Watch What Crappens - RHOSLC Part One: Petty in Pink

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* This is part one of a two prat recap! Whitney tricks the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City by snagging an early Southwest flight and sneaking Angie into C boarding to shock the girls on their Palm Spring trip to the Trixie Motel. Will anyone have the gall to drag this queen? This week's bonus episode is a catch up on Ben's covid and Ronnie's Palm Springs journeys, respectively. Get all our video recaps and bonuses at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey guys, Ronnie here. This is a two-part recap of Real Housewives' Assault Lake City. This is part one. Part two will be right up. Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Happens! The podcast for all that crap that we love to talk about on Yo Bros. Which is a channel on the television. Mmm, I'm Ronnie, that's then over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie, how's then over there. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie.

How are you? A great good to see you. My little friend. Good to see you too. You too. Over there. Everything is going great. I am going to do, I just want to do one bit of personal showing for my, my sub-sac.

I mentioned earlier this week, I put up my chocolate cheesecake recipes. So I'm, it's a recipe that I love. So if anyone wants to know this chocolate cheesecake recipe, go to nbdfancy.substac.com. Just, I'm just blatantly shilling my substac. So go check that out. Why should I see you? Go to my number one.

Because it's good that I love it. You know, I don't wanna be obnoxious like that, but I just, I love this chocolate cheesecake and I made it when I had COVID last week and it brought me so much joy. So, you know, if you guys were looking for a good chocolate cheesecake recipe, that's simple and easy. There it is.

Check it out. Yeah. Yeah, everybody. NBD fans. So, this is a Salt Lake City episode, but first, guess what? We are on video, as usual. Get those videos on Patreon on demand, which is our video channel on Patreon. Okay.

We're also on YouTube. These come out a week later on YouTube. If you don't want to pay for them, we don't want to make these only available to people who are paying. So you can watch them on YouTube as well. We're also on Instagram. Both are personal. You'll see all of Ben's and BD posts.

You'll see my Nancy posts who is terrible cook, not like Ben. And just a bunch of other silly videos that I make on my Instagram, TikTok, go find those. And also all our watchroke crappin' stuff, all watchroke crappin' Instagram, okay? There's a lot of stuff to follow. Also, be a member on Patreon, because that's also where you get bonus episodes.

Those are always super fun. And every Monday night, not every Monday night, but every other Monday night. First and third Monday of the month, we are doing an Instagram live show. It'll eventually be a show that we post audio stuff like once we get our shit together, that could take a few years.

That could take a few years. Right now we're in workshop mode. You're in workshop. We're like Hamilton in like 2010. You know? Like Chicago Triods mode. So. But we're doing that right now.

And that's really fun. It's been a disaster a few times because we're trying to figure out professional sound and recording and all of that. So we're trying different formats, different ways to do it. It is always fun. No matter what a disaster it is, it's always fun.

So that's going to be this next Monday. What would that be? The 18th spin. So what is that? Yeah. And that's about 30 PM Pacific time. Now today, who cares about any of that? Because today we're here for the very special, Trixi.

Monoclackle. No. It's a real Trixi. The actual Trixi. Monoclackle. Now, well, it's a real Trixi, the actual Trixi. Oh, Trixi Mattel. Trixi Mattel. A real Trixi. The real Trixi. Trixi Mattel from Drag Race is on Salt Lake City today. Yes, the first Trixi.

And, you know, I have, so I've heard of Trixi Mattel before, obviously, because Trixie Mattel has become really famous, but I haven't actually seen her in action and she cracked me up. She was hilarious and just like the two, like she wasn't on very long, but I loved the way she was just kind of like laughing and Whitney and Angie's face.

It was, I was like, okay, I get, I see why, I see why Trixie Mattel is very famous. Yeah. Could you talk about something for a second? I need a minute. Yes, I am going to talk about something. What I'm going to talk about is the fact that this episode was so good. When we sat down to do the notes, I saw it was super size. I always grown when I see it's a supersized episode because it just means more time taking notes

and that always bums me out. Because if it's a viewer, Super Size is great. But it has taking notes. It's like, ugh, but this episode was so good that the Super Sizeness of it just flew by so far in two episodes. This show is just working at such a high level. And Mia has been a gift that keeps on giving.

Every Mia scene, I had a moment where I laughed out loud. Now, Ronnie is doing great work here with this visual. This is why you need to be watching Crap is on demand because Ronnie has come through with some Angie Hay glasses. Wow, Ronnie. What is, where did you get these? I wish they were actually pink lenses. These are pink.

I need to make their mirrored. So I need to make sure there's nothing horrible on my screen right now. But yeah, these pink sunglasses are my home spring sunglasses because where else can you get these? But yeah, I just love this for a bit. I said, because I got to show off my sunglasses. It's perfect.

Your sunglasses look amazing. You should love it. You should love it. You should love it. You should love it. You should love it. You should love it. Your sunglasses look amazing. The best kind of sunglasses to where everybody loves you when you wear mirrored sunglasses, because all they see is themselves. There's no better way to get attention than wearing mirrors on your face, especially in California. So, let's go to this episode. So, we get our taglines for the season, and the first one's the best one. There I said it. I'm not even going to wait for you to judge.

I'm just going to say. Yeah, I can't. Okay. I found I was lost in my notes because I was on below deck notes by accident. Oh, yeah. Okay. You want me to start or you want to start it? It's your favorite one.

You should start it. You should do it because you like this. I'm on a mission to serve Lisa and I'd love that for myself. And then by the way, and classic Lisa Barlow, every single season Lisa Barlow does not know how to deliver her lines. She always rushes through to fast because I'm on a mission to Lisa and I love that for myself. Then Heather is like, I own a beauty empire so I don't need any of your lip service. I kind of like that.

That's good. That's pretty cute. But guess what else you don't need? Any of your own lip service. There's been enough lip service. That's good. That's pretty cute. But guess what else you don't need? Any of your own lip service. There's been enough lip service. There's my tagline. No more lip service. Okay, let's all calm down.

Okay, go fill your car up every day. You're gonna get gas all over the ground. And the rest of us are gonna step in it. Okay, be careful with yourselves. So then we get Monica and she's like, I keep my friends close, but my secrets closer. I'm like, you do not keep your secrets closer. You are the M night Shyamalan of Housewives.

I've never seen a housewife with more twists and turns than this lady. I know. She is literally the sixth sense in humans. And more. I see dread people, but also like her storyline, this episode she revealed that she did not keep a secret. So then we have Meredith and a town formed dirty lines. Everyone could use a bath, which falls into the category of taglines that are a bit of

a stretch. A bit of a stretch. A bit of a stretch. Merideth, just funny. I did the bath is going to be her thing forever because she took that bath that one time. I mean, what the hell? I was hoping hers would be something like, I've been to many places and I'm in a lot of bean salads.

No. Bean salad done that. And thanks to films to Cattleman. You can go. Well, she just did that, but what if that was just her tagline? Meredith is doing this thing where she's completely changing her voices here. I'm not sure if she doesn't like how it's made fun of on the internet or what she's doing, but she's trying to reinvent her voice and she's really showing off her new window this episode

and we'll get to it. But it's like this like oh I'm nothing. Happy and good. I'm like this happy. You know, the lilt that she's doing and I'm cracking up at it. Also, this whole bath thing like congrats you took a bath. I dated a guy like that one time. I was just always getting on it. It's like take a fucking bath dude. Like have some respect. He takes a bath and he wants a gold medal, you know? It's like that's a normal thing to do to take a bath. Yeah, you know. So anyway, then is Angie who is, it's going to be trouble to differentiate this voice from Lisa this year because they are very similar.

They do both have this kind of thing, but Angie speaks in staccato. She also doesn't ever know her lines. She's always trying to remember her lines, and she speaks in questions that are in staccato to herself. And this is her line. I may be Greek, but don't expect an olive branch from me. I may be Greek, but don't expect an acropolis for me. Can we work? Can we workshop that? That felt a little. Of course.

A Zorba from me. Okay. Did that work? Does anybody else know the musical Zorba? I love that. I may. I may be Greek, but my yogurt is runny. Does that.

I may be Greek, but don't call my yogurt. Chopani. Chopani. I may be Greek, but I have a phylo doll on all of you. So stay fat. I'm just still work shopping. Like okay, and just just say don't expect to fall at branch for me. Okay. And then you do it me. Having faith in myself is,

is, wait, can I go from this to having faith in myself is the only religion that I, what's the rest? Need. is the only religion that I, what's the rest? Need. Now we go to Happy House and I don't know, oh no, it's Happy Haws is what I wrote. Cause the song, very biblical. It is. I think a king was sent as a baby down that river.

I, in James maybe. A larsa pip in try to date its son. She was confused. She's marrying his son. Actually, that's true. She's marrying the river Sun. So Meredith gets out and that wouldn't be better like the rivers like. Like, maybe like if I dated like Lake Sun, that would be better. But like, I'm dating River Sun. I didn't realize the River Jordan, like, I didn't know the River Jordan Sun when I was like, my ex-husband was like, when Lake Pippin was like working with like River Jordan.

So Meredith is arriving in, she has metallic blue pants on and like the monster's ink jacket, as usual, but then Lisa Barlow shows up and she's wearing, she's like, I am Lisa Barlow and I'm wearing a jacket that represents Andy's mints right now. She really looks like she's wearing wrappers for Andy's mints. Meredith is my favorite because she's wearing like Michael Jackson pants but in like really bright,

shiny, tinfoil blue and I recognize the pants I couldn't remember where I've seen the pants and it's from my sackboy character on the Sony PlayStation. Wow. Because you can put yourself in different outfits on my own those pants in computer form. And there was hilarious on both people, I have to say, my Sackboy figure and Meredith Marks,

they both work. Also my Sackboy figure loves a bath. Weird. So Lisa Parks and meets her and she's brought, Lisa's like, oh my God, you've got you brought your eggs And this is where Meredith tries out her new baby before she's like What are you even saying your head's about to bobble off your damn body. What's going on with you? Marta, then I have not in two years

had one productive conversation at all. So then they are having just small talk about the kids. They're acting like they've never even heard of each other's kids. And we're just like, so when you've got fun live kids, right? Like no, I have like, jock and Henry, jack Jock and Henry and also Sharon right. There's no Sharon. No Sharon. Oh Okay, and Jackie's about three years old. Jock's 18. Oh

Okay, come on. Jock's about to like graduate. It's really bad. Oh I'm also a child graduating. What you may have heard him. Oh, I'm also going to try all graduating. What do you mean? I've heard him. Oh my God. Flowey. No, that's not going to. Yeah, the one from the insurance commercials. My God, that lady's had a job literally forever. She's only in high school.

No, Chloe. Oh, we call her NB, not Brooks. Yeah, well, she's graduating from someplace and she's really really signing a mountain You know what? I mean, I'm walking this path with Madath and I see all these hats are signs everywhere and sure enough They show Lisa and Meredith walking past Hazard sign after Hazard They are taking a stroll around electric transformers. They're like, well, I thought we could meet and have a sleep

or a reconciliation around the power plant that that was of interest to you. Hmm. Um, let's see. She's like, Meredith tells us, well, I'm a little, I'm busy, I'm not seeing we use the right now because I know I'm a little ambivalent about seeing me so right now because I know I don't want to fresh start.

I don't want anything of the haphazard to do. To damage my ambivalent, I need to make that fresh start. I need something else to see her in order to start that process. And I want to start, which is why I dressed up like a dinner mint. So it's like, so, well, how is, what's his name, Frank? Jack. Jack. So how's his concert going?

Is he still interested in me drinking a fudge? And Lisa's like, actually, Jack is the party. So, oh, they're hurrying. Yeah, he's gonna serve a mission for our church. Oh, okay, a mission. And so he's gonna go into muffler sales, not emissions, missions. So he's gonna serve a mission.

And it's gonna be a messero at a Mexican restaurant. I mean, that's the kind of tortilla. Am I right? Oh, not that kind of machine. He's entire sales. Oh, sorry. No, that's Michelin and I don't know why I messaged at my own words. They found that machines were impossible. Okay. Now you're just doing top cruise movies. This isn't this isn't how I could be. Okay, his mushroom could be in Idaho, South California. I mean, they pick they pay, you know, his friend went to a reveal. That's where you go and they announce what your gender is. What your gender is going to be on your mashup. That's where they reveal the gender of the city that you're going to. So one friend is going to Switzerland,

another to Milan, and you know, another one is like going to a non-binary city. So we're not really sure how that works, but we supported it. Another city literally caught the entire town on fire during the reveal. I, I, I, that his other friend during that during that mission reveal, a plane crashed. It was terrible. Oh my gosh.

So, um, she was like, yeah, um, one of his friends got called to Milan and I'm like, oh my god, I bet they have a sign. And Jack's like, mom, it's not a shabby trap. Yeah, it's a fucking selling trip. Okay. I'm gonna be out there hustling the Lord to everybody and I love the idea of Jack knocking on Doris and Milan like, hi. You ever heard of the Lord and then just being like, oh my God, who did your hair? This is embarrassing. I know. The city of fashion and you're trying to win people over and you're like dollar store, like short sleeve shirt buttoned down with your tie and you're forward street float just the hair swoop can't so Well, maybe I'm not a shopping tram for him

But for you maybe I'm just for what the fuck is this Meredith baby voice. What is this? It's like if they decided to make a cartoon about Meredith, but instead of calling it Meredith They called it Meredith babies Like what the f**k is and she has a nanny that you only see the socks of. She's like a tiny little bathtub. Everyone decoy and it's not fantasizing about what you would look like in sock footage

because a large lady was trying to suck this walking in and there was never any discussion nanny one way or another if weather you were allowed in this way right now. Well, anyway, I want them to have a chat. One on one. It's over the last few years we've had trouble. Big trouble. Right now in River Sammy. Right now in River Sammy. There's a lot to the eye to the meat. The meat alarm. Wait a minute. Are you, mission man right now? No, we're off of bat now.

That's a meaner second man. Lisa, Jesus Christ. So we see a wonderful montage of them fighting, which is really excellent. There's just so many great highlights, but I always enjoy the forgotten highlights, because we always know the big ones, but the forgotten ones, so for me,

this was Lisa wrapped up in like a blanket thing. I always thought, how is the sit space for Meredith? I forgot Meredith said back. I just love Lisa wrapped up doing her falsetto to try to win her back over. I always thought I'd be a success. You're a failed error band, Gleesa, as a friend. So also Lisa's like, it's been very dark,

and I don't like the way that feels. I don't like to go backwards. And Craig from Southern Charm is like, meany there, that's why I won't ever take a shot. I won't do a vaccine. So, Meredith does the thing where she's like, all right, let's light be friends. So let's gloss over everything.

Well, we've had this very long friendship and I think we both made mistakes, somewhere much worse than others, somewhere much more damaging than others. And some came from a stupider person than the other person, but I think we both have our right. And I think we both are sorry for things that we have done and said

and whatever personal attacks we may or may not have made against poor innocent toddlers. At the end of the day, you've hurt me de-employing but you have never said anything terrible about my bathtub, so I'm gonna break them sub-ord. A branch up. And Lisa tells us, let that I crop in New York, okay,

so I'm not a culture person. So somebody sent us a message like they DMed us and they said, I love that Lisa, how have you not called out that Lisa keeps saying she grew up in New York, but she grew up in Schenectady. And then they show her prom picture, or her high school yearbook picture.

That is New York, but it's not the same. Like Lisa is like, I'm a tough girl. I grew up in New York City. Which is that I love culture because I grew up, and I thought she grew up in Long Island, but either way, if she's really from Schenectady, that's hilarious. I know. We should fact-check that, right? I shouldn't just say things that I wrote. I used to go to the Saratoga spa. You know, the first time time the first concert I ever went to I saw a triple bill Delancin sorry go ahead Dana Delanson the first

The first concert I went to is up in Saratoga Saratoga Springs, New York They have a place called smack the like Saratoga performing art center and it was a triple bill Cracker the like Sarah Toga performing art center and it was a triple bill cracker, gin blossoms and spin doctors and I went as part of a camp trip. So I feel very connected to Lisa because you know what? She did grow up around a lot of culture. She was around a lot of culture like gin blossoms. Last time I've been around Joker while it's being made.

So I know culture. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crapence commercial. Watch what crapens and winter is crappening of a funniest recap broadcast. But if you want something more eerie, try the new podcast Go Story about my investigation into a murder suicide in my own family. Go SoundReal. At least that's what I've always believed. Sure, odd things happen in my childhood bedroom. But ultimately, I shrugged it all off. That is, until a couple of years ago,

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And anyway, Lisa goes on, I'm not a very trusting person. If I could try, if I could let's author paper like drafts, it would be anyone who's signed to MDA. My husband are lawyers because they're banned by law. Taco can attract Supreme. Cause really what is it every then to me? Except me delicious.

Kit Kat bars. People who oversee trusts because that's literally their job. So I trust trust people. Darkoaks, because they're on diets and they trust dietetic people. But you know what, with Meredith, I think I'm gonna make an exception

because we have a lot of years behind us. And I'm gonna put my blinders on. I'm like, I'm gonna throw a blood mask. Yeah, I'm gonna like try to not see to the sides of me. Don't you love when people say that? You know how I'm gonna go forward in life? I'm just gonna put blinders on

and really eliminate my periphery vision and that should probably work out well. It works. I mean, it's a good plan. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna diss the plan. Yeah. So Lisa is like, I'm very sorry about my hot mic moment. And like, I know my words hurt.

And like, that, that made me feel horrible. And I don't want to hurt you or your family ever. Even if you are the biggest slot New York City's ever seen, Emerith is like, well, I'm sorry that I made a reference to widely verified rumors about you and tickets for the jazz and blow jobs and such. And I should have just left it alone

the way you were left alone after that moment with the owner of the tickets at the jazz. Listen, I'm sorry, but I contributed to an entire movement called Just For Jans. I apologize, but there is room for girls and I miss our families being out of our room after all, little Bruxy,

thousand and plain eight. And then we see clips of them being happy I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,

I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,

I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like they just are going to go forward and hope for the best. They hug and they're basically like, and that storyline is over. So now we go to some hot springs and Heather arrives in all pink and when he shows up and when he's like, is this a wider park?

I'm like, yes, it has invisible slides. Look at all those invisible slides everywhere. Um, Whitney, Whitney, Whitney. Is this a lot of it's a it's called crystal hot springs with me. There's not a slide inside. Yeah, Heather comes and she's like, Oh my God, I love this place. I have a friend, I have a friend meeting here. And Whitney shows up in her fuzzy shoes. And she's like,

why are we in a water park in the winter? And don't you have a hot tub that you're constantly in in the winter? Why is Whitney acting like, isn't that your story line? Yeah, but like a tub can be hot, but like a spring, how is a spring hot? Because it's like something that's in a mattress, right? It's a a mattress, right? It's a hot mattress. I'm confused. I'm confused.

This is aren't good. And let's say I've got chocolate in them. So Heather's like, yeah, it's right up our alleyway. Don't worry. And Whitney tells us, it's been a very long time since Heather and I have spent a long time together. It's a little like dot, dot, dot, maybe relearning to write a bike again, like maybe it's a little bit wobbly.

You don't know how to write a bike. Does Wendy know how to write a bike? I need a fact check. No, I think Whitney on a bike would be chaotic. So she says, last time we went to a hot spring, she didn't have my back when Jen threatened to drown me, but never say never, Jen's gone.

And we see the clip again of Jen being like, oh my god, shut the fuck up Whitney, I'm gonna drown you. And I loved that Whitney to this day for now, four seasons has taken that so literally. I was almost murdered. Murdered on camera. I almost died. And Taylor shared in Sneeshaw whisper.

I almost died. Jen shot also though, just so you don't forget. Also threatened to drown Whitney another time and thrown her in the lake behind her house, in the pond behind her house. But like, I think Whitney watches the honeymooners and when the guys like, I'm gonna like knock you to the moon or somebody that she was almost

the first woman in space. Why did everybody try to stop Alice Kravitz? What's her name? Kramden. Why did everybody try to stop Alice Kravitz? What's her name? Cramden. Why did everybody stop trying Alice to make Alice Kravitz go to the moon? Ralph almost beat her up so badly she bound up on a different planet. Oh my gosh. So Whitney is like, so this water is interesting.

It's not the same as bathtub on a hill water. And there's like taste that. She says, no, gross. And then there's like, oh my God, some of my mouth accidentally. And it tastes like butter popcorn. And when you say, what? Is that butter in the shape of popcorn?

No, it was just a reference. Jelly beans can be buttered popcorn too. And I think that like, she sees that this is all blowing when he's mind. What? Jelly beans? Is that like what Meredith makes with her family? No. Do you put them on peanut butter or do you put them on tortillas?

No. There's so much I have to explain to you in this very simple moment. There's like I'm really trying here. I'm really throwing there. Then he's like, so, how did you feel about your event with this boss of snow? Because I was shocked. Shock, they tell you to see Mary. When did you become friends with Mary again?

Well, you know, I only invited you and Lisa and Meredith and everyone invited friends. And she, well, I was surprised. I guess I don't care about a follow up to my first question. I was surprised to see Angie K there. Do you mind me asking why not Angie? I don't understand. She has a list. not Angie, I don't understand. She has a list. She loves lists. And Heather's like, well, we've never been close

and we've never had a long-term relationship. And she tells us, yeah, well, I've known Angie truthfully since Mr. Carter's math class in the 10th grade and let's see some pictures. And we see pictures of them. Angie has just a cone head of hair. It's shaped, it's kind of like and some sort of shaped on the top

and then comes flowing down. And apparently Angie in 10th grade look like Josh Altman. It was a totally different person. Josh Altman with a perm. Oh my God. Wait, are the Alt involvement to the brothers. Yes.

Okay. So Heather says, Wow. Heather's, yeah, Heather says she had, but I thought was naturally crilly hair and it turns out it was a perm. So yeah, I have trust to use. Um, I don't think either one of you is being honest with anything about your looks now if you're comparing that to the tenth grade.

Let's be honest. Okay. And why should you? So we get a, there's a lot of that this episode. The guy on the drums had a great episode if it's he did. I can't believe you learned math from Mr. Carter. Jay Z was your math teacher? That's crazy.

What? So I was like, I mean, it just gave me a bad taste in my mouth watching her dive head Was your math teacher? That's crazy. What? Sad, I was like, I mean, it just gave me a bad taste in my mouth watching our dive head first in that friendship with Jen. Maybe it's because you thought popcorn was better. She was like a regular spring water. There's no extra sense of butter popcorn and a turn of phrase waiting, okay? So and then she tells us we were very close in high school. We had just very two distinct different friend groups I had the Mormons she had the Greeks and we shared some best friends I guess I'd love

That they're like separate groups of the Mormons and the Greeks. It's like the new West Side Story. Yeah, we need this. I need a great West Side Story. Fuck yes. Angie was probably very excited. I'm happy to fight Motherfuckers in a musical. I need that soon. Right away. Angie was probably very excited.

When she's like, oh my God, there's a movie out that really describes my high school experience. Let me put it in. It's called Greece. Wait a second. Where are the Greeks? No one's throwing plates. I don't get why they appropriate my culture like this for this musical. So Heather's like, yeah, well, she flipped up immediately.

And now she's diving head first in this relationship with Lisa. And it just feels very muddy and very messy to me. And she tells us, I do remember when she went as a sense of humor, you know, always feel bad for the girls who peaked in high school. But I like this here, but you know that you hate her because you went best since you're being wearing high school. Yes. You know that you do.

We all know that you do. Don't really blame me, but let's not try and pretend it's something else. Yeah. The Heather and Angie feud is funny to me because it feels like it's just like they were told to feud the season and they're just kind of trying to find backstory to like make it make sense. And I'm like, it doesn't totally, but I'm okay with it. I do like a, you know, that they went

to have math class together. So I like that they've known each other for years. And then when you're in old school, you know in old school, a homo, self-hating gay, like homophobic, homophobic, homosexual kind of relationships. So it was like this dynamic of like if you're in the closet or self-hating in any way, and then you do hook up with another guy, you have like kind of a mutual hatred of each other after,

because it's like you both engaged in that sin or whatever together. I don't know if anybody started, I was raised very religious, so I'm very familiar with that feeling in my youth. My point is not to make it about my youth and how horrible it was. Point is Ronnie had a perm. Yeah, I had a perm. My point is that they have Jen and Common, and I think that they've both got that

like shameful sin in common, that they were both, they both were kind of on this show because they were friends with Jen, or that was their main plot line on this show, and they both kind of stood by Jen through way too much. And then they realized how shameful it was to do that. And now they hate each other for it. And they never hated Jen for any amount of shit that Jen actually did. They probably so would be friends with Jen again if she came back. I have a theory. I have a theory that they were both side kicks to Jen in certain ways and they were kind of like dueling side kicks and they always had to play an ice con.

Oh, when I recall circling back to the side kick. Listen, because they had to play nice because Jen was their master. Now Jen's gone and now they can finally be angry at each other because they both were vying for Jen's attention. Yes. So now there's... Yeah, and I think it could live with your theory together. I think what you're saying is absolutely correct. I don't even know where mine came from.

I just popped my head. I like that. You don't have to say everything that you say. Okay. You don't have to say everything in the sum your head is what I meant. Okay, so Whitney's like, but I like her. I have fun with her.

She's a fun friend for me. She's Greek. You know that expression? It's all Greek to me. It's like literally all Greek to me. She's all Greek. Oh, and she's like, well, I think that she's fun until she's not fun, but I kind of was used dropping and I heard Amity asking Lisa about Jack's message. Oh, mission. And so then we see a clip of Lisa telling Whitney and some other people like, so you know, Jack, like he's not going to, he's not going to go to college right away. He's going to go out on my son. And then it cuts to Heather who's like hiding behind

an ice sculptor watching and like wiping her mouth evenly as she watches Yeah, and so Heather's like I just would be curious to know what this motivation was You know for me I literally you know I went on my mission because my friend Diane was at like at some point in her life and she was graduating from college She didn't have a perm and either of us had boyfriends and she's like, I'll go if you go and I was like, I'll do anything Diane says. So we went and next thing we know me and Diane, you know,

this is the story of Heather and Diane and we were in the temple making death oaths, death oaths with Diane and we were wearing garments for the rest of our lives till death to Diane and I part. And here's my proof of it. Here's a picture of us both in matching white bicycle helmets. Even indoors we'd wear those. And for an idea. Diane was just like, we're never getting laid. So if you want to go on, there's an all-going mission. And so we did. We were wearing long-edder-wearing bicycle helmets together for years. That's just how it works.

And Wendy's like, but wait a minute, when you say death oats, does that mean the cereal's gone bad and you shouldn't eat it after the expiration? No, Whitney. Death Oaths. Death Oaths. Oh, can I have a sound effect to help explain what that means? And then it pops up on screen death oath About to keep the Church of Sarah money secret under penalty of death

Who's gonna kill who from the Mormon trips? Like is that a legal is that legal like I'm sorry legal But you're not who's gonna know you're not allowed to say it. And you're a fucking dive you do. And I've watched enough Mormon shows in the past few years because they're shoving them down my throat that I believe it. I believe it. That murder show last year with Andrew Garfield on Hulu about, oh my God, that was something.

Like in the arms of the angel or whatever it was called, or in the gates of heaven or something. Girl, I don't know, there's so many of them. Death oath. Just in my mind, they're the gates of heaven, or something. Girl, I don't know, there's so many of them. Death oath. Just in my mind, they're all like long underwear at the mystery. I'm like, I'm in. So long underwear and death oaths. Heather, it's like you know.

If you ever, it's just Heather DeBro. It's just Heather DeBro in like a hat saying, if you ever tell the secrets of this church, this will cost you a lot. Heather, New Bro and Abalatin Longen. If you ever, if you ever, so if you ever let Diane tell the secrets of this church, this will cost Diane a lot. And not just a bicycle helmet.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. So, it's like, you know, death oath and she like does a slid across her throat. And Whitney's like, oh, yeah. Like, oh, she needed that. She needed the actual physical. Oh, now I get it. Death oath. Yeah.

So Heather's like, you know, Lisa Barlow loves to say she's Mormon, but I don't see a lot of Mormon coming off Lisa Barlow loves to say she's Mormon, but I don't see a lot of Mormon coming off Lisa Barlow. The Mormons I know are where their garments go to temple, pay their tithing, abstain from coffee tea, alcohol and cigarettes, and she owns a tequila company. She drinks Lisa Tene's and has signature cocktails. I mean, they're morally opposed to that, and Jack is going to be teaching that brand of Mormonism. And what I don't think she's prepared for is who he might be when he comes home.

And I think she's in for a very rude awakening. Now here's what's confusing about this one. Listen, she's basically saying that Jack has a much larger forehead than Lisa ever could have expected. And he's going to come back with a different hairstyle and it's going to be drawing. They're going to make him cut his hair in Milan and he's going to come back as that five head fish from Belgrade. Sorry, go on with your theory.

So here's my thing about Heather. She does this like anti-Mormon, like I'm against the church now, I don't stand for the church now, but she's always very high and moralistic against what everybody else is doing based on Mormon laws. And I think it's really hard to wash that stuff off of you. I still get like that with religious stuff sometimes. I catch myself sometimes doing stuff like that. And I think this is a case.

It's a case of that where she's like, least is not a good Mormon. What the fuck is her kid? She's gonna have her kid going off and teaching everybody the wrong brand of Mormonism. So she's kind of sticking up from Mormonism. I'm in that way. I did it interpret it that way. I interpret it as Lisa is like not a good Mormon. She's sort of like a quasi-mormon.

Doesn't really seem to do it, but Jackson go off and he's gonna be super religious and he's gonna come back and he may be really religious and he may actually try to like, distance himself from her. Like this may drive a wedge between them. Oh, okay. That was my interpretation.

That was probably true, too. Except I don't believe he's really going for religion, obviously. I think he's just going because Fudge College, honestly. Yeah. So then we get a triple, my favorite, after she does this monologue, we get a triple of my favorite sign effect on the show. Brr, brr, b show. They give us three. Usually we just get one, but this week we got.

Do you hear my dog running up and down the stairs? No, I don't. He's excited about the triple ball. So Heather says, you know, missions are hard work. You knock on doors. You-to-door salesman Wow, I thought you just plucked them from the forest. That's mushrooms not missions. Come on Whitney keep up Whitney's like but like I don't like want to like speak for the family because like I'm not their spokesperson And Whitney tells us it's a terrible idea for Heather to insert herself into Lisa's son's life choices,

especially about religion. Well, the last thing I want to do is ruffle feathers. You're a bird. No, just let me just finish from saying Whitney. It's pretty orthodox. It's a pretty orthodox thing to do. But aren't Ruffles vegetarian? No, Ruffles, okay. You're thinking about three different things. But are Ruffles taste like butter and popcorn also?

Okay. We've overloaded you. I don't know. Like, da, da, da, da. And Heather's like, none of that came up. We didn't even load of you. I don't know. Like, da da da. And Heather's like, um, none of that came up. We didn't even talk about it. Like, I don't even care. And Whitney, she's like, you don't even care.

Like, you didn't even ask her. Like, as a Mormon, you know being a Mormon with that slide. You didn't talk to her about it. And she goes, no, I'm just supportive. And Whitney tells us, like, da da da. Just because you wrote a book doesn't mean you get to tell other people how to do it. And so Heather is basically like, this just seems like something that Lisa, as a mom, would

not be supportive of. It's a little hard to figure out what Heather's bow and his depict, but she's clearly going to use this as some sort of thing to go at least a little. That's what I'm saying. It seems like she's offended that Jack is gonna go on a mission because that's not true Mormonism. And what is Lisa gonna pretend to be a real Mormon now? Now I agree with her that there's a lot of hypocrisy

going on here, especially with Lisa only to come with company and all that, but that's what makes this show hilarious and amazing. Yeah. So then we go to now it's night and it's snowfall and someone's walking in a mini skirt and I just think, my God, I just take care of your TZ, your butt, take care of them, it's cold out there, okay? It's time for commercial, it's time for a crap and it's commercial.

And we're at Meredith's house, and Meredith is on a laptop looking at a website. And so Seth comes and he's like, hey, man. And she's like, ha, ha. And he's like, well, huh, you were, uh, you were nowhere to be found earlier or something. I don't know.

So she basically has a glass of wine and, um, and he's like pouring like a little bit of wine from this glass into a shock glass the way she can have some too. And she's like, not into it whatsoever. And she's like, well, everything that Seth is fantastic. He's spending a lot more time with me. He hasn't quite figured out that I don't like to drink wine out of a shackle.

I don't know what wife would like that, but you know, it's what he does and we're learning from each other and we're just gonna get there sooner or later. And he's like, this is a Meredith Marks shot glass. I don't know why you've got a problem with it. And she's like, I'm one of them. Oh, we're one of them. It was a Meredith morning for the shot going. It was my normal one. What another one.

And so now she's in that confessional look that I really love, because she looks like she's in a Steve Martin movie from the 80s Where she's playing like a naked lady in a fur coat. That's what this outfit is. And I'm trying to remember what it is It's the invisible man. It's one of those with Steve Martin like Roxanne or This is like her outfit is like I'm a naked lady in a fur coat I just love the outfit. So she's like, uh, South Marks and I have been through so many ups and downs over 30 years.

We've been through the ringers sound. We've been finding this turn on Pantants. Among relationships. I'm like, oh on YouTube and sure enough we see a clip of them starting a podcast It's called hanging by a thread which was also a Description of our little baby boys mobile. We have over his crib. So We're gonna have episodes be 20 to 30 minutes long So, we're gonna have episodes be 20 to 30 minutes long, perfect for an app time, and we don't want to be too long because we could end up in a massive frame.

And then we see a clip of this podcast in action, and she's like, I'm spanking a hanging iron band friend, sounds, you've got something in your nose, and get an author there, and he's like, what? Who cares? There's a podcast. Who cares? There's a podcast. Who cares? I can see it, sounds. I don't care.

I don't know what else can see. It's a thing out of your nose by the ride. Yeah, but nobody knows me. I know. Pick it then. Pick it for me, baby. I don't want to pick it. Not, and then we get a not pulling boogers out of your husband's nose.

That's. Yeah, it's great content. Everyone should, by the way, listen to our below deck episode that we just did. Um, wherein Ronnie reminds me that my eyebrows are really big and I have to map them down. So hanging on. I'm content is content. Um, oh, it's good. I'm like, welcome to the club. I wish we had one of the wagons from Heather and Whitney's relatives from the past.

You could put that pain in it and just travel a desert with it for the next decade. So, so, so, that's like, so, it's like so, mayor, what are you looking at on that on that website you are you building a dollhouse? Do you remember Trixie you met her like a laaad stands for gay and lesbian ad? She's like a major major drank queen and Trixie invited me to the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs. You think that's a real thing? So that's the same thing I'm saying about the Motel hanging out of your moves right now.

Yeah, I see very much. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, I thought, you know, on the whole other thing, what's frustrating? It's like I'm gonna write the girls for a fresh start, baby boys and forever marry Lisa. Let me marry with a math doctor. I'm gonna say math doctor,

I'm just cuz I have a mom and I had a free mom. I'm talking to put a math doctor on my mother. So you're gonna invite Lisa? Well, remember I asked her to talk? Well, we just need to really sit down, want on what and move forward. So I'm having Lisa come and I think I want this to invite this new woman. Her name is Hermonica or something like that. And she was at Heather's event and I saw her throw a snowball. The producer said you better invite her and I'm like, okay,

she seems cool. She seems like she might enjoy a light bean salad, so I'm up. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I mean, this girl just seems such a vibe. And we can all go low, okay? We can rate command. Hopefully it'll have to look everyone in that room.

From ma'am. Bing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then we go over to Angie's and meet Celia, her terrible dog. And I love that Angie is named her dog one letter off from Celia. Leave the last see off for savings. Just so Angie. You know. It's a front, is that a French, it's not a French poodle, is that a French, it's big white

poodle. It's a big white poodle a French poodle? Is that a French, it's a big white poodle. It's a big white poodle with the pink ears, the pink ankles and stuff. And then, yeah. She's like, oh my god, everything in my house is pink. That's my thing. I love pink. So I wear it, my daughter wears it.

Oh my god, put on your brush, Satché. Put on your brush, Satché, la chaché. We're on TV. It is all very color coordinated because the house is like stark white, except for pink accents, and like there's not a single thing out of place because they clearly were like,

oh my God, we are filming for Bravo Television. So everything is pristine, except there's like one like children's drawing on the fridge that was like so deliberately placed for the camera. It was like, this is the show that we are a happy family. I have put up one thing that shows personality in this house on the refrigerator. Yeah.

And Electra's like, I'm hungry. Can I eat yogurt? Check. What is our Greek word of the day? What is our Greek word of the day, Electra? How do we say yogurt? Say it. Say it. She doesn't. Yeah, booty. You are getting so good at Greek. Now roll your ours. Roll your ours. Roll your ours.

You are so great. Electra. You are a good Greek. So, and she says, so I started assisting in a hair salon when I was 19 years old and I see this hot guy with huge muscles Blow-drying hair and I thought I got to get to know this guy good-looking Muscles and he can do my hair. It was love at first sight 30 years later. Here we are It was 13 but I also wrote 30 and then I had to do the math in my head and it literally hurt my head. 13 makes so much more sense because the photo that they showed was from 2010 and I was so confused about the math on this one. But then she said she was 19 though. I do wait. on so that means she would be 33 she is not 33 just no way

She is 30 years old she went through a time warp again which is also a movie Rocky Rocky Horror Greek picture show it was basically everybody standing up in a theater singing the words to sort of the green. I was I got into a hot a clava time machine Hot tabooly time machine Time flies when you're having Musaka Musaka diaries of a Musaka woman. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Okay, so we see a clip of them in their salon and he's sweeping up hair. And she's like, I don't want the boss to fire at me. How am I doing, honey? And she tells us, we own 10 salons, a cost of mythology, school, and we've got our beautiful little daughter who is now 12 years old.

And she's like, I'm going to put a lot of garlic in this. Is that okay with you? Sean. And he's like, I'm going to put a lot of garlic in this. Is that okay with you? Sean. And he's like, not too much, honey. And she pours a whole jar of pre-chopped pickle. What do you call that kind of? It's like that, garlic. I think it's like the minced garlic.

That's the jar of minced garlic. I'm not judging. It's just that's way too much. And I'm not lying to anyone. I ate that. That's crazy. Come on. If I had to read my order, my life,

in order of importance, number one, of course, would be this garlic. Number two, of course, would be my daughter, Electra. And then number three is our businesses. And number four, well, my poor husband, Sean. I mean, it's funny because in the back of my mind, I'm like, he can wait, he's not going anywhere. I mean, I'm just on the real housewives.

That's pretty good for marriages. So let's hope he's smart enough to know that if he sticks around long enough, he'll be back in the front seat soon. Like, well, what has that made? What electric gets demoted? What? Your business, your businesses are closing?

Yeah, I don't know what it means. I'm burning down everything. Like, I don't know what it means. I don't know if he used to be a new driver and that's why he gets to be in the front seat again soon. I don't understand what she's talking about and also why has every line so memorized. She's so bad at this.

And this is the- I love her. She's the longest, longest. This is the lowest run of house and rights in general. Like, it's just the newer one and it's the lowest budget one and it's the most community theater one. We've always said it. It's also the best one of the best ones currently. But even in a long line of community theater housewives, this is pretty bad. I mean, let's hope that he's smart enough that if he sit in the front seat, he'll be back in the front seat again soon.

Did Whitney help you run behind? He was running lines with you. He better wear his seatbelt, but luckily there's a passenger side airbag. Don't touch the radio. Choking hazard. So electives like I'm full by and sounds like okay. Now you should eat honey and so she brings over a cup of coffee and she's like, what are you saying? Like come to daddy, hilarious.

He's like, so Lisa Barlow calls, but she doesn't take the call because she wants to have time with her husband. And so Sean is like, you know, it's been kind of like, you know, weird, not hearing you talk to Lisa 24-7. He's like a super-mitted Western accent. She's like, well, she doesn't have too much time with Jack anymore because he's going on a missionary position retreat, something like that. Trying to give her space right now and Sean's like, and what about Heather? She thinks had been odd with us,

and I feel bad about us. And then we see a clip of Heather saying, I'm not the one who poured champagne on your head. So if you're mad at someone pouring champagne on your head, why aren't you yelling at the person who poured champagne on your head instead of yelling at me? Oh, but it was funny to you. Was it? It was so funny and hilarious to you when someone poured champagne on my

head. I am Greek. If you would like me, you would not have found that to be funny. So, she says, I'd like to move forward and not have that awkward energy between us. You know, I've known Heather since high school, and she was 15, and when she moved here, and I was one of the first people that she met. Well, she met my firm first, and then she met me, and she was a good student, and I wasn't, and I was more wild, you know.

What's so funny, though, is that we were both funny, although I guess only one of us, one most funny person ever. So, anyway, let's just think about that moment again. There's a great moment in my life. The only difference is one has an award and one doesn't. One has a husband and one doesn't. One has a daughter named Electra, one doesn't.

One cooks with garlic, one just smells like garlic all the time for no reason and not in a good way. And that's coming from a Greek. That's how we really connected by her being funny, but not quite as funny as me. And we've gotten really, really far away from that. And I just would love to get back to a place with Heather and have her realize, I'm still that same person.

He goes, we should just press the restart button, right? And she's like, please do. Electra, you are doing so good. Would you like to say yogurt in Greek? That was, I think that sounded right. Did you hear that my Alexa's going off? I didn't say Alexa. I said, Alexa, why is she going off? It's an electric Alexa. And that is the end of the first part of the Salt Lake City recap, come back later for part two. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Saboney, she don't take no baloney. She's not just a

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