Watch What Crappens - RHOSLC: Après Skeet

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

Lisa comes face to face with Angie H on this week's episode of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City while Whitney continues her hilling journey. Plus, the power of notaries!Crappens on Demand: https://www.patreon.com/posts/73852276/Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap ends. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is a man who is a maven on the Bunny Hill. It's Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Well, hello, Benoonis.

Hi, how was your hilling journey going? today. You know, I'm filling like I'm healing. And that's all you can really ask for these days. I'm also feeling vulnerable and like possibly that I have some walls up. Whitney is just committed to her bachelor talk. She talks like a contestant on the bachelor. And look what you win at the end. Justin. Just putting a roof rack on the Tesla. You know? Yeah, Whitney, I feel like Whitney went to the coffee shop, saw some book on the wall that was like, five signs that you need to go on a healing journey. And now she's just taking all the jargon from it and just regurgitating it out in weird ways.

I think it's all Bachelor because she's even added the K now at the end of her words. And that's, I mean, it's all signs point to that trash ash show The Bachelor, which I miss you. Love you, The Bachelor. I'm also just wanted to tell everybody on demand today. This is a video recap. and I look plastic wrapped because I got a chemical peel today. I didn't know we were going to do a video recap. Sorry.

Botox shot. I got a chemical peel. I look like a crazy Lebanese piece of candy. I think you look wonderful. I don't know what you're talking about. You're like, you're like fresh from the car wash, you know? It's like, I think it's like this is peak Ronnie right now. I look like back in the bowling alley days.

No, it looks great. If you want to look like a Lebanese bowling ball call 1-800, Ronnie gay babe but hey worth it I love it I just love getting that shit stripped off in a in a place and then they pretend to care about you you know it's like a hooker but for your face and they're like what did you do today how are you feeling about things you know what are your goals and ambitions I'm like I love this just talk I need to get some skin care yeah I need to get some skincare too because I have like I just I have like a white head like right under my eye I can't pop it.

Well, guess what? You've also got one on your shoulders, and it's very handsome. Well, thank you. Hey, do me a favor, Ronnie. Can you swivel your chair so everyone can see Bueller? Poor Bueller hurt himself. Oh. He's basically going to be.

Bueller got hurt. There was a big storm in Austin last night, and it knocked the fence over it. And I was trying to put it back up today, and it fell on Bueller. I think he's still alive. Bueller. Bueller. Bueller's not. Oh, you're still alive,

there we go. Okay, what a handsome. Okay, go back to what you were doing. Go back to pouting, Bueller. Bueller was, Bueller's definitely having a real housewives moment, you know, like a scene in her bed. People are bringing her beverages and food, you know.

We're sorry about your back injury, Kyle, Mama Kyle. It's like Bueller has a new butt and new boots by the time he comes back to work. Please. Bueller's going to have bangs next week. So, uh, anyway, today while Bueller recuperates, uh, we are recapping real housewives of Salt Lake City. And as Ronnie mentioned, this is on demand. So you can watch, you can watch poor Bueller, um, by going to patreon.com slash watch what crapans.

That's where you can find our crap is on demand videos. Um, that's where you have access to our bonus episodes. We're doing Winterhouse on the bonus episode again this week. Um, and then Winterhouse will. I believe it will probably be back on the main feed next week. So we're just sort of moving stuff around because our schedule has been so overloaded. We don't have time for everything.

So go to patreon.com slash watch our crappins to get access to that bonus episode to see the video, etc. Also, on most Monday nights, we have take a seat. But this Monday night, we don't have it. It's Halloween. And we are not having to take a seat this Halloween. But normally it's Mondays at 7th. 7 o'clock on the West Coast and 10 o'clock on the East Coast on Spotify Live. So come join for that. My God, you guys were so funny last night or the other day. I'll take a seat. So, so good. You guys

were on fire this week. So thank you for coming. Oh, yeah. There was so much to talk about. There's been a lot to talk about the past few weeks. So really appreciate that. I had a dream that I was in a massive feud with Garcel. And it did not feel good. And I hated it. I hated being on Garcel's bad side. I don't know how these women could live with themselves. I had to deal with it for one dream. I don't know how they could live with it for like forever, meaning that like, why would you want to be on the bad side of like someone amazing like Garcel? That's why I hated. I was like, I can't believe it. She's so amazing and she doesn't like me. I'm on the bad side of plenty of amazing people. It's not so bad. You get used to it. Get used to it. Okay, well, let's get on the bad side of Salt Lake City.

Shall we? Yeah. Let's get on the side, bad side of terrible people of Salt Lake City. Shameless, the shameless, shameless, shameless show,

okay? First you've got the Jen Shaw stuff. Then they were like, you know, we need to add some people to this cast. Let's just bring Angie on back, who everyone knows was lying your ass off last year, but they're like, you know,

it was fun lies. Let's ring her back. It's going to be great. Yeah. And then they just stacked it. I mean, this was definitely. an audition episode.

Sorry Heather's cousins. You all failed. Sorry Lisa's friend Mary. Didn't make it. Take your head shots and go home. None of you did shit. Okay. No one is sitting around wanting to watch you eat charcuttery.

Okay. Yeah. So goodbye. You're fired. We have our three finalists, Angie, Angie and Dana. Is it Dana or Dana? I forget. Dana.

I think it's Dana. Yeah. So congratulations. You are all moving forward to be America's next top Salt Lake city person. So that's exciting. I also hope you're hard at work on that fraud. Okay, that's part of the show. We're going to need some serious fraud from you, people. We have two openings. We have two openings for fraud and for cult leading. So if you can, if you can just submit your resume. But or if any of you is a notary, that would help. No one, no one seems to be able to get paperwork done on this show.

Let me tell you something. Lorraine, she was auditioning too. She was. like, she's like, I got my tagline ready. I can not only, I can stamp papers and I can stamp you out. Could use work. Hey, I'm notarizing this. You're on notice from the notary. Why don't we have a notary housewife? Like, how do we not have, like, I feel like we totally, because you know there's got to be

a housewife who says, as a notary, one of my. jobs is to make sure people are being responsible. I could lose my notary's license. I spent a long time working to be a notary. Yeah. You know how hard I worked to be a notary. You know, and you know why I did it, because my journey of being a Lorraine spelled L-A-R-A-I-M-E-Y-E was not taken seriously. I had to learn how to notarize that name. Myself. Take that DMV of Salt Lake City. How Salt Lake City is that spelling? I couldn't even. I mean, I just stopped at the L-A-R.

I just made up the rest, but seriously, like by a vowel, you know what I mean? Lorraine spelled wrong. It was a very angular. Yeah, it was a very angular version of Lorraine. A lot of sharp A's. I can also imagine like a Real Housewives cast where at the end of the opening crats, they all hold forth like little rubber stamps, like little notarize. Notary stamps.

Yeah. Salt Lake City, everybody looks the same, so they just make funny spellings for common names. Like Tiffany, T-I-P-H-E-N-N-E-E-Y. Okay. Very unique. Very unique. Yeah. So this episode opens up. We're actually starting New York City of all places.

And it's kind of funny because we see these, like, exciting shots like New York City, the big apple, Times Square, overhead shot of Central Park, the city that never sleeps. And it's like Jen Shaw on the phone calling Coach Shah being like, hey, honey, I'm so excited. I'm going to be home tonight. I'm so excited. It's like, yeah, New York City. I'm like, yeah, but she's here to do a mock trial for her federal court case against her. She's not like a carry walking through streets shopping, you know?

Well, she did do a very good shah job, Shab of wearing rose-tinted glasses, which I thought was really funny. Like, she's trying to make the best out of her big New York. It's like throwing a hat up in the air, you know, and then like an old person's hat comes down as she takes that one instead or whatever. Like she was New York and the Statue of Liberty no longer has the thing in her hand.

Like, wait a second. But I traded that for a website, right? Getting a website. She said the website Liberty Insurance hasn't been taken, but it has been. Also, I really like the ha-ha music for New York City because they're like, we're going to New York City. Get the ha-ha choir in here. So Trixie monoclackle is like, all right, let's work this. It's like, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

I was like, okay, guys, you're officially overusing the ha-button on the synthesizer. Okay. Ha ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's like, okay, Billy Joel, that doesn't even make any sense. Are you doing Don Henley in a New York minute? Liza just stores a vodka bottle at the camera. Oh, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho, ho. Oh, ha.

Oh, ha. Feels so bad for the audience, because there's so many songs with New York in the name. I know. This is going to go on for about 10 more minutes before we're really exhausted. Isn't Taylor Swift to have a song about New York? I don't know. Oh, God, please. I can't.

You know, because Taylor Swift came out with her new album, ProTractor, or whatever the fuck is called. Pro Tractor. And everyone's like, oh, my God, you guys. This is like a different. Fares of Taylor. Why are you so mad at Taylor for doing folklore boomer? I'm like, I can't, I don't know what anybody's talking about. Like I've said on social media, on Friday, my choice of squeaky voice lady singers was

Carly Ray Jepson, not Taylor Swift. They both come out with albums on the same day. I like Adele crying with a grilled cheese in a hotel room, and that's her whole video, you know, make them feel my love. I'm like, yes, Adele, just like, just like, check. Shane smoking a nice eyeliner. That's my kind of girl, right? Yeah, Carly Ray Jepson could only wish.

As much as I love Carly Ray Jepson, she could only wish to have a fraction of Adele's hotel room grill she's singing. I hate Carly Ray Jepson, and I don't even know anything about her. Just her name. I don't like it. Even though my sister's name is Carly,

but it's not Carly Ray. Yeah, I have to, I mean, there are a lot of barriers to entry to being a Carly Ray Jepson fan. You have to get over her name. You have to get over her voice. And you have to get over the unnagging feeling. You have to get over her voice.

Well, you have to get over her unnagging feeling that every song, that every song would probably be better with like a more soulful singer. But once you get over that, her songs are awesome. Once you get over the lack of talent, God, she's talented. She can sing. It's just it's very treakly sounding. So it feels very, you feel like a teeny bopper. But if you can just sort of say, you know what, it's okay to listen to a song that sounds like this, then you can enjoy it.

I get you. I don't, but I love it anyway. So, speaking of Treekley, Seth's and... Carly Jenshaw. Jenshaw, Jepson. Carly Jenshaw. What about me? Call me, baby.

Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, ha. What if, what if I can do you? call coach never call coach never so oh call me maybe is her okay so set and meredith are walking and meredith is like

oh and that's a nice one and all the bruxies coming in this week toddlers by friard south west they were gonna give him some orioles which is unfortunate because he's not eating carbs again So then Seth's like, hey, so you haven't really been totally jack shit about your trips. Did you get to see Whitney's breasts, huh? Well, it was chaotic.

It wasn't Zion chaotic, but it was pretty chaotic, close to it. So they, then we go over to Lisa and they're doing that like housewives, is she having sex? Even though they're really reaching for this one because we don't see Lisa, we just hear what she's saying. And she's like, this sounds like it's going to be hard. Do I bend my knees? It's hard. It's hard. I was like that doesn't.

Yeah. It doesn't sound like Lisa's having sex. But I love the stretch. Yeah. I love it too. Yeah. She's just working out with like cables. And she's like, it's hard.

She's like, oh, my God, my form. Hey, did you guys miss me when I was gone? Which I can actually imagine her saying that during sex. Like, oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you miss me when I was gone? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, now that's Lisa having sex. Did you miss me when I was gone? Did you cleaned out the refrigerator? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Right there. That's a spot. Right behind the eggs.

Right behind the eggs. Did you tell Henry to put in his college application? Is he still applying to Fudge College? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So she's with John Yan. John's like, well, you know, I know that it was really rough on you, but those phone calls were really rough on me.

And then we see a clip of her at that table in Arizona going, Sean, Sean, that's saying I'm having an affair. Ah, he's not big. He's laughing. Ha!

So she's like, NGH is the one that started this rumor. And John basically says, like, no marriage is perfect, but there's no question in my mind that there's no validity in the, what validity and the rumors

rumors would it win me write these cue cards he's really trying to get his lines down the fidelity of those claims he's like yeah especially after angie spread those lies about the caterers if you can lie about a caterer what else are you capable of she's a pathological liar And this is where Whitney won me over a little bit.

Because what do I always tell our kids? The bad truth is what? One fresh wolf in hand is better than two sour wolves in a bush. But what else? Bad truth is what? You've only got one Vita, so make it count Lisa Barlow's in its sleep. Yeah, but what else? Bad truth is what?

Diet Coke is a vegetable. Yeah. Okay, that pretty much covers the basis. I was going to say, Bad truth is bad, bad truth, bad truth, bad truth is better than a, than a good lie. Yeah. And she told the bad truth. And that's what my friends were talking behind my back.

And she didn't feel good about it. And I saw Whitney in a different way. And I was like, whoa, Whitney is so different now. Like, I will always give her credit for saying the bad truth, John. Such a weird explanation, but okay. I mean, I guess I'll take it. Because last week we were like, how is she on Whitney's side? Well, Whitney is spreading this rumor on camera.

But okay. I mean, I guess I'll... It's a bad truth. What choice do I have? I'll go with this. By the way, that does sound like a Taylor Swift song, Bad Truth. It was a bad truth. It was a bad truth.

So then... It was a good lie, but a bad truth. And I'm breaking up with you. It could also be a Carly Ray Jepson song, but that would go... It was a bad truth, but a good truth. It was a bad truth, good lie, bad truth, good lie. Chalupa, chalupa, chalupa. That's the Lisa version.

Lisa Barlow's just about chalupas. Lisa Barlow's new song, Good, good lie, bad truth. The only lyric is chalupa over and over again. So then we go over to Justin and Whitney, and Whitney's waking up. stuff and she's like, I am still recovering from Phoenix and day drinking. I am on a healing journey from my healing journey. I was day drinking and then the emotional wreck I became,

thank God I have reconnected with Curtis and Kelly because they've been a missing leak of my life. Don't you think, Justin? And he's like, could you hold the roof rack while I screw in it? Justin, talking about my trauma, my healing journey. isn't over, but it is time to leave the past in the future because what if Michael J. Fox goes there and he doesn't know about my journey? And then Doc is like, what? How come you brought your journey to the past of the future? Where's Leah Thompson? What am I talking about? Lime! How come where they're going doesn't have roads? So, um, uh, so she's like, I realized after spending time with Curtis and Kelly number one daytime talk show, it's time to leave the past in the past.

So I'm going to work with my energy healer and look into therapy for overcoming trauma. So she's basically a look. Wait, what did you say? I said, mm, stuff. Apostrophy, n, apostrophe, stuff. By the way, if I seem drunk today, I'm not drunk, but God, I really feel drunk today. I don't know if there was something in that chemical peel or what, but I'm just like, I feel like a lunatic.

I feel like that whole, that moment we had with notary is really set the tone for today. And I don't think there's any coming back. And you open the show with notary, um, taglines and a story about dreaming that Garceau, was mad at you, like we're done. That's all we've got today. Okay? Go somewhere else if you need more. We understand if you need to go somewhere else.

Go on your healing journey, everybody. Everyone's going to need a healing journey after this episode. Commercials. Here comes one right now. Yeah. So then we see a clip of her calling Justin from the bed in Arizona. Like, Justin, you won't believe a Heather did. She said, it wasn't true.

When I said, I was like, I can't. Just fast forward to the end of this. I can't with her. So she tells us, if you, no, she tells him, if you connect the dots, it's because she didn't hear me. And then I didn't have a voice in that moment. And then that's how I spent my childhood. And I don't think she realizes that you did have a voice in that moment. And you used it to like tell a lie over and over again and then scream at somebody for not backing up your lie. Okay. Your voice. voice was not the problem. You had it. Your voice, you were speaking, your voice was the dominant thing in that scene. I also liked, she actually technically said if you connect to the dots of why it hurts so much. And I just, I like that she bungles that connect the dots. She's like, if you connect to the dots, it's like plug in your phone. I've been going to my connect to the dots, teller. I connected to a dot. I feel really connected to this dot right now. Also, I felt bad for cereal boxes because you know how they always have like a connect the dots thing on the back for the kids.

Hers just must look like a mass thing. Just drawn. Well, I realized it wants me to connect dots one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight in that order. But that's just because someone's telling me to do it in that order and I can connect to the dots in any way I want. It's just like a zigzags. So then we get some dramatic means. It's not even made of Haas. It's a piano.

It's very dramatic. Yeah. And Heather comes in dot, polka dot fur coat to Angie's house, which, well, I just connected to the dots right there. So Angie's like, you just saw the Matrix. You connected to the dots. Angie, I was trying to figure out. what Angie's voice is because I didn't really remember it from last year, but I think it's something

like this, and I'm going to stick with this until next week when it inevitably, inevitably, inevitably changes to something else next week. So I think it's also like that. It's sort of like got a light touch of Meredith Marks, but it also has like a little bit of Midwestern, like she sort of rounds certain things out. And I'm trying to work on it. I don't know what I'm doing quite as. It's like a weird Midwestern light Meredith Marks maybe. Yeah, there's something a little weird, like about the way that she'll connect with the words,

but it has a little nasal action there, but we'll have to see. But for now, get your freezing ass in here, girl. Find yourself a seed while I go to get you a drink from the kitchen, which is really far away, because as you might remember from last season, I'm extremely rich. So I'll be back. Sit in the front room. How do you feel about a dirty martini?

How do you feel it's very cosmopolitan, no pun intended? And Heather's like, I feel great. I feel great about this. Dirty martinis. That sounds great. Fuck you, Mormonism. That martini is not just a martini. It's a dirty martini.

Oh my God, I hope my family doesn't hate me. Well, here we are just a couple of middle class at girls acting fancy. what's going on? Tell me what's new girlfriend. So she's like, well, the last thing I expected on that trip was for Whitney to run into the kitchen, wide-eyed and wild-eyed, telling Lisa, you heard Angie say that she provided sexual favors for court side seats. That is what happened. what what

what what what so and there's like well where would where would she get that

from and Angie's like well let's just say that's true I would never say that

okay but that's not just saying it was true Angie has a very tricky way of

talking let's just say all of this is true I would never okay

it makes no sense especially in that setting because that is a business environment. Chris's company has a court side seat. End of story done. End of story.

So there it is. It's a business environment going to that NBA game. I was like, do you own the jazz? She's like, end of story. I mean, do you think I want another issue with Lisa Barlow as we sit here in Salon, This is what I've renamed. This is home of Catergate, 2021, if anyone forgot. So she tells us, she's like, I do not know Whitney to be a liar.

I do know Whitney to be a pot stirrer, and I know Whitney to be paranoid. And it just makes no sense. And I hope it's not true, but if it is true, whoever Lisa is hooking up with must be submissive, because it's a lot to deal with that. Hold on. Keep the camera here. So, more importantly, how are you guys? And Heather's like, oh, I mean, I'm fine.

I'm fine. I want to move on. I'm not holding a grudge whatsoever. I'll tell you what, I wish I were holding a little mini meatball on a stick. Okay, do you have any appetizers around here for crying out loud? You know, I do, but the walk to the kitchen is literally. a mile. So just eat that picture book on the table. Well, we were going to have some meatballs here, but for some reason, the meatball caterer were canceled at the last second. I don't know why.

I don't want to accuse anyone. I don't want to be accused of gaslighting gaslight salon. You know what I'm saying, girlfriend? So Heather's like, yeah, well, I'm not going to hold a grudge. Instead, I'm going to hold a ski day at the basin. It's for everybody. I want to invite you, my dear friends. I would like you to wear something fabulous. I'm going to invite all of my cousins. I was like all of your cousins. How many sprinter vans full of white people is that? It's a lot of damn people in your family. My God, it's going to look like a parking lot. Not a parking lot party, but a tailgate party. Same thing. So Heather tells us, I'm writing a book about leaving the Mormon church and I've decided to call it bad Mormon. And we have a flashback

of her talking to her book agent and she's like, I'm just, I'm very conflicted about it because I don't want my Mormon friends to know I've had sex outside of marriage. And he's like, I think they know. They do have television, Souther. Okay. I would like the Mormon church to write a book called Just Go Already. It's the third season of this shit. Just go. I think the Mormon church to write a book called We've Got Enough. It's fine. it's like you're making more money of leaving the Mormon church than you did leaving your husband. I mean, get your priorities straight. So she's like, it's incredibly healing to have my cousins in my life, but this book could harm people.

It could harm relationships. And I just want other people to relate to it. Yes, Heather, other people will relate to it. We all love fucking and drinking. Okay. I've pre-ordered it. Okay. So then Angie, Angie is like, well,

What am I supposed to do with Whitney? Because, I mean, I want to think when he's mistaken. I like that, Angie, asked that question. That question was the equivalent of, I wasn't listening to whatever you were just saying about your book. Let's talk about Whitney again. I know right after she says, so how are you? So what am I supposed to do with Whitney?

I mean, I guess I can't invite her to the jazz anymore. So Heather's like, well, she was very clear and that she said, that you said it. and I heard it. And if you say anything otherwise, we're lying. Then she just takes a vodka bottle and, like, chugs the whole thing. She's like, okay, I'm ready to go on with my day. So then we go to Meredith and Seth, and they go to a restaurant. And Seth's like, small plates, small drinks.

Perfect. Am I right? That's my kind of vibe. That's what Meredith says. I love small plates, small. small drinks, excuse me, do you happen to have a toddler seat for the table expecting one more?

Can we get a booster seat, do you have sippy cups? I want to make sure that Brooksie doesn't spill a sangria everywhere. And they're really laying it on thick that they're still very happy. He's like, may I push in your chair, madame? She's like, oh, wow, Yeah, you can tell this doesn't happen often because he really doesn't calibrate the effort he needs to push in that chair. She's like, wow.

I know, Jesus. I'm a little wedged in here. She starts the scene as Meredith, she answered as boxing Helena. It's like, Jesus Christ, she's just a torso now, Seth. Thanks. So Brooks enters. Brooks, I realize, shares a lot of commonality with Joanne, real girlfriends of Paris, because he enters with a, hi.

He's like, hi. It's like if Carol Radzwell were playing Jill Zarin in a high school musical. Give my records to Broadway. I'm sorry. That song's come up. I'm sorry. That's not how that goes. It goes,

So Meredith is like, oh, Brex is a senior in NYU, and he's juggling his business work on his new collections and studies at school. He was kind enough to come visit his own mother and father. And as I watch this, I thought of that Katie Perry clip that's been going around to be seen it.

We're at Katie Perry is in a concert and she's just like singing and stopped and looking at the audience and then one eye just like drops like not her eyeball but like her eye last just closes and then she like presses her temple and it opens and then it closes again and she keeps going like that and people are like what the hell is going on with Katie's eye and then some people are like oh Katie's talked about her wonky eyed plenty and then some people are like it's the jab and then some people are like she's a robo. And then some people are like, she's a lizard. And it just leads me to stare at Meredith and think, what the fuck has happened to this country?

Thank you. I'm going on now. I just a girl and I like that. I guess, well, we've already covered Taylor Swift and Carly Ray Jepson and Adele. So I guess it's only a matter of time before we get to Caney Perry, okay? Okay, so Brooks, she's like, well, why don't you just stay here for a month? Jen Shaw will be back, so there'll be plenty of vagina for you to see because I'm in school, mother. It's almost Halloween.

We can have Jen Sean cross her legs in front of me and get a little skimp jump skier. You know, it won't be very long before you'll never get to see her cooch again, so you might as well. take advantage of it now brooksly so then he's like i'm in school and seth asks him if he has i love set's uh sentence structuring it's so funny he's like so do you have any kind of uh significant other in any capacity because he knows he can't say anything or he's going to get in trouble can't say day don't insinuate that my son is gay until he is ready to saying something about it. Nobody knows anything, sir.

I mean, for all we know, he's just a very butch, straight boy with a few feminine tendencies. So Brooks is like, I've had a boyfriend for the past two years. And Seth's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, uh, has mom met him? He's like, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. Stupid. Dumbass. Stupid father, dad. Old idiot. Stupid hair. our face. Unplug him. Hey, can I get a waiter over here to unplug my father?

Not funny, Brooks, same. So Seth's like, okay, well, describe your perfect boyfriend. Does he put your chair in too hard? Yeah, it was hot, right? That was so hot, Sam. And then so Brooks, like, well, why don't you describe your perfect boyfriend, dad? And he goes, oh, my perfect boyfriend? Brett Favre.

I'm like, this is, okay. Okay, well, not Brett Farv, not Brett Farv. Not Brett Farv. Okay, like, yes, Brett Farv had a moment where he was hot, but Brett Farb. Oh my God, first of all, he sent his tiny little dick pick, like, to, like, he had that scandal for your, he's in it. You know, he's in a current scandal now, right? Yeah, I'm looking it up because I just skip it in the news, you know, because I, I, I, I, I, Everyone's like, I'm so mad at Brett Farr.

And I'm like, like literally don't care. They've, you know, read a book. He's part of a scheme to funnel, um, COVID, COVID funds, I believe to from, from, like, Mississippi to build a volleyball stadium at his college, like his alma mater or something like that where it's like, it's actually a really big scandal. Oh my God. Listen to this new welfare scandal. Oh God.

And of course it's a fucking video. I don't want a video. Okay. Don't get me a preview and text and send me to a video. But anyway, the preview. says text message and documents that connect the plan to divert millions of dollars in welfare funds to pet projects for Brett Farv. Yeah, it's not good. I also just feel like it's such a random reference to say Brett Farb in 2022. I mean, let's say more current. Say like Tom Brady. I mean,

Tom Brady is a dick, but like he's hot. You can say that. He's getting divorced. No. Yeah, he's. Yeah, she's divorcing bunchkin or whatever her name is. Yeah, I think that they are getting separated. What about Jimmy Garapolo? Hello. Hello. come on, Seth. You got to work on hot. You're hot. He died. He died after the Sopranos. So. So, Meredith is like, yeah, I don't know what my husband sees some bread. Maybe it's the locks, the personality.

I mean, I can't even envision his face to be honest with you. Let's not overlook Seth's justification for Brett Farrell. He's the toughest motherfucker that ever lived and he's sexy as fuck. That's my perfect boyfriend. So Brooks is like, you guys are so interested in my love life. So it's like, if I find that perfect person, I just want to set him up with you. If I find like a Brett adjacent, hot, sexy motherfucker, can I set him up with you? I want to find someone a tough motherfucker.

Like Brett Farr. I just want someone who's going to really care about your welfare, Brooksie. He's like, okay, man, all right. So Meredith is like, speaking of, we're having a trunk show for mental problems, and I'd love it if you could show a couple of your, you know, your designs. If I was planning on wearing my bathing suit that looks like a blazer with gold buttons on the front, if that's okay. Yeah.

So basically, Meredith's sister is having a fundraiser to raise money for mental health organizations or institutions because her nephew had some challenges recently. So that's something that's going to be on the horizon. And so then Meredith then starts playing with Seth's back of Seth's hair. And he's like, I have a mini mullet, which let me just say, Brett Fav would never. Whenever. So then we go to Jen and coach, and she's like, oh, my God. You know, the three days of New York was, like, so grueling. Like, we're going through mock trials, and so they're saying all these lies,

and they're spewing this BS, and they're trying to tear you down. And, ding! My Orville, Red and Barker popcorn is ready. I hope you enjoy it. like please take off that little tiny weird hat it's creeping me out i hate that hat like she's done so much that's offensive but that hat is just killing me tiny tiny hat i'm marrying the librarian take that shit off no one's falling for it so um she is really happy to be home um and uh so she and coaches start start working on their couples therapy exercises because you may remember from last season, I believe they did some, they drew some,

they painted some paintings. And so this today, they're doing soul gazing. And coach is like, oh, this is called soul gazing. According to the therapist, soul gazing allows us to connect with each other without talking and maybe we can take something. Oh my God, my eyes just open up a website. Oh, Jen, you really are good. Unfortunately, it's a permanent redirect, but we can work on that. So he tells her, because apparently couples therapy is just where the husband goes and gets instructions on what to tell the wife at home. This is very bizarre scene. So he's like, according to the therapist, we need to just stare into each other's eyes and then I'll feel what you're saying with your soul language.

And she's like, ah, just stare into my eyes. My eye, I don't see anything. My eyes are, your eyes are melting onto your shirt. What's happening?

This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea. Just goo. This is one of your most grotesque jokes of all time, Ronnie. Like, that really went to a dark place. I'm not going to lie. It just melted his eyes out.

But it was more the image of you trying to put them back in. Like it was one thing, but then you're on camera just being like, no, no. Like that I, for a moment, I was like imagining his horror as he's like, my eyes. Listen, we've seen a lot of How's the Dragon recently. I told you it's not going to be a normal day for me. I don't know what's going on. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

So then she's like, so he's like okay well i guess soul gazing's not going to work that clearly wasn't the one for you here's what i know i know that i love you and what i want to improve is my way of showing you that which i'm going to do right now by getting into my car and checking into a hotel he is one step away from turning into an errand neville and linda ronset that's out to i don't know much but i know i love you I wish I knew the rest of those lyrics I don't So Jen She's like

I think they're more of like It's a quarter after three And I'm a little truck And I need you now Omar I need you Is that what's the lady That's not Is that lady at develop?

I think they had to cut the lady part out Because it was offensive I can actually imagine I can imagine Jen turning so many pop songs into just like her own trials and tribulations. I mean, literally like anything from Kelly Clark's in, she's like, some people have won. Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

Even really happy song. She's like, that's the way. I like it. That's the way. But doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger, stronger. You're ruining Kelly Clarkson's catalog. So she goes on about poor Jen, you know, like, oh my God, I had to go to this trial and it was so hard on me. And then, you know, mock trial, rather.

And then I had this girl's trip. And then I got on the plane. And then I went to meetings. And then I met the legal team. And then I found out that the judge is pushing the trial until January, which is terrible. And then it pops up. a headline that says, Jen Shaw's criminal fraud trial pushed to July after the reality star continues to fight over subpoenas. Well, you're the damn reason it's being pushed. What do you think

you can just tell them no? Like they give you subpoenas and you can just be like, no, mm-mm. And coach is like, this is going to be a test for both of us. For you, it's going to be a test to see if you can keep your head above water. For me, it's going to be a test to see how long I can listen to this before I just drive into my, get in my car and just drive to a different state. So, yeah, I'm not buying any of this bullshit from either one of these two. So then we go to Lisa and her son. Okay, what's the sun's night? There's Jack and Henry. So this is Henry. So Henry's making a sign like a yard sign on poster board. And she's like, oh my God, what are you doing, Henry? And he's like, I'm making a sign. Jack is Jack, right? Yeah, Henry's

Yes, Jack. Yeah, Jack. What are you doing, Jack? He's like, I'm making a sign for, like, Sweethearts Dance. Oh, my God. How does she ask you? What did her sign say? And he's like, it said, sweetheart would be sweet if you came for jazz tickets.

What? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, my head's in another place. Sorry. What is your saying? Which is also another double entendre. So then he puts up his poster and it's his poster.

I guess I didn't realize that kids had to have a response poster. But so his response poster says, I would be bananas if I said no to sweethearts. Yes. But it's like it's almost like art because the fonts and the letters and the words are all different like sizes and alignments. And I didn't understand the rhyme or the reason of this poster and I was fascinated by it. I'm no handwriting expert, but I think that child needs help. I think it's official at this point. It was a disturbing sign, and it didn't even make any sense.

I would be bananas not to be your sweetheart. What the fuck is that? Because bananas are a fruit. Is it an inside joke? The bananas? Because I didn't understand that I'm going to be honest. Just say yes. It's like the opposite of Nancy Reagan.

Just say yes. And I don't understand the bananas thing. There's a banana sticker on there. I'd understand why some of the I'd understand why some of the words were like all the way to the left and really small and somewhere all the sort of in the middle and somewhere on the right. It was very,

it was, I'm concerned about his application to Fudge College at this point. Yeah. So she's like, okay, I love you. You know, I'll take your bananas for jazz tickets. I don't know, just something to think on. I'll be in the other room. So she calls her brother, Hey, Bay.

Brian. And he's like, just got back from the probation officer. Just kidding. Well, don't kid too hard. You're on Salt Lake City now, sir. Yeah, you're a reality star now, as far as I'm concerned. So why does Lisa force every man that's close to her to have ducktails bangs?

Why? He has the same little bang dip. The same little ducktails blip that John has. Well, once you have one, you need to have two more, right? You can't just have one ducktail. You can't just have Huey. You need to have Dewey and Louie. Webby doesn't really count because I think she has a different hair.

style. Yeah, Webby, I mean, I don't even know. I mean, she even has an award show. Don't be dismiss up to Webby. I just said you a different hair style. Don't be dismissing Webby up in here. I hate Webby's hair. Down with Webby. No, you know who has the best hair? Magic a Dispel. I mean, that is a chic. That is a chic hairstyle. We're a Disney villain. I mean, Jesse, I mean, Jesse Jay basically built her career off of Magica Dispels hairstyle. Let's be honest. Whatever happened to her? As long as we're talking about all the pop stars of the past 10 years. So Lisa starts crying.

This is a weird storyline. So she's like, oh my God, there's six cats in my family and Brian is the only boy. And then growing up, he was like constantly messing with me. And him and his friends

thought it would be funny to like duct tape me to the center post in my school and literally no one helped. I was like, why are you, this is like the Handmaid's Tale? Like,

why are we acting like this is a comedy on CBS? Yes. And also, why did no one take photos? I understand it was a different time when people didn't always have cameras on them, but surely someone could have run home and taken a picture of Lisa, tucked tape to a pillar in the foyer of her high school. Please.

I'm just imagining her, though, like, in that pillar, just people walking by. And the reason why she wasn't taken down is probably she didn't say, like, take me down. She's probably like, hey, hi, how are you? Love that. Oh, nice knapsack. That's great. Love that. Oh, cool, slap bracelet. Love that. Hi. Oh, my God. Did you do something different with your pigtails? Love that. Love that. Love those Reebok palms. Love that. Might I suggest Diet Coke? Love that. Get it. Diet Coke. It's pizza day, everybody. Welcome to the cafeteria. Very enthusiastic victim of bullying. So just welcoming everybody who passes her. Because people just don't notice.

So anyway, so she tells this crazy story. And then she's like, she's like, hey, have you spoken to Genia? Yeah, or Genia? Whatever her name is. Yeah. Oh my God. Like she was like breaking down. And like, it honestly made me cry because like, like, she was like, what's wrong with us?

And I was like, because you don't drink Diet Coke. That's what's wrong with you. And she was like, no, but like about our relationships. I was like, again, you don't drink Diet Coke. And she was like, no, listen to me. And I said, until you've got jazz tickets, then you can talk to me, sister, like that. Uh-huh.

I was trying to give her the best advice. I'm like, if your marriage isn't going well, more succoran. I would say nobody listens to my... So, yeah, the story is weird, because all her sisters are now divorced, and they're like, what's wrong with us that we're all divorced?

And she's like, just the sub-bapar her. And she's like, you know, it's like, so hard going to go watching everyone go through because he just want to fuck that. So I hope you guys come to see me because I can really use five nights. What is this scene? This is disjointed. I need you to figure out your plot here and get back to me because, frankly, I don't know what the hell's wrong with your sisters, but I'm definitely interested now.

And then it goes sort of in a weird, sad space for John because he comes over, she goes, look who's here. And so John comes in on the FaceTime and he's like, my forehead's blinding you. And Brian's like, oh, come on, you look great as always. You must be looking in the mirror. I was like, John. You must be looking in the mirror, dude. They just have like a ducktails, bangs, face off. But like a sad one because they're like, it's like a low confidence face off, ducttails face off, you know.

A low confidence ducktails face off. So then she's like, okay, bye, her sister's so sad, miserable. Good catching up. So she hangs up with bright brag And John's like So Lisa What's in your head today? And she's like

Oh my God, please don't say head So for me It's overwhelming Because I worry about my family Because like those are my piebal And you know what That plus this consummate stress From my friend group

Yeah I need to counterbalance it Like maybe I need to focus On like what you and I can do Together more And she said that like the rumors You know They're not true

but they can still be hurtful. And John's like, well, you can't get buried in other people's burdens. She's like, but we work together. We're raising kids together. And we have enough things to try to eat us. And I don't need someone trying to break the only things that matters to me, which is my outdoor fridge, which contains a lot of extra diet coconut. So then we go to Whitney and Justin. And this is where he's like, she's like, what are you doing?

and he's like, I'm putting together my new roof rack for the Tesla. And she's like, oh my God, we're going to be roof rack people. What? Are we going to be trailer hitch people? I judge those people. I wanted to make fun of her, but I was like, I bet if I lived in Utah and I cared about skiing, I probably would probably, I can guarantee I would say the same thing like, ew. Skis on hitches?

Disgusting. You know, I'm like, you know I'm capable of a hot tag like that where everyone's like, Like Ben, seriously. So La Rainey is coming over to notarize my resignation letter from the DSL Church. That's a delivery service, Ben. The SDL Church. That's Spanish as a direct language. ESL Church.

That's English as a second language. from the L LLDL church That's cholesterol It's HPV church Okay that's just You're not even trying now DL Healy Church

BIP church BIP church Okay now you're just doing short ad for the internet babe So I just I just wrote Jesus. So he's like, wow, I'm really happy for you that you're getting another episode out of a resignation letter to the church that you downloaded online.

And she's like, yeah, this is the final piece to say goodbye to the fucking man, not you, Justin. He's like, don't worry. I figured that out. So she's like, it's funny because I was so eager to read the letter that I failed to read the fine print that it. had to be not rised. And I was like, well, why do you rise it in the first place?

No Terry's are allowed to sign this letter. And I thought, wait a second. Is my name Terry? Did I just forget that? Was that blocked out? No, Terry. No. Wait, who's Terry?

Terry, stay away. You're going to ruin it for me. I had to call on a rotary and I don't have that kind of phone and I spent all of this month's budget on a printer to print the paper in the first place. What a kudum. So she's telling us, they make it so hard to leave the church so they could reactivate you and then take 10% of your income. It's part of the money and controls. They're not trying to save the souls of Zion. They want your money. Especially Terry's. So Lorraine, come over. So Lorraine comes over.

No, Terry. Terry, don't do it. She just can't let it go. I love that Whitney's just figuring out what tithing is. This chip cracks me up. So Lorraine comes over. It's almost like it's for 10% of your money. Wait a second.

This isn't to help you when your baby teeth are coming in? No, that's teething. Terry, don't put the contract in your mouth. That's not what it's for after all. No, Terry. So Lorraine comes over. And she's like, so where'd you get this paperware? This looks pretty a fish.

And she's like, I went to quitmormon.com. Yeah, she's like, okay, cool. Well, I guess we should do the notary stuff, huh? And she's like, no, first let me tell you. this is my third time trying to sign a piece of paper. Whoa, third time, most of us aren't even married to that many people. No, Terry. No, Terry.

Terry, listen. The first time when I was still married to my ex, I went through the repentance process. By the way, there's a vacuum cleaner going on overhead. I don't know if you can hear it. it, but it's really loud. I can hear it. I like things getting done. Terry, stop vacuuming.

No, Terry. So, she was like, I didn't want to say that too loud. Like, I didn't want someone to actually get me. They had to stop the vacuuming. Terry, I'm sorry. So, she's like, I went through the repentance process. So I informed them.

I haven't been faithful to my husband and I want a divorce. And they were like, you have to have counsel. So then, They asked me, when, where, how? So I said, on the desk in September with a penis. And then they said, how many times? In hindsight, it was actually highly inappropriate. Then my ex came in and they said,

you'll be forgiven of all of your sons if you go to temple tomorrow. Based on Mormon doctrine, you should be excommunicating me on the spot. right. So that's when I knew something was fishy. And in the middle of this, Lorraine goes, for real? And Whitney goes, for reals. So then Whitney's like, yeah,

I remember sitting in front of the council and I was not only ashamed, but like also, I'm being preyed upon. Well, that's what they do. I mean, they are the council like pray on you. No, not spelled that way, spelled P-R-A-Y. Right. That's what the council does. No, not spelled that way.

Spelled P-R-A-Y. Okay. They wanted to flatten me to have a buffalo walk all over me. I was being prairied upon. So, um, Whitney's like, I feel, I felt preyed upon, manipulated. And right then I knew Something was fishy So then I got divorced

And then I tried to do it again But I realized I couldn't Because I was still sold to my ex Yeah And even though I committed the same sin as Justin He's ex-communicated And the men get to decide What happens to me

So That's that's my story. I mean, this is so crazy, and it's fun to make fun of Whitney, but this shit really is crazy. Oh, it's terrible. And I don't want to be, like, going in on anybody's religion, okay, because that's not cool. But I did watch a lot of things about the religion this year, because it's like Mormon year.

It's like, you're the Mormon bashing, because there's a lot of Mormon stuff out, you know? I mean, for us, because we see the Heather Gay stuff and this Whitney stuff, but also there have been a lot of miniseries and documentaries and all of the stuff about really hardcore, I don't know what side that is, far right, far. D-S-D-L-S, maybe? Right. There's like the, the fanatical types. And anyway, I watched banner, under the banner of, I was going to say,

banter under heaven. I was like, that doesn't make sense. But yes, that one. And it's true, a woman in that story went in and was like, I think my husband is like going to kill a lot of people. Like he's bad, something is terrible. He's abusive. I need to leave. And they're like, you know what you need?

Prayer. And she's like, uh, anyway, the point is, I make fun of her, but I know this is not. I should be. Yeah, of course. But yikes. We make fun because we can't deal with the real issues. That's right. Just like real life.

Yeah. Yeah. No, but we just, it's just funny the way, it's actually very, very serious stuff and just hearing, but the way that Whitney retells it is just so funny, because she's like, and then I felt this. So anyway, as I'm going through this healing journey, I'm starting to see the parallels between the abuse of power from the church and the abuse from my family member. And while they are two different themes, signing this letter today is taking back my power. So she was like, I'm going to take back my power. Justin, will you take a video?

I'm going to put a heart over the eye. Did you get it? Let me see. Whitney, that is the... Hold on. Let me see the video. No, Terry. Do it again, Justin.

Whitney, I'm sorry to tell you that form you just signed is the... I recommit myself to the Mormon church. Oh, no, Terry. I forgot to read the small print again and the big print too. Loraini, Rainy, Anna Maney is like, uh-oh, sorry, bad news, you're sold again. You're re-selt. You're back in the church. No, Terry.

So now we get another ha music, and we're on to the next part of the show. The ski place called Nadles. It's ski audition time. So first Heather and Dre arrives. We got Dre who's been sort of in the running for about a year and a half now. And then we have Morgan, Heather's cousin. We got a bunch of cousins. We got Morgan and Allie and Susan.

But then we get an actual friend of Dana. This is Dana's first episode. So she's here. And her whole backstory is that she goes to Beauty Lab and Laser. And so Heather loves her. And she's like excited to hang out with her outside of work. Yeah. She's saying that with a customer.

And so she's like, yeah. And I really like her. Okay. And so then Dana, wait, Three days ago. Oh, yeah, so we see in the car, yeah, I was at the wrong part. So we see them in the car for Heather being like,

yeah, we get along so great. So Dan is like, okay, so what do you want to listen to? Rap, and Heather just stops. Because wasn't Heather's first season? She's like, I love driving around hip hop. I'm like, I'm so not normal, Norman. Yeah. I love hip hop.

So she doesn't really know how to answer. And Dan is like, you know Heather's Jenny from the block? I'm Dana from the park. We're like, okay, not the strongest start for Dana, but we'll, you know, this show has a pretty good track record, so we'll be okay. Also not rap. Also not that. So then. No, no, also not rap.

Is that what I said? No, I said also not that. I was agreeing. My that was in reference. No, Terry. No. Terry from the UPS store. I don't care about the ink pads you got

I'm still I'm still Terry from the UPS store Oh, it didn't rhyme Let me try that again I'm still Terry from the now So um I don't care if they call me a whore I'm still Terry from the UPS store I'm unselling from the UPS

I can't just keep trying Whitney Keep trying So Whitney and Lisa are driving over I'm Lisa's like, you know I'm going to be on the body hill all day? I'll be screaming the whole way. And Whitney's like, he's going to be on the bunny hill with you. Oh, I'm sorry, you have a bunny that needs to heal? No, the bunny hill.

I'm on a bunny healing journey. So Whitney's like, wait a minute, then that leaves me and Heather and Meredith. I haven't spoken to Heather since Arizona. Heather really, really hurt me, and I've been open and vulnerable, so I feel that. You know, she's taken my pain and used it as a weapon against me. You know, and then she tells us, this is the song and dance that Heather and I do. We just got to break the ice, and I don't know if it's the best day to try to resolve things with Heather, but if she is open to talking with things, then I'll talk with.

I like Whitney deciding whether or not it's the right day to approach someone about something, when every single episode she approaches someone about something at like the worst possible time. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, but like, look at us. I never thought I would be in a car with you, Lisa Barlow, my new friend. And Lisa's like, oh my God, hi, Whitney. Hey, wait, when we get to the ski slope, do you mind like untapping me from the door? door my brother kind of attached me.

So Jen arrives, like Jen arrives everywhere. Like she has a bullhorn even if she doesn't. She just like screams woo all the way in. And she's, you know, everyone's hugging and meeting because it's all these new people. And, um, and it's like, me and the bunny hell are going to be best friends to delivering Easter eggs to these bitches. I'm like I'm not sure. I think she's conflating Bunny Hill with Easter Bunny, but that's okay.

So Angie Kay shows up, who we haven't seen since the first episode. She has a bag that says, Faye, because it's like Louis Vuitton and Gucci all together. And then Angie H arrives. And so Lisa Barlow sees Angie H, Angie Harrington. And she's like, are you kidding me? Did you know she was coming today or no? And Whitney goes, no, no. Oh my God.

What is Angie Harrington doing here? I don't love that. I don't love that. And the producer's like, are you going to go hug Angie Harrington and like be friends again? And she's like, Oh my God, do these even rock wash shots?

So then Heather's like, oh my God, guys, okay, we're going to need to self-assess. If you're like amazing skiers, you're coming with me and my cousins and everyone else can go with the person who's never going to prison as long as I have something to say about it.

Got you, girl. So then Angie Harrington goes and hugs Lisa, like just like a little hello hug. And Lisa, who is, by the way, the queen of like the fake hug is like, this hug is as fake as everything else about her. Like, why are you fucking hugging me? Like, you lied about me to damage my family. Like, you could have hurt my business. Why are you here? So then on the hills, Angie gets her skis clicked in.

And she's like, the sound of success. Here's the Flash Girls. She's like in Western movies. And she's like, I've decided that today I am going to be road testing, me as crazy drunk girl, because I thought last season when I fell over in a chair at that event at Beauty Lab and Laser,

that was pretty funny. So we're just going to try to lean into that right now. Okay, everyone. God, vodka's difficult on an empty stomach, huh? Huh? I drink. I drink. So then we see.

everyone's skiing and Jen's like Opening ceremony, bitches! And then she's telling us, I'm like from Hawaii, okay? I'm like Moana. I'm like the heart of the ocean. All right? But a couple of years ago, I was on skates trying to prepare for this moment and then we see her with all her

Shaw Squad cheering for her and I was like, how many of those people are in jail right now? I know. We've got Marillo the purse stealer, allegedly. And I didn't know the ones. I was just like, wow, Marillo made it back onto the show. Congrats. I was just thinking which one of those people works for the FBI,

because that's the, we all know. It was Shaw Squad was where it all happened. So then Jen tells us, well, look at how far I've come. Now I'm on the snow. Pizza, French fry, what do you want? I'm like, that's probably the exact word she'll be saying when she's working in the prison cafeteria. Yeah, and Lisa is like,

My outdoor's vibe is more like Cabana service. Food service, drink service, towel service, service in exchange for jazz. Did I say that? Did I say that? Transmission service. Any service. So then just like more ski antics, they show like a shot of Dana falling over on her snowboard. And then they start talking about, that's sort of at the bottom of the hill.

Lisa is asking Dana about her kids if they snowboard. And so Dana's talking about how she's got like, she's got a 10-year-old, a 7-year-old, a 4-year-old. And then Jen makes this joke where she's like, I made, I get birth to this one, Angie K. Yeah. And by the way, when I rolled up and I saw Angie H and not Angie K, I was like, what?

And so now they start talking about Angie Harrington. Well, she's not on my gosh last because we knew each other for 20 yards. And then she just lied about me. And Dan is like, But, God, that's 20 years. I mean, how do you feel about ending a relationship of 20 years? It's like, fine, good, great. You know, but, like, what about Heather?

Because, like, Heather and I are working towards a better friendship. So, like, why invite her? Why everybody? Why everybody that I don't know here? Why? I know. Who are you people, anyway? There's so many people in this circle, but only one cast member.

Yeah. So, Jen's like, I say we wrap this up. go to operate ski and get tore up on the poor up. So that's where they go to this like, this balcony kind of area. And Meredith's like, wow, well, this is so gorgeous. I love it. It's spectacular. I wish my little toddler Brooks here here, but of course,

they would need to actually have some applesauce and little carrot slices for him to don't have. You know what I really love about this show? Salt Lake City. Utah is fucking gorgeous, okay? Yeah. I can say whatever I want about the documentaries. But damn, that is a pretty place. Beautiful.

I can't wait to go. Yeah, we're going to go. Yeah. One day, we can go. One day. One day. Stay tuned. So, um, they order and blah, blah.

Everyone was like, talk, talk, talk. And Heather is talking about how last time they saw Jen, it was in a group setting. there were lots of hugs and tears. And Shenz like, yeah, well, I want my trial to happen. But my perspective is whenever that trial happens is when God wants it to happen. I don't think God really cares about the administrative details of the southern New York. God, Doug Llewellyn just standing out there, you know, just trying to make sure everybody does okay in court. God's like, hmm, let's see.

Hold on. I got to look at my ICAL. here. Let's see. Well, you know, in June, I was hoping to schedule in an earthquake, maybe just somewhere like in Northern Greenland. But how about we push that and put Jen Shaw's trial? Okay, great. I love that. That's a great schedule for me. I've got so much on my plate right now, you guys. I'm just going to need to push this. I mean, if you want me to pull in extra hours, I'm going to need to raise it from 10% to at least 15. They're like, no, God, no, you were taking it up. Okay, then. We're going to move this trial. All right. I was going to have.

have a Laura Dern scandal hit. But I think this is actually, I think that a trial would play better in July. So let's do that. So everyone's like, yay, Jen. Oh my God, your trial moved? And she's like, yeah. So I'm going to be there in July now, like July 11th. And Lisa goes, oh, my God, Hamptons.

Oh, got a house. We can all go for John Strails. It's like, chilling the Hamptons. I don't know if Lisa understands. So many things. The idea of Jen's going to be going to a federal, like a federal trial, so she's going to get a house in the Hamptons three hours away. And Whitney's like, I don't know why we're celebrating this. More time that goes by, there could be more evidence, more witnesses.

The prosecution could be gathering more witnesses. And she gets that real serious on her face, like, I just solved it. This could be really bad for Jen. I object. No, Terry, you don't object. I sustain. So then she's like, this could be really bad for Jen. So then we go to Angie and Meredith at a table.

And Angie's like, wow, wasn't skiing lovely? Hello, my dear. And Whitney comes over. She's like, am I terrupting in? Can we do that again? Am I out erupting? Interrupting. Inner outer.

It's like a belly button. Am I in her belly buttoning? I'm on a erupting journey. So Angie's like, Oh my God. What ruptune? Honey. So Angie's like, well, I was with Heather last night and we had a little

spritzer. And she was in Arizona, and you guys, she's saying that in Arizona, you guys had a falling out, which was surprising to me because you guys have always been right or die for each other. The problem was, we got caught up in the details. We were at a jazz game, and we were talking about a man. You know who I'm talking about. I know you know who I'm talking about. Palm alone. Yeah.

And then. And then we see a selfie with the three of them. to prove that they were there on New Year's Eve at this game. And behind them is this guy absolutely losing his shit, screaming at the sports, you know. Fuzz out his face, but his neck veins are all popping out. He's probably, what'd you do? Blow a fucking guy to get those seats, you fucking loose.

Like, oh my God. Tupest motherfucker. And you just told me. I'm sorry, Ronnie. That's so true. So she's like, Yeah. Okay, so catch this. Whitney is so full of shit. I cannot stress enough that I love Whitney and want her on the show because she cracks me up. But gosh, she's such a liar. So she goes, yeah, we were joking, remember that Heather should date him? And the rumor was that Lisa already had. And maybe Heather doesn't remember because that's not what you said last week. Yeah. You've been saying that Angie told you that Lisa gives that guy blowjobs.

for jazz tickets or does sexual favors for jazz tickets, period. It was not that maybe Lisa had once dated that guy. Yeah, exactly. Now it's dated and that Heather may not have heard it because she was drinking. And you was like, you did not give her that out last time. And so Angie's like, we were totally drinking. I don't remember all the details, but I think it's pretty clear. I would own it if I remembered it.

I just don't. So either I'm telling the truth and I'm telling the truth about maybe if I lied, I don't remember, or I'm lying, in which case I'm making it sound like I'm lost of my logic. She's so, her logic is crazy too. Yeah, and I'll be honest with you. I don't remember, but I think it's pretty clear if I remember it. I would say that I remember that. I like that she always puts those things to be like, I mean, I'm sure it's obvious. In this theoretical situation, I'd be very accountable. But in this current situation, I unfortunately can't be accountable because I don't remember. So Whitney's like, I expect this of Angie because this is what liars do to cover their asses. But I'm not upset with her because the stakes aren't as high with me and Angie.

I care about Heather, not Angie. Wait, I care about Angie, but I care about Heather. And I don't want to eat steak from the ground. where does Lorraine fit into this? So Heather is talking about Spanx with a girlfriend's like, oh my God, if I can wear Spanx in this office, someone tell me. And they're like, you can. Ha, I will next time. So Whitney pulls her aside.

Oh, no. First, Jen comes up to her, and she's like, um, that's such funny spank's humor. Like, I don't want to interrupt that because it's like so good. What are you? Heather from the park right now. So anyway, you invited Angie Harrington to ski day, really? Like, I don't think Lisa's very happy because we were on the bunny hill, and Lisa was like, I'm not very happy. But then again, that may have been because someone tied her to a ski lift, but I still think she was unhappy about Angie H. being here.

So Heather's... I'm really not happy. She's just tied to the bottom of a lift passing above everybody. She's just... Not happy! Or she's on like the T-bar, or whatever it's called, the J-bar. So then Heather's like, that's fair. And I was just, you know, I was just trying to bring all the worlds together so we could have maximum fighting on this episode.

So Dana's like, well, I think that if I were you as Dana from the park, I would say, I would want to hear that from you. Okay. You know what? Lisa, can we have a talk? And Lisa's like, you know what? all I'm really doing is pulling a piece of white bread apart very slowly over here. It's a shirt. You catch that shot?

I was like, what the fuck is Lisa doing? They just showed Lisa giving everyone kind of dirty looks because she's mad at Heather. And she's got a piece of white bread and she's just like pulling a little piece off really slowly and looking at everybody. So you never know when a pigeon might show up. So Heather comes over. And she's like, Lisa, I just had a conversation with Dana and Jeanne. And they were like, why would you? invite Angie 8. And when I put a list together, I just want, I didn't think about you. I didn't

consider it. Even though I was just at her house talking about you and the slide that Whitney's friend about you and how much she hates you and how I would love for her to come to ski date. I mean, what the hell of other? I'm really sorry. It was just like, it was crazy. I just didn't put two and two together, you know, when they were like asking how many at the apprais ski. I was like, well, let's see who's going to be there. It'll be Jen and Whitney and Meredith. Maybe Merrick Hosby will show up again, Angie H, Angie K. I'm just assuming there's Angie L out there. So Angie L, am I missing anyone right now? I couldn't think of anyone else. I'm so sorry. Um, so yeah, she's sorry. And so Lisa's just like, uh, okay, but you know what? Um, just so you know for the fiatac,

I wouldn't be okay with that. And also, I want you to know, like, I would never do that to you. And Heather's like, got it. So sorry, Lisa. So sorry. Bad Mormon. Oh, sorry. That's such a coincidental thing that I just said to myself. So now Angie's trying to pull Lisa. She's like, hey, Lisa, can we talk? Can we talk, Lisa? Can we talk? She's like, Angie, to be honest, I'm not interested. Like, more lies? Don't love that. I'm not interested. Okay. Can I not touch you right now? And Angie's like, tell me what the lies are, Lisa.

Tell me what you think I've said. What you think the lies are that I've said. There's too many to call, okay? No, I'm interested, sorry, no interest. Sorry. You know, but she's not my guess. And she's talking to, like, some randos, and they start laughing. And Lisa's like, you know what?

It's like a stab you in the back and kiss you on the check. And you know what the damage you spent on? So then Heather and Whitney now go to have a private talk. And Heather's like, oh, God. Okay, what's up, sis? And she's like, I just, our, our fight was over details. And I remember very clearly talking with you about Lisa. And Heather's like, we've talked about Lisa for years.

But like if I, I never heard those rumors specifically. And I feel like you came charging up looking for me to corroborate those rumors. I don't want you to rob anyone. No, corroborate. Okay, well, how about this? I don't want to rob or rate anyone. That's not what I'm trying to say. Listen, I was just asking you to have my back.

I don't want you to corroborate. Is that masturbating in your car? Because I'm down for that. It's like, no. It means like make it seem like I agree. Oh, yeah, I wasn't doing that. I just wanted you to have my back. Yes, you were doing that.

You were saying that she's a bad friend because she wasn't agreeing that Angie said this. How is she supposed to have your back? Like, if she says, I don't remember her saying that and then you say you're a liar, why is she supposed to ignore the fact that you just accuse her of being a liar and still have your back somehow? It doesn't make any sense. She's so nuts. And she just lies. Like, that's the thing that makes me nuts.

She just, but also. Oh, hold on. I also love it. Hold on one second, Ronnie. I have a knock. You just keep talking to the audience. One second. Okay.

I don't remember, but I don't want you to sloboporate about it. It's not the right term, Whitney. Okay. Well, I don't want you to haroperate it. It's not the term with me. Do you like Rufax? Sorry about that. I'm back.

So Heather's like, you know, it's just like, I'll support you on this crazy journey and there's no disagreement. It's just she's wrong. That's what it is. It's not a disagreement. She's just wrong about what she's saying. So Whitney's like, yeah, but guess what? You do something worse on that trip that hurt my feeling even more. You took my pain and you weaponized it against me.

me. I don't know if you were even aware of it. And she said, Heather's like, tell me how. Tell me how I did that. She goes, well, you turned it on me that I made the trip about myself, this hilling journey. It should have just been about Jen, you said. But at that moment, I didn't see me sharing what I was going through, aka the hilling journey, as me making it about me. Really? You didn't see the whole first night having an energy hiller there to launch you into this. Now, this said, this is the show, and fuck Jen for getting her own party. That's bullshit in the first place. And if this is Whitney's thing that she's going to talk about her trauma and all that, she should be allowed to do that. This is Housewives. And where does Heather get off being like, you made this all about your

abuse? I don't think that was very nice of Heather last week. So just so I'm not completely one-sided. I think Heather was out of line during that. But Whitney's just completely lying about so many other things now that how can you even agree with her in the scene, you know, if you're Heather. Yeah. And so Heather goes, well, I'm sorry if it was interpreted that way. And when he goes, I think that what matters is that I was hurt and I want you to hear that. And also, my appearance on Curtis and Kelly in the morning is airing tomorrow. So I'd appreciate it if you could DVR it. Thank you. Do you know who should play her in the movie, not Whitney, but Kelly, Brandy from dumb gay politics.

Oh, and you know what's so funny? It looks like Brandy was like in a wig and character makeup. She could totally pull that off. Yeah, and on top of that, I was finally catching up a marriage to medicine, and I saw Brandy on there. Brandy getting going to Dr. Jackie. I was so, I was like, that's Brandy and Julie. Oh, my God. Wasn't that crossover crazy?

I loved that. Not expecting that whatsoever. I was delighted. You just see them meeting in a bar one day being like, well, I'm a doctor. Well, we're podcasters. How about you come on our podcasts and we'll get our vaginas looked at on your TV show. It's a deal. It's a deal.

You're a medical student's dream. But yeah, I love seeing them too. Go listen to dumb gay politics. Available now. Love you, girls. Yeah. So, yeah, Whitney's like, I don't believe she's being honest because she won't admit anything. Heather is the biggest woe is me person

I've been I've been there for her countless times But now I hear all I can hear Heather doesn't care about me So then she says to Heather Thank you for hearing me and understanding my hurt But it was so deep It's gonna take a minute I'm trying not to put up wools

Wills? Wills? Will? Like you're getting a will? You should Get a will. No, not wills. Wool. Wholes. I put up a wool. Like the sweater? No.

Whoa. Whoa. Okay, let me start over. I'm putting up walls and I'm feeling vulnerable. Okay, well, that one I can kind of get. I mean, there's no fouls in there, but I'm guessing you're saying vulnerable. Yeah. But my instinct is to be like, I don't trust her.

No, Terry. And that brings us to the end of a real housewives of salt like setter. Yeah, so fun. Thanks everyone for watching and listening. Bueller, I hope you feel better. Bueller has now moved behind the pillows to be, to huddle in pain. So we will be back later. I don't know when, but either way, thanks for listening.

Thanks for watching. And we'll catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela.

Itchels. Dana C. Dana do. Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good. Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trickleus. Hava Nigela Weber. Jamie, she has no less namey. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

Just saying, okay. Kristen the Piston Anderson. She's always supplying. It's Kelly Ryan. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the burk. You're never alone with Lacey Montalione. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. There ain't no problem that Sarah Solvia can't solve you. The Bay Area Betches, Betches.

And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 Cs of Betsy MD. Always the wiser is Alison Weasler. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Erica, 500 days of summer. She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke. The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. My favorite, Mirdo, Karen McMurdo. She's a good hobby, it's Lauren Hobgood. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Better do what she says. It's Elva Enrique. Give him hell, Miss Noel. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

We want to hang with Liz Lang. Shannon, out of a can, Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla plane. She ain't no shrinking Violet Coutar. We love you guys.