mom and bring us and we just kind of trouble.

So we can't talk. I think Kelly, Kelly turns around to her mom. It's like, mom, you need to pay attention. They're speaking, okay. You might not have heard, you might not remember all these stories that we've been told 50 times over the past 10 years. And Jenna's like, you're right, you're right,

you're right, Kelly, you're right. And now, time for Aaron and Abe's vows. Run off their iPhones. Just how their marriage has probably been spent. Abe, I truly can't believe we've been married for 10 years. What I met you 12 years ago at a bar on the Lower East Side called the draft. Thank you the draft for your kind sponsorship of this event by the way. I never thought I would be meeting a man. I would call home. A lot of people are back there talking right now. She's like,

she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like,

she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like,

she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, she's like, or not have babies with each other, I think we would still want to be best friends. I really believe in this point. I'm saying it for the third time right now in front of everyone, so now you can't back out of it. You have to agree, because we're in public. Like even if we weren't together, and it was like the 90s and we had Friendster, we would still be poking each other.

Am I right? Almost Friendster is to the 2000s. 10,000, 2000, 203. Yeah. So Abe is like, thousand, two or three. Yeah. So Abe is like, well, I love the dead, especially for wedding vows. So I guess he starts doing dead, grateful dead. Well, because he goes, he goes, hey, Aaron, what a long strange trip it's been. I'm like, wow, how original, what an original way to start off a toast.

I guess that's, I mean, I've heard that line before. I didn't know that was a grateful, dead reference, but either way it was. Hey, how about we just, how about we're grateful alive? Because here we are. So he's like, we're like, grateful, sad.

How about we are the grateful, sad? That would be much more helpful. Yeah, try that. So he's like, we're connected through the universe and through space. And I told my parents the day after I met you, I think I'm at my wife. Stalker, that's fucking stalker behavior right there. And he's like, yeah, and I'll always be your rock.

And then when our seas get stormy, I'll still satisfy you emotionally and sexually. Which he's like, yeah, because remember the first night I met you, I found thongs behind your bed. And I was like, is he banging on these people, which I didn't mind because I was banging people too. But now I'm like, wow, we could still even be friends. Thank you, everybody. Thank you for coming. Babe, you are the Patagonia vest. It's my little bean sweater. We're just meant to be together. Okay. So let's make love. I gotta go and you invest to my little bean sweater. We're just meant to be together.

Okay, so let's make love. So then they kiss and then everyone starts dancing and Aaron goes, guys, nobody better leave because I'm gonna change. I know everyone can't wait to see my second look of the night. So she goes off and says, like, fuck this, I'm hungry. There's no booze around the corner. I'm gonna go to no boo. And she goes, yeah, there's no food here. I'm hungry. There's no booze around the corner I'm gonna go to no boo and she goes yeah, there's no food here

I'm hungry and this past like I'm pesk it's Harry and I don't even eat pigs in the blanket So let's go to no booer. She's trying to get everybody to go and No one follows her out which I was glad no one followed her out because Aaron really is gonna You know the errands offended at every little thing and she's already got a list, you know? Like, you're flirting with my dad, you were flirting with my brother, my sister had to tell you guys to stop talking. Jess will kept calling people Tom Cruise and writing down their phone numbers.

You know, like she's got, like little things to go at everybody with. So, and you know, it's funny because I fully supported Sire leaving. She's like, you know, I came, I sported, I sat throughout the speeches. I mean, you wouldn't notice me if I was gone. Okay, I'm glad to know, Boo- funny because I fully supported Sire leaving. She's like, you know, I came, I spotted, I sat throughout the speeches. I mean, you wouldn't notice me if I was gone. Okay, I'm glad to know, boo-honey, I'm hungry.

So I support her leaving. But that being said, flashback to the first episode, now that we know Sire a little bit more, I do fully believe that Sire would go to someone's party and look at cheese and go, cheese, that's weird. Like, I fully believe that story now. Yeah. Well, supposedly, Aaron did a podcast. She's been on like the podcast circuit.

And on one of them, she said that that whole fight was really because she didn't have, it was late and she didn't have food at her party. And so, Si was saying, you cheese, like that's it, like that's all you have. And so that's where the fight came from because I was hungry, which shows you that Jessel, the first fight with Jessel, the first fight with Aaron was because he refused to feed people. And again, don't you are not neutral system. Stop forcing your lifestyle on me. Okay. So then Aaron, no, neutral system, you're great, I'm sure.

So then Aaron comes out to do photos with the girls and size gone and Aaron's like, um, sight left. Wow, wow, wow guys, wow, wow guys. And Jessica goes, yes, she was hungry. Just as hungry as I am to get a recommendation to wrap shoulders with Tom Cruise. Anyone want to sign here? You can all say that you're... Mmm, John Travolta maybe.

So, I don't know. I don't think that would get a symptomatisory school. Is John Travolta the one that tried to grab people's... The neps? They're cocks, honey. They're cocks. That's right. Who else does Tom Cruise hang out with? So Aaron says, she's like,

I am so pissed at the very least, Sarkar has said good-bye to me, which is exactly what she said, Jenna should have done when she dipped out of my house. But aside from that, this party is everything I could have expected. Everyone's so excited and so happy for us. It's a really special and beautiful night.

I'm like, I don't think anyone is excited and happy for you guys. I think everyone was like, oh, open bar and like hope beyond TV and hopefully there'll be some food there. Listen, you know, you guys, good luck to you kids in your future, okay? Normally I would say a couple that forgets to say vows that they're waiting isn't gonna have great luck,

but you seem to have great luck. Everybody seems very happy. Good for you, feed your guests. You know, and also, by the way, this is a real fuck you to the guests, you know why? Because the guests that went to the first wedding were like, yes, no vows, we can get right to the party. And they're like, you know what,

that was a great wedding, it was just a ceremony, and then party. And now they're like, oh know what, that was a great wedding, it was just a ceremony and then party. And now they're like, oh, wait, wait, wait, guess what? We're gonna make you actually now. Like, we have like vow interest now. We have 10 years, not only are we gonna do the vows, but we've added on 10 speeches

because we've accrued vow interest over these past 10 years. So that's a real fuck you to the guests. We thought they got away with one. All right, well, this was a pretty good episode of New York. I think this shows all starting to kind of click together. At least it is for me. I mean, I was cracking up the whole time.

I thought it was really funny. So good job, show. Let's get back to it. And everybody, we will be back later today. Monday, what did it for you? Sakas Ben might be drowned right now, but for the rest of you, we will be back a little later with real housewives of Atlanta.

We've got Orange County back this week, a couple of below decks coming, go check out the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City bonus. Also our dwell hello was really, really funny this week, so go check out one dream plus for that. And Monday night, 5.30 PM Eastern, no, 5.30 PM Pacific time, 8.30 PM Pacific standard. 5.30, 8.30 on East Coast, 5.30 on West Coast. And then 6.30 in 7.30 Central and Mountain. Yes. Instagram live crappy hour.

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