Watch What Crappens - RHONY: It’s My Party, and I’ll Be Déclassé If I Want To - Live from Quarantine!

Episode Date: July 25, 2020

Real Housewives of New York has given us so much — we barely even deserve it. And this week it continues to bestow gifts upon us. This time it's LuAnn addressing a room of ex-cons, Sonja struggling with her townhouse again, and Ramona losing her mind at her own party with fifty of her closest girlfriends. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Don't just listen to this recap though: watch it too! Check out the full episode on Crappens on Demand here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/39684221 See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Crap is. Crap is.

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How are you? I'm hi! How are you? How are you? I'm good. How are you? So we have to say hello to everyone. This is a very special episode because we are recording this live on the internets. We are streaming it. We decided to do a live show, like a quote-unquote live show from quarantine because, you know, so many of our live shows had to be postponed, and we haven't

done this in a little while. It's just, like, really fun, and, you know, we just hope everyone is able to find a cocktail of their choice. I currently have a Jack and Diet Coke right here to enjoy the evening. Oh, how lovely. I did some heroin and now I've got some big swig that's where I'm at if so for people who are watching this on patreon if you want to watch these things go to watch for crappins

calm I'm sorry patreon.com slash watch for crappins and if you support on the crappins on demand level you can watch this even after even if it's like 10 days or million days later this will still, this will still be archived. So go check us out there. And if you're watching this live, if you click through to the YouTube video, you can leave comments. We already have several comments.

We see from Candy and Denise and Jay and Julia. So thank you guys for all being here and watching. This is so exciting. Socony? David? Jocasta All my girlfriends Amy Isom Lola Del Rio

T. Craig We're here with 50 of Ramona's best friends What an honor Wow Sandra, it's so nice having you here it's what we are so honored one of one of ramona's 50 best friends so um you know real housewives of new york i love the titles on real housewives of new york that they give the episodes and this one is called sheer madness so i was like oh my god is it about haircuts like is there a hairdresser or something i know did you

ever see i'm assuming you saw that, right? What? Sure. Mad. You ever see sure madness? No, it's like a play or something, but I never saw it. No. Is it about hairdressers?

Yeah. It's like a murder mystery. I saw it once on a school field trip to Washington, D.C., and we saw a production of sure madness. And the whole thing is that there's like three different endings. And I think depending on the audience, you get a different ending of like who did it. It was like when I was in eighth grade. Like Edwin Drood, which I starred in as a child. Not as Edwin Drood, but as the deputy, I believe my character's name was.

It was great. Anyone from the El Paso, Hawaii, Palau, would remember that production. But go ahead, Ben. Yes, no, I'm sure. I'm sure. Well, I mean, Sheer Madness is wonderful, but last time I checked, the one that was really selling out

was Sheer Cabaret. Sheer Countess. Sheer Countess. So we are recapping Real Housewives of New York. As Ronnie just said, Sheer Madness episode. Okay. Wow, what an episode. I love when there's a good episode for a live show. um so we are recapping real housewives of new york as ronnie just said she had madness episode okay wow what an episode i love when there's a good episode for a live show although with real

housewives new york it's kind of every episode but this one was i was dying well it's just like it depends on how you look at it you know a lot of people are looking at new york and they're like oh my god these people are in serious trouble why are we laughing at this it's like when you go into an aa meeting. You have to really adjust your expectations for the alcoholics you're about to meet. It can either be the best time of your life and you're about to hear some serious secrets, or it's going to be the most depressing day of your life. You just have to really adjust your expectations and learn to just sit back and enjoy it.

Yeah, I totally agree. What a great, great point, Ronnie. Yeah. I mean, some people look at AA like a very depressing thing. I look at it as like an information gathering session in case any of those fuckers become famous. I'll have shit to use against them later and get roles and things.

And if you think that people in LA are not trying to get not trying to advance their acting career by going to AA, you are sadly mistaken. Hell yeah. I'll go up there and improvise a whole scene i'll be like hi what's my name somebody anybody hi my name is get a name okay my favorite color is okay thank you okay so um i don't think there's anything else too urgent that we have to discuss so why don't we just dive into this okay okay, let's get into the show.

Okay. Okay. Well, I know it's gonna be a good day. I look for signs for things. I'm, like, really big on spirituality, so I look for signs. And today I saw a lot of grasshoppers. They were on my windows for some reason, which could mean the end of the world or that I'm gonna be rich.

I looked it up on the internet. One of those. Another good sign is Ramona starting off the episode with the previouslys, because she says it in my favorite way. Previously. Previously on my show. Previously on Ramona's living room. Kai. Previously in my family unit, which features Mario.

Kai. Oh, God. Yeah. In fact, I actually, I remember I was watching those previous leads and I was like, should I write notes about these previous leads? Or is Ronnie just going to write the notes? I was like, I think Ronnie's going to.

Well, we don't have to talk to him, you know? We don't have to talk about them. I just, I always write them. Because you just never know what you're going to see. You never know. Well, I remember when I watched the previous leads, I was thinking to myself they keep showing footage of leah getting like fighting with ramona and then leah being like i just want to be me i just want to be me so whenever they do

that i'm like okay shit's gonna go off the rails whenever they're setting up that there's gonna be a ramona leah issue usually there's chaos involved. Well, this whole previously section was dedicated to Leah being a mess. It was like her telling her mom that she drank and her mom being like, you're on a slippery slope with the alcohol. And then Ramona being like, you disrupted the weekend.

Okay, give me a hug then. Give me a hug then. So I was thinking this was going to be a huge Leah problem this episode. But I don't see how she was any worse than anyone else. Yeah, it wasn't really, but it's sort of loosely tied to the chaos at the end. By the way, our listener T. Craig wrote, he writes,

Leo's sister's bangs look like they gentrified my neighborhood. Yeah, those bangs definitely drink out of mason jars yes those things definitely change the face of brooklyn for sure and the eye level for sure yeah so we start off we're in scarpetta okay um and it's six days before ramona's big birthday party with her 50 closest friends and so she's like in this basement room i guess that they hold for events it's very depressing down there like i think a holiday in you know conference room would be sunnier than this dungeon underneath the scarpetta so uh she's there with leah and you know larry scott who's here i'm emulating today. Larry Scott. Larry Scott.

And they're going over the room. This is what has always bothered me about Scarpetta. Kay Scarpetta is a fictional character and protagonist in a series of crime novels written by Patricia Cornwell. Kay? Did you know that, Ben? No. Every time I hear Scarpetta, I'm like, I know Scarpetta. Maybe I've been to Scarpetta. I haven't been to Scarpetta.

What the fuck am I going to do in Scarpetta? I haven't been to scarpetta what the fuck am i gonna do with scarpetta i haven't been there but i knew the name guess what it's patricia cornwell okay medical emergencies well you know what i think scarpetta i think the guy who runs scarpetta i think his name is scott conant and i think he is one of the frequent guests or the frequent judges on chopped so oh sc, Scott Conant runs Scarpetta? I think it's Scott Conant. Whoever it is, whoever does run Scarpetta is... I would not eat at a restaurant of a Chopped judge. Their palates have got to be destroyed.

I'm looking it up. They eat cat shit, you know, it's like cat shit, worms, broccoli. Make a dessert out of it. Yeah, Scott Conant is like Scarpetta. Which makes sense, because Chopped is sort of like Ramona Singer. It's like, well, you know what? I'm basically like a basket. You never know what you're going to get.

Sometimes you get some chocolate. Sometimes you get a real estate maven, okay? Yeah. Chopped is very like, did I just break my water or shit my pants? I don't even know. I don't know the difference. You know what? Sometimes I like to put some bubble gum next to my smoked salmon okay i just want you to make something that's not my job it's your job okay so ramona is in super manic mode because

leah's there so she's kind of showing off she's like this room is gonna be completely transformed okay okay she's just like like a little bird you know her head's just like a little bird, you know, her head's just like twitching all over the place. And Lee's like, what is it gonna be transformed into? I mean, what is it? And she's like, it's gonna be transformed into Ramona's living room, Kai! Ramona's living room, Kai! It's like, at that point, why don't you just have a part in your living room? You literally have a mansion. Well, Larry Scott explains, yeah, her living living room if Ramona had a living room that

could fit 60 friends 60 friends and a telephone booth from England that has filled with licorice am I right so how many people hate Ramona because did you notice that the number changed pretty drastically in this she's like I have 60 girlfriends but then later it changed into 50 girlfriends i was like who are these 10 bitches who just decided they're not going to support you anymore and why are we pretending like this just never happened just uh you know there's like those are just women who don't support other women that's what that's what i think ramona figured that out pretty quickly she's like you know what yeah you don't support other women okay she's like you know what i have 60 girlfriends and you're gonna meet them okay but you don't support other women, okay? She's like, you know what?

I have 60 girlfriends, and you're going to meet them, okay? But we don't like to sit down, okay? We like to move around in groups. We like to move and groove, okay? I like this, like, pack of, like, there's a pack of, like, 50, 60-something ladies from the Upper East Side who just move and groove around tables, okay? They don't sit, they just move and groove

like a bunch of hyenas or something. Moving groove. Moving groove, okay? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And this poor guy who's like a representative of Scarpetta who's like standing behind Larry Scott and he keeps looking at the camera like Jim from The Office. Like, hmm. So then we go over to Dorinda's house and she's doing her makeup and Len's just standing there

with her. I think Len is never allowed to leave Dorinda's side anymore. So Dorinda's there and she's like, you really like this stick. You really got this stick in the mail. I just don't really like this stick anymore. Give me the stick. And she goes, oh, no, but Miss Dorinda, look, Miss D, look. It says better than sex. And she's like, all right, give it back to me. Give it back to me. I don't really like this stick, man. I really wish it were Kristen's makeup line, POC.

Featuring Carol Radziwill's contribution to the the branding why don't you name the color slide so then we go back to sonia and she is back in the basement of the townhouse yeah the townhouse is back she's in the townhouse whenever sonia's in the townhouse things go awry. She's in the townhouse. Whenever Sonya's in the townhouse, things go awry. So she's in the basement uncovering dead bodies. There's like a puddle there. She's like, why is there water here? Why is there water? Did Ramona give birth again in here?

What's going on? Sonya's that girl you never borrow anything from because she'll be like, hey, it's cold outside. Do you want to wear my sweater? Go ahead. Wear my sweater. And you give it back. She's like, the sweater didn't have holes in it. The sweater didn't have holes in it until you wore it.

What is this smell? I'm never going to get the smell of smoke out. This never was there. Because now she's acting like everything in the townhouse is somebody else's fault. She's coming back to you. She's like,

a leak? I never had a leak. If I were living here, I would have caught that leak. This is the problem with loaning your things to people. I'm surprised you didn't blame it on Tinsley somehow. Well, this is Tinsley's fault, obviously.

Ever since I let her answer the door for the hat man, things have just gone downhill in this townhouse. Yeah, and she tells us, I can't believe I'm back here at square one. I mean, I had a five-year renter for $5 million, but it was just too long-term. So here I am am back in boxes back in the basement with boxes of shoes and mammy's jars you know yeah renters just hate that

renters just or like landlords hate that when there's someone who wants to sign a five year long contract and you don't have to worry for five years about who's going to live in there that's just the that's just a nightmare for a landlord landlords like turnover they're like new people in there all the time all the time yeah she just glossed over that so i don't know if it was too long for the renter or too long for her but it it didn't sound right and i can guarantee you they were like why am i paying 10 million dollars a month or whatever the fuck it is to have some leaky shit of a running toilet they probably went down to the basement one time and got horrified you know there's mold in that house i mean girl yeah it's like the babadook is you know like showering over there yeah scary it's a scary place to be i

mean it's like the it's like the i feel like we could like reboot the people under the stairs and except having those people be the victims you know it's like they're the ones no kidding in this version the babadook is just like forced to be her intern she's like oh hi were you under the bed this whole time well call the dry cleaners for crying out loud get out here oh god so i met this guy i you know i don't remember where i don't remember if i met him from you know wednesday night with the gays or maybe it was that creepy picture book. Either way, he's a great intern. So then Luanne is giving her a dog a bath, and Luanne can't even get through one fucking dog a bath

without mentioning her cabaret. She's like, get that city smut off your legs. Guess what? He's feeling Giovanni. And she's on top of that wearing a tank that said feeling giovanni i just love the way that she just shames her westy also like oh get that dirty city smut off your paws tom i mean ashton aston now he said that to a lot of people she goes down she's like hi i would like a uh like a tall uh

caramel macchiato please and get that city smut off your hands barista so back at the uh ramona's living room party space guy uh ramona is still twitching all over the place to tinsley she's like i can't wait can't wait you know what what are you gonna wear what are you gonna wear you know what? What are you going to wear? What are you going to wear? You know what? Just don't expose your tits, okay? No exposure. No exposure, okay? You know what? A lot of my girlfriends are, like, blonde, petite, and they, I don't, I mean, I think they are.

I don't know. I don't really know them very well, okay? But, like, you know, with 16 women, it's going to be like, where's Ramona? Where's Ramona, okay? It's like, where's Waldo? Except Waldo is single and ready to mingle, okay? It's like where's waldo except waldo is single ready to mingle okay it's like you know what and ramona also said every ramona is on today she had like 20 let's face it 19 you know what she's like you know what a lot of my friends yeah sorry you read that part she's

like so you see i said you know what How about if everybody wears black and then I can wear red, kye? So we don't all look the same, kye? She's gonna look like a flashback on Vanderpump Rules. You know how they always, everything's always like in black and white, but then there's like one thing that's in color. That's Ramona. Yes. It's a detail in the background. Yes. When Vanderpump Rules decided they were Schindler's List. Yeah, exactly. Like, yeah, I really hate Vanderpump Rules. Vanderpump Rules. Could have done more.

So Larry's like, all right, so let me just get something straight here. We're not going to put in a dance floor, right? Because you're already going to be moving and grooving, right? That's what you girls do, right? So we're not going to do a dance floor, right? Okay. I just want to, okay. All right.

Hey, listen. I just want to say goodbye because i've got a bride that's waiting for me this is gonna be amazing let me let me come in for a kiss let me come in for a kiss okay oh no no you didn't okay i'm coming in for a kiss again oh no okay i missed him come in for a kiss again did you notice he went in for a kiss like five times he's so creepy he's like i've got a bride waiting for me you She's like, you know what? Maybe one day I'll be the bride. How about you guy over there? No, I can't with you, okay? Because you're a very nice guy, but I need a businessman, okay?

I need a businessman. I'm like, Ramona, no one is coming on to you. You just like, you triple assaulted this poor person who's just trying to get his job done. I know. Where's Ramona? Where's Ramona? So many people moving and grooving. So then Ramona goes,

normally I'd have Dorinda and Sonya to walk through with me, but the way that they acted at Larry's last time, and then we see like flashback of Dorinda being like, hey, it's coming at party. You know, I'm going to have a party for my first period. How about that? How about that?

Period party. I was like, that was embarrassing. And so Ramona's like, I've never been so excited for my birthday before. I'm so psyched. And Leah's like,

yeah, hopefully there's not going to be any drama, right? I was like, yeah, no drama, okay? I'm avoiding drama, okay? No drama for me. And if there's any drama,

you be my protector, okay? You be my protector, okay? I don't want drama with Dorinda. I don't want it with Sonya. I don't want it with all of my other girlfriends who are going to be here. I don't know. 61, 62, maybe 49. I'm not really sure yet.

I haven't checked my voicemail. I mean, my other friends are going to be here, and it would be embarrassing, okay? So it would be very déclassé. It's like, wow, she's really just hitting all the greatest hits. She also said a let's face it like five times yeah so leah's like um and ramona's scared that dorinda and sonia are gonna be there it makes me wonder like who's even gonna be there like i'm guessing it's gonna be a bunch of rich upper east side white ladies and like blonde hair it's gonna look like a maga rally pretty much kind of if a

maga rally wanted to like you know experiment with patterns arlene arlene we'll get to her um yeah so leah's basically promising to be ramona's protector from whatever it is that she needs to be protected from that she will probably cause in the first place yes so then uh we see Luann this oh god this scene this scene came right down from heaven didn't it this was just a this was a scene this was a scene that I have to thank the bravo gods for so you know this is one of those things it's it's a teachable moment right it's one of those things you can watch this show with your family and they're mortified and maybe don't agree on news. And you can be like, you know, you need explanation on why the country is protesting right now. Have a seat.

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So Luan shows up at a church. And we see a lot of blurred faces. So already this is... I'm already excited. I feel like when Luanne goes somewhere where no one wants to be seen with her, it's going to lead to good things. And then they do a close-up of chicken and waffle,

the menu that says chicken and waffles. And you can imagine Luanne being like, would you believe it? Someone put chicken and waffles together. That's crazy. Who would do that? Chicken and waffles together that's crazy who would do that chicken and waffles i saw their act chicken and waffles chicken and waffles ham and cheese thank you thank you i played the same roscoe's a week after they were there heard they were great so this guy named sam

comes up and he introduces himself and he's like welcome you know this is our dining area this is all these people here transitioning from prison you know they're in and out of prison getting their life acclimated and you know I'm so glad that you could I mean I know you know about that unfortunately you know what it's like right and Luann her body language is

hilarious her arms are so crossed they're like she's like she's like well I've uh i've almost touched my hands behind my back i'm this uncomfortable around all these poor people right now but i'm also concerned i'm very no thank you this is exciting and thank you for bringing up the fact that i'm a villain yes thank you thank you very much yes she's very like look at me look how comfortable i am i'm just totally at ease here with other fellow prisoners. Just totally at ease.

Just stay away. Stay away. Be nice to the poors. You never know when one of them is going to show up to clean your roundhouse. Am I right? Am I right? I mean, in a world where waffles and chicken go together, you can never be too certain about what's going to happen next. Am I right? Am I right?

What's next? Peanut butter and some kind of fruit? So she tells us, my eyes have been opened up to people who have been to prison for years. I mean, they come out of prison. They don't have jobs. They don't have homes. They don't have accompanists. They don't have a cabaret.

I mean, after I was incarcerated Incarcerated Because she did say she was incarcerated I was incarcerated I mean, it was shocking I actually called up my very good friend Eva DuVernay And I said, we have to make a documentary called 14th And it's about the 14 minutes I spent

Waiting for someone to clean the bologna sandwich off my face It's just going to be me Wrapped in a flag, but running Alright, that's what I want the bologna sandwich off my face. It's just going to be me wrapped in a flag, but running. All right. That's what I want the logo to be. I was incarcerated. Okay. The prison to cabaret pipeline must stop. That's terrible.

14. And then she's like, look, look at all these poor people. Hello, poor people. There's like one old guy sitting there like this paper up he's like he's like no there's a paper over his face like i haven't had to deal with enough shit in my life i gotta deal with this too oh my god oh god so um they're gonna be having a community meeting tonight i guess I guess Ed Luanda is going to be speaking. And she's like, well, I mean, I only spent one night in jail. One night!

Imagine what it would be like to be incarcerated over 20 years. I mean, how many bologna sandwiches can one person endure? Right at my head. Man, these people really must have learned how to swallow some mustard packets like a champ. I'll tell you that. So Sam, the guy who works here goes like well you know what i'm really excited to hear what you're going to talk about just well you know it's it's just my story yes the the plate luann's her her you know her that it was what was it a solid

four to five hours of dead man singing i can't even play monopoly anymore i mean do you know how hard it is for me to move my little shoe past the jail corner oh i was incarcerated so in her defense she does say well i only spent one night in jail you know so i can't compare to their story but yes you know when it when i said when that happened to me i said there's no way i'm not gonna help especially it'll at a venue that chicken and waffle have been to all on in artists supporting artists when you've been thrown in the clink and suffered hard times in the palm beach prison system sometimes all you can do is just give back to those who had to sit there next to a man who was also thrown in there because he ran a red light in his porsche it was just it was very

difficult a very difficult time for me oh she just keeps saying yeah uh julia here so she kept saying prison it wasn't prison it was not prison it was a big listen i'm not gonna i'm not gonna take away the fact that a night in jail is very traumatic i had some friends who had dui they're like uh it was awful like i know that that's traumatic i'm not gonna take that away and she and like you said she is really good about saying i only spent one night but it is hilarious this juxtaposition of luann saying i'm i'm just gonna tell my story about how you know i was arrested and I told the police officer I'm going to kill you all. And somehow I didn't have a finger laid on me by saying that. It was crazy.

Oh, my God. Yeah, her speech. Okay, so we get to the speeches, right? Well, let's also mention that Sonia arrives. I was like, oh, no, they invited Sonia to the speech? No. Sonia arrives in, like, a top with, like, those little bedazzled diamond things. And she's got all these shopping bags.

And one of her eyes is wonky so she walks in like I heard there was some waffle flavored chicken here or was it chicken flavored waffles? I'm not sure. Just here to be supportive. Oh my god, Chicken and Waffle are here. Hi! You know Luanne! Is anyone here interested

in an internship opportunity? I have a puddle in the basement. Could really use some work. So yeah, Sonia comes in in an internship opportunity. I have a puddle in the basement. Could really use some work. So yeah, Sonia comes in and she's like, wow, she's giving back in such a big way. So everyone has to turn off their phones.

I just was cracking up at Sonia. Like, oh. Thank God I'm not getting a lot of phone calls about my fashion line today. Oh, God. Century 21 might call. Okay, I'll still turn it off.

Turn it off. Okay, I'll do it. What about Pamela Rowland? Okay, I'll turn it off. Turn it off. So we get these speeches from the, not speeches, but stories sharing or whatever from the people in the meeting. And they're sad. One lady's like, I got here by the grace of God.

I learned serenity, and that's the most that I've learned through this and they're like yay and then the guy's like i did 30 years i'm 54 years old i was sleeping in my bathroom you know and then you couldn't move and all that stuff and um and it's like it's like a you know it's like serious shit you know like people have like really gone through hard hard shit and everything's learning by saying how we like wouldn't go back to crime and luanne's like well i guess now would be as good time as ever to work on those new crying skills i uh was practicing in the in the berkshires oh oh oh oh oh oh oh hi my name is Luanne.

And now the end is near, and so I face the final curtain, and my friends, let me say it clear. I'll state my case, of which I'm certain. I've lived a life that's full. I've traveled each and every highway, but more, much more than this. I did it my way! So, Narita, why are you crying over there? Oh, I was just hearing how this guy just was sleeping in his own bathroom and how he was able to have a toilet that worked for 30 years.

It just is so inspirational. It just reminded me of waking up in my bathroom this morning. I just didn't see it as such a sad story until now. So, Luan, they call him the wham and this guy sam's like uh so luan you seem a little emotional you're ready to talk oh yes the show must go on am i right everyone cabaret i don't know if you've been up on this anyway so then so she gives a monologue this is like Luanne's monologues this season have been so amazing. She's like, well, I'm Luanne de Lesseps.

Hold for applause. Thank you. And costume change. And this is my very good friend, Sonia Rita, who probably should have been alongside you guys in jail many years ago. Anyway, I got into trouble in Palm Beach. I got arrested for being intoxicated. I...

Sniffle, sniffle, sniffle. I closed the door to the bathroom. I insulted a police officer by hitting him in the head. Then I tried to resist arrest and I got charged with three felons. Three! So I know the pain.

I know the pain of what it's like to have shackles on your feet. Oh my god. And handcuffs on your wrists. The pain and the shame of having handcuffs that are actually a little bit too large so you can sneak out of them. Hey-o! Houdini! Houdini!

But you know, it made me rise, is what it did. I rose did I rose I rose from it And I had a look at myself And I looked at myself In the mirror And I said You know what

You need more glitter And I realized I looked fabulous And now listen I walk into department stores I pick out what I want to wear It fits like a glove And I still leave

Without paying And I'm not in jail For one second And that's my advice To you everybody and now I walk into a deli and I see a bologna sandwich I say you know what I'm not afraid

of you anymore I know what you did to me and what you did to all the prisoners bologna sandwich and I choose to eat you I have reclaimed the sandwich thank you oh my god so the main everyone's like, great. And some lady's crying like, oh, my God, that's Luann.

You know, like some fan of the show's back there like crying. Shackles. Shackles. Shackles. They literally took. Mary F. or Shackle. Am I right, boys? They literally took 50 different mustard packets and tied them together

and bound them around my feet. It was horrifying. Three, two, one. Hit it, shackles. Hit the cops, shackles. The love shackle is a place where you go

to get the shackles. Love shackles, baby. Okay, alright. So the main guy announces that Luan has agreed to work with them. You're the one who brought Schindler's List. Just one sec. So he's like, okay, we're going to have a spa day with Luan. Because that's what everybody needs, you know?

Listen, there's no reason for your cuticles not to be in order am I right girls and so girls what's gonna happen I'm gonna put on a hazmat suit and then I'm gonna take you to the nearest massage envy and whoever wants a massage can have one up to the three hour limit that I've

booked all right who's in I just wrote oh god this can't end well. But you know what, though? As much as we make fun, it looked like people actually were digging what she had to say, and they actually seemed genuinely happy. So, you know, at the end of the day, you know, people were happy. So who am I? Who am I?

Okay, who am I? Okay, just move it. Sackle, sackle, sackle. Sackle, sackle, sackle. Sackle your cycle cycle cycle cycle cycle your booty so they have a group hug um and now we go to avery and ramona walking down the street oh god avery sucks has avery always sucked this? I think Avery sucks the most to me because she's like Mommy! She's like yes Avery She's like I hate this song! I hate it! She's like could you change the song

for Avery? She doesn't like the song. I hate it! I love this. This makes me love her You know what Avery reminds me of? She reminds me of In a Fish Called Wanda. Remember how John Cleese's daughter daughter was named like Portia or Portia or something and everyone was yelling like Portia She's like but i have to run my horses daddy

well every time i see avery now i'm just like you little bitch uh but it's from that story not really anything in real life but she seems like an asshole she also seems kind of like an asshole in real life too i mean they've been like slowly throughout quarantine i feel like we always get some sort of story about something terrible that avery said on social media i think she got into trouble like a month ago right i don't know they'll be it's someone in the comments can tell us and we'll we'll recite it on yeah we'll read these youtube comments uh so she talks she's like oh my god mom i don't even know if I'm going to need this jacket, but tomorrow I will. And I'm like, yeah, what?

What's nuts, okay? When it's hot, when it's cold, the next day it's asking me if I can come party in my living room. I say, listen, weather, I've already got 60 girlfriends, okay? You know what we call this weather? It's like moving and grooving, okay? All these storm fronts, right? So they go to this restaurant, and Salvat salvatore is there yeah he's like the major day yeah he's like oh look at the little girl she grew up she's like no can you believe it don't i

still look 16 years old guess how old i i'm talking about the little one it's me okay and she's like you know what as a family mario and avery and i always loved going to get italian food and we always go wherever salvador went we get Italian food and we'd always go wherever Salvador went, we would follow him and just like go to Salvador and be like, I don't know how hard I had to how many restaurants do I have to go to before I lose them? How many?

Please, make me leave it alone. I know Salvatore's just been trying to escape. So Mario comes, guy. And it's like, you know what? I know that people don't really get my relationship with Mario because he does live in Florida full time, but when he comes in town,

we always make a night to go out as a family. Guess what? It works for us, okay? You know what? Avery enjoys it, and guess what? So do I, okay? And even Salvador loves it. Look at Salvador. He loves it look at Salvador

He loves it so much he's shaking in the corner okay And Mario's like Yeah when I saw Salvatore I got a flashback Ramona's like me too I remember when he called me and said hey Ramona Look at page six and I did And then my water broke or I pooped on the floor I don't remember which okay

Whoa remind me of this one time When I was a little girl and salvator called me and he was like guess what baby ramona i'm dead so you don't have to follow me around to other restaurants because i don't live anymore and this is my dead body releasing gas in the form of words to you boy and i was like wow that's so sad but guess what i found him and he's alive wow what a flashback and then this guy is just standing there with a bottle of wine like can i pour the wine the entire time please can i pour the wine so mario mario tells the story and he's like oh you're gonna love this okay your mother was pregnant with you and we just had an

appetizer and your mom said i have to go to the ladies room you know this bitch right she's like yeah i felt something go right through me okay i was like how much of this show has been about ramona dropping something out of one an orifice seriously you know i was like walking around the restaurant it was like bethany and home goods just everything everywhere you know what i'm saying okay and the waiter's like yeah i don't remember that night yeah it's like you dude that's crazy, I was working in the kitchen They're like, the crazy woman finally had the baby And she's out of the restaurant, we can celebrate

Yeah, she's like, I didn't even know what it was And goes, your water broke She goes, yeah, but I didn't know what it was, okay You know what, I was in Newport a couple weeks ago And I thought I was having another Avery Right in my white jeans, okay I was so excited, turned out not to be Avery It's not Avery And someone threw a ravioli at me too It was déclassé, okay? I was so excited. Turned out not to be Avery, okay? It's not Avery. And someone

threw a ravioli at me, too. It was déclassé, okay? So, um, uh, yeah, so she's like, you know, people don't get it, okay? Like, after everything he did to you, like, how could you even talk to him, okay? Like, you know what? You know what? You gotta let it go, okay? And ironically, Mario was very angry at me,

okay, after we got divorced. Maybe it's because I wanted to keep that giant mansion in the Hamptons. I don't know. But after we got divorced, I worked at it for the sake of Avery, okay? And guess what? We're not together as man and wife, but we're together as a family, okay? Aww. So she starts talking about her family, her living room party, and she's got 50 ladies coming now.

So I don't know what happened, but 10 people have been cut. And Avery's like, Mom, you don't even know 50 women. Come on. And she's like, and of course, Avery's bringing some of her friends. Listen, that's always what my friends wanted to do when I was Avery's age. Go party at my mom's birthday party. Yeah, seriously. Well, free booze.

Free booze. Don't discount free booze. When you're 23, seriously well free booze free booze don't discount free booze when you're 23 you want free booze you're down although i guess if you're like a girl in your i always had free booze yeah let's steal it from your parents liquor cabinet what the hell do i have to teach you people everything the first time i tried to do that i was in it was high school i had like just gotten drunk for the first time and so i was like oh i'm gonna like steal i'm gonna like pour myself something from my parents liquor cabinet and i poured myself like a shot of vermouth i was like never again never did it never stole from my parents it's like they knew they knew

just well i had like sharpie markers and i was with my friend and we were like okay let's put a marker to where the liquor is and then we'll drink it and then we'll fill it up with water to where the mark is well my parents would come home and be like why do why is there a marker on all the bottles whoops i got caught every single time also i was wasted so that i mean so ramona starts asking mario if he's in a relationship. And he's like, define relationship. Okay. Are we talking about, like, the girl that I'm seeing or the girl that I'm cheating on her with? Which one?

He's like, you know what? A relationship is someone you're excited to see when you read they're doing to Nanny on page six. And then you forgive them. And then they forgive you for something you don't even know what you did. And then you tell stories about going pee on yourself in front of the waiter at an italian restaurant and then they pay the bill that's a relationship guy and you win what and so he's like trying he's like just trying to avoid the question and every's like he's focusing on his golf mother and marion goes you know what marion squirms whenever i ask who he's dating. Oh, it's just a friend. It's just a friend.

Men. Who can figure them out, Kai? I love her insights into the world. Men. Kids. What's wrong with these kids today? Just you wait and see. Kids.

So, yeah. She's like, I love you. Avery's like, well, I love you both. It's really nice when we can be together hate this song mother i hate this song but it's really nice that we can be together and i love you and runnick goes you know what mario actually i love you and he's like that's so sweet that's so sweet you know what you're supposed to say i love you to back, okay? He's like, I love you to back. So next we go to Leah and her sister. What's her buns? Bangs.

I forgot her name. Professionally bad bangs. Bangs. Sarah? I think it's Sarah or bangs. Sarah bangs. No, Ramona does not tip well. Vicky asked on YouTube, do you think ramona tips well no

no ramona does not tip well she'll be like you know what here's a tip men am i right what's the deal with men these days yeah ramona could do a good seinfeld uh-up But it would be about things that like everyone Like everyone actually has the answer to You know like You know what? Cars What's the deal with cars? How do they work?

Well actually there's an ignition and there's an engine and there's wheels I mean wheels What's the deal with wheels? Oh okay so She's with her sister And they are going to that spa the russian spa yeah so uh this place brian moylan and his vulture recaps apparently talks about like having gay sex parties and stuff in this spa perfect which is hilarious and if you guys don't read his vulture recaps go right away it's very talented person okay um but it cracks me up and it also just skews me out watching these ladies

and then the guys in there are just so gross it's like watching multiplicity starring me it's like myself and multiplicity in the background watching a bunch of old sponges walking around in towels so it's like's like 40 Ronnie's in there just like walking around shirtless like hey so Sarah is basically like you like the cashmere I'm wearing you like the cashmere because I always work cash mirror to the Russian spa do you like the cashmere and Leo's like yeah like my shirt it says no fuck boys allowed and you know that somewhere in manhattan carl was like wow hey well you look great by the way but uh i'm on carl i'm called uh 5.0 so i'm not really a fuck boy anymore leah so you want to hang out yeah sorry you let

me on oh yeah i just want to oh leah leah i said i want to take it slow leah i want to take it slow so leah tells her sister that the weekend at Dorinda's was really great, and that Tinsley's gone, which breaks her heart. But, you know, she's got her fairytale princess thing. She's got her castle in the sky now. Do I send you the picture? I mean, I guess she's like Beauty, and he's the Beast or something. And they show the picture, and it is, in fact, some kind of Beauty and the Beast.

They're like, yeah, like, Kinsey's dressed like a princess, and he's dressed like a prince, it looks like they're at Disney World in front of the castle, and they're posing, and you just see the pure look of regret in his eyes. He's like, oh god, why? Why did I agree to do this? Why am I seeing this woman? And the sister's like, um, I mean, I get woman and the sister's like um i mean i get beauty the beast but i mean he's a millionaire and he's like yeah you're not supposed to have like a poor beast

she's right by the way if you're doing the beauty and the beast thing and you like go for a poor beast then why why even bother yeah go for a tom not a jacks notice that like the the beast and be the beast lived in a bomb-ass castle okay like if that beast were just in a like you know gargamel's you know hovel there's no way bell would be like bye i'm figuring out a way to get out of here yeah you only have to learn to love ugly people when they're loaded okay thanks walt disney tell me walt disney hasn't taught our kids something. That's right. So, Leah starts talking about how she had, like, a really lovely, sweet moment with Ramona in the Berkshires.

And then you see this flashback of Ramona basically being like, you know what? I lost my mom, okay? And, like, let's say your mother, God forbid, dropped dead tomorrow. Do you feel like you have a good relationship, a good place with her? And then, of course, they just start to cry. She's like, please make it right with your mommy,very make it right with your mommy avery it's like yeah you make it right with your mom because she could drop dead guy um and um she's like yeah you know and so i came back and i'm feeling i guess you know what i guess i want to get close to mom because like she's older now and like she

took care of me so like now it's my time to like maybe make an effort with mom and her sister's like oh really well you know what mom said she said like she just doesn't like you because like you guys just don't like the same things and like i mean look she says she doesn't like me either but like at least i make an effort so yeah at least we share bangs so um i love i love the role of ramona and and what's her name bunny bonnie whatever in leah's life because when things are going well with ramona she then has like a sunnier disposition towards her mom but when things go wrong with her mom she hates ramona like she has like she clearly like projects her issues with both of them onto each other. Because as soon as Sarah

says, well, guess what? Mom doesn't like you. Then Leah, now she hates her mom again. And now she's going to hate Ramona again. Yeah. She's like, well, that's fucked up. And that is fucked up. And that's such a sibling thing to do. That's so me and my sister. It's like, oh, you had a good time

with mom? She called you Pat. Really? Really? Yeah, she said that your face is looking more and more fake every day. And she's like, well, you know what? By the way, this is right after she said, I just don't want to act like a teenager with her anymore. Well, I'm going to get all the plastic surgery

that she's ever seen because all I've ever had was my lips and the Botox so she can see it all. I was like, way to go with that not be a teenager mandate yeah it's not working out great oh by the way last week i brought up the uh sketch behind leah and her in her diary room session so i was like what is that a like a wanted poster in the old west it is her mugshot that her dad did a pencil drawing of and she hung as artwork in her house. It's great. Which is badass.

I like that. So now Leah is fired up, and now it's the day of the big party. We're at Scarpetta, and Ramona is checking out her basement living room party, and she's like, oh my god, I'm going to cry, okay? It's just so beautiful.

Wow, I've never seen anything more beautiful. Fluorescent lights up there, tables with tablecloths, a bar that says, welcome to Ramona's living room. Whoa, this is, whoa, you know what? This reminds me of this one time when I was a little girl, and I was like, I want to have the most beautiful birthday party I've ever had in my life. And then Geraldine Parsons-Smith said, you know what you're going to get instead? A can of tuna fish.

And to this day, every time I have tuna fish, I open up the can and say, happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to Ramona. She only deserves tuna salad, okay? I don't know. I don't know where that was. That went in a weird direction. I just decided I have to see it out.

I have to see it through. That's the nature of the Geraldine Parsons-Smith story. And Larry's like, I thought you were going to wear red today. What are you doing? Is this how you're dressing for the party? No, this is where I get my makeup on. Ah! Ah!

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Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! So then over at dorinda's house uh leah comes over len is there and leo's like oh my god len what's up and then it's like oh you look so young um she's like she is young what are you talking about she's a young girl all right thanks len believe me she doesn't say that to me in the morning. And did you hear how Dorinda... I didn't hear if you said this or not. Sorry, I was reading comments.

But Dorinda goes, hey, hey, look, look, it's Len. This old bag here. I was like, damn. I kind of like the storyline of Dorinda just being abusive to Len. Well, it's possible that Dorinda just had an old bag hanging around. Because that's very Dorinda. Hey, I got an old bag. Look at this old bag sitting right here next to me. No, it's possible that Dorinda just had an old bag hanging around. Because that's very Dorinda. Hey, I got an old bag. Look at this old bag sitting right here next to me. No, not you, Lynn. I'm talking about

the actual old bag. Hey, put it down, John. It's hot. So then we cut to Sonia with her intern Matt, who is helping her fix a toilet or something. And he's so one of Sonia's interns. He's just like the picture of Sonja's intern, okay?

He's wearing a lace see-through shirt and a ponytail and really high-waisted mom acid-wash jeans and looking at the toilet and acting like he's taking notes on things like, Toilet! Got it! Toilet! Got it! Running toilet! Got it, girl!

Got it! Oh, poor Sonja. got it running toilet got it girl got it oh poor poor sonia she's so basically like she had a toilet that wouldn't stop running which is what caused the leak and um uh and she's just taught she's just starting to talk crazy she's talking about how she's you know she's like i'm paying rent at columbus circle and then i got all this overhead at the townhouse and then i'm also just you know giving head just on the street it's just a lot it's a lot to take in right now it's like and you know and then this guy he comes in here and he just starts running the water and i get a bill for hundreds of dollars because he's just running the water in the toilet it's like because your toy that runs how are you gonna blame the

renter for your toilet running yeah like i'm sorry but uh your palm pilot is not flushable okay that's what happens yeah and matt's just like got it running water got it got it got it down wrote it down so then back at dorinda's dorinda's like you guys hey right dorinda's doing that thing where she's standing behind the kitchen counter and so she's in control of her domain and so she's just marching back and forth. She'll say one thing and then march over to the toaster and grab a knife and be like, let me tell you something. And then march over to the faucet. It's really fun to watch. It's that sort of authority that Susie Fogelson would have really loved on Food Network Star.

I love what you're doing behind the table there. I love what you're doing behind there. All I need you is just more eye contact. Thank you. Thank you. So she's like, hey, march, march, march What's going on with Sonia? And Leah's like, yeah, I mean

I've been thrown out of bars, but not for a while And so we find out The drams Yeah, Sonia was kicked out of A bar in Philadelphia's Gatorhood The same bar that Ronnie and I went to After our Philadelphia show Our first Philadelphia show, set of

shows, where we, it was like a piano bar, gay bar with, you can see karaoke. So she got kicked out of that, which is amazing that we lasted in a bar longer than Sonia. No kidding. And she got kicked out for singing Hello Dolly. Yeah, they were persnickety there, if I remember

correctly. I think they were like a little persnickety. So they just were like, this is not bet and it's not time. So get her out of here. Yeah. So Jorinda's like, well, I went to Philadelphia to see Sonia speak at Wharton, which there's so much rich. Okay, let's just end that sentence right there. What is happening at Wharton? Wharton, one of the best business schools in America, perhaps even the world.

And they had Sonia Morgan speak there. What is going on with Wharton? What is happening? Yeah. So we get a clip of Sonia's speech. And she's like, yeah, so I dated a lot of celebrities. From Bert and Ernie. He was nice.

The old guy from Law and Order. He was very talented. Billy Idol, he's a vegetarian. And everyone kind of laughs uncomfortably. She goes, and I had a toaster. And everyone really understood the toaster. They identified with it. And I said,

listen, you're all much happier than me. And you're probably getting laid a lot more than me too. My point is, be yourself. What? What is this speech? You know, I spent years just, you know, I put Eggo waffles in that toaster. I put chicken McNuggets. Never thought you could put both in the toaster

at the same time. Chicken and waffles. Who would have thought? Thankfully, Annie Lennox told me about that. Now this is the speech that Luanne should have been giving in that meeting. I know. So, yeah.

So, so Sonya gives this crazy speech in Wharton to these kids. I still don't even know why. I still don't understand why she's there. But, so then we find out that basically afterwards, Luanne and Dorinda went back up to New York city, but Sonya stayed and got kicked out of the bar.

And Dorinda's like, it's kind of heartbreaking you know I kind of I kind of wish I'd stayed I'm like did you wish you'd stayed to take care of her or just to just to watch and yell at her afterwards I know but I love how dramatic it is when they're not there like the only reason it was dramatic is because they weren't there this has happened every episode this season and last season and, and the season before. What are you talking about? They're acting like Sonya's just acting so unlike herself. She's not.

I just, like, don't understand why Bravo cameras were not there to see her get kicked out for her Hello Dolly performance. Like, how bad was that performance? If you're singing Hello Dolly, perhaps like a national anthem for gays, and you get kicked out because of it? What happened? She was probably on the piano. I mean, God. Okay, so anyway, Sonia, back over at Sonia's, now she's got a carpet guy over there. And she's like, you know, carpet salesman guy, I had a choster one time.

Do you know Bert from Bert and Ernie? God, he's hot. So I need some carpets over there. But I was thinking cheap things, you know, disposable. I'm thinking probably disposable carpets are back. You know, I once had that bear from Snuggles. You know, Snuggles the bear? She came in here.

She made a huge mess. I was like, you know what? From now on, cheapo carpets. I'm not having any of these ridiculous Snuggles bears ruining my townhouse. I mean, look at this carpet. It was 52 grand. Can you believe that? it would know 250 grand actually i flew it here on pan am when that was still a thing i actually was i actually paid for

it it was it was it was actually like it was 100 grand like as in i had to i actually bought a bunch of those candy bars and just paid with those candy bars it's a great deal great deal um and he's just like horrified like what do you want lady what do i have that you brought over on pan am like when that was still an airline this is why pan am went out of business because they probably got infested with whatever was in that carpet yeah they brought back the cooties from wherever so So Elise is now at Dorinda's house, and they start gossiping about this story. And Leah's reading the story out of page six. It's a very big character.

So then we go back to Sonia, and Sonia's like, you know what? Normally carpet guy. I'm like, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Which is why I let the law and order guy age the way I did. Come to think of it, I should have taken a glue gun to him. Really. He could have used it you know i'm just you know i mean here i am filling up this house with chachis no i didn't miss i didn't say chachki wrong i i actually mean like scott

you have a lot of scott yeah yeah a lot of ass grabbers here yeah and he's like well you know what you should do is probably try and just make it new. She's like, oh my god, my toilet's running. That's the third time I've fixed that. I cannot sleep tonight with that toilet running. And Matt's just like, got it. I'm writing notes about it. Toilet running still. Got it, Sonia.

Oh my goodness. So then we go back to Dorinda's apartment. And Leah's constipated uh which is which is fun and uh elise is like well girls i got some news that's gonna blow your socks off i took ramona out for her birthday yesterday yeah crazy elise at your service and uh during this uh, Leah's like, yeah, well, um, I'm just sick of the judgment from Ramona, you know? I mean, I was with her at Scarpetta, and she's like, Leah, make sure you wear something, like, that's covering you, okay?

And make sure you're not spelling out of it. And Dorinda's like, march, march, march. Who is saying the same thing to you? Who is saying the same thing? and she's got her hand up and she's like you know what I got exactly what you're gonna wear I got exactly so then Dorinda like marches into her room

and then we just sort of see her rummaging just like hold on I know exactly let's see I got some old cardboard okay I got look I got, look, I got a styrofoam beam that you can wear that.

Okay. Yeah. Look. Oh, look. Look what I found. You can wear this. Hey. Look.

Actually, I forgot to mention that this came in the mail today. You really should be on the pump's dog. I took that little fucker right from a glove compartment. I do want to mention, I totally forgot to mention,

this arrived for us today in our crappin's mailbox. What is it? Lou's Survival Kit. It's a box with a picture of Luanne de Lesseps on it and she's standing with some skincare

and it says, Lou's Survival Kit. For the next time, you're shackled around some chicken and waffles. So nauseous, the French saying saying she looks good for her age which is like so passive-aggressive women are constantly asking for my skin scarce skincare secrets here is my day and night routine and one simple toolkit barbara made easy i'm excited to collaborate with so nause a woman-owned botanical skincare system

made with nature's purest ingredients and cruelty free i've been a fan for years sonaj you look good for your age comes with a skeleton key just in case you might need it girls i like that she's not like look i invented a hell of care thing she's just like i like the skin care now you can buy it with my face on it i like that so um dorinda's going crazy and she finds like some you know strappy bra or whatever to put on and so leah puts it on and elise goes mark my words ramona says everyone has to wear black which means she's gonna show up in a bright color like red or something watch you just gotta least yeah you gotta least oh so everybody's all up in arms now leah's made everybody super mad and um leah's like i mean you know there's

mean girl ramona then there's decent Ramona. And Elise is like, she doesn't mean to be mean when she gets like that. And Dorinda's like, stop it. She's a 63-year-old woman, and she knows exactly what she's doing, right? Dorinda hates when somebody sticks up for somebody that Dorinda hates. Like last season, it was Barbara and Luann. This is bullshit, okay? You know what?

This is bullshit. If I remember correctly, I'm not sure if this happened, but in my memory this is what happened. It really seems to work. Is that she then leaned over her kitchen counter thing and was like, you know what? Then she's an unaccountable bitch, okay? That's what she is, all right? Unaccountable bitch. She's what she is right unaccountable bitch he has that home syndrome okay stack home yeah you got stack home syndrome that's right you know what she likes to be batted go for it then go for it get batted and then she pulls out a huge like drag queen boob

plate yeah she's like i'm gonna wear this so now we now it's finally time the big party has arrived and um so we actually see the bar and then it's like written on the bar everyone goes to ramona's living room what what sort of slogan is that for a party like why would you have that on your bar at a party it doesn't even make it everyone goes to Ramona's living room, which is ironic because we actually all went somewhere else that wasn't her living room. Yeah. And it's like a huge glitter sign that took so much glue and work. You know, I just feel sorry for whatever queen got stuck on that. Like, really?

Yeah. So everybody starts. Well, first Ramona's like, whoa, man, you're a squad paddler guy. And of course, she's wearing like bright pink. Yes, exactly. And she's with her sister Tanya, who we haven't seen in several seasons. And then she's like, whoa, whoa, Tanya, look, look over there. Do you want to make a call?

Do you want to travel in time? Because it's a red British phone booth, okay? Guess what? It's not really. It's actually just a bunch of twizzlers hanging from a rack inside a telephone booth why i'm not sure but there it is okay yeah that was pretty weird so then luanna son sonya comes to pick up luanna in the car and uh she's like she's like you're a sight for sore eyes why does Ramona try to be cool and have these things downtown?

We all live uptown. I didn't even want to come. I mean, I wasn't invited last year, and I didn't even want to be invited, except I wanted to be invited, so I said I couldn't come. But you know what? Ramona, Nancy, Lucia, Wondergarden, Pamela Morgan, they were all at my baby shower. And then Ramona's like, these are my friends for a long time.

And I'm like, yeah, through me. Like, whoa. Whoa, that running toilet has really taken its toll on Sonia. Yeah, there is something. She was triggered by that. She's definitely having some Vietnam flashbacks. But in terms of Vietnam, it's just still like yesterday. So then we do see a flashback where I guess Ramona had a dinner party in her place.

And Ramona's like, you know what? All these girls, they made me whole. Without these 50 women at my party, I would not be where I am today. They supported me. They fed me emotionally. And Sonya's like, I'm saying they're not there for you. We're there for you.

Lorraine's like, well, you you know i know how sonia rolls she's gonna let ramona have a nice party and then at the end of it she'll hit her in the head yeah exactly sonia what is like on a tear about this someone put it in her head that ramona doesn't treat her right probably dorinda and she is like because she is so furious at that flashback she's like she's like we're gonna be there so shut the fuck up about that i'm like whoa so then we cut back to ramona just dancing by herself like elaine bennison all by herself pulling up her skirt like and then now we start to friends it's christine! Christine, friend number one. Whoa, look, Christine, look what I'm wearing. It's Christine Jewels,

okay, because I support my friends. I'm wearing gems by Christine's Jewels by Christine's Gems, okay, because I support other gems by other women who have other jewelry stores, okay? Okay. Poor Christine. Christine looked like a local news anchor from

like a station in, I don't know, like rural. I don't even know. Her hair was really special. It just had a lot of architectural qualities. It was designed by Frank Gehry. I think she took a nap before. She got all ready to go and then laid down and then got up. Like, it's my turn.

I hear my ding so then uh while she's saying hi to christine then wow breakout breakout star of the night although she's been breaking out for many many years arlene or as we call her marion beanstalk comes in and marion beanstalk has been trying to get more and more attention at these parties when we when there was the fashion week episode a few weeks ago when they went to the Pamela Rowland show, Arlene was there and she was on the red carpet. She was doing the step and repeat and she had a look. And this time she was like, you know what? Enough of this bullshit.

It's time for me to get on the show. If Elise can get on, I can get on. I'm Marion Beanstalk and I'm going to wear every pattern on my forehead, on my chest on my pants, on my ears I'm doing it baby Yeah she sure did. She looked like a windsock So she came in and Luanne and Sonia

are coming down the stairs and Sonia of course has a tag hanging off her jacket and Luanne's like, your tag is showing Sonia Rita She's like, oh well, you know I just wait to the last minute to take things off. And then before you know it, it's time to go. And I can't find the scissors. I mean, it's getting embarrassing.

It really is. Neither one of them is in black, by the way. Yes. Sonia is in glitter and like a fur, like a gray fur jacket. And Luann's in red. Oh, God. They love just like saying fuck you to her. And so then Averyvery is um every is there

with her friends and she's like what's the deal with this slogan mom she's like whoa you know because i always entertain in the hamptons and the city like we hang out so everyone goes to the living room okay get it she's like great morning mom um and then friend number 14 now we're up to number 14 it's carol alt former supermodel carol r alt wow yeah whoa big straws bonus like remember me and you carol whatever your face is remember when we were out really late the other night we had so much fun it was like seven in the morning as luanne comes up to say hi and's like, oh, you're supposed to wear black. It's like, I guess they're not my real friends, okay?

Because they don't even pay attention to dress codes, guys. But my other friends, they say, aren't even my other friends. Listen to the dress code, guys. Yeah. You know what? Maybe next time you should spend more time with my good friend, Carol Alt, okay? Carol Alt. Everything she says is just, like, totally correct, okay? She should start a movement called the Carol Alt Right, because she's always right.

Carol Alt Right. You should run for office. Alt Right, okay? So then, um, Sonia is now... Sonia's, like, coming... It's weird. It's like, we know that she's hammered just because it's Sonia, but she's, like...

She has, like, a bee in her bonnet, you know? And so she's tellinged just because it's Sonia, but she's like, she has like a bee in her bonnet, you know? And she's, so she's telling Elise about the townhouse and she's just sort of like monologuing about how the townhouse is going wrong and yada, yada, yada. And this woman,

Pamela shows up. I don't know if it's Pamela Rowland. I don't think it was, but she's friend number 20. And, uh, you know, Sonia just is like,

yeah. And you know, like, you know, Pamela, like, you know, Ramona just knows all these people through me, right, Pamela? And she's just like going on and on and on. I know, it's so uncomfortable for that poor lady, and she's trying not to say anything shitty, you know?

And Sonia's like, well, I was out of town this weekend because my girlfriend had a girlfriend whose mom was dying, so that happened. And I get back to the house because I have a renter coming at three and there's another lady at my baby shower 20 years ago oh my god there's another stolen friend hello other stolen friend sonia yeah and then missy shows up so we get missy and then we just hear ramona saying you know what i'm tickled red instead of tickled pink i'm tickled red because i'm actually wearing red tonight. No? I'm like, actually, we're wearing pink, but okay, fine. So then Ramona's hugging Colleen, friend number 32. Ding! Ramona's like, how many years

we've been friends, okay? Like, 30? Lady goes, since birth. And she goes, yeah, because we're only 30. Ah! Ah! So then, uh, Leah's standing right behind her and she's just being ignored like no matter where she turns ramona will put her back to her more yes so she moves over there ramona just faces away from her again yeah and leah's just this is and by the way leah is the one that ramona was like you're you're

gonna come and protect me from the drama she was really making leah sound like leah was going to have like elite status at this party and instead of leah walks in and she's just fully just ignoring her yeah aggravated ignoring not only is she ignoring her, she's simultaneously telling Colleen, you know what? All these people in this room are so special to me. They're all so special. I'm like, you are actively ignoring one of those special people standing right there. So then back at the other conversation, Sonia's still going off and Dorinda comes in. And she's like, Sonia, I've been calling you for days.

I've marched back and forth in my kitchen 37 times. Where have you been? She's like, well, I got back at 2 a.m. because my girlfriend of my girlfriend, well, her mom died. I mean, I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I come back here, and boom, she's dead. I mean. Sorry for the inconvenience, Sonia.

So Dorinda's like, oh, yeah? Well, what about this picture Ramona put on Facebook with her and her other friends? And Sonia's like, yeah, she didn't post me and Dorinda's like, oh, yeah? Well, what about this picture Ramona put on Facebook with her and her other friends? And Sonia's like, yeah, she didn't post me and Dorinda or Luann. I mean, what the hell kind of friends are those? Yeah, because apparently someone, like, put up a photo that said happy birthday, Ramona. And so she kind of just, like, re-grammed it. And so Sonia was mad that she wasn't in it and she knew these people.

And Lisa's like, no, what happened was someone tagged her, so she put it up there. And Dorinda's like, but where's the picture of us? Where's the picture of us? Why wouldn't she put up a picture of her best friends who just yelled at her publicly at a party for Halloween? Where's that picture? You're delusional.

And you keep making excuses, Elise. You sound very weak. You're like a battered woman. You're like a battered woman you're like a battered woman so is that how we treat battered women now you're weak you're weak that's how dorinda this is like exactly dorinda's uh play from last year the exact same thing yeah so ramona's talking to pauline friend number 45 yep pauline and then l. And then Luanne's like, what? Oh, Leah's just sort of like, I feel weird here.

This is like crazy. And so she is just like looking around. And then we see a group photo of like Ramona with a bunch of friends. And then right at the last second, right before the photo goes off, Narit, friend number 50, jumps in. And when it hits 50, it goes ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. The post-production is so shady on this show. Oh, it's so good.

So Dorinda goes up to Ramona. Dorinda is hating Ramona's guts right now, but she just goes up to her really fake. She's like... Ramona, you're a great... Concerned she just talked so much shit about Ramona in the other corner she walks up like you look beautiful yeah she said she's wonderful you look great you look great and so ramona figures like dorinda's being so nice so she tries to cut her off at the quick and she's like you

know what larry scott like he came up to me and he really pulled it out today and i tried to give him a check and he said no ramona this is all for you okay so that's what happened and dreda just turns it goes right to the camera sure sure i could be from the office also sure sure so then um ramona now finally ramona's talking to leah and she like, you know what? Can I just say you look very beautiful tonight? Okay. Whoa. Are you completely naked underneath? I mean, it doesn't matter.

You know why? You look hot. And also, there are no guys here. Okay. You know, if there were men here, you know, if there were men, since there's no men, you could be as sexy as you want. But if there were men, I'd be like, whoa, you can't do that. I'm going to throw Ravioli back at you.

Then wait and do that for weeks and weeks and weeks. Okay. I can't do that. I'm going to throw Ravioli back at you. I've been waiting to do that for weeks and weeks and weeks, okay? It's like, first of all, this is like a normal Kamali suit, so... It's like, you know what? It's okay, because it's no mint, okay? Otherwise,

I would tell you to wear a slip. It's okay. It's like, oh my god, you're keeping it really real right now, Ramona. By the way, Amyism on YouTube now, Ramona. By the way, Amyism on YouTube says that Ramona gave out Ageless as a party favor. Of course. Ageless. Have some Ageless, okay?

Have some Ageless, okay? Have some Ageless, okay? So now Dorinda and Lou and Ramona are talking, and Dorinda's... Or Sonia. Louanne and Dorinda are talking to Ramona about Sonia, because they think that she's sad. Which, by the way, it's funny that Dorinda is, like, really going hard on this point that Sonia's really sad about something.

Which is true, but the fact that Dorinda's going so hard about that is, like, the ultimate deflection about the fact that Dorinda is clearly in an equally, if not worse, place. Yeah, I think every friend that I get fucked up with, we leave each other, and the next morning, it's like, I can't hang out with him anymore. He's an alcoholic. I mean, he's really, he's got some problems, that one. So they're talking about what a mess she is, and page six, and all that.

And then the WAN starts this, like this like well sonia's getting to the point where she's just off the rails with the drinking i mean you know usually she'll reel it in but now she's drinking and the pole's way out there there's no fish inside it's just sonia then chicken and waffle need to take the stage where's sonia nobody knows the point is you haven't really lived until you've been in shackles, which is something I'll be expressing in my new one-woman show, Luann Went to Jail and Lived to Tell About It. Thank you.

Thank you. So Sonia's like, oh, Ramona, sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a black thing that I'm supposed to wear. And she's like, whoa, you know what? I want you to look like this because you're my best friend, and it's your B-Day, in like a week or something. It's like a week, Ramona. Yes, that's what I said, okay? It's the 25th.

24th, Ramona. Yeah, 24th. That's a shwine. That's a shwine, okay? You know, because your birthday is coming up in February. And it's going to be a really fun time. No, it's like in a week. In a week from February.

So it's really in March. Wow, you have still so much time before your birthday. Exactly what I said. So Dorinda announces that it's time to take a trip to Mexico. Yeah, so she's like, hey, I got a really great idea, okay? You know what? Like, you know what? I was like, I hate this weather, okay?

And I thought that, like, why don't we go to Mexico, and we can go to Cancun, and then we can get drunk, and Luan can fall in the bushes again. You want to roll the flashback? You want to roll the flashback? There it is. There it is, the flashback. I fell into a bush.

Hit it, boys. And Ramona's like, okay, Leah, you can come. No torch throwing, okay, lady who's naked under her dress? Okay? Yeah. is like okay leah you can come no torch throwing okay lady who's naked under her dress okay yeah uh so um and then and then leah's like um i wish ramona could just like let things go and just let me be me i mean like let me live my life let me live my life mother i'm like teenager things going really well it's going really well so it's time for a speech ramona comes up and she's like hello it's me ramona okay it's my classy voice she's slapping her microphone yeah slaps the microphone andrew is like wow that was sexual it's like poor john oh my god it's not sexual it's like throwing up

and beating the crap out of her penis? What the hell? So, she's like, you know what? I want to thank everyone for coming here tonight because I've been on a long journey with all of you and I'm not just talking about carpooling back from the Hamptons. Anyway, some of you have been 30 years,

some of you have 20 years. All I know is that I met you all through me and not through anyone else like Sonia, okay?ia okay yo what i just wanted to thank you guys for making me realize how much i love myself like okay okay ramona um david clay on youtube says dorinda talks like someone flipping channels on tv that is such a beautiful way to put that david thank you you know what you've all helped me in so many ways well except for sonia but i sold my apartment in june and then i like flipped out i was like getting depressed it was crazy okay and so i woke up on sunday morning and i thought oh my god i'm all alone i'll never have anyone in my life as a man and that really sucks but

because of all of you even arlene and her crazy patterns, I realized that I love myself, okay? Oh, oh, oh, oh. She tries to do her crying thing, but it's fake. And suddenly he's like, oh, here we go. Here's the fireworks. Same old speech every year. Now we can get back to drinking with 90 other women. Yeah.

And when she says, you know what what i realized i love myself dorinda goes yeah i gave you a dildo for that and then ramona goes actually i like to use my hand i don't like dildos i was like oh that's not the yes and i was looking for yes hand so then dorinda takes uh sonia's side for the big talk she She's like, Sonya, let me ask you. Look, you know what? I think we've gotten very close. Do you agree? Do you agree that we've gotten very close?

And then we see a clip of Dorinda being like, squat. That's the way to go. Squat. Or you could do a leg lift. Or you could do a leg lift. That's a good one, too. And it cuts back. Yeah.

And she's like, you know what? Your kindness abounds everything and i think you're suffering i mean you got kicked out for singing hello dolly in a gay bar that's very sad i worry about you you know and when i don't hear from you for four days i wonder did you fall down and your face is in the toilet that's been running for three days in total i don't know what's wrong with you son Sonia. And Matt's just like, I got it. Don't worry. I took notes about it. Running toilet. Got it.

So they start talking. Sonia's like, well, I don't want to call you guys just to complain. And it's like, we're here for that. We're here. I'm your raft. You know when you need to climb up on your raft? When you're in the water, you need a raft. And Luan comes over. It's like, call us, Sonia. Sonia, just call us. When you're in the water, you need a raft. And Luann comes over.

She's like, call us, Sonia. Sonia, just call us. And so now it's the thing. You're just not sobbing to us enough, so we're worried about you. No, that's not the problem, okay? You're a drunk ass. You're showing your ass wherever you go. Get your shit together, okay?

No one needs to hear, just call me more. Your ass isn't going to answer every time she calls anyway. You a drunk you need to talk bethany gave you you're a drunk also i love that dorinda offers her help by like referencing what is probably the most flimsy watercraft there is in the world of vessels right like a raft she's like yeah i'll just listen i just put a bunch of twigs together And tied them with some string Hop on board, we'll get there, it's fine, it's totally fine Call me, I'll throw a stick in the water while you're drowning Hooray

Just call me Meryl Streep and you're on the River Wild So Sonya's like, okay We're gonna do this scene, okay Ha ha ha, I'm just so upset all the time I'm just scared, girls I'm scared She's like, this is I'm just scared, girls. I'm scared. She's like, this is what I wanted. This is what I wanted from you.

So then we see Ramona on the other side of the room opening a gift. And she's like, oh my god, it's a purse. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for my purse. It's like her first purse she ever got in her life. She's just like, oh my god.

I've always wondered if there was some sort of special little bag I could put my things into. And here it is. It's just like, oh my god, I've always wondered if there was some sort of special little bag I could put my things into, and here it is. It's a purse, okay? So, Sonia is sitting there in this corner being like, I'm just scared. I'm scared. And I get scared about rafts, too. They're very unstable.

I like a schooner purse. In Saint-Tropez, I would get on with the Nigerian team. We'd just get on there and sail and sail and sail. But I'm scared and life is hard. And then Ramona just comes over. She's like, I got a big. I got a big. One of my girls got me this.

And Sonny goes, look. She goes, it's a pocketbook. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, she starts saying something about, like, oh, it's your pocketbook club. And Luanne goes, we're having a serious conversation, okay? Go talk with the other 55 friends who've never been shackled and incarcerated. Yeah. This is spiritual stuff we're talking about here.

And Ramona's like, oh, well, what if I straddle you and sit down, okay? And Ramona's like, you know what, Ramona? Ramona loves you, Sonya. Don't talk down to her i'll get a little in a second you don't gotta do it that's what friends are for sonia's like fake friends that purse is ugly as shit just exchange it i got some ins at century 21 okay so uh ramona's like you know what i've thrown two parties for sonia i don't get the big dealers so we see flashbacks the first party i don't really remember that deal is so we see flashbacks the first

party i don't really remember that but it's it was it seemed very obvious that was like tacked on because it was like a ramona party and she's like they're both add-ons they're both side dishes it's like a baked potato and a mac and cheese with your yeah because the second one i definitely remember was like uh like a last minute add-on that she's like by the way we can have a party and it was like five people there and it was like in the corner and she got like a cake which admittedly is still counts by the way that still does count but it's still like very much an afterthought and then the first one that they showed it was clearly ramona's own party and then she was like by the way it's your party too okay oh my god wow yeah and so leah's like's like, whoa, she disinvited me last year and she knows all these people through me.

She's having a full-on meltdown now. Well, because she's saying that to Lucia. Because Lucia is the one who organized that party last year. And now Lucia has bent over to give Sonia a kiss. Like, hello, darling. And she's like, well, you know, this one right here is the one who disinvited me from the party okay and you're one of my oldest friends Lucia and then did you see the caption they had for Lucia uh-huh the caption said Lucia and under it said Sonia insists more her friend than Ramona's it was an actual that was a real caption so she's going off then we go to the bar with ramona and dorinda and ramona's like you know

what she's saying that i know all these people from her that's just not true and leah comes up what is going on oh my god why are we fighting yeah at which point dorinda just turns the bartender goes okay so listen you took my dirty martini, okay? You gotta back it up. You better back it up. Okay, I want another one. Give me three, okay, just in case. You better remake it.

And then Sonia is now alone at the bar, and she just starts squatting and doing the most embarrassing Sonia sex dance ever at that bar. She's like shimmying because now now ramona who didn't said she didn't want a dance floor she has now decided it's time for the moving and grooving to begin because she's like you know what i want to start dancing okay i want a dance song play a dance song now i want a dance song which is the best way to get the dance floor going i want a dance song i want to dance now i like big shackles and i cannot lie

no other cabaret star can deny when the chains walk in and a baloney sandwich in your face you get sprung out of jail so leah's like i mean i'm all about girl power but the big palm trees and the decorations i mean it looks like the beginning of milf porn she's like and i'm down for it because she immediately starts so luann's like sitting on a couch and leah hops on the way and is basically like straddling her and then on top of that uh dorinda starts straddling the way too so the two of them are straddling luann and hey yo hey yo yeah and elise joins in and ramona's like oh my god no no stop stop okay stop and because ramona's sister by the way tattles on them yeah she's like girls this is getting too hot over here so now ramona is going mad when leah puts a big centerpiece palm tree thing on her head.

She's like grinding. And Ramona's just screaming, stop! And Leah runs up to Ramona. She's like, Ramona, don't act like I was doing that. Like it wasn't me doing that. It's like, you were. What are you talking about? Yes, you were.

And she's like, just stop it, okay? She goes, Jeff, I'm running, just stalking you. That's why I'm trying to stop you, okay? Because it looks very bad. Yeah, she's like what you know what she's embarrassing me and i'm embarrassed for her i mean there's a hundred women here okay of course only half of them are friends of mine okay they didn't make the cut the other 50 okay but i'm like no there's a hundred women here no no no no no yeah she freaks out she's get me a producer. And so she runs to production. She's like, we are done.

We are done. Shut it down. Shut it down. And like just gets insane Ramona face. And Leah's like, I'm having a, you're psychotic. You're psychotic. I don't even want to go to Vassar, mother. It's like, oh, whoa, Leah, you're talking to Ramona, not your mom right now.

Oh, sorry. Sorry. And then Sonia is just wasted and gets up on the in the clip we've seen all season just gets up on one of the glass trays and starts smashing it to pieces stomping it's like shattering and by the way she has open like her shoes are open like that is like i like it is dangerous and she's doing it and ramona's you know what no i'll fucking quit the show right now. I'm done. I'm done. Shut it off, okay? Shut it off. Yeah, and that's the end. Ramona just screaming right into the camera, Shut it off! I'm done, okay?

It was like a Vicky Gunvalson type of meltdown, but so much more entertaining. Well, I don't know. Vicky's meltdowns are always great, too. But this was just like, it was just great to see a new spin on the Vicky Gunvalson meltdown. Yeah. Wow. What meltdown. Yeah. Wow. What an episode. Jeez. My lungs hurt.

So that was amazing. Everyone who has come in here to our Krappens live show, thank you so much for tuning in. We had an amazing time. We hope everyone is doing well and staying safe out there in the world. And, you know, get your masks on when going public. Stay home if you can. And we thank you guys so much for joining us here tonight.

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