Watch What Crappens - RHOP: Loose Flips Sink Ships
Episode Date: August 13, 2019Robyn's flip is finally ready for market on "The Real Housewives of Potomac," but an open house proves to be entirely too open — at least in terms of sharing. That's thanks to Gizelle, who ...manages to turn Robyn's proudest real estate moment into another round of bickering (thankfully). See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts!
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Watch what crap is.
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Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens
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Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love to watch.
I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real Housewares of Kitchen Island.
It's a cartoon parody of the Real Housewares of New York and it's available on YouTube.
Go check it out. And joining me is a hilarious hilarious hilarious man.
It's Ronnie Caram who is also the Go host of the Rose Pricks Bachelor Rose podcast. What is going on? Hi Ronnie
Hi, man
Happy Monday. Thank you. I love a Monday y'all. Happy Monday
We are excited to kick off this week.
We're going to talk some real house-size at Potomac,
which like everyone is talking about these days.
Everyone's buzzing about it. So good.
Before we do that, though, just a reminder that next week,
we're going back next week, next month,
we're going back out on tour.
Charlotte, North Carolina, we are coming to you at long last.
By popular demand, we are going to be at the Maglahaan, Maglahaan Theater on September 26th as part of the Queen City Comedy Experience.
It's like a whole comedy festival. It's going to be a big, amazing, awesome theater. We still have tickets available. Please go to watch our crapens.com and get your tickets there, drag a friend, go solo, we guarantee, like Men's Warehouse,
it's gonna be an amazing time, okay, we guarantee it,
it's gonna be so, so good.
And then here are other cities,
and please, please take note,
and we'd love to see you at any of these places.
Okay, so after Charlotte, we're going to Nashville.
We have two shows in Atlanta, come to both.
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Indianapolis,
Indiana, two shows in Chicago.
There's not a lot tickets left for either one of those.
Two shows in New York, the first one sold out, but the second one has some tickets left.
St. Louis, Missouri, two shows in Philadelphia, very low tickets for the first show,
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Sometime between now and tomorrow. Well, not now, but after this show
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So today, real housewives of Potomac, we're back.
The episode starts in a pretty, like, pretty serious place.
Last week Ashley did, decided to go down the path that has never really worked out on Bravo,
which is
reconnecting with her estranged father and where we left off she was with her
aunt Sheila and her mom Sheila walking up to the door of her father's house
and knocking on it and that's pretty much where we open up right now.
Yeah so here's what happens it's's really a sad scene. We're wondering what's gonna happen.
And outcomes can use mom with a baseball bag.
What is happening?
Problem!
So Anshula takes Ashley and leads her to the door.
And then all of a sudden the screen gets dark and it goes in accordance with George's
state law.
Cameras were not allowed to film on the property.
And Countess Luan had her
probation re-evaluated two weeks later. I was like really still with these
updates. I know Countess Luan's sitting on the trunk. Look at this thing off to
blow into it. Sorry I'm doing that right now girls but
So Antsheela knocks on the door and, and, uh, she's like, um, she knocks on the
door and they're like, oh my god, here comes your father. And she's like, hey, this is your
daughter, Ashley. And she's like, hi. And then there's just like this long pause. And you're
like, is he going to say something? Is he going to grunt? Is there going to be a bowel
movement? Like, what's about to happen?
Is he gonna do what I do when people knock on my door when they weren't invited over and I have no idea
They're coming and throw a pizza box at their head. Who knows? Yeah time will tell and then you just hear the door closing
And just like locking and you're like oh man, and then Ashley tries to speak to the door
She's like, will you please come speak with me? I want nothing from you except to just acknowledge me.
Please, please.
But, you know, it's really sad.
You know, he does pretty much what we expect him to do.
I don't really know what you expect the guy to do
when he blocks you from Facebook
and then you show up at his house with the camera crew.
Well, you got to go that extra mile.
You just, well, you just have to
hope, right? Like that maybe once you
actually see you in the flesh and blood,
that like maybe something might like
warm in your in his heart.
But this is a, unfortunately, this is
a reminder that that life is not like
movies. It's not like these, these
heartwarming reunions that you see.
It's, it's people a lot of times can
not face their past.
Yeah, so that was super sad and she's upset, of course, as she should be.
And he opened the door, looked at her, scowled, and I gave her a dirty look,
and then locked the door in her face.
Yeah.
And so she's crying and everybody's, you know, like, it's okay, but you know,
everyone's comforting her.
They're hugging her. And then I liked her, because Ashley's just like it's okay, but you know everyone's comforting their hugging her
And then I I liked her mom because Ashley just like sobbing like what more can I do?
And then I like Sheila the mom Sheila was like, you know, he's just a mean nasty bastard. I was like, yeah, yeah
Pylon I want us all to pylon shame this guy. What a fucking asshole. Yeah
Yeah, so basically she thinks her aunt munchle and I just like I'm just blood there for you back in my life.
And it's really sweet.
Mashed basically decides that at least that's closer.
You know, she knows he's mass, she can close the chapter.
Yeah.
And then she was like listen, you're a beautiful person and you have a lot of people who love
you, a lot of people who would like to marry you and then suck the dicks of the
husbands of your friends like you're loved you're loved. Yeah, so that's
basically that. Thank God because that's too depressing to keep going on too long
for me. For my good news is that you now get to hear this story about five more
times in the episode
No kidding. I'm like I hope so I hope there's no more sad scenes. All right. Is it time for Karen to go release balloons for a mom yet?
She is Potomac what are you trying to do? I know Potomac has been really like like they have had like a few too many
real like a few too many real slash sad scenes this season.
I'm like, can we get back to the stupid stuff? Can we get back to the vaguely homophobic accusations?
Cause that's the fun stuff.
Yeah, the producers are like, this is really depressing.
Can we pretend that Robbins gonna buy a truck?
That would be really fun.
Right.
So now we go back to the hotel room in Atlanta and Sheila and Ashley are packing their
luggage and Ashley is saying that she was hurt but at the same time she's really happy
to see him in person and she feels relieved and how she's literally closed the door on
that part of her life.
And I actually was very happy for her because even though it did not go the way she wanted,
I honestly can't imagine the void she probably might have felt knowing her if she just had never
gone to meet her father ever in her
life and at least the very at least
she got to lay eyes on him in person.
So I was actually happy for her.
And then we began the real episode
where we get to see everybody doing
their daily routines.
Monique's over at the doctor who's
like Daily routines Monique's over at the doctor
The first baby
And then we go to robbins I traveled by penny-farthing
Carry a baby for miss
Eliza
Blow flirty and that baby was named President Truman.
I actually delivered the first Snickers baby. That's the Snickers family.
I'd delivered a baby. So the mean baby cried and cried and cried and she grew up to be Tafford Mary, Tafford Mary.
So then we go over to Robyn's investment house where she's swiffering. She's like, I'm so proud.
I'm so proud of my house.
I'm still laughing that we made this doctor by the way.
It's like Southern Gothic doctor.
He was just like an old Jewish guy.
Also by the way, the music, one of our listeners reached out to, I don't know if it's us or to me or whatever on Instagram, sorry listener, I don't have your name in front of me, but
she said that the music that you are so fond of Ronnie is based off of a local Maryland
style of music called Gogo music. I love that local Maryland style of music called go-go music.
I love that music. It's my favorite house-wise music. Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Bada! Let's have an open house because yeah, I want to show my friends, you know, I wanted to be celebratory And their friends like let's call it cell
Breitory because it'll be like celebrating, but we'll also sell it
Well, it's like yeah, that's a good idea, but it's also
Just bad smell. Yeah, you know, sometimes you got to be careful next. You know, they're gonna be like well
We want to sell it, but you know, we don't want to push it too hard
So we're just gonna sell it a bit. So it's gonna be our celibate house
Unlike me and one who are banking like bunny rabbits. It's the constantly
So can't this and her mother are at the salon and Candace is like let's have a
Cheers let's have a Cheers to you not being a diva the mom's like
She's like no to you to you and I'm like could you stop dissing your mother while she's paying for a fucking manicure?
You really are one of the biggest rats in the world
I'm sure you're asked to not pull out a credit card at this salon for real.
Exactly. And I also hate like how she makes toast. And she says to not
being a diva as though it extends to both of them. And then she just says, no, it
only applies to you. That is not helpful. That is not helpful.
So now we so then Robin is over it talking to a pop-on. She's like
Hi, Papa. He's like, so you won't be in the truck business. He's like an old guy had a nickel
She goes I'm Robin which was like really the most like high-um-tetti moment that Robbins ever had
I'm Robin, which was like really the most like high-um-tetti moment that Robin's ever had. I'm exploring. I want as much info as you can give me. I'm in the house flipping business.
So dump trucks are coming in and out all the time, and I'm paying trucks to take in and out
materials, so I thought why not get my own truck? It's like wait a minute. Don't you have a PR
business? What has happened to business? What is happening with your
life? Now you're going to have a dump truck business. Yeah, I felt like the last like real housewives
person who got into trucking was like Joe Gorgah. Okay, I think that's not a good sign. I don't
think you want to follow in his paths. Yeah. So, so, so, uh, Jacelle shows up and her chin is like so high, which means that she is like so ready to cast judgment
She's just like, all right, serving the situation, my chin is high, which means I will be making shitty comments
Followed by messy gossip in a moment
Yeah, he's like, are you gonna join her business for women with government contracts?
And she's like, oh no, I don't want any partners.
So what's the price range of these things?
And he's like, well, this tractor is gonna run around 150,000.
And then this one's about 200,000 because it's already mating.
Yeah.
And they're like shocked.
And Robin's like, well, I'm in the Discovery phase, which was a hilarious callback.
I was like, you know what, Robin, based off of that one joke, I think I'd like you again.
Cut back, cut to Karen's getting shade from her supposed best friend to sell about her own business.
Le Don, Blake Wong.
We're gonna discover a phase, discover a phase of Le Don. Blake Wong. Oh, I discovered face. Scabber face. Blah, blah, blah. Mm-hmm. Scabbering.
You know, you know how it is.
It's a face.
I discovered.
Mm-hmm.
By the way, I loved Bill, the trucker guy.
I want him to just be a cast member.
I just want him to show up in scenes and like,
say a few lines and then just keep on walking.
Yeah, then just walk back to the cracker barrel
he was born from.
Ha, ha, ha. So they hop in the truck and I was getting flashbacks to flirting with disaster.
One of my favorite comedies of the 90s as they started driving this truck around and
just circling around.
I don't know.
I was a little scared.
I thought there was going to be a small post office.
I was going to get run over by Robin.
Yeah.
I like it. I was gonna get run over by Robin. Yeah, I like that just how I was like,
you know what, when I think of trucks,
I don't think of beautiful ladies like Robin Dixon.
I think of old white men with a guy, like that guy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Conconconcon and uh and uh when they're you know doing the gossip section of this scene
Robin's like so you're still coming to my open house tonight, right?
Or you're coming to my open house, right? I know you're mad at Monique, but please leave the pregnant lady alone
Please
Chisels like mmm that's even more reason to go after her. She's pregnant. It's more fun
Yeah Like, mmm, that's even more reason to go after her. She's pregnant. It's more fun. Yeah.
And Jacelle's like, oh, I've learned.
I've learned.
And I know in my gut that I've been nice to Monique.
And I'm not taking an onsen, sa!
But I need to communicate better.
So I'm going to work on that.
I can write.
Can we remember what it is that Jacelle is mad about?
It's so funny because the arguments right now
are like these layers of gossip that are so hard to track back.
So, Jacelle is mad because because Monique told Ashley that she thinks that Jacelle and Robin
don't understand what she's going through. So, so, Jacelle is mad that Monique told Ashley that.
Candice is mad because Monique showed Ashley, her private text messages with Monique
and then Ashley told herself that, right?
And Ashley is mad at Candace because Candace has been pushing the Michael Suckstick comment
thing the hardest.
And Karen is mad at Ashley.
Karen hates Ashley right now because...
About the fight they got into the farm.
Right, which was based off of Karen trying to be like she doesn't talk about Michael the way everyone else.
It's so, I mean, it's really, you gotta sometimes have a moment to just sort it all out.
Okay, I feel good, I feel you set.
But, Jizella's really mad at Monique because Monique brought on her boyfriend's ex last week.
Exactly. She still can't get over it.
And also, Jizella just doesn't like people that won't kiss her ass.
Basically.
That's true too.
So I'm Team Monique always.
I'm always Team Antagizelle, even though this year I really think she's hilarious.
Yeah.
So now we go with Karen and her sister, bitching at each other in the car like an old
married couple.
Yeah, they're in like a fancy Jaguar and Karen's like, hmm, you can hit zero.
A hundred in this one.
I'm gonna go speeding down the street,
down this very small street that's 20 feet long
before the first upside.
Oh, look at him, let's hit 25.
Her sister's like, why would you?
Karen's like, let's get a live, a little.
We gotta live, you ever play tennis?
So that's what I did with Ray last week.
We were living.
You sort of seen Ray as a ball machine.
I have a drawing very slowly on a motorcycle through a supervised course,
living a little bit as live.
So she's like, Daddy would have enjoyed my garden thing.
Daddy would have enjoyed it and she goes,
our car
So do they own this car together? I have no idea
Confused so then her sister Bridges like did you take my lipstick because I have my 520 but I'm looking for my 740
And she's like oh really well Bridget
When we're done I'll buy you a 520 and a 750
When we're done, I'll buy you a 520 and a 750. I'm rich.
It's like, are you guys talking about lipstick or highways or plane models?
I can't figure it out.
This is the Grand Dom of commercial breaks.
Time to take one.
Security.
Security.
Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter
or in court.
I'm Matt Bellasife
And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell.
Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened,
and the repercussions.
What does our obsession with these feuds say about us?
We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin
and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows.
It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.
But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon.
Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying
any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a
carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your
podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya.
I didn't care and at one point gets herself all caught up in her own Wondering out. Little Briton. Mmm. She was the primary caretaker of Mommy and Daddy, and her doing that allowed me to follow
my dreams.
I've lived on.
I've lived on.
I've lived on.
I've lived on.
I've lived on.
I've said it there.
I've said it there.
I've said it.
I've said it.
I've said it.
I've said it.
I've said it. I've said it.
I've said it.
I've said it.
I've said it.
I've said it.
I've said it.
I've said it. I've said it. I've said it. I've dreams smell good. Whittle it down.
Now my dream has come true.
I met Macy Gray at Ross Dress for less, and I said,
hey, sit around while my daughter sings things.
And it happened.
Dreams came true.
So they take white balloons to the lake
to do a goodbye to their parents and an acceptance speech
or something.
And she's like well listen parents mummy daddy
We're not saying goodbye. We're saying see you soon and I would like to thank them for raising me to be the
Matriarch member of this family with a said-code ladom
It feels good to finally be the matriarch who go from zero to hundred and five seconds in her brand new Jaguar
Unfortunately does not have a laser display in it, so we'll just have to keep those at home for the den
Well Raven recorded amazing grace, but instead I'm gonna play my friend Macy's version
Amazing crazy
Oh, hold on let me see I'm sure I have the cassette here somewhere. Okay, let's press play
Carried this is basic gray collie. I think that you might have stolen the wallet out of my purse
I miss I seem to have misplay. Oh, no, that's not the one. That's the voicemail from my friend Bay see you know
I'm friends with all right, let's play this one now
I like that you'd actually bring your answering machine cassette That's a voicemail from my friend base you know I'm friends with All right, let's play this one now. I
Like that you'd actually bring your answering machine cuz that
Oh, okay, let's play a macy grace song. Hello, you've reached the gigas. You know what to do after the beat
Oh, sorry, there's my answer machine greeting
So then they play Raven's version of amazing grace and I realize why it sounds kind of weird because there's they don't have the melody in it It's just all the harmonies. There's not one solid amazing grace. It's just like
Like all the harmonies
Why is that it like listen?
You need that the harmonies or the melodies, but for this price you're not getting all together
So then they let go of an enormous amount of balloons which you know
I'm glad that you guys are honoring your parents, but you know how many birds parents you just killed
Orphaned so many birds like a seagull that is
now walking into Mesa Grace office. So money cover it, money can Chris's house
they are doing a CPR class for their kids. Led byina Menzel. I was like, wow, look at what she's doing.
She's like, all right, first kids.
I was so fascinated by this because I'm sorry, by the way, Ronnie, I would have, I would have added on, but the only other one I know is let it go. And I was like, I'm not sure
if I'm going to go there in the podcast.
I don't know my theme in itself very well.
So, they're like an practice CPR.
And I just like this like image of like Chris doing CPR on a dummy
and just like, all right, I'm going to do CPR.
And he just like pushes the dummy through the floor.
Yeah, the dummy's head pops off look sorry dummy. He gets flattened into a rug
So yeah, so they're doing CPR lessons and the kids are like not paying attention and I thought like Monique and Chris were like a little
than the kids are like not paying attention. And I thought like Monique and Chris were like a little casual
in their discipline.
I'm like, uh, this is CPR, this is important.
My parents would be like Benjamin, sit down,
write this second.
And I'd be like, yes, okay.
Well, who to thought, like a two year old
doesn't want to sit down for a CPR class?
I mean, this is crazy.
Uh, so that's basically it. I don't mind. I'm not gonna talk about
CPR okay. I'm not gonna do it today.
I actually learned CPR from that but you know
I kind of did I mean kind of because I was only half watching it
But I think you know so if you choke I guess we'll get to see yeah, yeah
Well, that's I'm like that's more of a hind leg situation so never mind your f**k
I once choked on aren'tese when I was home alone.
It was very scary.
I thought I was gonna be like,
Shelley Long and hello again.
I was like, please don't let this be how I go out.
So, it's true story.
So now we go to a winery,
where Candace, Dorothy and Candace's half sister,
Crystal have walked in for a tasting, and they're all wearing like matching skunk jackets and then Dorothy and Candace are wearing Chanel matching Chanel belts. It was just like, like an awful display of like mother daughter codependency.
those fucking belts. I hate them. I feel like people who wear labels like that are just so like money they just got, you know, I hate saying new money because I wish I was new money.
But it's just so direct, you know, it's like look at me. I'm rich. You're gonna be broken
five minutes. Exactly. Exactly. So, and we know that they got the monetsy anyway, you know,
not real. And they walk in the like Cruella de Vilcoes,
which I thought was really funny.
They were like disgusting, this is weird, white, skunky.
I don't know, they were like, not even like full coats,
they were like, they were like vests.
They just looked ridiculous.
It was like a ridiculous garment,
and the fact that there were three of them,
I was just mortified for everyone involved
in the production, design, and execution of these vests and everything involved.
Yeah, they're like kind of all awful. Well, I like the sister crystal, but this is family's just the sister's just kind of violating you know heart of this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they go to a wine tasting place and Candace is like, well, you know, if we can go from yelling and screaming
and carrying on to dressing and matching for codes from the same credit card, I mean,
that's something.
Is it so then Candace is tasting the wine and she's like, hmm, that ending is like, hmm,
what is that?
Is that like, what is it?
I can't tell what this, like Candace, stop it. You don't know what you're talking about. It's like, what is it? I can't tell what this, like, can't just stop it.
You don't know what you're talking about.
It's like, just stop it.
The end.
Yeah, stop it with your tacky fur.
It's parish, but it's warm at the end.
Parish, come on.
She's like, and just to remind you all
that I may not be very classy, but I am definitely
on Bravo.
I'll order a Sarkudary tray.
Yes.
Yes.
I will be having a Sarkuderie tray to go with my parish wine with
the warm ending. I'm getting notes of, may notes of glass and wine. That's what I'm doing.
So they go outside for a little outdoor lunch and she's like, you know, me and my mother both need
to be conscious of how we communicate and my mom is going to have the hardest time with that.
So she's sitting down and she's like, oh my god, my pants are tied.
I'm getting thick.
And the mom says, are you gaining weight?
Which doesn't sound like a bitchy question.
That's what she just said.
And then Crystal, who is not having the mom at all, is like, um, no, she said getting
thick mom.
There's a difference.
Well, also what was funny is before even they started saying that when they sat down
and the Shak could retray was there
Dorothy just turns the can this and goes, oh, are we eating bread?
So she's already like just shaming her
So what sort of finish does your bread have is it like three pounds?
Carriage notes from that oh
So crystals like okay, so the camera man's falling asleep over there. So let's talk about therapy, okay?
Yeah, I assume you've learned a lot about yourself just as Candace did and Dorothy's like um honey
I already knew about myself, okay? I've created two monsters
And I made you dependent on me and I'm really happy about it and every time you get mad at me
I secretly get off there done
And so yeah, she's like I just went there to help Candace and Crystal says well, you know other people can grow to
Yeah, and Ken like this is why you don't have your own condo, okay?
The your mom pays for crystal exactly, and so crystal the Candace says you know
Crystal is 10 years my junior which is crazy because I just feel like she so often
schools me. I mean, I guess I guess that speaks more about my rampant in
maturity than anything else, but, you know, gosh, this has a real Paris finish,
doesn't it? Real.
So she just starts talking shit about the girls.
Yeah. And she's like, yeah, well,
Chezelle proceeds to tell me that Monique was talking shit
about me. And the mom's like, like, what? Like poo poo?
Did she talking poo poo about you?
Like, get me away from this family. Get me away. Listen,
you know, there has been progress because guess what,
Candice made it through the entire scene without blotting her eye with a square napkin.
Yeah. Yeah, savotry. Yeah, you saved a tree, Candace. Yeah. So now Candace is seeing another side of
Monique that she didn't see before as making her question who she is. I'm like, what, like,
what other side Monique's showed Ashley attacks that you wrote because you were being a bitch
Yeah, so then the mom gives some some of that advice that she's a millionaire for
Relationships are worth it if they're worth it. Thanks. Okay. You're paying for lunch drink. Thanks
Yeah, so now we go over to Karen's house. It's a very random scene and
Karen's friend Kia comes over and Karen's like oh, oh, she has my girl. Well, she is she's wonderful
She is she's oh the scene's already over. Okay. All right fine
Kia very very dear friend of mine. You might have heard of her from I don't know
I just thought of a discount car named the girl what's her name?
Yeah, so Kia
Howdy
Honda my friend Honda's here
Listen Kia Saranta is very exotic. She's not about my dream to launch
LaDom for years and years and years supportive
She's so supportive. I'm not gonna let her say a single word to see. And when you do something as important, as launch a fragrance.
You want people to know, you want people surrounding you that you know are rooting for you.
Now Kea has double airbags and no one is rooting for you more in a rack than a key up. No, it's really important to have people who are supporting you.
They're just there in the in the friend zone for you and he has got dual zone support.
That's what I like about her and her seat's warm.
So when I sit in her, I feel warm and loved and my dream of the dog comes true.
Oh dual seat warmers.
Hmm.
It's not just the driver that's got warm buttocks, it's also the passenger.
Let me tell you something, my dream is going from 0 to 60 and less than 10 seconds thanks to Kia.
Bridget's like, but why would you do that?
Get out of the seat!
Get out! You're in the Jaguars, you're not the Kia, see?
So she's like this, hmm?
Is the bottom of the bottle of the bottle of the bottle of the bottle
and he's like
They're all like she's looking as if she's seeing a hologram or something you know like
Wow and me what the top keeps falling off this stupid bottle and yes the top does a fat
None of the tops fit the bottles, which is so fucking
Karen, I love that.
You know that she just ordered this shit off,
Ollie Bobbob.
Yeah, she's like, oh, hmm.
Well, we have visited ourselves in such a way that it ensures success.
It ensures success.
Here's what we do.
We have two glass bottles, and we're going to fill them up with
Windex and sell them and say, guess we thought out of a hundred percent of our
Majority success has been in sure
It ensures success cut to the bottle fall or the top falling off on the floor and key having to get on the floor to look around for the
Top I think Aaron's just looking at her bottle like this a very generic perfume box goes. I it I do I like it I like it I like it
I really need to nail this one and I believe I have
Oh I've got an idea this is what we don't lose the top why don't we do a little
cord little cord between the base and the top would be like my telephone you know I'm saying look
wonderful and that's what we learned from watching Southern Charm
Nora Lindsay's week.
Bravo gave notes or something to the music department.
And it's like, this is what we're going for this week.
OK, this is our new goal for the week.
We want no music playing in scenes
to show you how dramatic they are for no reason.
OK, go.
Because now we have Ashley doing dishes in complete silence. And it's so
weird. Also, she's like, scrap, scrap, scrap, scrap, scrap, scrap. I was like, where's your
dishwasher? You're supposed to be in the luxury condo. You should not be washing that knife.
Put it in the dishwasher. So she whips out her computer and it's looking stuff up and then
you come see me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and then you come see me you know what you know me
I always get into a snit about some random shit, okay. I'm a snit about something
I
Don't like that. I don't like that two top that she has in the kitchen that glass circular two top against the wall
I don't like that. It's a circle against the wall. I don't know why you have like a little bar two top and the in the in the kitchen anyway
I don't have a
third thing those are my two complaints. Maybe they took it out of Oz. Maybe but I
felt like I don't know because I know when my parents have restaurants at
clothes like everything in the house it's like wow well how comfortable a
booth with a jukebox. I just really bothered me I don't know why like I'm not
opposed to two tops being kitchens but that two top I just didn't like and then she puts a little laptop on it. I'm like why not go to like the couch?
Or Ashley furniture.
Ashley?
Order a chair.
Or do you like the name for Christ?
I just don't know why.
So like why the two top I don't know. It was like really. I wasn't even gonna mention it.
I was gonna be like Ben. This could be a rant that no one's gonna care about and even Ronnie's not really probably gonna
Co-sign that much but like so you should probably like move forward cuz like some some hills are worth dying on and this is not it as like Ben
Just just be the bigger man and I can't help myself. I had to mention it
Well, I just have compassion and I know that there's a two-top somewhere like how could you how could you say that?
Square and be flush against the wall. That's all I'm saying. Mm-hmm. It's hip-to-be square. Okay
So Michael comes in he's like hello there
He's like grabbing the walls, but he's like hello wall
Hello, to talk hello, to talk just another busy day of work and
Hello to talk. Hello to talk, just another busy day of work
and business partnership meetings with phone calls
and deals that have to go through on account
of rampant heterosexuality.
Good to meet you to talk.
May I introduce myself on to bottom.
Overall, give me the line to your private phone.
How about that?
I like that the mere mention of Michael Coss's sirens
to appear in your neighborhood.
You heard those out.
Wes Howard, please, is like, um, we are hearing that there are some podcasting about Michael Darby.
Is this license? Do you have a permit for this?
It's a furniture police.
They're to protect two tops and walls.
Yeah, like I hear that you a you are a two top sympathizer.
Um, we have a few questions for you, sir.
Hey, speaking of sympathy, Ashley's like,
so yeah, you were saying to sleep
when I got home last night.
He's like, sorry about that.
Mike, come on, dude.
Like, first you don't go with her,
and then you sleep when she comes home.
You're a dick.
And then there's some awkward pattern where she's like
Do you want some coffee and he's like?
Hey, why I don't drink coffee in the afternoons you you should know that as you know that by now and she's like
Well, yeah, but then you can get your energy up and we could have a quickie
He's like oh, yes a quickie. Yes. I want you funny second afternoon delight
Coffee and cream. I'm like, please stop trying's a quickie. Yeah, sounds you funny. Second afternoon to light, coffee and cream.
I'm like, please stop trying to work your fucking awkward sex life into this conversation.
Please, just for one.
I would.
I would very much like to have a quickie this afternoon as per my heterosexual age as my
penis is hard and needs to take you on this t-top right now.
But make sure your hair does
not get caught in between the strange crack that happens when there's a circle against
a flush wall.
Um, I would, you know, last night when you came home, I was out, but this afternoon I would
love to be in your vagina as I had a resexual with my penis.
I just think of that? I'm sure that my various deals that were threatened are now back and happening and going forward in such and business.
Business, business, envelope, envelope.
Conference call.
So, she tells him the story, you know, she tells them the whole story of what happened again.
And did you notice, by the way way that the entire time he kept going, hmm, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
This is this is normally the tone I reserve for business business.
I'm a husband.
He's interested in what his wife has to say right now as if it inspired me saying
Wow
So it's this whole sad story again and she tells us that Michael had a really bad relationship with his own father
So it's like fuck it, you know, like you've already married a new father. You don't need that one and
And then but you know she she knows that he wouldn't want,
she wouldn't want to see him feeling like that with his dad.
So she can understand why he didn't want her to go.
And he, but it still Michael's sort of like a dick
because she's saying, so I went up and then we knocked
and then he looked and he scowled and then he closed the door
and Michael goes, and you didn't think
you should knock on the door again.
Like, shut up, Michael, of course they did.
Stop it, stop being judgy
It's like I did but I did knock again and then she you know tell us the rest of the story and then she says that her dad turned the light out
I'm like
This dad is a fucking idiot you're gonna turn the light out and they're gonna think oh he's not home now
Oh, sorry that person who answered the door and then close the door turns out that was a vision and no one's actually home because the lights are out
Why would you turn the lights out just?
It's just another fuck you. I just hate the guy. I don't know if everything he does.
Yeah, so he's like I'm sorry. I hate to go through this. I'm pretty on pretty. You're incredible.
Wow.
Wow.
Let me have a quickie? Please stop.
Stop.
So then Robin arrives at her open house
and we see the beforeousen afters of her house.
And it's nice.
She did my job in there.
Yeah, I love a good little flip.
The couch, the furniture.
Yeah.
Listen, but the back splash was a problem.
Oh, do you hate that back splash? I did not like, well, I don't like, I don't inherently hate the back splash was a problem Because oh do you hate that back splash? I did not like well
I don't like I don't inherently hate that back splash
But I did not think it was a good match because the cabinets were like this the cabinets were I actually I didn't the cabinets were actually the real problem
They were like not very modern. They were sort of like they're just like brown
They were dark, but they're I don't know
I just didn't love them and then what happened is you have a back splash That if you're gonna have like dark cabinets in my mind cuz I'm a maven. Whoa, you have a back splash
That's like lighter maybe but it was like this really aggressive
Like back splash that wasn't subway tile that was like narrow sort of brick pattern and so you had summer white summer gray and summer black
So it was like this three-tone
Thing that was like very busy and then you
had like it didn't. I feel like you're gonna do something busy if you have like a very like um
I don't know. It did it did not provide the contrast that I would have wanted in a flip okay and so the
the streak of terrible backsplashes on Bravo continues.
Continues. Um so uh everyone starts gathering and her mom's there. And so quick, thank you and dad should live here, which sell the house Robin. Yeah, okay. God damn it.
So she's like, yo, this is to bring potential buyers through but also to celebrate with friends and family. And who knows, someone might put in their offer.
friends and family and who knows, someone might put in their offer. Which those ladies will put in into that really quickly.
Absolutely. So they're all like talking and chatting and various people arriving.
Robbins kids are a show up and won and all that stuff.
And then Robbins real estate mentor is there and he's like,
he's just like talking to Karen and he's like, this neighborhood is not good not good at all I'm like it's like oh my goodness
hmm I mean listen I know because I oh no that's later no well yeah well it's
not later right no she says oh yeah she goes well you know this kid came up to
me and he offered to sell me some guns and I say no thank you ladom coming out soon
would you like to say something more worthwhile ladom yeah I give them an empty glass
I'm more of an empty bottle of ladom and I said put your ganja in there and smoke it and you'll
enjoy it because it's from a ladam bottle. Hmm.
She should get the kids from the neighborhood selling weed to go around selling
the ladam.
I just thought it was funny that this real estate mentor who like brought Robin into the
slip is then like going on national TV talking about how shitty the neighborhood is.
It's like wait a cell at wait a cell at.
So Robin's showing the girls the, oh she's showing Karen a Monique the house and Karen's like,
let me check out the glasses. Let me check out the glasses.
Yeah, yeah, and so then Ashley tells Robin the story about her dad.
It's not like a third or fourth time before the story, which, you know, it's a real sad story,
but it's like, do we have to sit and listen to it four times on TV I'm not sure any of it anymore
yeah and this is when she's telling Robin yeah yeah so she's telling Robin
Robin look oh that's fucking crazy like what kind of person is that so she's
giving her some nice some by form feelings know, after like a bashing her husband for the
whole year. But you know, still it counts. So she's real sweet
to her and then she's all comes in. Yeah. Don't, don't, don't
don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't
and we just, we see Karen just giving her a stink eye, like,
she's not going to be in the bottom of my dream.
She gives her that Sadie lip purse that she does.
I love when she does that purse with her lips.
She won't get to see my teeth.
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
So Monique comes up to herself,
she's like, hello, hello,
she gives her like a little kiss.
And she's just like, oh, you were gonna hug me, yeah?
Third year in a row, you're like, she's out in the Robin Dope, like me row you like Chiselle and Robin don't like me Chiselle and Robin don't like me
Aren't you tired of saying the same thing?
It's like aren't you tired of being combative walking you to every single room like what the fuck
Yeah, and by the way like you know
It's a good way to make people think that that you don't like them is walking into a party and yelling at them
Yeah, and Robin and Chacelle don't like her.
You guys have made that very clear for three years.
Why are you acting like you've been so nice?
So yeah, Robin's like, damn, hello.
So Monique, what I like is that Monique barely seems bothered
by it.
She's like, how about we celebrate Robin for 10 minutes
before you dig in?
Can we just relax for a second?
And she's like, you don't tell me what to do
Like take the tour go take a tour
My plan was to pull her aside, but for her to be immediately fake like that. It set me off
Dr. Ken would be disappointed. Sorry Dr. Ken. I'm gonna write a note my bad
I'm sure Giles plan was just a pulmonic aside and have a lovely conversation.
I am sure.
So now Ashley is like,
so now they're all like sitting around
and Ashley is like, I said,
Ashley is explaining what happened.
Is she talking about what happened in Georgia yet
or is she explaining why?
Oh, she's explaining why.
Well, Ashley is trying to, you know,
Ashley's mess too. So she's like, well, she's explaining why. Well, Ashley is trying to, you know, Ashley's mess too.
So she's like, well, first of all, an explanation.
I said, I'm glad we were moving forward and she said,
and what it's like, all I say was that you minimize
what I go through.
That's all, okay, it was more so an observation.
I didn't say you didn't like me.
I just said that you minimize what I go through.
And she's all like, yeah, I've done nothing to you. I've've done nothing to you except just be rude to you for three years in a row
Yeah, except eight on you in the worst ways. Yeah
And call you a trophy wife and a hooker or whatever she's called it so Monique's like
It is like talking to a doorknob
I thought was funny. Oh, I just installed three of them. Oh wait one fell off. Sorry
Damn glue gun.
I'm still learning.
And for those of you guys who have not watched every episode,
there actually was a door knob in a situation with Robin.
So, you know, exciting, exciting arc for her.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So just like, I've actually tried to get to know you
want a better level and that didn't happen.
I'm like, oh yeah, you really tried hard just now.
Real hard.
Jizal is so foolish.
So Robin's like, oh, this is uncomfortable.
I'm going to check on my mom about how many grapes she's taken off the stem.
B or B ladies.
Yeah, she's trying to make sure everyone else feels comfortable and isn't like turned
off by all the drama.
Of course, everyone's like loving it and just like watching eating popcorn. Yeah, they all signed a release
It's not like anyone shocked that the housewives are fighting
Robbins like this could turn off a buyer this could turn off an investor. I'm like, you know, I could turn off a buyer investor
The flip well, how come he didn't change that out the exterior. Okay. What about that? What about that? Oh?
They didn't they didn't paint the exterior so they must have at least paint it that brick exterior oh I'm mad I'm
like I'm I'm still you know what this is you know I apologize to Robin I am just
carrying over my anger about the two top onto Robin's flip and I'm being
unnecessarily harsh to it she did a lovely job I spotted some IKEA pillows that
I've seen before that I have enjoyed. Great work.
You're upset about the back splash. You're upset about the two top. You're having like a just a bad design.
I think I have I think something else is going on. I think I need to see Dr. Ken.
I'm coming from a place earlier about Reagan's design on the real house or the Southern
Charm de Orleans recap. Yeah, there's just very mad. There's something there's something deeper going on with me today.
And we're going to get to the bottom of it.
I think this this weekend then secretly wants to redo his kitchen.
That's what's happening.
I think you know what maybe I have to do with the fact that I had to run my dishwasher
five times yesterday for it to like properly.
Disvolved. There it is.
There it is.
For you like, oh my god, this dishwasher is officially gone robin on me.
I just had my therapist flashback moment, right? You know like in every good show when like some like it my my moment
Where it's like you were telling me it's not your fault. It's not your fault until finally I stopped in your arms. I was like
I tried without this rasser. I tried
So the girls are getting into a sill and ask you, well first to move on we have to hear each other
That's why I repeat everything that you guys say that the people you're talking about
And girls like but Ashley Ashley
Why in the world would you take one thing that was said and then tell Jazzela was said?
Why would you bring it back to her?
I'm just like well, I'm glad she did so I don't have to pretend to be nice to my meet anymore
I mean, it's one thing to take back a bottle of La-Dah!
I'm just someone because that's a token of appreciation but why does it have to be
a lot gossip? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm did that because we're trying to get closer. And just like, well, Candace said that you wouldn't actually eat your house.
So what about that?
Yeah.
By the way, that's just all being just as messy as Monique,
who she's mad at for being messy.
And Ashley, I can't.
I'm pretty sure all of these story lines
come back to just all, which is what's so hilarious.
So Monique's like, well, if you want to hear a story,
I'll tell you a story.
I haven't talked to Candace in a while because after that baby party thing, you know, I don't
know where we stand.
And she took a position and she wanted me to take her position just because we're friends.
And I'm not going to do that.
This bullshit in WuxCandy.
Candy asks.
I was like, I like Monique's saying to yourself, well, we already know how you are with your
fairytales.
So be quiet.
Yeah.
So Candace arrives.
I'm expecting her to have a little stack of Square and Appkins ready to go for the
crime, etc.
And Robin at this point is also just cracking up by the way.
I think she's actually decided.
She's like, wait a second.
Turns out if you just stand back and just watch it, it's hilarious.
Now I get it.
Yeah.
So Candace is like, oh, sorry, I'm so late,
but I've been to the car two hours.
I mean traffic, honey, everybody drove.
Yeah.
I'm the freeway to get here, OK?
This isn't close to anybody.
So Monique's like, well, we were talking about telling
whoever I told you I wouldn't allow Ashley in my house.
What?
And Candace is like, um, let's backtrack that.
I was told by Jacelle.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
That you were showing Ashley text messages between you and I.
Yeah.
And she's like, well, yeah, I sure did,
because you brought up something to signify the fact
that I wasn't being real towards about Michael.
And I said, I was being real,
and I had the text message to prove it so there.
And Juzelle's like, well, I'm not going to text you again because you're gonna go shut the world,
but show our text to the world.
And Monique's like, you don't text me anyway.
Yeah, what are you talking about?
Shut up.
We're not even friends, shut up.
Exactly.
And then it's a nice can this is like, well, I do feel like you don't like Ashley and like not sure why you're suddenly defending her now after all that, you know.
So now Monique's like, listen, I chose to accept her apology in New Orleans and I'm not gonna hold it over her head. Like, if we're gonna move forward, I'm not gonna keep going back, like, you know, going back in time Candace Yeah Candace back back timer also Candace is horrible and she's doing that bobby pin design in her hair
Where she's just got a ton of bobby pins and she shaved them into a whammy from pressure lock
Which I think is so funny because that's what I think every time I see her like no whammy's no whammy's
Candace so then Candace launches this new theory that she thinks
Monique used her to get to Ashley like I guess like Monique
Climbed up the ash the the Candace ladder to get I don't even understand the logic of it
I don't think anyone needs to use Candace to get to Ashley
I don't think anyone needs to use Ashley. They used to get to Ashley all you have to do is set up a two-topic
As a wall. Yeah, yeah Who's trying to get to Ashley? you have to do is set up a two-top of a wall yeah yeah who's trying to get to Ashley she's got a fucking
old man and a kangaroo restaurant like give me a break I mean Monique's a
richest one if anybody's gonna be climbing to get to anybody it's gonna be
getting to Monique. Monique is married to like a rich as hell former football player
who also seems to be a very lovely person like why would she ever like need to
aspire to get to Ashley?
It doesn't make any sense. And the fact that Candace puts herself in the middle of it is like
this crazy sense of self-importance, it's ridiculous. And also I applaud it because you know a Candace
you've been totally awful this season but you've also totally earned your space on this show because
last season I was like mmm like you know you need to pipe up more. And this season, congratulations.
You are a self-involved Bravo star.
You did it.
Yeah, you're a self-involved idiot.
So welcome, congratulations.
So Robbins across the room talking
to the guy that was brought in to buy the house
and the potential buyer.
GMAC.
And she's like, well, at least you know
you can have a nice big party.
How about that?
Mike, really?
Because Candace is sitting on a kitchen stool.
It was slè¾£.
So that's true.
You're kind of failing on many levels here.
Yeah.
So Monique is telling Candace, like, don't drag me
into whatever you feel about Michael.
And Candace is like, I'm not lumping you in with anything mother,
but I also didn't throw a bottle at you and threaten your life.
And then Ash is like, but you did with me.
So you're not above it.
She's like, when did I threaten you? It's like, okay.
You don't remember waving a knife in my face?
She goes, oh, that could have been a spoon.
And she's like, it was a knife.
There's a different man.
Could you imagine Candace in court?
ma'am you are charged with
firing a gun into a crowd yes
But it could have been throwing spoons so
innocent. Yeah
Yeah, um and Robbins like well just I'll start it this and it's really selfish
This is a business is she gonna do this on my first dump truck ride?
Uh, so Candice is like, I did not threaten you.
It's like, yes, you did.
And that's why I blocked you out.
She goes, what the hell you blocked me out?
I was like, motherfucker, get the hell out of my house.
That's you blocked you out.
And they're just screaming at each other.
I've rather than like she's messing with my money now and I'm pissed.
And the buyer left.
Yeah, the buyer who is never gonna buy the place in the first place.
So, was it the awful back splash or it's human equivalent Candice will never know?
Yes.
Well, I feel better. I'm glad I got through to my design anger for today.
Thank you all for being there with me.
I was like really, really in a space,
but it was all just like projected rage,
projected rage from a dishwasher.
And that brings us to the end of Real Housewives of Potomi,
everybody.
We will talk to you tomorrow.
We have a new city to announce for our live shows.
So we'll do that tomorrow in the meantime.
Go over to Crappens on demand.
Okay, check out some videos of bonus episodes.
This week we're gonna be talking about the Netflix television show.
Uh, instant hotel.
What's the called?
Instant hotel.
Yeah, Louis.
It's probably gonna have a lot to do with my penis.
Is it a store of a bunch of all seas? So go check out
bonuses, get your tickets, get your merch. We will talk to you
tomorrow. Everyone. Hey, prime members, you can listen to
watch or crap and add free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon
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