Watch What Crappens - RHOP: Venom and Diamonds

Episode Date: August 4, 2020

The Real Housewives of Potomac returns with lots of new Karen wigs, new babies, and old grudges. For this week's premium bonus about Netflix' new show Indian Matchmaking, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **New merch! We designed lots of new face masks for Bravo lovers available at crappensmerch.com A portion of sales go to MedShare! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off, voice only. Launching during pride, Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, but these are all the different things. Kids, what happens, what happens, so much that happens. Hello, and welcome to Watch What Crapin'. So podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on Yo, but ravzah. It's me Ronnie, that's been over there, hi Ben.

Hi, how are you? Good, how you doing, bro? Lovin' Life, it's a beautiful, beautiful day here in Los Angeles and I actually went out into the world It's not crazy because I picked up my masks my brand new crap and masks They finally arrived and so I went to the UPS store where we have our mailbox and Now I have my be mask don't be all unmask Mask Well if you want yours good to crap crappin'someworks.com.

You'll find a bunch of masks. Sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-sc- So we're really excited to be back covering this crazy show Go listen to our other projects if you need some more content in these pandemic times Ben does the game brain podcast And he also does a cartoon called the real house where as a kitchen I land and I do another podcast called roast bricks, which is all bachelor's stuff. We're in full swing this season So go check them out. Oh, yes I I am on this week's episode of game Brain. It just came out today because it's like a rotating panel of people. So if you just, if you have not had enough of my monologues here on this podcast, there's more monologues by me on the Game Brain podcast. And also another thing that we did over the weekend is we rejiggered our Discord channel. You

may not realize it, but we have a Discord channel that's available to our Patreon supporters. I went in and I cleaned it up, because I originally had put in a bunch of different, like, I should say, server, Discord server. They're all these channels for this and that, whatever, and all the conversation was fragmented. So I cleaned out a bunch of the channels, and now it's kind of like being in a giant group text with all your fellow Bravo Loving friends. So it's been really cool. It's already come back to life in a really fun way. So if you are on Patreon and you support on the Discord tier or above, you have access to that Discord server and all the details are on Patreon.

And we're gonna give some shout outs to some small businesses today before we get going. My tongue is very lazy today. It's a lazy, it's August. It's an August tongue. I have a very fat tongue anyway, but it sounds like I'm drunk today. I'm not drunk.

Orch. I'm completely sober. Just have a fat tongue, okay? It's like, I'm a chubby pussy. What can I say? It's my pandemic tongue, okay? Even my tongue is gaining my feet have gained weight my tongue is gained weight every part of me Even my ears are bigger That's where I'm at. Okay, let's do some small business shout-outs. I'm gonna start with black-owned business from Nandi.

Nandi has a family friend that makes her own candles called Avalcantles and her name is Chastity and you can find them at Avalcandle.com. That's A-V-O-W-A-L-Candle.com. Avowl.Candle Company is creating luxury, luxurious-cented, naturally-derived and eco-friendly candles with customized affirmations to support you in your journey. Kai! Sounds great. I love that.

I love a candle that will take me on my journey. Okay. I've got one from Tara who just started a new blog called the Batchee Broad, the Batchee as in BETCHY Broad. And she says this is a passion project she's been wanting to do for some time and because the pandemic, I mean, hey, what better time? So it's a lifestyle and pop culture, shit talk blog that's meant to be fun and entertaining. And she can talk about pop culture and current affairs, her opinions on reality TV and music, etc, etc. Health and wellness, weekly obsession page. She's doing it all guys. She's doing it all. But she also wants it to be very interactive. It's not only about her and her opinions. She wants a user-submitted content too. She wants to create a community and she says, hopefully, this Betchy Broad community will be like the ones that we have done so well with our watch or crap in this community.

Oh, thanks. Anyway, go check out Betchy Broad at thebetchybroad.com or on Instagram at the betchy broad. Great, great name, great name. Go follow Tara. Do it. Okay, everybody. Welcome back to real housewives of Potomac. My favorite housewives interstitial music of any housewives. Great. Great. Best interstitial music best interstitial wildlife best interstitial I Don't know if there's a third thing, but we'll find it over the course of the season. There's probably something best cherry blossoms I love I'll show you occurring dough. Okay. I love it. This dough is made it into five seasons. Love it So cute. We got a shot of it today Yeah, so cute. We got a shot of it today.

Scared little deer, doe, doe a deer, female deer, or maybe it's a deer. I also like a reoccurring doe. I just like going into my kitchen. There's the doe is bad. I love a reoccurring doe as well. Yes, that's the talk to speaking of my fat done. Let's just talk about my fat tongue this whole time.

It's the reoccurring doe, okay, from Instacart. Oh, reoccurring doe. I've discovered that you can just order pizza doe at the grocery store instead of actually make it and wait all fucking day. And it's amazing, whatever chemicals they use in grocery store pizza doe, thank you. Thank you to the chemical makers,

because that's just amazing. Thank you, grocery store doe. Thank you, chemical makers. Thank you. Thank you for fun, my time. Okay. So I read an interesting article last night. Apparently, Giselle, two interesting articles, actually. One is interesting, funny, and one is interesting. So the interesting funny one is that Giselle was pushing for a long time for the women of Potomac to hold up crabs in the opening credits. I think it's hilarious if they were all holding up

some chest-to-peek-bay crabs. Just like... Well, of course the one who was married to the guy who's cheating all the time wants to normalize crabs. Okay, listen. Yeah. So.

It's a very good point. Now, the other thing, one of our listeners brought this to our attention. Maybe it's already been brought to our attention, but somehow like we didn't care as much because they were divorced But now that Jizelle and Jamal are back together we should know that he Had some really bad homophobic Rants in 2012 where you talked about

Homosexuality being a sin and yada yada yada, which is funny because left to my check. You were the one who was cheating on your wife, Mr. Sin, okay, sin, sin tax error. Okay, so that's bad and all the women should be pissed off about that and everyone should be pissed. And I'm hoping that this guy has has admittedly, it's been eight years and a lot of people around the country have updated and evolved their views on homosexuality. And I am saying the ball, the testicle is in your court, Mr. Jamal. And please, please

evolve as well and update your views. Thank you. Update your views. Sorry, your views need some updating. Yeah, sorry. I'm sorry, Mr. Cheater, Mr. Cheater, who is accusing us of sinning. I've never cheated in my life. And if sinning means that I get iced coffee every single day, then yes, I am a sinner.

But you know what, sir, don't throw crabs in the glass house. Yeah, and while we're throwing crabs, Jamal, now first of all, look, I'm no stranger to preachers saying that homosexuality is the sin. I grew up very devout Christian, okay? I know you guys can tell. I'm a very devout. I'm not really devout but that's how I grew up and of course I'm no stranger to hearing that And I'm also no stranger to preachers being big fat sinners and the way this was always explained to me was you know You don't hate sinner you hate the sin Well, guess what in this case I hate the center to fuck that guy fuck you to sell for getting back together with that guy When you're showing your children thank God for your children for being so strong

and basically telling you what I just do. Smartest people on Bravo are those kids. And also, fuck you for taking Fadras sloppy thirds because Mr. Chocolate was supposedly Fadras sloppy. I guess Fadras had him sloppy seconds or thirds or fourths or fifths knowing with this guy. And then you're taking him back. And we come on, gross, gross, Jazelle. And then you're taking him back. Come on. Gross. Gross.

Just. I don't. It is gross. I love just. I've really grown to like just a lot more as the years have gone on. I think she's an excellent housewife. That's for sure. She gets a straight across the board for that. Don't always love her, but this is really gross. Just. I expected more from you. Yeah. I, I, I, I, I'm leaving the door open for, you know,

I would like a statement. I would like him to say, listen, that's what I thought in 2012, but since then I've come to realize X, Y, and Z, because I'm open to that. I'm like the sort of person that's open to that stuff. So I'm not fully, I'm not ramping up a full campaign just yet, but it was brought to our attention. And I do think that's, you know, sir, you're now on Bravo and

you are going to be profiting off of Bravo. And the exposure you're going to be getting from Bravo will probably mean that you will, you'll get a rise in either social media or in your congregation or whatever. So you are going to be profiting off that. So you are gonna be profiting off that. So you better, you better, you better like stop calling us sinners, okay? That's what I'm saying. You have to hear first. Stop it. Well speaking of, sinning, this episode is called Old Testaments, New Revelations. So it's a very biblical title for our first

episode back in and I guess that's why we opened with glass broken on the ground and horror sounds like this. Yeah And then like inception music In the world Wow, in a world. We see Main Street and Baccon ceilings. We see Oz Restaurant upside down. The little kid falls out of the kangaroo patch. So, um, uh, yeah, we see this inception music and then there's like broken glass and then a first aid kit and then like, I kind of call it flower. I love that they have close up of a color flower. Just because we got crudite doesn't mean we have to be crude.

So, uh, then we- It's crude a-tay. So crude a-tay, so crude a-tay. So then we have like this ghostly, it's very eerie overhead shot of the trees of Potomac, like somewhere in this town, an evil presence lurks, and then it's like Potomac Maryland.

It's like, yeah, we kind of figured when we tuned in to a real house as a Potomac, we're in Potomac Maryland. Okay, all right, thanks. Hills, horror music, a freeway. And Karen's house. Karen's new house. Karen's new McMansion built in 1984 with a nice brick facade.

This is the scariest place you've ever seen. I know Karen's new house is like a really old kind of old like a standard house generic. Little black sea, a hillside. We got to Karen, she's just standing in front of her tube TV with her hands on it. Ray, they're here. Boom. We never thought this black woman we would be here, but here we are. I'm like, is this about the cauliflower?

I love the air that's going on in the world. This deep statement on Real House Plaza Potomac is about a cauliflower on the floor there's a ghost in the closet and still cody we have to get it out get her out of there oh god seven weeks earlier the cauliflower was just a little baby in the ground with the cauliflower how do i had a had a blooming future in a giant plastic tray at a local supermarket. Life seemed to be great for it. And then... WISH! BAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAP She has a little baby and she also has a bird named T'Challa Which looked like it was a cockatill of some sort. I don't remember exactly. Was it a cockatill? Cockatoo. I don't know birds. Cockatill. Don't like me.

Well, she got a new bird named T'Challa, you know, Black Panther and And Chris is there and he is Chris is holding their baby chase you is like, you know Chris is just so huge He told me this little baby and he's like, the bird didn't have small poops. Those were like big bird poops. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that bird was very large poops. Hi. Hi, yeah.

I just saw Jurassic Park again this weekend. Even though dinosaurs would look in your toilet and be like Who do you think has large fruits? I love you telling the bird. I Know he's threatened by the bird I think yeah, so he's like Chase loves football Sir I just feel like every table in that house is just like vibrating, like, boom, boom, boom, boom.

With every soul. That's where they got the sound effect from the beginning of the show. Boom. That's what it sounds like inside the fish tank in the kitchen. That's basic, those poor fish think there's a predator coming at all times.

That's what happened to cauliflower. It just was like a whole cauliflower and he's like, holy flour and the vibrations just like cause it to like split apart. Yeah, do that away from the bike because man was it? I was doing it away from the mic. Are you still was it still getting blown out? Vibrates, yeah, vibrates me. Oh, sorry everyone. To my Corbin.

Well, it may also be an issue because Skype sometimes, no, Skype wasn't doing it. Skype sometimes like amps up my volume. I apologize, everyone. Oh, you know, I think it's nothing. Oh, I think it's nothing. Oh, my microphone is set on high. I'm so sorry. I was probably blowing out the audio for the whole first 45 minutes of this episode.

Boom. So she's like, well, that's his morning poops because he holds it in all night. So that's how we open Potomac talking about poop. Yeah, and Chris is playing with the baby and she's like, you know, I'm always being pulled left and right. I'm just trying to balance myself. So I got an animal. When everybody with too many kids needs one more fucking thing to take care of. Yeah, exactly. First of all, when, since when have you loved all animals? This is like a new thing.

And second of all, who needs a like famously fussy animal that has oversized shits to like, like, to relieve the stress? I don't get that. Also, by the way, she's like, I just need a bird, you know, you know what, like he is a stress reliever for me. I'm like, you have an aquarium in your kitchen. You have an enormous aquarium that rivals the Baltimore aquarium right there

and you're still not relaxed. The bird isn't gonna do it. Yeah, I don't think birds are big stress relievers. They'll fuck with you birds, you know? I have stress makers. They're strong stress makers. I'm not off about the gackles. Those things will with you birds. They're strong on all the ghattles. Those things will get you. So anyway, she brags about how her bird is smarter than most people's bird. Basically, it's like a child. You know, you

think your bird is the best bird. And she has the little leash for it because she's gonna go over the Karen's house. And she's like, Tachala, we're going to meet Miss Karen now. That's the only bitch I trust. So please don't snatch her wig. Yeah. And then she's like, she's like, T'Challa, calm down. You're, you're, he's being so extra. He is a bird.

Birds are literally born to be extra. They are the most extra animals on the planet perhaps. Yeah, you, you got a bird named T'Challa, okay? He's very principled So when he was excited she doesn't have to drive 45 minutes any more to see Karen and We learned that Karen has not learned her lesson with the ring the ring cam Which didn't really work for her last time when they tried to deliver pizza to her fake cows

It apparently did not alert Karen that they were there. So you know what? I would check into a different brand of Frank Campbell. Guy. Yeah, seriously, because Karen opened the door and she's like, what the hell? What is that? Security, security. And she tells her, are you bringing that in?

And Monique's like, well, I do have a cage for it. It's like get the cage You brought the bird and not the damn baby What the H.E. Double hoggies fix is going on here Father God in heaven Next time please facts me what you'll be bringing over to my house. I can be adequately prepared Please fax me what you'll be bringing over to my house. I can be adequately prepared Now Karen always does the lip-percing thing while she's taught Oh, you know while she's talking where she's rubbing the back. She's rubbing the front of her teeth with the back of her lips She's always done that but she now looks like she's just eating little baby pieces of popcorn the whole time she's talking

Get the cage, mmmm, get the cage, mmmm, get the cage, get the cage, mmmm, little kernel up there, little kernel up there in my teeth, mmmm, the cage for the kernel please. Switch over to cauliflower from this popcorn. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, So, uh, Karen's like, honey, the Grand Dom is back in Potomac. Mmmmm.

Brand new stoop, so you can leave all the pizza you want in this time I'll eat it. Ooh. Uh, you want a small tour? Mmm. This will be the living room when I'm done. I'm poor at the living room. It's nothing now. Nothing to live.

Touched and dark. Great to be with you down the presents. So she's nothing now. Nothing to live. Touched and I've got it with a little presence So she's walking around showing the house and I think that this is real this house for some it does It was it looked real it also looked pretty much the same as all her other houses I was happy to see some updated appliances that was that was big news. I wonder how she. I wonder if she like gets vertigo when she sees like Like her countertops and not not all white appliances. Oh god I'm not easy with all these strange shades of gray and yeah, I don't know what to do. I'm holding on holding on to your life A phone without a cord

Won't you lose it? What's this us be cable? I don't understand it But once you lose it, what's this us be cable? I don't understand it So she in her testimonials is wearing this Like butterfly. What would you call it like maybe when a butterfly is shedding the cocoon and it's still got all that gun on it Like a baby coming out with placenta Something from a chloral I think it was it felt to me something very much like from a coral reef Right like something that you would learn about on a nature special. That's what she was wearing Yeah, she looked like a couch in Marlago

And a little short blonde wig It was like part Halle Berry part Robin the pop singer It was like if they hired like Nini's wig stylist to do a Liza Manelli movie. It was like kind of a Liza cut, but that blonde, that super blonde look. Yeah, yeah. She's like, look at me.

I'm giving you all sorts of visual sensations right now. Yes, I'm loving carrying back on my television. I'm loving her chewing nothing. I'm loving it. I'm loving her wig. I'm loving her crazy cocoon couch outfit. Yeah, it's great, it's great. So they, the producer asked Monique,

what do you think of Karen Tasson? She's like, I liked it, it's cute for her and Ray. What, that was no say, that was no say, eh eh eh, nah, but she does not have a fish tank in her kitchen. It was confused by the lack of the fish tank. I mean, how do you cook without having a giant fish tank right there? I don't know. So they go out to a woman who, if ever there was a woman who would have a bird with small

poops, it's Karen. I'll just leave it there. You have to make, you have to make tropical birds to lose tropical birds. So, that doesn't mean anything, I don't get it. So, they go out to a gazebo out back and Karen is talking about everything and she's like, yeah, so well, if we love this house and we feel more comfortable, right? It's happier. And then they show a picture of Karen and Ray dancing to show that they're happier and she's wearing this like rhinestone blazer thing

Which then becomes like a theme for the episode everyone is wearing rhinestone vertical lines at some point in this episode It feels like but I just love it like well, we're happy look here We danced at one point in the past the past nine months. We were happy now. Happy Happy look here we danced at one point in the past nine months. We were happy now happy Never been happier. It's like a little mac and cheese sliding out of raised mouth. You like tries to shuffle around And then we thought it out we cook the best the best friend of the dough is outside when they go outside to talk Yes Yes, so then Karen starts telling us that their relationship is facing some challenges because, you know,

I started the business and I'm not here that much anymore. I'm traveling, you know, to the DomCon. That's the big convention where we celebrate the Dom. I have tens and tens of people who said that they would be possibly interested in coming. So of course, that takes up a lot of time in my life. You know, it was very hard organizing Lidama skate. It was very difficult.

We had a backwards skate, a couple of skate, a couple of doms. We did have a little bit of a PR snafu, turns out one of our big big Lidama fans, a guy named Jeffrey, and he went online and said he's a big Jeffrey Dahmer, and fortunately that kind of backfire did not face a little bit. Clanting a movie, Tom and Toma. One of my wigs versus another one. I did get sued by the Tom's cooperation because I did release a theme song that went dumb, the dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Um, I love Karen's imaginary life, where her perfume business is now like dynasty. It's now, it's not this huge business,

and she's got mansions all over the country. And so many love, dumb engagements. Well, it's, it's taken me all across the world. The world cost world plus that is, you know. But she says, well, yes, I have noticed that there's been a little bit of a disconnect with Ray, and then the camera zooms in on our cocktail when she says that. I'm like, oh, it's so shady. It's driving her to drink.

And one makes it like, yeah, Karen doesn't usually talk about her relationship So this has got to be pretty serious and then they showed Karen picking up her drink Okay, this is the sound of her lips as she picks up her drink and then drinks it You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that?

You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that?

You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that?

You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? You want that? little bit. But he doesn't take ownership of that, that pisses me off. I'm gonna think, um, is this a kind of problem where you think you guys aren't gonna make it? And Karen's like, I'm scared. I'm scared. That's where I'm at. You know, marrying someone who's 17 years old or has his challenges. I mean, he's ready to retire and I'm ready to, you know, do something with my life. I want to buy a Prius, he wants to buy a Pennyfather, and we just have from different generations. But I'm not gonna lose my man.

Yeah. Color flower on the floor. Boooom. Marshall, it's time for a crap. Ronnie, raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting.

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Oh yeah, I love Clarna. Clarna is a shopping app so you can browse, you can buy anything there. You can shop anywhere from one app. It's a good shop. Yeah, it's actually Swedish. And so you know I inherently trust anything that comes from Sweden because they perfected me balls and so that like gives it a lot of you know Authority in my mind and so Clarna is this a lot of, you know, authority in my mind. And so, Clarna is this really cool revolutionary new online shopping app. And you can pay for anything in four interest repayments, which is really good and really flexible. So I like that a lot.

And you can also get customized price drop alerts, along with getting the best deals naturally. You can just set alerts and find what you want as on sale. Yeah, and then you can also, actually one of my favorite things is creating ensuring wish list because I love making lists. And I also sometimes I'll be walking around and I'm like, you know what, I really need,

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It's like, here's a panel, then here's a panel, then here's a panel, but it's all in letterbox. Yeah, they're like, now we're a cinema film. But now we're not, because it's like, we're the highest class show ever now. Wait a second. Jacelle's gonna wrap her chairs from Target. Actually, they're not from Target, wherever she got these tools. And I want to know where she got them. I think it's set on the box. But I have to know because girl, I love some furniture being delivered put together. Bravo.

Yeah, that was very impressive. What's less impressive is everything else that happened with that house. put together. Bravo! Yeah, that was very impressive. What's less impressive is everything else that happened with that house. So when she bought that house last year, for real, when she bought that house last year, I actually, I seem to remember on the podcast saying that I actually really liked the house because I felt like it had some really cool kind of like, I don't know if it's mid-century features,

but like old school features that I really liked. And I think we didn't we talk about like the stuff that she wanted to strip away was stuff that were like, no, that's the best part, right? So now she has like turned everything into just this horrific monstrosity. She put in like a fuchsia accent wall, painted everything white.

It's like a horrific, gifting suite or one of those pop-up experiences and pop-up activation for influencers to come by. Like all that was missing was like, stupid, neon words that said something like, saucy or too sexy, something like that. You know the bullshit that copped up in her foyer. Yeah, it's awful.

Oh, that's great. I'm sorry for the way. That's right, the way. Thousands and thousands of dollars. What, Kyle's neon? Yeah. It's some, I am sorry for the way the cost, thousands and thousands of dollars. What, Kyle's neon? Yeah. It's some famous words that makes that. Please go on, please tell me.

That's all I know, someone told me that on Instagram. They're like, by the way, guys, Kyle's art is not going to go away anytime soon because there's a thumb loose. Well, even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes. Even Kelsey Chatterbox makes mistakes or whatever the artist name is. Sorry, but guess what? Yeah. Neon cursive science has been out since, you know, the pioneer days.

So get out of here with your- But that is so Kyle Richards to get this piece of neon art that may be worth thousands and putting it in the most visible place of the house where it doesn't match at all in a house where it doesn't match and it's the sort of art that doesn't even like match her personality. She got it purely because it's famous. That is so Kyle Richards. That is so Kyle Richards. But that's neither Kyle nor Kim. Let's get back to the chair. Make just house houses not cute. And that's really dark red pleather couch Reds really rug

Oh, no, it's just it's awful and then she's like I want things blingy. I want things blingy That's my decor style blingy. That's fine. You can have it blingy But you can there's a way to be do blingy without being tacky. I'm not totally sure how it is how to do that But there's a way to do that. And whatever she did does like. And also like measure things, you know? Like if you're gonna have a velvet, tufted bench or whatever in your kitchen, okay,

that's a cute idea. Measure where you're gonna put it. Don't just like get some random thing and shove it in the window. No, just out now just out is If you got rid of your gay because you're now with your with your old husband again, because you need him back It's it's awful. It's making Z gallery. It looks like Rimmin board. It's just it's it's making Z gallery look a gallery. Am I right? Girl, I'm alright hit it boys

My right girl. My right hit a boys. My right fuck kill. Z gallery, ribbon board, or CB2. Yeah, red leather and pink walls, yikes. That's my note. So she's like, Children, can you help me with these boxes? These are our new barstools.

And the kids come in and they are just all giving her looks like fuck you lady. Yeah, we get instant migraines when we see your accent walled mother fuck you. So no one looks very happy. And she's like, let's call your father and tell him about your first date at school. And they look really mad that she's calling him. And so she calls him on speaker phone. And I don't know his height.

I mean, I haven't really been introduced to Jamal on this show much. I've seen like pictures. I don't know his height. I mean, I haven't really been introduced to Jamal on this show much. I've seen pictures. I don't know if he's a little guy, a big guy. He gives a very short energy. I'm not just saying that because it's almost like a moment. He gives very short energy on the phone. If you're short, you should aim your phone right

so that you feel the frame. And you make an effort. If a guy is talking to you in his heads all the way at the bottom of the screen, it's like, that's like the least amount of effort you can do for me. It's like make yourself look decent on FaceTime, you know? If you're giving, if you're giving short energy over FaceTime, that's a problem that you have to look into.

Okay, maybe that's why he's over fullback. Maybe he just has, like, he knows he's got issues, so he has to project it onto us, Gaze, because if you're giving short and face time, short energy, like Beyonce gives, like, crazy tall energy, right? You see Beyonce, she looks like she's six, six one, maybe. But she's actually, I think in reality, like,

five, three or five four, apparently. He's like, like, that's how you do it. Yeah. Well, you just make your, if you care, you make yourself look good, right? Like, I'm chubby, so when I face time, I don't want you to have to look at my chins, the camera's on the fucking ceiling, okay? I'm like looking up at this, I have it like attached to a ceiling fan.

So you're both dizzyed and you think I'm smaller. You know, like I make an effort to make you like, I like just make an effort, I'm all that's what I'm saying. Yeah, make an effort, okay. Maybe if he had a gaze, someone could, you know, he'd be helped. So anyway, so he's face-sounding with the girls and You know, Jacelle's been divorced from him for 12 years But they've like rebuilt a friendship and then she's like, well, I spoke with my best friends husband Kevin Lyall

Azza, I'm like, I don't know why you need to name drop Kevin Lyalls But I did look it up and Kevin Lyall's married to Erica Lyall name drop Kevin Liles, but I did look it up and Kevin Liles married to Erica Liles, which then took me back to the big scandal of Ray with all over Erica Liles. Some hoping that maybe that comes back since they're like name checking Kevin Liles so early, but either way, Kevin gave some really shitty advice if you asked me, which was, is anyone going to love your kids more than Jamal? And she's like, no, and is there anyone you want to travel the world with and make memories with? And I said, no, so we got back together. I'm like, I don't think this is, I don't think

this is good relationship advice, because obviously the father is going to hopefully love those kids more than anyone else in the world. That's a given. And second of all, she had a string of terrible relationship. She had Sherman all, she had a string of terrible, she had Sherman for crying out loud. So of course she's yearning to go back to something that's comfortable. So Kevin Lyle's, she also really liked the first lady role, you know.

I think she misses that too, kind of being a movie spot. Yeah, probably. As a member of a couple, was it last year when she's like, okay, I'm the first lady. Yeah, I'm gonna fix everyone's problems. And then everyone came over and then she was like super mature and giving really good advice and not acting like herself at all Yeah And got respect. I think she misses that part of it too. I don't know, but I'll tell you this

Mendochange, okay, yeah, they can try it to we can try okay I'm not saying that they can't change their behavior, but they usually don't. Okay, sorry. Are you with me all you want? Sorry, men don't change. Have fun going down that road against Sucker. Yeah, sorry to say that, but I don't know if I'm gonna say like, men don't change, but I will say that I have a feeling that cheaters generally don't change. So especially once you get short FaceTime energy. So anyway. So the kids are like really don't care to speak to their dad right now. And I should also mention right now,

it should go without saying that of course, Giselle has Mackenzie Child in her kitchen. And she put like, she spatially arranged like little apples on this like stupid checkerboard platter that she had, but she arranged in this really, the point is I was just getting so trickered left and right in this, I don't even know where it was at. Well, they don't want to talk to him,

and he doesn't really seem to want to talk to them either. So the conversation is this, hi. Okay, well, we'll talk to you later. Bye. Yeah, that's it. It was just a tiny head. And then everybody looking at each other angrily.

Yeah. Oh, wait, one more thing. I think this will trigger both of us. Did you see that Giselle got an electric stove? No. I didn't. She voluntarily chose to get an electric stove. Is that bad an electric stove? I don't know.

I've never had an electric stove. Well, I mean, she got a really fancy one, so it looks nice. And I mean, what's good about an electric stove is that the new ones, if there's like, there's sort of like one big flat surface, you can just like clean them so easily. But generally speaking, you always want the gas if you can get the gas. And I was like, that's like, it, that's so easy to get to suicide. It's a much easier way to get to suicide. I mean, it's much harder to do that with an electric one.

It would hurt a lot more, okay? That's the only thing I can really think of with gas. But cleaning the gas when I have to say, sometimes I think of those electric ones. I'm like, wow, that might be easier, because I'm a damn slob. Okay. My gas, myro is never clean. It's a pain in the ass.

It's a crammy actual fire. It's so important. Okay. So um, the average is how it's like, why? What is the problem, girls? I thought you guys were feeling better and they basically say, look, um, that we feel like we're the third wheel or fifth wheel around you and dad because When you're with each other you just treat us differently and we don't like it

It's basically like you it's you guys then us three and you guys are acting so fake and then one of the daughters is like Yeah, he'll just call us to make sure you feel like he's doing his part And then like after he's done speaking to us two seconds later, he calls you to tell you that he called us, which is such an amazing read by those kids, like that they figured out the bullshit of their father is fantastic. Yeah, he's just doing it to get points. And she's like, well, he's not doing it

just to impress me, which of course he is. And she's like, trust your mother, Rah. And she's like, trust your mother, and she's like, yeah, but we want the best for you. We know what he did in the past. And these kids are really smart. And she sells just, man, I don't know. I can't remember her. I think it's lonely.

Yeah, I think just as lonely. And she's like, well, you know, after the twins were born, nah, there was some Tom Fuluri, and y'all know what that means. And I was like, this is funny that she's kind of now dialing back, cause in the past, it was, and we even see the flashback, he cheated, he had to cheat,

he had to cheat, he had to cheat, he had to cheat, he had to cheat, and now she's saying, Tom Fulery, so she's almost making it a little quaint. And I'm like, no, he cheated, it's not Tom Fulery, there was, it was cheating, and he's gonna do it again. Yeah, so I kind of felt bad for it, but then I remember it was Jizal and I got over it really fast.

So then we go over to La Vie. Yeah, so we're at some restaurant or hotel or something and Candace and Chris are there and they're meeting with Cindy in event planner because guess what it's the one your anniversary coming up of Cass and Chris's marriage and I hate those people that have to make you fucking buy them gifts for every little thing they do in their life, you know It isn't bad that we bought you a gift last fucking year Now we all have to come by you another gift on the spend another night and a cash bar Gross, she also look gross. She also is acting as if she invented marriage So she's talking to us and she's like Chris and I have been enjoying married life and she holds up her hand to show her ring and she's like

Just me and my man doing what we do being married and being happy and kissing and like why are you showing us your ring? You're not engaged anymore. No one literally cares about your ring. You didn't even buy it or he didn't even buy it. It's all about it. Uh, so this is her kind of place though, this venue, because I have a wall of cherry blossoms. Yeah. And she's just like, can you just put those on the roof?

That would be great. Okay, put those on the ceiling. Yeah. It'd be great. So she says, okay, the theme is denim and diamonds. And I just want this to be low key. I'm like, first of all, your theme has diamonds in it. So there's that. And she goes, I was thinking around 5,000.

And Cindy is like, well, that's funny because 22,000 is what we normally charge. And it's like, uh, yeah. Okay. And she's like, well, maybe you could do a cash bar, so you're not incurring the fees. So people like this, like you'd rather have the place with fake cherry blossoms hanging on the wall, then just go to a bar and buy your friends a drink.

You know, that says a lot about you. You're not a good person. Fuck you. It's so obnoxious. You would rather have the photo op for your quote unquote chill low-key party then to have something that's like fun where people can feel welcomed Yeah, and Chris is like well babe. This is just not gonna happen. We don't have your mother this time It's like we don't need her. We do not need my mother

Yeah, the moment I take one of dartees coins is the moment I go down into the bowels of hell Oh, hey Satan. How's it going? I guess I'm already here. Mother could you pay for this party, please? Thank you And I appreciate Candace's wig effort, but her wig in her diary room sessions It looks like one of those Russian fur caps that people wear, but it's a braid Crazy big braid Yeah, candy ass, you know, and I always think she's charming. What a charming girl It's like a crazy, a crazy big braid. Yeah, candy ass. You know, and I always think she's charming.

You know what a charming girl, you know, when you first see Candace or when you first see her on TV, like what a sweet heart. And then they show her tweets that she, you wrote, you don't even have a penny to your name, you rout. I am actively folding up a napkin into a little square and I'm applying it to my eye

because these accusations are making me cry right now. So then there's baby stuff everywhere Edward Ashley's house. Ashley is milking. She's looking like one of those like wives from Mad Max Thunder Road, whatever it's called Fury Road Oh, is that what they do? Do they stick the moms on machines and just milk them? Yeah, they're pretty much like, yeah, that's exactly right. So she's milking and she's holding, I mean, by the way, she's like, looks like a totally normal new mother. I don't mean to shame mothers who are milking. I just felt like equating her to Mad Max.

I did, but as a guy, like as a guy without kids, it's weird for us to see that weird machine strapped onto you. I've never seen that. I've seen like the pump, my sister used the pump, but I've never seen a double pumper machine thing. I mean, that's crazy. You could, that's amazing.

I just realized as soon as I said it, there's probably like a wide swath for audience. It's like, yeah, that's like normal. Thanks for comparing us to mad Max. Guys, don't ever forget we're a two-dopey gay guys. We don't understand things like that. I'm only comparing Ashley to Mad Max. Sometimes Bravo is like school for us, okay?

I've never seen one of those. I didn't even know that Baby's even drank milk. How about that? Yeah, what happened? Baby started a diet coke. Live, yeah. I thought they ate cauliflower. So, yeah, so she's milking, she's pumping in all, like, every orifice. And Michael's holding Dean, their new baby who looks just like Michael, which you can take

what you want from that. Yeah, it's like a little baby Michael. He's like a little Benjamin Button, you know, for you're like born, like it's a little old person. Oh, he's really cute though. I think all babies are cute. Most people don't think that. Most people don't find all babies cute.

I think all babies are cute. I don't think all babies are cute. I actually think that only a small percentage of babies are cute. How about that? Well, you know what? I love all babies, guys. So that being said, this is how you need to look at it.

All babies are little gooey sacks of stem cells that can make you look younger, OK? Just bring a good old syringe game for the spinal cord inject into your face. And you'll be young forever. Forever. It's very mad Maxian, see? So anyway, Ashley is going on about how she wants to give her kids the most natural. She thinks that you should give your children the most natural things possible and she uses

wipes that are 99% water. I'm like, have you just maybe been just using water? Like, is it possible you were just splashing his butt? Is that it? Yeah, I might not suggest a paper towel with some, wait for it, water. She's like, she's like, Dean has a nad diaper rash. He's like, okay, that's cool. I guess. So Michael's there and he's like, we need a book of all of his looks look at him We could use it in his acting class all of those faces look at him giving a look He's like well, that's his alpacino right there

That's in the era of there's this human cronin. I guess they're one young look that he can give He can go only give old man actor looks He can only give old man actor looks. He uses Penelope and Milla C. Look, he changed it up a little bit. Penelope, I feel like I'm not Milla. Huge fan, huge. Oh, huge. I feel, did anyone else get a little icky feeling like this was his way of like promoting the fact that he's going to be pitching like a book of Dean's faces.

Oh god. I felt like this was an actual thing that he was pitching to us. No. Well, apparently he's pitching quite a bit to season, which we'll get to you later in the season. So they walk in Ashley's storyline is basically, I'm scared of everything now because I have a baby. Oh my god, it's a squirrel!

It's like you're married to Michael and you live in a penthouse. It's on like the 40 of floor Yeah, okay, you don't get to be scared you float at surrender to the right to be scared seriously She's like, you know, I can't watch that. I can't watch the news because there's food There's a food shortage and it's air pollution is animals like squirrels and rabbits and birds and spiders besides my hand And everyone knows the start about the dingo in Australia. I'm like wait till COVID have fun. Yeah you might want to get some wipes with some alcohol. Okay. So they want you to maybe around. Yeah. She's scared of every sound thinking a squirrel's gonna attack or something. And she's like.

Hurry me up. I put the hood down or whatever on the stroller. Put the hood down because sometimes the breeze comes and he can't breathe. He's like, um, air is actually what you breathe. So then we go over to America's favorite condo family, Robin. So, oh my god. Hey, mom. Robin has just wanted to make it. It's Robin in one, everybody. Robin, wow, another season of Robin going,

hey, you know, I could be really nice if we got a different house and maybe got married. This is literally every season, and Robert, every season. Literally. It's like an episode of Flipper Flop that never ends. So, so basically, she has Karen here. Yeah, yeah, she does. That makes me very sad.

So the kids are like, Oh my God, how work, how work, we need, oh my God. And then Juan is like, we need more space. I'm like, okay, so the house, they're gonna be getting another house. So, so they're all talking, they send the kids upstairs and, you know, they start talking about like, who would they get their own, they get, are they outgrowing this house? Are they gonna go to a new house like you said all the usual stuff? Yeah, same basic thing and he's like well, I guess that I've made I guess I've made many mistakes

But I guess we could get married because I'm very fortunate to have a strong woman in my corner Well glad she made the tryouts glad she made it through those you know 10-year tryouts So whatever you guys are going through you fucker I wouldn't even bury him. I mean my god at this point you should be playing have some self-respect Robin Yeah, well she's like he's doing you a big fucking favor Well, he said they're talking about that they want to get a forever house for them and then he's like Yeah, and we have to keep growing as a couple. It's no, we don't have to keep growing. We have to get married. So that's like, I think the first time that she has really articulated that in such a bold way, this

sort of like, did you miss the whole assies? They danced around, well, I mean, they danced around it, but now they're like, we, now she she's like she wants a date. She's marriage before house. Marriage before house. Oh, God. Okay. Are we done with the Robin scene? I'm tired. Yeah. He basically is like Robin Road already and it's just her first scene. Yeah, basically it's one saying that he is ready to be you know he's in a good place and this is something he wants to do. Yeah, I'm in a cry. It's like that time I was eating watermelon and I found out that Ashley's husband was filling up guys.

I went, oh. Okay. So now it's time to go to the classy bakery. It's called the classy bakery. This is now time for the scene where a can just tries to cut down on cost for her party by scamming some free Totally totally and I love places that are the name themselves that classy base My book is gonna be called thin Ronnie

And pay me to believe it So um, she's at the bakery and she walks in and she goes I'm having an anniversary and just want to see what you have for options for my guests And I'm the guys probably just like just take a seat. We already know we are giving you free shit Don't don't make this more painful for us than an already is. Yes. I'd like to see my cash options I'd like to see my cash croissant bar, please Yeah, exactly So this tiny little car pulls up the worst the worst fiat drives up ever I'd like to see my cash croissant bar please. Yeah, exactly.

So this tiny little car pulls up. The worst fiat drives up ever. It's the Gucci fiat. Come on, but it's a Gucci fiat. Yes. I saw it was black, but I had these weird lines on it. And I was like, what, and what delivery car has just arrived? Who is delivering for Panda Express the moment?

You're the movie Gucci P.O. I used to drive a little Fiat. Do you remember those days? Been oh yes. Giant Man, tiny car. Giant Man, tiny car. I was like the car. When I got in that car, it felt like I was a transformer because that was my, that was, it was me. It's like me filling the whole car. It's like if you blew a bubble in a car that was me and then I would get out and that's the transformer part It's like oh my god that feels moving towards the Starbucks Well in this case is joselle who gets out Transformers are more than mitzah the eye I'm just saying this right now and I'm sorry to anybody out there who has well actually no I'm not I'm gonna say sorry nobody He drives a Gucci fiat is a good person there if I'm not gonna apologize if I'm not gonna apologize for my long standing belief about

Muscle cars you don't have to apologize. Thank you about Gucci fiat And for those who don't know, my standing belief on muscle cars is, if you drive a muscle car, you're an asshole. And if you're not an asshole and you're driving a muscle car, then just know that we all think you're an asshole, even if you're a perfectly nice person. So just know that, just know that. And also, whether you're a Fiat is a Gucci Fiat or not a Gucci Fiat, it's time for you to be honest

with yourself, your glove box rattles. Okay, let's just sit with that. Be honest, be honest with yourself. Okay, it's time to stop telling people it's quiet in there. There's rattling. I know you signed a lease and you feel like you can't get out of it, but your glove box rattles, okay? Yes. So, the Jazelle has come up as meeting up because they're going to taste some options for what is supposed to be a low key event. How are you having a cake tasting for a low key event? It is already not low key, okay.

So the reason why she's in that car turns out is that her car broke down, nah. And so she had to take Jamal's car. So that's right, this Gucci Fiat belongs to the preacher. A little terrible person. There you go. A little, I rest my case. Little terrible person. By the way, I feel like if you are a preacher or whatever, you should not have a Gucci car.

Like whatever extra you spent on the Gucci-ness of it all, it should have been put towards like poor people or people who are like in, you know, in distress. I don't know where you've been, but now preacher is like Joel Austin has like a big private jet. I don't approve of that either I know people are like oh sure here's 10% of my income. You're doing a great job, Joel He's like well hey gay people too. Hey, sat a Gucci Fiat. Can I have a ride brother? The point is this before you start coming for gays and saying that we're the sinners You're the one driving the Gucci Fiat. Okay. Why don't you take a look in the mirror Who's the center now?

Yeah. And Jizella's wearing a baseball cap but with a tiara on it. I didn't notice that. Oh, I didn't notice that. I didn't realize that that was a tiara. I just thought it was more of the vertical rhinestones that I started to see all over the episode. I think it's a full-on tiara baseball cap. Well That's okay, because she's with a toddler. Get it! Oh, get it! So she comes in and let's see. They start talking about, oh, they talk about the car.

And then Candace is like, so I see you're with the preacher. Are you guys doing it? She's like, oh, we're fine in that department. Thank you. Yeah. And then we cut to different people, like, I think, like, wang in on Jacelle and Jamal being together. And Robin's like, I never thought I'd see the day when Jacelle would entertain the thought of getting back with Jamal. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Monique's like, well, she's just trying to get more ties and offering from the church. Yeah.

Cause I think is hilarious. And Karen's like, I have no comment. I'm talking. Yeah. More ties. Yeah. No comment. All I'm gonna do is just an extra hard,

get that kernel out of my teeth phase. My lies will be, speak for me. Oh. Now you're new. speak for me. Mmm. Mel-yaw, New York. Mmm. Ring the mouths. Ring the mouths. So, little cakes are delivered in Jacelle's.

Like, you can have that carrot cake. I don't want to crunch down on carrots with cake. Jacelle, you have a supreme lack of understanding of how a carrot cake works Okay, it's not like there's a carrot in the middle But it's funny style with cake that's been baked around it Yeah, one of the most delicious things that mankind has ever created you're gonna get a tiara on a baseball cap Okay, you can't pretend it's weird that they put a carrot in the cake. You're rising a Gucci fiat A Gucci fiat think A Gucci Fiat.

Think about Gucci. The Gucci decide they want to put their name on a Fiat. Okay, like one thing, there was a Gucci BMW or a Gucci Alpha Romero because Romero, because at least that's Italian also. But a Gucci Fiat, that's like coming out with like, they are a money Kia. Oh, so Candy-ass is talking about inviting the girls everybody but Ashley and she's like, well, Ashley just had a baby ya. And you're gonna leave her out. And she's like, well, I just want to see people who bring me peace and joy in my heart.

Yeah. And then on top of that, she goes, plus Ashley has a baby at home and she's breastfeeding and so she can't come Anyway, her boobs are lactating she doesn't have time to go out to our party, which I'm sure every mom New mom was just like fuck her because it's not like new moms are all just like those women in mad Max See look what I did I turned it around. I made it very empowering You can be you can be a new mom and go out. It's okay. Well, you've really affected yourself.

I did. You really affected yourself with that first comment. You're going to spend your whole life trying to come back from that first. Well, you know what it is? Because once I summon Mad Max Fury Road, now I'm mentally on that truck with Charlie's Theron, just driving through the desert and I'm just in a visceral state of mind at the Love you just want to stand on a balcony and like splash water down poor people's roads

Oh, if only preacher Jamal would do something as kind as that So that small talk can't this is still looking for a home house your home And just I was like well, you've been very unkind in concerns to my home. And Candace is like, well, you have been very nasty about my search for a home. Yeah, we see a flashback to Giselle and Rob and sort of like laughing on one of the Bravo aftershows about Candace when she was looking at that $2 million home. And they were just like laughing like, like, you can't afford this, you know?

And so when it comes back to Sealco's, well, it made sense to laugh, far, which I thought was a funny defense. It just made sense, huh? Well, it was very mean girl of you. And I responded to what you said. And she's like, yeah, well, she called my house a tear down at the cabin. Well we see the tweet so this is Jazelle was Jazelle and Rom and just like laughed despite

themselves and and what's a Candace's tweet was Jazelle as you attempt to rub your coins together to make a tear down look like a home let's not and these lies Dorothy ain't say shit to you. Stay in your struggle and worry about where you gonna live when your $900,000 cabin gives in. Which is kind of funny, but also like, whoa, like chill a little bit, huh? Yeah, little angry over there, calm it down.

And yeah, but that's how Candace is on Twitter. And it is kind of hilarious because she just goes off on people Yeah, I really liked your hair and the how dare you wrote Yeah, and she goes you know if Jacelle hadn't laughed at my house search. I wouldn't have done anything. I'm like You're Are you really getting this defensive about a house search? I mean like it's it's not, it's like a concept. It's not even a thing that you have. Like, you know, it's like, that's like getting upset because someone laughed because you, you, you like,

yelped something and they're like, oh yeah, well, since you, yeah, since you made fun of me yelping something, I'm gonna tell everyone that you're a, oh, you know, it's like, whoa. And just like, well, now, if you want to get mad that I laughed at your two million dollar grand, he owes home, I got it from your mother. And they just start arguing with each other.

And it's actually really funny. But they stop from going into like a full-on fight. And the waiter comes over and says, kind, sir, I'm ready with my recommendations. Here are my recommendations for the party that I will not be part of them. That's not for me. I'll take the cookie and those two cakes and that and then Candice goes, and I want the carrot cake with this like evil look on her face.

I'm like, ooh, I do kind of like a pass of aggressive carrot cake moment. Yeah. Is there any other kind really? Because carrot cake is a very controversial cake to order for other people? You know, yeah, it's like it's saying fuck you to somebody because you know there's somebody in the group who doesn't like it And that person is like well Ronnie knows I don't like carrot cake and he fucking order carrot cake What are the odds I can just got carrotake with buttercream frosting instead of cream cheese? Very high you know that she gets buttercream

Kara Kake, you know, what the fuck? Oh So then we go back to Ashley's apartment the little babies on the bed and knock knock knock It's Monique with her baby nothing both have babies Like oh my god, yeah, baby. Oh my god, you have a baby That's pretty much what it was and I guess did Monique say that she started potty training chase at four and a half months Wow so

Ashley starts talking about how she's developed a phobia of going outside and then they just started talking about Candace and how Candace has been making up lies. And basically when that whole roach thing that you were mentioning before, that Candace tweeted that while Ashley was in labor. And just in case anyone forgot what that tweet was, I wrote it down. It is. Oh, good. There's your income roach. Are you do? You do it this time. I did the last was in labor and just in case anyone forgot what that tweet was I wrote it down it is oh good your income roach are you do you do it this time I did the last no no you do it you do it I just love that we both did it we're like we can't miss this tweet I mean I'm literally like and then that lampshade well I have to mention that on the podcast it is no you do this no you do this It's a five hour, it's a five hour recap for this episode.

It is. No, you do this. We're like, and those couches. Oh my God. We literally are like that. Okay. So Candice Dillard Bassett. Okay.

Now, her name is hilarious to me. I don't know if I've mentioned this on the show, but in El Paso, where I'm from, there is a Dillards, which is a Texas Department Store, and there's also Bassett Center, which is another mall. And they're both on the East side of town. And I just love that Candace has two mall last names. That's always cracked me up. Okay.

Anyway, she's like, where's your income? Roach, three exclamation points, all caps. You laid on your back to get the two dollars you do get. I'd been had jobs while you turn tricks to pay your mama's rent. Don't come for me. You won't win. I love that. Like, oh, you are shaming her for like even if she even if Candice, I'm sorry, even if Ashley was turning tricks. She's turning tricks to pay for her mama's rent. Isn't that actually so noble? Is that a huge sacrifice?

Isn't that like the most golden hooker in the world right there? Just, like, I'm sorry. This is like a beautiful story of a woman who has, because of the cruel world that she was born into, has nothing, she must turn to prostitution, to make sure the mother who gave her everything could have a roof over her head, Candace have dare you. I know, she's saving somebody for helping out her mother

and she lives off of her mother. I mean, it's so gross. It's like it's gross for you to help your mother but not to live off of your mother. I know exactly. And so Ash is like, I mean, Candace tweeted these things while my vagina was being ripped open. I was like, okay, let's let we don't we don't need to be that

best real right now. I'm already in a Mad Max place. Yeah. Um, and then she goes and then she goes, and well, now that my babies here, I don't want no hamster faced hoe trying to mess with my baby. And then they put up a picture of a hamster and can decide by side, which was really shady and hilarious. I got a little bit confused in my note. Sorry I was a little quiet. So I was trying to figure out what my note said. It says drinking

so much baby or corona suck a sausage. But I guess those were all the clips they showed of Candice telling off Ashley. Yeah. But it's not kind of its own poetry drinking so much. Maybe a corona suck a sausage. Well, that's because Ashley is saying these things about how Candace was making up things about her last year. Although to be honest, I was very much on the side of like, well, you are saying that you're being super holistic and then you're drinking these beers. And Candace was like WTF.

And then you turned it into a whole thing of like blah blah blah blah blah. No Candace did. Last season Candace was pretending to be friends with Ashley and then she was telling everybody all this stuff about Ashley. Candace is the worst right now. Candace is the worst but I actually think that like I I felt like I actually understood Candace's point in that very narrow situation where Ashley's opened up the season saying that she's wearing special socks. She's doing this and that. She's trying to help her fertility. She's trying to be as clean as possible, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then every scene she was like drinking a corona. And so Candace is like, um, you keep saying that you're like doing all this stuff, but then you're drinking like, are you really trying to have a baby? So I think that was like a, for a reality star,

I think that was like a fair question to ask other cast members. And then somehow it got turned into Candace accusing Ashley of being an alcoholic and I blew out a proportion. But of course Candace was an idiot during all of it. So it was hard to take her side. Oh yeah, always. So some of the girls called just L tried to or someone just L tried to come to the hospital but she couldn't get there. But they all called except for Candace, of course, and

Monique tells her that Candace is having this party and She's like are you invited, which of course she's not yeah, and Monique starts to Monique starts to explain how you know she and Candace have been trying to pass things up because this is all being filmed about a month after the reunion and at the reunion Candice and Monique sort of they hugged and they're like we want to go back so they're trying to they're rebuilding their friendship and we saw a flashback of two days ago the two of them having lunch and Candice saying you know I respect you enough to want to make sure that whatever the breakdown was, it doesn't repeat itself, I value our friendship, and I want us to grow up from there,

at which point the napkin square comes out and she's like dabbing the corner of her eye, of course. Yeah. So basically Ashley's like, fuck that girl. And Chris, you know, my husband still hates her too, so like fuck her. And then the baby poops and Monique's like, so that's what Michael thinks of Chris,

and they laugh and laugh. And then we go back to Candy and Chris and they're approaching their party. She's wearing her ripped up jeans and her little cocktail wedding party dress. It's like a figure skater top. It's like a, again, rhinestone figure skater top. And then it looks like she's wearing denim knee high boots

with it. It's actually a hideous combination and not interesting or like wow, from two separate media, we create a new coherent look. And I was like, no, this is a disaster right here. And then she's like like look at my cupcake. So after all of that they just sent you cupcakes.

Yeah. That's how that ended cupcakes. Exactly. So people start showing up and we see that someone's wearing slippers with a fur heel on them. I don't even know why that was but we just have like a we just like the zoom in on this awful slipper and then Dorothy shows her We do you guys would make it I haven't really tried to do her voice. I can't do it, but hey, I'm gonna do something damn it It's very muppety. Yeah.

Why do we have to make it a year? Oh, yeah. No, no, this is all wrong. Aaaaah! Breathe, breathe, breathe. No, it's not. Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. No, no, you're not.

No. Breathe, breathe. Well, I have to workshop that. Yeah. We'll work later. So. Hey, it may take us far, but we will eventually get our work done. Okay. Watch what happens. So, um, so Darryl is looking for drinks and then she finds out it's a cash bar and she just has this log of like My ungrateful cheap ass daughter. She only had gone her shit together.

We could have been drinking for free right now. Yeah, I did you really think you'd come to one of your daughter's parties that you didn't in some way pay for? Come on. Yeah. Come on. So Karen is coming to say hello. With me, Karen. Maybe I'm having problems with my husband, but that doesn't mean that I can't come to your body And then we see our new cast remember Wendy and Wendy I already know I'm gonna love because she has a crazy laugh and

Just the way that she like she Alicited such a stink face from Karen because Wendy's there she comes in and Karen's like hmm Like Karen was riding this high because when she walked in, Candace was like, you smell good. Oh yes, it's ladam. It's ladam. Yes, I guess I'm just sort of like the grandum of this party.

Oh, windies here. Hmm. Mm. Mm. And windy tries to be nice. She's like, wow, I love that fragrance, Karen. I need a bottle or two. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Eeeh. Eeeh. And... Eeeh. Eeeh. I did not notice her laugh, but I'm totally gonna listen for it next time. Eeeh. So, there's also a woman named Vivian there

who's a friend of both Karen and Candice. So Karen goes up to Wendy and goes, hmm, I don't know if you remember, but I met you at Vivian's fashion show. Hmm, I didn't, and in private, she says, we've been to events together and we sat on a board together and had a little needless to say, I'm not impressed. And the customer, Wendy going,

hmm, okay, that's another thing I have to workshop, okay, but just notice it for next week. We actually sat on an actual board together. I put on a wooden plank and I said, look at it, look at this, it's my new couch and we sat together and she said, this isn't a couch, it's a wooden plank and I said, I'm not impressed by you. Not impressed. I'm not taking any more questions from any Wendy Osefos. So then Wendy, the or derv guy comes over and she's like, you're coming back, right?

Yeah. I love that. I love that. That is so us. So then there's, there's like a step in a repeat, which again, it makes me laugh that this is supposed to be a low key event. And there's a step in a repeat. And unless I heard it incorrectly, I could have sworn Chris walked up to two ladies and said, so how's the CDC been treating you ladies? Did he say that?

No, I think I'm trying to find where this is a minute. I think he said their names. I think they're famous people. Oh, because I thought it was like Bravo being like, oh, look at these innocent times when the CDC was so easy that people could just go onto the step and repeat but now they're broken. The CDC shows up. They're like where's the carrot cake? Please tell me there's carrot cake. I don't know where I wrote it down but I think he was saying their names. So then we see boys dancing and a guy hits the mom's dream and she's like, boys dancing and a guy hits the mom's dream and she's like, how dare you? And then Wendy goes over to talk to Monique. Oh gosh. And Monique's like, so how many kids do you have?

And she goes three, there's six, four, and seven weeks. I'm gonna go say, oh my god, babies, I'm babies too. Oh my god, I need to meet you. What are your babies like? Oh my god, they're big. Me too. They have that whole moment with each other. I really want to be a mother just to have that moment. Like I need that moment with somebody.

Like what, what do I have to have that moment about? Nothing. I have board games and animal crossing to have that moment. You have housewives, you know? You have housewives. But this is funny because, yeah, because basically Wendy has kids at six, four, six years old, four years old, and seven weeks. And when he's like, oh my god, six years, six years old, four years old, and seven weeks.

And when he's like, oh my god, six years, six, four, nine months for me. He's like, ah! And he's like, where are you originally from? And Wendy's like, I'm from Nigeria originally. And when he's like, I'm 35% Nigerian. Ah! And it's like, what'd you have for dinner last night? Chinese. Ah! I thought about having Chinese, but I got pizza instead.

Ah! And they hate each other in two seconds. Yeah. You must. You start to count down. So, Jizelle comes in sparkling. She's all diamonds. And she's like, hello, I just did diamonds.

What's your husband, da? Yeah. And Candace introduces her to Wendy. And if I'm not mistaken, Jizelle just goes, nice to meet you. Waaah! He can't, then walks off. She goes nice to meet you. Wow. I've been walks off.

She goes, nice to meet you. Indeed. Well, I don't have children who are six years old, four years old, or nine, seven weeks old, so clearly, we can't get along. So Karen and Juzelle go outside with Candace. And just totally, this Wendy, who's new on the cast, hello, but of course, this show you're going to good luck getting past Karen. Wendy, who's new on the cast, hello. But of course, you know, this show, you're gonna good luck getting past Karen.

Wendy who's also so much more accomplished than any of these women, right? Like, isn't Wendy like a PhD, she's a professor, she does like everything. Yeah. So they go outside to gossip and Candy's like, well, you know, I just wanted to say that you did have a moment at our cupcake date

and I just wanna make sure you're in a good place with me right now Well, it's hard to say it looks a little cheap. I'm not sure about those cherry blossoms on the wall I kind of feel like this outside of your budget. So I'm not sure I would call this a good place. Oh you meant emotionally. Yes. Yes We're good. We're good. It's like well you are here in diamonds and no denim which I guess is great But you are clearly perverturimed then. Yeah, I love how I love of course Candace is going to call out her own guess for not going through with all the stupid ass themes she paced it onto the stupid ass party. Just say thank you for coming. Yeah, so thank you for buying your own glass of wine. How about that? Yeah,

how about that. Yeah, she's like, yeah, you blew up the whole cupcake place in Giselle's like, well, when I brought it up to you, you didn't feel remorseful or want to apologize and you don't only own anything that you do, so you need to apologize to me and you need to apologize to Ashley. And she's like, why would I? And Candice is like, yeah, when you go onto the Twitter, you are a Tasmanian de la. Yeah. Yeah, she's like, you know, like, she basically is like, this is normal behavior. When someone says that you did something offensive, it's normal to apologize.

That's like a normal thing to do, which is funny that she's all saying that. Yeah. So let's see, so there, oh, Canvas is like, well, this is Wendy, Here's Wendy, everybody. She's not going to not be left. She's not going to be left off camera, which is good for Wendy. Wendy's like, oh, hello. I'm also Mike, you bitches. So what would you like to talk about? And Candace is like, well, Wendy said that she knows Jamal. She's worked with Jamal, right, Wendy?

And Wendy's like, oh, yeah, we've done a lot of charities together. We've marched together. Yeah, we we We bought Gucci fiat together. Well, I didn't really buy I was just mentioning as a joke and he actually when did it but you know It's each his own So Monique says, you know, the only thing that struck me is odd is I've seen how much you've grown and becoming your own and handling your own business. So like, why would you go back to Jamal, you know? And she's like, well, the best thing that could have happened to me and him was me divorcing him, because it propelled me into doing me, which is great, but... I'm still mumbling it, and now it makes it sound like you were kind of the problem in the marriage because you were too clinky

Yeah, and also like you can't talk about you doing you and then you show up and your ex-husband scoochy fiat and expect us to be impressed Okay, so so then oh Robin shows up and not only does she walk into the party, but the first person she sees and hugs is She walks into the party, but the first person she sees in hugs is Tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-th she said if the pun and Andy was like that's not a pun just out so later something happened in the reunion and she goes is that a pun? Is that a pun? Oh God, Tha Tha and she gets no respect she doesn't even have a mic you don't even know what she's saying because it's Robin like, whoa, I just like, Oh, I could just see. Yeah, Robin's like, wow, I didn't know that that shasha and can just talk like that. I mean, I mean, I was treet.

Can you say sweating? I don't think so. Hmm. So then the girls come back in and Karen comes up to Monique. Wait, who am I saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Karen, like Monique's at the bar and Karen walks up and I think it was Wendy was there too and was like offering to get Karen a drink or something.

And I think that like, if I got it correctly, like at the cash bar, she's like, ah, that's hilarious. Anyway, what do we have here? She goes to cash bar to each his own. Yeah, the second time she realizes she's like, oh. So then just all the robin are talking outside and she's like, everyone keeps asking me where Jamal is. Well, where's Ray? Where's Big Boy? And today Moni tweeted out something that was like You know what if she keeps calling my like if she keeps calling my husband who's a grown-ass man Big Boy I'm gonna call I'm gonna call Jamal like

Poor man or something like that. She got really mad that just I'll call him Big Boy. Why he's huge I think at the boy part, the boy part is like, infantilizing him or something. Okay. I know. So maybe it was maybe it was T'Chile who tweeted that out. You know, those birds are very smart. He he he he.

So let's see. So a guy, Monique's at the bar now, and a guy's like, hey Monique, did you bring your box and gloves? And she's like, oh no, I come in peace. And just kind of walks away from him, like whatever. No, that was her cousin, Hank. And I thought it was like that also, but basically, Hank was saying,

do we need to, like, start, do we need to, like, take a bitch down? Because Monique does not like Shereece. Because she feels like Sh like Cherice has been facilitating nasty rumors about her and her family. So that was Hank being like, do we need to like start a scene with Cherice right now? Oh, and she's like, well, you know,

Cherice has been facilitating nasty rumors about me and my family. I love that she's facilitating the rumors. She's like, here's the rumors and she's like caring for them, brushing their hair. She's like, can I get some glass of water rumors? Suddenly there was like a crash of broken glasses and plates in the corner. I just shrieked on the floor with her hoverboard. I fell off. The rumors are like, I don't want to spread but I just don't have the self-confidence. So she resphysilitates them.

but I just don't have the self-confidence. So, Sharice facilitates them. And so, she's been spreading nasty rumors, and the producers like, what rumors? And she's like, I'm not gonna talk about Sharice. I'm done talking about that. And then it just shows her blinking very slowly at the camera. Like, I'm not kidding. And I will just keep blinking.

Anything else? Blink. So, like, well, we don't have Katie this year because that kind of backfired. So we brought Sheree's back. So you do have to talk about her. Yeah, please talk about her. She's like, nope.

So then it's time for speeches. Oh, good. So Candace gets up on the mic and she's like, I want to briefly thank every soul for being here. It is so important having people around you that can impart some kind of marital wisdom. Now I have two people, my mommy, who's divorced twice, and Karen, who's about to be divorced. So, everybody who want to come up here and impart that device.

Everybody who wanna come up here and impart that device. And so yeah, so she chooses these two women to be like, to be the speakers and Sheree's just goes, how that happened. Yeah, because she says that Karen is just as important as her mother these days. They're so close. And she says, well, I have words to, I made it eight years, damn it. And Robin's like out goes well I have words to I made it eight years dammit And Robin's like yeah, I have words I'm married kind of for me come on I'm in a weird state of a relationship that's kind of like marriage, but not I have words

I'm like, you know what it's oddly enough. I think Karen and Dorothy may actually be the best people to talk right now Yeah So they care and of course. This is Karen's loving speech to the new couple. She's like, well, no, Mary, just perfect. You raise your kids and then they leave you and you rebirth into a business woman like me. Look, Tom! I'm a different person now.

Thank God, Ray and I are testing off that institution called Mary's and it smells amazing. I'm gonna be in Target one day, thank you! God, no. Who speech makes no sense? No sense. Dusting off that institution called Marriages at that lake, they just discovered it. Well, it turns out all this time we thought we were married.

Turns out we were just showing us Subway rewards card, who knew? So we dusted off this old concept and we're gonna exchange some vows And you know the next day she's like oh I was working last night doing an event for the dog Yeah, seriously So then I then won is like that was a lot of Ray talk right and she's all like us. He's not even here So now it's now it's a dorthy time and she's drunk and she's like, Candace and Chris, I'm so proud of both of you. Chris, you're such a decent human being who puts up

with my spoiled brat daughter, who makes you hold her purse and yells at you and apparently you have a brown dick. So congratulations, I'm so happy that you're able to make love with our this awful little demon that I spawned. And just like get the microphone, get the microphone, she's like, I'm not making it about me, but I was married 35 years and that's a span of two husbands. But that's okay. I like that last voice.

That was really exciting. I like it was very Julia Child. Julia Child's really Candice's mom. What we do now is we put the ball more chocolate in the oven at 350 degrees. I'm auditioning voices for Dorothy's mom. Everybody send it in. Send something in. It's like nasal but round at the same time It's like her voice is coming from behind her if that makes sense

It's like she has like some hole in the back of her head and someone standing back there putting a voice and it's like echoing through her if that makes it It's like someone turned the speaker around and against the wall, you know. So, so she's giving the stupid speech. And Monique goes, okay, somebody fold up a tissue please and then Ken immediately starts blotting her eye. So as soon as they can, just blot. It's a square napkin. Her poor retinas.

And she's like, I'm so happy to close the book on one year of marriage. Wow congratulations. And Monique goes, we are celebrating love tonight and then all of a sudden it goes black and white and slow motion. Don, don, don, don, don, and it goes to trailer. And it's like this season, And it goes to trailer. And it's like this season. It gets all fun again. It looks like it's going to be a super fun season. I'm just so grateful to have this show back.

Thank you for being a great Potomac. Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Potomac. It's so wonderful having you back. Love this show. We are back tomorrow with Below Deck Med. And our bonus this week by the way we are going to be revisiting

Taste the Nation with Padma Locked me we're gonna do the Chinatown episode with my home girl Ali Wong so keep your ears out for when that episode drops on Patreon Howdy-butt host taste Ali literal quote from the episode and what is chop suey?. And what is chop suey? Yeah, and what is chop suey? Oh, last week's was Indian matchmaker from Netflix.

So go check out the bonuses. We also do a couple videos every week. We'll probably do Beverly Hills in New York this week's videos. Those are on crap and it's on demand. And we'll talk to you tomorrow, everybody. Bye! Bye! Hey Prime members, you can listen to WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts,

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