Watch What Crappens - RHOP: French Toasted

Episode Date: July 24, 2018

The Real Housewives finish up their trip to Cannes by getting drunk at a vineyard. Will Candiace be able to jumpstart one decent fight in her maiden season? Will Gizelle be able to keep her fights going? One thing is for sure. Karen's marriage is an institution. This week's bonus is our trip to Philly and our night out with Patricia, Kathryn, Michael and Whitney from Southern Charm. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***Limited Edition Trixie Monocle tees at crappensmerch.com avail through July! **Crappens Live is coming to Philadelphia, Montreal, Palm Beach and Atlanta! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running for the crap, I've been running Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. Ashley Chavoney, she don't take no baloney. Prisbee, wow, where'd he dowry? Telly Barlow, when she goes

Barlow, we go high low. Megan Berg, he can't have a burger without the Berg. Jess saying, okay. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Suzy going to the tobin. Back into slay or Taylor. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Anna got I love that banana Anderson. Hava Nagila Weber. And our super premium Patreon subscribers, Heligrant, the Grant Master.

Give them hell, Miss Noel. The incredible edible Matthews sisters, and Lizzie Drucker, a fun mother f- We love you guys! Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Yee-O-Braves, I'm Ronny Karam, I'm also on the Rose Pricks Bachelor Roast, and here I am with my gorgeous talented little bestie, Mr. Ben Mandelker. Ben, how are you, darling? I'm great, thank you. How are you? Good, happy Monday. Happy Monday indeed, and it's exciting.

Back in Los Angeles, we had a crazy week last week in Philly. Then we came back and hung out with the Southern Charm people Patricia Catherine Michael Whitney You can hear about that on our patreon episode this week Just go over to watch what crop ends dot com for those links our tricks the monocles shirt Which is our ode to Southern charm is up for another what like we can a half or so You can find the links for that over at watch at crap is dot com and Traveling the world continues. We're going to be in Montreal this Friday at the Just For Last Comedy Festival. So everybody get over there, that is going to be such a fun weekend.

Yeah, everyone should definitely, everyone should try to go if they can. It's actually, this is a different sort of show for us in the sense that, you know, the Just For Comedy Festival is like one of the show for us in the sense that um you know the just for comedy just for laughs comedy festivals like one of the biggest comedy festivals in the world and it'll be really the first time that our podcast is going to be in a space where there are going to be a lot of industry people there and people that could open up a lot of doors for us so we really want to make a great impression so even if you can't make it maybe you know someone else who can or maybe you know people who are comedy fans. So definitely, you know, get the word out

there if you can, because we want to, we want to really have an amazing experience there at just for laughs. So. And then in August, we're going to be in West Palm Beach and Atlanta. We're doing two nights in Atlanta, one night is sold out. So go get tickets for, well, actually, that's the same night to chose. Yeah. But the first show sold out, and then we're doing two nights in Atlanta one night is sold out so go get tickets for well actually That's the same night to chose yeah, but the first show sold out and then we're doing a late show after so go get tickets for those and then in September we are going to be in Denver Denver, Colorado Did you mention Florida? I zoned up for like yeah West Palm Beach is gonna be right before it land

I mean, it's the Matt is the Luan Maca, so I mean If you it's gonna be so much fun. And it's also my birthday show. The Atlanta night is on my birthday, August 25th. So, it's a whole- Oh, R.A.D. It's a whole Ronnie weekend. Like, we're gonna start their birthday celebrations by going on a tour of all of Luan's places.

I think that we should find the yacht, we'll go to the colony, and maybe go to the jailhouse. Hell yeah, well hopefully you know by choice. By choice. It's a visit not to not as not as guess. Yeah, so go get your tickets everybody and now it's time for a little real housewives of Potomac. Yeehaw.

Or as I like to call it? I'm sorry, France. I'm sorry, France. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, can. I'm sorry, Rivera, from Ons. The E-Grip we call Real Housewives of Apologies. Yeah.

But you know what though? I do have to say, I'm happy for you, Potomac, because two years ago, you were sitting in Ashley's guesthouse on Roboth Beach. So, big upgrade, big upgrade. Huge upgrade. Yeah. Edor Miss. We open on day three and there is not a dough to show us because we're not in Potomac, but there is like a little bird on the beach. Those are like the deer of France. Yeah. Yes, thank you B roll team for getting

that in because the bird just looks like the fuck am I doing here? Who are these people? How are we on the same show? It's a very it was an utterly confused standpiper. It was like hmm. So then we continue where we left off last week with Jacelle and Monique having the pancake fight where Monique has taken to just she's taken to Zelda France to try and make up with her. It's all is doing her a huge favor by taking this free trip to France. And now she's doing her an even bigger favor by eating the private breakfast she's had set up for her. Yeah, exactly. So there are Jacelle's you know we're still back in this argument about Jacelle's mad that Monique brought Kindle around and Monique is saying, well, I brought Kindle around because Sheree's brought, you

know, brought Kindle around and I was going to do it. Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda. So you took a shot. You took a shot at me and you missed. And when I take a shot, I'm like a ninja in the cuff with the gun and it blows your face off. Like she doesn't know where ninjas live. Have they hide what they use as their weapons?

I'm like a ninja making popovers that are delicious. Like no ninjas don't do that. Ninjas are not cooks. I'm a ninja who hides in a cup and burns your popovers. I'm a ninja who has just replaced all four tires on your car run. No, that's a mechanic. You mess with me. I pull out a dipstick and I tell you you need a

court. It's like here to a fee loop down. Here are the keys to your vehicle. And if you would like to have not worry about gas charges, then you can sign up for a gas program. Like now you're just working at enterprise. Yeah, I know you're just a hurt to dealer. You're just a hurts. She's just like becoming less and less fancy. She's like, well, how many people can this ninja seat at the Golden Corral for you? Wait, wait, I can just out.

Yes, so, so, so is doing this thing where she's like, I am so confident, duh, do the whole thing. She's so obnoxious, Jazelle. So, money is not even letting a break, or stride at all. She's just taking everything very calmly and being like, listen, Jazelle, look, she goes, I didn't take a shot, okay.

I cocked the trigger, but then I changed my mind. I didn't shoot the gun. And she's like, so you're not gonna own that you're being shady. So like, no, when Sarri is invited, her to bring water bottles in a U-hold to Haiti, however that works. I said it was okay. And then it just kind of went from there.

So you invited her, don't blame Sarri. Saf. Monique's like, I also would like to clarify that. I mean, I did take a shot, but it was a whiskey. And I did it four times, and I crashed my bicycle into a bush, but that was totally unrelated. And it wasn't because I was drunk, okay? It was because I was so...

I was supposed to celebrate how not drunk I was. I only crashed into the bush because I was so upset that I had invited Kindle to something. I decided I'd never do it again, and I was so consumed by that I crashed into a bush. So Jiselle doesn't know how to take this, because usually she gets people so infuriated that they're screaming and yelling,

and Jiselle could just laugh and walk away, which is like her favorite thing to do. But Monika's staying calm and actually eating, so Jiselle doesn't know what to do. So she starts spinning into this, like I'm so proud monologue. She goes, I don't give a rat About any other woman under the sun every day. I'm the baddest thing walking inside and out

For me to care about a man's past sherman's past that is not just L So we'll never be the best of friends. I was like how is any of this linking up? You're just getting a bunch of words in a bag and spilling them all over. It's like word scrabble. She's doing what I often do, which is I, I just say a lot of disconnected things until I can finally find something to land on. You know, y'all know, you guys listen to podcasts. You can hear what I'm scrambling to find something to talk about. So finally, she's like, so I will, I will be cordial to you and I will eat pancakes with you but I will not eat waffles with you. Can you take me on free trips? Yes. Can you buy me pancakes? Yes. And I'm like oh she's asking your sales questions. We're in trouble. They don't call it the national house of

pancakes. It's international. So Monique says well, then mission accomplished then just keeps eating and just so good. What movie is that from Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise save the day. I'll give you a hand. The name of the movie is what I literally just said Mission accomplished. Top gun. What movie is that from? So then she's not fighting so she still has to continue the conversation somehow so she's like so what's on the plans for today? Yeah she goes winery. Well is there a group is that a group trip or other options this time? She's like nope you're my prisoner she goes well if that's the case then say that you can't backtrack this time and have and she starts trying to start

another fight. What she was wrong on the first time and admitted that she was just lying in that first fight. I mean, just out. Yeah, she's lucky that Monique like quietly had five mimosas before this breakfast. And it was just like basically about to pass out. And also has like three children at home because she's so used to nonsense, the goals screaming and yelling throughout the house.

She just else trying to start another fight and money goes, you know what, girl, just stop now. Just stop. Just like a map. Starts laughing. Yeah. Okay, well you and Chris good. Okay. She's like, yeah, I have to face time and Jacelle's like, okay, I am going to do what any professional lady will do. I'm going to walk back inside, which of course should not be a difficult task at all as I am Jazelle and how do you do this? Which door? I don't understand. How do you open these doors? Would we trap? Last door?

It's a door. This is a booby trap. It's a door to Zelda. Yeah. So now everyone's getting ready. Ash has got her titty out and everything. You notice that Robin literally went, she was doing her hair and she was, oh, I didn't notice it. I noticed that Robin literally went, she was doing her hair and she just, I didn't notice it. Karen's like, this is gonna be fun today. So now, so now we see Monique and Chris talking on FaceTime and Chris like, Oh, I'm ready for you to come home.

She's like, have you been putting the oils on and turning on the diffuser? And he's like, no, I know you're going to get snitched on. So down in the van, the girls start getting getting in the van. They start getting in the van. I'm like, I need to write so many notes for this. I just saved the whole paragraph. Monique dances to the van. She sent me on in. Ashley's wearing French yellow and a beret.

Yes. Who cares? Sasha's like, Bon Vool, that's all I know. Travis, you like to put a Banthul army? If you like to, then you want to put a Banthul army. So they, they're all driving in no one's talking and money's like, are we having fun? Oh my God, please fight, please. You're boring. Yes. So they show up at the winery. And I mean, are we surprised that Bonyk organized an alcohol heavy activity for the mall to do for the day? Of course not. She's like, well,

only come to somewhere with alcohol and somewhere with the Chanel C's everywhere. Okay, that's all these women wear. There's those Chanel don't see everywhere. It's on their clothes, their's all these women wear. There's those Chanel double sees everywhere. It's on their clothes, their hats, their purses. Now it's on this place. The wineries logo is the double Chanel. And as my boyfriend often likes to mention, the Chanel stuff is way too close to Gucci stuff. Like the labels are all next to each other and it really bothers him. And I thought like I needed to air that. So, so So they show up and it's an organic wine, no machines.

And so they're like, okay, they start doing the wine tasting. And he starts pouring wine, everyone's glasses. And Candace is like, oh, I guess I'll have by-why now. You know, I'm getting married soon, aren't I? My husband, he has a restaurant. I'll have this. I'm not a business.

Merci, Bo-Kill. I have to deliver if I'm going to be the princess of the group. I'm like, you are really trying to write this. Someone called me a princess storyline. Too hard. Too hard. You need to calm down a little bit over there. Yeah, exactly.

So just like, so how do you say drunk in French? And then guys, like, that is not so elegant. Not going to tell you. We have the housewives of the Potomac. We embody not so elegant. So tell us anyway. And he's like, Blé, so she's like, Oh, use Blé.

Which is my favorite thing to do. Or that she said. And she says it through the entire episode. She's like, girl, you've boo-hey. Boo-hey. Boo-hey. Boo-hey. Um, so, Jacelle is waiting to go after Sheree's for all of this stuff, but she's, you know, right now she's getting free wine, so she's keeping it calm.

So then they move onto the room with barrels and he's like, we've got like, life from Zeybel and it's like this big huge, um, the shot thing that he, he think I think I'm the last like a stir sort of thing. Yeah, Karen season Pass it down pass it down I'll take a glass. I'm gonna take a glass. I'm gonna pass it down to you now. I got another glass I passed that one down to you security. They're not taking the the glass, pass it down, pass it down, pass it down. Masha's like, isn't that the thing they used to impregnate cows? Well, Ashley, if that's a barbed reference growing up on a farm, I don't appreciate a pass it down, pass it down, pass it down, pass it down. I'm going to take those domestic lifestyle home and serve Ray.

So Ashley's ready to keep coming for Karen over this Ray supposed breakup thing that's going on. Yeah. Girl, if you're married or fine, then why do you got to say everyone's looking to you with cock eyes? Yeah, I don't know. I don't even know what Ashley's talking about or her justification. In my head, she's just doing this because Robin and Jizelle are kind of like taunting her into it and she's just gonna go with it. Yeah, I think that actually just, you know, she's just messy and she's like, well, I'm making a TV show. So, you know, she's the size she's just gonna go after Karen this season. And that's just what she's doing, you know, like over everything.

So then we move into the cheese room and they start having cheese and Karen start serving everybody. She's like, let me serve you. This is ground woman stuff. This is why I have a 21 year marriage because I serve my man. And she's like, well, they don't know that because you're not wearing your ring. Security, security. Will you escort this ring accuser out of here? Thank you. It's a preference. That's a preference. That's a preference. That just didn't want to wear it. That didn't want to wear it. That's all it's a preference.

No, because she probably doesn't want to blind everyone with it. And then Ashley goes, that's interesting. I didn't even take mine off in Somalia. Well, who's the asshole now walking around Somalia with a trip? I know. Garment. Exactly. So eventually the tour guide, the tour guide leaves, you know, and it's gonna let them just be alone with the wine And then of course the first thing that happens is Monique starts pouring herself more watch

It's like you keep going as baby glasses Monique the optics still you still haven't figured this out I know and Robyn's just taking selfies. That's all Robyn does and Just else says it's always gray with Karen. I Hate to say it but where there's smoke this fire do you see smoke do you see smoke I see fire like okay just so so when the guy leaves he goes mmm salty which puts hilarious okay is that upon yeah that upon no I'm talking about the ham is that upon oh

Well, you know salty ham is a sign of a long lasting marriage I know about this because I've got a salty ham at home with Ray Ray like salty ham You want Monique is now just like the tassure lips of the barrel and just trying to hoist it up I call my driving juice. She finds a tree of some kind and she tries to figure out if it's a fig tree or not. And so she's like, it this as she pulls off a little thing. I don't know what it was. She's like, look, I found the brand.

I thought I found a brand. Don't mess with me three because I'll pull off as many brands as it takes to identify exactly what's the what a Venus you are. And this was a dry twig of a fight too. So Risa says, though we didn't get to talk last night, I'm kind of assuming that there's a bus. I had absolutely nothing to do with Kendall being around. You need the omit. Well, Shasha forgets,

so she just admitted to us in the last episode that she totally put this ball in motion for Monique to take the bait and Monique took it. But, you know, she'll stick to her guns. Chasha is a very, very committed liar. She really is. Monique is like, I'm pretty sure, like, like, she's like, I do own my partner,

but you have to own your part. Like, I'm pretty sure it was 50-50, and Chasha's like, no, I actually own my partner but you have to own your part like I'm pretty sure it was 50 50 and Sasha's like uh no I actually don't watch that program I actually really dislike Bob a Walter than you down though. Sorry I'm not 50 50. So Monique so here's the thing so Monique thought that when Sherees said Kendall should come to the hurricane Harvey thing, that Sherees proposing that was evidence of the fact that Shasha hadn't really gotten over the fact that Jazeal

had started rumors about Shasha being with a fireman, which when I was like, oh my God, I'm having such a hard time trying to keep this all together. I mean, that's totally true. Like Sherees is still managing this all over the place. Of course. Sherees goes, oh, so that with the ground for, I mean, that's totally true like Teresa still manages all over the show. Sure. I'm having so she's goes

Oh, so that was the ground for and then when he jumps in and says no, that's not the grounds. That's the foundation See it's sort of in the ground Break crack clarification and Josh is like that's what you thought I wanted the we never had that conversation I was absolutely not bitter at all. Why would I be bitter just because she's still on the show as a main cast member and I'm not? Why would I be bitter? And Monique says, well, look, I was going to go in this with her

because I'm her girl. So I'll do that with her, but she's just going to pretend that she had nothing to do with it now. Whatever, you know, Monique does not care. I don't know if she found like a French version of Xanax this season or what's happening, but she is like totally calm and will not be put in the Chinese. Five Marchingies before every sin. Well, I guess, well, I guess when you need the medication, it affects you differently, you know, like maybe she just needs it and so it keeps

her calm. And I don't because that's not five more teeny Ronnie. I'm like, fuck you. It's the essential oils, not for lazy moms, essential martinis. So Candace is now talking to Karen. So up, meanwhile, Karen and Candace are like up on this, in this one space. And Karen's like, well, I think it's interesting that you, in sherees have this perception of me, you know, as a princess, and the thing is, there's a lot more to me, and I just feel like,

you know, I wanna express that. So then, Karen's like, all right, dear, let's bring Ashley and Robin into this. You know, she sort of like becomes like, like an elementary school teacher, you know? She's like, gotta make the girl, like bring the girls together, because then it's like,

oh, Robin, Ashley, we had tea this morning. I think there's something you need to hear Go go ahead get it. Mm-hmm go ahead Gabby's and as she's like oh wait hold on a second the lights really good so we need to take a photos So she starts taking a photo of Robbins they're like waiting and then and then she's like okay now Robin you take a photo of me Karen's like oh no no, no, no, no, no, ah, she can wait, you can wait. Security, security, get these selfies out of here. I'm disappointed in you. I'm disappointed. I mean, I'm ashamed of both of you.

Candace has a lot to learn about where they start to fight, but they make her wait like she's some sub-life form. Which is almost like she's not a queen, but they just like one level below a queen. What's that level called again? Oh princess. They totally do treat her like crap, Candice, but Candice then she doesn't get a chance as she's so dumb about what she wants to fight about, but I'm really with the other ones, which is what you ever heard me say I'm on Robin inches L side ever. Well, I think that's what like Karen and Sherees were trying to tell her, which is like you have to like make yourself respected.

And so Candice is just like, well, you know, it's just, you know, you guys have this perception of me. And of course, Jacelle walks in and she's like, did I hear princess? Did I hear princess? What happened? She's like, oh, don't call me princess. You know, yeah, I think that you only see one side of me and I want you to see another side. And now you're taking pictures. And just how does El is just giving her the shadiest look ever. Yeah, like this is like, look at all my story lines.

I'm getting married. I'm having pictures with my mom about, you know, how much is it going to be for the wedding? And then Chris has two small kids and one other child that he got pretty much bug too and Actually, it's just drinking and smiling because she knows that no one's gonna fall for this Exactly, I mean you really hit it right on the head which is it was basically Candice and making her pitch as to why she still belongs on the show Because you know, they're like why is she on the show? She brings nothing to the show and she's like no

I'm getting married. You know, I have issues with my mom like I'm going through things. I'm stressed And I've been called a princess, you know, I have issues with my mom. Like I'm going through things. I'm stressed. And I've been called a princess, you know, and they're just like, mm-hmm. Yeah, she goes, I don't need a fight to have a friendship. It's unfair. And Jizzo goes, no, it's not. What are you showing us anyway?

You're not showing any side. Yeah, that's because you have your head so far if you're asked, Jizzo. So she's going to try and have this big fight with Jizzo, but she has nothing to fight about. Yeah, Jizzo is like, well, I like my head and I like my ass. So that's a good position for me to be in. And Karen's like, oh, this is going left field right and quick in the hallway. I'm gonna go downstairs, my sob is take temperatures of me with the questionable fig trees. Yeah, your grown woman, stay the chorus, stay the chorus, stay the chorus, Candace.

I'll be downstairs, I'll be the one with a hot pink selfie stick It when needs me. I'm taking a nice picture of my new boyfriend a lavender bush and It's hilarious because they're on this balcony and they take it so Behind them kind of blurred out Karen walking around the grounds below her with a selfie stick just like talking into a selfie stick Yeah, she sort of looked like a beach comer, like someone with like a little mental detector, looking for hidden treasure, except it was a selfie stick and that she did. And occasionally Karen would just like yell back up the bow

and be like, I don't mean to interrupt, but like here, let me help you out, say this, you know. So Stephen Canvas is trying to have this princess fight. And she's like, you judged me, you called me princess. And Robyn's like, um, you called yourself princess. You were the one you brought that up. Because I have never referred to myself willingly as princess. I'm like, Candace, this cannot be your fight. This is not how you stand the show.

I know it's so boring. It's boring even recapping it. Okay. And we can make it whatever we want to be and I have a note. I have a note over here. I've a note someone who has a husband 21 years has a note for you How about say how about say nickname not title nickname change the word change the word right back to his selfie stick Like literally going in circles down there. It just like well, we can resume Later and they just leave her because they're like we're not gonna fight with the city yet literally going in circles down there. And she's like, well, we can resume later. And they just leave her because they're like, oh, we're not going to fight with this idiot.

So status has been crying, trying to get something. So Karen comes back out to her and she goes, oh, Candace, don't give away your tears so easily. Don't just give your tears away. Make them earn your tears. She said, that's how I am. That's how I am moat. She goes, that's how I am moat.

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So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. That crap is commercial. So now they all pile back into the van and money is like, hmm, I need to start buying wine by the barrel. It's like you just walk into it every single episode, money, every single episode.

She goes, I'm not going to even be like Karen and make it myself. I'm just going to get a label company. And then Ashley's like, well, you have to have money before you start a company. So make sure that you have money to do it. Karen goes, hmm, oh, our investors. So we can see that they're about to start fighting. Yeah, and Ashley starts muttering.

She's like, so you have to have money to make money. Karen's like, oh, you knew, and you would know. You would know, you spend Michael's money. You spend it all. And you spend Ray's money, you know, so now it's starting to. Oh, Ashley, oh, Ashley, I got you, Ashley. I got you, I got you. It's icon enterprise, it's Ray's business,

or your business. I'm gonna do this one time and one time only, Ashley. Mm-hmm. My marriage is an institution. And yours is a full-the-world kind of thing You look miserable with Michael and you come for me. I got you, Ashley. I got you Institution won full the world zero And as she's like really Karen you're the one not wearing a ring. Oh Institutions don't have to wear rings in the bylaws by law number 2.3.8.5. Don't have to wear a ring if you don't feel like it especially in France

especially in front of a triathlete. I'm trying to fool the world. I'm into an institution you're into prostitution. Got you, Ashley, got you. And now we're going into restitution. Get it? It's a institution word. I guess how much tuition in the institution. Now I could keep going forever like Karen, please stop. You're the one talking about race penis being golden dried up. So go that enough, Ashley. That's enough.

Check, please. Check. She's kicked out of the institution. You know what? You need to be in a mental institution. I'm in a marriage institution with a rate. 21 years. This fight, they're fighting about whose husband

is giving them more money when they're both living off their husbands. And then they're talking about whose husband's penis is more old and dried up and they've both married old guys. It's like a wall fighting with a wall. Yeah, and it just starts going more nonsensical. Asher's like, you know, with two glasses of champagne, Karen, acts like Beyonce and Karen, just goes, we're done. We're done. We're done. You're an old book I saw yesterday. Bye. I like it. I didn't even read the book. She just saw it. I Like that. She's if she sees an old book. She's just like bye old book. No

Goodbye. What are you from 1973? Bye? I got you Shakespeare. I got you. I got you Shakespeare That's just Karen walking through a museum. Oh look at that. Shreddettoran. Bye. You're an old shirt. Bye museum. Oh, look at that. Try to turn and buy your old shirt. Bye. So our coffee guest, oh, was King Tutton there. Bye. How about try being alive more? Bye. Boy, King. So weird. You're an old book I saw yesterday is answered with. You're a book version of team and all.

Yeah. You're an old book with new book just came out to yesterday. Oh, I guess it makes an old book shoot. And then just I'll just start shimming in the seat, which is hilarious to watch. So, Karen's like, oh no, you a broke. You a broke. Your husband not only kicked your ass out. He moved down the street from you out of your sweat box and put your ass in the studio. Thank you, wanna go there, Kern? You know what, your husband told my husband? She goes, well, I called my husband and I told him what you told me about your husband

what he told you and he said I do want to retire. He is going to retire. He's going to be 71. And he said he's looking for a place here and there. So you got Florida right, Broco. Broco. Dr. Broco. Yeah, we're going to Florida.

I hear there open new offices of Harpercons. We'll get nothing but new books, new books, new books, hello, new books, hello. She's in a flustered lying ramp so she can't remember the lie that she told two seconds ago. So she goes, wait a minute, you just found out last night he wanted to retire and get a place in Florida and she goes, no, I need the whole time. I just called to make sure. Yeah. So you can take your fake marriage, ram it up your ass. Your husband's always crying when you're around. You make it miserable. Leave my institution alone. Leave my... Leave my...

... institution, institution. Old book, bye. What you do is you sneak into institutions and you create situations so you can get info and then you put a fake new spin on it and this institution is done with being fake news. Listen, you could put a white lab coat on all you want but we still know you're not an actual doctor in my institution.

Well, there's a lot I haven't said, Kern. Like, well, I'm still standing after all these years. That's my other John. And also an institution, but not my institution. He's an old book too. Bye. Well, I hope you continue to stand. Oh, I will, boo-boo. I will. I will Boo-boo I will I will So it did spring mankel just now so I will have to take a seat But you know other than that I'm standing in my institution in the center right in the center the institution in the courtyard

Karen you're literally sitting down. How there you boo-boo? I'm gonna another me a stand I'm gonna stand on a pillow made of old books I'm gonna another mirror stand. I'm gonna stand on a pillow bed of old books Security. Is there a security security? Security. I'd like to get a do we have an easy pass the institution. Thank you So Pam is still is mad at Ashley because Ashley's been a little asshole So she's like well Karen doesn't talk but she has issues and I want to see Ashley handle all of those issues at one time. What would that look like? And so she's like, you know what Ashley,

can I just say it? You just dangle people's problems right in the group, right when it's the time where everyone's around. And you just, you don't even, you just make bullshit up, okay? And then you want to drop things when they're convenient for you in your own life. And that's why you are just like your deadbeat father.

We like out and click, whoa. Yeah. And I was like, I wasn't talking to you. I'm like, okay, Ashley, you are the queen of budding into someone's conversations. Ashley is the queen of saying like, but I'm still allowed to have an opinion on something. So now Karen's like, oh, it's. Oh, it's. It's. Institution.

Institution is happy. You're welcome. Congratulations, Candace. You've been now been invited to join the institution. Your membership has been this? Institution. Institution's happy. You're welcome. Congratulations, Candace. You've been now been invited to join the Constitution. Your membership has been proved. Institution. Candace is like, you can suck a dick, Ashley. And Monique goes.

I was like, you're stealing Kristen's lines. That's not cool. I know. And Monique goes, which one, the white one or a black one? I keep finding her that she keeps saying her boyfriend's penis is a black penis. Yeah. And then Candace says, whichever she can find and then she goes, geez, take a Xanax.

I was like, are you guys just going to steal every line from a Bravo shirt? Every line. Yeah. Seriously. So rude. So the hell, Monique's like, I just want everyone to go home. We go back to the hotel. I just want everyone to put some lavender oil on their foreheads and the back of their

neck and just like calm down. Like Monique just, you know what? Go back just to lurpin the wine out of that barrel, okay? Yeah, you know it's an angry, uh, carful housewives when everybody is flicking on their phones at the same time. Everyone's just angrily flicking on their iPhone. Yeah, exactly. So they get back and, um, Candace starts FaceTime timing Chris and she's like, oh, she's like,

I'm trying to open up and be myself around them, specifically Ashley Robin and I actually Robin and then like, Jacelle, whenever they're like around Jacelle, it's like the bandwagon bitches and it's just like, I think a lot of it has to do with Jacelle, whatever. And he's just like, uh, uh, yeah, he's like, uh, please don't call me. Yeah. Thanks. So then it's day four and Karen comes downstairs in this huge sun hat, which is like my biggest note and the thing it's all caps. I just wrote.

Karen's on hat. She's like, Ashley can do whatever she wants today. I don't care. I have no desire to entertain her today, which is funny because I like the idea that like on some days she wants to entertain Ashley. She's just like juggling. She's like, Ashley, look, juggling, juggling, magic, Ashley, magic, look, now you see, now you don't, Ashley, look.

Ashley, this is called the triple time stamp, hmm, shove loft above a loom, hmm, No! Boo Boo! Boo Boo! Boo Boo! Boo Boo! Boo Boo! So Monique is like, it's still my birthday in France. Monique cracks me up. I don't have everything that comes out of Monique's mouth. And she walks downstairs looking fucking beautiful. I don't know how someone can drink that much and look so stunning at all times. But I'm jealous.

Yeah. Essential oils. Essential oils. Well, it's not. she's not a lazy mom, okay? That's for sure. So Karen is like, oh, yeah, you said that already. Okay, so everyone is wearing CC. Yeah, she's now time. Yeah. So they go on a yacht, Candace twerks around. Yeah. And ashen Candace have a talk because it's like things have gone strange between them, etc

And ashy felt like Candace was intruding on something that she didn't understand in terms of you know She says that you know Karen I have long standing issues and you were talking about something you didn't get etc and Candace is basically like look I don't get it like everyone speaks out of turn everyone in this tired group offers their opinions And I don't like being the one that's singled out which is kind of true.. Yeah, that's true. So I'm kind of on her side. Actually, I have no like to stand on here, but I also don't really care, you know? Yeah, exactly. So then Chiselle, Sheree and Karen are talking and Chiselle is just never, never ending. I mean, the woman just never fucking stops. She's like, um, Karen, I saw your ring earlier and now I don't see your ring got what's up with that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah It's a meta institution. And she goes, I just saw it, Karen. I just saw it this morning, Karen.

And then they show a clip of Karen. It's really awkward, weird to go pro close up of Karen in the car. With her hand over her face and she's not wearing her ring. Yeah, so she's always wrong. Yeah. But then we get the origin story. She's like, well, I took a stroll outside of my institution one day and I was mugged. And he had a choice between my ring

and my necklace, and he decided to go for my necklace. And so I decided to put my ring in my hoo-ha when he wasn't looking, and he was like, what, your hoo-ha. How did you get it in there so quickly? When you get in your hoo-ha, you know, my hoo-ha, my boobs. Like, Karen, that's not a hoo-ha. Oh, hoo-ha. Everyone knows what a hoo-ha.

It's practically an institution on a body. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, I love this, he thought. It's practically an institution on a body. Oh, I love this. You thought our booze were a who. Yeah, that's hilarious. So then let's see. So they had fun and then they're gonna go shopping through the streets again. They go to a town.

I'm sure it's pronounced like a z, but it's spelled easy. So it's like easy and they are. It's a town known for herbs and oils. And I'm like, hmm, I don't understand how going into town and easy is supposed to mesh well with something called not-for-lazy moms. Yeah.

Everything you see here at Not-for-lazy moms is created and easy. Ha ha ha. I read on our Facebook, someone was posting that it looks like she's selling pyramid scheme type stuff Don't she's not really making these oils. Oh, I am shocked. Yeah, but I tell you shocked No pyramid scheme listen, but listen the pyramids weren't made by lazy people, okay? She's like I'm about to load up. This is my element

It's like mm-hmm. Okay, so they're getting all these herbs This is my element. It's like, okay. So they're getting all these errors and just all guys, I hope this wraps up. Basoon. Yeah, it's not having it fun. And she's like, I want to give them the lazy, not for lazy mom's experience. So give them a taste of things. I'll find out my website. I was like, how do we, how do we turn this town into a 404 bad gateway error. You're like, is there a store called FreeWebs? What am I trying to say? FreeWebs are coming to the... Is the map of the town?

Is it like in the shape of server not found? Do you have any more of that oil that host gator part? Do we have to have malware malware oils? Do you have like a store that just only pops up out of nowhere? To close it before you get to the store that you really want to go to. Karen's walking around with Ashley and she's like, did you notice nothing is updated here? I wonder if that's because we're here for the site. You know in the USA, we tear things down and make something better. Look at me, I'm

thoughtful about my surroundings. And Ashley says, well that could also be a marriage quote because you could tear down the old thing to get a new marriage, but is it really better? No, just keep living in your old thing, Ashley. Okay, knows me. That comment wasn't left up for discussion. I am not entertaining you today. And that includes my insights and architecture and easy. If Ashley says long and her marriage, she may want to stick with old. And then she just, you can tell those the producers just like shaking their head.

It's this really long pause. All Karen looks at the producer and she goes, because it works. Trying to be nice. You know what Karen's been doing a lot lately? I call it like the sock puppet face where she purses her lips together and like her the middle of her lip comes Like down really low. It's like if it like when a sock puppet gets like angry or sad and like crunches the fingers

It's like she does sock puppet face a lot. She's doing it a lot lately. Yeah, she has that that purse lip things and it makes the thing Right the line right above her lip. It looks like a mustache. Yeah, so shadow is so big Yeah, so I got that Karen's mustache face. Yeah, it's like a mustache. Yes. The shadow is so big. Yeah, so I got that. Karen's mustache face. Yeah, it's like what's mustache sock puppet. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, mustache sock puppet face. Yeah, so at night time they're getting ready and Winter's Karen say is she is Karen the one he's like, well, I've planned a fabulous burlesque party.

I called the concierge. Yeah, she called the concierge. Yeah. Concierge is an institution here in Canis. Robin dresses like she's in the 60s. I'm not really sure. She's like, does her hair like it's in the 60s. I'm not sure of it.

There's looks to be. All sorts of weirdness going on with these costumes. This was gonna be Monique's birthday party. So it was gonna be a burlesque thing. Apparently the concierge took to care of the costumes, which I don't know. I don't want to blame the concierge. I want to, I feel like the concierge got a whole bunch of costumes

and then producers were like, okay, let's put Robin in that ridiculous thing. Let's put that weird floppy feather thing that makes it look like a cockatiel parrot. Let's put that on Monique. And let's put Ashley in that strange, like that strange, strange, heavy-banged wig. Yeah, Ashley was the only one who was in that movie

with Nicole Kidman, was that musical? That they all keep... Harkicle Magic? No. No, no, no, Bruce. She was definitely. She definitely had like Mulan Bruce and everybody else's like from some different. I don't know. They were all different movies. She definitely had some like weird like wig. The sort of wig that you wear when you're a spy about to like break into something like it was one of those wigs that was like so obviously wiki and you know just like long bangs and long bob whatever so anyway.

You know like a dollar store spy if you were a spy for the dollar store. Yeah, you were like gonna try to see if they actually had something that was like a dollar 20. So but you were actually hired by a different dollar store. So so just just as I was up and her sad. So there was like a little face time scene. You know, her daughters are so sweet and it's so weird because Jacelle is she can she is so she can be so cutting. But she really is very sweet with her daughters. I mean, kind of. She's like so you were sad today. You were crying. She goes, wait, she goes what's going on in the door? I said, nothing much. And she says, well, you were crying.

So how is it? Nothing much. How was school? So she starts crying. So she has her sister take care of her. That's sweet. Yeah, it was sweet. But I thought she was going to be mean

because at first, she's kind of rolling her eyes. She's like, well, you were crying. So I guess there's something wrong. I'm standing here in a French horror outfit, having to faceTime you. So apparently something's wrong. What is it? So then Candace shows up and some sort of like red thing and Karen's like, oh, it's very Roger Rabbit. She's like, no, Jessica Rabbit. I was like, I'm surprised this is not going to become Candace's next thing. Like, you know, I walk in someplace, pinkies under my eyes, pinkies under my eyes, pinkies under my eyes,

and they call me Roger Rabbit, when I'm obviously Jessica Rabbit, like what's that supposed to mean? I mean, please, please. Please, please, please, please, girl. Just because I showed up in a taxi that had a salty mouth, doesn't mean I'm Roger Rabbit. So Monique finally arrives and she says something in French.

And the editors are sure to let us know that it's across the street. Oh my god, this is so nice, you guys. The only thing better would be if Chris popped out of a cake That would be the most gigantic cake of all time. I don't even know like without that would look like the Abominals snowman made out of frosting because there's no way he could hide in any cake I wrote the same thing like I don't I I can't imagine any sort of cake that could house Chris it would look like Pacific Rim

But like of cakes, you know, you'd be like Coming out of the cake. In Zelda, there's like some rock monsters, you know, be walking around and all of a sudden these boulders like emerge out of the ground and it's like what you thought were just like little boulder like boulders, they scenery, they come out they're like a monster like, whoa, like that's a Chris is that's Chris coming out of a cake, the boulder monster from Zelda. But in cake form.

So let's see. So they're all being nice because it's a birthday party. Canvas is like in honor of saying positive, I apologize for screaming today. That was one side of me and tonight you'll see the side of me that isn't going to scream it anybody. Guys. Yeah. And then Robyn's like, I just didn't get it because like you're saying that we don't listen and can't it's like well You just haven't had a chance to learn who I am yet. I have a lot of

Dimensions for instance Did you know I like Dan and yogurt. I don't think so Have I told you about my mom yet? Yes Do you know I like flowers in the ceiling and I demand them at my wedding? Do you know that yet? Yes. Oh, so then Candace is like, well, we're fine, you know, but then when it's you, when Jacelle's around, then she's trying again.

And I get to your homies, but I don't want to get taken down by a posse. And she said and Rob was like, okay, but me just all have each other's back. Everyone knows that right. Everyone knows that right. I then everyone said like, and I have her back and I have her back. And then just all is like, okay, we're not going to let Candice have a big moment at this party. This could be my moment.

So she's like speaking of having people's other people's backs and get it's like, but I still have to speaking of which Sharisa Monique and for me that you still haven't gotten over some things with me and so just basically it's totally away from Candace. Yeah, I'm only like I didn't say that I said foundation. I said foundation. So Candace so so so so so Gisele's like so I hear you still have some issues. And Chasha goes, so, my friend, when it's convenient. And basically, yeah, I was like, wait, what? And so, she had moved on from the Fireman accusation, but she felt that, but she's, I couldn't understand.

I couldn't even understand. It made that Sheree's makes less sense to the money, okay, when Sheree starts trying to buy. She's not changing the weight. yeah, yeah, we've moved on But I'm not changing the way I do things just because you've made certain choices So what are you talking about? She means like she would invite Kindle anyway like I don't know I didn't understand really and just like I sat in your kitchen

Nah, and I didn't even go upstairs I sat in your kitchen and I didn't even go upstairs Against without asking and I sat there and made more crabza for you And you looked me in the eyeball Specifically my eyeball pupil and you said you were rooting for me and shamanana And just like so you were being messy is basically and she's like Just I'll tell tells us it is clearly shocking that she would do this to me. I'm on it's like look I wait who said this Sharice I had nothing to do with Monique inviting her or in Karen inviting her I have this felt that the time that with a messy action and I said

this is a messy action and Karen goes she did and yes she did she's my certainly did at the time she said that's messy and I didn't care. Mm-hmm, yeah. And then Sharice is like I will move myself and so just I was like wait a minute what is going on because of Monday didn't do this and Sharice didn't do this who did this so just those just like looks like an idiot because she's just gone after two people. And it was neither of their faults. So she goes, thank you. Wow. I mean, give you a kiss later. I'm going to say, I love my kiss now. I haven't had the match in quite some time and I'm

missing my half a blood. So then the burlesque girls come out and do a dance and Ashley and Robin are the main attraction and they do kind of a braless Modern dance where they reenact and braless trying to strangle Robin with her umbrella Yeah, and then that like precipitates a Apology from a Nican Robin robin's like oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to I shouldn't have escalated like that And they apologize and everything is good. And then all of a sudden we hear it. Joyous and it says to you.

Joyous and it says, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, God, Candace. Candace cannot help but make it about her. But they're even nice to Candace Candace cannot help but make it about her. But they're even nice to Candace. They're like very nice Candace. Very, very nice. You did a good job. Yeah, it ends. So that was it seems like that's going to be it for France. Cause next week they're back to the Mid-Atlantic. Yeah, Monique's like, well, I wanted this

trip to be about them seeing what I'm really all about, which is peace. Peace of cheese to go with the 10 bottle of Tito's home drinking next time I drive my kids to soccer. And that brings us to the end. Go get you some tickets for Montreal. We'll be there Friday. And then at West Palm Beach and in Atlanta for two shows at the end of August. We sure love you guys.

We will see you later. Hi, everyone. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

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