Watch What Crappens - RHOSLC: Beauty Jab

Episode Date: February 5, 2021

**Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo** It's season finale time for the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. The ladies all take turns telling off Jen, Heather opens Beauty Lab, and Meredith wears a screen door on her face. Enjoy! This week's bonus is a look at the Netflix shows Bling Empire and Emily in Paris. Find it at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens*We're doing a 12 part series on Stitcher Premium called Dwell Hello all about HGTV's House Hunters. Sign up to Stitcher Premium at https://www.stitcher.com/premium using discount code CRAPPENS.**We designed lots of new face masks for Bravo lovers available at crappensmerch.com A portion of sales go to MedShare!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, but people are running around and getting squawks. How things went there so much that happened? Whoa, hello, oh, and welcome to Watch Roll Crappens. The podcast for all that crap we just left to talk about. On your props, okay? Hi.

I'm Ronnie and that's been over there. Hi, B.N. Hi, Ronnie. What's up? Nothing, how you doing? Uh, I'm great. I'm great. I just watched Real Housewives of Salt Lake City last night. So how could I not be anything other than great right now? The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City coming to you today on Crappings on Demand. We're on video today. So if you want to see this recap, come on over for everyone who's here. Hi You can find that on Patreon along with our bonus episodes. We'll be

recording this week's bonus tomorrow, okay. And tomorrow we're also going to have the Southern Charm. Part time is going to say season finale. Thank God we're past that. It is the Southern Charm reunion. Part two coming up. Yeah. That was last one was a lot of drums, Bob. Drums, Bob. Bob, bombs dropped. There's a lot of drums, Bob too. It was a real drums, Bob, y'all. It was a real drums, Bob. Yep. So let's get on with Southern Shorms.

I mean, real housewives and salt. God, is that where I am? You know what I had some checks makes and I feel drunk. I feel drunk on checks makes. I've got salt, bloat in my face, my eyes are closing. I've got Chexmix split. So take it away. And do whatever the hell you want.

Well, I just had a care. It's bagel Thursday for me. So I had a bagel and I'm really on that high. I just want to point out also, we will be recapping the season premiere of Summer House on Monday. There's no Atlanta this week, because of the Super Bowl. So Salt Lake City opens

up with some music going, we just get a lot of shots of the Mormon temple. Remember? Yeah, don't forget. These are Mormons. Well, they're not really, but it's supposed to be all Mormons. So it's like, oh, don't, oh. And it starts like forming into Katie Perry's Firework, which I kind of liked because wasn't Katie Perry, like she was raised in some kind of cult or something, wasn't she? I think so. I think she was in Mary's Church. I could be wrong though.

She started sobbing in Mary's choir. Mary's terrified choir. She was the one person who could who could who could sing on beat so they had to get rid of her. So Yes, you gave you gave you give her a lot of credit actually Really up to Katy Perry's game. I well, you know, um, have you ever found like a plastic bag shut up? Seriously, and I love that song actually, but that makes me so mad. I'm like, don't just steal American beauties shit for your stupid teeny bopper song.

Now sing it again, because I love it. Thanks, Katie. You know, a teenage dream, um, possibly a song about Mary and her grandfather. So, um, the, so wouldn't you? I don't know if it it's a good song. My wife's church is girls. They unforgettable. I mean, he sounds like a pedophile, which he's not. I'm not saying that. Anyway, um, the, I'm not gonna argue with you.

I mean, do you ever feel like a plastic bag? After hearing all of that, I feel like putting a plastic bag over my head, honestly. It's gross. Are you ready for, ready for your grandpa's dick, your grandpa's dick? Oh, all right. I mean, okay, that took it too far. I took it too far. Rapid. Okay. So with me, uh, so now we're into this crazy, um, guys, this has been a good too far. I took it too far. Rapid. Rapid.

Okay, so Whitney, so now we're into this crazy. Guys, this has been a really exciting season. Which it actually has. It's been a very good first season. Yeah. But they're doing the weird flashes in black and white, and then everything's just repeated over and over again. So Whitney is sitting on some IKEA lamb rug thing with like it looks like a little bottle of anti bacterial shit that we

use on our hands during COVID or a crystal. I don't really know, but I wouldn't really be surprised if Whitney was praying on either of those things. Or just a big piece of rock sugar. She could be that too. So she like puts it down and we think a scene is about to start, but then she's like meditating and then she starts remembering the fight in Vegas, and we see Jen Shah going,

when you shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. It's like echoing, and then like, it's the black and white images. It's like, when you first got a camcorder and you're using it at the effects, like, ooh, the drunk effect, you know?

Or, you know, when you're still in final cut now to this day, like me. I mean, we do have a lot in common with these editors. We're like, hey, let's put that effect with dots on people's faces. Just for fun. It's gonna be fun. Yeah.

We really need that at the crappy awards. So then we go over to Fida Tequila and Lisa's wearing a red fur and we see that she's working but she can't get the memories out of her heart and she's remembering you really want to be her friend I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't do you ever feel like a plastic bag I love that I love a plastic bag I love that I love that. I love a plastic bag. I love that. I love that. You can hear me raw. So then, then we have Heather's memory moment where she just hears, who here doesn't trust Heather. Raise your hand. Raise your hand. Raise your hand.

And then Meredith is making bacon at home and Which I was like who's eating that? Yeah, I'm free dairy free wait gluten free dairy free sugar free. Oh, maybe he's only eating bacon I don't know. I'm okay. I just care about what bricks is eating today. Okay. I'm like, bro Should you really really be doing that? Aren't you on a mint-water diet, sir? Maybe she's just assembling her lady Gaga dress one, but one piece at a time. I'm very based on what Brooks partnered with Laney Ganga for this one.

So she's making bacon and she's traumatized. And she's remembering Jen saying, I would never, I would never say anything to get in front of someone's marriage. And then Meredith saying true or false, true or false, true or false. Sarah, true or false. And then, and then Jen's making coffee and then her, her tortured flashback is Heather and the hotel room saying, the person that's fucked up is you is you is you is you is you and then Mary's just at her fridge because what the hell else is Mary gonna do I was like whoa it's like her own cast trip she came out of the closet and went to the

fridge and I was like what are they gonna give her for a flashback because she wasn't there and then the memory is of her getting a phone call from Lisa and Mary going, how do you understand? Good crazy. How do you understand? Good crazy. Good crazy. Good crazy. Good crazy. Good crazy. And then she eats one grape in like her $100,000 outfit and just kind of clunked around her house alone. So then we go to the beauty lab. So we go to the beauty lab. So we go to the beauty lab, which I'm so excited for Heather making the super classy place right next to the UPS store. I mean, you really know you made it.

So she's decorating for her opening of the store. And basically, I think it's like Botox for children because it just just looks like justice, if anybody's been into justice. It's basically justice. Um, it's, yeah, it's definitely giving me flashbacks to Corey's, uh, suburban spot in, um, uh, secrets and wives. I forgot what that one was called, but it, it's definitely like in that same same same vein She was sort of like a real pioneer on bravo doing that. Do you remember what I'm talking about? Yeah, of course you just got lies it So so Heather is saying like this is our coming out party and everyone You know and we want everyone to see it and give us the credit we deserve. And they'll only do that if we're finished with construction

because how embarrassing would it be if we just push the construction to the side and said, uh, welcome to our new blossoming business. I'm like, have you seen Bravo? Have you seen how many times that has happened? Have you even met Sherry Whitfield? No kidding. You even have a product.

I mean, you're already ahead of most of the people on Bravo. So she's like, you know, she has a staff meeting and she's like, you know what guys? Like, we're just gonna like, I don't want to have to clean this in the morning. So we're gonna have to do it. This is a really big deal, guys. You know, I had a really rough weekend. It's so hard being an ex-mormon who's all sleutive.

Do you know what it's like being a, they're like, oh my god, just give us a task. Okay, like a literally clean toilet right now. Just please don't let me hear you say, I'm an ex-mormon. I know. Who got this? So then, like a guy, I think his name is Mark or something.

It's like, okay, so we're gonna set up a red carpet, and so we got these amazing pink ribs, and we're just gonna put them with the stanchions out there and she's like, why are you calling them stanchions? Why are you calling them stanchions? And he's like, well, oh, stanchions, they're just like the poles that hold the pink ropes. So is that like a fancy industry word?

Like I've never heard that before in my life. I'm like, hey, they're stopped talking. Yeah. You don't know the word. This is what you say. Oh, yeah, stanchions, of course. And then you like Google it on the sides. That way you save face. So this, you know what, this is what it say oh yeah stanchions of course and then you like google it on the sides that way you say a face.

So this you know what this is what it's like when you grow up Mormon you just don't know things that other people know. Do you know what was like growing up not knowing what stanchions are? When I was when I was married to Billy I wasn't allowed to open up a dictionary. I wanted to and one time we went to scary movie and I brought a dictionary with me and he said, I am so embarrassed. And so I didn't. So to this day, I don't open up dictionaries

because I'm afraid someone will leave me. But now I am opening up a dictionary and I'm learning the word stashian. Is that what it is? It's like a stasi mansion. It's like a mansion where a stasi lives. So to make you feel even worse about not knowing what a stossy mansion. It's like a mansion where a stossy lives. So to make you feel even worse about not knowing what a stanchion is,

by the way, I don't fucking know what a stanchion is, and I'm not gonna remember that shit either, okay? My brain only has very limited capacity and I don't care what the little poles with ropes are called. Okay, so that's it. So, but to make her feel worse about not knowing what it is, Whitney comes in and she's like, oh, hi, look at the stanchions. She's like, hey. It was Julie the Farnios moment of the season. She's like, you know stanchions, you know,

you Whitney Rose knows the word stanchion. Which I don't know is more insulting to Whitney or to Heather. I don't really. Um, so Whitney's like, have you talked to Jen about Las Vegas? And she's like, nope, you know, I'm not reaching out because I have like deep rooted issues. Um, and I really don't want to deal with it, uh, at the party. And she's like, but you invited her to the party. So.

I was like, I'm gonna go. Yeah. And when he's like, if it were me throwing the party, I would have said, I'm putting up a stanchion. And Gen Sha can't come across. Do not cross this. So then we go to Lake Lake aesthetic. Like, No, it's called a bar called Lake effect. Lake effect. Really, sorry, Kucin Amorango, because you just got screwed out of a scene, okay? And Walter, by the way, let's not forget Valtors. Walter, you're upsetting Walter!

So we go over to this Lake effect place, and Lisa walks in, you know, just in a crazy neon, neon purse, neon, everything crazy. And she goes, oh, this is a heavy door. Oh, it's heavy. It's a heavy door. It's heavy door. And then she sees the host and she's like, I'm gonna go grab a seat by the bar. Thank you. Thank you. I'm just gonna do that. Thank you.

So she sits down and then Jen comes in, but they try to make it mysterious. Like, who could be joining Lisa at Lake effect? Who pushed through the heavy door? And it's Jen. And Jen's like, first of all, I need a drink. And the music goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Because Jen needs a drink so we come back to Lake effect and it's like It's like so how are you doing? You know what I'm gonna have vodka and this is like well, I'm gonna die it You know what that was like a lot that trip was like a lot. I was like a womb chair That was like a womb chair on a hybrid stool in the middle of a booster seat. I don't know what else to say about it.

So Jen is like, well Lisa, you're the only one who reached out to me. Well, you know what, my heart broke. I was like, you know, I'm like you, I just wanna be loyal. You know, I wanna be loyal with my friendships to my family, to my work, to Diet Coke, you know, and my feelings can evolve, right? Like Diet Cherry Coke, they evolved to that.

It's okay, I love that, I love that. You know what, saccharine to stevia, that's where I'm at right now. And she tells us, she's like last week, I was at the hotel, and the elevator doors slide open, and it was Jen, and she had no megabond and you could tell she was crying I mean she was still like a fabulous little outfit, but then I asked her like are you crying because the elevator couldn't trust you And then you know what like let's meet up in Utah on talk because I know that must hurt like I want to hear your sound of the story

To because I love that and so she tells how long by the way how long was how long did Jen Shaw stand in that elevator waiting for the doors to finally open up and That to be one of her castmates. She probably was there for half an hour going up and down and just like I was just crying all day. Look, it's like finally Lisa someone to see me like this. When they open on a new door and she back get the fuck out of here. This is my elevator. This is my cry elevator. Okay, you do not do this to my family. Ugh. So she's like, look, you know what? There's a couple of moments like that dinner. Like that wasn't like awesome, right?

I mean, it's not like a good look to like always be leaving. Because like after dinner they were like saying things. And I was like, I don't like think she's like saying those things about me. And the Whitney was like, y'ass, y'ass she! So like like, yeah, yeah Whitney said that basically you were trying to get an information about all of us and you weren't and scoped out every diet coke machine in all of that gas to try to find all that dark but the truth is this, I've run my own dark car so she couldn't even find anything if they okay And so then Jen Jen pulls this move and she goes you know what if I'm okay if people want to misinterpret

But when things are being taken Taken and twisted out of context. I can't stand that like Jen. We all saw you You were being shady as fuck and I applaud that you're a real housewife You should be shady as fuck, but then applaud that. You're a real housewife. You should be shady as fuck. But then don't start making it that they misinterpreted. You're very... Oh, no, this is so gen. This is so gen.

And everybody by now, I'm sure has seen this, Instagram post of Jen. Oh my God, going off, I think it was last week, going off with, I think it was one of her gaze, like one of the shots squad or something. And she's like, and these ladies tell me to be quiet and they tell they make me just sit there in Las Vegas. Well guess what, that is you putting your knee on my neck

and people were like, really? Oh, you're gonna George Floyd yourself now. That is, though it's so fucking tasteless and disgusting, right? So the internet's been going crazy. Rightly so. I mean, what a monster. And so then she comes out with another one,

another Instagram post where she's with her husband this time. It's like bringing him back up. And she's like, you know what? For those of you who were upset with me because you're saying that I was comparing myself to George Floyd, I'm really sorry that you misinterpreted that.

I don't like the same thing from here, but that is not true. That is not true. So we can move on now. I'm like, uh, yes it was. It was not misinterpreting. You're an asshole. You are the asshole. If people are misinterpreting what you're saying over and over and over again, then maybe you're just not saying it right to begin with. Yeah, it's literally on tape, unit wit. So Lisa has to keep finishing her sentences because Jen can't come up with anything. She's like, I'm okay. Like, if people want to misinterpret words, words, then that's, you know what?

Then they're twisting it and I- You didn't say it? I did not say that, okay. So you made a comment to Whitney, it's saying something like, I'm gonna drown you in my pond, and for you that's like something funny and big to say. It's like a statement, but you know, we all know that she's an idiot and she should be drowned anyway, so I tell to support it. And Jen's like, you know, I know I go hard, I know I go hard, but I am the way I am

because of my culture, because of what I've gone through and where I've come from and how I was raised. Like, I will give you, I will give you benefit of the doubt that it's probably not the easiest being a person of color being raised in Utah. I for sure will give you the benefit of the doubt. But I'm not gonna let you just put everything onto like, how have it's raised?

My culture, this and that would ever, like at certain point there is also just like, some of it is just you, and it's just you. You have a lot of people in weird things in the same shoes. Yeah, this guess who else is formed from who they are like go guess who else is who they are because of their culture and what they've gone through and how they were raised literally everybody. Okay, it's like that's not an excuse to be a monster and you're being a monster and at least it's like you're just misunderstood. So like So yeah, I wish someone would take time

like you to ask me why I'm like that. No, you don't get that. You're an adult, you act like that and you're out. That's it, people don't, oh, fucking, they don't get a question and answer session. We can talk about that. Thank you, Ron. Thank you for saying that.

That's what I always say. When someone is like, oh, they're really nice. You just have to get to know them. I'm like, why can't they be nice, like right off the bat? Like, I don't have time. I actually do have time. I actually literally have time. But like, in general, I can be eating a snack, you know?

I can be playing animal-thing-cross-that-time. Yeah, I just feel like, I do, I have this optimistic view that like most people are like really good or cool or interesting if you get to know them, but I just don't always want to get to know them. I just want to be with the people that I click with right away. And if you're gonna act like, you know, a monster,

then I'm gonna be like, it's fine. Someone else can deal with that. You know, like, you can have your own drama all you want, but let me tell you who really has drama. There's been a princess, she has been kidnapped by a giant lizard, and only me as a little person, dressed with a red hat, who goes, can save her, okay?

And I need to get to that. So, you need to, yeah, because you know why? You know why you need to do that? Because Princess Peach was always, she's nice, she was nice. Like she wasn't like, she wasn't like. She wasn't like, all the time, like literally, you know why you need to do that? Because Princess Peach was always cool. She was nice. She wasn't like, literally she is a professional victim. She is like, literally at a certain point,

I know we're not supposed to blame the victim, but it's also like peach, like why do you emailing Bowser? Like, you know, he's gonna do this to you. He's gonna do this to you. How many times do you have to tell you? Get a security system on your fucking castle already. Okay. Like literally, could you, or take Krav Maga maybe,

or carry some pepper spray. Like at some point, Peach, you do have to take some steps. Yeah. Protect yourself, okay. But that being said, Peach, I never, Peach is never like like, oh, you just have to get to know me It's like no peach is cool. So like even though she's it's kind of getting annoying. We'll go and find her And then she goes into her as Derek on Facebook called it her color purple monologue, which is hilarious

She goes into her Oprah Winfrey Sophia from the color purple monologue. She's like, oh my life, I've had to fight. I had to fight my brothers. It's like, okay, calm down Oprah, okay. But that's so hard at that comparison. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I think that like, yeah, I, you know, I'm sure she has had to fight, et cetera. But I just, I don't know.

I see. At a certain point, like, at a certain point, you're just also just like. I'm not I don't know. That's not that, because she... That's a point, like, that's a point you're just also just... I'm not saying she did it. You're being ridiculous. I'm not discounting anything about how hard it was to grow up. I'm just saying people like this, every single time they're caught doing something wrong,

go into a victim monologue, you know? And we see it. We just saw it with Carrie this week on Dallas, where it's like, oh, you're an asshole. My daughter tried to commit suicide. It's like, well, you're still an asshole. Like, I'm sorry that happened, but can we stay on this right now?

Okay. As I don't know what it means, Jen says this a lot. She always goes, I go hard. Are you like, are you in what? You go hard in what? Like, all you've been doing is just like hanging out, shopping. What are you go hard in what like all you've been doing is just like hanging out shopping like what are you going hard in We what is this she goes hard at people like she'd lose this her temper or whatever and Jen's like you know what

Because Jen's going I had to fight yeah fight and to be defensive and defensive Yes, and I always had to be prepared to fight. I mean, I already said fight. I mean, I can keep doing this, but you know what? Just use less words. Okay, here's the thing for me that's like the most important thing to me. Diet Coke. Also, I just need to know that like you're not trying to hurt me. And just like, never.

Like I saw Meredith hurting and I wanted to say, I'm sorry that I even opened my mouth because people can't take it the right way. I'm like, also now they misinterpreted you saying that her husband was cheating on her, which also was not misinterpreted. With great power comes great responsibility.

And that's what Jen Shah learns. If she opens her mouth, you know, people are going to not take it the right way. She should have known by now. So now Jen is saying that she's really hurt by Heather. She goes, I thought she was my friend and that she had my back and understood me more than anybody

and to find out she doesn't hurts me deeply, deeply. Like how does Heather not have your back? Like she literally does nothing but have your back. Like, that's all she does in life. Yeah, but you stop working for free, and people will still get mad at you, you know? Even if you've worked for free for 20 years. And that's what it seems like Heather does.

Like, she hitches men's for Jen all the time. It's like, you know what? You could be on time every day for work, but if you're late, one day, you're still going to get written up. That's right. And that's right, because Jen you're still gonna get written up. That's right. And that's right, because Jen is a monster. She really is, and she's like, so over the top,

and then Heather finally is like, that's not cool what you did. Like the moment she clocks her just a little bit, it's all of a sudden Heather doesn't have her back. Yeah. So is she gonna go to the beauty lab party? And she's like, I don't even know. Yes, you are, There's cameras there.

You're never gonna miss that. So, um, and also, and then, and Lisa, yeah, Lisa is like, the worst thing for me is to attack my character. And Jen's like, yeah, when you attack my character, that's when I go from zero to 100. My character, my family, anyone I love. I'm like, so like, what doesn't make you go 0 to 100? Because these are all pretty big topics.

And also did Heather attack her character? Did I miss that? I don't think that Heather did. I think Heather said that you fucked up, but she didn't attack the character. Yeah, and also Lisa is trying to tell her, like, you're coming after my character. And she's like, yeah, that makes me mad

when people come after my character. She always switches around to her being the victim. So Lisa's like, you know what? So just, just, just you understand. Like, when you go too hot, you leave yourself open for more judgment. And she's like, oh my God, this is like what I do within my marriage.

Because like, he says like, oh, I can't even talk to you because you're too feisty. So like, maybe I need to take it down a couple of notches with the girls. Like, maybe, maybe not screaming at your friends will make them a little bit more receptive to what you have to say. So, now we go to Marcy Horace. Even going through a Jennifer scene is exhausting, serious. It really is.

Like, by everybody, thanks. It's been a really fun day. I've like gone so high in anger and now I'm like, Now we have to watch this idiot salsa dance for 30 minutes. I know. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap-ins commercial. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable.

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I sliced a banana for you. Isn't that myself? Surf! For the corner. I love the new Meredith. Yeah, you want me to, you know, I have a slice I can't what slides I'd like it cut in quarters, please I'm like wait, why do you want? Was there a joke there that I know he'd like laughed but was he what I didn't get it was joke I didn't get it

You just think do it like do more, you know, oh Like a really sad boring people version of moon lighting, you know, it's like very very boring witty repertoire So they we see clips of their Ohio fight because Marin is like well South of my inner great planes and by you know, it took a lot to get and then we see their Ohio fight and She tells us she's really excited to move forward with Seth and they're just being very positive. Like, you still ain't moving to Ohio, so.

Or we just kinda, that's my way to solve a fight. Like just stop talking about anything, you know? Yeah, also, Seth was clearly wearing a new vest and he wasn't comfortable with it because he was standing all like, he was doing the thing that I do, which is like, I'm in front of a camera I can't show everyone my hunchback. So he was just all like standing very like chest up and out

I'm like, okay, Seth we get it. You're in a new you're in a new your new puffy jacket Puffy vests you're uncomfortable. Okay, you can settle in a little bit So she's talking about Vegas and he's like, oh man, that is like toxic, toxic city, city. That's so that really fast. That's a city city city city. I mean, I have never had this kind of volatility with my friends in my life. I mean speculation about our marriage. It's like is that your business? That's why I say I'm gonna have to disengage This is what I have to say Dessing games can't stop and he's like, you know what say we work on it a relationship was We fucked other people who cares like Jesus this guy only moved to Utah because he heard the snow was good

And was so disappointed when he found out it was just cold there You know what I mean his eyes are like yeah, just get him off the camera there to okay, please save us all some drama Yeah, exactly so yeah, so I started wiping my nose Exactly so yeah, so I started wiping my nose. I was like oh my god Yeah, Seth really skews me out. I'm sorry. So Meredith. Yeah, she basically says the other women are our focusing on hers Her relationship with Seth because they're deflecting from their own. I'm like, yeah, you're on the real housewives It's like you didn't read the instructions before he started playing this game, Meredith. No, this is not PBS. Yeah. So Whitney is going to the hair academy to meet with my dad who is probably healed. On one hand, I think he's probably doing really well with

his addiction. On the other hand, he's wearing Guy Fieri sunglasses on top of his wig. So hoping for the best. He is now auditioning to be an instructor at a hair academy, which is good. They said they were looking for someone who is a man, but also has the wig of Diane Warren. So he should really fit the bill. They were searching for Adam Lampert's hair, but um, Vicki Lawrence's face from Mama's family's face. And um, I think he's going to get the job. They really want some 2002 Liza Manelli hair. So I think he's really going to really win.

Uh, so he's giving a little class and he's like, Hey, guys, hey guys, ride on right on. All right, guys, I'm going to show you some hair. Okay. Now, the three ways you can do this, you can cut it. You can get a bit lighter and start the end of it on fire. Or you can put it on your tongue until it melts and gets you kind of high, which we're not doing right now. But this is one way to give a haircut, right on right on. All right. What I like to do is I like to do on the left side, I like to crimp, do a little crimp

in on the right side, I do a perm. I call it the crimp perm or a perm crimp. I haven't decided yet. And then in the back, you just do a straight up razor. All right. Because no one cares about the back. That's a joke. That's a joke.

Anyway, no, but I actually do razor it. He's like, well, hopefully you learn some tricks watching we do that little inch of haircut. I just did there because I'm just looking around this room and no offense intended, but there's a lot of bad hair in here. So good luck. So there was I mean, that was a bad room of hair. Okay, I'm just gonna say yeah. So there was, I mean, that was a bad room of hair. Okay, I'm just gonna say. So there we go. I just thought it was funny. It was like all these like 22 year old girls and then this guy, like this like older dude

with this, this like lies in Mnellie wig being like, oh my gosh, here's what you're doing. All right. And then when you're just sitting there, I'm like, I wonder if these girls, this is what they were expecting when they shut up for class today. Yeah, so then we go to Pia de laab. And what does one of those t-shirts say? Because I love them and I wanna get one,

home on the Miss Scroll Backup. I'm making people hit their steering wheel on purpose right now. It says like life is short, get the lips or something? Where's the key? Yeah, it was something like that. Life is short by the lips. Yeah. Which one of us?

I love it. So Heather's with her staff and she's asking them what they're going to be wearing for the party, et cetera. Like, again, this is like a lot of that energy that I talked about a few episodes ago of like, like the mom who shows up at the school dance to help out, you know, because it's all like, you know, 17 year olds, she's like, hey, what are you guys gonna wear? You know, like she volunteer to help put up the mile

or at the prom, which is not a bad thing. I like it a lot. I think that's a really cool energy that she has, but it's an energy that I picked up on. So then they're all getting ready for the party and Meredith shows up with a nice big ol' hair clip in the back of her head and they go to the back room to talk.

I mean, Vegas, which was disappointing and disheartening. Yeah, you know what? Do I think that Jam has maybe some positive stuff going on in her life? Yeah, all right, and do I have compassion for someone who has like really hard stuff going on in her life? Yeah Not like does it make me sad to like see someone suffering? Yeah, I mean look at Ohio's like the whole fucking state But you know what? Like she's behaving that way and that's there.

Yeah, you know, it's like, uh, she came into my house. She touched my kid. Oh, wait, sorry, that was Beyonce in the session. So Jen is now being dramatic. She's like, well, she, then was toxic and not gonna hurt my family and I hurt her family. It's like, okay, but you know, she was just kind of spreading rumors and you were dating someone. I mean, not to, you know, not to go too crazy in defense of Jen, but Meredith really flips the switch in this episode where she's like, you know what? I'm going to kill you with my Brook Shields stare

and eyebrows bigger than a sidewalk, right? Yeah, so Heather is now saying that what she needs from Jen is a clear apology. She's like, if my daughters had a friend like that, like what would my advice be to them? I would be like, I wouldn't be like, understand her, embrace her, take it on the chin. I'd be like make sure she becomes a repeat client and then kick her to the curb, you know?

Um, so she's crying because she's out there. So then we go over to Venus Achila and Lisa is in a zookeeper outfit. You know what? Here's what I want to know. Where is curious George? I've lost him again. I said me hi. That's how she says hi to everyone in the office like that. Like she's going down a slide and then rising up. Hi I said me hi I've an extra hi Hi, Sam. Hi, Vanessa. Hi. Brandon from Social is amazing. I love the product. Looks super clean. You know what? We're going to go with that narrative. Okay? Let's just go with the clean narrative because you know, they're like hygiene products. So let's go with clean. You know, I was trying

to work womb into something and then I thought, how clean is that? You know, I guess a lot of goo and you usually shit the table. So let's just, let's take womb out of it and stick with clean. I really like the idea of going into hygiene. Also, hygiene, hi. I'm a whole family comes in with big gulps. The gulps bigger than any womb share we've ever seen.

Like those big gulps were, those big gulps, it was like, they were each holding a Shay Stadium in their hands or something, it was just like, enormous, right? And so, and then the sun is like, well, everyone needs that coke in their life. Yes, I love that, I love that. Yeah, okay kids, so you know what, this is your first life being my children,

and then your second life, you know what? That's your second life is your profession and that's how you're gonna like buy your Range Rover and your McLaren's like yeah, those are my kids, you know what? Maybe I'm not good at hot dogs, but I'm good at inspiring my kids to build things and re stop stacking things on the table It's really loud and Henry, stop it. Henry, please stop it. You're a local. Stop that. We want to be like, by the way, mom,

you don't make good hot dogs for us. Like, we actually never said we liked quote unquote hot dog sushi, whatever that is. So please stop serving it. So, um, so, uh, so she's like, okay, Jack, Jack, I want you to practice your pitch with City. Hi, Sydney. Hi.

Okay. All right, Jack, do it. He's like, okay, this is Fresh Wolf. It's a product that my brother and I started and it has a lot of different. Okay, okay, take it from the top. Can I touch? Can I touch your deck? Okay. All right? Let's give me let's get Let's try this from this stop Henry stop playing with this draw. You're a mogul fresh wolf straw. Hi

Can I not touch that in your mouth? Okay, thank you. All right, let's go over these ingredients, Jack Okay, what is the ingredient that dad needs the most? He's's like, toomerec because it restores hair. And the dad's like, the fuck. What? What? What? John just gets casually shot on this entire season, by the way. Just like all the time.

It's like, what have I ever done? But make this family businesses. Emily says, love it, love that, I love that. You know what? After John asked me to spend more time with my family Frashwath gave us the opportunity to do that and at the end of the day I know I'm a good mom a good wife and a good shampoo So you know what there's no disputing that

Okay, I want you to pitch them to a pitch this to an investor Okay, I like let's see what you can do. If you're willing to say it, what will you can do? You can do anything if you're willing to what drink my coke. Yeah, and what else? Stack things. Two more eggs. Two more eggs. And, and?

Mm. I don't know how to quit. I love that. You weren't willing to work for it. You weren't willing to work. So then we go to Mary's Church and there's a close- up on this portrait that says, Rosemary Cosby and Jesus and Jesus is just like cradling the grandma. And when Mary walks in the room, the choir goes nuts. It's like choir practice.

And they start crying that Mary's there. They're like, oh my God. Oh my God. Like this is a woman who takes all of your money from you. Okay. Like she reportedly takes all of their money. It's not even like normal. It's like Jesus got a raise.

He gets 10% and Mary gets like 90% or something and they're crying. So what is- They are so happy to see her. And there's no indication that she's any good at directing a choir or knows anything about music. She is literally like Keith Reiner in that, that next year, documentary where she's like,

he's like an expert on everything. He's like, okay, let me show you guys how to make a movie. Okay, that's really simple. Okay, first you say, all women are horse. Okay, I think that's what men think. Okay, and never gonna do a movie. Okay, now you've learned, now you've learned. That's what she's like.

And she goes up to one of the guys in the band and she's like, you need to drink some water. Okay, okay guys, let's go. Have you been practicing? We don't need practice because you know what? We're lead by angels. Okay, guys, let's go, okay? This is called, who can I follow?

Because she's like, okay, guys start and they're like, Jesus, I'm the son. I'm the son. I'm the son. Wait, let's stop. Guys, guys, guys, guys. Guys. Let's, let's do the Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, I'm walking down the sidewalk. She just keeps moving her hands really fast and then really slow.

And they're all like, they're like, they're eyes are like, open. They're like, we're not allowed. If we stop singing, we don't get dinner tonight. Yeah, one girl just keeps crying, like, either in total awe or total terror. I can't really tell what. And so she's like, okay, this game is called Who Can Follow? Okay. And if I'm standing up here, that means you follow me. Okay. Got it. Joy. And this lady's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I got it. Just like being a being a choir director, you can hear people sing at you. I'm like, aren't they supposed to be singing at like Jesus

or something? I don't think they're singing at you, Mary. But this choir is, I would say Unison may not be their strong point. Well, it's so unfair because they're trying to follow her and she's not even directing them. She's just like waving her hands down. It's like her, she's got a flat tire on a freeway

and she's just standing out on the street with me. I asked for somebody to stop. They're like, wait a minute, this is not even how the song goes. She's like, where's the tap section? I need the tap section. Idiot. Yeah, she reminded me of my elementary school music teacher, Barbara Brofsky, who would do this thing

where she would just do this one thing over and over again. This like strange Like she was healing in a an airplane. Yeah Two flashlights I know it's like a 747 lands on our school play and then she's obviously doing a terrible job So she keeps just dissing the people in the choir. She's like, okay, here we go. We're gonna go get we're gonna go get Okay, um, you know what Ethan, why are you day dreaming? Why are you in the park right now?

You're in the park, you're probably over the moon right now. Melvin, you're way over the moon Melvin. You know what, Melvin, start amazing grace, start. And he's like, oh, amazing grace. And Mary's like, I'm like The hell Now you're back. They're like we haven't slept in six days. We've been sleeping on benches. We got a victim So now Jen and Shreve are at salsa lessons Because he's gonna do something nice for her and this was the scene where I realized that Shreve talks to Jen like she's four years old

You know, she's old. He's like baby Shreef talks to Jen like she is four years old. Is she more your soul? He's like, baby, baby, we're gonna do some dancing now, baby. You've always wanted to have dancing class, baby. So now we're gonna do, are you happy, baby? Are you happy with dancing, baby? Before we eat this, we're just gonna do a little dancing. You wanna do a little dancing, baby? You wanna do some dancing baby.

Now baby, you know I love my baby, right? Right baby. I know you've been waiting 25 years for this. Oh, so lessen the company baby. I'm like, ew, I was like, I've actually really light coach shot all this time. But then seeing this house like, this is condescending. It didn't want to like, when yourescending. It's like when you're with

the kid and they're having a fit in the mall and you're getting them ice cream just to shut them up and just you can finish shopping, you know, and it's like, okay, are you okay? Are you feeling better? Are you feeling better now? Can we keep shopping? Shopping. Shopping. Shopping. Shopping. Yeah, this is also theping. Shawping. Shawping. Shawping. Shawping. This is also the longest scene in the world. I don't know why they needed half an hour of Gen salsa dancing with her husband being creepy with her, but I was done after about five of it. It's because Bravo decided to give us a supersize episode and then realized they didn't have the supersize. So they're like, let's just

watch them dance. And then for some reason, there's a romantic table set up in the middle of a dance studio That probably smells like sweaty armpits. So enjoy this romantic enjoy this romantic chocolate covered strawberry moment in the middle of a Dink studio. Yeah, so then they sit down for their romantic part and She she apologizes and it's kind of a gen apology because she's like, you know, I know I've treated you badly or like in a way that you didn't understand why I was so resentful of you.

I'm like, oh, okay. So you're mad because he just didn't get why it was all justified because of dad. Okay, got it, Jen. Got it. And I was on her side with the dad thing. I thought that he should have gone to the funeral, but I mean, gosh, you know,

she's so ridiculous. And she has nothing to do with her throwing shit at a party and embarrassing him in front of everybody. That's ridiculous. So then, yeah, then she starts reciting this mantra, which she also pushes really hard, which is that my intention is nothing but good. My intention is nothing but good.

I'm like, well, I'm sure if you ask the people who stormed the capital, they would say their intention was to save America and that was nothing but good intentions, right? Doesn't mean it justifies storm in the capital. Yeah, or someone like drunk driving and hitting it, you know, hitting someone in the street. Like, I didn't intend to hit the kid in the street.

What? My intention was to drive safely. Yeah, my intentions were to be a way size 30, you know, hitting someone in the street. Like I didn't intend to hit the kid in the street. Whoa. My intention was to drive safely. Yeah, my intentions are to be a way size 30, you know, and have a film career like Brad Pitt's. Do what do I win? My intention is to not make fun of strangers on the internet, but here we are. I will never have that intention.

That is one intention I can say I will never have. She's like, I want to be the best version of Shah. And he's like, well, baby, I know this about you. Your heart is always good. You have to say this is who I am. I'm sorry if I hurt you and acknowledge your shortcomings. But you know, what you're not going to do is you're not going to sit here and say, I'm a bad person.

Because we know you to your core. I'm a bad person okay because we know you to your core the fact I'm like you haven't heard one real thing that's gone on this season yet either sir you're calling up of her stories so it's wrong like can you believe these girls attacked me for no reason yeah exactly listen baby we're not gonna call you a bad person we'll call you loud and selfish and unreasonable and histrionic and hysterical and oftentimes annoying and greedy, but you're not bad. You're not a bad person. Now hold on eat this chocolate strawberry. Let me chew it

All right, honey. Here you go. It's ready for you, poopoo eat the chocolate strawberry You know, I've never thought more romantic moment than sitting here while the fresh scent of degree Deodorant wafes through the air from that dancing structure and feeding you strawberries. So then everybody's getting ready for the party and Heather's gay is like, oh my god What are you gonna do tonight? I'm like, I don't care, I'm gonna go, then that's no not more than to me to say it. But I'm gonna do it.

And then Meredith is like doing like a catwalk. She's sat sharing in like a black plethora suit and Brooks is like, oh my god, that is beyond. Thanks, Brooke. No, I'm talking about the sprig of mint in my wetter mother. You look awful. So maybe I can make this into a blingered brass and just not wear the pants.

He's like, Mom, are you really taking your pants off on camera? Clear him. And this looks like a dance studio outfit, by the way, that you have to buy when you're like in tap as a kid. Guilty. I've worn this like in so many taprace idols. And it turns out we find out later that Brooks, you know, he paired up with another designer to make this.

I was like, oh, who, Ali Baba? Give me a break, I'm not buying it. I did not like it either, although I will say, I consulted Dominique and he said, he said begrudgingly that it was on trend, but we both agreed that it did not look right on her. I'm just saying that's the way people don't say it. Actually, guys, it's on trend.

It's actually on trend. So I'm just saying that, we are aware that it might be on trend, but it's not on trend for this. And by the way, it's not on trend for a suburban strip mall spa opening, I think. So let's see. Whitney calls Heather and she's like, Fah, fah, fum. Do not make your hair shorter and make it higher because the tether your hair, the closer to God.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And then we're at beauty. La la la la. And Heather is in that Pepto Bismal dress that Jen tricked her into wearing. It looks, it's like pink, I'm right, I guess you would call it maybe, I don't know, it looked like a weird,

like it looked like a pinc, because it looks like the Pepto Bismal once you drink it and then you know, like slud is down the side So it's light colored than the rest of the bottle It looked like it was fizzing on the bottom or something or like it looked like it was pepto bismar But someone had just dropped an alka seltzer in it. So it was starting to fizz on the bottom So she's in this thing and

Heather walks in and she's like oh pretty stanchions see everyone and learn like Gencha I can learn Oh, pretty stanchions. See everyone, I learned. I'm like Gen Chaw, I can learn. And there's cotton candy drinks and huge lip cookies and everything's pink and cloudy and stuff. And then she's hired like five photographers to stand outside and take everyone's pictures so they'll feel famous.

And she's like, I can tell you this, Mormons really know how to pull off party. And then there's like a cold gust of wind and we see some dead leaves blowing outside and then walks Ikebod Crane, also known as Billy. What's wrong with Billy? I feel bad even saying anything bad about Billy because it seems like

Like he's one of those people on the chairlift commercial, you know where the the ladies like They're like we put a chair on your stairs and she's like oh, and then she sits down and it just goes really slowly up the stairs You know like that lady shitter pants already guys, but yeah, he's there's something lost and vacant about him and sad. He's like a premature senior citizen. So, um, like go towards the light, Billy. Billy, are you still with us, Billy? Billy, too much time about hot tub. He is just like a California reason at this point. So, uh, so, so Heather's all like, she's like, wow, you know what, Mormons really know how to pull off a party. Um, and so she's like, so Billy's like looking around and he's like, I love the clouds. Yeah. Yeah. Really. It's really cool. Really, really cool. And she's like, it's so not normal to invite your ex-chair opening, but guess what?

We're not that kind of family. This is how we do it. Welcome to being more man Yeah, and then Billy's use this step in repeat goes Hollywood So she goes through her story line like I cannot believe I am a woman who was so worried about the force and now I did everything on my own. So she does that and takes him into like a private little room. Is this where she takes him? Yeah, she's showing him like one of the private doctor rooms or whatever. And she's like, I mean, what do you think?

Like what do you think of all this? Like, do you think it's amazing? And he's like, wow, I am so impressed. You're so successful. You deserve it. Well, poor Billy, he never quite got over the fact that I let him in a tanning bed overnight, by accident, to be honest.

He's never been the same. So yeah, she's like, you know, I just feel like I'm opening the door to an identity that's separate from my ex. My old identity was someone who's married to Billy. My new identity is someone who talks about how she was married to Billy. So then Mary comes in and takes some super awkward pictures. She's like, and then Meredith turned to come in and wow. Wait, before Meredith, when Mary walks in, she notices all the napkins say things like messy AF, and then there's like water bottles and say thirsty AF. So Mary sees them and she's like, uh, what are the

AF stands for after the fact, after the fact messy after the fact, I was like, Mary, first of all, even, even if you were after the fact, why would a napkin be causing to be messy after the fact? Well, I guess it's like an after the fact that it's messy and then the napkin cleans it. So I don't know, I don't know. Just that train of thought, just don't get on that train. So Meredith comes and she's wearing like a screen door as a face mask.

Like she looks crazy. She looks like a crazy person trying to come in through your screen door head first. She looks like she's trying to do like mocap, motion capture with her face. Like they put a littlepun balls on there. Like she's actually like somewhere, there's like a lab of like eeks who are just like

coding her face onto like Madden 2022. Yeah, I mean, I'm really glad that we live in a world that we accept our gay children now for the most part, you know, or definitely more than we did when I was growing up, but there is too much acceptance, you know? You can accept your gay son without accepting his terrible advice. Yeah, I have to say that mask was,

I mean, we'll always remember it. We'll always remember it. Yes. So she comes in and everybody is cracking up at her and she's like, that's a hang-fake. You know what, Tara, because it's still jerks. I got a little diagram from you. She's like, well the diamonds are sliding to the side. Yeah. This is like a horse trying to shake diamonds off her face. You know,

with that. So she's like, yeah, this is a hanging fashion. You just don't under a steam hunt. Okay. So even if it is high fashion and even if I don't understand why you try to dress like the Met Ball at the beauty lab opening next to the UPS store. I know you walk into the beauty lab dress like something that needs to be removed. It's like where did that where did when did you let Jack put his penis on your face because you look like an outbreak. So she comes in and Mary's like, uh, yeah, I didn't get that. Don't wear that again. Amazing grace from the top. So, um, uh, then when you was trying to make fun of it, she's like, uh,

look, it's high fashion. You wouldn't understand, but she has a surgical mask all over her entire face. It's high fashion you wouldn't understand but you have a surgical mask all over her entire face and then Meredith is like Brooks. This is a Brooks mark clamberal collaboration with Christian Kellon You'll find it at coals or any other well-stopped grocery store Next Brooks is gonna be collaborating on mint chicken nuggets. We're really excited. So then Lisa shows up on the red carpet and there's like an X on the floor.

She's, how does X mark this spot? I love it. Hi photographer. Hi. So, hugs, hugs. Everyone's saying hi, hi. Meredith is drinking through a straw and her mask and they're all cracking up at her and so Lisa goes up to

Meredith and she's like oh my god Meredith love that so I get that's baggaz. I'm like I'm okay you know I settled my My face in my own mind What does that mean? I don't know At least it's like so I met with Jan who was great she got vodka and We went to Lake effect. They have a really heavy door there. I've ever tried to open the door Don't love her. I tried to touch and it dragged me in. Okay? Don't love her. Don't love her.

But like, I like love you so much. Like, I understand the dynamic. Like, as loud as she is. Like, I think she's equally insecure. It's like equal parts, pomade, insecurity, and volume. And, but you know what? I love feeling good.

Have you heard of turmeric? I think it's really good for your hair And we're all nice people. You know what can you lift up this mask? Oh my god, you're beautiful. You're gorgeous Look listen and Meredith is like this Because it's like giving her an evil stare with her head tilted like like with Darth Vader Asked to go up his mask and return to the Jedi. I was not ready for this You're making me not fashion forward at the moment. So, so these just like, so I went and heard her.

And I think I think that was good enough, you know. And Meredith says, you know, I know at least a lot of my family. And so it surprises me that she seeks someone out that was trying to harm my family. And that's not something that a close friend does. You know what close friend does? They put a bunch of rhinestones on a piece of plastic and they shove it on your face.

That's what a close friend does. Well, you said that she was toxic and disloyal and somewhere is a disconnect there. Well, you know what? I'm not committing to a relationship with her. I'm just listening and hanging onto that door handle for dear life because I'm a Time. Almost time. I have with lash. Um, and so Meredith says, well, you can be a friend with everything you want to be friends with because I'm not Jan Shan like that. I just want to stay for the record. You could be friends with whoever you want to be friends with because I'm not Jan Shan, I like that. I just want to stay with them. I could be friends with whoever you want to be friends with.

But I just care the most about my own space. I literally care about my own actual space, which is why I have stars on my face right now. That's why I have this. Yeah, she does that thing. Like I'm not gonna tell you who to be friends with but you can't be friends with me at the same time because I'm gonna be protecting myself.

So don't make a choice, but make a choice, bitch. Pretty much. She's like, well, you know what? I don't think if I were in the same situation as her or she was in the same situation as me or like, gender is the same situation as her or me, you know what? I forgot I was talking about, but you know what I really like? Dark Coke baggulps. And that's what we really need enough friendships, okay?

So that's the courtesy I'm extending. I've got one in my bag. And she said, well, leopard doesn't change its stripes, but what spun leopard and you can stripe a bone, all right? So you do what you're comfortable with, I'll do what I'm comfortable with. And you can be friends with her and friends with me except I'm not gonna be friends with you

Do you understand if you want to be friends? Sure is what I gotta say It starts with a D We then go on is I remember going and And it's gonna gauge it's disengaging. I'm just engage. I'm gonna disengage from this. Thank you Oh, no, I can't hear you. Can you hear me? I can hear you. Can you can hear me? Oh suit. What did I do? Did I press mute? Hello

Ronnie have you disengaged Have you disengaged? I can hear you. Ronnie has disengaged. I love that. I'm going to talk like Lisa Balow. Is the thing here? I'm going to hear you now. Everything is hearing me, but I can't hear myself.

Everyone is hearing him. This is great. It's happening live on our crap and on demand. So we can edit this out of the podcast, but it will be a living record on crap and on demand. And you can hear anything I'm saying I am disengaging From this right now. Hey, you know what I need to find myself a mask. Okay. Here's my mask All right, I'm putting on a mask right now

All right, sorry This is my fashion and I've dis and did you just disengage from the disengage or I'm sorry But my air phones decided to disengage from this situation You know what not listening is high-fashion and people in new terror don't get it all right That's what I got to say. All right. All right, sorry for the crap and slunderman people. I'll cut that out of the audio version, but.

You don't have to. I had a blast. I just did Lisa Barlow and Meredith until you came back. Oh, okay, good. Good, because you know I hate doing any extra work, dammit. Yeah, don't edit it out. Listen, this is our 14, like this is episode number 1418,

we've done 1,400 18 episodes of this show. We deserve it, we deserve it. Why start making the effort now? Yeah, exactly, exactly. Okay, so where are we? How far did you get in your solo show? Oh, I didn't actually progress the recap. I just started talking as usual.

So now we go over to Whitney and Mary. They're at an oxygen bar because you know why not live like it's 1998. And so Mary joins. She's like, what's this? What is this? I'm really trying to work on Mary's rasp. She has a really... What is it?

What is it? What is it? Oxygen, smoxygen, smarred and smoxygen, poxygen, jets, guss, guss, guss, guss. Like, what is it? What is it? What? What? What? What? I'm like, Mary, it's flavored because like you, it's all bullshit. Don't worry about it. Just go with it.

Um, so they're like, um, it's for different moves. And I think that you're on revitalize and relax. And I just want all of it. She like starts snorting it in. And so they start talking about Vegas and when he's like of it and she like starts snorting it in. So they start talking about Vegas and when he's like, it was crazy. After the hip-hop party, I apologized to Jen and we moved on,

but then in Vegas, she decided to come after me. And when you were gone, the person in the line of fire became me. She let you on fire? No, no. In the line of fire. So she put a line, let the line on fire and then he walked into it.

No, I'll never mind. Just breathe the oxygen. Okay, question. What exactly is oxygen? And how much can I charge my followers for it? So then Jen walks in, she's walking in very dramatically, like one foot, bam, one foot in front of the other, walking through that UPS parking lot.

And then she gets in there and then they put in a top chef, a y'all! Like when they're about to eliminate somebody. She's not the same. You mean to walk for you to walk a lot. So did you mean to pass the APS with such judgment? Did you mean to forget to pick up your package? So Heather has mixed feelings about Jen showing up and She's excited that Jen has made an effort

and has endorsed the business, but she can't forget the shit that's gone down. She doesn't know if Jen is gonna be there to support her or to sabotage her, but that's the double-ledged sword that is Jen Shaw. It's freezing in here. I was like, maybe don't complain quite yet. You're not in that place yet.

So she says how to Whitney and takes a big martini. And actually, a very small martini, I was disappointed. I was like, cheap. This is a cheap party. So then Whitney's like, well, I wanted to follow up with you. I don't feel like we had a real opportunity to talk. And she's like, well, I appreciate you talking to me with me and with me it's like well I feel like I have tried to come to you and I have not had results and I just don't

want to be treated badly and I do not want to have toxic friends in my life and she's like I'm gonna most shell Obama my way through this when they go low I'm going high and then when I'm high I'm gonna get a knife and throw it down on their ass, because it's a better chance of hitting them. I'm like, well, when Michelle Obama said that, I didn't really work out so well for the Democrats. So then Jan is like, I'm sorry, Whitney is like, she's like, I just feel like, I just felt like I became a punching bag.

Okay. And if I had a punching bag here with me, I really would have punched it right now to really make the gag work, because I'm all about gag humor. Anyway, that's how I feel. So then Jen is like, well, not everybody understands or appreciates the way I'm used to communicating, which is that I say something,

and then you guys all misinterpret it. That's how I communicate, okay? So I have to work on that. No one knows how to read a finger in their face yet. So I guess I'll work on that. But you know, like there are certain things I can't compromise like my family and my life and that's why I was still mad.

No one's compromising your family you knit with. Just say you're sorry. Yeah, like settle down Liam Neeson. Okay, no one has taken your daughter off to Paris. Okay, like no one has come for your, literally no one actually came for your family whatsoever. The only thing that happened was that Whitney said that Lisa and Meredith are scared of you.

That's literally the only thing that happened. I don't know how that becomes if you come for my family. Yeah. I don't see the connection there. Yeah, so Whitney's like, well, first of all, thank you for apologizing. That's what I've been waiting for. And I was like, oh God, you're so dumb.

So, so, so she's shocked that Jen is being calm and apologizing there. And Jen's like, what am I apologizing for? I don't even know. But you know what? I do know their cookies over there. and I want out of this conversation. I was like, that's the real shit you've ever said. Yeah, exactly. So then Jen just like walks by, Marianne doesn't say hi.

And Mary does like an eye roll. And then Lisa, Lisa compliments Jenne's dress and then Meredith rolls her eyes. A lot of eye rolling in this moment. And then Heather gives her speech. She's like, as you know, I am Mormon. And it was really hard to be Mormon and like have a Botox place. And people said, you can't do this without your husband

and guess what? I did it with my husband's money, but he's not really here that much. And now it's my money. So thank you. I just want everyone to know I recently came out of a divorce, a terrible, terrible divorce where I lost myself and lost my will to understand what it is to truly live. And they just got to Billy. He's like, Hey, Billy's like, oh, me all coming down his mouth. So in honor of the new Heather, I'd like to present everyone the glory whole scene from

scary movie. Hit it. So Lisa comes up there. She's like, I'm so proud of you. You deserve it. You are like a really tender wolf or lone wolf or a lipstick wolf. You know what? You really know how to put lipstick on a wolf. I'll give you that. Two brick walls. So then, um, then we see Meredith talking to like this random dude and

she's like, you know, anytime I've had badG come from someone around me, I've ignored it. Okay, and it's always me and a zash for some of the things. She's just basically talking about Jen. I'm always been into the zaster and since right behind her, it's like, um, hi, how are you doing? I think this guy, he's like, okay, I'm going gonna go back to the UPS store to finish my shift. I'll see you later. Um, and Meredith is like, all right.

Because she's still doing that like cold Meredith thing where she's just like ice daggling into your eyes. And so it's like people do. Yeah, very elegant ice daggers. And so Jen's like, first of all, I want to apologize and like, make sure you hear me. And she's like during this faux humble thing where she's like lowering her head and it's hilarious. It's like you, it's yeah. She's like, let me see if I can try it out my greatest hits. I go hard, but when my family's involved, you know, it's

how I was raised. It's my culture. So when summary, I go hard. And if you misinterpret it, that's going to be on you. And I'm sorry for you that you can't interpret what I'm saying, the way it's meant to be said, but I go hard. Thank you. Yeah. I'm just like, I would never do anything to your family other than support you. And you're right. It's nobody's business. And Meredith goes, no, it's not. Do you know I've lived this past week on big and strips and mint water? I'm in no mood to hear this right now. So, it tells us, John crossed the line in the damage is done. Will it ever be the same? No, it's not. I don't know. It may be hard to bridge the gap between fashion forward and Gen Shaw. I just don't know. So I need to protect my positive space. And I

appreciate what you're saying. But I need actions over time to make sure that there's power in truth. What is her positive space anyway, by the way? Is it Seth? I need you to come to Canton, Ohio. Or is it Brooks, you mother? You look stupid today. Are you cooking something? Are you cooking something?

Are you cooking something? The toilet one. The toilet one flash. The dog shit on your floor. In mother. Ew. So I was like, oh, that'll keep going. That was fun.

Okay, so she's like, yeah, I need my positive space. And Heather comes up and she's like, what are you guys talking about? And she's like, oh, I'm just apologizing to Meredith. And Heather's like, oh, yeah, we need to talk. And I was like, oh, I'm just apologizing to Meredith. And Heather's like, oh yeah, we need to talk. And I was like, oh geez. So now they're just doing a ring around the rosy around Jen, right? It's like Jen has to apologize to everybody.

And that's true, but it's very dangerous on housewives to do this because they're putting Jen into the victim role now. And you never ever want to get in that trap because then the audience is going to be like, okay, now you're all going to gang up on Shannon, a party. Right.

The good news is that Jenna is a terrible victim. She doesn't really do it well. So Heather also botched us her opening. So she's like, we need to talk. We need to talk. So like, what do you think about everything? And she's like, like Vegas, no, beauty lab. What do you think about everything?

Her clouds up on the ceiling. Like Heather. She's like, oh, well, I'm proud of you. I'm very proud of you. Heather, she goes, you know what? I know. And I feel you are. And, but like, because of what just happened,

I was like blindsided. Like, I was like, you know, like, what the hell? Like, we go to a hypnotist in Vegas, and then you raise your hand, like, you can't trust me. That was a huge flood chamber. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I'm'm like you don't trust me like how do I recover from that? Well, I probably can just say I'm sorry and you'll be back in my corner again.

Okay, I'm back in your corner. No, but Heather, Heather would not let it go. Just like I didn't expect you to blindside me. I mean, you said that everything is my fault. I was like, what are you even talking about? I was like, okay, I see you still have learned nothing, basically. And Heather's like, you came at me like violently, it pushed me out of, okay, she did not violently push you.

She was annoying. She swatted at you and it was rude, but like, it's not like she was the chainsaw. Yeah, she did not violently push you. And she's like, and then I got no apology, like nothing. Like you cannot do that to me. That is bullshit. Okay. Listen, and I know a lot about things that are shitty

because I'm dressed like Pepto Bizzball, okay, because of you. Oh, I was married to that beef jerky doorstop over there. Oh, I know about shitty. Jerky doorstop. Ha ha ha. So then Lisa's like, oh my god, they're fighting. I'm like so uncomfortable right now. I'm like a hair follicle with that lone wolf, okay?

I just feel confused and alone, okay? Lone wolf. This is like when you ask for a dark coke, and you bring your dark patty, and you want to say, Hi, waitress, so, ah, this isn't dark coke. Oh, no, it's really hard, and I really, I'm a lot of sweat what you're going through, but I really want a dark coke. have a cake. I love that.

I love that. And people are coming up to me and they're like, are you still going to be friends with her? I'm like, oh no, we're good. Everything's fine. Which, no, you're not doing that either. You're just, you're being just as crazy as Jen right now. Because nothing you're saying is based in reality,

but it's all very kukuku version. And so Lisa's like, you know what? I've done parties in my career and I've never had to call security, but it might be time. I'm gonna go up to security and I'm gonna say, look at that lady. She says she says, I cook, but she's a Coke Zero.

What do you do? And she's gonna roll her ass right out of here. Yeah. Like a big guy on a Coke Zero on its side. Just pull it out. So Lisa goes up to Heather and goes, can we whisper? Can we, this is, okay, so this is a new take on,

can I touch? It's called, can we whisper? Can we whisper? Okay, I love that, thank you. And then Heather's like yelling now. She's like, just own it. Just own it, okay like just own it. Just own it. Okay. Just own it. Stop being a vrinnit quota. What are you doing to me in this final episode, Heather?

So Heather, Heather basically wants Jen to say I took you for granted and she needs Jen to tell her She needs Jen to tell her that Heather has been a good friend to her and that Jen has not been a good friend to Heather. The way Heather has been a good friend to her, that's what she needs to hear. Right. And Jen's like, well, no matter what I say, it doesn't even matter. Heather's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, her and Mary sees it just like a really quick shot of Mary going Mary's on her own she's so excited yeah so there's like on it on it on it on it you haven't shown up for me and Jen's like okay I

haven't shown up for you just what is's like, okay, I haven't shown up for you. She's like, what is, and Lisa goes, what does that mean to you, Heather? And she's like, um, look, I love her, despite her behavior and her drinking. And Jen's like, okay. Look at you. She's like, I'm kidding. Come on, are you kidding? You shed all over me.

It's like, I shed all over you. You shed on me. You know, you yelled at her. You yelled at her. You know, I showed up to your room. And, you know, wait, you can't even count the Shaw Squad as your friends because they're on the payroll. I was the only one not getting paid who was there. Which I loved that in the history of Housewives, the first time someone finally

like told someone that their glam squad are not their friends are on the payroll. But also how sad is it that Heather is the one that went over there. So Jen's like, okay, I'm wrong. I apologize to you Heather. I'm sorry, Meredith. I'm sorry, Whitney. I'm sorry, Lisa. I know things have to change and I'm going to work on that. My intention is never hurt any of you, especially you, but I go hard and you guys misinterpret me. Oh, shoot. I'm doing it again. R&T, I'm doing it again. Yeah, intentions. You know what, intentions count for set and sing. It doesn't matter in the court case. The intentions are only there for how long

you're going to jail. Not are you going to jail, you know? Yeah. Oh, so with me. And Jen doesn't even know what she's apologizing for. She even says it. She's like, she's like, I, you know, the thing is this,

I don't even know what the issue is. I don't know, I'll apologize, but I don't know what the issue is. I don't know what the issue is. I'm like, well, see, you not knowing, the thing is this, I don't even know what the issue is. I don't know, I'll apologize, but I don't know what the issue is. I don't know what the issue is. I'm like, well, see, you not knowing what the issue is, is the thing that you have to apologize for actually. Yeah, and Lisa's like, she needs you to tell her the issue. She's like, yeah, I don't know the issue, okay.

And then of course, in the moment, we all knew was coming. When she's like, you know what? I love Heather. And like, I made a concerted effort towards Heather. Like, I set up a private shopping event for Heather. And I've never done that for anyone else. So like, I don't even understand how she can't take that into account.

I'm like, okay. Yeah, because it was, because it was, because it was the equivalent of a guy beating his wife and then bringing her flowers the next day, you know? That's what it was. It was like, it was a equivalent of a guy beating his wife and then bringing her flowers the next day, you know? That's what it was. It was like, it was a way of saying, look, like here is something that I can point to that shows that I'm a good friend.

But when it comes to like actually being emotionally present and actually like being there on like a deeper level than arranging a shopping spree which actually seemed to benefit Jen more than Heather. It was something that Jen wanted to do for herself and then she just tacked Heather onto it. Like, that's where Jen falls flat. So, Lisa's like, look, it's a big night for you. Let's just agree to like, loan and wolf. Okay, let's just agree.

And Whitney's like, you know what? There is some twisted power struggle between Heather and Jen and it's disgusting. And it is because Jen's like, I'm sorry. And Heather's like, say it better. But I'm sorry, but I don't know why. Well, then really, then you need to be better about it. Do it again. On it. And they just keep going back and forth to see who can yell the most. And it is exhausting because it just keeps going on and on and on and find it all the ladies leave. And then there's like, can we just move on and it goes, yes, thank you. I mean, look, it's not about Christophe frying you. Give me your lip gloss.

Yeah, give it to me. It's like it's like it goes and goes and goes and then just stops. She's like, yeah, have you been a good friend to me? No, then can you be a good friend to me? No. Then can you be a good friend to me moving forward? Yes. That's all I wanted. Can I have your lip gloss? I mean, that's basically what it was.

And Jen's like, fuck off. You can have some dry ass lips, Heather. But then they're laughing together, you know? Which is so housewise, right? It's like the end of the end of the night of finale night. You know, like God, that was a good fight. Good work this season, sister. Yeah. So now we're getting finale night. You know, like, God, that was a good fight. Good work this season, sister. You know, yeah.

So now we're getting everyone's, you know, now it's time to wrap it up and Heather's like, you know, one thing I've learned, it's hard to be a good Mormon, you know? And then we see a montage of her being crazy all season. And then we have our, we have our final sort of like epilogue. So Jen and Sharif have been spending more time together on FaceTime and to manage her stress,

Jen has hired another member of To the Shaw Squad, assistant number eight. So there she is, eight assistants to do nothing. Yeah. And then let's see, we see the old husband, you know, like standing there for a selfie. And then Mary is gonna go get a hamburger and fries, okay? And it's like, Mary is working on her closet. She has robbed 90,000 people of their life savings this year.

Congratulations, Mary. And then there's Whitney after supporting her dad for so long, Whitney is focusing on herself, working on a new skincare line and only swings from her stripper pole. skincare line and only swings from her stripper pole. Also, I would prefer like the regular housewise ending music like that. And instead for this one, we get Bap, Bap, Bap, Bap, Bap, Bap, Bap, Bap, Bap, Bap, like some weird circus music that they're playing. for this one we get, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um,

um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, They had a meeting where they were like guys do we really want to be known for the yaya yaya song cut it We more ha ha ha not yaya yaya. Let's just say like a ha ha ha But like a Katy Perry ha ha ha get rid of the get rid of the yaya yaya, okay? Lisa has scheduled a family bonding trip to Mexico, but as Warren Buffett says fresh wolf

Fresh wealth fresh Fresh wealth. Fresh blood, wealth, wealth, wealth, wealth. And Lisa takes a selfie with Meredith and she's, you know what? This is like a toxic obstacle. And Meredith's like, I think I'm totally lame, I'm all for my mind. Next episode, Meredith shows up with a hamster real on her face. So Meredith is In an effort to work on their communication

Meredith and Seth have returned to couples therapy They're doing great, but when the topic of moving to Canton, Ohio was raised Meredith disengages gangsters. There's a few gangsters. So Heather and Jen are still kind of laughing and I don't write any of that and it's down to be honest. I was like, that Jen saw the dancing scene killed by note taking. I was like, I'm not taking any of these. Basically the last one is just that Heather has embraced her in her life as a non-practicing Mormon and she's continuing to search for the perfect man and the perfect Mipal Lollipop.

I did write down the final lines, Heather goes, oh my God, let's keep a donut. And Jen says, I can't, I'm on the keto diet. She's like, okay, no donut for you. Which by the way would have explained a lot more. Like if Jen had just said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I said those things but I'm on Keto everyone would have been like oh Yeah, why did Jen Barry delete she's been on Keto all this time. No wonder why she's being a mad woman That's all she's on Keto guys all these things I totally forgive her. I totally get it. She's on Keto

It's fine. Keto all right. Well that brings us to the end of Salt Lake City. We are going to get a three-part reunion it looks like for this show. Yeah. And it looks pretty spicy. I mean at one point Andy's like, alright I want to move on. And Lisa goes, well you know what we're not moving on. And he's like, you ever hear of Coke too? That's what happens when you try to move on, okay? I love that New Coke Everybody we sure love you. Thanks for everybody who's here on demand. We'll be back tomorrow on demand again Southern Charm reunion So come join us there. We sure love you guys. Bye guys

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